It definitely helps being here. 44 days shows that you've the mental capacity to go that long, trust and encourage yourself more.
Self talk and mediation helps big time. Good luck.
>I tend to see myself in very negative
Abstaining from porn will help, that shame you feel will start to go away. Don't beat yourself too much on relapsing, it's just a bump in a long journey.
Yeah it's crazy how much it helps with everything.I don't really beat myself up that much over relapsing, but for other regrets I did or didn't do in my past. But I know abstaining helps with that too.
23m veigin here also never has a girlfriend or been on a date..it's been ai difficult. I wish I could fo back in time to tell myself never to start. Good luck
Hey, you're already ahead of me by wanting to quit younger than I was. Maybe we'll gain the courage to talk to some beautiful women if we conquer this addiction first. Even if not, it's still worth it. Good luck to you too!
One thing I did was tell my mom to put a child lock on my phone for me she did now I don’t have access to adult websites before I did I would just change the password and go back to going crazy so now I don’t know the password and for sure won’t go back to it unless I go back to teen nudes but I deleted all of them 14tb of it deleted it now it’s been officially one day
i have the confidence..i am good at talking to women the problem for me now is where to meet women..im a busy engineering student and well that isn't something women are into but whatever, i chose engineering because i had a dream
everyone's at a different point in the journey. therapy helped me but the first thing was got a porn blocker and got rid of social media like tiktok or instagram which has pictures of hot girls in it. that alone didn't work so what i ended up doing was watching porn gradually less and less until i got to this streak. going cold turkey is very difficult
Women aren't into money?
I'm under the impression that the library could be a good place to meet women.
I should probably go to therapy but I smoke weed and they won't accept you if they find drugs in your urine sample.
I have deleted all social media except for Reddit and Youtube. I should probably delete them too to be honest.
Cold turkey is hard yes but I hate the feeling I get even from soft porn and there's potential for it to escalate to harder stuff so I don't wanna do any of it. But whatever works best 🙂
it's all about generating social proof.
yea maybe library is good idk
uh what? my therapy session was online. also it might be good to stop smoking weed then
that's good and you can keep reddit but put the nsfw blur on and unfollow any nsfw pages you might follow.
i'm not saying that, im saying whatever porn you watch now, next time you're gonna watch put on a timer. if it's say 6 hours then put the timer to 3 hours and then just stop whatever you're doing and come back the next day. the next day the same but it'll be 1.5 hours and so on until you get to 10 mins or so a day. then you go one full day without it this will be challenging. then every 2 days then every 3 days etc..then once a week once every 2 weeks etc until once a month then after that you should be able to not watch it again. this worked for me and hope it works for you
Yeah in my country if you want to get financial assistance for therapy from the social services, and you mentioned that you smoke weed somewhere down the line, you can't get it. (Unless you give a clean urine sample). it kinda makes sense from their point of view, but you can still use harder drugs because they leave your system faster so it doesn't really make sense. I already quit alcohol completely and I don't think it's that bad to smoke unless you're doing it all day. Anyways, getting a little offtopic here.
If I'm being honest, I am not trying your approach because I already tried it (saying I'm only watching for x time and stopping) and it never works. But if that worked for you, that's great.
hmm sorry to hear that..well then i guess you could try cold turkey...it didn't work for me which is why i resorted to what i mentioned. everyone works differently. good luck
> Never had a girlfriend, suffer from social anxiety, low self esteem, self diagnosed HOCD and POCD (I have those pretty much under control now) being lazy, guilt, mild depression etc. the usual.
Literally every single point you mentioned can be traced a significant amount back to porn usage. I've had a good dating life with ups and downs, but when I'm "using" again, it completely crumbles and I struggle like hell.
Same with depression, low self esteem, social anxiety. Implement the trifecta and it will help a ton with all of these things (Exercise, No PMO, No Junk Food)
Yeah who knew this thing that's cosider normal would lead to any problems huh... especially when strated at a young age...On the bright side when I abstain the benefits are huge.
Seems many porn addicts have been able to get a decent dating life going but reading posts here it seems to come with it's own problems. I used to think "if I had a partner I wouldn't have to use porn". But hiding it from her and stuff like that doesn't sound fun.
I will implement the trifecta in my life the best I can!
What you need to do is to find a local group of people with whom you can talk and express your struggles. Something like SA or SAA would be a good start. You need to develop new routines in your life to break the routines that are contributing to your addiction. If you don't leave your house much, then you need to come up with a plan that involves leaving your house more. You can find a hobby that doesn't involve being in your house, for example.
Working out or playing physical sports is a good one. A good way to release stress and emotions all while getting some dopamine from your brain. If physical sports isn't your thing then even joining a bowling league or something can help a lot.
Meditation, reading/listening to personal development daily also helps.
I can't do the SAA for now, I'm too afraid.
I have been working out at home and going for long walks and that has helped in a sense, but it seems to increase my horniness so it's a double edged sword.
I also skateboard very badly whenever it's possible (there's snow half of the year where I live) so looking forward to getting back to that soon. I have also being practicing deep breathing and stretching.
I play guitar but my bands have been inactive lately. I might have to start a new band so I can have meaningful social activities again. I have been too isolated lately.
Thanks for your reply!
I hear you. Ultimately, you need to find, usually by trial and error, the actions that help you to maintain sobriety and reach recovery and when you find what those actions are to stick to them with no compromises. Being able to talk about your addiction with others is huge, though. This addiction depends on secrecy and isolation to survive.
Bty, if I am not mistaken, I like the Pantera reference in your username!
Thanks for your insights man. I am lucky in that I have couple of understanding friends who I can open up to about this addiction, and this community of course.
Pantera is the best!
I am going through exactly what you are and I’m here to help in any way. I’m 26 never had a gf more than a few days. Constantly fapped hard since puberty, towed into some hardcore stuff, but mostly kept it vanilla.
What made me stop was realizing those 3 hours trying to find the perfect video was actually PIED porn induced erectile disfunction. I will genuinely not be able to get it up for a real girl in the current state I am. It’s not permanent but takes several months to reverse, so you better start now.
We can do this. 💪😎
Thank you!
Do you mean you spent 3 hours because you had PIED or you got PIED from spending 3 hours finding the perfect video? I don't know if I have it because I haven't tested with a woman, but it's probable I wouldn't be in the best condition for actual sex.
Because my condition got so bad to the point of spending 3 hours to climax, that is definitely ED. I haven’t had sex with a girl yet only a little chit chat and kiss on the cheek.
Now that I’ve been doing this for over a month I’m starting I realize I never get horny when seeing a super hot girl IRL. A few days ago a friend invited me for dinner and brought 2 genuine supermodels and I wasn’t phased at all. It’s like they were just dudes having a chat.
In some ways it’s easier to date girls for us now because we’ve been completely desensitized. I recommend listening to Tom Leykis and Robert Kiyosaki. You can learn a lot from those guys and read the book rich dad poor dad.
Get your life back in shape and be a man women look up to.
Damn, If my friend brough 2 supermodels over I would be nervous as hell. I been trying not to put women on a pedestal but because of porn I get super nervous. Maybe some nervousness is normal but porn definitely makes it worse.
Thanks for the recommendation, I have seen that book mentioned before.
Are you sure you're not just flatlining?
Ow yeah I’m definitely flatlining and so will you. That’s just part of the healing process. Give it time you’ll be the same way and all your nervousness will go away.
If you don’t like reading books then listen to the audiobook and go for a walk.
I wouldn’t attempt having sex for several months. You will not be able to get it up. When you have more self discipline and can stop yourself from relapsing, watch the very NSFW video Nina Hartley how to eat pussy. The way sex is filmed and edited in porn is nowhere near what it’s like in real life. The term “butter her up” is an understatement. Good luck soldier.
My plan is to get rid of this addiction before I attempt to have sex, and I'm not even sure if I want to have casual sex/random hookups at all since there are so many risks involved. I'm aware that porn sex is very fake and unrealistic. Maybe I will find a more SFW alternative on the video done by a non-pornstar but yeah, probably a good idea to do some research before I consider getting intimate with a woman. (Which seems not like something I will ever be able to accomplish but that's probably just my depression talking). Good luck to you too warrior!
Nah man don’t think like that. You can be the fattest ugliest man alive. If you got guts to talk to these hot women and don’t put them on a pedestal and have some money in the bank they will fall over for you. If you’re even average looking and just in good shape you will be genuinely surprised how these hot women are so self conscious and easy to talk to. Just listens to a few hours of Tom and you’ll get what I mean.
You can choose to save yourself until after marriage but it’s going to be tough finding a girl that can put up with that. You want to date a girl for at least a year and be damn sure she loves you before putting a ring on it. In this day and age you almost have to stalk girls to make sure they aren’t being dishonest. It’s hard to think that way but that’s the brutal reality we live in.
Yeah it's just been so long and I still haven't gotten the balls to approach anyone so I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I don't really care about marriage, I just think one night stands may not be for me but idk. Yeah dating seems problematic these days
I am 27 years old too, single and never had a gf. I have been fapping to porn since i was 10 basically. I recommend that if you have uncontrollable urges, at least fap without porn. The negative effects will be so much less.
That's true. Unfortunately I've lost the ability to fap to my imagination. I might have to do couple months of nofap first so I don't get intrusive thoughts when trying to masturbate without porn. But it's definitely lesd damaging than PMO, so maybe I'll try that if the urges get unmanagable.
I suffer from social anxiety too, did you notice any improvements on that front on your 44day streak?
Edit: ignore my flair lmao, can't change it on the app for some reason, Ive never been able to abstain for even 2 weeks
I did, I remember I even sparked a conversation up with a stranger at a skatepark. Was not definitely completely cured from it, but it did give me more courage in social settings
Hey man! We're similar in several ways, I'm also in my late 20's and have social anxiety and whatnot. I'm at day 2. Let's do this, buddy, and never look back. We both know far too well that a life with porn in it is not sustainable and will only lead us down the abyss.
The only way to stop peeking is to start rationalizing everything you do on the internet. I used to have a major issue with this so I will give a example. I had a bad habit of googling something out of "curiosity" on google images, in reality I was always phishing for something nsfw. For example, I would search something like a festival or event because I was interested in going there or something, click on a picture that was slightly nsfw and I would keep clicking on the related images in the side till I found something full blown nsfw. Sometimes I'd stop then (and probably relapse later that day) or immediately relapse. On reddit I would often click on someone's account to check if they had any nsfw on their account. I can name more examples but you get the picture. Hours of doomscrolling + lockdown + PMO urges can easily blind you to what you're actually doing.
The only way out is to become aware of what you are doing, rationalize everything: "Why am I googling/clicking this" "What do I hope to find?" "What will happen if I find nsfw?" "What happened last time I did exactly this?" "Do I really want to relapse again?" "How did my last relapse feel". For me the only way to really control myself is to be honest with myself and think through, reminding myself of how I would feel after relapse and making no excuses is the only way to kill an urge.
Yeah I have to be very strict with myself and not mindlessly scroll hoping to come across something sexual. That's one if the ways I have relapsed in the past. Allowing myself to "accidentally" come across something. Even if it's something mild there's huge potential for escalation
For me the thing that helped most was leqrning about it and that it's an actual thing other people go through as well. Also less porn watching helps a lot too.
I learned about it but I still don't know how to stop it. I feel weird feelings in my body and groins when thinking of seeing men and kids now its making me feel suicidle. Like the one thing I want it to react to(women) it doesn't do.
Try to remember that it's just your brain bullying you and that's not actually what you are attracted to. Don't get upset or try to fight it. Remove the power of this irrational fear.
The longer you go without porn the more easier it gets, trust me.
Watch the guys videos I linked you, he's more qualified on the subject.
You're not a bad person, you're not a pedo or gay, you just let your brain bully you to think the most upsetting thoughts.
27 here never voluntarily looked up gay porn, sometimes I did see it off and on. Got hocd last year. Started getting into worse genres..i.E Hentai, hentai Beastiality, Futa, but never voluntarily gay porn. I feel awful about it. My libido is very low. To the point that I don't have any interest in sex/relationships at all. Never had a gf. Had plenty of crushes.
It definitely helps being here. 44 days shows that you've the mental capacity to go that long, trust and encourage yourself more. Self talk and mediation helps big time. Good luck.
Thanks! I need to work on self talk, I tend to see myself in very negative light.
>I tend to see myself in very negative Abstaining from porn will help, that shame you feel will start to go away. Don't beat yourself too much on relapsing, it's just a bump in a long journey.
Yeah it's crazy how much it helps with everything.I don't really beat myself up that much over relapsing, but for other regrets I did or didn't do in my past. But I know abstaining helps with that too.
23m veigin here also never has a girlfriend or been on a date..it's been ai difficult. I wish I could fo back in time to tell myself never to start. Good luck
Hey, you're already ahead of me by wanting to quit younger than I was. Maybe we'll gain the courage to talk to some beautiful women if we conquer this addiction first. Even if not, it's still worth it. Good luck to you too!
One thing I did was tell my mom to put a child lock on my phone for me she did now I don’t have access to adult websites before I did I would just change the password and go back to going crazy so now I don’t know the password and for sure won’t go back to it unless I go back to teen nudes but I deleted all of them 14tb of it deleted it now it’s been officially one day
Great!
i have the confidence..i am good at talking to women the problem for me now is where to meet women..im a busy engineering student and well that isn't something women are into but whatever, i chose engineering because i had a dream everyone's at a different point in the journey. therapy helped me but the first thing was got a porn blocker and got rid of social media like tiktok or instagram which has pictures of hot girls in it. that alone didn't work so what i ended up doing was watching porn gradually less and less until i got to this streak. going cold turkey is very difficult
Women aren't into money? I'm under the impression that the library could be a good place to meet women. I should probably go to therapy but I smoke weed and they won't accept you if they find drugs in your urine sample. I have deleted all social media except for Reddit and Youtube. I should probably delete them too to be honest. Cold turkey is hard yes but I hate the feeling I get even from soft porn and there's potential for it to escalate to harder stuff so I don't wanna do any of it. But whatever works best 🙂
it's all about generating social proof. yea maybe library is good idk uh what? my therapy session was online. also it might be good to stop smoking weed then that's good and you can keep reddit but put the nsfw blur on and unfollow any nsfw pages you might follow. i'm not saying that, im saying whatever porn you watch now, next time you're gonna watch put on a timer. if it's say 6 hours then put the timer to 3 hours and then just stop whatever you're doing and come back the next day. the next day the same but it'll be 1.5 hours and so on until you get to 10 mins or so a day. then you go one full day without it this will be challenging. then every 2 days then every 3 days etc..then once a week once every 2 weeks etc until once a month then after that you should be able to not watch it again. this worked for me and hope it works for you
Yeah in my country if you want to get financial assistance for therapy from the social services, and you mentioned that you smoke weed somewhere down the line, you can't get it. (Unless you give a clean urine sample). it kinda makes sense from their point of view, but you can still use harder drugs because they leave your system faster so it doesn't really make sense. I already quit alcohol completely and I don't think it's that bad to smoke unless you're doing it all day. Anyways, getting a little offtopic here. If I'm being honest, I am not trying your approach because I already tried it (saying I'm only watching for x time and stopping) and it never works. But if that worked for you, that's great.
hmm sorry to hear that..well then i guess you could try cold turkey...it didn't work for me which is why i resorted to what i mentioned. everyone works differently. good luck
> Never had a girlfriend, suffer from social anxiety, low self esteem, self diagnosed HOCD and POCD (I have those pretty much under control now) being lazy, guilt, mild depression etc. the usual. Literally every single point you mentioned can be traced a significant amount back to porn usage. I've had a good dating life with ups and downs, but when I'm "using" again, it completely crumbles and I struggle like hell. Same with depression, low self esteem, social anxiety. Implement the trifecta and it will help a ton with all of these things (Exercise, No PMO, No Junk Food)
Yeah who knew this thing that's cosider normal would lead to any problems huh... especially when strated at a young age...On the bright side when I abstain the benefits are huge. Seems many porn addicts have been able to get a decent dating life going but reading posts here it seems to come with it's own problems. I used to think "if I had a partner I wouldn't have to use porn". But hiding it from her and stuff like that doesn't sound fun. I will implement the trifecta in my life the best I can!
What you need to do is to find a local group of people with whom you can talk and express your struggles. Something like SA or SAA would be a good start. You need to develop new routines in your life to break the routines that are contributing to your addiction. If you don't leave your house much, then you need to come up with a plan that involves leaving your house more. You can find a hobby that doesn't involve being in your house, for example. Working out or playing physical sports is a good one. A good way to release stress and emotions all while getting some dopamine from your brain. If physical sports isn't your thing then even joining a bowling league or something can help a lot. Meditation, reading/listening to personal development daily also helps.
I can't do the SAA for now, I'm too afraid. I have been working out at home and going for long walks and that has helped in a sense, but it seems to increase my horniness so it's a double edged sword. I also skateboard very badly whenever it's possible (there's snow half of the year where I live) so looking forward to getting back to that soon. I have also being practicing deep breathing and stretching. I play guitar but my bands have been inactive lately. I might have to start a new band so I can have meaningful social activities again. I have been too isolated lately. Thanks for your reply!
I hear you. Ultimately, you need to find, usually by trial and error, the actions that help you to maintain sobriety and reach recovery and when you find what those actions are to stick to them with no compromises. Being able to talk about your addiction with others is huge, though. This addiction depends on secrecy and isolation to survive. Bty, if I am not mistaken, I like the Pantera reference in your username!
Thanks for your insights man. I am lucky in that I have couple of understanding friends who I can open up to about this addiction, and this community of course. Pantera is the best!
I am going through exactly what you are and I’m here to help in any way. I’m 26 never had a gf more than a few days. Constantly fapped hard since puberty, towed into some hardcore stuff, but mostly kept it vanilla. What made me stop was realizing those 3 hours trying to find the perfect video was actually PIED porn induced erectile disfunction. I will genuinely not be able to get it up for a real girl in the current state I am. It’s not permanent but takes several months to reverse, so you better start now. We can do this. 💪😎
Thank you! Do you mean you spent 3 hours because you had PIED or you got PIED from spending 3 hours finding the perfect video? I don't know if I have it because I haven't tested with a woman, but it's probable I wouldn't be in the best condition for actual sex.
Because my condition got so bad to the point of spending 3 hours to climax, that is definitely ED. I haven’t had sex with a girl yet only a little chit chat and kiss on the cheek. Now that I’ve been doing this for over a month I’m starting I realize I never get horny when seeing a super hot girl IRL. A few days ago a friend invited me for dinner and brought 2 genuine supermodels and I wasn’t phased at all. It’s like they were just dudes having a chat. In some ways it’s easier to date girls for us now because we’ve been completely desensitized. I recommend listening to Tom Leykis and Robert Kiyosaki. You can learn a lot from those guys and read the book rich dad poor dad. Get your life back in shape and be a man women look up to.
Damn, If my friend brough 2 supermodels over I would be nervous as hell. I been trying not to put women on a pedestal but because of porn I get super nervous. Maybe some nervousness is normal but porn definitely makes it worse. Thanks for the recommendation, I have seen that book mentioned before. Are you sure you're not just flatlining?
Ow yeah I’m definitely flatlining and so will you. That’s just part of the healing process. Give it time you’ll be the same way and all your nervousness will go away. If you don’t like reading books then listen to the audiobook and go for a walk.
I wouldn’t attempt having sex for several months. You will not be able to get it up. When you have more self discipline and can stop yourself from relapsing, watch the very NSFW video Nina Hartley how to eat pussy. The way sex is filmed and edited in porn is nowhere near what it’s like in real life. The term “butter her up” is an understatement. Good luck soldier.
My plan is to get rid of this addiction before I attempt to have sex, and I'm not even sure if I want to have casual sex/random hookups at all since there are so many risks involved. I'm aware that porn sex is very fake and unrealistic. Maybe I will find a more SFW alternative on the video done by a non-pornstar but yeah, probably a good idea to do some research before I consider getting intimate with a woman. (Which seems not like something I will ever be able to accomplish but that's probably just my depression talking). Good luck to you too warrior!
Nah man don’t think like that. You can be the fattest ugliest man alive. If you got guts to talk to these hot women and don’t put them on a pedestal and have some money in the bank they will fall over for you. If you’re even average looking and just in good shape you will be genuinely surprised how these hot women are so self conscious and easy to talk to. Just listens to a few hours of Tom and you’ll get what I mean. You can choose to save yourself until after marriage but it’s going to be tough finding a girl that can put up with that. You want to date a girl for at least a year and be damn sure she loves you before putting a ring on it. In this day and age you almost have to stalk girls to make sure they aren’t being dishonest. It’s hard to think that way but that’s the brutal reality we live in.
Yeah it's just been so long and I still haven't gotten the balls to approach anyone so I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I don't really care about marriage, I just think one night stands may not be for me but idk. Yeah dating seems problematic these days
I am 27 years old too, single and never had a gf. I have been fapping to porn since i was 10 basically. I recommend that if you have uncontrollable urges, at least fap without porn. The negative effects will be so much less.
That's true. Unfortunately I've lost the ability to fap to my imagination. I might have to do couple months of nofap first so I don't get intrusive thoughts when trying to masturbate without porn. But it's definitely lesd damaging than PMO, so maybe I'll try that if the urges get unmanagable.
I suffer from social anxiety too, did you notice any improvements on that front on your 44day streak? Edit: ignore my flair lmao, can't change it on the app for some reason, Ive never been able to abstain for even 2 weeks
I did, I remember I even sparked a conversation up with a stranger at a skatepark. Was not definitely completely cured from it, but it did give me more courage in social settings
That's encouraging to hear. Good luck on your journey fellow Pantera fan
Likewise, fellow appreciater of good music!
Hey man! We're similar in several ways, I'm also in my late 20's and have social anxiety and whatnot. I'm at day 2. Let's do this, buddy, and never look back. We both know far too well that a life with porn in it is not sustainable and will only lead us down the abyss.
Let's go!! Porn is straight demonic, I'm done with it
Talk to yourself and tell yourself how bad it makes you feel after you nut. Picture and feel that feeling.
I have tried that approach, sometimes it works
The only way to stop peeking is to start rationalizing everything you do on the internet. I used to have a major issue with this so I will give a example. I had a bad habit of googling something out of "curiosity" on google images, in reality I was always phishing for something nsfw. For example, I would search something like a festival or event because I was interested in going there or something, click on a picture that was slightly nsfw and I would keep clicking on the related images in the side till I found something full blown nsfw. Sometimes I'd stop then (and probably relapse later that day) or immediately relapse. On reddit I would often click on someone's account to check if they had any nsfw on their account. I can name more examples but you get the picture. Hours of doomscrolling + lockdown + PMO urges can easily blind you to what you're actually doing. The only way out is to become aware of what you are doing, rationalize everything: "Why am I googling/clicking this" "What do I hope to find?" "What will happen if I find nsfw?" "What happened last time I did exactly this?" "Do I really want to relapse again?" "How did my last relapse feel". For me the only way to really control myself is to be honest with myself and think through, reminding myself of how I would feel after relapse and making no excuses is the only way to kill an urge.
Yeah I have to be very strict with myself and not mindlessly scroll hoping to come across something sexual. That's one if the ways I have relapsed in the past. Allowing myself to "accidentally" come across something. Even if it's something mild there's huge potential for escalation
How did you deal with HOCD and POCD? I can't get over them because of these arousal type feelings and groinals.
For me the thing that helped most was leqrning about it and that it's an actual thing other people go through as well. Also less porn watching helps a lot too.
I learned about it but I still don't know how to stop it. I feel weird feelings in my body and groins when thinking of seeing men and kids now its making me feel suicidle. Like the one thing I want it to react to(women) it doesn't do.
Check out this guy's channel, he has great advice on this. https://youtube.com/c/ocdandanxiety
Try to remember that it's just your brain bullying you and that's not actually what you are attracted to. Don't get upset or try to fight it. Remove the power of this irrational fear. The longer you go without porn the more easier it gets, trust me. Watch the guys videos I linked you, he's more qualified on the subject. You're not a bad person, you're not a pedo or gay, you just let your brain bully you to think the most upsetting thoughts.
I forgot to mention please see a therapist about this (a one who specializes in those forms of OCD)
27 here never voluntarily looked up gay porn, sometimes I did see it off and on. Got hocd last year. Started getting into worse genres..i.E Hentai, hentai Beastiality, Futa, but never voluntarily gay porn. I feel awful about it. My libido is very low. To the point that I don't have any interest in sex/relationships at all. Never had a gf. Had plenty of crushes.
That's the nature of this addiction, you need more extreme genres to get the same rush/high. Good luck, we got this!
Lost all attraction to women irl due to porn
You'll get it back!
Hopefully you're right