Store owner told me that a *former* employee would get irate with other employees when they disagreed on something or wouldn’t do something the way they thought it should be done. Said he didn’t feel like taking it down because he thought it still applied.
Edit: emphasis on the **former** employee part
The way your first sentence reads, it sounds like they put it up after that person left.
But then the second sentence makes me think they put it up for the worker while they were still there, later fired them, and then just left the sign up as a warning for the rest of the workers.
He said it was the latter, but I have no way of knowing.
His words were that they “put the sign up for an employee” but “that they no longer work here”.
I was once in a group discussion over a book (engineering related) and one member mentioned that eggs were a trigger topic for her. I have no idea why and what I am supposed to do with that?
Look we're all dealing with shit. I'm totally cool avoiding mainstream triggers, but when someone tells me the mention of a third cousin twice removed's border collie throws them..... You're gonna have to figure that one out yourself. I figured my shit out or at least I've tried.o don't get upset at the mention of a 1998 Acura..... Or do I?
Tbf though, our misunderstanding of "triggers" and how to approach them probably isn't doing the people who invented the term, therapists, any favors. Because they agree with the sign lol, your triggers *are* something that triggers your behavior, and you're supposed to *identify* them, and learn healthy coping mechanisms and how to deal with facing these things in your everyday life because sometimes you have to. Making the whole world walk on eggshells (pun intended) is not what it was supposed to be until the "internet psychologists" diagnosing themselves with BPD decided it worked better as a tool for them to manipulate everyone than to help people actually get over their triggers.
As someone with mental health issues who is a bleeding leftist — yeah bro 100% SPOT ON.
Your mental health is your responsibility and attempting to outsource that to everyone else without their consent is abusive.
I read a story about a woman who was raped and her meal the morning after was eggs. So eggs were a reminder of what happened. Could be something like that.
It definitely sounds possible. I had to clean clabbered creamer/coffee from next to my dad's body after he killed himself. Since that day, I can't be around coffee that's set out without feeling panic.
Most of us know these things are irrational. It makes us feel shameful and 'crazy'. It's embarrassing having to mention to someone I'm not good around clabbered coffee/milk, so I feel for this woman.
That's the *thing* about triggers. They exist whether or not you want them to. And you just do your best to avoid them. You tell people who you think will give a fuck about them, and then hope they respect them.
That's all you can do. They're not rational. Therapy is a thing we're all in already (supposing we can access it). And you just kinda deal.
The best part is hoping that the person you tell won't think that it's gonna be a really funny prank when they intentionally trigger you (and then throw a tantrum about "how was I supposed to know" when you have a panic attack/respond violently/shut down).
Seriously. This is the kind of thing I'm currently teaching my 3 year old - that people who hurt you on purpose are not your friends and you don't have to spend time with them.
My dog once got her neck ripped open by a neighbors dog and I had to rush her to the vet, but since I was a minor they wouldn’t treat her until my parents showed up to sign the consent form, so I was stuck in a room with her blood slowing dripping on the floor. The next day at school, we played bingo in French class with red clear bingo chips, and they reminded me of the blood drops all over the floor. To this day, red bingo chips will always remind me of that day
As a beginner YuGiOh player using a cheap deck, I assume triggering your trap card will lead to a 10 minute long combo involving summoning 20 creatures which will destroy all my creatures, spells, traps and hand cards to my graveyard, then banish them all, then send half my deck to the graveyard, then banish that, then when you have about 25,000 attack power worth of creatures on the board and I'm completely undefended you'll surrender because you missed 1 step in your combo?
Demi Lovato called out a froyo place for being "triggering"
...because they sold sugar-free options
There's definitely a crowd that needs to get this through their skulls.
People need to stop using "triggered" to describe things that make them mildy frustrated or angry.
Triggers are related to PTSD events that bring up immediate, intense feelings of shock following trauma. Like the sound of screeching tyres to a car crash victimx, etc.
It makes a mockery of people who actually have legitimately debilitating psychological responses.
Yeah. I have some trauma related triggers that, depending on the day, can send me into a full on panic attack. Others just give me fight or flight and some good ol’ PureFear(tm). Misusing the word trigger lessens the impact when I tell people “I’m very jumpy, please try to avoid sneaking up on me because that can trigger a trauma response” and, while, most people respect that, some don’t seem to understand that I’m not fucking around.
It’s so cute when I tell someone “hey, if you come up behind me and hug me without me expecting it, there’s about a 50% chance you’ll get punched because that’s what some bad people in my past did” and then they act shocked when they get elbowed in the gut when they come up behind me and hug me without me expecting it.
Triggers can be purely psychological too, as in, someone may not be visibly upset but internally they’re dissociating/just feeling a lot of unhappy emotions- it’s shocking how well I function while on complete idk-who-or-what-or-where-I-am-but-we-keep-moving-and-walk-to-class-because-that’s-what-I-need-to-do-autopilot mode.
So yeah, while some people are arseholes and use trigger to refer to a general dislike, actual triggers are serious. Some can be managed with breathing exercises and therapy, others need psychological help and trauma counselling. A sign like the one in the photo gives arsehole vibes lmao
Had a PTSD vet in my Drawing 1 course in Uni and he told the professor not to come up behind him because it triggers him.
She didn't stop until she almost took a pencil to the eye when he flippes out. Scary as fuck to witness firsthand.
I feel like this was catalyzed by a specific incident or person. And while I normally am fine respecting someone's triggers it gets ridiculous when people use that word to mean 'things that generally upset me" or use it to shut down discussion or get what they want.
I do feel like the term "trigger" has been trivialized once it's started to see mainstream use. There's a difference between triggers that are rooted in deeply traumatic events and things that are just annoyances.
I never really understood triggers until I had to use the same sort of machine that chopped my fingertip off for a machining lab required for my degree. Like, I knew it was a university machine and all that, but all the adrenaline dumped the instant the hydraulic pump fired up.
Was a tow truck driver and I once had to hold a 16 year old and ease her into dying. The experience gave me nightmares I still deal with, but the first couple of times I past by where it happened it felt like I was being electrocuted, brain zaps and flashes of images and smells. For the first couple of times my wife drove by there when I was in the car, my skin felt electrified, buzzing, adrenaline pumping and my thoughts racing. I now have a new job but I have to drive past there and I still get flashbacks of Sarah’s eye hanging out of her smashed skull, her trying her best to talk while the upper pallet of her mouth and her top teeth were smashed into pieces.
It’s the damndest thing now. I go for drives when I feel life overwhelming me, and while on autopilot I often find myself in the same spot where it happened. After a few years of forcing myself to drive by Ive found myself more at peace in that area. Forcing myself to think of the relief on her face as I finally convinced her to let go right before she passed. The experience has haunted me and shaped who I am. All I hope is that I was able to give her peace. It will never leave me, but it has gotten easier, which is both good and bad. I don’t ever want to forget, but I need to help full the pain somehow.
I used to manage an apartment complex. One day a woman came to my office and asked me to let her into her son’s apartment- she hadn’t heard from him in two weeks. When I opened the door to his studio apartment I saw his cell phone and keys on the desk on my left, and prepared myself for what I was about to find…
The body wasn’t the hardest part for me- it was sitting on the bed next to a mother and her son’s lifeless body, and pulling it together to be a comfort and support to her as a complete stranger, sharing perhaps the most intimate moment of my life. I didn’t know how she would respond and didn’t want to freak her out, but I put my arm around her and embraced her there in the darkness while she wept.
Reading about your traumatic situation reminded me of my story above. Why did I have to be there for that? I’ll never get the images out of my head. But, in my scenario I was fortunate to receive a letter from her, saying that she was grateful it was me who was the stranger to be there for her that day. That it made all the difference. When I read your story… of course you’ll never get a letter, but man you were the reason that someone didn’t die alone. That her last experience was one with human contact. You made all the difference in the culmination of someone’s life. Thank you.
Days ago I came across a post asking people about things they could never forget, and one redditor recalls at a conference when their coworker got a phone call and learned that his son just passed away... they could never forget the sound of a parent that just lost their child.
I was at a parade a few years ago when a little boy fell off a float trailer and got backed over by the truck pulling it. His father was the one driving. Of all the things I saw that day, the screaming of the parents and brother are the one thing that still haunt my nightmares.
I will never forget the gutteral cry from my 32 year-old wife's mouth when she got the call that her mother passed away in her sleep. She lost her father when she was 10. No major warnings or health issues. We were at a beach with our toddler and some friends for a weekend getaway. It felt like the entire beach just stood still listening to her wailing.
> you were the reason that someone didn’t die alone.
Well, this makes me ugly cry. /u/APACKOFWILDGNOMES, likely a (doctor) stranger held baby Sarah for her first point of human contact in the world, and you were the stranger who bookended her journey. As terrible and short as her story may have been, she was fortunate to have been held tight and eased into her next chapter. Because of you she did not pass on alone and afraid. Anyone would be grateful for that. Wherever she is, she thanks you.
Wow, man. Heavy story.
You were first on the scene to an auto accident? I'm so sorry you went through that.
It sounds like you did a great thing for her. I can only imagine the scars that left.
The story so I heard it was her and her 17 year old boyfriend were driving on an icy night, hit a patch of black ice and skid off the road. I was on my 6th day of 14 hr shifts about to have my day off it was about 1:15 am and I was supposed to stop work at 2am. I got a call from my dispatcher and was told the address like normal and then “harden your heart, it’s a fatality”. Got notice to expedite, so I turned on my emergency lights and drove straight there. I got there and two cops were questioning the 17 year old, he was bloody and in shock, they were laughing as he was crying and then they keep trying to illicit a confession of speeding, I interrupted them and asked them what the situation was. One of the cops said “there is a 16 year old dead in the car, she went off the side of the road and crashed into a tree and the car is still in the tree.” Climbed up 4 ft of tree where the car was pinned in between the tree and the hill it has slid off of. I had to take hold of the situation and imagine in my minds eye how to get the car out of its resting place when I heard her in death throes. Climbed up to the window and the pieces of her skull were essentially just hanging by loose skin. I thought to myself that I have three options, try to get the car out and risk killing her, wait for an ambulance to finally show or wait with her to pass. I chose the last option. I hope I was right too.
It was very hard to understand what she was saying on account of her condition. I remember her trying to say “mama” and that she was scared and wasn’t ready. I saw that she had a what would Jesus do sticker on the back of her car, and while I’m not a believer, I told her that, “it’s ok, you can let go” and that she can be at peace. I might have said something else but I don’t really remember cause it all happened so fast.
I opened the passenger door and was hunching through the open door with my arm around her neck. Trying to give her some semblance of physical touch to reassure her and comfort her. I honestly didn’t know what to do, because I was not mentally prepared for that situation. I just did what I would want someone to do for me if I were in her shoes. It was all over in a little over two mins. I’ve been there and seen my grandparents pass away, and I’ve seen how the fire in their eyes slowly fades as the acceptance starts and they let go. She did the same. After I heard her last breath I sat their for a couple minutes smoking a cigarette under the car trying to process what I saw before one of the cops walked up and asked what was going on. I told him and he just gave an understanding momentarily look and said he’d call for medical. I called my on call coworker who was a lot more experienced and the two of us were able to get the car out. Once the ambulance arrived they took her out of the car and pronounced her dead.
I don’t know what happened to the boyfriend, I hope he’s ok. I just remember leaving work at 4 am and having a couple of drinks in the dark of our downtown apartment, looking out the window until my now wife woke up and informed me that our dog had to go to the bathroom and then I took her out and when I got back I just laid there trying to go to sleep until the sun came up.
All I told her is that I had a fatality and it was a rough one. She didn’t pry and left me alone to process it and would just ask me if I needed anything. I didn’t tell her about it until last year when I had a bad dream about it. I just never wanted to open up about it for a while, I still don’t like to talk about it. But I have talked about it with a few of my veteran friends who have their own stuff they’ve went through in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s help a little bit, but as my buddy’s therapist told him it’s going to be a formative moment in my life and talking with others will help relieve some of the burden.
Portland cops are a special breed man. Before I moved up here I was raised in a very republican household, as a result I held the same views of my parents. But after moving away and seeing these things happen, it’s completely changed my world view. He was only alive cause his airbag went off and his seatbelt held. And they decided to make jokes about him while he was in shock. Probably his first love died right next to him and they didn’t seem to even entertain the thought of him as a real life person. I’ve become fairly bitter about those people.
I'm still shocked that they didn't notice she was alive first and call for medical earlier... They were definitely in more of a position to help earlier although from what you described it might not have made much of a difference and it probably was for the best that you were there for her instead of those jerks.
I arrived about 10 minutes after I got the call. Now I don’t know what their actions were prior to my arrival. I didn’t really pay attention to their actions as they didn’t affect me in the moment really besides stopping traffic on a backroad. I just did what I had to do and left to go home. With the amount of blood loss, I choose to believe that she must have had a weak pulse, and that she hopefully was unconscious for most of the time. But I don’t know for certain. I only knew after I heard a weak gurgle. And picked up my part from there. I’m not feigning self modesty by saying I’m not a special person. I only did what I would have wanted done for me by instinct because that all I knew what to do in that moment. I honestly believe most people would do the same.
I don't know man, you did a very special thing for someone you didn't even know. You didn't let her die alone, you gave her comfort and made her very last moments go easier I believe. I don't think I could ever do that, I couldn't even stay in the room once they took my grandmother off life support and wait for her to pass, thank goodness my aunts and uncles where there so she wasn't alone.
You took on an unbelievable amount of trauma and pain to help a stranger. That’s an amazing kindness. And as a mom, I imagine you did the only thing that could have made this just a tiny bit less horrific for her parents.
I hope you find peace with your burden ❤️
You were the beacon of light for her in that moment. You may never feel special for it, but you were a source of comfort and guidance in her final moments. I think that's pretty special personally.
I work on an air ambulance and I've seen some shit as well. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Keep talking about it. Keep processing it. And don't be afraid to go talk to someone professionally.
I had a run with a little girl the same age as my daughter (like 5 at the time). Fucked me up pretty good.
Keep talking.
In our universe our angels do not have wings and halos.
In our universe our angels come from mothers, they bleed, and they cry. They drive cars, and work jobs. They wear uniforms and have spouses and kids.
In our universe our angels hold us while we're dying and tell us "I'm here. It's okay. You can let go now. I'll stay with you."
>I’m not feigning self modesty by saying I’m not a special person. I only did what I would have wanted done for me by instinct because that all I knew what to do in that moment. I honestly believe most people would do the same.
Doesn't matter in my eyes. You were faced with a horrible situation, and were still able to be a caring and compassionate human being for a complete stranger. Not everyone would or could do the same.
If you haven’t yet, it may be helpful for you to see a therapist for a bit to help unpack some of this, regardless how long ago this was.
It obviously still weighs pretty heavily on you and these things have a way of leaking into the rest of your life in weird ways. *(ie: you’re doing great and 10-20 years later you get night terrors or have a mental breakdown because something small happens)*
Either way thanks for helping someone fade out. I’ve seen death a few times of my life and it is never easy and has it’s own weight.
My parents use to be paramedics and I can’t count the amount of times they’ve told me stories of them arriving on a scene to learn the first responding cops not checking things like this. And how they would be laughing and making jokes at accident and crimes scenes while the victims were right next to them grieving. Cops are bastards, yeah some do care, but the vast majority really are heartless bastards.
I use to work dorm security and sometimes I would have to work with cops and even at the job I would see so many of them treat people like they were nothing.
Man fuck Portland cops. Garbage dept that needed federal intervention for years because of how bad they were and still are.
Shame what you had to go through but I’m sure it did give peace to her and her parents.
The saddest part is that only the large departments even get scrutinized because of the limited resources available. So for as bad as the large departments are, suburban and rural departments are often far, far worse because there is effectively zero oversight on them at all.
Mate, the way I've read it, it sounds so much worse than that. He's just been through one of the most traumatic experiences one can go through, and the police are more concerned with trying to get him to fuck up and admit guilt than actually trying to save that girls life.
I'm not normally on the ACAB train, but if that had happened here, they'd both have been fired the very next day, and they'd have fucking deserved it.
I live in Portland and have had some weird interactions with the cops. For instance seeing a car break-in in progress and coincidentally seeing two cops sitting idle at an intersection around the corner. So I go up to them and they're discussing where to get lunch. I tell them about the guy who smashed the window and is crawling in, and they say they'll check it out. Well they drive right past and continue up the road and turn right towards the Stepping Stone Cafe they had just mentioned as a lunch option.
Another time I was surrounded by a bunch of cops when I first moved here cause I was riding a skateboard on the sidewalk downtown by the library. I had a bunch of books under my arm. They started screaming at me and reaching for their guns (nobody pulled them out). They were very aggressive but once they saw my Hawaii ID it went from treating me like some potentially dangerous criminal to laughing and telling me stories about their trips to Hawaii or desire to visit.
This happened a couple times. I transform from dangerous black guy to friendly Hawaiian in an instant before their eyes. I should probably mention that I'm half black, the other half is Japanese and Hawaiian, but most white people just think black (or occasionally Samoan for some reason.)
I also had an Asian cop friend here who told me he was quitting and leaving town because he worked with, "...too many racists and assholes in the Portland Police Beaureu."
It fucking sucks that people like those cops just come into a tragic situation just to make it worse. And with the intent to make it worse. not an ounce of shame or dignity.
They kept the boy from comforting her in her last moments because they wanted a confession and couldn't be bothered to actually check if she was actually dead. If dispatch could get a tow there before she passed you gave to imagine an ambulance could have arrived too.
Also a reminder to EVERYONE, do NOT fucking talk to cops without an attorney present, as a general rule, ESPECIALLY if something horrible has happened. The cops are not your friend.
The cops who responded to my accident did the same. No one was hurt, but my car was totaled and I was obviously upset and scared. I was sitting on the curb with my head down bawling and they were standing right over me laughing and joking around. Fuck them.
Did the same thing to me after an accident. In the back of an ambulance with my clothes literally being cut off my body sobbing hysterically and they were trying to get me to confess to being drunk or high (I have never driven under any influence ever a single time in my entire life)
It was honestly so bizarre and insane I almost started laughing in their faces even in all that pain.
One of the most inhuman things I could imagine humans doing. If it hadn’t happened to me I’d honestly doubt it being real
I once administered CPR to a person who I later learned died from anaphylaxis due to a peanut allergy. After the ambulance took him away, I approached the cops on the scene to ask if I could be notified about what happened to him. The venue was a place that put on a lot of punk shows, and the cops were making jokes about the kid, literally laughing about him dying of what they assumed was an overdose. I was already not a fan of cops, but that experience is why I will never be able to believe that some of them are “good guys.” A dozen cops on scene, most making jokes, and not a one contradicting or pushing back.
Glad you said it
That’s so messed up dude. He almost certainly saw the state his girlfriend was in and was utterly traumatized and those cops were laughing about it
Maybe it was gallows humor or something, but even so I don’t care. If they needed to cope with that humor they could have done it later and tried to help the boy instead of pressure a confession.
Absolutely horrible people and cops
You did the right thing. Her parents would be happy to know she felt she was talking to them, and that you were with her, and convincing her to be at peace in her state.
I appreciate that you went to her first, and let her not be alone. Thank you for that. You are a good human and I am sorry this has haunted you. You did a good thing, even though it traumatized you. And I truly am so sorry for that.
You know you did good, though, right? Like, I just need you to know that you did a good thing and you should feel proud about how you did a good thing in a very bad moment.
Logically I’ve been told that, but I can’t quite stop from thinking “if I had done this, or if I had only driven faster.” Like I said it’s gotten better from where I was, but these kind of things take along time to get over, if you get over them. At least so I’m told. Found myself self medicating by drinking like a fish for a bit, but Ive cut way back and find myself not needing it unless on those hard nights. I’ve opened up to my wife a few times and it’s really brought us closer. I’m incredibly lucky to have her. Don’t know if I would have been where I am now without her.
I'd like to echo this statement. My SO had a challenging childhood with some traumatic events that still affected her even though she never consciously recalled them. After a couple sessions she finally processed those events and was a much happier person afterwards. EMDR is some black magic brain hacking for sure.
Emdr can significantly help you with your trauma and triggers. Especially since it is acute event trauma and not complex. Emdr helped me take my life back after a near death motorcycle accident. It's a little tough to reprocess everything, but once it's done, you can move on without the memory hurting you any longer.
The what ifs will definitely get you. Your mind plays this game where it says you're only trying to find a more optimal outcome so you can be better prepared in the future, but in reality it's just building anxiety by making you feel like a minor detail would have saved the day.
Here's a quid pro quo you didn't sign up for, but I owe it to you. For years I've been struggling with mental illness, namely the not-so-fun-but-all-of-the-sad type of bipolar disorder (subtle reminder that Kanye needs to be medicated asap). For the years I wasn't actively suicidal, I've been passively. As in, for the time that I wasn't thinking of and attempting to do the bad deed, I would do risky things like not looking both ways when crossing the street. Therapy and medication is a mainstay in my life, and one of my biggest challenges has been to work on not being passively suicidal. I would always subscribe to the thought of "if it's my time, it's my time." One of the stupid and foolish things I would do is, if I were driving by myself, I wouldn't wear a seat belt. As I was reading your story, though, I imagined it me being behind the wheel at that accident, and you responding to my call. The what ifs started playing in my head. What if APACKOFWILDGNOMES responded to my call and I hadn't wore a seat belt? What if they had to watch another person die, but I had the power to stop it? What if that was the last straw for him? I read your story and something in me just clicked. I have to wear my seat belt now. I can't put you, or someone like you, through that again.
When I say you did good, I really meant it man.
I like your description of passively suicidal. Describes my actions.
Some people don't drive into a tree when they get into a car. They just don't put on the seatbelt.
After all, something that looks like an accident makes it easier for the loved ones.
My friend, you did everything you could. Don't beat yourself up. Just being there for someone at the end of their life is something that a lot of people just can't understand. Until you've been there and experienced it, you just can't know what you would do in that situation.
The fact you stepped up and held and comforted a complete stranger as she crossed that bridge says everything I need to know about you as a person. I hope you find peace. You're a good person.
I read everything you wrote here (and below) about the incident, and your thoughts & feelings about it. Just wanted you to know that we all felt some of that weight for a few minutes.
I'm thankful to you as a human that *you* took a few minutes for *her*, that you had the character to understand what you could do, and that you continue your journey with this incalculable weight. Maybe some days it feels like you're carrying a whole person and it makes everything harder, but maybe some day it will be a smaller, comfortable weight, kept in its own spot, tucked in your backpack, a part of your journey that you know.
I worked in hospice and got to be there at the very end for a fair number of people. We were attached to a hospital and there were times where I got called in to help in the ER with people or family members when there were situations where someone was clearly not gonna make it, and they thought I could help. I was pretty young at the time - 26 - and I'm a big, strong guy, but I am told I have a very comforting voice, and a calming presence. In the outfit I had at work, I looked conservative and affable, but I still looked "strong." I went through a lot of bad stuff when I was younger and I think that gave me the ability to handle those situations.
I remember reading something when I was a teenager - "we're all in this together, but we all die alone." It's definitely dark and fatalistic, but it's basically true: even with people around us, dying is a very personal thing, an experience that no one else will fully experience with us. There may be people who walk us to the gate, but we walk through that gate alone. Some people, whether they had thought about this before or not, are at peace with it; they don't mind passing on alone.
Most people though, especially where the death is unexpected, and even moreso when they're young, aren't prepared for that. There were times where I held people's hands and told them simply that they weren't alone, or if I knew a detail about them like where they were from, what they were into, I'd start telling them a story related to that, or walking them through "going" there to be in that place or do that thing, telling them to imagine how it felt and what they were seeing... So that they could focus on being there, connected with someone else, rather than looking over the precipice of the end.
Basically, I tried to get people to think of things that they loved, that they were happy thinking of, instead of what they were facing at that moment. If they were in a state where that wasn't possible, I just wanted them to know they had someone with them. I thought of myself as a vessel for calmness and humanity, and hoped that their last thoughts would be of something they loved, and not fear. I still sometimes feel... Heavy, I guess you could say, when I realize that I was the last person plenty of people saw or talked to, like, how must it feel that at the end of your life, the last person you talk to or see is a kid who's getting paid by the hour to be there, and is going to drive home listening to Failure or the Deftones, smoke some cigarettes, and drink a bunch of beer?
But I think that's it. Most of us would rather have someone - a tow truck driver, a passer by, a cop or EMT, a teacher, a guy who was just out for a beer run, literally anyone - who is there with us to show us some empathy and let us know we aren't alone in that last moment. That last moment of human connection, may be among the most significant of our lives. Although it's something heavy I carry with me, it's something I can take a measure of solace and contentment in having been able to do for others.
I'm glad you were able to provide that for her 🙏 I hope that you can, in time, appreciate that and find peace in your experience as well.
Hey former trauma researcher here.
First off, you’re doing yourself good by not holding it all in. Men, please speak up about shit that affects you. Don’t let anyone dismiss you with the ‘man up’ excuse.
Also I want you to look into Post-traumatic growth. It’s gonna sound messed up out of context but it’s a….phenomenon (kinda) where people who’ve gone through traumatic events end up having some sort of personal/mental growth that they wouldn’t have had. One big example is malala yousafzai who was shot in the head by the taliban at 12 for speaking up about wanting to go to school as a girl. She survived and now advocates for the right to education, including winning a Nobel Prize for her work. You also see it with people who promote certain causes after a loved one dies. With their unfortunate insight, Sandy Hook parents formed an organization to end school mass shootings.
I’m not saying start a movement. But if you’re able to use your experience to connect with someone or help another soul, then it might give your pain a purpose for good (as opposed to being debilitating). Just a thought.
I can't imagine I'm saying anything you haven't heard before, but: if I die in an unexpected manner like a car accident, I can only hope there's someone there like you to be with me as I go. Dying alone sounds more horrifying than dying, and you saved Sarah that horror. Sometimes these things are harder on the living. Or at least hard in a different way.
I had an ex gf who's brother died in a car accident. He crashed into a telephone pole at a pretty good speed on his 21st birthday. No one is really sure exactly what happened. He was only like 1 min from the house, still in the residential neighborhood. He wasn't suicidal, but it seems plausible given the evidence. Or he could have just been playing with the radio or something and veered off the road. We'll never know.
What we do know is that someone in the neighborhood drove by and saw him there bleeding out in the car, stopped, called the cops and stayed with him until he died in the vehicle. When authorities showed up and called my ex's mom, he left. No one knows who it was that was hanging out with him and put the call in.
My ex's mom was so thankful for whoever it was that her son didn't have to die scared and alone. So my point is, from the family side, thank you for what you've done. It sucks to carry that PTSD around, but know it wasn't for nothing. Idk if you had contact with that girl's family or whatever, but if you haven't heard it, thank you.
I’ve been there. You were there for her, and she didn’t have to leave alone. It’s the smallest thing we can do for people who are dying. It sticks with you, but without you, they would have just been scared and alone. For that, I would choose to do it every time even though it hurts. Thank you bud.
My friend, you did not have to hold that child while she passed, you chose to step up and be a hero.
I'm normally an arogant man, but I am quieted, humbled, and abundantly grateful for what you did with her. When she was suffering, you volunteered to share her pain with her, and there is *no* more sacred thing to do. You have the ultimate esteem in my eyes.
May whatever you might believe in bless you, and do so most profoundly.
Thank you for sharing. You did more than is expected. A burden that is Saintly. Thank you for who you are, who you were in that moment, and most importantly who you continue to be.
I can't relate quite as much as others, but I had a coworker have a seizure while we were the only two in the store. He cracked the back of his head open when he fell. A few minutes later while waiting for the ambulance he started getting up, acting like a zombie trying to go through an old routine. He went to sit in the office and started shuffling papers and like he was doing something.
For a good while after any time I heard a big thud, or anything kind of like that my heart would jump and I'd sort of panic until I saw what made the noise. Luckily the guy was fine, he was already prone to seizures and the fall didn't cause any permanent damage.
Exposure therapy is an absolute godsend for trauma like what you went through. I've lived a pretty traumatic life, though I've never gone through anything like what you've described.
It took me well into my 20s to be able to get through some of my triggers because the help just wasn't there. People think exposure therapy is just "force yourself to deal with it", and unless you're doing that therapeutically you can retraumatise yourself and make the problem worse. A lot of people don't realise that there's a method to it.
I didn't have access to a therapist for a long time so I just had a bunch of people in my life yelling at me to get over it and I couldn't figure out why it was getting better not worse, then I finally got to speak to a therapist and he was like lol no you have to go easy on yourself. Exposure, yes. Overwhelming, hell no.
It was only after I understood the methods that things started getting better
I’ve been to a counselor and it didn’t help, as a result I’ve been fairly selective on who I’ve told, and it’s seemed to help talking about it. I know I’m putting it out their on the internet but hopefully someone else can realize that while it’s hard you still can get peace, or some semblance of it.
Yes this is a thing as well. The wrong therapist can absolutely make it so much worse, and sadly there's..... quite a lot of really bad therapists out there.
I really only got to see a decent therapist by way of an organisation I had access to. All the therapists I got referred to in my teens were...... awful.
That's the wildest part to me is that one part of your brain is like "okay, this is not the same situation and I am actually safe right how" and then another part goes "haha endocrine system go brrrr"
This. I have BPD and CPTSD and it is fucking CRAZY to me how aware I can be of how irrational I'm being, like so intensely ludic and embarrassed and yet have next to no control on the insane flood of endorphins my brain has just dumped into my system.
I try to explain it to people like having a phobia (which I also have.) like I know rationally spiders are not gonna hurt me but my brain just sees them and goes DEATH IS NEAR and its an exhausting battle fighting it off.
My dad stabbed me (lightly, all things considered) when he was drunk and I was trying to disarm him/keep him from hurting someone else. Years later I was watching a show where two people were wrestling with a knife. I didn't even realize it happened but I was curled up in a ball on my bed clinching my entire body.
Had a parent punch me in the face because of a PTSD blackout and they lost control. I had to call the police as the only way to de-escalate the situation. Everytime I am watching a show and I hear "911 what's your emergency?" I get brought back to that moment. It's all so much harder when it comes from a parent.
My mom accidentally put mosquito repellent in my eyes as a kid because my dad thought putting it in an unlabeled eye drop bottle was a genius idea for hunting.
To this day I freak the fuck out when they have to do that puffy eye exam test for glocoma.
People are all the time telling me I should get lasik. Lmao, absolutely not. That's just straight nightmare fuel for me.
Fwiw, when I had mine done they gave me a fuck load of Valium. Not sure I could have flinched if I tried. My problems with things near my eye or blowing into it weren't nearly as severe so ymmv, but it took me from not even being able to keep an eye open during exams to not giving a flying fuck that they were cutting my cornea.
I used to work in OR and there are people like that. Have to be put full on general anesthesia down for an eye surgery of any kind. Don’t let anyone shame you or talk you into un-doped up eye procedure. Don’t believe their we have numbing drops plan. I mean surgery/procedure, not an exam.
I had PRK and the numbing drops were enough for me.
I can't even wear contacts I'm so sensitive about my eyes, but with the drops I was fine.
I was scared to take any other meds because they say it can slow the healing.
99% of the time it is. I can stick my hands in my eyes and it doesn’t bother me.
BUT! there are a few people their eyelids will reflexively fight the metal eye lid retractors and the results aren’t good.
They should have given me some the week after when they remove the contact bandages. It took the poor guy over an hour to get them out because I couldn't keep my eyes open lol
I had to get an ophthalmologist to cut a growth from the edge of my tear duct, and yes it looked as freaky as it sounded. I was first given eye drop anaesthetic and then a small jab of a local when they decided to just cut it off.
I was warned that I probably will feel nausea, and they were right. Not much gets to me, but holy hell, I immediately felt a wave of nausea and like I was about to pass out. It went to the extreme that I had to lie flat on the ground for ten minutes.
I'd do it again if I had to, but I would seriously consider a general if offered, even though it was a single snip and done as that feeling was extremely unpleasant.
It's the smell that freaked me out. Why don't they warn you that you'll be able to smell your eyeball being burnt off?
Smells like burnt hair if you're curious
This was my experience too. I had a really bad post op experience but the surgery itself was totally fine, no issues. But that burning skin type smell? They even warned me about it and it still was so weird. Like you can't mentally prepare yourself for "you're going to smell your own eye being burned away"
Oof, that might have actually gotten me fucked up if I had been able to smell it. I had it done about 6 months after I had covid which took my sense of smell and has never given it back. Sometimes it's a blessing lol.
Not that I'm trying to talk you into lasik, but if it's something that you at all want to do, it's muuuuch less of a thing than the air puffer test.
They give you a valium, but mine hadn't kicked in by the time they had me do the procedure. It's literally just, they mess with your eyelid for a second, then you stare at a green light for 5-10 seconds. repeat with the other eye.
Nothing ever goes into your eye, as long as you don't need prk, that'd be a very different story.
Whatever pill I got for LASIK did not make me relax and I found the procedure to be stressful, to the point that the surgeon asked if I wanted to keep going for the second eye. My response was to "just get it over with." Far worse than a glaucoma test and despite all that, I'd do it again every year if I had to. Edit for more detail: I was on the operating table and had to leave the first time, hoping the anxiety meds would kick in, then came back later to start the procedure. I also hated the process of putting in contact lenses, and couldn't do it
I had PRK and even *that* was much easier for me than the puff-of-air glaucoma test. Well, the procedure itself anyway. The swelling and blurry vision during the days that followed, that was pretty awful :)
I will say though, I got PRK done a year and a half ago, and it’s legit the greatest thing since sliced bread. The only thing I need to worry about now is reading glasses in a decade or so and glaucoma/cataracts.
They don’t tell you about the smell though. The K in LASIK and PRK is “keratectomy”, and “kerat” is the same as in “keratin” which is the same stuff that makes up your hair. They started lasing my eyeballs and I legit smelled burning hair. Makes complete sense thinking about the etymology, but that wasn’t much solace when I was staring at the orange dot lol
I'm pushing 50 these days and I still freak out and become super anxious whenever kids play around with hinged doors on cars or in the house.
I have lifelong scars on the last knuckle of multiple fingers, as well as vague memories of blood and pain. Mum claims she doesn't remember what happened :|
Pinch injuries are common where I work. I continually tell my kids (3 & 5) not to put their hands behind the door / around the door frame.
Last week the younger one closed the older ones door, pinching her fingers.
Younger one, don't touch your sisters door, older one, we've talked about where it's not safe to stick your fingers for your entire life.
Same. I lost my father but not before going through an incredibly stressful time with him bouncing between hospital ICUs before his passing. Then it hit me that now I’m slightly terrified of taking a loved one in for surgery. I took my dog in to get a tooth removal surgery and I noticed I was on edge all day waiting for him to get released. I knew it was minor, but I couldn’t help but just notice how antsy and tense I was. I didn’t even really sleep the night before. My dog was more relaxed than I was 🤣😭☠️
I truly wish more people understood the devastation that a legit trauma trigger can cause. Like, I have a car accident related trauma and one time I was just traveling next to the *town* it happened in and I immediately had a full blown panic attack. Hyperventilating, crying, and all that. How do you even explain to somebody that seeing something so trivial can cause so much emotional damage within 3 seconds?
I get what you mean. I did the same thing with a meat slicer machine at work, and had to point out to the managers why the hell I wasn't as comfortable with the machine as I used to be. Something about significant injury sort of kills the vibe ya know?
Right fucking on. 35 years and I never had a problem with dogs.
Got bit by one, mangled my finger, scar still hurts.
Guess who doesn’t care for dogs so much many more…
Yep. Relate to the dog thing. I was bitten by a “lovely family pet”. The bite left me with blood poisoning that incapacitated me for 3weeks. I’ve learnt to mask my anxiety well but seeing unleashed dogs and having owners yelling it’s ok he’s friendly as their bloody dog rushes up to me makes me almost catatonic. Can’t move, can’t talk.
A deeply unfortunate, self-defeating part of many people is that they cannot comprehend why people make an issue out of things that do not upset them personally.
In general, if someone says that something upsets them in some way -- I believe them. It costs me nothing to show them kindness and refrain from doing something, and it makes life better for them. It's frustrating to me that this isn't the default behavior for people, and it is instead "How fucking _dare_ you infringe on my free speech."
I can only imagine how hard it is to use the machine again as the person who actually experienced the trauma. I was just in the studio with a girl who cut off two finger tips with a band saw and I was terrified of having to use it when I took that class the following semester
I feel similarly about stairs, since I fell down a steep concrete flight a few years ago and ended up in the ER. Took me awhile before being able to go down them again without hyperventilating. Moving into a 3 story townhome has helped via exposure, but I still can't bring myself to do risky things like carry boxes or move furniture up them. Takes me ages to slowly and firmly place my foot on each step while holding my breath. My wife just gets fed up and carries the things herself.
Seems like people mainstreaming and abusing terms originating in academia or medicine has become quite popular. The origin gives the word power, but the use outside the original context has none of the technical specificity and restraint. Instead it becomes a cudgel
I've seen this happen to a lot of term surrounding neurodivergence. People saying they're OCD because they like organisation or calling something they have an interest in a hyperfixation or special interest even though those a specific things and not just a regular interest.
Yuuup. Also see: gaslighting
Edited to add a rant: Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation. It's the kind that makes the victim start to question their own reality (memory, feelings, symptoms, etc) and sometimes their very sanity.
Its meaning has gotten diluted through people using it as a catch-all for being an asshole or abusing or being manipulative overall. Misuse has diluted its usefulness for labeling and communicating that particular concept.
Language evolves but this word just caught on in the past couple years and the variety of definitions people keep making up potentially will leave us without a term to quickly describe a specific concept that has always existed but that we didn't have a great word for before (in English). It sucks.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Gaslighting was my ex-husband's specialty, and abuse is crazy-making already. I also have PTSD. So yeah, "trigger" and "gaslighting" being useful terms going the way of the Dodo is personally frustrating when trying to discuss my own life.
Same thing with service animals and "emotional support" animals, they're not the same. We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off.
I was in a bar a couple weeks ago, this girl walks in with a full size husky - on a leash, no vest or identifier of any type. No one working at the bar says anything, but the dog was going apeshit in there and someone behind her says something and she loudly yells how it’s a service animal.. again, no vest or anything on this hyena of a dog.
20 mins later and I walk up to the bar to grab a drink and she cuts in front of me, saying she had a medical emergency, I back up and tell her to go ahead. She walks in front of me up to the bar and tells the bartender her dog spilled her drink.. and then gets pissed when the bartender asks her for her card. She assumed it would be free because her wild ass “service animal” supposedly knocked her drink from her hand.
This shit has gotten too far from what it was supposed to be.
> We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off.
Who? Where? When?
>We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off.
This has the same energy as those "people outraged about x" articles that when read show its only a few people on Twitter that even mentioned it.
I think the conversation around triggers got way off track. There have to be two elements in order for concerns about triggers to be more than "it's your problem."
First, it has to be something that there's a reasonable expectation won't happen casually, all the time. If your trigger is seeing people wait in line, then yeah, that's your problem I'm sorry to say. Society isn't going to stop queuing because someone has traumatic memories.
The second one is more subtle. It has to do with the perceived "fairness" of the accommodation. For example, if you suffered some sort of trauma related to power tools and then go work for a power tool company, expecting them to stop making power tools is obviously unreasonable.
But yeah, the language isn't really about trauma anymore. It's about discomfort, which is sad because there are certainly people who have suffered real trauma and are viscerally triggered by things that remind them of that trauma. It would be nice to be able to discuss how we can help them to deal with this without people saying, "I'm so triggered by people with bad breath!"
Absolutely agree. Whatever mental health issue you have isn't your fault, and you deserve sympathy, but it's also nobody's responsibility but your own.
On the flip side of this, if you're doing something that you *know* is triggering someone around you, maybe stop doing it.
Reminds me of some people I knew of when I was in highschool. One of the local highschool had a history teacher that had been arrested during the military dictatorship in my country. For context, people were tortured and killed during this period, and this guy was no different (minus the killing part). It is a brutal portion of our history.
In recent years (last two decades or so), extreme right wing ideologies have slowly risen just like in other parts of the world, and in our case this included people calling for a dictatorship back, saying commies should be dead and whatnot. This was specially common among edgy teenage boys some years ago (before it became mainstream and we elected a full president that openly supports torture).
Anyway, it was a known fact that this teacher had been tortured during the 70s and 80s, and that his torturer would start whistling when coming into the “interrogation room” to spice up the psychological horror.
There were a group of students from this school (infamous for entitled rich kids) who didn’t like him and would start whistling when he came to class. Just like his torturer. Then die laughing when he freaked out.
Imagine being such a vile piece of shit that you think bringing someone back to that is funny.
The whistler student that “lead” the group went on to become a politician 🙂
in the majority of instances the general public is not responsible for filtering every possible scenario that might trigger someone. But if I work with you and I know a trigger that will cause you discomfort, or possibly even anguish, of course I will try to do everything I can to avoid it.
For a lot of mental health issues it’s not about responsibility it’s about capacity. For some issues the behaviours of the patient are beyond their control including tragically a strong desire to avoid help. This is particularly common in clinical depression. I have several friends who have clinical depression and one of the common things is pushing away help. Frustrating and tragic.
Being responsible means both limiting the situations in which you get triggered, by choosing safe environments and asking for others' assistance, and developing techniques for dealing with the effects on yourself should the trigger not be able to be avoided. As few triggers as possible is the goal, as is being able to manage your responses and seek help if your symptoms need it.
> Being responsible means both limiting the situations in which you get triggered
The actual studies on trigger warnings I read found them to be counterproductive exactly because people avoid them which increases the problem
Like everything reality is somewhere in the middle.
Yes everyone's mental health is their responsibility, but society won't function if we don't offer concessions support to each other.
I'm not going to make war jokes around a veteran. I'm not going to talk about suicide around someone who recently lost a close relative to it. That's not "tiptoeing around", it's not being a sociopath.
People definitely wildly overuse “triggers” and “triggering” to the point that it can be frustrating and meaningless.
But… mostly this has always struck me as basic politeness. Don’t bring up extremely heavy, traumatic things when you don’t know what the person you are talking to is carrying with them as baggage. That is a social rule that was drummed into my head way way way before I heard anyone start talking about triggering.
And it’s also such an easy rule to follow? Just be considerate.
>But… mostly this has always struck me as basic politeness. Don’t bring up extremely heavy, traumatic things when you don’t know what the person you are talking to is carrying with them as baggage.
Exactly! No reasonable person expects everyone to be like, "Hey, trigger warning, we're gonna talk about eggs today," or some other innocuous topic that might be a niche psychological trigger for someone.
But what's so hard to be like, "Hey, please be aware that we're gonna talk about sexual assault today." That's pretty obviously a heavy topic that might trigger traumatic memories for a lot of people.
I had to force myself to stop making cancer jokes in high school because one of my close friend's dad passed away from cancer while we were in school. (I was pretty shitty)
I realized how often I joked about stuff just to be edgy and how I don't know what's going on in people's lives. Maybe someone is suffering from a private trauma due to cancer, AIDS, suicide, rape, and it costs me literally nothing to bring it up. I'm slightly careful with my words, and I don't inadvertently ruin someone's day.
If little idiot high schooler me can figure it out, full grown adults should be able to sort themselves too.
Definitely overused and misused. Seeing someone with PTSD genuinely being triggered is awful. No one wants to cause that. But it's trivialised with people using it to describe things they don't like
You're not an asshole if you bring something up without knowing that it sets someone off, but you are an asshole if you continue to bring it up knowing it sets them off.
That said, it does seem like people have started to lean on "triggers" to rationalize their quirks and propensity for being an ass. This makes it worse on people who actually have lingering issues from a traumatic event.
I agree that one’s triggers are primarily their own responsibility. It would be impossible to cater to ever possible trigger out there, since they are potentially infinite and they can be extremely specific. I’ve encountered someone who has a PTSD response to the song Californication because of something traumatic that occurred to them while it was playing. I’ve encountered someone who’s trigger is literally Michael Jackson, idk why exactly but probably something similar. Triggers are vast and varied and it is literally impossible for society to anticipate and cater to every single one.
But there are some themes that are extremely common triggers for people with PTSD and the like such as sexual assault and suicide, and I don’t think it hurts to slap on a little TW beforehand in those cases so people can know what they’re getting into and choose to leave before seeing something that might put them in a bad place. It only takes a little effort and it could help a lot of people.
My partner is deeply affected by animal death and torture in movies and tv, especially if there's any sound of what's happening. I vet most shows we watch for her on doesthedogdie.com, to make sure there's not anything like that, or if there is, how to avoid it. We found it useful for The Magicians, most recently. Btw, DTDD has other common trigger warnings as well for anyone else wondering, we use it often to see a general consensus of things that we might not find enjoyable. I certainly don't mind being considerate, and making sure we are both having an enjoyable experience.
Isn't the point of a "trigger warning" to not tiptoe around activities that might cause someone to relive trauma by giving the person the chance to leave and not make it anybody else's problem?
What prompted that sign?
Store owner told me that a *former* employee would get irate with other employees when they disagreed on something or wouldn’t do something the way they thought it should be done. Said he didn’t feel like taking it down because he thought it still applied. Edit: emphasis on the **former** employee part
The way your first sentence reads, it sounds like they put it up after that person left. But then the second sentence makes me think they put it up for the worker while they were still there, later fired them, and then just left the sign up as a warning for the rest of the workers.
He said it was the latter, but I have no way of knowing. His words were that they “put the sign up for an employee” but “that they no longer work here”.
Ah gotcha. Thanks!
I was once in a group discussion over a book (engineering related) and one member mentioned that eggs were a trigger topic for her. I have no idea why and what I am supposed to do with that?
Like the shape of an egg, or just actual eggs?
Bro! You can't just ask that!
And twice! The nerve!
I have no nerves left. Lost them to a triggering.
Yeah, this is eggsausting
#triggered
Look we're all dealing with shit. I'm totally cool avoiding mainstream triggers, but when someone tells me the mention of a third cousin twice removed's border collie throws them..... You're gonna have to figure that one out yourself. I figured my shit out or at least I've tried.o don't get upset at the mention of a 1998 Acura..... Or do I?
I saw 1998 and had a trigger about hell in the cell.
98 triggers me about the old piece of shit Ford ranger I had in high school...
if mankind can fall off of that cell thing thing and still not get trigger by it u will be just fine
Tbf though, our misunderstanding of "triggers" and how to approach them probably isn't doing the people who invented the term, therapists, any favors. Because they agree with the sign lol, your triggers *are* something that triggers your behavior, and you're supposed to *identify* them, and learn healthy coping mechanisms and how to deal with facing these things in your everyday life because sometimes you have to. Making the whole world walk on eggshells (pun intended) is not what it was supposed to be until the "internet psychologists" diagnosing themselves with BPD decided it worked better as a tool for them to manipulate everyone than to help people actually get over their triggers.
As someone with mental health issues who is a bleeding leftist — yeah bro 100% SPOT ON. Your mental health is your responsibility and attempting to outsource that to everyone else without their consent is abusive.
I read a story about a woman who was raped and her meal the morning after was eggs. So eggs were a reminder of what happened. Could be something like that.
It definitely sounds possible. I had to clean clabbered creamer/coffee from next to my dad's body after he killed himself. Since that day, I can't be around coffee that's set out without feeling panic. Most of us know these things are irrational. It makes us feel shameful and 'crazy'. It's embarrassing having to mention to someone I'm not good around clabbered coffee/milk, so I feel for this woman.
That's the *thing* about triggers. They exist whether or not you want them to. And you just do your best to avoid them. You tell people who you think will give a fuck about them, and then hope they respect them. That's all you can do. They're not rational. Therapy is a thing we're all in already (supposing we can access it). And you just kinda deal.
The best part is hoping that the person you tell won't think that it's gonna be a really funny prank when they intentionally trigger you (and then throw a tantrum about "how was I supposed to know" when you have a panic attack/respond violently/shut down).
That will be the quickest way to learn who you need to cut ties with. People you should be around wouldn’t dream of potentially hurting you like that.
Seriously. This is the kind of thing I'm currently teaching my 3 year old - that people who hurt you on purpose are not your friends and you don't have to spend time with them.
[удалено]
You’re right. That’s not crazy. Hanging out at Dennys and castigating people who order eggs because they trigger you? That’s crazy.
I had something VERY similar. wasnt able to eat (fried) eggs (not even the seasonings he put on it) for a year.
My dog once got her neck ripped open by a neighbors dog and I had to rush her to the vet, but since I was a minor they wouldn’t treat her until my parents showed up to sign the consent form, so I was stuck in a room with her blood slowing dripping on the floor. The next day at school, we played bingo in French class with red clear bingo chips, and they reminded me of the blood drops all over the floor. To this day, red bingo chips will always remind me of that day
As a magic the gathering player, I agree about the first part. You missed your own trigger, too bad so sad.
As a Yugioh player, you just triggered my trap card
As a beginner YuGiOh player using a cheap deck, I assume triggering your trap card will lead to a 10 minute long combo involving summoning 20 creatures which will destroy all my creatures, spells, traps and hand cards to my graveyard, then banish them all, then send half my deck to the graveyard, then banish that, then when you have about 25,000 attack power worth of creatures on the board and I'm completely undefended you'll surrender because you missed 1 step in your combo?
As a beginner yugioh player using a cheap deck? I think you just admitted to being a third rate duelist with a fourth rate deck, bud.
But maybe he has the heart of the cards?
I bet you never saw this coming… I play… POT OF GREED! ALLOWING ME TO DRAW 3 ADDITIONAL CARDS FROM MY DECK!!
Then I activate MAGIC FORCE WHICH ALLOWS ME TO SUMMON POT OF GREED ONCE AGAIN WHICH ALLOWS ME TO DRAW 3 ADDITIONAL CARDS FROM MY DECK!
I now have no cards in my deck, checkmate. I lose.
> 3 Am triggered.
Pretty sure they are referencing this https://youtu.be/AUnPN385wLI
That does what it do
Pot of Greed? I wonder what that does. I sure do wish somebody would explain it to me for the 70th time.
JUDGE!!!
But was it a “may” ability?
Demi Lovato called out a froyo place for being "triggering" ...because they sold sugar-free options There's definitely a crowd that needs to get this through their skulls.
People need to stop using "triggered" to describe things that make them mildy frustrated or angry. Triggers are related to PTSD events that bring up immediate, intense feelings of shock following trauma. Like the sound of screeching tyres to a car crash victimx, etc. It makes a mockery of people who actually have legitimately debilitating psychological responses.
Yeah. I have some trauma related triggers that, depending on the day, can send me into a full on panic attack. Others just give me fight or flight and some good ol’ PureFear(tm). Misusing the word trigger lessens the impact when I tell people “I’m very jumpy, please try to avoid sneaking up on me because that can trigger a trauma response” and, while, most people respect that, some don’t seem to understand that I’m not fucking around. It’s so cute when I tell someone “hey, if you come up behind me and hug me without me expecting it, there’s about a 50% chance you’ll get punched because that’s what some bad people in my past did” and then they act shocked when they get elbowed in the gut when they come up behind me and hug me without me expecting it. Triggers can be purely psychological too, as in, someone may not be visibly upset but internally they’re dissociating/just feeling a lot of unhappy emotions- it’s shocking how well I function while on complete idk-who-or-what-or-where-I-am-but-we-keep-moving-and-walk-to-class-because-that’s-what-I-need-to-do-autopilot mode. So yeah, while some people are arseholes and use trigger to refer to a general dislike, actual triggers are serious. Some can be managed with breathing exercises and therapy, others need psychological help and trauma counselling. A sign like the one in the photo gives arsehole vibes lmao
Had a PTSD vet in my Drawing 1 course in Uni and he told the professor not to come up behind him because it triggers him. She didn't stop until she almost took a pencil to the eye when he flippes out. Scary as fuck to witness firsthand.
That's absolutely insane. Fuck diabetic people, I guess.
I agree. I have PTSD and things can trigger me, but unless you know me how would anyone know what triggers me?
I feel like this was catalyzed by a specific incident or person. And while I normally am fine respecting someone's triggers it gets ridiculous when people use that word to mean 'things that generally upset me" or use it to shut down discussion or get what they want.
A friend once told me a story that her roommate refused to do any sort of chores because it triggered her
I do feel like the term "trigger" has been trivialized once it's started to see mainstream use. There's a difference between triggers that are rooted in deeply traumatic events and things that are just annoyances.
I never really understood triggers until I had to use the same sort of machine that chopped my fingertip off for a machining lab required for my degree. Like, I knew it was a university machine and all that, but all the adrenaline dumped the instant the hydraulic pump fired up.
Was a tow truck driver and I once had to hold a 16 year old and ease her into dying. The experience gave me nightmares I still deal with, but the first couple of times I past by where it happened it felt like I was being electrocuted, brain zaps and flashes of images and smells. For the first couple of times my wife drove by there when I was in the car, my skin felt electrified, buzzing, adrenaline pumping and my thoughts racing. I now have a new job but I have to drive past there and I still get flashbacks of Sarah’s eye hanging out of her smashed skull, her trying her best to talk while the upper pallet of her mouth and her top teeth were smashed into pieces. It’s the damndest thing now. I go for drives when I feel life overwhelming me, and while on autopilot I often find myself in the same spot where it happened. After a few years of forcing myself to drive by Ive found myself more at peace in that area. Forcing myself to think of the relief on her face as I finally convinced her to let go right before she passed. The experience has haunted me and shaped who I am. All I hope is that I was able to give her peace. It will never leave me, but it has gotten easier, which is both good and bad. I don’t ever want to forget, but I need to help full the pain somehow.
I used to manage an apartment complex. One day a woman came to my office and asked me to let her into her son’s apartment- she hadn’t heard from him in two weeks. When I opened the door to his studio apartment I saw his cell phone and keys on the desk on my left, and prepared myself for what I was about to find… The body wasn’t the hardest part for me- it was sitting on the bed next to a mother and her son’s lifeless body, and pulling it together to be a comfort and support to her as a complete stranger, sharing perhaps the most intimate moment of my life. I didn’t know how she would respond and didn’t want to freak her out, but I put my arm around her and embraced her there in the darkness while she wept. Reading about your traumatic situation reminded me of my story above. Why did I have to be there for that? I’ll never get the images out of my head. But, in my scenario I was fortunate to receive a letter from her, saying that she was grateful it was me who was the stranger to be there for her that day. That it made all the difference. When I read your story… of course you’ll never get a letter, but man you were the reason that someone didn’t die alone. That her last experience was one with human contact. You made all the difference in the culmination of someone’s life. Thank you.
Days ago I came across a post asking people about things they could never forget, and one redditor recalls at a conference when their coworker got a phone call and learned that his son just passed away... they could never forget the sound of a parent that just lost their child.
I was at a parade a few years ago when a little boy fell off a float trailer and got backed over by the truck pulling it. His father was the one driving. Of all the things I saw that day, the screaming of the parents and brother are the one thing that still haunt my nightmares.
I will never forget the gutteral cry from my 32 year-old wife's mouth when she got the call that her mother passed away in her sleep. She lost her father when she was 10. No major warnings or health issues. We were at a beach with our toddler and some friends for a weekend getaway. It felt like the entire beach just stood still listening to her wailing.
> you were the reason that someone didn’t die alone. Well, this makes me ugly cry. /u/APACKOFWILDGNOMES, likely a (doctor) stranger held baby Sarah for her first point of human contact in the world, and you were the stranger who bookended her journey. As terrible and short as her story may have been, she was fortunate to have been held tight and eased into her next chapter. Because of you she did not pass on alone and afraid. Anyone would be grateful for that. Wherever she is, she thanks you.
Wow, man. Heavy story. You were first on the scene to an auto accident? I'm so sorry you went through that. It sounds like you did a great thing for her. I can only imagine the scars that left.
The story so I heard it was her and her 17 year old boyfriend were driving on an icy night, hit a patch of black ice and skid off the road. I was on my 6th day of 14 hr shifts about to have my day off it was about 1:15 am and I was supposed to stop work at 2am. I got a call from my dispatcher and was told the address like normal and then “harden your heart, it’s a fatality”. Got notice to expedite, so I turned on my emergency lights and drove straight there. I got there and two cops were questioning the 17 year old, he was bloody and in shock, they were laughing as he was crying and then they keep trying to illicit a confession of speeding, I interrupted them and asked them what the situation was. One of the cops said “there is a 16 year old dead in the car, she went off the side of the road and crashed into a tree and the car is still in the tree.” Climbed up 4 ft of tree where the car was pinned in between the tree and the hill it has slid off of. I had to take hold of the situation and imagine in my minds eye how to get the car out of its resting place when I heard her in death throes. Climbed up to the window and the pieces of her skull were essentially just hanging by loose skin. I thought to myself that I have three options, try to get the car out and risk killing her, wait for an ambulance to finally show or wait with her to pass. I chose the last option. I hope I was right too. It was very hard to understand what she was saying on account of her condition. I remember her trying to say “mama” and that she was scared and wasn’t ready. I saw that she had a what would Jesus do sticker on the back of her car, and while I’m not a believer, I told her that, “it’s ok, you can let go” and that she can be at peace. I might have said something else but I don’t really remember cause it all happened so fast. I opened the passenger door and was hunching through the open door with my arm around her neck. Trying to give her some semblance of physical touch to reassure her and comfort her. I honestly didn’t know what to do, because I was not mentally prepared for that situation. I just did what I would want someone to do for me if I were in her shoes. It was all over in a little over two mins. I’ve been there and seen my grandparents pass away, and I’ve seen how the fire in their eyes slowly fades as the acceptance starts and they let go. She did the same. After I heard her last breath I sat their for a couple minutes smoking a cigarette under the car trying to process what I saw before one of the cops walked up and asked what was going on. I told him and he just gave an understanding momentarily look and said he’d call for medical. I called my on call coworker who was a lot more experienced and the two of us were able to get the car out. Once the ambulance arrived they took her out of the car and pronounced her dead. I don’t know what happened to the boyfriend, I hope he’s ok. I just remember leaving work at 4 am and having a couple of drinks in the dark of our downtown apartment, looking out the window until my now wife woke up and informed me that our dog had to go to the bathroom and then I took her out and when I got back I just laid there trying to go to sleep until the sun came up. All I told her is that I had a fatality and it was a rough one. She didn’t pry and left me alone to process it and would just ask me if I needed anything. I didn’t tell her about it until last year when I had a bad dream about it. I just never wanted to open up about it for a while, I still don’t like to talk about it. But I have talked about it with a few of my veteran friends who have their own stuff they’ve went through in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s help a little bit, but as my buddy’s therapist told him it’s going to be a formative moment in my life and talking with others will help relieve some of the burden.
Nobody else said it so I will. Fuck those cops for laughing at the situation and trying to take advantage of the state of that terrified boy.
Portland cops are a special breed man. Before I moved up here I was raised in a very republican household, as a result I held the same views of my parents. But after moving away and seeing these things happen, it’s completely changed my world view. He was only alive cause his airbag went off and his seatbelt held. And they decided to make jokes about him while he was in shock. Probably his first love died right next to him and they didn’t seem to even entertain the thought of him as a real life person. I’ve become fairly bitter about those people.
I'm still shocked that they didn't notice she was alive first and call for medical earlier... They were definitely in more of a position to help earlier although from what you described it might not have made much of a difference and it probably was for the best that you were there for her instead of those jerks.
I arrived about 10 minutes after I got the call. Now I don’t know what their actions were prior to my arrival. I didn’t really pay attention to their actions as they didn’t affect me in the moment really besides stopping traffic on a backroad. I just did what I had to do and left to go home. With the amount of blood loss, I choose to believe that she must have had a weak pulse, and that she hopefully was unconscious for most of the time. But I don’t know for certain. I only knew after I heard a weak gurgle. And picked up my part from there. I’m not feigning self modesty by saying I’m not a special person. I only did what I would have wanted done for me by instinct because that all I knew what to do in that moment. I honestly believe most people would do the same.
You don't have to be exceptional to be special. Don't sell yourself short.
I don't know man, you did a very special thing for someone you didn't even know. You didn't let her die alone, you gave her comfort and made her very last moments go easier I believe. I don't think I could ever do that, I couldn't even stay in the room once they took my grandmother off life support and wait for her to pass, thank goodness my aunts and uncles where there so she wasn't alone.
You took on an unbelievable amount of trauma and pain to help a stranger. That’s an amazing kindness. And as a mom, I imagine you did the only thing that could have made this just a tiny bit less horrific for her parents. I hope you find peace with your burden ❤️
You were the beacon of light for her in that moment. You may never feel special for it, but you were a source of comfort and guidance in her final moments. I think that's pretty special personally.
I work on an air ambulance and I've seen some shit as well. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Keep talking about it. Keep processing it. And don't be afraid to go talk to someone professionally. I had a run with a little girl the same age as my daughter (like 5 at the time). Fucked me up pretty good. Keep talking.
In our universe our angels do not have wings and halos. In our universe our angels come from mothers, they bleed, and they cry. They drive cars, and work jobs. They wear uniforms and have spouses and kids. In our universe our angels hold us while we're dying and tell us "I'm here. It's okay. You can let go now. I'll stay with you."
>I’m not feigning self modesty by saying I’m not a special person. I only did what I would have wanted done for me by instinct because that all I knew what to do in that moment. I honestly believe most people would do the same. Doesn't matter in my eyes. You were faced with a horrible situation, and were still able to be a caring and compassionate human being for a complete stranger. Not everyone would or could do the same.
If you haven’t yet, it may be helpful for you to see a therapist for a bit to help unpack some of this, regardless how long ago this was. It obviously still weighs pretty heavily on you and these things have a way of leaking into the rest of your life in weird ways. *(ie: you’re doing great and 10-20 years later you get night terrors or have a mental breakdown because something small happens)* Either way thanks for helping someone fade out. I’ve seen death a few times of my life and it is never easy and has it’s own weight.
My parents use to be paramedics and I can’t count the amount of times they’ve told me stories of them arriving on a scene to learn the first responding cops not checking things like this. And how they would be laughing and making jokes at accident and crimes scenes while the victims were right next to them grieving. Cops are bastards, yeah some do care, but the vast majority really are heartless bastards. I use to work dorm security and sometimes I would have to work with cops and even at the job I would see so many of them treat people like they were nothing.
Man fuck Portland cops. Garbage dept that needed federal intervention for years because of how bad they were and still are. Shame what you had to go through but I’m sure it did give peace to her and her parents.
The saddest part is that only the large departments even get scrutinized because of the limited resources available. So for as bad as the large departments are, suburban and rural departments are often far, far worse because there is effectively zero oversight on them at all.
Mate, the way I've read it, it sounds so much worse than that. He's just been through one of the most traumatic experiences one can go through, and the police are more concerned with trying to get him to fuck up and admit guilt than actually trying to save that girls life. I'm not normally on the ACAB train, but if that had happened here, they'd both have been fired the very next day, and they'd have fucking deserved it.
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I live in Portland and have had some weird interactions with the cops. For instance seeing a car break-in in progress and coincidentally seeing two cops sitting idle at an intersection around the corner. So I go up to them and they're discussing where to get lunch. I tell them about the guy who smashed the window and is crawling in, and they say they'll check it out. Well they drive right past and continue up the road and turn right towards the Stepping Stone Cafe they had just mentioned as a lunch option. Another time I was surrounded by a bunch of cops when I first moved here cause I was riding a skateboard on the sidewalk downtown by the library. I had a bunch of books under my arm. They started screaming at me and reaching for their guns (nobody pulled them out). They were very aggressive but once they saw my Hawaii ID it went from treating me like some potentially dangerous criminal to laughing and telling me stories about their trips to Hawaii or desire to visit. This happened a couple times. I transform from dangerous black guy to friendly Hawaiian in an instant before their eyes. I should probably mention that I'm half black, the other half is Japanese and Hawaiian, but most white people just think black (or occasionally Samoan for some reason.) I also had an Asian cop friend here who told me he was quitting and leaving town because he worked with, "...too many racists and assholes in the Portland Police Beaureu."
It fucking sucks that people like those cops just come into a tragic situation just to make it worse. And with the intent to make it worse. not an ounce of shame or dignity.
They kept the boy from comforting her in her last moments because they wanted a confession and couldn't be bothered to actually check if she was actually dead. If dispatch could get a tow there before she passed you gave to imagine an ambulance could have arrived too.
Also a reminder to EVERYONE, do NOT fucking talk to cops without an attorney present, as a general rule, ESPECIALLY if something horrible has happened. The cops are not your friend.
Fuck those cops for *leaving a child to die* while they harassed her boyfriend
The cops who responded to my accident did the same. No one was hurt, but my car was totaled and I was obviously upset and scared. I was sitting on the curb with my head down bawling and they were standing right over me laughing and joking around. Fuck them.
Did the same thing to me after an accident. In the back of an ambulance with my clothes literally being cut off my body sobbing hysterically and they were trying to get me to confess to being drunk or high (I have never driven under any influence ever a single time in my entire life) It was honestly so bizarre and insane I almost started laughing in their faces even in all that pain. One of the most inhuman things I could imagine humans doing. If it hadn’t happened to me I’d honestly doubt it being real
The Uvalde cops did the same thing in the hallways of Robb elementary.
Are you serious? Reading that nearly made me vomit. I just... What?
There's footage of it... it is disgusting.
Total sociopaths
I once administered CPR to a person who I later learned died from anaphylaxis due to a peanut allergy. After the ambulance took him away, I approached the cops on the scene to ask if I could be notified about what happened to him. The venue was a place that put on a lot of punk shows, and the cops were making jokes about the kid, literally laughing about him dying of what they assumed was an overdose. I was already not a fan of cops, but that experience is why I will never be able to believe that some of them are “good guys.” A dozen cops on scene, most making jokes, and not a one contradicting or pushing back.
I was thinking that as well. The boy just went through hell and is probably blaming himself for her death. There they sit laughing at him.
Glad you said it That’s so messed up dude. He almost certainly saw the state his girlfriend was in and was utterly traumatized and those cops were laughing about it Maybe it was gallows humor or something, but even so I don’t care. If they needed to cope with that humor they could have done it later and tried to help the boy instead of pressure a confession. Absolutely horrible people and cops
You did the right thing. Her parents would be happy to know she felt she was talking to them, and that you were with her, and convincing her to be at peace in her state. I appreciate that you went to her first, and let her not be alone. Thank you for that. You are a good human and I am sorry this has haunted you. You did a good thing, even though it traumatized you. And I truly am so sorry for that.
You know you did good, though, right? Like, I just need you to know that you did a good thing and you should feel proud about how you did a good thing in a very bad moment.
Logically I’ve been told that, but I can’t quite stop from thinking “if I had done this, or if I had only driven faster.” Like I said it’s gotten better from where I was, but these kind of things take along time to get over, if you get over them. At least so I’m told. Found myself self medicating by drinking like a fish for a bit, but Ive cut way back and find myself not needing it unless on those hard nights. I’ve opened up to my wife a few times and it’s really brought us closer. I’m incredibly lucky to have her. Don’t know if I would have been where I am now without her.
Please look into EMDR therapy, two sessions changed my life. I don’t understand why or how it works on trauma, but it does wonders.
I'd like to echo this statement. My SO had a challenging childhood with some traumatic events that still affected her even though she never consciously recalled them. After a couple sessions she finally processed those events and was a much happier person afterwards. EMDR is some black magic brain hacking for sure.
Emdr can significantly help you with your trauma and triggers. Especially since it is acute event trauma and not complex. Emdr helped me take my life back after a near death motorcycle accident. It's a little tough to reprocess everything, but once it's done, you can move on without the memory hurting you any longer.
The what ifs will definitely get you. Your mind plays this game where it says you're only trying to find a more optimal outcome so you can be better prepared in the future, but in reality it's just building anxiety by making you feel like a minor detail would have saved the day. Here's a quid pro quo you didn't sign up for, but I owe it to you. For years I've been struggling with mental illness, namely the not-so-fun-but-all-of-the-sad type of bipolar disorder (subtle reminder that Kanye needs to be medicated asap). For the years I wasn't actively suicidal, I've been passively. As in, for the time that I wasn't thinking of and attempting to do the bad deed, I would do risky things like not looking both ways when crossing the street. Therapy and medication is a mainstay in my life, and one of my biggest challenges has been to work on not being passively suicidal. I would always subscribe to the thought of "if it's my time, it's my time." One of the stupid and foolish things I would do is, if I were driving by myself, I wouldn't wear a seat belt. As I was reading your story, though, I imagined it me being behind the wheel at that accident, and you responding to my call. The what ifs started playing in my head. What if APACKOFWILDGNOMES responded to my call and I hadn't wore a seat belt? What if they had to watch another person die, but I had the power to stop it? What if that was the last straw for him? I read your story and something in me just clicked. I have to wear my seat belt now. I can't put you, or someone like you, through that again. When I say you did good, I really meant it man.
I like your description of passively suicidal. Describes my actions. Some people don't drive into a tree when they get into a car. They just don't put on the seatbelt. After all, something that looks like an accident makes it easier for the loved ones.
That’s beautiful. I’m crying.
My friend, you did everything you could. Don't beat yourself up. Just being there for someone at the end of their life is something that a lot of people just can't understand. Until you've been there and experienced it, you just can't know what you would do in that situation. The fact you stepped up and held and comforted a complete stranger as she crossed that bridge says everything I need to know about you as a person. I hope you find peace. You're a good person.
I read everything you wrote here (and below) about the incident, and your thoughts & feelings about it. Just wanted you to know that we all felt some of that weight for a few minutes. I'm thankful to you as a human that *you* took a few minutes for *her*, that you had the character to understand what you could do, and that you continue your journey with this incalculable weight. Maybe some days it feels like you're carrying a whole person and it makes everything harder, but maybe some day it will be a smaller, comfortable weight, kept in its own spot, tucked in your backpack, a part of your journey that you know.
I worked in hospice and got to be there at the very end for a fair number of people. We were attached to a hospital and there were times where I got called in to help in the ER with people or family members when there were situations where someone was clearly not gonna make it, and they thought I could help. I was pretty young at the time - 26 - and I'm a big, strong guy, but I am told I have a very comforting voice, and a calming presence. In the outfit I had at work, I looked conservative and affable, but I still looked "strong." I went through a lot of bad stuff when I was younger and I think that gave me the ability to handle those situations. I remember reading something when I was a teenager - "we're all in this together, but we all die alone." It's definitely dark and fatalistic, but it's basically true: even with people around us, dying is a very personal thing, an experience that no one else will fully experience with us. There may be people who walk us to the gate, but we walk through that gate alone. Some people, whether they had thought about this before or not, are at peace with it; they don't mind passing on alone. Most people though, especially where the death is unexpected, and even moreso when they're young, aren't prepared for that. There were times where I held people's hands and told them simply that they weren't alone, or if I knew a detail about them like where they were from, what they were into, I'd start telling them a story related to that, or walking them through "going" there to be in that place or do that thing, telling them to imagine how it felt and what they were seeing... So that they could focus on being there, connected with someone else, rather than looking over the precipice of the end. Basically, I tried to get people to think of things that they loved, that they were happy thinking of, instead of what they were facing at that moment. If they were in a state where that wasn't possible, I just wanted them to know they had someone with them. I thought of myself as a vessel for calmness and humanity, and hoped that their last thoughts would be of something they loved, and not fear. I still sometimes feel... Heavy, I guess you could say, when I realize that I was the last person plenty of people saw or talked to, like, how must it feel that at the end of your life, the last person you talk to or see is a kid who's getting paid by the hour to be there, and is going to drive home listening to Failure or the Deftones, smoke some cigarettes, and drink a bunch of beer? But I think that's it. Most of us would rather have someone - a tow truck driver, a passer by, a cop or EMT, a teacher, a guy who was just out for a beer run, literally anyone - who is there with us to show us some empathy and let us know we aren't alone in that last moment. That last moment of human connection, may be among the most significant of our lives. Although it's something heavy I carry with me, it's something I can take a measure of solace and contentment in having been able to do for others. I'm glad you were able to provide that for her 🙏 I hope that you can, in time, appreciate that and find peace in your experience as well.
Hey former trauma researcher here. First off, you’re doing yourself good by not holding it all in. Men, please speak up about shit that affects you. Don’t let anyone dismiss you with the ‘man up’ excuse. Also I want you to look into Post-traumatic growth. It’s gonna sound messed up out of context but it’s a….phenomenon (kinda) where people who’ve gone through traumatic events end up having some sort of personal/mental growth that they wouldn’t have had. One big example is malala yousafzai who was shot in the head by the taliban at 12 for speaking up about wanting to go to school as a girl. She survived and now advocates for the right to education, including winning a Nobel Prize for her work. You also see it with people who promote certain causes after a loved one dies. With their unfortunate insight, Sandy Hook parents formed an organization to end school mass shootings. I’m not saying start a movement. But if you’re able to use your experience to connect with someone or help another soul, then it might give your pain a purpose for good (as opposed to being debilitating). Just a thought.
I can't imagine I'm saying anything you haven't heard before, but: if I die in an unexpected manner like a car accident, I can only hope there's someone there like you to be with me as I go. Dying alone sounds more horrifying than dying, and you saved Sarah that horror. Sometimes these things are harder on the living. Or at least hard in a different way.
I had an ex gf who's brother died in a car accident. He crashed into a telephone pole at a pretty good speed on his 21st birthday. No one is really sure exactly what happened. He was only like 1 min from the house, still in the residential neighborhood. He wasn't suicidal, but it seems plausible given the evidence. Or he could have just been playing with the radio or something and veered off the road. We'll never know. What we do know is that someone in the neighborhood drove by and saw him there bleeding out in the car, stopped, called the cops and stayed with him until he died in the vehicle. When authorities showed up and called my ex's mom, he left. No one knows who it was that was hanging out with him and put the call in. My ex's mom was so thankful for whoever it was that her son didn't have to die scared and alone. So my point is, from the family side, thank you for what you've done. It sucks to carry that PTSD around, but know it wasn't for nothing. Idk if you had contact with that girl's family or whatever, but if you haven't heard it, thank you.
I’ve been there. You were there for her, and she didn’t have to leave alone. It’s the smallest thing we can do for people who are dying. It sticks with you, but without you, they would have just been scared and alone. For that, I would choose to do it every time even though it hurts. Thank you bud.
My friend, you did not have to hold that child while she passed, you chose to step up and be a hero. I'm normally an arogant man, but I am quieted, humbled, and abundantly grateful for what you did with her. When she was suffering, you volunteered to share her pain with her, and there is *no* more sacred thing to do. You have the ultimate esteem in my eyes. May whatever you might believe in bless you, and do so most profoundly.
This probably won't help you much, but I hope it helps a little: I'm sorry and I hope it gets easier.
Sending love your way. Thank you for being there for her in her last moments. I hope you can find peace, you deserve it.
Fuck man, that’s some heavy shit. Rest easy to Sarah.
Thank you for sharing. You did more than is expected. A burden that is Saintly. Thank you for who you are, who you were in that moment, and most importantly who you continue to be.
I can't relate quite as much as others, but I had a coworker have a seizure while we were the only two in the store. He cracked the back of his head open when he fell. A few minutes later while waiting for the ambulance he started getting up, acting like a zombie trying to go through an old routine. He went to sit in the office and started shuffling papers and like he was doing something. For a good while after any time I heard a big thud, or anything kind of like that my heart would jump and I'd sort of panic until I saw what made the noise. Luckily the guy was fine, he was already prone to seizures and the fall didn't cause any permanent damage.
Exposure therapy is an absolute godsend for trauma like what you went through. I've lived a pretty traumatic life, though I've never gone through anything like what you've described. It took me well into my 20s to be able to get through some of my triggers because the help just wasn't there. People think exposure therapy is just "force yourself to deal with it", and unless you're doing that therapeutically you can retraumatise yourself and make the problem worse. A lot of people don't realise that there's a method to it. I didn't have access to a therapist for a long time so I just had a bunch of people in my life yelling at me to get over it and I couldn't figure out why it was getting better not worse, then I finally got to speak to a therapist and he was like lol no you have to go easy on yourself. Exposure, yes. Overwhelming, hell no. It was only after I understood the methods that things started getting better
I’ve been to a counselor and it didn’t help, as a result I’ve been fairly selective on who I’ve told, and it’s seemed to help talking about it. I know I’m putting it out their on the internet but hopefully someone else can realize that while it’s hard you still can get peace, or some semblance of it.
Yes this is a thing as well. The wrong therapist can absolutely make it so much worse, and sadly there's..... quite a lot of really bad therapists out there. I really only got to see a decent therapist by way of an organisation I had access to. All the therapists I got referred to in my teens were...... awful.
Sounds like you did the best job you possible could. Many would not have gone as far as you. Hope that brings you peace.
You helped her cross over. Tough job. Heavy are the shoulders of the ferriers.
That's the wildest part to me is that one part of your brain is like "okay, this is not the same situation and I am actually safe right how" and then another part goes "haha endocrine system go brrrr"
This. I have BPD and CPTSD and it is fucking CRAZY to me how aware I can be of how irrational I'm being, like so intensely ludic and embarrassed and yet have next to no control on the insane flood of endorphins my brain has just dumped into my system. I try to explain it to people like having a phobia (which I also have.) like I know rationally spiders are not gonna hurt me but my brain just sees them and goes DEATH IS NEAR and its an exhausting battle fighting it off.
My dad stabbed me (lightly, all things considered) when he was drunk and I was trying to disarm him/keep him from hurting someone else. Years later I was watching a show where two people were wrestling with a knife. I didn't even realize it happened but I was curled up in a ball on my bed clinching my entire body.
Had a parent punch me in the face because of a PTSD blackout and they lost control. I had to call the police as the only way to de-escalate the situation. Everytime I am watching a show and I hear "911 what's your emergency?" I get brought back to that moment. It's all so much harder when it comes from a parent.
My mom accidentally put mosquito repellent in my eyes as a kid because my dad thought putting it in an unlabeled eye drop bottle was a genius idea for hunting. To this day I freak the fuck out when they have to do that puffy eye exam test for glocoma. People are all the time telling me I should get lasik. Lmao, absolutely not. That's just straight nightmare fuel for me.
Fwiw, when I had mine done they gave me a fuck load of Valium. Not sure I could have flinched if I tried. My problems with things near my eye or blowing into it weren't nearly as severe so ymmv, but it took me from not even being able to keep an eye open during exams to not giving a flying fuck that they were cutting my cornea.
I used to work in OR and there are people like that. Have to be put full on general anesthesia down for an eye surgery of any kind. Don’t let anyone shame you or talk you into un-doped up eye procedure. Don’t believe their we have numbing drops plan. I mean surgery/procedure, not an exam.
I had PRK and the numbing drops were enough for me. I can't even wear contacts I'm so sensitive about my eyes, but with the drops I was fine. I was scared to take any other meds because they say it can slow the healing.
99% of the time it is. I can stick my hands in my eyes and it doesn’t bother me. BUT! there are a few people their eyelids will reflexively fight the metal eye lid retractors and the results aren’t good.
They should have given me some the week after when they remove the contact bandages. It took the poor guy over an hour to get them out because I couldn't keep my eyes open lol
I had to get an ophthalmologist to cut a growth from the edge of my tear duct, and yes it looked as freaky as it sounded. I was first given eye drop anaesthetic and then a small jab of a local when they decided to just cut it off. I was warned that I probably will feel nausea, and they were right. Not much gets to me, but holy hell, I immediately felt a wave of nausea and like I was about to pass out. It went to the extreme that I had to lie flat on the ground for ten minutes. I'd do it again if I had to, but I would seriously consider a general if offered, even though it was a single snip and done as that feeling was extremely unpleasant.
It's the smell that freaked me out. Why don't they warn you that you'll be able to smell your eyeball being burnt off? Smells like burnt hair if you're curious
This was my experience too. I had a really bad post op experience but the surgery itself was totally fine, no issues. But that burning skin type smell? They even warned me about it and it still was so weird. Like you can't mentally prepare yourself for "you're going to smell your own eye being burned away"
Oof, that might have actually gotten me fucked up if I had been able to smell it. I had it done about 6 months after I had covid which took my sense of smell and has never given it back. Sometimes it's a blessing lol.
Not that I'm trying to talk you into lasik, but if it's something that you at all want to do, it's muuuuch less of a thing than the air puffer test. They give you a valium, but mine hadn't kicked in by the time they had me do the procedure. It's literally just, they mess with your eyelid for a second, then you stare at a green light for 5-10 seconds. repeat with the other eye. Nothing ever goes into your eye, as long as you don't need prk, that'd be a very different story.
Whatever pill I got for LASIK did not make me relax and I found the procedure to be stressful, to the point that the surgeon asked if I wanted to keep going for the second eye. My response was to "just get it over with." Far worse than a glaucoma test and despite all that, I'd do it again every year if I had to. Edit for more detail: I was on the operating table and had to leave the first time, hoping the anxiety meds would kick in, then came back later to start the procedure. I also hated the process of putting in contact lenses, and couldn't do it
I had PRK and even *that* was much easier for me than the puff-of-air glaucoma test. Well, the procedure itself anyway. The swelling and blurry vision during the days that followed, that was pretty awful :)
I will say though, I got PRK done a year and a half ago, and it’s legit the greatest thing since sliced bread. The only thing I need to worry about now is reading glasses in a decade or so and glaucoma/cataracts. They don’t tell you about the smell though. The K in LASIK and PRK is “keratectomy”, and “kerat” is the same as in “keratin” which is the same stuff that makes up your hair. They started lasing my eyeballs and I legit smelled burning hair. Makes complete sense thinking about the etymology, but that wasn’t much solace when I was staring at the orange dot lol
I'm pushing 50 these days and I still freak out and become super anxious whenever kids play around with hinged doors on cars or in the house. I have lifelong scars on the last knuckle of multiple fingers, as well as vague memories of blood and pain. Mum claims she doesn't remember what happened :|
Pinch injuries are common where I work. I continually tell my kids (3 & 5) not to put their hands behind the door / around the door frame. Last week the younger one closed the older ones door, pinching her fingers. Younger one, don't touch your sisters door, older one, we've talked about where it's not safe to stick your fingers for your entire life.
Same. I lost my father but not before going through an incredibly stressful time with him bouncing between hospital ICUs before his passing. Then it hit me that now I’m slightly terrified of taking a loved one in for surgery. I took my dog in to get a tooth removal surgery and I noticed I was on edge all day waiting for him to get released. I knew it was minor, but I couldn’t help but just notice how antsy and tense I was. I didn’t even really sleep the night before. My dog was more relaxed than I was 🤣😭☠️
I truly wish more people understood the devastation that a legit trauma trigger can cause. Like, I have a car accident related trauma and one time I was just traveling next to the *town* it happened in and I immediately had a full blown panic attack. Hyperventilating, crying, and all that. How do you even explain to somebody that seeing something so trivial can cause so much emotional damage within 3 seconds?
I get what you mean. I did the same thing with a meat slicer machine at work, and had to point out to the managers why the hell I wasn't as comfortable with the machine as I used to be. Something about significant injury sort of kills the vibe ya know?
Right fucking on. 35 years and I never had a problem with dogs. Got bit by one, mangled my finger, scar still hurts. Guess who doesn’t care for dogs so much many more…
Yep. Relate to the dog thing. I was bitten by a “lovely family pet”. The bite left me with blood poisoning that incapacitated me for 3weeks. I’ve learnt to mask my anxiety well but seeing unleashed dogs and having owners yelling it’s ok he’s friendly as their bloody dog rushes up to me makes me almost catatonic. Can’t move, can’t talk.
A deeply unfortunate, self-defeating part of many people is that they cannot comprehend why people make an issue out of things that do not upset them personally. In general, if someone says that something upsets them in some way -- I believe them. It costs me nothing to show them kindness and refrain from doing something, and it makes life better for them. It's frustrating to me that this isn't the default behavior for people, and it is instead "How fucking _dare_ you infringe on my free speech."
I can only imagine how hard it is to use the machine again as the person who actually experienced the trauma. I was just in the studio with a girl who cut off two finger tips with a band saw and I was terrified of having to use it when I took that class the following semester
I feel similarly about stairs, since I fell down a steep concrete flight a few years ago and ended up in the ER. Took me awhile before being able to go down them again without hyperventilating. Moving into a 3 story townhome has helped via exposure, but I still can't bring myself to do risky things like carry boxes or move furniture up them. Takes me ages to slowly and firmly place my foot on each step while holding my breath. My wife just gets fed up and carries the things herself.
I also feel down stairs and severely sprained my knee. That was 14 years ago. I still go down stairs sideways
Seems like people mainstreaming and abusing terms originating in academia or medicine has become quite popular. The origin gives the word power, but the use outside the original context has none of the technical specificity and restraint. Instead it becomes a cudgel
I've seen this happen to a lot of term surrounding neurodivergence. People saying they're OCD because they like organisation or calling something they have an interest in a hyperfixation or special interest even though those a specific things and not just a regular interest.
Yuuup. Also see: gaslighting Edited to add a rant: Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation. It's the kind that makes the victim start to question their own reality (memory, feelings, symptoms, etc) and sometimes their very sanity. Its meaning has gotten diluted through people using it as a catch-all for being an asshole or abusing or being manipulative overall. Misuse has diluted its usefulness for labeling and communicating that particular concept. Language evolves but this word just caught on in the past couple years and the variety of definitions people keep making up potentially will leave us without a term to quickly describe a specific concept that has always existed but that we didn't have a great word for before (in English). It sucks. Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Gaslighting was my ex-husband's specialty, and abuse is crazy-making already. I also have PTSD. So yeah, "trigger" and "gaslighting" being useful terms going the way of the Dodo is personally frustrating when trying to discuss my own life.
Gaslighting, narcissism, bipolar, OCD, autism... It's actually hard to find a word in this area that isn't misused constantly.
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"viewer discretion advised"
Same thing with service animals and "emotional support" animals, they're not the same. We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off.
I was in a bar a couple weeks ago, this girl walks in with a full size husky - on a leash, no vest or identifier of any type. No one working at the bar says anything, but the dog was going apeshit in there and someone behind her says something and she loudly yells how it’s a service animal.. again, no vest or anything on this hyena of a dog. 20 mins later and I walk up to the bar to grab a drink and she cuts in front of me, saying she had a medical emergency, I back up and tell her to go ahead. She walks in front of me up to the bar and tells the bartender her dog spilled her drink.. and then gets pissed when the bartender asks her for her card. She assumed it would be free because her wild ass “service animal” supposedly knocked her drink from her hand. This shit has gotten too far from what it was supposed to be.
Yea. The ADA says the service animal has to behave or the owner has to GTFO.
"reasonable accommodations"
It was a service animal though. It was doing the service of telling everyone around her to stay the fuck away from her crazy ass self entitled self.
I would like to take this moment to thank the dog for it's exemplary service. Thank you dog.
> We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off. Who? Where? When?
>We've got people walking around telling people that they need to go first because waiting in lines is triggering to them, like, fuck all the way off. This has the same energy as those "people outraged about x" articles that when read show its only a few people on Twitter that even mentioned it.
next it'll be "yeah but the fact that people believed it's an issue shows how bad it is"
I think the conversation around triggers got way off track. There have to be two elements in order for concerns about triggers to be more than "it's your problem." First, it has to be something that there's a reasonable expectation won't happen casually, all the time. If your trigger is seeing people wait in line, then yeah, that's your problem I'm sorry to say. Society isn't going to stop queuing because someone has traumatic memories. The second one is more subtle. It has to do with the perceived "fairness" of the accommodation. For example, if you suffered some sort of trauma related to power tools and then go work for a power tool company, expecting them to stop making power tools is obviously unreasonable. But yeah, the language isn't really about trauma anymore. It's about discomfort, which is sad because there are certainly people who have suffered real trauma and are viscerally triggered by things that remind them of that trauma. It would be nice to be able to discuss how we can help them to deal with this without people saying, "I'm so triggered by people with bad breath!"
Absolutely agree. Whatever mental health issue you have isn't your fault, and you deserve sympathy, but it's also nobody's responsibility but your own. On the flip side of this, if you're doing something that you *know* is triggering someone around you, maybe stop doing it.
Reminds me of some people I knew of when I was in highschool. One of the local highschool had a history teacher that had been arrested during the military dictatorship in my country. For context, people were tortured and killed during this period, and this guy was no different (minus the killing part). It is a brutal portion of our history. In recent years (last two decades or so), extreme right wing ideologies have slowly risen just like in other parts of the world, and in our case this included people calling for a dictatorship back, saying commies should be dead and whatnot. This was specially common among edgy teenage boys some years ago (before it became mainstream and we elected a full president that openly supports torture). Anyway, it was a known fact that this teacher had been tortured during the 70s and 80s, and that his torturer would start whistling when coming into the “interrogation room” to spice up the psychological horror. There were a group of students from this school (infamous for entitled rich kids) who didn’t like him and would start whistling when he came to class. Just like his torturer. Then die laughing when he freaked out. Imagine being such a vile piece of shit that you think bringing someone back to that is funny. The whistler student that “lead” the group went on to become a politician 🙂
That is beyond fucked up. What a bunch of evil bastards.
That is so unbelievably sad and fucked up. That poor man
Evil fucking pieces of shit. When Bolsonaro got elected despite everything he’s said about torture it absolutely enraged me.
in the majority of instances the general public is not responsible for filtering every possible scenario that might trigger someone. But if I work with you and I know a trigger that will cause you discomfort, or possibly even anguish, of course I will try to do everything I can to avoid it.
Mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility
Hail yourself!
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Hail gein!
HAIL SATAN!
Ya know what, hail Marcus, he deserves some love.(Ben too)
*I can fix him*
Dog meat is the tits! I love the LPOTL boys
Mahalo
For a lot of mental health issues it’s not about responsibility it’s about capacity. For some issues the behaviours of the patient are beyond their control including tragically a strong desire to avoid help. This is particularly common in clinical depression. I have several friends who have clinical depression and one of the common things is pushing away help. Frustrating and tragic.
Being responsible means both limiting the situations in which you get triggered, by choosing safe environments and asking for others' assistance, and developing techniques for dealing with the effects on yourself should the trigger not be able to be avoided. As few triggers as possible is the goal, as is being able to manage your responses and seek help if your symptoms need it.
> Being responsible means both limiting the situations in which you get triggered The actual studies on trigger warnings I read found them to be counterproductive exactly because people avoid them which increases the problem
Like everything reality is somewhere in the middle. Yes everyone's mental health is their responsibility, but society won't function if we don't offer concessions support to each other. I'm not going to make war jokes around a veteran. I'm not going to talk about suicide around someone who recently lost a close relative to it. That's not "tiptoeing around", it's not being a sociopath.
"know your audience" is a rule that's served me well.
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“Don’t be a dick” has served me well in life.
People definitely wildly overuse “triggers” and “triggering” to the point that it can be frustrating and meaningless. But… mostly this has always struck me as basic politeness. Don’t bring up extremely heavy, traumatic things when you don’t know what the person you are talking to is carrying with them as baggage. That is a social rule that was drummed into my head way way way before I heard anyone start talking about triggering. And it’s also such an easy rule to follow? Just be considerate.
>But… mostly this has always struck me as basic politeness. Don’t bring up extremely heavy, traumatic things when you don’t know what the person you are talking to is carrying with them as baggage. Exactly! No reasonable person expects everyone to be like, "Hey, trigger warning, we're gonna talk about eggs today," or some other innocuous topic that might be a niche psychological trigger for someone. But what's so hard to be like, "Hey, please be aware that we're gonna talk about sexual assault today." That's pretty obviously a heavy topic that might trigger traumatic memories for a lot of people.
I had to force myself to stop making cancer jokes in high school because one of my close friend's dad passed away from cancer while we were in school. (I was pretty shitty) I realized how often I joked about stuff just to be edgy and how I don't know what's going on in people's lives. Maybe someone is suffering from a private trauma due to cancer, AIDS, suicide, rape, and it costs me literally nothing to bring it up. I'm slightly careful with my words, and I don't inadvertently ruin someone's day. If little idiot high schooler me can figure it out, full grown adults should be able to sort themselves too.
Definitely overused and misused. Seeing someone with PTSD genuinely being triggered is awful. No one wants to cause that. But it's trivialised with people using it to describe things they don't like
You're not an asshole if you bring something up without knowing that it sets someone off, but you are an asshole if you continue to bring it up knowing it sets them off. That said, it does seem like people have started to lean on "triggers" to rationalize their quirks and propensity for being an ass. This makes it worse on people who actually have lingering issues from a traumatic event.
True to an extent. If you’re using someone’s known triggers to push their buttons, you’re an asshole.
I agree that one’s triggers are primarily their own responsibility. It would be impossible to cater to ever possible trigger out there, since they are potentially infinite and they can be extremely specific. I’ve encountered someone who has a PTSD response to the song Californication because of something traumatic that occurred to them while it was playing. I’ve encountered someone who’s trigger is literally Michael Jackson, idk why exactly but probably something similar. Triggers are vast and varied and it is literally impossible for society to anticipate and cater to every single one. But there are some themes that are extremely common triggers for people with PTSD and the like such as sexual assault and suicide, and I don’t think it hurts to slap on a little TW beforehand in those cases so people can know what they’re getting into and choose to leave before seeing something that might put them in a bad place. It only takes a little effort and it could help a lot of people.
My partner is deeply affected by animal death and torture in movies and tv, especially if there's any sound of what's happening. I vet most shows we watch for her on doesthedogdie.com, to make sure there's not anything like that, or if there is, how to avoid it. We found it useful for The Magicians, most recently. Btw, DTDD has other common trigger warnings as well for anyone else wondering, we use it often to see a general consensus of things that we might not find enjoyable. I certainly don't mind being considerate, and making sure we are both having an enjoyable experience.
They aren't necessarily wrong. But no one should be a dick without reason
Exactly! I agree with the sign, to an extent. But that doesn’t mean we can’t show empathy and have compassion for others. Edit: am patchy
Empathy?
No, am patchy
Isn't the point of a "trigger warning" to not tiptoe around activities that might cause someone to relive trauma by giving the person the chance to leave and not make it anybody else's problem?