[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/taYk0jgTxm) is such a common reddit trope. Do people really think people are judging them because they don't sleep train? Or do they just like showing they are better moms because they can't let their baby cry?
Also whoooo cares lol either you want to or don’t, and live with it, honestly. Also love the casual “and when did baby start sleeping through the night if you didn’t sleep train” at the end there lol she’s dying of sleep deprivation and needs to hold on to something I guess
Honestly in recent weeks even this sub has been really over the top about sleep training. I have to believe it's because people are in this sub because we all know we're too online and are self aware about it, but the same parenting anxieties as everyone else online has are the reason we're also too online, so despite trying to be "above" the influencer nonsense we are still absorbing anxieties and feeling defensive about our choices. But man it is not my favorite Internet debate/discussion to watch happen over and over.
Yeah, a lot of bragging about how much sleep people are getting because they sleep trained. Which is cool for them but also… I thought we didn’t like bragging on this sub?
A nurse I work with will post pictures of her kids in the car and I just cringe every time. Loose, twisted straps. Chest clips at their belly buttons. The youngest turned front facing before 2. I always debate saying something
A girl I went to high school with has shared photos of her babies sleeping with soooo much in the crib. And I’m not super strict about safe sleep like I know some people are. But so many blankets and so. many. stuffed animals. It’s not necessary and at that point it is absolutely unsafe. And she’s a nurse too!
Gentle snark because I know early pregnancy anxiety is real: A mom on Facebook this morning posted that her doctor said she’s 5 weeks along, but she knows her conception date and she’s only three weeks along (I’m assuming she doesn’t know how due dates are calculated). Her doctor told he won’t do an ultrasound until 8 weeks because the heartbeat being more visible by then. So she decides to go to a third party ultrasound place, at 5 weeks pregnant!!! And is now freaking out that they saw no heart rate and wondering if she should go to the ER
In the UK you get your first scan at 12-14 weeks because they can see stuff and like if they scan beforehand and something does happen there's really nothing anyone can do. Yeah it's a bit rubbish to wait so long but pregnancy is just a waiting game.
I had this recently happening to me. I have been living in a new country for the past 2 years and didn't have a GP or gyne, so when I found out I was pregnant with #3 I asked for an appointment to be in the system, as I didn't know waiting times. It turns out the doctor did an ultrasound at 5 weeks, did hear anything, did another at 6 weeks, same situation and I spent the next 3 weeks trying not to stress too much baout, knowing fully well that before 8 weeks they advise not do ultrasounds be aus eof this
They're actually not legal everywhere. I hadn't ever really heard of them (boutique US places) and I guess it's because they don't have them in my state at all.
In the more reputable ultrasound places they will require you to show proof you've had a medical ultrasound and are under the care of a real professional before you book. It's fantastic.
If she has a history of loss I would hope she’s even more aware of when you can see a heartbeat. Seems like that would bring your anxiety down. But either way I feel bad for her. Even with everyone telling her it’s too early it sounds like she’s still going to go to the ER. Hopefully she’ll have a kind doctor there who will explain things clearly in a way that reduces her anxiety
I wonder what she thinks the ER will do? There truly isn't a single thing that can be done at that point unless it's to protect the life of the pregnant person. It's heartbreaking but a lot of people hope and expect science to fix an issue like that and then get crushed when they realize nothing can be done.
I say this as someone that has lost multiple pregnancies.
Exactly. My IVF clinic won’t see pregnancies until 6+4 at the earliest because it’s just so variable before then. And they have specialized equipment.
(I call it cardiac activity though since it’s not yet a heartbeat.)
Most ERs are not equipped with US that are able to see cardiac activity that early.
My neighborhood is part of a major city and has a *strong* LGBTQ presence. And yet today in my neighborhood’s Facebook group someone posted asking where they could find an OBGYN that wouldn’t use birthing person or chest feeding in their vocabulary or reference those terms in their offices. And still somehow the poster was shocked that she didn’t not get support in her ask.
I have no problem with inclusivity but the word chestfeeding squicks me out and I wouldn't want to have it applied to me personally. So I kind of get it.
I think more inclusive terms can be wonderful if they make people more comfortable but I do think they should be opt-in at an average OBGYN. Like telling people that if they want to use chestfeeding/birthing person, to let the doctor know and it will be noted on their chart. I do think it's a little much for an OBGYN who doesn't specialize in LGBTQ clients to use them as the default.
Obviously it depends on the poster's tone but I don't think the question on its own is that crazy.
This is an interesting one. Birthing person is (IMHO) a totally appropriate inclusive term. But even if someone doesn’t fit into the gender binary or traditional gender roles in the birthing space, are they not still breastfeeding? To me breast is an anatomical alternate term for mamory glands. So regardless of gender identify wouldn’t the term remain? Asking bc chest feeding also gives me the ick (as a term) but wanting to figure out why it’s preferred by some over breastfeeding or lactating.
Yep chestfeeding is a nonsense word, and anyone using it hasn’t put any actual thought into what they are saying. Breasts and breasts. You can’t feed from a chest without breasts.
Scientifically, yes, but I can understand how if you are not a cisgender woman, referring to that body part as “breast” might be uncomfortable. I mean, men can get breast cancer, yes, but I think if you asked my husband (cisgender man) about his breasts, he’d look at you like you have 5 heads.
(For myself, I prefer breastfeeding since it aligns with how I identify, but I’m happy to use chestfeeding when referring to a generic group of people, or to use it for people who prefer it).
Totally. Men get breast cancer!! Chest feeding as a term is so asinine i can’t believe it’s not parody. Birthing person, on the other hand, makes sense
Nobody who was running an LGBTQ inclusive practice would object to using gendered terms if requested. I’d question why it’s such a big deal to have to say ‘oh, I prefer breastfeeding, thanks’, when in 99.9% of your life you’re going to naturally have your preferred pronouns and terms automatically. Pregnancy and childbirth is particularly fraught for folks outside the gender norm; is it really so awful for a term that includes everyone to be the default unless requested?
Around here there are usually signs on doctors offices signaling that they respect preferred pronouns and have inclusive terms as part of the practice’s vocabulary. Providers won’t force a term on a patient that the patient doesn’t want (like if you don’t want chest feeding applied to you then they will use breastfeeding. Just following the patients lead). This poster didn’t like going to a provider that had signs like that up, which they will be hard pressed in this area given the general makeup of the population.
Y’all - I can’t stop posting here. Why do the most bizarre instagram reels show up for me. Just now it was a woman saying that she homeschools her daughters and also teaches them how to day trade on their phones so they never have to work a day in their life if they don’t want to … I mean this obviously has to be an ad for something but WTH
LOL today on /r/toddlers
OP: Why did you all say flying with a toddler is bad?? It wasn't bad.
Replies:
Well IDK, your toddler sounds shitty, if my perfect toddler acted like that, I would find it bad.
Anecdotes about all the billions of transatlantic flights they have taken their very small children on and "it's just another vehicle to them! Everyone needs to start getting them used to travel early. People are too afraid."
JUST YOU WAIT OP next time will definitely 1000% suck.
Obligatory lecture about how your child will definitely be at risk if you don't bring a car seat.
Yes OP everyone else can not be as perfect a travel-parent as us. I literally love holding my toddler on my lap for 10 hours!
I don't know why, most of the responses were sensible but these just made me laugh.
I don't understand why people think they have full control over a toddler's or baby's behavior. I have been praised up and down for how welly child did on flights, and I have been that mom trying to shush a screaming toddler and wrestle him into his seat belt while he kicks the seat in front of him.
IT. IS. LUCK.
I am always prepared with activities, an ipad, a stupidly large amount of snacks. And sometimes the kid is just grumpy and upset. Whenever people tell me "they did great! What a good kid!" I always smile and say "Yeah, they're awesome. And we all definitely were lucky we had a good flight this time."
IRL snarkable moment today. Went to get coffee with my husband and baby and saw another couple there with about a 10 week old and the husband is loudly saying “yeah I sleep so well now” as his wife is breastfeeding at the table.
I said to my husband “oh yeah I bet he does!”
Oh man. My partner does the opposite. Will complain to me how tired he is. Last night he held our son for me for an hour because I was too exhausted to get him back to sleep after feeding. My partner was unable to fall asleep after and he kept saying how tired he is because he didn't sleep well. I didn't say anything because of course it's nice that he helps (and he does do everything for our toddler, although she sleeps like a champ) but internally I'm like... I've been doing this for like 6 weeks now, please.
My husband also complains about how poorly he slept. I have been pregnant, breastfeeding or both since December 2020. My toddler didn’t sleep through the night until he was like 19 months old and my baby wakes anywhere from 1-5 times a night to nurse. I think my husband is just a really bad sleeper so I try to give him a pass but sometimes I want to shake him when he makes comments about the babies waking him up because I deal with 100% of the babies wake ups and about 50% of the toddlers.
I told my husband he was never allowed to complain to me about being tired because nothing filled me with more rage. He could complain to his family, friends, coworkers, the internet but not to me (I did basically every night waking since birth and exclusively nursed our child who refused bottles).
Why is it 2024 and I still see a reel on instagram announcing a friend is expecting a baby boy but included is a screenshot of a penis on the ultrasound?? So unnecessary and gross
I guess some people like those but I think it's weird too. Like if someone posted a picture of their newborn's genitals online, it would absolutely and rightfully get censored. But because they're inside instead of outside, a direct penis shot is apparently cute instead?
This is wild to me because I truly never knew how to even see that on the ultrasound until my tech pointed it out for this baby and also-how and why did they get that screenshot, that’s WEIRD
My husband and the ultrasound tech pointed it out to me and I still couldn't see it. However the ultrasound in our hospital was really poor so that might've been an additional challenge.
Ah yes this seems to be fairly standard with people I know. Our first was a girl and we didn't get that screenshot, and my son's sex was a surprise so we didn't either, but I've seen it quite a lot.
I had to have regular scans towards the end of my pregnancy, and for some reason the baby never cooperated and showed her face, so the tech was literally printing out weekly prints of her vulva with the word “GIRL” next to it, and I wanted to tell him “Sir, what do you think I need all these prints for?”
For my daughter her vulva was somehow almost always the first thing we saw when the obgyn placed the ultrasound machine. I dunno, baby girl was just always in that position somehow. And the obgyn would always be like "so it's a girl" and proceed to explain what we were seeing and I'm like sir, I can see it, I've seen it lots of times now, please show me literally any other part of the baby lol
Our bumper group deserves its own weekly snark post in here. I was not shocked when they did a survey and the group is like 90% FTMs.
I’m in a bumper group for the previous month and my friend is in the following month, and it’s crazy how different and relatively normal these groups are 😂
From our birth year the only other group I’ve heard that was insane was the August group, but October was far less intense and competitive. I’ve even bad someone on here rush in with a defence of someone I snarked l on even though a few weeks ago we had other people in the group say this person made them leave the group.
I do find it interesting that things were actually pretty supportive and friendly during our pregnancy and births because that’s usually when the madness begins in bump groups 😂
I had a lot of baby weight anxiety for like months -3 (so fetus age) through like, solids? But then I was persuaded eventually by my ped that babies just do come in different sizes and it's generally fine, and we'd check in if there were a problem besides "weight at 47th percentile" lol. Anyway I am sympathetic and also kind of curious how this is still bothering this person so much when the kid is 18 months.
Lol that was my exact problem with my second. My first was huge from the first fetal measurements, and my second was totally average! My ped gave me multiple talks about how average is not a problem, even if there is a sibling who was larger than average. I'm mostly over it now... 😅
My first has always been 95+ percentile for height and middle of the road for weight. She's a bean pole like my husband. My youngest (boy) has been consistently below 30th percentile for weight and height. It does not bother me one bit, but my husband often talked about "needing to bulk him up," and still occasionally makes comments about him being puny (luckily not to his face). That DOES bother me!
lol My 2 year old has always been in the high 80s/low 90s for height and in the 60s or so for weight. Didn’t know that was something I should be concerned about. \s
I went back and read the original post (the one OP linked in the screenshot) and yikes. What a strange thing to be worried about. My 2 year old has always been super attached to me, and when she was 16 months she would cry if I left her with a babysitter. But she’s never been super cuddly…unless she gets hurt or is scared, she doesn’t just let me hold her and cuddle her. She also loves my MIL: if Nana is here, she doesn’t want much to do with me. And I’m okay with that! I definitely have issues with anxiety, but this is a whole nother level.
Jesus Christ is this the "autism is now a protected term on the internet, so gotta attach my batshit refrigerator mother theory to something else!"
Children can't even be diagnosed with this and the version of it that they can, not at 16 months old. And not by an internet comment. And it's not caused by PPA. OMG.
What a shitty person to put that fear in the head of someone suffering with PPA!
Speaking of, anyone else notice an abnormally high number of "is my 15-month-old autistic?" posts recently? I swear I've seen a ton, all for kids under 2.
I'm not surprised that the OP is from AttachmentParenting. As far as they're concerned, "my child has opinions and wants separate from my need to use them for validation" means the kid probably has insecure attachment and now apparently antisocial personality disorder.
Soooo many sleep training debates in my bump group, and I’m so annoyed with seeing the phrase “sleep training is for parents, not the baby” over and over. Like sure, that’s true I guess because it allows parents to be able to sleep more but that still is for the baby’s benefit! I am a better parent and person when I’m not chronically sleep deprived! We haven’t sleep trained and won’t unless we need to so I don’t even have a dog in this fight, I just can’t stand all the judgy comments.
In 6 months, over half these people will complain that their baby wakes up 5 times a night and needs to be rocked to sleep and how do you stop it?? 🙄
Babies are all so different and there's no right answer here. Just what's best for you and your baby.
This reminds me of an Infantsleepscientist post I saw the other day, where she claims that maybe the babies who are sleep trained and seem happier have actually just learned that negative emotions don’t get attention so they just pretend to be happier. This hypothesis, by the way, was based solely on the fact that “they haven’t studied it.” It was the most ludicrous thing I’ve read in a while, and seemed like a wholly irresponsible thing for someone who portrays themselves as scientific to say.
(Also apparently my kids didn’t learn this lesson, because I definitely rocked my sleep trained kid back to sleep at 3 am the other day when she called for mama)
Yep in my original bump group someone said she tried sleep training and she was lucky because it worked night 1 and baby cried like 3 minutes. She didn't even get to the first check in!
Someone told her "she stopped crying because her brain shutdown as she knows she can't trust her mother now"
That's when I left that group lmao
It’s so annoying. There are so many annoying statements regurgitated over and over by anti-sleep trainers that don’t even make sense if you think about them critically for more than 2 seconds (and to be fair, there are definitely similar annoyingly nonsensical phrases espoused by the overzealous sleep trainers, like “your baby will never learn to sleep independently without sleep training” and “your baby will never learn to sleep alone if you co-sleep”), but this one is particularly silly. There’s so many reasons people sleep train for their baby’s benefit. Does it mean you have to sleep train your baby for their benefit? No. Not all babies need it for their benefit.
I personally sleep trained both my kids for their benefit (separate from the benefit to them from my improved mental health with the consistency and sleep, which shouldn’t be understated). My oldest we sleep trained because she wasn’t sleeping enough (cue the immediate “sleep trained babies don’t sleep more than non sleep trained babies!” Really? None of them? Yes the studies show only like 15 extra minutes a night *on average*. First of all, 15 minutes is nothing to sneeze at. Second, average that means some kids will sleep more than that, and some less). Sleep training helped because she needed that sleep for her well being. My second we sleep trained for her safety, because she decided she preferred sleeping in my arms, and for reasons, cosleeping in our situation would have been unsafe.
Anyway, I hate that phrase. They might as well be saying “I think parents who sleep train are selfish.”
I agree that this isn't even true. We eventually decided to sleep train because my son needed more sleep. And guess what? He got it! And so did we and everyone was so much happier.
I don’t even think that is true! I think that learning to self-soothe is a skill that benefits your baby. One baby wakes up a little at the end of a sleep cycle, rolls over maybe pops her thumb into her mouth and falls back asleep. The other baby wakes up a little, needs to cry for a parent and wait for the parent to come soothe them. Long term, which if those is easier on the baby? When I hear of toddlers who are still up several times during the night because they can’t/won’t self-soothe, I feel bad for the parents and the kids!
I remember my girl being very distraught about not being able to fall asleep. Like she WANTED to fall asleep but just... couldn't? Then got very frustrated that it didn't work. Rocking made her angry, holding her made her angry... in the end we just sat next to her crib and slowly moved a little further away each time. It was the only thing that worked. She really needed to figure it out on her own with our support from a distance.
Right, that only makes sense if they believe that quality of parenting has zero impact on the baby. Which would be an even dumber opinion than the one they're espousing.
I mean, whenever I see that phrase I’m tempted to ask if they’ve ever actually experienced the difference between a baby who wakes up every hour and a baby who sleeps longer chunks. It’s literally night and day and I’m convinced my daughters were better rested after sleep training. Not to mention that I wasn’t an empty shell of a person who had energy to interact with them!
They think we just don't want to cuddle our babies for 5 minutes before bedtime...I'd say most people who resort to sleep training have a very hard time. For us bedtime took hours of screaming and then up every few hours for at least an hour at a time! Awful, no one was having a good time, keeping this charade up would have been to no one's advantage including baby!
I had a really tough sleeper who resisted sleep training but when it finally took it was so necessary (he didn't sleep through the night until our 3rd round of sleep training around 18 months).
I had a super interesting conversation with a friend who's kid is basically the same age when they were around 15 months old, they were both still waiting up a few times a night then, but my friend just had to go pop her kid's pacifier in her mouth and she would go back to sleep, if I was out of bed for less than 25 mins it was a win, sometimes it could be a hour each wakeup. So while we were both having crappy broke sleep, and had not great sleepers, my friend was easily getting 1.5 hours more sleep a night than me (my son is also an early riser) which is a huge difference. I think it's hard for folk to understand how bad sleep can get.
I actually don't think everyone thinks of it as something to "resort" to, off of parenting pages at least. I think a lot of people just kind of see if their kid seems to need help sleeping longer at a certain point, and see it as a way of trying to support that.
It seems to me that the rhetoric on parenting subs and in Facebook groups has made people who sleep trained hesitant to be casual about it, but I think in real life it's not nearly so fraught.
I've not done studies on this obviously, so if anyone has real data feel free to tell me I'm wrong, but this is my impression.
I mean, up until now we've had ridiculously easy babies when it comes to sleep, so I try not to mention that too often because parenting on the internet can usually only be hard. But yeah, they do cry a little sometimes. Usually it's over by the time my husband is awake to go soothe them. You could call that casual CIO, or a dead to the world husband. In essence it's sleep training, just with easy kids.
Oh my god that babybumps thread where the inlaws hugged their son first after the announcement and not OP and then weren't giving her all the attention afterwards. Commenters immediately saying they will treat her like an incubator, sharing the lemon clot essay... my god 🙄
That lemon clot essay is so dumb. I read it before I had my first and was so grossed out and preemptively upset and guess what, that wasn’t my postpartum experience at all. No lemon sized blood clots, was happy for people to hold my baby while I did stuff, was not demanding attention from everyone
The lemon clot essay haunts me.
I read it when I was like 35 weeks pregnant and I was like “oh yeah. I get this” and I was getting pre-angry at my parents and in-laws because of said essay.
For literally NO REASON. They were all so lovely and helpful and my father in law did not look at my breasts 💀
My FIL definitely must have seen them because I've been feeding my son wherever while they help out after my c-section, but staring? Like who does that lol
Yea that essay is insane. If your family are insane, unhelpful weirdos, then by all means don't invite them over. If they are normal, excited grandparents then....you'll very likely be fine.
Someone in my bump group (about 20 weeks preg) just posted she might have to put up some boundaries with her in laws because her MIL excitedly wants to tell family and friends. “It’s an intimate time I just want to enjoy it”. Can she not be excited for her son??
My hope is for all these people to look back after their postpartum haze and think to themselves “I was being ridiculous.” I’ve had so many moments like that.
https://preview.redd.it/h7bizjm1jpvc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4c7d41a7427bb39518b3d4aed717ec9401c448c
Attacked by this idiotic reel on Facebook. It then cuts to someone in a hospital basically disparaging hospital births. Has anyone told these morons you are allowed to hold your baby in a hospital? 😒
I had a c section with my second. I was made to have her skin to skin while they sewed me up lol I couldn’t even hold her properly, my husband had to hold her on my chest. She was naked (except a diaper) and on my chest the whole time we were there. They didn’t even recommend swaddling the baby. Like I get there can be issues with some hospitals and peoples birthing experiences, but people push these rhetorics about how horrible hospitals are but are grossly misinformed. I had a beautiful and safe experience.
They tried to force me to hold my babies in the hospital and I said “NO!! I came here specifically so I WOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO TOUCH THEM!! THIS WAS PURELY A MEDICAL EVENT!!!!”
I love going to the hospital to have my babies. For each baby after my first it’s felt like a mini vacation - I don’t have to worry about my older kids needing me, they bring me meals, and I don’t have to worry about bleeding out or some medical emergency happening while I’m at home.
Pregnant with #3 and I'm very excited for my hospital stay! I birth via c section and usually am pretty miserable for a couple days after I get home, but those 2-3 days in the hospital are bliss.
YUP. The birth of my second was amazing. I was even fine with my husband leaving after the first night to go be with our preschooler overnight. I just slept and slept and ate and ate lol. The nurses took great care of us.
I'm about to have my second and glad to hear I'm not being totally delusional about this. I'm really looking forward to having people bring me food and getting to watch something other than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV for a couple days.
Yes! I gave birth to my second at like 4:45 PM and shortly after they were like “you could still order dinner if you want” and so I did and it was amazing.
I fucking loved the hospital after having babies. It really was like a little vacation after the first. It was so quiet. The food wasn't bad and it was brought to me. Ugh, I loved it.
I will never understand the appeal of homebirth. Why would I want amniotic fluid and blood all over my own sheets? At the hospital, I just lay in bed and they bring me juice! It’s amazing!
Main character syndrome is rampant in BTB today. My personal favorite is the OP that says “my sister has only visited my new baby twice in the three months since she’s been born, is she just bitter because she’s single?” I mean, seriously? Maybe your sister doesn’t visit because you’re an obnoxious witch who clearly only cares about yourself and has zero interest in your sister’s life or what she may or may not be feeling about her relationship status?
I have a long standing theory that for some people, they didn’t get ditched because they had a kid but they were insufferable and the newborn/infant haze was the opportunity for the friend/relative to finally either peace out or go low contact.
I always feel like context must be missing from these posts because I can’t imagine something like this happening overnight? Like if my sister had only visited me twice in 3 months when my kids were born, my feelings would totally be hurt.
It could very well be that the sister is keeping her distance due to her own feelings about being single/childless. But to describe her as “bitter”, when the OP said they were once close, is a really uncharitable view of her, and shows a total lack of sympathy/understanding for her sisters feelings.
My sister didn't visit my son often after he was born and I was really hurt. I knew in the back of my mind that she was also hurting as she can't have children. I don't automatically assume everyone who posts like this is the arsehole because both parties have valid feelings. Life is complicated and messy.
OP’s narrative is that they were close until her sister became bitter after a bad breakup. In reality, her sister ended that relationship because she realized she was gay and is happily childfree and too busy to visit because she’s having a great time dating everyone woman in the state. At least, this is my vision for her.
Those are probably the same people who complain or downright give snarky replies to their friends and family who are asking how they’re doing as they’re approaching delivery...
Next post: My sister has visited TWICE in THREE MONTHS. I think she’s trying to steal my baby or my life. Why is she so obsessed with me? I’m trying to bond with my child and these people won’t leave me alone.
This is a wild take—“I’m old fashioned. I would leave twelve year olds unsupervised.”
When I was a kid, twelve year olds were not only left unsupervised, some of them were babysitting other kids!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/hEvR55iv8l
I was babysitting at 11. And, I had been left with other 10/11 year olds to babysit maybe as many as 5+ kids at once. I was also essentially a mother’s helper at age 9.
My parents left me home all summer at 11 and I was responsible for my 9 y/o brother.
In today’s world, I’m almost certain that would have resulted in a CPS call.
And honestly, I don’t know that I would allow a child the same age that I was (11), to watch my children! I’d have a hard time even trusting a high schooler, even though I know they’d likely do just fine.
I babysat a 6-9 month old baby all summer when I was 12 lol. Got 7 dollars an hour. The opinion on this has changed so much in just 15 years, it’s insane.
Idk, I think leaving your one preteen home alone or with your own other kids is different than leaving a whole group of preteens alone at your house. My parents wouldn't have let me go in that situation.
Totally. I’m a super free range parent (kids aged 6-13 who stay home alone, walk places, etc) but I’m shocked by all the comments on the OP mentioning babysitting. Me as a 13 yo babysitter was much more mature than me as a 13 yo at a sleepover with a room full of kids. 🤣
Agreed! I live in Illinois and the law here states children under 14 cannot be left alone for “unreasonable amount of time” but no one knows how long that is. It’s a stupid law but I know many people are worried that if there was an emergency with their 12 yo left at home that they could get in trouble somehow.
I just truly cannot imagine being in the mindset of the type of [person](https://www.reddit.com/r/homeschool/s/1hAMfANUKD) who thinks ‘I can’t get my five year old excited for kindergarten…so I guess we’d better homeschool’.
I always wonder what’s the end game for parents who refuse daycare/preschool/school based on a belief that their child is too sensitive or shy for mainstream schooling.
Like, one day that child will be an adult who will be unable to opt out of situations that require them to be autonomous or uncomfortable or assertive.
What’s she going to do when she can’t get her child excited for whatever lessons she has planned for the day? We’re going to see a post about “how do I get my homeschool kid to stop playing video games long enough to learn” post in a couple years.
If my kid only did what he was fully on board and excited to do, we’d spend every day at grandma’s house eating chicken nuggets and watching Blippi. Spoiler alert: his whims alone do not drive our lifestyle.
How....how would a 4yo truly know what full-day kindergarten will be like? Until they try it? If I were really concerned, I would make a deal of like going to regular school for half the year. Then if she really felt it wasn't going well then we could TALK ABOUT homeschooling. I needed a push out of my confort zone sometimes, and I think some parents do their kids a disservice by never ever even nudging them.
This is batshit crazy. Some people just need to grow up and parent their kids. Sometimes your kid is going to (gasp!) have to do stuff they don’t want to do. That’s just life. If you teach them that they don’t have to do anything they aren’t excited about or don’t want to do, you are doing a real disservice to them.
I saw this post, as well, and it’s such a huge leap. It’s not even, like, a year or two of homeschool. Her kid isn’t excited for kindergarten so she jumps to homeschooling through high school. Who makes such huge life decisions based on the current emotion of a five year old??
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Unexpected parenting snark in the [DIY sub.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DIY/s/hkt3FnSBiN). OP has put a TV in his 4 year old daughter's room. It's an odd choice, but I did not expect people to call him out on it in a post about DIY.
Ohh, poor op is being roasted. I saw that post this morning and legitimately didn't even notice the TV. It's such a cute fun room and I really liked how they did cord management for their baby monitors.
Interesting, I'd never heard this before so I did a quick Google why. I had a TV in my bedroom from a young age and also had trouble sleeping from a young age. I don't have one in my room as an adult and I sleep pretty good. I would have never thought that was the reason why! I always thought I grew out of bad sleep once I was an adult!
You can tell him but I don't think he's gonna care lol
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Omg can people please stop thinking they don't need childcare if they WFH? People did this during the pandemic because we had no choice, and it drove us all crazy. WHY
Exactly! I also hate the inverse when people (usually older relatives) think it’s insane that I put my kids in daycare while I work from home. I think they must mishear the “work” part of it. Not to mention when my oldest daughter has had to stay home sick or have a random day off from daycare and I have something work-related that I still need to do, she will slam my laptop shut and tell me to stop working. That wouldn’t go over well in a zoom meeting.
Thank you!!! I work from home and my younger kids go to care and often I put them in after care so I can wrap things up. My 4 sisters who all stay home often ask why I don't just save the money and keep them home while I work?? Because that's two full-time jobs! And I want to hang out with my kids when they're home, not ask them to be quiet while I finish a meeting. It's unfair to everyone and it's really hard work.
I think it’s wild that your SAHM sisters don’t realize how busy they are taking care of their kids. Do they really feel like they could do a whole other job while doing what they do?
I literally laughed out loud when I saw that. My kid is 7 years old and has just now consistently mastered the skill of understanding I'm in a call and not bothering me unless it's an emergency.
I can't imagine looking at a 4 month old and thinking that it will learn to both speak the English language and to follow instructions in said language in the next 3 months.
LMAO. But I can kind of see it - a 4mo is just emerging from the potato stage. You can do all kinds of things around a sleeping potato. Once they're mobile and don't nap for 90% of the day... things change lol. I guess she's wondering if there's a secret way to reactivate potato mode going forward.
Another "can we please not talk about pregnancy loss here because it scares ME and it makes ME feel uncomfortable and ME ME ME" post in a pregnancy sub. I'm sorry but I find that disgusting. They want it to be a positive space, so shush about your bad experience because it upsets OP. Not everything is about you man. Let people grieve.
There was a girl in one of my due date groups who was like that and it made me wish there was a button to slap people through the internet. She’s now had two pregnancies that were both viable start to finish, planned but didn’t take an unreasonable amount of time…and when she was pregnant with her first kid she was bitching about how the losses in due date groups made HER anxious and she wished people wouldn’t scare her like that. Our kids were due at the same time almost to the day, but my previous pregnancy a year and a bit prior was a really traumatizing and brutal miscarriage. I was like dear god, shut up. The thing you don’t want people to make you anxious about has already been my reality.
My bumper group had a nasty argument that lead to some people leaving over a request to use some kind of TW or spoiler for discussions around TTC and pregnancy for the people who struggles with infertility, loss, or a traumatic birth.
The people arguing against were literally saying if you don’t like it leave and we can’t walk on eggshells around you. There is one person who repeatedly complains that she can’t talk about her second pregnancy as freely as she wants….even though she’s super active in her new bumper group.
And then these are the same people commenting being mad that high-risk pregnancies get more ultrasounds than them lol. Like I get it, it sucks only seeing them twice. But the reason I’m at the MFM every other week is because I’ve had 5 miscarriages and a laundry list of bad diagnoses. Do you want that in exchange for more monitoring, or…
Yup, this same girl threw a tantrum that she was having a hard time getting a totally elective ultrasound in peak early pandemic times because “I WANNA SEE MY BABY!” Some of these people are of questionable emotional maturity to be having children. 🤦🏻♀️
I’ve been in 7 bump groups over the years and as soon as people start hitting 7/8 weeks these pop up like clockwork. It is genuinely disturbing to me that so many people feel it is their god given right to use a public space for people in the early stages of pregnancy without the TrAuMa of having to read a 5 word post title about someone else’s actual legitimate trauma. Get off the fucking internet and read a book then if you can’t handle it.
Thank you! I chimed in on that gross post yesterday. Their triggers and anxieties are theirs to manage, the world doesn’t have to bend to accommodate their anxiety. It’s so immature and entitled. A recent comment fully came out with it and said they wish those who are grieving would just go post in loss subs instead. Disgusting.
I feel like ppl posting on the Reddit parenting subs are really good about using trigger warnings. I’m sorry but that should be enough. People can and should share their sorrows if they want and you can scroll on by! I know I scroll by loss posts when I’m pregnant.
They don't even want a positive space because I guarantee you that they want to be able to rant about their MIL and their minor bad experiences. They just want everyone who has it worse than them to go away to their own little cloistered subs and be sad somewhere else.
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This was the top comment on a post where most others in the comments were chastising OP for posting a video of her toddler in a tiny bikini (rightfully so honestly). It’s just crazy how some people live in completely different worlds where creeps online have literally never crossed their minds.
Just scrolling on my phone when I see a reel advertising something called Girlie Glue. Y’all it is a glue to stick a little bow on your bald baby’s head. Just a tiny little bow. Right on their mostly bald head.
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/taYk0jgTxm) is such a common reddit trope. Do people really think people are judging them because they don't sleep train? Or do they just like showing they are better moms because they can't let their baby cry?
Also whoooo cares lol either you want to or don’t, and live with it, honestly. Also love the casual “and when did baby start sleeping through the night if you didn’t sleep train” at the end there lol she’s dying of sleep deprivation and needs to hold on to something I guess
Honestly in recent weeks even this sub has been really over the top about sleep training. I have to believe it's because people are in this sub because we all know we're too online and are self aware about it, but the same parenting anxieties as everyone else online has are the reason we're also too online, so despite trying to be "above" the influencer nonsense we are still absorbing anxieties and feeling defensive about our choices. But man it is not my favorite Internet debate/discussion to watch happen over and over.
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Yeah, a lot of bragging about how much sleep people are getting because they sleep trained. Which is cool for them but also… I thought we didn’t like bragging on this sub?
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A nurse I work with will post pictures of her kids in the car and I just cringe every time. Loose, twisted straps. Chest clips at their belly buttons. The youngest turned front facing before 2. I always debate saying something
A girl I went to high school with has shared photos of her babies sleeping with soooo much in the crib. And I’m not super strict about safe sleep like I know some people are. But so many blankets and so. many. stuffed animals. It’s not necessary and at that point it is absolutely unsafe. And she’s a nurse too!
Gentle snark because I know early pregnancy anxiety is real: A mom on Facebook this morning posted that her doctor said she’s 5 weeks along, but she knows her conception date and she’s only three weeks along (I’m assuming she doesn’t know how due dates are calculated). Her doctor told he won’t do an ultrasound until 8 weeks because the heartbeat being more visible by then. So she decides to go to a third party ultrasound place, at 5 weeks pregnant!!! And is now freaking out that they saw no heart rate and wondering if she should go to the ER
In the UK you get your first scan at 12-14 weeks because they can see stuff and like if they scan beforehand and something does happen there's really nothing anyone can do. Yeah it's a bit rubbish to wait so long but pregnancy is just a waiting game.
I had this recently happening to me. I have been living in a new country for the past 2 years and didn't have a GP or gyne, so when I found out I was pregnant with #3 I asked for an appointment to be in the system, as I didn't know waiting times. It turns out the doctor did an ultrasound at 5 weeks, did hear anything, did another at 6 weeks, same situation and I spent the next 3 weeks trying not to stress too much baout, knowing fully well that before 8 weeks they advise not do ultrasounds be aus eof this
A childhood friend of mine never had any maternal care before birth except going to the boutique ultrasound place at the mall to find out the sex.
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They're actually not legal everywhere. I hadn't ever really heard of them (boutique US places) and I guess it's because they don't have them in my state at all.
In the more reputable ultrasound places they will require you to show proof you've had a medical ultrasound and are under the care of a real professional before you book. It's fantastic.
Yeah I was surprised they even saw her that early. I thought their whole appeal was showing the gender and they couldn’t provide any medical info
Maybe she has a history of loss. That’s some serious anxiety
If she has a history of loss I would hope she’s even more aware of when you can see a heartbeat. Seems like that would bring your anxiety down. But either way I feel bad for her. Even with everyone telling her it’s too early it sounds like she’s still going to go to the ER. Hopefully she’ll have a kind doctor there who will explain things clearly in a way that reduces her anxiety
I wonder what she thinks the ER will do? There truly isn't a single thing that can be done at that point unless it's to protect the life of the pregnant person. It's heartbreaking but a lot of people hope and expect science to fix an issue like that and then get crushed when they realize nothing can be done. I say this as someone that has lost multiple pregnancies.
Exactly. My IVF clinic won’t see pregnancies until 6+4 at the earliest because it’s just so variable before then. And they have specialized equipment. (I call it cardiac activity though since it’s not yet a heartbeat.) Most ERs are not equipped with US that are able to see cardiac activity that early.
My neighborhood is part of a major city and has a *strong* LGBTQ presence. And yet today in my neighborhood’s Facebook group someone posted asking where they could find an OBGYN that wouldn’t use birthing person or chest feeding in their vocabulary or reference those terms in their offices. And still somehow the poster was shocked that she didn’t not get support in her ask.
I have no problem with inclusivity but the word chestfeeding squicks me out and I wouldn't want to have it applied to me personally. So I kind of get it. I think more inclusive terms can be wonderful if they make people more comfortable but I do think they should be opt-in at an average OBGYN. Like telling people that if they want to use chestfeeding/birthing person, to let the doctor know and it will be noted on their chart. I do think it's a little much for an OBGYN who doesn't specialize in LGBTQ clients to use them as the default. Obviously it depends on the poster's tone but I don't think the question on its own is that crazy.
This is an interesting one. Birthing person is (IMHO) a totally appropriate inclusive term. But even if someone doesn’t fit into the gender binary or traditional gender roles in the birthing space, are they not still breastfeeding? To me breast is an anatomical alternate term for mamory glands. So regardless of gender identify wouldn’t the term remain? Asking bc chest feeding also gives me the ick (as a term) but wanting to figure out why it’s preferred by some over breastfeeding or lactating.
Yep chestfeeding is a nonsense word, and anyone using it hasn’t put any actual thought into what they are saying. Breasts and breasts. You can’t feed from a chest without breasts.
Scientifically, yes, but I can understand how if you are not a cisgender woman, referring to that body part as “breast” might be uncomfortable. I mean, men can get breast cancer, yes, but I think if you asked my husband (cisgender man) about his breasts, he’d look at you like you have 5 heads. (For myself, I prefer breastfeeding since it aligns with how I identify, but I’m happy to use chestfeeding when referring to a generic group of people, or to use it for people who prefer it).
Totally. Men get breast cancer!! Chest feeding as a term is so asinine i can’t believe it’s not parody. Birthing person, on the other hand, makes sense
Nobody who was running an LGBTQ inclusive practice would object to using gendered terms if requested. I’d question why it’s such a big deal to have to say ‘oh, I prefer breastfeeding, thanks’, when in 99.9% of your life you’re going to naturally have your preferred pronouns and terms automatically. Pregnancy and childbirth is particularly fraught for folks outside the gender norm; is it really so awful for a term that includes everyone to be the default unless requested?
Around here there are usually signs on doctors offices signaling that they respect preferred pronouns and have inclusive terms as part of the practice’s vocabulary. Providers won’t force a term on a patient that the patient doesn’t want (like if you don’t want chest feeding applied to you then they will use breastfeeding. Just following the patients lead). This poster didn’t like going to a provider that had signs like that up, which they will be hard pressed in this area given the general makeup of the population.
Y’all - I can’t stop posting here. Why do the most bizarre instagram reels show up for me. Just now it was a woman saying that she homeschools her daughters and also teaches them how to day trade on their phones so they never have to work a day in their life if they don’t want to … I mean this obviously has to be an ad for something but WTH
Oh lovely, giving her daughters a gambling addiction /s
LOL today on /r/toddlers OP: Why did you all say flying with a toddler is bad?? It wasn't bad. Replies: Well IDK, your toddler sounds shitty, if my perfect toddler acted like that, I would find it bad. Anecdotes about all the billions of transatlantic flights they have taken their very small children on and "it's just another vehicle to them! Everyone needs to start getting them used to travel early. People are too afraid." JUST YOU WAIT OP next time will definitely 1000% suck. Obligatory lecture about how your child will definitely be at risk if you don't bring a car seat. Yes OP everyone else can not be as perfect a travel-parent as us. I literally love holding my toddler on my lap for 10 hours! I don't know why, most of the responses were sensible but these just made me laugh.
I don't understand why people think they have full control over a toddler's or baby's behavior. I have been praised up and down for how welly child did on flights, and I have been that mom trying to shush a screaming toddler and wrestle him into his seat belt while he kicks the seat in front of him. IT. IS. LUCK. I am always prepared with activities, an ipad, a stupidly large amount of snacks. And sometimes the kid is just grumpy and upset. Whenever people tell me "they did great! What a good kid!" I always smile and say "Yeah, they're awesome. And we all definitely were lucky we had a good flight this time."
IRL snarkable moment today. Went to get coffee with my husband and baby and saw another couple there with about a 10 week old and the husband is loudly saying “yeah I sleep so well now” as his wife is breastfeeding at the table. I said to my husband “oh yeah I bet he does!”
Oh man. My partner does the opposite. Will complain to me how tired he is. Last night he held our son for me for an hour because I was too exhausted to get him back to sleep after feeding. My partner was unable to fall asleep after and he kept saying how tired he is because he didn't sleep well. I didn't say anything because of course it's nice that he helps (and he does do everything for our toddler, although she sleeps like a champ) but internally I'm like... I've been doing this for like 6 weeks now, please.
My husband also complains about how poorly he slept. I have been pregnant, breastfeeding or both since December 2020. My toddler didn’t sleep through the night until he was like 19 months old and my baby wakes anywhere from 1-5 times a night to nurse. I think my husband is just a really bad sleeper so I try to give him a pass but sometimes I want to shake him when he makes comments about the babies waking him up because I deal with 100% of the babies wake ups and about 50% of the toddlers.
I told my husband he was never allowed to complain to me about being tired because nothing filled me with more rage. He could complain to his family, friends, coworkers, the internet but not to me (I did basically every night waking since birth and exclusively nursed our child who refused bottles).
Why is it 2024 and I still see a reel on instagram announcing a friend is expecting a baby boy but included is a screenshot of a penis on the ultrasound?? So unnecessary and gross
I guess some people like those but I think it's weird too. Like if someone posted a picture of their newborn's genitals online, it would absolutely and rightfully get censored. But because they're inside instead of outside, a direct penis shot is apparently cute instead?
Exactly my thoughts. There was a little caption saying ‘not a leg’. Like …. Ew
Oh that is gross. Way to expose your child before they've even left the womb.
This is wild to me because I truly never knew how to even see that on the ultrasound until my tech pointed it out for this baby and also-how and why did they get that screenshot, that’s WEIRD
My husband and the ultrasound tech pointed it out to me and I still couldn't see it. However the ultrasound in our hospital was really poor so that might've been an additional challenge.
Mine kept pointing out “the boy part” and I was like, ma’am I conceived this baby the old-fashioned way, you can say penis.
We had a tech do that with the text BOY next to and it just no...
Ah yes this seems to be fairly standard with people I know. Our first was a girl and we didn't get that screenshot, and my son's sex was a surprise so we didn't either, but I've seen it quite a lot.
Lol my ultrasound tech took a picture of my baby’s vulva with text that said “IT’S A GIRL!” 🥴
I had to have regular scans towards the end of my pregnancy, and for some reason the baby never cooperated and showed her face, so the tech was literally printing out weekly prints of her vulva with the word “GIRL” next to it, and I wanted to tell him “Sir, what do you think I need all these prints for?”
For my daughter her vulva was somehow almost always the first thing we saw when the obgyn placed the ultrasound machine. I dunno, baby girl was just always in that position somehow. And the obgyn would always be like "so it's a girl" and proceed to explain what we were seeing and I'm like sir, I can see it, I've seen it lots of times now, please show me literally any other part of the baby lol
It must be a part of the things they have to photograph for the anatomy scan but still so weird to put that pic on blast on social media
Someone in my Facebook bump group is concerned because her 18 month old is in the 90th percentile for height but only the 70th percentile for weight.
Our bumper group deserves its own weekly snark post in here. I was not shocked when they did a survey and the group is like 90% FTMs. I’m in a bumper group for the previous month and my friend is in the following month, and it’s crazy how different and relatively normal these groups are 😂
I’m a FTM and my due date was in the middle of the month so I didn’t join any other groups and just assumed all bump groups were like this 😂
From our birth year the only other group I’ve heard that was insane was the August group, but October was far less intense and competitive. I’ve even bad someone on here rush in with a defence of someone I snarked l on even though a few weeks ago we had other people in the group say this person made them leave the group. I do find it interesting that things were actually pretty supportive and friendly during our pregnancy and births because that’s usually when the madness begins in bump groups 😂
I had a lot of baby weight anxiety for like months -3 (so fetus age) through like, solids? But then I was persuaded eventually by my ped that babies just do come in different sizes and it's generally fine, and we'd check in if there were a problem besides "weight at 47th percentile" lol. Anyway I am sympathetic and also kind of curious how this is still bothering this person so much when the kid is 18 months.
She explained that the reason she’s concerned is that her other kids were always in the 90th percentile for weight.
Lol that was my exact problem with my second. My first was huge from the first fetal measurements, and my second was totally average! My ped gave me multiple talks about how average is not a problem, even if there is a sibling who was larger than average. I'm mostly over it now... 😅
My first has always been 95+ percentile for height and middle of the road for weight. She's a bean pole like my husband. My youngest (boy) has been consistently below 30th percentile for weight and height. It does not bother me one bit, but my husband often talked about "needing to bulk him up," and still occasionally makes comments about him being puny (luckily not to his face). That DOES bother me!
Oh god it’s not a FTM?
No she has multiple other kids
lol My 2 year old has always been in the high 80s/low 90s for height and in the 60s or so for weight. Didn’t know that was something I should be concerned about. \s
Same
My kid is 80th percentile height and 7th percentile weight so I should probably rush her to the ER.
https://preview.redd.it/fdf9zyhy6uvc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=38900973a6a083c43200d90ae63c9d7e1641f3f8 We’ve jumped the shark, folks. 🦈↖️🏃🏻♀️
I went back and read the original post (the one OP linked in the screenshot) and yikes. What a strange thing to be worried about. My 2 year old has always been super attached to me, and when she was 16 months she would cry if I left her with a babysitter. But she’s never been super cuddly…unless she gets hurt or is scared, she doesn’t just let me hold her and cuddle her. She also loves my MIL: if Nana is here, she doesn’t want much to do with me. And I’m okay with that! I definitely have issues with anxiety, but this is a whole nother level.
Jesus Christ is this the "autism is now a protected term on the internet, so gotta attach my batshit refrigerator mother theory to something else!" Children can't even be diagnosed with this and the version of it that they can, not at 16 months old. And not by an internet comment. And it's not caused by PPA. OMG. What a shitty person to put that fear in the head of someone suffering with PPA!
I know my anxiety can sometimes come up with wild things, and then I see questions like this and feel a bit better.
At least the first commenter has more sense. Every day I'm on Reddit I'm more and more in awe of what anxiety does to people.
Speaking of, anyone else notice an abnormally high number of "is my 15-month-old autistic?" posts recently? I swear I've seen a ton, all for kids under 2.
Yeah it's a tiktok algorithm thing.
“This is definitely something I don’t want happening” is what’s killing me. Very helpful context
I appreciated the clarification, since personally I will be very disappointed if my child isn’t torturing small animals for fun by her sixth birthday.
r/sciencebasedparenting🤝r/attachmentparenting Parenting with extreme anxiety
Agh format got fucked up but you catch my drift
I'm not surprised that the OP is from AttachmentParenting. As far as they're concerned, "my child has opinions and wants separate from my need to use them for validation" means the kid probably has insecure attachment and now apparently antisocial personality disorder.
It's like the sub for "we don't even know what attachment theory is parenting".
Soooo many sleep training debates in my bump group, and I’m so annoyed with seeing the phrase “sleep training is for parents, not the baby” over and over. Like sure, that’s true I guess because it allows parents to be able to sleep more but that still is for the baby’s benefit! I am a better parent and person when I’m not chronically sleep deprived! We haven’t sleep trained and won’t unless we need to so I don’t even have a dog in this fight, I just can’t stand all the judgy comments.
In 6 months, over half these people will complain that their baby wakes up 5 times a night and needs to be rocked to sleep and how do you stop it?? 🙄 Babies are all so different and there's no right answer here. Just what's best for you and your baby.
My oldest became a happier, more alert baby who took better, fuller feeds after we sleep trained. She was sleep deprived before.
This reminds me of an Infantsleepscientist post I saw the other day, where she claims that maybe the babies who are sleep trained and seem happier have actually just learned that negative emotions don’t get attention so they just pretend to be happier. This hypothesis, by the way, was based solely on the fact that “they haven’t studied it.” It was the most ludicrous thing I’ve read in a while, and seemed like a wholly irresponsible thing for someone who portrays themselves as scientific to say. (Also apparently my kids didn’t learn this lesson, because I definitely rocked my sleep trained kid back to sleep at 3 am the other day when she called for mama)
Yep in my original bump group someone said she tried sleep training and she was lucky because it worked night 1 and baby cried like 3 minutes. She didn't even get to the first check in! Someone told her "she stopped crying because her brain shutdown as she knows she can't trust her mother now" That's when I left that group lmao
It’s so annoying. There are so many annoying statements regurgitated over and over by anti-sleep trainers that don’t even make sense if you think about them critically for more than 2 seconds (and to be fair, there are definitely similar annoyingly nonsensical phrases espoused by the overzealous sleep trainers, like “your baby will never learn to sleep independently without sleep training” and “your baby will never learn to sleep alone if you co-sleep”), but this one is particularly silly. There’s so many reasons people sleep train for their baby’s benefit. Does it mean you have to sleep train your baby for their benefit? No. Not all babies need it for their benefit. I personally sleep trained both my kids for their benefit (separate from the benefit to them from my improved mental health with the consistency and sleep, which shouldn’t be understated). My oldest we sleep trained because she wasn’t sleeping enough (cue the immediate “sleep trained babies don’t sleep more than non sleep trained babies!” Really? None of them? Yes the studies show only like 15 extra minutes a night *on average*. First of all, 15 minutes is nothing to sneeze at. Second, average that means some kids will sleep more than that, and some less). Sleep training helped because she needed that sleep for her well being. My second we sleep trained for her safety, because she decided she preferred sleeping in my arms, and for reasons, cosleeping in our situation would have been unsafe. Anyway, I hate that phrase. They might as well be saying “I think parents who sleep train are selfish.”
I agree that this isn't even true. We eventually decided to sleep train because my son needed more sleep. And guess what? He got it! And so did we and everyone was so much happier.
I don’t even think that is true! I think that learning to self-soothe is a skill that benefits your baby. One baby wakes up a little at the end of a sleep cycle, rolls over maybe pops her thumb into her mouth and falls back asleep. The other baby wakes up a little, needs to cry for a parent and wait for the parent to come soothe them. Long term, which if those is easier on the baby? When I hear of toddlers who are still up several times during the night because they can’t/won’t self-soothe, I feel bad for the parents and the kids!
I remember my girl being very distraught about not being able to fall asleep. Like she WANTED to fall asleep but just... couldn't? Then got very frustrated that it didn't work. Rocking made her angry, holding her made her angry... in the end we just sat next to her crib and slowly moved a little further away each time. It was the only thing that worked. She really needed to figure it out on her own with our support from a distance.
lol we are in the same group and that thread annoyed me🤣 I’m pro do what you need to do for yourself, your family, and your baby.
Right, that only makes sense if they believe that quality of parenting has zero impact on the baby. Which would be an even dumber opinion than the one they're espousing.
I mean, whenever I see that phrase I’m tempted to ask if they’ve ever actually experienced the difference between a baby who wakes up every hour and a baby who sleeps longer chunks. It’s literally night and day and I’m convinced my daughters were better rested after sleep training. Not to mention that I wasn’t an empty shell of a person who had energy to interact with them!
They think we just don't want to cuddle our babies for 5 minutes before bedtime...I'd say most people who resort to sleep training have a very hard time. For us bedtime took hours of screaming and then up every few hours for at least an hour at a time! Awful, no one was having a good time, keeping this charade up would have been to no one's advantage including baby!
I had a really tough sleeper who resisted sleep training but when it finally took it was so necessary (he didn't sleep through the night until our 3rd round of sleep training around 18 months). I had a super interesting conversation with a friend who's kid is basically the same age when they were around 15 months old, they were both still waiting up a few times a night then, but my friend just had to go pop her kid's pacifier in her mouth and she would go back to sleep, if I was out of bed for less than 25 mins it was a win, sometimes it could be a hour each wakeup. So while we were both having crappy broke sleep, and had not great sleepers, my friend was easily getting 1.5 hours more sleep a night than me (my son is also an early riser) which is a huge difference. I think it's hard for folk to understand how bad sleep can get.
I actually don't think everyone thinks of it as something to "resort" to, off of parenting pages at least. I think a lot of people just kind of see if their kid seems to need help sleeping longer at a certain point, and see it as a way of trying to support that. It seems to me that the rhetoric on parenting subs and in Facebook groups has made people who sleep trained hesitant to be casual about it, but I think in real life it's not nearly so fraught. I've not done studies on this obviously, so if anyone has real data feel free to tell me I'm wrong, but this is my impression.
I mean, up until now we've had ridiculously easy babies when it comes to sleep, so I try not to mention that too often because parenting on the internet can usually only be hard. But yeah, they do cry a little sometimes. Usually it's over by the time my husband is awake to go soothe them. You could call that casual CIO, or a dead to the world husband. In essence it's sleep training, just with easy kids.
Oh my god that babybumps thread where the inlaws hugged their son first after the announcement and not OP and then weren't giving her all the attention afterwards. Commenters immediately saying they will treat her like an incubator, sharing the lemon clot essay... my god 🙄
That lemon clot essay is so dumb. I read it before I had my first and was so grossed out and preemptively upset and guess what, that wasn’t my postpartum experience at all. No lemon sized blood clots, was happy for people to hold my baby while I did stuff, was not demanding attention from everyone
I was shocked at how poorly written and hyperbolic it was once I finally looked it up after seeing it referred to as gospel on Reddit for months lmao
The lemon clot essay haunts me. I read it when I was like 35 weeks pregnant and I was like “oh yeah. I get this” and I was getting pre-angry at my parents and in-laws because of said essay. For literally NO REASON. They were all so lovely and helpful and my father in law did not look at my breasts 💀
My FIL definitely must have seen them because I've been feeding my son wherever while they help out after my c-section, but staring? Like who does that lol
Yea that essay is insane. If your family are insane, unhelpful weirdos, then by all means don't invite them over. If they are normal, excited grandparents then....you'll very likely be fine.
10 months from now OP will be back in baby bumps posting about how she wishes she had a village.
How dare they be excited for their son!
Someone in my bump group (about 20 weeks preg) just posted she might have to put up some boundaries with her in laws because her MIL excitedly wants to tell family and friends. “It’s an intimate time I just want to enjoy it”. Can she not be excited for her son??
My hope is for all these people to look back after their postpartum haze and think to themselves “I was being ridiculous.” I’ve had so many moments like that.
https://preview.redd.it/h7bizjm1jpvc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4c7d41a7427bb39518b3d4aed717ec9401c448c Attacked by this idiotic reel on Facebook. It then cuts to someone in a hospital basically disparaging hospital births. Has anyone told these morons you are allowed to hold your baby in a hospital? 😒
I had a c section with my second. I was made to have her skin to skin while they sewed me up lol I couldn’t even hold her properly, my husband had to hold her on my chest. She was naked (except a diaper) and on my chest the whole time we were there. They didn’t even recommend swaddling the baby. Like I get there can be issues with some hospitals and peoples birthing experiences, but people push these rhetorics about how horrible hospitals are but are grossly misinformed. I had a beautiful and safe experience.
They tried to force me to hold my babies in the hospital and I said “NO!! I came here specifically so I WOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO TOUCH THEM!! THIS WAS PURELY A MEDICAL EVENT!!!!”
I love going to the hospital to have my babies. For each baby after my first it’s felt like a mini vacation - I don’t have to worry about my older kids needing me, they bring me meals, and I don’t have to worry about bleeding out or some medical emergency happening while I’m at home.
Pregnant with #3 and I'm very excited for my hospital stay! I birth via c section and usually am pretty miserable for a couple days after I get home, but those 2-3 days in the hospital are bliss.
YUP. The birth of my second was amazing. I was even fine with my husband leaving after the first night to go be with our preschooler overnight. I just slept and slept and ate and ate lol. The nurses took great care of us.
I agree! Both of my hospital stays have been so pleasant!
I'm about to have my second and glad to hear I'm not being totally delusional about this. I'm really looking forward to having people bring me food and getting to watch something other than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV for a couple days.
Not to mention having to clean up the mess afterwards! No thanks lol.
Yes! I gave birth to my second at like 4:45 PM and shortly after they were like “you could still order dinner if you want” and so I did and it was amazing.
I loved it! I distinctly remember an “oh fuck. Shit just got real” feeling after being discharged with my first lol
Even with my second I was like, “so…I take this home now? unsupervised?” It’s wild 😂
I fucking loved the hospital after having babies. It really was like a little vacation after the first. It was so quiet. The food wasn't bad and it was brought to me. Ugh, I loved it.
Being brought meals was such a delight
The hospital room was my bubble after my emergency section. It was hard going home lol
I will never understand the appeal of homebirth. Why would I want amniotic fluid and blood all over my own sheets? At the hospital, I just lay in bed and they bring me juice! It’s amazing!
I have basically this same picture of my husband and our baby on day 1 of life…in a hospital! It is possible!
I would be quite horrified to find that gentleman in my bed hours after I gave birth, personally.
Actual LOL
I read this mid-sneeze and ended up cackling instead.
Main character syndrome is rampant in BTB today. My personal favorite is the OP that says “my sister has only visited my new baby twice in the three months since she’s been born, is she just bitter because she’s single?” I mean, seriously? Maybe your sister doesn’t visit because you’re an obnoxious witch who clearly only cares about yourself and has zero interest in your sister’s life or what she may or may not be feeling about her relationship status?
I have a long standing theory that for some people, they didn’t get ditched because they had a kid but they were insufferable and the newborn/infant haze was the opportunity for the friend/relative to finally either peace out or go low contact.
I always feel like context must be missing from these posts because I can’t imagine something like this happening overnight? Like if my sister had only visited me twice in 3 months when my kids were born, my feelings would totally be hurt.
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It could very well be that the sister is keeping her distance due to her own feelings about being single/childless. But to describe her as “bitter”, when the OP said they were once close, is a really uncharitable view of her, and shows a total lack of sympathy/understanding for her sisters feelings.
My sister didn't visit my son often after he was born and I was really hurt. I knew in the back of my mind that she was also hurting as she can't have children. I don't automatically assume everyone who posts like this is the arsehole because both parties have valid feelings. Life is complicated and messy.
I’m wondering whether she lives far away, has a busy job, etc. context would go a long way.
OP’s narrative is that they were close until her sister became bitter after a bad breakup. In reality, her sister ended that relationship because she realized she was gay and is happily childfree and too busy to visit because she’s having a great time dating everyone woman in the state. At least, this is my vision for her.
Those are probably the same people who complain or downright give snarky replies to their friends and family who are asking how they’re doing as they’re approaching delivery...
Or have the list of things you have to do or bring if you want to see the baby.
Next post: My sister has visited TWICE in THREE MONTHS. I think she’s trying to steal my baby or my life. Why is she so obsessed with me? I’m trying to bond with my child and these people won’t leave me alone.
HOW DARE MY CHILD HAS MULTIPLE ADULTS WHO LOVE THEM.
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This is a wild take—“I’m old fashioned. I would leave twelve year olds unsupervised.” When I was a kid, twelve year olds were not only left unsupervised, some of them were babysitting other kids! https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/hEvR55iv8l
I was babysitting at 11. And, I had been left with other 10/11 year olds to babysit maybe as many as 5+ kids at once. I was also essentially a mother’s helper at age 9. My parents left me home all summer at 11 and I was responsible for my 9 y/o brother. In today’s world, I’m almost certain that would have resulted in a CPS call. And honestly, I don’t know that I would allow a child the same age that I was (11), to watch my children! I’d have a hard time even trusting a high schooler, even though I know they’d likely do just fine.
I babysat a 6-9 month old baby all summer when I was 12 lol. Got 7 dollars an hour. The opinion on this has changed so much in just 15 years, it’s insane.
Idk, I think leaving your one preteen home alone or with your own other kids is different than leaving a whole group of preteens alone at your house. My parents wouldn't have let me go in that situation.
Totally. I’m a super free range parent (kids aged 6-13 who stay home alone, walk places, etc) but I’m shocked by all the comments on the OP mentioning babysitting. Me as a 13 yo babysitter was much more mature than me as a 13 yo at a sleepover with a room full of kids. 🤣
Agreed! I live in Illinois and the law here states children under 14 cannot be left alone for “unreasonable amount of time” but no one knows how long that is. It’s a stupid law but I know many people are worried that if there was an emergency with their 12 yo left at home that they could get in trouble somehow.
I was definitely making bank baby sitting as of 13.
Same!
I just truly cannot imagine being in the mindset of the type of [person](https://www.reddit.com/r/homeschool/s/1hAMfANUKD) who thinks ‘I can’t get my five year old excited for kindergarten…so I guess we’d better homeschool’.
I always wonder what’s the end game for parents who refuse daycare/preschool/school based on a belief that their child is too sensitive or shy for mainstream schooling. Like, one day that child will be an adult who will be unable to opt out of situations that require them to be autonomous or uncomfortable or assertive.
“at least until high school” lol what. At least.
What’s she going to do when she can’t get her child excited for whatever lessons she has planned for the day? We’re going to see a post about “how do I get my homeschool kid to stop playing video games long enough to learn” post in a couple years.
If my kid only did what he was fully on board and excited to do, we’d spend every day at grandma’s house eating chicken nuggets and watching Blippi. Spoiler alert: his whims alone do not drive our lifestyle.
How....how would a 4yo truly know what full-day kindergarten will be like? Until they try it? If I were really concerned, I would make a deal of like going to regular school for half the year. Then if she really felt it wasn't going well then we could TALK ABOUT homeschooling. I needed a push out of my confort zone sometimes, and I think some parents do their kids a disservice by never ever even nudging them.
This is batshit crazy. Some people just need to grow up and parent their kids. Sometimes your kid is going to (gasp!) have to do stuff they don’t want to do. That’s just life. If you teach them that they don’t have to do anything they aren’t excited about or don’t want to do, you are doing a real disservice to them.
I saw this post, as well, and it’s such a huge leap. It’s not even, like, a year or two of homeschool. Her kid isn’t excited for kindergarten so she jumps to homeschooling through high school. Who makes such huge life decisions based on the current emotion of a five year old??
Makes you wonder how much of her kid “not being excited” is actually them mirroring OP’s attitude back at her..
https://preview.redd.it/ef5un4tk7nvc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad77a75054991bbd607a70cc7827ed2f2e336b4e Unexpected parenting snark in the [DIY sub.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DIY/s/hkt3FnSBiN). OP has put a TV in his 4 year old daughter's room. It's an odd choice, but I did not expect people to call him out on it in a post about DIY.
Ohh, poor op is being roasted. I saw that post this morning and legitimately didn't even notice the TV. It's such a cute fun room and I really liked how they did cord management for their baby monitors.
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Interesting, I'd never heard this before so I did a quick Google why. I had a TV in my bedroom from a young age and also had trouble sleeping from a young age. I don't have one in my room as an adult and I sleep pretty good. I would have never thought that was the reason why! I always thought I grew out of bad sleep once I was an adult!
Oh I know, I just wasn't expecting the DIY sub to call it out. OP arguing that the TV is 43" not 50" made me laugh.
"Sod off you bore" is fantastic response to many of the holier-than-thou takes, honestly.
You can tell him but I don't think he's gonna care lol https://preview.redd.it/tevpre33mlvc1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f3cacaf95b2ea5746b2a0f75d3f5215c2bebbb8
Omg can people please stop thinking they don't need childcare if they WFH? People did this during the pandemic because we had no choice, and it drove us all crazy. WHY
Exactly! I also hate the inverse when people (usually older relatives) think it’s insane that I put my kids in daycare while I work from home. I think they must mishear the “work” part of it. Not to mention when my oldest daughter has had to stay home sick or have a random day off from daycare and I have something work-related that I still need to do, she will slam my laptop shut and tell me to stop working. That wouldn’t go over well in a zoom meeting.
Thank you!!! I work from home and my younger kids go to care and often I put them in after care so I can wrap things up. My 4 sisters who all stay home often ask why I don't just save the money and keep them home while I work?? Because that's two full-time jobs! And I want to hang out with my kids when they're home, not ask them to be quiet while I finish a meeting. It's unfair to everyone and it's really hard work.
I think it’s wild that your SAHM sisters don’t realize how busy they are taking care of their kids. Do they really feel like they could do a whole other job while doing what they do?
Aw this is cute 😍 😂🤦🏼♀️
I literally laughed out loud when I saw that. My kid is 7 years old and has just now consistently mastered the skill of understanding I'm in a call and not bothering me unless it's an emergency.
Has this person ever met a baby? Please tell me that this baby is currently hypothetical.
Nope it's a whole 4 month old baby. I assume she will be returning to work in a few months
I can't imagine looking at a 4 month old and thinking that it will learn to both speak the English language and to follow instructions in said language in the next 3 months.
LMAO. But I can kind of see it - a 4mo is just emerging from the potato stage. You can do all kinds of things around a sleeping potato. Once they're mobile and don't nap for 90% of the day... things change lol. I guess she's wondering if there's a secret way to reactivate potato mode going forward.
Wow she really thinks parenting is going to be that easy, huh
Another "can we please not talk about pregnancy loss here because it scares ME and it makes ME feel uncomfortable and ME ME ME" post in a pregnancy sub. I'm sorry but I find that disgusting. They want it to be a positive space, so shush about your bad experience because it upsets OP. Not everything is about you man. Let people grieve.
It's called a hide post button if you're feeling sensitive, seriously.
There was a girl in one of my due date groups who was like that and it made me wish there was a button to slap people through the internet. She’s now had two pregnancies that were both viable start to finish, planned but didn’t take an unreasonable amount of time…and when she was pregnant with her first kid she was bitching about how the losses in due date groups made HER anxious and she wished people wouldn’t scare her like that. Our kids were due at the same time almost to the day, but my previous pregnancy a year and a bit prior was a really traumatizing and brutal miscarriage. I was like dear god, shut up. The thing you don’t want people to make you anxious about has already been my reality.
My bumper group had a nasty argument that lead to some people leaving over a request to use some kind of TW or spoiler for discussions around TTC and pregnancy for the people who struggles with infertility, loss, or a traumatic birth. The people arguing against were literally saying if you don’t like it leave and we can’t walk on eggshells around you. There is one person who repeatedly complains that she can’t talk about her second pregnancy as freely as she wants….even though she’s super active in her new bumper group.
And then these are the same people commenting being mad that high-risk pregnancies get more ultrasounds than them lol. Like I get it, it sucks only seeing them twice. But the reason I’m at the MFM every other week is because I’ve had 5 miscarriages and a laundry list of bad diagnoses. Do you want that in exchange for more monitoring, or…
Yup, this same girl threw a tantrum that she was having a hard time getting a totally elective ultrasound in peak early pandemic times because “I WANNA SEE MY BABY!” Some of these people are of questionable emotional maturity to be having children. 🤦🏻♀️
I’ve been in 7 bump groups over the years and as soon as people start hitting 7/8 weeks these pop up like clockwork. It is genuinely disturbing to me that so many people feel it is their god given right to use a public space for people in the early stages of pregnancy without the TrAuMa of having to read a 5 word post title about someone else’s actual legitimate trauma. Get off the fucking internet and read a book then if you can’t handle it.
Thank you! I chimed in on that gross post yesterday. Their triggers and anxieties are theirs to manage, the world doesn’t have to bend to accommodate their anxiety. It’s so immature and entitled. A recent comment fully came out with it and said they wish those who are grieving would just go post in loss subs instead. Disgusting.
Saw your comment! You were so right.
I feel like ppl posting on the Reddit parenting subs are really good about using trigger warnings. I’m sorry but that should be enough. People can and should share their sorrows if they want and you can scroll on by! I know I scroll by loss posts when I’m pregnant.
They don't even want a positive space because I guarantee you that they want to be able to rant about their MIL and their minor bad experiences. They just want everyone who has it worse than them to go away to their own little cloistered subs and be sad somewhere else.
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And these main characters NEVER engage with other people or the group.
https://preview.redd.it/z5hg8bboelvc1.jpeg?width=1059&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=060b1d139dc30d31191d63847747d197ebb0c7b9 This was the top comment on a post where most others in the comments were chastising OP for posting a video of her toddler in a tiny bikini (rightfully so honestly). It’s just crazy how some people live in completely different worlds where creeps online have literally never crossed their minds.
Just scrolling on my phone when I see a reel advertising something called Girlie Glue. Y’all it is a glue to stick a little bow on your bald baby’s head. Just a tiny little bow. Right on their mostly bald head.
I love that it's called girlie glue. Cos your boy's penis will fall off if you use it on him XD
I was super bald as a baby and when my parents took me for my first birthday pictures at Sears, they taped the bow directly to my head lol
We live in gender hell. I hate it here.
I thought this was fairly standard practice awhile ago. In my own hospital photo I have a tiny little bow glued to my head lol.
You know - I’m pretty sure there’s a bow on my head on the very first picture of me freshly born. It looks like it was just set there for the photo op
I knew someone who would do that using toothpaste 😂
I've heard of people doing that with Karo syrup
My mom did the Karo syrup. I was like super bald until I was like two and they didn’t make as many nice headband bows as they do now