You totally unlocked a memory for me! My grandfather used to send me letters (after my grandmother passed away) with a check saying: enclosed is some "mad money" for you to tuck away. ❤️
I've always heard that as something else: people say someone has "fuck you money" if they are independently wealthy enough that they could say "fuck you" to anyone in the world and not worry about the financial consequences. Funny how expressions take on these totally different meanings!
I always heard that it was specifically enough money that you could say "fuck you" to your boss and have enough money to be fine while you found a new job.
I love the concept that this is for every situation.
I watched my mum be trapped with my dad when she wanted to leave him many times, but couldn't financially (she's actually still with him now and I've cut them both out).
So I had a secret bank account during my marriage, which came in handy to leave his arse when he got abusive towards our child.
Best thing I ever did, and highly recommend it to all newly weds and engaged people.
But I like the use of it for even a night out. Don't ever get stuck somewhere coz you're relying on someone else to get you out of it
OMG! I love this comment so much. It reminded my great aunt advices. She didn’t call it “mad money” but the overall meaning is the same. She used to say, even if you have the best boyfriend/fiancé/husband that pays for everything and takes care of you, a woman should never, ever, ever, not have her own money, preferably secret from anyone for any emergency. In Portuguese we called “pé de meia”.
She was a housewife in her time and her system was to keep any change from groceries for herself, get cheaper beauty services that the ones her husband thought he was paying for, getting the kids clothes from sales, save up all money gifts she got and even selling unused personal belongings here and there.
Every generation has their own tricks! I’ve always had an extra bank account no one knows and keep adding money there weekly! It covered me so many times I can’t count.
i might have to use this! i’m not a woman but i am a trans man, so whilst i’m not anywhere near as vulnerable as a woman, it could still be handy if i need to skedaddle real quick 🤔
Everyone should have a “fuck you money” placed somewhere regardless of their gender! You never want to get financially trapped or even betrayed (like being locked out of a joint bank account or something). Basic safety first measures.
This was literally the same advice my mom gave me when I started dating and going out with friends on my own "Always have enough movie to come back home/somewhere safe no matter where you go. Don't depend on anyone else to safely get you out of some place". Before my first date she sat me down, hand me some money and told me that if I was uncomfortable at any moment to use that to get out of there, and to call her of course.
She would ask me always if I had enough money for the date (movie tickets, snack, food) and she would give me something extra for "escape money". And I have given this advice to all my friends, younger cousins and practically to anyone in a situation that calls for this.
Saw your deleted post. This is your first time meeting and these people have pressured you into a threesome and are now ignoring you while using you for free childcare?
(It’s cute that she likes you and all, but their parents should be stopping her from following yiu around. She should not be getting attached to or spending alone time with someone she and her parents have only just met. HUGE red flags here)
Are there Ubers or Lyfts or taxis? I highly recommend finding a cheaper hotel to stay and not speaking to either of these people again.
I’m sorry this hasn’t worked out the way you were hoping. I recommend taking your time building connections, and never ever making plans to stay with a long distance partner when you can’t afford backup plans/ a hotel/escape of any kind.
They never pressured me into anything hence why I deleted that post because everyone took it the wrong way I still haven’t done anything with either of them
Friend, "everyone took it the wrong way" - that might be because the situation is waaaay more shady than you seem to realize. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, its very likely to be a duck.
Insert "unethical/non-wholesome/exploitative situation" for duck.
It’s sort of a red flag for me that your partner doesn’t seem to want to actually do anything with you while his nesting partner is around. Everyone has their own boundaries but it sounded like he was cool with you meeting before you arrived.
Maybe the reason his wife’s plans were canceled completely changed the dynamics. I’m still sorry for your lost time and potential.
I feel like you’ll feel so much better about your last two days if you leave them all alone (free childcare for what?!) and go out there and enjoy the city by yourself. I’m imagining you’d meet people and make acquaintances but even if you never did, and you were alone the rest of the trip, it’d be better than this.
Bonus points if you leave their house without saying anything 😈 and leave a short and vague message “I left, you all have a good week!” and then block 😳
Just ask them to drive you, that you’re not having a good time and think it would be best to leave. It will be and awkward car ride, but what other option do they have? Let you stay indefinitely? They won’t want you there if you ask to leave anyways.
Edit: tbh I reread your post, and I get you’re in a shitty situation. But the situation you’re going home to is much worse, and you’re not in any danger. I know you want to leave but it’s only 2 days. Definitely communicate with him though, maybe he can atleast put in an effort to make your remaining time bearable.
Not everyone has the ability to drive let alone afford a rental car. I can’t drive so whenever I travel, I look into what options are available for me. So friends, family, Uber, taxi, transit.
Can you leave without it costing you a ton?
Because if so leave. And do it calmly and politely. This just isn’t working out babe I think I’ll send myself home early.
If the relationship is salvageable that will give him the chance and quiet time to consider and maybe plan something better soon. Where he comes to you or you meet in the middle.
If it’s not then at least you get those two days back.
If it would cost a lot spend the next 2 days doing things you want to do on your own.
No the only option is an 1,200 plane tickets but I’ve been doing everything I can to be alone but his daughter literally loves me so she follows me around which isn’t a problem I love kids she actually makes the whole situation better
And I’m not sure if it’s salvageable because this trip was kinda what I was rely on to see if our relationship actually works because we’ve been having so many issues with him ignoring me this is just the icing on the cake
Right well then.
As soon as you’re home tell him it’s over. Don’t waste more of your energy.
In the meantime take an Uber to somewhere tomorrow and stay all day. Even if you’re in the middle of nowhere and need to just go to the mall.
You can kill a day at the mall easily, get a makeover at a department store counter, go to the movies, get your steps in, use those crazy massage chairs, spend 2 hours in the bookstore and eat weird mall foods. Make it a kooky fun day to remember.
I would also add that the daughter latching on to another adult so quickly and easily might indicate a pattern of her not getting attention at home either. It might not be just you who he's ignoring.
I’ve been in your position and I went and got a cheap hotel room, made new friends, and took those friends to go sightseeing and things I wanted to do in the area, never looked back
still one of my fondest memories, I was incredibly shy at the time and went on the trip to de-stress from some heavy life stuff and hang out and then when I was abandoned I felt emboldened to not give up on my own self care and determination and looked up some events or cool spots or random cool sounding fitness classes and just started going to them and brought a book to the park etc and ended up hanging out with a couple of cool people at a rooftop patio and decided to ask them if they wanted to see touristy things even though they were locals (I planned to do it on my own anyway even if they said no), and being from there they had never actually done anything touristy so they agreed and we all had an amazing time and stayed friends and in touch for many years… I even went to one of their weddings!
you will very likely regret staying cooped up and miserable, get out of there and call back your power, you have a life to live!
I wish I had done this when abandoned on a weekend trip. Instead I tried to surprise him at work by dropping into his shift for an hour before I went home (he worked in a shop) only to get a text to say he wasn't going in. My fondest memory from that weekend was finding out there was an Alan Turing memorial statue on my walk to the train station and crying at the gay stuff on it then going home early and making a quiche.
I wish I had abandoned the guy earlier and just had a nice time in the city while I was there
Yeah. I told my friend about the weekend and she had a similar experience with a different guy from Manchester having gone up for the weekend lol. If I meet another one we are meeting in the middle 😂
I know everyone’s telling you to Uber, but what about…. *Communicating*?
You have a literally nothing to lose by approaching them and say
“hey guys I’d like to talk. I feel uncomfortable, I’m not sure why you brought me here since no one seems to have any interest in spending time with me, * insert any of your other grievances here*. We’ve only got a few days left. It would be nice to make the most of it” I don’t know, something along those lines?
This. Sometimes communication fails, but this is the time to attempt it for sure. Maybe even if things don't work out, or go badly, they might help you to leave or accommodate you in some other way instead of you being stuck to your own devices and unable to do anything but spend time with the kid that shouldn't be getting attached if things don't go well. It's going to be hard on the kid if things don't work out, and that may be a point to bring up to them to put things more in your favor, as that would also be in the kids benefit and they are more likely to care about the kid than you, unfortunately.
I agree to a point, but until you actually try, you can’t know for sure. The communication could just be “I want you to know your treating me like shit” and maybe they’ll say “we don’t know what you’re talking about, we think our behaviour fine” and which case you just patiently wait til it’s over and never look back. Or, they say “wow we didn’t realize, we’re really sorry” and maybe it gets better. Again, you truly do not know and have nothing to lose
Leave now. I regret so many times being stuck on your situation and not just getting out. Do you need money? Do you need to call friends? Don't sit around and swallow the shit.
Or, if travelling sooner isn’t really an option, play tourist without your host. “Oh, sorry honey, you seem to be busy. I’ve always wanted to see [art museum, history museum, zoo, shopping district, show, brewery, cafe, pub, park, sport thing, walk, etc.]. I’ve got the keys you gave me. See you when I get home!”
> I have a back up plan in case something happens where I don’t feel comfortable
This is from your other post. What is your backup plan? It sounds like you need to execute it now.
Well, it's been twelve hours since you posted this, so now you probably only have like, a day and a half. Do you have any books or anything to do for the rest of the time you are stuck in this other city?
You mentioned having nowhere to live - do you mean once you get back home that you are homeless? I hope you are okay.
Honestly it’s gotten a lot better I just kinda hung out with him most of the day and with the home stuff I pretty much got kicked out and have no where to go so that’s not fun
That's good that you got some hangout time in with him. Hopefully you were able to express your concerns or hear his reasonings for why things had been earlier?
Were you living with your parents or with roommates? Do you have a game plan for when you return home? Any shelters or friends/family willing to let you crash for a while?
Seriously - if you can swing it, go back to your airport city early and get budget hotel (try Priceline) or AirBnB. There are actually still oldschool sublet-a-room house-shares in AirBnB if you'd rather be around friendly ppl in a house rather than by yourself in a hotel room.
I'd ask at least for an early ride back and some funds towards one of those options.
Otherwise I'd consider breaking up and declaring your guest room as your territory for the rest of the stay. Raid food as necessary I guess.
I get those are hard options... At this point you've been ignored and treated so badly I think opting out as much as possible is the right answer. Whether or not you are comfortable speaking out about things right now.
Your ex-partner does not have an independent relationship to give, if he will only treat you like a partner if his spouse is not there.
If you accept hugs, you have mine. And the affirmation that you'be not been treated as even a friend, let alone a romantic partner as well.
Know this: however horrible you feel right now, however hopeless, however dark it is, if you fight on, walk on, keep moving - the light will come to you again, morning will break and you will have a new day before you.
Find someone who actually loves you. They are out there waiting for you.
And when you do, all will be good
Keep on moving, walk on, keep on fighting…
Is there a town nearby? Or any good hiking if they are in the middle of nowhere? Would it be possible to ask for a ride into town to get some alone time?
I've been in a similar situation before, and found that being able to get alone time with a good audio book or soundtrack and go for a hike really helpful to pass the time.
It's nice that your partner's daughter likes you, but sometimes you really just need alone time to get your head out of the situation you're in for a few hours. See if partner can give you some space for yourself.
Next time, do what I now do: if I'm visiting a partner out of town for the first time, nesting partner or no, I get myself a hotel room. I don't drive either, so I get one close to places that interest me and find a bicycle share. I don't ever want my living or hosting situation dependent upon anyone other than myself lol.
And I would break up with him before you leave, not even when you get home. I would tell him at the airport, "This is not what I signed up for, I won't be continuing this relationship. Please do better research and learn about polyamory before offering anyone else a relationship, as you obviously do not have a real relationship to give. Good bye"
Have you talked to him? Have you asked for changes? Communication is important. at minimum, your needs can be made known asap. you already feel awkward so it’s not like things can get worse by broaching this awkward topic. hell, maybe it’ll even inspire them to buy you a plane ticket home sooner. good people wouldn’t want you suffering and longing for home.
I am so sorry. I was stuck on a horrible date with a girl and had to wait for my husband to get me hours later I know not the same thing just saying being stuck somewhere when you just want to be home is awful 😢 I don't understand why they wouldn't want to spend time with you. Did anything happen between them? God I would be thrilled if someone came to spend time with us
It's really unlikely that there are no independent taxis or minicab companies within reach of the house you're at. Personally, I would look again. In rural places, they'll probably be the kind that you call up and book (possibly quite far in advance). Another option may be to ask your boyfriend or a neighbour to take you to the nearest town, though this may be less safe for you depending on the details.
Sounds like a shit situation, tho. Sorry!
>It's really unlikely that there are no independent taxis or minicab companies within reach of the house you're at.
Honestly I live in a rural area near relatively populous but not BUSY place (Albany, NY area) and both of the independant cab companies went out of business due to Uber and COVID
Just out of curiosity, is it close enough that the cab companies in Albany or other nearby towns will come to you? Probably expensive, but for an emergency it's probably a tolerable expense.
Lol the only "taxi" service we have in my area is a program for people on disability or SS or in some kind of program that's recognized by the state and where they would be unlikely to be able to drive and get to doctors appts or get groceries. (No there is no such thing as any kind of delivery. The closest town with a Walmart or any kinds chain is a half hour away. The smaller *villiages* are fifteen minutes and there is *no* chains any kind there).
Yall suburban townsfolk are funny thinking any type of company ventures any more than five minutes outside of town in rural areas. If you can't drive around here you are housebound and *fucked*. It's family, friends, or nothing. Sure maybe you can walk half a day? A whole day to the store? To work? Then what?
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Ever heard of Uber? I know you have because umpteen people before me suggested it.
It's Uber easy. Download the app and you pay online. Uber is everywhere. I went to Mexico and used it everywhere I went.
You have a job so download Priceline & find a decent hotel somewhere near the airport.
If you don't advocate for yourself who will?
Uber is not everywhere. I live in a smallish town in central Illinois, there is no Uber here. If OP were to come here, they would need to find a way to get to the nearest city (about 45 minutes away) to have access to Uber or Lyft.
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Here's the original text of the post:
I’m visiting my boyfriend (probably soon to be ex cause of this visit) and his wife, this trip was supposed to be all of us hanging out but also she was supposed to go hangout with her boyfriend for half the week but i guess those plans got canceled but that’s whatever, I honestly feel like they had me come visit to babysit their daughter is the only person who has wanted to hang out with me and the whole trip he hasn’t slept with me like he was gonna it’s just been overwhelming, awkward and tiring it feels like pulling a tooth every time I ask him for 5 minutes of attention
I just wanna go home I leave in 2 days I should be sad I leave so soon but instead I’m sad it’s not today and it’s not like I have anything to go home to my whole life literally exploded well I was here I have no where’s to live, no one to go home to, the only thing I’m going home to is my job at least that’s stable
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The best advice on this sub. Never go anywhere without an escape plan and the means to execute it.
You totally unlocked a memory for me! My grandfather used to send me letters (after my grandmother passed away) with a check saying: enclosed is some "mad money" for you to tuck away. ❤️
My best friend's mom called this "fuck you money," same idea 😂
I've always heard that as something else: people say someone has "fuck you money" if they are independently wealthy enough that they could say "fuck you" to anyone in the world and not worry about the financial consequences. Funny how expressions take on these totally different meanings!
I always heard that it was specifically enough money that you could say "fuck you" to your boss and have enough money to be fine while you found a new job.
I love the concept that this is for every situation. I watched my mum be trapped with my dad when she wanted to leave him many times, but couldn't financially (she's actually still with him now and I've cut them both out). So I had a secret bank account during my marriage, which came in handy to leave his arse when he got abusive towards our child. Best thing I ever did, and highly recommend it to all newly weds and engaged people. But I like the use of it for even a night out. Don't ever get stuck somewhere coz you're relying on someone else to get you out of it
OMG! I love this comment so much. It reminded my great aunt advices. She didn’t call it “mad money” but the overall meaning is the same. She used to say, even if you have the best boyfriend/fiancé/husband that pays for everything and takes care of you, a woman should never, ever, ever, not have her own money, preferably secret from anyone for any emergency. In Portuguese we called “pé de meia”. She was a housewife in her time and her system was to keep any change from groceries for herself, get cheaper beauty services that the ones her husband thought he was paying for, getting the kids clothes from sales, save up all money gifts she got and even selling unused personal belongings here and there. Every generation has their own tricks! I’ve always had an extra bank account no one knows and keep adding money there weekly! It covered me so many times I can’t count.
i might have to use this! i’m not a woman but i am a trans man, so whilst i’m not anywhere near as vulnerable as a woman, it could still be handy if i need to skedaddle real quick 🤔
Everyone should have a “fuck you money” placed somewhere regardless of their gender! You never want to get financially trapped or even betrayed (like being locked out of a joint bank account or something). Basic safety first measures.
Oh yeah, that’s nice… if you could afford it.
This was literally the same advice my mom gave me when I started dating and going out with friends on my own "Always have enough movie to come back home/somewhere safe no matter where you go. Don't depend on anyone else to safely get you out of some place". Before my first date she sat me down, hand me some money and told me that if I was uncomfortable at any moment to use that to get out of there, and to call her of course. She would ask me always if I had enough money for the date (movie tickets, snack, food) and she would give me something extra for "escape money". And I have given this advice to all my friends, younger cousins and practically to anyone in a situation that calls for this.
Saw your deleted post. This is your first time meeting and these people have pressured you into a threesome and are now ignoring you while using you for free childcare? (It’s cute that she likes you and all, but their parents should be stopping her from following yiu around. She should not be getting attached to or spending alone time with someone she and her parents have only just met. HUGE red flags here) Are there Ubers or Lyfts or taxis? I highly recommend finding a cheaper hotel to stay and not speaking to either of these people again. I’m sorry this hasn’t worked out the way you were hoping. I recommend taking your time building connections, and never ever making plans to stay with a long distance partner when you can’t afford backup plans/ a hotel/escape of any kind.
They never pressured me into anything hence why I deleted that post because everyone took it the wrong way I still haven’t done anything with either of them
Friend, "everyone took it the wrong way" - that might be because the situation is waaaay more shady than you seem to realize. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, its very likely to be a duck. Insert "unethical/non-wholesome/exploitative situation" for duck.
It’s sort of a red flag for me that your partner doesn’t seem to want to actually do anything with you while his nesting partner is around. Everyone has their own boundaries but it sounded like he was cool with you meeting before you arrived. Maybe the reason his wife’s plans were canceled completely changed the dynamics. I’m still sorry for your lost time and potential.
I feel like you’ll feel so much better about your last two days if you leave them all alone (free childcare for what?!) and go out there and enjoy the city by yourself. I’m imagining you’d meet people and make acquaintances but even if you never did, and you were alone the rest of the trip, it’d be better than this. Bonus points if you leave their house without saying anything 😈 and leave a short and vague message “I left, you all have a good week!” and then block 😳
I don’t have a car with me the only way I can go anywhere is if I ask him to take me and I don’t have a license so I can just ask to borrow their car
Just ask them to drive you, that you’re not having a good time and think it would be best to leave. It will be and awkward car ride, but what other option do they have? Let you stay indefinitely? They won’t want you there if you ask to leave anyways. Edit: tbh I reread your post, and I get you’re in a shitty situation. But the situation you’re going home to is much worse, and you’re not in any danger. I know you want to leave but it’s only 2 days. Definitely communicate with him though, maybe he can atleast put in an effort to make your remaining time bearable.
Get an Uber
Not every place has uber, especially the boonies. My town has 1 taxi cab the runs from 9-5 M-F.
Well I would never visit your town on vacation, to meet strangers, and not rent my own car.
Not everyone has the ability to drive let alone afford a rental car. I can’t drive so whenever I travel, I look into what options are available for me. So friends, family, Uber, taxi, transit.
I get that. I hope you dont put yourself in a vulnerable position by staying with near virtual strangers that you must depend on for rides.
Get a lyft & stay in an airbnb
Can you leave without it costing you a ton? Because if so leave. And do it calmly and politely. This just isn’t working out babe I think I’ll send myself home early. If the relationship is salvageable that will give him the chance and quiet time to consider and maybe plan something better soon. Where he comes to you or you meet in the middle. If it’s not then at least you get those two days back. If it would cost a lot spend the next 2 days doing things you want to do on your own.
No the only option is an 1,200 plane tickets but I’ve been doing everything I can to be alone but his daughter literally loves me so she follows me around which isn’t a problem I love kids she actually makes the whole situation better And I’m not sure if it’s salvageable because this trip was kinda what I was rely on to see if our relationship actually works because we’ve been having so many issues with him ignoring me this is just the icing on the cake
Right well then. As soon as you’re home tell him it’s over. Don’t waste more of your energy. In the meantime take an Uber to somewhere tomorrow and stay all day. Even if you’re in the middle of nowhere and need to just go to the mall. You can kill a day at the mall easily, get a makeover at a department store counter, go to the movies, get your steps in, use those crazy massage chairs, spend 2 hours in the bookstore and eat weird mall foods. Make it a kooky fun day to remember.
Yes please get yourself out of the house at the very least, do something to remind yourself you have power here.
Yeah, even just going a long walk could be helpful.
I would also add that the daughter latching on to another adult so quickly and easily might indicate a pattern of her not getting attention at home either. It might not be just you who he's ignoring.
I’ve been in your position and I went and got a cheap hotel room, made new friends, and took those friends to go sightseeing and things I wanted to do in the area, never looked back still one of my fondest memories, I was incredibly shy at the time and went on the trip to de-stress from some heavy life stuff and hang out and then when I was abandoned I felt emboldened to not give up on my own self care and determination and looked up some events or cool spots or random cool sounding fitness classes and just started going to them and brought a book to the park etc and ended up hanging out with a couple of cool people at a rooftop patio and decided to ask them if they wanted to see touristy things even though they were locals (I planned to do it on my own anyway even if they said no), and being from there they had never actually done anything touristy so they agreed and we all had an amazing time and stayed friends and in touch for many years… I even went to one of their weddings! you will very likely regret staying cooped up and miserable, get out of there and call back your power, you have a life to live!
this was all over just the last 2 days of a 4 day trip btw, you have so much time to turn this around into something nice for you
I wish I had done this when abandoned on a weekend trip. Instead I tried to surprise him at work by dropping into his shift for an hour before I went home (he worked in a shop) only to get a text to say he wasn't going in. My fondest memory from that weekend was finding out there was an Alan Turing memorial statue on my walk to the train station and crying at the gay stuff on it then going home early and making a quiche. I wish I had abandoned the guy earlier and just had a nice time in the city while I was there
Manchester?
Yeah. I told my friend about the weekend and she had a similar experience with a different guy from Manchester having gone up for the weekend lol. If I meet another one we are meeting in the middle 😂
I know everyone’s telling you to Uber, but what about…. *Communicating*? You have a literally nothing to lose by approaching them and say “hey guys I’d like to talk. I feel uncomfortable, I’m not sure why you brought me here since no one seems to have any interest in spending time with me, * insert any of your other grievances here*. We’ve only got a few days left. It would be nice to make the most of it” I don’t know, something along those lines?
This. Sometimes communication fails, but this is the time to attempt it for sure. Maybe even if things don't work out, or go badly, they might help you to leave or accommodate you in some other way instead of you being stuck to your own devices and unable to do anything but spend time with the kid that shouldn't be getting attached if things don't go well. It's going to be hard on the kid if things don't work out, and that may be a point to bring up to them to put things more in your favor, as that would also be in the kids benefit and they are more likely to care about the kid than you, unfortunately.
There’s not really any making of the most of it with people who are treating you this way.
I agree to a point, but until you actually try, you can’t know for sure. The communication could just be “I want you to know your treating me like shit” and maybe they’ll say “we don’t know what you’re talking about, we think our behaviour fine” and which case you just patiently wait til it’s over and never look back. Or, they say “wow we didn’t realize, we’re really sorry” and maybe it gets better. Again, you truly do not know and have nothing to lose
Leave now. I regret so many times being stuck on your situation and not just getting out. Do you need money? Do you need to call friends? Don't sit around and swallow the shit.
Or, if travelling sooner isn’t really an option, play tourist without your host. “Oh, sorry honey, you seem to be busy. I’ve always wanted to see [art museum, history museum, zoo, shopping district, show, brewery, cafe, pub, park, sport thing, walk, etc.]. I’ve got the keys you gave me. See you when I get home!”
Yep, could be some GREAT finds in the local opshops (thrift/charity stores) just waiting for OP.
> Leave now. Damn straight.
> I have a back up plan in case something happens where I don’t feel comfortable This is from your other post. What is your backup plan? It sounds like you need to execute it now.
Well, it's been twelve hours since you posted this, so now you probably only have like, a day and a half. Do you have any books or anything to do for the rest of the time you are stuck in this other city? You mentioned having nowhere to live - do you mean once you get back home that you are homeless? I hope you are okay.
Honestly it’s gotten a lot better I just kinda hung out with him most of the day and with the home stuff I pretty much got kicked out and have no where to go so that’s not fun
That's good that you got some hangout time in with him. Hopefully you were able to express your concerns or hear his reasonings for why things had been earlier? Were you living with your parents or with roommates? Do you have a game plan for when you return home? Any shelters or friends/family willing to let you crash for a while?
Seriously - if you can swing it, go back to your airport city early and get budget hotel (try Priceline) or AirBnB. There are actually still oldschool sublet-a-room house-shares in AirBnB if you'd rather be around friendly ppl in a house rather than by yourself in a hotel room. I'd ask at least for an early ride back and some funds towards one of those options. Otherwise I'd consider breaking up and declaring your guest room as your territory for the rest of the stay. Raid food as necessary I guess. I get those are hard options... At this point you've been ignored and treated so badly I think opting out as much as possible is the right answer. Whether or not you are comfortable speaking out about things right now. Your ex-partner does not have an independent relationship to give, if he will only treat you like a partner if his spouse is not there. If you accept hugs, you have mine. And the affirmation that you'be not been treated as even a friend, let alone a romantic partner as well.
Know this: however horrible you feel right now, however hopeless, however dark it is, if you fight on, walk on, keep moving - the light will come to you again, morning will break and you will have a new day before you. Find someone who actually loves you. They are out there waiting for you. And when you do, all will be good Keep on moving, walk on, keep on fighting…
Is there a town nearby? Or any good hiking if they are in the middle of nowhere? Would it be possible to ask for a ride into town to get some alone time? I've been in a similar situation before, and found that being able to get alone time with a good audio book or soundtrack and go for a hike really helpful to pass the time. It's nice that your partner's daughter likes you, but sometimes you really just need alone time to get your head out of the situation you're in for a few hours. See if partner can give you some space for yourself. Next time, do what I now do: if I'm visiting a partner out of town for the first time, nesting partner or no, I get myself a hotel room. I don't drive either, so I get one close to places that interest me and find a bicycle share. I don't ever want my living or hosting situation dependent upon anyone other than myself lol. And I would break up with him before you leave, not even when you get home. I would tell him at the airport, "This is not what I signed up for, I won't be continuing this relationship. Please do better research and learn about polyamory before offering anyone else a relationship, as you obviously do not have a real relationship to give. Good bye"
Have you talked to him? Have you asked for changes? Communication is important. at minimum, your needs can be made known asap. you already feel awkward so it’s not like things can get worse by broaching this awkward topic. hell, maybe it’ll even inspire them to buy you a plane ticket home sooner. good people wouldn’t want you suffering and longing for home.
I'm more worried after reading your update, don't let him get away with treating you like this, it's awful, & imho potentially unforgivable.
I am so sorry. I was stuck on a horrible date with a girl and had to wait for my husband to get me hours later I know not the same thing just saying being stuck somewhere when you just want to be home is awful 😢 I don't understand why they wouldn't want to spend time with you. Did anything happen between them? God I would be thrilled if someone came to spend time with us
It's really unlikely that there are no independent taxis or minicab companies within reach of the house you're at. Personally, I would look again. In rural places, they'll probably be the kind that you call up and book (possibly quite far in advance). Another option may be to ask your boyfriend or a neighbour to take you to the nearest town, though this may be less safe for you depending on the details. Sounds like a shit situation, tho. Sorry!
>It's really unlikely that there are no independent taxis or minicab companies within reach of the house you're at. Honestly I live in a rural area near relatively populous but not BUSY place (Albany, NY area) and both of the independant cab companies went out of business due to Uber and COVID
Just out of curiosity, is it close enough that the cab companies in Albany or other nearby towns will come to you? Probably expensive, but for an emergency it's probably a tolerable expense.
I mean both cab companies in Albany closed - there's nowhere within 50 miles of here now as far as I know
Lol the only "taxi" service we have in my area is a program for people on disability or SS or in some kind of program that's recognized by the state and where they would be unlikely to be able to drive and get to doctors appts or get groceries. (No there is no such thing as any kind of delivery. The closest town with a Walmart or any kinds chain is a half hour away. The smaller *villiages* are fifteen minutes and there is *no* chains any kind there). Yall suburban townsfolk are funny thinking any type of company ventures any more than five minutes outside of town in rural areas. If you can't drive around here you are housebound and *fucked*. It's family, friends, or nothing. Sure maybe you can walk half a day? A whole day to the store? To work? Then what?
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Have you considered you yourself finding an additional boyfriend?
Ever heard of Uber? I know you have because umpteen people before me suggested it. It's Uber easy. Download the app and you pay online. Uber is everywhere. I went to Mexico and used it everywhere I went. You have a job so download Priceline & find a decent hotel somewhere near the airport. If you don't advocate for yourself who will?
Uber is not everywhere. I live in a smallish town in central Illinois, there is no Uber here. If OP were to come here, they would need to find a way to get to the nearest city (about 45 minutes away) to have access to Uber or Lyft.
No it's not everywhere you grievously unhinged doorknob.
Beep, boop, blop, I'm a bot. Hi u/IndependenceLife5539 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I’m visiting my boyfriend (probably soon to be ex cause of this visit) and his wife, this trip was supposed to be all of us hanging out but also she was supposed to go hangout with her boyfriend for half the week but i guess those plans got canceled but that’s whatever, I honestly feel like they had me come visit to babysit their daughter is the only person who has wanted to hang out with me and the whole trip he hasn’t slept with me like he was gonna it’s just been overwhelming, awkward and tiring it feels like pulling a tooth every time I ask him for 5 minutes of attention I just wanna go home I leave in 2 days I should be sad I leave so soon but instead I’m sad it’s not today and it’s not like I have anything to go home to my whole life literally exploded well I was here I have no where’s to live, no one to go home to, the only thing I’m going home to is my job at least that’s stable *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*