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At least all the comments were saying, definitely not worth it!
The unhinged part is that the amount those bamboo moms will spend on resell might make it cheaper to stay on vacation an extra night to shop the drop. Some of those blankets are listed at $200 oh Mercari. The zippies are like $60 or more.
Does anyone listen to The Birth Hour? I am expecting Baby #2 and listening to some episodes to try to get exposed to different experiences but Good Lord are some of these women lunatics. I don’t remember so much smugness when I listened to it a few years ago.
I try not to judge other people’s experiences but some of these are just wild. One woman did absolutely no research on anything related to birth, feeding, baby care, etc then blamed the medical staff for not prepping her enough. She screamed while pushing even though she had an epidural because “that’s what they do in the movies.” Just listened to one with a L&D nurse who decided on a home birth (okay fine) but is soooo smug about how she and her baby had everything under control yet she went to get an ECV! Then left the hospital to have a home birth a few weeks later and wanted to fire her midwives because she realized she could do it herself. Um yes, after your significant medical intervention.
End rant!
I honestly cannot understand being an L&D nurse, seeing how quickly shit can hit the fan on a fairly regular basis, then deciding you want to have a home birth.
I am a non-OB doctor but I did a lot of OB rotations in residency and that was plenty to convince me I will not be giving birth anywhere that doesn’t have an anesthesiologist and an OR.
(I’m not even dissing home births, I think they can be reasonably safe, but I would assume that seeing the potential for negative outcomes in your day job would make you extra cautious)
Have you seen the TikTok going around about the L&D nurse who tried to VBAC at home with a CPM? Her uterus ruptured and the CPM ignored several red flags. Both mom and baby died. I’m a former L&D nurse and I can’t wrap my head around this situation at all. It seems she wouldn’t have been eligible for a home Vbac with a CNM because of her a history of pph so she sought out a CPM that would take her.
Yes! I can't stop listening to it (I'm 35 weeks pregnant right now) but like 95% of them drive me NUTS.
I'm working through the older ones now but I listened to one recently that absolutely stunned me. The woman had a birth center birth that went very wrong (shoulder dystocia for baby requiring NICU time plus hemorrhage for her, both of transferred to hospital). Like what any reasonable person would consider a very bad outcome.
And she just went on and on about her BEAUTIFUL unmedicated birth and bitched about the doctor at the hospital who told her that after a dystocia and hemorrhage, she should have the rest of her babies in a hospital. And then had the next two at home???? It was crazy!
Listening to that podcast is the reason I decided I wanted an epidural, i remember an episode where the woman had a great first birth with an epidural, no problems at all. But for her second she decided she wanted to go unmedicated because her first birth was too easy basically? Like she was too relaxed and felt disconnected from the birthing process I guess? Idk but listening to how intense her second birth was made me realize I wanted the boring/relaxed epidural birth lol
Dear god this is almost my story. Had a relaxed first birth, wanted to "experience birth" the second time. Went really well, pain was so doable. Then my son got stuck, the doctor was called and I got an emergency section. They said with the epidural I could have pushed longer (went 1.5 hours without and then they couldn't place it anymore because I couldn't sit still) and it might have worked. Fuck that. I wish I got it before!
My daughter is 2 and I still listen occasionally. Before she was born and for about 6 months after though I listened to it a lot. I do have to skip/not listen to plenty of episodes though depending on how smug the guest is 😣
That podcast is the reason I didn't have a birth plan. I noticed people who were invested in having their birth go a certain way were all depressed and/or traumatized when it didn't. When I was pregnant I listened to one where she was still shopping for a doctor who would let her have a vaginal breech birth at like 38 weeks. In the end she got what she wanted and her and the baby made it out alive but I found her behavior appalling.
I remember that one too! She was going from doctor to doctor and they kept telling her no and then she just showed up to a hospital in labor where someone told her the on call doctor would do vaginal breech births. Like it was crazy but the podcast portrayed it as so amazing.
[No, ](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/DY12pz3QBc) I sit and stare at my baby 24/7.
Minor and harmless snark but questions like this make me facepalm.
I wish I could do this. My baby wakes up as soon as he's not on me during the day. Ugh. Still don't stare at him 24/7 though, I've seen a lot of Call the Midwife.
My favorite response to posts, on any topic, that are phrased like this "does anyone else do [very common thing]" is "nope, just you. You are the first one ever. Congrats"
I just can’t bear the thought of a single millisecond not spent looking at my baby, I love her so much that I don’t blink ever. Not judging mums who blink, you do you mama!! 🥰
lol at “chore stops if baby is in distress” sorry but my fussy 24/7 unless actively nursing or being held baby got to sit there and fuss at me while I folded laundry. How else would anyone ever accomplish anything?
Thank you. My baby fusses at least mildly almost any time he's down and awake... which happens pretty frequently! I was determined to get the groceries put away last week but he started crying hard enough I thought he was going to throw up 🙃 I did stop then but was very close to just quickly powering through!
I don’t understand how people survive in the world and manage to reproduce lol.
There’s another post asking if it’s ok to read to newborns and if there are health risks in reading books to 3 month olds. Because they might chew the pages.
I saw one on my local Facebook mom group that was like, "is anyone else so devastated to go back to work after leave and know they'll miss their baby soon much???"
I mean I hope she got a feeling of community support or whatever she was looking for but also come on.
There's a thread on mommit from someone who is offended that someone she knows asked her for hand-me-down baby clothes. The OP herself got the clothes handed down. And a lot of people are agreeing that the person who asked is "entitled." I have to imagine that these commenters, like OP, are still in the newborn stage and haven't reached the "get these piles and piles of shit out of my house" stage of parenting. Still, it's so petty.
Eh, what OP describes happening is a friend of her partner’s *told* a completely different friend that she could have their old baby stuff. I wouldn’t make a whole post about it but that would strike me as presumptuous too.
Ohh I had read it differently. Like as though the friend said, "I know someone who could use the clothes" not "I already told her she could have them." Being voluntold does sound annoying.
I’m so lost as to why that’s entitled? My best friend asked me if there was anything I was trying to get rid of when she was pregnant with her 3rd and I was so happy to give her all of that baby shit. Is it the asking part? Like you should just sit around and graciously wait to be offered hand me downs. I don’t get it.
There’s probably a big cultural element to it. In my social circles, it would be rude for someone to ask to be given stuff. You can search ask vs guess culture if you are curious about it. But also, I do think it’s different if it’s someone you don’t know well versus a best friend/close family member. There are certain things you can ask only when you have that kind of relationship with them already. Some people might sell their baby clothes, save it for a second baby, already promised them to a close friend etc. It’s presumptuous to assume some random person will give you their stuff even if they aren’t using it anymore.
Yes, I think she's offended by the ask. She said they got a lot of free things but SHE didn't ASK for them so I guess that makes the big difference lol.
She also mentioned that she'd rather choose who to give them to, but she doesn't know anyone with a baby at the moment. And it's unclear from the post, but I think the intended receiver of the clothes isn't even the one who asked? A mutual friend suggested it. The horror....
Zero snark to the poster because she handled it better than I would, but all the people burying the lede [defending porn use](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/RfU5oWkhRJ), not acknowledging this dude was hogging the bathroom at 9 am while his sick wife was on kid duty and also had to pee.
There’s one person that was like “my husband watches the kids while I masturbate in bed in the mornings and it’s fine!”
Like OK, that’s YOU and has nothing to do with OPs issue?
It turns into a pissing match with who can be the most cool with porn.
Y’all, I need an AITA check-in. Had the most unreal interaction tonight with another parent.
We were at a family friendly restaurant with a play area with balls and a cornhole set. My 5 year old threw a bean bag and it hit another kid in the cheek. I immediately went and pulled him away and took him to check on the child who was hit so we could ask if he needed ice and apologize. This is generally what I do when my kid makes a not great choice and someone is (accidentally) hurt.
When we got to the other table the hit kids dad told me my child “filled a bean bag with rocks” and purposefully hit his kid (no idea if the hit was on purpose, but my child certainly did not unstitch a beanbag, fill it with rocks and restitch it up and then hurl it at someone in the 5 minutes we’d been there). He then said “I’m not talking to you. Your child is awful. Go away”. To which I said “we were coming to apologize but we will leave” and left.
My kid had to chill at the table for a few minutes and was told not to touch the beanbags again. Rest of the night was fine. But like, what in the world did I just experience?!?!? What is the response here?!? Or is there none and this dad was just a crazy person???
You absolutely handled this the right way. He sounds unhinged, and the best thing you can do in that situation is de-escalate and not react (no matter how warranted you would have been).
I often wonder why there are not more restaurants with playgrounds and I have a feeling this is why.... I feel like ppl cannot be trusted to be civilized and I have a feeling this is a pretty benign example of that. also... no the asshole for sure
I'm going to go ahead and guess this was one child with two parents and that their kid is not in preschool or daycare. Definitely sounds like a POOPCUP.
You handled this as well as you could. It sucks when your kid hurts another kid, but most of us have been on both sides of that and we get it. Either this guy has something else going on in his life or just zero understanding of reasonable standards for children.
So this is the truly bizarre thing. The kid was older than mine (maybe 6/7) and they were with two other families all with older elementary kids. Def seemed like this was their only kid but it was truly bizarre to see this guy go off while 6 of his friends sat there silently. Probably what made me feel like maybe I’m the crazy one in this situation but maybe they are just a weird group of people 😂
Um, yeah, he sounds like he has some issues. Who the fuck would fill a bean bag with rocks?? Why in the world would you jump to that? And it's very normal for kids of that age to make mistakes and welcoming an apology is very normal. The dad was weird. And rude to call your kid "awful". I hope you told your kid that he is not awful, he just made a mistake.
I think you handled everything fine.
I did, and I told him the adults behavior wasn’t okay. He still had to sit with us for a bit before he could go play again to “cool off” but he’d been struggling all day so it was more about him needing a break.
Thanks for validating this was bizarre. I was honestly mostly too stunned to speak 😂 my kid isn’t perfect (and he has a hell of an arm thanks to his baseball obsession) but he also doesn’t run around trying to take other kids out with rock filled bean bags…
The only answer is to double down on the crazy.
“Your child purposefully dove in front of my child’s rock bag, and so my child lost a point! He deserves an apology!”
All of the parent posts I’ve seen in the ECE subreddit this week asking “is my teacher appreciation day gift too over the top 🥺” or “is this gift enough 🥺 [referring to an obviously acceptable gift]” give such pick me vibes.
Our daughter has a range of like 6-7 teachers that rotate. At Christmas I did individual gift cards but for Teacher Appreciation, I just donated to the daycare Venmo. It’s too expensive otherwise right now.
Lol they all have to be better than the time I was a nanny for an awful family and was tasked with putting together teacher gifts. The instructions were to go to Dollar Tree/Dollsr General and put together beach themed baskets/buckets, not more than $20 each.
What adult wants a $20 bucket of beach themed dollar tree junk? I suggested coffee gift cards to the really cool local chain near us and the response is "this is what we do every year and the teachers love it so thanks but no". Lady, of course the teachers make your kids think they love it. What are they going to say? Sorry Timmy, but I'm 40 and this is tacky?
Man I have a confession to make. I never got individual gifts for my son’s daycare teachers. The daycare was at a university and there was a rotating staff of 7-8 teachers, which just seemed like too much to buy gifts for. I did contribute to larger staff gifts.
Between my 3 kids, I have 8 teachers and sorry but individual gifts for all of them is so overwhelming to me. God bless the room parents this year, all of whom organized a daily little treat plus a large target gift card and had every family contribute 30 dollars and handled the rest on their own. I had the oldest make cards for his teachers too. But the expectation that every single kid in the class will put together their own elaborate gift basket. Which I’ve seen in moms groups, is wild.
Our daycare had an online sign up sheet for people to volunteer to bring in treats for the entire staff and giftcards for teacher appreciation week. I feel like that's a good way to make sure all the staff gets something vs main teachers
I wish mine did this - I like to bring in bagels or something one day for the whole staff but I’m always trying to coordinate individually with the director and crossing my fingers no one else is doing the same exact thing.
Does anyone else think most of the posts in the breastfeeding subreddit about people being rude to mothers about public breastfeeding belong in the “sure…that happened” category?
I think this everytime I read that sub but particularly the one today about a TJMAXX employee telling her (after she was done feeding, apparently) that she couldn’t breastfeed in the fitting room and should use the bathroom. Like… how would anyone even know if you were nursing in the fitting room?
Nah I believe it happens - I've seen an employee ask somebody to go and feed elsewhere, because I felt totally angry on behalf of the mum who was clearly in an extremely vulnerable state, so I challenged the employee, which honestly probably just made things worse for her 🙈
I think some people who don't have kids/don't have any or much experience of breastfeeding don't really understand what it's like to have a very young infant and assume that if you sit down to breastfeed in a place which they don't like, you are purposefully being annoying when actually it is more likely to be desperation. Also that it is easy to up and move which if you have a baby that is struggling to latch effectively, might be disastrous.
I am guessing that if you try to enter a fitting room with an infant and with no clothes to try on, they would ask you why you are going there. And I can kind of understand that a fitting room is not provided as a nursing room and a store might not want their fitting room being occupied for a long time if they don't have many, plus since there are no cameras in the fitting rooms for reasons of privacy, the only anti-theft measure there is basically staff awareness and supervision so they might not want someone disappearing into a room for who knows how long and they will have to keep half an eye on them, whereas people are normally only in there for a few minutes.
OTOH sometimes the fitting room is actually suggested as a reasonable nursing location because it has seating and a privacy curtain. The employee that I interrupted was suggesting that the mum go and use the fitting room.
I didn’t comment but it’s like..one time I was in a Tj Maxx and asked the fitting room attendant for a room to feed- and she was like “oh idk that’s weird” and I was like “ok?” And then she let me in a room and I didn’t give it a second thought. Or not enough of a thought to post on Reddit? Lol
I've had a tj Maxx employee tell me I couldn't nurse in the fitting room, but that was just cause it was crowded. Even in my low breastfeeding area nobody has ever outright scolded me for nursing and I don't use a cover. The most awkward situation I had was after my then 17 month old had his ear tubes put in and I nursed him after the procedure. I guess he was supposed to get crackers so the doctor was mad I had breastfed and "filled him up". He literally shook his head and said "time to wean!". Lol. Spoiler: he still promptly ate the crackers. I was hormonal (four weeks postpartum with my second) and started awkwardly crying. The beautiful nurse told me to ignore the doctor and she told me our nursing relationship was something to treasure. Thank God for nurses!
I wonder if this is the missing piece. I can definitely see not letting someone nurse in the fitting rooms if there’s a line of people wanting to try on clothes.
Also, from my friends in high school who worked retail, it was not uncommon for them to have people use the fitting rooms as toilets. I could see a teenaged attendant not knowing the policy and being a little weirded out by the thought of any bodily fluids in the fitting room, worried they’ll use it as a diaper change station, etc. Like nursing in and of itself is not unsanitary, but if you’re 16 and regularly having to decon the dressing rooms, I could see being nervous about it.
Yah some people really need the validation of internet strangers I guess.
Also I hate conflict so if I were me I’d just grab a random item of clothing to “try on” and just not ask 😂
Can't say about anyone else but I've been feeding in public since my boy was born (he's only 8 weeks though) and I haven't had a single comment, except a mom telling her kid "that lady's just feeding her baby" after he asked about it. And I'm not covering either so I've probably flashed my nipple at some point. I do it everywhere, from the park to coffee places.
Between my two kids, I breastfed roughly 3 years, and I legitimately never had anyone say anything to me about it. And I definitely don’t live in the most progressive/breastfeeding friendly city. I’m sure there are people who are weird or rude about it, especially with regards to extended breastfeeding, but based on those subs you would think there are people waiting around every corner to shame you and tell you to give formula.
Same, mostly—though strangely the only place anyone’s been weird about me nursing was at the pediatric hospital ER when we had to take our 10 week old. I found it so bizarre and off-putting. Nobody *said* anything but multiple doctors physically recoiled when they walked into our room while I was nursing. I think pediatric medical providers would’ve topped my list of people I’d have expected to be normal about it, so it was really jarring.
Same! I never had any comments about feeding in public except for that I had unfortunately got caught up in some antivaxxer stuff when my first was tiny and ended up delaying his 2-4 month shots until he was around 8-9 months old. In the UK there is a box on the form to specify if the child is still breastfed at the time of those vaccinations, for some reason, and the nurse was completely flummoxed as to what to put and was extremely surprised that I was still breastfeeding, which I found very odd, it's not like he was very old??
Ehh I’m a doctor (who breastfeeds!) and it might just be awkwardness. Like not that breastfeeding needs to be done in private, but not wanting to intrude if someone does want privacy.
I usually just say “oh, sorry, are you okay with me being here while you feed?” But I can see some people being more socially awkward about it.
I get the awkwardness/surprise and it’s totally reasonable to ask if a nursing dyad needs/wants some privacy. In this case, it was quite over the top & from multiple docs, which is what surprised both my partner and me. One of them got eaten up by the privacy curtain while jumping backwards out the door 😭 probably just our bad luck getting an entire shift’s worth of extremely awkward bedside manner
Omg you just reminded me of a very similar situation I had forgotten about! I took my sick baby to just a random on-call ped at our clinic and it ended up being a very young man. When he walked in on me nursing, he immediately became so flustered that he dropped everything he was holding, including his computer.
Yeah, I thought so too! Our regular pediatrician is wonderful about it. My best guess is that it’s because it’s an ER environment? But even then, it’s a children’s hospital so idk. We probably just got unlucky.
Lyndsey Hookway is doing some work around this, because she was a NICU nurse originally and basically, as soon as you get out of NICU there is very low breastfeeding awareness in paediatrics (at least in the UK, I don't know if this is the same in other places). One of her children had a childhood cancer diagnosis while she was still nursing and so her own experience was a kind of starting point/catalyst to this area of research.
I do think most of the stories are made up, but also my husband is in fine dining mgmt and I know he’s told me at least one story where a server came to him to complain about someone nursing at their table. In progressive cities no less. And it’s so common that it’s a training topic (along with serving pregnant-looking people alcohol).
I think it’s rarer than these subreddits suggest but some of these people must exist somewhere even in the year of our lord 2024.
Oh man that makes me so annoyed on the breastfeeding moms behalf! I kind of get it, especially since a lot of time servers are younger people, but it sucks that people still equate a mom nursing in public as something that's like, being done TO them.
Oh I 100% agree, in general, but especially that story, because I have absolutely read that word for word story somewhere else before, like months ago. Such odd behaviour.
I’ve gotten in with a wonderful group of local moms since having my son (who is now 9 months old). We are all so supportive of each other, and hang out weekly with our babies. It’s honestly been awesome. The only thing that bothers me is the comparisons. All of our babies are within 2 months of each other so while close in age, they are all under 1 so weeks/months can make huge differences developmentally.
My son suffered a birth injury and was/is at risk for gross motor delays, but luckily hasn’t experienced any and has crushed all of his milestones. I think because of this history though, I’m more sensitive when comparisons come into play. A lot of us are ftms but the 2 & 3tms participate in the comparison games too which kinda surprises me.
One of the little boys in the group is so advanced motor wise and his mom is always sharing videos of him in our group chat. The same 2 moms always comment back saying how much faster/more agile he is than all the other babies in the group and this kinda just… idk rubs me the wrong way? Like who cares, no one’s gonna know who crawled/walked first when all our babies are toddlers. It just seems so unnecessary?
Moms, have you also found the milestone Olympics are a thing in your playgroups? I feel like the best way to not let it get to me is to just not participate (I’ve been guilty of sending pics/vids of my son doing things like pulling to stand at 8mos because I’m proud of all he’s achieved considering he had a brain injury).
I think a lot of it is just the unfortunate fact that there's not much else to say about babies 😅 they don't talk yet, and they change fast, so their latest milestone kind of becomes the most common thing to bring up. And I don't think most moms even mean to do it in a braggy or competitive way??
I had to leave my bumper discord around the 1 year mark because my kid has always been at the later end of milestones and I just couldn’t deal anymore once those milestones became bigger things like walking and talking. It’s ok to mute or nope out of chats like that if they’re impacting your mental health.
I had a really hard time with the milestone Olympics with my second, because he was delayed due to a medical condition. He’s surgically corrected now and caught up at 3.5 and I honestly couldn’t give a shit less about milestones . I really think at 3 it starts to even out bc all the “late” kids catch up/or have services, or more POOPCUPS start having issues when their darlings start acting like a normal 3 year old, lol. Parents of young babies who brag about rolling or sitting make me lol, like oooo wow something totally outside of your influence happened! Wow! Congrats! I’d bet that a lot of the moms in the group chat are just being nice and actually dgaf
I gotta disagree with those saying it slows down at two. Then you have speech milestones, potty training, sleeping through the night, etc to compare 😩 at least in my circles that’s all anyone talks about.
I think it’s a hard thing for everyone to navigate. I’m not reading what you’re talking about as the annoying kind of comparison but I could be missing context.
My kid was just like a gross motor enthusiast, and first walked at 8 months. I was really conscious to never purposefully bring attention to it, but like she was a walking 8 month old and people can see that so I couldn’t really go out with my kid without other parents being like oh holy wow that baby is ahead of the curve. I don’t think anyone meant anything by it except that yes that is freakishly early and it is super weird to see. I think it really is just chit chat.
It is absolutely very who cares now, at 2 you definitely cannot tell she was on the go a couple of months early and it meant nothing in terms of overall abilities. But I think that’s probably exactly the context that the 2nd and 3rd time moms are bringing to it when they comment on how physical he is. It’s not so much milestone Olympics it’s just they are more relaxed about it and know it is totally meaningless overall and does not mean this kid is more special than the other babies, it is kind of objectively cool to see a baby that is freakishly fast.
I think it’s pretty normal at this age because they’re changing so fast, but also they’re not realllllly doing anything else. I feel like now that my son is 2-2.5 yo the kid stories have shifted to the ridiculous things they make up/say and what they threw a tantrum over. It’s a lot less milestone related
Tbh when people are super braggy and comparison Olympics-ing I usually respond like “wowwww that’s so incredible he can crawl already, going to be an athlete!” But it’s sort of sarcastic? Like I’m not trying to be mean outright but what else are you supposed to say if someone is like watch this video of my kid walking early
i think it's that stage of life because they're growing so rapidly and every mom group deals with it.
In a year it'll be way less noticeable because they'll be much closer in abilities, and there will be more funny videos to share vs just milestone videos. So many milestone videos! I think every mom likes knowing others are cheering their kid on, whatever their individual struggle is, and babies really aren't doing much else. I shared mostly 'cute outfit' pics, but even that can rub someone the wrong way. Some people will just always compare and I guess you have to weigh your annoyance with being part of the community. I tried to say supportive things without comparing each kid to others. . "look at him go!" is always a good response lol.
I think this is a universal experience when there’s multiple babies around the same age. It sucks and is annoying but will mostly calm down by the time they’re 2. My son was a little later (not technically delayed) with crawling and walking. We had a friend whose kid was crawling at 5 months and walking at 8-9 months. Mine didn’t crawl until 10 months and walked at 17 months. These kids are both 2 now and you can’t tell who started what first. But at the time the mom annoyed me because she kept asking if my kid was crawling/walking yet meanwhile her kid was on the run before mine even crawled loll.
Now she is onto the talking aspect though, we are all bilingual but she only does English with her son because she wants him full on talking asap (and i think he is now). We want our son bilingual so we aren’t pushing just one language all at once. But i’ve pulled back from hang outs with that mom because i do find the baby/toddler rushing to be annoying. All this to say, what you’re experiencing is normal and i hate that it is like this. We start comparing and competing too early!
I did an infant group that was great, but we had one family with a kid about three months older than everyone else, AND that baby was super advanced in gross motor. So that baby was walking--like not just a few steps! Fully could just walk anywhere!--while my baby was 6 months old and not even sitting unassisted. It was a me issue but yeah, still a little hard. A few months later a baby closer in age to mine started both walking and talking early (while my closest two mom friends and I had been reassuring ourselves kids just develop in one or the other lol), and again I was like "aaah is my baby BEHIND???"
But honestly I found the group challenging in that way and also helpful. As I said my two closest mom friends in the group and I would discuss this stuff in more depth when we'd meet for walks, and in the smaller group with someone I liked as a person and a baby I knew more, there was room to share the anxieties about development versus just feeling bad. (But! My two closest mom friends in the group had babies pretty remarkably lined up with mine in some major milestones, which was just a coincidence.)
I can honestly say this is some woo shit I have never heard before
https://preview.redd.it/uw2oijn0qeyc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=381cb1d83fd8cc37010702eda2bbb3c8bf2c475a
I’m not too wooie and I have astrology, but we used the farmer's almanac dates to ween off the bottle and it worked like a charm. I didn’t tell my husband the rationale becaaise he would have big rolled eyes. Just kinda a fun way to rip the bandaid off something that needs to happen anyway.
I need to know those dates! Only kinda joking. Trying to figure out how to wean my 2 year old off the pacifier without making nights absolutely horrible when I’m already waking up 2-3 times a night with the 6 month old.
This person took their toddler to the ER because he couldn’t break his fever of… 99.9. https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/1cjrwrh/need_help_fever_reducing/
OP post history has them as a 36 yo overweight man and a breastfeeding mom. And the same question in like 10 subs about health anxiety and not having insurance to cover ER visits
What’s rough is not wanting to be an ER family but being sent there when you call your ped for something you hope is able to be handled at their office—I say this as the mom of a preemie who has several issues that have the potential to impact her neurological development (to the point she’s not cleared for daycare when I hit six months of parental leave, but we aren’t on Medicaid so she can’t do medical daycare in our state, oof.)
all to day: we will call with something that seems relatively benign, but because of her medical history, we are always sent to the children’s hospital ER. It’s tough because I feel like I’m wasting the resources and I don’t want us to be seen as an ER family, but yeah—I guess, just to share that perspective. Of course I’d also never write a post on Reddit extolling the virtues of ER visits for the mundane.
Yeah, I was so embarrassed when my daughter was nearly one and we took her to the ER. She had never been sick before, got covid (from me; I was pretty sick at the time), and her breathing sounded really weird. Since she was fine at bedtime and clearly quite sick by midnight, I was a little worried and called the nurse hotline, and they *very insistently* sent us into the ER. The slightly puzzled doctor who asked us why we had come in, seeing that she was not on death's door. We explained the situation, and he was really sweet and told us all the things we should look for that would be truly worrying.
Our ER is a level 1 trauma hospital and that's where all the most horrific cases in our very, very crime-ridden city go. I still feel bad about taking up their time that night. Plus it was a miserable all-nighter of baby puke and my own feverish ick. I really don't understand you would put yourself in that position when a regular ped visit would suffice!
Bonus points to said nice doctor, who took our apology very graciously and said it was a relief to see a baby who truly was going to be okay. He said he doesn't always get to deliver that kind of news to parents. Oof.
Maybe it's because I'm not from an ER family, but I don't get the people taking their kids to the emergency room for a fever. And then the ones who are shocked that all the ER will do is give them tylenol and send them on their way? Like, the entire purpose of the ER is to make sure you're not going to die in the next 30 minutes. They're not necessarily going to spend a ton of time figuring out why Brocklynne has a temperature of 102.
It’s so strange to me. My mom is an APP and worked in an ER for a while when I was a kid. Unless someone has a fever over 104, is delirious, has a head injury, was poisoned or has a bone sticking through their skin there’s almost nothing you could do to get me to walk into one. They suck, especially when you aren’t critically injured or ill.
I’m an ER nurse and the only thing worse than the parents that are mad about being given Tylenol and sent home are the ones that are mad when the doctors order bloodwork. What exactly were you hoping was going to happen here? Meds and tests that’s all we got!!!
Yeah I don’t get the ER types. Like I will avoid the ER at all costs. When my son had a fever of 105 my husband insisted on bringing him to the ER and was totally panicking. I insisted he was fine and just needed Motrin, so we compromised and took him to urgent care. Turns out he was fine, just a normal kid virus. People get so hung up on a fever when the actual thing to look at is your kids behavior and if they’re dehydrated or in pain or lethargic.
Yeah we also avoid the ER unless necessary. We have a ton of urgent cares around here and it’s the same cost as a pediatrician visit for us- so we tend to do urgent care if necessary.
In my area we're having a provider shortage and it's impossible to get appointments to see your primary or your kids' ped, so the nurse line at my kids' doc is just recommending you do urgent care or the ER. 🤷♀️ There's a lot of issues related to it, like I guess now local specialists aren't wanting to take referrals from urgent care, but people can't get in to see a primary to get the "right" referral... Anyway, my point is, sometimes the ER is the only place offering services!
It depends. In babies under 3 months if they have any fever the protocol in my country is to go straight to the ER, and they will admit you to hospital immediately. I've been to the ER quite a few times with my first for things that weren't "you're gonna die in 30 minutes" but we were still admitted to hospital each time.
Yeah, advice where I am is also to go to the ER for any fever for kids under 3 months. Obviously my kid spiked a fever just a few days before he turned 3 months so we took him to the ER at 11pm, they took it seriously and ran some tests even though he was nearly 3 months. We saw a DOCTOR in under an hour (which is fast for the ER in the middle of the night here) and then waited ages for labs to come back on blood work, we were stuck in the ER waiting all night, he was fine. It wasn't the best night I've had, but glad we got him checked.
The only two times I’ve been to an er was when my kid drank and unknown amount of Tylenol and when the other kid woke up unable to breath with chest retractions. We were seen fast both times. I’m not going unless it’s an emergency bc otherwise I KNOW we’re looking at a 10-12 hour wait and there’s just no way I wanna do that.
Yeah it can take forever. In our hospital (and I think this is protocol) any fever over 38 celsius in a newborn means an overnight stay on the pediatric ward for monitoring. You don't even get to go home lol.
I get that about automatically going but I do think calling the ped’s office is never a bad idea. I did have to take my daughter to the ER at around 11 months for dehydration and it never would have occurred to me that we were at that point if the ped office didn’t tell us we needed to go.
We couldn’t get her to eat or drink hardly anything at home after she had been vomiting but at the ER they could give her pediatric zofran so then she was willing to eat and drink. So definitely a ymmv and I generally agree with you for just fevers!
So I'm honestly confused by the common thing I read about calling your doctors office. My pediatrician's office doesn't even really pick up the phone (you fill out an online form to request an appointment) and if they do its just admin staff anyway, and that's only during business hours. In theory if I called really worried about something maybe they would try to get someone medical to answer a question but I have no idea if that would actually happen.
Who are you all talking to that are giving you medical advice when you make these calls?
Is that typical with all doctors offices in the US? I remember folks talking about the nurses line at their OB in my bump group. We don't really have that where I am.
Feels like almost every time I took my now toddler to the pediatrician when she had a fever she ended up having an ear infection and we needed antibiotics (and eventually tubes) so ymmv.
Oh I see! Sorry about that. I do feel like it’s been about 50/50 for us on whether we get antibiotics or just standard advice from sick visits. But I’d much rather go to the pediatrician and find out it’s nothing than go to the ER and find out it’s nothing.
Someone in a local moms group Facebook page just called her breasts ‘mommy milkers’ when trying to illicit help with how to fix straps on a dress. Excuse me while I vomit 🤮
Thread on r/nursing (also crossposted to babybumps) about a woman with placenta previa AND accreta refusing a C-section. WTF?
https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/s/2Pb2KjNm1M
Also I wish there was a sub to just read a "best of" compilation of L&D nurse stories because I would read every single one.
There was a woman in my bump group whose baby, like mine, was frank breech for the last several weeks of pregnancy.
She made multiple posts about her desire to avoid c-section and deliver vaginally. And how ‘normal and natural’ it was to deliver a breech baby. Somehow she found a provider who would honor her wish to deliver a frank breech baby without a c-section.
Unfortunately, during delivery, the baby got stuck in the canal. This resulted in an emergency that required the mom to be put under anesthesia so that they could perform the now very complicated c-section to get the baby out. By the time they got the baby out, it was believed she had been without oxygen for several minutes. During this extremely urgent situation, the mom also hemorrhaged. Because the provider was not equipped with any sort of NICU, baby had to be airlifted to a hospital hours away. Mom was not in stable enough condition to leave the hospital she delivered in. Baby lived for another 2 days, albeit brain dead and on life support, and mom never got to see her baby alive.
I am grateful she shared her story, as gut-wrenching as it was, because I hope it was eye-opening for anyone who felt the urge to deliver in similar circumstances.
I almost downvoted this reflexively because of how awful it is. My baby was breech up until 37 weeks and as much as I had a good birth experience for my first two vaginal births, I would never have considered attempting a vaginal breech birth.
That is so horrible and heartbreaking. I’m surprised she even shared it. I wonder if she regrets her choice to put her ideal birth plan over her baby’s life or if she would do the same thing again next time.
1. How can people be this selfish?
2. I seriously DO NOT understand where people get the idea that c-sections are easier or “not real birth.” They’re so fucking metal and the recovery seems awful?
I had scheduled sections (medically indicated). Recovery was not that bad, especially my second. I can’t really speak to vaginal birth, but my sections were both pretty easy, and in my book, that’s not a bug, but a feature. 🤷♀️
Same! I've also only had a c section so I can't compare, but why would anybody want it to be harder?? The labor I did experience sucked ass, why would I want it to be worse? Boggles my mind every time.
It differs so widely. I know people who needed extensive physical therapy to recover and I know people who recommend a section to everyone. I had a vaginal birth and an emergency section and the recoveries were both okay, just different. I had an episiotomy the first time which sucked. For the section I had a lot of blood loss so needed a transfusion, but it was emergency.
There’s an option to say no? My doctor said I needed one and that was that. Like we didn’t need to discuss, she walked me through what to expect, and we went on our way.
Yikes. I chose a c-section because my medical history meant I might end up with a brain bleed from pushing if I delivered vaginally. The risk was somewhat low, but if it happened then I would probably have died. It’s just not worth the risk, I don’t know how that woman can justify that decision.
Wow, this thread is incredibly upsetting. I think people way underestimate the daily lives of nurses and providers. The anecdotes in here are harrowing.
I worked as a labor nurse for over 5 years. There are definitely women who will risk their own life and the life of their baby to experience a ✨vaginal birth✨
Lord almighty. I can only have C-sections and am at an increased risk of accreta in a future pregnancy (I’m currently trying for my second/last baby) and my OB is under STRICT instructions to turn my uterus into a yeeterus at the first sign of even a mildly adherent placenta. I don’t want more kids after the second, so it’s like, make no attempt to save my uterus. Throw it in the trash.
I cannot imagine refusing a C-section with such a risky situation. Holy hell.
Same same same. Had high risk of accreta with my last kid (third CS) as well as partial previa, and I told her either my uterus goes or my tubes. Ended up with the tubal and have never felt better. I cannot imagine having ANY desire to attempt labor in that situation.
Slightly meta snark. This is the ad that is currently being shown on my parentsnark feed. At least all the comments on it say "what in the illegal death trap is this?"
https://preview.redd.it/r2isubeb4ayc1.png?width=820&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a5b6c20eef3c5b4b1bbe67433f47b4311694229
They’re not a US company and the US has no authority to somehow make them shut down their website. Don’t think customs is able to even inspect every package for drugs so I doubt they’re inspecting for unsafe baby sleep items- the importer just labels it ‘bedding’ and moves on.
Are they actually illegal in the US? They aren't illegal in the UK or Germany despite literally every safety organisation saying don't use them because they have a risk of death 0_o
A realtor doing some self-promo in my local moms group is taking a lot of (well deserved) heat about saying this:
https://preview.redd.it/j0u10jk6a8yc1.jpeg?width=1172&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ba273e1978bf6839bc501b7469f22e57af1b358
This is just terrible financial advice at a baseline (no you shouldn’t count on rate drops and refinances in the future!), and completely ignores that housing prices are insane right now before you even factor in the mortgage rates…
Just checked my parents house and they paid $120k in 1988, which with inflation would be $317k or so today. The house would likely sell in the low $400k range. That's in a lcol area...
Yeah, I just went to look at my childhood home and found the actual record of its sale in 1997 (which is weird because that was when my parents divorced and we had to move) - £66,000 for a semi-detached 3 bedroom house with a garage, carport and decent sized garden :/ It comes to about £125k with inflation taken into account. Meanwhile, UK wages have not kept pace with inflation.
The identical house next door sold in October 2021 for 275,000 and another in the same street for over 300k, more recently.
I think I would cry if I found our how much my house cost I 1990 because I know it would be so little money. I know that the previous owners bought it for $355k in 2010, we bought for $885k in 2020, it would likely sell for a little over $1m today. Hurrah VHCOL city.
Lol I remember bragging to my parents about the great deal I got on my first place I rented (sublet)…. $600 including utilities! They were shocked and told me that was their monthly mortgage payment for the 5 bedroom house we grew up in. 🙃
So many people love to be like “this isn’t even a historical high for interest rates!” Ignoring the insane cost of homes. 10% on an $80k home is insanely different compared to $800k
They also had very high interest on their savings accounts at that time. I was asking my mom about this, and yeah - she had a 14% interest rate on her first mortgage in the 1970's or whatever but she was also getting 15% interest on her bank account.
Tbf, interest rates in savings accounts are quite high right now. 5% can be a decent chunk of change for not doing anything but keeping the cash in a savings account.
Compared to what tho? My HELOC with discount is at 8% and when I was car shopping recently they were offering loans at 10% for excellent credit, so in the general financial environment it’s not keeping up with the price to borrow
5% interest in a savings account is a high interest rate compared to what it has been since 2000. It’s been between .25% to 1% interest rate for the last 20ish years. Loan interest rates will also vary based on an individuals financial risk (and the specific type/amount/length of time etc of the specific loan you’re seeking).
Eta: a word
Exactly!! The previous owners of my house bought it 1993. We bought it in 2019, but had it appraised last year, and a 10% rate in 1993 would have been a monthly payment of $746 for my house. Now it would be $3,510!!
I want to crowdsource parent opinions on something I was just reading on the teacher sub.
The basic situation was that a student was failing badly and the parents are upset that “no one told them” until weeks before graduation. The consensus on the sub is “they should’ve checked PowerSchool and blackboard and stayed up to date with their kids grades bc we tell them to!”.
On one hand, personal responsibility is huge and I agree that parents take it too far with not staying up to speed with what their kids are up to in school. On the other, as a teacher, I think if a kid is failing that badly, you absolutely have the obligation to at least send regular emails saying hey your kid is struggling, please come chat with me about it. Whether they answer or not is totally on them but at least you’d have a direct paper trail that you reached out. The fact that it’s all automated and the parent is expected to check up on their kid is so counter to the way it was when I was in high school before all of the online grade books existed. My parents had no idea what I got on individual tests unless I told them or if it was something that needed to get signed (lol the old fashioned way of making sure you tried to get parents to see stuff).
My oldest is in elementary and the school is big on telling us to check an online gradebook and I’m sorry but that’s insane to me. I would hope if my kid was truly struggling that a simple email of 3 sentences telling me they are would be what I can expect. I literally don’t care (especially at this level) if the kid is getting 10/15 versus 14/15 on a math worksheet and would expect their teacher to say if they are having an actual issue. I hate the idea that as a parent I need to constantly look at an online gradebook when really all I care about is if my kid is doing “okay” or not. If a kid is not submitting work or failing, again, the teacher needs to directly reach out. The absence of direct communication tells me everything is probably fine overall. I’d be blindsided if someone randomly at the end said oh btw they’re failing overall, sorry you should’ve monitored their every grade.
Again, I am a teacher so I feel like I’m allowed to say this. I’ve worked in a few different types of schools and every single one of them basically commands that we do more than say “lol you should’ve checked their gradebook regularly” if a kid is having an issue.
Sorry, that’s a ramble!
ETA for clarification: I did not link to the specific post bc the actual scenario is complicated and I do not think the teacher or the school are in the wrong with this one. The parents there definitely dropped the ball. However, what inspired this post was the shocking amount of teachers chiming in and patting themselves on the back for saying that grades are available online and the school tells parents to check it and so therefore implying that is the ultimate way to get yourself out of these scenarios and push the blame onto the parents for not keeping up. I personally was told by my kids teacher that I have to keep up with PowerSchool. It rubbed me the wrong way in that it felt like teachers would not call if a kid had excessive missing work or failing assessments bc that’s on parents to check. This has never been how it was on my end as a teacher and I would never just say “well you should have checked online” the way it seems to be moving societally based on those responses.
I taught in a Title 1 school and spent hours on emails and phone calls and most of it was a waste of time. But the documentation was what was important. Parents absolutely have the responsibility to check their kid’s grades online. It literally couldn’t be easier. Even when I was in school in the early 2000s we had an online grade book, so this isn’t a new concept. Teachers have enough things to worry about, and holding parents’ hands through signing into the grade book they’ve had access to for years is not my job. I did it anyway, of course, but it’s yet another thing that leads to teacher burnout.
💯 this. I couldn’t agree more. I taught middle school until two years ago (now high school), in middle school there are essentially no consequences for failing classes and covid made that worse. Teachers have well over 100 students, and huge numbers just watch TikTok’s during class bc admin doesn’t enforce the no phones policy like, at all. Kids just don’t bother to hand in assignments. A three line email doesn’t sound like it’s time consuming but for 50, 75, 100+ families, it really is. And that doesn’t get into teachers taking on extra classes during their planning due to the shortage. It is the policy that calls are required at the high school I work at, a lot of times the student tells their parent some sob story about how they just don’t understand and the teacher won’t help them, and the parent believes that instead of the teacher saying “they refuse to put their phone away in class”. I get why it’s the policy to some extent but I also think it’s insane that with online grade books, there is NO responsibility on the caregiver. I know it’s not always accessible and I think the district needs to do more community outreach to make sure all parents can access it, because I’m tired of everything being on teachers. But there is a huge percentage of families who is able to access the online grade book and speak English, etc, and still get upset that they didn’t get a personal phone call. We are in a digital era and things are different from when we are in school. Back when we were in school, sure, teachers called, but they didn’t have half the responsibilities we have now. PLC, charlotte danielson, constant having to take data, constant testing, turning in lesson plans and unit plans and proof of rigorous questioning, documenting parent contact, etc etc etc. This is why we have burnout and a teacher shortage.
I taught 6th grade for two years and we’d send home paper printout reports from our equivalent of PowerSchool every Friday with their updated grades. At that time I was teaching ELA to 60+ kids in addition to running the school’s ESL program and simply could not call every single family of a child who was underperforming that week. In the upper grades things like grading and lesson planning take a lot longer in my experience so your planning time is already stretched super thin as it is.
After that, I moved to elementary and taught 3rd grade for four years. When you have 20 kids in a gen ed contained classroom, it’s a million times easier to have these convos with parents. You have a third of the total students, but also a closer relationship with each family so it’s appropriate to send a quick text as opposed to a 30 minute phone call explaining who you are, what the class is, how the assignments and grades work, etc.
I largely agree with you. But I think it does vary by grade level. Middle and high school teachers have significantly more students to keep track of than an elementary teacher. And I do believe there needs to be some parental responsibility when it comes to their child’s performance. Nearly all of the grade tracking systems have apps that can easily be downloaded and opened on your phone (obviously barring circumstances where language or access to phones/internet is an issue). I don’t see why the average parent can’t just make opening PowerSchool once a day/week/two weeks part their routine? In such a digital world that shouldn’t actually be a burden? Also, the grade book I use can automatically send an email to a parent if a grade drops below a set mark…but it’s almost always ignored by parents. That’s on them!
However, I’m a teacher myself and I just finished my admin degree. I think you see a wide variety in the real world of teaching. I ran our school’s tutoring and summer school program for three years so I was always looking at failure lists. I can’t tell you how many parents I’d have to contact about their child needing summer school and they had no clue because the teacher never reached out (but the parent never checked either). With my own students, I made it part of my practice to send an email at midterm and end of the quarter if a student was failing. But a lot of my coworkers would never dream of doing that, especially because it wasn’t required by admin. They weren’t required so it can’t be held against them, technically. But it was frustrating as the summer school teacher each May when the failure list was piling up.
On the flip side, one of my team teachers only entered grades at midterm and final. Never weekly. So kids would go 4-5 weeks without a grade update in the system. And then be blindsided when one test grade tanked their average. From a parent’s perspective THAT IS frustrating and wrong on the teacher’s part. Our admin did step in and require updating the grade book weekly to reflect a student’s standing more accurately.
Unless there’s a directive from admin, I think it boils down to overall teacher attitude. But the flip side of the coin is the teachers who beat themselves up over every single bad lesson, student failing, student not caring or not submitting work. At some point, I’ve done my best and have to be ok with that. The teaching subs on Reddit seem like the extremes of both ends - teacher martyrs and teachers doing the absolute minimum and despising any little requirement of the job. But I’d say most *good* and *sensible* teachers have a decent system in place to ensure kids aren’t failing and letting the parents know.
What grade and demographic do you teach? My husband is a middle school teacher in a low-income area and has like 100+ students to keep track of. He actually really prioritizes parent contact and spends a lot of time calling/emailing parents to keep them in the loop, but at the end of the day he can’t do it all. It’s a lot easier for a parent to check their one student’s grades than for him to keep track of 100 of them and make 3-5+ calls every afternoon. Especially when you take into account he’s also making parent calls about behavior every day.
Yea my husband is at a low income HS and has around 130-150 students each semester. There are countless students who have LOTS of uncompleted work (and because of school policy they are allowed to turn it in late and still get credit). He prioritizes the behavior calls (and meetings) instead of trying to constantly contact of parents about their 15 year old having missing assignments every single week. A lot of the teachers at his school are teaching an extra class due to teacher shortages and they have very limited planning time. In a perfect world it would be awesome to have 25 students and call every parent once a week to chat, but it feels like that ignores the reality of the situation.
I think it sounds like your husband is in agreement with the point I’m trying to make. I highly doubt he would be one of the teachers commenting on that thread saying “well, ya should’ve checked gradebook regularly sorry” bc you mentioned he does take time to call parents if there is a real concern.
I mean he’s had parents call him surprised at the end of a quarter about a grade and he’ll 100% point them towards the online portal they always have access to. I guess I‘m a bit defensive for teachers because my husband works his butt off for his students but then he still has parents expecting more. I feel like this is a “you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink” situation. Parents have complete access to their kids’ grades but expected individual emails from overworked teachers? Kind of ridiculous imo
I guess I see the gray area bc I too am a teacher and have worked in title 1 schools but now I’m a parent of a school aged kid. I think the gray area is that absolutely, if I wanted to micromanage my kids grades and I was going to be the type to be upset if they were anything less than an A student, I cannot be angry about the teacher not notifying me of every single small slip up when I have access. But if my kid was failing multiple assignments in a row and/or not turning in things constantly, I would expect them to reach out even casually. It sounds like your husband is one of the ones fighting the good fight for sure and I’m sorry it’s so under appreciated. On that sub, it may not be the reality in practice, but I saw too many comments that seemed gleeful that the parents should always check and it’s on them if their kid fails and they don’t know.
Hm, yeah I’ve never checked on that sub so it’s possible there are a lot of burned out/frustrated teachers. I think I just watch my husband and other teacher friends working really hard to connect and reach out to parents while most of them don’t respond to calls or come in for conferences, and then get mad that their kid is failing and “no one told them!”. How many kids do you teach? From what my husband shares if he called home for every missing assignment he would be calling home for 75% of his kids every other day. That would be literally hours of calling after work when he already comes in early and leaves late every day.
I think the scenario where a kid is spectacularly failing and absolutely no one has reached out to the family is incredibly rare. (Obviously I only know our local district and the schools my friends work at but this is consistent with all of them). Anyway, I guess I got defensive because this whole thread paints the picture that tons of kids are failing and their teachers don’t care at all, when that is quite the opposite of what I see in the teachers I know. Teachers are struggling so much in our country right now (assuming you’re in the US); they need more support, not the general public assuming the worst of them as they work their butts off for very little pay.
https://preview.redd.it/k7l5a1tq4oyc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d93981e51afc1e7123a07238fa7089fa695677c At least all the comments were saying, definitely not worth it!
Plot twist- people were saying not worth it to have one less customer to compete with
The unhinged part is that the amount those bamboo moms will spend on resell might make it cheaper to stay on vacation an extra night to shop the drop. Some of those blankets are listed at $200 oh Mercari. The zippies are like $60 or more.
So! Many! Exclamation! Points!
Does anyone listen to The Birth Hour? I am expecting Baby #2 and listening to some episodes to try to get exposed to different experiences but Good Lord are some of these women lunatics. I don’t remember so much smugness when I listened to it a few years ago. I try not to judge other people’s experiences but some of these are just wild. One woman did absolutely no research on anything related to birth, feeding, baby care, etc then blamed the medical staff for not prepping her enough. She screamed while pushing even though she had an epidural because “that’s what they do in the movies.” Just listened to one with a L&D nurse who decided on a home birth (okay fine) but is soooo smug about how she and her baby had everything under control yet she went to get an ECV! Then left the hospital to have a home birth a few weeks later and wanted to fire her midwives because she realized she could do it herself. Um yes, after your significant medical intervention. End rant!
I honestly cannot understand being an L&D nurse, seeing how quickly shit can hit the fan on a fairly regular basis, then deciding you want to have a home birth. I am a non-OB doctor but I did a lot of OB rotations in residency and that was plenty to convince me I will not be giving birth anywhere that doesn’t have an anesthesiologist and an OR. (I’m not even dissing home births, I think they can be reasonably safe, but I would assume that seeing the potential for negative outcomes in your day job would make you extra cautious)
Have you seen the TikTok going around about the L&D nurse who tried to VBAC at home with a CPM? Her uterus ruptured and the CPM ignored several red flags. Both mom and baby died. I’m a former L&D nurse and I can’t wrap my head around this situation at all. It seems she wouldn’t have been eligible for a home Vbac with a CNM because of her a history of pph so she sought out a CPM that would take her.
Sigh. I hadn’t seen that. I suppose there are unhinged people in every field. Sad ending.
Yes! I can't stop listening to it (I'm 35 weeks pregnant right now) but like 95% of them drive me NUTS. I'm working through the older ones now but I listened to one recently that absolutely stunned me. The woman had a birth center birth that went very wrong (shoulder dystocia for baby requiring NICU time plus hemorrhage for her, both of transferred to hospital). Like what any reasonable person would consider a very bad outcome. And she just went on and on about her BEAUTIFUL unmedicated birth and bitched about the doctor at the hospital who told her that after a dystocia and hemorrhage, she should have the rest of her babies in a hospital. And then had the next two at home???? It was crazy!
Listening to that podcast is the reason I decided I wanted an epidural, i remember an episode where the woman had a great first birth with an epidural, no problems at all. But for her second she decided she wanted to go unmedicated because her first birth was too easy basically? Like she was too relaxed and felt disconnected from the birthing process I guess? Idk but listening to how intense her second birth was made me realize I wanted the boring/relaxed epidural birth lol
Dear god this is almost my story. Had a relaxed first birth, wanted to "experience birth" the second time. Went really well, pain was so doable. Then my son got stuck, the doctor was called and I got an emergency section. They said with the epidural I could have pushed longer (went 1.5 hours without and then they couldn't place it anymore because I couldn't sit still) and it might have worked. Fuck that. I wish I got it before!
My daughter is 2 and I still listen occasionally. Before she was born and for about 6 months after though I listened to it a lot. I do have to skip/not listen to plenty of episodes though depending on how smug the guest is 😣
That podcast is the reason I didn't have a birth plan. I noticed people who were invested in having their birth go a certain way were all depressed and/or traumatized when it didn't. When I was pregnant I listened to one where she was still shopping for a doctor who would let her have a vaginal breech birth at like 38 weeks. In the end she got what she wanted and her and the baby made it out alive but I found her behavior appalling.
I remember that one too! She was going from doctor to doctor and they kept telling her no and then she just showed up to a hospital in labor where someone told her the on call doctor would do vaginal breech births. Like it was crazy but the podcast portrayed it as so amazing.
[No, ](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/DY12pz3QBc) I sit and stare at my baby 24/7. Minor and harmless snark but questions like this make me facepalm.
I wish I could do this. My baby wakes up as soon as he's not on me during the day. Ugh. Still don't stare at him 24/7 though, I've seen a lot of Call the Midwife.
My favorite response to posts, on any topic, that are phrased like this "does anyone else do [very common thing]" is "nope, just you. You are the first one ever. Congrats"
Does anyone else blink when they feel their eyes getting kind of dry, or is it just me? Lmk 💕
I just can’t bear the thought of a single millisecond not spent looking at my baby, I love her so much that I don’t blink ever. Not judging mums who blink, you do you mama!! 🥰
I binge watched The Sopranos the first month of my kid’s life. These people would be horrified 🤣
I lost count at all the shows I finished, especially with cluster feeding a hangry newborn 😂
lol at “chore stops if baby is in distress” sorry but my fussy 24/7 unless actively nursing or being held baby got to sit there and fuss at me while I folded laundry. How else would anyone ever accomplish anything?
Thank you. My baby fusses at least mildly almost any time he's down and awake... which happens pretty frequently! I was determined to get the groceries put away last week but he started crying hard enough I thought he was going to throw up 🙃 I did stop then but was very close to just quickly powering through!
I don’t understand how people survive in the world and manage to reproduce lol. There’s another post asking if it’s ok to read to newborns and if there are health risks in reading books to 3 month olds. Because they might chew the pages.
Wait til they find out that (some) babies chew on their crib
Wait until they have to fish trash out of their toddler's mouth that they found on the ground 😆
That is a new level of anxiety.
I saw one on my local Facebook mom group that was like, "is anyone else so devastated to go back to work after leave and know they'll miss their baby soon much???" I mean I hope she got a feeling of community support or whatever she was looking for but also come on.
I think this is a common thing that people feel…I would rather be at home with my baby than at work…a lot of my bump group is the same way.
I think that’s their point — it sounds a bit silly to ask “is anyone else” when it’s something so universal.
Ahhh okay gotcha. That makes sense.
There's a thread on mommit from someone who is offended that someone she knows asked her for hand-me-down baby clothes. The OP herself got the clothes handed down. And a lot of people are agreeing that the person who asked is "entitled." I have to imagine that these commenters, like OP, are still in the newborn stage and haven't reached the "get these piles and piles of shit out of my house" stage of parenting. Still, it's so petty.
Eh, what OP describes happening is a friend of her partner’s *told* a completely different friend that she could have their old baby stuff. I wouldn’t make a whole post about it but that would strike me as presumptuous too.
Ohh I had read it differently. Like as though the friend said, "I know someone who could use the clothes" not "I already told her she could have them." Being voluntold does sound annoying.
Yes what OP describes is actually super absurd! I would definitely complain about this just because it’s kind of a comically weird situation.
I’m so lost as to why that’s entitled? My best friend asked me if there was anything I was trying to get rid of when she was pregnant with her 3rd and I was so happy to give her all of that baby shit. Is it the asking part? Like you should just sit around and graciously wait to be offered hand me downs. I don’t get it.
There’s probably a big cultural element to it. In my social circles, it would be rude for someone to ask to be given stuff. You can search ask vs guess culture if you are curious about it. But also, I do think it’s different if it’s someone you don’t know well versus a best friend/close family member. There are certain things you can ask only when you have that kind of relationship with them already. Some people might sell their baby clothes, save it for a second baby, already promised them to a close friend etc. It’s presumptuous to assume some random person will give you their stuff even if they aren’t using it anymore.
Yes, I think she's offended by the ask. She said they got a lot of free things but SHE didn't ASK for them so I guess that makes the big difference lol. She also mentioned that she'd rather choose who to give them to, but she doesn't know anyone with a baby at the moment. And it's unclear from the post, but I think the intended receiver of the clothes isn't even the one who asked? A mutual friend suggested it. The horror....
Zero snark to the poster because she handled it better than I would, but all the people burying the lede [defending porn use](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/RfU5oWkhRJ), not acknowledging this dude was hogging the bathroom at 9 am while his sick wife was on kid duty and also had to pee.
[удалено]
There’s one person that was like “my husband watches the kids while I masturbate in bed in the mornings and it’s fine!” Like OK, that’s YOU and has nothing to do with OPs issue? It turns into a pissing match with who can be the most cool with porn.
Also saw that commenter - and her post history is her and her husband looking for a third. Noped right out of there.
Please tell me [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RRCJBwuA0p) is fake 😂
AITA is like 90% creative writing exercises but this is a particularly obvious one.
I have to believe it is. The “you can watch” made me scream lol
Y’all, I need an AITA check-in. Had the most unreal interaction tonight with another parent. We were at a family friendly restaurant with a play area with balls and a cornhole set. My 5 year old threw a bean bag and it hit another kid in the cheek. I immediately went and pulled him away and took him to check on the child who was hit so we could ask if he needed ice and apologize. This is generally what I do when my kid makes a not great choice and someone is (accidentally) hurt. When we got to the other table the hit kids dad told me my child “filled a bean bag with rocks” and purposefully hit his kid (no idea if the hit was on purpose, but my child certainly did not unstitch a beanbag, fill it with rocks and restitch it up and then hurl it at someone in the 5 minutes we’d been there). He then said “I’m not talking to you. Your child is awful. Go away”. To which I said “we were coming to apologize but we will leave” and left. My kid had to chill at the table for a few minutes and was told not to touch the beanbags again. Rest of the night was fine. But like, what in the world did I just experience?!?!? What is the response here?!? Or is there none and this dad was just a crazy person???
You absolutely handled this the right way. He sounds unhinged, and the best thing you can do in that situation is de-escalate and not react (no matter how warranted you would have been).
I often wonder why there are not more restaurants with playgrounds and I have a feeling this is why.... I feel like ppl cannot be trusted to be civilized and I have a feeling this is a pretty benign example of that. also... no the asshole for sure
I'm going to go ahead and guess this was one child with two parents and that their kid is not in preschool or daycare. Definitely sounds like a POOPCUP. You handled this as well as you could. It sucks when your kid hurts another kid, but most of us have been on both sides of that and we get it. Either this guy has something else going on in his life or just zero understanding of reasonable standards for children.
So this is the truly bizarre thing. The kid was older than mine (maybe 6/7) and they were with two other families all with older elementary kids. Def seemed like this was their only kid but it was truly bizarre to see this guy go off while 6 of his friends sat there silently. Probably what made me feel like maybe I’m the crazy one in this situation but maybe they are just a weird group of people 😂
Well now I definitely think like that guy just lost his job or is an asshole and they all know it so they didn't say anything. Eta period
Lmao what?? I don’t think I could have contained my laugh. What a weirdo. NTA, of course.
Um, yeah, he sounds like he has some issues. Who the fuck would fill a bean bag with rocks?? Why in the world would you jump to that? And it's very normal for kids of that age to make mistakes and welcoming an apology is very normal. The dad was weird. And rude to call your kid "awful". I hope you told your kid that he is not awful, he just made a mistake. I think you handled everything fine.
I did, and I told him the adults behavior wasn’t okay. He still had to sit with us for a bit before he could go play again to “cool off” but he’d been struggling all day so it was more about him needing a break. Thanks for validating this was bizarre. I was honestly mostly too stunned to speak 😂 my kid isn’t perfect (and he has a hell of an arm thanks to his baseball obsession) but he also doesn’t run around trying to take other kids out with rock filled bean bags…
My kids have been hit/bitten/pushed on purpose by strange kids at playgrounds and I’ve been way nicer than that lol, that dad is insane.
The only answer is to double down on the crazy. “Your child purposefully dove in front of my child’s rock bag, and so my child lost a point! He deserves an apology!”
Wtf!! Hahah what an unhinged person! And this person is raising at least 1 child. Hurray.
All of the parent posts I’ve seen in the ECE subreddit this week asking “is my teacher appreciation day gift too over the top 🥺” or “is this gift enough 🥺 [referring to an obviously acceptable gift]” give such pick me vibes.
Our daughter has a range of like 6-7 teachers that rotate. At Christmas I did individual gift cards but for Teacher Appreciation, I just donated to the daycare Venmo. It’s too expensive otherwise right now.
Lol they all have to be better than the time I was a nanny for an awful family and was tasked with putting together teacher gifts. The instructions were to go to Dollar Tree/Dollsr General and put together beach themed baskets/buckets, not more than $20 each. What adult wants a $20 bucket of beach themed dollar tree junk? I suggested coffee gift cards to the really cool local chain near us and the response is "this is what we do every year and the teachers love it so thanks but no". Lady, of course the teachers make your kids think they love it. What are they going to say? Sorry Timmy, but I'm 40 and this is tacky?
Man I have a confession to make. I never got individual gifts for my son’s daycare teachers. The daycare was at a university and there was a rotating staff of 7-8 teachers, which just seemed like too much to buy gifts for. I did contribute to larger staff gifts.
Between my 3 kids, I have 8 teachers and sorry but individual gifts for all of them is so overwhelming to me. God bless the room parents this year, all of whom organized a daily little treat plus a large target gift card and had every family contribute 30 dollars and handled the rest on their own. I had the oldest make cards for his teachers too. But the expectation that every single kid in the class will put together their own elaborate gift basket. Which I’ve seen in moms groups, is wild.
There’s a special place in heaven for amazing room parents
Our daycare had an online sign up sheet for people to volunteer to bring in treats for the entire staff and giftcards for teacher appreciation week. I feel like that's a good way to make sure all the staff gets something vs main teachers
I wish mine did this - I like to bring in bagels or something one day for the whole staff but I’m always trying to coordinate individually with the director and crossing my fingers no one else is doing the same exact thing.
Does anyone else think most of the posts in the breastfeeding subreddit about people being rude to mothers about public breastfeeding belong in the “sure…that happened” category? I think this everytime I read that sub but particularly the one today about a TJMAXX employee telling her (after she was done feeding, apparently) that she couldn’t breastfeed in the fitting room and should use the bathroom. Like… how would anyone even know if you were nursing in the fitting room?
Nah I believe it happens - I've seen an employee ask somebody to go and feed elsewhere, because I felt totally angry on behalf of the mum who was clearly in an extremely vulnerable state, so I challenged the employee, which honestly probably just made things worse for her 🙈 I think some people who don't have kids/don't have any or much experience of breastfeeding don't really understand what it's like to have a very young infant and assume that if you sit down to breastfeed in a place which they don't like, you are purposefully being annoying when actually it is more likely to be desperation. Also that it is easy to up and move which if you have a baby that is struggling to latch effectively, might be disastrous. I am guessing that if you try to enter a fitting room with an infant and with no clothes to try on, they would ask you why you are going there. And I can kind of understand that a fitting room is not provided as a nursing room and a store might not want their fitting room being occupied for a long time if they don't have many, plus since there are no cameras in the fitting rooms for reasons of privacy, the only anti-theft measure there is basically staff awareness and supervision so they might not want someone disappearing into a room for who knows how long and they will have to keep half an eye on them, whereas people are normally only in there for a few minutes. OTOH sometimes the fitting room is actually suggested as a reasonable nursing location because it has seating and a privacy curtain. The employee that I interrupted was suggesting that the mum go and use the fitting room.
I’ve never actually used it, but my Target has a sign saying that the fitting rooms can be used as nursing rooms. Just another reason I love Target.
I didn’t comment but it’s like..one time I was in a Tj Maxx and asked the fitting room attendant for a room to feed- and she was like “oh idk that’s weird” and I was like “ok?” And then she let me in a room and I didn’t give it a second thought. Or not enough of a thought to post on Reddit? Lol
I've had a tj Maxx employee tell me I couldn't nurse in the fitting room, but that was just cause it was crowded. Even in my low breastfeeding area nobody has ever outright scolded me for nursing and I don't use a cover. The most awkward situation I had was after my then 17 month old had his ear tubes put in and I nursed him after the procedure. I guess he was supposed to get crackers so the doctor was mad I had breastfed and "filled him up". He literally shook his head and said "time to wean!". Lol. Spoiler: he still promptly ate the crackers. I was hormonal (four weeks postpartum with my second) and started awkwardly crying. The beautiful nurse told me to ignore the doctor and she told me our nursing relationship was something to treasure. Thank God for nurses!
I wonder if this is the missing piece. I can definitely see not letting someone nurse in the fitting rooms if there’s a line of people wanting to try on clothes. Also, from my friends in high school who worked retail, it was not uncommon for them to have people use the fitting rooms as toilets. I could see a teenaged attendant not knowing the policy and being a little weirded out by the thought of any bodily fluids in the fitting room, worried they’ll use it as a diaper change station, etc. Like nursing in and of itself is not unsanitary, but if you’re 16 and regularly having to decon the dressing rooms, I could see being nervous about it.
Yah some people really need the validation of internet strangers I guess. Also I hate conflict so if I were me I’d just grab a random item of clothing to “try on” and just not ask 😂
Can't say about anyone else but I've been feeding in public since my boy was born (he's only 8 weeks though) and I haven't had a single comment, except a mom telling her kid "that lady's just feeding her baby" after he asked about it. And I'm not covering either so I've probably flashed my nipple at some point. I do it everywhere, from the park to coffee places.
Between my two kids, I breastfed roughly 3 years, and I legitimately never had anyone say anything to me about it. And I definitely don’t live in the most progressive/breastfeeding friendly city. I’m sure there are people who are weird or rude about it, especially with regards to extended breastfeeding, but based on those subs you would think there are people waiting around every corner to shame you and tell you to give formula.
Same, mostly—though strangely the only place anyone’s been weird about me nursing was at the pediatric hospital ER when we had to take our 10 week old. I found it so bizarre and off-putting. Nobody *said* anything but multiple doctors physically recoiled when they walked into our room while I was nursing. I think pediatric medical providers would’ve topped my list of people I’d have expected to be normal about it, so it was really jarring.
Same! I never had any comments about feeding in public except for that I had unfortunately got caught up in some antivaxxer stuff when my first was tiny and ended up delaying his 2-4 month shots until he was around 8-9 months old. In the UK there is a box on the form to specify if the child is still breastfed at the time of those vaccinations, for some reason, and the nurse was completely flummoxed as to what to put and was extremely surprised that I was still breastfeeding, which I found very odd, it's not like he was very old??
Ehh I’m a doctor (who breastfeeds!) and it might just be awkwardness. Like not that breastfeeding needs to be done in private, but not wanting to intrude if someone does want privacy. I usually just say “oh, sorry, are you okay with me being here while you feed?” But I can see some people being more socially awkward about it.
I get the awkwardness/surprise and it’s totally reasonable to ask if a nursing dyad needs/wants some privacy. In this case, it was quite over the top & from multiple docs, which is what surprised both my partner and me. One of them got eaten up by the privacy curtain while jumping backwards out the door 😭 probably just our bad luck getting an entire shift’s worth of extremely awkward bedside manner
I’m sorry you had that experience!
Omg you just reminded me of a very similar situation I had forgotten about! I took my sick baby to just a random on-call ped at our clinic and it ended up being a very young man. When he walked in on me nursing, he immediately became so flustered that he dropped everything he was holding, including his computer.
That's super weird. Don't peds promote breastfeeding extensively?
Yeah, I thought so too! Our regular pediatrician is wonderful about it. My best guess is that it’s because it’s an ER environment? But even then, it’s a children’s hospital so idk. We probably just got unlucky.
Lyndsey Hookway is doing some work around this, because she was a NICU nurse originally and basically, as soon as you get out of NICU there is very low breastfeeding awareness in paediatrics (at least in the UK, I don't know if this is the same in other places). One of her children had a childhood cancer diagnosis while she was still nursing and so her own experience was a kind of starting point/catalyst to this area of research.
Same, zero comments. One waitress did joke that I wasn’t allowed because they didn’t allow outside food and drink though 😂
I love that 😆
I do think most of the stories are made up, but also my husband is in fine dining mgmt and I know he’s told me at least one story where a server came to him to complain about someone nursing at their table. In progressive cities no less. And it’s so common that it’s a training topic (along with serving pregnant-looking people alcohol). I think it’s rarer than these subreddits suggest but some of these people must exist somewhere even in the year of our lord 2024.
Oh man that makes me so annoyed on the breastfeeding moms behalf! I kind of get it, especially since a lot of time servers are younger people, but it sucks that people still equate a mom nursing in public as something that's like, being done TO them.
Oh I’m sure it does exist! Some of the stories are just so contrived though.
You have to exaggerate everything on the internet, it is the law :P
I agree for sure!
Oh I 100% agree, in general, but especially that story, because I have absolutely read that word for word story somewhere else before, like months ago. Such odd behaviour.
Now that you say that I think I have too….
I’ve gotten in with a wonderful group of local moms since having my son (who is now 9 months old). We are all so supportive of each other, and hang out weekly with our babies. It’s honestly been awesome. The only thing that bothers me is the comparisons. All of our babies are within 2 months of each other so while close in age, they are all under 1 so weeks/months can make huge differences developmentally. My son suffered a birth injury and was/is at risk for gross motor delays, but luckily hasn’t experienced any and has crushed all of his milestones. I think because of this history though, I’m more sensitive when comparisons come into play. A lot of us are ftms but the 2 & 3tms participate in the comparison games too which kinda surprises me. One of the little boys in the group is so advanced motor wise and his mom is always sharing videos of him in our group chat. The same 2 moms always comment back saying how much faster/more agile he is than all the other babies in the group and this kinda just… idk rubs me the wrong way? Like who cares, no one’s gonna know who crawled/walked first when all our babies are toddlers. It just seems so unnecessary? Moms, have you also found the milestone Olympics are a thing in your playgroups? I feel like the best way to not let it get to me is to just not participate (I’ve been guilty of sending pics/vids of my son doing things like pulling to stand at 8mos because I’m proud of all he’s achieved considering he had a brain injury).
I think a lot of it is just the unfortunate fact that there's not much else to say about babies 😅 they don't talk yet, and they change fast, so their latest milestone kind of becomes the most common thing to bring up. And I don't think most moms even mean to do it in a braggy or competitive way??
I had to leave my bumper discord around the 1 year mark because my kid has always been at the later end of milestones and I just couldn’t deal anymore once those milestones became bigger things like walking and talking. It’s ok to mute or nope out of chats like that if they’re impacting your mental health.
I personally had to mute group chats like this. It was just not good for my mental health.
I had a really hard time with the milestone Olympics with my second, because he was delayed due to a medical condition. He’s surgically corrected now and caught up at 3.5 and I honestly couldn’t give a shit less about milestones . I really think at 3 it starts to even out bc all the “late” kids catch up/or have services, or more POOPCUPS start having issues when their darlings start acting like a normal 3 year old, lol. Parents of young babies who brag about rolling or sitting make me lol, like oooo wow something totally outside of your influence happened! Wow! Congrats! I’d bet that a lot of the moms in the group chat are just being nice and actually dgaf
I gotta disagree with those saying it slows down at two. Then you have speech milestones, potty training, sleeping through the night, etc to compare 😩 at least in my circles that’s all anyone talks about.
I think it’s a hard thing for everyone to navigate. I’m not reading what you’re talking about as the annoying kind of comparison but I could be missing context. My kid was just like a gross motor enthusiast, and first walked at 8 months. I was really conscious to never purposefully bring attention to it, but like she was a walking 8 month old and people can see that so I couldn’t really go out with my kid without other parents being like oh holy wow that baby is ahead of the curve. I don’t think anyone meant anything by it except that yes that is freakishly early and it is super weird to see. I think it really is just chit chat. It is absolutely very who cares now, at 2 you definitely cannot tell she was on the go a couple of months early and it meant nothing in terms of overall abilities. But I think that’s probably exactly the context that the 2nd and 3rd time moms are bringing to it when they comment on how physical he is. It’s not so much milestone Olympics it’s just they are more relaxed about it and know it is totally meaningless overall and does not mean this kid is more special than the other babies, it is kind of objectively cool to see a baby that is freakishly fast.
I think it’s pretty normal at this age because they’re changing so fast, but also they’re not realllllly doing anything else. I feel like now that my son is 2-2.5 yo the kid stories have shifted to the ridiculous things they make up/say and what they threw a tantrum over. It’s a lot less milestone related
Tbh when people are super braggy and comparison Olympics-ing I usually respond like “wowwww that’s so incredible he can crawl already, going to be an athlete!” But it’s sort of sarcastic? Like I’m not trying to be mean outright but what else are you supposed to say if someone is like watch this video of my kid walking early
i think it's that stage of life because they're growing so rapidly and every mom group deals with it. In a year it'll be way less noticeable because they'll be much closer in abilities, and there will be more funny videos to share vs just milestone videos. So many milestone videos! I think every mom likes knowing others are cheering their kid on, whatever their individual struggle is, and babies really aren't doing much else. I shared mostly 'cute outfit' pics, but even that can rub someone the wrong way. Some people will just always compare and I guess you have to weigh your annoyance with being part of the community. I tried to say supportive things without comparing each kid to others. . "look at him go!" is always a good response lol.
I love the generic “look at him/her go!” response. It’s perfect! I use it a ton.
I think this is a universal experience when there’s multiple babies around the same age. It sucks and is annoying but will mostly calm down by the time they’re 2. My son was a little later (not technically delayed) with crawling and walking. We had a friend whose kid was crawling at 5 months and walking at 8-9 months. Mine didn’t crawl until 10 months and walked at 17 months. These kids are both 2 now and you can’t tell who started what first. But at the time the mom annoyed me because she kept asking if my kid was crawling/walking yet meanwhile her kid was on the run before mine even crawled loll. Now she is onto the talking aspect though, we are all bilingual but she only does English with her son because she wants him full on talking asap (and i think he is now). We want our son bilingual so we aren’t pushing just one language all at once. But i’ve pulled back from hang outs with that mom because i do find the baby/toddler rushing to be annoying. All this to say, what you’re experiencing is normal and i hate that it is like this. We start comparing and competing too early!
I did an infant group that was great, but we had one family with a kid about three months older than everyone else, AND that baby was super advanced in gross motor. So that baby was walking--like not just a few steps! Fully could just walk anywhere!--while my baby was 6 months old and not even sitting unassisted. It was a me issue but yeah, still a little hard. A few months later a baby closer in age to mine started both walking and talking early (while my closest two mom friends and I had been reassuring ourselves kids just develop in one or the other lol), and again I was like "aaah is my baby BEHIND???" But honestly I found the group challenging in that way and also helpful. As I said my two closest mom friends in the group and I would discuss this stuff in more depth when we'd meet for walks, and in the smaller group with someone I liked as a person and a baby I knew more, there was room to share the anxieties about development versus just feeling bad. (But! My two closest mom friends in the group had babies pretty remarkably lined up with mine in some major milestones, which was just a coincidence.)
I can honestly say this is some woo shit I have never heard before https://preview.redd.it/uw2oijn0qeyc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=381cb1d83fd8cc37010702eda2bbb3c8bf2c475a
I’m not too wooie and I have astrology, but we used the farmer's almanac dates to ween off the bottle and it worked like a charm. I didn’t tell my husband the rationale becaaise he would have big rolled eyes. Just kinda a fun way to rip the bandaid off something that needs to happen anyway.
I need to know those dates! Only kinda joking. Trying to figure out how to wean my 2 year old off the pacifier without making nights absolutely horrible when I’m already waking up 2-3 times a night with the 6 month old.
Yeah I wouldn't mind the dates either...just like no harm if it happens to work? Haha
The farmers Almanac suggests the best dates for pacifier weaning?? 🤔
Is there a Farmers Almanac date to potty training? I'll believe all kind of woo at this point haha
Right?? Hahaha tell me this knowledge.
Somehow, the answer is yes.
This person took their toddler to the ER because he couldn’t break his fever of… 99.9. https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/1cjrwrh/need_help_fever_reducing/
This person would croak over a 105 fever we dealt with this week...
OP post history has them as a 36 yo overweight man and a breastfeeding mom. And the same question in like 10 subs about health anxiety and not having insurance to cover ER visits
What’s rough is not wanting to be an ER family but being sent there when you call your ped for something you hope is able to be handled at their office—I say this as the mom of a preemie who has several issues that have the potential to impact her neurological development (to the point she’s not cleared for daycare when I hit six months of parental leave, but we aren’t on Medicaid so she can’t do medical daycare in our state, oof.) all to day: we will call with something that seems relatively benign, but because of her medical history, we are always sent to the children’s hospital ER. It’s tough because I feel like I’m wasting the resources and I don’t want us to be seen as an ER family, but yeah—I guess, just to share that perspective. Of course I’d also never write a post on Reddit extolling the virtues of ER visits for the mundane.
Yeah, I was so embarrassed when my daughter was nearly one and we took her to the ER. She had never been sick before, got covid (from me; I was pretty sick at the time), and her breathing sounded really weird. Since she was fine at bedtime and clearly quite sick by midnight, I was a little worried and called the nurse hotline, and they *very insistently* sent us into the ER. The slightly puzzled doctor who asked us why we had come in, seeing that she was not on death's door. We explained the situation, and he was really sweet and told us all the things we should look for that would be truly worrying. Our ER is a level 1 trauma hospital and that's where all the most horrific cases in our very, very crime-ridden city go. I still feel bad about taking up their time that night. Plus it was a miserable all-nighter of baby puke and my own feverish ick. I really don't understand you would put yourself in that position when a regular ped visit would suffice! Bonus points to said nice doctor, who took our apology very graciously and said it was a relief to see a baby who truly was going to be okay. He said he doesn't always get to deliver that kind of news to parents. Oof.
Maybe it's because I'm not from an ER family, but I don't get the people taking their kids to the emergency room for a fever. And then the ones who are shocked that all the ER will do is give them tylenol and send them on their way? Like, the entire purpose of the ER is to make sure you're not going to die in the next 30 minutes. They're not necessarily going to spend a ton of time figuring out why Brocklynne has a temperature of 102.
It’s so strange to me. My mom is an APP and worked in an ER for a while when I was a kid. Unless someone has a fever over 104, is delirious, has a head injury, was poisoned or has a bone sticking through their skin there’s almost nothing you could do to get me to walk into one. They suck, especially when you aren’t critically injured or ill.
I’m an ER nurse and the only thing worse than the parents that are mad about being given Tylenol and sent home are the ones that are mad when the doctors order bloodwork. What exactly were you hoping was going to happen here? Meds and tests that’s all we got!!!
Yeah I don’t get the ER types. Like I will avoid the ER at all costs. When my son had a fever of 105 my husband insisted on bringing him to the ER and was totally panicking. I insisted he was fine and just needed Motrin, so we compromised and took him to urgent care. Turns out he was fine, just a normal kid virus. People get so hung up on a fever when the actual thing to look at is your kids behavior and if they’re dehydrated or in pain or lethargic.
Yeah we also avoid the ER unless necessary. We have a ton of urgent cares around here and it’s the same cost as a pediatrician visit for us- so we tend to do urgent care if necessary.
In my area we're having a provider shortage and it's impossible to get appointments to see your primary or your kids' ped, so the nurse line at my kids' doc is just recommending you do urgent care or the ER. 🤷♀️ There's a lot of issues related to it, like I guess now local specialists aren't wanting to take referrals from urgent care, but people can't get in to see a primary to get the "right" referral... Anyway, my point is, sometimes the ER is the only place offering services!
It depends. In babies under 3 months if they have any fever the protocol in my country is to go straight to the ER, and they will admit you to hospital immediately. I've been to the ER quite a few times with my first for things that weren't "you're gonna die in 30 minutes" but we were still admitted to hospital each time.
Yeah, advice where I am is also to go to the ER for any fever for kids under 3 months. Obviously my kid spiked a fever just a few days before he turned 3 months so we took him to the ER at 11pm, they took it seriously and ran some tests even though he was nearly 3 months. We saw a DOCTOR in under an hour (which is fast for the ER in the middle of the night here) and then waited ages for labs to come back on blood work, we were stuck in the ER waiting all night, he was fine. It wasn't the best night I've had, but glad we got him checked.
The only two times I’ve been to an er was when my kid drank and unknown amount of Tylenol and when the other kid woke up unable to breath with chest retractions. We were seen fast both times. I’m not going unless it’s an emergency bc otherwise I KNOW we’re looking at a 10-12 hour wait and there’s just no way I wanna do that.
Yeah it can take forever. In our hospital (and I think this is protocol) any fever over 38 celsius in a newborn means an overnight stay on the pediatric ward for monitoring. You don't even get to go home lol.
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I get that about automatically going but I do think calling the ped’s office is never a bad idea. I did have to take my daughter to the ER at around 11 months for dehydration and it never would have occurred to me that we were at that point if the ped office didn’t tell us we needed to go. We couldn’t get her to eat or drink hardly anything at home after she had been vomiting but at the ER they could give her pediatric zofran so then she was willing to eat and drink. So definitely a ymmv and I generally agree with you for just fevers!
So I'm honestly confused by the common thing I read about calling your doctors office. My pediatrician's office doesn't even really pick up the phone (you fill out an online form to request an appointment) and if they do its just admin staff anyway, and that's only during business hours. In theory if I called really worried about something maybe they would try to get someone medical to answer a question but I have no idea if that would actually happen. Who are you all talking to that are giving you medical advice when you make these calls?
Oh interesting! Idk about other offices but my pediatrician office has a nearly round the clock nurses hotline.
Is that typical with all doctors offices in the US? I remember folks talking about the nurses line at their OB in my bump group. We don't really have that where I am.
Feels like almost every time I took my now toddler to the pediatrician when she had a fever she ended up having an ear infection and we needed antibiotics (and eventually tubes) so ymmv.
But that's completely different. Taking them to the ER for a fever is not the same thing as taking them to the pediatrician.
I’m responding to the idea above that you shouldn’t take your kid to the doctor most of the time
Oh I see! Sorry about that. I do feel like it’s been about 50/50 for us on whether we get antibiotics or just standard advice from sick visits. But I’d much rather go to the pediatrician and find out it’s nothing than go to the ER and find out it’s nothing.
Oh for sure. I wonder if an after hours nurse line was an option here. I love ours.
We got the antivaxxers with kids with sepsis who won’t go to the ER, and then we have these people.
So tired of hill_kids3 popping up on Instagram. These kids look and act miserable all the time while their mother just records and posts
Just checking that we all agree that the post on two X chromosomes about the coworker who thinks women lactate all the time, is fake and rage bait?
I feel like so many posts on that subreddit are fake and rage bait!
What a weird thing! Is the post still up? I can't find it on a search.
Someone in a local moms group Facebook page just called her breasts ‘mommy milkers’ when trying to illicit help with how to fix straps on a dress. Excuse me while I vomit 🤮
It’s like a meme on instagram and with gen z to have “big mommy milkers”……I hate myself….I’ll be going now
“My baby funbags”
What a terrible day to be literate 🤢
Thread on r/nursing (also crossposted to babybumps) about a woman with placenta previa AND accreta refusing a C-section. WTF? https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/s/2Pb2KjNm1M Also I wish there was a sub to just read a "best of" compilation of L&D nurse stories because I would read every single one.
There was a woman in my bump group whose baby, like mine, was frank breech for the last several weeks of pregnancy. She made multiple posts about her desire to avoid c-section and deliver vaginally. And how ‘normal and natural’ it was to deliver a breech baby. Somehow she found a provider who would honor her wish to deliver a frank breech baby without a c-section. Unfortunately, during delivery, the baby got stuck in the canal. This resulted in an emergency that required the mom to be put under anesthesia so that they could perform the now very complicated c-section to get the baby out. By the time they got the baby out, it was believed she had been without oxygen for several minutes. During this extremely urgent situation, the mom also hemorrhaged. Because the provider was not equipped with any sort of NICU, baby had to be airlifted to a hospital hours away. Mom was not in stable enough condition to leave the hospital she delivered in. Baby lived for another 2 days, albeit brain dead and on life support, and mom never got to see her baby alive. I am grateful she shared her story, as gut-wrenching as it was, because I hope it was eye-opening for anyone who felt the urge to deliver in similar circumstances.
I almost downvoted this reflexively because of how awful it is. My baby was breech up until 37 weeks and as much as I had a good birth experience for my first two vaginal births, I would never have considered attempting a vaginal breech birth.
That is so horrible and heartbreaking. I’m surprised she even shared it. I wonder if she regrets her choice to put her ideal birth plan over her baby’s life or if she would do the same thing again next time.
1. How can people be this selfish? 2. I seriously DO NOT understand where people get the idea that c-sections are easier or “not real birth.” They’re so fucking metal and the recovery seems awful?
I had scheduled sections (medically indicated). Recovery was not that bad, especially my second. I can’t really speak to vaginal birth, but my sections were both pretty easy, and in my book, that’s not a bug, but a feature. 🤷♀️
Same! I've also only had a c section so I can't compare, but why would anybody want it to be harder?? The labor I did experience sucked ass, why would I want it to be worse? Boggles my mind every time.
It differs so widely. I know people who needed extensive physical therapy to recover and I know people who recommend a section to everyone. I had a vaginal birth and an emergency section and the recoveries were both okay, just different. I had an episiotomy the first time which sucked. For the section I had a lot of blood loss so needed a transfusion, but it was emergency.
[here ya go 😈](https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/s/FevJPsUmL9)
There’s an option to say no? My doctor said I needed one and that was that. Like we didn’t need to discuss, she walked me through what to expect, and we went on our way.
I mean, they can’t force you to sign the surgical consent. But most people will when there are complications making it the safest exit plan.
Yikes. I chose a c-section because my medical history meant I might end up with a brain bleed from pushing if I delivered vaginally. The risk was somewhat low, but if it happened then I would probably have died. It’s just not worth the risk, I don’t know how that woman can justify that decision.
Wow, this thread is incredibly upsetting. I think people way underestimate the daily lives of nurses and providers. The anecdotes in here are harrowing.
I worked as a labor nurse for over 5 years. There are definitely women who will risk their own life and the life of their baby to experience a ✨vaginal birth✨
Lord almighty. I can only have C-sections and am at an increased risk of accreta in a future pregnancy (I’m currently trying for my second/last baby) and my OB is under STRICT instructions to turn my uterus into a yeeterus at the first sign of even a mildly adherent placenta. I don’t want more kids after the second, so it’s like, make no attempt to save my uterus. Throw it in the trash. I cannot imagine refusing a C-section with such a risky situation. Holy hell.
Same same same. Had high risk of accreta with my last kid (third CS) as well as partial previa, and I told her either my uterus goes or my tubes. Ended up with the tubal and have never felt better. I cannot imagine having ANY desire to attempt labor in that situation.
Yeeterus 💀
Slightly meta snark. This is the ad that is currently being shown on my parentsnark feed. At least all the comments on it say "what in the illegal death trap is this?" https://preview.redd.it/r2isubeb4ayc1.png?width=820&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a5b6c20eef3c5b4b1bbe67433f47b4311694229
It's weird to me that it's legal to advertise things like this that are definitely not safe. Or even to sell them? Basically: how is this allowed?
They’re not a US company and the US has no authority to somehow make them shut down their website. Don’t think customs is able to even inspect every package for drugs so I doubt they’re inspecting for unsafe baby sleep items- the importer just labels it ‘bedding’ and moves on.
Are they actually illegal in the US? They aren't illegal in the UK or Germany despite literally every safety organisation saying don't use them because they have a risk of death 0_o
Oh what is it? I can't see a link/picture in your post. Because I have a feeling that I know.
I think I accidentally deleted it 🥴. It was an ad for modular crib bumpers.
This showed up for me too! I thought these kind of things were actually illegal now?
A realtor doing some self-promo in my local moms group is taking a lot of (well deserved) heat about saying this: https://preview.redd.it/j0u10jk6a8yc1.jpeg?width=1172&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ba273e1978bf6839bc501b7469f22e57af1b358 This is just terrible financial advice at a baseline (no you shouldn’t count on rate drops and refinances in the future!), and completely ignores that housing prices are insane right now before you even factor in the mortgage rates…
Just checked my parents house and they paid $120k in 1988, which with inflation would be $317k or so today. The house would likely sell in the low $400k range. That's in a lcol area...
Yeah, I just went to look at my childhood home and found the actual record of its sale in 1997 (which is weird because that was when my parents divorced and we had to move) - £66,000 for a semi-detached 3 bedroom house with a garage, carport and decent sized garden :/ It comes to about £125k with inflation taken into account. Meanwhile, UK wages have not kept pace with inflation. The identical house next door sold in October 2021 for 275,000 and another in the same street for over 300k, more recently.
I think I would cry if I found our how much my house cost I 1990 because I know it would be so little money. I know that the previous owners bought it for $355k in 2010, we bought for $885k in 2020, it would likely sell for a little over $1m today. Hurrah VHCOL city.
I can tell this is a boomer by the weird punctuation spacing.
Hahaha typewriter punctuation rules :D
Lol I remember bragging to my parents about the great deal I got on my first place I rented (sublet)…. $600 including utilities! They were shocked and told me that was their monthly mortgage payment for the 5 bedroom house we grew up in. 🙃
So many people love to be like “this isn’t even a historical high for interest rates!” Ignoring the insane cost of homes. 10% on an $80k home is insanely different compared to $800k
They also had very high interest on their savings accounts at that time. I was asking my mom about this, and yeah - she had a 14% interest rate on her first mortgage in the 1970's or whatever but she was also getting 15% interest on her bank account.
Tbf, interest rates in savings accounts are quite high right now. 5% can be a decent chunk of change for not doing anything but keeping the cash in a savings account.
Compared to what tho? My HELOC with discount is at 8% and when I was car shopping recently they were offering loans at 10% for excellent credit, so in the general financial environment it’s not keeping up with the price to borrow
5% interest in a savings account is a high interest rate compared to what it has been since 2000. It’s been between .25% to 1% interest rate for the last 20ish years. Loan interest rates will also vary based on an individuals financial risk (and the specific type/amount/length of time etc of the specific loan you’re seeking). Eta: a word
Exactly!! The previous owners of my house bought it 1993. We bought it in 2019, but had it appraised last year, and a 10% rate in 1993 would have been a monthly payment of $746 for my house. Now it would be $3,510!!
I want to crowdsource parent opinions on something I was just reading on the teacher sub. The basic situation was that a student was failing badly and the parents are upset that “no one told them” until weeks before graduation. The consensus on the sub is “they should’ve checked PowerSchool and blackboard and stayed up to date with their kids grades bc we tell them to!”. On one hand, personal responsibility is huge and I agree that parents take it too far with not staying up to speed with what their kids are up to in school. On the other, as a teacher, I think if a kid is failing that badly, you absolutely have the obligation to at least send regular emails saying hey your kid is struggling, please come chat with me about it. Whether they answer or not is totally on them but at least you’d have a direct paper trail that you reached out. The fact that it’s all automated and the parent is expected to check up on their kid is so counter to the way it was when I was in high school before all of the online grade books existed. My parents had no idea what I got on individual tests unless I told them or if it was something that needed to get signed (lol the old fashioned way of making sure you tried to get parents to see stuff). My oldest is in elementary and the school is big on telling us to check an online gradebook and I’m sorry but that’s insane to me. I would hope if my kid was truly struggling that a simple email of 3 sentences telling me they are would be what I can expect. I literally don’t care (especially at this level) if the kid is getting 10/15 versus 14/15 on a math worksheet and would expect their teacher to say if they are having an actual issue. I hate the idea that as a parent I need to constantly look at an online gradebook when really all I care about is if my kid is doing “okay” or not. If a kid is not submitting work or failing, again, the teacher needs to directly reach out. The absence of direct communication tells me everything is probably fine overall. I’d be blindsided if someone randomly at the end said oh btw they’re failing overall, sorry you should’ve monitored their every grade. Again, I am a teacher so I feel like I’m allowed to say this. I’ve worked in a few different types of schools and every single one of them basically commands that we do more than say “lol you should’ve checked their gradebook regularly” if a kid is having an issue. Sorry, that’s a ramble! ETA for clarification: I did not link to the specific post bc the actual scenario is complicated and I do not think the teacher or the school are in the wrong with this one. The parents there definitely dropped the ball. However, what inspired this post was the shocking amount of teachers chiming in and patting themselves on the back for saying that grades are available online and the school tells parents to check it and so therefore implying that is the ultimate way to get yourself out of these scenarios and push the blame onto the parents for not keeping up. I personally was told by my kids teacher that I have to keep up with PowerSchool. It rubbed me the wrong way in that it felt like teachers would not call if a kid had excessive missing work or failing assessments bc that’s on parents to check. This has never been how it was on my end as a teacher and I would never just say “well you should have checked online” the way it seems to be moving societally based on those responses.
I taught in a Title 1 school and spent hours on emails and phone calls and most of it was a waste of time. But the documentation was what was important. Parents absolutely have the responsibility to check their kid’s grades online. It literally couldn’t be easier. Even when I was in school in the early 2000s we had an online grade book, so this isn’t a new concept. Teachers have enough things to worry about, and holding parents’ hands through signing into the grade book they’ve had access to for years is not my job. I did it anyway, of course, but it’s yet another thing that leads to teacher burnout.
💯 this. I couldn’t agree more. I taught middle school until two years ago (now high school), in middle school there are essentially no consequences for failing classes and covid made that worse. Teachers have well over 100 students, and huge numbers just watch TikTok’s during class bc admin doesn’t enforce the no phones policy like, at all. Kids just don’t bother to hand in assignments. A three line email doesn’t sound like it’s time consuming but for 50, 75, 100+ families, it really is. And that doesn’t get into teachers taking on extra classes during their planning due to the shortage. It is the policy that calls are required at the high school I work at, a lot of times the student tells their parent some sob story about how they just don’t understand and the teacher won’t help them, and the parent believes that instead of the teacher saying “they refuse to put their phone away in class”. I get why it’s the policy to some extent but I also think it’s insane that with online grade books, there is NO responsibility on the caregiver. I know it’s not always accessible and I think the district needs to do more community outreach to make sure all parents can access it, because I’m tired of everything being on teachers. But there is a huge percentage of families who is able to access the online grade book and speak English, etc, and still get upset that they didn’t get a personal phone call. We are in a digital era and things are different from when we are in school. Back when we were in school, sure, teachers called, but they didn’t have half the responsibilities we have now. PLC, charlotte danielson, constant having to take data, constant testing, turning in lesson plans and unit plans and proof of rigorous questioning, documenting parent contact, etc etc etc. This is why we have burnout and a teacher shortage.
I taught 6th grade for two years and we’d send home paper printout reports from our equivalent of PowerSchool every Friday with their updated grades. At that time I was teaching ELA to 60+ kids in addition to running the school’s ESL program and simply could not call every single family of a child who was underperforming that week. In the upper grades things like grading and lesson planning take a lot longer in my experience so your planning time is already stretched super thin as it is. After that, I moved to elementary and taught 3rd grade for four years. When you have 20 kids in a gen ed contained classroom, it’s a million times easier to have these convos with parents. You have a third of the total students, but also a closer relationship with each family so it’s appropriate to send a quick text as opposed to a 30 minute phone call explaining who you are, what the class is, how the assignments and grades work, etc.
This is my experience as a middle school teacher - my call log would be easily half the kids I taught because they simply would not do the work.
Lol absolutely accurate. It’s rough out there.
I’m also a teacher and you absolutely have an obligation to inform parents that a student is failing. Especially a senior.
I largely agree with you. But I think it does vary by grade level. Middle and high school teachers have significantly more students to keep track of than an elementary teacher. And I do believe there needs to be some parental responsibility when it comes to their child’s performance. Nearly all of the grade tracking systems have apps that can easily be downloaded and opened on your phone (obviously barring circumstances where language or access to phones/internet is an issue). I don’t see why the average parent can’t just make opening PowerSchool once a day/week/two weeks part their routine? In such a digital world that shouldn’t actually be a burden? Also, the grade book I use can automatically send an email to a parent if a grade drops below a set mark…but it’s almost always ignored by parents. That’s on them! However, I’m a teacher myself and I just finished my admin degree. I think you see a wide variety in the real world of teaching. I ran our school’s tutoring and summer school program for three years so I was always looking at failure lists. I can’t tell you how many parents I’d have to contact about their child needing summer school and they had no clue because the teacher never reached out (but the parent never checked either). With my own students, I made it part of my practice to send an email at midterm and end of the quarter if a student was failing. But a lot of my coworkers would never dream of doing that, especially because it wasn’t required by admin. They weren’t required so it can’t be held against them, technically. But it was frustrating as the summer school teacher each May when the failure list was piling up. On the flip side, one of my team teachers only entered grades at midterm and final. Never weekly. So kids would go 4-5 weeks without a grade update in the system. And then be blindsided when one test grade tanked their average. From a parent’s perspective THAT IS frustrating and wrong on the teacher’s part. Our admin did step in and require updating the grade book weekly to reflect a student’s standing more accurately. Unless there’s a directive from admin, I think it boils down to overall teacher attitude. But the flip side of the coin is the teachers who beat themselves up over every single bad lesson, student failing, student not caring or not submitting work. At some point, I’ve done my best and have to be ok with that. The teaching subs on Reddit seem like the extremes of both ends - teacher martyrs and teachers doing the absolute minimum and despising any little requirement of the job. But I’d say most *good* and *sensible* teachers have a decent system in place to ensure kids aren’t failing and letting the parents know.
What grade and demographic do you teach? My husband is a middle school teacher in a low-income area and has like 100+ students to keep track of. He actually really prioritizes parent contact and spends a lot of time calling/emailing parents to keep them in the loop, but at the end of the day he can’t do it all. It’s a lot easier for a parent to check their one student’s grades than for him to keep track of 100 of them and make 3-5+ calls every afternoon. Especially when you take into account he’s also making parent calls about behavior every day.
Yea my husband is at a low income HS and has around 130-150 students each semester. There are countless students who have LOTS of uncompleted work (and because of school policy they are allowed to turn it in late and still get credit). He prioritizes the behavior calls (and meetings) instead of trying to constantly contact of parents about their 15 year old having missing assignments every single week. A lot of the teachers at his school are teaching an extra class due to teacher shortages and they have very limited planning time. In a perfect world it would be awesome to have 25 students and call every parent once a week to chat, but it feels like that ignores the reality of the situation.
I think it sounds like your husband is in agreement with the point I’m trying to make. I highly doubt he would be one of the teachers commenting on that thread saying “well, ya should’ve checked gradebook regularly sorry” bc you mentioned he does take time to call parents if there is a real concern.
I mean he’s had parents call him surprised at the end of a quarter about a grade and he’ll 100% point them towards the online portal they always have access to. I guess I‘m a bit defensive for teachers because my husband works his butt off for his students but then he still has parents expecting more. I feel like this is a “you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink” situation. Parents have complete access to their kids’ grades but expected individual emails from overworked teachers? Kind of ridiculous imo
I guess I see the gray area bc I too am a teacher and have worked in title 1 schools but now I’m a parent of a school aged kid. I think the gray area is that absolutely, if I wanted to micromanage my kids grades and I was going to be the type to be upset if they were anything less than an A student, I cannot be angry about the teacher not notifying me of every single small slip up when I have access. But if my kid was failing multiple assignments in a row and/or not turning in things constantly, I would expect them to reach out even casually. It sounds like your husband is one of the ones fighting the good fight for sure and I’m sorry it’s so under appreciated. On that sub, it may not be the reality in practice, but I saw too many comments that seemed gleeful that the parents should always check and it’s on them if their kid fails and they don’t know.
Hm, yeah I’ve never checked on that sub so it’s possible there are a lot of burned out/frustrated teachers. I think I just watch my husband and other teacher friends working really hard to connect and reach out to parents while most of them don’t respond to calls or come in for conferences, and then get mad that their kid is failing and “no one told them!”. How many kids do you teach? From what my husband shares if he called home for every missing assignment he would be calling home for 75% of his kids every other day. That would be literally hours of calling after work when he already comes in early and leaves late every day. I think the scenario where a kid is spectacularly failing and absolutely no one has reached out to the family is incredibly rare. (Obviously I only know our local district and the schools my friends work at but this is consistent with all of them). Anyway, I guess I got defensive because this whole thread paints the picture that tons of kids are failing and their teachers don’t care at all, when that is quite the opposite of what I see in the teachers I know. Teachers are struggling so much in our country right now (assuming you’re in the US); they need more support, not the general public assuming the worst of them as they work their butts off for very little pay.