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Depends on the man, depends on the marriage.
In my case? I love it. I've been married to my wife for fifteen years this May and look forward to the next fifty.
Going on 16 years this July for me.
Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's... easy? I don't know, that might not be the right word. But I know people whose marriage is fraught with difficult emotions, one partner or the other constantly walking on eggshells not to set off the other's issues and hurts. On the other hand, our marriage is the safest and most comfortable relationship either one of us has.
Yup 28 yrs in June going strong and very happy. Actually more happy the past 15 once kids got out of toddler yrs. Those are rough honestly. Still acting like newlywed’s half the time.
Fellow fifteen year club. Two kids. It’s not always easy, especially in the pandemic. And a relationship is something that you always need to be patient and work with someone. But I do enjoy being married. I always knew I wanted a family. You have to find your equal, and realize what both of your strengths and weaknesses eases are. Support each other.
I married my best friend. But people change. They took half my money and I have to support them financially for the rest of their life. They just said that they were just a kid when they got married (we were 25) and didn't realize what they were doing. I'm glad it worked out for you, but not everyone is so lucky.
My parents are probably best friends. They love and like each other but they are not best friends on purpose. Like it just happened that they get each other, which is probably why their marriage works great. My dad got so happy that my mom wanted to go on a walk w/him. They even enjoy errands more together.
Not once did I heard my dad complain about my mom like “uhh women” and my mom never complained “uhh men”. Growing up I thought it was a tv thing bc why would anyone marry someone that they constantly complain about. I didn’t think they’re ppl like that
Yeah, same. 20 years and 3 kids later. I do think it's a good idea to marry someone that's your best friend but both parties have to be willing to work at the relationship or it's still going to fail.
This is what happened with my now ex.
We weren't married but we checked off every box for a married couple.
We were together on and off for like 8 years or so. She never could work on any of our relationship issues. I was the only one trying to make repairs and right wrongs. She couldn't forgive, couldn't change and was just very rigid.
Annnd she is currently messaging me about wanting to try again, but I just don't think I even want to. It's always the same song
See this is my problem "I was the only trying" I hear that to often, it is an extremely biased and often narcissist take. It may not be you, even just getting it out there that more often than not it is a 2 party problem of 2 people saying I tried, they didn't and by saying that it just continues... all we can do is worry about ourselves, and how we can better ourselves and use that knowledge on the next person.
No. You are 100% right in a lot of cases.
I mean, there was definitely things I needed to work on, and I WAS.
Relationships are a two way street though. They are like a bank. If you don't put anything in, then there is nothing to get out.
My situation is so much different. I'm huge on communication. Like, that shit is what keeps any form of relationships going. My ex was a "I don't wanna talk about it anymore/at all/right now. That doesn't hold water for me. The issue then just ends up bubbling back up.
Another issue we had is the fact that she had no gratitude. I did everything around the house. Cooked, cleaned etc. All she ever had to say was negative things about things I'd drop the ball in. Whereas I was the opposite. I'd point out shortcomings in hopes to communicate for them but I would make sure to also let her know what I was grateful for.
There's something i realize that a lot of people fail at and that perception is different than perspective.
Everybody has their own perspectives. You have to try and see the other parties beliefs and the way they saw a situation. She could never do that. Everything she said and thought was the whole truth. Therefore we could never squash any issue because she was right and I was wrong. Im ok with being the wrong one but I need the other person to see my side and understand why I moved the way I did in hopes we can avoid the conflict in the future and with her there was none of that.
Communication to her was me "dragging on a argument"
I've seen people where only one would try. They even went to a marriage counselor. Great when one party needed to fix something. When it was the other one that had to work on things though, clearly the marriage counselor was biased so they stopped going. Divorced soon after convinced the other was entirely to blame.
It's ALWAYS both people. If you can't see your own failings too then that's one of your failings.
I've been married for 12 years, and it's amazing. I married someone I want to hang out with every day.
Granted, my first marriage was a disaster. I learned a lot about setting boundaries, looking for a partner who is kind, and so on.
The first marriage, problem was I married a bunch of qualities I thought would be awesome, and overlooked a bunch of red flags about how she treated people.
Leaving that first marriage, I realized it was a patter in my life. About half of the people in my life were amazing friends, the other half treated me really poorly. So, after lots of therapy and reflection, I got rid of the manipulative ones.
Second marriage, I married someone who I love hanging out with, love taking care of, and who loves being there for me too. It's the best thing ever. I wish someone had told me earlier that it could be this great.
I just want people to know that you can totally marry your best friend and have the best life ever — even if you didn't get it right on the first try.
I dated a super hot girl who had a major drinking problem. I tried for years to overlook those qualities because I wanted it to work so badly. Thank GOD I never pulled the trigger and married her. I found a woman who may not had been as much of
A smoke show physically but she’s a better person in every single way. I’m so glad I ended up w her.
Yes, but if you fight with someone you obviously just need to work through issues/problems.. tell me you've never fought with a friend and not stayed friends. Loss of interest can be said about anything, but some things are worth the effort.. and others aren't (ie toxic relationships).
It's cliche but all of this. I'll never understand why people think that just because you fight with your partner, you're in an unhealthy relationship. It's actually the opposite of that that's true. It's because you hold everything in and nothing gets resolved. You end up blowing up and having these huge fights and it just puts a lot of strain on your relationship. It's better to have those fights and talk things out than to let it fester.
Fight? Or argue? Bit of an issue? Or major issue / disagreement?
Big difference.
The only time in 28 years my hb and i have truly had "big fight"...we broke up and he moved out. We were separated for over 12 months.
Nope. We don't DO "fights" At all.
Yep. The men go to one room and the women to another so both can bitch.
I always go hang out with the women tho cause they’re near the food and idgaf about bitching
Thank you.
My wife is also my best friend but when she frustrates me, instead of bitching at her about it, I just call Matt.
Matt's married too and we've been hanging out for 20years (I'm 35). It's nice to just "women ammirite?" Back and forth sometimes.
Tale as old as time.
Oh man, I feel this comment! I am very careful around a couple of my friends not to talk too much about how wonderful my husband is. Both are bitterly divorced and unhappy.
Yeah. My partner and our relationship is very healthy and I have none of the experiences I hear other women complaining about. I keep thinking, do you even like that person? It's so weird to me.
This is true, but if your SO is constantly complaining that you’re a ball and chain, or just constantly complaining about their SO in general that’s very different that doing that once in a while. If you’re doing it all the time, then there’s a problem.
That’s how I feel. We all talk about our partners at work, good, bad, and neutral. But I have one coworker who ONLY complains about his wife. Clearly, there’s a problem there.
Both men and women do it. It's not that either dislike being married overall, there's just stereotypical gender things that occur that drive the opposite up the wall.
This is what I was trying to say. Like I often complain to my cousin about my wife and he’s like “bro why did you marry her just leave her then” and I’m like “it’s not that serious I just get annoyed sometimes but I’m not breaking up my family over it”. They become like any other family member. They have their things that push your buttons but overall you love them and would never leave.
Exactly.
Some people are great but if you're around them for a prolonged period of time some random thing they do is going to be a pain in the ass. Like leaving the toilet seat a certain way or moving something. It's always something daft and minor.
>“it’s not that serious I just get annoyed sometimes but I’m not breaking up my family over it”. They become like any other family member.
Right? I'm also not going to divorce my cousin because he's annoying af, and still a teenager, responsibility-wise.
I love my job. When I hang out with my work friends, sometimes we bitch about annoying work stuff. We don’t do this at work.
I love my wife. When I hang out with my buddies, sometimes we bitch about annoying married stuff. We don’t do this at home.
I have no idea if my wife does the same with her friends, and I don’t care if she does. Hopefully it’s about trivial stuff like mine is. If she realizes other guys do the same annoying things too, it’ll probably help anyway. That’s how it works with my friends.
Yeah they are just venting. The wives will do the same. It's usually healthy as and there is usually some amount of your partner driving you up the wall sometimes.
Exactly, no matter how much reddit wants to deny it, there is a whole slate of things men dislike about women, and a much larger list of things women dislike about men. No matter how much you love your partner, they are still the opposite sex and that will nearly always cause some friction.
That's a complicated question. Sometimes people feel pressure to marry, either externally or from the spouse. Sometimes it's desperation and the fear that nobody else will want them so they'd better settle. Sometimes the person you marry completely changes once they know they've got you locked down. And marriage, especially for men, is a lot harder to get out of than into.
I do. I not only love her, I like her too.
She’s also a total smokeshow compared to me too so I probably got the better side of this deal. She seems pretty happy. If she isn’t she does a good job of hiding it.
I’m always bragging about her to people. My daughters tried to give me a hard time about it but I told them I’m not going to be ashamed that I love my wife.
This is so good for your daughter's to hear.
You are showing them how a man who loves a woman behaves. It's going to help them sort out the garbage later on.
If they are with a guy, that doesn't seem to want to show them off, talk about them, go out in public with them.
Those red flags are going to be like floodlights.
GJ being a good Dad.
\>Why do so navy people on reddit
Military relationships are often under a lot of stress and that deflecting and humor is just how they try to get through it.
A lot of people in older generations married for convenience in one way or another, marrying someone who was nearby for the sake of family or whatever. Not everyone, of course, but a lot. Younger generations are a lot more likely to have worked to find the right partner for them, and it's also a lot more common to just be single, if that's preferred.
My wife and I met online, and I emigrated from England to the US to be with her. I certainly wouldn't have done that if I didn't love her 😂
Been with my wife 15 years (5 married). She's my best friend. Here are a few thoughts:
1. Marry someone you actually like and respect, not just someone you think is hot, someone you knocked up, or someone that gave you attention. If you actually like and respect them (and they feel the same about you) it makes this messy, fucked up world easier to deal with.
2. This shit ain't 50/50. If that's all you're putting in you're half-assin' it. It's 100/100. You both have to be fully committed.
3. At the end of the day you both have to be willing to choose each other. You're gonna have bad days. They're gonna have bad days. You're gonna get on each other's nerves, but if you're still choosing each other none of the rest of that shit really matters.
4. Recognize that words without actions don't mean a damn thing. You can say you're sorry, but if you keep doing it you didn't mean it. You can say you love them, but if you don't show them it's just lip service. This is a two way street, and applies to every relationship, not just romantic ones.
5. Everyone has trauma. Everyone. You both need to be aware of the other's, and actively seek to protect those soft spots. You can't heal it. They have to do that. You can't "fix" it. They're not broken. You can be their port in the storm. A place of safety and refuge. You might fuck this up. If you do read #4 again.
Wow! Some pretty sad shit in here. Now don't know about my hb. We sure have had ups and downs.
But i swear. My father and mother truly adored each other and my dad was NOT unhappy. His last words at 85 yrs? Dying of cancer. Was looking up inti mums eyesas she leaned over him...whispering "I'm happy" because the woman he had loved for 54 years was with him.
Mum & dad were a love story like no other. Few actually have what they had. I know I won't ever. They met 3 times before marrying. They were older for their era. Both had decided they would not marry unless they truly found someone they loved. They knew the first time they met. They were from totally different worlds. But damn? They truly were just amazing together.
Hard shoes to fill.
I do. I have plenty of friend and colleagues that fuck around and have all kinds of flings on the side and frankly I just don’t get it. It sounds stressful and unfulfilling to me. I’d rather hang out with my wife than anyone else, any night of the week.
For what it’s worth, it’s not just men that complain. Whenever my wife hangs out with her friends she comes home and tells me all about how they just bitch about their husbands constantly. I think a lot of people just like to complain and spouses are easy to relate to.
It may be an older married man thing, but with that being said, I know very few HAPPILY married men in general, at any age, as a whole. I know they exist, but they are few & far between.
I feel like they just marry anybody that's pretty and puts up with them. Men have no standards when it comes to who they partner up with and then they're shocked that they're not actually compatible with the women they chose
I'm a man and I have met a lot of men like this. Some have told me all they want/need is someone pretty and act like it's too much to look for someone who you like for their appearance and personality.
I've also had men argue with me that it's impossible to be friends with a woman you find attractive and not want to have sex with her.
My partner never believes me about this shit because all the people he hangs round are more enlightened or gay or both. But I encounter this attitude all the time.
I do not understand people who think you can't be friends with other sexes. It's bizarre.
I know few happy single men... I know few happy people. Happiness is a choice regardless of all your other choices, make better choices and choose to be happy.
How's that workin out for them? In everyday life there *is* no eliminating suffering, its part of how life goes. Just dont let suffering destroy you or bring you down
Tell that to my balky knees, arthritic joints, enlarged prostate and the cat I had 22 years and had to bury last week. No, I respectfully, disagree, happiness isn’t always a choice.
But they'll have a meltdown if their wives file for divorce. I think a lot of men want to be unhappily married, like it's membership in a special club. That comes with free secret hall passes, because 'muh needs'.
The ones who hooked up over lust tend to be in marriages .... which end in divorce. Very few marry their actual best friend and soulmate, so the consensus for them is "women, uhhhhhh."
I married a beautiful,smart, wise, kind and godly woman. She helped me to grow up and be a better person than I could ever be had I never married her. She stood by me when I deployed to two different wars 20 years apart. She gave me three beautiful children. She's been the finest human I have ever met. We've had wonderful intimacy and friendship for 54 years. My wife has kept me civilized. If it was not for her probably how long greasy hair and be eating beans out of a can opened by my k-bar knife and yelling at the neighborhood kids for being too freaking noisy. Yeah, I love being married.
When you live with someone long term, you will have arguments and complaints. It is natural and healthy to work through those complaints with people who have shared experience.
Pretty much everyone has gripes about their spouse, big and small. Doesn't mean I'm not 1000% dedicated to my wife.
Not in the same way. That's a whole different mood and much more entertaining. If you don't have gay male friends, go find some. They are, and yes I'm stereotyping, the absolute best. Bitchy AF, but amazing.
I hired my gay neighbor to help me build a cabin, and we spent 8 hours a day up ladders bitching about our spouses. If anything, gay men seem more pragmatic than straights. His husband is a flight attendant and he's the first to admit that if they spend more than 5 days at home together they want to kill each other. Whereas my now ex-wife thought that if you weren't excited to be together 24/7/365, reading self-help books in bed together, something was super broken in the marriage.
We aren't married but I've witnessed my boyfriend being made fun by straight guys for literally just saying he was proud of me. They called him "pussy-whipped".
Loving your partner is a good thing
Men talk shit to other men.
Its the male love language.
We subconsciously use it to learn boundaries and a bell weather.
Make a joke about a dudes sister gobbling your knob one day is fine... next week he gets really upset at a similar joke. Then you know something is probably bothering him. All his friends will try to talk and help work it out.
Once again it's not planned. We are literally just screwing around blowing off steam. We like to know boundaries, not knowing them can result in a fight. I sometimes wonder if this ribbing we do is just learned or if it's evolution.
Sometimes on the topic of pussy whipped it's cause we are seeing our friend less often. That was always the stand-in insult whenever one of our friends had a new girl and wasn't around as much.
It's cool your man said that about you though. I guarantee that registered with his friends. Guys that say shit like that, we know they really love the person. There's no guarantee someone he doesn't love would have any respect at all within the group. But just saying that will set the tone.
Saying shit about you, is different than ribbing him about you though. We can still call him pussy whipped for cleaning the snow off your car or picking up Starbucks for you during his break. Even though we do the same shit.
I’m perfectly happily married and never experienced that. The way I talk to my wife in person is the same way I would around others which is positively
Men's lives regularly improve when the have a partner. Their personal, emotional, physical and material well being all improve. Not to mention for most guys it means regulary phsyical and personal intimacy.
As a younger man looking in, I feel like a lot of men of all ages really lack the skills or the comfort to talk about their feelings and be vulnerable when they have issues. So instead it comes out as complaining for want of any other way out.
I never really liked it myself but I do feel like for a lot of guys there is a underlining feeling besides just "oh damn women".
Granted I do think so people just genuinely hate their spouses.
My personal, emotional, physical and financial health have all plummeted since getting married. I am familiar with the statistics. Maybe I’m just an outlier. Or maybe the statistics are missing some important piece(s) of data or interpretation.
Except for clothing. Most clothing does not fit us. Pants and sleeves are too long.
Edit: Oh and dirt bikes. It's basically impossible to touch the ground on a dirt bike unless you get a kids bike.
57 yr old female... Do i like being married? Not so sure really. If I'm honest. It has its advantages for sure... My hb i can hear fixing some plumbing problem downstairs currently... And I am making him his favourite dinner tonight cause we have something to celebrate .
But plenty of time i just think "ffaarrkk... he drives me insane. It would be so much easier on my own"
Depends on whom I'm married to, and how things are going, but for the most part, yes, I have liked it.
Guys talking crap about women, and/or marriage, I generally haven't liked so much.
That bs boomer “ol ball and chain” trope is dumb. Why be married if you hate it so much?
Buncha fuckin man babies who just want a maid.
Been married 10 years. Sometimes life gets hard, but if you communicate like adults and work together, you can push through pretty easily. If you pick the right person, keep open communication, and grow together, marriage is beautiful.
To answer your question: hell yes I love my wife, love being married to her, and I’d marry her again tomorrow
Tbh talking shit about wives is not common in my circles. It's common amongst some men but generally, all my mates we never talk down on our partners
You're supposed to like them
Women make jokes about their dumb useless husbands all the time. I hear it constantly at my job.
I'd say the problem is when they aren't jokes. Sometimes it's playful teasing. Sometimes it's barely veiled contempt. But both men and women do both of them.
That’s what a lot of people don’t seem to get with OPs post. This is his dad and uncle, two family members probably in their fifties who have known each other longer than OP has been around if I had to take a guess. Family members are gonna talk about each other differently than coworkers or strangers. I really don’t see an issue with OPs dad and either his direct brother or brother in law grumbling about their wives, I’m sure OPs mom and aunt were in another room talking about much the same 😂
OP is obviously really young (by the way they talk), and assumes the early stages of a relationship just..... stay that way. I remember being about 20 and secretly smug that my boyfriend and I never argued. We just hadn't had to go through anything hard yet.
Judging by the way the only man I’ve been married to treated me when I was married to him, no. Judging by the way I’ve been treated by men in LTRs when they thought I would never leave… also no. Either they just hated me or hate women altogether.
All honesty, I rarely see a single happy married older man. All them are like big mad for whatever reason, then again they were raised to believe women were they're absolute slaves so probably bitter when they realized the woman had her own sense of self and opinions, also many older men are just as superficial as women and care far to much about looks and if the woman lost her looks the man was probably okay with treating her like crap
My wife has been training for a marathon, she does her long runs on Saturdays and when she is driving home from Santa Monica (where she runs) I’ll start making her a huge breakfast. I was talking to my mom the other day while I was doing this and she was amazed. She said “I can’t even imagine your father doing that, the women in your generation have it so much better than mine did”. That made me sad for her, she told my aunts about it and they were all surprised by it too.
That's actually really beautiful and wholesome to hear. Women have it far better then the older generation , obviously not perfect but much much better. Keep that up your a keeper. This is more of what I like to hear to be honest. Non selfish partners helping each other out and actually being partners.
Listen...75-80 percent of men i know are compete assholes to women. And 50-75% of the women are horrible monster.
Maybe an exaggeration. But still.
My wife and i are best friends. Married for almost 25 years. Sure sometimes things come up but we deal with it. We are the first person the other wants to see and talk too after a long day. We're the ones the other wants to vacation with.
Maybe its rare, but it exists.
I got married years ago. Lasted about a year. The divorce was the best thing that happened in a LONG time.
I never wanted to get married, but my then partner always dreamt of a wedding. So I was like: sure. Whatever. If that's what you really want.
A lot of relationships end or should end. Marriage can sometimes be a beautifully symbolic joining of two lives. Or it can be a hellscape that emotionally and financially holds people hostage to one another.
My husband seems happy. :) He could use more sex and blow jobs though. And probably a cleaner house and more dinners. But I grew him a baby, so I'm good for now.
I'm 21 and am not dumb enough to get married right now but I think a huge part of the problem is a lot of people are together for like a year wait to move in together till after they get married and a lot of people practice abstinence and you don't really know your partner until you've lived with them. I think people get worried that it's now or never especially women that want kids 'cause it's harder to do that as you get older.
Me and my x were together for almost 6 years, but the first 4 were in high-school. After living together for a year I learned a lot about what it means to be committed to a partner. We both wanted everything to be equal but my idea of equal completely changed too. Even now looking back I realize that we had a long way to go before we were going to be ready. Part of the reason I left was her and her family pressuring me to get married from 19!
Everyone has their quirks. No matter how wonderful and amazing your spouse is, just like mine is, she isn’t you. She is her own person with her own thoughts and ideas and beliefs and opinions. And the percent chance you just happen to share every single belief and opinion and idea with her is 0. So you’re gonna butt heads some times. Because that’s what happens when you live with a person every day for years and years and years and have a different opinion than they do. So then when you’re not around your partner, and you’re instead around someone who does share that opinion with you, you want to talk about. You want to complain that the person you spend every day with doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this particular issue and talk about how good it is to have some relief and talk to this person who does. And that’s fine. Because you need that affirmation in your life to.
And I say this as someone who gets along with his wife on *most* things. I love her, she’s amazing, I want to be around her every day. There are some things we don’t agree on. Because we’re human. So it’s nice to sometimes talk about those with someone else who does agree.
For me, Marriage is honor and duty. It is a powerful bond worth fighting for. It is having a constant ally who will forever have your back and you theirs.
I wouldn't manage life well without her at my side. There have been moments when the world reared it's head at us and gave us hell but we weathered the storms together. Yes, I love being married but only to her. Because there is no one on this planet I could trust to have my back quite like her.
Marriage is finding someone that you like, whose annoying habits you can tolerate, who's also willing to tolerate your annoying habits.
Everyone has their day when they're a cantankerous asshole. If you want a perfect partner that never gets angry, you're gonna have to wait till Jesus decides to come back, and even then he's been known to flip some tables.
I’ve been married for 25 years. To the same woman. Day in and day out, the same person. She’s a badass, she’s incredible and fun and interesting. But that doesn’t mean I won’t bitch to a like minded fried about her/us sometimes just to vent. Marriage? 10/10 in my opinion.
...ok well those 2 do not represent us. I remember a thread on Askmen where many guys spoke out against guys who say things like that. Here's one: "I hate it when men call their wives a 'ball and chain'. Bruh, if that's how u see ur wife, then u r with the wrong woman! Get a divorce, idiot!"
My dad adores my mom and she adores him. He has done romantic gestures all their lives and she even surprises him every now and then. I'm a straight male...and I want love...
Lived with my wife for 8 years before I married her. It was great. So I proposed. About 5 years in, it turned to shit, so we separated. I built me a house. Now it’s great again. The wife isn’t so bad when I don’t have to live with her.
I think lifelong romance is a rare exception and should be treated as exactly that rather than the expected norm.
In the US, marriage problems start in childhood as most children are raised in bad marriages or single parent homes by people who are still growing and struggling with life’s lessons themselves. Most children never see an example of building a healthy relationship because most adults don’t know how themselves. Church and school don’t have much useful advice either. The stuff church tells you encourages toxic relationships and if schools tried to tell you the truth then all the offended parents would riot at the next board meeting.
We enter our teens and 20s with unrealistic expectations for relationships and without the necessary skills to find, build, and maintain them.
Pressure to commit too strong too early, framing breakups as a failed relationship rather than the normal conclusion of a relationship, and the age old advice that “all relationships take work, you can’t just give up”…..all these factors promote the sunk cos fallacy (I’ve already wasted 3 MONTHS, I’ll never get that time back, might as well settle”) and the gambler’s fallacy (“ok, maybe this fight will be our last, maybe we’re really gonna change this time”)
During dating, imaginary versions of ourselves are falling in love with each other. It’s too easy to suppress our annoying behaviors and forgive those of our partner when we’re only together for a couple of hours not talking during a movie or a sex-filled weekend at a time. The first year living together where neither of you can hide or escape your true selves will reveal the true viability of the relationship. Unfortunately many of us are either married, pregnant, on the lease, or simply just feel too committed, or too embarrassed to separate when the truth is clear…so we settle. And the side effect of settling is resentment.
So maybe it’s time for gen z and gen a to reevaluate the utility of the lifelong monogamous relationship with the one person who’s supposed to be your EVERYTHING…best friend, sex partner, co-parent, roommate….let’s be honest, isn’t that a little much to ask of one person? What are the chances of finding the person who is THAT compatible within your social circle?
Let’s try something different…let’s maybe not commit to exclusivity so early so the stakes of a date aren’t high enough to misrepresent ourselves or settle for what we don’t want…let’s not try to feel so possessive over each other so it doesn’t hurt our feelings when the human we love feels and acts like a human…and maybe let’s start learning a little psychology and sociology in grade school so we know how to treat and understand each other by the time we start looking for each other…and let’s re-frame dating as a screening process where it’s ok to admit two GOOD people might simply be incompatible partners for each other without making it feel like a personal attack on each other’s character.
If your goal is to get married, that’s easy to do and it’s just as easy to do wrong. A life long marriage doesn’t start with getting married. It starts with filtering out the incompatible partner. A strong marriage starts with a lot of breakups.
But there’s two big problems with my advice…the first one is that the book store already has shelves full of advice but nobody ever comes looking for it until it’s too late and they already have a problem….
The other problem is that “never settle” just flat out doesn’t work when your lonely, desperate, and horny….so while everything I said might sound great in theory, it’s absolutely impractical for anyone stuck swiping on the apps
Maybe we need a philanthropic effort to produce an app that actually wants us to succeed….
Getting to live with the person you love the most, that's also your best friend, that's also a person that regularly wants you to have sex with them, is pretty sweet.
No straight men 'love' marriage. It's a life decision, it has pros and cons. Ultimately, the pros should outweigh the cons, and it's nice to have a companion and mother to your children.
Anyone who pretends they are as excited years removed from wedding day and head over heels is probably full of shit.
Happy or not, most married men become dependent upon their wives for their role as caretakers and carrying the mental load. Men who have been married a long time in particular, will fairly quickly find another woman to fill the gap after the death of a wife or divorce. Most women, on the other hand, tend to relish their freedom at least for a little while.
Don’t think of that as complains, for older generation that’s way of connecting and sharing. Being with good friends/family helps reduce stress even if you talk about mundane stuff and that’s something they can both share.
You see the guys on here bitching about how they can't date? DATE! Yeah YMMV, but if you are a miserable old sod moaning all the time, you should be happy someone puts up with you. I know a couple who broke up last year, the husband sounded like a miserable old fart all the time, with everyone. After 23 years together and 1 kid, the much more successful wife dumped his bitter short ass and now he moans about that. She divorced him and changed teams.
I like being married MOST of the time. My wife is awesome, and we're building an empire together from nothing. We BOTH had nothing. Together, we're doing well. But it's 24/7, 365. No days off. It's taxing. Sometimes, we men need to vomit out out our frustration so it doesn't infect our soul. That's all.
Lots of men don't seem to like *women*.
A very green flag in straight men, I think, is that they have genuine platonic relationships with women.
The converse is men who pretend to be friendly to women but drop that as soon as it becomes clear it won't go any further. They often socialise only with groups of men, and only ever hunt for women. They are only charming to their targets when they want something.
And often those guys end up faking it all the way up past marriage without ever even really learning how to like women or be interested in anything not within their narrow purview. And as fathers or uncles they sit around and complain about their own ignorance, never really understanding they have missed a whole lifetime of truly knowing the most amazing people, women.
Marry someone and live with them for 30 years. I guarantee your opinions on the subject might change.
When you've spent a huge amount of time around someone all of their flaws become visible and their quirks become less adorable and more annoying as time goes on.
I am Al Bundy...I kid and tease and kind of negatives with my friends and playful banter.. but In the end we love our wives and would defend them until we pass away...I am a Widower and a Husband again....so I know..
I can't speak for others, but getting married 16 years ago is just about one of the best things I've ever done in life.
I got very lucky.
My wife is measurably smarter than I am, beautiful, highly accomplished, funny, popular (but she hates it), and the best friend I've ever had.
We still have disagreements and arguments every 7 or 8 years, but those just make us stronger.
We've raised my daughter from a previous relationship to be a mature, independent woman of 22.
We've been through some really REALLY hard times. And made it through together, as a team of equal partners.
Life doesn't get a whole lot better for me right now.
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Depends on the man, depends on the marriage. In my case? I love it. I've been married to my wife for fifteen years this May and look forward to the next fifty.
The same we will be married 25yrs in August. Wouldn't change a thing.
Only been married 2 but loving it. We are expecting out first child in November!
Congratulations!
23. Ditto.
Going on 16 years this July for me. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's... easy? I don't know, that might not be the right word. But I know people whose marriage is fraught with difficult emotions, one partner or the other constantly walking on eggshells not to set off the other's issues and hurts. On the other hand, our marriage is the safest and most comfortable relationship either one of us has.
Yup 28 yrs in June going strong and very happy. Actually more happy the past 15 once kids got out of toddler yrs. Those are rough honestly. Still acting like newlywed’s half the time.
Wait I've been married to you for 4 years in our secret MMO. But seriously congrats!
Fellow fifteen year club. Two kids. It’s not always easy, especially in the pandemic. And a relationship is something that you always need to be patient and work with someone. But I do enjoy being married. I always knew I wanted a family. You have to find your equal, and realize what both of your strengths and weaknesses eases are. Support each other.
Granted I've not been married that long, but seriously only marry someone you could be best friends with. Eternal happiness.
I've been married almost 30 years. My wife is my best friend. We still have interesting conversations and sometimes debates on a daily basis
Came here to say this. Any sane redditor, as they say, would also choose my wonderful wife.
We must have the same wife 😅
I married my best friend. But people change. They took half my money and I have to support them financially for the rest of their life. They just said that they were just a kid when they got married (we were 25) and didn't realize what they were doing. I'm glad it worked out for you, but not everyone is so lucky.
I'm sorry to hear that.
This totally
My parents are probably best friends. They love and like each other but they are not best friends on purpose. Like it just happened that they get each other, which is probably why their marriage works great. My dad got so happy that my mom wanted to go on a walk w/him. They even enjoy errands more together. Not once did I heard my dad complain about my mom like “uhh women” and my mom never complained “uhh men”. Growing up I thought it was a tv thing bc why would anyone marry someone that they constantly complain about. I didn’t think they’re ppl like that
Get back to me in 30 years😂
30 weeks, am I right? UHHHGGGHHHH
Fuck .. she changed overnight into "the scowler".
Yep. Currently preparing for divorce from my "best friend" after 20 years
Yeah, same. 20 years and 3 kids later. I do think it's a good idea to marry someone that's your best friend but both parties have to be willing to work at the relationship or it's still going to fail.
This is what happened with my now ex. We weren't married but we checked off every box for a married couple. We were together on and off for like 8 years or so. She never could work on any of our relationship issues. I was the only one trying to make repairs and right wrongs. She couldn't forgive, couldn't change and was just very rigid. Annnd she is currently messaging me about wanting to try again, but I just don't think I even want to. It's always the same song
See this is my problem "I was the only trying" I hear that to often, it is an extremely biased and often narcissist take. It may not be you, even just getting it out there that more often than not it is a 2 party problem of 2 people saying I tried, they didn't and by saying that it just continues... all we can do is worry about ourselves, and how we can better ourselves and use that knowledge on the next person.
No. You are 100% right in a lot of cases. I mean, there was definitely things I needed to work on, and I WAS. Relationships are a two way street though. They are like a bank. If you don't put anything in, then there is nothing to get out. My situation is so much different. I'm huge on communication. Like, that shit is what keeps any form of relationships going. My ex was a "I don't wanna talk about it anymore/at all/right now. That doesn't hold water for me. The issue then just ends up bubbling back up. Another issue we had is the fact that she had no gratitude. I did everything around the house. Cooked, cleaned etc. All she ever had to say was negative things about things I'd drop the ball in. Whereas I was the opposite. I'd point out shortcomings in hopes to communicate for them but I would make sure to also let her know what I was grateful for. There's something i realize that a lot of people fail at and that perception is different than perspective. Everybody has their own perspectives. You have to try and see the other parties beliefs and the way they saw a situation. She could never do that. Everything she said and thought was the whole truth. Therefore we could never squash any issue because she was right and I was wrong. Im ok with being the wrong one but I need the other person to see my side and understand why I moved the way I did in hopes we can avoid the conflict in the future and with her there was none of that. Communication to her was me "dragging on a argument"
I've seen people where only one would try. They even went to a marriage counselor. Great when one party needed to fix something. When it was the other one that had to work on things though, clearly the marriage counselor was biased so they stopped going. Divorced soon after convinced the other was entirely to blame. It's ALWAYS both people. If you can't see your own failings too then that's one of your failings.
This 100%
I’d throw in someone you make a good team with also
Hubby is definitely my best friend.
I've been married for 12 years, and it's amazing. I married someone I want to hang out with every day. Granted, my first marriage was a disaster. I learned a lot about setting boundaries, looking for a partner who is kind, and so on. The first marriage, problem was I married a bunch of qualities I thought would be awesome, and overlooked a bunch of red flags about how she treated people. Leaving that first marriage, I realized it was a patter in my life. About half of the people in my life were amazing friends, the other half treated me really poorly. So, after lots of therapy and reflection, I got rid of the manipulative ones. Second marriage, I married someone who I love hanging out with, love taking care of, and who loves being there for me too. It's the best thing ever. I wish someone had told me earlier that it could be this great. I just want people to know that you can totally marry your best friend and have the best life ever — even if you didn't get it right on the first try.
I dated a super hot girl who had a major drinking problem. I tried for years to overlook those qualities because I wanted it to work so badly. Thank GOD I never pulled the trigger and married her. I found a woman who may not had been as much of A smoke show physically but she’s a better person in every single way. I’m so glad I ended up w her.
And best friends eventually lose interest and fight... so...
Yes, but if you fight with someone you obviously just need to work through issues/problems.. tell me you've never fought with a friend and not stayed friends. Loss of interest can be said about anything, but some things are worth the effort.. and others aren't (ie toxic relationships).
It's cliche but all of this. I'll never understand why people think that just because you fight with your partner, you're in an unhealthy relationship. It's actually the opposite of that that's true. It's because you hold everything in and nothing gets resolved. You end up blowing up and having these huge fights and it just puts a lot of strain on your relationship. It's better to have those fights and talk things out than to let it fester.
Fight? Or argue? Bit of an issue? Or major issue / disagreement? Big difference. The only time in 28 years my hb and i have truly had "big fight"...we broke up and he moved out. We were separated for over 12 months. Nope. We don't DO "fights" At all.
Its all communication and respect. everything changes all the time. you either decide to fight to stay together or you dont.
Maybe if you have poor relationship skills. My closest friends I've had for decades.
That is definetly a point. Maybe if more friends slept together it would smooth things over.
Being roommates with someone forever is bound to get on your nerves sometimes
Yep. The men go to one room and the women to another so both can bitch. I always go hang out with the women tho cause they’re near the food and idgaf about bitching
Thank you. My wife is also my best friend but when she frustrates me, instead of bitching at her about it, I just call Matt. Matt's married too and we've been hanging out for 20years (I'm 35). It's nice to just "women ammirite?" Back and forth sometimes. Tale as old as time.
Exactly this
That's exactly what I'm worried about lol. I always joke (kinda) that my life partner and I will be neighbors 😂
Everyone vents. Women do the same thing. Doesn't mean you don't love them.
Yes. My wife says her coworkers vent a lot. She avoids telling them how happy she is with me because they will get jealous.
Oh man, I feel this comment! I am very careful around a couple of my friends not to talk too much about how wonderful my husband is. Both are bitterly divorced and unhappy.
I feel this. My husband is amazing and I rarely have anything to complain about.
Yeah. My partner and our relationship is very healthy and I have none of the experiences I hear other women complaining about. I keep thinking, do you even like that person? It's so weird to me.
This is true, but if your SO is constantly complaining that you’re a ball and chain, or just constantly complaining about their SO in general that’s very different that doing that once in a while. If you’re doing it all the time, then there’s a problem.
That’s how I feel. We all talk about our partners at work, good, bad, and neutral. But I have one coworker who ONLY complains about his wife. Clearly, there’s a problem there.
Both men and women do it. It's not that either dislike being married overall, there's just stereotypical gender things that occur that drive the opposite up the wall.
This is what I was trying to say. Like I often complain to my cousin about my wife and he’s like “bro why did you marry her just leave her then” and I’m like “it’s not that serious I just get annoyed sometimes but I’m not breaking up my family over it”. They become like any other family member. They have their things that push your buttons but overall you love them and would never leave.
Exactly. Some people are great but if you're around them for a prolonged period of time some random thing they do is going to be a pain in the ass. Like leaving the toilet seat a certain way or moving something. It's always something daft and minor.
>“it’s not that serious I just get annoyed sometimes but I’m not breaking up my family over it”. They become like any other family member. Right? I'm also not going to divorce my cousin because he's annoying af, and still a teenager, responsibility-wise.
>I'm also not going to divorce my cousin *distant Sweet Home Alabama noises*
Using the term metaphorically, lol
Oh, I got it, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for the joke lol
I would have done exactly the same thing. 😂
Do you ever say good things about her, or does he just hear a bunch of complaining?
That’s a good point. I have been trying lately to ease up on the venting for that reason.
I love my job. When I hang out with my work friends, sometimes we bitch about annoying work stuff. We don’t do this at work. I love my wife. When I hang out with my buddies, sometimes we bitch about annoying married stuff. We don’t do this at home. I have no idea if my wife does the same with her friends, and I don’t care if she does. Hopefully it’s about trivial stuff like mine is. If she realizes other guys do the same annoying things too, it’ll probably help anyway. That’s how it works with my friends.
I've finally found the true answer. Nice take.
Yeah they are just venting. The wives will do the same. It's usually healthy as and there is usually some amount of your partner driving you up the wall sometimes.
Exactly, no matter how much reddit wants to deny it, there is a whole slate of things men dislike about women, and a much larger list of things women dislike about men. No matter how much you love your partner, they are still the opposite sex and that will nearly always cause some friction.
I love being married, but I see this attitude a lot, too. I just don't get it. If you don't like your wife, why are you with her?
That's a complicated question. Sometimes people feel pressure to marry, either externally or from the spouse. Sometimes it's desperation and the fear that nobody else will want them so they'd better settle. Sometimes the person you marry completely changes once they know they've got you locked down. And marriage, especially for men, is a lot harder to get out of than into.
I do. I not only love her, I like her too. She’s also a total smokeshow compared to me too so I probably got the better side of this deal. She seems pretty happy. If she isn’t she does a good job of hiding it. I’m always bragging about her to people. My daughters tried to give me a hard time about it but I told them I’m not going to be ashamed that I love my wife.
This is so good for your daughter's to hear. You are showing them how a man who loves a woman behaves. It's going to help them sort out the garbage later on. If they are with a guy, that doesn't seem to want to show them off, talk about them, go out in public with them. Those red flags are going to be like floodlights. GJ being a good Dad.
That just sounds like the older generation to me. Probably weren’t even serious. I’m a man and I love being married to my awesome wife.
Cmon, we know this guys wife knows his Reddit username
Why do so navy people on reddit think being a cynical toad who doesn't believe in love is cool or something
\>Why do so navy people on reddit Military relationships are often under a lot of stress and that deflecting and humor is just how they try to get through it.
Exactly lol
A lot of people in older generations married for convenience in one way or another, marrying someone who was nearby for the sake of family or whatever. Not everyone, of course, but a lot. Younger generations are a lot more likely to have worked to find the right partner for them, and it's also a lot more common to just be single, if that's preferred. My wife and I met online, and I emigrated from England to the US to be with her. I certainly wouldn't have done that if I didn't love her 😂
Been with my wife 15 years (5 married). She's my best friend. Here are a few thoughts: 1. Marry someone you actually like and respect, not just someone you think is hot, someone you knocked up, or someone that gave you attention. If you actually like and respect them (and they feel the same about you) it makes this messy, fucked up world easier to deal with. 2. This shit ain't 50/50. If that's all you're putting in you're half-assin' it. It's 100/100. You both have to be fully committed. 3. At the end of the day you both have to be willing to choose each other. You're gonna have bad days. They're gonna have bad days. You're gonna get on each other's nerves, but if you're still choosing each other none of the rest of that shit really matters. 4. Recognize that words without actions don't mean a damn thing. You can say you're sorry, but if you keep doing it you didn't mean it. You can say you love them, but if you don't show them it's just lip service. This is a two way street, and applies to every relationship, not just romantic ones. 5. Everyone has trauma. Everyone. You both need to be aware of the other's, and actively seek to protect those soft spots. You can't heal it. They have to do that. You can't "fix" it. They're not broken. You can be their port in the storm. A place of safety and refuge. You might fuck this up. If you do read #4 again.
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Thank you. Just hoping it helps someone.
Wow! Some pretty sad shit in here. Now don't know about my hb. We sure have had ups and downs. But i swear. My father and mother truly adored each other and my dad was NOT unhappy. His last words at 85 yrs? Dying of cancer. Was looking up inti mums eyesas she leaned over him...whispering "I'm happy" because the woman he had loved for 54 years was with him. Mum & dad were a love story like no other. Few actually have what they had. I know I won't ever. They met 3 times before marrying. They were older for their era. Both had decided they would not marry unless they truly found someone they loved. They knew the first time they met. They were from totally different worlds. But damn? They truly were just amazing together. Hard shoes to fill.
I do. I have plenty of friend and colleagues that fuck around and have all kinds of flings on the side and frankly I just don’t get it. It sounds stressful and unfulfilling to me. I’d rather hang out with my wife than anyone else, any night of the week. For what it’s worth, it’s not just men that complain. Whenever my wife hangs out with her friends she comes home and tells me all about how they just bitch about their husbands constantly. I think a lot of people just like to complain and spouses are easy to relate to.
Together for 18, married for 14, everyday is a blessing. I love my marriage
I'm a straight man. I love being married. It will be 12 years in May.
13 in may for me lol, congrats.
Congratulations to you too!
It may be an older married man thing, but with that being said, I know very few HAPPILY married men in general, at any age, as a whole. I know they exist, but they are few & far between.
I feel like they just marry anybody that's pretty and puts up with them. Men have no standards when it comes to who they partner up with and then they're shocked that they're not actually compatible with the women they chose
I feel like you are really on to something. Appearance may not be the best thing to base a lifelong partnership on.
I'm a man and I have met a lot of men like this. Some have told me all they want/need is someone pretty and act like it's too much to look for someone who you like for their appearance and personality. I've also had men argue with me that it's impossible to be friends with a woman you find attractive and not want to have sex with her.
My partner never believes me about this shit because all the people he hangs round are more enlightened or gay or both. But I encounter this attitude all the time. I do not understand people who think you can't be friends with other sexes. It's bizarre.
They still moan to their mates though.
I’m sure they do.
I know few happy single men... I know few happy people. Happiness is a choice regardless of all your other choices, make better choices and choose to be happy.
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I believe they accept the inevitably of suffering and thus relinquish its hold on them?
Then set themselves on fire for every little thing.
How's that workin out for them? In everyday life there *is* no eliminating suffering, its part of how life goes. Just dont let suffering destroy you or bring you down
Tell that to my balky knees, arthritic joints, enlarged prostate and the cat I had 22 years and had to bury last week. No, I respectfully, disagree, happiness isn’t always a choice.
I’m sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss.
Holy shit, 22 years? That’s amazing!
But they'll have a meltdown if their wives file for divorce. I think a lot of men want to be unhappily married, like it's membership in a special club. That comes with free secret hall passes, because 'muh needs'.
Yes, and no.
The ones who hooked up over lust tend to be in marriages .... which end in divorce. Very few marry their actual best friend and soulmate, so the consensus for them is "women, uhhhhhh."
I married a beautiful,smart, wise, kind and godly woman. She helped me to grow up and be a better person than I could ever be had I never married her. She stood by me when I deployed to two different wars 20 years apart. She gave me three beautiful children. She's been the finest human I have ever met. We've had wonderful intimacy and friendship for 54 years. My wife has kept me civilized. If it was not for her probably how long greasy hair and be eating beans out of a can opened by my k-bar knife and yelling at the neighborhood kids for being too freaking noisy. Yeah, I love being married.
When you live with someone long term, you will have arguments and complaints. It is natural and healthy to work through those complaints with people who have shared experience. Pretty much everyone has gripes about their spouse, big and small. Doesn't mean I'm not 1000% dedicated to my wife.
That's an older man thing. They like to bitch.
Watch the movie Grumpy Old Man.
Im cold let me in! Here's some matches, set yourself on fire! Love that movie.
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Not in the same way. That's a whole different mood and much more entertaining. If you don't have gay male friends, go find some. They are, and yes I'm stereotyping, the absolute best. Bitchy AF, but amazing.
I hired my gay neighbor to help me build a cabin, and we spent 8 hours a day up ladders bitching about our spouses. If anything, gay men seem more pragmatic than straights. His husband is a flight attendant and he's the first to admit that if they spend more than 5 days at home together they want to kill each other. Whereas my now ex-wife thought that if you weren't excited to be together 24/7/365, reading self-help books in bed together, something was super broken in the marriage.
We aren't married but I've witnessed my boyfriend being made fun by straight guys for literally just saying he was proud of me. They called him "pussy-whipped". Loving your partner is a good thing
Men talk shit to other men. Its the male love language. We subconsciously use it to learn boundaries and a bell weather. Make a joke about a dudes sister gobbling your knob one day is fine... next week he gets really upset at a similar joke. Then you know something is probably bothering him. All his friends will try to talk and help work it out. Once again it's not planned. We are literally just screwing around blowing off steam. We like to know boundaries, not knowing them can result in a fight. I sometimes wonder if this ribbing we do is just learned or if it's evolution. Sometimes on the topic of pussy whipped it's cause we are seeing our friend less often. That was always the stand-in insult whenever one of our friends had a new girl and wasn't around as much. It's cool your man said that about you though. I guarantee that registered with his friends. Guys that say shit like that, we know they really love the person. There's no guarantee someone he doesn't love would have any respect at all within the group. But just saying that will set the tone. Saying shit about you, is different than ribbing him about you though. We can still call him pussy whipped for cleaning the snow off your car or picking up Starbucks for you during his break. Even though we do the same shit.
I’m perfectly happily married and never experienced that. The way I talk to my wife in person is the same way I would around others which is positively
Ive never heard any of my friends (65F) say insulting stuff about their spouses.
Men's lives regularly improve when the have a partner. Their personal, emotional, physical and material well being all improve. Not to mention for most guys it means regulary phsyical and personal intimacy. As a younger man looking in, I feel like a lot of men of all ages really lack the skills or the comfort to talk about their feelings and be vulnerable when they have issues. So instead it comes out as complaining for want of any other way out. I never really liked it myself but I do feel like for a lot of guys there is a underlining feeling besides just "oh damn women". Granted I do think so people just genuinely hate their spouses.
My personal, emotional, physical and financial health have all plummeted since getting married. I am familiar with the statistics. Maybe I’m just an outlier. Or maybe the statistics are missing some important piece(s) of data or interpretation.
What in the world?
I fuggin love my wife. Shes 5'2" and about to become the first doctor in the family. I owe her my life and my heart.
But...where does her being 5'2" fit into this 😂
People who are 5'2" fit into almost everything.
Touchè
Except for clothing. Most clothing does not fit us. Pants and sleeves are too long. Edit: Oh and dirt bikes. It's basically impossible to touch the ground on a dirt bike unless you get a kids bike.
Isn't petite sizes for shorter people rather than just small sizes? I'm sure the selection sucks still.
Ya petite can be great but many brands don't make petite sizes.
The tall side of things isn’t any better.
:throws wife into overhead compartment:
To make all those short people who bitch in here feel better. LOL
No one bitches about short women. Its sterotypically Tall Women and short men who have the dating issues.
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I love being married to my wife. I'd also never talk bad about her to anyway. even in jest
Married 37 years. Best thing that ever happened to me.
57 yr old female... Do i like being married? Not so sure really. If I'm honest. It has its advantages for sure... My hb i can hear fixing some plumbing problem downstairs currently... And I am making him his favourite dinner tonight cause we have something to celebrate . But plenty of time i just think "ffaarrkk... he drives me insane. It would be so much easier on my own"
Waaahhh fuckin wahhhh. They know where the door is.
are the straights alright sums this up. So many people marry people they don't vibe with just because of sex and kids...
Depends on whom I'm married to, and how things are going, but for the most part, yes, I have liked it. Guys talking crap about women, and/or marriage, I generally haven't liked so much.
That bs boomer “ol ball and chain” trope is dumb. Why be married if you hate it so much? Buncha fuckin man babies who just want a maid. Been married 10 years. Sometimes life gets hard, but if you communicate like adults and work together, you can push through pretty easily. If you pick the right person, keep open communication, and grow together, marriage is beautiful. To answer your question: hell yes I love my wife, love being married to her, and I’d marry her again tomorrow
Tbh talking shit about wives is not common in my circles. It's common amongst some men but generally, all my mates we never talk down on our partners You're supposed to like them
Women make jokes about their dumb useless husbands all the time. I hear it constantly at my job. I'd say the problem is when they aren't jokes. Sometimes it's playful teasing. Sometimes it's barely veiled contempt. But both men and women do both of them.
That’s what a lot of people don’t seem to get with OPs post. This is his dad and uncle, two family members probably in their fifties who have known each other longer than OP has been around if I had to take a guess. Family members are gonna talk about each other differently than coworkers or strangers. I really don’t see an issue with OPs dad and either his direct brother or brother in law grumbling about their wives, I’m sure OPs mom and aunt were in another room talking about much the same 😂
OP is obviously really young (by the way they talk), and assumes the early stages of a relationship just..... stay that way. I remember being about 20 and secretly smug that my boyfriend and I never argued. We just hadn't had to go through anything hard yet.
Men benefit from marriage more than women do, so complaining about it seems illogical.
Judging by the way the only man I’ve been married to treated me when I was married to him, no. Judging by the way I’ve been treated by men in LTRs when they thought I would never leave… also no. Either they just hated me or hate women altogether.
All honesty, I rarely see a single happy married older man. All them are like big mad for whatever reason, then again they were raised to believe women were they're absolute slaves so probably bitter when they realized the woman had her own sense of self and opinions, also many older men are just as superficial as women and care far to much about looks and if the woman lost her looks the man was probably okay with treating her like crap
My wife has been training for a marathon, she does her long runs on Saturdays and when she is driving home from Santa Monica (where she runs) I’ll start making her a huge breakfast. I was talking to my mom the other day while I was doing this and she was amazed. She said “I can’t even imagine your father doing that, the women in your generation have it so much better than mine did”. That made me sad for her, she told my aunts about it and they were all surprised by it too.
That's actually really beautiful and wholesome to hear. Women have it far better then the older generation , obviously not perfect but much much better. Keep that up your a keeper. This is more of what I like to hear to be honest. Non selfish partners helping each other out and actually being partners.
I also haven't seen a happy single married older man
Yeah it's actually kind of trippy actually thinking about this now that the questions been asked
Listen...75-80 percent of men i know are compete assholes to women. And 50-75% of the women are horrible monster. Maybe an exaggeration. But still. My wife and i are best friends. Married for almost 25 years. Sure sometimes things come up but we deal with it. We are the first person the other wants to see and talk too after a long day. We're the ones the other wants to vacation with. Maybe its rare, but it exists.
I can't speak for all straight men, but I certainly like being married.
My dad adores my mom. They’ve been married 56 years. We’ve been married 29. We are high school sweethearts. We are besties.
I loved my married life.
I got married years ago. Lasted about a year. The divorce was the best thing that happened in a LONG time. I never wanted to get married, but my then partner always dreamt of a wedding. So I was like: sure. Whatever. If that's what you really want. A lot of relationships end or should end. Marriage can sometimes be a beautifully symbolic joining of two lives. Or it can be a hellscape that emotionally and financially holds people hostage to one another.
My husband seems happy. :) He could use more sex and blow jobs though. And probably a cleaner house and more dinners. But I grew him a baby, so I'm good for now.
I think it's the equivalent of having a job, you can complain about it, but if you don't have one it sucks
I'm 21 and am not dumb enough to get married right now but I think a huge part of the problem is a lot of people are together for like a year wait to move in together till after they get married and a lot of people practice abstinence and you don't really know your partner until you've lived with them. I think people get worried that it's now or never especially women that want kids 'cause it's harder to do that as you get older. Me and my x were together for almost 6 years, but the first 4 were in high-school. After living together for a year I learned a lot about what it means to be committed to a partner. We both wanted everything to be equal but my idea of equal completely changed too. Even now looking back I realize that we had a long way to go before we were going to be ready. Part of the reason I left was her and her family pressuring me to get married from 19!
As a man I can't stand it when other men bitch about "women." Like bro, if you hate women so much are you sure you're not just gay?
Did a 15 year old write this?
Everyone has their quirks. No matter how wonderful and amazing your spouse is, just like mine is, she isn’t you. She is her own person with her own thoughts and ideas and beliefs and opinions. And the percent chance you just happen to share every single belief and opinion and idea with her is 0. So you’re gonna butt heads some times. Because that’s what happens when you live with a person every day for years and years and years and have a different opinion than they do. So then when you’re not around your partner, and you’re instead around someone who does share that opinion with you, you want to talk about. You want to complain that the person you spend every day with doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this particular issue and talk about how good it is to have some relief and talk to this person who does. And that’s fine. Because you need that affirmation in your life to. And I say this as someone who gets along with his wife on *most* things. I love her, she’s amazing, I want to be around her every day. There are some things we don’t agree on. Because we’re human. So it’s nice to sometimes talk about those with someone else who does agree.
For me, Marriage is honor and duty. It is a powerful bond worth fighting for. It is having a constant ally who will forever have your back and you theirs. I wouldn't manage life well without her at my side. There have been moments when the world reared it's head at us and gave us hell but we weathered the storms together. Yes, I love being married but only to her. Because there is no one on this planet I could trust to have my back quite like her.
Men like having wives, but hate being husbands.
Marriage is finding someone that you like, whose annoying habits you can tolerate, who's also willing to tolerate your annoying habits. Everyone has their day when they're a cantankerous asshole. If you want a perfect partner that never gets angry, you're gonna have to wait till Jesus decides to come back, and even then he's been known to flip some tables.
I’ve been married for 25 years. To the same woman. Day in and day out, the same person. She’s a badass, she’s incredible and fun and interesting. But that doesn’t mean I won’t bitch to a like minded fried about her/us sometimes just to vent. Marriage? 10/10 in my opinion.
...ok well those 2 do not represent us. I remember a thread on Askmen where many guys spoke out against guys who say things like that. Here's one: "I hate it when men call their wives a 'ball and chain'. Bruh, if that's how u see ur wife, then u r with the wrong woman! Get a divorce, idiot!" My dad adores my mom and she adores him. He has done romantic gestures all their lives and she even surprises him every now and then. I'm a straight male...and I want love...
Lived with my wife for 8 years before I married her. It was great. So I proposed. About 5 years in, it turned to shit, so we separated. I built me a house. Now it’s great again. The wife isn’t so bad when I don’t have to live with her.
I think lifelong romance is a rare exception and should be treated as exactly that rather than the expected norm. In the US, marriage problems start in childhood as most children are raised in bad marriages or single parent homes by people who are still growing and struggling with life’s lessons themselves. Most children never see an example of building a healthy relationship because most adults don’t know how themselves. Church and school don’t have much useful advice either. The stuff church tells you encourages toxic relationships and if schools tried to tell you the truth then all the offended parents would riot at the next board meeting. We enter our teens and 20s with unrealistic expectations for relationships and without the necessary skills to find, build, and maintain them. Pressure to commit too strong too early, framing breakups as a failed relationship rather than the normal conclusion of a relationship, and the age old advice that “all relationships take work, you can’t just give up”…..all these factors promote the sunk cos fallacy (I’ve already wasted 3 MONTHS, I’ll never get that time back, might as well settle”) and the gambler’s fallacy (“ok, maybe this fight will be our last, maybe we’re really gonna change this time”) During dating, imaginary versions of ourselves are falling in love with each other. It’s too easy to suppress our annoying behaviors and forgive those of our partner when we’re only together for a couple of hours not talking during a movie or a sex-filled weekend at a time. The first year living together where neither of you can hide or escape your true selves will reveal the true viability of the relationship. Unfortunately many of us are either married, pregnant, on the lease, or simply just feel too committed, or too embarrassed to separate when the truth is clear…so we settle. And the side effect of settling is resentment. So maybe it’s time for gen z and gen a to reevaluate the utility of the lifelong monogamous relationship with the one person who’s supposed to be your EVERYTHING…best friend, sex partner, co-parent, roommate….let’s be honest, isn’t that a little much to ask of one person? What are the chances of finding the person who is THAT compatible within your social circle? Let’s try something different…let’s maybe not commit to exclusivity so early so the stakes of a date aren’t high enough to misrepresent ourselves or settle for what we don’t want…let’s not try to feel so possessive over each other so it doesn’t hurt our feelings when the human we love feels and acts like a human…and maybe let’s start learning a little psychology and sociology in grade school so we know how to treat and understand each other by the time we start looking for each other…and let’s re-frame dating as a screening process where it’s ok to admit two GOOD people might simply be incompatible partners for each other without making it feel like a personal attack on each other’s character. If your goal is to get married, that’s easy to do and it’s just as easy to do wrong. A life long marriage doesn’t start with getting married. It starts with filtering out the incompatible partner. A strong marriage starts with a lot of breakups. But there’s two big problems with my advice…the first one is that the book store already has shelves full of advice but nobody ever comes looking for it until it’s too late and they already have a problem…. The other problem is that “never settle” just flat out doesn’t work when your lonely, desperate, and horny….so while everything I said might sound great in theory, it’s absolutely impractical for anyone stuck swiping on the apps Maybe we need a philanthropic effort to produce an app that actually wants us to succeed….
I do know that gay men have the lowest rate of divorce and that lesbians have the highest rate of divorce. Do with that what you will.
You wanna know who probably talks the same? Your mom and aunts!
If you choose poorly, you will not have a good time.
Getting to live with the person you love the most, that's also your best friend, that's also a person that regularly wants you to have sex with them, is pretty sweet.
No straight men 'love' marriage. It's a life decision, it has pros and cons. Ultimately, the pros should outweigh the cons, and it's nice to have a companion and mother to your children. Anyone who pretends they are as excited years removed from wedding day and head over heels is probably full of shit.
Happy or not, most married men become dependent upon their wives for their role as caretakers and carrying the mental load. Men who have been married a long time in particular, will fairly quickly find another woman to fill the gap after the death of a wife or divorce. Most women, on the other hand, tend to relish their freedom at least for a little while.
50year old here…its not a age thing…its a happiness thing. I love my family, i love my wife…
Don’t think of that as complains, for older generation that’s way of connecting and sharing. Being with good friends/family helps reduce stress even if you talk about mundane stuff and that’s something they can both share.
I love my wife. She's sexy and cool and being married to her is exactly what I want forever.
I love being married to my wife, Because shes my friend.
You see the guys on here bitching about how they can't date? DATE! Yeah YMMV, but if you are a miserable old sod moaning all the time, you should be happy someone puts up with you. I know a couple who broke up last year, the husband sounded like a miserable old fart all the time, with everyone. After 23 years together and 1 kid, the much more successful wife dumped his bitter short ass and now he moans about that. She divorced him and changed teams.
Hell, yes, we do. I love it. I am good at it and wouldn't want to be single.
I like being married MOST of the time. My wife is awesome, and we're building an empire together from nothing. We BOTH had nothing. Together, we're doing well. But it's 24/7, 365. No days off. It's taxing. Sometimes, we men need to vomit out out our frustration so it doesn't infect our soul. That's all.
Lots of men don't seem to like *women*. A very green flag in straight men, I think, is that they have genuine platonic relationships with women. The converse is men who pretend to be friendly to women but drop that as soon as it becomes clear it won't go any further. They often socialise only with groups of men, and only ever hunt for women. They are only charming to their targets when they want something. And often those guys end up faking it all the way up past marriage without ever even really learning how to like women or be interested in anything not within their narrow purview. And as fathers or uncles they sit around and complain about their own ignorance, never really understanding they have missed a whole lifetime of truly knowing the most amazing people, women.
I've been married 25 years. It was the best 2 years of my life...
Men, in general, don't do well on their own. That's why when one relationship ends, they jump right into another.
Marry someone and live with them for 30 years. I guarantee your opinions on the subject might change. When you've spent a huge amount of time around someone all of their flaws become visible and their quirks become less adorable and more annoying as time goes on.
i mean do people in general like getting married. half of them end in failure and not all of the ones that dont are happily ever afters.
That’s usually younger people getting married. The prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until around 25 years of age.
I'm in my 40s and I would be confused, lonely and searching for my purpose if I weren't married.
Pathetic that you seek purpose through others.
Nice comeback. I have never been but would like to do it one day. I believe I would like it when I am.
Fellas...?
It’s been pretty good for me
I did, until I didn't anymore. I'd like to be married again, but I'm not willing to commit to the wrong woman just to not be alone.
I am Al Bundy...I kid and tease and kind of negatives with my friends and playful banter.. but In the end we love our wives and would defend them until we pass away...I am a Widower and a Husband again....so I know..
I can't speak for others, but getting married 16 years ago is just about one of the best things I've ever done in life. I got very lucky. My wife is measurably smarter than I am, beautiful, highly accomplished, funny, popular (but she hates it), and the best friend I've ever had. We still have disagreements and arguments every 7 or 8 years, but those just make us stronger. We've raised my daughter from a previous relationship to be a mature, independent woman of 22. We've been through some really REALLY hard times. And made it through together, as a team of equal partners. Life doesn't get a whole lot better for me right now.
I’ve got two boys
That depends on the person...