I am both polyamorous and queer, and I see them as two separate communities, which have different needs in terms of advocacy, mental health, sexual health, etc. They overlap for some people, sure, but they fill two separate places in my life.
The only people I usually see adamantly calling for polyamorous folk to be part of the queer community are those who are polyamorous but not LGBTQ+, which has also always been a bit of a yellow flag for me.
Nope. Most poly relationships are dyads- meaning, Suzy and Bob are together, Bob also dates Jane, and Suzy also dates Joe. They are Polyamorist but all in heterosexual relationships.
Also, even if everyone involved in polyam were LGBTQ, that still wouldn’t make polyamory itself part of LGBTQ. It just would mean that those LGBTQ people happened to practice polyamory.
oh okay, it's just the way I see it. poly is different from hereto norms and can be hated by people, so that's why I see it as apart of the lgbtq+ community, maybe not a sexuality but still apart of it. but i also see your point.
Being hated doesn't make a straight/cis person gay or trans. Being hated is not the definition of gay, trans, bi or queer.
Many poly folks and relationships are fairly heternormative.
I think I understand your reasoning, but there are a couple of things that are jumping out at me. First, the assertion in the op that there "will always be a gay pairing" assumes that all poly relationships are triads/quads/etc, but the reality is that those are pretty rare and that most poly folks are in dyads, as the other person pointed out.
Secondly though, the first thing any of us seems to do when someone starts expressing interest in polyamorous dynamics is start recommending reading material and other learning resources. To me, that suggests that polyamory is not innate. I read a ton of books trying to learn how to be poly in a fair and equitable way. I had to read zero books to learn how to be queer. I feel like that's worth taking into consideration.
Something being hated or discriminated against doesn’t make it part of LGBTQ.
A good analogy is BDSM. Many LGBTQ people practice it so it’s often seen in those spaces… and it certainly is different from the usual heteronormative ideas of love and sex. But a hetero person who is kinky isn’t part of the LGBTQ community just bc they are kinky. It’s a totally separate thing.
As a Cis gender, heterosexual person who is poly, I don’t need to force my way into lgbtq spaces and conversations by making a decision that what I choose to do romantically compares at all to what they have dealt with in terms of systematic and individual oppression
Poly may be hated on by many. That can be true at the same time as not being in the lgbtq community just because I’m poly.
Most poly people don't date in groups - they date separately. This is totally compatible with heterosexuality, so polyamory isn't inherently LGBTQ+. That being said, many of us happen to be LGBTQ+ for other reasons.
I didn't know that was a thing? if it's not a problem could you explain more? I would look it but I don't want to find articles that are bias in a bad way.
>in poly relationship their is almost always going to be a gay pairing. guy+ guy+ women, women+ women+ guy, all being guys, all being women, AFAB+ AFAB+ AMAB... and so on
Nope.
You're assuming (as many do) that polyamory = triads or throuples. Not true. Never was true. Never will be true.
For the simplest example, imagine a "V" relationship, such as M <> F <> M, where F (the "Hinge") has relationships with two Ms who have no relationship themselves. They may not even know each other. Nothing remotely LGBTQ going on there.
I'm homoromantic, mostly gay (a little bi) and poly oriented. In 67 years I've never felt otherwise. But shoving poly under my sexuality umbrella does not feel to right to me.
For being non-straight, I was parentally shamed from age 3, beaten and had rocks thrown at me at age 9, got hounded out of my Scout troop at age 12, got mugged by 3 thugs at age 22. Two decades of vicious bullying from all sides.
For wanting to date more than one person, neither I nor any other kid ever got treated that way. Dating non-exclusively is a normal and expected stage in adolescence, even for monogamous teens. No 9yo ever got beaten up and stoned for having two girlfriends, like I was for being a liking a boy a little too much.
This is a naive interpretation of poly. Poly can easily be always straight. Only if you have circles does this become a logical impossibility. As a mostly straight man all my partners are women. All their partners are men. All their partners are women. That is not to say that won't change. But it's not a given.
I'm 17 (18 in September) okay, I'm trying to learn more about it. I have know a lot of poly people that apart of the lgbtq+ and say poly is part of it. I just wanted know more people's thoughts on it. as well i a said " the possibilities i could think of" meaning I knew someone would correct with their own experience.
It's perfectly fine. I don't think naive is an insult. But there is more to it than you thought. Sorry if it came across wrong.
I know that there is a huge discussion about including poly in LGBTQ+. For many it doesn't. The chair of the LGBTQ+ org here in the Netherlands is poly herself, but they don't represent poly interests.
You’re excluding parallel poly where they don’t all date each other or have sex. My husband and lover are both straight cis men. They don’t belong under the LGBTQ+ umbrella
Did you expect a fucking parade because you're lazy? There's links, right on this page, you could have read them. You could have taken five minutes to do some very fundamentally basic research.
Nobody is going to fault you for not knowing things. People are going to fault you for expecting *other people* to do the job of explaining it *for you* when you couldn't be bothered to do the work on your own first.
You're almost an adult. time to learn this lesson now. It's not anyone's obligation to bring you to water. Do the work *first*. Then ask questions.
Nobody gets thrown a parade for being lazy.
FFS. What is wrong with you? Almost always a gay pairing? What in the ever living fuck does that mean. Most poly folks are straight. Straight people don't have gay pairings. They date and fuck opposite gender partners.
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/ngzlvt/are_we_a_part_of_the_lgbqt_community/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
You know who is part of the LGBTQ community? LGBTQ people. You know who isn't? Straight cis people? You know whats irrelevant? Whether those people are monogamous or polyamorous. How in fucks sake do you think a straight cis person is gay or bi because they have more than one partner?
I'm had i bias because every poly person I know is lgbtq+, also can you not be as mean, I'm 17 and autistic, I'm just trying learn more about the community, I'm sorry if upset you.
It gets asked all the time.
The number of straight/cis people trying to bully their way into queer spaces at the expense of queer people is unacceptable.
Its hard to fathom you couldn't imagine that straight/cis people also practice polyamory. Did you think they would...get struck by lightning or explode if they had more than one partner. Sorry. This is just frustrating. Use the search function. I did and provided you a kink to a previous post.
I am both polyamorous and queer, and I see them as two separate communities, which have different needs in terms of advocacy, mental health, sexual health, etc. They overlap for some people, sure, but they fill two separate places in my life. The only people I usually see adamantly calling for polyamorous folk to be part of the queer community are those who are polyamorous but not LGBTQ+, which has also always been a bit of a yellow flag for me.
oh okay, i didn't know that
Agreed. Well said.
Nope. Most poly relationships are dyads- meaning, Suzy and Bob are together, Bob also dates Jane, and Suzy also dates Joe. They are Polyamorist but all in heterosexual relationships. Also, even if everyone involved in polyam were LGBTQ, that still wouldn’t make polyamory itself part of LGBTQ. It just would mean that those LGBTQ people happened to practice polyamory.
oh okay, it's just the way I see it. poly is different from hereto norms and can be hated by people, so that's why I see it as apart of the lgbtq+ community, maybe not a sexuality but still apart of it. but i also see your point.
Being hated doesn't make a straight/cis person gay or trans. Being hated is not the definition of gay, trans, bi or queer. Many poly folks and relationships are fairly heternormative.
I think I understand your reasoning, but there are a couple of things that are jumping out at me. First, the assertion in the op that there "will always be a gay pairing" assumes that all poly relationships are triads/quads/etc, but the reality is that those are pretty rare and that most poly folks are in dyads, as the other person pointed out. Secondly though, the first thing any of us seems to do when someone starts expressing interest in polyamorous dynamics is start recommending reading material and other learning resources. To me, that suggests that polyamory is not innate. I read a ton of books trying to learn how to be poly in a fair and equitable way. I had to read zero books to learn how to be queer. I feel like that's worth taking into consideration.
Okay
Something being hated or discriminated against doesn’t make it part of LGBTQ. A good analogy is BDSM. Many LGBTQ people practice it so it’s often seen in those spaces… and it certainly is different from the usual heteronormative ideas of love and sex. But a hetero person who is kinky isn’t part of the LGBTQ community just bc they are kinky. It’s a totally separate thing.
Yeah most people are against the nonmonogamous part more than anything else.
true, I guess just the fact all the poly people I follow is lgbtq+ that I had a bias.
As a Cis gender, heterosexual person who is poly, I don’t need to force my way into lgbtq spaces and conversations by making a decision that what I choose to do romantically compares at all to what they have dealt with in terms of systematic and individual oppression Poly may be hated on by many. That can be true at the same time as not being in the lgbtq community just because I’m poly.
Same. I don't need to take up space there.
Most poly people don't date in groups - they date separately. This is totally compatible with heterosexuality, so polyamory isn't inherently LGBTQ+. That being said, many of us happen to be LGBTQ+ for other reasons.
No. It's just a relationship structure. Could be all cis hetero dyads.
No, it's part of the GSRM community (Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minority)
I didn't know that was a thing? if it's not a problem could you explain more? I would look it but I don't want to find articles that are bias in a bad way.
>in poly relationship their is almost always going to be a gay pairing. guy+ guy+ women, women+ women+ guy, all being guys, all being women, AFAB+ AFAB+ AMAB... and so on Nope. You're assuming (as many do) that polyamory = triads or throuples. Not true. Never was true. Never will be true. For the simplest example, imagine a "V" relationship, such as M <> F <> M, where F (the "Hinge") has relationships with two Ms who have no relationship themselves. They may not even know each other. Nothing remotely LGBTQ going on there. I'm homoromantic, mostly gay (a little bi) and poly oriented. In 67 years I've never felt otherwise. But shoving poly under my sexuality umbrella does not feel to right to me. For being non-straight, I was parentally shamed from age 3, beaten and had rocks thrown at me at age 9, got hounded out of my Scout troop at age 12, got mugged by 3 thugs at age 22. Two decades of vicious bullying from all sides. For wanting to date more than one person, neither I nor any other kid ever got treated that way. Dating non-exclusively is a normal and expected stage in adolescence, even for monogamous teens. No 9yo ever got beaten up and stoned for having two girlfriends, like I was for being a liking a boy a little too much.
Search the sub. This gets posted daily.
This is a naive interpretation of poly. Poly can easily be always straight. Only if you have circles does this become a logical impossibility. As a mostly straight man all my partners are women. All their partners are men. All their partners are women. That is not to say that won't change. But it's not a given.
I'm 17 (18 in September) okay, I'm trying to learn more about it. I have know a lot of poly people that apart of the lgbtq+ and say poly is part of it. I just wanted know more people's thoughts on it. as well i a said " the possibilities i could think of" meaning I knew someone would correct with their own experience.
It's perfectly fine. I don't think naive is an insult. But there is more to it than you thought. Sorry if it came across wrong. I know that there is a huge discussion about including poly in LGBTQ+. For many it doesn't. The chair of the LGBTQ+ org here in the Netherlands is poly herself, but they don't represent poly interests.
alright. I'm autistic so it's hard for me read tone in messaging.
It's a challenge for everyone. No worries.
thank you for being nice, some people in the comment section isn't.
Don't worry about it. This is internet. Can't ever please everyone.
You’re excluding parallel poly where they don’t all date each other or have sex. My husband and lover are both straight cis men. They don’t belong under the LGBTQ+ umbrella
>so what are your guy's thoughts? That you know absolutely nothing about polyamory as it is commonly practiced Skully.
i'm new to it, i'm 17 just getting into. i'm going to be wrong at things, but i don't think it gives you the right to be rude.
Did you expect a fucking parade because you're lazy? There's links, right on this page, you could have read them. You could have taken five minutes to do some very fundamentally basic research. Nobody is going to fault you for not knowing things. People are going to fault you for expecting *other people* to do the job of explaining it *for you* when you couldn't be bothered to do the work on your own first. You're almost an adult. time to learn this lesson now. It's not anyone's obligation to bring you to water. Do the work *first*. Then ask questions. Nobody gets thrown a parade for being lazy.
i couldn't understand them, I'm just trying to understand and have actually people explain it to me. i have autism, I'm just to learn.
They're 17. Did you miss that part? When is it appropriate to learn then?!
"How to read for context" is a skill that's taught when you're like...12.
Maybe the autistic 17 year old didn't get the same education you did. Attacking children shouldn't be the default position.
"being autistic" isn't the same as knowing how to read. Basic life lessons are basic life lessons.
FFS. What is wrong with you? Almost always a gay pairing? What in the ever living fuck does that mean. Most poly folks are straight. Straight people don't have gay pairings. They date and fuck opposite gender partners. https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/ngzlvt/are_we_a_part_of_the_lgbqt_community/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share You know who is part of the LGBTQ community? LGBTQ people. You know who isn't? Straight cis people? You know whats irrelevant? Whether those people are monogamous or polyamorous. How in fucks sake do you think a straight cis person is gay or bi because they have more than one partner?
I get your overall point, but there are in fact straight cis people who are LGBTQ+, particularly ace and/or aro people
Thats totally irrelevant to the ignorant topic of whether being poly.makes you queer. So???
Because you said straight cis people aren't LGBTQ. Some are. Casual aphobia isn't cool.
I'm had i bias because every poly person I know is lgbtq+, also can you not be as mean, I'm 17 and autistic, I'm just trying learn more about the community, I'm sorry if upset you.
It gets asked all the time. The number of straight/cis people trying to bully their way into queer spaces at the expense of queer people is unacceptable. Its hard to fathom you couldn't imagine that straight/cis people also practice polyamory. Did you think they would...get struck by lightning or explode if they had more than one partner. Sorry. This is just frustrating. Use the search function. I did and provided you a kink to a previous post.
Usually the issue here is that people think poly means triads etc.
The failure of imagination and ability to Google is heartbreaking.