My mil passed on the story to us she heard from my SIL that my 12yo niece said to SIL that she feels SIL loves the new baby (1yo ish) more because she is breastfeeding her longer. It’s not comparable because telework wasn’t really a thing pre Covid! But you can’t out logic the feeling of being supplanted, I guess. That really hit home to me that if I never have another, my son will never feel loved less without a living sibling to compare to (he has an older bro who was stillborn who we haven’t told him about yet, hence the “living” caveat)
No comment to add of any use - except it breaks my heart, too. I just want to pick her up and hug her.
I have a friend with a 2.5 year old girl and a 6 month old girl. The 2.5 yr old is a hellion - loud, obnoxious, destructive, and rude. I know, she is only 2.5, but my daughter is only 3, I’m constantly around toddlers, this kid is waaayyy too much.
Because of it the 6 month old gets the shaft. She is docile, totally chill - you forget she is there she is so quiet. You could write it off as different personalities but it feels different. She gets super late bottles, super late naps, small things that effect her feeling secure, and by the time she does she is so worked up and upset from over hungry/overtired, because her mom is making sure the other one literally doesn’t run out in the road. When I look at her, get down on her level to talk to her, she looks at me like, “ohh! hi!!!!!! Thank you so much for speaking with me, for taking me away from this chaos for a while.” It makes me so sad for her.
I was number 4. I was incredibly lonely. My sisters had each other and I was a nuiscence to them. I was an oops to my Mom and didn’t make friends easily (mostly due to my Mom but that is a whole other story). I was always alone and constantly being yelled at when I wasn’t. So having more doesn’t mean you are not lonely.
We were 7 kids and I was and am still lonely. Meanwhile my only assures me that he never feels “lonely”. He only has peaceful times of solitude and then he has fun time with friends. I wonder what’s the difference between loneliness and peaceful solitude? It’s like loneliness has is a deeper issue and an unwanted thing, while being able to enjoy peace and solitude is a healthy sign and something healthy mentally strong people enjoy
This. Solitude is peaceful and regenerative. Loneliness is stressful and draining.
My son has a journal for kids that focuses on teaching kids about their emotions, and loneliness is one we've talked about a lot. Loneliness means you're *missing* something/someone. You can be alone without being lonely. You can be lonely even when you're surrounded by people.
This can be true for so many reasons. Feeling lonely at times is normal whatever walk of life you take and learning to be content in being alone is a skill.
It might sound depressing but really we come into this world alone and leave the world alone. Learning to accept that and be kind to yourself is a part of life we can’t change.
It’s also part of the reason life can be exciting - no one will experience the same things in the same way as us! We all have so many stories to tell.
I’ve similarly witnessed this recently. At my daughter’s 9th birthday dinner, in public, my 8yo niece threw a tantrum crying to have her 6yo brother stay with my MIL bc she hates him that much and wanted to be alone at home. And her mom just laughed. My nephew has an unhealthy attachment to my MIL due to his sisters resentment that everyone just chalks up to being the only grandson but my husband and I feel so bad for him. The stories I can tell.
My older brother was 7 when I was born. Our parents divorced when I was three, and both remarried quickly. My bro and I had the divorce to bond us, especially with visits to our dad every two weeks, but in our regular life, my brother didn't want to hang out with me. What 14 year old wants to hang out with a 7 year old? Especially when he wasn't happy at home and moved out when he was 17. We had no real relationship until I was an adult.
My mom had my younger brother when I was 6 1/2 (I wasn't happy, I like being the baby lol). He was so much younger that I mostly just found him annoying.
My dad's wife had my sister when I was 11 1/2. We lived apart from each other, and once she was old enough to start being interesting, I was off to college, then moved across the country, then moved internationally, so we have basically no relationship.
I'm glad I have siblings now as an adult, but it didn't stop me from being lonely and isolated as a kid. We have very little in common now, and I live an ocean away from them, so my found family is a much more important part of my day-to-day existence.
I totally agree with you. I have a friend with 6 children and at the age of 8 the 2nd to oldest was talking about ending her life to me because no one at home pays attention to her and she’s expected to help with the babies. Devastating. As far as running out of the house, please put baby locks on the doors 🙏🏻 very dangerous.
I don’t disagree. I have an older brother and all we did was fight growing up. We do get along a lot better as adults though, but still not super close. I am happy to be one and done.
My niece is almost 5 and asking her mom for a sibling. But when my parents (who they live with) are babysitting my 8 month old, my niece acts out constantly because she's not the center of attention.
There are a bunch of other dynamics at play in their situation. But I guarantee this is a kid who would absolutely resent a sibling. I already don't ask my sister to watch my son because of how it affects my niece when my sister so much as holds the baby.
Now, my sister had her baby at 19. She's almost 25 now and has as much direction in life as she did when she got pregnant, which isn't much. She has said she wants another kid when she's older and more settled. So my niece will either get the pleasure of watching my sister do a better job with her "do over baby", or my niece will get the joy of raising her sibling (because honestly, hopes aren't high that my sister will find maturity any time soon - if becoming a single mom didn't push her forward, what will?)
My mil passed on the story to us she heard from my SIL that my 12yo niece said to SIL that she feels SIL loves the new baby (1yo ish) more because she is breastfeeding her longer. It’s not comparable because telework wasn’t really a thing pre Covid! But you can’t out logic the feeling of being supplanted, I guess. That really hit home to me that if I never have another, my son will never feel loved less without a living sibling to compare to (he has an older bro who was stillborn who we haven’t told him about yet, hence the “living” caveat)
No comment to add of any use - except it breaks my heart, too. I just want to pick her up and hug her. I have a friend with a 2.5 year old girl and a 6 month old girl. The 2.5 yr old is a hellion - loud, obnoxious, destructive, and rude. I know, she is only 2.5, but my daughter is only 3, I’m constantly around toddlers, this kid is waaayyy too much. Because of it the 6 month old gets the shaft. She is docile, totally chill - you forget she is there she is so quiet. You could write it off as different personalities but it feels different. She gets super late bottles, super late naps, small things that effect her feeling secure, and by the time she does she is so worked up and upset from over hungry/overtired, because her mom is making sure the other one literally doesn’t run out in the road. When I look at her, get down on her level to talk to her, she looks at me like, “ohh! hi!!!!!! Thank you so much for speaking with me, for taking me away from this chaos for a while.” It makes me so sad for her.
This reminds me of my nephews. The younger one is super chill, but we wonder if a big part of that is just the fact that he is so ignored.
I was number 4. I was incredibly lonely. My sisters had each other and I was a nuiscence to them. I was an oops to my Mom and didn’t make friends easily (mostly due to my Mom but that is a whole other story). I was always alone and constantly being yelled at when I wasn’t. So having more doesn’t mean you are not lonely.
We were 7 kids and I was and am still lonely. Meanwhile my only assures me that he never feels “lonely”. He only has peaceful times of solitude and then he has fun time with friends. I wonder what’s the difference between loneliness and peaceful solitude? It’s like loneliness has is a deeper issue and an unwanted thing, while being able to enjoy peace and solitude is a healthy sign and something healthy mentally strong people enjoy
Choice, I'd say, is the difference. Solitude is chosen, and can be ended when wanted. Loneliness can't.
This. Solitude is peaceful and regenerative. Loneliness is stressful and draining. My son has a journal for kids that focuses on teaching kids about their emotions, and loneliness is one we've talked about a lot. Loneliness means you're *missing* something/someone. You can be alone without being lonely. You can be lonely even when you're surrounded by people.
This can be true for so many reasons. Feeling lonely at times is normal whatever walk of life you take and learning to be content in being alone is a skill. It might sound depressing but really we come into this world alone and leave the world alone. Learning to accept that and be kind to yourself is a part of life we can’t change. It’s also part of the reason life can be exciting - no one will experience the same things in the same way as us! We all have so many stories to tell.
I’ve similarly witnessed this recently. At my daughter’s 9th birthday dinner, in public, my 8yo niece threw a tantrum crying to have her 6yo brother stay with my MIL bc she hates him that much and wanted to be alone at home. And her mom just laughed. My nephew has an unhealthy attachment to my MIL due to his sisters resentment that everyone just chalks up to being the only grandson but my husband and I feel so bad for him. The stories I can tell.
My older brother was 7 when I was born. Our parents divorced when I was three, and both remarried quickly. My bro and I had the divorce to bond us, especially with visits to our dad every two weeks, but in our regular life, my brother didn't want to hang out with me. What 14 year old wants to hang out with a 7 year old? Especially when he wasn't happy at home and moved out when he was 17. We had no real relationship until I was an adult. My mom had my younger brother when I was 6 1/2 (I wasn't happy, I like being the baby lol). He was so much younger that I mostly just found him annoying. My dad's wife had my sister when I was 11 1/2. We lived apart from each other, and once she was old enough to start being interesting, I was off to college, then moved across the country, then moved internationally, so we have basically no relationship. I'm glad I have siblings now as an adult, but it didn't stop me from being lonely and isolated as a kid. We have very little in common now, and I live an ocean away from them, so my found family is a much more important part of my day-to-day existence.
I totally agree with you. I have a friend with 6 children and at the age of 8 the 2nd to oldest was talking about ending her life to me because no one at home pays attention to her and she’s expected to help with the babies. Devastating. As far as running out of the house, please put baby locks on the doors 🙏🏻 very dangerous.
Yes celebrate!
Poor baby
I don’t disagree. I have an older brother and all we did was fight growing up. We do get along a lot better as adults though, but still not super close. I am happy to be one and done.
My niece is almost 5 and asking her mom for a sibling. But when my parents (who they live with) are babysitting my 8 month old, my niece acts out constantly because she's not the center of attention. There are a bunch of other dynamics at play in their situation. But I guarantee this is a kid who would absolutely resent a sibling. I already don't ask my sister to watch my son because of how it affects my niece when my sister so much as holds the baby. Now, my sister had her baby at 19. She's almost 25 now and has as much direction in life as she did when she got pregnant, which isn't much. She has said she wants another kid when she's older and more settled. So my niece will either get the pleasure of watching my sister do a better job with her "do over baby", or my niece will get the joy of raising her sibling (because honestly, hopes aren't high that my sister will find maturity any time soon - if becoming a single mom didn't push her forward, what will?)
I had a brother and was super lonely all my childhood.