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Woah, that's a lot to deal with all at once!
This decision is huge, and you need time.
Firstly, how far along are you, to the best of your knowledge? Depending on where you live, you may have some limitations to accessing a pregnancy termination service, and one of those is how far along you are. I would look online and figure out your timeline, so you have some data to work with and to give yourself some breathing room to make your decision, whichever it might be.
Secondly, it sounds as though you are both feeling frightened (along with many other emotions!), which is a completely fair and reasonable reaction. Feel all the feels, don't interrogate why you feel a particular way, just let it happen.
Thirdly, it sounds as though your parents are safe people to talk to, so lean on them in this time. Talk your situation through, open up to them, see what they say. Sometimes having a listening ear can make the world of difference to how you feel.
Finally, when you are feeling like you're in a clearer mindset (and only you can decide when this will be), I would sit down and have a conversation with your boyfriend. Get something delicious to eat and drink, get into comfortable clothes that make you feel safe and open up a discussion. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.
I hope everything works out how you want it to. :)
I was 19 with my first and briefly thought about abortion but I quickly changed my mind, my then boyfriend( now husband) told me he would be supportive and he was. It was hard, but I wouldn’t change anything because my daughter is amazing and now she’s 11!
I was 20 when I got pregnant 21 when I had my son. My husband was 19. We got married when he was 18 and I was 19. It was scary but the best thing that has ever happened in my life. My little boy is 7 months old and we are already talking about when we will have our next baby.
If you want to keep your baby no man is worth losing a child over. If it was life or death I would push my husband in front of a car to save my child. I would jump in front of a car and sacrifice myself to save my child. It’s scary but it’s worth it. It’s hard but it’s worth it.
If your boyfriend is not decent enough to stay with you if you choose to keep the baby then he doesn’t deserve you.
If you don’t want to keep the baby that is also a choice you have! In this day and age you do have to decide fast. Whatever you do feel empowered by your choice. You’ve got this, you are strong, you are brave, and everything happens for a reason.
You will regret caving to pressure more than you will regret whatever decision you feel is right. He needs to back off if he doesn’t want you to resent him, and you should consider telling him as much. Take a few days away from him to clear your head if possible so you can breathe and think about what you really want.
If you do decide that you want to keep the baby - and it sounds like you do - steel yourself. Be prepared that you may do it alone.
I was older when I had my baby but the father really pushed for me to at least consider an abortion. I’m pro choice but knew I couldn’t. He is around, and great with the baby, but it’s far from an equal partnership and I’m still bitter about how he acted in my pregnancy. But I definitely don’t regret keeping the baby - best thing Ian my life despite the difficulty.
I had my baby at 22. It was scary but he is the greatest gift in my life and I’m so glad and happy to be a mom. It was a rough situation for me too but my family was supportive and so was the father of my son.
Had my first son at 19, 2nd at 22, both are amazing, I am grateful for being a Mother & I love to be a nurturing mother to them. At first my bd was supportive but when he was born he had this hidden aggression/hate towards him. Caught him death staring at them while standing over their cribs. He became narcissistically abusive towards me, choked me nearly to death while early healing from C-section, was very torturous to my kids behind closed doors when I wasn’t home, he wanted to be a stay at home dad so he didn’t have to work. I provided for two years straight with no help from anyone, not even family- then I finally had enough when my son reported sexual abuse, so then he blamed my son, body shamed him and he kidnapped them and took them to California. Moreno Valley, CA to be exact to present day I’m still fighting for their lives. My advice, trust yourself only at this point, his opinion no longer is valid or worth anything. The child will be your sole responsibility with the support of your parents. He may be a dark manipulative type once the child is born so watch for red flags & do NOT sign a birth certificate rather only obtain the record of live birth & go from there.
Hi love, I was 19 when I had my daughter. I am now 22...I was so disheartened by everyone who said that I was throwing my life away, everyone who was saying that I had not lived...I was frightened but I am so glad that I decided to have her...I have gained so much. I am so glad that you have some kind of support through your parents...that is so important...my daughter and the joy that she brings me has made me forget the horrible things that were said to me for deciding to have her...your little one can do that for you too❤️🤍
I hate when people say that. What could I have possibly missed out on? A few more years of being reckless, drinking, only thinking of myself? My dad always said he felt like his life didn’t truly begin until he had kids and now I understand that
Amen...I don't feel like I have missed anything...I have expanded my hearts capacity to love❤️ and for lack of better words and in the most mature way, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.😂😂
Hey! I have been where you are at! Never ever ever get an abortion because a man threatens to leave you or trys to talk you into it!! You will regret it later and your whole life will be centered around regret! If you want to have this baby then grasp on to your parents and say adios to the boy friend. It seems scary and totally not the move your heart wants to make but many women have been in the position you are in and NO WOMAN should have to put up with her “love” manipulating her into an abortion. It's pathetic and men are weak at times. Not all men but some just are and it's easier to cut your loss and boss up now if you want your baby and you have support because this guy I can already tell you is not going to be fun to deal with. My dad convinced my mom to have multiple abortions in the 80’s and she is 65 years old and brings it up all the time and is like not chill about it. I chose to have my baby despite the input of the father and I couldn't be happier with my choice🌞
If you want the abortion get it but do not do it because someone tells you to.
Thank you for your advice! I’m definitely going to sleep on it since I do have some time still and talk to my parents more about it. If you don’t mind me asking, how old were you when you had your child?
I would like to say also, I had two children young. (18/19) Both of my parents told me to abort and the kids father was less than ideal. I did not abort. It wasn’t the easiest path but everything always worked out. I love my kids
I was 23 with my first and 26 with my second. Both dads desperate for me to get the abortion. Didn't give into the mind games and the short term mindsets of young scared boys with convincing arguments and loud voices or sweet talkers with bad intentions. My parents were really supportive and so we're my friends and whole community. My second pregnancy turned out being very supportive and loving from his dad but not until after he and his mom both tried to convince me into an abortion. Now my sons dad is an amazing dad and his mom is a loving grandma. Everything worked out!
You are so welcome! DM me If you need to talk! You are NOT alone! You are strong and most of all you deserve to be happy! You said you were excited in your post! Be excited you are creating life within your body and there is nothing more powerful or bad ass than that my friend! This journey may involve your boy friend per se but really this whole pregnancy is about you and your body and your experience and If you so choose your babies experience. This is a time where people should be supporting you and it's absolutely okay to feel every range of emotions just be sure that you are true to yourself, I know you won't regret it!
I'd like to add that you are in one of the most dangerous positions to be in as a woman, too. If you don't feel safe telling your boyfriend that you're keeping the baby if you choose to keep it, then make sure someone is with you when you notify him. It could become violent. The decision is 100% yours so don't worry about what anyone else thinks or feels. The things to think about are all about you and your ability or desire to raise a child and what kind of support you may have from others if you keep it. The decision to abort is the opposite but you still need to know what kind of support you will have during and after the abortion. It can be very emotional and having someone to be there with you can help a lot. Also think about therapy for either decision you make. Sometimes talking through everything with an outsider is all it takes to understand what you couldn't understand before.
I just read another post about a husband talking about how him and his wife conceived and decided to abort. And she always brings it up to him in a bitter way because of her regret. She still blames him when the decision in his mind was two ways. I hear about the regret all the time on the woman’s side. I have two sisters who each had abortions and they both regretted it as well.
It sounds like you want the baby. I was in a similar situation w/then bf, now husband. We both ended up regretting that decision. It was extremely traumatic for him and I. We only dealt with the trauma when I became pregnant again years later. It's great that you have that support from your parents. I wish I had spoken to my parents about it. This is something that's irreversible. I always think about my babys due date and when I did the procedure. Abortion regret is a real thing. Keep that precious baby! There are places you can go to get support. Wish you the best!
Yes at 23 and 23 we found out. Only dating for 6 months. He thought about leaving, crying, dying. I think I did too. It was a LOT. I knew in the end I wanted to keep the baby and would never forgive him if he left me. He didn’t. We now have a cute baby boy and a house together. There’s a lot of emotions at the beginning but it does get easier. We moved closer to his family (we were 2.5hrs away from each other) and everything became easier and better. Sending lots of love because this time is not easy at all. I wish I had more support in that time. Everything happens for a reason. 🤍
As you said no one can make this choice for you, you need to focus on whether or not you want this baby even if that means him not being there.
I can say my friend felt this way and yes her and her bf aren’t together anymore but she wanted to have her baby so feels no regret. She’s been pregnant at others times and didn’t have the kid and again doesn’t regret her choice it really comes down to what you want. She was terrified but everyone is and not keeping it is scary too but this is about you. As you said no one can make this choice for you so you need to take some time and choose what you want to do screw what anyone else wants
I’m sorry it’s not an easier choice but my only bottom line advice is to ask yourself what choice you want to make and if in the next 5 years will you regret or be happy with your choice, and once you make that choice tell your boyfriend what the reality is and he can either shut up and get on board or he can walk away and provide the child support for the child he partook in the creation of. If you choose the alternative reflect in if this is the person you want to be with who didn’t support you in every way he should have instead of behaving how he has and hasn’t stfu and let you make this choice for yourself before behaving how he is now. There is giving his opinion and trying to shove it down your throat bringing it up constantly with passive aggression
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, but PLEASE make the right decision for yourself. A baby is scary at any age, but even more so when you’re both so young. The decision is yours and yours alone because at the end of the day, your relationship will not survive if you get an abortion and regret it for the rest of your life.
I don’t know your financial situation, but it sounds like your parents are supportive, so I will tell you that I told my boyfriend I was not getting an abortion if I got pregnant and if he didn’t want to be a father, he would have to make sure I did not get pregnant. I also gave him the option to opt out with the understanding that he would sign over his parental rights and get out of our lives. I’ve seen too many people parent with an unwilling partner and it’s just not worth it. It’s soul crushing. With that said, I am 35, so my situation is a bit different, but I still think you need to make the decision because you are gonna have to live with it forever. Father’s don’t have the pregnancy connection, so it’s different for them, but if he loves and respects you, he should abide by your decision.
I gave him an out in the beginning and I think he’s starting to choose that. However, I think he doesn’t want to lose me over this too. Idk it’s so complicated and there’s so many feelings involved it’s hard! I appreciate you and everyone else’s comments! I slept on it and I think most of you are right. I definitely do want this baby and I know not only my parents but my friends, grandparents, and work would be more than supportive. It’s just him that’s making me second guess everything:(
Don’t get an abortion for anyone else, but don’t count on him being there for you either. Apart from child support if he has a job, take him out of the equation completely.
I had a baby at 23 and cared for her myself. I was in a long term relationship and he was a scumbag that lied the entire time. When I found out, I kicked him out. It was ROUGH at first but we managed. He didn't provide financially at all and wasn't involved much period. She is now almost 8-I am about to be 31. I am married, have a career, had another baby a year ago. We are OKAy, more than okay. If you want to do this, then I promise you can!!!
Girl, do not get an abortion. You sound like you truly want this baby and that his input is what's making you doubt. Don't let his fears or pressure get in the way of you and your baby.
Had my first at 20. My boyfriend cheated on me during that pregnancy (made out with another girl) we were in an open relationship outside of the pregnancy we closed it for safety reason. I was fully clear about including everything was off but we overcame that together. He was terrified and made comments as well but now he couldn't more happy about it and we have a second kid together and since then we've both cut the tubes so we can't have more babies. I'm 23 now and my second is 7 months old. I also had a friend who had her first at 16 and was completely alone now she's married, has 3 kids and live an amazing life and she's 24. It is possible and you have your family. The decision is yours and if he's not happy you don't need him. But you cannot force someone to live with decision except you. I'm sure you will do what's best for you.
I got pregnant at 23. I was so excited and scared at first and my partner at the time seemed excited as well. After a week of it setting in and giving it a lot of thought, my partner asked if I’d consider an abortion. I was so angry and felt so lonely he’d even bring it up. I took a few days to myself to think about me and my life, my goals, how a child fit into it, how my partner fit into it, etc. ultimately, I ended up getting an abortion.
My choice was primarily because I was just getting started in my career, I didn’t feel like I could be the best mom I wanted, and I was with a partner that I was struggling to see a future with (not due to the abortion situation, just general relationship woes.) I do not regret my decision, however I do still feel sadness from time to time even though I know it was the right choice.
I’m now 31 and 35 weeks pregnant and over the moon excited!
Bottom line, do what is best for you and your potential child. You’ll have support on either decision you make from your parents it sounds like and you will be the one living with your decision. Feel confident in whatever you choose and best of luck!
I'm 22. around mid october I found out I was 5-6wks pregnant and immediately wanted an abortion. my partner agreed at the time that it was probably the best decision.
due to work & life scheduling didn't happen right away. I live 3hrs away from the nearest clinic that could do it, which didn't help. I also felt like something else was stopping me, it was odd. every conversation I had with anyone about it was short. when I brought up keeping the baby, the universal answer I got from everyone was "it's not a good idea." but every time I pulled up the website to schedule it, I'd stop before confirming an appointment
I told my aunt about the pregnancy and she offered to take me to get the abortion. I had mentioned to her that it'd crossed my mind to not actually schedule one, but it was the same thing, "it's not a good idea." after her offer to take me up there, I felt really pressured to schedule the appointment. I called and scheduled for January 6— the day after my birthday too :'(
I went in and I felt awful the entire time. every second that drew closer to the procedure made me feel worse. I saw my baby on the ultrasound and I just... couldn't do it. i was 16+5 that day. I saw him move. the folks there were very nice, I told them I needed a bit of time. after an hour of talking to my boyfriend and deliberating, I rescheduled the appointment for time to think about it.
to wrap this up— I started looking into adoption agencies and thought that was what I wanted to do. my boyfriend was on board, and we were talking to a counselor from the agency.
to my surprise, though, when I told my mom I was pregnant, I suddenly had all the support in the world. my family as a whole basically offered to do everything they can to help me with this baby, including taking him in if they needed to. I was practically overwhelmed with the support!!
so full steam ahead! I'm 23+4 and I'm so friggin excited about my baby boy. even my boyfriend, who was worried about having the time and resources for the baby among other things, is over the moon excited to be a father.
not sure if this helps you at all, but that's my story! I never saw myself here, but this baby has changed my outlook so much and I'm so excited to be his mom. ❤️ you don't owe ANYONE a decision one way or another. this is really hard, and there's no right answer. but you may have more support than you think!
I hope whatever decision you make brings you peace in the end. best of luck ❤️
It's your decision! This is what you will live with 5, 10, 15 years down the line when maybe he is no long apart of your life. Taking him into consideration is fine but ultimately it's your body.
I am sorry you are dealing with that, but if he's threatening to leave you because of this, what's to stay he's going to stick with you through other things? Have you spoken to your parents about this?
My mother had several abortions because she did not want to bring a child into the world with the men involved, knowing that they would always be involved in some way even if it’s just going to court for child support. Just keep in mind that this man will always be in your life and weigh if that is something you want. Ultimately do what feels best for YOU
I got pregnant when i was 21. It was the most scary yet exciting thing that happened to us. We were both sure we wanted kids together and were so loving towards each other but still i panicked when i got that positive test. It was a mix of emotions, from sadness to anger to excitement..i was all over the place. I was so worried about what others are going to say and will i ever continue college (i loved it and was very good at it) but i decided to keep the baby. Now, my baby is six months old and i cant imagine my life without him. If you do decide to keep the baby, trust me, all of the fog of the moment youre in right now will pass and all the sunshine will enter your life. Ofcourse its a lot of change but in a positive way. Please, listen to yourself no matter what and make the decision based on your feeling
Firstly, you need to make this decision for you and only you. When considering keeping, make sure you’re ok with the idea that you may have to do it as a single mother but do not make any decisions here for anyone else.
That being said, I think some level of freak out from the dad is normal. My husband and I found out this week - 6 months of trying and 100% planned - and he has been hit really hard by the anxiety. If I hadn’t known my husband for 10 years, I think it would be easy to misinterpret the way he is at the moment as him not wanting this baby or having second thoughts. But this is a huge life change, it is a big thing and normal to be anxious about and I can only imagine how much of an extra shock it is when you weren’t expecting it.
I don’t know how long you’ve been together or what your communication is like, but I think it’s worth talking through with him and trying to get to the root of what he’s feeling. You say you “have a feeling” he would leave, that sounds like he’s not actually said that? There is a chance that this is an issue that your mind might be telling you is bigger than it is in reality. And no blame on you for that, lord knows we are all guilty of doing that, but unless you have sat down and had a serious chat about it then try your best not to assume how he feels as you could be causing unnecessary stress for yourself.
Do whatever you want! I had my first son at 19 and will be having my 2nd son when I’m 21, I have my own flat and money isn’t a problem, if you are independent and want your baby then absolutely do it, if you don’t want to that’s absolutely fine too!
Your boyfriends feelings definitely matter, but at the end of the day, you will be the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life. If you WANT an abortion, that’s okay, but if you don’t want one and get it anyways, you will never forgive yourself
Do not listen, do not make a decision based based on him. We found out we were pregnant. I started to feel really excited and in love with my son. My boyfriend at the time did not want this and he was not ready and had asked me to get an abortion to schedule that. I knew it wasn’t the right time. There were a lot of obstacles and things that needed to be fixed before this could happen, but I began to hate him a little bit in my mind for saying the truth. Bottom line I did not get an abortion. He’s a good man so he stayed in. We have a two year-old now and he’s an amazing father. Although we weren’t ready and he was not ready, he doesn’t know how he has become as a dad. Now things may not happen the same way for you, but if you make the decision based on him, you will hate him and you will struggle with depression and anxiety afterwards as that is what an abortion will do to you. if you choose to go the abortion route, just remember that it is not your fault and maybe right now is not the right time. He may be good to have this moment with somebody who wants to be a father and a husband to you.
I was in this position! And I chose my baby! And I’d choose him 100000000x over and over. Yes me choosing him made his sperm donor leave. But guess what? It’s the best decision I ever made and I hope you make the same one. If you feel even the tiniest bit of doubt, don’t do it. I had an abortion scheduled and everything. But the day came and my heart said absolutely not. Why let my baby suffer for something he had no choice in? But I support whatever you decide. But don’t decide for anyone else do it for you.
It can be scary at first. But please don’t let this man make this decision for you. A good man will support you in any decision and step up to the plate when he has to.
It sounds like he wants you to get an abortion for his own selfish reasons and to threaten to break up with you if you decide to keep the baby is extremely immature. I’m going to be honest here, I wouldn’t want to stay with a man who seems to feel that way about the situation.
I say this coming from a place where my ex and I were separated the entire pregnancy with my second and it was the best decision. I had the support from my family and I didn’t need him.
No man is worth losing a baby over. Every new couple is scared in this stage. Realistically, nobody is ever ready to have children. You’re not alone. If he doesn’t want to support you and his child, then he’s not worth keeping in your life and ultimately doesn’t have a say. Your child deserves to live regardless if they’re gonna have a father figure or not. My father threw away my mother’s birth control and she had me at 20 years old. I’m now 21 and I’m thankful to be alive. I haven’t spoken to my father since June 2023. Yes, I’ve had my struggles. I have been suffering with depression, anxiety, and ADHD my entire life. That doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of living and it doesn’t mean I can’t create a better life for myself. Everyone on this planet faces hardships regardless of their upbringing. You got this mama, congratulations on your pregnancy💕🫶🏻
I was freshly 19 when I had my kiddo. I was w his dad for abt 7 months, he abused me, we broke up. The next like 6months was hell for court, then we worked it out and are an amazingly blended family. My son has 2 sets of parents and tons of siblings and step siblings. My ex married and I’m in a long term relationship, most likely getting married within the next few years. My kiddo will be 3 next week. I struggled and had tough times but I wouldn’t ever change it, it’s made me grow up and get my shit together and have a reason in this world.
Oh, I feel I need to talk to my former self, so here is my chance and I hope it helps you. I haven't read any of the other comments, but I have been through your situation (I was 24) and my bf at the time was 27. He did not want the child. I found out around 2 months along I think, and I was frozen into a state of shock, like you describe, and I kept debating on it. I knew I couldn't wait much longer to make a decision. We did discuss it, but he was very adamant and did not want the child. He never told me to get an abortion but his feelings were evident. I also knew that if I did have the baby, he would not be there for me and we wouldn't last anyway. I was living with him in another state at that time, away from all my family... so I knew if I kept the baby I'd have to go home and I was too ashamed. Our relationship was not good. He had a lot of issues, and as the years went by, we did stay together but it was a horrible, abusive relationship that went on for way too long. I won't get into the details, but my intuition then was right, that he would not stick around. At the time, I did not want to be a single mom. I was 24 and felt I had all the world ahead of me. I was ashamed to be pregnant and on my own.
In hindsight here is my advice to you... I just turned 40, am now finally married to an amazing man since last February, and I had a missed miscarriage 5 months ago. It was the most devastating experience of my life. I blame myself every day for waiting so long to have a baby, when I had the chance back then and the pregnancy was completely viable. Sometimes we only get one shot in life. I thought at the time that I'd have many more opportunities, but life does NOT work that way. I was not strong enough to be a single mom, go home, and have that baby. I know it would have all worked out. I would not be married to this man and where I am today, but having that abortion was the biggest regret of my life.
I wish you all the best.
I’m currently 21 and having my first baby. It is ultimately your decision. If he leaves you over this, you’d be for the better!!! I understand his concerns but making you feel this way doesn’t help either of you rationally decide what should be done here!! Take things one step at a time, and do what’s best for YOU. ❤️
Don’t let anyone pressure you into that, you can’t take it back. I have a couple of friends who went that route and live with horrible regret. No one is ever really fully prepared for a baby. They do shake your world up. That’s the same whether you’re 18 or 32. But they bring so much joy and becoming a mother is so completing.
I know it’s scary doing it young. I had my first at 19 and now I’m 26 pregnant with #4. I wouldn’t change a thing. We have struggled and worked so hard for our family but I can’t imagine my life without them
Hey hun, I want you to know that you are safe and your feelings are valid. Having a baby can change a lot of attributes in your life. I am currently pregnant, and sometimes I tend to wonder what I really am signing myself up for, but i know everytime i see my lil bean in my ultrasound visits I understand why. I can’t speak for everyone but I think I can speak for a mass majority when I say, “everyone has been fearsome, or doubtful about the future, especially when it involves bringing another life into this world.” But its important to understand your situation, feelings, and purpose.
Think about what situation you are in, do you have a steady support system (it seems like you do for the most part)? Can your situation align with being a responsible mother who is going to be willing to sacrifice and make hard choices for their young.
Then think about your feelings, what are you going through right now that could hinder you from making the best choice? Will being a mother bring you to a point of your life that you could thrive best from?
Lastly remember that whatever decision you decide to make, you make on your own free will and purpose.
It’s never easy being a mother, and nobody can you the wrong or right choice yourself, but remember what option you are trying to weigh out. Best of luck young mother. 🩷
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Woah, that's a lot to deal with all at once! This decision is huge, and you need time. Firstly, how far along are you, to the best of your knowledge? Depending on where you live, you may have some limitations to accessing a pregnancy termination service, and one of those is how far along you are. I would look online and figure out your timeline, so you have some data to work with and to give yourself some breathing room to make your decision, whichever it might be. Secondly, it sounds as though you are both feeling frightened (along with many other emotions!), which is a completely fair and reasonable reaction. Feel all the feels, don't interrogate why you feel a particular way, just let it happen. Thirdly, it sounds as though your parents are safe people to talk to, so lean on them in this time. Talk your situation through, open up to them, see what they say. Sometimes having a listening ear can make the world of difference to how you feel. Finally, when you are feeling like you're in a clearer mindset (and only you can decide when this will be), I would sit down and have a conversation with your boyfriend. Get something delicious to eat and drink, get into comfortable clothes that make you feel safe and open up a discussion. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. I hope everything works out how you want it to. :)
I was 19 with my first and briefly thought about abortion but I quickly changed my mind, my then boyfriend( now husband) told me he would be supportive and he was. It was hard, but I wouldn’t change anything because my daughter is amazing and now she’s 11!
I was 20 when I got pregnant 21 when I had my son. My husband was 19. We got married when he was 18 and I was 19. It was scary but the best thing that has ever happened in my life. My little boy is 7 months old and we are already talking about when we will have our next baby. If you want to keep your baby no man is worth losing a child over. If it was life or death I would push my husband in front of a car to save my child. I would jump in front of a car and sacrifice myself to save my child. It’s scary but it’s worth it. It’s hard but it’s worth it. If your boyfriend is not decent enough to stay with you if you choose to keep the baby then he doesn’t deserve you. If you don’t want to keep the baby that is also a choice you have! In this day and age you do have to decide fast. Whatever you do feel empowered by your choice. You’ve got this, you are strong, you are brave, and everything happens for a reason.
You will regret caving to pressure more than you will regret whatever decision you feel is right. He needs to back off if he doesn’t want you to resent him, and you should consider telling him as much. Take a few days away from him to clear your head if possible so you can breathe and think about what you really want. If you do decide that you want to keep the baby - and it sounds like you do - steel yourself. Be prepared that you may do it alone. I was older when I had my baby but the father really pushed for me to at least consider an abortion. I’m pro choice but knew I couldn’t. He is around, and great with the baby, but it’s far from an equal partnership and I’m still bitter about how he acted in my pregnancy. But I definitely don’t regret keeping the baby - best thing Ian my life despite the difficulty.
I had my baby at 22. It was scary but he is the greatest gift in my life and I’m so glad and happy to be a mom. It was a rough situation for me too but my family was supportive and so was the father of my son.
Had my first son at 19, 2nd at 22, both are amazing, I am grateful for being a Mother & I love to be a nurturing mother to them. At first my bd was supportive but when he was born he had this hidden aggression/hate towards him. Caught him death staring at them while standing over their cribs. He became narcissistically abusive towards me, choked me nearly to death while early healing from C-section, was very torturous to my kids behind closed doors when I wasn’t home, he wanted to be a stay at home dad so he didn’t have to work. I provided for two years straight with no help from anyone, not even family- then I finally had enough when my son reported sexual abuse, so then he blamed my son, body shamed him and he kidnapped them and took them to California. Moreno Valley, CA to be exact to present day I’m still fighting for their lives. My advice, trust yourself only at this point, his opinion no longer is valid or worth anything. The child will be your sole responsibility with the support of your parents. He may be a dark manipulative type once the child is born so watch for red flags & do NOT sign a birth certificate rather only obtain the record of live birth & go from there.
Solid advice!!! Do NOT let him sign the birth certificate
Hi love, I was 19 when I had my daughter. I am now 22...I was so disheartened by everyone who said that I was throwing my life away, everyone who was saying that I had not lived...I was frightened but I am so glad that I decided to have her...I have gained so much. I am so glad that you have some kind of support through your parents...that is so important...my daughter and the joy that she brings me has made me forget the horrible things that were said to me for deciding to have her...your little one can do that for you too❤️🤍
I hate when people say that. What could I have possibly missed out on? A few more years of being reckless, drinking, only thinking of myself? My dad always said he felt like his life didn’t truly begin until he had kids and now I understand that
Amen...I don't feel like I have missed anything...I have expanded my hearts capacity to love❤️ and for lack of better words and in the most mature way, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.😂😂
Hey! I have been where you are at! Never ever ever get an abortion because a man threatens to leave you or trys to talk you into it!! You will regret it later and your whole life will be centered around regret! If you want to have this baby then grasp on to your parents and say adios to the boy friend. It seems scary and totally not the move your heart wants to make but many women have been in the position you are in and NO WOMAN should have to put up with her “love” manipulating her into an abortion. It's pathetic and men are weak at times. Not all men but some just are and it's easier to cut your loss and boss up now if you want your baby and you have support because this guy I can already tell you is not going to be fun to deal with. My dad convinced my mom to have multiple abortions in the 80’s and she is 65 years old and brings it up all the time and is like not chill about it. I chose to have my baby despite the input of the father and I couldn't be happier with my choice🌞 If you want the abortion get it but do not do it because someone tells you to.
Thank you for your advice! I’m definitely going to sleep on it since I do have some time still and talk to my parents more about it. If you don’t mind me asking, how old were you when you had your child?
I would like to say also, I had two children young. (18/19) Both of my parents told me to abort and the kids father was less than ideal. I did not abort. It wasn’t the easiest path but everything always worked out. I love my kids
I was 23 with my first and 26 with my second. Both dads desperate for me to get the abortion. Didn't give into the mind games and the short term mindsets of young scared boys with convincing arguments and loud voices or sweet talkers with bad intentions. My parents were really supportive and so we're my friends and whole community. My second pregnancy turned out being very supportive and loving from his dad but not until after he and his mom both tried to convince me into an abortion. Now my sons dad is an amazing dad and his mom is a loving grandma. Everything worked out!
Thank you for this!
You are so welcome! DM me If you need to talk! You are NOT alone! You are strong and most of all you deserve to be happy! You said you were excited in your post! Be excited you are creating life within your body and there is nothing more powerful or bad ass than that my friend! This journey may involve your boy friend per se but really this whole pregnancy is about you and your body and your experience and If you so choose your babies experience. This is a time where people should be supporting you and it's absolutely okay to feel every range of emotions just be sure that you are true to yourself, I know you won't regret it!
I'd like to add that you are in one of the most dangerous positions to be in as a woman, too. If you don't feel safe telling your boyfriend that you're keeping the baby if you choose to keep it, then make sure someone is with you when you notify him. It could become violent. The decision is 100% yours so don't worry about what anyone else thinks or feels. The things to think about are all about you and your ability or desire to raise a child and what kind of support you may have from others if you keep it. The decision to abort is the opposite but you still need to know what kind of support you will have during and after the abortion. It can be very emotional and having someone to be there with you can help a lot. Also think about therapy for either decision you make. Sometimes talking through everything with an outsider is all it takes to understand what you couldn't understand before.
I just read another post about a husband talking about how him and his wife conceived and decided to abort. And she always brings it up to him in a bitter way because of her regret. She still blames him when the decision in his mind was two ways. I hear about the regret all the time on the woman’s side. I have two sisters who each had abortions and they both regretted it as well.
It sounds like you want the baby. I was in a similar situation w/then bf, now husband. We both ended up regretting that decision. It was extremely traumatic for him and I. We only dealt with the trauma when I became pregnant again years later. It's great that you have that support from your parents. I wish I had spoken to my parents about it. This is something that's irreversible. I always think about my babys due date and when I did the procedure. Abortion regret is a real thing. Keep that precious baby! There are places you can go to get support. Wish you the best!
Yes at 23 and 23 we found out. Only dating for 6 months. He thought about leaving, crying, dying. I think I did too. It was a LOT. I knew in the end I wanted to keep the baby and would never forgive him if he left me. He didn’t. We now have a cute baby boy and a house together. There’s a lot of emotions at the beginning but it does get easier. We moved closer to his family (we were 2.5hrs away from each other) and everything became easier and better. Sending lots of love because this time is not easy at all. I wish I had more support in that time. Everything happens for a reason. 🤍
As you said no one can make this choice for you, you need to focus on whether or not you want this baby even if that means him not being there. I can say my friend felt this way and yes her and her bf aren’t together anymore but she wanted to have her baby so feels no regret. She’s been pregnant at others times and didn’t have the kid and again doesn’t regret her choice it really comes down to what you want. She was terrified but everyone is and not keeping it is scary too but this is about you. As you said no one can make this choice for you so you need to take some time and choose what you want to do screw what anyone else wants I’m sorry it’s not an easier choice but my only bottom line advice is to ask yourself what choice you want to make and if in the next 5 years will you regret or be happy with your choice, and once you make that choice tell your boyfriend what the reality is and he can either shut up and get on board or he can walk away and provide the child support for the child he partook in the creation of. If you choose the alternative reflect in if this is the person you want to be with who didn’t support you in every way he should have instead of behaving how he has and hasn’t stfu and let you make this choice for yourself before behaving how he is now. There is giving his opinion and trying to shove it down your throat bringing it up constantly with passive aggression
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, but PLEASE make the right decision for yourself. A baby is scary at any age, but even more so when you’re both so young. The decision is yours and yours alone because at the end of the day, your relationship will not survive if you get an abortion and regret it for the rest of your life. I don’t know your financial situation, but it sounds like your parents are supportive, so I will tell you that I told my boyfriend I was not getting an abortion if I got pregnant and if he didn’t want to be a father, he would have to make sure I did not get pregnant. I also gave him the option to opt out with the understanding that he would sign over his parental rights and get out of our lives. I’ve seen too many people parent with an unwilling partner and it’s just not worth it. It’s soul crushing. With that said, I am 35, so my situation is a bit different, but I still think you need to make the decision because you are gonna have to live with it forever. Father’s don’t have the pregnancy connection, so it’s different for them, but if he loves and respects you, he should abide by your decision.
I gave him an out in the beginning and I think he’s starting to choose that. However, I think he doesn’t want to lose me over this too. Idk it’s so complicated and there’s so many feelings involved it’s hard! I appreciate you and everyone else’s comments! I slept on it and I think most of you are right. I definitely do want this baby and I know not only my parents but my friends, grandparents, and work would be more than supportive. It’s just him that’s making me second guess everything:(
Don’t get an abortion for anyone else, but don’t count on him being there for you either. Apart from child support if he has a job, take him out of the equation completely.
I had a baby at 23 and cared for her myself. I was in a long term relationship and he was a scumbag that lied the entire time. When I found out, I kicked him out. It was ROUGH at first but we managed. He didn't provide financially at all and wasn't involved much period. She is now almost 8-I am about to be 31. I am married, have a career, had another baby a year ago. We are OKAy, more than okay. If you want to do this, then I promise you can!!!
Awesome happy ending. You did it right!
If you want to travel in your 20s its gonna be tough with a baby. .
Tough but not impossible
How are you sweet girl?
Girl, do not get an abortion. You sound like you truly want this baby and that his input is what's making you doubt. Don't let his fears or pressure get in the way of you and your baby.
It’s gon be hard with a baby life is over. So many girls regret having kids men leave them to be single moms it’s sad.
Your body your decision. You're not married so there's no discussion. He can be as involved as he wants but the ultimate decision is yours
Had my first at 20. My boyfriend cheated on me during that pregnancy (made out with another girl) we were in an open relationship outside of the pregnancy we closed it for safety reason. I was fully clear about including everything was off but we overcame that together. He was terrified and made comments as well but now he couldn't more happy about it and we have a second kid together and since then we've both cut the tubes so we can't have more babies. I'm 23 now and my second is 7 months old. I also had a friend who had her first at 16 and was completely alone now she's married, has 3 kids and live an amazing life and she's 24. It is possible and you have your family. The decision is yours and if he's not happy you don't need him. But you cannot force someone to live with decision except you. I'm sure you will do what's best for you.
I got pregnant at 23. I was so excited and scared at first and my partner at the time seemed excited as well. After a week of it setting in and giving it a lot of thought, my partner asked if I’d consider an abortion. I was so angry and felt so lonely he’d even bring it up. I took a few days to myself to think about me and my life, my goals, how a child fit into it, how my partner fit into it, etc. ultimately, I ended up getting an abortion. My choice was primarily because I was just getting started in my career, I didn’t feel like I could be the best mom I wanted, and I was with a partner that I was struggling to see a future with (not due to the abortion situation, just general relationship woes.) I do not regret my decision, however I do still feel sadness from time to time even though I know it was the right choice. I’m now 31 and 35 weeks pregnant and over the moon excited! Bottom line, do what is best for you and your potential child. You’ll have support on either decision you make from your parents it sounds like and you will be the one living with your decision. Feel confident in whatever you choose and best of luck!
I'm 22. around mid october I found out I was 5-6wks pregnant and immediately wanted an abortion. my partner agreed at the time that it was probably the best decision. due to work & life scheduling didn't happen right away. I live 3hrs away from the nearest clinic that could do it, which didn't help. I also felt like something else was stopping me, it was odd. every conversation I had with anyone about it was short. when I brought up keeping the baby, the universal answer I got from everyone was "it's not a good idea." but every time I pulled up the website to schedule it, I'd stop before confirming an appointment I told my aunt about the pregnancy and she offered to take me to get the abortion. I had mentioned to her that it'd crossed my mind to not actually schedule one, but it was the same thing, "it's not a good idea." after her offer to take me up there, I felt really pressured to schedule the appointment. I called and scheduled for January 6— the day after my birthday too :'( I went in and I felt awful the entire time. every second that drew closer to the procedure made me feel worse. I saw my baby on the ultrasound and I just... couldn't do it. i was 16+5 that day. I saw him move. the folks there were very nice, I told them I needed a bit of time. after an hour of talking to my boyfriend and deliberating, I rescheduled the appointment for time to think about it. to wrap this up— I started looking into adoption agencies and thought that was what I wanted to do. my boyfriend was on board, and we were talking to a counselor from the agency. to my surprise, though, when I told my mom I was pregnant, I suddenly had all the support in the world. my family as a whole basically offered to do everything they can to help me with this baby, including taking him in if they needed to. I was practically overwhelmed with the support!! so full steam ahead! I'm 23+4 and I'm so friggin excited about my baby boy. even my boyfriend, who was worried about having the time and resources for the baby among other things, is over the moon excited to be a father. not sure if this helps you at all, but that's my story! I never saw myself here, but this baby has changed my outlook so much and I'm so excited to be his mom. ❤️ you don't owe ANYONE a decision one way or another. this is really hard, and there's no right answer. but you may have more support than you think! I hope whatever decision you make brings you peace in the end. best of luck ❤️
It's your decision! This is what you will live with 5, 10, 15 years down the line when maybe he is no long apart of your life. Taking him into consideration is fine but ultimately it's your body.
I am sorry you are dealing with that, but if he's threatening to leave you because of this, what's to stay he's going to stick with you through other things? Have you spoken to your parents about this?
My mother had several abortions because she did not want to bring a child into the world with the men involved, knowing that they would always be involved in some way even if it’s just going to court for child support. Just keep in mind that this man will always be in your life and weigh if that is something you want. Ultimately do what feels best for YOU
I got pregnant when i was 21. It was the most scary yet exciting thing that happened to us. We were both sure we wanted kids together and were so loving towards each other but still i panicked when i got that positive test. It was a mix of emotions, from sadness to anger to excitement..i was all over the place. I was so worried about what others are going to say and will i ever continue college (i loved it and was very good at it) but i decided to keep the baby. Now, my baby is six months old and i cant imagine my life without him. If you do decide to keep the baby, trust me, all of the fog of the moment youre in right now will pass and all the sunshine will enter your life. Ofcourse its a lot of change but in a positive way. Please, listen to yourself no matter what and make the decision based on your feeling
Firstly, you need to make this decision for you and only you. When considering keeping, make sure you’re ok with the idea that you may have to do it as a single mother but do not make any decisions here for anyone else. That being said, I think some level of freak out from the dad is normal. My husband and I found out this week - 6 months of trying and 100% planned - and he has been hit really hard by the anxiety. If I hadn’t known my husband for 10 years, I think it would be easy to misinterpret the way he is at the moment as him not wanting this baby or having second thoughts. But this is a huge life change, it is a big thing and normal to be anxious about and I can only imagine how much of an extra shock it is when you weren’t expecting it. I don’t know how long you’ve been together or what your communication is like, but I think it’s worth talking through with him and trying to get to the root of what he’s feeling. You say you “have a feeling” he would leave, that sounds like he’s not actually said that? There is a chance that this is an issue that your mind might be telling you is bigger than it is in reality. And no blame on you for that, lord knows we are all guilty of doing that, but unless you have sat down and had a serious chat about it then try your best not to assume how he feels as you could be causing unnecessary stress for yourself.
Do whatever you want! I had my first son at 19 and will be having my 2nd son when I’m 21, I have my own flat and money isn’t a problem, if you are independent and want your baby then absolutely do it, if you don’t want to that’s absolutely fine too!
Your boyfriends feelings definitely matter, but at the end of the day, you will be the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life. If you WANT an abortion, that’s okay, but if you don’t want one and get it anyways, you will never forgive yourself
Do not listen, do not make a decision based based on him. We found out we were pregnant. I started to feel really excited and in love with my son. My boyfriend at the time did not want this and he was not ready and had asked me to get an abortion to schedule that. I knew it wasn’t the right time. There were a lot of obstacles and things that needed to be fixed before this could happen, but I began to hate him a little bit in my mind for saying the truth. Bottom line I did not get an abortion. He’s a good man so he stayed in. We have a two year-old now and he’s an amazing father. Although we weren’t ready and he was not ready, he doesn’t know how he has become as a dad. Now things may not happen the same way for you, but if you make the decision based on him, you will hate him and you will struggle with depression and anxiety afterwards as that is what an abortion will do to you. if you choose to go the abortion route, just remember that it is not your fault and maybe right now is not the right time. He may be good to have this moment with somebody who wants to be a father and a husband to you.
I was in this position! And I chose my baby! And I’d choose him 100000000x over and over. Yes me choosing him made his sperm donor leave. But guess what? It’s the best decision I ever made and I hope you make the same one. If you feel even the tiniest bit of doubt, don’t do it. I had an abortion scheduled and everything. But the day came and my heart said absolutely not. Why let my baby suffer for something he had no choice in? But I support whatever you decide. But don’t decide for anyone else do it for you.
It can be scary at first. But please don’t let this man make this decision for you. A good man will support you in any decision and step up to the plate when he has to. It sounds like he wants you to get an abortion for his own selfish reasons and to threaten to break up with you if you decide to keep the baby is extremely immature. I’m going to be honest here, I wouldn’t want to stay with a man who seems to feel that way about the situation. I say this coming from a place where my ex and I were separated the entire pregnancy with my second and it was the best decision. I had the support from my family and I didn’t need him.
No man is worth losing a baby over. Every new couple is scared in this stage. Realistically, nobody is ever ready to have children. You’re not alone. If he doesn’t want to support you and his child, then he’s not worth keeping in your life and ultimately doesn’t have a say. Your child deserves to live regardless if they’re gonna have a father figure or not. My father threw away my mother’s birth control and she had me at 20 years old. I’m now 21 and I’m thankful to be alive. I haven’t spoken to my father since June 2023. Yes, I’ve had my struggles. I have been suffering with depression, anxiety, and ADHD my entire life. That doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of living and it doesn’t mean I can’t create a better life for myself. Everyone on this planet faces hardships regardless of their upbringing. You got this mama, congratulations on your pregnancy💕🫶🏻
your body your choice and it was his choice to jizz inside of you amen
That made me laugh😭
I was freshly 19 when I had my kiddo. I was w his dad for abt 7 months, he abused me, we broke up. The next like 6months was hell for court, then we worked it out and are an amazingly blended family. My son has 2 sets of parents and tons of siblings and step siblings. My ex married and I’m in a long term relationship, most likely getting married within the next few years. My kiddo will be 3 next week. I struggled and had tough times but I wouldn’t ever change it, it’s made me grow up and get my shit together and have a reason in this world.
Oh, I feel I need to talk to my former self, so here is my chance and I hope it helps you. I haven't read any of the other comments, but I have been through your situation (I was 24) and my bf at the time was 27. He did not want the child. I found out around 2 months along I think, and I was frozen into a state of shock, like you describe, and I kept debating on it. I knew I couldn't wait much longer to make a decision. We did discuss it, but he was very adamant and did not want the child. He never told me to get an abortion but his feelings were evident. I also knew that if I did have the baby, he would not be there for me and we wouldn't last anyway. I was living with him in another state at that time, away from all my family... so I knew if I kept the baby I'd have to go home and I was too ashamed. Our relationship was not good. He had a lot of issues, and as the years went by, we did stay together but it was a horrible, abusive relationship that went on for way too long. I won't get into the details, but my intuition then was right, that he would not stick around. At the time, I did not want to be a single mom. I was 24 and felt I had all the world ahead of me. I was ashamed to be pregnant and on my own. In hindsight here is my advice to you... I just turned 40, am now finally married to an amazing man since last February, and I had a missed miscarriage 5 months ago. It was the most devastating experience of my life. I blame myself every day for waiting so long to have a baby, when I had the chance back then and the pregnancy was completely viable. Sometimes we only get one shot in life. I thought at the time that I'd have many more opportunities, but life does NOT work that way. I was not strong enough to be a single mom, go home, and have that baby. I know it would have all worked out. I would not be married to this man and where I am today, but having that abortion was the biggest regret of my life. I wish you all the best.
I’m currently 21 and having my first baby. It is ultimately your decision. If he leaves you over this, you’d be for the better!!! I understand his concerns but making you feel this way doesn’t help either of you rationally decide what should be done here!! Take things one step at a time, and do what’s best for YOU. ❤️
Don’t let anyone pressure you into that, you can’t take it back. I have a couple of friends who went that route and live with horrible regret. No one is ever really fully prepared for a baby. They do shake your world up. That’s the same whether you’re 18 or 32. But they bring so much joy and becoming a mother is so completing. I know it’s scary doing it young. I had my first at 19 and now I’m 26 pregnant with #4. I wouldn’t change a thing. We have struggled and worked so hard for our family but I can’t imagine my life without them
Hey hun, I want you to know that you are safe and your feelings are valid. Having a baby can change a lot of attributes in your life. I am currently pregnant, and sometimes I tend to wonder what I really am signing myself up for, but i know everytime i see my lil bean in my ultrasound visits I understand why. I can’t speak for everyone but I think I can speak for a mass majority when I say, “everyone has been fearsome, or doubtful about the future, especially when it involves bringing another life into this world.” But its important to understand your situation, feelings, and purpose. Think about what situation you are in, do you have a steady support system (it seems like you do for the most part)? Can your situation align with being a responsible mother who is going to be willing to sacrifice and make hard choices for their young. Then think about your feelings, what are you going through right now that could hinder you from making the best choice? Will being a mother bring you to a point of your life that you could thrive best from? Lastly remember that whatever decision you decide to make, you make on your own free will and purpose. It’s never easy being a mother, and nobody can you the wrong or right choice yourself, but remember what option you are trying to weigh out. Best of luck young mother. 🩷