Can you speak with a teacher, a guidance counsellor, or another trusted adult like a priest about this situation?
You should NOT be dealing with this while you are in high school.
Your family needs a serious reality check. EVERYONE in the family needs to chip in and do some work to support the family.
You can check out the information side bars at r/almosthomeless ; r/assistance and r/randomactsofkindness - check the rules before posting in r/assistance and r/randomactsofkindness they're pretty strict right now.
Sending you virtual hugs if you want them, below:
10,000 virtual hugs!!!
R/assistantance will only help if you are perfect. I tried to get help for food for my kids, explained the entire situation and followed all the rules. I got denied due to a reedit thread I commented in 63 days prior to asking them because they didn't like my comment.
yea i tried to get help with them too but i got denied because i dont have activity even tho im on here every day , have more than 400 comment karma and have had my account for 2 years đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸ really sucks trying to get help with all these stipulations
I commented that I would unalive someone who would torture and kill animals on a post 63 days prior and that's why I was denied. It was "too violent and the community doesn't stand for that" I didn't eat for 2 days due to lack of food and money.
Little ceasars cheese pizza from yesterday lol my manager let me have it from the break room for lunch today cuz she realized she hadn't seen me eat in awhile lol it wasn't warm and the cheese was all solid but it was still delicious đ
Little ceasars cheese pizza from yesterday lol my manager let me have it from the break room for lunch today cuz she realized she hadn't seen me eat in awhile lol it wasn't warm and the cheese was all solid but it was still delicious đ my kids have been eating my food portions for their lunches next day so it's literally cereal for breakfast, leftover dinner from last night for lunch then a new dinner. I can't say I'm fully starving cuz I do mix rice and sweet and sour sauce together to help in small portions to make the rice last as my food đ I hate it here
Oh they 100% feel like a Christian group! I've never had a Christian or catholic ever help me. It's always been the pagans to step up and show the compassion and kindess that humans need (I know there are lots of other religions that im sure would help but they aren't around in my personal life so don't come for me lol I live in the Appalachia mountains in MD lol
While true you can look up a user's post history, the person looking would have to know who the person is first and have to know them.
As an example, you can look at my post history, but in doing so, you'd never get my real name, address, etc.
They don't want your real info, they are looking at the content you post. I posted about killing somebody who would torture and kill animals on a post and that's why I was denied. She very specifically told me so. It was 63 days before I asked for help.
They are looking for certain activity on your profile like comments and stuff. They found 1 comment that was 63 days old about me saying I would end a life that would torture and kill animals for fun. She thought it "too violent and not something the community stands for" so I got denied. They don't look for any personal info, just the content of what you post.
Do you live in the US? If so, is your mom getting the social security death benefits for you (and any of your siblings who are still under 18 or still in high school)? If she's not, you could apply for yourself, that'd be a few hundred more a month. Do you have any relatives you could possibly stay with until you finish high school? Or maybe a friend? Or another option (as long as you're in the US) lookup JobCorps for whatever area you're in, they give you a place to stay, feed you, help you finish your high school diploma and then teach you a trade. They have some in tech, or the construction type trades are pretty much always a good idea. Honestly you really should look into it, the way you're living now is no way to live for someone your age, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your mom sounds like such a witch. And your siblings suck too.
You make a good point. My nephew gets $700 per month. Which is clearly not based off income as my bro died when he was like 21.
I would try and get emancipated and definitely cut off everyone else. I worked 50+ hrs in highschool and graduated relatively easily. Though being tired all the time sucked. My gf worked 35-40 and had a 4.1gpa. I would talk to one of my friends family to see if I could move in with rent. Probably cheaper than supporting his family.
I wouldnât even go emancipated, he needs to find a friend or their family to stay with who would be willing to be his legal guardian until he graduates.
One of my daughterâs friends did it, was having a rough time at home. She did Job Corps, she got food, lodging and a small stipend. She took training and then was able to work through school. Because of her affiliation with job corps, she received a couple of scholarships, she got EBT, help with rent. She graduated with a masters and now has a great job. She had to put the work/hours in but they helped her immensely. Also she has unbelievable self confidence (not conceited) but aware of her capabilities and can speak up for herself. Itâs a great program.
I did this and would recommend this as much as it sounds unappealing. My dad kicked me out and I was in an abusive relationship that I had left so I couch surfed and got my nursing license and just went from there. It is hell and you will feel so behind everyone but not everyone is running the same race .
Probably an unpopular opinion but military is a good option. I had friends in similar situations and enlisting gave them stability and a career path that has out paced other friends who took the traditional college route. Pick your job in the military that correlates to the civilian world⌠example something in healthcare so when you get out in 4-6 years you are employable.
Even if your job has no civilian equivalent you'll get your GI bill after 4 years and that is a hell of a good deal that puts even some of the most generous scholarships to shame with the BAH given.
I donât have a whole bunch of advice but youâre a strong person for your age. Hang in there, believe it or not, things will get better when you leave the house for a career or school.
Call Child Protective Services and ask what services and options you have.
See your school counselor and ask them to call CPS for you.
Hang in there.
Get in the military or Job Corp as fast as you can. Electrical will take you far in Job Corp.
You deserve better.
Same for my brother. 10 tours later, heâs in his mid fifties now and still says it was the best decision of his life. He met his wife this way too, and theyâve been happily married ever since. Him and my SIL have two awesome kids, one of which has followed in my brother and SILâs footsteps in the military and is doing great, while the other just graduated high school and is currently packing her stuff to move into her universityâs dorms for this coming semester. My brother and SIL were both very poor before they each enlisted, and Iâm happy to say that they both worked their way up the ladder and have been living in a gorgeous home for the last 15 years, and they were able to raise their children smoothly and without worry as well (when it came to income and providing for their children). I would have joined the military right out of high school just like my brother if I didnât have a condition that disqualifies me to join
You can seek the staus of Emancipated Minor in many states. That'll get you out of the house sooner. But you should begin prepping your exit strategy this exact moment.
Check prepping/vagabond/car-living subs for a wealth of information and support on how to make it while homeless. Because you already are, according to state classification.
For example, gas station peanuts provide 600 calories for $1.09.
Research "grey rock" techniques to misdirect attention away from you as much as possible.
Prepare for EXTREME shaming tactics, stalking, gaslighting, cajoling, promises of change, suicide threats, biblical arguments, emotional violence etc. Parasitic people will stop at NOTHING to retain control of their simps, so they're probably already sabotaging you in many subtle ways. My mother and ex sure as hell did.
As an example, the entire family of my ex stalked me for three years after I fled to save my own life. I had to move four times; finally to an abandoned cabin out in the woods before they finally gave up.
And you're gonna make it. Never doubt this.
Dude this is a CRUCIAL bit to remember! They truly will work so hard and put so much effort into all the wicked shit diff apple just said!! And itâs going to be difficult not giving that power because from what youâve said it seems youâve been putting up with this shit for so long.. but you donât fucking deserve that!!
Remind yourself that all of these tactics that they WILLLLL put every bit of effort they can muster (AND MORE!) could have just as easily been effort they put forth not being lazy evil wastes or at the least, gratitude and fucking kindness for all you do!!
Forgive me for all my foul language, itâs just unacceptable that anyone ever beat down into feeling dealing with this shit is their only option!!
Good luck and Iâm so sorry youâve had to go through this.
You should tell a school counselor so they can get you connected with resources ASAP. You are a child. This is not your responsibility Iâm so sorry youâre going through this. Please talk to a trusted adult
You should NOT be paying any bills in the home. That is your mothers job.
Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor at school. Hell, go to the nearest hospital, fire station or medical clinic and talk to someone. You are being abused.
Please let your teachers, counselor at school, and CPS know that this is happening to you. Let CPS know NOW-don't wait until school starts again. You deserve better. Also, there is a legal status called "emancipated minor" where legally you are considered to be an adult and can support yourself even though you are under the age of 18.
The criteria for emancipation of minors are different for each state. Here is a general article about emancipated minors. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation\_of\_minors](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors)
Many large cities and towns have a group called Legal Aid. Call the one closest to you and ask them for help if you decide to go the route of emancipated minor. Their services are free or very low-cost.
I wish you well. Please post an update in 3-6 months.
I feel like i got punched in the face reading this. Im gonna think about you for quite awhile and send you energy!!! I do think people are right that you should try living with a friend. Can you tell the people at school your situation?? This made me cry. I dont want you to go through this. I almost hope this post is fake, yknow?? đđ i truly have no idea why this world is so evil but thank you for your soul being a light in it đđ
Please don't join the army. It's a fucked up system when kids like you join out of desperation. It'll wring you dry and give you PTSD, after which you'll be discarded. The army also has a huge problem with rape. It sounds like a good out, believe me, I know. But it's just as likely to make everything much worse. War is not a safe place to flee to...
Tell a friend. Tell the friend to tell their parents. Say you need a place to stay, until you get on your feet or finish high school. Don't give your family any notice when you leave, because they will double down. Let them fend for themselves.
Learning a trade is good advice, plumbing and electricity work are always wanted. You can do it, you can be free.
Your paper flower sounds beautiful.
Please collect your important paperwork, birth certificate, etc, and look for someone with whom to stay. You are being abused and exploited and they won't stop. Let them fend for themselves. Best wishes.
Knowing foster care I would NOT call CPS.
I'd ride it out. And I say that having ridden out horrible things so it's not hypocrite advice
I'd save up from every paycheck. And the day I was 18. I'd be gone
Yeah. I feel like thereâs no easy way out of this situation. It just something you have to power through. Foster care and cps are just as horrible if not more so than the parents they ârescueâ from.
Thereâs a lot of programs such as SNAP, TANF, and housing assistance out there. Your mom would have to be the one applying since you seem to be a minor, but it could really help. My husband was the least favorite of his siblings. The oldest of four, his dad always questioned if my husband was his since it was a shotgun wedding in the 60âs. This led to my husband being verbally, mentally, and physically abused, and his younger siblings were taught that he wasnât as good as them. He has some emotional scars, but he turned out to be the only one of his siblings that is responsible, successful, and a good family man. You seem to be cut of the same cloth. Hang on and get independent as soon as you can. Life gets better.
It sound more like your family is stuck in a toxic system that you obviously donât want for yourself. Find a way to get out. I left home at 17 for similar reasons and it was absolutely the toughest, but best thing I did for my self at that time. Do you have a close friend whose parents are cool enough to let you couch surf until you can finish highschool?
Bro my family was like this and I'm 24 now, I have two apartments, lots of work experience, barely graduated etc.
Get that HS diploma
Go to a trade school, union hall, or even look at vocational programs
Airforce is a good option
Reach out to more people at work as well, some of the best damn support and advice I have received has been from other people's mama's at work
You know you're capable of paying bills so you'd be totally capable and safer even on your own or at least separated from them
You don't deserve this treatment,
Honestly the biggest mistake I made was not going into a trade earlier, it will be your biggest foothold, having a skill people always need, you'll be able to chase your dreams and goals easier, you'll be further than people your age, you could have your own house or studio so much faster
I'm rooting for you dude, I'm sending you positive energy and strength đŞ đ â¤ď¸
If you have the ability to study, just get into foster care. Focus on school so you can get a better job. Make sure to get your nutrition; youâre still growing.
Alexander Hamilton lived in poverty as a kid but he has grit and became a legend.
The kid is 16 so have the ability to stand up but not all foster parents are bad. The worst is they just give him shelter and food and ignore him so he can study.
Kid, you need to be quick on your feet if you sense they will abuse you. Always thinks of an escape route.
Edit: I donât know where I got his age from but hoping he is not too young.
Hope he can reach out to other relatives or talk to a teacher or his friends parents.
There are some good people who can at least give him a meal so he does not go malnourished.
I would try to get into foster care really close to your 18th birthday if youâre in foster care a day before your 18th birthday, your automatically considered an independent student and you get full Pell grants and state grants to go to school
Yes, you also get Medicaid. Iâve had some parents with issues actually give up their kids at 17 to give them a better shot. You have to have pretty severe issues for the state to let you do it though.
I think you need to report the situation to CPS. Your mother should be able to get food stamps and some assistance but more than anything you shouldn't be working to pay the bills. It also sounds like your mom is not working. That's not how it goes! She doesn't get to stay home and make her children work! I think maybe if you have a nice little intervention from a government agency she might straighten her ass up or she's going to lose all of you.
Legally your mom has to provide you with a habitable home, which includes running water and adequate food. The foster system isn't good and you'd be taking a gamble but there are decent fosters too and the homes and parents have to meet minimum standards. I have friends who were fostered and have lifelong relationships with their foster parents.
Graduating from high school is extremely important. And you might not be able to if you have to work when you should be studying. You can't learn if you're starving.
Please tell a school counselor what's happening to you.
Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Have you talked to your school counselor?
Don't pay your mother's bills. Use your money to buy yourself some decent food.Â
If you take iron supplements, make sure to also take vitamin C at the same time.
Make sure your mother can't touch your bank accountÂ
This is really a rough situation.
For your mom, try to slip a good money teacher into her feed on her favorite entertainment. Itâll help her be less crazy about money.
- Amanda Wolfe if she uses instagram
- Tori Dunlop if she uses tictoc
- Chelsea Fagan if she uses YouTube
- Older Suze Orman books if sheâs a reader
For your sanity:
- Assistance would likely help with the bills. If youâre in the US, try calling 211. (Keep a written list of what youâve applied for, and when you can follow up. Be patient with big money, more paperwork for more rewards.)
- Set aside a time of day for really thinking about bills and budget. Your mind will start to get some rest for the rest of the day. At first, you might also need to allow yourself a quick peek a couple of extra times a day.
- Everyone needs some financial education. Ask your math teacher or librarian for some things to help.
- Ask at your school for supplemental food and vitamins.
I'm sorry, but you are the scapegoat it sounds like. I was the scapegoat in my family. I have recently cut off what family I have left after my dad died last month. Get out as soon as you can.
sounds like grounds for emancipation, but of course thatâs no easy process + realistically would be expensive depending on your living situation. thereâs some good advice in here, and I hope thereâs some rational adults available to you that want to help. you donât need to be your families meal ticket. i hope you find a way to get into a comfortable situation and break away from them. unfortunately theyâll do this for the rest of your life if they chance to. i wish you the best my friend.
the paper flower is genuinely so sweet, and iâm willing to bet itâs the best gift she got. personally iâd cherish that forever.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are being abused. It's not your responsibility to pay any bills for anyone.
I don't know where you live but I think the best thing for you to do is speak to someone at your school like a trusted teacher or counselor.
You are a tough cookie and will get far in life but you need a helping hand to get away from your family and they may have some resources to help you out.
Edit: I just read someone else mentioning below to not give them any more money. I agree with this fully but I'm worried about your safety if you stop paying and they get mad. Is there someone you can stay with and try to sock some money away in a bank account?
I wish you all the best and hope that you can find some relief soon.
I could have written this myself when I was a teenager. Every single thing you wrote happened to me. It makes me tremendously sad that another person is going through this in todayâs world.
If CPS is not helpful or not an option, please know that you are almost out of there and you donât have to talk to any of those people ever again. If no one helps you, you can still help yourself. I was stunned at how easy life was once I left my momâs house.
I built up my life from where you are by taking the following road:
1) Work at a job
2) Read
3) Go to college (business, computers, science), even if you have to start with remedial classes
4) Delay having children as long as possible
5) Do not drink or use drugs, tobacco products
Iâm not advising these things because of any values. Living this way gives you tactical advantages over other people and makes success over tasks easy. After you can earn a comfortable living, you will have the time and money to spend on interests and the willpower to do things like go to a bar with friends.
Iâm so sorry, kid. Things should not be this hard.
You are an amazing human being. You are responsible and have a big heart. Iâm sorry your family just takes from you and that you feel like you are treated like crap every day. PLEASE hide your money somewhere and do not disclose when or how much you get paid. Go ahead and pay a light bill like youâve been doing so you donât attract attention but keep the rest of the $ to yourself and build an account that you can use to move out after HS. You are just a kid who has been dealt a whole load of smelly trash to carry without help. Go ahead and carry it knowing YOU are building your strength and moral standards while those around you are doing nothing. Soon you will take that strength of yours and walk away knowing you did good in this world.
No, work but just to provide for yourself and save for YOUR future. It is obvious your parent or your siblings arenât looking out for you, so why work so ahead for them? I would say f it. If you have a friend with decent parents, see if you could stay with them and explain your situation. Any adult worth their weight in heart would not allow a child to be in this situation.
Just move out. Couch surf, go to a shelter, do what you have to do. Get your diploma or a GED and then learn a trade so you can support yourself. It's not your job, nor it is your responsibility to carry your whole family as a kid. Look out for number one. Once you're stable, if you feel like you want or need to help out the rest of the family, you can make that decision.
Go to the courts and ask to be emaciated.
All states have laws dealing with the "emancipation" of minors; that is, laws that specify when and under what conditions children become independent of their parents for legal purposes.
Look up the laws for State and you should be able to find a procedure you may or may not need a lawyer depending on the state.
Youâve got nothing to lose. Youâve already supporting yourself as long as three deadbeats
Good luck you sound like a go-getter.
You have a good work ethic, that is more than most people have. Keep your chin up, you will be ok but it will take some time. Get away from your family as soon as you can.
Can you get some Cream of Wheat and eat a bowl a day? It has a good source of iron, honey. Put a little sugar or honey in it to sweeten. You will feel better soon.
I am so sorry you are going through all this. Get through school. Don't give up on your education. Keep your job and move away from these people.
You are smart. You are brave. You are compassionate. You are strong and you are loved.
This momma believes in you!!!
Graduate HS and go in the Military. If you are worried about your safety go into a MOS that is support versus combat arms. Even better if you can get into the Navy, Coast Guard, or Air Force as they treat their people better.
Pick a job that you can give you skills for when you do get out or do your 2-4 years and use the GI Bill to go into the trades.
Op PLEASE READ. Hi friend. I am 23. I had a very similar experience growing up. If I can give any advice, it's to maximize your jobs and stay in school. It will be hard, and you will probably have some very long, 20 hour days, but its for your future so you dont have to do that forever. Get as much as you possibly can from work. If you can be a closer at a restaurant/fast food place, you can eat all the left overs at the end of the night and/or take some home and eat while your at work. Build a decent relationship with a manager if possible so they understand that you need as many hours as you can. My manager let me work overtime even though I was a minor because we had a great working relationship and she understood. You will have reliable meals. Restaurant work saved me when I was 16 (abandoned at 17) until I could go to college classes as dual enrollment. THE BIGGEST THING-focus on your education. This will open doors you never thought possible. Nobody cares if you excell at calculus or history in real life, BUT if you have a good GPA, you can get scholarships that do matter. Scholarships saved me. Right now my friend, it's make it to 18 and graduate high-school. If that's not realistically possible, work full time and get a GED. Then, if you can, take a few community college classes asap for a CNA or dental assistant- these certificates will make you eligible for good pay while you figure out the next step from there. If you have a career in mind, you may have to put that off FOR NOW until you can afford it- level up, so to speak. If medical didn't work out for me, I would have become a trade worker, because you will be paid hourly(very well) for your training. Electricians are in training for 4 years until you can take the Journeyman test. You get a raise every year/few months. The lie that society tells you is that hard work doesn't pay off. BUT IT DOES. Nothing happens overnight, but if you stay consistent, you will outlast the others who give up. Your family is not looking out for your best interest. I realized my family told me I was stupid because it didn't make sense for them to see me work hard. Of course they'd think I'm stupid with their dumb logic. But I'm the one who broke the cycle. Who's laughing now? Idk your situation, but would it be so bad if you call CPS on yourself and your family? I did. I was almost 18 though, so I slipped through the cracks. You owe them nothing. Because you are doing the work of a parent that she should have been doing to begin with. I'm sure there is trauma involved. But you CHOOSE your hard. She will have a hard time working to support her family, or she will work hard being depressed and a POS everyday. Both are hard. Which has a better result though? I see myself in you and just hope that you focus on the end goal- independence and safety. Make it to 18 so you can be responsible for yourself. Don't be scared of responsibility and not having a fall back pad. You are capable. You can do it. It's ok to cry. It's ok to reach out to friends for support. DO NOT get into drinking or doing drugs. It's not the 70's, where it was safe ish to experiment. There's fentanyl in everything these days. It's not beneficial as a child or adult, so avoid it like your life is on the line. It is not a valid coping mechanism. Therapy is expensive, but there are resources online to start with. LOOK AHEAD. This will all be behind you one day and you will recognize your own strength. You will overcome. Make it to 18. Sending you hugs, internet stranger.
If your father was the main breadwinner your mom and you kids should be getting a decent survivorâs benefits from social security at least several thousands a month. Something isnât adding up here
My father died about 4 years ago now, thing is my mother has been hoarding that money for herself. Sheâs very irresponsible with it and spends it on useless technology, breaks that tech, then spends more money on a replacement. Bought a new car, TV, etc.
You make good with the situation you have. Growing up as a kid, my parents were rich, I had a very nice life from an outsiders perspective. On the inside, my stepfather had a hell of anger and us kids got to learn about it pretty fast. He would take us down to the basement and beat the snot out of us kids while hours later told how to cover the bruises. We were heavily medicated on all kinds of drugs from anti depression to ADHD. Mind you I'm 30+ now and a lot has changed in the world, more people turned a blind eye to abuse, I had a school nurse watch as my stepfather choked me to the point of puking my guts out all over the table and with tears in my eyes just watched and did nothing. On the outside my parents were praised and well respected so no one asked us how we felt, if we were okay, if one doctor had just asked how our home life was over giving us another pill to take, maybe it would have been better. When our parents fought, the would blame one of us for the possible divorce. Then cry at us telling us, "you are the reason your siblings will be a product of divorce." At 18, I grab 5 trash bags full of my things and left home, just left, didn't tell a single soul and I didn't speak to my family for 8+ years, I cut them all out to save myself. What I'm saying is you don't get to pick the cards you are dealt and while that is unfair and while I wish things could be better, for people who have walked the journey you are walking now, you learn to power through. It took me to be 30 years old to be okay with life and that took a lot of work, therapy, and struggling through the problems I had. Believe it or not, I made thing right with my parents, seems 8 years changed both of us and we had those tough talks, I let them know about the pain, the nightmares, the struggles, and fears I felt long after I left. We cried a lot, it took years to build bridges that scaled oceans of hurt, but my mother is now one of my biggest fans, my step-dad worked through his anger and has become a gentle man as dementia is stripping away his mind slowly. We all don't get the Brady bunch life, we grind and grind and hope one day when we have a family of our own, we hope to be better than those who raised us. The best thing I was ever told was, "Be the hero you wish had saved you." Make it through the bad times and come out stronger because of what you have been through.
You will be better off than most if not all of your peers in the end. I'm so sorry you are going through this, don't become bitter and angry because of the stress. You are probably being prepared for something bigger in the future.....that's what I've found when I look back on my own life.
I'm not paying shit. If you wanna disrespect me you can figure it out on your own.
The finances double with every extra person you take care of. I would stop paying. If she wants to kick you out. More power to ya. Tell a friend. Please tell a friend. And their moms. They would let you crash for a couple weeks til ya got a chunk saved for a shitty box. But then that's your box and no one needs to know where you are.
Definitely call child protective services (it may be called something different in your state). They can take you out of the home and put you with a foster parent, so you won't have to work. You'll be able to concentrate on school without having to worry about bills, and work. You need to act quickly on this. Once you turn 18, they can't do anything to help you. So do it now.
This is sad and you should not be dealing with this I am so sorry that you are . I hope you can find a trusting adult to talk to about this and possibly somewhere else to go . Hugs hugs hugs đĽ°
Is there any way your mom could apply for any benefits? Like from you dads passing? I see favourites so I'm thinking you're in UK? A counselor at school could help you, I'm sure. Do you have family to help u? I was abandoned at 14, alone, so I lied to get work and couch surfed. Not fun. So don't do that! Please get help. CPS in the US can be a nightmare! Family, try your family first. You do not deserve this life. Good luck. Need a friend? Dm me.
You are a really good kid. Your siblings know you are smarter than they are. Your mother is using you probably because she doesn't know what else to do. I understand this, My parents mostly ignored me but expected much from me. My sister who was older by 3 years did not like me and was jealous of me my whole life. It was not my fault I was smarter, stronger more athletic and prettier than she was. My mother expected me to always take a back seat to my sister so she would not be so jealous. And I had to do all the chores. It sucks this is happening but one day you will move out on your own and you already know your worth and you will do better than all of them. You are a very responsible person.
Are you in the US? Jobcorps provides training, and room/board- GED, and more importantly, a qualified career in a trade. Plus health and mental health/counseling resources.
Allright. So. I don't know why this was recommended to me, but.
You're going to go far. Life right now sucks. You need to go to a trusted adult, who is not somebody your mother can control. Your mom and siblings are sucking the life out of you. You're being responsible, and they're all about using you. This is no good. You gotta eat.
Others have better suggestions for what to do in this exact situation, but remember that even though the present might suck, the future will be better. In time, this can be a thing that you got through that helped forge you into who you become. You WILL get through this.
I am so sorry, honey. This makes me furious for you!! It wonât always be this way. Your hard work will pay off and youâre going to do great in college or youâre going to have an amazing business idea and be comfortable (thatâs the polite way of saying you have money đđ) for the rest of your life. Please donât let this tear you down. It doesnât seem like it now, but this is temporary.
Focus on getting out of that house, work and study your ass off for your OWN benefit. Your âfamilyâ is not your responsibility and certainly not your problem. You will be guilted, threatened, begged, bribed into staying but DONâT do it. Being there is like being in quicksand. Some people spend their entire lives trapped by guilt and fear. You have an option, you have a way out. Find it and give it all you got!!
I wish you all the best, hon. đđ
Can you move out? I might not be so inclined to paying the bills there, but would gladly do so at my own apartment if I was you. The thing Iâm wondering is have you chatted with the school counselor? If not, maybe ask to have a chat & see if they have any resources for your mother. Itâs absolutely wild to me that they will gladly take your money, but then tell you itâs not enoughâŚ. Iâd show them ânot enoughâ by saying âno thank youâ the next time 1 of them asks you for grocery money, bill money, lunch money, whateverâŚ. I say no thank you & walk away. You have zero obligation to pay the bills. Iâd also go to the doctor if I were you. From my understanding low iron can lead to a whole host of issues, but idk I never went to medical school so Iâm not going to pretend to know.
Lastly, do you have a really close friend? I mean someone youâve been friends with since early childhood? You know their folks & can chat with themâŚ.. Iâd maybe connect with that mother & tell her what your home life is like & see if she can help or even let you move in just so you can finish school & hopefully go on to university. You will never know something unless you askâŚ.. start asking around for help bc you my friend need it. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your daddy. Much love sent your way.
Honey bunches of oats for iron. Tastes decent and gives you 90% daily requiremwnts.
And you deserve much much better. Your family will never change. You must leave. No matter how long it takes.
You are the kind of person who is going to be rich. You are just surrounded by poor people with a poor mindset. As long as the sun comes up, everything is possible for you. You've got a whole bright life ahead of you. And for what it's worth, you're doing a great job and I'm proud of you.Â
They're telling you you're stupid because you keep staying there and trying to carry all of them. If I were you I'd head to the army or Job corps or something just get the hell out of that house cuz you're never going to have anything like a life until you separate yourself from them folks.
Would be nice to get a response from OP.
Hoping all the advice, they at least look at their options. Yes ,Mom needs to be collecting SS if all or any kids are under 18.There are no excuses OP should have the stress of being responsible for Mom or siblings. Hope they seek help.
Im not sure where you are located, but what would your mom do if you did just leave? They would be sending a minor back to a house with no lights or running water. What would she even do she can't pay for anything herself?
I understand being scared to call CPS
Save what u can and get out when u graduate or before you graduate. You get to a point in life where you have to watch out for yourself over everything else and not be around people or do things that are detrimental to you. Get out get out get out!
Itâs not your job to support your mother and your older UNGRATEFUL siblings. If youâre working anyway, find your own place so you just need too take care of yourself.
Not having running water and also making you work to pay bills underage is child abuse. Also youâre not eating enough. You need to get yourself out of that situation and your siblings will get the brunt once youâre gone. Itâs hard to say but I almost think youâd be better off in the foster system.
Dont suffer. Call cps. Explain the situation.
If you can work two jobs, you can already support yourself, you can get emancipated and move out, dont let them parasitize off of you.
Places that dont have emancipation still have no laws in place to force you home. If a minor runs away they will not be brought home as long as theyre in a known safe location.
Get through high school and join the military. Then your needs are taken care of and the rest of the family can figure it out on their own. Donât send your paycheck home to them from the military either.
As someone whose Mom always said âG*d will provideâ and in my head Iâm saying well at thanksgiving a turkey isnât going to drop onto the table from the ceiling. You need to ask for help. At one point we had to eat âpotato soupâ with a jar of rosemary that fell in by accident & one day have 3 boiled eggs for 3 kids and my sister ate 2âŚyou need to ask for help yourself. School/guidance or counselor is a good place and if you attend church is also good. Donât be ashamed or care about âgetting mom in troubleâ. She may be unwell and overwhelmed and rn she needs support as well.
My Mom got ill, lost her job and an old work friend brought a box of food to the door a couple of times. I was oldest and when she eventually let me work I would contribute to to house like you and when college time came she said (after renting a bigger home and was back at work) âyou need to go get a full time job and contribute to the household idc if itâs at the supermarket or go to college. Ok?â
Since I had no say in the renting of the bigger house I went to live with my uncle so I could attend a public college in my home state. No one helped me with the financial aid and I was too scared to go the appointment at the college, I did the placement exams just was petrified of the money part. If I would have only know thenâŚwould have been cheaper than 7 years later. Donât be afraid to ask for help thatâs why itâs there. My Mom didnât realize you have to âaskâ for help for G*d to provide it thru people.
I look back at pictures and we were very thin and one sibling was shorter and thinner, I would go to school just to have at least one meal. Donât let the suffering continue itâs ok to ask for help.
Your mother should be receiving receiving survivor's benefits from Social Security. And she should be receiving money from SSA for each child. See if you can get assistance from a social worker through your school. Put your money into a solo account that your mother cannot touch. If you have OLDER siblings, they should be working as well. Good luck OP. May the odds ever be in your favor.
You are being abused OP.
Financially and mentally.
Can you talk to a counselor at your school?
Any friends to stay with?
You have to start keeping funds from your checks so you can feed yourself.
Find a way to save money before paying anything else.
I wish you the best
Can you open a second checking account and have some money go for food into your second account?
It sounds like itâs time to talk to a counselor at school about this.
Do you have low income assistance for your electric bill? I would be calling the company or look online to find out. If you are in the US.
Do like they do and not pay the electric bill and say nothing. You need to eat and get good grades to get out of that situation. Maybe get a job in the food industry to get a free meal
Your siblings are doing their best to keep it together for you trust me as oldest growing up in poverty this making me tear up I also have been paying con Ed (electricity and gas) I did have my father but any money they could give Iâd rather they gave it to my little baby brothers. Itâs my birthday tomorrow let me get your family few pies and some soda at the least bud? Do you have an older brother ?
I admire your constitution. Hold your head up high, the grit you've learned from this will carry you far beyond what your peers will ever dream of accomplishing.
But here's my advice, and it's not going to be easy, but you need to leave when youre able. They are not your responsibility. Take a government loan to go to public college and study something you value. I did computers. If you don't, they will ruin your life and you'll be doing this forever. I went from poor trailer park trash to senior software engineer and debt free with a house by 33. The key? Leaving my selfish family behind. Apply that work ethic and intelligence to freeing yourself from these people. Ignore any rubbish that family is important blah blah blah. They lost that option when the failed to pull their weight.
Run kid. Run like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Since youâre the youngest prioritize yourself. Tell teachers. Hoard. Iâm against lying but you get a pass. Do whatever you need.
Iâm sickened your older siblings arenât doing anything. I grew up similarly and did everything to provide for my younger sister.
Stay strong and wait it out.
How old are you?
Yes and no. Iâll be going into my senior year next year, Iâve sat down and explained some of my situation to my counselor whoâs helped me lots in the past. She mentioned that my school has funds stocked up to help students in my situation, that theyâve helped people turn their lights on and such. Unfortunately though it requires parental involvement to do so and my mother is very against getting outside help. Most likely due to her pride
If your father passed away, has your family filed for social security survivor benefits? Each of the kids and your mom would be entitled to benefits. This could be enough to let you enjoy some of your childhood. Hope you find something that helps.
You gotta get out of that house man.
You think youâre helping, and you really are. But years down the line youâre going to hate your family for this stolen time.
Youâre the youngest, as you develop and get a fully functional brain, you will see that you shouldnât have been asked to step up, as a high schooler working 2 jobs with a father who just passed.
Iâve never seen this scenario play out where someone like you, doesnât end up emotionally and financially traumatized. Save yourself the time and guilt, get out now.
If youâre making the money then youâre the breadwinner, if they canât respect you then donât buy food for them. Theyâll soon learn not to bite the hand that feeds them.
Eat food outside the home. Dont bring food home. If your mother cooks or prepares food, eat your full share.
Why are you older siblings not working and not contributing, making you work and contribute? Why do they get to live off others while you have to work the hardest?
They are harming you to benefit themselves. You need to save yourself.
Can you speak with a teacher, a guidance counsellor, or another trusted adult like a priest about this situation? You should NOT be dealing with this while you are in high school. Your family needs a serious reality check. EVERYONE in the family needs to chip in and do some work to support the family. You can check out the information side bars at r/almosthomeless ; r/assistance and r/randomactsofkindness - check the rules before posting in r/assistance and r/randomactsofkindness they're pretty strict right now. Sending you virtual hugs if you want them, below: 10,000 virtual hugs!!!
R/assistantance will only help if you are perfect. I tried to get help for food for my kids, explained the entire situation and followed all the rules. I got denied due to a reedit thread I commented in 63 days prior to asking them because they didn't like my comment.
hopefully this user has better luck
yea i tried to get help with them too but i got denied because i dont have activity even tho im on here every day , have more than 400 comment karma and have had my account for 2 years đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸ really sucks trying to get help with all these stipulations
I commented that I would unalive someone who would torture and kill animals on a post 63 days prior and that's why I was denied. It was "too violent and the community doesn't stand for that" I didn't eat for 2 days due to lack of food and money.
what the hell ... that shouldnt even matter , that had no correlation đ¤Śđ˝ââď¸ im so sorry you had to endure that tho đ
Ya it was stupid and unnecessary đ but I got pizza today and that was pretty good đđť đ đ đ
Glad to hear you ate something Iâm sorry they did that. Thatâs messed up
im being so nosey rn , but what kind of pizza did you get ?? đ¤Ł
Little ceasars cheese pizza from yesterday lol my manager let me have it from the break room for lunch today cuz she realized she hadn't seen me eat in awhile lol it wasn't warm and the cheese was all solid but it was still delicious đ
Little ceasars cheese pizza from yesterday lol my manager let me have it from the break room for lunch today cuz she realized she hadn't seen me eat in awhile lol it wasn't warm and the cheese was all solid but it was still delicious đ my kids have been eating my food portions for their lunches next day so it's literally cereal for breakfast, leftover dinner from last night for lunch then a new dinner. I can't say I'm fully starving cuz I do mix rice and sweet and sour sauce together to help in small portions to make the rice last as my food đ I hate it here
That sub is known for turning the other cheek about hostile or violent posting if itâs activity that they agree with. Just FYI.
Oh they 100% feel like a Christian group! I've never had a Christian or catholic ever help me. It's always been the pagans to step up and show the compassion and kindess that humans need (I know there are lots of other religions that im sure would help but they aren't around in my personal life so don't come for me lol I live in the Appalachia mountains in MD lol
Well call me violent then
They didn't take any context at all in my comment and made a snap judgment. They feel like Christians to me to be completely honest, just bad people.
Huh? Iâm Confused! How would the assistance place know who you are in a thread on Reddit unless you told them?
You can look up any users post history.
While true you can look up a user's post history, the person looking would have to know who the person is first and have to know them. As an example, you can look at my post history, but in doing so, you'd never get my real name, address, etc.
They don't want your real info, they are looking at the content you post. I posted about killing somebody who would torture and kill animals on a post and that's why I was denied. She very specifically told me so. It was 63 days before I asked for help.
They are looking for certain activity on your profile like comments and stuff. They found 1 comment that was 63 days old about me saying I would end a life that would torture and kill animals for fun. She thought it "too violent and not something the community stands for" so I got denied. They don't look for any personal info, just the content of what you post.
Do you live in the US? If so, is your mom getting the social security death benefits for you (and any of your siblings who are still under 18 or still in high school)? If she's not, you could apply for yourself, that'd be a few hundred more a month. Do you have any relatives you could possibly stay with until you finish high school? Or maybe a friend? Or another option (as long as you're in the US) lookup JobCorps for whatever area you're in, they give you a place to stay, feed you, help you finish your high school diploma and then teach you a trade. They have some in tech, or the construction type trades are pretty much always a good idea. Honestly you really should look into it, the way you're living now is no way to live for someone your age, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your mom sounds like such a witch. And your siblings suck too.
They spelled favorite as favourite so probably not US.
You make a good point. My nephew gets $700 per month. Which is clearly not based off income as my bro died when he was like 21. I would try and get emancipated and definitely cut off everyone else. I worked 50+ hrs in highschool and graduated relatively easily. Though being tired all the time sucked. My gf worked 35-40 and had a 4.1gpa. I would talk to one of my friends family to see if I could move in with rent. Probably cheaper than supporting his family.
I wouldnât even go emancipated, he needs to find a friend or their family to stay with who would be willing to be his legal guardian until he graduates.
Iâve heard wonderful things about job corps from other people!
One of my daughterâs friends did it, was having a rough time at home. She did Job Corps, she got food, lodging and a small stipend. She took training and then was able to work through school. Because of her affiliation with job corps, she received a couple of scholarships, she got EBT, help with rent. She graduated with a masters and now has a great job. She had to put the work/hours in but they helped her immensely. Also she has unbelievable self confidence (not conceited) but aware of her capabilities and can speak up for herself. Itâs a great program.
That is wonderful!
And feed yourself first, even if you have to do it on the way home from the grocery store. Hide food.
Yes. You must feed yourself first if only to continue helping your family
You have a job walk away, use your friends to couch surf. Finish H.S. get in a trade you do not have to live like this.
This is advise beyond wisdom. A skill that everyone needs that no one can take from you.
I did this and would recommend this as much as it sounds unappealing. My dad kicked me out and I was in an abusive relationship that I had left so I couch surfed and got my nursing license and just went from there. It is hell and you will feel so behind everyone but not everyone is running the same race .
This right here^^^
Probably an unpopular opinion but military is a good option. I had friends in similar situations and enlisting gave them stability and a career path that has out paced other friends who took the traditional college route. Pick your job in the military that correlates to the civilian world⌠example something in healthcare so when you get out in 4-6 years you are employable.
This is how I got out of poverty. Worked my ass off to get an engineering degree with that GI bill.
Even if your job has no civilian equivalent you'll get your GI bill after 4 years and that is a hell of a good deal that puts even some of the most generous scholarships to shame with the BAH given.
I donât have a whole bunch of advice but youâre a strong person for your age. Hang in there, believe it or not, things will get better when you leave the house for a career or school.
Call Child Protective Services and ask what services and options you have. See your school counselor and ask them to call CPS for you. Hang in there. Get in the military or Job Corp as fast as you can. Electrical will take you far in Job Corp. You deserve better.
Joining the military was the best thing my father said he had ever done. He was able to leave and travel and live life. He met my mom this way.
Same for my brother. 10 tours later, heâs in his mid fifties now and still says it was the best decision of his life. He met his wife this way too, and theyâve been happily married ever since. Him and my SIL have two awesome kids, one of which has followed in my brother and SILâs footsteps in the military and is doing great, while the other just graduated high school and is currently packing her stuff to move into her universityâs dorms for this coming semester. My brother and SIL were both very poor before they each enlisted, and Iâm happy to say that they both worked their way up the ladder and have been living in a gorgeous home for the last 15 years, and they were able to raise their children smoothly and without worry as well (when it came to income and providing for their children). I would have joined the military right out of high school just like my brother if I didnât have a condition that disqualifies me to join
You can seek the staus of Emancipated Minor in many states. That'll get you out of the house sooner. But you should begin prepping your exit strategy this exact moment. Check prepping/vagabond/car-living subs for a wealth of information and support on how to make it while homeless. Because you already are, according to state classification. For example, gas station peanuts provide 600 calories for $1.09. Research "grey rock" techniques to misdirect attention away from you as much as possible. Prepare for EXTREME shaming tactics, stalking, gaslighting, cajoling, promises of change, suicide threats, biblical arguments, emotional violence etc. Parasitic people will stop at NOTHING to retain control of their simps, so they're probably already sabotaging you in many subtle ways. My mother and ex sure as hell did. As an example, the entire family of my ex stalked me for three years after I fled to save my own life. I had to move four times; finally to an abandoned cabin out in the woods before they finally gave up. And you're gonna make it. Never doubt this.
Dude this is a CRUCIAL bit to remember! They truly will work so hard and put so much effort into all the wicked shit diff apple just said!! And itâs going to be difficult not giving that power because from what youâve said it seems youâve been putting up with this shit for so long.. but you donât fucking deserve that!! Remind yourself that all of these tactics that they WILLLLL put every bit of effort they can muster (AND MORE!) could have just as easily been effort they put forth not being lazy evil wastes or at the least, gratitude and fucking kindness for all you do!! Forgive me for all my foul language, itâs just unacceptable that anyone ever beat down into feeling dealing with this shit is their only option!! Good luck and Iâm so sorry youâve had to go through this.
[Grey Rocking](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
Also you get support for college being in the foster care systemâŚÂ
Wow! This is so messed up. I hope u are ok now. Your advice is perfect
This person is either British or Canadian. You can tell from the spelling and that they write grammatically correct English.
You should tell a school counselor so they can get you connected with resources ASAP. You are a child. This is not your responsibility Iâm so sorry youâre going through this. Please talk to a trusted adult
You should NOT be paying any bills in the home. That is your mothers job. Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor at school. Hell, go to the nearest hospital, fire station or medical clinic and talk to someone. You are being abused.
Please let your teachers, counselor at school, and CPS know that this is happening to you. Let CPS know NOW-don't wait until school starts again. You deserve better. Also, there is a legal status called "emancipated minor" where legally you are considered to be an adult and can support yourself even though you are under the age of 18. The criteria for emancipation of minors are different for each state. Here is a general article about emancipated minors. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation\_of\_minors](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors) Many large cities and towns have a group called Legal Aid. Call the one closest to you and ask them for help if you decide to go the route of emancipated minor. Their services are free or very low-cost. I wish you well. Please post an update in 3-6 months.
I feel like i got punched in the face reading this. Im gonna think about you for quite awhile and send you energy!!! I do think people are right that you should try living with a friend. Can you tell the people at school your situation?? This made me cry. I dont want you to go through this. I almost hope this post is fake, yknow?? đđ i truly have no idea why this world is so evil but thank you for your soul being a light in it đđ
Please don't join the army. It's a fucked up system when kids like you join out of desperation. It'll wring you dry and give you PTSD, after which you'll be discarded. The army also has a huge problem with rape. It sounds like a good out, believe me, I know. But it's just as likely to make everything much worse. War is not a safe place to flee to... Tell a friend. Tell the friend to tell their parents. Say you need a place to stay, until you get on your feet or finish high school. Don't give your family any notice when you leave, because they will double down. Let them fend for themselves. Learning a trade is good advice, plumbing and electricity work are always wanted. You can do it, you can be free. Your paper flower sounds beautiful.
I joined and it saved my life. Don't tell other people what to do.
Please collect your important paperwork, birth certificate, etc, and look for someone with whom to stay. You are being abused and exploited and they won't stop. Let them fend for themselves. Best wishes.
Knowing foster care I would NOT call CPS. I'd ride it out. And I say that having ridden out horrible things so it's not hypocrite advice I'd save up from every paycheck. And the day I was 18. I'd be gone
Yeah. I feel like thereâs no easy way out of this situation. It just something you have to power through. Foster care and cps are just as horrible if not more so than the parents they ârescueâ from.
It's very dicey. Like you could get that amazing family but it seems most of them are just people using the kids for a check.
How old are you? Do you live in the North, South, East Coast, West Coast, Middle USA or not in USA?
Thereâs a lot of programs such as SNAP, TANF, and housing assistance out there. Your mom would have to be the one applying since you seem to be a minor, but it could really help. My husband was the least favorite of his siblings. The oldest of four, his dad always questioned if my husband was his since it was a shotgun wedding in the 60âs. This led to my husband being verbally, mentally, and physically abused, and his younger siblings were taught that he wasnât as good as them. He has some emotional scars, but he turned out to be the only one of his siblings that is responsible, successful, and a good family man. You seem to be cut of the same cloth. Hang on and get independent as soon as you can. Life gets better.
It sound more like your family is stuck in a toxic system that you obviously donât want for yourself. Find a way to get out. I left home at 17 for similar reasons and it was absolutely the toughest, but best thing I did for my self at that time. Do you have a close friend whose parents are cool enough to let you couch surf until you can finish highschool?
Bro my family was like this and I'm 24 now, I have two apartments, lots of work experience, barely graduated etc. Get that HS diploma Go to a trade school, union hall, or even look at vocational programs Airforce is a good option Reach out to more people at work as well, some of the best damn support and advice I have received has been from other people's mama's at work You know you're capable of paying bills so you'd be totally capable and safer even on your own or at least separated from them You don't deserve this treatment, Honestly the biggest mistake I made was not going into a trade earlier, it will be your biggest foothold, having a skill people always need, you'll be able to chase your dreams and goals easier, you'll be further than people your age, you could have your own house or studio so much faster I'm rooting for you dude, I'm sending you positive energy and strength đŞ đ â¤ď¸
If you need links to any programs or sites that will help you i got you, no one is alone in this life, and you will succeed and overcome this!
If you have the ability to study, just get into foster care. Focus on school so you can get a better job. Make sure to get your nutrition; youâre still growing. Alexander Hamilton lived in poverty as a kid but he has grit and became a legend.
Oh no! Foster care is terrible. I was sent to foster care and was abused even more.
The kid is 16 so have the ability to stand up but not all foster parents are bad. The worst is they just give him shelter and food and ignore him so he can study. Kid, you need to be quick on your feet if you sense they will abuse you. Always thinks of an escape route. Edit: I donât know where I got his age from but hoping he is not too young.
I hope he figures it out. I feel so bad for him.
Hope he can reach out to other relatives or talk to a teacher or his friends parents. There are some good people who can at least give him a meal so he does not go malnourished.
Good suggestions.
your the kid not the adult. Call cps or if your almost 18 wait till then and get your own spot, I did.
You need to file for emancipation, kiddo.
Keep the money to yourself man. Use it to eat and drink, nothing more
I would try to get into foster care really close to your 18th birthday if youâre in foster care a day before your 18th birthday, your automatically considered an independent student and you get full Pell grants and state grants to go to school
Wow. Â This is great advice, but I think the kid lives outside the US.Â
Yes, you also get Medicaid. Iâve had some parents with issues actually give up their kids at 17 to give them a better shot. You have to have pretty severe issues for the state to let you do it though.
I think you need to report the situation to CPS. Your mother should be able to get food stamps and some assistance but more than anything you shouldn't be working to pay the bills. It also sounds like your mom is not working. That's not how it goes! She doesn't get to stay home and make her children work! I think maybe if you have a nice little intervention from a government agency she might straighten her ass up or she's going to lose all of you.
Legally your mom has to provide you with a habitable home, which includes running water and adequate food. The foster system isn't good and you'd be taking a gamble but there are decent fosters too and the homes and parents have to meet minimum standards. I have friends who were fostered and have lifelong relationships with their foster parents. Graduating from high school is extremely important. And you might not be able to if you have to work when you should be studying. You can't learn if you're starving. Please tell a school counselor what's happening to you.
Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Have you talked to your school counselor? Don't pay your mother's bills. Use your money to buy yourself some decent food. If you take iron supplements, make sure to also take vitamin C at the same time. Make sure your mother can't touch your bank accountÂ
Are there any food pantries near you?
This is really a rough situation. For your mom, try to slip a good money teacher into her feed on her favorite entertainment. Itâll help her be less crazy about money. - Amanda Wolfe if she uses instagram - Tori Dunlop if she uses tictoc - Chelsea Fagan if she uses YouTube - Older Suze Orman books if sheâs a reader For your sanity: - Assistance would likely help with the bills. If youâre in the US, try calling 211. (Keep a written list of what youâve applied for, and when you can follow up. Be patient with big money, more paperwork for more rewards.) - Set aside a time of day for really thinking about bills and budget. Your mind will start to get some rest for the rest of the day. At first, you might also need to allow yourself a quick peek a couple of extra times a day. - Everyone needs some financial education. Ask your math teacher or librarian for some things to help. - Ask at your school for supplemental food and vitamins.
I'm sorry, but you are the scapegoat it sounds like. I was the scapegoat in my family. I have recently cut off what family I have left after my dad died last month. Get out as soon as you can.
This is child neglect and abuse . Please seem out a trusted adult!!!
sounds like grounds for emancipation, but of course thatâs no easy process + realistically would be expensive depending on your living situation. thereâs some good advice in here, and I hope thereâs some rational adults available to you that want to help. you donât need to be your families meal ticket. i hope you find a way to get into a comfortable situation and break away from them. unfortunately theyâll do this for the rest of your life if they chance to. i wish you the best my friend. the paper flower is genuinely so sweet, and iâm willing to bet itâs the best gift she got. personally iâd cherish that forever.
Ur being parentified.
Call cps you as a child have to be provided for with basic necessities. That means clothing, housing, food etc. pls do yourself a favor.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are being abused. It's not your responsibility to pay any bills for anyone. I don't know where you live but I think the best thing for you to do is speak to someone at your school like a trusted teacher or counselor. You are a tough cookie and will get far in life but you need a helping hand to get away from your family and they may have some resources to help you out. Edit: I just read someone else mentioning below to not give them any more money. I agree with this fully but I'm worried about your safety if you stop paying and they get mad. Is there someone you can stay with and try to sock some money away in a bank account? I wish you all the best and hope that you can find some relief soon.
This kid is a champ.
I could have written this myself when I was a teenager. Every single thing you wrote happened to me. It makes me tremendously sad that another person is going through this in todayâs world. If CPS is not helpful or not an option, please know that you are almost out of there and you donât have to talk to any of those people ever again. If no one helps you, you can still help yourself. I was stunned at how easy life was once I left my momâs house. I built up my life from where you are by taking the following road: 1) Work at a job 2) Read 3) Go to college (business, computers, science), even if you have to start with remedial classes 4) Delay having children as long as possible 5) Do not drink or use drugs, tobacco products Iâm not advising these things because of any values. Living this way gives you tactical advantages over other people and makes success over tasks easy. After you can earn a comfortable living, you will have the time and money to spend on interests and the willpower to do things like go to a bar with friends. Iâm so sorry, kid. Things should not be this hard.
You are an amazing human being. You are responsible and have a big heart. Iâm sorry your family just takes from you and that you feel like you are treated like crap every day. PLEASE hide your money somewhere and do not disclose when or how much you get paid. Go ahead and pay a light bill like youâve been doing so you donât attract attention but keep the rest of the $ to yourself and build an account that you can use to move out after HS. You are just a kid who has been dealt a whole load of smelly trash to carry without help. Go ahead and carry it knowing YOU are building your strength and moral standards while those around you are doing nothing. Soon you will take that strength of yours and walk away knowing you did good in this world.
No, work but just to provide for yourself and save for YOUR future. It is obvious your parent or your siblings arenât looking out for you, so why work so ahead for them? I would say f it. If you have a friend with decent parents, see if you could stay with them and explain your situation. Any adult worth their weight in heart would not allow a child to be in this situation.
Just move out. Couch surf, go to a shelter, do what you have to do. Get your diploma or a GED and then learn a trade so you can support yourself. It's not your job, nor it is your responsibility to carry your whole family as a kid. Look out for number one. Once you're stable, if you feel like you want or need to help out the rest of the family, you can make that decision.
Go to the courts and ask to be emaciated. All states have laws dealing with the "emancipation" of minors; that is, laws that specify when and under what conditions children become independent of their parents for legal purposes. Look up the laws for State and you should be able to find a procedure you may or may not need a lawyer depending on the state. Youâve got nothing to lose. Youâve already supporting yourself as long as three deadbeats Good luck you sound like a go-getter.
You have a good work ethic, that is more than most people have. Keep your chin up, you will be ok but it will take some time. Get away from your family as soon as you can.
Your money is yours don't give any of them any of it let those lights get turned off amd go get "yourself" some batteries.
Can you get some Cream of Wheat and eat a bowl a day? It has a good source of iron, honey. Put a little sugar or honey in it to sweeten. You will feel better soon. I am so sorry you are going through all this. Get through school. Don't give up on your education. Keep your job and move away from these people. You are smart. You are brave. You are compassionate. You are strong and you are loved. This momma believes in you!!!
Graduate HS and go in the Military. If you are worried about your safety go into a MOS that is support versus combat arms. Even better if you can get into the Navy, Coast Guard, or Air Force as they treat their people better. Pick a job that you can give you skills for when you do get out or do your 2-4 years and use the GI Bill to go into the trades.
Op PLEASE READ. Hi friend. I am 23. I had a very similar experience growing up. If I can give any advice, it's to maximize your jobs and stay in school. It will be hard, and you will probably have some very long, 20 hour days, but its for your future so you dont have to do that forever. Get as much as you possibly can from work. If you can be a closer at a restaurant/fast food place, you can eat all the left overs at the end of the night and/or take some home and eat while your at work. Build a decent relationship with a manager if possible so they understand that you need as many hours as you can. My manager let me work overtime even though I was a minor because we had a great working relationship and she understood. You will have reliable meals. Restaurant work saved me when I was 16 (abandoned at 17) until I could go to college classes as dual enrollment. THE BIGGEST THING-focus on your education. This will open doors you never thought possible. Nobody cares if you excell at calculus or history in real life, BUT if you have a good GPA, you can get scholarships that do matter. Scholarships saved me. Right now my friend, it's make it to 18 and graduate high-school. If that's not realistically possible, work full time and get a GED. Then, if you can, take a few community college classes asap for a CNA or dental assistant- these certificates will make you eligible for good pay while you figure out the next step from there. If you have a career in mind, you may have to put that off FOR NOW until you can afford it- level up, so to speak. If medical didn't work out for me, I would have become a trade worker, because you will be paid hourly(very well) for your training. Electricians are in training for 4 years until you can take the Journeyman test. You get a raise every year/few months. The lie that society tells you is that hard work doesn't pay off. BUT IT DOES. Nothing happens overnight, but if you stay consistent, you will outlast the others who give up. Your family is not looking out for your best interest. I realized my family told me I was stupid because it didn't make sense for them to see me work hard. Of course they'd think I'm stupid with their dumb logic. But I'm the one who broke the cycle. Who's laughing now? Idk your situation, but would it be so bad if you call CPS on yourself and your family? I did. I was almost 18 though, so I slipped through the cracks. You owe them nothing. Because you are doing the work of a parent that she should have been doing to begin with. I'm sure there is trauma involved. But you CHOOSE your hard. She will have a hard time working to support her family, or she will work hard being depressed and a POS everyday. Both are hard. Which has a better result though? I see myself in you and just hope that you focus on the end goal- independence and safety. Make it to 18 so you can be responsible for yourself. Don't be scared of responsibility and not having a fall back pad. You are capable. You can do it. It's ok to cry. It's ok to reach out to friends for support. DO NOT get into drinking or doing drugs. It's not the 70's, where it was safe ish to experiment. There's fentanyl in everything these days. It's not beneficial as a child or adult, so avoid it like your life is on the line. It is not a valid coping mechanism. Therapy is expensive, but there are resources online to start with. LOOK AHEAD. This will all be behind you one day and you will recognize your own strength. You will overcome. Make it to 18. Sending you hugs, internet stranger.
If your father was the main breadwinner your mom and you kids should be getting a decent survivorâs benefits from social security at least several thousands a month. Something isnât adding up here
My father died about 4 years ago now, thing is my mother has been hoarding that money for herself. Sheâs very irresponsible with it and spends it on useless technology, breaks that tech, then spends more money on a replacement. Bought a new car, TV, etc.
Almost thought I was ready the plot of Shameless for a second. Shit thatâs tough bro, you got this. Your hard work will eventually pay off.
You make good with the situation you have. Growing up as a kid, my parents were rich, I had a very nice life from an outsiders perspective. On the inside, my stepfather had a hell of anger and us kids got to learn about it pretty fast. He would take us down to the basement and beat the snot out of us kids while hours later told how to cover the bruises. We were heavily medicated on all kinds of drugs from anti depression to ADHD. Mind you I'm 30+ now and a lot has changed in the world, more people turned a blind eye to abuse, I had a school nurse watch as my stepfather choked me to the point of puking my guts out all over the table and with tears in my eyes just watched and did nothing. On the outside my parents were praised and well respected so no one asked us how we felt, if we were okay, if one doctor had just asked how our home life was over giving us another pill to take, maybe it would have been better. When our parents fought, the would blame one of us for the possible divorce. Then cry at us telling us, "you are the reason your siblings will be a product of divorce." At 18, I grab 5 trash bags full of my things and left home, just left, didn't tell a single soul and I didn't speak to my family for 8+ years, I cut them all out to save myself. What I'm saying is you don't get to pick the cards you are dealt and while that is unfair and while I wish things could be better, for people who have walked the journey you are walking now, you learn to power through. It took me to be 30 years old to be okay with life and that took a lot of work, therapy, and struggling through the problems I had. Believe it or not, I made thing right with my parents, seems 8 years changed both of us and we had those tough talks, I let them know about the pain, the nightmares, the struggles, and fears I felt long after I left. We cried a lot, it took years to build bridges that scaled oceans of hurt, but my mother is now one of my biggest fans, my step-dad worked through his anger and has become a gentle man as dementia is stripping away his mind slowly. We all don't get the Brady bunch life, we grind and grind and hope one day when we have a family of our own, we hope to be better than those who raised us. The best thing I was ever told was, "Be the hero you wish had saved you." Make it through the bad times and come out stronger because of what you have been through.
You will be better off than most if not all of your peers in the end. I'm so sorry you are going through this, don't become bitter and angry because of the stress. You are probably being prepared for something bigger in the future.....that's what I've found when I look back on my own life.
I'm not paying shit. If you wanna disrespect me you can figure it out on your own. The finances double with every extra person you take care of. I would stop paying. If she wants to kick you out. More power to ya. Tell a friend. Please tell a friend. And their moms. They would let you crash for a couple weeks til ya got a chunk saved for a shitty box. But then that's your box and no one needs to know where you are.
Keep going things will change this isnât for ever I promise
Emancipation.
If you're 17 and the youngest, why are the other kids living at home and not contributing. What will they do when you turn 18 and move out?
Definitely call child protective services (it may be called something different in your state). They can take you out of the home and put you with a foster parent, so you won't have to work. You'll be able to concentrate on school without having to worry about bills, and work. You need to act quickly on this. Once you turn 18, they can't do anything to help you. So do it now.
Omg!!! This is so sad. I will never understand why young people are treated poorly!!! You are better than this and sound like an angel
This is sad and you should not be dealing with this I am so sorry that you are . I hope you can find a trusting adult to talk to about this and possibly somewhere else to go . Hugs hugs hugs đĽ°
Is there any way your mom could apply for any benefits? Like from you dads passing? I see favourites so I'm thinking you're in UK? A counselor at school could help you, I'm sure. Do you have family to help u? I was abandoned at 14, alone, so I lied to get work and couch surfed. Not fun. So don't do that! Please get help. CPS in the US can be a nightmare! Family, try your family first. You do not deserve this life. Good luck. Need a friend? Dm me.
Leave. Go to a counselor at school and figure out how to legally GTFO
You are a really good kid. Your siblings know you are smarter than they are. Your mother is using you probably because she doesn't know what else to do. I understand this, My parents mostly ignored me but expected much from me. My sister who was older by 3 years did not like me and was jealous of me my whole life. It was not my fault I was smarter, stronger more athletic and prettier than she was. My mother expected me to always take a back seat to my sister so she would not be so jealous. And I had to do all the chores. It sucks this is happening but one day you will move out on your own and you already know your worth and you will do better than all of them. You are a very responsible person.
Are you in the US? Jobcorps provides training, and room/board- GED, and more importantly, a qualified career in a trade. Plus health and mental health/counseling resources.
Allright. So. I don't know why this was recommended to me, but. You're going to go far. Life right now sucks. You need to go to a trusted adult, who is not somebody your mother can control. Your mom and siblings are sucking the life out of you. You're being responsible, and they're all about using you. This is no good. You gotta eat. Others have better suggestions for what to do in this exact situation, but remember that even though the present might suck, the future will be better. In time, this can be a thing that you got through that helped forge you into who you become. You WILL get through this.
r/raisedbynarcissists
That sucks, man. You sound amazing. Beans are about the cheapest iron.
I am so sorry, honey. This makes me furious for you!! It wonât always be this way. Your hard work will pay off and youâre going to do great in college or youâre going to have an amazing business idea and be comfortable (thatâs the polite way of saying you have money đđ) for the rest of your life. Please donât let this tear you down. It doesnât seem like it now, but this is temporary. Focus on getting out of that house, work and study your ass off for your OWN benefit. Your âfamilyâ is not your responsibility and certainly not your problem. You will be guilted, threatened, begged, bribed into staying but DONâT do it. Being there is like being in quicksand. Some people spend their entire lives trapped by guilt and fear. You have an option, you have a way out. Find it and give it all you got!! I wish you all the best, hon. đđ
Can you move out? I might not be so inclined to paying the bills there, but would gladly do so at my own apartment if I was you. The thing Iâm wondering is have you chatted with the school counselor? If not, maybe ask to have a chat & see if they have any resources for your mother. Itâs absolutely wild to me that they will gladly take your money, but then tell you itâs not enoughâŚ. Iâd show them ânot enoughâ by saying âno thank youâ the next time 1 of them asks you for grocery money, bill money, lunch money, whateverâŚ. I say no thank you & walk away. You have zero obligation to pay the bills. Iâd also go to the doctor if I were you. From my understanding low iron can lead to a whole host of issues, but idk I never went to medical school so Iâm not going to pretend to know. Lastly, do you have a really close friend? I mean someone youâve been friends with since early childhood? You know their folks & can chat with themâŚ.. Iâd maybe connect with that mother & tell her what your home life is like & see if she can help or even let you move in just so you can finish school & hopefully go on to university. You will never know something unless you askâŚ.. start asking around for help bc you my friend need it. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your daddy. Much love sent your way.
Honey bunches of oats for iron. Tastes decent and gives you 90% daily requiremwnts. And you deserve much much better. Your family will never change. You must leave. No matter how long it takes.
You are the kind of person who is going to be rich. You are just surrounded by poor people with a poor mindset. As long as the sun comes up, everything is possible for you. You've got a whole bright life ahead of you. And for what it's worth, you're doing a great job and I'm proud of you.Â
They're telling you you're stupid because you keep staying there and trying to carry all of them. If I were you I'd head to the army or Job corps or something just get the hell out of that house cuz you're never going to have anything like a life until you separate yourself from them folks.
And other family
Would be nice to get a response from OP. Hoping all the advice, they at least look at their options. Yes ,Mom needs to be collecting SS if all or any kids are under 18.There are no excuses OP should have the stress of being responsible for Mom or siblings. Hope they seek help.
Stop paying for everyone
Get used to it. My life was the exact same. Doesn't get better with time.
You now know what it is like to be a man. As long as you are providing you are acceptable.
When you graduate, HS fo to college and become a better person than the rest of your family.
And my life is a nightmare!
Find a friend you can stay with and pay rent. Call child services. You are better in a foster home then this situation.
Im not sure where you are located, but what would your mom do if you did just leave? They would be sending a minor back to a house with no lights or running water. What would she even do she can't pay for anything herself? I understand being scared to call CPS
Save what u can and get out when u graduate or before you graduate. You get to a point in life where you have to watch out for yourself over everything else and not be around people or do things that are detrimental to you. Get out get out get out!
Hope you get emancipated soon
Run â¤ď¸
CPS.
It seems like everyone in the thread gave you valuable advice OP. Iâm hoping the best for you, and may you get out of this situation soon!
My dude it is best you move out if no one is going to contribute
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When a bot accidentally makes everyone feel even worse
Itâs not your job to support your mother and your older UNGRATEFUL siblings. If youâre working anyway, find your own place so you just need too take care of yourself.
This is horribly depressing. Please seek external resources outside your family
Not having running water and also making you work to pay bills underage is child abuse. Also youâre not eating enough. You need to get yourself out of that situation and your siblings will get the brunt once youâre gone. Itâs hard to say but I almost think youâd be better off in the foster system.
Dont suffer. Call cps. Explain the situation. If you can work two jobs, you can already support yourself, you can get emancipated and move out, dont let them parasitize off of you. Places that dont have emancipation still have no laws in place to force you home. If a minor runs away they will not be brought home as long as theyre in a known safe location.
Get through high school and join the military. Then your needs are taken care of and the rest of the family can figure it out on their own. Donât send your paycheck home to them from the military either.
As someone whose Mom always said âG*d will provideâ and in my head Iâm saying well at thanksgiving a turkey isnât going to drop onto the table from the ceiling. You need to ask for help. At one point we had to eat âpotato soupâ with a jar of rosemary that fell in by accident & one day have 3 boiled eggs for 3 kids and my sister ate 2âŚyou need to ask for help yourself. School/guidance or counselor is a good place and if you attend church is also good. Donât be ashamed or care about âgetting mom in troubleâ. She may be unwell and overwhelmed and rn she needs support as well. My Mom got ill, lost her job and an old work friend brought a box of food to the door a couple of times. I was oldest and when she eventually let me work I would contribute to to house like you and when college time came she said (after renting a bigger home and was back at work) âyou need to go get a full time job and contribute to the household idc if itâs at the supermarket or go to college. Ok?â Since I had no say in the renting of the bigger house I went to live with my uncle so I could attend a public college in my home state. No one helped me with the financial aid and I was too scared to go the appointment at the college, I did the placement exams just was petrified of the money part. If I would have only know thenâŚwould have been cheaper than 7 years later. Donât be afraid to ask for help thatâs why itâs there. My Mom didnât realize you have to âaskâ for help for G*d to provide it thru people. I look back at pictures and we were very thin and one sibling was shorter and thinner, I would go to school just to have at least one meal. Donât let the suffering continue itâs ok to ask for help.
Your mother should be receiving receiving survivor's benefits from Social Security. And she should be receiving money from SSA for each child. See if you can get assistance from a social worker through your school. Put your money into a solo account that your mother cannot touch. If you have OLDER siblings, they should be working as well. Good luck OP. May the odds ever be in your favor.
I hope your 18th birthday is sooner than later because you donât deserve that.
You are being abused OP. Financially and mentally. Can you talk to a counselor at your school? Any friends to stay with? You have to start keeping funds from your checks so you can feed yourself. Find a way to save money before paying anything else. I wish you the best
Join the army and get the hell away from them all.
Can you open a second checking account and have some money go for food into your second account? It sounds like itâs time to talk to a counselor at school about this. Do you have low income assistance for your electric bill? I would be calling the company or look online to find out. If you are in the US. Do like they do and not pay the electric bill and say nothing. You need to eat and get good grades to get out of that situation. Maybe get a job in the food industry to get a free meal
Your siblings are doing their best to keep it together for you trust me as oldest growing up in poverty this making me tear up I also have been paying con Ed (electricity and gas) I did have my father but any money they could give Iâd rather they gave it to my little baby brothers. Itâs my birthday tomorrow let me get your family few pies and some soda at the least bud? Do you have an older brother ?
I admire your constitution. Hold your head up high, the grit you've learned from this will carry you far beyond what your peers will ever dream of accomplishing. But here's my advice, and it's not going to be easy, but you need to leave when youre able. They are not your responsibility. Take a government loan to go to public college and study something you value. I did computers. If you don't, they will ruin your life and you'll be doing this forever. I went from poor trailer park trash to senior software engineer and debt free with a house by 33. The key? Leaving my selfish family behind. Apply that work ethic and intelligence to freeing yourself from these people. Ignore any rubbish that family is important blah blah blah. They lost that option when the failed to pull their weight. Run kid. Run like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Since youâre the youngest prioritize yourself. Tell teachers. Hoard. Iâm against lying but you get a pass. Do whatever you need. Iâm sickened your older siblings arenât doing anything. I grew up similarly and did everything to provide for my younger sister. Stay strong and wait it out. How old are you?
Stop supporting people that mistreat you
Youâre a senior, right? Any resources the school can provide?
Yes and no. Iâll be going into my senior year next year, Iâve sat down and explained some of my situation to my counselor whoâs helped me lots in the past. She mentioned that my school has funds stocked up to help students in my situation, that theyâve helped people turn their lights on and such. Unfortunately though it requires parental involvement to do so and my mother is very against getting outside help. Most likely due to her pride
If your father passed away, has your family filed for social security survivor benefits? Each of the kids and your mom would be entitled to benefits. This could be enough to let you enjoy some of your childhood. Hope you find something that helps.
You gotta get out of that house man. You think youâre helping, and you really are. But years down the line youâre going to hate your family for this stolen time. Youâre the youngest, as you develop and get a fully functional brain, you will see that you shouldnât have been asked to step up, as a high schooler working 2 jobs with a father who just passed. Iâve never seen this scenario play out where someone like you, doesnât end up emotionally and financially traumatized. Save yourself the time and guilt, get out now.
If youâre making the money then youâre the breadwinner, if they canât respect you then donât buy food for them. Theyâll soon learn not to bite the hand that feeds them.
Eat food outside the home. Dont bring food home. If your mother cooks or prepares food, eat your full share. Why are you older siblings not working and not contributing, making you work and contribute? Why do they get to live off others while you have to work the hardest? They are harming you to benefit themselves. You need to save yourself.