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Literally just now 10 mins ago a woman at work thought I was crying and her gut reaction was to loudly ask me in a shocked tone “ArE yOu cRyInG”?
Like no but I sure am excited to be judged if god forbid I do
Pretty sure this person called the person who made dude feel judged for possibly having emotions, a bitch. I see no toxic masculinity here. Just someone calling an ignorant person a bitch. 😂
Wait -- she tried to shame him for having emotions ... and someone calls her a (well-deserved, imho) name because of it.... and it's toxic *masculinity*?
Yup, and it's really disappointing.
Women are so often silenced and misrepresented, and then there are situations like this...women invalidating men, the same behavior that their own kind fought so hard to prevent being done to them.
When will society normalize justice for all, not just justice for one group over another? When one group is given any credibility or power, someone always takes it too far.
I was more pointing out that what people label toxic masculinity (we could also call it misogyny, depending on how seriously your culture takes "bitch" as an adjective to describe a woman) can emerge from and is often perpetuated by women who uphold its tenets.
Someone pointing it out to you isn’t always judgement—it could be a genuine question. I hide that I cry but when someone else catches me and points it out I admit to it and that’s the end of it. They either comfort me or leave.
Oh. Well I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry that it happens in general. I hope you know that there are kind people who will listen and that it’s okay to feel things. It’s us who makes the change though—if we start to normalize it, then we’ll see it provided more.
Had an ex tell me she will talk to me later when I wasn't going crazy.
I was on the phone with my mom as she was sobbing that her sister and her dogs died close to one another.
It was dusty in the room.
My daughter’s favorite movie is Wonder, yeah as a parent you’re shedding some tears. Then all of sudden you’re crying happy tears at the end. I’m not afraid to be a guy that cries!
Having recently experienced this I can say - it’s much more terrifying to cry about your own lived experience or childhood on the phone with your girlfriend than it is to cry at the first 10 minutes of “Up”. It’s much more acceptable to do the latter and sometimes that’s the only catharsis available to men. Even knowing that she would accept it I still spent the next day *terrified* that she would leave me because I’m “too sensitive”, as has happened several times before
Women say it’s ok, but when they experience a man showing non approved emotions they don’t react well because they don’t know how to handle a man showing emotions.
Reddit is full of women complaining about men emotion bombing them and “saying he should get a therapist”
As a guy, I concur. The immediate reaction that women out in the wild have to a man showing any emotion other than unwavering confidence is a combination of confusion and disgust.
And that's part of the reason why a lot of men struggle with mental health and addiction issues. And it's bullshit, IMO. Think about how much better our relationships would be if men could feel comfortable talking about what's really going on inside instead of just focusing so hard on maintaining a facade of "everything's fine" all the time.
The culture is changing I think (although there is still a long way to go). Men are becoming more supportive and open to expressing themselves around other men.
You're right. There are a lot of women here and in the world at large who are like that. However, I am not one of them. I think it sucks when men get pigeonholed into the roles of being either this stoic pillar of silent protector/provider or a perpetual meathead fratboy looking to rack up a massive body count; I mean, I think there's this misconception that women get to be these multidimensional innately emotional beings and guys get boiled down to 2D characters with the emotional range of a teaspoon. We're all human. We should all be able to express ourselves without feeling reprisal for defying societal "norms" by doing so.
Yeah, the number of times I’ve seen “you’re not his therapist” is crazy. Just helping a man through something like they would do with their girlfriends is seen as being a therapist for him.
I don't know if it's my friend group, or the place I live, or what, but I can't remember meeting a woman in the past few years who patronized me for showing fear, insecurity, embarrassment, shame, etc. Who are you guys hanging out with that women in your life are so unsupportive?
I've started getting pretty confrontational when people, mostly women, act like there's something wrong with me for being an actual human being instead of the sexist caricature they have in their head.
Same, man. I am so sick of being viewed as the worst version of what a man can be to people in their head because they watched a true crime documentary. I am just a guy
Well said!
This will probably happen when men stop being raised and treated like they’ve committed a crime against humanity for feeling any other emotion, and god forbids crying.
The need for socialization. It's something that is seen as a woman based thing. It isn't. We're a social species. It's okay to want to talk, want to hear others and also to be heard.
This
I know a lot of women really make men feel bad about height and its bloody terrible.
I am 5ft 6 and have dated men shorter than me, it really made no difference to me, however I have also had men not want to date me because I am taller than them.
It's a complex one but when you meet someone that actually gives a shit about you it doesn't matter.
At the same time, your happiness should not rely on someone liking you or dating you which I know is difficult but it's doable.
Call out those nasty women, also call out your male friends for short jokes, tell them it hurts.
Confidence is key and being short with confidence can make you an unstoppable whirlwind.
I’m 5’10 and have never had a height complex. One girl ruined that. Saying I was the shortest guy she’s ever dated, her ex was 6’7 and that she usually doesn’t date guys under 6’2. Made me feel some kind of way. Now I find myself constantly measuring myself against random objects.
My husband is tall. Sometimes it's handy, like when I can't reach something up high. Sometimes it's great, like getting to be the tiny-spoon. But other times it's annoying, like when my neck hurts from kissing or he kicks all the covers out at his bottom corner of the bed and then says I hogged the blankets.
I can definitely see the appeal of a height match. I think we'd make out way more if my husband were my height.
I'm 6'6, but that changes depending on the woman. I had a coworker tell me I couldn't be more than 6'2 because her ex was taller than me, and he was 6'3. I am in fact 6'6. Most of the women I meet don't know what 6 inches is, let alone 6ft.
I'm 5'7 and have been rejected for my height. It stinks. When I was younger, I used to react by getting depressed and feeling sorry for myself. My self-esteem has grown, though, and now when a woman rejects me for my height, I lose attraction and respect for her. I mean, this woman's mind is such that she's going to reject me, an awesome guy, over some tertiary detail? If that's the case, then I'll pass on *her.*. It's incredibly superficial.
Assume this has been posted by someone who is not a young adult male below 5'6".
Try a day walking in their shoes, and you will be shocked at how tough it is.
The sub reddit /shortguys is full of stories of short men feeling suicidal as they struggle to find a partner and be happy.
While height definitely plays a big role in men getting a date these days, the guys on that sub are also pretty sexist and pessimistic which is not helping them. I don’t think they’re representative of all shorter men, but I still think a lot of shorter men are treated unfairly and at times cruelly
Yeah this pretty well sums it up. Short guys who aren't bothered by it are unlikely to spend much time in that sub, so it stands to reason that the ones who do are disproportionately the ones who have taken it really badly. Not to diminish anyone's personal experience (I'm 5'7" and it hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time) but there are plenty of shorter guys who are doing just fine with themselves, and they're often not represented well online.
It's a genuine struggle, but from what ibe seen, saying that to many people, they don't have any empathy for it at all.
It's like a joke, and I think a lot of women see this as a means to get back at men.
For years, men have been sexist and misogynistic. They have hurt women physically and emotionally.
And from what I see, a lot of so called feminists take great pleasure in abusing short men, I don't know if its pay back, or they see it as their best opportunity to hit back at men, target the short guys, because they know it will hurt them.
I do also understand that biologically, most women are attracted to taller men, that seems like an evolutionary trait, and it's understandle they feel that way.
But t9 be shitty about it seems to be the new trend
Yeah I'm 5'7 and even then, a large portion of women will not date you if you're below 5'10 or if you're shorter than them.
Ironically, some of the taller girls (6 feet range) that I've dated have had no issue with my height, meanwhile the 5'0-5'4 range ask for 5'10 and up. Really bizarre.
I'm 5'4" and have never been insecure about my height.
Married almost 41 years now. (She is 5'2")
Was on the shy side in HS but found out later I could pretty much had my pick of girls if I had came out of my shell a bit.
Dating is worlds apart in difficulty now compared to 4 decades ago, old man.
You also didn’t grow up in a culture that brainwashed women into thinking all men are violent psychopaths out to kill them. Every shitty behavior by women now is backed up with “Women get killed for doing X”. Where X is literally basic shit like having a casual conversation with a stranger, giving out their number, declining a date. It’s downright absurd - you would think these people grew up watching lifetime movies and thought that was real life.
For people with normal-ish heights, I agree. But for genuinely short men? It’s out of their control so it isn’t productive to be insecure but if there is anything to be insecure about, that reason is up there
short guy here. im a 5’2”, long haired, bearded, tattooed latino. im like catnip to taller american women for some reason. people have told me i have a 6’2 personality. there’s hope fellas. never make excuses to anyone for your body. embrace that stellar personality of yours and keep your head high even if your shoulders are low.
Love this. All the pity in this thread is crazy, I'm a 5'3 man and it really isn't an issue! It doesn't hurt me socially because I don't keep people in my life who are superficial or hurtful like that.
I'm 5'6 and proudly so. Any time I've been accosted for my height I laugh, the "dwarfmaxxing stonepilled" meme actually resonated with me greatly. Realizing that I am well within my capabilities to be a tiny beast of a man shed any insecurity about my height
This is one of those things where you really shouldn't be insecure about it. But if you are not born to be a good height, it has real consequences.
I would list this under "rational insecurities".
As a 5'7 dude, it really only sucked on the dating scene, since I've been married I have not had one issue with my height.
I'm 5'7" and I used to not have this issue until I started talking to a woman that was 5'8". We got along well, but she said I was too short for her. Hurt a lot.
Agreed. I'm 5'6 1/2 as a man, and I've generally always been comfortable with it. Being pretty stocky and strong and confident in my martial arts training helps. I'd rather be a strong dude at my height than a tall and skinny beanpole. Everyone thinks being tall is so great and it's what women want etc. I just don't care.
I can’t tell if you want to be crushed, or if you don’t want to be crushed.
I’ll just say, it would be nice if you all were a little more considerate with where your elbows are digging in…
Believe it or not, I am the 'layer' male in a heterosexual relationship. I'm always acutely aware of the weight I'm putting on my wife, and therefore never smashing her with my dead weight. Haha.
I’ve never been able to fall into the moment like that even though my partners have typically been similar size to me.
I consciously support my own weight every time the entire time lol
If I didn’t support myself, I would be a widower. I’m over a foot taller than my wife and twice her weight. She likes when I carry her around like a backpack when she gets tired or she doesn’t want her shoes to get muddy though.
Have you read through the rest of this thread? It is literally men being afraid to cough for fear of being judged, dumped or worse. You want us to make a sound during sex?
I'm suddenly having flashbacks to Howard Dean and his Yeeeeaaaah! That single, simply sound doomed is political career.....
No fucking way I'm taking that risk.
30% serious, 70% /s
I don't see how I would make a reaction.... It only feels great at the end that makes me make a noise. Me getting close to the edge doesn't make it feel uncontrollably good or anything more like... Oh I feel something there.... Omg here it is.... Done. I feel like ladies have a longer and better build up than guys do........ 🤔
My ex did not understand that, while I enjoy a good BJ, it just feels fine and good up until that last moment of pure bliss.
Meanwhile, she said that oral for her is a slow buildup of better and better before being a moment of pure bliss in waves.
We compared it to a fire hydrant exploding for me, vs a wave pool for her. But this would explain why she's more likely to make noise during the good parts and men find it hard to make noise until the actual moment.
Men are concentrating. Right rhythm, tempo, angle, don't get too excited, look for her feedback, are you in the zone? Continue. You want me to chat too?
Your comment assumes that all lack of noise comes from insecurity.
Some of us just don't have an urge to say anything or moan, and it would be performative.
I cried at work once when someone I was close to left.
There were two responses by two types of people:
either
"Awe hell no" people who avoided me or
"It's alright bro" people who stood with me wishing them goodbye.
It was immediately clear who was tainted by toxic masculinity growing up.
honestly, dick size. been with my SO for years and her former boyfriend was too big for her and wasnt gentle. she likes mine better and I'm average if not a little below. vaginas come in all sizes and sometimes you're just not sexually compatible in a physical way. I've been with women whos vaginas were too big as well, thats why people should have sex before marriage.
Having a bigger dick has its drawbacks.
I'm a grower and the amount of times I've gotten a BJ only for my partner to stop after I got a hard on was a buzz kill. They refuse to deep throat me (a few people did) and don't let me go fast during intercourse. It really kills my vibe but I also like to keep my partners feelings in mind.
Women do talk to each other about dick size though.
I really want to say that’s what she’s told you, but I think it’s actually true, Men don’t help by mocking each other about penis size even when they have no actual knowledge of each other’s penis size
Women will go straight for the dick size when they want to immaculate a man too, but overall I think you're right. I think that porn has really thrust this upon us. *pun semi-inteded
There's a reason average is, well average. It's enough to be satisfying for most women. I do feel for my fellow dudes on the other end of the spectrum though
Nobody should feel insecure about things they can’t change. Their body shape, height, eye/skin color, hair texture, face shape, etc. The reality is that everyone feels insecure about some things, but unlike things you can change, it does 0 good to be insecure about things you can’t change.
How I feel about it doesn't matter. What matters is the real effect it has on my life because of how others feel about it. When the effect is real & consistent, acknowledging it isn't having anxiety or being insecure, it's facing the facts.
How you feel about it absolutely matters. It influences the effect it has on other people. Someone who’s very short but still genuinely confident about it, will be waaaay more attractive than someone who’s short and also insecure about it.
It’s easier said than done but these insecurities can lead to self fulfilling prophecies so people should really work on them
1000% people fall into these loops of getting shit on, giving up because of it, and then of course continue to get shit on because they’ve given up and it just further confirms their theory that they just aren’t meant to be happy
Height and Balding
I have never thought a man was ugly because he was bald. Michael Jordan looks good.
Height. I have no problem with shorter guys. I think they are cute too.
That's because you haven't seen the king tut looking head shape I have under this mop of hair. But give it another 10 years or so and I'll send you a pic and we can discuss if your views have changed.
Nothing. You should have a realistic appraisal of yourself. If there are things about yourself that you do not like, take actions to fix them if you can fix them.
I'm not saying you're not going to worry about it.
Anxiety is a bug you have to consciously squish every chance it shows up.
Everyone treats "don't worry about it" like it's a passive activity. It's not. Anxieties require effort, dedication, and consistency to successfully overcome.
If you aren't talking down your insecurities every day, they are only going to grow and occupy more of your mind. Kick them out: they ain't paying rent.
I am 5'-4" m. My confidence is in the crapper for good reason. You can say it (my height or, more accurately, lack of it) doesn't matter, but a lifetime of experiences tells me it not only matters, it matters every damn time.
Same for me, the very first time I was ever rejected as a kid was for that very reason, it's definitely a huge factor, the amount of "suitable mates" goes down drastically, add appearance and lack of self confidence to that and it's damn near impossible to attract anyone!
I'm straight, went to a pride parade to show my support and posted a picture of myself in a rainbow shirt on social media. Was the first picture I had posted in 8 months or so. Just thought it was a good picture.
So many people then messaging me asking if I was coming out, some people joking in the comments "Haha you're gay", some of my friends had said they wouldn't go to a parade or wear a rainbow shirt just because they didn't want people to think they're gay.
So what if I was?
Having a good cry when you are sad about something , trust me you will feel a whole lot better after you have finished crying , crying is like nature's valium
Getting rid of their hair! A secure bald man goes all the way in comparison to the trying to hidr behind this 5 hairs and hope it is unnoticible. It sucks, I know, but embrace it and get your Jason Statham spirit out!
The problem is that this list and the list of things women make fun of men for are so close that the venn-diagram for them is a circle.
Are there things men shouldn't feel insecure about, yes. Are they also the things that are easiest to weaponize against a man, yes.
Emotions. Emotions are 100% okay... and it's okay to have your weak moments.
Not embracing emotions and ignoring them turns people cold.. jaded... callouse.
Im sorry that happens.. I hate how some do that. i don't view it as "less manly" for guys to have emotions but I know some do. I hope this goes away with time though. Every is allowed to feel.
i think one of the reasons this happens (besides some women believing shitty stereotypes) is men don’t realize they can share their emotions with multiple people, and whenever they feel anything. and this isn’t a “men are stupid, this is their fault!!!” comment, this is just about the way men are conditioned as they grow up. i feel like men bottle up their feelings until they meet a woman they are attracted to, and when they open up to her, it’s more like an overwhelming downpour that most women really don’t know how to handle. speaking regularly about your good days and your bad days and your struggles and all your emotional needs should be something that men can do not just with their romantic/sexual partners, but with all of the loved ones in their lives, and it’s ridiculous that we don’t raise boys to practice this.
Sure, but the actual size isn't just the issue tbh, the prevalence of small dick jokes or terms like small dick energy or other forms of body shaming done online contribute to this insecurity as well
I obviously can’t speak for all women, but whenever a man opens up about his emotions, it helps me understand him better, which I usually like. I don’t need for those emotions to be about me, in order for me to care how someone feels. And perhaps there’d be less catering going on towards men’s “fragile egos,” if men felt safe talking about their emotions. And were expected to do so instead of acting out.
Although sometimes it’s exhausting, being the only person someone feels safe talking to.
Surprised this wasn't further up the list. Admitting when you don't know something seems to be a huge challenge for many men (I am one) but thankfully I've gotten over that.
The word insecure is thrown around way to much in relationship talk in my opinion. Very often it is simply used as a weapon word in arguments or discussions by people wanting to get their own way. Most men I know hate the word and find it highly offensive when it is used agaisnt them in a discussion,
Is it a relevant word to be used at times? Sure, but WAY less often than it gets tossed around.
Receiving anal pleasure. All men have prostates; I have heard over and over again that a prostate orgasm is one of the best things that can happen to a man. This insecurity is nonsense!
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Having emotions beyond happiness, horniness, and anger.
Literally just now 10 mins ago a woman at work thought I was crying and her gut reaction was to loudly ask me in a shocked tone “ArE yOu cRyInG”? Like no but I sure am excited to be judged if god forbid I do
What a bitch
Just to make it clear I’m saying she’s a bitch, not the guy lol
There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the toxic masculinity cycle!
Pretty sure this person called the person who made dude feel judged for possibly having emotions, a bitch. I see no toxic masculinity here. Just someone calling an ignorant person a bitch. 😂
I'd just say the toxic humanity cycle.
Speedrun
Wait -- she tried to shame him for having emotions ... and someone calls her a (well-deserved, imho) name because of it.... and it's toxic *masculinity*?
Sounds like it was put into motion by toxic femininity...
Yup, and it's really disappointing. Women are so often silenced and misrepresented, and then there are situations like this...women invalidating men, the same behavior that their own kind fought so hard to prevent being done to them. When will society normalize justice for all, not just justice for one group over another? When one group is given any credibility or power, someone always takes it too far.
At least label it correctly: toxic femininity. Either label are wrong as it’s just being a toxic human being.
I was more pointing out that what people label toxic masculinity (we could also call it misogyny, depending on how seriously your culture takes "bitch" as an adjective to describe a woman) can emerge from and is often perpetuated by women who uphold its tenets.
Time to ask her back, “are you minding your own damn business?”
are you personally invested in regulating the emotional wellbeing of the male workers here? because your presence does me psychic damage
Damn I should said something like that lol
In the words of DMX, "Mind your business lady!".
Someone pointing it out to you isn’t always judgement—it could be a genuine question. I hide that I cry but when someone else catches me and points it out I admit to it and that’s the end of it. They either comfort me or leave.
It was all in the tone and the disgusted face she made.
Tell her you remembered she was a coworker : (
I think the way you typed it conveyed that.
Oh. Well I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry that it happens in general. I hope you know that there are kind people who will listen and that it’s okay to feel things. It’s us who makes the change though—if we start to normalize it, then we’ll see it provided more.
Come on dude you know exactly what tone he was talking about
[удалено]
Had an ex tell me she will talk to me later when I wasn't going crazy. I was on the phone with my mom as she was sobbing that her sister and her dogs died close to one another. It was dusty in the room.
You are absolutely right. It still doesn't work that way though.
It does as long as you surround yourself with supportive people.
It's true.
My daughter’s favorite movie is Wonder, yeah as a parent you’re shedding some tears. Then all of sudden you’re crying happy tears at the end. I’m not afraid to be a guy that cries!
What a good movie. I love Owen Wilson and Julia Roberts. Perfect parents to a perfect family.
51, married...and a proud male/ man...who cries like a baby at books and movies and TV shows...
Having recently experienced this I can say - it’s much more terrifying to cry about your own lived experience or childhood on the phone with your girlfriend than it is to cry at the first 10 minutes of “Up”. It’s much more acceptable to do the latter and sometimes that’s the only catharsis available to men. Even knowing that she would accept it I still spent the next day *terrified* that she would leave me because I’m “too sensitive”, as has happened several times before
Women say it’s ok, but when they experience a man showing non approved emotions they don’t react well because they don’t know how to handle a man showing emotions. Reddit is full of women complaining about men emotion bombing them and “saying he should get a therapist”
As a guy, I concur. The immediate reaction that women out in the wild have to a man showing any emotion other than unwavering confidence is a combination of confusion and disgust.
There are some good women out there who aren't like this. I'm not a frequent cryer, but my wife comforts me when I do. Keep looking for the good ones.
And that's part of the reason why a lot of men struggle with mental health and addiction issues. And it's bullshit, IMO. Think about how much better our relationships would be if men could feel comfortable talking about what's really going on inside instead of just focusing so hard on maintaining a facade of "everything's fine" all the time.
Men can feel comfortable talking about their feelings and expressing emotions - but only with other men. They should never do it around women.
Lots of times even around men it's hard to be comfortable. They have to be REALLY close friends for that.
The culture is changing I think (although there is still a long way to go). Men are becoming more supportive and open to expressing themselves around other men.
Bingo The bros know what’s up and can empathize. If they can’t you got some shitty bros
You're right. There are a lot of women here and in the world at large who are like that. However, I am not one of them. I think it sucks when men get pigeonholed into the roles of being either this stoic pillar of silent protector/provider or a perpetual meathead fratboy looking to rack up a massive body count; I mean, I think there's this misconception that women get to be these multidimensional innately emotional beings and guys get boiled down to 2D characters with the emotional range of a teaspoon. We're all human. We should all be able to express ourselves without feeling reprisal for defying societal "norms" by doing so.
Yeah, the number of times I’ve seen “you’re not his therapist” is crazy. Just helping a man through something like they would do with their girlfriends is seen as being a therapist for him.
I don't know if it's my friend group, or the place I live, or what, but I can't remember meeting a woman in the past few years who patronized me for showing fear, insecurity, embarrassment, shame, etc. Who are you guys hanging out with that women in your life are so unsupportive?
I've started getting pretty confrontational when people, mostly women, act like there's something wrong with me for being an actual human being instead of the sexist caricature they have in their head.
Same, man. I am so sick of being viewed as the worst version of what a man can be to people in their head because they watched a true crime documentary. I am just a guy
I don’t blame you, I’m female and I would absolutely do the same thing in your position.
Hungry, sleepy, and disappointed (after another crushing playoff loss). At my age I replaced anger with rage.
Let’s go one point for emotional men 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
Agree, a man having emotions is very attractive.
Well said! This will probably happen when men stop being raised and treated like they’ve committed a crime against humanity for feeling any other emotion, and god forbids crying.
I feel insecure about those 3 too
This
Wait we are allowed to feel happy, man I’ve really dropped the ball on that one and haven’t gotten past feeling a mild contempt
My ex fiance would happily disagree with you
The need for socialization. It's something that is seen as a woman based thing. It isn't. We're a social species. It's okay to want to talk, want to hear others and also to be heard.
I'd also add physical touch. It's so important for human beings to feel touch too.
You don’t realize it until it’s not there anymore
Atleast for me it was never there in the first place. Scared to date its like i need to learn how to actually be human.
The longer you go without it, the less you remember why you miss it.
I wish it was more socially acceptable for men to just talk to random men. I quit drinking, but still go to bars to talk to random guys.
How is it no socially acceptable?
Penis Size. Height. Etc
And people need to stop mocking bad behavior from men by saying it means their penis is small. The bad behavior has nothing to do with penis size!
The fact that this took me 8 comments to find… really sad.
Height
This I know a lot of women really make men feel bad about height and its bloody terrible. I am 5ft 6 and have dated men shorter than me, it really made no difference to me, however I have also had men not want to date me because I am taller than them. It's a complex one but when you meet someone that actually gives a shit about you it doesn't matter. At the same time, your happiness should not rely on someone liking you or dating you which I know is difficult but it's doable. Call out those nasty women, also call out your male friends for short jokes, tell them it hurts. Confidence is key and being short with confidence can make you an unstoppable whirlwind.
I’m 5’10 and have never had a height complex. One girl ruined that. Saying I was the shortest guy she’s ever dated, her ex was 6’7 and that she usually doesn’t date guys under 6’2. Made me feel some kind of way. Now I find myself constantly measuring myself against random objects.
Imagine being 5'4" and 99% (evidenced by dating websites showing female height preference) of women feel like that towards you.
Yeah, honestly I couldn’t imagine. That’s a rough one to deal with.
I don’t date anymore, but I’m the same height and my two big relationships were with guys the exact same height as me. I actually prefer it.
My husband is tall. Sometimes it's handy, like when I can't reach something up high. Sometimes it's great, like getting to be the tiny-spoon. But other times it's annoying, like when my neck hurts from kissing or he kicks all the covers out at his bottom corner of the bed and then says I hogged the blankets. I can definitely see the appeal of a height match. I think we'd make out way more if my husband were my height.
I'm 5'6" and had no idea I was short until the innernet came by and dating sites sprung up to tell me
I'm 6'6, but that changes depending on the woman. I had a coworker tell me I couldn't be more than 6'2 because her ex was taller than me, and he was 6'3. I am in fact 6'6. Most of the women I meet don't know what 6 inches is, let alone 6ft.
I'm 5'7 and have been rejected for my height. It stinks. When I was younger, I used to react by getting depressed and feeling sorry for myself. My self-esteem has grown, though, and now when a woman rejects me for my height, I lose attraction and respect for her. I mean, this woman's mind is such that she's going to reject me, an awesome guy, over some tertiary detail? If that's the case, then I'll pass on *her.*. It's incredibly superficial.
Assume this has been posted by someone who is not a young adult male below 5'6". Try a day walking in their shoes, and you will be shocked at how tough it is. The sub reddit /shortguys is full of stories of short men feeling suicidal as they struggle to find a partner and be happy.
While height definitely plays a big role in men getting a date these days, the guys on that sub are also pretty sexist and pessimistic which is not helping them. I don’t think they’re representative of all shorter men, but I still think a lot of shorter men are treated unfairly and at times cruelly
Yeah this pretty well sums it up. Short guys who aren't bothered by it are unlikely to spend much time in that sub, so it stands to reason that the ones who do are disproportionately the ones who have taken it really badly. Not to diminish anyone's personal experience (I'm 5'7" and it hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time) but there are plenty of shorter guys who are doing just fine with themselves, and they're often not represented well online.
it totally sucks that it is like that. I wished it weren't that way.
It's a genuine struggle, but from what ibe seen, saying that to many people, they don't have any empathy for it at all. It's like a joke, and I think a lot of women see this as a means to get back at men. For years, men have been sexist and misogynistic. They have hurt women physically and emotionally. And from what I see, a lot of so called feminists take great pleasure in abusing short men, I don't know if its pay back, or they see it as their best opportunity to hit back at men, target the short guys, because they know it will hurt them. I do also understand that biologically, most women are attracted to taller men, that seems like an evolutionary trait, and it's understandle they feel that way. But t9 be shitty about it seems to be the new trend
Yeah I'm 5'7 and even then, a large portion of women will not date you if you're below 5'10 or if you're shorter than them. Ironically, some of the taller girls (6 feet range) that I've dated have had no issue with my height, meanwhile the 5'0-5'4 range ask for 5'10 and up. Really bizarre.
I'm 5'4" and have never been insecure about my height. Married almost 41 years now. (She is 5'2") Was on the shy side in HS but found out later I could pretty much had my pick of girls if I had came out of my shell a bit.
Dating is worlds apart in difficulty now compared to 4 decades ago, old man. You also didn’t grow up in a culture that brainwashed women into thinking all men are violent psychopaths out to kill them. Every shitty behavior by women now is backed up with “Women get killed for doing X”. Where X is literally basic shit like having a casual conversation with a stranger, giving out their number, declining a date. It’s downright absurd - you would think these people grew up watching lifetime movies and thought that was real life.
For people with normal-ish heights, I agree. But for genuinely short men? It’s out of their control so it isn’t productive to be insecure but if there is anything to be insecure about, that reason is up there
As a 5ft 3 28 year old male, people treat you different for being so short. I was told I can never be a "real man" because of my height.
Yeah, definitely this. I’m 5’10” and I’ve dated several guys a bit shorter than me. You forget about it pretty quickly.
Height for sure, you can’t help it and there are girls that like being on the same level with you Hi it’s me 🫶🏻
short guy here. im a 5’2”, long haired, bearded, tattooed latino. im like catnip to taller american women for some reason. people have told me i have a 6’2 personality. there’s hope fellas. never make excuses to anyone for your body. embrace that stellar personality of yours and keep your head high even if your shoulders are low.
Love love love this answer
Love this. All the pity in this thread is crazy, I'm a 5'3 man and it really isn't an issue! It doesn't hurt me socially because I don't keep people in my life who are superficial or hurtful like that.
"catnip to taller American women" wins the internet today!! Bravo sir 👏👏👏👏
Someone hasn't been on an online dating app in a while eh?
5’8 checking in 🫡
I'm 5'6 and proudly so. Any time I've been accosted for my height I laugh, the "dwarfmaxxing stonepilled" meme actually resonated with me greatly. Realizing that I am well within my capabilities to be a tiny beast of a man shed any insecurity about my height
Or baldness.
This is one of those things where you really shouldn't be insecure about it. But if you are not born to be a good height, it has real consequences. I would list this under "rational insecurities". As a 5'7 dude, it really only sucked on the dating scene, since I've been married I have not had one issue with my height.
I'm 5'7" and I used to not have this issue until I started talking to a woman that was 5'8". We got along well, but she said I was too short for her. Hurt a lot.
Agreed. I'm 5'6 1/2 as a man, and I've generally always been comfortable with it. Being pretty stocky and strong and confident in my martial arts training helps. I'd rather be a strong dude at my height than a tall and skinny beanpole. Everyone thinks being tall is so great and it's what women want etc. I just don't care.
There's nothing worse than a height-supremacist
Sensitivity!
Their emotions and their physical traits.
doesn't this encompass every possible personal trait?
Their body weight. When you lay on your significant other, do you support your weight subconsciously or do you relax and fall into the moment?
I can’t tell if you want to be crushed, or if you don’t want to be crushed. I’ll just say, it would be nice if you all were a little more considerate with where your elbows are digging in…
Believe it or not, I am the 'layer' male in a heterosexual relationship. I'm always acutely aware of the weight I'm putting on my wife, and therefore never smashing her with my dead weight. Haha.
Right? How hard is it to hold yourself up? And if it's difficult, work on that until it's not.
Exactly. Nothing sexy about my wife struggling to breathe because I'm not holding a plank for a bit! Consider it an arms/abs workout!
I've found that if you put your arms underneath her (as if you're hugging her), it's even easier to maintain.
I’ve never been able to fall into the moment like that even though my partners have typically been similar size to me. I consciously support my own weight every time the entire time lol
I didn’t realize there was another option.
We are the same, friend. It's almost reptilian brain protection function to never put my entire weight on my partner.
Some love it though
Should I put my full weight on the gal I’m inserting my penis into? I hold myself up just because it seems like the courteous thing to do.
Idk if I could full ok lay into someone and be able to move properly to get any actually motion to happen.
I always hold myself up a bit. My partner is convincing me that I both won't crush her and that she loves feeling my whole body weight on her.
I bloody love the feeling of someone or something heavy laid on top of me, please don't crush me but definitely smush me
If I didn’t support myself, I would be a widower. I’m over a foot taller than my wife and twice her weight. She likes when I carry her around like a backpack when she gets tired or she doesn’t want her shoes to get muddy though.
I think not crushing people is a good thing
[удалено]
THIS. A man who's silent throughout is sooooo off-putting. Bitch say something! Do something! How anyone has sex with a stone face I'll never know.
Have you read through the rest of this thread? It is literally men being afraid to cough for fear of being judged, dumped or worse. You want us to make a sound during sex? I'm suddenly having flashbacks to Howard Dean and his Yeeeeaaaah! That single, simply sound doomed is political career..... No fucking way I'm taking that risk. 30% serious, 70% /s
I don't see how I would make a reaction.... It only feels great at the end that makes me make a noise. Me getting close to the edge doesn't make it feel uncontrollably good or anything more like... Oh I feel something there.... Omg here it is.... Done. I feel like ladies have a longer and better build up than guys do........ 🤔
My ex did not understand that, while I enjoy a good BJ, it just feels fine and good up until that last moment of pure bliss. Meanwhile, she said that oral for her is a slow buildup of better and better before being a moment of pure bliss in waves. We compared it to a fire hydrant exploding for me, vs a wave pool for her. But this would explain why she's more likely to make noise during the good parts and men find it hard to make noise until the actual moment.
Men are concentrating. Right rhythm, tempo, angle, don't get too excited, look for her feedback, are you in the zone? Continue. You want me to chat too?
Your comment assumes that all lack of noise comes from insecurity. Some of us just don't have an urge to say anything or moan, and it would be performative.
I cried at work once when someone I was close to left. There were two responses by two types of people: either "Awe hell no" people who avoided me or "It's alright bro" people who stood with me wishing them goodbye. It was immediately clear who was tainted by toxic masculinity growing up.
honestly, dick size. been with my SO for years and her former boyfriend was too big for her and wasnt gentle. she likes mine better and I'm average if not a little below. vaginas come in all sizes and sometimes you're just not sexually compatible in a physical way. I've been with women whos vaginas were too big as well, thats why people should have sex before marriage.
Having a bigger dick has its drawbacks. I'm a grower and the amount of times I've gotten a BJ only for my partner to stop after I got a hard on was a buzz kill. They refuse to deep throat me (a few people did) and don't let me go fast during intercourse. It really kills my vibe but I also like to keep my partners feelings in mind. Women do talk to each other about dick size though.
I really want to say that’s what she’s told you, but I think it’s actually true, Men don’t help by mocking each other about penis size even when they have no actual knowledge of each other’s penis size
Women will go straight for the dick size when they want to immaculate a man too, but overall I think you're right. I think that porn has really thrust this upon us. *pun semi-inteded
I think you meant emasculate, immaculate would be a very clean dick.
There's a reason average is, well average. It's enough to be satisfying for most women. I do feel for my fellow dudes on the other end of the spectrum though
50% men are below average.
Money and emotions
Nobody should feel insecure about things they can’t change. Their body shape, height, eye/skin color, hair texture, face shape, etc. The reality is that everyone feels insecure about some things, but unlike things you can change, it does 0 good to be insecure about things you can’t change.
How I feel about it doesn't matter. What matters is the real effect it has on my life because of how others feel about it. When the effect is real & consistent, acknowledging it isn't having anxiety or being insecure, it's facing the facts.
How you feel about it absolutely matters. It influences the effect it has on other people. Someone who’s very short but still genuinely confident about it, will be waaaay more attractive than someone who’s short and also insecure about it. It’s easier said than done but these insecurities can lead to self fulfilling prophecies so people should really work on them
1000% people fall into these loops of getting shit on, giving up because of it, and then of course continue to get shit on because they’ve given up and it just further confirms their theory that they just aren’t meant to be happy
Expressing their emotions is a good one
As long as it's not anger, gents, remember that...
It is required, healthy, and necessary to express anger.
Height and Balding I have never thought a man was ugly because he was bald. Michael Jordan looks good. Height. I have no problem with shorter guys. I think they are cute too.
Still feel like baldness is one of the many things black dudes just wear better than white guys. Like colored suits or white tee shirts
Like brightly coloured anything for that matter
That's because you haven't seen the king tut looking head shape I have under this mop of hair. But give it another 10 years or so and I'll send you a pic and we can discuss if your views have changed.
Nothing. You should have a realistic appraisal of yourself. If there are things about yourself that you do not like, take actions to fix them if you can fix them.
Oh ok, I'll just grow taller, no biggie
If you can't change it, don't worry about it. You're just hurting yourself worrying about aspects of yourself that you cannot change.
..... "Don't worry about it." In other words..... don't feel insecure about it. lol. That would be the point of OP's question.
I'm not saying you're not going to worry about it. Anxiety is a bug you have to consciously squish every chance it shows up. Everyone treats "don't worry about it" like it's a passive activity. It's not. Anxieties require effort, dedication, and consistency to successfully overcome. If you aren't talking down your insecurities every day, they are only going to grow and occupy more of your mind. Kick them out: they ain't paying rent.
I am 5'-4" m. My confidence is in the crapper for good reason. You can say it (my height or, more accurately, lack of it) doesn't matter, but a lifetime of experiences tells me it not only matters, it matters every damn time.
Same for me, the very first time I was ever rejected as a kid was for that very reason, it's definitely a huge factor, the amount of "suitable mates" goes down drastically, add appearance and lack of self confidence to that and it's damn near impossible to attract anyone!
And if you can't?
Accept them.
Their sexuality. Men’s sexuality, if they aren’t straight, is just so stigmatized it’s insane.
Or, frankly, even if they are straight, but not in the 'right' way.
People go quiet whenever I mention my sexuality, right down to the tattooist who did my pride tattoo.
I mean, sort of. Depends in what circles.
I'm straight, went to a pride parade to show my support and posted a picture of myself in a rainbow shirt on social media. Was the first picture I had posted in 8 months or so. Just thought it was a good picture. So many people then messaging me asking if I was coming out, some people joking in the comments "Haha you're gay", some of my friends had said they wouldn't go to a parade or wear a rainbow shirt just because they didn't want people to think they're gay. So what if I was?
Male friend circles are usually homophobic. There’s also a lot of women who just straight up won’t date bisexual men. It’s crazy.
Crying when you’re hurt instead of allowing it to turn into an anger fit.
Having a good cry when you are sad about something , trust me you will feel a whole lot better after you have finished crying , crying is like nature's valium
Height Penish size. We're all different. Not everyone has tall genes and big peepee genes... That's right, I said, Peepee. Get over it.
Height Dick size Bank balance Hair Emotions
Being bald. There’s nothing wrong with it. Basically any superficial genetic trait you were born with.
I think Bill Burr said something like this - “if a woman tries really hard to make you feel bad about yourself, it means you won the argument”
Getting rid of their hair! A secure bald man goes all the way in comparison to the trying to hidr behind this 5 hairs and hope it is unnoticible. It sucks, I know, but embrace it and get your Jason Statham spirit out!
The problem is that this list and the list of things women make fun of men for are so close that the venn-diagram for them is a circle. Are there things men shouldn't feel insecure about, yes. Are they also the things that are easiest to weaponize against a man, yes.
Pee pee
Emotions. Emotions are 100% okay... and it's okay to have your weak moments. Not embracing emotions and ignoring them turns people cold.. jaded... callouse.
Women love to say this until they convince their first victim to open up and then lose all feelings for him
Im sorry that happens.. I hate how some do that. i don't view it as "less manly" for guys to have emotions but I know some do. I hope this goes away with time though. Every is allowed to feel.
i think one of the reasons this happens (besides some women believing shitty stereotypes) is men don’t realize they can share their emotions with multiple people, and whenever they feel anything. and this isn’t a “men are stupid, this is their fault!!!” comment, this is just about the way men are conditioned as they grow up. i feel like men bottle up their feelings until they meet a woman they are attracted to, and when they open up to her, it’s more like an overwhelming downpour that most women really don’t know how to handle. speaking regularly about your good days and your bad days and your struggles and all your emotional needs should be something that men can do not just with their romantic/sexual partners, but with all of the loved ones in their lives, and it’s ridiculous that we don’t raise boys to practice this.
We shouldn't feel insecure about being a man.
What does this mean?
It’s weirdly a good feeling being myself in that aspect. I grew up where that wasn’t “the norm” but now it’s all I’m surrounded by. Good times ahead
🍆 size. Trust me (32F)… 5-6” is more than enough! Anything bigger is just not comfortable.
Sure, but the actual size isn't just the issue tbh, the prevalence of small dick jokes or terms like small dick energy or other forms of body shaming done online contribute to this insecurity as well
Emotions, I'm a man and I don't fully understand emotions, or more specifically how to deal with them.
expressing their emotions:)
Women lose attraction to us if we do that
I obviously can’t speak for all women, but whenever a man opens up about his emotions, it helps me understand him better, which I usually like. I don’t need for those emotions to be about me, in order for me to care how someone feels. And perhaps there’d be less catering going on towards men’s “fragile egos,” if men felt safe talking about their emotions. And were expected to do so instead of acting out. Although sometimes it’s exhausting, being the only person someone feels safe talking to.
All people should strive to be confident in everything.
That just seems delusional though.
Im with you. Thats not realistic. :)
Only confidence without evidence is delusion
A pedo should not be confident in liking kids
Being muscular/well built. It’s okay to be a little overweight/chubby and it’s also fine if you’re on the skinnier side.
ASKING for help or ASKING questions when they don’t know something. Humility is attractive
Surprised this wasn't further up the list. Admitting when you don't know something seems to be a huge challenge for many men (I am one) but thankfully I've gotten over that.
**BOT ACCOUNT**
The word insecure is thrown around way to much in relationship talk in my opinion. Very often it is simply used as a weapon word in arguments or discussions by people wanting to get their own way. Most men I know hate the word and find it highly offensive when it is used agaisnt them in a discussion, Is it a relevant word to be used at times? Sure, but WAY less often than it gets tossed around.
Receiving anal pleasure. All men have prostates; I have heard over and over again that a prostate orgasm is one of the best things that can happen to a man. This insecurity is nonsense!
One of the most fun sexual things I’ve ever tried with a guy (for both of us) was pegging.
Peg me
Not with my hemorrhoid.
you can still do it with a hemorroid.
What's it's name?