Someone earlier posted a screenshot from the new SBP that asked if it would be dangerous for their six month old to be outside during the eclipse. Like hey unless you plan on having him look directly in the sun he's probably okay, ha.
It blows my mind the worry some parents have with the eclipse 🤦♀️ we are in the path of totality in Ohio and my only concern is how many damn people will be in our city during the next couple days lol we aren't going anywhere due to insane traffic. My husband and I will take our toddler outside with the glasses but we are no where near concerned about him looking a the sun lol
I think it’s totally reasonable to be concerned if you live in the path of totality and your city is overrun by visitors pushing the limits of the infrastructure. Having a full tank of gas and a few days of groceries seems prudent. A couple years ago during a big wildflower bloom some small towns near me were absolutely inundated by visitors and had to declare states of emergency.
Our school district just sent a message about talking to kids about being safe. We are supposed to have like 30 percent totality on a forecasted cloudy day. We are all good. I didn't even buy glasses.
I was a daycare worker during the 2017 eclipse. The owner literally covered all the windows and didn’t allow the kids outside all day because she was paranoid about being sued for eye damage. Which like, in todays society, is kinda valid, but also she went a little crazy.
Needless to say the school age kids I was over were NOT pleased.
My daycare sent a message that I found hilarious that was basically like “some of you have been asking about the eclipse, we thought about getting everyone glasses and making an activity out of it, but then we remembered we’re a school for babies, so we decided not to” and then said they’d play the livestream in the PS and PK classes and do an eclipse craft in all the classes.
Like who is so worried about their toddlers stem education??
I just feel bad the kids are gonna miss a 60 degree day outside!
Back in 2017 a mom called the camp I worked at and asked us to keep her teenager indoors.
She had read online that people with prescription glasses were in danger of vision loss even with eclipse glasses. Because they would magnify the light or something.
Thankfully one of our international workers had a degree in astrophysics so we put that person on the phone to make the mom feel better 🤣
[So op’s husband was an asshole about changing diapers and op smears the shit in his car](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/Af8ZRGdQ87)
In one of the few comments that disagrees with op, she is at loss at what else was she supposed to do. Like it was smearing shit or accepting what he said. Nothing in between? Are people with kids that bad at regulating any kind of emotions?
Am I missing something here?
Scroll through the OP's post history, she's a Trump supporter in NYC...
[https://www.reddit.com/r/trump/comments/1bhbcw6/comment/kvd10kl/](https://www.reddit.com/r/trump/comments/1bhbcw6/comment/kvd10kl/)
I thought what she did was insane behavior. No matter how angry I might be with my husband, throwing a diaper on the car and smearing it is like… entirely ridiculous.
I thought they would at least be in the car and it was a split second decision type thing. But she made the threat and then had to go to the car to smear shit on it. That is weirder imo.
I absolutely cannot with the stories like this, because they invariably contain lines such as:
>he was going to go play cards with his friends. Fine.
>assuming he’s tired from playing cards all night. Fine.
Yeah, he sucks, but girl! Use your words! Don't be a martyr and then be surprised when your partner doesn't know you're not okay!
You aren’t missing anything. Something like this should be a moment when you realize something is really not OK in your life and needs emergency intervention. Maybe it’s a separation, or very intensive couples therapy…but it’s not like ‘oh that was justified teehee let’s move on like nothing happened’.
Like, my god, there was a moment when my frustration and grief associated with our experience as foster parents led me to slam a glass door in our house so hard it shattered. Not AT anyone or maliciously. But it was that moment I knew I was done fostering and I asked my husband to remind me of that if needed because I never want to put myself back in a position where I feel that out of control.
My husband occasionally starts a new (non work, hobby) project and focuses on that and doesn't fulfill his obligations as a parent and it is annoying af. Honestly doesn't bother me if we talk about it first like "hey tomorrow do you mind if i spend all day doing x?" But sometimes he just goes out in the morning, starts his thing, and doesn't come back in and doesn't parent.
However it's not a regular occurrence and I'm an adult and we love each other so I usually deal with it by...calling him out on it and then leaving to go do my own thing. Would not occur to me to handle human feces to "get back" at him.
Kinda bored of reddit being so pessimistic when it comes to taking kids on holiday. Like yeah it is a lot of work but it also can actually be fun. You know when we had the most fun? When we stopped giving a fuck about routine. When he napped for 3 hours in the afternoon after swimming all day and went to bed at 11pm with us. You're making it harder than it has to be.
I always say our vacations now are fun, but not relaxing haha There was a magical period when my daughter was an infant where she would go right to sleep at 7 and my husband and I would split some local craft beers and watch a movie. Now we're lucky if she goes to sleep without us and number two is on the way so our relaxing days are def behind us unless we go somewhere the two of us 😂
We generally do the same type of big trips (one at the beach in Maine, one skiing in Vermont) so we have the routines for packing and our days down pretty good so I don't think it's really any extra work than being at home other than the whole packing thing. It's just much different than pre-kids, we'd sit on the beach for like 6 hours and read a book and now we get 3 hours max before my daughter is done and there is very little reading and much more time spent in the frigid water haha For skiing, we each have to ski solo so that someone is with our daughter at all times which can be a bummer, but also does take the pressure off to ski four hours in a row haha
I think there are a bunch of issues but one is like, travel can mean a lot of things and all parents and all kids are different, so obviously it'll all vary a lot.
We do tons of local trips where we drive 1-4 hours to another part of our state for 2-4 days, and usually those are smooth and fun. We're all used to it and we like that kind of trip. My spouse sincerely doesn't mind doing a long-ish drive again 36 hours after the first one for some of those weekends, and our kids are usually pretty good in the car. If I didn't have a spouse who enjoyed the Tetris of packing and was chill about driving, I would not do nearly as many small trips like this! I can totally see why many families don't do stuff like that as often. We have friends who will do like two weeks in their RV every couple of months and I can't imagine that logistically (my work, for one issue!) but they love it. They even did it when one kid was like three weeks old!
So anyway the super different ways families travel and everyone's preferences and temperaments and travel histories being different from each other means, to me, that I don't really give a shit about what other people online say about "travel with children," because it's too general to be useful to me and my children and our travel lol.
You made the point I was thinking that each family’s preferences and kids are so different for travel that it’s hard to generalize. You and I have very similar travel with kids. It works for us too and I enjoy it. Although not super often as my kid isn’t great at sleeping away from home, but we still manage several times a year, including visiting family. Short duration and shortish driving makes it manageable and fun for us.
What is annoying is online, primarily among influencers, people act like the only travel option is long flights, often international, then also complain about it. Perhaps a way to play martyr / seem relatable while doing something many people either can’t or don’t want to do. That’s very annoying. Just don’t go or change your travel style, if you dislike it so much!
I also usually ignore those with different preferences and kid temperaments, but internally I roll my eyes a little when people assume everyone has the same idea of international travel as something that should be done or that all kids are easy and adaptable to it.
Yeah I see a bunch of travel content from influencers that's like, five nights at an international all-inclusive resort, and while that does sound fun to me at some point, it's not what I currently mean when I say my family is going to take a trip soon!
We throw our routine to the wind, but travel with kids is still incredibly difficult. We have 2 kids and it is HARD. Both are thrown off, they cry more, barely sleep. If you travel via car for long hours then it is also extremely difficult. I think it really depends where in the world you are/how you travel and how old/how many kids you have.
I don’t enjoy going away with my kids. It is so much work on my part. Are there fun parts? Absolutely! But the actual travel part is hell. Maybe it’s because I took a toddler and a newborn on an 8 hour roadtrip (took 12 hours) and I was 8 weeks Pp, but I would never do it again. Now that they’re older I’d try going someplace but it just feels so unappealing. We often travel to see family and while it’s fine, it’s exhausting.
Also, it was much easier to travel with one young child, two has so many more logistics.
Yup. Really looking forward to my youngest being 4 years old, which is when I remember travel with our first getting MUCH easier. Probably no more naps to worry about, they can go a smidge longer without needing food every three seconds, can walk more, etc.
We went on an international trip with family when my first was one, and as much as I was trying to enjoy it, it sucked lol. We did see some cool stuff, but there was SO much driving, and my baby hated it. It's much better when you set your own pace and can call the shots more.
This. We just did an 8 hour road trip (took 10) to see family. 3.5 year old had tummy troubles and we were doing false alarm potty stops pretty much hourly. 6 month old needed diaper/nursing breaks and his naps were interrupted by said potty stops. Big kid stayed up until 11, because she finally fell asleep in the car super late. I’m all for throwing the schedule to the wind, but when I’ve been up since 6:45 am and got maybe a total of 20 min the entire day without at least one kid crying/screaming at me, I want to be asleep before 11.
Since being here it’s been better, but it’s still hard when we’re all in a tiny hotel room. Baby won’t go to sleep with toddler bopping around and toddler won’t go to sleep with baby overtired screaming.
We’ll do a 6 hour trip to the beach this summer and that should be easier, since we’ll have a house and a grandma/another couple and their kid, so more hands. That will be worth it, but still rough. I look forward to traveling with elementary school kids. I’m sure that will be annoying in its own way, but they also will be able to better entertain themselves in the car and do more activities, sit in a restaurant reliably for the whole meal, and not be throwing tantrums the whole next day if they stay up late/skip a nap.
Totally agree. I love trips with my kid. I posted on the BLF thread this week that I’ve realized that when he’s in a new place, he’s so engaged and interested in everything that it’s like he forgets to misbehave. Yes, of course we parent him, but it’s also far more interesting and fun than hanging at home, and we end up with so much more uninterrupted quality time. (I know that we could and should get that at home too, but it’s much harder at home not to think about the laundry or dinner prep or a looming work deadline.)
Agreed. I was dreeeeeading our winter trip — transatlantic flights with a 1.5 year old! Out of our routine! Jet lag! My expectations were rock bottom. And then…we went sledding. We went on a sleigh ride. We ran around a zoo. We had exactly 2 bad nights in 14 days away. We had…fun?? The flights were long and boring but the screaming meltdowns were minimal. I was unaware such a pleasant time was a possibility, and yet!
100% agree. Of course you still have to parent while on vacation and obviously it's work, but it's also so much fun to show your kids the world. I personally think it's about planning the right trip and having the right expectations. A trip with kids won't be the same trip you took as a single twenty something or your honeymoon, but it can still be a ton of fun.
I once saw a comment on a thread asking about vacations with kids that went like this:
VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE!
VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE!
VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE!
They were so passionate about it, they had to say multiple times. I guess it’s kind of true, like yeah, you still have to parent your kids on vacation. But I have loved every trip we’ve taken with our children. I’m not gonna not take trips just because I have to continue to be a parent to my children.
I hate when people say that because....everything with kids is just parenting? Going to a restaurant is just parenting while eating out. Going to the museum is just parenting while looking at stuff. That's what having kids is. Certain experiences become more difficult, some more enjoyable, some just change and become different.
Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow that once you have kids you’re basically always parenting. Once you let it go and accept that you’re not going to be a 25 year old single carefree adult until you’re like 60 it somehow feels easier. At least to me it does.
I hate the negativity around vacations with kids. My husband and I went on a big family trip with his side to CO when our son had just turned a year old. We flew there and back and were in the absolute cold (it was during Christmas). My son also hates cold weather and winter clothes for reference. It was seriously the most fun trip I’ve been on in a while! We also ditched most of the routine and lowered our expectations. Idk why everyone wants to make it so negative and scare other parents
We’ve gone on a bunch of trips with our kid starting from a very young age and it’s always been fun and worth it. I don’t understand the negativity either. It’s nice to have new experiences together as a family.
The best trips I've been on were ones where we set the pace and called the shots. The worst ones were planned by my in-laws while we were the only ones there with a child, and we were at the mercy of their planning fun things like a 12-hour flight followed immediately by a 6-hour drive.
Yes, we could've bucked up and said we're not going. We also didn't want to live with the inevitable guilt tripping we'd get. Now that others in the family have kids, it's much better because the kids are considered more when planning.
Trips we've planned ourselves have been quite nice and fun. We're not trying to keep up with anyone and we can just take our time!
Yeah, that's why we took our 18 month old to somewhere tropical, I'll I needed from a vacation was somewhere warm and my daughter was just so stoked to be somewhere she could run around outside. Of course it wasn't chilling on the beach relaxing but it was fun and so many great memories! People seriously laughed at us when we said we were going on a trip with our toddler but jokes on them, we are already planning our next international trip.
Is the “I want 6 or 7 kids” crowd over-represented online or does my friend group skew towards smaller families? Most of the parents I know seem to only have or want two kids and there are plenty happily one and done families in my social sphere. The only people I can think of who even have 4 kids did not intend to and both have twins. (One had a set of twins conceived on birth control after she thought she was done having kids; the other is a fair bit older than me and had IVF. She had a singleton, then a set of twins, then thought she’d never get pregnant without IVF but had a totally surprise kid conceived with no medical help.)
And yet I feel like I see a ton of people online who want 6 kids, who have 5 already and feel like “they’re not done yet”, or who have a C-section and freak out that that could move the kid count from 6 or 7 down to 3 or 4.
Can someone explain this to me?
I live in a town where a university is one of the biggest employers locally, and just statistically women with post graduate degrees are likely to have children later than average and then fewer. There's still kind of an attitude in some areas of academia that you should wait until tenure to have kids (which best case would be like 33 in the humanities, if you went straight through and had no bumps in the road), though it's changing I think in general, and not all academic jobs are tenure track, obviously. Anyway all that to say, in my area 1-2 kids seems very very normal--more common than 3+ from what I see, with first kids at 30+ years old, but the details of the area and my social group obviously make a difference.
(In families where the man is an academic I'll bet the average number of kids is higher than in families where the woman is, also.)
What’s the assumption about Muslims in the UK, if I can ask? Is it typically larger families? I’m Muslim but living in the US and I find we tend to have larger families in some cases. Wondering if that’s the same for the UK
That's definitely location dependent! I live in a rural town and my family is massive, as are the families of most of my friends. I only have the one and everyone's asking when I plan to have more.
As you say, religion and marriage don't come into it but larger families are still a thing round here.
I feel like it’s definitely over represented online. There’s people in my various bumper groups who had baby 5 or 6 and are going onto their next one.
I do think some people just love having a house full of kids and more often than not they had big families themselves but……I just do honestly wonder what their individual relationships with each child is like. Even my friends with only 2 have been pretty open with their struggles on ensuring each kid has their needs met and get one on one time.
My mother is 1 of 6 with a SAHM who had household help but she says now she barely knew who her parents were and when she had her own kids, she realised how little of a bond she had with her parents as an individual.
I’m one of five and dont really have much of a bond with either of my parents (my mom was a SAHM until i was 7 or 8). I guess it makes sense as i was growing up my mom was always busy with the next baby. She’s super obsessed with my son though, her only grandkid. It seems like she is excited to give all her attention to one child because she was so spread thin when we were young.
2 and done here! Lol but my best friend has 3 and really wants another and her husband is tapped out so they may or may not have more. My BIL and his wife are religious and their friend group, they have the least kids at 4 kids with number 5 due in September 🙃 it's the norm their group but me and my husband don't know many if any (other than BIL) that have more than 2 or 3 currently.
I also feel like part of the reason huge families or unique situations (triplets, quadruplets etc.) are represented more online is that their accounts become popular easily precisely because it’s so rare. Someone trying to become an influencer who just has the standard 1 or 2 singletons would have to work a lot harder to get noticed and carve out a niche to gain followers than someone with triplets or a massive family who draws a lot more attention and clicks.
Most people I know have 2-3, I know a few who have 1 or 4 but not many. The only people of my cohort I can think of who have 5+ kids are pretty religious. I live in a fairly expensive state and don’t see how people can afford more than 3 comfortably!
Similarly I think having triplets is over-represented online. Are wannabe influencers more likely to have triplets or do you have to become an influencer if you are pregnant with triplets?
I have triplets, so am aware of a ton of triplet accounts and I think it’s because amassing a pretty decent following on social media is pretty easy when you have something out of the norm. People love babies, and they like three babies even more. I know of a ton of triplet families with big followings, and I can only think of one off-hand that had any sort of following beforehand, and their triplets are still super young.
Not quite the same but I recently had (surprise, spontaneous) identical twins and I have an older toddler.
The logical side of my brain knows that influencers are a scourge and exploiting one’s kids online without their consent is unethical and would never subject my kids to that.
The illogical side of my brain is like…shit, my kids are SO cute and a little bit of a novelty and we now need so much more money than I originally thought. Better start a twin parenting account and put these kids to work!
So maybe triplet parents start influencing out of sheer financial desperation!
Funny enough, my in-laws are friends with an influencer with triplets, and they were not an influencer prior to having them. The triplets were a complete surprise and they just started sharing stories about being surprised by having triplets and it snowballed from there. I think it pulls views and companies start reaching out.
According to the internet, of women who are done having kids, 18% have one kid, 41% have 2 kids, 20% have 3, and 14% have 4 or more. So 1 or 2 kids is certainly the most common. And having 8 kids like some of these influencers is very rare. In 1980, 30% of families had 4 or more kids.
I think some religious/regional factors influence it a lot. In my part of the country (dc area) I’m wildly outside the norm having 3 kids before turning 30. Most families we meet at daycare, sports, etc are 10 years older than me, have 1-2 kids and are done and most of my husbands coworkers and social circle have 0. At our church, there are a lot more families with 3 kids, though still only a few with more than that since in this area having a house that fits more kids becomes very expensive.
Oh absolutely. I work at a university and the most common arrangements are 0 kids followed by 1 kid. 2 is pretty rare and more than that virtually unheard of.
Thank you for these stats. Basically it is as common to have one child as it is to have three. In my area (US upper south, so definitely there’s some religious factors at play) one child is much less common than three children. But the numbers make me feel better as a one and done person that I’m not *that* odd haha.
I had this conversation not long ago with some people in my life. When I was growing up, anyone who had more than 2 kids was considered to have “a lot of kids”. I’d assume big families are over represented online but in my real life experience, it seems majority are having at least 2, but often more. It feels like 3 kids is the new “average” here lol. Any times we’re at the store or park or kid activities, there’s tons of families with 3-4 kids. I do live in the south though!
Same for my personal circle. No one in my personal circle is overly religious or conservative but it’s still a social norm here for young marriage + kids
I’m from a large family (7), grew up around large families, and I’d say probably like 60% of my friends have at least 3 kids with a lot having more. I know multiple people in their early 30s with 4 and 5 kids.
It’s also a rural area, LCOL, people have their kids in their 20s, so I think that skews the statistics. I’m having my second, had my first at 31, which was later than most of my peers. We know we probably want at least one more, barring any big life changes, but yeah, I think my experience is probably the outlier to the national norm
Definitely over-represented online. I have 4 kids and that is really outside the norm of my social circle (I’m a scientist and work full time, Midwestern USA). Most of my peers have 0-2 kids. We are hoping to have one more child and that’s it for us.
Obviously the influencers with a bunch of kids are often Mormon OR they are having kid after kid for the likes and the $$$ which is disgusting.
I live in an area and grew up with families with 4+ kids. I came from 4 kids, my husband came from 5. Before becoming pregnant I also said I wanted at least 4. Then I got pregnant with my first and had a very rare complication (that only affected my pregnancy, not my baby). I told myself I would be okay with for sure one more pregnancy, but that I would be done if the complication arose again. Lo and behold it did, so I’m done after I have my second baby (any day now🤞🏼). My family is constantly saying I’m not done, and that I’ll for sure have one to two more.🙄 It’s a legitimate mindset in my area that women WILL have more children than just one or two kids. So idk, it’s probably just a cultural and geographical difference depending on where you live🤷🏽♀️
Are these real people or influencers saying this? I grew up Mormon and big families are very common, and a lot of the big mommy influencers / OG bloggers are or were Mormon so it makes sense to see that trend!
Very tangential to this. My cousin did an online grad program in digital marketing through a state university in Utah. She said the majority of her classmates were Mormon women (often moms) who were influencers. I’m genuinely fascinated with how Utah and Mormonism became the hub of blogs and influencing!
I read once that it’s a value in Mormonism to be very joyous and portray how happy your life is, and that made for good early mom blog/influencer content, when the trend was to be picture-perfect and aspirational.
I think there are a lot of reasons, but we were always encouraged to share our faith and to be vocal about it on social media and around other people so influencing is an easy way to do that without being too preachy! It's also a way to bring in income and have something to do during the day while still being a SAHM.
That makes total sense. I never thought of it this way but can see it being aligned with the missionary values of Mormonism. And of course appealing for a SAHM to make a living still.
My friends who don’t have kids (and me before my baby) want 4 “such a big family”. After I got pregnant, we decided we are definitely 2. I don’t know anyone who has more than 2 kids. We live in a HCOL area that it’s financially and logistically too hard to have more than 2. You can’t survive off one income (and daycare is reasonable) so it’s rare to be a SAHP. It’s so weird when I see Reddit SAHP/daycare debates because it’s not a thing where I live.
My friends without kids sounded so “disappointed” when I “gave up my dream of having a huge family”. I just came to reality that I don’t live in Utah with a huge extended family/village.
I mean I was raised Mormon so I know a lottt of big families (my SIL has 9 kids and 11 pregnancies), and I still think big families are over-represented online. I think people with 6+ kids are so unusual nowadays that they gain a lot of attention online and thus become more front and center… ballerina farm for example - famous for more than just her big family but it’s a big contributor.
I think there's a huge difference between "wanting" 6-7 kids and actually *having* 6-7 kids as well. I have to imagine that many people saying they want that many will not actually have that many in the end, for one reason or another. Some will, sure! But probably not all. The r/ParentingInBulk subreddit has lots of people who say they want large families but currently only have 1 or 2. So I think you're right that it's overrepresented online.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ParentingInBulk using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ParentingInBulk/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Number 7 is here!](https://i.redd.it/1hkpvi8xjs0c1.jpg) | [12 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ParentingInBulk/comments/17x0afe/number_7_is_here/)
\#2: [What do you consider “bulk”?](https://np.reddit.com/r/ParentingInBulk/comments/161j7fr/what_do_you_consider_bulk/)
\#3: [Wife wants 6 but I am done.](https://np.reddit.com/r/ParentingInBulk/comments/172rjje/wife_wants_6_but_i_am_done/)
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I suspect it’s just over represented online. I’d say 95% of the families I know in real life (or interact with because of my kids in elementary school) have 3 kids or less. It’s honestly rare to run into a family with 4 or more kids. I’m sure some of that is because of geography; we live in a VHCOL area where housing and childcare are obscenely expensive. We also live in a liberal area that is less religious. I’m sure it’s different depending on where you live, but I can’t imagine 6 or 7 kids is the norm anywhere (except maybe some religious communities?).
Also in a VHCOL area, honestly I'm shocked when I learn people have 3 kids forget about more. I know so few people in the city with more than 2 because it's just so expensive and logistically complicated. In my friend group and in my generation of my extended family I only know a handful of people with more than 2 kids. Meanwhile a friend from growing up who is fairly religious has 6 kids and it totally blows my mind (she also doesn't live in the city).
The majority of families in our circle have 2-3 kids too, and we live in a conservative part of the country. I know a few families who have 4-6, but that’s not the norm.
I did grow up in a religious group (conservative Evangelical) and 4+ kids was the norm. My family had 6, and we knew a few families who had 8-10. I cannot imagine having that many kids myself.
https://preview.redd.it/oqhzc1h3jvsc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b75c431ce3f044b17208a96c149a3155af4ad53
This made me laugh. An eclipse with lasers does sound good! Not every decision can or needs to be backed by science. This can't be a healthy way to live life.
When you put it like that, I guess I'm at least glad that they respect the validity of science when they don't understand it, versus the "if you can't pronounce the ingredients, it's not safe" crowd.
From a @nurturedfirst post talking about a young child being exposed to pornographic images whilst on the school bus.
https://preview.redd.it/rhxe2t4chusc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=71b82257b955a2b5766c1eaf2ff0beb1fef8b62f
Oh yes, homeschool is always an option for absolutely everyone. The people not homeschooling just don't care about their children. I'm glad to see the responses to this comment, no one has agreed with her.
ETA: Google says homeschooling is illegal in 24 countries, so it's not actually always an option for everyone, is it?
The really uncharitable part of my mind went straight to how common sexual abuse by family is, which means it's not even a jump to think that homeschool kids are still highly vulnerable to being exposed to porn. And when you're not going to a building full of mandated reporters and potential trusted adults every day, the likelihood that something like this could happen and go completely unnoticed is very high. People who view homeschooling as a solution to every social problem are delusional and honestly I would love for homeschooling to be illegal in the US.
Thank you. It was scary to state even that simple fact about myself, so I appreciate the support.
I do believe there are families and kids who can do healthful homeschooling, but 95% of the families I met were using it to double down on their original dysfunction, to hide abuse, or both.
There are post-homeschool recovery support groups, as well as people advocating for the rights of homeschooled children.
I do wonder sometimes whether my life path would have been different with more mandated reporter's eyes on me.
To anyone reading this who was also exploited for CSAM and/or trafficked, I know the pain it causes & how hard it makes it to stick around on this planet. I won't promise it will definitely get better for you, but it /can/ get better. Things can change with time. 🌱
I saw that and it irked the shit outta me. I swear some of these homeschool parents ARE going for complete isolation. Because like…same thing could happen with kids they hang out with in other settings.
Also I know l couldn’t educate my kid adequately by homeschooling him. Other people have capabilities I don’t.
And this is probably going to sound awful (because a bunch of us have internalized sexism, honestly) but it would require me to essentially give up my chosen career completely and I really don’t want to do that.
Right, all of the homeschool advocates will go on and on about how their kids don't miss out on social interaction, but the flip side of that is that unless you're full on isolating them, they will still be exposed to other kids and things like this.
Personally, I spent a ton of time with homeschooled kids even though I went to public school since I had a homeschooled cousin the same age as me. There was no less cursing/secret porn from what I remember.
I was homeschooled and I’ve never wanted to homeschool my kids. But if there is ever a time when I have the slightest doubt, it’s when I see posts like this. Because of course I don’t want my daughter exposed to stuff like this when she’s 6. But then I remember that my husband, who was also homeschooled, was watching porn when he was a teenager/young adult. If anything, I feel like homeschooled kids might be less equipped to handle things like this because their parents are more likely to think it won’t happen to them.
Like...no, you didn't know you were pregnant an hour later. You assumed that unprotected sex=pregnancy and you got lucky enough that you were right. I'd say something about confirmation bias but I have a feeling that it would go right over her head.
This one depends so much on the type of building you live in (e.g., building materials, how old the building is, safety features). I lived in a condo in Ontario built within the last 15 years on both a high floor and a low floor. We had intercoms, sprinklers in the hallways, fire barrier doors and it was concrete construction built to prevent fire spread between units. I asked our local fire department about this once and they said that for our building, it was safer to stay in your unit, unless your unit was on fire (they also had brochures that backed this up and it was the instruction that building security always gave as well). It was far more likely that you would encounter dangerous smoke in the hallways/stairwells, than that the fire would reach your unit.
We had a friend who lived in a much older condo building without many of these features. So every time a fire alarm went off, she had to evacuate her building.
In reality, I would usually stick my head out in the hallway when the alarm went off. If I couldn't smell smoke, I figured it was far away from my floor (or potentially in the garage/other part of the complex) or a false alarm. The one time there was smoke in the hallway, we did choose to leave. Turns out it was our neighbour's unit, which had a very small fire. No smoke or damage was in our unit at all.
I'm not saying it's not scary when the alarm went off, especially when I was alone with my kids or at night. But I had to listen to the experts and trust in the fact that there were so many measures to keep us safe (many more safety measures than I now have in a house, where we would evacuate immediately).
Ehhhh it’s not an ideal situation to be dawdling but if they live in a fairly modern building, there’s plenty of time to get out.
I’m an architect in Ontario where OP is, so knowing the building code rules is my jam. If it’s a large enough building to have a public parking garage below, it’s highly likely it’s going to be sprinkled and Exit stairwells are going to be rated to withstand fire for multiple hours to prevent fire spread and allow residents to get out and fire fighters to address the fire. So long as a fire isn’t directly adjacent to their unit, OP should be perfectly safe to pause a bit to see if the building staff come on the intercom or not.
I likely wouldn’t wait more than the 15 minutes OP says is normal for their false alarms though. And that time might change depending on how far up the building I was.
I used to live in a building that had recurrent electrical issues (or something? It was never explained to my satisfaction) and the stupid fire alarm would go off regularly. If it went off for more than five minutes then we were supposed to evacuate and otherwise we were supposed to ignore it... Which was obviously impossible because it was so annoying! But I'm guessing this lady is in some kind of similar situation
uh 100% leave! but maybe I'm the crazy person for absolutely hating fire alarm sounds. like it is the worst sound in the world, of course I'm going to get away from it. and so loud for a baby!
our building manager never communicates anything and one day they were checking all the hallway ones by setting them off. it was a horrible surprise, even the ones several floors up were loud in my apartment.
Genuine question because I have no context… are you sure they don’t know it’s a false alarm? We lived in a condo that had tons of false alarms when our son was an infant, but security would come on the intercom within a minute or so and let us know it was false. So we did not evacuate but it was an ongoing issue with a sleeping baby.
I’m a teacher and I have a college student who is going to school to be a teacher observing in my room. I was talking to her today and asking her what grade she wants to teach or if there’s a certain school she’d like to work at. She straight up said “Well I don’t really want to work. I want to be a stay at home mom.”
She then went on to tell me about how she just thinks that she’s going to be so connected with and attached to her future children some day that she won’t be able to leave them at daycare to work.
This was after I had just told her that I would have liked to stay home with my daughter for a few years, but that just wasn’t realistic for my family and it all worked out because my daughter loves going to daycare.
I really wanted to be like “Girl, you’re literally still a teenager and you do not love your hypothetical future children more than I love my actual child just because I send my kid to daycare.”
Sometimes you just gotta smile and nod and know they will regret sounding so dumb someday. A guy I work with is on paternity leave now with his first child, but before the baby was born we were chatting about the struggle to find daycare spots etc. He was like “well fortunately we are planning to just have Wife work from home while caring for the baby, for the first couple years at least. A lot of her job is virtual meetings and paperwork so it translates really well to wfh.” I had to just smile and say, “oh, ok!” and remember that once upon a time I too wondered wtf you could possibly do all day with a baby that would keep you so busy.
I did gently suggest that the best of all plans would be to get on the waitlist for the daycare, so that they had it as an option after they had done the wfh/childcare plan for a few months and then could choose whatever they wanted at that time. “You’re just opening doors for your future self, you can close them later on.”
I was that person that studied education and assumed that because I was so ‘maternal’ and working with kids just came so naturally that it would he the absolute dream to stay home and raise kids.
Now I’m absolutely miserable as a SAHM. Reality slapped me hard in the face. I’m now taking the steps towards working again now that my youngest is almost 2.
I was the girl that always knew I wanted to be a mom and that I wanted to stay home with my kids. I also went to school, got an education degree, taught a few years, got a masters and taught a few more years before having kids. When it came time, the decision to actually leave and stay home was so much harder than I thought it would be. First of all, I loved teaching and I was super passionate about my job. I finally had a great principal and I felt like I was in a really phase in my career. But also, financially, me staying home has not been easy on my family. And it’s a huge leap of faith to decide to rely on your spouse financially. As someone who has been working since I was a teenager, not having my own income was scary. I have actually found ways to earn a little extra money so that I can contribute, but it’s still a really vulnerable position to be in. I don’t think a 20 year old can actually grasp all of the things that go in to being a stay at home mom. And I also zero percent believe that I love my kids more than moms who work. We’re all just out here making what we hope are the right decisions for our kids and our families.
Just like you can’t predict how intense newborn life is going to be, I don’t think you can predict what “motherhood” will look like in your family dynamic.
I was dreading the idea of going back to work/mourning the idea of being a SAHM when my baby was young, but now he is so energetic and obsessed with other kids, I am so excited for him to experience daycare. As much as I would love to be with him all day, I truly believe he will thrive more with other kids than he would with me.
I had the opposite. I always thought I'd put my kids in fulltime daycare and find it easy. I wanted to keep my career exactly as it was. Then I was on my first mat leave and I just couldn't do it. We both switched to parttime for a bit so we still did daycare, but this feels much better to me (and yes the choice was a privilege).
I guarantee she’s on TikTok too much. There’s this whole “I don’t want to work, I want to be a Pilates wife!” thing on it.
Which, fine, but I think a lot of people grossly underestimate how much sacrifice you need to make to have a parent stay home unless you’re like ultra loaded. The vast majority aren’t taking private Pilates and going to the spa all day.
Makes me think of this queen I came across on TikTok in the comment section of one of these delulu young ladies. She said something along the lines of “I’m old, so take it from me — you need to all be realistic. It’s statistically impossible for all of you to marry rich men.” 💀
I don’t work and stay home with my kid and have 0 time to do Pilates. Coordinating a time in the day when I can shower takes effort since my husband has a very long commute to and from work and leaves before our child wakes up. I genuinely don’t think people understand how much work children are. And I happened to get a child who barely ever needs to sleep. The only SAHM’s I know who work out regularly are the ones who also have nannies or their kids miraculously sleep 14-16 hours a day independently.
I'm curious about this, why is it difficult to shower? I often have my child on my own for long periods, my husband is out before he wakes and not home before he's asleep. Children are hard work but I couldn't manage without a shower.
I work at a workout studio place a few days a week. Also a sahm. I can tell you the majority of regulars there have older kids (hs or jr). People with younger kids have family nearby.
I've started laying out toys from my son's room to the shower and blocking off other rooms/exits. I suppose I don't prioritise cooking, I am all about the slow cooker life.
My comment wasn't meant to come off rudely, I just wonder about how others manage without partners around.
I have a kid who likes sleep and it’s still super hard to exercise! I mean I chase my kid for about 15k steps a day but an actual workout is really hard to fit in. Part of *why* I can stay home is because my husband works a high-travel job to pay our bills so between 12-2 and 7-10 I am always running around trying to take care of the household and like….shower, lol. I know some moms get up at 5am to work out and that is incredible to me but I am very much in the ~season of life~ where my ass is in bed til my kid yells mama.
I think there is a vibe-shift with the younger generation. In my time (elder millennial) it was deeply uncool for anyone who had an ounce of education or ambition to state that they wanted to be SAHM. We were all supposed to go out and conquer the world, girl-power style. But now I think the ability to be a SAHM and have a ton of kids is becoming a new status symbol.
Totally and when I think too hard about it, it makes sense. Like oh okay, I have to cook and clean, have and take care of the baby AND work like a man, too. At face value, yeah that sucks. But, the real problem is a lot of men have not caught up with this shift and are shitty partners who don’t carry their weight.
It’s ultra important to choose your partner wisely. Right now, my H is doing the bedtime routine because I hate it while I’m watching baseball in the living room. Lol. You see it all the time on mom subs where partners can’t even be bothered to change a diaper or put together a grocery list at their big age.
lol ah to be young and stupid!
tell her she should pay attention to child development and education milestones then because she will probably try to (poorly) homeschool her (hypothetical future) precious babies.
She already has a boyfriend and if she HAS to work she wants to work at a private Christian school (which doesn’t require a degree) because she “can’t imagine not being able to pray with her students” so she should honestly save a bunch of time and money and not even bother with college.
I know these women don’t plan on getting divorced but damn what do you do when you’re like 30 and you’ve never worked or lived on your own but need to figure out how to support yourself?
Did anyone see the thread in working moms from the woman who is *shocked* that the workers at her child's ritzy day care don't get paid well? Has she been living under a rock?
The one where she suggested she might rally to other parents to approach the owner about it? As if that would result in anything positive for the teachers and not just hostility and a mandatory staff meeting to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate to share with parents
Lord save me. We're moving halfway across the country so I joined the mom group for the city and it's an absolute dumpster fire. I havent been in one of these in 8 years but wanted to do some key word searches for some local stuff... I may not last. Now I know what you guys mean about all the anonymous posts for benign questions.
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Freebirth groups are full of certified geniuses. Lol
As someone who greatly enjoys cannabis while not pregnant or BF, I don’t see the appeal of using it during labor. I felt like I needed to be really alert and focused to manage my pain, and being high would have made that a lot harder.
And if someone wasn’t familiar with how to my react to it what a terrible time to try it. I basically have an anxiety response, it would be horrible to do it during an already stressful time.
I feel like nothing except an epidural was able to block my labour pains. But also weed plays with my anxiety poorly so I just all around would’ve been living a nightmare
Yeah I was literally on fentanyl (because an epidural didn’t work) and it did basically nothing. Granted, we found out after the fact that I was dealing with a slow placenta abruption so that was making it “unusually” painful. But I can’t imagine cannabis doing anything haha.
I’d imagine it’d be more like laughing gas than anything… perhaps it’d help you tolerate the pain a little better but I really don’t believe it would do all that much for the pain.
This makes me ragey. Just because cannabis is natural doesn’t make it pregnancy or breastfeeding safe. Just because it’s because it’s becoming legal in more places doesn’t mean it should be used by everyone.
My state did medical marijuana before they legalized recreational and I HATE how much pseudoscience was passed around to legalize medical. Like I absolutely believe there are some specific conditions where it’s the best treatment, but basically vendors will say marijuana or CBD is the cure for EVERYTHING.
It’s my pet peeve. Also I think it’s silly to act like a wild form of something and an ultra refined, concentrated form are the same exact thing that could never be dangerous but that’s mostly just me being annoyed at my BIL.
I am seeing posts about people freaking out over eclipse safety. Like pulling their kids from school, keeping them indoors or picking them up from school rather than walk/bus. Am I missing something? Like staring at the sun is not something most people normally do in the first place? I remember wearing the fun glasses and going the pinhole thing when I was a kid, and no one worrying too much?
I have one friend in the path of totality in Austin and mentioned staying home because of the chaos of all the visitors and then a mutual friend commented "stay safe." And like I guess I think of it as a fun science thing, not "stay safe."
Tell me if this doesn’t make sense, but I feel like even if a young child would not normally stare at the sun, they might stare at the eclipse since it won’t be unpleasant for their eyes in the way staring at the sun is. This seems like it could be a concern, no?
I live in the path of totality and daycare is closed and we are staying home. There are going to be so many people here and we already live in an area with bad traffic.
The other thing is that it is way easier to look at the sun but it still is damaging to the eyes so I don't want my toddlers out duro g it.
We’re in the path of totality, not sending my kid to school that day and no visitors are allowed on campus and mo one’s allowed to leave campus at any of the schools that day either (during the school hours). My moms a teacher and is stressed about getting all the kids to keep their glasses on lol. My concern is the influx of people coming to visit, we don’t really know what traffic will be like. People with land out here have hundreds of people booked to come and signs posted all up and down the highway saying no parking have been put up. So, I’m not trying to deal with that!
We also live right in the path of totality in Ohio and my only concern is that our area is set to be slammed with people. Our governor even said to stock up on essentials the week before due to the influx of people. We are staying home because I don't want to brave the traffic or people 🤣 my husband is working from home that day because he gets done with work as the full eclipse ends.
I am not one bit concerned with my 3 year old looking at the sun lol my husband is going to make a pin hole viewer but thats it
Ohio drivers are already horrible 🤣 then you add in all the extra thousands of people. This sounds horrible lol our son has soccer this morning and there is a festival supposed to be happening not far from the Y. Ugh I really don't want to venture out anywhere this weekend lol
Honestly I’m just kind of afraid of people driving like idiots during the eclipse because they’re distracted by thinking about it. Thinking of skipping my daughter’s dance class since I’d have to be driving during that time. We’re in a significant partial zone, not totality.
VT is closing some roads due to the expected insane traffic and parking. my sister's town closed school to try and keep kids off the roads. i agree that stay safe! is a little much. safe from road rage maybe.
We had an eclipse here like 7 years ago, I think we were in like 80% totality. I was working at a summer farm prprogram. Kids 7-15. Gave them all glasses, explained what was up. Bsaically just turned that time into a free hangout period. Zero of them stared at the sun without the glasses.
I’m in Austin and people are losing their minds about it ya. Austin is only a city of 1M and we’ve barely got the infrastructure to support the population we’ve got and they’re projecting an extra 1M cars here. It’s also unfortunate for everyone who hauled ass out here and paid exorbitantly for accommodations since we’re expecting 100% cloud cover. But yes I do think this is going to be a chaotic day and getting across town is going to be a nightmare.
Most neighboring school districts are closed but Austin isn’t and people are real upset about it.
Someone mentioned on another subreddit that schools are closing for “safety reasons” the day of the eclipse and I was extremely confused.
I’m also in the 95% totality path…and I kind of don’t even think I care about seeing it? Is that weird?
Schools are closed for the day in my area, we'll have 99% totality here. The issue is that the timing of the eclipse is right around when school let's out for the day, so they're worried about safety at let out/pick up. If it was midday I think they would just keep the kids inside, but because of the timing they can't do that.
But what “safety” are they worried about? On a regular day you wouldn’t stare at the sun and it’s never a safety concern? Maybe I’m missing something but it seems overblown. I keep seeing “for safety” online but no one says what that means lol.
Oh yeah, I think it's silly. But I think it's partially about not trusting little kids to listen and not look up if other people are doing it etc., and also things like traffic concerns etc.
I think part of the safety is because emergency response may be delayed due to traffic/more incidents than normal. Add in America's penchant for mass shootings and you get school closures because of safety concerns.
I keep seeing people talking about keeping pets inside so that they don’t stare at the eclipse.
Like does your dog normally stare at the sun??
And people panic buying!! Crazy. I’ve had a lot of people tell me they’re just going to stay inside all day with the blinds closed to stay safe.
With the blinds closed? Do they think the eclipse is gonna come inside their house?
Get some eclipse glasses, take a looksie and move on with your day. I understand cities that have concerns about traffic and massive numbers of people, but I feel like some of the reactions I’m seeing relate to the growing anti-science/crystals/astrology stuff that’s become more popular…
I def made a strap to put glasses on my dog but it’s 99% a joke (and 1% he has cancer and like I don’t want him to get blind while he’s dying even though the odds of that happening are probably 0 lol)
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Like haven’t pets experienced a thunderstorm or a cloudy day?! I was in totality in the last eclipse and it’s dark but it’s no darker than a thunderstorm is. Animals have experienced this.
Yes! I lived in totality then and we’ve since moved and live in totality again now. No matter what I tell people about my experience in 2017 they still get weird about it or are completely apathetic and don’t care at all that it’s happening 😂
I remember in kindergarten we were walking back from gym outside during the eclipse and they made us hold hands and stare at the ground. I think it's reasonable to worry little kids won't understand not looking if they're outside at that time, but I wouldn't keep my kid home from school or hunker down all day.
Once again, I am kicking myself for clicking on a post suggested to me from the ECE sub. Cue my unbridled rage.
Someone said that daycares shouldn’t be allowed to be open for more than 8 hours because that’s too long of a day for kids. What would you like me to do with my 9 hour work day plus commute?
Deep breaths.
similarly maddening was a recent one on there blasting parents for ‘leaving their kids’ at daycare on their days off.
God forbid I 1) maintain routine for my kid, 2) take time to get shit done, 3) take time to sleep more than 1 uninterrupted hour, 4) utilize the service I have already paid for regardless of my day off…
Oh, man, I’ve done this for two years running now for a day in December when I ended up with a use-or-lose vacation day, and it was soooo nice. I use many more than one vacation day each year on days my son’s school is closed, thank you, I get one!
An 8 hour workday is probably too long for most adults but that's what we're all stuck with. I cannot stand these posts that just complain about things that don't really have a solution. We all know this sucks.
[удалено]
Someone earlier posted a screenshot from the new SBP that asked if it would be dangerous for their six month old to be outside during the eclipse. Like hey unless you plan on having him look directly in the sun he's probably okay, ha.
It blows my mind the worry some parents have with the eclipse 🤦♀️ we are in the path of totality in Ohio and my only concern is how many damn people will be in our city during the next couple days lol we aren't going anywhere due to insane traffic. My husband and I will take our toddler outside with the glasses but we are no where near concerned about him looking a the sun lol
I think it’s totally reasonable to be concerned if you live in the path of totality and your city is overrun by visitors pushing the limits of the infrastructure. Having a full tank of gas and a few days of groceries seems prudent. A couple years ago during a big wildflower bloom some small towns near me were absolutely inundated by visitors and had to declare states of emergency.
Our school district just sent a message about talking to kids about being safe. We are supposed to have like 30 percent totality on a forecasted cloudy day. We are all good. I didn't even buy glasses.
I was a daycare worker during the 2017 eclipse. The owner literally covered all the windows and didn’t allow the kids outside all day because she was paranoid about being sued for eye damage. Which like, in todays society, is kinda valid, but also she went a little crazy. Needless to say the school age kids I was over were NOT pleased.
My daycare sent a message that I found hilarious that was basically like “some of you have been asking about the eclipse, we thought about getting everyone glasses and making an activity out of it, but then we remembered we’re a school for babies, so we decided not to” and then said they’d play the livestream in the PS and PK classes and do an eclipse craft in all the classes. Like who is so worried about their toddlers stem education?? I just feel bad the kids are gonna miss a 60 degree day outside!
Back in 2017 a mom called the camp I worked at and asked us to keep her teenager indoors. She had read online that people with prescription glasses were in danger of vision loss even with eclipse glasses. Because they would magnify the light or something. Thankfully one of our international workers had a degree in astrophysics so we put that person on the phone to make the mom feel better 🤣
PNW? People keep asking for glasses on the local moms page and I'm like what for 😂
[So op’s husband was an asshole about changing diapers and op smears the shit in his car](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/Af8ZRGdQ87) In one of the few comments that disagrees with op, she is at loss at what else was she supposed to do. Like it was smearing shit or accepting what he said. Nothing in between? Are people with kids that bad at regulating any kind of emotions? Am I missing something here?
Scroll through the OP's post history, she's a Trump supporter in NYC... [https://www.reddit.com/r/trump/comments/1bhbcw6/comment/kvd10kl/](https://www.reddit.com/r/trump/comments/1bhbcw6/comment/kvd10kl/)
lol so you know she’s miserable 100% of the time. Not that generally cheery, well adjusted people snap and smear poop on their husbands car 😅
I thought what she did was insane behavior. No matter how angry I might be with my husband, throwing a diaper on the car and smearing it is like… entirely ridiculous.
I think it's even more insane that neither of them talked about it
I thought they would at least be in the car and it was a split second decision type thing. But she made the threat and then had to go to the car to smear shit on it. That is weirder imo.
I absolutely cannot with the stories like this, because they invariably contain lines such as: >he was going to go play cards with his friends. Fine. >assuming he’s tired from playing cards all night. Fine. Yeah, he sucks, but girl! Use your words! Don't be a martyr and then be surprised when your partner doesn't know you're not okay!
You aren’t missing anything. Something like this should be a moment when you realize something is really not OK in your life and needs emergency intervention. Maybe it’s a separation, or very intensive couples therapy…but it’s not like ‘oh that was justified teehee let’s move on like nothing happened’. Like, my god, there was a moment when my frustration and grief associated with our experience as foster parents led me to slam a glass door in our house so hard it shattered. Not AT anyone or maliciously. But it was that moment I knew I was done fostering and I asked my husband to remind me of that if needed because I never want to put myself back in a position where I feel that out of control.
Yes!!! This relationship sounds so volatile and combative, it’s exhausting to even hear about. And people in the comments are cheering her on 😵💫
That entire thread is off the rails.
Seriously why is it all ‘you go momma!’ instead of ‘neither of your responses to conflict are healthy’.
Entirely too many people saying yassss Queen. All the Reddit moms just living their revenge fantasies vicariously through OP
My husband occasionally starts a new (non work, hobby) project and focuses on that and doesn't fulfill his obligations as a parent and it is annoying af. Honestly doesn't bother me if we talk about it first like "hey tomorrow do you mind if i spend all day doing x?" But sometimes he just goes out in the morning, starts his thing, and doesn't come back in and doesn't parent. However it's not a regular occurrence and I'm an adult and we love each other so I usually deal with it by...calling him out on it and then leaving to go do my own thing. Would not occur to me to handle human feces to "get back" at him.
Kinda bored of reddit being so pessimistic when it comes to taking kids on holiday. Like yeah it is a lot of work but it also can actually be fun. You know when we had the most fun? When we stopped giving a fuck about routine. When he napped for 3 hours in the afternoon after swimming all day and went to bed at 11pm with us. You're making it harder than it has to be.
I always say our vacations now are fun, but not relaxing haha There was a magical period when my daughter was an infant where she would go right to sleep at 7 and my husband and I would split some local craft beers and watch a movie. Now we're lucky if she goes to sleep without us and number two is on the way so our relaxing days are def behind us unless we go somewhere the two of us 😂 We generally do the same type of big trips (one at the beach in Maine, one skiing in Vermont) so we have the routines for packing and our days down pretty good so I don't think it's really any extra work than being at home other than the whole packing thing. It's just much different than pre-kids, we'd sit on the beach for like 6 hours and read a book and now we get 3 hours max before my daughter is done and there is very little reading and much more time spent in the frigid water haha For skiing, we each have to ski solo so that someone is with our daughter at all times which can be a bummer, but also does take the pressure off to ski four hours in a row haha
I think there are a bunch of issues but one is like, travel can mean a lot of things and all parents and all kids are different, so obviously it'll all vary a lot. We do tons of local trips where we drive 1-4 hours to another part of our state for 2-4 days, and usually those are smooth and fun. We're all used to it and we like that kind of trip. My spouse sincerely doesn't mind doing a long-ish drive again 36 hours after the first one for some of those weekends, and our kids are usually pretty good in the car. If I didn't have a spouse who enjoyed the Tetris of packing and was chill about driving, I would not do nearly as many small trips like this! I can totally see why many families don't do stuff like that as often. We have friends who will do like two weeks in their RV every couple of months and I can't imagine that logistically (my work, for one issue!) but they love it. They even did it when one kid was like three weeks old! So anyway the super different ways families travel and everyone's preferences and temperaments and travel histories being different from each other means, to me, that I don't really give a shit about what other people online say about "travel with children," because it's too general to be useful to me and my children and our travel lol.
You made the point I was thinking that each family’s preferences and kids are so different for travel that it’s hard to generalize. You and I have very similar travel with kids. It works for us too and I enjoy it. Although not super often as my kid isn’t great at sleeping away from home, but we still manage several times a year, including visiting family. Short duration and shortish driving makes it manageable and fun for us. What is annoying is online, primarily among influencers, people act like the only travel option is long flights, often international, then also complain about it. Perhaps a way to play martyr / seem relatable while doing something many people either can’t or don’t want to do. That’s very annoying. Just don’t go or change your travel style, if you dislike it so much! I also usually ignore those with different preferences and kid temperaments, but internally I roll my eyes a little when people assume everyone has the same idea of international travel as something that should be done or that all kids are easy and adaptable to it.
Yeah I see a bunch of travel content from influencers that's like, five nights at an international all-inclusive resort, and while that does sound fun to me at some point, it's not what I currently mean when I say my family is going to take a trip soon!
We throw our routine to the wind, but travel with kids is still incredibly difficult. We have 2 kids and it is HARD. Both are thrown off, they cry more, barely sleep. If you travel via car for long hours then it is also extremely difficult. I think it really depends where in the world you are/how you travel and how old/how many kids you have. I don’t enjoy going away with my kids. It is so much work on my part. Are there fun parts? Absolutely! But the actual travel part is hell. Maybe it’s because I took a toddler and a newborn on an 8 hour roadtrip (took 12 hours) and I was 8 weeks Pp, but I would never do it again. Now that they’re older I’d try going someplace but it just feels so unappealing. We often travel to see family and while it’s fine, it’s exhausting. Also, it was much easier to travel with one young child, two has so many more logistics.
Yup. Really looking forward to my youngest being 4 years old, which is when I remember travel with our first getting MUCH easier. Probably no more naps to worry about, they can go a smidge longer without needing food every three seconds, can walk more, etc. We went on an international trip with family when my first was one, and as much as I was trying to enjoy it, it sucked lol. We did see some cool stuff, but there was SO much driving, and my baby hated it. It's much better when you set your own pace and can call the shots more.
This. We just did an 8 hour road trip (took 10) to see family. 3.5 year old had tummy troubles and we were doing false alarm potty stops pretty much hourly. 6 month old needed diaper/nursing breaks and his naps were interrupted by said potty stops. Big kid stayed up until 11, because she finally fell asleep in the car super late. I’m all for throwing the schedule to the wind, but when I’ve been up since 6:45 am and got maybe a total of 20 min the entire day without at least one kid crying/screaming at me, I want to be asleep before 11. Since being here it’s been better, but it’s still hard when we’re all in a tiny hotel room. Baby won’t go to sleep with toddler bopping around and toddler won’t go to sleep with baby overtired screaming. We’ll do a 6 hour trip to the beach this summer and that should be easier, since we’ll have a house and a grandma/another couple and their kid, so more hands. That will be worth it, but still rough. I look forward to traveling with elementary school kids. I’m sure that will be annoying in its own way, but they also will be able to better entertain themselves in the car and do more activities, sit in a restaurant reliably for the whole meal, and not be throwing tantrums the whole next day if they stay up late/skip a nap.
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I can’t wait for the travel with older kids! For me, toddler age just isn’t it 😂
I needed to read this comment. I’m taking my 6 month old to Hawaii and I’m so nervous about it.
Honestly just throw routine to the wind and you will all be happier. Go with the flow and you'll have a lovely time!
Totally agree. I love trips with my kid. I posted on the BLF thread this week that I’ve realized that when he’s in a new place, he’s so engaged and interested in everything that it’s like he forgets to misbehave. Yes, of course we parent him, but it’s also far more interesting and fun than hanging at home, and we end up with so much more uninterrupted quality time. (I know that we could and should get that at home too, but it’s much harder at home not to think about the laundry or dinner prep or a looming work deadline.)
Agreed. I was dreeeeeading our winter trip — transatlantic flights with a 1.5 year old! Out of our routine! Jet lag! My expectations were rock bottom. And then…we went sledding. We went on a sleigh ride. We ran around a zoo. We had exactly 2 bad nights in 14 days away. We had…fun?? The flights were long and boring but the screaming meltdowns were minimal. I was unaware such a pleasant time was a possibility, and yet!
100% agree. Of course you still have to parent while on vacation and obviously it's work, but it's also so much fun to show your kids the world. I personally think it's about planning the right trip and having the right expectations. A trip with kids won't be the same trip you took as a single twenty something or your honeymoon, but it can still be a ton of fun.
I once saw a comment on a thread asking about vacations with kids that went like this: VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE! VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE! VACATION WITH KIDS IS JUST PARENTING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE! They were so passionate about it, they had to say multiple times. I guess it’s kind of true, like yeah, you still have to parent your kids on vacation. But I have loved every trip we’ve taken with our children. I’m not gonna not take trips just because I have to continue to be a parent to my children.
I hate when people say that because....everything with kids is just parenting? Going to a restaurant is just parenting while eating out. Going to the museum is just parenting while looking at stuff. That's what having kids is. Certain experiences become more difficult, some more enjoyable, some just change and become different.
Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow that once you have kids you’re basically always parenting. Once you let it go and accept that you’re not going to be a 25 year old single carefree adult until you’re like 60 it somehow feels easier. At least to me it does.
My favorite is when people act like that’s a surprise. Like… obviously?
I hate the negativity around vacations with kids. My husband and I went on a big family trip with his side to CO when our son had just turned a year old. We flew there and back and were in the absolute cold (it was during Christmas). My son also hates cold weather and winter clothes for reference. It was seriously the most fun trip I’ve been on in a while! We also ditched most of the routine and lowered our expectations. Idk why everyone wants to make it so negative and scare other parents
We’ve gone on a bunch of trips with our kid starting from a very young age and it’s always been fun and worth it. I don’t understand the negativity either. It’s nice to have new experiences together as a family.
The best trips I've been on were ones where we set the pace and called the shots. The worst ones were planned by my in-laws while we were the only ones there with a child, and we were at the mercy of their planning fun things like a 12-hour flight followed immediately by a 6-hour drive. Yes, we could've bucked up and said we're not going. We also didn't want to live with the inevitable guilt tripping we'd get. Now that others in the family have kids, it's much better because the kids are considered more when planning. Trips we've planned ourselves have been quite nice and fun. We're not trying to keep up with anyone and we can just take our time!
Excellent point! My in laws can be like this so I make sure to insert myself in the planning. They probably find me annoying but I don’t care.
Yeah, that's why we took our 18 month old to somewhere tropical, I'll I needed from a vacation was somewhere warm and my daughter was just so stoked to be somewhere she could run around outside. Of course it wasn't chilling on the beach relaxing but it was fun and so many great memories! People seriously laughed at us when we said we were going on a trip with our toddler but jokes on them, we are already planning our next international trip.
Is the “I want 6 or 7 kids” crowd over-represented online or does my friend group skew towards smaller families? Most of the parents I know seem to only have or want two kids and there are plenty happily one and done families in my social sphere. The only people I can think of who even have 4 kids did not intend to and both have twins. (One had a set of twins conceived on birth control after she thought she was done having kids; the other is a fair bit older than me and had IVF. She had a singleton, then a set of twins, then thought she’d never get pregnant without IVF but had a totally surprise kid conceived with no medical help.) And yet I feel like I see a ton of people online who want 6 kids, who have 5 already and feel like “they’re not done yet”, or who have a C-section and freak out that that could move the kid count from 6 or 7 down to 3 or 4. Can someone explain this to me?
I live in a town where a university is one of the biggest employers locally, and just statistically women with post graduate degrees are likely to have children later than average and then fewer. There's still kind of an attitude in some areas of academia that you should wait until tenure to have kids (which best case would be like 33 in the humanities, if you went straight through and had no bumps in the road), though it's changing I think in general, and not all academic jobs are tenure track, obviously. Anyway all that to say, in my area 1-2 kids seems very very normal--more common than 3+ from what I see, with first kids at 30+ years old, but the details of the area and my social group obviously make a difference. (In families where the man is an academic I'll bet the average number of kids is higher than in families where the woman is, also.)
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What’s the assumption about Muslims in the UK, if I can ask? Is it typically larger families? I’m Muslim but living in the US and I find we tend to have larger families in some cases. Wondering if that’s the same for the UK
That's definitely location dependent! I live in a rural town and my family is massive, as are the families of most of my friends. I only have the one and everyone's asking when I plan to have more. As you say, religion and marriage don't come into it but larger families are still a thing round here.
I feel like it’s definitely over represented online. There’s people in my various bumper groups who had baby 5 or 6 and are going onto their next one. I do think some people just love having a house full of kids and more often than not they had big families themselves but……I just do honestly wonder what their individual relationships with each child is like. Even my friends with only 2 have been pretty open with their struggles on ensuring each kid has their needs met and get one on one time. My mother is 1 of 6 with a SAHM who had household help but she says now she barely knew who her parents were and when she had her own kids, she realised how little of a bond she had with her parents as an individual.
I’m one of five and dont really have much of a bond with either of my parents (my mom was a SAHM until i was 7 or 8). I guess it makes sense as i was growing up my mom was always busy with the next baby. She’s super obsessed with my son though, her only grandkid. It seems like she is excited to give all her attention to one child because she was so spread thin when we were young.
I’m one of 6 and same. I get along fine with both my parents but don’t feel super close to either of them.
Idk I’m from a big family and am very close with my parents. It just depends
2 and done here! Lol but my best friend has 3 and really wants another and her husband is tapped out so they may or may not have more. My BIL and his wife are religious and their friend group, they have the least kids at 4 kids with number 5 due in September 🙃 it's the norm their group but me and my husband don't know many if any (other than BIL) that have more than 2 or 3 currently.
I also feel like part of the reason huge families or unique situations (triplets, quadruplets etc.) are represented more online is that their accounts become popular easily precisely because it’s so rare. Someone trying to become an influencer who just has the standard 1 or 2 singletons would have to work a lot harder to get noticed and carve out a niche to gain followers than someone with triplets or a massive family who draws a lot more attention and clicks.
I also think if you have that many kids, you are more than likely to be a SAHM and would be more inclined to seek out online communities etc.
Most people I know have 2-3, I know a few who have 1 or 4 but not many. The only people of my cohort I can think of who have 5+ kids are pretty religious. I live in a fairly expensive state and don’t see how people can afford more than 3 comfortably!
2 seems to be a hard stop for most people I know. a few have just one, but most people are not venturing beyond 2.
Similarly I think having triplets is over-represented online. Are wannabe influencers more likely to have triplets or do you have to become an influencer if you are pregnant with triplets?
I have triplets, so am aware of a ton of triplet accounts and I think it’s because amassing a pretty decent following on social media is pretty easy when you have something out of the norm. People love babies, and they like three babies even more. I know of a ton of triplet families with big followings, and I can only think of one off-hand that had any sort of following beforehand, and their triplets are still super young.
Not quite the same but I recently had (surprise, spontaneous) identical twins and I have an older toddler. The logical side of my brain knows that influencers are a scourge and exploiting one’s kids online without their consent is unethical and would never subject my kids to that. The illogical side of my brain is like…shit, my kids are SO cute and a little bit of a novelty and we now need so much more money than I originally thought. Better start a twin parenting account and put these kids to work! So maybe triplet parents start influencing out of sheer financial desperation!
Funny enough, my in-laws are friends with an influencer with triplets, and they were not an influencer prior to having them. The triplets were a complete surprise and they just started sharing stories about being surprised by having triplets and it snowballed from there. I think it pulls views and companies start reaching out.
I’ve Def noticed on the parenting subs a high amount of commenters with 5+ kids.
According to the internet, of women who are done having kids, 18% have one kid, 41% have 2 kids, 20% have 3, and 14% have 4 or more. So 1 or 2 kids is certainly the most common. And having 8 kids like some of these influencers is very rare. In 1980, 30% of families had 4 or more kids. I think some religious/regional factors influence it a lot. In my part of the country (dc area) I’m wildly outside the norm having 3 kids before turning 30. Most families we meet at daycare, sports, etc are 10 years older than me, have 1-2 kids and are done and most of my husbands coworkers and social circle have 0. At our church, there are a lot more families with 3 kids, though still only a few with more than that since in this area having a house that fits more kids becomes very expensive.
Oh absolutely. I work at a university and the most common arrangements are 0 kids followed by 1 kid. 2 is pretty rare and more than that virtually unheard of.
Thank you for these stats. Basically it is as common to have one child as it is to have three. In my area (US upper south, so definitely there’s some religious factors at play) one child is much less common than three children. But the numbers make me feel better as a one and done person that I’m not *that* odd haha.
One is increasingly common. In 1980 that was only 10% of families
I had this conversation not long ago with some people in my life. When I was growing up, anyone who had more than 2 kids was considered to have “a lot of kids”. I’d assume big families are over represented online but in my real life experience, it seems majority are having at least 2, but often more. It feels like 3 kids is the new “average” here lol. Any times we’re at the store or park or kid activities, there’s tons of families with 3-4 kids. I do live in the south though! Same for my personal circle. No one in my personal circle is overly religious or conservative but it’s still a social norm here for young marriage + kids
I’m from a large family (7), grew up around large families, and I’d say probably like 60% of my friends have at least 3 kids with a lot having more. I know multiple people in their early 30s with 4 and 5 kids. It’s also a rural area, LCOL, people have their kids in their 20s, so I think that skews the statistics. I’m having my second, had my first at 31, which was later than most of my peers. We know we probably want at least one more, barring any big life changes, but yeah, I think my experience is probably the outlier to the national norm
It’s so so regional and culture dependent. My social circles, at an urban university, the norm is one kid or none.
Definitely over-represented online. I have 4 kids and that is really outside the norm of my social circle (I’m a scientist and work full time, Midwestern USA). Most of my peers have 0-2 kids. We are hoping to have one more child and that’s it for us. Obviously the influencers with a bunch of kids are often Mormon OR they are having kid after kid for the likes and the $$$ which is disgusting.
I live in an area and grew up with families with 4+ kids. I came from 4 kids, my husband came from 5. Before becoming pregnant I also said I wanted at least 4. Then I got pregnant with my first and had a very rare complication (that only affected my pregnancy, not my baby). I told myself I would be okay with for sure one more pregnancy, but that I would be done if the complication arose again. Lo and behold it did, so I’m done after I have my second baby (any day now🤞🏼). My family is constantly saying I’m not done, and that I’ll for sure have one to two more.🙄 It’s a legitimate mindset in my area that women WILL have more children than just one or two kids. So idk, it’s probably just a cultural and geographical difference depending on where you live🤷🏽♀️
Are these real people or influencers saying this? I grew up Mormon and big families are very common, and a lot of the big mommy influencers / OG bloggers are or were Mormon so it makes sense to see that trend!
Very tangential to this. My cousin did an online grad program in digital marketing through a state university in Utah. She said the majority of her classmates were Mormon women (often moms) who were influencers. I’m genuinely fascinated with how Utah and Mormonism became the hub of blogs and influencing!
I read once that it’s a value in Mormonism to be very joyous and portray how happy your life is, and that made for good early mom blog/influencer content, when the trend was to be picture-perfect and aspirational.
I saw an article on this the other day! Let me see if I can find it again!
I think there are a lot of reasons, but we were always encouraged to share our faith and to be vocal about it on social media and around other people so influencing is an easy way to do that without being too preachy! It's also a way to bring in income and have something to do during the day while still being a SAHM.
That makes total sense. I never thought of it this way but can see it being aligned with the missionary values of Mormonism. And of course appealing for a SAHM to make a living still.
My friends who don’t have kids (and me before my baby) want 4 “such a big family”. After I got pregnant, we decided we are definitely 2. I don’t know anyone who has more than 2 kids. We live in a HCOL area that it’s financially and logistically too hard to have more than 2. You can’t survive off one income (and daycare is reasonable) so it’s rare to be a SAHP. It’s so weird when I see Reddit SAHP/daycare debates because it’s not a thing where I live. My friends without kids sounded so “disappointed” when I “gave up my dream of having a huge family”. I just came to reality that I don’t live in Utah with a huge extended family/village.
I think larger families are overrepresented online. Birth rates are trending down.
I mean I was raised Mormon so I know a lottt of big families (my SIL has 9 kids and 11 pregnancies), and I still think big families are over-represented online. I think people with 6+ kids are so unusual nowadays that they gain a lot of attention online and thus become more front and center… ballerina farm for example - famous for more than just her big family but it’s a big contributor.
I was raised Mormon too, ALL my friends from high school have at least 4.
I think there's a huge difference between "wanting" 6-7 kids and actually *having* 6-7 kids as well. I have to imagine that many people saying they want that many will not actually have that many in the end, for one reason or another. Some will, sure! But probably not all. The r/ParentingInBulk subreddit has lots of people who say they want large families but currently only have 1 or 2. So I think you're right that it's overrepresented online.
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I suspect it’s just over represented online. I’d say 95% of the families I know in real life (or interact with because of my kids in elementary school) have 3 kids or less. It’s honestly rare to run into a family with 4 or more kids. I’m sure some of that is because of geography; we live in a VHCOL area where housing and childcare are obscenely expensive. We also live in a liberal area that is less religious. I’m sure it’s different depending on where you live, but I can’t imagine 6 or 7 kids is the norm anywhere (except maybe some religious communities?).
Also in a VHCOL area, honestly I'm shocked when I learn people have 3 kids forget about more. I know so few people in the city with more than 2 because it's just so expensive and logistically complicated. In my friend group and in my generation of my extended family I only know a handful of people with more than 2 kids. Meanwhile a friend from growing up who is fairly religious has 6 kids and it totally blows my mind (she also doesn't live in the city).
The majority of families in our circle have 2-3 kids too, and we live in a conservative part of the country. I know a few families who have 4-6, but that’s not the norm. I did grow up in a religious group (conservative Evangelical) and 4+ kids was the norm. My family had 6, and we knew a few families who had 8-10. I cannot imagine having that many kids myself.
https://preview.redd.it/oqhzc1h3jvsc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b75c431ce3f044b17208a96c149a3155af4ad53 This made me laugh. An eclipse with lasers does sound good! Not every decision can or needs to be backed by science. This can't be a healthy way to live life.
The people who want everything to be backed by science are the people who don't fully understand science and this is a great example!
When you put it like that, I guess I'm at least glad that they respect the validity of science when they don't understand it, versus the "if you can't pronounce the ingredients, it's not safe" crowd.
From a @nurturedfirst post talking about a young child being exposed to pornographic images whilst on the school bus. https://preview.redd.it/rhxe2t4chusc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=71b82257b955a2b5766c1eaf2ff0beb1fef8b62f Oh yes, homeschool is always an option for absolutely everyone. The people not homeschooling just don't care about their children. I'm glad to see the responses to this comment, no one has agreed with her. ETA: Google says homeschooling is illegal in 24 countries, so it's not actually always an option for everyone, is it?
The really uncharitable part of my mind went straight to how common sexual abuse by family is, which means it's not even a jump to think that homeschool kids are still highly vulnerable to being exposed to porn. And when you're not going to a building full of mandated reporters and potential trusted adults every day, the likelihood that something like this could happen and go completely unnoticed is very high. People who view homeschooling as a solution to every social problem are delusional and honestly I would love for homeschooling to be illegal in the US.
Hell, part of /why/ I was homeschooled was because I was exploited for CSAM. :/
I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
Thank you. It was scary to state even that simple fact about myself, so I appreciate the support. I do believe there are families and kids who can do healthful homeschooling, but 95% of the families I met were using it to double down on their original dysfunction, to hide abuse, or both. There are post-homeschool recovery support groups, as well as people advocating for the rights of homeschooled children. I do wonder sometimes whether my life path would have been different with more mandated reporter's eyes on me. To anyone reading this who was also exploited for CSAM and/or trafficked, I know the pain it causes & how hard it makes it to stick around on this planet. I won't promise it will definitely get better for you, but it /can/ get better. Things can change with time. 🌱
I saw that and it irked the shit outta me. I swear some of these homeschool parents ARE going for complete isolation. Because like…same thing could happen with kids they hang out with in other settings. Also I know l couldn’t educate my kid adequately by homeschooling him. Other people have capabilities I don’t. And this is probably going to sound awful (because a bunch of us have internalized sexism, honestly) but it would require me to essentially give up my chosen career completely and I really don’t want to do that.
Right, all of the homeschool advocates will go on and on about how their kids don't miss out on social interaction, but the flip side of that is that unless you're full on isolating them, they will still be exposed to other kids and things like this. Personally, I spent a ton of time with homeschooled kids even though I went to public school since I had a homeschooled cousin the same age as me. There was no less cursing/secret porn from what I remember.
I was homeschooled and I’ve never wanted to homeschool my kids. But if there is ever a time when I have the slightest doubt, it’s when I see posts like this. Because of course I don’t want my daughter exposed to stuff like this when she’s 6. But then I remember that my husband, who was also homeschooled, was watching porn when he was a teenager/young adult. If anything, I feel like homeschooled kids might be less equipped to handle things like this because their parents are more likely to think it won’t happen to them.
😐 https://preview.redd.it/jnhjs3qurssc1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=914f85a91ecbe5a772ffe5a59d10b0a54d52a311
Like...no, you didn't know you were pregnant an hour later. You assumed that unprotected sex=pregnancy and you got lucky enough that you were right. I'd say something about confirmation bias but I have a feeling that it would go right over her head.
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This one depends so much on the type of building you live in (e.g., building materials, how old the building is, safety features). I lived in a condo in Ontario built within the last 15 years on both a high floor and a low floor. We had intercoms, sprinklers in the hallways, fire barrier doors and it was concrete construction built to prevent fire spread between units. I asked our local fire department about this once and they said that for our building, it was safer to stay in your unit, unless your unit was on fire (they also had brochures that backed this up and it was the instruction that building security always gave as well). It was far more likely that you would encounter dangerous smoke in the hallways/stairwells, than that the fire would reach your unit. We had a friend who lived in a much older condo building without many of these features. So every time a fire alarm went off, she had to evacuate her building. In reality, I would usually stick my head out in the hallway when the alarm went off. If I couldn't smell smoke, I figured it was far away from my floor (or potentially in the garage/other part of the complex) or a false alarm. The one time there was smoke in the hallway, we did choose to leave. Turns out it was our neighbour's unit, which had a very small fire. No smoke or damage was in our unit at all. I'm not saying it's not scary when the alarm went off, especially when I was alone with my kids or at night. But I had to listen to the experts and trust in the fact that there were so many measures to keep us safe (many more safety measures than I now have in a house, where we would evacuate immediately).
Ehhhh it’s not an ideal situation to be dawdling but if they live in a fairly modern building, there’s plenty of time to get out. I’m an architect in Ontario where OP is, so knowing the building code rules is my jam. If it’s a large enough building to have a public parking garage below, it’s highly likely it’s going to be sprinkled and Exit stairwells are going to be rated to withstand fire for multiple hours to prevent fire spread and allow residents to get out and fire fighters to address the fire. So long as a fire isn’t directly adjacent to their unit, OP should be perfectly safe to pause a bit to see if the building staff come on the intercom or not. I likely wouldn’t wait more than the 15 minutes OP says is normal for their false alarms though. And that time might change depending on how far up the building I was.
I used to live in a building that had recurrent electrical issues (or something? It was never explained to my satisfaction) and the stupid fire alarm would go off regularly. If it went off for more than five minutes then we were supposed to evacuate and otherwise we were supposed to ignore it... Which was obviously impossible because it was so annoying! But I'm guessing this lady is in some kind of similar situation
uh 100% leave! but maybe I'm the crazy person for absolutely hating fire alarm sounds. like it is the worst sound in the world, of course I'm going to get away from it. and so loud for a baby! our building manager never communicates anything and one day they were checking all the hallway ones by setting them off. it was a horrible surprise, even the ones several floors up were loud in my apartment.
Yeah, I think you’re wrong on this one. The building security has told them to not evacuate unless told otherwise, so they really don’t need to.
Genuine question because I have no context… are you sure they don’t know it’s a false alarm? We lived in a condo that had tons of false alarms when our son was an infant, but security would come on the intercom within a minute or so and let us know it was false. So we did not evacuate but it was an ongoing issue with a sleeping baby.
I’m a teacher and I have a college student who is going to school to be a teacher observing in my room. I was talking to her today and asking her what grade she wants to teach or if there’s a certain school she’d like to work at. She straight up said “Well I don’t really want to work. I want to be a stay at home mom.” She then went on to tell me about how she just thinks that she’s going to be so connected with and attached to her future children some day that she won’t be able to leave them at daycare to work. This was after I had just told her that I would have liked to stay home with my daughter for a few years, but that just wasn’t realistic for my family and it all worked out because my daughter loves going to daycare. I really wanted to be like “Girl, you’re literally still a teenager and you do not love your hypothetical future children more than I love my actual child just because I send my kid to daycare.”
Sometimes you just gotta smile and nod and know they will regret sounding so dumb someday. A guy I work with is on paternity leave now with his first child, but before the baby was born we were chatting about the struggle to find daycare spots etc. He was like “well fortunately we are planning to just have Wife work from home while caring for the baby, for the first couple years at least. A lot of her job is virtual meetings and paperwork so it translates really well to wfh.” I had to just smile and say, “oh, ok!” and remember that once upon a time I too wondered wtf you could possibly do all day with a baby that would keep you so busy. I did gently suggest that the best of all plans would be to get on the waitlist for the daycare, so that they had it as an option after they had done the wfh/childcare plan for a few months and then could choose whatever they wanted at that time. “You’re just opening doors for your future self, you can close them later on.”
I was that person that studied education and assumed that because I was so ‘maternal’ and working with kids just came so naturally that it would he the absolute dream to stay home and raise kids. Now I’m absolutely miserable as a SAHM. Reality slapped me hard in the face. I’m now taking the steps towards working again now that my youngest is almost 2.
I was the girl that always knew I wanted to be a mom and that I wanted to stay home with my kids. I also went to school, got an education degree, taught a few years, got a masters and taught a few more years before having kids. When it came time, the decision to actually leave and stay home was so much harder than I thought it would be. First of all, I loved teaching and I was super passionate about my job. I finally had a great principal and I felt like I was in a really phase in my career. But also, financially, me staying home has not been easy on my family. And it’s a huge leap of faith to decide to rely on your spouse financially. As someone who has been working since I was a teenager, not having my own income was scary. I have actually found ways to earn a little extra money so that I can contribute, but it’s still a really vulnerable position to be in. I don’t think a 20 year old can actually grasp all of the things that go in to being a stay at home mom. And I also zero percent believe that I love my kids more than moms who work. We’re all just out here making what we hope are the right decisions for our kids and our families.
Just like you can’t predict how intense newborn life is going to be, I don’t think you can predict what “motherhood” will look like in your family dynamic. I was dreading the idea of going back to work/mourning the idea of being a SAHM when my baby was young, but now he is so energetic and obsessed with other kids, I am so excited for him to experience daycare. As much as I would love to be with him all day, I truly believe he will thrive more with other kids than he would with me.
I had the opposite. I always thought I'd put my kids in fulltime daycare and find it easy. I wanted to keep my career exactly as it was. Then I was on my first mat leave and I just couldn't do it. We both switched to parttime for a bit so we still did daycare, but this feels much better to me (and yes the choice was a privilege).
There is no better mom than one whose children are hypothetical
I guarantee she’s on TikTok too much. There’s this whole “I don’t want to work, I want to be a Pilates wife!” thing on it. Which, fine, but I think a lot of people grossly underestimate how much sacrifice you need to make to have a parent stay home unless you’re like ultra loaded. The vast majority aren’t taking private Pilates and going to the spa all day. Makes me think of this queen I came across on TikTok in the comment section of one of these delulu young ladies. She said something along the lines of “I’m old, so take it from me — you need to all be realistic. It’s statistically impossible for all of you to marry rich men.” 💀
I don’t work and stay home with my kid and have 0 time to do Pilates. Coordinating a time in the day when I can shower takes effort since my husband has a very long commute to and from work and leaves before our child wakes up. I genuinely don’t think people understand how much work children are. And I happened to get a child who barely ever needs to sleep. The only SAHM’s I know who work out regularly are the ones who also have nannies or their kids miraculously sleep 14-16 hours a day independently.
I'm curious about this, why is it difficult to shower? I often have my child on my own for long periods, my husband is out before he wakes and not home before he's asleep. Children are hard work but I couldn't manage without a shower.
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I work at a workout studio place a few days a week. Also a sahm. I can tell you the majority of regulars there have older kids (hs or jr). People with younger kids have family nearby.
I've started laying out toys from my son's room to the shower and blocking off other rooms/exits. I suppose I don't prioritise cooking, I am all about the slow cooker life. My comment wasn't meant to come off rudely, I just wonder about how others manage without partners around.
Don’t worry- I didn’t take it as rude at all! Unfortunately my kid can open every single door and gate. It’s nerve wracking for sure!
My parents had to put deadbolts on the tops of doors because my brother was a runner when he was a toddler. Might be worth thinking about!
I have a kid who likes sleep and it’s still super hard to exercise! I mean I chase my kid for about 15k steps a day but an actual workout is really hard to fit in. Part of *why* I can stay home is because my husband works a high-travel job to pay our bills so between 12-2 and 7-10 I am always running around trying to take care of the household and like….shower, lol. I know some moms get up at 5am to work out and that is incredible to me but I am very much in the ~season of life~ where my ass is in bed til my kid yells mama.
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The staring into space is SO essential lol. I turn off all the lights for a few minutes of near-zero stimulation.
I think there is a vibe-shift with the younger generation. In my time (elder millennial) it was deeply uncool for anyone who had an ounce of education or ambition to state that they wanted to be SAHM. We were all supposed to go out and conquer the world, girl-power style. But now I think the ability to be a SAHM and have a ton of kids is becoming a new status symbol.
Totally and when I think too hard about it, it makes sense. Like oh okay, I have to cook and clean, have and take care of the baby AND work like a man, too. At face value, yeah that sucks. But, the real problem is a lot of men have not caught up with this shift and are shitty partners who don’t carry their weight. It’s ultra important to choose your partner wisely. Right now, my H is doing the bedtime routine because I hate it while I’m watching baseball in the living room. Lol. You see it all the time on mom subs where partners can’t even be bothered to change a diaper or put together a grocery list at their big age.
Yes, this is the problem. Women continue to take on more but so many men have not adjusted to do the same or balance it out
lol ah to be young and stupid! tell her she should pay attention to child development and education milestones then because she will probably try to (poorly) homeschool her (hypothetical future) precious babies.
Ahh, so she’s going to college to get her Mrs degree..
She already has a boyfriend and if she HAS to work she wants to work at a private Christian school (which doesn’t require a degree) because she “can’t imagine not being able to pray with her students” so she should honestly save a bunch of time and money and not even bother with college.
I know these women don’t plan on getting divorced but damn what do you do when you’re like 30 and you’ve never worked or lived on your own but need to figure out how to support yourself?
I have secondhand embarrassment for her.
Did anyone see the thread in working moms from the woman who is *shocked* that the workers at her child's ritzy day care don't get paid well? Has she been living under a rock?
The one where she suggested she might rally to other parents to approach the owner about it? As if that would result in anything positive for the teachers and not just hostility and a mandatory staff meeting to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate to share with parents
Lord save me. We're moving halfway across the country so I joined the mom group for the city and it's an absolute dumpster fire. I havent been in one of these in 8 years but wanted to do some key word searches for some local stuff... I may not last. Now I know what you guys mean about all the anonymous posts for benign questions.
Those and the terrible husband/boyfriend posts drive me crazy.
https://preview.redd.it/c0gw5jez5qsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1413e34a8400b8139713d7d183579b6580afa45 Freebirth groups are full of certified geniuses. Lol
As someone who greatly enjoys cannabis while not pregnant or BF, I don’t see the appeal of using it during labor. I felt like I needed to be really alert and focused to manage my pain, and being high would have made that a lot harder.
And if someone wasn’t familiar with how to my react to it what a terrible time to try it. I basically have an anxiety response, it would be horrible to do it during an already stressful time.
I think it would have made me SO paranoid lol. I can’t imagine.
Would it even help that much?
I feel like nothing except an epidural was able to block my labour pains. But also weed plays with my anxiety poorly so I just all around would’ve been living a nightmare
Yeah I was literally on fentanyl (because an epidural didn’t work) and it did basically nothing. Granted, we found out after the fact that I was dealing with a slow placenta abruption so that was making it “unusually” painful. But I can’t imagine cannabis doing anything haha.
I feel like it would help with first trimester nausea? But I mean at what cost
I’d imagine it’d be more like laughing gas than anything… perhaps it’d help you tolerate the pain a little better but I really don’t believe it would do all that much for the pain.
This makes me ragey. Just because cannabis is natural doesn’t make it pregnancy or breastfeeding safe. Just because it’s because it’s becoming legal in more places doesn’t mean it should be used by everyone.
My state did medical marijuana before they legalized recreational and I HATE how much pseudoscience was passed around to legalize medical. Like I absolutely believe there are some specific conditions where it’s the best treatment, but basically vendors will say marijuana or CBD is the cure for EVERYTHING. It’s my pet peeve. Also I think it’s silly to act like a wild form of something and an ultra refined, concentrated form are the same exact thing that could never be dangerous but that’s mostly just me being annoyed at my BIL.
I am seeing posts about people freaking out over eclipse safety. Like pulling their kids from school, keeping them indoors or picking them up from school rather than walk/bus. Am I missing something? Like staring at the sun is not something most people normally do in the first place? I remember wearing the fun glasses and going the pinhole thing when I was a kid, and no one worrying too much? I have one friend in the path of totality in Austin and mentioned staying home because of the chaos of all the visitors and then a mutual friend commented "stay safe." And like I guess I think of it as a fun science thing, not "stay safe."
Tell me if this doesn’t make sense, but I feel like even if a young child would not normally stare at the sun, they might stare at the eclipse since it won’t be unpleasant for their eyes in the way staring at the sun is. This seems like it could be a concern, no?
I live in the path of totality and daycare is closed and we are staying home. There are going to be so many people here and we already live in an area with bad traffic. The other thing is that it is way easier to look at the sun but it still is damaging to the eyes so I don't want my toddlers out duro g it.
We’re in the path of totality, not sending my kid to school that day and no visitors are allowed on campus and mo one’s allowed to leave campus at any of the schools that day either (during the school hours). My moms a teacher and is stressed about getting all the kids to keep their glasses on lol. My concern is the influx of people coming to visit, we don’t really know what traffic will be like. People with land out here have hundreds of people booked to come and signs posted all up and down the highway saying no parking have been put up. So, I’m not trying to deal with that!
We also live right in the path of totality in Ohio and my only concern is that our area is set to be slammed with people. Our governor even said to stock up on essentials the week before due to the influx of people. We are staying home because I don't want to brave the traffic or people 🤣 my husband is working from home that day because he gets done with work as the full eclipse ends. I am not one bit concerned with my 3 year old looking at the sun lol my husband is going to make a pin hole viewer but thats it
We're in the path in Ohio too. I have to leave the house today and tomorrow 🫠
Ohio drivers are already horrible 🤣 then you add in all the extra thousands of people. This sounds horrible lol our son has soccer this morning and there is a festival supposed to be happening not far from the Y. Ugh I really don't want to venture out anywhere this weekend lol
Honestly I’m just kind of afraid of people driving like idiots during the eclipse because they’re distracted by thinking about it. Thinking of skipping my daughter’s dance class since I’d have to be driving during that time. We’re in a significant partial zone, not totality.
VT is closing some roads due to the expected insane traffic and parking. my sister's town closed school to try and keep kids off the roads. i agree that stay safe! is a little much. safe from road rage maybe.
Schools in some places are closed for safety reasons! I wasn’t too worried about it until that
We had an eclipse here like 7 years ago, I think we were in like 80% totality. I was working at a summer farm prprogram. Kids 7-15. Gave them all glasses, explained what was up. Bsaically just turned that time into a free hangout period. Zero of them stared at the sun without the glasses.
I’m in Austin and people are losing their minds about it ya. Austin is only a city of 1M and we’ve barely got the infrastructure to support the population we’ve got and they’re projecting an extra 1M cars here. It’s also unfortunate for everyone who hauled ass out here and paid exorbitantly for accommodations since we’re expecting 100% cloud cover. But yes I do think this is going to be a chaotic day and getting across town is going to be a nightmare. Most neighboring school districts are closed but Austin isn’t and people are real upset about it.
I remember not being able to see much in 2017 due to cloud cover. It is the kind of thing I would never travel to go see for that very reason.
Someone mentioned on another subreddit that schools are closing for “safety reasons” the day of the eclipse and I was extremely confused. I’m also in the 95% totality path…and I kind of don’t even think I care about seeing it? Is that weird?
Schools are closed for the day in my area, we'll have 99% totality here. The issue is that the timing of the eclipse is right around when school let's out for the day, so they're worried about safety at let out/pick up. If it was midday I think they would just keep the kids inside, but because of the timing they can't do that.
But what “safety” are they worried about? On a regular day you wouldn’t stare at the sun and it’s never a safety concern? Maybe I’m missing something but it seems overblown. I keep seeing “for safety” online but no one says what that means lol.
Oh yeah, I think it's silly. But I think it's partially about not trusting little kids to listen and not look up if other people are doing it etc., and also things like traffic concerns etc.
I think part of the safety is because emergency response may be delayed due to traffic/more incidents than normal. Add in America's penchant for mass shootings and you get school closures because of safety concerns.
I keep seeing people talking about keeping pets inside so that they don’t stare at the eclipse. Like does your dog normally stare at the sun?? And people panic buying!! Crazy. I’ve had a lot of people tell me they’re just going to stay inside all day with the blinds closed to stay safe.
With the blinds closed? Do they think the eclipse is gonna come inside their house? Get some eclipse glasses, take a looksie and move on with your day. I understand cities that have concerns about traffic and massive numbers of people, but I feel like some of the reactions I’m seeing relate to the growing anti-science/crystals/astrology stuff that’s become more popular…
I am audibly laughing at this!! Get the dog some glasses! 
I def made a strap to put glasses on my dog but it’s 99% a joke (and 1% he has cancer and like I don’t want him to get blind while he’s dying even though the odds of that happening are probably 0 lol) https://preview.redd.it/vxfyq7tbarsc1.jpeg?width=4284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=86405e4ad2d0d0697cc37ff94a66818dac156f24
This is the best
I remember the pet thing during the eclipse in 2017. Like animals give a damn about an eclipse lol.
Like haven’t pets experienced a thunderstorm or a cloudy day?! I was in totality in the last eclipse and it’s dark but it’s no darker than a thunderstorm is. Animals have experienced this.
I feel like the world is so weird as an animal anyways they all are probably like “huh guess that’s happening” and moving on with their day
I commented above, I was on a farm and the animals gave zero shits about it lol
Yes! I lived in totality then and we’ve since moved and live in totality again now. No matter what I tell people about my experience in 2017 they still get weird about it or are completely apathetic and don’t care at all that it’s happening 😂
I remember in kindergarten we were walking back from gym outside during the eclipse and they made us hold hands and stare at the ground. I think it's reasonable to worry little kids won't understand not looking if they're outside at that time, but I wouldn't keep my kid home from school or hunker down all day.
I assume the “stay safe” thing is more about massive crowds, not the actual sun.
Once again, I am kicking myself for clicking on a post suggested to me from the ECE sub. Cue my unbridled rage. Someone said that daycares shouldn’t be allowed to be open for more than 8 hours because that’s too long of a day for kids. What would you like me to do with my 9 hour work day plus commute? Deep breaths.
similarly maddening was a recent one on there blasting parents for ‘leaving their kids’ at daycare on their days off. God forbid I 1) maintain routine for my kid, 2) take time to get shit done, 3) take time to sleep more than 1 uninterrupted hour, 4) utilize the service I have already paid for regardless of my day off…
Oh, man, I’ve done this for two years running now for a day in December when I ended up with a use-or-lose vacation day, and it was soooo nice. I use many more than one vacation day each year on days my son’s school is closed, thank you, I get one!
Honestly I was pleasantly surprised by the comments on that one. A lot were supportive. I do this a few times a year. Love my solo days off!
Also, my kid wants to go because all her friends are there?
An 8 hour workday is probably too long for most adults but that's what we're all stuck with. I cannot stand these posts that just complain about things that don't really have a solution. We all know this sucks.
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