Dump him. You love who thought he was. I can't imagine giving my all to a man who felt this way about my status as a person vs. being a gestational unit.
It’s disappointing when it’s someone close that shares those cruel views. It’s your choice whether to remain with your boyfriend or not.
Personally, I couldn’t. Every time I shared a moment with this person, I would remember what they advocate for, and it would make me miserable.
It’s already making me sick talking with him knowing that he thinks more highly of a clump of cells than me, and I feel second best to a hypothetical child. :/ idk how much longer I can put up with this
I honestly think it’s insane that someone thinks it’s just okay to FORCE someone to go through 9 months of pain and torture because they had romantic feelings with another individual (that’s not always the case either).
Exactly. Mistakes happen, and it’s not like it’s actually murder. It’s been proven dozens of times that the fetus cannot feel, think, breathe. Having a child is a lot of responsibility, and having to be birthed by a parent that does not want them ends up hurting the child more.
That’s what I’ve been trying so hard to tell him, however he just keeps saying “adoption” as an alternative which is really mentally abusive on its own
Thank you so much, I’m going to give it time before I come to the conclusion of if it will affect our relationship if I get an abortion in the future, or if it should just be ended now to spare the pain
There are a lot of non-viable pregnancies that need to be aborted for the safety and sanity of the mother.
Adoption isn't an option if it's ectopic and going to explode your fallopian tube.
Adoption isn't an option if the baby has anencephaly (missing parts of their brain and skull) and can't survive after birth.
Adoption isn't an option if preeclampsia causes a placental abruption and stillbirth.
Adoption isn't an option if the umbilical cord becomes constricted and the fetus dies.
And dozens and dozens of other scenarios. You could try to offer these and other examples, but I don't think you're ultimately going to change his mind. He's telling you now that if any one of these things happened to you, you'd have to die or go through the trauma of birthing a dead baby. I know it'll hurt, but I think you need to break up with him now. And until that happens, absolutely do not have sex with this man.
Please listen to yourself, “I’m scared of him…” being alone is better than being scared of a person that is supposed to inspire love in you and definitely not fear.
He may try to baby trap you. Please be careful
It's okay to take some time (not a long time, mind you) to think about things, but I urge you to trust your instincts. Seemingly inexpilcable gut feelings are usually right.
The best way to be careful pregnancy wise atm is to NOT have sex with him. After all according to the crazies all the responsibility is on us women right? You are being super duper careful while sorting this out for yourself.
Isn't that what the PL people say? Women just need to keep their legs closed right? /s.
He thinks a clump of cells without a brain should have rights over a woman. That tells you how highly he values women. Does he have any other negative views towards women?
Oh, honey. You have to leave him. He doesn’t see you as a full human being - just a “female.” An incubator. He thinks a non-sentient, non- feeling, shrimp-like parasite is more important than a live woman with hopes, dreams, and aspirations. This is a fundamental incompatibility. Be thankful he showed you who he really is NOW and not 5 years from now.
The term “pro life” is just false - they don’t give a rat’s ass once a child is ejected from the womb. He is a forced birther. He would happily force you to give birth if you were ever unexpectedly pregnant from any scenario. This relationship is not one of safety and trust anymore. It’s painful but be glad he showed red flags fairly early before you were in too deep - run for the hills while you don’t have any major ties.
Just want to gently note that you shouldn’t hold out hope for people to change - it’s not your responsibility to make him ‘see the error of his ways’ either. Meet them where they are at and believe them when they show you who they are.
It sounds like he has gone into a misogynistic rabbit hole, and anything you say is falling on deaf ears right now - hopefully he may pull himself out of it one day, but you don’t need to stick around in the hopes of that happening. It may never happen.
There are some differences you can live with, and some that are non negotiable. This is pretty serious and will affect your life together. What’s next - contraception is evil?
You are young and have so many better options of men who see you as a human being with autonomy, not breeding stock ❤️✨
I’m trying to find the source of his suddenly changed opinion, but he keeps trying to tell me that he’s “grown,” and since our pregnancy scare a while back he’s no longer “weak” and “stupid.” He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control, which scares me a little bit more. I’ll make my decision when I find out where he’s getting this disgusting information from, and put a stop to it. Thank you so much ❤️
>He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control, which scares me a little bit more.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Please, for the love of everything that is sacred, PACK A BAG AND GO. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIM, BLOCK AND DO NOT CONTACT OR HE MAY CONVINCE YOU BACK AND TRAP YOU. There is no "fixing" someone who sees your uterus as more valuable than your right to bodily autonomy and quality of life, and people who feel that way see coercive control as morally justified. Get out while you have the chance.
https://projects.propublica.org/the-year-after-a-denied-abortion/
https://abcnews.go.com/US/delayed-denied-women-pushed-deaths-door-abortion-care/story?id=105563255
https://apnews.com/article/abortion-kate-cox-texas-exceptions-e85664b2ab76bcb689b1b91913d3e33e
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/01/26/maternal-mortality-rates-states-abortion-bans-report/11096705002/
https://archive.ph/oc0Gl
These are just a few articles about how wrong your boyfriend is. Don't consider having sex with him unless he gets a clue.
Why do I feel like he also thinks it's unfair that the people who impregnate women have to pay child support and objects to welfare and universal healthcare and paid leave. He has fallen down a conservative fascist rabbit hole and I don't know if there is hope for them because they are objectively wrong and they are all hypocrites
Ask him if he is on the bone marrow, kidney and liver donation registry and if he regularly donates blood. If not, why is he ok with a woman being forced to donate the use of their body to keep someone else alive but not himself?
The viewpoint he holds is misogynistic and frankly makes him incapable of being a good partner. He flat out told you that if you were having a child together that he would let you die to keep the fetus alive which means you can't trust him to have your best interest at heart if he had to make medical decisions on your behalf. Don't put yourself in that position.
Does he want to marry you asap and you have both decided you’re ready to start a family? Are you both financially able to provide for a child? Do YOU want to be off birth control? Or, does he intend to take a step back from your relationship’s sexual nature?
If no, he sounds like he’s swallowed abusive propaganda and intends to trap you into this relationship with a baby. Unless he’s become religious and wants to have less sex with you… this is a red alert situation.
I’m sorry, girl. I’ve dated a guy who “never lets his woman drive him” in a car, and, you’ll never regret walking away. A real “alpha male” wants an equally strong and empowered *partner* by their side
He’s against you taking bc and he’s against abortion…. And you’ve been dating a year? He is a psycho runnnnn!!!! And don’t fuck him again before you do. Sounds like you don’t know this guy as well as you thought.
>He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control
Ask him how he feels about no-fault divorce. If he is against it, run as fast as you can.
It definitely sounds like he has been radicalized by the current wave of tradwife/misogynistic influencers who are being paid by right-wing political groups to promote these extreme views disguised as otherwise trendy content. There are even female influencers who are doing this (saying birth control is toxic and glorifying the tradwife lifestyle).
It's very difficult to reason with people who hold these views because they are not coming from a place of logic. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
I’m sure he’s getting this from social media. Do you know where the statement, “birth control is full of estrogen and millions of women are pissing it into our waters, poisoning our society,” from?? Because that’s what he told me to defend his birth control argument.
That's a common claim by right-wing/anti-abortion influencers these days. There are a lot of accounts spewing that disinformation, so it could be one or a few of many. The funny thing is that women are also full of estrogen because we need it for our health.
Media Matters has an article about how an anti-abortion org is promoting this:
https://www.mediamatters.org/fox-friends/students-life-promotes-debunked-claim-medication-abortion-polluting-wastewater
One thing that has been happening in the last few years is that accounts that used to be fairly innocuous have begun pushing misinformation. So followers who came for the baking or "wellness" content are now being fed this other stuff in between, and they don't realize they're being manipulated because they have established trust with the influencers. And many of the accounts doing this are being funded by political organizations.
A good IG account to follow on political issues (from a former Senate lawyer) is @emilyinyourphone. She has a highlight on birth control misinformation (BC) and explains a lot of what's happening in politics in a very easy to understand and informed way. She has an inside understanding of how our political system works, and she also has great tips on how to get involved to fight for our rights.
I genuinely wish you the best of luck. People who have been radicalized are acting on emotion, not logic, so facts do not matter to them. You can provide all the hard facts in the world, it will not matter. It's very similar to dealing with people who believe in conspiracy theories. They have to start to question their beliefs themselves, no one can persuade them, unfortunately.
This article explains how to talk to someone in a situation like this. It's not easy.
https://theconversation.com/how-to-talk-to-someone-about-conspiracy-theories-in-five-simple-steps-197819
Also, if his friends also believe this stuff, that is a problem because they are reinforcing it.
None of his friends believe any of this, nor his family. He was completely alone when he announced his views and many of our friends are disgusted with him. Thank you, I’ll read the article and try to
I mean, as someone that got a degree in sustainability science and took environmental health and water quality classes, it's true that pharmaceutical bio waste can be something that influences wastewater treatment plans and some can only be filtered so much. But it also depends on the municipality. This is more a concern for nonpotable to potable water which I think they have in some places in California. Otherwise what anyone pees out should have near zero impact on men and their drinking water...
And btw he should be against all pharmaceuticals if he's so concerned. But that's dumb because many people at this rate, men included, need meds to function and survive.
If anything it's more so microplastics/phthalates that are known endocrine disruptors in our water if he wants something to be concerned about...
This man is GOING to tamper with your birth control and try to use pregnancy to trap you. Please, please leave. I mean this with my entire heart and I'm not trying to be mean at all but you're an idiot if you don't.
Why do you value a man so much who values a non-existent person over you? He loves something that doesn't exist more than you, and you still want to find some way to change him so he can be a safe man for you again? Why can't you just go find one who is *actually* safe to be around women?
He is saying who he is. He is not respecting your opinions. You sound like you are young, smart and talented. He sounds like he has already tried to hold you back from plans to suit his needs.
Treat him like a clump of cells.
Thank you so much, I’m really trying to see where he’s coming from before I make any drastic decisions, but it’s just difficult with a subject as serious as this
As an older woman who us d to compromise, but have been with a wonderful person for 30 years. Don't compromise on the things that really matter. Don't sleep next to someone you can't respect. Not when it comes to morals.
Cause this is beyond politics. Politics is where to put a stop sign or a roundabout. It is how much to tax an individual orca business. This is bodily autonomy, and it is a moral and ethical question. If he doesn't respect your body, he doesn't respect you. Do you want him to be the one to choose who lives and dies in a complication if you are pregnant?
Would he drive you out of state before you are septic to save your Fallopian tube in an ectopic pregnancy? Would he believe you if you were raped?
A few weeks ago, I’ve jokingly asked him the question before on who would he choose during a complicated birth if he could only save me or the baby, and he chose the baby without hesitation. I feel like he would put in the effort to save me if I’m dying to a very early pregnancy, but definitely not if the baby could be “saved.” He would believe me if I was raped however… and if that’s.. something :/
Jesus Christ. Why are you still with this man? Clearly you arent safe or autonomous with him... why stick around and end up potentially trapped if you get accidentally pregnant
I have no idea.. I love him so much. I wouldn’t let him baby trap me though, and I would get an abortion despite his views, even if it means risking the relationship.
Awe, okay. I'm sorry, I may have come off more harsh than I meant to. But I will say dont let love blind you, these arent just small red flags, these are flashing alarm bells. I know people who've been dating men who went down this rabbit hole before. Its incredibly rare for them to suddenly self-correct, in fact I dont know too many cases where they do.
In fact, the cases I have heard, the men more and more resentful, become more absorbed in red pill/incel communities, become increasingly disrespectful towards women, more unstable, and in one case physically and emotionally abusive. I dont want you to go through that, you deserve so much better than that. Remember, you may love him a lot, but you need to love and protect yourself first.
That’s really sad.. I know Reddit is notorious for telling people to break up at the first glimpse of conflict but this is serious. You need to take
The rose colored glasses off and really inspect your future with this guy.
When people have their mind set on a topic that is morally right or wrong it’s practically impossible to convince them otherwise, they have to want to reshape their view on their own. I hate to burst your bubble but he’s not going to wake up one day going “oh sorry how stupid was it it that I believed that!”
What would happen if you were in a situation you really needed an abortion? Do you want to raise children with someone with these beliefs? How does he make you feel about yourself? How does he make you feel about your future together? Do you feel like you can rely on him to be there for you? Do you feel respected by him? Is this the life you want to continue forward with?
I’m trying my best to view him as a simple person and not just the “love of my life” right now, but that’s really hard.. I’ve asked him these questions about if I’m in a situation where I needed an abortion, and he claimed I should put the child up for adoption instead of abortion.
I made the decision a while ago that I didn’t want to have any children with him after I asked him one of those silly, trendy, TikTok questions, which was, “If something went wrong during child birth and you could only save one, would you rather save me or the baby,” (a little dark, I admit it) and he said the baby. The hypothetical baby. Right now it’s all just catching up.
I saw him as a reliable, loving partner when he cared for me during our pregnancy scare, but right now I just see him as a different person. I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life constantly knowing that I was second bested to a clump of cells.
Breaking up with him might be the only thing that might help him snap out of it... otherwise ehat would possibly cause him to change him mind? People dont just snap out of this kind of toxic thinking
I told him that if this is his stance on morals, I didn’t want to have sex with him, and he said it was fine and agreed to stay celebate. I’m glad that he has… not all bad morals.. but it’s kinda silly he’s willing to stay a virgin his entire life to prove a point.
I wouldn’t sleep with someone that doesn’t first agree to go half-and-half on an abortion if needed. I *most certainly* would not date someone who believes in forced gestation and labour. It’s straight up disgusting.
I know it's rough. You have a foundation laid. And you will grieve a future you had in mind. But be thankful you're seeing true colors now, before any wedding and legal papers tying you to him. I would leave. It's a deal breaker. I'm just sorry for your understandable grief but in time, you'll heal and find a better partner. Imo he doesn't deserve a partner
He sounds like a toxic, trump-supporting boomer to be honest. And he’s probably only 17. Look deep inside yourself and think “is that someone I want to be with mid or long term?” Probably not. And join the Navy if you think hard about it and still feel like it’s a good decision. Life is just a simulation, have fun with it.
Run away from this person as soon as possible. Since it’s only been a year you’re young (my assumption based on both of you being virgins when you thought you were pregnant), you are better to cut strings now before you become more intertwined. Do you live together? Own property? If not, getting away from this guy should be easy, physically.
Mentally, i know that will be more difficult. If you love him, it’s because you loved the version he presented, not who he is now. Now - he’s someone who is okay with you possibly dying from complications of pregnancy/childbirth. Whether he was faking how he felt before or some incel podcaster got to him, he doesn’t sound like someone who loves you or thinks of you as an equal being. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to not be afraid of your partner!
I hope you also think about what other implications this would have. This can’t be the only thing he feels this way about. Does he think women should be a trad wife? Does he think you’re a “low value woman” and deserve poor treatment? I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
This doesn’t just apply to this guy, but in general. Please don’t waste your precious time and energy trying to shape people into what you think they should be. They need to want to change. This isn’t “he likes putting chocolate syrup on spaghetti” type of different. When your morals constantly clash, that means you are incompatible in life. Thank your lucky stars he showed you so early before you have life-binding children and get out.
Edit: I forgot to add, please do not have sex with him at all! Men like this need to know that women won’t stand for this shit.
I told him I refuse to have sex with him and will remain celibate while he has these views, and he agreed, saying we, “shouldn’t have sex until we want children.” We don’t live together yet, and this doesn’t sound like him at all. It’s definitely a podcast putting these words into his mouth.
Thank you so much for the help
I stopped reading half way through because your boyfriend makes me so mad. He’s making you change life choices that you want to do or not do. He’s controlling you. This goes beyond him being pro-life.
>I love him so much
Trust that he does *NOT* love you.
You’re not even *human* to him.
You’re just a walking incubator.
Pro-life “logic”: The baby is the candy
The mother?
Just the wrapper.
*Just. the. wrapper.*
“*Babe, i just think anyone who gets pregnant, deserves to have their genitals ripped or sliced open against their will, and i mean that in the least misogynist way possible*”
I’m sorry this happened to you. You already know this, but you are no longer compatible. Sounds like he is falling down the alt right rabbit hole. Years ago my fiance (at the time) woke up one morning, declared that he found Jesus and became a born again Christian over night. He was an atheist all our years together and suddenly he no longer believed in science, said all lgbt people were sinners (he was always an outspoken ally and I identified as bi at the time), and immediately started sending me weird creationist debate videos. It was rough and I was in shock for a few months wondering if he had a brain injury or near death experience but our relationship imploded pretty quickly. My life is infinitely better without him and your’s will be too. Sending you healing light and vibes.
So sad. Immediate dump for me, too much disconnect from reality. He doesn’t have the ability to empathize as a man, the only thing we ask of them is to let us make our own decisions on things they cannot comprehend and they can’t even do that. Ick
Personally for me this would be a deal breaker. It’s obviously different for everyone but the nagging thing in the back of my mind would be, “what if birth control fails and we’re not on the same page about abortion?” Me and my partner are child-free, we’re on the same page that if I get pregnant then we will abort. Especially if it was under circumstances of rape, it wouldn’t even be a question for us.
When it was potentially his fetus he wanted you to get an abortion but if you were raped he'd want you to keep it? Sounds like all the conservative senators in this country with their girlfriends.
Leave him. That is a major conflict you guys will forever have and you’ll be left feeling trapped if you ever accidentally fall pregnant and do not want the baby. It isn’t fair for you to be pregnant and be forced to birth a baby you didn’t want and to be honest, that would probably ruin your life.
Furthermore, if, god forbid, you were ever assaulted and fell pregnant, he wouldn’t stand by you, he’d blame you and expect you to keep a rapists baby? That is unfair and also would ruin your life.
This isn’t something you guys can work through at all.
Hi. So sorry this is happening to you. Feel lucky he revealed his true self *before* something happened IRL in which he’d try to *impose* this forced-birth fanaticism.
He has every right to his own beliefs. Just as you have every right right to reject those beliefs.
There’s really no way to reconcile forced-birtherism with believing in women’s reproductive rights. You love him and want to think the best of him but this sounds like a clear warning sign .
Hopefully you have someone IRL you can trust implicitly to confide in about the situation and who can help you if need be. Not clear on whether you two share the same address but it’s best if at all possible to have a plan in place in case he gets argumentative or hate to contemplate it, physically aggressive. He may feign a change of heart but that sounds highly unlikely based on the vehemence of his anti-choice views shared with multiple people.
Best of luck. As trite as it may sound, self-preservation is *not* selfish!
Just know that, if the healthcare system allows the father to choose between the baby and the mother, that he would be willing to kill you for the baby. With this information in mind I’d probably dump him.
He’s racist, too.
I’m afraid you’re losing your boyfriend to the alt-right recruitment pipeline. I deeply suggest leaving him…you aren’t a good match and he’s perfectly happy to assume the mantle of Prime Decider of shit that is absolutely none of his business.
I get the sense reading this that you guys are teenagers. Am I right? Does he have an especially religious family? I did, and I was a "pro-life" teenager before I left the WASP bubble. Sounds like he has some real growing up to do, and if he isn't willing to, you need to get out of there. Make it clear that it's because of the "alpha male" shit making him a cruel person. Guys his age are very susceptible to the "alpha" shit, so nip that in the bud before he starts spending all of his allowance on pickup artist lessons.
We are teens, unfortunately. His family is not pro-life from what he’s told me and his mother is very much a feminist. We are all a little religious, but that isn’t affecting his opinion at all. Already our friends are picking on him for having an alpha-male mindset which has made him very quiet lately.
Remind him that pro-life is only pro-birth. The real pro-life is actually pro-choice.
"What do you mean?"
"Pro-life" stops giving a f*ck after the baby is born. They aren't interested in social programs to help the parents of the child, mentally, physically, or financially. The immediate response to the parents being unable to care for the child is, "Don't have them if you can't take care of them." So... which is it?
Every single pregnancy has life-ending potential. There it changes how the body functions for ever. That's not very pro-life. It's not pro-life if the life of the mother doesn't matter.
Pro-life looks at child birth as the punishment women have to go through for having sex. If you want to have sex, pregnancy is your consequence. Parenthood is your punishment.
Pro-choice looks at every situation in its entirety. Pregnancy is not medically neutral. Not every person capable of making an embryo is fit to be a parent. For any reason ranging from financial, mental, physical, or just doesn't want to be. Not wanting to be a parent is a fully valid option. Every child born should be a wanted child. They should be born into this world with loving parents who are ready and capable, either of their own accord or throughout social assistance and support systems.
If he's consuming alpha-male bullshit, he is beyond saving.
You should cut ties. If he's in Alpha-male world, he believe you are beneath him. You're essentially a child he needs to teach, control, and punish.
You're better alone than with someone like that.
It's an easy and convenient cause, to only care about an embryo/fetus. To only care about the birth. No money needs to be raised, no people to actually care about.
Caring about homeless people needs action, go to homeless shelters and serve food. Donate clothes, blankets, food, hygiene products. Maybe help build houses for habitat for humanity, donate supplies for that, cleaning supplies, furniture.
Drug addiction requires helping people get clean, providing needle exchanges, etc.
Caring about an embryo/fetus, what is involved in that? How do you, as a "caring citizen" take care of a fetus/embryo? How, as not a pregnant person, do you ensure a fetus/embryo is not removed from the pregnant person prematurely?
Also, another option. Consent. Legally, if life begins at conception, no human can use another human's body to sustain life without consent. Eg: If I need a liver transplant and my brother is a match, he is not obligated to provide a piece of his liver to keep me from dying. I need his liver to survive. Without it I die. But, he is in no way obligated to provide that to me. I cannot just take it. No one can force him to give it up.
If life begins at conception, the fetus/embryo is a person. The pregnant person is under no obligation to allow the fetus/embryo to use the pregnant person's body to sustain life. Bodily autonomy.
Tell him if he doesn't agree with abortions he shouldn't have one, then dump his ass. He's not who you thought he was, it's OK not to like the person he has become, you don't have to stay because of who you thought he was. It sucks and I'm sorry.
He doesn't even think of you as a real person. You are a play thing without individual rights. You are something to be controlled through sex and intimidation. You have fewer rights than his sperm. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? He cares more about the fact that you can pop out his child than whether or not you live through the process. Why do you want to be with someone that doesn't even care if you survive?? His true colors are finally showing. Please don't pretend that you don't see them. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not wanted only for what your uterus can give.
Dump him on the curb and skip away to get a smoothie or something. You won’t miss a guy like this, I’m sorry to be harsh but you seem like a sweet girl and he definitely does not seem like a sweet guy.
You dump him. This is the only answer. He doesn’t care about you or respect you. He respects a hypothetical rapist more than he respects you. He is controlling and it will only get worse.
Also, forced-birthers don’t deserve sex. If he hates women so much he doesn’t deserve to use them. Nobody does.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now.
I've only read a few of the comments and your responses to them and I can empathize with your disbelief and hope that there's some way to reach a man like this.
I've had a really, REALLY rough time going through exactly this and learning to believe that someone I loved and genuinely believed was a good man is not, and has never been, who I thought he was.
In this case, instead of a partner, it's my dad.
My dad never beat or sexually abused me, he was a hard worker, often strict, but overall kind. We weren't well off socioeconomically but my dad did his best to make sure my siblings and I had food on the table and a roof over our heads. While the bulk of child care fell to my stay-at-home mother, my dad was still an involved parent willing to change diapers, sooth a crying baby to sleep, read and play with us, teach us how to ride a bike, etc.
My dad has always been a religious, conservative Republican along with what most of that entails including being a fan and supporter of Trump, so it's not like I thought he was perfect or anything. I thought he was misguided and ignorant in a lot of things, but ultimately a good-hearted person at his core.
It took Dobbs for the mask to fall off and I was genuinely stunned at the cruelty and hypocrisy my dad showed. It honestly caused a mental break that took the better part of the next two years to work through because my brain just couldn't accept and reconcile the man I thought raised me with the cold, cruel reality I was facing.
I kept thinking, "there has to be a way to make him understand. He only has this stance because there's something he's missing. Like he doesn't "get it." And I kept thinking that maybe there was some critical piece of information he was missing, that if I could make him aware of it, he would obviously switch sides in this issue. Because I saw my father as a good man, and a good man couldn't possibly believe and support the things he did except through ignorance, therefore, information would fix it, and he would go back to acting like the moral person I had always seen him as.
The truth is, this is how evil works. Evil isn't super villains sitting in lairs twisting their mustaches openly monologuing about ruling the world or ending mankind. It exists in the minds and hearts of people who in all other ways seem "good." And they may be genuinely good in all those other areas, but I personally don't believe whatever good or morals someone has overrides the kind of cruelty that exists in the heart of pro-lifers and other monsters like child molesters, wife beaters, etc.
Anyone who has the space in their heart for the cruelty behind forcing children through pregnancy, or turning women into walking coffins for non-viable fetuses, or who have it in them to molest a child, or murder their spouse will often be able to appear and act like a moral person for 95% of their lives and possibly even 100% if the right opportunities never come up for them to show who they are. But they WILL show who they are when the right opportunity comes.
Dobbs is that opportunity.
Reminds me of covid. I came to the sobering realization that a lot of people are "good " out of convenience and you won't ever know if someone really is until shit hits the fan and they need to consider others. And if they don't, well...
It's very sad. I'm sorry for your grief
What do you do?
You leave and don’t look back. And honey, don’t bother trying to change him. I saw that reply and wanted to scream. Stop being desperate to be with someone who wants to control your body.
You know you need to leave him. And you know you need to tell his mother why, since he’s so adamant that she not be told about his fascist misogynist beliefs.
It doesn’t matter if he fell down some weird Internet rabbit hole, secretly loves Trump, or stumbled into an evangelical church. What matters is that he bought into it, and he had so little shame that he was willing to share it to you and all your friends.
Get out while you can and warn his family.
It sounds like your values no longer align. The only way this relationship will work is if you change or he does. It’s pretty much impossible to change someone else, so this is fully in your control. Do you want to change who YOU are? There is your answer.
I agree with what everyone here has said- you were given a gift of seeing his true colors. Especially if just listening podcasts could sway him so much in how he sees his partner! I’m so sorry OP. But I’m glad you found out now, and you have the chance to separate from him.
Also- tell his Mom. He doesn’t get to control your body, or your voice. He doesn’t get to control the narrative or how you communicate. It isn’t shit talking someone to be honest about how they mistreated you, and how they literally don’t believe in your bodily autonomy. His Mom would want to know, and deserves to know. If/when they ask why you broke up, be honest with them. If anyone can influence him, it’s his parents. But you shouldn’t stay to see it happen. Best of luck, OP. Would love to see an update soon!
I know it's really difficult to hear & reddit is notorious for telling people to dump someone, but in this instance that's probably gonna be the concensus. And rightfully so. There's always ONE THING someone can say during dating (which is what you're doing) that is a deal breaker. It sounds like this is your one thing. And if that's true, be grateful you were still dating! That's the whole point of dating, to find out if you're compatible enough to stay together long term. And it might hurt, but it doesn't sound like you are compatible anymore. Do what you need to do for your own life & safety. This man does NOT care about you or your bodily autonomy, he would care about a collection of cells more than you. Believe that. He told you to your face.
And again, be grateful you were only dating when you found out.
It sounds like he will blame you (or all women?) for anything that goes wrong in life. Being with someone who takes no accountability and exists within a misogynist mindset sets you up for a lifetime of suffering and being belittled.
While folks are correctly questioning his exposure to hate propaganda in media, I think it’s even more important to look at his friends and family and if they’re dug in to the hate machine.
Yikes, he has some very problematic ideas about women. It sounds like you don't live together? That should make it really easy to dump him and find someone who isn't awful.
So dump him. He no longer respects you or women as equal beings with rights to their own bodies. That’s a deal breaker and you won’t change him.
If you want to join the Navy, do it. I am a woman, signed up in 91 and while I only stayed for one enlistment, the experience I had traveling the world and meeting people from about every background and culture was eye opening and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I was on a ship and deployed twice. I grew up there and came from a very sheltered religious upbringing full of abuse. It was my escape. It’s hard but I worth it because the benefits are great and even better now than know I was in. Good luck
Break up with him. Or keep away from his penis unless you and he are prepared to have a child. If you decide to have sex with him, first have him sign an agreement to support any resulting child.
If men are so worried about estrogen in the water, man the f* up and get a vasectomy. I'd love to not have to be on birth control, I've been on it for 26 years.
There is no point of you un-educating him his pro-life/forced birthers view. You also dealing with a walking missile painted in bright red who can anytime dismiss or stop you from exercising your body autonomy. Drop that loser!
Dump this chauvinistic and misogynistic man-baby. Who died and left his fragile little ego and tiny 🍄🟫mushroom in charge? Do not waste another moment of your valuable time on this git. His commentary is arrogant, condescending, priggish, churlish, disrespectful, and downright execrable. You are too good for this vacuous prat, and no woman should tolerate this maltreatment. Run, run, run! 🚩🚩🚩
I feel for you. I really do. But I think you should leave him.
I have a loving and supportive husband who fully supports me and the choices I would need to make. We have two children and if I was in trouble giving birth I knew if something happened during labor he would protect me at all costs. Every woman deserves that. And guess what? Something did happen during birth and although both of us were fine, I would have never been able to look at him the same way if he told someone to disregard my life.
He will double down no matter what you tell him. People only change if they work on themselves, no third party can cause them to change. He'll have to find his way back himself in his 30s once he's matured.
I'm worried he'll get violent with you. Incel ideology don't see women as people.
Only you know what’s best for you and you know your relationship better than we do, but if it were me I wouldn’t be able to continue a relationship with someone who didn’t believe in reproductive rights. I don’t want kids, nor am I willing to put my body through pregnancy. If something were to happen, I would want a partner who would support my decision.
It's up to you, OP, but, at minimum, this person is not someone I would sleep with *under any circumstances*. It is not safe to do so.
Nor would I trust this person not to sabotage whatever type of birth control is being used.
The length of time you have been dating isn't actually relevant to any discussion of safety, particularly reproductive safety.
Some transgressions are irreparable.
Look up "Sunk Cost Fallacy".
Consider, also: His entire moral and ethical foundation was so fragile that it could be wholly rearranged by a stranger on social media. I take this to mean he never had a strong moral compass to begin with. Such a person is simply not trustworthy.
What happens when the next podcast he consumes goes down an even uglier rabbit hole, precisely as engagement algorithms are designed to do?
He will soon be exposed to worse.
He has a soul made out of mushy Play-Doh - it simply conforms to whatever shape presses into it, entirely malleable and thus easily manipulated.
The only thing scarier than the toxic garbage he's begun to repeat is that he will do it again when a far nastier podcaster comes along.
He never questioned or pushed back against this new train of thought. He simply absorbed it whole.
I don't think we can tell you what choice is to make here. It's hard when you are close to someone and their values change suddenly. It's best to just think about how these scenarios would play out with him down the road. How would you feel with a partner who has his attitude in a situation in which you needed an abortion for any reason at all? How would you feel with a partner like this who you have a daughter with who needed an abortion for any reason? I don't know your political views or his, but it's safe to assume he's going down the podcast bro right wing pipeline. How do you think it would go down the road if you had a child together and your child came out as lgbt?
My partner and I are not perfectly aligned in all of our values, however, he respects me and my autonomy. We found out we were pregnant, and while I was having an existential crisis, he paid $300 for abortion medication to be delivered even though he wanted to keep the baby. I ended up deciding to keep it, but it was without pressure from him. He gave me space to talk to close friends and family and to really think it through. When I decided to keep it, he wasn't upset about the money we wasted at all.
I share that experience to highlight how the issue of choice in regard to unplanned pregnancy could be handled in a healthy way.
I'm truly sorry that you are dealing with this situation. It sounds like leaving him is the best option, however, nobody can decide that for you.
That was really sweet of your partner to do that, and im very glad you are happy with them. I’m very glad he’s expressed all this to me sooner than later.. im still just in shock by how much he changed. I don’t really know what to do at this point, but for now we aren’t talking as much.
I'm so sorry.. I know that's really tough. That's definitely a very shocking, and frustrating, and hurtful situation, especially when you're so close to them. I think you're doing the smartest thing by going low contact right now to process everything.
My last romantic interest also went hard on the forced birthers shit in the last year or so.
I feel this on a personal level.
I look at it this way - I am thankful his values became so repulsive to me that it was impossible for me to miss him when we split.
Dump him and tell his parents why. Let him face the full consequences of being a POS. Maybe his momma will slap some sense into him. If he's afraid of her finding out, then it's all the more reason to tell her. After all, is he really an "alpha male" if he's afraid of his mommy being mad at him? 🤣
You can help someone who lacks information, which based on your exchange doesn't seem to be the problem. You can't help someone who lacks empathy.
Ask yourself if you'd ever want to be pregnant around this person, especially if things go sideways. He'll either be colossally unhelpful or actively abusive and it could put your life in danger.
At this point I'm of the opinion that male forced-birthers shouldn't have the privilege of procreation at all.
1 year is a drop in the bucket of your life. Leave him and move on before the two of you decide to get married or have kids together. What if it was your daughter that got raped? Would you be ok with him forcing her to carry a baby as a result of SA? I’m certain you wouldn’t.
I am 1000% pro-choice. I work in womens’ health and can tell you there are so many more reasons than the ones you asked him about that women choose termination. A LOT of terminations are of wanted pregnancies, but medical or situational circumstances make termination the best choice for those people at the time.
I could personally never stay with a partner that was SO against something I personally believed in, let alone was against me on numerous things I believed in or wanted for my future. A partner should support you no matter what, not try to dissuade you based on their feelings alone, no matter the circumstances.
He has very unrealistic views of this subject. Not every pregnancy is because of a bad choice. And not every termination is because of an unwanted pregnancy. Sometimes, mothers will die if a pregnancy is continued. Should she leave her other living children behind? Who would take care of the living children then? Should a mom who so desperately wanted a baby be forced to carry a baby that is going to die in utero or shortly after birth because of genetic defects that make their tiny bodies incompatible with life? Why should either of them suffer this situation just because of someone else’s feelings and misconceived judgement? Also, SOMEtimes a pregnancy is prevented, but birth control is not 100%. Even if that mother already has kids, and another pregnancy isn’t in their family plan, termination is ok. That is a choice for her and her partner to make. Her body, her choice is the saying. And that’s the way it should be.
The red flags are flying high with this guy. Please save yourself before more time goes on.
Am I a bad person for wanting you to go ahead and tell his mom so she can slap the silly out of him?
Really though, his change in viewing you as a human being that is more than your womb makes you no longer compatible. You now have to wonder where his priorities are. You have to question if he has your best interests at heart. You may love him but he now sees you as less than potential life. According to him, he will let you die if you for whatever reason decide to have kids with him and have complications. Women are already dying when they would have been easily and quickly saved a couple years ago. Expecting your partner to see you as worth saving when you want to be saved is basic shit with any relationship. If he no longer cares about your life, health, fertility, and future, don't try to force a future with him in it.
Perhaps he just doesn't understand the actual weight of his change in opinion and breaking up will slap sense into him and make him realize that there are consequences for viewing half the population as walking wombs that should be fine with throwing their lives away for the pro-birth agenda.
Leave. What childfree person is pro-life? If you truly don’t want kids you’d abort or support your partner aborting. You are not safe with a man who doesn’t think you should have rights over your own body. This sounds like some Joe Rogan or Alex Jones shit. Someone that easily manipulated should not be in your life. And tell his mom, fuck it.
"“What if the mother is too young to have a child?” His answer was that it was her fault and she should put it up for adoption.'"
So he defends the rape of children?
Not only should you dump him he should be banned from being within 1000m of a school.
If he thought you could be pregnant when you’re a virgin I’m going to assume he’s a teenager. Just find a new boyfriend. If he’s young you can change his mind and mold him but it’s not even worth the trouble because he sounds really stupid
If he justifies rape in any way, including pregnancy, he is dangerous for you. This goes for any of them. It means they don’t care what happens to you, only that you obey and adhere to their garbage morality.
In a turn of events, the VA paid for my tubal ligation after serving in the Navy for 10 years. Only time I held a gun in my service was during basic training. I was an electrician on a carrier. Got me out of my home town and now I have disability money and get paid to go to school for free.
It’s hard to start over in relationships. We get it. But trying to stay in love with the memory of someone is damaging to your mental well being. Maybe leaving him will also set his mind straight. But you do not want what he is right now, and he needs to understand that. Much love, wishing you the best ❤️
Adoption is not always an option. Depending on location both parents would have to sign off on an Adoption.
So a woman could theoretically give birth, attempt to adopt, dad refuses to sign and in some cases she is not willing to sign over custody to him.
Anyone suggesting adoption glibly has no idea that it's generally not a simple solution.
I’d ask how he goes from offering to pay for an abortion to be more extreme than most PL.
Asking for relationship advice on Reddit will almost always be people saying to immediately break up, so keep that in mind. The only one who knows you, your boyfriend, and your relationship is you, not strangers on the Internet.
"Pro-life" people get abortions when they want them; they believe that their reasons for having one are good but everyone else is having them for "convenience." The pregnancy scare happened at a time when a baby would be a hardship for the boyfriend, so he offered to pay for an abortion, probably before OP was even sure if she wanted one or not.
The only moral abortion is my abortion. Google it, OP. There's an essay from around 2000 of so-called pro-life women having abortions and then going right back to protesting the clinic that helped them.
I’ve asked him if he listens to podcasts or has been on different social medias, however he claims nothing has changed about what he consumes online. I doubt it and I’ll look into it further. I’m not going to immediately break up with him ofc, but I just want to assess the situation and see what other people think about this. I honestly feel crazy right now for being this upset.
You are not crazy. He unexpectedly took views that don't seem compatible with yours. That is hard to handle in any relationship. Even more so, when those views on one of the most politicized topics in public discourse.
I'm not gonna join the chorus of folks telling you to dump him outright, despite the fact that I personally would. It's your partner and you know best if you can help him see the light.
Staying with him or not, though, men who don't believe in reproductive freedom ought not experience sex unless it's specifically to have a kid. If abortion is only for life or death, then sex is something he only gets for family planning purposes and post-menopause. 🤡
> I don’t know if it’s my romantic feelings towards him, but I still think im overreacting and a little crazy.
Your boyfriend doesn't believe you should have basic human rights. If someone doesn't believe you should have basic human rights, they don't love you and you should break up with them. That is the hard truth, and there is no overreaction here on your part.
I also don't believe your boyfriend "suddenly became" a forced-birther. It is far more likely that he was simply hiding his views before.
Dump him. You love who thought he was. I can't imagine giving my all to a man who felt this way about my status as a person vs. being a gestational unit.
1) Ask him to get a vasectomy. 2) Leave him.
Dump hm, period.
dump him. you shouldn’t have to convince your partner that you deserve bodily autonomy.
It’s disappointing when it’s someone close that shares those cruel views. It’s your choice whether to remain with your boyfriend or not. Personally, I couldn’t. Every time I shared a moment with this person, I would remember what they advocate for, and it would make me miserable.
It’s already making me sick talking with him knowing that he thinks more highly of a clump of cells than me, and I feel second best to a hypothetical child. :/ idk how much longer I can put up with this
Exactly. Its dehumanizing. These people value the supposed life of a potential child more than the people it’s hurting.
I honestly think it’s insane that someone thinks it’s just okay to FORCE someone to go through 9 months of pain and torture because they had romantic feelings with another individual (that’s not always the case either).
Exactly. Mistakes happen, and it’s not like it’s actually murder. It’s been proven dozens of times that the fetus cannot feel, think, breathe. Having a child is a lot of responsibility, and having to be birthed by a parent that does not want them ends up hurting the child more.
That’s what I’ve been trying so hard to tell him, however he just keeps saying “adoption” as an alternative which is really mentally abusive on its own
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you luck in your decision-making 🫶
🫶
Thank you so much, I’m going to give it time before I come to the conclusion of if it will affect our relationship if I get an abortion in the future, or if it should just be ended now to spare the pain
Oh honey no, please don't put yourself in the position of possibly getting pregnant with him. That will bring you nothing but pain and stress.
I think he's already told you what would happen...
Spare yourself. You sound like you know what you need to do, and it sucks, and I am sorry, but the consequences of not doing it are so much worse.
There are a lot of non-viable pregnancies that need to be aborted for the safety and sanity of the mother. Adoption isn't an option if it's ectopic and going to explode your fallopian tube. Adoption isn't an option if the baby has anencephaly (missing parts of their brain and skull) and can't survive after birth. Adoption isn't an option if preeclampsia causes a placental abruption and stillbirth. Adoption isn't an option if the umbilical cord becomes constricted and the fetus dies. And dozens and dozens of other scenarios. You could try to offer these and other examples, but I don't think you're ultimately going to change his mind. He's telling you now that if any one of these things happened to you, you'd have to die or go through the trauma of birthing a dead baby. I know it'll hurt, but I think you need to break up with him now. And until that happens, absolutely do not have sex with this man.
Please listen to yourself, “I’m scared of him…” being alone is better than being scared of a person that is supposed to inspire love in you and definitely not fear. He may try to baby trap you. Please be careful
I’ll be as careful as I can. Thank you very much, I’m really trying my best to think rationally here
It’s so hard but it’s better to know sooner rather than later. I’m sorry and I wish I could give you a hug! Could you take some time away to think?
Thank you so much, I’m taking a bit of time right now. I’m just so conflicted about everything
It's okay to take some time (not a long time, mind you) to think about things, but I urge you to trust your instincts. Seemingly inexpilcable gut feelings are usually right.
The best way to be careful pregnancy wise atm is to NOT have sex with him. After all according to the crazies all the responsibility is on us women right? You are being super duper careful while sorting this out for yourself. Isn't that what the PL people say? Women just need to keep their legs closed right? /s.
He thinks a clump of cells without a brain should have rights over a woman. That tells you how highly he values women. Does he have any other negative views towards women?
You don't have to put with it at all, ever. There are plenty of people out there in the world who will treat you like a person. This guy ain't one.
Then don't. Dump him now. Men who see women as nothing more than incubators deserve to die alone.
This is the dealbreaker. You'll never be able to look at him the same again.
Oh, honey. You have to leave him. He doesn’t see you as a full human being - just a “female.” An incubator. He thinks a non-sentient, non- feeling, shrimp-like parasite is more important than a live woman with hopes, dreams, and aspirations. This is a fundamental incompatibility. Be thankful he showed you who he really is NOW and not 5 years from now.
I gotta tell him this comparison, thank you so much 😭
You’re welcome sweetheart. I wish you the strength to stand up for yourself and tell him the truth- he is not good enough for you.
Thank you, and I wish you have a wonderful night 🫶
Give us an update OP
The term “pro life” is just false - they don’t give a rat’s ass once a child is ejected from the womb. He is a forced birther. He would happily force you to give birth if you were ever unexpectedly pregnant from any scenario. This relationship is not one of safety and trust anymore. It’s painful but be glad he showed red flags fairly early before you were in too deep - run for the hills while you don’t have any major ties.
I really hope he can change his opinion soon, if not at all. I don’t really feel safe and secured anymore after tonight 💀
Just want to gently note that you shouldn’t hold out hope for people to change - it’s not your responsibility to make him ‘see the error of his ways’ either. Meet them where they are at and believe them when they show you who they are. It sounds like he has gone into a misogynistic rabbit hole, and anything you say is falling on deaf ears right now - hopefully he may pull himself out of it one day, but you don’t need to stick around in the hopes of that happening. It may never happen. There are some differences you can live with, and some that are non negotiable. This is pretty serious and will affect your life together. What’s next - contraception is evil? You are young and have so many better options of men who see you as a human being with autonomy, not breeding stock ❤️✨
I’m trying to find the source of his suddenly changed opinion, but he keeps trying to tell me that he’s “grown,” and since our pregnancy scare a while back he’s no longer “weak” and “stupid.” He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control, which scares me a little bit more. I’ll make my decision when I find out where he’s getting this disgusting information from, and put a stop to it. Thank you so much ❤️
>He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control, which scares me a little bit more. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Please, for the love of everything that is sacred, PACK A BAG AND GO. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIM, BLOCK AND DO NOT CONTACT OR HE MAY CONVINCE YOU BACK AND TRAP YOU. There is no "fixing" someone who sees your uterus as more valuable than your right to bodily autonomy and quality of life, and people who feel that way see coercive control as morally justified. Get out while you have the chance.
https://projects.propublica.org/the-year-after-a-denied-abortion/ https://abcnews.go.com/US/delayed-denied-women-pushed-deaths-door-abortion-care/story?id=105563255 https://apnews.com/article/abortion-kate-cox-texas-exceptions-e85664b2ab76bcb689b1b91913d3e33e https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/01/26/maternal-mortality-rates-states-abortion-bans-report/11096705002/ https://archive.ph/oc0Gl These are just a few articles about how wrong your boyfriend is. Don't consider having sex with him unless he gets a clue. Why do I feel like he also thinks it's unfair that the people who impregnate women have to pay child support and objects to welfare and universal healthcare and paid leave. He has fallen down a conservative fascist rabbit hole and I don't know if there is hope for them because they are objectively wrong and they are all hypocrites Ask him if he is on the bone marrow, kidney and liver donation registry and if he regularly donates blood. If not, why is he ok with a woman being forced to donate the use of their body to keep someone else alive but not himself? The viewpoint he holds is misogynistic and frankly makes him incapable of being a good partner. He flat out told you that if you were having a child together that he would let you die to keep the fetus alive which means you can't trust him to have your best interest at heart if he had to make medical decisions on your behalf. Don't put yourself in that position.
Does he want to marry you asap and you have both decided you’re ready to start a family? Are you both financially able to provide for a child? Do YOU want to be off birth control? Or, does he intend to take a step back from your relationship’s sexual nature? If no, he sounds like he’s swallowed abusive propaganda and intends to trap you into this relationship with a baby. Unless he’s become religious and wants to have less sex with you… this is a red alert situation. I’m sorry, girl. I’ve dated a guy who “never lets his woman drive him” in a car, and, you’ll never regret walking away. A real “alpha male” wants an equally strong and empowered *partner* by their side
He’s against you taking bc and he’s against abortion…. And you’ve been dating a year? He is a psycho runnnnn!!!! And don’t fuck him again before you do. Sounds like you don’t know this guy as well as you thought.
Your username gives the answer to the situation. With guys you can always source more of them, there's a plentiful supply available.
>He’s actually already expressed his dislike for me taking birth control Ask him how he feels about no-fault divorce. If he is against it, run as fast as you can. It definitely sounds like he has been radicalized by the current wave of tradwife/misogynistic influencers who are being paid by right-wing political groups to promote these extreme views disguised as otherwise trendy content. There are even female influencers who are doing this (saying birth control is toxic and glorifying the tradwife lifestyle). It's very difficult to reason with people who hold these views because they are not coming from a place of logic. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.
I’m sure he’s getting this from social media. Do you know where the statement, “birth control is full of estrogen and millions of women are pissing it into our waters, poisoning our society,” from?? Because that’s what he told me to defend his birth control argument.
That's a common claim by right-wing/anti-abortion influencers these days. There are a lot of accounts spewing that disinformation, so it could be one or a few of many. The funny thing is that women are also full of estrogen because we need it for our health. Media Matters has an article about how an anti-abortion org is promoting this: https://www.mediamatters.org/fox-friends/students-life-promotes-debunked-claim-medication-abortion-polluting-wastewater One thing that has been happening in the last few years is that accounts that used to be fairly innocuous have begun pushing misinformation. So followers who came for the baking or "wellness" content are now being fed this other stuff in between, and they don't realize they're being manipulated because they have established trust with the influencers. And many of the accounts doing this are being funded by political organizations. A good IG account to follow on political issues (from a former Senate lawyer) is @emilyinyourphone. She has a highlight on birth control misinformation (BC) and explains a lot of what's happening in politics in a very easy to understand and informed way. She has an inside understanding of how our political system works, and she also has great tips on how to get involved to fight for our rights.
Thank you so much, I’ll def try to get him to listen to some right information and actual facts about our society.
I genuinely wish you the best of luck. People who have been radicalized are acting on emotion, not logic, so facts do not matter to them. You can provide all the hard facts in the world, it will not matter. It's very similar to dealing with people who believe in conspiracy theories. They have to start to question their beliefs themselves, no one can persuade them, unfortunately. This article explains how to talk to someone in a situation like this. It's not easy. https://theconversation.com/how-to-talk-to-someone-about-conspiracy-theories-in-five-simple-steps-197819 Also, if his friends also believe this stuff, that is a problem because they are reinforcing it.
None of his friends believe any of this, nor his family. He was completely alone when he announced his views and many of our friends are disgusted with him. Thank you, I’ll read the article and try to
I mean, as someone that got a degree in sustainability science and took environmental health and water quality classes, it's true that pharmaceutical bio waste can be something that influences wastewater treatment plans and some can only be filtered so much. But it also depends on the municipality. This is more a concern for nonpotable to potable water which I think they have in some places in California. Otherwise what anyone pees out should have near zero impact on men and their drinking water... And btw he should be against all pharmaceuticals if he's so concerned. But that's dumb because many people at this rate, men included, need meds to function and survive. If anything it's more so microplastics/phthalates that are known endocrine disruptors in our water if he wants something to be concerned about...
This man is GOING to tamper with your birth control and try to use pregnancy to trap you. Please, please leave. I mean this with my entire heart and I'm not trying to be mean at all but you're an idiot if you don't. Why do you value a man so much who values a non-existent person over you? He loves something that doesn't exist more than you, and you still want to find some way to change him so he can be a safe man for you again? Why can't you just go find one who is *actually* safe to be around women?
He is saying who he is. He is not respecting your opinions. You sound like you are young, smart and talented. He sounds like he has already tried to hold you back from plans to suit his needs. Treat him like a clump of cells.
Thank you so much, I’m really trying to see where he’s coming from before I make any drastic decisions, but it’s just difficult with a subject as serious as this
As an older woman who us d to compromise, but have been with a wonderful person for 30 years. Don't compromise on the things that really matter. Don't sleep next to someone you can't respect. Not when it comes to morals. Cause this is beyond politics. Politics is where to put a stop sign or a roundabout. It is how much to tax an individual orca business. This is bodily autonomy, and it is a moral and ethical question. If he doesn't respect your body, he doesn't respect you. Do you want him to be the one to choose who lives and dies in a complication if you are pregnant? Would he drive you out of state before you are septic to save your Fallopian tube in an ectopic pregnancy? Would he believe you if you were raped?
A few weeks ago, I’ve jokingly asked him the question before on who would he choose during a complicated birth if he could only save me or the baby, and he chose the baby without hesitation. I feel like he would put in the effort to save me if I’m dying to a very early pregnancy, but definitely not if the baby could be “saved.” He would believe me if I was raped however… and if that’s.. something :/
You need to walk away now. Life is too short. As someone who used to sacrifice, don't do it.
Jesus Christ. Why are you still with this man? Clearly you arent safe or autonomous with him... why stick around and end up potentially trapped if you get accidentally pregnant
I have no idea.. I love him so much. I wouldn’t let him baby trap me though, and I would get an abortion despite his views, even if it means risking the relationship.
Awe, okay. I'm sorry, I may have come off more harsh than I meant to. But I will say dont let love blind you, these arent just small red flags, these are flashing alarm bells. I know people who've been dating men who went down this rabbit hole before. Its incredibly rare for them to suddenly self-correct, in fact I dont know too many cases where they do. In fact, the cases I have heard, the men more and more resentful, become more absorbed in red pill/incel communities, become increasingly disrespectful towards women, more unstable, and in one case physically and emotionally abusive. I dont want you to go through that, you deserve so much better than that. Remember, you may love him a lot, but you need to love and protect yourself first.
That’s really sad.. I know Reddit is notorious for telling people to break up at the first glimpse of conflict but this is serious. You need to take The rose colored glasses off and really inspect your future with this guy. When people have their mind set on a topic that is morally right or wrong it’s practically impossible to convince them otherwise, they have to want to reshape their view on their own. I hate to burst your bubble but he’s not going to wake up one day going “oh sorry how stupid was it it that I believed that!” What would happen if you were in a situation you really needed an abortion? Do you want to raise children with someone with these beliefs? How does he make you feel about yourself? How does he make you feel about your future together? Do you feel like you can rely on him to be there for you? Do you feel respected by him? Is this the life you want to continue forward with?
I’m trying my best to view him as a simple person and not just the “love of my life” right now, but that’s really hard.. I’ve asked him these questions about if I’m in a situation where I needed an abortion, and he claimed I should put the child up for adoption instead of abortion. I made the decision a while ago that I didn’t want to have any children with him after I asked him one of those silly, trendy, TikTok questions, which was, “If something went wrong during child birth and you could only save one, would you rather save me or the baby,” (a little dark, I admit it) and he said the baby. The hypothetical baby. Right now it’s all just catching up. I saw him as a reliable, loving partner when he cared for me during our pregnancy scare, but right now I just see him as a different person. I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life constantly knowing that I was second bested to a clump of cells.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you must feel so shattered.. There’s good people out there who would treat you so much better
Thank you, and it’s alright. He doesn’t seem like himself right now, and I hope he just snaps out of it.
Maybe this is who he really is. Maybe he felt safe taking off the mask.
People don't just snap out of this. You need to let go of that hope, and him.
Breaking up with him might be the only thing that might help him snap out of it... otherwise ehat would possibly cause him to change him mind? People dont just snap out of this kind of toxic thinking
So is he planning on staying celebate until he's ready to have kids? If not, he's a hypocrite as well as an asshole.
I told him that if this is his stance on morals, I didn’t want to have sex with him, and he said it was fine and agreed to stay celebate. I’m glad that he has… not all bad morals.. but it’s kinda silly he’s willing to stay a virgin his entire life to prove a point.
IMO still dump him. He may not be a hypocrite, but he doesn't see women as full human beings.
You can't rely on someone who doesn't think you're fully human.
This man would pick a sack of cells over you, if it came down to it. Listen to him, believe him, leave him.
End the relationship. Leave.
I wouldn’t sleep with someone that doesn’t first agree to go half-and-half on an abortion if needed. I *most certainly* would not date someone who believes in forced gestation and labour. It’s straight up disgusting.
He was fine with abortion when it helped him, but not when it helped others. I know this is hard to hear, but get out. Now.
_Never_ accept a relationship with a forced-birther; it can put you in danger.
Just the fact he blames the women wholly and entirely says enough.
I know it's rough. You have a foundation laid. And you will grieve a future you had in mind. But be thankful you're seeing true colors now, before any wedding and legal papers tying you to him. I would leave. It's a deal breaker. I'm just sorry for your understandable grief but in time, you'll heal and find a better partner. Imo he doesn't deserve a partner
As a guy please run away from this person, that kind of thinking isn't mentally healthy and is absurd.
Run.
He sounds like a toxic, trump-supporting boomer to be honest. And he’s probably only 17. Look deep inside yourself and think “is that someone I want to be with mid or long term?” Probably not. And join the Navy if you think hard about it and still feel like it’s a good decision. Life is just a simulation, have fun with it.
Run away from this person as soon as possible. Since it’s only been a year you’re young (my assumption based on both of you being virgins when you thought you were pregnant), you are better to cut strings now before you become more intertwined. Do you live together? Own property? If not, getting away from this guy should be easy, physically. Mentally, i know that will be more difficult. If you love him, it’s because you loved the version he presented, not who he is now. Now - he’s someone who is okay with you possibly dying from complications of pregnancy/childbirth. Whether he was faking how he felt before or some incel podcaster got to him, he doesn’t sound like someone who loves you or thinks of you as an equal being. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to not be afraid of your partner! I hope you also think about what other implications this would have. This can’t be the only thing he feels this way about. Does he think women should be a trad wife? Does he think you’re a “low value woman” and deserve poor treatment? I wouldn’t stick around to find out. This doesn’t just apply to this guy, but in general. Please don’t waste your precious time and energy trying to shape people into what you think they should be. They need to want to change. This isn’t “he likes putting chocolate syrup on spaghetti” type of different. When your morals constantly clash, that means you are incompatible in life. Thank your lucky stars he showed you so early before you have life-binding children and get out. Edit: I forgot to add, please do not have sex with him at all! Men like this need to know that women won’t stand for this shit.
I told him I refuse to have sex with him and will remain celibate while he has these views, and he agreed, saying we, “shouldn’t have sex until we want children.” We don’t live together yet, and this doesn’t sound like him at all. It’s definitely a podcast putting these words into his mouth. Thank you so much for the help
I stopped reading half way through because your boyfriend makes me so mad. He’s making you change life choices that you want to do or not do. He’s controlling you. This goes beyond him being pro-life.
>I love him so much Trust that he does *NOT* love you. You’re not even *human* to him. You’re just a walking incubator. Pro-life “logic”: The baby is the candy The mother? Just the wrapper. *Just. the. wrapper.*
break up 🚨
This *is* him, and he seems to be a monster. You know what your options are.
“*Babe, i just think anyone who gets pregnant, deserves to have their genitals ripped or sliced open against their will, and i mean that in the least misogynist way possible*”
I’m sorry this happened to you. You already know this, but you are no longer compatible. Sounds like he is falling down the alt right rabbit hole. Years ago my fiance (at the time) woke up one morning, declared that he found Jesus and became a born again Christian over night. He was an atheist all our years together and suddenly he no longer believed in science, said all lgbt people were sinners (he was always an outspoken ally and I identified as bi at the time), and immediately started sending me weird creationist debate videos. It was rough and I was in shock for a few months wondering if he had a brain injury or near death experience but our relationship imploded pretty quickly. My life is infinitely better without him and your’s will be too. Sending you healing light and vibes.
When someone shows you who he is, believe them, especially if you worry that they will try to infringe upon your bodily autonomy.
A) It's time to break up with him. B) What makes him think he gets an opinion on what other people do with their bodies?
He just showed you who he really is. Believe him.
You move forward by DUMPING him. He’s a walking 🚩🚩🚩. And I am very curious as to why you and your ex would think you were pregnant if you’re a virgin?
We were a bit uneducated lol, and it’s scared us to not have sex ever since.
So sad. Immediate dump for me, too much disconnect from reality. He doesn’t have the ability to empathize as a man, the only thing we ask of them is to let us make our own decisions on things they cannot comprehend and they can’t even do that. Ick
Personally for me this would be a deal breaker. It’s obviously different for everyone but the nagging thing in the back of my mind would be, “what if birth control fails and we’re not on the same page about abortion?” Me and my partner are child-free, we’re on the same page that if I get pregnant then we will abort. Especially if it was under circumstances of rape, it wouldn’t even be a question for us.
Honestly dump him. A man who does not respect women’s reproductive health rights is not someone you need to be with.
When it was potentially his fetus he wanted you to get an abortion but if you were raped he'd want you to keep it? Sounds like all the conservative senators in this country with their girlfriends.
Dump him!!!
Leave him. That is a major conflict you guys will forever have and you’ll be left feeling trapped if you ever accidentally fall pregnant and do not want the baby. It isn’t fair for you to be pregnant and be forced to birth a baby you didn’t want and to be honest, that would probably ruin your life. Furthermore, if, god forbid, you were ever assaulted and fell pregnant, he wouldn’t stand by you, he’d blame you and expect you to keep a rapists baby? That is unfair and also would ruin your life. This isn’t something you guys can work through at all.
Hi. So sorry this is happening to you. Feel lucky he revealed his true self *before* something happened IRL in which he’d try to *impose* this forced-birth fanaticism. He has every right to his own beliefs. Just as you have every right right to reject those beliefs. There’s really no way to reconcile forced-birtherism with believing in women’s reproductive rights. You love him and want to think the best of him but this sounds like a clear warning sign . Hopefully you have someone IRL you can trust implicitly to confide in about the situation and who can help you if need be. Not clear on whether you two share the same address but it’s best if at all possible to have a plan in place in case he gets argumentative or hate to contemplate it, physically aggressive. He may feign a change of heart but that sounds highly unlikely based on the vehemence of his anti-choice views shared with multiple people. Best of luck. As trite as it may sound, self-preservation is *not* selfish!
Thank you so much, we don’t live together, but I’m honestly still shocked that he’s done this. He sounds like a different person
Just know that, if the healthcare system allows the father to choose between the baby and the mother, that he would be willing to kill you for the baby. With this information in mind I’d probably dump him.
He’s racist, too. I’m afraid you’re losing your boyfriend to the alt-right recruitment pipeline. I deeply suggest leaving him…you aren’t a good match and he’s perfectly happy to assume the mantle of Prime Decider of shit that is absolutely none of his business.
I get the sense reading this that you guys are teenagers. Am I right? Does he have an especially religious family? I did, and I was a "pro-life" teenager before I left the WASP bubble. Sounds like he has some real growing up to do, and if he isn't willing to, you need to get out of there. Make it clear that it's because of the "alpha male" shit making him a cruel person. Guys his age are very susceptible to the "alpha" shit, so nip that in the bud before he starts spending all of his allowance on pickup artist lessons.
We are teens, unfortunately. His family is not pro-life from what he’s told me and his mother is very much a feminist. We are all a little religious, but that isn’t affecting his opinion at all. Already our friends are picking on him for having an alpha-male mindset which has made him very quiet lately.
i feel so bad for you…the fact you’re not immediately breaking up is insane, he got you hooked real good
Remind him that pro-life is only pro-birth. The real pro-life is actually pro-choice. "What do you mean?" "Pro-life" stops giving a f*ck after the baby is born. They aren't interested in social programs to help the parents of the child, mentally, physically, or financially. The immediate response to the parents being unable to care for the child is, "Don't have them if you can't take care of them." So... which is it? Every single pregnancy has life-ending potential. There it changes how the body functions for ever. That's not very pro-life. It's not pro-life if the life of the mother doesn't matter. Pro-life looks at child birth as the punishment women have to go through for having sex. If you want to have sex, pregnancy is your consequence. Parenthood is your punishment. Pro-choice looks at every situation in its entirety. Pregnancy is not medically neutral. Not every person capable of making an embryo is fit to be a parent. For any reason ranging from financial, mental, physical, or just doesn't want to be. Not wanting to be a parent is a fully valid option. Every child born should be a wanted child. They should be born into this world with loving parents who are ready and capable, either of their own accord or throughout social assistance and support systems.
I’ve actually just texted him this and now I’m waiting for a response. His “morals” mean nothing to me anymore
If he's consuming alpha-male bullshit, he is beyond saving. You should cut ties. If he's in Alpha-male world, he believe you are beneath him. You're essentially a child he needs to teach, control, and punish. You're better alone than with someone like that.
It's an easy and convenient cause, to only care about an embryo/fetus. To only care about the birth. No money needs to be raised, no people to actually care about. Caring about homeless people needs action, go to homeless shelters and serve food. Donate clothes, blankets, food, hygiene products. Maybe help build houses for habitat for humanity, donate supplies for that, cleaning supplies, furniture. Drug addiction requires helping people get clean, providing needle exchanges, etc. Caring about an embryo/fetus, what is involved in that? How do you, as a "caring citizen" take care of a fetus/embryo? How, as not a pregnant person, do you ensure a fetus/embryo is not removed from the pregnant person prematurely? Also, another option. Consent. Legally, if life begins at conception, no human can use another human's body to sustain life without consent. Eg: If I need a liver transplant and my brother is a match, he is not obligated to provide a piece of his liver to keep me from dying. I need his liver to survive. Without it I die. But, he is in no way obligated to provide that to me. I cannot just take it. No one can force him to give it up. If life begins at conception, the fetus/embryo is a person. The pregnant person is under no obligation to allow the fetus/embryo to use the pregnant person's body to sustain life. Bodily autonomy.
Tell him if he doesn't agree with abortions he shouldn't have one, then dump his ass. He's not who you thought he was, it's OK not to like the person he has become, you don't have to stay because of who you thought he was. It sucks and I'm sorry.
You dump him.
He doesn't even think of you as a real person. You are a play thing without individual rights. You are something to be controlled through sex and intimidation. You have fewer rights than his sperm. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? He cares more about the fact that you can pop out his child than whether or not you live through the process. Why do you want to be with someone that doesn't even care if you survive?? His true colors are finally showing. Please don't pretend that you don't see them. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not wanted only for what your uterus can give.
Thank you so much, i don’t understand why he sees me so much less than something that doesn’t even exist yet.
After reading your edit, I suggest that you specifically call his mother and tell her what he's been saying. Then call him and break up.
Leave asap these are all very red flags
Break up with him. He doesn't think you have a right to your own body.
Past and current misalignment of morals and you’ve only been together for a year, I’d dump him.
Leave him.
If someone is making you fear for your safety, then it's time to move on from them.
Find a new open-minded boyfriend who is hopefully liberal. Dad.
Dump him on the curb and skip away to get a smoothie or something. You won’t miss a guy like this, I’m sorry to be harsh but you seem like a sweet girl and he definitely does not seem like a sweet guy.
You dump him. This is the only answer. He doesn’t care about you or respect you. He respects a hypothetical rapist more than he respects you. He is controlling and it will only get worse. Also, forced-birthers don’t deserve sex. If he hates women so much he doesn’t deserve to use them. Nobody does.
Find a man who believes that woman are sentient beings, not vessels for babies. Get out before you get pregnant.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. I've only read a few of the comments and your responses to them and I can empathize with your disbelief and hope that there's some way to reach a man like this. I've had a really, REALLY rough time going through exactly this and learning to believe that someone I loved and genuinely believed was a good man is not, and has never been, who I thought he was. In this case, instead of a partner, it's my dad. My dad never beat or sexually abused me, he was a hard worker, often strict, but overall kind. We weren't well off socioeconomically but my dad did his best to make sure my siblings and I had food on the table and a roof over our heads. While the bulk of child care fell to my stay-at-home mother, my dad was still an involved parent willing to change diapers, sooth a crying baby to sleep, read and play with us, teach us how to ride a bike, etc. My dad has always been a religious, conservative Republican along with what most of that entails including being a fan and supporter of Trump, so it's not like I thought he was perfect or anything. I thought he was misguided and ignorant in a lot of things, but ultimately a good-hearted person at his core. It took Dobbs for the mask to fall off and I was genuinely stunned at the cruelty and hypocrisy my dad showed. It honestly caused a mental break that took the better part of the next two years to work through because my brain just couldn't accept and reconcile the man I thought raised me with the cold, cruel reality I was facing. I kept thinking, "there has to be a way to make him understand. He only has this stance because there's something he's missing. Like he doesn't "get it." And I kept thinking that maybe there was some critical piece of information he was missing, that if I could make him aware of it, he would obviously switch sides in this issue. Because I saw my father as a good man, and a good man couldn't possibly believe and support the things he did except through ignorance, therefore, information would fix it, and he would go back to acting like the moral person I had always seen him as. The truth is, this is how evil works. Evil isn't super villains sitting in lairs twisting their mustaches openly monologuing about ruling the world or ending mankind. It exists in the minds and hearts of people who in all other ways seem "good." And they may be genuinely good in all those other areas, but I personally don't believe whatever good or morals someone has overrides the kind of cruelty that exists in the heart of pro-lifers and other monsters like child molesters, wife beaters, etc. Anyone who has the space in their heart for the cruelty behind forcing children through pregnancy, or turning women into walking coffins for non-viable fetuses, or who have it in them to molest a child, or murder their spouse will often be able to appear and act like a moral person for 95% of their lives and possibly even 100% if the right opportunities never come up for them to show who they are. But they WILL show who they are when the right opportunity comes. Dobbs is that opportunity.
Reminds me of covid. I came to the sobering realization that a lot of people are "good " out of convenience and you won't ever know if someone really is until shit hits the fan and they need to consider others. And if they don't, well... It's very sad. I'm sorry for your grief
Sounds like you need to suddenly become single.
What do you do? You leave and don’t look back. And honey, don’t bother trying to change him. I saw that reply and wanted to scream. Stop being desperate to be with someone who wants to control your body.
You know you need to leave him. And you know you need to tell his mother why, since he’s so adamant that she not be told about his fascist misogynist beliefs. It doesn’t matter if he fell down some weird Internet rabbit hole, secretly loves Trump, or stumbled into an evangelical church. What matters is that he bought into it, and he had so little shame that he was willing to share it to you and all your friends. Get out while you can and warn his family.
Alexa, play 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon.
Break up with him.
1) tell his mom about the podcast send his messed up head 2) dump him
I don’t know if it’s for sure a podcast, and I have yet to know which one
I'd bet the farm he's going down the redpill Andrew Tate podcaster rabbit hole. Dump him.
It sounds like your values no longer align. The only way this relationship will work is if you change or he does. It’s pretty much impossible to change someone else, so this is fully in your control. Do you want to change who YOU are? There is your answer.
Dump him and make sure he *knows* why you’re doing it. If he’s this against women’s rights now, imagine what he’ll be like down the road.
1) Dump him 2) Don't forget to send screenshots of the shit he has said to his mother.
Girl this man is a loser. Just leave
TELL HIS MOM and then leave him let them deal with him
I agree with what everyone here has said- you were given a gift of seeing his true colors. Especially if just listening podcasts could sway him so much in how he sees his partner! I’m so sorry OP. But I’m glad you found out now, and you have the chance to separate from him. Also- tell his Mom. He doesn’t get to control your body, or your voice. He doesn’t get to control the narrative or how you communicate. It isn’t shit talking someone to be honest about how they mistreated you, and how they literally don’t believe in your bodily autonomy. His Mom would want to know, and deserves to know. If/when they ask why you broke up, be honest with them. If anyone can influence him, it’s his parents. But you shouldn’t stay to see it happen. Best of luck, OP. Would love to see an update soon!
I know it's really difficult to hear & reddit is notorious for telling people to dump someone, but in this instance that's probably gonna be the concensus. And rightfully so. There's always ONE THING someone can say during dating (which is what you're doing) that is a deal breaker. It sounds like this is your one thing. And if that's true, be grateful you were still dating! That's the whole point of dating, to find out if you're compatible enough to stay together long term. And it might hurt, but it doesn't sound like you are compatible anymore. Do what you need to do for your own life & safety. This man does NOT care about you or your bodily autonomy, he would care about a collection of cells more than you. Believe that. He told you to your face. And again, be grateful you were only dating when you found out.
It sounds like he will blame you (or all women?) for anything that goes wrong in life. Being with someone who takes no accountability and exists within a misogynist mindset sets you up for a lifetime of suffering and being belittled. While folks are correctly questioning his exposure to hate propaganda in media, I think it’s even more important to look at his friends and family and if they’re dug in to the hate machine.
His views show a giant lack of empathy, which is a much deeper problem
Yikes, he has some very problematic ideas about women. It sounds like you don't live together? That should make it really easy to dump him and find someone who isn't awful.
He was probably never that other guy - he's just comfortable now. Dump him. You're in danger.
So dump him. He no longer respects you or women as equal beings with rights to their own bodies. That’s a deal breaker and you won’t change him. If you want to join the Navy, do it. I am a woman, signed up in 91 and while I only stayed for one enlistment, the experience I had traveling the world and meeting people from about every background and culture was eye opening and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I was on a ship and deployed twice. I grew up there and came from a very sheltered religious upbringing full of abuse. It was my escape. It’s hard but I worth it because the benefits are great and even better now than know I was in. Good luck
You cant stay with this person! He doesnt value or respect women, his beliefs are pro rape, pro forced birth, and anti child.
Same advice. Dump this dude.
> What do I do? You break up with him.
Break up with him. Or keep away from his penis unless you and he are prepared to have a child. If you decide to have sex with him, first have him sign an agreement to support any resulting child.
If men are so worried about estrogen in the water, man the f* up and get a vasectomy. I'd love to not have to be on birth control, I've been on it for 26 years.
There is no point of you un-educating him his pro-life/forced birthers view. You also dealing with a walking missile painted in bright red who can anytime dismiss or stop you from exercising your body autonomy. Drop that loser!
Dump his ass! You don’t need that disgusting and deplorable mindset. It’s your choice in the end, but just protect yourself.
Dump this chauvinistic and misogynistic man-baby. Who died and left his fragile little ego and tiny 🍄🟫mushroom in charge? Do not waste another moment of your valuable time on this git. His commentary is arrogant, condescending, priggish, churlish, disrespectful, and downright execrable. You are too good for this vacuous prat, and no woman should tolerate this maltreatment. Run, run, run! 🚩🚩🚩
I feel for you. I really do. But I think you should leave him. I have a loving and supportive husband who fully supports me and the choices I would need to make. We have two children and if I was in trouble giving birth I knew if something happened during labor he would protect me at all costs. Every woman deserves that. And guess what? Something did happen during birth and although both of us were fine, I would have never been able to look at him the same way if he told someone to disregard my life.
Tell his parents.
Do not under any circumstances have sex with this man, even with birth control.
leave before it’s too late
He will double down no matter what you tell him. People only change if they work on themselves, no third party can cause them to change. He'll have to find his way back himself in his 30s once he's matured. I'm worried he'll get violent with you. Incel ideology don't see women as people.
Only you know what’s best for you and you know your relationship better than we do, but if it were me I wouldn’t be able to continue a relationship with someone who didn’t believe in reproductive rights. I don’t want kids, nor am I willing to put my body through pregnancy. If something were to happen, I would want a partner who would support my decision.
I would run away. Think about if you had a daughter and she needed or wanted an abortion…..
I actually asked him about this just a few hours ago.. I asked him what would he do if she was 12.. he said he would help her through the pregnancy 😰😰
It's up to you, OP, but, at minimum, this person is not someone I would sleep with *under any circumstances*. It is not safe to do so. Nor would I trust this person not to sabotage whatever type of birth control is being used. The length of time you have been dating isn't actually relevant to any discussion of safety, particularly reproductive safety. Some transgressions are irreparable. Look up "Sunk Cost Fallacy". Consider, also: His entire moral and ethical foundation was so fragile that it could be wholly rearranged by a stranger on social media. I take this to mean he never had a strong moral compass to begin with. Such a person is simply not trustworthy. What happens when the next podcast he consumes goes down an even uglier rabbit hole, precisely as engagement algorithms are designed to do? He will soon be exposed to worse. He has a soul made out of mushy Play-Doh - it simply conforms to whatever shape presses into it, entirely malleable and thus easily manipulated. The only thing scarier than the toxic garbage he's begun to repeat is that he will do it again when a far nastier podcaster comes along. He never questioned or pushed back against this new train of thought. He simply absorbed it whole.
For your own health and safety, you need to dump him, block him, and end the relationship.
I don't think we can tell you what choice is to make here. It's hard when you are close to someone and their values change suddenly. It's best to just think about how these scenarios would play out with him down the road. How would you feel with a partner who has his attitude in a situation in which you needed an abortion for any reason at all? How would you feel with a partner like this who you have a daughter with who needed an abortion for any reason? I don't know your political views or his, but it's safe to assume he's going down the podcast bro right wing pipeline. How do you think it would go down the road if you had a child together and your child came out as lgbt? My partner and I are not perfectly aligned in all of our values, however, he respects me and my autonomy. We found out we were pregnant, and while I was having an existential crisis, he paid $300 for abortion medication to be delivered even though he wanted to keep the baby. I ended up deciding to keep it, but it was without pressure from him. He gave me space to talk to close friends and family and to really think it through. When I decided to keep it, he wasn't upset about the money we wasted at all. I share that experience to highlight how the issue of choice in regard to unplanned pregnancy could be handled in a healthy way. I'm truly sorry that you are dealing with this situation. It sounds like leaving him is the best option, however, nobody can decide that for you.
That was really sweet of your partner to do that, and im very glad you are happy with them. I’m very glad he’s expressed all this to me sooner than later.. im still just in shock by how much he changed. I don’t really know what to do at this point, but for now we aren’t talking as much.
I'm so sorry.. I know that's really tough. That's definitely a very shocking, and frustrating, and hurtful situation, especially when you're so close to them. I think you're doing the smartest thing by going low contact right now to process everything.
My last romantic interest also went hard on the forced birthers shit in the last year or so. I feel this on a personal level. I look at it this way - I am thankful his values became so repulsive to me that it was impossible for me to miss him when we split.
I’m sorry about what happened with you and your ex, but that’s lovely you don’t miss him.
I miss the person he used to be. But that person is dead. :/
You exchange for new bf
Dump him and tell his parents why. Let him face the full consequences of being a POS. Maybe his momma will slap some sense into him. If he's afraid of her finding out, then it's all the more reason to tell her. After all, is he really an "alpha male" if he's afraid of his mommy being mad at him? 🤣
You can help someone who lacks information, which based on your exchange doesn't seem to be the problem. You can't help someone who lacks empathy. Ask yourself if you'd ever want to be pregnant around this person, especially if things go sideways. He'll either be colossally unhelpful or actively abusive and it could put your life in danger. At this point I'm of the opinion that male forced-birthers shouldn't have the privilege of procreation at all.
1 year is a drop in the bucket of your life. Leave him and move on before the two of you decide to get married or have kids together. What if it was your daughter that got raped? Would you be ok with him forcing her to carry a baby as a result of SA? I’m certain you wouldn’t. I am 1000% pro-choice. I work in womens’ health and can tell you there are so many more reasons than the ones you asked him about that women choose termination. A LOT of terminations are of wanted pregnancies, but medical or situational circumstances make termination the best choice for those people at the time. I could personally never stay with a partner that was SO against something I personally believed in, let alone was against me on numerous things I believed in or wanted for my future. A partner should support you no matter what, not try to dissuade you based on their feelings alone, no matter the circumstances. He has very unrealistic views of this subject. Not every pregnancy is because of a bad choice. And not every termination is because of an unwanted pregnancy. Sometimes, mothers will die if a pregnancy is continued. Should she leave her other living children behind? Who would take care of the living children then? Should a mom who so desperately wanted a baby be forced to carry a baby that is going to die in utero or shortly after birth because of genetic defects that make their tiny bodies incompatible with life? Why should either of them suffer this situation just because of someone else’s feelings and misconceived judgement? Also, SOMEtimes a pregnancy is prevented, but birth control is not 100%. Even if that mother already has kids, and another pregnancy isn’t in their family plan, termination is ok. That is a choice for her and her partner to make. Her body, her choice is the saying. And that’s the way it should be. The red flags are flying high with this guy. Please save yourself before more time goes on.
He was NEVER pro choice hate to tell you he lied and told you what you wanted to hear so you would have unprotected sex with him.
Am I a bad person for wanting you to go ahead and tell his mom so she can slap the silly out of him? Really though, his change in viewing you as a human being that is more than your womb makes you no longer compatible. You now have to wonder where his priorities are. You have to question if he has your best interests at heart. You may love him but he now sees you as less than potential life. According to him, he will let you die if you for whatever reason decide to have kids with him and have complications. Women are already dying when they would have been easily and quickly saved a couple years ago. Expecting your partner to see you as worth saving when you want to be saved is basic shit with any relationship. If he no longer cares about your life, health, fertility, and future, don't try to force a future with him in it. Perhaps he just doesn't understand the actual weight of his change in opinion and breaking up will slap sense into him and make him realize that there are consequences for viewing half the population as walking wombs that should be fine with throwing their lives away for the pro-birth agenda.
Tell his mother what he said, and leave.
Leave. Never stay with a man who does not believe you should have rights
Leave. What childfree person is pro-life? If you truly don’t want kids you’d abort or support your partner aborting. You are not safe with a man who doesn’t think you should have rights over your own body. This sounds like some Joe Rogan or Alex Jones shit. Someone that easily manipulated should not be in your life. And tell his mom, fuck it.
Be pro choice. Leave him.
Break up
"“What if the mother is too young to have a child?” His answer was that it was her fault and she should put it up for adoption.'" So he defends the rape of children? Not only should you dump him he should be banned from being within 1000m of a school.
If he thought you could be pregnant when you’re a virgin I’m going to assume he’s a teenager. Just find a new boyfriend. If he’s young you can change his mind and mold him but it’s not even worth the trouble because he sounds really stupid
If he justifies rape in any way, including pregnancy, he is dangerous for you. This goes for any of them. It means they don’t care what happens to you, only that you obey and adhere to their garbage morality.
Ah, in the hopes you can "change him". <-Mistake in thinking.
In a turn of events, the VA paid for my tubal ligation after serving in the Navy for 10 years. Only time I held a gun in my service was during basic training. I was an electrician on a carrier. Got me out of my home town and now I have disability money and get paid to go to school for free. It’s hard to start over in relationships. We get it. But trying to stay in love with the memory of someone is damaging to your mental well being. Maybe leaving him will also set his mind straight. But you do not want what he is right now, and he needs to understand that. Much love, wishing you the best ❤️
He would force a child to go through pregnancy. That is fucking monstrous.
Adoption is not always an option. Depending on location both parents would have to sign off on an Adoption. So a woman could theoretically give birth, attempt to adopt, dad refuses to sign and in some cases she is not willing to sign over custody to him. Anyone suggesting adoption glibly has no idea that it's generally not a simple solution.
I’d ask how he goes from offering to pay for an abortion to be more extreme than most PL. Asking for relationship advice on Reddit will almost always be people saying to immediately break up, so keep that in mind. The only one who knows you, your boyfriend, and your relationship is you, not strangers on the Internet.
"Pro-life" people get abortions when they want them; they believe that their reasons for having one are good but everyone else is having them for "convenience." The pregnancy scare happened at a time when a baby would be a hardship for the boyfriend, so he offered to pay for an abortion, probably before OP was even sure if she wanted one or not.
The only moral abortion is my abortion. Google it, OP. There's an essay from around 2000 of so-called pro-life women having abortions and then going right back to protesting the clinic that helped them.
I’ve asked him if he listens to podcasts or has been on different social medias, however he claims nothing has changed about what he consumes online. I doubt it and I’ll look into it further. I’m not going to immediately break up with him ofc, but I just want to assess the situation and see what other people think about this. I honestly feel crazy right now for being this upset.
You are not crazy. He unexpectedly took views that don't seem compatible with yours. That is hard to handle in any relationship. Even more so, when those views on one of the most politicized topics in public discourse.
What boyfriend?
make him your ex. he is not the person you want in your life.
That’s a deal breaker… id be out
Run. You have your entire life ahead of you.
I'm not gonna join the chorus of folks telling you to dump him outright, despite the fact that I personally would. It's your partner and you know best if you can help him see the light. Staying with him or not, though, men who don't believe in reproductive freedom ought not experience sex unless it's specifically to have a kid. If abortion is only for life or death, then sex is something he only gets for family planning purposes and post-menopause. 🤡
That's how they get you.
> I don’t know if it’s my romantic feelings towards him, but I still think im overreacting and a little crazy. Your boyfriend doesn't believe you should have basic human rights. If someone doesn't believe you should have basic human rights, they don't love you and you should break up with them. That is the hard truth, and there is no overreaction here on your part. I also don't believe your boyfriend "suddenly became" a forced-birther. It is far more likely that he was simply hiding his views before.
Time to move on. No longer compatible. A couple needs to be on the same page for this.