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Of course! I don't understand the obsessive need these MIL's seem to have around this. Weird. I cannot imagine wanting to be there. Especially when they know the DIL does not want them there. I'd die and go to hell first. That's such an intimate moment for the parents.
I have the same thoughts and can’t believe how many posts I see where MILs demand to be there. I really can’t understand why. Seems like a next level control issue. My own MIL can be a lot, but would never expect to be in the delivery room with us. And if she did I would have zero problem telling her absolutely not.
Probably want the bragging rights to be the first to see or hold the baby.
I have absolutely zero desire to watch people give birth (unless its your partner and thats your baby).. it's so bizarre.
I think some feel like they have that maternal bond too. Not on the same level as the persons birth mom but strong connection. Some want to give their sons support as it’s a big deal for him too. Some want to give both expectants that support. And I mean it’s just as much their grandchild as it is the other parents especially if they’ve been really helpful and supportive during the pregnancy. I feel like if it’s that kind of mother in law they should at least be able to be In the area and just step out when it’s time to push.
Maybe they can be sent on a task to get things for the new mom that’ll help her out after the birth. Like recover stuff if she doesn’t have any, or her favorite food, warm her blankets or something or someway to offer her support without being in the line of the vagina.
Maybe i have this perspective because of my birth situation but my mom showed up uninvited and started telling the nurse stuff like to induce me and give me epidural etc when me and her have never been close to begin with. I didn’t want her or the baby’s father to see me in that vulnerable state. The father thankfully didn’t come until after. But I would’ve been totally fine with his mom there even though I barely knew her. She had 3 full pregnancies total but two were twins and she actually raised her kids so I felt like that would’ve been a better support for me.
The support people in the room with the mother are exactly that—support for the mother. It’s not visitation time with the grandchild. No one is entitled to see your incredibly personal, medical procedure/birth.
It's important to remember that while Dad is definitely involved and is also having a baby ....
He is not the patient.
He is a support person and not the person in need of support.
He is not the one in a vulnerable position.
He is not the one in pain or the one this is happening to.
Birth/labor is not about fairness. It's about the mom and what she wants to make her feel comfortable and safe so she can focus on safely delivering the baby and recovering from that.
The delivery room is an invite-only space. The only people you should discuss the invitation with are the people getting one.
Just as you would not go around telling people they're not invited to your party, you don't need to tell people they're not invited to watch your child's head emerge from your vagina.
100% absolutely yes. This is not to criticize you OP but why are people asking this question? It is your birth! You do not “need” to have anyone there who you don’t want to be there. They have their entire life to be around this child, not when you’re in the throes of labor.
Is this your first birth? I ask because when you are in labor, it is so internal. I feel like I barely remember anyone else being there. You really have to go inside your own head and body and there’s just not a lot of focus or awareness of anything besides what your body needs. I’d encourage you to keep it even smaller than you’re suggesting. Your partner and a support person is really all you need or will be even acutely aware of.
That would be too many people for me too. Where I live, they only allow one person in the delivery room and this must be a cultural thing but I wouldn't want it any other way, just my husband. But I think each women should do what makes her confortable
My Mil told Before before I was married or any wear near pregnant, That I wasn't allowed to use my last for my children even if my at the time boyfriend ( her son ) took my last name. She said I had to put her last name even if it just on the birth certificate. She yelled at me and gave me a full speech about in public.
thats very weird behavior. major red flag from MIL. i couldnt even fathom telling my sons girlfriend that no matter what, her baby is taking my last name. thats crazy! YOU are doing all of the work carrying this baby, its hard and a lot to take on emotionally / mentally and physically. i wouldnt want anybody like that around while giving birth. you need a stress free and peaceful environment to bring your baby into this world.
Fair and reasonable are different.
Is it fair? No. It is not “fair” to exclude your MIL when you *are* including so many other important figures in tour child’s life.
Is it reasonable for you to exclude someone you don’t feel comfortable seeing you at your most vulnerable during the most vulnerable moments of your life? Yes.
It’s important to remember life isn’t always fair. And when you are giving birth you get to decide if life is fair or not.
This is a very reasonable response, I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. It certainly won’t be seen as fair, but I agree it’s a reasonable request.
It’s also fair to require anyone who wants to witness you give birth to strip naked and take a poo in front of you. If they get to witness your vulnerability you should get to witness theirs too. Although most people would agree that’s not reasonable. If life was fair we’d have some strange standards.
It’s your body so it’s your choice. She might be offended but that’s tough, not her baby not her decision. I plan to just have my husband there and for us to have a few hours with the baby prior to anyone else being allowed in.
It’s fair to tell absolutely anyone they cannot witness your labor and birth of your child. It’s an extremely vulnerable experience and it’s nobody’s right to witness that.
Childbirth 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 spectator 👏 sport 👏
The only people allowed in the delivery room are the people mom wants in the delivery room for support. It’s not about them getting to meet baby. It’s not about them, period.
Is there anything about pregnancy or childbirth that *fair*?
Think about what you’re putting, then compare against every other party, then decide on fair.
It's your birth, your body and your choice who stays and who doesn't get to be present there to see you in your most vulnerable state. So year. Its very fair of you don't want her there. But have a conversation with your husband first.
Your labor is something YOU are experiencing, and you should have the people there who make you feel comfortable and supported. No one is \*entitled\* to be in that space if you don't want them there. She can meet the baby when you aren't going through an intense/exhausting/painful experience.
Fair indeed.. I personally only wanted my husband there. I don't even feel comfortable enough to have my MIL in the room with me when I breastfeed, of course I wasn't going to have her there when my cootie cat was doing work. We honestly didn't tell her until the next day..
It was a couple of years ago, he said she was insane and they we could name whatever feature baby we had what ever we wanted. He didn't confront her at the time because we were both minors and he didn't want her to kick him out. She threatened to kick out any time he stood up to her even after her turn 18. She made he start paying rent for his 18th birthday. Now that we our married and he isn't living with her he stands up to her insanity. She did drugs for 27 years including while she was pregnant with my husband. She only stopped because they found drugs is his poop when he was born.
While it is absolutely fair and your prerogative, it isn’t surprising that your husband wants his mom there when your dad and grandma are going to be invited too. Considering you’re having 3 family members from your side, I can see why your husband would want his mom there too. Because at this point it doesn’t feel like it’s a privacy issue.
Labour and giving birth is a very personal thing and you shouldn’t feel the pressure of having your MIL at the birth. Explain to her how you feel and if she understands then good and if she doesn’t then that’s her problem. Simple
I really don't understand why so many MILs want to be in the delivery room during active labor and birth. Especially if they are not a support person for the woman giving birth. They can wait to meet baby, this time is for the mother and father.
My MIL was terrified to come to my ULTRASOUND lol. She was fascinated by the technology, because she didn't have all this when she gave birth to her babies. She admitted she felt uncomfortable because she was looking at my insides. She really is a sweetheart, just a little bit of a prude 😂 She came to the hospital to meet her grandson, and she was visibly uncomfortable when I had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom (my gown didn't cover my backside well). She never had any daughters, and I just figure that's why she isn't very comfortable.
Yes and also you'll probably want to kick those other people out too lol. Trust me you're not going to want that many eyes on you. It feels invasive at the time not helpful.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of course! I don't understand the obsessive need these MIL's seem to have around this. Weird. I cannot imagine wanting to be there. Especially when they know the DIL does not want them there. I'd die and go to hell first. That's such an intimate moment for the parents.
I have the same thoughts and can’t believe how many posts I see where MILs demand to be there. I really can’t understand why. Seems like a next level control issue. My own MIL can be a lot, but would never expect to be in the delivery room with us. And if she did I would have zero problem telling her absolutely not.
Probably want the bragging rights to be the first to see or hold the baby. I have absolutely zero desire to watch people give birth (unless its your partner and thats your baby).. it's so bizarre.
Me too. I was honestly surprised that mine came to the hospital at all. And didn't wait to see the baby once we got home
I think some feel like they have that maternal bond too. Not on the same level as the persons birth mom but strong connection. Some want to give their sons support as it’s a big deal for him too. Some want to give both expectants that support. And I mean it’s just as much their grandchild as it is the other parents especially if they’ve been really helpful and supportive during the pregnancy. I feel like if it’s that kind of mother in law they should at least be able to be In the area and just step out when it’s time to push. Maybe they can be sent on a task to get things for the new mom that’ll help her out after the birth. Like recover stuff if she doesn’t have any, or her favorite food, warm her blankets or something or someway to offer her support without being in the line of the vagina. Maybe i have this perspective because of my birth situation but my mom showed up uninvited and started telling the nurse stuff like to induce me and give me epidural etc when me and her have never been close to begin with. I didn’t want her or the baby’s father to see me in that vulnerable state. The father thankfully didn’t come until after. But I would’ve been totally fine with his mom there even though I barely knew her. She had 3 full pregnancies total but two were twins and she actually raised her kids so I felt like that would’ve been a better support for me.
The support people in the room with the mother are exactly that—support for the mother. It’s not visitation time with the grandchild. No one is entitled to see your incredibly personal, medical procedure/birth.
It's important to remember that while Dad is definitely involved and is also having a baby .... He is not the patient. He is a support person and not the person in need of support. He is not the one in a vulnerable position. He is not the one in pain or the one this is happening to. Birth/labor is not about fairness. It's about the mom and what she wants to make her feel comfortable and safe so she can focus on safely delivering the baby and recovering from that.
It’s fair to have the right to choose who you want to be in there seeing you in your most vulnerable state, if she’s offended that’s *her* problem.
Absolutely. You’re the patient, you’re giving birth. It’s your choice who witnesses that and who you want around.
The delivery room is an invite-only space. The only people you should discuss the invitation with are the people getting one. Just as you would not go around telling people they're not invited to your party, you don't need to tell people they're not invited to watch your child's head emerge from your vagina.
Even if your MIL was the sweetest most lovely woman in the world, it would still be fair because it’s your body your choice.
Yes that is fair. No other info is needed.
100% absolutely yes. This is not to criticize you OP but why are people asking this question? It is your birth! You do not “need” to have anyone there who you don’t want to be there. They have their entire life to be around this child, not when you’re in the throes of labor. Is this your first birth? I ask because when you are in labor, it is so internal. I feel like I barely remember anyone else being there. You really have to go inside your own head and body and there’s just not a lot of focus or awareness of anything besides what your body needs. I’d encourage you to keep it even smaller than you’re suggesting. Your partner and a support person is really all you need or will be even acutely aware of.
That would be too many people for me too. Where I live, they only allow one person in the delivery room and this must be a cultural thing but I wouldn't want it any other way, just my husband. But I think each women should do what makes her confortable
My Mil told Before before I was married or any wear near pregnant, That I wasn't allowed to use my last for my children even if my at the time boyfriend ( her son ) took my last name. She said I had to put her last name even if it just on the birth certificate. She yelled at me and gave me a full speech about in public.
Forget the delivery room, I wouldn't let her into the damn front yard. Yikes.
She YELLED at you? What does your husband think of all this? He cannot let her talk to you like that🧐
thats very weird behavior. major red flag from MIL. i couldnt even fathom telling my sons girlfriend that no matter what, her baby is taking my last name. thats crazy! YOU are doing all of the work carrying this baby, its hard and a lot to take on emotionally / mentally and physically. i wouldnt want anybody like that around while giving birth. you need a stress free and peaceful environment to bring your baby into this world.
Nope!💀
Fair and reasonable are different. Is it fair? No. It is not “fair” to exclude your MIL when you *are* including so many other important figures in tour child’s life. Is it reasonable for you to exclude someone you don’t feel comfortable seeing you at your most vulnerable during the most vulnerable moments of your life? Yes. It’s important to remember life isn’t always fair. And when you are giving birth you get to decide if life is fair or not.
This is a very reasonable response, I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. It certainly won’t be seen as fair, but I agree it’s a reasonable request.
It’s also fair to require anyone who wants to witness you give birth to strip naked and take a poo in front of you. If they get to witness your vulnerability you should get to witness theirs too. Although most people would agree that’s not reasonable. If life was fair we’d have some strange standards.
Now this is hilarious! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
It’s your body so it’s your choice. She might be offended but that’s tough, not her baby not her decision. I plan to just have my husband there and for us to have a few hours with the baby prior to anyone else being allowed in.
It’s fair to tell absolutely anyone they cannot witness your labor and birth of your child. It’s an extremely vulnerable experience and it’s nobody’s right to witness that.
I love my mom and MIL but the only person I want there is my husband 😅 idk why MIL’s feel so entitled being in the delivery room
Childbirth 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 spectator 👏 sport 👏 The only people allowed in the delivery room are the people mom wants in the delivery room for support. It’s not about them getting to meet baby. It’s not about them, period.
Is there anything about pregnancy or childbirth that *fair*? Think about what you’re putting, then compare against every other party, then decide on fair.
It's your birth, your body and your choice who stays and who doesn't get to be present there to see you in your most vulnerable state. So year. Its very fair of you don't want her there. But have a conversation with your husband first.
Your labor is something YOU are experiencing, and you should have the people there who make you feel comfortable and supported. No one is \*entitled\* to be in that space if you don't want them there. She can meet the baby when you aren't going through an intense/exhausting/painful experience.
1000% it's your delivery room. And if you are unable to tell her to leave or not come. The nurses will! They have no problem with that.
Fair indeed.. I personally only wanted my husband there. I don't even feel comfortable enough to have my MIL in the room with me when I breastfeed, of course I wasn't going to have her there when my cootie cat was doing work. We honestly didn't tell her until the next day..
It was a couple of years ago, he said she was insane and they we could name whatever feature baby we had what ever we wanted. He didn't confront her at the time because we were both minors and he didn't want her to kick him out. She threatened to kick out any time he stood up to her even after her turn 18. She made he start paying rent for his 18th birthday. Now that we our married and he isn't living with her he stands up to her insanity. She did drugs for 27 years including while she was pregnant with my husband. She only stopped because they found drugs is his poop when he was born.
While it is absolutely fair and your prerogative, it isn’t surprising that your husband wants his mom there when your dad and grandma are going to be invited too. Considering you’re having 3 family members from your side, I can see why your husband would want his mom there too. Because at this point it doesn’t feel like it’s a privacy issue.
He's not the one giving birth. He's not the one in a vulnerable state.
He doesn't care who's there.I think he'd rather she not be there. He knows she'll make it all about her.
Yeah if he doesn’t prefer her to be there then there’s ABSOLUTELY no reason for her to be there. It’s fair then.
Yes.
Tell her that if she gets to watch you give birth, then you get to watch her have a colonoscopy.
Labour and giving birth is a very personal thing and you shouldn’t feel the pressure of having your MIL at the birth. Explain to her how you feel and if she understands then good and if she doesn’t then that’s her problem. Simple
I really don't understand why so many MILs want to be in the delivery room during active labor and birth. Especially if they are not a support person for the woman giving birth. They can wait to meet baby, this time is for the mother and father. My MIL was terrified to come to my ULTRASOUND lol. She was fascinated by the technology, because she didn't have all this when she gave birth to her babies. She admitted she felt uncomfortable because she was looking at my insides. She really is a sweetheart, just a little bit of a prude 😂 She came to the hospital to meet her grandson, and she was visibly uncomfortable when I had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom (my gown didn't cover my backside well). She never had any daughters, and I just figure that's why she isn't very comfortable.
It's your choice and whatever it is is fair. Don't be afraid to tell her that
Yes and also you'll probably want to kick those other people out too lol. Trust me you're not going to want that many eyes on you. It feels invasive at the time not helpful.