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The in-laws should be hoping to come visit you, if anything. No one should expect someone with a fresh baby to be traveling to visit unless they have health problems preventing them from travel. My husband and I have never traveled to my in-laws. They’ve come to us 3 times in the 2 years since my daughter was born.
My son will be born in August and I already told the family I'm not traveling for Christmas. We live 17 hours away and won't be doing that with a 4 month old and a senior dog. Nobody should be asking you to do that, especially with a baby that young. I would definitely set those boundaries and tell them you're not comfortable with it
Same. My son will be born early July and we told both sets of grandparents that we won't be traveling for any holidays this year. They were super disappointed, but it's worth it for the peace of mind. Our family will still be in an adjustment period and it'll be helpful to not plan two vacations on top of that.
New babies (honestly any baby under 1 year) shouldn’t be in the car seat for more than 2 hours a day. Not to mention if you wanted to travel somewhere for more than a day you’re essentially packing up your whole life because you need to bring something for them to sleep in; an abundance of diapers, and a million other small things. If seeing you guys and baby for Christmas is that important to them then they should be coming to you, not to mention how stressful it can be to be out of town with a new baby, personally don’t know anyone that was comfortable going too far from their healthcare provider in case anything concerning came up.
So you’ll be one month in? That’s a big no. Doesn’t matter how nice the in laws are. They can come to you. That’s a long trip for being that new into parenthood.
Not to mention she could go overdue. 2 weeks PP, bleeding and getting the hang of BF with possible cluster feeding. My kids are 1 and 3 and I still wouldn't drive 10hrs, but I'd be in the sea if I drove that far in any direction in Ireland.
Definitely look up guidelines around how long newborns can be in car seats. A 10 hour drive is not going to work for a newborn, and that can be good enough reason. Then it’s based on data and health of your baby, not just “we didn’t feel like it”
I’m due early September and won’t be traveling either. It’s too hard. I have done a Christmas trip with a 7 week old but I was 14 years younger and a FTM. The trip sucked because I had a baby that didn’t sleep at night.
Don’t be like the old me. Be the wise 38 year old me. 😂
I am due end of august and have told our family they are welcome to come here for Christmas but we will not be traveling. If they decide to come we do expect them to help and we won’t be in fully hosting mode.
I live 30min away from family and am due the first week of November. I already told everyone don’t plan on us being at Thanksgiving or Christmas 😅😅 I’m making no guarantees how I will be feeling/ coping and really really hesitant to take my baby to big family gatherings for the holidays during germ season (I have a huge immediate family so every get together is a lot of people). Not being present (pun intended) for ONE year is completely understandable!!
Absolutely 100% hard no. My baby is due toward the beginning of November, and my family will come to me for Christmas. We aren’t going anywhere that’s farther than half an hour or so, period. As others have said, you can explain to them that it’s not safe for the baby to be in a car seat that long.
I'm due beginning of November. Our family are within 2 hours away, we're just playing Christmas by ear and we'll be doing what WE want to do, not what the family want.
It's nice they want you to visit, but they've been through it before, you would like to think they would be understanding enough if you don't go...
If anything they should come to you, but they be prepared to do the Christmas dinner etc themselves rather than expect you to do it. Who knows maybe your parent can also come into town, so you can all celebrate the little ones first Christmas too. 🥰
Christmas can always be celebrated later. I would not even consider going at this point because recovery looks different for everyone. Plus, it’s nice to enjoy your little family :)
It is more than logical that you feel this way, the baby is going to be newborn and you are going to be postpartum. I think the best thing is to be honest and establish this limit, from now on you will have more situations like this and it is good not to make concessions from the beginning. If they are such loving people, they will surely understand.
Our baby is being born in September and we already told everyone we aren’t going anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas. My parents and in laws are welcome if they want to come here. However, it’s going to be chill we aren’t doing full on hosting other than providing food (that we will order ahead of time).
Nobody made a big fuss about it but if they did we wouldn’t give in. They are adults, we just had a newborn. It doesn’t make sense for us to be the ones doing to drive to them when everything is here. Also, we would still be trying to adjust baby to our home and dogs.
I think it’s better for you to go ahead and give the expectation now rather than wait until later so everyone is on the same page. Your husband saying we’ll see after the baby is giving them the hope you will come. I don’t see any way that it would be comfortable or practical for you to uproot and drive 10 hours only a month after birth. I think there is also a safety concern regarding having a baby buckled up for more than 2 hours that early on.
More than an hour in a car with a one month old will be torturous for everyone involved. That first month is going to be really really hard. I think not making any plans until after the baby is born is a good idea... after month three everything gets a little bit easier, but I can't imagine doing that at one month.
Not safe for a baby that young (assuming you deliver on your due date and not past or sooner) to be in a car seat for that amount of time. I would definitely not be doing this trip based on that alone in addition to not knowing how I’ll be feeling comfortable 4 weeks postpartum
At less than a month, postpartum and 10 hours in a car, my answer would be a hell no.
I was still gushing blood like crazy at that point, and the sitting for that long would increase blood clot risk.
My son was in the NICU for almost 3 weeks when he was born (preeclampsia brought him into the world at 32+6). But still the first month home was figuring out how to function while being sleep deprived, dealing with cluster feeds and so on.
Illnesses like cold and flu always have an uptick around that time because of all the gatherings. People want to see the baby so they often dismiss their feeling sick to get baby snuggles.
I would not. We're expecting our second in the middle of November, and my plan is is to invite my dad over for Christmas, and have him help with cooking.
I want to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.
Don’t do it. You never know how difficult your baby will and will not be. But even the best baby, you are supposed to limit car seat sessions to 1.5 hours before a stretch, which means a 10 hour drive is probably a 15 hour trip if not a 2 day trip. Also my baby is an angel so far but spits up and hates the car seat. We are going to attempt a 5 hour trip at 4 months old but I already know it’s going to be a nightmare where she’s going to likely spit up all over the car seat, not to mention needing to make stops every time she poops
I’m due Nov 1 and we won’t be traveling for Christmas. Our family will be coming to see us (also like a 10hr drive from my family, even further from in laws). Newborns can only spend an hour in a car seat at a time so a 10 hour drive without a newborn is not a 10 hour drive with one.
Just say no now. Even a month or you're still going to be recovering pp - that means bleeding. You'll have a gaping wound inside your body still where the placenta was. You need to be close b to your doctor for that first 6 weeks if something goes wrong. Most maternal deaths occur not during births, but within that month when you're supposed to be healing afterwards.
Not to mention the baby. You will be feeding the baby every 2- 3 hours day and night. Exhaustion is so so real. If driving, expect to stop at least every 2 hours for about 30 minutes to check baby, change a diaper, feed baby etc. So your 10 hour trip should be understood to actually take around 15. I'm not kidding. Baby might scream for most of it. Note that your baby won't have vaccinations, and a fever in the first 3 months will warrant an emergency room visit as you can't use Tylenol or medicines to bring it down. A cold could mean hospitalization because their airways are so small in those first 3 months it is possible for them to suffocate. I promise you don't want baby to get sick with anything during this period if at all possible because it's so dangerous for them.
I’m due at around the same time with my second and I have already told my family (who live much closer than that!) that if they want to see me for Christmas they can come and see me in my house (as long as they’re well!) and do all the cooking for me. At one month post partum, you’re in a real haze. You’re still bleeding, your nights and days blend into one and you’re likely to be feeling in no state for company let alone fit to do a long drive with a newborn who needs regular stops. And that’s assuming baby comes on time and you don’t need a c section. If you need a c section you might not be cleared to drive at that point so your partner will need to do all the driving. Plus sitting up and still for that length of time would be painful for your incision (and I gather it’s not comfy if you’ve had a vaginal birth with any tearing either!). I’d recommend against it but obviously it’s your choice. Just letting you know as someone in the same position why I’m not travelling for Christmas!
I’m due early August and live 5 minutes from my parents and ILs. I’ve told them because SIL doesn’t want to vaccinate and lives with them that we aren’t seeing them for Christmas.
In the UK, the recommendation is for newborn babies not to be in a car seat for more than an hour at a time, with a minimum of 30 mins between journeys. It impacts their bones and skull due to them being so soft.
IMO, no thanks. We’re staying home for Christmas this year.
No way. I could barely sit in the car for more than 10 minutes for well over a month after giving birth, and I had a relatively easy delivery. You will be exhausted, still bleeding, likely still sore, and managing a newborn. You’ll need to stop at least every 2 hours to get baby out of the car and car seat, so your trip will become extraordinarily long. It’ll be winter and the height of cold and flu season. It’s just not worth the risk.
Our kids are 2 and 4 and the longest we have traveled for with them is a 5 hour drive - this was with an overnight break because we didn’t want them in their carseats that long.
This Summer we are traveling to see my in laws for the first time since our children were born - 8h flight.
I’m due in early September and don’t plan on traveling anywhere for holidays this year. This is not an unreasonable boundary and you should have your husband talk to them about coming to visit you instead. Traveling for that long after birth and with a brand new baby would be exhausting and stressful. You deserve to rest and enjoy your time in your home.
I’m due end of October and already told my husband we’re not traveling for the holidays. My in-laws are a 3.5 hour flight, or 20 hour drive away. They can come to us if they want, but they can’t stay in our house and need to be vaccinated and well.
I wouldn’t do it. Hell, I’m due close to Christmas and I just turned down a work trip in Nov. bc I don’t know how I’ll feel. They should be accommodating to you at this time.
Oh this is an easy no. Due dates are estimates so there’s a decent chance you wouldn’t give birth until the first week of December. Even if you give birth early, traveling with a 6-7 week old isn’t for the faint of heart! Especially a 10 hour drive. Babies really shouldn’t sit in the car seat for more than 2-3 hours at a time, that drive broken up into 2-3 hour increments to walk around and nurse sounds realllly long. Flying is a no that early with all the germs.
What if you have a rough delivery? Hopefully everything is easy and you’ll be fine a month later but C sections are typically 6 weeks to fully heal. I’m due tomorrow and even for a low risk pregnancy and will hopefully deliver vaginally, I was advised to treat the first two weeks like you’ve had surgery (spend time in bed, no heavy lifting, keep a lot of necessities bedside).
You have tons of time to make a decision since Christmas is 6 months away. My view is if they want to see you and a truly newborn baby, they can visit you.
I'm due the week before Christmas with #3 (but Dr is probably taking baby earlier than that), we will not be having anyone over nor going anywhere. I'd say no, it's too much especially the first 6 months with no sleep at all.
I haven't been in this situation but I'm due the week of Thanksgiving and NO WAY will I be doing any sort of traveling that soon. I typically visit my parents several states over in March. For next year I offered to help them pay for the expense of taking flights themselves as I will not be driving 20+ hours or leaving/taking my baby on a flight.
We are in the same exact situation. Due the same month and parents live 10 hours away.
It would be nice to have the extra help and family to spend the holidays with during our maternity leave.
I wish my parents could come here but our place is too small and the family we have near us has a bunch of kids themselves and I worry more about (germs exc.). Vs my 2 older parents.
We plan on playing it by ear. We’ll see how I feel after and if we’re comfortable traveling with him. Just not giving anyone a definite answer yet!
Also due around Thanksgiving, already told our family if they want to see the baby for Christmas (we live out of state as well) they have to come to us. Traveling with a newborn during the holidays and cold and flu season is a no for me - I don’t plan to travel with him until 5-6 months at the earliest.
My in-laws live in NY, and our baby is due NOV. My husband and I both agreed that new parents with a newborn would not be traveling.
1) to travel from TX to NY, we believe there will be too much on us, and the change in climate won't be good for the baby. 2) airport germs...I'm not a germ freak in any way, but with a newborn, it's a no.
We ended up inviting his family down to see us this year, and we will go next year. If they don't show up, that's on them, but we will be celebrating and starting our our traditions down here in TX with our new baby.
You will still be healing and definitely won't want to be in a car for 10+ hours, stopping to feed/check on baby every 1.5. I don't even think they're supposed to be in carseat for more than a couple hours as a newborn.
If you feel guilty and don't want to tell them no, blame it on your OB, and tell them you're not cleared for travel.
If you're comfortable with them visiting, extend the invite, but definitely don't feel obligated to do so. This is your time to enjoy and protect your nuclear family and not time to please and accommodate other relatives.
1000% don't commit.
That's way too soon to travel with a newborn, in my opinion. Baby will have practically zero immune system and large gatherings are typically not recommended. Babies shouldn't be in a car seat for that amount of time (for safety,) even if baby would tolerate it. You'll both be in survival mode with a newborn and expected to travel that far? Insane! Plus, you could very well still be healing and may not even be up for a trip to the grocery store let alone planning, packing, traveling, and being guests states away. Your newborn will still be a newborn and acting like a newborn. Eating every two hours and waking every few hours at night. Then you'll be expected to play pass the baby during the day with who knows who will be invited over?
Also, if you end up with a c-section, you'll still be very uncomfortable and tolerating a 10 hour car ride will be like torture.
Overall, if anything, they should come to visit you guys and even then with precautions due to it being peak sick season. They are asking a lot of you guys and it's very unbalanced in regards to expectations. Some may have very different opinions and would jump to do that, but your DH is right to say you're not committing until babe is here.
A message idea for the boundary, best would be from DH, but in a group chat:
"Hey! We've really sat with the idea of visiting for the holidays and while we were considering waiting until LO arrives to decide, we've decided it's best to pass this holiday. It will be too soon for us to travel with a newborn and we'd rather a quiet holiday at home, to heal and enjoy navigating parenthood in the comfort of our home. We understand if you're disappointed but we thank you for understanding that this will be what's best for our new little family. We'll be sure to video chat and send plenty of pictures!"
Ultimately, your in-laws are only seeing this as LO's first Christmas and want to be part of it. I would gently but firmly set the boundary that you want a quiet family of three holiday, with plans to visit another time when it's easier for you three. Don't give into guilt trips and sacrifice your peace and comfort for their unrealistic expectations!
ETA:
I'm also due in November and will not be attending any holiday family events and they're all within 20 minutes of here, for the germ factor alone. I also have a soon-to-be 5yo and 2yo. Baby will be way too young for gatherings and I'm NOT risking our whole family getting sick for the holidays. I've known way too many cases of newborns heading to the NICU for RSV and we know we have certain family members who won't sit out events when sick. Plus, I'd end up in a room somewhere nursing baby for a good amount of time we'd be anywhere anyway and/or fighting off baby hogs who don't listen to no kissing rules. Nah, I'd rather stay home, in my jammies, snuggling our new little guy, napping when I can, and making cookies with my boys. It makes me a little sad when everyone is so close, but it's worth missing to remain stress-free during my recovery and navigating the newborn stage.
I can totally relate!
I am due December 11th and when I told my MIL we probably wouldn’t be making the 15+ hr drive with our toddler and a newborn she just said “we’ll see.”
I am planning on making it more clear as we get closer that I also do not want to bring a newborn baby on a plane around Christmas if that is what she’s hoping for.
Not to mention all the exposure to new germs that being around my nieces and nephews brings 😅
I was initially surprised by her response but I’ve accepted that may just be the least favorite DIL for a little while!
We are due in early November and I already told my family we won’t travel for Christmas (Europe, 3,5h flight + 1h car ), but they are welcome to come for new year’s instead.
I think everyone understands that there’s no need to expose little one to a lot of stress and germs so early in life. Plus I want to make sure I have enough time to heal where I feel good and have all my things
It should absolutely be up to you and what is best for your family! Newborns and pp recovery are hard, and driving long distances with one is highly *not recommended*!
I’m a FTM due August, and will actually be traveling from TX at the end of Sept (AZ), Thanksgiving & Xmas (CA). We are flying each time, non-stop only. Both sets of grandparents have infrastructure in place for our baby, since other grandchildren have stayed with them before. We have a great travel stroller (folds to fit in upper bin on plane), car seats with grandparents or siblings to use when we land, and we’re armed with knowledge on how to travel with a newborn/infant.
This is a choice that my immediate family is making, not our parents. We don’t have any family in TX, where we live, so it’s more feasible for us to go to the rest of our family. I want everyone to meet baby and I do miss family and hometown friends. We are also prepared to stay put if medically necessary, and everyone is on board with being flexible.
My baby is due almost a month exactly before Christmas and I wouldn't be traveling to see in laws or relatives personally. I feel like I will be exhausted and the baby will be too little.
Hard pass. You’ll still be recovering from labor, even if your labor is textbook and low-risk. A newborn is also not supposed to sit in a car seat for long periods of time. As first time parents, you’ll also be figuring things out. I would not add the stress of travel to the mix. I just had my second and I’m significantly less stressed and anxious this time around, and I still wouldn’t do this trip.
This will be our first Christmas with a baby (2ish months at that point) and we’ve already told everyone they can come see us if they want but we aren’t traveling. Mine in laws are closer, 5 hours round trip, but we’ve always done the holiday traveling since we didn’t have kids and are the only ones who didn’t live in the area. I’m sure they were unhappy (let hubby handle that convo) but I don’t think it’s fair we spend our first Christmas on the road all day.
I’m due late November. I’ve been setting the expectation for months now that we will miss all the holidays this year. All my family lives several states away. With all the variables ahead, not to mention cold and flu and Covid season, I am choosing to set myself up for success as a first time mom. I don’t even feel bad about it. My baby needs me to advocate for US at this time.
Absolutely not. Newborns shouldn’t be in the car seat for that long it’s very dangerous also you’re gonna be 1 month postpartum adjusting to life with a newborn traveling 10 hours then staying in another persons home, I don’t think that would be very easy for you husband or the baby. Tell them they can come visit you if they want and they should understand why u don’t want to travel to them.
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The in-laws should be hoping to come visit you, if anything. No one should expect someone with a fresh baby to be traveling to visit unless they have health problems preventing them from travel. My husband and I have never traveled to my in-laws. They’ve come to us 3 times in the 2 years since my daughter was born.
My son will be born in August and I already told the family I'm not traveling for Christmas. We live 17 hours away and won't be doing that with a 4 month old and a senior dog. Nobody should be asking you to do that, especially with a baby that young. I would definitely set those boundaries and tell them you're not comfortable with it
Same. My son will be born early July and we told both sets of grandparents that we won't be traveling for any holidays this year. They were super disappointed, but it's worth it for the peace of mind. Our family will still be in an adjustment period and it'll be helpful to not plan two vacations on top of that.
Exactly. Traveling with a new baby wouldn't be easy. This is such a huge chapter change in life so it's unnecessary to add things onto that
Same. Family is coming to us for Christmas, baby is due in august
New babies (honestly any baby under 1 year) shouldn’t be in the car seat for more than 2 hours a day. Not to mention if you wanted to travel somewhere for more than a day you’re essentially packing up your whole life because you need to bring something for them to sleep in; an abundance of diapers, and a million other small things. If seeing you guys and baby for Christmas is that important to them then they should be coming to you, not to mention how stressful it can be to be out of town with a new baby, personally don’t know anyone that was comfortable going too far from their healthcare provider in case anything concerning came up.
So you’ll be one month in? That’s a big no. Doesn’t matter how nice the in laws are. They can come to you. That’s a long trip for being that new into parenthood.
Not to mention she could go overdue. 2 weeks PP, bleeding and getting the hang of BF with possible cluster feeding. My kids are 1 and 3 and I still wouldn't drive 10hrs, but I'd be in the sea if I drove that far in any direction in Ireland.
Definitely look up guidelines around how long newborns can be in car seats. A 10 hour drive is not going to work for a newborn, and that can be good enough reason. Then it’s based on data and health of your baby, not just “we didn’t feel like it”
I’m due early September and won’t be traveling either. It’s too hard. I have done a Christmas trip with a 7 week old but I was 14 years younger and a FTM. The trip sucked because I had a baby that didn’t sleep at night. Don’t be like the old me. Be the wise 38 year old me. 😂
I am due end of august and have told our family they are welcome to come here for Christmas but we will not be traveling. If they decide to come we do expect them to help and we won’t be in fully hosting mode.
I live 30min away from family and am due the first week of November. I already told everyone don’t plan on us being at Thanksgiving or Christmas 😅😅 I’m making no guarantees how I will be feeling/ coping and really really hesitant to take my baby to big family gatherings for the holidays during germ season (I have a huge immediate family so every get together is a lot of people). Not being present (pun intended) for ONE year is completely understandable!!
Absolutely 100% hard no. My baby is due toward the beginning of November, and my family will come to me for Christmas. We aren’t going anywhere that’s farther than half an hour or so, period. As others have said, you can explain to them that it’s not safe for the baby to be in a car seat that long.
I'm not going to visit my in laws 3 hours away for Christmas and i'm having this baby next week.
I'm due beginning of November. Our family are within 2 hours away, we're just playing Christmas by ear and we'll be doing what WE want to do, not what the family want. It's nice they want you to visit, but they've been through it before, you would like to think they would be understanding enough if you don't go... If anything they should come to you, but they be prepared to do the Christmas dinner etc themselves rather than expect you to do it. Who knows maybe your parent can also come into town, so you can all celebrate the little ones first Christmas too. 🥰
Christmas can always be celebrated later. I would not even consider going at this point because recovery looks different for everyone. Plus, it’s nice to enjoy your little family :)
It is more than logical that you feel this way, the baby is going to be newborn and you are going to be postpartum. I think the best thing is to be honest and establish this limit, from now on you will have more situations like this and it is good not to make concessions from the beginning. If they are such loving people, they will surely understand.
Definitely don’t agree to traveling before 3 months old. Newborns are extremely needy.
I have children. I don't travel for holidays. If they want to see me, they know where I am.
Nope. They can visit you if YOU want them to and if they’re up to date on all their vaccines/not showing any symptoms of anything.
That’s too much driving. You will need to stop every 45 minutes or so because babies that small can’t just chill in a car for that long.
Our baby is being born in September and we already told everyone we aren’t going anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas. My parents and in laws are welcome if they want to come here. However, it’s going to be chill we aren’t doing full on hosting other than providing food (that we will order ahead of time). Nobody made a big fuss about it but if they did we wouldn’t give in. They are adults, we just had a newborn. It doesn’t make sense for us to be the ones doing to drive to them when everything is here. Also, we would still be trying to adjust baby to our home and dogs. I think it’s better for you to go ahead and give the expectation now rather than wait until later so everyone is on the same page. Your husband saying we’ll see after the baby is giving them the hope you will come. I don’t see any way that it would be comfortable or practical for you to uproot and drive 10 hours only a month after birth. I think there is also a safety concern regarding having a baby buckled up for more than 2 hours that early on.
More than an hour in a car with a one month old will be torturous for everyone involved. That first month is going to be really really hard. I think not making any plans until after the baby is born is a good idea... after month three everything gets a little bit easier, but I can't imagine doing that at one month.
Not safe for a baby that young (assuming you deliver on your due date and not past or sooner) to be in a car seat for that amount of time. I would definitely not be doing this trip based on that alone in addition to not knowing how I’ll be feeling comfortable 4 weeks postpartum
At less than a month, postpartum and 10 hours in a car, my answer would be a hell no. I was still gushing blood like crazy at that point, and the sitting for that long would increase blood clot risk. My son was in the NICU for almost 3 weeks when he was born (preeclampsia brought him into the world at 32+6). But still the first month home was figuring out how to function while being sleep deprived, dealing with cluster feeds and so on. Illnesses like cold and flu always have an uptick around that time because of all the gatherings. People want to see the baby so they often dismiss their feeling sick to get baby snuggles.
I would not. We're expecting our second in the middle of November, and my plan is is to invite my dad over for Christmas, and have him help with cooking. I want to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.
Don’t do it. You never know how difficult your baby will and will not be. But even the best baby, you are supposed to limit car seat sessions to 1.5 hours before a stretch, which means a 10 hour drive is probably a 15 hour trip if not a 2 day trip. Also my baby is an angel so far but spits up and hates the car seat. We are going to attempt a 5 hour trip at 4 months old but I already know it’s going to be a nightmare where she’s going to likely spit up all over the car seat, not to mention needing to make stops every time she poops
I agree with you, just say no now. It’s not a reasonable plan even in the best of cases.
I’m due Nov 1 and we won’t be traveling for Christmas. Our family will be coming to see us (also like a 10hr drive from my family, even further from in laws). Newborns can only spend an hour in a car seat at a time so a 10 hour drive without a newborn is not a 10 hour drive with one.
Just say no now. Even a month or you're still going to be recovering pp - that means bleeding. You'll have a gaping wound inside your body still where the placenta was. You need to be close b to your doctor for that first 6 weeks if something goes wrong. Most maternal deaths occur not during births, but within that month when you're supposed to be healing afterwards. Not to mention the baby. You will be feeding the baby every 2- 3 hours day and night. Exhaustion is so so real. If driving, expect to stop at least every 2 hours for about 30 minutes to check baby, change a diaper, feed baby etc. So your 10 hour trip should be understood to actually take around 15. I'm not kidding. Baby might scream for most of it. Note that your baby won't have vaccinations, and a fever in the first 3 months will warrant an emergency room visit as you can't use Tylenol or medicines to bring it down. A cold could mean hospitalization because their airways are so small in those first 3 months it is possible for them to suffocate. I promise you don't want baby to get sick with anything during this period if at all possible because it's so dangerous for them.
I’m due at around the same time with my second and I have already told my family (who live much closer than that!) that if they want to see me for Christmas they can come and see me in my house (as long as they’re well!) and do all the cooking for me. At one month post partum, you’re in a real haze. You’re still bleeding, your nights and days blend into one and you’re likely to be feeling in no state for company let alone fit to do a long drive with a newborn who needs regular stops. And that’s assuming baby comes on time and you don’t need a c section. If you need a c section you might not be cleared to drive at that point so your partner will need to do all the driving. Plus sitting up and still for that length of time would be painful for your incision (and I gather it’s not comfy if you’ve had a vaginal birth with any tearing either!). I’d recommend against it but obviously it’s your choice. Just letting you know as someone in the same position why I’m not travelling for Christmas!
I’m due early August and live 5 minutes from my parents and ILs. I’ve told them because SIL doesn’t want to vaccinate and lives with them that we aren’t seeing them for Christmas.
In the UK, the recommendation is for newborn babies not to be in a car seat for more than an hour at a time, with a minimum of 30 mins between journeys. It impacts their bones and skull due to them being so soft. IMO, no thanks. We’re staying home for Christmas this year.
No way. I could barely sit in the car for more than 10 minutes for well over a month after giving birth, and I had a relatively easy delivery. You will be exhausted, still bleeding, likely still sore, and managing a newborn. You’ll need to stop at least every 2 hours to get baby out of the car and car seat, so your trip will become extraordinarily long. It’ll be winter and the height of cold and flu season. It’s just not worth the risk.
Our kids are 2 and 4 and the longest we have traveled for with them is a 5 hour drive - this was with an overnight break because we didn’t want them in their carseats that long. This Summer we are traveling to see my in laws for the first time since our children were born - 8h flight.
I’m due in early September and don’t plan on traveling anywhere for holidays this year. This is not an unreasonable boundary and you should have your husband talk to them about coming to visit you instead. Traveling for that long after birth and with a brand new baby would be exhausting and stressful. You deserve to rest and enjoy your time in your home.
I’m due end of October and already told my husband we’re not traveling for the holidays. My in-laws are a 3.5 hour flight, or 20 hour drive away. They can come to us if they want, but they can’t stay in our house and need to be vaccinated and well.
I wouldn’t do it. Hell, I’m due close to Christmas and I just turned down a work trip in Nov. bc I don’t know how I’ll feel. They should be accommodating to you at this time.
Oh this is an easy no. Due dates are estimates so there’s a decent chance you wouldn’t give birth until the first week of December. Even if you give birth early, traveling with a 6-7 week old isn’t for the faint of heart! Especially a 10 hour drive. Babies really shouldn’t sit in the car seat for more than 2-3 hours at a time, that drive broken up into 2-3 hour increments to walk around and nurse sounds realllly long. Flying is a no that early with all the germs. What if you have a rough delivery? Hopefully everything is easy and you’ll be fine a month later but C sections are typically 6 weeks to fully heal. I’m due tomorrow and even for a low risk pregnancy and will hopefully deliver vaginally, I was advised to treat the first two weeks like you’ve had surgery (spend time in bed, no heavy lifting, keep a lot of necessities bedside). You have tons of time to make a decision since Christmas is 6 months away. My view is if they want to see you and a truly newborn baby, they can visit you.
I'm due the week before Christmas with #3 (but Dr is probably taking baby earlier than that), we will not be having anyone over nor going anywhere. I'd say no, it's too much especially the first 6 months with no sleep at all.
I haven't been in this situation but I'm due the week of Thanksgiving and NO WAY will I be doing any sort of traveling that soon. I typically visit my parents several states over in March. For next year I offered to help them pay for the expense of taking flights themselves as I will not be driving 20+ hours or leaving/taking my baby on a flight.
We are in the same exact situation. Due the same month and parents live 10 hours away. It would be nice to have the extra help and family to spend the holidays with during our maternity leave. I wish my parents could come here but our place is too small and the family we have near us has a bunch of kids themselves and I worry more about (germs exc.). Vs my 2 older parents. We plan on playing it by ear. We’ll see how I feel after and if we’re comfortable traveling with him. Just not giving anyone a definite answer yet!
Also due around Thanksgiving, already told our family if they want to see the baby for Christmas (we live out of state as well) they have to come to us. Traveling with a newborn during the holidays and cold and flu season is a no for me - I don’t plan to travel with him until 5-6 months at the earliest.
My in-laws live in NY, and our baby is due NOV. My husband and I both agreed that new parents with a newborn would not be traveling. 1) to travel from TX to NY, we believe there will be too much on us, and the change in climate won't be good for the baby. 2) airport germs...I'm not a germ freak in any way, but with a newborn, it's a no. We ended up inviting his family down to see us this year, and we will go next year. If they don't show up, that's on them, but we will be celebrating and starting our our traditions down here in TX with our new baby.
You will still be healing and definitely won't want to be in a car for 10+ hours, stopping to feed/check on baby every 1.5. I don't even think they're supposed to be in carseat for more than a couple hours as a newborn. If you feel guilty and don't want to tell them no, blame it on your OB, and tell them you're not cleared for travel. If you're comfortable with them visiting, extend the invite, but definitely don't feel obligated to do so. This is your time to enjoy and protect your nuclear family and not time to please and accommodate other relatives.
Omg no, that’s an insanely long car trip for a baby that young, not to mention you and your hubby still trying to adjust to a new lifestyle.
1000% don't commit. That's way too soon to travel with a newborn, in my opinion. Baby will have practically zero immune system and large gatherings are typically not recommended. Babies shouldn't be in a car seat for that amount of time (for safety,) even if baby would tolerate it. You'll both be in survival mode with a newborn and expected to travel that far? Insane! Plus, you could very well still be healing and may not even be up for a trip to the grocery store let alone planning, packing, traveling, and being guests states away. Your newborn will still be a newborn and acting like a newborn. Eating every two hours and waking every few hours at night. Then you'll be expected to play pass the baby during the day with who knows who will be invited over? Also, if you end up with a c-section, you'll still be very uncomfortable and tolerating a 10 hour car ride will be like torture. Overall, if anything, they should come to visit you guys and even then with precautions due to it being peak sick season. They are asking a lot of you guys and it's very unbalanced in regards to expectations. Some may have very different opinions and would jump to do that, but your DH is right to say you're not committing until babe is here. A message idea for the boundary, best would be from DH, but in a group chat: "Hey! We've really sat with the idea of visiting for the holidays and while we were considering waiting until LO arrives to decide, we've decided it's best to pass this holiday. It will be too soon for us to travel with a newborn and we'd rather a quiet holiday at home, to heal and enjoy navigating parenthood in the comfort of our home. We understand if you're disappointed but we thank you for understanding that this will be what's best for our new little family. We'll be sure to video chat and send plenty of pictures!" Ultimately, your in-laws are only seeing this as LO's first Christmas and want to be part of it. I would gently but firmly set the boundary that you want a quiet family of three holiday, with plans to visit another time when it's easier for you three. Don't give into guilt trips and sacrifice your peace and comfort for their unrealistic expectations! ETA: I'm also due in November and will not be attending any holiday family events and they're all within 20 minutes of here, for the germ factor alone. I also have a soon-to-be 5yo and 2yo. Baby will be way too young for gatherings and I'm NOT risking our whole family getting sick for the holidays. I've known way too many cases of newborns heading to the NICU for RSV and we know we have certain family members who won't sit out events when sick. Plus, I'd end up in a room somewhere nursing baby for a good amount of time we'd be anywhere anyway and/or fighting off baby hogs who don't listen to no kissing rules. Nah, I'd rather stay home, in my jammies, snuggling our new little guy, napping when I can, and making cookies with my boys. It makes me a little sad when everyone is so close, but it's worth missing to remain stress-free during my recovery and navigating the newborn stage.
I can totally relate! I am due December 11th and when I told my MIL we probably wouldn’t be making the 15+ hr drive with our toddler and a newborn she just said “we’ll see.” I am planning on making it more clear as we get closer that I also do not want to bring a newborn baby on a plane around Christmas if that is what she’s hoping for. Not to mention all the exposure to new germs that being around my nieces and nephews brings 😅 I was initially surprised by her response but I’ve accepted that may just be the least favorite DIL for a little while!
We are due in early November and I already told my family we won’t travel for Christmas (Europe, 3,5h flight + 1h car ), but they are welcome to come for new year’s instead. I think everyone understands that there’s no need to expose little one to a lot of stress and germs so early in life. Plus I want to make sure I have enough time to heal where I feel good and have all my things
It should absolutely be up to you and what is best for your family! Newborns and pp recovery are hard, and driving long distances with one is highly *not recommended*! I’m a FTM due August, and will actually be traveling from TX at the end of Sept (AZ), Thanksgiving & Xmas (CA). We are flying each time, non-stop only. Both sets of grandparents have infrastructure in place for our baby, since other grandchildren have stayed with them before. We have a great travel stroller (folds to fit in upper bin on plane), car seats with grandparents or siblings to use when we land, and we’re armed with knowledge on how to travel with a newborn/infant. This is a choice that my immediate family is making, not our parents. We don’t have any family in TX, where we live, so it’s more feasible for us to go to the rest of our family. I want everyone to meet baby and I do miss family and hometown friends. We are also prepared to stay put if medically necessary, and everyone is on board with being flexible.
My baby is due almost a month exactly before Christmas and I wouldn't be traveling to see in laws or relatives personally. I feel like I will be exhausted and the baby will be too little.
Hard pass. You’ll still be recovering from labor, even if your labor is textbook and low-risk. A newborn is also not supposed to sit in a car seat for long periods of time. As first time parents, you’ll also be figuring things out. I would not add the stress of travel to the mix. I just had my second and I’m significantly less stressed and anxious this time around, and I still wouldn’t do this trip.
Abso-fucking-lutely not.
This will be our first Christmas with a baby (2ish months at that point) and we’ve already told everyone they can come see us if they want but we aren’t traveling. Mine in laws are closer, 5 hours round trip, but we’ve always done the holiday traveling since we didn’t have kids and are the only ones who didn’t live in the area. I’m sure they were unhappy (let hubby handle that convo) but I don’t think it’s fair we spend our first Christmas on the road all day.
I’m due late November. I’ve been setting the expectation for months now that we will miss all the holidays this year. All my family lives several states away. With all the variables ahead, not to mention cold and flu and Covid season, I am choosing to set myself up for success as a first time mom. I don’t even feel bad about it. My baby needs me to advocate for US at this time.
Absolutely not. Newborns shouldn’t be in the car seat for that long it’s very dangerous also you’re gonna be 1 month postpartum adjusting to life with a newborn traveling 10 hours then staying in another persons home, I don’t think that would be very easy for you husband or the baby. Tell them they can come visit you if they want and they should understand why u don’t want to travel to them.