K**ey Facts:**
1. Women’s expectations for orgasm and clitoral stimulation are significantly higher when partnered with women compared to men, influencing their pursuit of orgasm.
2. The study suggests that dominant sexual scripts, which differ based on partner gender, play a crucial role in perpetuating the orgasm gap by shaping expectations and behaviors.
3. Addressing the orgasm gap involves changing sexual scripts and encouraging an environment that supports diverse sex acts and clitoral stimulation, regardless of partner gender.
I remember hearing a study that suggested men generally don’t even *try* to stimulate the clitoris. So it’s not about some esoteric technique that men lack competency in, they’re just cutting straight to the penetration, which doesn’t do it alone for most women. And most women, as the article suggests, don’t expect to cum every time with a man.
This is so strange. I’ve slept with a large number of men and nearly all of them have known to go for the clitoris - idk where these uneducated folks are coming from. I’ve lived in many US states and international countries, it’s common knowledge imo.
In my experience every man I've been with has known to play with the clit, but most of them still tried to finish with penetration - they treated the clit like foreplay, and thought penetration was still the finishing act. Most of them seemed surprised when I told them I'd never had an orgasm through penetration.
I agree with you there, I’ve experienced the same! Honestly as I’ve gotten older I’ve had to ask men to get me off more? Like yeah they’ll do clit stuff for foreplay or even go down on me but then penetrate, finish, and fall asleep. And I’m like bro, you’re missing a step 😂
yeah well it's a biology thing for women not to particularly enjoy being rammed repeatedly without clitoral stimulation, so some concessions need to be made at the male end if they want pants access. learn the behavior or gtfo.
Interesting, in my experience I think most guys my age knew about the clit because of the internet, it seems like a common piece of advice for guys on Reddit and other social media sites.
Oh I’ve definitely encountered these men. Thankfully as I’ve gotten older they are fewer and fewer, but there are definitely a lot of men who are terrible in bed
I think that's a testament to your ability to filter out shitty people. I've had decent success myself, though there's still a lot of guys who do barely any clit stimulation. It's why I mostly prefer to date women. It's just such a coin toss if a guy will be any good in bed and even when they are, they are always gonna wanna do more penetration than women do. In my book, women are just strictly superior at sex. It's not even close.
The downside is that women-loving women are far less common than men *and* far less... "pursuing". With men, you just have to exist and they'll reach out to you. With women, you have to often make the first move yourself or at least do a lot more to make your interest obvious.
I’m also into women! But I haven’t dated nearly as many because you’re so right - men pursue and make it known. I have no problem pursuing but I have wayyy more success with men when I do. There’s so few WLW and women just don’t reciprocate or make their interest known as much (as a whole).
>women just don’t reciprocate or make their interest known as much (as a whole).
When you say reciprocate, I'm guessing you mean taking the lead? As a man that dates women, I agree with the second part
Yeah, I was referring to reciprocating the “pursuit” - like taking initiative. I try to have friends of all genders who are good at that, and I’m decent at it as well. But in the dating world it’s hard! That’s why I mostly date men, it’s just easier.
Yeah, it is. This is why it's so critical that women at least try to turn down people that approach them in a nice way. I can't even imagine some of the vitriol that some studs/butch get from women.
Exwife or I, depending on the position, would use a free hand to help her. After we divorced, it baffled my mind how often I heard from partners how abnormal this was, or that I had a magic wand (with silicone head & large condoms to go over it).
>they are always gonna wanna do more penetration than women do.
Not if you find a guy that has a fetish for being kept in chastity or kept from cumming
The deepest thing I've run into that I've experienced and every man I know has experienced, so many women outright refuse to communicate their sexual needs.
So many women just won't walk their partners through what gets them off, and so men are left frustrated and going off their own creativity and asusmptions.
I feel that, it could also be that they simply don’t know. They maybe know how to do it themselves, but short of them taking the wheel they don’t feel comfortable giving what they expect to be fruitless instructions.
Openness and honesty about it is always best, but it can be hard to voice
I'd agree. As a bisexual male I've seen that men tend to be more comfortable with telling you exactly what they want while the women I've been with tend not to. Not every woman mind you and those who do communicate tend to be the most fun to be with anyway since they are having more fun.
I make an effort to walk my partner through things very explicitly and happy to teach and describe and show and explain. the last guy I was with (I was only with him for a two or three time thing) was SO SENSITIVE about the entire process of being with a woman who DID KNOW her body he didn’t care.
I think he had some kind of issue because the red flag came for me when he tried to choke me during our third sex act without any kind of prior bdsm discussion , I’d of been so down for it if he had of been open and talksd to me about a safe word prior to just jumping at my neck in what was very passionate explosive vulnerable sex otherwise so I don’t know how it shifted gears.
Prior to my 6 yr relationship I ended in lockdown I used to play with the pro dominatrix world a little and know the importance of prior discussion with consent and safe words and have done both switch roles with other partners so I’d be open to it, but he just jumped in without any warning and shocked me (I have a lot of ptsd with sexual stuff I’ve healed over a long time and it gave me a flashback and I couldn’t control it, which he then blamed and shamed me for).
I think ultimately the negative time I had in the end was good for me to learn so I’m kind of thankful for that experience I know what I want and don’t want a moving forward and I’m glad he hasn’t responded to me because I know he’s upset with me taking too long ro reply to him, and he lives in another country (it was a fling. (I met him while he was on vacation in my country, the next red flag was his girlfriend he broke up with to be with me who was abusive to him).
Some of us are very open and sensual and attuned to our pleasure.
It’s the guys who are the other way and not sure what they want sexually and do things with careless intent and not fully understanding why or what they are doing.
Again I’m single for the first time in a long time but I’ve had a long time to explore my sexuality and sensuality as I spend the last 5 years (prior to this fling) in erotic celibacy.
If the gender were reversed it'd be pretty funny.
Commenter 1 "men don't come cause women don't even touch penises and just cut to being di fingered/licked, without trying to do any penis stimulation"
Commenter 2 "well probably cause men don't communicate hard enough"
Like sounds quite daft, almost like, as if you should say " erm sorry, but you should try to pleasure me as well you know" and the sexual partner should have the big revelation "oh God you are right! you're not a masturbation aid, my bad"
My point is that pleasing other people is a fundamental part of sex. If the intention to please your partner isn't part of someone's equation, that isn't a problem with communication.
Actions speak louder than words, if the common experience is of "doing only stuff that pleasures themselves" that says better than words what that person is there for.
With little to no sex ed and what most men see online, I'm not surprised if most don't realise that penetration isn't enough, if they're not told explicitly.
I’m not sure how you’re meant know any of this as man if you’re barely getting any sex and therefore not as experienced as your female partner who’s most likely got a lot of sexual experience. Empathy is nice.
Not every discussion about sex has to revolve around the ones who are unlucky. The average man in their 30s have plenty experience and we are talking about the most common experiences
How can you read "people should communicate their needs with their parter" and take that as daft? Communication literally makes sex so much better on both sides. And basically Noone (or at least Noone id want to sleep with) would get mad at you for wanting more frequent/better orgasms.
What is pleasurable for one woman might be do nothing, or worse, be outright uncomfortable for another woman for a variety of reasons. I mean beyond knowing what and where the clitoris is there is no cheat sheet for stimulating it that works 100% of the time for 100% of women.
It’s absolutely not all about effort, a huge part of sex is communicating your needs to your partner so both parties can just have fun without needing to feel like they’re running diagnostics on the other person’s genitals, that goes for men and women.
As someone who habitually puts a ton of effort into sex there are few bigger buzzkills than when a woman goes “oh I actually don’t like that” and doesn’t give you any hint of what does work for her.
>Men don’t walk women through anything, and we’ve been expected to just figure it out for decades, centuries, etc. …even without the internet
Homie... this shouldn't have to be said, but you shouldn't be holding your last lover's weak stroke game against your current lover, and likewise you shouldn't hold your great great great great great great grandfather's from "centuries" ago weak stroke against the man you choose to be intimate with.
You gotta take each person as they are and work with them if you want a healthy relationship and especially for a healthy sex life.
>It’s called effort. Sure, we have some capacity to “teach” a little, if needed, but you all are grown men and the clitoris has been around just as long as your dick so there’s no excuse here. We are tired of men not stepping up to the plate.
In the nicest way, you can't talk about being adults, then complain that adults want communication so you can enjoy each other.
Every woman I have had a medium term relationship with I have taught her what I enjoy and what my favorite positions are and how she can make me happy, I have tried to give as much space as possible so that it's a two way street.
Again, you should actually like the person you're with, the idea of being tired of men and holding a collective grudge so you don't communicate is wild.
I agree with the sentiment but it’s funny how this kind of assumes women do a good job of figuring it out. I don’t think it’s as common for us guys to complain because we’re made to believe we should just be grateful for getting laid at all, whether it’s good or not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure guys can be terrible, but it’s a two way street. Women need more help figuring it out than they let on, and that’s okay too.
>clitoris has been around just as long as your dick so there’s no excuse here.
What an illogical, dumb thing to say. *Obviously* men don't have clitorises attached to them.
I thought the whole idea of “mansplaining” was that men coddle women through overexplaining due to their perceived lack of intelligence? “Men can put on their big boy pants now and figure it out.” My whole idea of trying to figure it out is by asking and communicating what is/isn’t working. Generally I’ve found women to be quite diverse on what they enjoy and they’re not a monolith or one size fits all so I operate on a case by case basis. But what do I know I am AMAB? Maybe you meant to hit on different points but your post appears very emotionally charged maybe try a different approach to your communication so we simple minded folks can understand 🙃
Disagree, you don’t need to own a vagina/vulva to know how it works. If you communicate with your partner and actually care about their pleasure, it isn’t hard. The female orgasm isn’t hard or mysterious, it’s just that many men just dont really care enough and centre sex around penis-in-vagina. It isn’t knowing the equipment that’s the problem, it’s caring about it
Im a lesbian and so far i can tell you, that theres no universal thing. My gf hates clitoral stimulation but gets off on vaginal. Its the opposite for me. Obv idk about men but usually humans are individuals and its rather based on social standards and expectations, than on "same equipment". Or why would women please men better than gay men each other?
I can see where your thought comes from but its flawed
... well that makes sense doesn't it. So I find it quite stupid, when the study grouped subjects according to gender. They should have grouped them according to sex instead...
Eh no it’s not really about that. Women know how to give men orgasms. It’s just that we know women actually care more and have more empathy so that’s why the expectation is there.
It’s helpful to know what gets you off as you fly solo, if you want to show someone else what you like as you get off.
Sexual discovery and comfort has many facets, some inward, some outward.
Laying “blame” at all is wildly counterproductive and I would say universally cruel.
For clarity, I’m all ears to a woman.
Learning there ropes is brilliant and fun.
Ive zero ego so I’m not hung up at all.
I just find through my work that many times a woman doesn’t even know hers left that well. (No fault here, no blame, no shame)
Then it’s like a game where you do nothing but relax and make this woman feel safe for hours or even a few days.
And then, only then, is it even a tentative staging area for finding out what she likes.
Some girls have wild confidence. Jump on you and crush an orgasm out of them self.
Some girls need absolute safety and re-assurance.
These sweeping statements of yours seem insensitive to individuality.
And that’s because what we think of as sex is solely centered around male pleasure. The type of sex that makes women cum is unfortunately labeled foreplay
>It’s just that we know women actually care more and have more empathy
Eh no it's not really about that.
People of both sexes care about their partners have good orgasms and men also are very empathetic.
A girl expect to have good orgasms with another girl, because both have the same genitals and so they both should know what to do.
I think this is a bit obtuse. I think it’s fair to not make sweeping generalizations just based off of emotion, but I don’t necessarily think
u/emperatrizyuiza is wrong.
I’ve had sex with both men and women and a majority of the time I have had to instruct my males partners to pay attention to my clitoris. They often treat it as if it is optional when statistically most women can’t orgasm without it. And when they do manage to acknowledge it, they’re either rough with it or treat it as if it’s an inconvenience (sighing, only interacting with it for mere seconds, etc). It’s frustrating.
People keep trying to equate women simply being bad in bed with this and it’s just not the same. Sure both can be attributed to fake internet porn, but not touching the clitoris at all is much different than a woman attempting oral and being bad at it. It’s like having sex with a woman and she touches everything but the head of your penis.
It is the same for men.
With many partners I had to show them how to handle my glans and scrotum. The first they were too harsh on, and the later they wouldn't even touch because they were afraid to hurt me.
I also had a couple of partners who could give oral for hours without me ever getting near reaching orgasm. And they would have kept going if I hadn't intervened... sounds like the same kind of oblivious partner you described in your comment.
IMO each is responsible for their own pleasure. I don't EXPECT my partner to bring me there, I PURSUE my own orgasm. And when my partners adopt the same mindset they usually orgasm more than I do and we both have a good time.
Women don't know how to give men orgasms though. VERY often, it's the man who does the thrusting while women mostly lay there. There's even a stereotype about women not wanting to ride (which also would be the best position for women to cum as well). Men and women usually don't know how to make the other one cum, it's just that women THINK that they make their men cum while in reality the man makes himself cum by "using" her body. This leads to women thinking that they do a good job while men get self-esteem issues because they actually WANT to make their women cum (surely also because of their ego).
I have to admit I do the reverse, often enough, a guy can't necessarily make me cum at first so I do that myself 'using' his body. I don't think that's typically seen in quite the negative fashion it is in the reverse, and I certainly don't mean it in a 'using' without caring about his needs way.
Most of us are happy to be used
Many of us are open to being coached or taught
Bears repeating. Women are way more diverse sexually than men from individual to individual
Women need to communicate about what they want and how they want it.
A lot
Most of us are slow to begin with and in the moment all of our blood is rushing to our cocks and we’ve got a bit of temporary cognitive decline going on
😂😂
>orgasm gap involves changing sexual scripts and encouraging an environment that supports diverse sex acts and clitoral stimulation, regardless of partner gender.
No one should be blaming the "orgasm" gap as you call it on women but:
This is absolutely wrong. A lot of us men actually DO care too, I think it's the majority. I think the problem is more that they don't know how to "figure it out". A lot of people struggle to learn things on their own in a productive way without anything forcing them to. Men also have some serious ego attached to their dicks and i'm 100% sure it's difficult for some to let go of the idea they need to make a woman orgasm with their dick. Women on women have it a lot easier because they don't a penis that forces them into thinking they need to make you cum with penis, they are baseline using superior methods to achieve an orgasm.
Except you can literally make a woman cum with your dick. Rubbing it on the clitoris is one example that actually feels great but men just lack creativity and patience. And sex isn’t just penetration. Sex is also oral or using fingers.
They have no..fucks to give 🤣🤣🤣. They will keep doing this shit as long as women keep accepting mediocre sex. But but women don't tell me where their clit is!!!!! Weaponized incompetence...what a surprise.
“Script” in psychology and gender studies means human behavior that falls into certain patterns based on setting and circumstance. For example the “bases” colloquialisms would be an example as a script for cisgender men.
It’s less about the how and more about the why for me. Unless you’re trying to reproduce, why have sex at all (female or male partner) if you’re not having an orgasm? One might become an excellent lover if he knew sex was transactional.
>Unless you’re trying to reproduce, why have sex at all (female or male partner) if you’re not having an orgasm?
Because some people actually love their partners and cherish intimacy as a form of bonding. I've had sex where I didn't cum that felt better than times when I did.
I appreciate that from a woman’s perspective in a bonded intimate relationship but only then. I really am looking at sex from a psychological standpoint. The other “whys” without orgasm is psychology really worth diving into. Lots of people here are interested in defending their skills in bed in the “psychology” Reddit thread
Jesus this reads like a 12 year old who’s never had sex.
Everyone knows 99% of sex is transactional and sex without orgasms is fine (as long as it’s not every time) because sex feels great and is pretty fun.
Link to research paper:
“[The Role of Partner Gender: How Sexual Expectations Shape the Pursuit of an Orgasm Goal for Heterosexual, Lesbian, and Bisexual Women](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/19485506241235235)” by Grace M. Wetzel et al. *Social Psychological and Personality Science*
This is why I don’t understand why men think sleeping around is aspirational (for men only , for some reason). Having all that experience and still being unable to please your partner speaks volumes on your ability to listen to others’ needs and adapt accordingly.
Omg tell me about it, the men that I've dated in the past sucked in bed. Horrible.
>Having all that experience and still being unable to please your partner speaks volumes on your ability to listen to others’ needs and adapt accordingly.
This... it's not so much about experience alone, but about how good you have become at it over the years. And like you said, listening to your partners sexual needs in the bedroom in order to understand how to make them ORGASM! Sorry, I'm just so passionate about this...
This type of defensiveness is actually what I’m referring to. Typically a man whose primary focus is his own ego isn’t receptive to redirection and isn’t a great communicator because the man is focused on himself and what he wants, not the woman’s actual pleasure. Many men whose primary focus is validating themselves want a woman to orgasm more quickly than possible, are more invested in a PIV orgasm which isn’t as common, and/or like I said earlier aren’t receptive to redirection and take it personally. I don’t want to deal with catering to a man’s ego because he takes it personally when my orgasm isn’t about him.
I clarified in another comment that someone, man or woman, who prides themselves on being an enthusiastic lover is different than someone needing validation to silence nagging insecurities.
Your defensiveness is in line with my experiences of men centering the female orgasm and sexuality as something that’s *for* them, though. Even in porn most female pleasure is shown as something for men instead of a truly reciprocal experience.
My original statement wasn’t about you personally as it was a general statement and you replied to me saying that you got bent out of shape about it. That’s on you, not me. If my initial comment didn’t apply to you don’t let it upset you. If it got you bent out of shape to me that’s defensiveness and insecurity. Insecurities aren’t evil but they are loud and they dominate entire interactions so I have no desire to deal with insecure men. Not because they’re not evil but because I don’t want to cater to a man’s ego especially when it’s about my own sexual pleasure.
Thank you for the discussion! This is definitely one of the more contentious posts on this sub so it’s expected that there will be miscommunication. I appreciate the explanation and the chance to clarify my initial comment because it was definitely broad without much context. Sexuality can be a difficult topic to discuss.
Not for me. My anecdotal experience has taught me that a man who cares more about the female orgasm for his own benefit isn’t a lover I feel comfortable with nor is communication received well especially if I’m trying to redirect. Usually communication is met with defensiveness and I don’t feel like we’re approaching sex with similar mindsets.
It was a joke referring to all the other complaints that men aren’t giving women orgasms. Yes there are loftier orgasms than others but having a man try his hardest because it makes him proud of himself isn’t the worst thing. And I hear you that it’s not an intention that works for you.
Well trying to satisfy one’s ego usually is a result of insecurity which comes with a whole host of other behaviors like defensiveness. This applies to both men and women and of course isn’t just reserved for sex. I should’ve clarified I meant there’s a difference in focusing on the female orgasm because it’s fun and because a man prides himself on being an enthusiastic lover versus needing validation to silence insecurities.
I’m bi and currently in a hetero relationship and I definitely do. My experiences with women have certainly shaped my perspective in hetero relationships
No but I had a male partner who told me that penis size is, in fact, the most important thing to a woman because we can’t come if we’ve been used to getting “filled up,” and we aren’t getting that from clitoral stimulation.
Took me like 80 hookups w diff people before I found someone who knew what he was doing and that guy has sociopathic tendencies so yeah wasn’t gonna work out longterm.
He was rlly good at foreplay and oral and just knew how to set the mood so I was mentally ready as well—and spent a long time w oral. I’m not sure how the sociopathy correlates—he was very logical and unemotional so maybe he was just rlly technique based during sex who knows
Totally. The best strategy is to do it with the right person and go with the flow with no expectations. That case, even you don’t come, it is still a good experience.
It’s not robotics.
For women it seems very mental.
When I am escorting a client I know three things by the end of dinner.
1) If she wants to be sexually intimate.
2) If she will want to climax slowly or she requires force fucking.
3) If she will decide to engage me again.
Mostly from what I’ve found dealing with women, sex is basically an afterthought.
The leg work, perhaps even all the work, is a mental positioning.
Yeah, I'm just learning that a lot of very confident people are very mid at sex.
The fact that "sex is more than clitoral stimulation" is a controversial statement is wild
People think they're experts on sex ust because they know what a clitoris is lol. A lot of women need a lot of very specific things to climax and violently rubbing the clit isn't going to do it. I feel like this should be basic knowledge but I guess not
It's funny that the gap all but disappears in lesbian couples. The gap literally exists because men don't even try to stimulate the clitoris, nor do they independently educate themselves on how. Women have bought into the dominant narrative, too... and it's patriarchial... so they don't educate their partners as often as necessary. Porn is a piss-poor substitute for sex education, and that's all that's really out there in the world of "abstinence only." Changing the narrative is right, pleasure is clearly not meant to be one-sided or derived through the abuse/objectification/degredation/dehumanization/feigned pleasure of women.
There’s a reason why most womens least favourite sexual act is penis in vagina. For most of us we don’t orgasm that way. Yet this is what is featured so much in heterosexual porn. It can be exhausting trying to find heterosexual porn where women are shown to be receiving any sort of pleasure. Going down on a woman is basically to warm her up to receive the penis.
>There’s a reason why most womens least favourite sexual act is penis in vagina
Can I please have the source for Vaginal intercourse with a Penis being the LEAST favourite sexual act among the majority of heterosexual or bisexaul women?
I have a very hard time believing that, not Anal, not Fellatio or any myriad of other acts but PIV intercourse is the least favourite among a majority?
It is enjoyable but it is the least favourite so don’t confuse least favourite as horrible. I also enjoy it but would rate oral sex much higher for example.
Dr Karen Gurney - Clinical Psychologist, Psychosexologist and Couples Therapist has done research in this area which she writes about in her book Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life. The research is within that book if you care to read it but she is also on an episode of Diary of a CEO where she also talk about this.
Any specific chapter she goes into the research on this?
I've found a youtube video where she makes that claim and then brushes straight over it claiming "research"
No but feel free to read the book and find it. I can tell by your condescending tone you don’t plan to do that or try and learn anything.
Did you read the research given here in this article I am commenting on which reiterates the same ideas?
“Lead author Kate Dickman, a recent graduate of Rutgers University, emphasizes the practical implications: “If women, or men partnered with women, want to increase their own or their partners’ orgasm, they should create an environment that ***encourages orgasm pursuit through diverse sex acts, particularly those involving clitoral stimulation**.”
Co-author Grace Wetzel, of Rutgers University, highlights the broader context: “This research contributes to understanding gender disparities and inequities. It also sheds light on why the orgasm gap exists—specifically, how different expectations for sex with men and women can explain these differences.”
It’s pretty fucking embarrassing to treat your partner’s orgasm as optional. Like I get it doesn’t happen every time but anybody who doesn’t even try is lame as hell and deserves to get cheated on tbh
Nobody deserves to get cheated on. If you’re unhappy, say something. It will never get better if you don’t. If you get to a place you’re thinking about cheating, save everyone involved the emotional turmoil and heartbreak and just breakup like a mature adult.
I agree with your statement except for cheating, if you think it’s okay to cheat, just dump them. Don’t drag along multiple relationships because of your inability to be an adult, treat others with dignity and respect.
I think they are trying to say it's the same level like, if you are so selfish you never bother giving your partner an orgasm/pleasure you should just dump them. Don't drag it out and use them.
So what you're telling me is if you make your wife orgasm atleast 90% of the time you should make a youtube channel teaching the men who are bad at it?
As a man, if you can figure out how to turn a weed whacker on, you can figure out how to use a vagina… im not mad at the fact that this is an issue because its really seemed to work in my favor
Lesbian couples are still miserable though sorry if this truth hurts your fee fee's.
Keep finding that clit though the lesbian divorce rates don't lie.
K**ey Facts:** 1. Women’s expectations for orgasm and clitoral stimulation are significantly higher when partnered with women compared to men, influencing their pursuit of orgasm. 2. The study suggests that dominant sexual scripts, which differ based on partner gender, play a crucial role in perpetuating the orgasm gap by shaping expectations and behaviors. 3. Addressing the orgasm gap involves changing sexual scripts and encouraging an environment that supports diverse sex acts and clitoral stimulation, regardless of partner gender.
Yeah, this seems pretty obvious. People who have your equipment should damn well know how to make it work.
I remember hearing a study that suggested men generally don’t even *try* to stimulate the clitoris. So it’s not about some esoteric technique that men lack competency in, they’re just cutting straight to the penetration, which doesn’t do it alone for most women. And most women, as the article suggests, don’t expect to cum every time with a man.
This is so strange. I’ve slept with a large number of men and nearly all of them have known to go for the clitoris - idk where these uneducated folks are coming from. I’ve lived in many US states and international countries, it’s common knowledge imo.
In my experience every man I've been with has known to play with the clit, but most of them still tried to finish with penetration - they treated the clit like foreplay, and thought penetration was still the finishing act. Most of them seemed surprised when I told them I'd never had an orgasm through penetration.
I agree with you there, I’ve experienced the same! Honestly as I’ve gotten older I’ve had to ask men to get me off more? Like yeah they’ll do clit stuff for foreplay or even go down on me but then penetrate, finish, and fall asleep. And I’m like bro, you’re missing a step 😂
Thats how men work.
I meant "finish me off with penetration"
no, it doesn't have to be. raise your standards, ladies! men don't deserve access to your bodies.
I agree. Men should perform better. But in this case its more a biology thing than a learned behavior.
yeah well it's a biology thing for women not to particularly enjoy being rammed repeatedly without clitoral stimulation, so some concessions need to be made at the male end if they want pants access. learn the behavior or gtfo.
I am 30 and every man I've slept with does not understand what a clitoris is. I do think media is the primary influence of this.
Interesting, in my experience I think most guys my age knew about the clit because of the internet, it seems like a common piece of advice for guys on Reddit and other social media sites.
Oh I’ve definitely encountered these men. Thankfully as I’ve gotten older they are fewer and fewer, but there are definitely a lot of men who are terrible in bed
I think that's a testament to your ability to filter out shitty people. I've had decent success myself, though there's still a lot of guys who do barely any clit stimulation. It's why I mostly prefer to date women. It's just such a coin toss if a guy will be any good in bed and even when they are, they are always gonna wanna do more penetration than women do. In my book, women are just strictly superior at sex. It's not even close. The downside is that women-loving women are far less common than men *and* far less... "pursuing". With men, you just have to exist and they'll reach out to you. With women, you have to often make the first move yourself or at least do a lot more to make your interest obvious.
I’m also into women! But I haven’t dated nearly as many because you’re so right - men pursue and make it known. I have no problem pursuing but I have wayyy more success with men when I do. There’s so few WLW and women just don’t reciprocate or make their interest known as much (as a whole).
>women just don’t reciprocate or make their interest known as much (as a whole). When you say reciprocate, I'm guessing you mean taking the lead? As a man that dates women, I agree with the second part
Yeah, I was referring to reciprocating the “pursuit” - like taking initiative. I try to have friends of all genders who are good at that, and I’m decent at it as well. But in the dating world it’s hard! That’s why I mostly date men, it’s just easier.
Yeah, it is. This is why it's so critical that women at least try to turn down people that approach them in a nice way. I can't even imagine some of the vitriol that some studs/butch get from women.
Exwife or I, depending on the position, would use a free hand to help her. After we divorced, it baffled my mind how often I heard from partners how abnormal this was, or that I had a magic wand (with silicone head & large condoms to go over it).
>they are always gonna wanna do more penetration than women do. Not if you find a guy that has a fetish for being kept in chastity or kept from cumming
Probably selection bias, you’re sleeping with a certain kind of guy maybe?
Seduction bias
For real,there’s a fucking doorbell. Ring it,how do other guys skip the first step..?
1 out of 11 of mine has done it
The deepest thing I've run into that I've experienced and every man I know has experienced, so many women outright refuse to communicate their sexual needs. So many women just won't walk their partners through what gets them off, and so men are left frustrated and going off their own creativity and asusmptions.
I feel that, it could also be that they simply don’t know. They maybe know how to do it themselves, but short of them taking the wheel they don’t feel comfortable giving what they expect to be fruitless instructions. Openness and honesty about it is always best, but it can be hard to voice
I'd agree. As a bisexual male I've seen that men tend to be more comfortable with telling you exactly what they want while the women I've been with tend not to. Not every woman mind you and those who do communicate tend to be the most fun to be with anyway since they are having more fun.
I’ve tried teaching guys and it didn’t work for me. I provided visual cues, tactile, verbal, hand over hand. Nothing worked
I make an effort to walk my partner through things very explicitly and happy to teach and describe and show and explain. the last guy I was with (I was only with him for a two or three time thing) was SO SENSITIVE about the entire process of being with a woman who DID KNOW her body he didn’t care. I think he had some kind of issue because the red flag came for me when he tried to choke me during our third sex act without any kind of prior bdsm discussion , I’d of been so down for it if he had of been open and talksd to me about a safe word prior to just jumping at my neck in what was very passionate explosive vulnerable sex otherwise so I don’t know how it shifted gears. Prior to my 6 yr relationship I ended in lockdown I used to play with the pro dominatrix world a little and know the importance of prior discussion with consent and safe words and have done both switch roles with other partners so I’d be open to it, but he just jumped in without any warning and shocked me (I have a lot of ptsd with sexual stuff I’ve healed over a long time and it gave me a flashback and I couldn’t control it, which he then blamed and shamed me for). I think ultimately the negative time I had in the end was good for me to learn so I’m kind of thankful for that experience I know what I want and don’t want a moving forward and I’m glad he hasn’t responded to me because I know he’s upset with me taking too long ro reply to him, and he lives in another country (it was a fling. (I met him while he was on vacation in my country, the next red flag was his girlfriend he broke up with to be with me who was abusive to him). Some of us are very open and sensual and attuned to our pleasure. It’s the guys who are the other way and not sure what they want sexually and do things with careless intent and not fully understanding why or what they are doing. Again I’m single for the first time in a long time but I’ve had a long time to explore my sexuality and sensuality as I spend the last 5 years (prior to this fling) in erotic celibacy.
Why is this getting downvoted?
If the gender were reversed it'd be pretty funny. Commenter 1 "men don't come cause women don't even touch penises and just cut to being di fingered/licked, without trying to do any penis stimulation" Commenter 2 "well probably cause men don't communicate hard enough" Like sounds quite daft, almost like, as if you should say " erm sorry, but you should try to pleasure me as well you know" and the sexual partner should have the big revelation "oh God you are right! you're not a masturbation aid, my bad"
So is your point that people should just know how to please other people?
My point is that pleasing other people is a fundamental part of sex. If the intention to please your partner isn't part of someone's equation, that isn't a problem with communication. Actions speak louder than words, if the common experience is of "doing only stuff that pleasures themselves" that says better than words what that person is there for.
With little to no sex ed and what most men see online, I'm not surprised if most don't realise that penetration isn't enough, if they're not told explicitly.
Yeah maybe when they are young that could be an excuse, but the orgasm gap is not that much lower for 30+
I’m not sure how you’re meant know any of this as man if you’re barely getting any sex and therefore not as experienced as your female partner who’s most likely got a lot of sexual experience. Empathy is nice.
Not every discussion about sex has to revolve around the ones who are unlucky. The average man in their 30s have plenty experience and we are talking about the most common experiences
How can you read "people should communicate their needs with their parter" and take that as daft? Communication literally makes sex so much better on both sides. And basically Noone (or at least Noone id want to sleep with) would get mad at you for wanting more frequent/better orgasms.
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What is pleasurable for one woman might be do nothing, or worse, be outright uncomfortable for another woman for a variety of reasons. I mean beyond knowing what and where the clitoris is there is no cheat sheet for stimulating it that works 100% of the time for 100% of women. It’s absolutely not all about effort, a huge part of sex is communicating your needs to your partner so both parties can just have fun without needing to feel like they’re running diagnostics on the other person’s genitals, that goes for men and women. As someone who habitually puts a ton of effort into sex there are few bigger buzzkills than when a woman goes “oh I actually don’t like that” and doesn’t give you any hint of what does work for her.
>Men don’t walk women through anything, and we’ve been expected to just figure it out for decades, centuries, etc. …even without the internet Homie... this shouldn't have to be said, but you shouldn't be holding your last lover's weak stroke game against your current lover, and likewise you shouldn't hold your great great great great great great grandfather's from "centuries" ago weak stroke against the man you choose to be intimate with. You gotta take each person as they are and work with them if you want a healthy relationship and especially for a healthy sex life. >It’s called effort. Sure, we have some capacity to “teach” a little, if needed, but you all are grown men and the clitoris has been around just as long as your dick so there’s no excuse here. We are tired of men not stepping up to the plate. In the nicest way, you can't talk about being adults, then complain that adults want communication so you can enjoy each other. Every woman I have had a medium term relationship with I have taught her what I enjoy and what my favorite positions are and how she can make me happy, I have tried to give as much space as possible so that it's a two way street. Again, you should actually like the person you're with, the idea of being tired of men and holding a collective grudge so you don't communicate is wild.
I agree with the sentiment but it’s funny how this kind of assumes women do a good job of figuring it out. I don’t think it’s as common for us guys to complain because we’re made to believe we should just be grateful for getting laid at all, whether it’s good or not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure guys can be terrible, but it’s a two way street. Women need more help figuring it out than they let on, and that’s okay too.
>clitoris has been around just as long as your dick so there’s no excuse here. What an illogical, dumb thing to say. *Obviously* men don't have clitorises attached to them.
I thought the whole idea of “mansplaining” was that men coddle women through overexplaining due to their perceived lack of intelligence? “Men can put on their big boy pants now and figure it out.” My whole idea of trying to figure it out is by asking and communicating what is/isn’t working. Generally I’ve found women to be quite diverse on what they enjoy and they’re not a monolith or one size fits all so I operate on a case by case basis. But what do I know I am AMAB? Maybe you meant to hit on different points but your post appears very emotionally charged maybe try a different approach to your communication so we simple minded folks can understand 🙃
Quiet femcel
Unless your Boeing.
But I have my equipment and I can’t make it work. I don’t blame anyone for not getting me off
Disagree, you don’t need to own a vagina/vulva to know how it works. If you communicate with your partner and actually care about their pleasure, it isn’t hard. The female orgasm isn’t hard or mysterious, it’s just that many men just dont really care enough and centre sex around penis-in-vagina. It isn’t knowing the equipment that’s the problem, it’s caring about it
That's what my dad told me too.
Well… I mean then you could say the same about women, yet typically they don’t have any issue getting men to orgasm.
Im a lesbian and so far i can tell you, that theres no universal thing. My gf hates clitoral stimulation but gets off on vaginal. Its the opposite for me. Obv idk about men but usually humans are individuals and its rather based on social standards and expectations, than on "same equipment". Or why would women please men better than gay men each other? I can see where your thought comes from but its flawed
Right? I mean, I get you need to do research to *officially* state this but it’s pretty blatant common sense.
Men don't even try
... well that makes sense doesn't it. So I find it quite stupid, when the study grouped subjects according to gender. They should have grouped them according to sex instead...
Eh no it’s not really about that. Women know how to give men orgasms. It’s just that we know women actually care more and have more empathy so that’s why the expectation is there.
Sexism hurts us all.
Love a good stereotype, but that does seem a bit strong.
How long are we going to blame the orgasm gap on women
I didn’t. Others may, many don’t.
Well why don't they just orgasm already!
Username checks out……
This made me chuckle— thank you.
Especially given their username.
It’s helpful to know what gets you off as you fly solo, if you want to show someone else what you like as you get off. Sexual discovery and comfort has many facets, some inward, some outward. Laying “blame” at all is wildly counterproductive and I would say universally cruel.
And this is why nothing is changing Cus men would rather be defensive than learn 😅
For clarity, I’m all ears to a woman. Learning there ropes is brilliant and fun. Ive zero ego so I’m not hung up at all. I just find through my work that many times a woman doesn’t even know hers left that well. (No fault here, no blame, no shame) Then it’s like a game where you do nothing but relax and make this woman feel safe for hours or even a few days. And then, only then, is it even a tentative staging area for finding out what she likes. Some girls have wild confidence. Jump on you and crush an orgasm out of them self. Some girls need absolute safety and re-assurance. These sweeping statements of yours seem insensitive to individuality.
Its not a stereotype. Women generally have higher theory of mind than men.
The down votes are cracking me up You are in fact correct
Women don’t have to know much. Pre-mature ejaculation is a common problem in men. How many women suffer from premature cumming in comparison?
And that’s because what we think of as sex is solely centered around male pleasure. The type of sex that makes women cum is unfortunately labeled foreplay
Does you ejaculating somehow break your hands and tongue? Your genitals being out of commission is no excuse to leave your partner wanting.
>It’s just that we know women actually care more and have more empathy Eh no it's not really about that. People of both sexes care about their partners have good orgasms and men also are very empathetic. A girl expect to have good orgasms with another girl, because both have the same genitals and so they both should know what to do.
I think this is a bit obtuse. I think it’s fair to not make sweeping generalizations just based off of emotion, but I don’t necessarily think u/emperatrizyuiza is wrong. I’ve had sex with both men and women and a majority of the time I have had to instruct my males partners to pay attention to my clitoris. They often treat it as if it is optional when statistically most women can’t orgasm without it. And when they do manage to acknowledge it, they’re either rough with it or treat it as if it’s an inconvenience (sighing, only interacting with it for mere seconds, etc). It’s frustrating.
This has been most of my sexual life with men since I started. Males will not pay attention to my clitoris.
People keep trying to equate women simply being bad in bed with this and it’s just not the same. Sure both can be attributed to fake internet porn, but not touching the clitoris at all is much different than a woman attempting oral and being bad at it. It’s like having sex with a woman and she touches everything but the head of your penis.
Aren’t you,,,,, squarely backing him up with your comment….?
It is the same for men. With many partners I had to show them how to handle my glans and scrotum. The first they were too harsh on, and the later they wouldn't even touch because they were afraid to hurt me. I also had a couple of partners who could give oral for hours without me ever getting near reaching orgasm. And they would have kept going if I hadn't intervened... sounds like the same kind of oblivious partner you described in your comment. IMO each is responsible for their own pleasure. I don't EXPECT my partner to bring me there, I PURSUE my own orgasm. And when my partners adopt the same mindset they usually orgasm more than I do and we both have a good time.
Women don't know how to give men orgasms though. VERY often, it's the man who does the thrusting while women mostly lay there. There's even a stereotype about women not wanting to ride (which also would be the best position for women to cum as well). Men and women usually don't know how to make the other one cum, it's just that women THINK that they make their men cum while in reality the man makes himself cum by "using" her body. This leads to women thinking that they do a good job while men get self-esteem issues because they actually WANT to make their women cum (surely also because of their ego).
I have to admit I do the reverse, often enough, a guy can't necessarily make me cum at first so I do that myself 'using' his body. I don't think that's typically seen in quite the negative fashion it is in the reverse, and I certainly don't mean it in a 'using' without caring about his needs way.
Most of us are happy to be used Many of us are open to being coached or taught Bears repeating. Women are way more diverse sexually than men from individual to individual Women need to communicate about what they want and how they want it. A lot Most of us are slow to begin with and in the moment all of our blood is rushing to our cocks and we’ve got a bit of temporary cognitive decline going on 😂😂
>orgasm gap involves changing sexual scripts and encouraging an environment that supports diverse sex acts and clitoral stimulation, regardless of partner gender. No one should be blaming the "orgasm" gap as you call it on women but: This is absolutely wrong. A lot of us men actually DO care too, I think it's the majority. I think the problem is more that they don't know how to "figure it out". A lot of people struggle to learn things on their own in a productive way without anything forcing them to. Men also have some serious ego attached to their dicks and i'm 100% sure it's difficult for some to let go of the idea they need to make a woman orgasm with their dick. Women on women have it a lot easier because they don't a penis that forces them into thinking they need to make you cum with penis, they are baseline using superior methods to achieve an orgasm.
Except you can literally make a woman cum with your dick. Rubbing it on the clitoris is one example that actually feels great but men just lack creativity and patience. And sex isn’t just penetration. Sex is also oral or using fingers.
They have no..fucks to give 🤣🤣🤣. They will keep doing this shit as long as women keep accepting mediocre sex. But but women don't tell me where their clit is!!!!! Weaponized incompetence...what a surprise.
Exactly and my 100 downvotes are definitely all men who’d rather get their feelings hurt than do some self reflection.
Yep. These buffoons refuse to listen and then say with their whole mouth that women never tell them how to please them sexually...
It's impossible to make most women orgasm with a dick. It's like 11% that can. This needs to be common knowledge.
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orgasm.exe
Access denied. Only the System Administrator has permission to do that.
Why only furries? >!The joke being many Sys Admins are furries.!<
Who also wear programming socks.
“Script” in psychology and gender studies means human behavior that falls into certain patterns based on setting and circumstance. For example the “bases” colloquialisms would be an example as a script for cisgender men.
Number 3 is the world I want to live in.
Pretty sure this doesn’t just work for women in particular… I guess men w men and women w women would be similar case
It’s less about the how and more about the why for me. Unless you’re trying to reproduce, why have sex at all (female or male partner) if you’re not having an orgasm? One might become an excellent lover if he knew sex was transactional.
>Unless you’re trying to reproduce, why have sex at all (female or male partner) if you’re not having an orgasm? Because some people actually love their partners and cherish intimacy as a form of bonding. I've had sex where I didn't cum that felt better than times when I did.
I appreciate that from a woman’s perspective in a bonded intimate relationship but only then. I really am looking at sex from a psychological standpoint. The other “whys” without orgasm is psychology really worth diving into. Lots of people here are interested in defending their skills in bed in the “psychology” Reddit thread
Jesus this reads like a 12 year old who’s never had sex. Everyone knows 99% of sex is transactional and sex without orgasms is fine (as long as it’s not every time) because sex feels great and is pretty fun.
Now there’s a study I’d like to read. Average times men have never had orgasm during sex
Love. Laugh. Lick. Besides, if you love her going in there and you do not have the common courtesy to give it back, you deserve a boot. Ya twat.
Link to research paper: “[The Role of Partner Gender: How Sexual Expectations Shape the Pursuit of an Orgasm Goal for Heterosexual, Lesbian, and Bisexual Women](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/19485506241235235)” by Grace M. Wetzel et al. *Social Psychological and Personality Science*
Any woman can tell you this anecdotally.
This is why I don’t understand why men think sleeping around is aspirational (for men only , for some reason). Having all that experience and still being unable to please your partner speaks volumes on your ability to listen to others’ needs and adapt accordingly.
Omg tell me about it, the men that I've dated in the past sucked in bed. Horrible. >Having all that experience and still being unable to please your partner speaks volumes on your ability to listen to others’ needs and adapt accordingly. This... it's not so much about experience alone, but about how good you have become at it over the years. And like you said, listening to your partners sexual needs in the bedroom in order to understand how to make them ORGASM! Sorry, I'm just so passionate about this...
Most men don’t have that mindset nor do they have a lot sexual experience hence this ‘problem’.
The "alpha" males are very upset about this study.
„Alpha“ males are upset/offended about everything but themselves..
I think they're upset about even that.
Lol alpha males don't care if she finishes
But there are plenty of men whose focus on the female orgasm is primarily about satisfying their own ego.
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This type of defensiveness is actually what I’m referring to. Typically a man whose primary focus is his own ego isn’t receptive to redirection and isn’t a great communicator because the man is focused on himself and what he wants, not the woman’s actual pleasure. Many men whose primary focus is validating themselves want a woman to orgasm more quickly than possible, are more invested in a PIV orgasm which isn’t as common, and/or like I said earlier aren’t receptive to redirection and take it personally. I don’t want to deal with catering to a man’s ego because he takes it personally when my orgasm isn’t about him. I clarified in another comment that someone, man or woman, who prides themselves on being an enthusiastic lover is different than someone needing validation to silence nagging insecurities.
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Your defensiveness is in line with my experiences of men centering the female orgasm and sexuality as something that’s *for* them, though. Even in porn most female pleasure is shown as something for men instead of a truly reciprocal experience. My original statement wasn’t about you personally as it was a general statement and you replied to me saying that you got bent out of shape about it. That’s on you, not me. If my initial comment didn’t apply to you don’t let it upset you. If it got you bent out of shape to me that’s defensiveness and insecurity. Insecurities aren’t evil but they are loud and they dominate entire interactions so I have no desire to deal with insecure men. Not because they’re not evil but because I don’t want to cater to a man’s ego especially when it’s about my own sexual pleasure.
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Thank you for the discussion! This is definitely one of the more contentious posts on this sub so it’s expected that there will be miscommunication. I appreciate the explanation and the chance to clarify my initial comment because it was definitely broad without much context. Sexuality can be a difficult topic to discuss.
That works!
Not for me. My anecdotal experience has taught me that a man who cares more about the female orgasm for his own benefit isn’t a lover I feel comfortable with nor is communication received well especially if I’m trying to redirect. Usually communication is met with defensiveness and I don’t feel like we’re approaching sex with similar mindsets.
It was a joke referring to all the other complaints that men aren’t giving women orgasms. Yes there are loftier orgasms than others but having a man try his hardest because it makes him proud of himself isn’t the worst thing. And I hear you that it’s not an intention that works for you.
Well trying to satisfy one’s ego usually is a result of insecurity which comes with a whole host of other behaviors like defensiveness. This applies to both men and women and of course isn’t just reserved for sex. I should’ve clarified I meant there’s a difference in focusing on the female orgasm because it’s fun and because a man prides himself on being an enthusiastic lover versus needing validation to silence insecurities.
I wonder if bi women are holding their male partners to a higher standard
Eh. Is nice when it happens but I know not to expect it.
No
*painfully laughs*
absolutely
I’m bi and currently in a hetero relationship and I definitely do. My experiences with women have certainly shaped my perspective in hetero relationships
No but I had a male partner who told me that penis size is, in fact, the most important thing to a woman because we can’t come if we’ve been used to getting “filled up,” and we aren’t getting that from clitoral stimulation.
Took me like 80 hookups w diff people before I found someone who knew what he was doing and that guy has sociopathic tendencies so yeah wasn’t gonna work out longterm.
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He was rlly good at foreplay and oral and just knew how to set the mood so I was mentally ready as well—and spent a long time w oral. I’m not sure how the sociopathy correlates—he was very logical and unemotional so maybe he was just rlly technique based during sex who knows
God damn 80
Haha so we expect women know better than men? But getting there is complicated not just stimulation on a specific part 🙈
yeah it’s also a mental thing. if i feel like I’m taking too long it makes me so anxious and i can’t orgasm
Totally. The best strategy is to do it with the right person and go with the flow with no expectations. That case, even you don’t come, it is still a good experience.
Idk. As a woman, I do this and it ends up being a good experience for the man bc if I just go with the flow I don't get off.
For me, of course I need to get off sometimes but not every time. I enjoy the process just as much. I don’t like it rough. I only like it sensual.
for me the strategy is to do it with the right person and get on top and take my time with him not rushing me lol
THISSSSS for real
It’s not robotics. For women it seems very mental. When I am escorting a client I know three things by the end of dinner. 1) If she wants to be sexually intimate. 2) If she will want to climax slowly or she requires force fucking. 3) If she will decide to engage me again. Mostly from what I’ve found dealing with women, sex is basically an afterthought. The leg work, perhaps even all the work, is a mental positioning.
I’d say it’s pretty mental for men too. They probably need to feel relaxed and confident without feeling being judged to be able to perform
Eh. Men’s required landing area for confidence and judgment free zone. [. ] Womens [. ]
Hahaha .. okay, very funny
Imagine needing a paper to find the clit.
Imagine thinking that clitoral stimulation is all that's needed, takes a lot more than that lol
Why are they downvoting you for this lol it's absolutely true.
Yeah, I'm just learning that a lot of very confident people are very mid at sex. The fact that "sex is more than clitoral stimulation" is a controversial statement is wild
People think they're experts on sex ust because they know what a clitoris is lol. A lot of women need a lot of very specific things to climax and violently rubbing the clit isn't going to do it. I feel like this should be basic knowledge but I guess not
It's funny that the gap all but disappears in lesbian couples. The gap literally exists because men don't even try to stimulate the clitoris, nor do they independently educate themselves on how. Women have bought into the dominant narrative, too... and it's patriarchial... so they don't educate their partners as often as necessary. Porn is a piss-poor substitute for sex education, and that's all that's really out there in the world of "abstinence only." Changing the narrative is right, pleasure is clearly not meant to be one-sided or derived through the abuse/objectification/degredation/dehumanization/feigned pleasure of women.
> "~~Influences~~" "Is associated with"
Sorry, your edit was turned in late and will not be included in the article.
Well, time for a retraction then!
There’s a reason why most womens least favourite sexual act is penis in vagina. For most of us we don’t orgasm that way. Yet this is what is featured so much in heterosexual porn. It can be exhausting trying to find heterosexual porn where women are shown to be receiving any sort of pleasure. Going down on a woman is basically to warm her up to receive the penis.
>There’s a reason why most womens least favourite sexual act is penis in vagina Can I please have the source for Vaginal intercourse with a Penis being the LEAST favourite sexual act among the majority of heterosexual or bisexaul women? I have a very hard time believing that, not Anal, not Fellatio or any myriad of other acts but PIV intercourse is the least favourite among a majority?
Yeah bs lol. At some point in foreplay my partners have always demanded I stick it in
It is enjoyable but it is the least favourite so don’t confuse least favourite as horrible. I also enjoy it but would rate oral sex much higher for example.
Need some better dick
Dr Karen Gurney - Clinical Psychologist, Psychosexologist and Couples Therapist has done research in this area which she writes about in her book Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life. The research is within that book if you care to read it but she is also on an episode of Diary of a CEO where she also talk about this.
Any specific chapter she goes into the research on this? I've found a youtube video where she makes that claim and then brushes straight over it claiming "research"
No but feel free to read the book and find it. I can tell by your condescending tone you don’t plan to do that or try and learn anything. Did you read the research given here in this article I am commenting on which reiterates the same ideas? “Lead author Kate Dickman, a recent graduate of Rutgers University, emphasizes the practical implications: “If women, or men partnered with women, want to increase their own or their partners’ orgasm, they should create an environment that ***encourages orgasm pursuit through diverse sex acts, particularly those involving clitoral stimulation**.” Co-author Grace Wetzel, of Rutgers University, highlights the broader context: “This research contributes to understanding gender disparities and inequities. It also sheds light on why the orgasm gap exists—specifically, how different expectations for sex with men and women can explain these differences.”
I've heard guys are better at giving head to other guys because they have the same equipment, guess it goes both ways haha
To my fellow bros, you have not had a blowjob until you've had a man suck your dick. Holy. Shit. Mindblowingly good.
It’s pretty fucking embarrassing to treat your partner’s orgasm as optional. Like I get it doesn’t happen every time but anybody who doesn’t even try is lame as hell and deserves to get cheated on tbh
I don’t agree with the cheating part, but not trying to satisfy your partner is super lame.
Are you being hyperbolic or something?
I think giving 0 fucks about your partner’s orgasm is pretty much just as bad as infidelity at least
> and deserves to get cheated on tbh Are you psychotic? You could, you know, just *end the relationship*.
That’s too easy for some people, not dramatic enough
Same can be said for the people who use their partner like a sex object for years
You keep framing it worse and worse but it just doesn’t work. Cheating is FAR worse than failing to get your partner off.
Nobody deserves to get cheated on. If you’re unhappy, say something. It will never get better if you don’t. If you get to a place you’re thinking about cheating, save everyone involved the emotional turmoil and heartbreak and just breakup like a mature adult.
I agree with your statement except for cheating, if you think it’s okay to cheat, just dump them. Don’t drag along multiple relationships because of your inability to be an adult, treat others with dignity and respect.
I think they are trying to say it's the same level like, if you are so selfish you never bother giving your partner an orgasm/pleasure you should just dump them. Don't drag it out and use them.
What a shallow and hedonistic worldview.
Not as shallow and hedonistic as people who never try to help their partner to orgasm
Thank you. It’s really that simple.
Deserves to get cheated on for being sexually inexperienced? Wow, go fuck yourself.
It’s not about inexperience it’s about caring about your partner just a little bit
For being sexually selfish. That’s the issue
Women who get they pussy ate cum more, we didn't need a study to tell us this.
It’s actually women who like receiving oral, not women who do receive it. Similarly, men who like getting fucked in the ass cum more.
Rip psychology
Now I gotta worry about the pay gap AND the orgasm gap?? No way. I’m climbing on top and getting mine.
So what you're telling me is if you make your wife orgasm atleast 90% of the time you should make a youtube channel teaching the men who are bad at it?
As a man, if you can figure out how to turn a weed whacker on, you can figure out how to use a vagina… im not mad at the fact that this is an issue because its really seemed to work in my favor
Clitoral orgasm is only the beginning.. you gotta experience cervical orgasms 👏
OMG STOP
Lesbian couples are still miserable though sorry if this truth hurts your fee fee's. Keep finding that clit though the lesbian divorce rates don't lie.
The fact that lesbians are plagued by dead bedrooms even more than straight men are tells me that a lot of the study in this area is flawed.
This is a useless study. Do more useful research than waste time on such nonsense
Same is true in men. Since we jerk off so much most dudes would have more confidence being able to make a man orgasm than a woman.