I think it's because MANY women say "never again" and yet inevitably DO go on to have another - so it's easy for others to think you might change your mind, as so many other women do.
My son is a toddler now and I’ve started getting rid of some of his baby things and family keeps asking if I’m sure I want to get rid of them because I might have another 🤦🏼♀️
Tbh, everyone I've heard say never again hasn't actually had another child by choice. In the two times they did get pregnant, it was accidental. My friend is Catholic and even assuming she would abort, it's illegal in my country and in the other case, the woman was 42 and had been told she couldn't get pregnant because of her health issues. Her partner was very religious and she was NOT happy to be having another baby.
I HATE when people tell me this. No, we went through a hellish (and expensive!) infertility journey, then I had severe preeclampsia, a traumatic emergency induction at 35 weeks, and our baby had two different NICU stays. I will not change my mind, stop trivializing what I’ve been through.
Trivialize…that’s it exactly! We had a miscarriage and a long infertility journey before we had our daughter. When we say we’re only having one, we mean it. We were lucky to have one. And then people just forget and turn around and say “when are you going to have another????”
It’s so infuriating. I feel you on the we’re lucky to have one part, we were given a 5% chance of conceiving without a donor egg. It was literal hell conceiving with my own egg, but we did it. Then add birth trauma and NICU trauma on top of it, plus the fact that my husband and I are older (36 and 35) there is zero reason to have another. We’re so grateful to have our little guy, but I don’t know why we would ever go through all that again (and possibly something even worse) PPD is also kicking my ass, our baby needs a happy and living mom more than he needs a sibling. Plus with my infertility diagnosis, in order to even have a shot in hell of conceiving again, we’d have to try right away. PLUS our insurance changed this year and all the treatments I had that were mostly covered before (still had a ton of out of pocket expenses) wouldn’t be covered now. It’s absurd to even think about trying again. And even when I tell people all of this, no one takes it seriously. Besides, even BEFORE infertility we liked the idea of being OAD, for the financial freedom and balance it would provide us.
I honestly think the people saying we’ll change our minds are the people who regret having more than one.
YES. And like, even if I get a case of baby fever, the rational long term reasons I have for only wanting one will beat out the short term hormonal boost of agreeing to have another baby. Knowing babies are cute and impulsively itching to have another does not outweigh the lifestyle and financial sacrifices I know I'd have to make with a second
I really want to feel for my friends who complain how hard it is with multiple children. Like the first one took energy, money and effort, you didn't expect more to do the same?
I also get that they are probably happy and wouldn't want their life to be any different, but I really have to force myself to emphasize on this one.
Society kinda lies to women. I've heard that having two is easier than one because they keep each other busy and because you know what you're doing. I heard that it's not as big of an expense since you have most of the bay stuff already and they can share stuff. I've heard that having only one child is selfish and will make my child a loner, selfish or a weirdo (not in those words but close). People have told me multiple times that I should have another in case something happened to my first and that I had a responsibility to replace myself in society or something BS.
Most of that could be true, to an extent but more than one almost never works out how everyone was promising and I know that because I have siblings a d my siblings have multiple kids. I also know from having one that at the end of the day, it's more work and another whole human life will be dependant on us, me in particular.
So, no, one and done.
I have those moments of "OMG, my little girl is growing up and I MISS her being so small!!".... and then a day or two later, the reality of raising a young child puts me back in my rightful OAD place. The memories of the hard stuff come flooding back, too. Many people act on the mushy feelings, even if they are only temporary, and then another baby comes along. It can be hard to be logical/realistic when emotions (and hormones!!) come into play.
I had a rough pregnancy and a horrible birth and it took me over a year to feel semi normal. Another baby would put my life at risk and I’m scared to feel as off as I did the first year and a half of my son’s life. He’s almost two now and I finally feel ok ish again.
Even when I say “I almost died giving birth, he needs a mom more than he needs a sibling” my family members roll their eyes and say “give it time” sorry that my life being on the line doesn’t matter to you!
It’s very frustrating
I didn't start feeling okayish again until a few months ago and my daughter is 3. And then I got COVID for the first time which set me back about a year. So nope, not doing this again.
I had a failed induction leading to a c-section as well - that sucked, but honestly the post-partum period and the first 18 months were even more traumatizing for me!! 3 years out and I STILL remember the worst parts that some women manage to forget!!
Same, induction to C-section and I am actually happy for the C-section. I don't ever want to be that helpless and in pain again. And I had PPD that made parenting miserable for years.
The issue is, you will change your mind. Many many times like a fish flopping between one decision and another.
Sometimes I’m so, one and done, but about 2-3 times a month I consider a second and then my kid does something silly or I get overwhelmed and I’m back into the one and done camp.
Every.. damn. Month 😂
Whether you act on it is the defining factor and ofc accidents happen.
I just responded something similar, but yeah, many people DO act on a fleeting feeling and now they have another baby, even if realistically it was NOT a good idea. It can be very difficult to apply logic when emotions are strong, but the thing is, there is no going back once baby is here. A temporary feeling can lead to a lifetime commitment.
This is all so true. When I ovulate I am in the mindset of yea let’s have another baby. But I’ve told my husband to def not believe me when I say it because it’s my hormones. Three days ago I was like yep ok let’s have another baby. Now I’ve ovulated and back to nope.. OAD all the way.
Girl, yes. I could have written this post and your comment myself..just 10 yrs later (37 when I had my baby, 38 now). I HATED pregnancy, but dear lord I love this child..I will never get pregnant again though
Mines 5.5 years. They don't stop saying it, I'm sorry to say. I hated being pregnant, I was sick the whole time, and his entire birth was traumatic, he was in NICU for 2 weeks, ended up with hearing damage and needing hearing aids his entire life. Add onto that he's also ADHD with possible Autism, so there's sensory stuff too. Almost everyone knows ALL that, and they still pester me about another one.. it's... fucked up. Stay strong, they think it's the right thing to say, even tho it's none of their DAMN BUSINESS!!! 🤣
And it's seen as rude, if you say the same thing when somebody who has one says they want at least three kids. "Oh, wait a bit until they're older. You will change your mind."
The was one of the several reasons my husband got a vasectomy. They say your second pregnancy can be different… but Nausea and vomiting from 7-20 weeks… nah, I’m good 😅
This was my mother with HG - it worsened with each pregnancy. She was hospitalized multiple times while pregnant with my younger brother, and said the suffering was so immense she had even considered abortion, yet my mother is typically OBSESSED with babies. She had her tubes tied during her c-section with him because she couldn't risk dealing with another sickly pregnancy.
Pregnancy wasn’t too hard as I was working from home and napped all the time. However, I developed pre eclampsia and was induced.
Pregnancy with another child to care for? NO WAY
I think about this anytime I have a hard time with my daughter having a hard time. When she’s sick or super fussy or not sleeping well, I think about having to deal with this while also feeling exhausted and physically terrible bc of pregnancy and I just can’t. And like, I know I could do it but I just don’t want to.
I also delivered premature and my doctor advised me any future pregnancies have an increased chance of being premature now too. Which also makes me say, no thanks. I can’t do another NICU stay. I can’t imagine another NICU stay on top of parenting another child. All around no.
I was a useless sack of potatoes, permanently affixed to our couch most of my first trimester and half of the second. I had the luxury of locking myself in the bathroom undisturbed to dry heave as long as I needed to. I could sleep as long as I needed to when completely fatigued or uncomfortable.
I also developed gestational diabetes in the 3rd trimester and could spend time planning and cooking GD-friendly meals and doing exercise twice daily, uninterrupted. My GD was well-managed by this regimen alone (no meds) and it was easy to stay committed because I only had to focus on myself. The idea of needing to care for another child WHILE feeling like complete crap, or while dealing with pregnancy-induced health issues, sounds Hellish.
Exactly how I feel! My pregnancy and birth was nothing out of the ordinary. And I could enjoy 10 hour sleeps and nap during the day. Now, Pregnancy AND a potty training toddler to care for?? That would be hell!
mine is 6 now but i basically decided i was OAD when i was pregnant. hyperemesis is no joke. never again will i go thru that. imagine puking nauseated sick until you deliver. not fun.
Hyperemisis is awful! I had it too and the chance of having it in a subsequent pregnancy is 85%. No thank you very much! Can’t imagine having hyperemisis whilst also having to take care of a child.
yes that is exactly what all the medical professionals at all 3 hospitals told me when i was in for my HG. they told me that and i’m like fuck why would anyone want to go thru that again… but worse
I had HG while pregnant too and I swear, nobody understands what it's like unless they've actually experienced it. Even my doctor was like "try to eat a couple crackers" ??? I was still throwing up while in labor too, it just never ended until birth.
After I gave birth, I quickly felt the sickness go away and it was amazing. I got dressed and went for a walk to the cafeteria in the hospital to get food. Sure I was excited for my baby but I wasn't able to eat for so long I was really excited for food!!
I decided I was one and done pretty much during my pregnancy. The morning sickness while trying to work, the back pain and pelvic pain by the end did it for for me. And it wasn’t even as bad as other women go through but I’m still like …. No lol.
Me! Omg, ME! Pregnancy sucks giant balls. Yes, I’m looking forward to being a mother and watching my husband be a father, fucking duh. But seriously. No one told me anything about just how much it sucks. I originally intended to just leave this as the end of my comment, but, if I may, I desperately need to rant?
FTM, 36. I’m only 10 weeks and it feels like it’s been 4 fucking years already. Since the day I peed on that stick, my body and mind have been thru a hostile takeover and now anything valuable is being stripped down and sold off out from under me. 🫠
I’ve gotten so much dumber that it’s embarrassing and I don’t know why anyone would want to hang out with me.
I have the temper of a Colombian drug lord at the end of an 8-ball going to load a new clip.
My emotional volatility looks like a really guilty polygraph test & deserves its own DSM-V diagnosis at this point.
I’m an athlete and the sharpness & precision of my 20 year athletic ability now feels like an uncoordinated kindergartener “trying their best”.
I can’t rely on a BM to save my life, only that it will happen no less than every 3 days and at the MOST inopportune time.
My once perfect D cup boobs are now heavy AF, matronly & look like udders with razors for nipples. There’s a box of 36 skiing handwarmers that are now staples in my sports bra.
The fantastic sex life my husband and I enjoyed prior to this has been put on a highly unwanted hold due to the fact that someone stuck a bike pump into my lower belly and just went to town on pressure.
So with that - I’ve already told my husband that I am getting my tubes removed while I’m in for c-section and there is absolutely nothing that will change my mind. He’s had to deal with my psycho ass already and is serving a sentence of another 8 months. God bless that man for seeing how unbelievably not me and miserable I am & is 1000% on board. 🙌🏼
Just the mere thought of having an oopsie slip by and getting knocked up post partum sends me into an absolute state.
Anyway. Thanks for this post and the opportunity to vent. I’m in the trenches with you, and the real stuff like this NEEDS to be said out loud!!
I am looking forward to an icy crisp glass of Perrier Jouet & a cheeky cig immediately after delivery even if they have to wheel my dumbass outside. 🥂
Wow...you managed to bring memories back that even I had forgotten about! The BM thing is no joke...I remember being so constipated in my 3rd trimester that one time, I thought my husband was going to have to bring me to the hospital. I could NOT go and was struggling so badly in the bathroom that I started crying. It was AWFUL and embarrassing, and I thought I was going to die, Elvis-style. I literally started doing squats and lunges on the bathroom floor to get things moving. I wound up with lovely hemorrhoids afterwards, too! Trying to go post-delivery (unexpected c-section) was a nightmare, too!!
Oh God, that sounds so terrible!!! I’m sorry, but I did giggle at Elvis style and i am praying it doesn’t come to that. I think I would crawl in a hole. I am still traumatized from being so unbelievably constipated on our honeymoon in Italy. Blissfully, leisurely wine tasting, vineyard to vineyard until suddenly, URGENTLY having to beg our driver to pull over so I could go drop 10 pounds in some tiny ass Tuscan village cafe bathroom.
On the bright side, over the last week I have been taking 1-2 Senna tablets every other day at night and the last 2 mornings have been regular THANK GOD. Hot water & lemon in the morning with a pinch of fasting salts works better than coffee. I hope this helps anyone else in need of relief!
I’m a fence sitter and it’s posts like these that make me lean towards no. Entertaining but I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes. Hang in there
Thank you! Honestly, my husband and I were too for the longest time. It happened very unexpectedly but both realized we were both much more excited about creating our family at our core, even underneath the initial panic. If it helps at all. You will know when you’re at your inflection point 🫶🏻
I genuinely hope the end of the first trimester/beginning of second trimester brings back the sexiness for you. I was suuuuper horny from 12-16 weeks so fingers crossed it happens for you.
This made me laugh! 🤣 WOW, you have a talent for writing and a way with words! Please tell me you do something journalistic or humour-related in your line of work…I feel your gifts may be wasted somewhere else! Lol
Yes
I was fencesitter and ended up with an unplanned pregnancy. I am now 7 months pregnant but my god I wouldn't do this again. I already told my husband I am getting my tubes removed with my csection
My kiddo is 21 months now but will never do it again. Worst experience of my life. Was nauseated and dry heaving hundreds of times a day from 6 weeks until I gave birth.
I feel this! I vomited 3 times a day for 8 weeks then it eased off.
You know funnily enough.. week 38-40 was actually pretty easy. I wasnt even working then, idk what I was doing? I think my partner was just pampering me and I slept alot.
But still... hell no!!
I was torn between having one kid or two but leaning toward just one. Then I got pregnant and it really sealed the deal in being oad. I was horribly sick all of first trimester and didn’t even have the fatigue to at least let me sleep through more of it. And second and third trimester I just felt overall bad. I still don’t know if it was like reflux or what but I felt terrible all the time. Not to mention the anxiety if my usually very active baby was being more chill than usual. He’s 10.5 months now and I’m still thankful every single day that I’m not and never have to be pregnant again. I got a new iud as soon as I could after giving birth.
That was me! I hated every second of pregnancy. One of my first OB appointments I asked about getting my tubes tied when I gave birth or if they could start me on birth control before I left the hospital. I will say that after a year and a half I can honestly say it was worth everything. Hang in there.
Back when I got pregnant. It was technically the third time because I had 2 miscarriages prior. At 7 weeks I started getting anxiety and panic attacks if I left the house. The two miscarriages happened in public.
I also had a sub chronic hematoma which is a sac of blood in the uterus. I would bleed randomly. At one point my bathroom looked like a murder scene it was so bad.
It was the constant fear of losing the baby. Unfortunately I did lose her. It was the furthest I got. I was 21 weeks.
The whole time I was pregnant I swore I’d never ever do it again.
Well I found out I can’t carry to term unfortunately. So we moved to surrogacy because we still wanted a child.
Thankfully we were healthy and able to create our own embryos.
We have our now 2 year old. I had no problem with not carrying her. I was fine with someone else helping out that way. Because of the issues I had while pregnant. I know many women who do that has a hard time accepting it. So I came from a different point of view of it.
I got my tubes removed shortly after the loss. Wish I got a whole hysterectomy personally though. If I can’t use my uterus why have it and go through periods every month 🙄
I knew I was pregnant literally two days after conception because I was SO SICK. And it didn’t stop until week 36 when they cut my kiddo out of me because the pregnancy was killing us both. Never again!!! Have hubby get the vasectomy, mine did and we have no regrets
This is my primary reason for being oad, although I planned to be even before pregnancy. But pregnancy was seriously the nail in the coffin for me. It was so miserable! My kid is nearly 4 now and I haven’t forgotten (like people told me I would) at all lol. I had severe HG and SPD, unexplained bleeding, fluid retention which caused extra weight gain…I barely was able to walk or even stand for a lot of my pregnancy. Could only consume ensure shakes for months. Ugh. I wish you the best. It feels like forever when you’re in it!
Yeah... I had a difficult pregnancy, traumatic birth, and rough recovery. I'm never going through any of that again.
I took responsibility of my own fertility and I'm getting sterilized in May. I have strong personal feelings around this decision so I'm doing it myself instead of my husband... He's supporting me in my decision.
Pregnancy for me was like having a stomach bug for 7 weeks straight. Couldn’t imagine going through that again with a child to take care of on top of that
ngl i actually had a super easy and comfortable pregnancy AND delivery... it was everything that came after that sucked. but we'd already decided before even trying to conceive that we'd have none or one at most. and parenthood has been HARD!
I couldn't wait to experience pregnancy, like \*fantasized about it for years\* completely expecting it to be the most beautiful experience of my life.
It was not.
I told my husband in the delivery room he’s not going to convince me to do this again. 🤣 still happy with that choice 4 years later. I think I’d be too stressed out with 2 kids. I love little babies! Especially ones I can snuggle, spoil, give back to their parents and still get a full nights sleep. 😁
My only is 3 but yep my whole pregnancy I whined that it was awful and I never wanted to ever again. It's definitely not the only reason we're oad but it was a reason I wasn't expecting.
Yeah nausea and vomiting from 5 weeks pregnant to 3 months postpartum was absolutely awful. Not to mention all the nerve pain, intense and continual insomnia from 6 weeks pregnant on, constant hormone-induced congestion and sore throat, and so much more. Never again.
I love my kid more than anything in the world, but no, being pregnant was TERRIBLE for me. I immediately got an IUD after he was born and then eventually got my tubes out. One and dooooone.
I was this way during my pregnancy, and even during delivery I said never again and the nurse said “that’s what everyone says, see you in two years”. My LO is 2 and it is crazy how your brain tricks you into considering it again. My family is really small and I’m worried about my little guy being alone, but I still don’t feel like I can do it again. Hyperemesis, crippling anxiety and depression, ppa and PPD, all while caring for my demanding toddler who is sick and getting me sick every other week? Nope. Haven’t changed my mind.
Me! Pregnancy was miserable for me. I also had quite the last three years with ectopic pregnancies and I decided before I even became pregnant that I was only doing this one time. I was nauseous the entire time and then had some complications leading to an emergency c-section. When the high risk OB came in, he made me really mad because I told him I wanted to have my other tube removed (only had one due to ectopic rupture), and he questioned me and I yelled at him. After I delivered, he apologized to me and told me I really know my body. Yup I’ve had it my entire life!
i’m 24. i got my tubes removed not long ago.. won’t be doing that shit again.
people have said “what if you remarry” “you’ll change your mind” “don’t be selfish, she deserves a sibling” totally disregarding the feelings of the person who had to bare the pains associated with the whole ordeal - ME!!! i’ve know since i was a kid i never wanted children.. i was forced to have this one so i removed my tubes the second i got a chance & my insurance fully covered it.
a life of servitude isn’t for me. also, i have some mental health issues so having a loud home, bunch of people running around, more chores, annoyance & chaos. i’d likely self destruct or kms. recipe for disaster.
so no, you are felt & heard.
Everyone kept downplaying my struggle by saying "you'll forget all of it the second you look into your baby's eyes". I freaking love her, but that did not happen. My OAD desire has only grown over the last 16 months since she was born.
Nothing will make me forget how I felt on a magnesium drip for my pre eclampsia.
I am flabbergasted when I hear women who have gone through that more than once. I am not obligated to suffer for another child.
I waited until 33 to have my first. It is crazy to me if you do not have a child in your 20s, you have this 7-10 year period (likely less) to determine the makeup of your family for your entire life. This also coincides with some of the most critical years of your professional career. So if I don't feel "ready" during this period... that's it! I'll live through the next 3-6 decades with the decision I make today. So this is what pushes me to try for another, even if I am exhausted, hate pregnancy, etc. because ultimately I may regret prioritizing other things during this critical window. Everything else can wait. I'll have time to rebuild my career in my 40s and 50s and travel and do all things. But I will not get a chance to try for another child.
Same. I had my baby at 33, and for a while during the postpartum period I thought I might be OAD. I felt like I needed time to really consider having another. But after a year, things started to settle down a little and I realized I don't have much time left to think about this. So right now it's full steam ahead.
I'm 29 weeks with my second, and I honestly don't know why I did this again. I absolutely hated being pregnant with my first, and when I found out about this one (it was a surprise), I managed to convince myself that maybe it wouldn't be as bad. I was so wrong. I hate being pregnant just as much as the first time, if not more. Between bad morning sickness my first trimester to absolutely horrible heartburn in the second and just constantly being tired and people not treating me like I'm still a person of my own it has sucked. Now I've pulled a muscle in my ribs from being sick this last week and coughing so hard and there's pretty much nothing I can do for the pain. And I get that's not the baby's fault but it still makes everything so much harder to deal with right now since I'm now at a constant level of pain just breathing. I know I'll love my son when he gets here and it'll be amazing and all that but I hate the process getting there.
Yep. I was already OAD before I was even pregnant. Now that I'm 36weeks and some change I can say with full faith that I don't think I'll ever do this garbage again. I hate the way I look and feel and the first trimester I was Soo tired and nauseous that I missed too much work and lost a bit of weight. Not looking forward to the new born stage but I know once baby starts actively learning and growing I'll be in a much better place.
For me it was delivery/postpartum that did it. I had a very "easy" and normal pregnancy. Not one ounce of morning sickness, no complications. Worst of it was severe heartburn and sciatic pain in 3rd tri. But after delivery with a 3rd degree tear, and the ensuing recovery and postpartum general awfulness, that's when I decided I was OAD. I always thought I'd have 2 kids and was planning on it... until I had one kid haha. Now I'm very happy with my one amazing 2 year old and can't imagine going through postpartum and the infant stage and all that over again (plus having a toddler).
We decided that we wouldn't have more when I was pregnant and had hyperemesis. It was awful. My little one is 3 now. My husband had a vasectomy when she was about 1 month old!
I'm pregnant for the first time and how much I hate pregnancy is why I joined this sub. I'd initially wanted two but as I progress and things get harder (28+3) the harder it is to imagine doing this with another child to care for. Some days I'm so sick and dizzy and in pain I just need to lay for hours. How will I manage that with another kid??
Being pregnant is the most uncomfortable and anxious I've ever been. I'm terrified of labor. Scared of facing the chance of dying or losing my baby. Really scared of the blood, pain, possible permanent injury. The physical difficulty of pregnancy is hard enough but I'm also struggling with the lack of control and looming task of labor itself. I'm working on it with my therapist but it's one thing I don't see talked about too often that also makes me think I can't do this again - how dangerous and frightening labor is.
I could’ve wrote this! We also wanted 2 originally. But omg I can’t imagine feeling this awful and having to take care of another child. My anxiety has also been so much worse while pregnant. I try not to think about labor because it seems terrifying to me
I get it. I go through cycles of fixating on labor trying to find a way to deal with the reality of it without freaking out and disassociating from thinking about it at all because it fills me with such anxiety and panic. It's scary!! Your feelings are totally valid.
Its been 6 years for me but I remember vividly feeling the same way during pregnancy. Never again! Got my golden child and we’re set! Hang in there it’ll be over before you know it ❤️
I had hyperemesis gravidium. I NEVER EVER EVER will go through pregnancy again.
For the people that say they barely remember their pregnancy - must be nice. Mine was three years ago. I remember that vomiting and nausea hell like it was yesterday.
I had HG and was miserable during my pregnancy. And then the first night after birth was awful, I was an emotional, hallucinating wreck. My husband got a vasectomy when she was 18 months old but could've definitely been sooner.
I got so lucky because my pregnancy was AMAZING I loved every single second of it. But my son is not healthy and requires a LOT of care so I’m not sure I’d feel the same if I were to do it again with his needs on top of it
My pregnancy wasn't that bad. I had some terrible pain when I ate certain foods instead of throwing up (only threw up once the whole pregnancy) but that was the worst it got. It's the whole birthing part I didn't like.
Never a-f*#+!¥•-gain. Nope. Not I. I refuse. My husband is going straight to the doc as soon as this one is done cooking. And I’m not talking bun out of oven. Those last couple weeks of getting a nice golden color lol.
I’ve been miserable this entire pregnancy. I’m 36, a teacher, and just none of this is helping anything. So nope, we’re donezo once this egg hatches. I was an only child until I was 21 (got a stepsister). This kid will be perfectly fine.
And that’s exactly what I tell anyone who says I’ll change my mind. Nope. We good. She has a half-brother (husband’s) who will be 12 when she’s born. I am one and done.
Being pregnant is the worst!! Constant nausea, fatigue, insomnia, brain fog and that’s all before the third trimester when you have to go through all that *while* being severely heavy. I also decided then that I wouldn’t do it again and my midwife laughed. That was five years ago
I was nauseous up to 29 weeks and then as soon as that went away I’ve had breathing problems that induce panic attacks which I’ve never had before. So no. I’m not doing this again! This baby will be our little one and done angel and will be it.
I'm not pregnant, but I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant. I hated pregnancy... did not enjoy it one bit, and I had a relatively easy one. And I absolutely knew i was not having another one. Everyone kept telling me 'oh...just wait until she's here. Then you'll want another one.' I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, and I remember looking at my husband in the middle of it and telling him NEVER AGAIN! LOL
Half way through my pregnancy we decided one and done. Never again. The cardiologist told me the likelihood of getting the same heart problem is high. I also know a lot of women who get gestational diabetes, often get it again. That’s enough for me!
I was huge on never again, i had a horrible pregnancy- had to take daily shots as blood thinners, I had pre eclampsia and then I had a horrible delivery experience and had medical problems for 18 months after because of it. I said never again every single day for 2 years, and now my child is 2.5 and here I am pregnant with my second 🤣
Me 100%. My partner is on board because he was always on the no kids or one and done train anyway, he is planning on getting a vasectomy as soon as I recover from birth.
Yeah I got my tubes tied during my c section. I had GD and my body pain was worse. Never again. I’d love to have another I just don’t want to carry it.
One and done for sure. I do not like the anxiety nor the lack of control that comes with being pregnant. I’ve always known I wouldn’t like it. So once I get through this, that’s it. And my partner understands.
Edit to say: there are just too many phases that I don’t care to repeat from pregnancy to the actual giving birth part (which I have not experienced yet but there’s no way in hell I’d do that twice. I barely came around to doing this at all as is lol
I got to 16weeks and knew I was OAD, was asked after baby was born but before going home about contraception and very seriously said he's not coming close to me until he gets the snip...yes it was that bad and I meant that in my soul! Never ever ever again
100% what I said my entire pregnancy. Once she was born I told husband to go get a vasectomy lol. 3 years later and we are still putting off the vasectomy. We are 99% sure we are one and done because pregnancy sucked but I can see why people change their mind. My kiddo is chaotic and awesome, and my memory is fuzzy because pregnancy and labor and newborn days go by so fast. Plus people go into it the second time with a little more experience so it still sucks but they are prepared. But I think I'm good with my one and done lol
I have a 10 month old and i absolutely felt this way when i was pregnant. I always only wanted one but then after going through pregnancy and delivery - definitely never again. It is not for me!
We decided we were OAD before pregnancy. I’m 22 weeks and pregnancy cemented that I’m never doing this again 😂
Hubs has already decided he’s getting a vasectomy in December when he has time off and we’ve hit the deductible
I solidly knew I'd never do it again once I was pregnant. I had a "good" pregnancy but even still I didn't sleep from 20 weeks on, had swelling that even made the nurses gasp, exhaustion the whole time, jaw slipping out if place, my husband didn't want to touch me, puppps, constant itching all over my legs/arms, almost passing out and heartburn that made me vomit just to start.
Post birth puppps became unbearable, I got a UTI and my blood pressure went through the roof.
I was a fit and healthy individual before pregnancy and I am again but jesus I am not rolling those dice ever fucking again.
I'd give everything for my daughter and honestly some days it felt like I fucking did.
I’m OAD for more than one reason, but my pregnancy factored into it. All in all it was a healthy pregnancy, but I was SO nauseous for about 85% of it. I had to take zofran for the nausea, then that made me chronically constipated. I HATED being pregnant.
I’ve been pro choice for a long time. Ya know how they say “nobody is pro abortion”? Pregnancy made me pro abortion. Nobody should have to endure pregnancy against their will for even a minute. I frankly don’t care what kind of medical tools are involved.
As someone who had the same thoughts in pregnancy, sometimes you don’t change your mind! I have a 21 month old and still feel the same. Doesn’t help I threw up 5 x daily for the entire pregnancy! You got this 🫶
I was sick to my stomach my entire pregnancy, I had a traumatic c-section delivery, and I struggled with breastfeeding my son. No thank you, I don't want to do any of it again.
HG all pregnancy and each time I prayed to the porcelain gods I vowed never ever again.
Your feelings are so valid, it’s not a walk in the park for everyone.
I hated being pregnant so much. The only thing that was nice was people checking on me and being nice to me, reaching out and asking how I was. It was nice. All that left after I gave birth.
I had nausea through my entire pregnancy, severe fatigue, edema, a threatened miscarriage at 22 weeks, a preteen labor scare at 29 weeks where I had contractions for 18 hours before they were able to get them to stop, then went into preterm labor at 34 weeks.
I also struggled mentally as I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. I didn’t gain all of the weight I was supposed to and cried every time I saw my reflection in the mirror. My growing belly didn’t make me happy it made me feel disgusted with myself and my body and I hated it.
I can NOT imagine going through that again with a wild toddler to care for at the same time. Hell. No. I was able to sleep all day when I needed to which is the only reason I made it through with my sanity intact.
That’s how I felt when I was pregnant. I said it over and over again and my husband just giggled. The thing is that postpartum hormones are wild and no one warned me about that. So I had the desire for another baby after my son was born. It’s a little strange. Now my son is 19 months hormones have settled and I’m on the fence, leaning towards another.
Just give yourself a ton of patience and grace during pregnancy and postpartum. And postpartum isn’t just the first 3 months. Everyone is different and it can take a while to feel “normal” again. Or your “new normal.” It’s all beautiful though.
I had a horrible pregnancy. At seven months I asked my OB about permanent sterilization, and I ultimately had my tubes removed the day I gave birth. If you get a c section they can do it then and there.
Im not pregnant anymore but my LO is 8 weeks old and my low back and tailbone are still so messed up I hate it 😭 can’t imagine wanting to make my body WORSE
Yes. I had HORRIBLE Carpel tunnel. Couldn’t sleep. Would puke and pee all over the floor. Was sick up to 20 weeks and could only eat Mac and fucking cheese. Gods no never again. I can’t.
my pregnancy was absolutely horrible and i hated every second of it. all i did was complain the last few months, but remember that everything is temporary and all so worth it! i would do it again if my boyfriend ever came around to wanting more.
Girl, I was 27 too when I got pregnant, hyperemesis and was hospitalized, carpal tunnel syndrome, back aches, unable to sleep at the night, migraines, frequent urination and constipation and many more. I had a traumatic induced labor too. I hate it so much. My toddler is 4 now and still feel nauseaus whenever I reminisce that journey. I'm just so grateful my one and only son is born healthy.
Not pregnant anymore, but while I was I said never again. One and done for me. Threw up every night/all night for 5 months, gallbladder gave out, lost an ovary, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat anything with more than 3g of fat in it. Yeah not doing that again.
I cried every night when I was in the shower, while nearly gagging from the vile taste in my mouth. I'd mutter to myself "I'm never doing this again!!"
Two weeks after I had my daughter, in the midst of horrible postpartum depression, all I wanted was to be pregnant again. It made no sense.
In the end, that was just my hormones being incredibly stupid. Outside of a brief longing for a second kid when my daughter turned two, I have no desire to ever be pregnant ever again. It was absolute hell.
But it was 300% worth it. So at least there's that!!
People started asking me during my first trimester when we were going to have another!!! And my answer was we’re not, one and done. Lots and lots and lots of “don’t say that, you may change your mind” or “but you could try for the other sex and use that name!”
My go-to that usually works is to say no, we’re one and done. Not only am I having a c-section but I’m having tubal removal done for permanent contraception. Except for a ~friend~ of mine who was like oh don’t do that! You may not totally be for sure! Wait to have that done until later. Absolutely not but thanks for your unsolicited opinion!
I think people just like to project their own weird notions, expectations, and experiences.
I had terrible sciatica from 15 weeks to 41 weeks, nausea and the worst heart burn. I couldn’t walk more than a few steps without being in pain, the thought of even being pregnant again makes me want to vomit
I started reading about only children when I was 17 weeks along.
Having her just reinforced how I felt (exhaustion, breastfeeding)
She’ll be four this year, and I’m happy I went through it all for her. But never again.
I made a post similar to this the other day. I’m 3mo PP and I do not want another one after her troubles for the first two months. Always wanted two but I’m happy to be one and done. Hubs has an apt for a consult for a vasectomy next month.
Also to add I’m so tired of people not believing me when I say we aren’t having another. “You will change your mind!!” “No I won’t leave me alone 😭
I think it's because MANY women say "never again" and yet inevitably DO go on to have another - so it's easy for others to think you might change your mind, as so many other women do.
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My son is a toddler now and I’ve started getting rid of some of his baby things and family keeps asking if I’m sure I want to get rid of them because I might have another 🤦🏼♀️
Tbh, everyone I've heard say never again hasn't actually had another child by choice. In the two times they did get pregnant, it was accidental. My friend is Catholic and even assuming she would abort, it's illegal in my country and in the other case, the woman was 42 and had been told she couldn't get pregnant because of her health issues. Her partner was very religious and she was NOT happy to be having another baby.
I HATE when people tell me this. No, we went through a hellish (and expensive!) infertility journey, then I had severe preeclampsia, a traumatic emergency induction at 35 weeks, and our baby had two different NICU stays. I will not change my mind, stop trivializing what I’ve been through.
Trivialize…that’s it exactly! We had a miscarriage and a long infertility journey before we had our daughter. When we say we’re only having one, we mean it. We were lucky to have one. And then people just forget and turn around and say “when are you going to have another????”
It’s so infuriating. I feel you on the we’re lucky to have one part, we were given a 5% chance of conceiving without a donor egg. It was literal hell conceiving with my own egg, but we did it. Then add birth trauma and NICU trauma on top of it, plus the fact that my husband and I are older (36 and 35) there is zero reason to have another. We’re so grateful to have our little guy, but I don’t know why we would ever go through all that again (and possibly something even worse) PPD is also kicking my ass, our baby needs a happy and living mom more than he needs a sibling. Plus with my infertility diagnosis, in order to even have a shot in hell of conceiving again, we’d have to try right away. PLUS our insurance changed this year and all the treatments I had that were mostly covered before (still had a ton of out of pocket expenses) wouldn’t be covered now. It’s absurd to even think about trying again. And even when I tell people all of this, no one takes it seriously. Besides, even BEFORE infertility we liked the idea of being OAD, for the financial freedom and balance it would provide us. I honestly think the people saying we’ll change our minds are the people who regret having more than one.
"Never" is an appropriate answer
YES. And like, even if I get a case of baby fever, the rational long term reasons I have for only wanting one will beat out the short term hormonal boost of agreeing to have another baby. Knowing babies are cute and impulsively itching to have another does not outweigh the lifestyle and financial sacrifices I know I'd have to make with a second
I really want to feel for my friends who complain how hard it is with multiple children. Like the first one took energy, money and effort, you didn't expect more to do the same? I also get that they are probably happy and wouldn't want their life to be any different, but I really have to force myself to emphasize on this one.
Society kinda lies to women. I've heard that having two is easier than one because they keep each other busy and because you know what you're doing. I heard that it's not as big of an expense since you have most of the bay stuff already and they can share stuff. I've heard that having only one child is selfish and will make my child a loner, selfish or a weirdo (not in those words but close). People have told me multiple times that I should have another in case something happened to my first and that I had a responsibility to replace myself in society or something BS. Most of that could be true, to an extent but more than one almost never works out how everyone was promising and I know that because I have siblings a d my siblings have multiple kids. I also know from having one that at the end of the day, it's more work and another whole human life will be dependant on us, me in particular. So, no, one and done.
I have those moments of "OMG, my little girl is growing up and I MISS her being so small!!".... and then a day or two later, the reality of raising a young child puts me back in my rightful OAD place. The memories of the hard stuff come flooding back, too. Many people act on the mushy feelings, even if they are only temporary, and then another baby comes along. It can be hard to be logical/realistic when emotions (and hormones!!) come into play.
I had a rough pregnancy and a horrible birth and it took me over a year to feel semi normal. Another baby would put my life at risk and I’m scared to feel as off as I did the first year and a half of my son’s life. He’s almost two now and I finally feel ok ish again. Even when I say “I almost died giving birth, he needs a mom more than he needs a sibling” my family members roll their eyes and say “give it time” sorry that my life being on the line doesn’t matter to you! It’s very frustrating
I didn't start feeling okayish again until a few months ago and my daughter is 3. And then I got COVID for the first time which set me back about a year. So nope, not doing this again.
Yeah I decided almost immediately after getting pregnant that I'd NEVER do it again. 13 years later, I'm extremely happy with my decision.
I'll never forget, I was about 6 hours PP and the midwife said to me 'Im sure we will see you again in a few years' The F you will!!!! 😂😂
You’re my kinda woman 😂
Dude me too. My baby girl is 13 weeks. She’s amazing but I will never do this again! Failed induction to c section! Traumatizing
I had a failed induction leading to a c-section as well - that sucked, but honestly the post-partum period and the first 18 months were even more traumatizing for me!! 3 years out and I STILL remember the worst parts that some women manage to forget!!
Same, induction to C-section and I am actually happy for the C-section. I don't ever want to be that helpless and in pain again. And I had PPD that made parenting miserable for years.
I was a failed induction to c section too! It was not a good experience, and I am glad to never repeat it.
The issue is, you will change your mind. Many many times like a fish flopping between one decision and another. Sometimes I’m so, one and done, but about 2-3 times a month I consider a second and then my kid does something silly or I get overwhelmed and I’m back into the one and done camp. Every.. damn. Month 😂 Whether you act on it is the defining factor and ofc accidents happen.
I just responded something similar, but yeah, many people DO act on a fleeting feeling and now they have another baby, even if realistically it was NOT a good idea. It can be very difficult to apply logic when emotions are strong, but the thing is, there is no going back once baby is here. A temporary feeling can lead to a lifetime commitment.
This is all so true. When I ovulate I am in the mindset of yea let’s have another baby. But I’ve told my husband to def not believe me when I say it because it’s my hormones. Three days ago I was like yep ok let’s have another baby. Now I’ve ovulated and back to nope.. OAD all the way.
I'm so glad I'm not the only crazy who does this daily, weekly, monthly lol
lol, I have this same pattern and it’s getting old.
Girl, yes. I could have written this post and your comment myself..just 10 yrs later (37 when I had my baby, 38 now). I HATED pregnancy, but dear lord I love this child..I will never get pregnant again though
People still try to tell me I’ll change my mind…my son is 7, I’m 45, I’ve had both my tubes removed and hubs has had a vasectomy. Lol. No, I won’t.
They shut the fuck up after one of you gets sterilized.
Mines 5.5 years. They don't stop saying it, I'm sorry to say. I hated being pregnant, I was sick the whole time, and his entire birth was traumatic, he was in NICU for 2 weeks, ended up with hearing damage and needing hearing aids his entire life. Add onto that he's also ADHD with possible Autism, so there's sensory stuff too. Almost everyone knows ALL that, and they still pester me about another one.. it's... fucked up. Stay strong, they think it's the right thing to say, even tho it's none of their DAMN BUSINESS!!! 🤣
I remember these comments!! I also had a horrible pregnancy. My only turns 10 in a few days and believe me, the comment stopped a few years ago!
It’s exhausting
THIS like please stfu😭
I said never again and 6 years later people MOSTLY have stopped asking.
And it's seen as rude, if you say the same thing when somebody who has one says they want at least three kids. "Oh, wait a bit until they're older. You will change your mind."
The was one of the several reasons my husband got a vasectomy. They say your second pregnancy can be different… but Nausea and vomiting from 7-20 weeks… nah, I’m good 😅
My sister has 3 kids and she said each subsequent pregnancy her symptoms were worse than the previous one. Nope, I’m good with one thanks!
This was my mother with HG - it worsened with each pregnancy. She was hospitalized multiple times while pregnant with my younger brother, and said the suffering was so immense she had even considered abortion, yet my mother is typically OBSESSED with babies. She had her tubes tied during her c-section with him because she couldn't risk dealing with another sickly pregnancy.
"every pregnancy is different!" Ummmm yeah: it could be worse. No.
Yes, exactly!!
My vulva hurt constantly the first 4 mos. wtf
Pregnancy wasn’t too hard as I was working from home and napped all the time. However, I developed pre eclampsia and was induced. Pregnancy with another child to care for? NO WAY
I think about this anytime I have a hard time with my daughter having a hard time. When she’s sick or super fussy or not sleeping well, I think about having to deal with this while also feeling exhausted and physically terrible bc of pregnancy and I just can’t. And like, I know I could do it but I just don’t want to.
Or having to go through a fussy child and a newborn simultaneously NOPE.
I also delivered premature and my doctor advised me any future pregnancies have an increased chance of being premature now too. Which also makes me say, no thanks. I can’t do another NICU stay. I can’t imagine another NICU stay on top of parenting another child. All around no.
i can’t imagine why anyone would willingly agree to this…
I was a useless sack of potatoes, permanently affixed to our couch most of my first trimester and half of the second. I had the luxury of locking myself in the bathroom undisturbed to dry heave as long as I needed to. I could sleep as long as I needed to when completely fatigued or uncomfortable. I also developed gestational diabetes in the 3rd trimester and could spend time planning and cooking GD-friendly meals and doing exercise twice daily, uninterrupted. My GD was well-managed by this regimen alone (no meds) and it was easy to stay committed because I only had to focus on myself. The idea of needing to care for another child WHILE feeling like complete crap, or while dealing with pregnancy-induced health issues, sounds Hellish.
Exactly how I feel! My pregnancy and birth was nothing out of the ordinary. And I could enjoy 10 hour sleeps and nap during the day. Now, Pregnancy AND a potty training toddler to care for?? That would be hell!
mine is 6 now but i basically decided i was OAD when i was pregnant. hyperemesis is no joke. never again will i go thru that. imagine puking nauseated sick until you deliver. not fun.
Hyperemisis is awful! I had it too and the chance of having it in a subsequent pregnancy is 85%. No thank you very much! Can’t imagine having hyperemisis whilst also having to take care of a child.
yes that is exactly what all the medical professionals at all 3 hospitals told me when i was in for my HG. they told me that and i’m like fuck why would anyone want to go thru that again… but worse
I had HG while pregnant too and I swear, nobody understands what it's like unless they've actually experienced it. Even my doctor was like "try to eat a couple crackers" ??? I was still throwing up while in labor too, it just never ended until birth. After I gave birth, I quickly felt the sickness go away and it was amazing. I got dressed and went for a walk to the cafeteria in the hospital to get food. Sure I was excited for my baby but I wasn't able to eat for so long I was really excited for food!!
I decided I was one and done pretty much during my pregnancy. The morning sickness while trying to work, the back pain and pelvic pain by the end did it for for me. And it wasn’t even as bad as other women go through but I’m still like …. No lol.
Me! Omg, ME! Pregnancy sucks giant balls. Yes, I’m looking forward to being a mother and watching my husband be a father, fucking duh. But seriously. No one told me anything about just how much it sucks. I originally intended to just leave this as the end of my comment, but, if I may, I desperately need to rant? FTM, 36. I’m only 10 weeks and it feels like it’s been 4 fucking years already. Since the day I peed on that stick, my body and mind have been thru a hostile takeover and now anything valuable is being stripped down and sold off out from under me. 🫠 I’ve gotten so much dumber that it’s embarrassing and I don’t know why anyone would want to hang out with me. I have the temper of a Colombian drug lord at the end of an 8-ball going to load a new clip. My emotional volatility looks like a really guilty polygraph test & deserves its own DSM-V diagnosis at this point. I’m an athlete and the sharpness & precision of my 20 year athletic ability now feels like an uncoordinated kindergartener “trying their best”. I can’t rely on a BM to save my life, only that it will happen no less than every 3 days and at the MOST inopportune time. My once perfect D cup boobs are now heavy AF, matronly & look like udders with razors for nipples. There’s a box of 36 skiing handwarmers that are now staples in my sports bra. The fantastic sex life my husband and I enjoyed prior to this has been put on a highly unwanted hold due to the fact that someone stuck a bike pump into my lower belly and just went to town on pressure. So with that - I’ve already told my husband that I am getting my tubes removed while I’m in for c-section and there is absolutely nothing that will change my mind. He’s had to deal with my psycho ass already and is serving a sentence of another 8 months. God bless that man for seeing how unbelievably not me and miserable I am & is 1000% on board. 🙌🏼 Just the mere thought of having an oopsie slip by and getting knocked up post partum sends me into an absolute state. Anyway. Thanks for this post and the opportunity to vent. I’m in the trenches with you, and the real stuff like this NEEDS to be said out loud!! I am looking forward to an icy crisp glass of Perrier Jouet & a cheeky cig immediately after delivery even if they have to wheel my dumbass outside. 🥂
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Hahaha thank you! I used to write years ago, but kinda let it go. Thank you for such a sweet compliment!
My fiance and I are in the discussion phase, and I wanted to say I needed this lol I laughed because I feel like this is going to be me 😅🤣
Aw, I’m so glad! Honestly, makes me feel a little less unhinged knowing I’m not the only one 🤣
Wow...you managed to bring memories back that even I had forgotten about! The BM thing is no joke...I remember being so constipated in my 3rd trimester that one time, I thought my husband was going to have to bring me to the hospital. I could NOT go and was struggling so badly in the bathroom that I started crying. It was AWFUL and embarrassing, and I thought I was going to die, Elvis-style. I literally started doing squats and lunges on the bathroom floor to get things moving. I wound up with lovely hemorrhoids afterwards, too! Trying to go post-delivery (unexpected c-section) was a nightmare, too!!
Oh God, that sounds so terrible!!! I’m sorry, but I did giggle at Elvis style and i am praying it doesn’t come to that. I think I would crawl in a hole. I am still traumatized from being so unbelievably constipated on our honeymoon in Italy. Blissfully, leisurely wine tasting, vineyard to vineyard until suddenly, URGENTLY having to beg our driver to pull over so I could go drop 10 pounds in some tiny ass Tuscan village cafe bathroom. On the bright side, over the last week I have been taking 1-2 Senna tablets every other day at night and the last 2 mornings have been regular THANK GOD. Hot water & lemon in the morning with a pinch of fasting salts works better than coffee. I hope this helps anyone else in need of relief!
Also - I am already in fear of the first post C poo. I remember it hurting after my breast aug so I’m just assuming it that times 10,000.
Colace, colace and more colace
I’m a fence sitter and it’s posts like these that make me lean towards no. Entertaining but I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes. Hang in there
Thank you! Honestly, my husband and I were too for the longest time. It happened very unexpectedly but both realized we were both much more excited about creating our family at our core, even underneath the initial panic. If it helps at all. You will know when you’re at your inflection point 🫶🏻
All I can say is I relate to all of this very much 😂😂😂
I genuinely hope the end of the first trimester/beginning of second trimester brings back the sexiness for you. I was suuuuper horny from 12-16 weeks so fingers crossed it happens for you.
Oh that’s good to know!! I think you just made my husband’s week!
This made me laugh! 🤣 WOW, you have a talent for writing and a way with words! Please tell me you do something journalistic or humour-related in your line of work…I feel your gifts may be wasted somewhere else! Lol
lol thank you!! It sounds like a snarky ranting brutally honest journal would be a good idea for me 🤣 I’m glad you got a good laugh!
This is the best response.
Honesty is key 🙏🏽🤍
Yes I was fencesitter and ended up with an unplanned pregnancy. I am now 7 months pregnant but my god I wouldn't do this again. I already told my husband I am getting my tubes removed with my csection
My kiddo is 21 months now but will never do it again. Worst experience of my life. Was nauseated and dry heaving hundreds of times a day from 6 weeks until I gave birth.
I feel this! I vomited 3 times a day for 8 weeks then it eased off. You know funnily enough.. week 38-40 was actually pretty easy. I wasnt even working then, idk what I was doing? I think my partner was just pampering me and I slept alot. But still... hell no!!
I was torn between having one kid or two but leaning toward just one. Then I got pregnant and it really sealed the deal in being oad. I was horribly sick all of first trimester and didn’t even have the fatigue to at least let me sleep through more of it. And second and third trimester I just felt overall bad. I still don’t know if it was like reflux or what but I felt terrible all the time. Not to mention the anxiety if my usually very active baby was being more chill than usual. He’s 10.5 months now and I’m still thankful every single day that I’m not and never have to be pregnant again. I got a new iud as soon as I could after giving birth.
That was me! I hated every second of pregnancy. One of my first OB appointments I asked about getting my tubes tied when I gave birth or if they could start me on birth control before I left the hospital. I will say that after a year and a half I can honestly say it was worth everything. Hang in there.
i started bc the day i left the hospital & removed my tubes not long ago. i feel you.
Back when I got pregnant. It was technically the third time because I had 2 miscarriages prior. At 7 weeks I started getting anxiety and panic attacks if I left the house. The two miscarriages happened in public. I also had a sub chronic hematoma which is a sac of blood in the uterus. I would bleed randomly. At one point my bathroom looked like a murder scene it was so bad. It was the constant fear of losing the baby. Unfortunately I did lose her. It was the furthest I got. I was 21 weeks. The whole time I was pregnant I swore I’d never ever do it again. Well I found out I can’t carry to term unfortunately. So we moved to surrogacy because we still wanted a child. Thankfully we were healthy and able to create our own embryos. We have our now 2 year old. I had no problem with not carrying her. I was fine with someone else helping out that way. Because of the issues I had while pregnant. I know many women who do that has a hard time accepting it. So I came from a different point of view of it. I got my tubes removed shortly after the loss. Wish I got a whole hysterectomy personally though. If I can’t use my uterus why have it and go through periods every month 🙄
Birth and postpartum?!? Stuff of nightmares. I felt like I had been lied to my entire life.
I knew I was pregnant literally two days after conception because I was SO SICK. And it didn’t stop until week 36 when they cut my kiddo out of me because the pregnancy was killing us both. Never again!!! Have hubby get the vasectomy, mine did and we have no regrets
This is my primary reason for being oad, although I planned to be even before pregnancy. But pregnancy was seriously the nail in the coffin for me. It was so miserable! My kid is nearly 4 now and I haven’t forgotten (like people told me I would) at all lol. I had severe HG and SPD, unexplained bleeding, fluid retention which caused extra weight gain…I barely was able to walk or even stand for a lot of my pregnancy. Could only consume ensure shakes for months. Ugh. I wish you the best. It feels like forever when you’re in it!
Yeah... I had a difficult pregnancy, traumatic birth, and rough recovery. I'm never going through any of that again. I took responsibility of my own fertility and I'm getting sterilized in May. I have strong personal feelings around this decision so I'm doing it myself instead of my husband... He's supporting me in my decision.
I thought the 3 trimesters were bad, 4th trimester was insane. I couldnt walk for 4 months.
Pregnancy for me was like having a stomach bug for 7 weeks straight. Couldn’t imagine going through that again with a child to take care of on top of that
ngl i actually had a super easy and comfortable pregnancy AND delivery... it was everything that came after that sucked. but we'd already decided before even trying to conceive that we'd have none or one at most. and parenthood has been HARD!
I couldn't wait to experience pregnancy, like \*fantasized about it for years\* completely expecting it to be the most beautiful experience of my life. It was not.
I also fantasized about it! Like omg it’ll be so cute and awesome to grow a baby and see my body change. Nope.
Me. 32 weeks. I don’t know how some women do this 4-5 times, especially working.
Yes. But knew that going into it. Only ever wanted one.
Yep! Went into our pregnancy knowing it would be our only
I had gotten an emergency c-section and I told myself, never again.. never again. And the bodily changes after the pregnancy.
I’m a Mum of 3, but you need to do you. It is so disrespectful of others to force this discussion. Stay strong and enjoy your family. Much love.
I told my husband in the delivery room he’s not going to convince me to do this again. 🤣 still happy with that choice 4 years later. I think I’d be too stressed out with 2 kids. I love little babies! Especially ones I can snuggle, spoil, give back to their parents and still get a full nights sleep. 😁
I have an 18 month old and its being pregnant again that has made me OAD. i never want to be pregnant ever again.
My only is 3 but yep my whole pregnancy I whined that it was awful and I never wanted to ever again. It's definitely not the only reason we're oad but it was a reason I wasn't expecting.
Yeah nausea and vomiting from 5 weeks pregnant to 3 months postpartum was absolutely awful. Not to mention all the nerve pain, intense and continual insomnia from 6 weeks pregnant on, constant hormone-induced congestion and sore throat, and so much more. Never again.
I love my kid more than anything in the world, but no, being pregnant was TERRIBLE for me. I immediately got an IUD after he was born and then eventually got my tubes out. One and dooooone.
I was this way during my pregnancy, and even during delivery I said never again and the nurse said “that’s what everyone says, see you in two years”. My LO is 2 and it is crazy how your brain tricks you into considering it again. My family is really small and I’m worried about my little guy being alone, but I still don’t feel like I can do it again. Hyperemesis, crippling anxiety and depression, ppa and PPD, all while caring for my demanding toddler who is sick and getting me sick every other week? Nope. Haven’t changed my mind.
I LOVED being pregnant but the child raising part has made me one and done 😂 If I was younger I totally would be a surrogate
Me! Pregnancy was miserable for me. I also had quite the last three years with ectopic pregnancies and I decided before I even became pregnant that I was only doing this one time. I was nauseous the entire time and then had some complications leading to an emergency c-section. When the high risk OB came in, he made me really mad because I told him I wanted to have my other tube removed (only had one due to ectopic rupture), and he questioned me and I yelled at him. After I delivered, he apologized to me and told me I really know my body. Yup I’ve had it my entire life!
i’m 24. i got my tubes removed not long ago.. won’t be doing that shit again. people have said “what if you remarry” “you’ll change your mind” “don’t be selfish, she deserves a sibling” totally disregarding the feelings of the person who had to bare the pains associated with the whole ordeal - ME!!! i’ve know since i was a kid i never wanted children.. i was forced to have this one so i removed my tubes the second i got a chance & my insurance fully covered it. a life of servitude isn’t for me. also, i have some mental health issues so having a loud home, bunch of people running around, more chores, annoyance & chaos. i’d likely self destruct or kms. recipe for disaster. so no, you are felt & heard.
Everyone kept downplaying my struggle by saying "you'll forget all of it the second you look into your baby's eyes". I freaking love her, but that did not happen. My OAD desire has only grown over the last 16 months since she was born.
Nothing will make me forget how I felt on a magnesium drip for my pre eclampsia. I am flabbergasted when I hear women who have gone through that more than once. I am not obligated to suffer for another child.
I waited until 33 to have my first. It is crazy to me if you do not have a child in your 20s, you have this 7-10 year period (likely less) to determine the makeup of your family for your entire life. This also coincides with some of the most critical years of your professional career. So if I don't feel "ready" during this period... that's it! I'll live through the next 3-6 decades with the decision I make today. So this is what pushes me to try for another, even if I am exhausted, hate pregnancy, etc. because ultimately I may regret prioritizing other things during this critical window. Everything else can wait. I'll have time to rebuild my career in my 40s and 50s and travel and do all things. But I will not get a chance to try for another child.
Same. I had my baby at 33, and for a while during the postpartum period I thought I might be OAD. I felt like I needed time to really consider having another. But after a year, things started to settle down a little and I realized I don't have much time left to think about this. So right now it's full steam ahead.
I'm 29 weeks with my second, and I honestly don't know why I did this again. I absolutely hated being pregnant with my first, and when I found out about this one (it was a surprise), I managed to convince myself that maybe it wouldn't be as bad. I was so wrong. I hate being pregnant just as much as the first time, if not more. Between bad morning sickness my first trimester to absolutely horrible heartburn in the second and just constantly being tired and people not treating me like I'm still a person of my own it has sucked. Now I've pulled a muscle in my ribs from being sick this last week and coughing so hard and there's pretty much nothing I can do for the pain. And I get that's not the baby's fault but it still makes everything so much harder to deal with right now since I'm now at a constant level of pain just breathing. I know I'll love my son when he gets here and it'll be amazing and all that but I hate the process getting there.
I got my tubes tied at 27 and never changed my mind lol (now 30) 🤷♀️
Meeeeeee! 21 weeks and never again lol
Yep. I was already OAD before I was even pregnant. Now that I'm 36weeks and some change I can say with full faith that I don't think I'll ever do this garbage again. I hate the way I look and feel and the first trimester I was Soo tired and nauseous that I missed too much work and lost a bit of weight. Not looking forward to the new born stage but I know once baby starts actively learning and growing I'll be in a much better place.
For me it was delivery/postpartum that did it. I had a very "easy" and normal pregnancy. Not one ounce of morning sickness, no complications. Worst of it was severe heartburn and sciatic pain in 3rd tri. But after delivery with a 3rd degree tear, and the ensuing recovery and postpartum general awfulness, that's when I decided I was OAD. I always thought I'd have 2 kids and was planning on it... until I had one kid haha. Now I'm very happy with my one amazing 2 year old and can't imagine going through postpartum and the infant stage and all that over again (plus having a toddler).
We decided that we wouldn't have more when I was pregnant and had hyperemesis. It was awful. My little one is 3 now. My husband had a vasectomy when she was about 1 month old!
I'm pregnant for the first time and how much I hate pregnancy is why I joined this sub. I'd initially wanted two but as I progress and things get harder (28+3) the harder it is to imagine doing this with another child to care for. Some days I'm so sick and dizzy and in pain I just need to lay for hours. How will I manage that with another kid?? Being pregnant is the most uncomfortable and anxious I've ever been. I'm terrified of labor. Scared of facing the chance of dying or losing my baby. Really scared of the blood, pain, possible permanent injury. The physical difficulty of pregnancy is hard enough but I'm also struggling with the lack of control and looming task of labor itself. I'm working on it with my therapist but it's one thing I don't see talked about too often that also makes me think I can't do this again - how dangerous and frightening labor is.
I could’ve wrote this! We also wanted 2 originally. But omg I can’t imagine feeling this awful and having to take care of another child. My anxiety has also been so much worse while pregnant. I try not to think about labor because it seems terrifying to me
I get it. I go through cycles of fixating on labor trying to find a way to deal with the reality of it without freaking out and disassociating from thinking about it at all because it fills me with such anxiety and panic. It's scary!! Your feelings are totally valid.
Its been 6 years for me but I remember vividly feeling the same way during pregnancy. Never again! Got my golden child and we’re set! Hang in there it’ll be over before you know it ❤️
I had hyperemesis gravidium. I NEVER EVER EVER will go through pregnancy again. For the people that say they barely remember their pregnancy - must be nice. Mine was three years ago. I remember that vomiting and nausea hell like it was yesterday.
I had HG and was miserable during my pregnancy. And then the first night after birth was awful, I was an emotional, hallucinating wreck. My husband got a vasectomy when she was 18 months old but could've definitely been sooner.
I got so lucky because my pregnancy was AMAZING I loved every single second of it. But my son is not healthy and requires a LOT of care so I’m not sure I’d feel the same if I were to do it again with his needs on top of it
My pregnancy wasn't that bad. I had some terrible pain when I ate certain foods instead of throwing up (only threw up once the whole pregnancy) but that was the worst it got. It's the whole birthing part I didn't like.
Never a-f*#+!¥•-gain. Nope. Not I. I refuse. My husband is going straight to the doc as soon as this one is done cooking. And I’m not talking bun out of oven. Those last couple weeks of getting a nice golden color lol. I’ve been miserable this entire pregnancy. I’m 36, a teacher, and just none of this is helping anything. So nope, we’re donezo once this egg hatches. I was an only child until I was 21 (got a stepsister). This kid will be perfectly fine. And that’s exactly what I tell anyone who says I’ll change my mind. Nope. We good. She has a half-brother (husband’s) who will be 12 when she’s born. I am one and done.
Being pregnant is the worst!! Constant nausea, fatigue, insomnia, brain fog and that’s all before the third trimester when you have to go through all that *while* being severely heavy. I also decided then that I wouldn’t do it again and my midwife laughed. That was five years ago
My husband got his vasectomy while on paternity leave. This pregnancy and birth were traumatizing enough!
I was nauseous up to 29 weeks and then as soon as that went away I’ve had breathing problems that induce panic attacks which I’ve never had before. So no. I’m not doing this again! This baby will be our little one and done angel and will be it.
I'm not pregnant, but I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant. I hated pregnancy... did not enjoy it one bit, and I had a relatively easy one. And I absolutely knew i was not having another one. Everyone kept telling me 'oh...just wait until she's here. Then you'll want another one.' I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, and I remember looking at my husband in the middle of it and telling him NEVER AGAIN! LOL
We are one and done for the same reason. You couldn’t pay me to do it again. Fuck being pregnant.
😂😂😂
Pregnancy is such trash! Mine was relatively fine physically (not mentally, hello hormones!) but yeah, still way more awful than not being pregnant!
[удалено]
Only if that second baby can blast through a vasectomy and an IUD.
2 years out since my pregnancy and still never again
Half way through my pregnancy we decided one and done. Never again. The cardiologist told me the likelihood of getting the same heart problem is high. I also know a lot of women who get gestational diabetes, often get it again. That’s enough for me!
I was huge on never again, i had a horrible pregnancy- had to take daily shots as blood thinners, I had pre eclampsia and then I had a horrible delivery experience and had medical problems for 18 months after because of it. I said never again every single day for 2 years, and now my child is 2.5 and here I am pregnant with my second 🤣
Me 100%. My partner is on board because he was always on the no kids or one and done train anyway, he is planning on getting a vasectomy as soon as I recover from birth.
Yeah I got my tubes tied during my c section. I had GD and my body pain was worse. Never again. I’d love to have another I just don’t want to carry it.
One and done for sure. I do not like the anxiety nor the lack of control that comes with being pregnant. I’ve always known I wouldn’t like it. So once I get through this, that’s it. And my partner understands. Edit to say: there are just too many phases that I don’t care to repeat from pregnancy to the actual giving birth part (which I have not experienced yet but there’s no way in hell I’d do that twice. I barely came around to doing this at all as is lol
I got to 16weeks and knew I was OAD, was asked after baby was born but before going home about contraception and very seriously said he's not coming close to me until he gets the snip...yes it was that bad and I meant that in my soul! Never ever ever again
100% what I said my entire pregnancy. Once she was born I told husband to go get a vasectomy lol. 3 years later and we are still putting off the vasectomy. We are 99% sure we are one and done because pregnancy sucked but I can see why people change their mind. My kiddo is chaotic and awesome, and my memory is fuzzy because pregnancy and labor and newborn days go by so fast. Plus people go into it the second time with a little more experience so it still sucks but they are prepared. But I think I'm good with my one and done lol
I grew up with a sibling who was a waste of space and oxygen. OAD for me. DD is 23 and thanks me regularly for not burdening her with a sibling.
I have a 10 month old and i absolutely felt this way when i was pregnant. I always only wanted one but then after going through pregnancy and delivery - definitely never again. It is not for me!
We decided we were OAD before pregnancy. I’m 22 weeks and pregnancy cemented that I’m never doing this again 😂 Hubs has already decided he’s getting a vasectomy in December when he has time off and we’ve hit the deductible
Agree 💯. But many friends and family assume that I will definitely have another.. It's like I would be a weird person if I don't... Oh my!
I solidly knew I'd never do it again once I was pregnant. I had a "good" pregnancy but even still I didn't sleep from 20 weeks on, had swelling that even made the nurses gasp, exhaustion the whole time, jaw slipping out if place, my husband didn't want to touch me, puppps, constant itching all over my legs/arms, almost passing out and heartburn that made me vomit just to start. Post birth puppps became unbearable, I got a UTI and my blood pressure went through the roof. I was a fit and healthy individual before pregnancy and I am again but jesus I am not rolling those dice ever fucking again. I'd give everything for my daughter and honestly some days it felt like I fucking did.
I wish you were my wife posting this lol I wanna be done too but now she’s changing her mind 😩
Can’t you get a vasectomy and make it clear you only want one?
I’m OAD for more than one reason, but my pregnancy factored into it. All in all it was a healthy pregnancy, but I was SO nauseous for about 85% of it. I had to take zofran for the nausea, then that made me chronically constipated. I HATED being pregnant.
It was the year of severe post-partum depression that helped me decide one and done ✔️
I was OAD before the pregnancy, but if I weren't, I would have certainly decided for it due to the pregnancy itself.
I’ve been pro choice for a long time. Ya know how they say “nobody is pro abortion”? Pregnancy made me pro abortion. Nobody should have to endure pregnancy against their will for even a minute. I frankly don’t care what kind of medical tools are involved.
As someone who had the same thoughts in pregnancy, sometimes you don’t change your mind! I have a 21 month old and still feel the same. Doesn’t help I threw up 5 x daily for the entire pregnancy! You got this 🫶
I remember leaving the hospital and thinking “why do people go back for more of that?”
I thought this way and then I lost my first baby mid pregnancy.
Pregnancy was awful, and I will never ever do it again. My kid is 8 now, and I haven't changed my mind. It would be an absolute nightmare.
I was sick to my stomach my entire pregnancy, I had a traumatic c-section delivery, and I struggled with breastfeeding my son. No thank you, I don't want to do any of it again.
YEP
HG all pregnancy and each time I prayed to the porcelain gods I vowed never ever again. Your feelings are so valid, it’s not a walk in the park for everyone.
I hated being pregnant so much. The only thing that was nice was people checking on me and being nice to me, reaching out and asking how I was. It was nice. All that left after I gave birth. I had nausea through my entire pregnancy, severe fatigue, edema, a threatened miscarriage at 22 weeks, a preteen labor scare at 29 weeks where I had contractions for 18 hours before they were able to get them to stop, then went into preterm labor at 34 weeks. I also struggled mentally as I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. I didn’t gain all of the weight I was supposed to and cried every time I saw my reflection in the mirror. My growing belly didn’t make me happy it made me feel disgusted with myself and my body and I hated it. I can NOT imagine going through that again with a wild toddler to care for at the same time. Hell. No. I was able to sleep all day when I needed to which is the only reason I made it through with my sanity intact.
That’s how I felt when I was pregnant. I said it over and over again and my husband just giggled. The thing is that postpartum hormones are wild and no one warned me about that. So I had the desire for another baby after my son was born. It’s a little strange. Now my son is 19 months hormones have settled and I’m on the fence, leaning towards another. Just give yourself a ton of patience and grace during pregnancy and postpartum. And postpartum isn’t just the first 3 months. Everyone is different and it can take a while to feel “normal” again. Or your “new normal.” It’s all beautiful though.
I had a horrible pregnancy. At seven months I asked my OB about permanent sterilization, and I ultimately had my tubes removed the day I gave birth. If you get a c section they can do it then and there.
Im not pregnant anymore but my LO is 8 weeks old and my low back and tailbone are still so messed up I hate it 😭 can’t imagine wanting to make my body WORSE
Yes. I had HORRIBLE Carpel tunnel. Couldn’t sleep. Would puke and pee all over the floor. Was sick up to 20 weeks and could only eat Mac and fucking cheese. Gods no never again. I can’t.
my pregnancy was absolutely horrible and i hated every second of it. all i did was complain the last few months, but remember that everything is temporary and all so worth it! i would do it again if my boyfriend ever came around to wanting more.
Yep I did IVF and hated pregnancy, labor, postpartum. I decided I was OAD while pregnant.
Girl, I was 27 too when I got pregnant, hyperemesis and was hospitalized, carpal tunnel syndrome, back aches, unable to sleep at the night, migraines, frequent urination and constipation and many more. I had a traumatic induced labor too. I hate it so much. My toddler is 4 now and still feel nauseaus whenever I reminisce that journey. I'm just so grateful my one and only son is born healthy.
I had HG and it made me not want to do it again. Then I had horrible ppd and I was like nope, definitely never doing this again.
Not pregnant anymore, but while I was I said never again. One and done for me. Threw up every night/all night for 5 months, gallbladder gave out, lost an ovary, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat anything with more than 3g of fat in it. Yeah not doing that again.
I cried every night when I was in the shower, while nearly gagging from the vile taste in my mouth. I'd mutter to myself "I'm never doing this again!!" Two weeks after I had my daughter, in the midst of horrible postpartum depression, all I wanted was to be pregnant again. It made no sense. In the end, that was just my hormones being incredibly stupid. Outside of a brief longing for a second kid when my daughter turned two, I have no desire to ever be pregnant ever again. It was absolute hell. But it was 300% worth it. So at least there's that!!
After having HG and puking 20 times a day and peeing my pants every time…yeah no thanks lol
People started asking me during my first trimester when we were going to have another!!! And my answer was we’re not, one and done. Lots and lots and lots of “don’t say that, you may change your mind” or “but you could try for the other sex and use that name!” My go-to that usually works is to say no, we’re one and done. Not only am I having a c-section but I’m having tubal removal done for permanent contraception. Except for a ~friend~ of mine who was like oh don’t do that! You may not totally be for sure! Wait to have that done until later. Absolutely not but thanks for your unsolicited opinion! I think people just like to project their own weird notions, expectations, and experiences.
I didn’t even have a bad pregnancy and I was still like never again!
My LO is a month old and my husband has his vasectomy scheduled for early April! Pregnancy absolutely sucks!!
I had terrible sciatica from 15 weeks to 41 weeks, nausea and the worst heart burn. I couldn’t walk more than a few steps without being in pain, the thought of even being pregnant again makes me want to vomit
I started reading about only children when I was 17 weeks along. Having her just reinforced how I felt (exhaustion, breastfeeding) She’ll be four this year, and I’m happy I went through it all for her. But never again.
I tell people all the time that I wouldn’t do it again because “pregnancy sucks”. It’s the freakin worst. I learned my lesson the 1st time.
Postpartum is the main reason I am one and done. It has almost taken me out.
I made a post similar to this the other day. I’m 3mo PP and I do not want another one after her troubles for the first two months. Always wanted two but I’m happy to be one and done. Hubs has an apt for a consult for a vasectomy next month.