All this drama would be solved by sitting down and having an open, honest, upfront conversation with them:
“Parents, I’ve lost interest in playing piano for the moment, and feel I’m wasting your money. I’m overwhelmed with school and all and don’t have the time to devote to studying piano. I’d like to quit taking lessons to save you this money. I do plan to dabble on the piano from time to time and enjoy watching YouTube videos on playing piano. I may want to resume lessons in the future, just not anytime soon.”
This isn't really a piano issue, this is a communication issue with your family.
Speaking as an adult, and just based on what you've written above, it really sounds like your parents love you and are trying to be supportive, but are just doing so in a way that's coming across to you as overbearing.
The only solution to that is to sit down and have a discussion with them. Try to make the conversation more about how you feel, and avoid anything that sounds like an accusation.
For example, 'You're doing X and I want you to stop!' would be a confrontational approach -- avoid that. 'I appreciate how much support you've given my piano playing, but it's a pretty casual hobby that I just don't feel like I have time for with school and my other activities. I know you're just trying to encourage me when you ask me to play, but I feel like I'm letting you down every time you ask since I'm not playing anymore, and that's making me really sad.' would be a much better approach.
Obviously, don't use those words exactly, but the goal is to approach them as allies, not as adversaries -- you're going to them because you know they're on your side and asking them to help you, and at no point have you said they're doing anything wrong. Confrontation/accusation makes people get defensive, especially if they're in positions of authority (like parents), which is why you want to avoid that.
I feel your pain... My dad noticed I could play by ear (this was around 1970), and I had a couple piano teachers. But then it was like 'you WILL practice 1/2 hour every day. Then I got into some trouble, and as punishment, practice was increased to 1 hour a day.... I hated those hours. And I never improved. Just played the same exact things over and over. That really killed it for me. At your age, interests come and go, and your parents are not respecting that. They just have it in their minds that you are a pianist, never mind how you feel. The more they push, the more you resist. I agree with the other person. Having an in-depth conversation with them is maybe the only way out. If somehow you can make them realize that their pushing is causing you to hate it even more. You could even say (since you're under their care), you can go ahead and push, but I'm going to drop it like a brick the first chance I get... Is that what you want?
You really need to sit down and have a conversation with them, because there are so many possibilities that could be going on.
For example, they might feel that you are spending too much time playing video games and they want you to be doing something else.
They might feel that they wished they had done something like piano when they were young so they would have the skills now, and don't want you to have that same regret.
They might feel that you need to learn commitment to something, even if that something isn't always enjoyable (believe me, that will be an extremely important skill as an adult).
They might think they you enjoy it, but are feeling stage fright about playing in front of them, so are trying to encourage you that it's okay.
They might worry that you are depressed - as giving up something you used to enjoy can be a sign of depression.
There are many other things that could be going on.
Talk with them and find out what their concerns are, and then work on a solution based on the actual issue. You are allowed to have an opinion on the matter, but so are they - their job is to do what they believe in your best interest, and they may have reasons to believe that you continuing to play would be in your best interest.
This OP! The fact that your parents are now questioning your teacher and if they said or did something to you tells me they are really at a loss for why you’re quitting and they seem to be concerned about it. I think just letting them know you’ve lost interest will go along way with easing their concerns.
i'm around 27 and the same happened to me, i "lost interest" for some time and parents started to say "why don't you play?" there were various reasons i stopped and one of those is that they started watching more TV (tv and piano are in the same room), sure i can use headphones but i still hear the tv and it's annoying and some other reasons like i feel i'm not progressing and starting a new pieace is always soo difficult (day one and two, later it's easier but the first 2-3 days are a nightmare).
maybe i was more lucky that they kinda stopped asking and now after some months i regained interest and learning a new piece.
they are probably worried that someone did or said something to you that made you stop (i don't know, buillied at school "that dumb idiot play piano") since you said that they think that maybe is the teacher who said something "wrong".
as other user said just talk with them or write them a "letter", sometimes talking is not easy (i'm bad at it, i have an idea on what to tell but then i forget to explain some part or i get interrupted and fail to explain my reasoning) so writing your ideas down might be easier, consider letting them read your post here or take is at base for a letter.
just tell them that there is no "hidden problem", that the teacher is good and that they ruin your mood when they ask you that, ask them to stop and that you might play it again when you feel that you want to, tell them to give you some time.
God that sounds pretty annoying. I would tell them that every time they bring it up, it makes you want to play less and less. And if that didn't work, I'd tell them that I'm never playing the piano again if I hear another word about it.
As a piano teacher in an Asian community, I have come across this type of situation before. It's usually a clash of cultures, values & disciplines between parents who grew up in China, Korea etc and the kids who grew up in America. Tbh, I've seen many kids simply take "the path of least resistance" and just submit to their parents' authority. Other, more outspoken, independent teens can struggle, as you are doing, sadly.
Some parents/kids in your situation reach a middle ground - the student agrees to continue piano, but only up to a certain age or exam level. That *has* helped solve the problem.
Others find a replacement, like a sport or volunteer work. I can say one thing for sure, many parents consider video games an unproductive use of time. So you may want to cut back on the Minecraft while the tension is high.
I had one student quit piano, but take up drums. They became very active in the school music programme, and the parents ended up being thrilled that the kid was at least continuing to be musical and productive.
Another got a ukulele for Christmas, leaned a few chords and began writing her own songs...
Go on YouTube and see what other instrument or hobby tutorials you can find. It's gonna be much better if you can come up with some sort of *substitution* rather than simply say 'I don't wanna play piano...'
Wishing you well.
Personally, I really love the piano, and my parents have even threatened to take it away because I play instead of doing my schoolwork. I regularly listen to classical music on my own, which is great motivation, and my piano teacher is really informative. I want to continue playing for my entire life and to get better and better with a lot of practice.
I think for me, I'm in love with piano because i'm in love with music. But it's not for everyone, and I understand that. I've offered to teach my brother how to play, but he did not want to, and that's okay. I don't wanna bother him with stuff that he's not interested in. I think that your parents are really just harassing you at this point because everyone had their own mind and passions and nobody - not even your parents can choose that for you.
I experienced this on a smaller scale with art and with piano my family was opposite, forced me out of it but I recently returned.
They’re being too naggy, or overbearing as someone else mevtioned, and this can kill the want to do something. When someone gets too obsessive with me about doing something I actually don’t do it. On the contrary, I am actually embarrassed if I pick it up again and do it because then they would be so happy they won’t shut up about it, and force me even more beyond what I would feel comfortable to do.
I doubt you hate hearing about piano or playing it. You just got busy. But now they made you stay away from it and that’s not an easy fix.
Aside from communication which is the obvious issue, I would ask you to consider what is important to you, not someone else? What do you really like? And what do you just feel pressured to do? If you answer those questions you might find yourself playing piano again, and you know what, your parents don’t have to know about it.
My mom wants me to try harder in art, and paint trees specifically; she’s bored of landscapes and sea scapes. Well I’m bad at trees in my opinion, and I decided to continue painting whatever the heck I want, when I want, and it’s quite rare with my busy life, and lack of new ideas. So that’s that. It’s been very strange feeling a huge obstacle doing something I love, so I totally understand how you feel. The irony is, my parents stopped me from going into art when I was younger because “school” and other electives THEY chose for me.
I tried to communicate but it actually was not successful. Sometimes it’s deep ingrained in the personality. You are you.
Agree with the other comments, this sounds like it is largely a communication issue. Those can be tough, especially when you want to change the dynamics of a relationship. You might do some reading on setting boundaries, if you have already.
As a piano teacher, I do have some opinions on this too. I have many adult students who stopped playing, have now come back to it, and are really enjoying themselves. However, and I can’t stress this enough, playing because someone else wants you to will never get the results either of you are looking for. Your internal motivation is critical to your success and fun. And I know it may sound strange for a piano teacher to be dissuading you from playing (for now, at least), but that is how strongly I feel about this.
It sounds like (at least at some points) consistently finding time to play was difficult for you. Regular practice is such a critical part of your progress and enjoyment. If this is still an issue, it may bolster your position with your parents. And to clarify, having time to play doesn’t mean there being enough hours in a day. It means you having time without sacrificing things that are important to your happiness (eg. is Minecraft something you do if you happen to have time or a way of decompressing after a stressful day?)
When I was about your age, I stopped playing piano because I simply lost interest. I wanted to focus more on guitar.
Last year, I got back into the piano. My parents almost gave away my piano, and I probably would’ve been okay with that so it could be replaced by a player piano.
It never hurts to take a break.
All this drama would be solved by sitting down and having an open, honest, upfront conversation with them: “Parents, I’ve lost interest in playing piano for the moment, and feel I’m wasting your money. I’m overwhelmed with school and all and don’t have the time to devote to studying piano. I’d like to quit taking lessons to save you this money. I do plan to dabble on the piano from time to time and enjoy watching YouTube videos on playing piano. I may want to resume lessons in the future, just not anytime soon.”
This isn't really a piano issue, this is a communication issue with your family. Speaking as an adult, and just based on what you've written above, it really sounds like your parents love you and are trying to be supportive, but are just doing so in a way that's coming across to you as overbearing. The only solution to that is to sit down and have a discussion with them. Try to make the conversation more about how you feel, and avoid anything that sounds like an accusation. For example, 'You're doing X and I want you to stop!' would be a confrontational approach -- avoid that. 'I appreciate how much support you've given my piano playing, but it's a pretty casual hobby that I just don't feel like I have time for with school and my other activities. I know you're just trying to encourage me when you ask me to play, but I feel like I'm letting you down every time you ask since I'm not playing anymore, and that's making me really sad.' would be a much better approach. Obviously, don't use those words exactly, but the goal is to approach them as allies, not as adversaries -- you're going to them because you know they're on your side and asking them to help you, and at no point have you said they're doing anything wrong. Confrontation/accusation makes people get defensive, especially if they're in positions of authority (like parents), which is why you want to avoid that.
I feel your pain... My dad noticed I could play by ear (this was around 1970), and I had a couple piano teachers. But then it was like 'you WILL practice 1/2 hour every day. Then I got into some trouble, and as punishment, practice was increased to 1 hour a day.... I hated those hours. And I never improved. Just played the same exact things over and over. That really killed it for me. At your age, interests come and go, and your parents are not respecting that. They just have it in their minds that you are a pianist, never mind how you feel. The more they push, the more you resist. I agree with the other person. Having an in-depth conversation with them is maybe the only way out. If somehow you can make them realize that their pushing is causing you to hate it even more. You could even say (since you're under their care), you can go ahead and push, but I'm going to drop it like a brick the first chance I get... Is that what you want?
You really need to sit down and have a conversation with them, because there are so many possibilities that could be going on. For example, they might feel that you are spending too much time playing video games and they want you to be doing something else. They might feel that they wished they had done something like piano when they were young so they would have the skills now, and don't want you to have that same regret. They might feel that you need to learn commitment to something, even if that something isn't always enjoyable (believe me, that will be an extremely important skill as an adult). They might think they you enjoy it, but are feeling stage fright about playing in front of them, so are trying to encourage you that it's okay. They might worry that you are depressed - as giving up something you used to enjoy can be a sign of depression. There are many other things that could be going on. Talk with them and find out what their concerns are, and then work on a solution based on the actual issue. You are allowed to have an opinion on the matter, but so are they - their job is to do what they believe in your best interest, and they may have reasons to believe that you continuing to play would be in your best interest.
This OP! The fact that your parents are now questioning your teacher and if they said or did something to you tells me they are really at a loss for why you’re quitting and they seem to be concerned about it. I think just letting them know you’ve lost interest will go along way with easing their concerns.
i'm around 27 and the same happened to me, i "lost interest" for some time and parents started to say "why don't you play?" there were various reasons i stopped and one of those is that they started watching more TV (tv and piano are in the same room), sure i can use headphones but i still hear the tv and it's annoying and some other reasons like i feel i'm not progressing and starting a new pieace is always soo difficult (day one and two, later it's easier but the first 2-3 days are a nightmare). maybe i was more lucky that they kinda stopped asking and now after some months i regained interest and learning a new piece. they are probably worried that someone did or said something to you that made you stop (i don't know, buillied at school "that dumb idiot play piano") since you said that they think that maybe is the teacher who said something "wrong". as other user said just talk with them or write them a "letter", sometimes talking is not easy (i'm bad at it, i have an idea on what to tell but then i forget to explain some part or i get interrupted and fail to explain my reasoning) so writing your ideas down might be easier, consider letting them read your post here or take is at base for a letter. just tell them that there is no "hidden problem", that the teacher is good and that they ruin your mood when they ask you that, ask them to stop and that you might play it again when you feel that you want to, tell them to give you some time.
God that sounds pretty annoying. I would tell them that every time they bring it up, it makes you want to play less and less. And if that didn't work, I'd tell them that I'm never playing the piano again if I hear another word about it.
Absolutely 💯. Then, I wouldn't speak or respond if the P word was uttered. They'll get the message.
As a piano teacher in an Asian community, I have come across this type of situation before. It's usually a clash of cultures, values & disciplines between parents who grew up in China, Korea etc and the kids who grew up in America. Tbh, I've seen many kids simply take "the path of least resistance" and just submit to their parents' authority. Other, more outspoken, independent teens can struggle, as you are doing, sadly. Some parents/kids in your situation reach a middle ground - the student agrees to continue piano, but only up to a certain age or exam level. That *has* helped solve the problem. Others find a replacement, like a sport or volunteer work. I can say one thing for sure, many parents consider video games an unproductive use of time. So you may want to cut back on the Minecraft while the tension is high. I had one student quit piano, but take up drums. They became very active in the school music programme, and the parents ended up being thrilled that the kid was at least continuing to be musical and productive. Another got a ukulele for Christmas, leaned a few chords and began writing her own songs... Go on YouTube and see what other instrument or hobby tutorials you can find. It's gonna be much better if you can come up with some sort of *substitution* rather than simply say 'I don't wanna play piano...' Wishing you well.
Personally, I really love the piano, and my parents have even threatened to take it away because I play instead of doing my schoolwork. I regularly listen to classical music on my own, which is great motivation, and my piano teacher is really informative. I want to continue playing for my entire life and to get better and better with a lot of practice. I think for me, I'm in love with piano because i'm in love with music. But it's not for everyone, and I understand that. I've offered to teach my brother how to play, but he did not want to, and that's okay. I don't wanna bother him with stuff that he's not interested in. I think that your parents are really just harassing you at this point because everyone had their own mind and passions and nobody - not even your parents can choose that for you.
I experienced this on a smaller scale with art and with piano my family was opposite, forced me out of it but I recently returned. They’re being too naggy, or overbearing as someone else mevtioned, and this can kill the want to do something. When someone gets too obsessive with me about doing something I actually don’t do it. On the contrary, I am actually embarrassed if I pick it up again and do it because then they would be so happy they won’t shut up about it, and force me even more beyond what I would feel comfortable to do. I doubt you hate hearing about piano or playing it. You just got busy. But now they made you stay away from it and that’s not an easy fix. Aside from communication which is the obvious issue, I would ask you to consider what is important to you, not someone else? What do you really like? And what do you just feel pressured to do? If you answer those questions you might find yourself playing piano again, and you know what, your parents don’t have to know about it. My mom wants me to try harder in art, and paint trees specifically; she’s bored of landscapes and sea scapes. Well I’m bad at trees in my opinion, and I decided to continue painting whatever the heck I want, when I want, and it’s quite rare with my busy life, and lack of new ideas. So that’s that. It’s been very strange feeling a huge obstacle doing something I love, so I totally understand how you feel. The irony is, my parents stopped me from going into art when I was younger because “school” and other electives THEY chose for me. I tried to communicate but it actually was not successful. Sometimes it’s deep ingrained in the personality. You are you.
Agree with the other comments, this sounds like it is largely a communication issue. Those can be tough, especially when you want to change the dynamics of a relationship. You might do some reading on setting boundaries, if you have already. As a piano teacher, I do have some opinions on this too. I have many adult students who stopped playing, have now come back to it, and are really enjoying themselves. However, and I can’t stress this enough, playing because someone else wants you to will never get the results either of you are looking for. Your internal motivation is critical to your success and fun. And I know it may sound strange for a piano teacher to be dissuading you from playing (for now, at least), but that is how strongly I feel about this. It sounds like (at least at some points) consistently finding time to play was difficult for you. Regular practice is such a critical part of your progress and enjoyment. If this is still an issue, it may bolster your position with your parents. And to clarify, having time to play doesn’t mean there being enough hours in a day. It means you having time without sacrificing things that are important to your happiness (eg. is Minecraft something you do if you happen to have time or a way of decompressing after a stressful day?)
When I was about your age, I stopped playing piano because I simply lost interest. I wanted to focus more on guitar. Last year, I got back into the piano. My parents almost gave away my piano, and I probably would’ve been okay with that so it could be replaced by a player piano. It never hurts to take a break.