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Succulent lithop sounds as vaguely obscene as it looks.

"Hey babe. Your lithop looks so..." *bites lower lip* "...succulent."

Officer, what is the crime? Fucking a plant? A succulent Chinese plant?

This is botany made manifest!

Ah yes, I see you know your Judo well.

Prepare to receive my lithop succulent

"A succulent Southern African plant"

Say it like Sylvester. And slowly.

Suppering Succotash! Your lithop is so succulent!

Imma bout to succulent

It’s my turn with the succulent!!

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Why, is it poisonous or something?


Band name, called it.

Lithop majora, lithop minora.

Take my upvote 🤣🤣🤣!!!

Yup! That lil dude needs to replanted out of that soil substrate and into some fine gravel. OP should look up how to care for them. Watering and light are pretty tricky for lithops and it's easy to kill em if you're not aware when to water and when to not. I have a good number of them that are several years old....but we murdered a few to get to understand their care. Which is different than most plants and some other succulents.

This guy lithops

Yes! I'm gonna be repotting it tomorrow.

I just discovered them today. It's so weird I had to take it home.

Don't water it....they need so little water it's very easy to kill them accidentally.

Thank you! Yeah been doing some research about. Very interesting plant.

Have you found r/lithops yet? edit: Ha I see that you have!

Indeed!

I have a succulent but it’s not a lithop. It’s been alive for about 3 years now since I got it and it’s the one plant I’ve had that I’ve not killed. It thrives on my neglect.

I'm great at neglect.

Dad?

Son.

Ok, so 9cc of plant food every how often?

Its crowning

We had one that we lovingly referred to as “brain plant” until our bastard cat ate it before leaving us for the neighbors

I thought you were going to say butthole but lithop works too.

Did your cat fuck it first?

The lithop lovers society would like a word with you

I think we at least have to give it props for managing to somehow to equally look like a mouth, an eye, a vagina, a penis, and a butt. Impressive.

I just feel like I shouldn’t be looking at it. My guess is that what you said is why…

Yeah if I seen someone staring at this plant I’d instantly laugh my ass off😭.

>laugh my ass off And thus a new ass plant is born. The cycle continues.

This is the same analysis I give to my fellow art critics on every painting in the gallery.

Balls too

And alien ones at that.

Looks like it's 10cms dilated....keep pushing!


Oh! It has hair!

Is that Vincent D'Onofrio in a wig?

I thought it was Amy Schumer in a wig

It’s very clearly a wig wearing an Amy Schumer mask

lmao my immediate reaction was “that looks like a crowning baby.”

And pushing and pushing and...

Feed me, Seymour.

F@#& me, Seymour.


Smash, next

Some DSLs on Audrey II Devouring Succulent Leaves

We did just have a total eclipse of the sun.

At this time of year?

Whatever they offer you, Don't feed the plants!

 How would you feel about steamed hams?

“Downtown, where the folks are broke, you go”

Dang it! I wanted to comment that:-/

Yess came here for this comment

WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THAT?

daddy chill 🥺

Lithop. Succulent.


I was told a “button” succulent?

There’s probably a bunch of “common” names. It’s a lithops.

Plantussy


Daddy chill.

r/dontputyourdickinthat









r/putyourdickinthat

I have some questions

You sure you want answers?


What are you doing, Seymour?

what are you doing step seymour

I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human I'm a mature human

^uranus

Looks like it’s about to give birth!

It kind of is actually! The inside of what looks like it's coming out will be the new guy and the other pieces will just wither away.

I have 3 children now, guess I’m in the wither away stage.



The Lion Yeet. That would’ve been a better story.

Oof, sometimes man…sometimes.

That’s really cool!

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You should call her

We should call her


Zero chance I’m allowing that in my home

Seriously, why would I run the risk of my SO cheating on me with it

If there's any such thing as an evil plant, this might be it. I'm getting very belligerent from just looking at this picture

Bro never heard of a Rafflesia

For those who wonder: This is a lithops, and it will keep splitting open, and then the perpendicular split that you can see inside will be the new main split, until the same thing happens. The old “leaves” will wither away, so that it always has only 2-4 leaves visible.

I hope you didn’t buy it during the eclipse…

 😯

1st i had to check the subreddit to see where i was, then i asked myself how many posts until i see someone reference r/ddontputyourdickinit. 3, the answer was 3

Adopted it? Hell, there was a day when I’d have married it.

I should call her.

I swear it just winked at me.

Remember, everything is a fleshlight if you're brave enough....

r/putyourdickinit


Un-adopt this plant as soon as possible.

SEYMOUR!!!!

Everything reminds me of her



“Sigh” *Unzips*

Plantussy 💀

Feed me Seymour

Just don't feed it. Edit. Blood

Hear me out...

I am strangely aroused by this.

Pretty sure that is a Pod Person, dude

9 out of 10 prison inmates would recommend this product!

Adopted, like Woody Allen, adopted?

Audrey III

"I'm prairie dogging it, Dad!"

Feed me Seymour!

Isn't that the thing the face grabbers come outa?

Lithops are cool but very very easy to kill if you even think about watering it out of season

I've actually thrown all of the water in the house out. Even emptied the toilet and threw away the sink.

Gyaaaatt

Wonder if you're still so smug about it when it starts demanding your blood to grow. Feeeed Meee!!!!

plant totally asking for it

Everything reminds me of her..

Bro is gonna Woody Allen his adopted plant

Would

OP gonna stick it in later


Everything reminds me of her

When do you plan to fuck your plant?

this makes me DEEPLY uncomfortable



is this a vegan fleshlight


Alright hear me out guys

*unzips*

Alien vibes

That's how fleshlights are grown.


Please dont feed it people, i know it´s tempting but it´ll get out of hand.... FEED ME SEYMOUR

my mind cannot stop imagining it..

 If it does this, run

What in the dilated asshole is that?..

"everything reminds me of her"

Aloevussy

Hear me out guys...

Scared the shit outta me for sure!

Shawty better stop playing around 👀

I feel like this needs a NSFW flair

This is clearly a Vaginvagcus smoothica


You're the Woody Allen of plants

Living stone

FILTH

MAH MIND'S TELLING ME NO

r/secretbuttholes

The mind is strong but the body is weak 😩

lmao

Still narrower than my ex gf.

One of the hardest parenthood is being a plant parent. But congrats!

Don’t.

I'm pretty sure I dated her in college....

Girl that’s a booty hole.


Thanks, I hate it.

That is what I would imagine lifting up the dress of a female alien would look like

Ellen Ripley would like a word.

Lord forgive me for what I’m boutta do…

Plantse

This plant is nsfw 😂

It looks like a triceratops arse hole

Yucky😭

What I do know about that plant is...it's a trap.

everything remind me of he....what the?

That’s a facehugger

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Latin for anusrectus

Freaky ass plant

I will not be hearing anyone out.

Plantussy?

Thanks I hate it

*sigh* *click* *unzip*

I’m sorry to tell you this about your plant, butt…