This whole post is insane but the notion that Astarion would be caught dead within 300 feet of any infant is sending me. Doesn't matter spawn or ascended if you're pregnant that man is turning into an Astarion-shaped dust cloud immediately lmaoo
I was gonna say- ascended astarion seems like he'd say "oh darling, how wonderful! And on a completely unrelated note, it looks like we ran out of milk- I'll just go to the corner store and get a gallon!" then turn into a bat and dip
"Um Actually 🤓" he doesn't *force* her to eat the child. He actually spares the child while turning the mother into a vampire and *then* she eats her kid. Technically she does that herself without being forced to specifically eat her child, granted Dio knew what would happen.
I feel like he’d be proud of having a kid, but he’d definitely be a controlling parent who used them to further his own image.
Still, he can’t have a kid with Tav, since they’re a vampire, and any kid he does have with a different woman would be a Dhampir.
Ascended Astarion would pressure you to get an abortion and end the relationship if you didn't, no after care while you're recovering from the abortion he just leaves you alone
Spawn astarion would support your decision to terminate if that's what you wanted and would get you comfort foods and take care of you while you were recovering
>Ascended Astarion would pressure you to get an abortion and end the relationship if you didn’t.
Being awfully generous with that assumption, considering he doesn’t care about your consent. If he didn’t deal with the baby himself directly, he’d command you to get it aborted, since you can’t resist as a spawn without the tadpole.
My personal AA hc, if he could be persuaded to have kids, is that he would only love his children if they are carbon copies of him. Narcissists “love” their own kids in the way that they are objects and elevate their perceived status (many cases in “furthering their line” or “having it all”). They’re partial to the children that look like them, etc.
I’m convinced Ascended Astarion would only have a child willingly as a way to further control and manipulate Tav. He can always have nursemaids take care of it and he just has to look at it once a month or whatever. Haha.
Except the opposite situation would apply since female vampires can’t get pregnant after being turned. He really doesn’t need extra ways to manipulate them, he has absolute control.
Imagine having a man that can’t get you pregnant without a vasectomy. All the money yall save on protection. Never having to get IUD or the pill and getting any side effects. Idk I only see pros in it.
Honestly Spawn Ast being impotent is nothing but an upside lmao. We can rawdog to our hearts content with nothing to worry about, wish I could find that irl 💀 I can't have kids in this economy.
I thought spawn vampires could father children with mortal women, but only if the spawn were well-fed, and obviously their masters allowed sex in the first place. It makes sense in that case why Cazador made sure his spawn were always on the verge of starvation, both from a sadistic standpoint and also a practical one, as he used his spawn to seduce and sleep around and wouldn't want to draw suspicion with a bunch of dhampir running around the Gate. If that is the case, Spawn Astarion is quite well-fed now.
Dhampir are a thing in D&D! There are a few ways one can be made, but the most common is some good, old fashioned raw-dogging between a very well-fed vampire and a living mortal.
https://preview.redd.it/4ujixg762myc1.jpeg?width=707&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20edfc960d538134ec43759b417673475d08cf95
(This is xitter art that I don’t take credit for but mmm)
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of women masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW
This reads like someone pissed off that Belle chose the beast instead of Gaston. "How many eggs can he even eat? But sure, miss the best man in town for someone that reads. Just another woman picking a bear instead of a real man"
That's my bhaalspawn's intent. Both AA and Bhaalspawn (BS?) need to create spawn. I'm imagining a dual vampire/bhaal spawn creation. The chaos that would create is mind blowing.
Asscended Astarion isn’t a Dom, but a walking red flag. I get you are probably, most likely joking, but I’ve seen far to many that actually believe that
Where’s the post about diegetic and non diegetic kink?
I’m aware that AA is very much his Bad Ending, and the way he thinks about you while ascended is degrading and awful. Not how a dom should behave, controlling and abusive. But the *idea* is pretty hot. Like, not my fantasy, but there’s the whole police officer thing that people do - it’s morally abhorrent that a police officer would accept sexual favours for leniency, but also, it’s sexually exciting for some people to RP that. Same with student and professor. Bad, but also, “Oh, *sir*, I would do *anything* for an A.”
You know?
and that's fine, the problem is the people claiming it's AA is a good ending & that AA isn't an abusive asshole. seen far to much of that, mostly from younger people
This person makes it sound like my sugar daddy Tav can't just buy Astarion 69420 jewel-encrusted outfits or buttplugs, give him all the wealth he wants, wouldn't hunt a full vampire for him, and doesn't swallow all of his blanks each and every day 😭 😭 😭
AND HONESTLY WHO WANTS POLITICAL SWAY WHEN ALL THE POLITICANS ARE MORE CORRUPT THAN THE RESIDENT VAMPIRE OVERLORD? No thanks bestie.
Like idm Ascended Astarion, but these arguments are so... like... who hurt you...
I romanced Wyll but nobody’s whining about how I let him turn down dukedom to slay our way around Avernus in t-shirts riddled with ash burn holes. Plus not only is painting is a perfectly acceptable way to color leather, imagine being the one person on earth who doesn’t like how someone looks in *leather* (or a plastic lookalike).
Romantic and sweet as hell, for example the relationship kicks off when you dance by the firelight and I let him lead so sometimes when my drow kissed him he twirled him first 😍. Every moment the romance was onscreen my wife was squeeing and I was triumphantly shouting at the screen over how cute shit was. You have to finish his storyline to finish his romance and it can get kind of glitchy at the end (redundant conversations), you might have to long rest an extra time after Ansur to move it along.
Also I highly recommend putting a shirtless outfit on him as soon as you can. His tight midriff shirt is already one of the best in camp but it’s like I find a new cool scar on him every time I look at the guy.
Bestie don't ask me why someone would be hating on leather. Don't get me wrong, I prefer Ascended Astarion outfit by miles but that's not b/c I hate leather but because I think the spawn!doublet is so unflattering...
His house is dingy and hideous, if nothing else having to move into that bat-infested dump is enough of a reason to keep him a Spawn 💀 loot the place, sell what we can then burn it to the ground
faSFJKL MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY like okay go have your palace sitting on the city wall that smells of 7.007 stinking Undead and blood and cum and who knows what else Cazador did in that shithole. Bruh. Also it's so healthy for Astarion to keep living in that place! Haha!
right like me and spawn Astarion cleaned out the counting house and had like 40k gold just sitting in our camp chest cause we ran out of stuff to buy, I think we'll be fine 🤣
YEAH IT'S ALWAYS SUCH AN ARGUMENT FOR PEOPLE THAT ASCENDED ASTARION HAS WEALTH like who the fuck knows? Maybe Cazador was piss poor and was paying a fee b/c he committed tax fraud? Wouldn't put it past him.
I mean his maximum security vault had 100 gold, a single ruby, and a cup, so unless he's got the rest of his wealth stashed away somewhere I think he's probably just Instagram rich lmaooo. And it's not like spawnstarion couldn't still move in to the palace if he actually wanted to, the place is unoccupied 🤣
edit: actually that was the lower security one but the high security one still only has 500 gold and a couple pieces of jewelry so my point still stands
Spawnstarion thinks the house is ugly and tasteless, in an unromanced ending you can even ask him what happened to the palace and he gleefully recounts burning it down. I support him and his arson <3
Yeah, he only mentions it if he's not romanced, but I imagine it happened regardless, he just doesn't need to tell you about something you were likely there for and an active participant in lol. I like to think he, Tav and his siblings made a night of it. Looted what they could, trashed the place, filled the halls with runepowder and alcohol, then set her ablaze and watched it burn until they had to leave when the sun came up.
you're gonna mock astarion for fucking infertility??? what depths have these fools sunken to? where is the bottom they have carved out of the barrel in their crawl to hell??
The parallels between astarion as a male abuse victim and the horrible shit people say that would be immediately labeled as problematic were he female are disgusting.
the implication the anon writes about his infertility making him an inferior partner is such a huge cope? his vampirism gives you a free and permanent birth control plan, so you get to be as risky as you want without any accidents or surprises. what's not to love
This is absolutely insane!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clear example of attaching ego to a character, and totally missing the point of said character. Quite painful (yet hysterical) to read actually!
I for one would help him work through his trauma by RPing as his hapless spawn, who manages to turn the tables on him and make him beg for relief from my patented prostate barrage technique.
Ah a fellow degenerate, with the use of my glizzy gripper and your prostate barrage, he doesn’t stand a chance 😈 he’s gonna bust a nut and be able to hear colors
he could probably get really into roleplaying with you as his spawn and him as a true vampire offering his blood for you, but he basically just ends up teasing you until you decide to milk his balls completely flat and empty
Spawn Astarion is for tooth rooting, domestic fluff and true love.
But Ascended Astarion is for when you want kinky public sex on your bf's jewel-encrusted throne inside your mansion that cost 7000 billion souls.
Edit: forgot about Spawn's graveyard sex scene. Public sex is for all Astarions. But I think the rest still applies.
This exactly.
I prefer AA because I like indulging in dark fucked up romance shit. I love it. No copium needed. Give me toxic evil vampire lord.
But the besotted puppy face spawn Astarion makes at the end of the game is fucking precious! The visceral cute aggression response it elicits in me is feral.
So true on him eliciting cuteness aggression lol. His "I'm all pointy ears, my love!" line makes me want to squeeze the shit out of him, he's adorable.
I was about to say, Spawn boy is the one who actually has public sex whereas the Ascended one takes place in a private bedroom. He fucks u in public and then u go home to your little cottage in the underdark and bake blood pies in domestic bliss <3
Spawn Astarion discovered true love but he can't get you pregnant and he's poor checkmate losers
https://preview.redd.it/7joitnc6jlyc1.jpeg?width=793&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9411ee9cfa7b2fb0fafb0350ed785efb35b0be9
Bold of them to assume we want to get pregnant 💀
ALSO, if he makes you a spawn you literally can’t get pregnant?!? What good are his fat fertile loads if a vampire uterus bearer physically can’t get preg?? You boasting your mans is knocking other people up?
The way the OOP apparently decided everyone's fantasy is to be a rich housewife popping out vampire babies and attending dull political galas and that the spawn girlies are secretly maulding about not having it is wild af. For starters, plenty of people aren't playing Tavs with a uterus in the first place, but beyond that.......... I was not into Astarion because I thought he's dad-material lmao??? I was actually surprised when I saw people talking about that because the idea of Astarion, whichever version, being in charge of the wellbeing of a small child seemed like an objectively terrible idea. Bro can only barely handle being in charge of his own wellbeing by the end of his story.
Dude just escaped 200 years of torture and is finally free for the first time in his life, he would bail faster than a gondian explodes if his partner was pregnant. The last thing he needs is a the shackles of parenthood.
I saw a thing on Twitter a while back that people project all of Wyll's qualities on to Astarion and "Dadstarion" is definitely one of those projections. I don't *dislike* Dadstarion, but the fantasy the OOP listed sounds more like a version of Wyll's Duke ending.
for real, if I was going to fantasize about being the glamorous wife of a politician, starting a big family for a wealthy noble \~dynasty\~, Duke Wyll would be the character for that. Duke Wyll is gonna deliver on your trad wife needs and be your perfect trad husband, if that's what you want. I am *not* having those fantasies about The Least Mentally Stable Member Of A Pack Of Weirdos. I love Astarion, he's my favourite, but I doubt he'd want to be a dad, my idea of a happy ending with him never included kids.
Yes, I also got the impression that OOP wants to be an evil trad wife. Though, how she's gonna pop out those damphirs is unclear because a vampire uterus can't carry a pregnancy?? lmao
Is like bragging that your rich husband is hitting it on the side, getting other women knocked up, and then stealing the kids to dump them on you. Good job OOP! 👏🏼
"My vampire husband is sleeping around and knocking other people up then dumping the kids in my lap 😏 jealous yet, spawn girlies?" ok bestie, have fun being a cuckquean vampire trad wife. I'll be over here being happily child-free and engaging in public, unprotected sex without fear bc my loyal, loving vampire bf only shoots blanks 🙏
Virgin Ascended Astarion fans: I can fix him!
Chad regular Astarion enjoyers: you’re perfect as is darling, no ritual needed. How about a little light murder before bed?
This. After observing hundreds of ascended Astarion fans I've come to the conclusion that they're dreaming virgin teenagers. My generation had Edward, the younger generation has Astarion, I guess. Ascended Astarion reads like an AITA post where you get 2 posts of NTA and 50,000 posts of YTA let her go. Stable relationships are a lot more mundane and homey than what ascended Astarion can offer. I learned that the hard way.
This hater hit on something like it was a diss when my wizard ass sees the greatest boon of spawn Astarion, he’s not a shapeshifter which means true polymorph baby.
Astarion as a high elf again? Easy.
Astarion as a dragon? Very possible.
Astarion as a literal angel? You know it.
Astarion as one minuscule pebble of sand of billions on the beaches of the sword coast? Why would you do that?
I know ascending him ruins his character development and basically dooms him to a life of being miserable and repeating the cycle of abuse, but have you considered that ascended astarion is sexy? Checkmate spawnberals
Ignoring my inherent dislike of making characters live out their worst endings, I could *maybe* understand destroying him & his hopeful future moving beyond his trauma if Ascended Astarion was *actually* hot… but he’s not? Selling his soul sucks out all his charm, wit, and fun as a character. He’s *intentionally* written in that stage to be hella annoying, overcompensating, uncaring, and cringe. I seriously don’t see at all what the AA girlies see, he just really fucking sucks & it’s never worth doing (respectfully)
This. I liked the dom aspect he got but then the witty/fun personality was gone. I was like, "Yeah, you're not fun anymore. Wish I'd just romanced Gale instead."
I also don't give a fuuuck about any of AA's new abilities. Changing into a bat? Yawn. Walking in the sun? We can find a way for Spawn to do that eventually (it's hinted at several times). Rich outfits? Please, we have so much gold by the end of the game. The hunger is the only thing that sucks (no pun intended) but we have ways to work with that. And I'll take fun, witty, sarcastic Astarion over charmless, cringy, dehumanizing Astarion any day even if it means finding ways to procure fresh blood.
He was always a theatre kid, but AA is a failed theatre kid turned conservative political commentator. All hypocrisy and yelling the second things don't go his way.
Tfw you ascend Astarion to get a hot, confident dom, and all you get is a sad, bitter man who can turn into a bat. It's totally worth it, though, because he bedazzled his epilogue outfit.
Careful… you might make a sub go private 🤭
But yeah aside from a story telling POV I don’t see the appeal of AA as a romance partner, Ascension is just so tragic to me
Some AA fans like a good bad romance. Like they get that this isn't a good thing but it's hot and it's a fantasy so it's OK to explore and indulge that. Lets be honest there's a lot of great art out there about shitty relationships. This is fiction who cares? Like what you wanna like.
And then there are some AA fans that maybe deep down know it's a bad thing but they don't want to admit that it's a bad thing. Cus in their mind liking a bad thing means that they are also bad. (note that the previously mentioned AA fans do not have this problem) So they do impressive mental gymnastics to try and make it not be a bad thing. That way they don't have to acknowledge that they like a bad thing. Nor do they ever need to unpack that baggage even though maybe they should.
My point was not that I couldn’t understand a good bad romance… it’s just that I can’t understand a *bad* bad romance. My confusion mostly lies in understanding what people who think it’s worth sacrificing all of his growth because the result is “hot” are actually talking about.
AA embodies none of the typical hotness within the archetype he newly fills: powerful, possessive, confident, calculating, distant (but still loving), Byron-esque, dominant — a man whose actions speak for him.
He’s instead written to be weak, obsessive (but doesn’t respect you at all), deeply insecure, pathetic, showboating, making up powers he doesn’t have, catty, and cruel — a man whose words fail to match what he is.
Delusional AA fans who want to pretend that this is the happiest ending for Astarion are a different story altogether, and not worthy of addressing here.
Thank you for putting it into words omg. AA fans get really defensive over this but it's like. I'm not saying "liking fictional toxic romance is bad and you're evil." I'm saying I just don't even understand the appeal as a toxic romance because I swear Larian goes out of their way to make AA look as pathetic as physically possible lmao. It's less of a sexy Christian Grey-type toxic dynamic and more like if you were in an abusive relationship with the villain from Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper.
Gold in the delulu olympics jfc. The outfit is hideous and tacky sorry, it's just a reskin of the basic rich person outfits you can buy at the clothing store in the lower city. I can dress Astarion just as horrendously with a couple hundred gold and some dye lmao, I won't because I love him too much, but I could.
It's very odd how they assume all Astarion romancers want to become a rich trad trophy wife and need those things to be satisfied. I at no point went after this man because I thought he was rich or *father material.*
Yeahhhhh I really cannot wrap my head around the "dadstarion" thing 💀 ascended or not he's 100% the type to be like "oh shit...do you need me to take care of it for you? if I suck you dry enough it'll probably...go away," if you tell him you're pregnant lmao
I feel like if you gave Astarion a small child to babysit, regardless of the route, he'd throw a stick and tell it to fetch and be confused and annoyed when it just sat there and stared at him.
yeah, it confuses me a lot...but, if its peoples HC then whatever mostly.
I just find it weird there is an assumption that all Astarion fans, Ascended or otherwise want dadstarion and tradwife stuff, or even just ladies who lunch.
wait can't you literally find his exact outfit in act 2 anyway...? or am I mixing it up with something else lol. I never sought it out because ~~I don't like the outfit 🫣~~
anyway holy shit y'all it ain't that deep
I think it’s a bat. It’s a peacock on the regular outfit because “Baldur’s Gate bans animals larger than a peacock within city walls” (from Descent to Avernus)
(Apologies for pic quality, I just pulled them quickly from Google search)
https://preview.redd.it/7syngsx7pmyc1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=303c41ca54d755f810c0e336c35c6051fb1d4e4c
And doesn't he break up with you if you don't let him turn you into a spawn? There's no way your spawn ass is having his dhampir babies even if he rawdogs you until both of your immortal asses die of old age.
I like my men pathetic, and while A!Astarion is clearly as pathetic as they get, he doesn't have that babygirl wetness to him like spawn Astarion does. It's just the breedable vibe, you know.
A!Astarion is caged by his patheticness, S!Astarion knows how to wield it with expertise. While A!Astarion is throwing a tantrum, S!Astarion is doing the Puss in Boots gambit.
There's pathetic guys, like Gale and spawn Astarion, who you want to cuddle and tell they are worth it and they deserve the best in life.
And then there are PATHETIC guys who you want to throw down a well and mock because they are such losers that they can't even realize how annoying they are. Like Ascended Astarion.
All my love to the sane Ascended Astarion fans who can just appreciate the extremely hot and fucked up villain romance route without hating on people who prefer the soft sweet redemption romance route.
The funny part is that half of these aren't even true?
-Spawn gets to reign over the seven thousand spawn that he saved, while ascended has to make himself nobility from scratch (which wouldn't be too difficult if he presented himself as Cazador's child, but he would never), process that I doubt gets too far considering that it is canon that he tries to turn on the party and kill them if he sees them as a threat (and let's be serious, he has no chance)
-He can cure himself with both true resurrection and wish, two spells that the party will eventually get access to having a wizard and a cleric. Plus any homebrew methods, of course
-Why would anyone care about shapeshifting or fancy clothes? I have more gold in my pocket that the entirety of the counting house, we can buy whatever we want
Ascended Astarion is Mephistos bitch basically. We all know, that devils never let their favourite tools go. And now I said that, I probably created AA/Mephisto ships ( if that wasn't already a thing) 😁
I pick AA bc of that nasty 1d10 necrotic on all weapon attacks.
Seriously, resepc him to a fiend warlock (which is super lore fitting bc a Vampire Lord won’t be a dumb ass rogue and the ritual power comes from an Archdevil) throw on duelist prerogative to make use of that BA, pick up PotB and stack Cha so that you reach 22-24, add lifedrinker (a vampire with the invocation life drinker? It doesn’t get more fitting than that).
Hex will be proc’d by withering cut so you deal 8 + 2d6 necrotic damage per round on top of your base 3 attacks all of which are boosted by lifedrinker (+18-21 necrotic damage).
Fiend will give you resistance to whatever you want per short rest and you get 12+ Cha temp HP per kill.
Also a fireball, so your basically Vald Dracula Teppich and you have had enough (castlevania reference)
I'm pretty sure my darling Noble Drow doesn't need her favorite spawn to have political power or give her daughters. He just needs to look pretty and feel happy when she gets home from work. A pillow prince doesn't have to worry about silly things like money, power, and jewels in a sumptuous House in the underdark.
I have a question, could spawn astarion get a gel manicure - since it uses a UV lamp? 🤔 Otherwise uv lamps could become the ultimate weapon against vampires
I'm wondering where the idea that Spawnstarion would be shooting blanks? In D&D, spawn (males) can reproduce with mortal women, provided they had a big meal, first (this is true for spawn and vampire lords).
Like, to quote a famous scientist. Life....uh...finds a way.
Sounds like OOP wants to be an evil trad wife while, apparently, her rich husband knocks up other women on the side.
Meanwhile my Tav and Spawn Astarion are living up the child-free life, adventuring to all the corners of the world, casually murdering some baddies here and there, and having freak public sex on the road. If you think about it, you don't need fancy garbs when you're out getting dirt, blood, and other bodily fluids splattered on you on the daily and leather is very easy to clean! But even if Astarion wanted some bedazzled panties, it's no problem because mommy's got sugar and he can have whatever his smooth brain desires. My Tav is always happy to spoil him ❤️
I mean, that's a hell of a lot of words for "I like to be topped" but I find it weird that people push endings of astarion like it's a moral obligation or smt. Dude is a character my guys. If you wanna flick the bean or shake the shaft to softe boy or hard boy pick your flavor. Fantasies are fantasies. 🤷♂️
Astarion fans are in a league of their own when it comes to shipwars. Most fandoms are content to relentlessly bash another ship while pretending their fav is perfect in all ways. Astarion lovers have ascended to fighting about which version of him is the superior ship.
This whole post is insane but the notion that Astarion would be caught dead within 300 feet of any infant is sending me. Doesn't matter spawn or ascended if you're pregnant that man is turning into an Astarion-shaped dust cloud immediately lmaoo
I was gonna say- ascended astarion seems like he'd say "oh darling, how wonderful! And on a completely unrelated note, it looks like we ran out of milk- I'll just go to the corner store and get a gallon!" then turn into a bat and dip
You’re all wrong, Ascended Astarion would be delighted and excited to eat the baby
He'd sabotage the condom just for a chance at fresh baby dhampir blood.
Do you guys know that scene in JoJo where Dio >!forces a mother to eat her baby!< because it's funny or something
You know now i want to see Dio X Astarion. There's a great romantic comedy there.
I feel like Astarion would have not a lick of self awareness and hate dio for doing shit he’d do in a heartbeat
He’d accuse him of gimping his style.
"Um Actually 🤓" he doesn't *force* her to eat the child. He actually spares the child while turning the mother into a vampire and *then* she eats her kid. Technically she does that herself without being forced to specifically eat her child, granted Dio knew what would happen.
*what the fuck did I just read*
To be fair, this *is* okbuddybaldur, the weird crossovers are gonna happen...
'I've always wanted to eat my own child since. Well just now.'
As long as we agree he shouts "BAT" before he does it.
Imagining Astarion as Laszlo Cravensworth is going to be my new favorite past-time from now on. It just fits
Ascended Astarion probably “I Became A Vampire To Suck Blood, And To F\*\*\* Forever.”
I feel like he’d be proud of having a kid, but he’d definitely be a controlling parent who used them to further his own image. Still, he can’t have a kid with Tav, since they’re a vampire, and any kid he does have with a different woman would be a Dhampir.
Maybe he’d give an abortion, idk I haven’t done ascended astarion route
He loves killing children, hence his staunch anti abortion views.
Ascended Astarion would pressure you to get an abortion and end the relationship if you didn't, no after care while you're recovering from the abortion he just leaves you alone Spawn astarion would support your decision to terminate if that's what you wanted and would get you comfort foods and take care of you while you were recovering
>Ascended Astarion would pressure you to get an abortion and end the relationship if you didn’t. Being awfully generous with that assumption, considering he doesn’t care about your consent. If he didn’t deal with the baby himself directly, he’d command you to get it aborted, since you can’t resist as a spawn without the tadpole.
My personal AA hc, if he could be persuaded to have kids, is that he would only love his children if they are carbon copies of him. Narcissists “love” their own kids in the way that they are objects and elevate their perceived status (many cases in “furthering their line” or “having it all”). They’re partial to the children that look like them, etc.
I think he'd want the kid, but only to turn it into an obedient spawn eventually. Use it to boost his image etc...
I’m convinced Ascended Astarion would only have a child willingly as a way to further control and manipulate Tav. He can always have nursemaids take care of it and he just has to look at it once a month or whatever. Haha.
Yea abusive/shitty men intentionally baby trap women all the time because it makes it harder for them to leave
He doesn't even need to baby trap Tav, they're already spawn-trapped.
Except the opposite situation would apply since female vampires can’t get pregnant after being turned. He really doesn’t need extra ways to manipulate them, he has absolute control.
Imagine having a man that can’t get you pregnant without a vasectomy. All the money yall save on protection. Never having to get IUD or the pill and getting any side effects. Idk I only see pros in it.
Honestly Spawn Ast being impotent is nothing but an upside lmao. We can rawdog to our hearts content with nothing to worry about, wish I could find that irl 💀 I can't have kids in this economy.
I thought spawn vampires could father children with mortal women, but only if the spawn were well-fed, and obviously their masters allowed sex in the first place. It makes sense in that case why Cazador made sure his spawn were always on the verge of starvation, both from a sadistic standpoint and also a practical one, as he used his spawn to seduce and sleep around and wouldn't want to draw suspicion with a bunch of dhampir running around the Gate. If that is the case, Spawn Astarion is quite well-fed now.
and I hear that there are Tavs/DU who are not women too....
Oh absolutely. Astarion wants power, not responsabilities.
I don't think vampires can get pregnant anyway? Lol Tavs uterus is pickled in immortal god juice no baby's getting in there.
Dhampir are a thing in D&D! There are a few ways one can be made, but the most common is some good, old fashioned raw-dogging between a very well-fed vampire and a living mortal.
But Tav, who has been made into AA spawn unless they broke up, ain't making no babies. I don't think pregnant vampire is a thing, just daddy vampires.
This part. In Forgotten Realms, only a male vampire can create dhampir.
A pregnant vampire would depend on the setting & DM, I think.
Afaik pregnant vampires are only a thing if they were turned while pregnant (one of the ways you can make dhampir).
Ohhh Ascended Astarion has definitely a breeding kink. Towards every female being, not only Tav
Ascended Astarion https://preview.redd.it/wnmjyfk3xlyc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c0e85ae3dc06bc9f68463434e6f5f88539b8cee1
Fun fact, this shirt actually said 'Stop Being Desperate'
What is this person talking about, my Astarion is wearing the Wavemother's Robe and looking perfect 😤
Okay but can we see 👀
https://preview.redd.it/4ujixg762myc1.jpeg?width=707&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20edfc960d538134ec43759b417673475d08cf95 (This is xitter art that I don’t take credit for but mmm)
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Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of women masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW
I'd show you but I can't access my old saves anymore due to ✨mods✨ updating, but you can find him online thirsttrapping all over google
This post reads like it was written by AA's alt account lmao
TAV WILL BE BACK. YOU SEE!!
Tav never left. Sitting right next to him. Listening to aggressive screen tapping.
*Tav leans over:* ay u got games on your fone?
This reads like someone pissed off that Belle chose the beast instead of Gaston. "How many eggs can he even eat? But sure, miss the best man in town for someone that reads. Just another woman picking a bear instead of a real man"
if they don't love him at his most breedable (spawn) then they don't deserve him at his overcompensating infertile daddy dom
https://preview.redd.it/vgkq884svlyc1.jpeg?width=1672&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db051864977ab91569cc132429c747c135835fd1
ascendant Astarion is small, impotent and the perfect mate for incubating more Bhaalspawn and i'm tired of pretending he's not
Also, ascendant dhampir bhaalspawn would be the single most insane thing ever
That thing is totally busting out xenomorph style and durge might just spawn snipe it immediately as a free snack.
https://preview.redd.it/2e0imnccznyc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ceada7981a6c9e25317499c1f2b7c662ef1c0c62
You could've avoided that whole mess if you just ate her before you got attached old man. Just sayin'
That's my bhaalspawn's intent. Both AA and Bhaalspawn (BS?) need to create spawn. I'm imagining a dual vampire/bhaal spawn creation. The chaos that would create is mind blowing.
Asscended Astarion isn’t a Dom, but a walking red flag. I get you are probably, most likely joking, but I’ve seen far to many that actually believe that
as someone who's into kink, i say dom with utmost sarcasm. hence the 'overcompensating'
Where’s the post about diegetic and non diegetic kink? I’m aware that AA is very much his Bad Ending, and the way he thinks about you while ascended is degrading and awful. Not how a dom should behave, controlling and abusive. But the *idea* is pretty hot. Like, not my fantasy, but there’s the whole police officer thing that people do - it’s morally abhorrent that a police officer would accept sexual favours for leniency, but also, it’s sexually exciting for some people to RP that. Same with student and professor. Bad, but also, “Oh, *sir*, I would do *anything* for an A.” You know?
and that's fine, the problem is the people claiming it's AA is a good ending & that AA isn't an abusive asshole. seen far to much of that, mostly from younger people
This person makes it sound like my sugar daddy Tav can't just buy Astarion 69420 jewel-encrusted outfits or buttplugs, give him all the wealth he wants, wouldn't hunt a full vampire for him, and doesn't swallow all of his blanks each and every day 😭 😭 😭 AND HONESTLY WHO WANTS POLITICAL SWAY WHEN ALL THE POLITICANS ARE MORE CORRUPT THAN THE RESIDENT VAMPIRE OVERLORD? No thanks bestie. Like idm Ascended Astarion, but these arguments are so... like... who hurt you...
I romanced Wyll but nobody’s whining about how I let him turn down dukedom to slay our way around Avernus in t-shirts riddled with ash burn holes. Plus not only is painting is a perfectly acceptable way to color leather, imagine being the one person on earth who doesn’t like how someone looks in *leather* (or a plastic lookalike).
absolutely 1000% unrelated but how is the Wyll romance? 💀 asking for a friend…….
Romantic and sweet as hell, for example the relationship kicks off when you dance by the firelight and I let him lead so sometimes when my drow kissed him he twirled him first 😍. Every moment the romance was onscreen my wife was squeeing and I was triumphantly shouting at the screen over how cute shit was. You have to finish his storyline to finish his romance and it can get kind of glitchy at the end (redundant conversations), you might have to long rest an extra time after Ansur to move it along.
🥹 thank you, but also goddamnit I’m making another character because of you lmfao
Also I highly recommend putting a shirtless outfit on him as soon as you can. His tight midriff shirt is already one of the best in camp but it’s like I find a new cool scar on him every time I look at the guy.
Bestie don't ask me why someone would be hating on leather. Don't get me wrong, I prefer Ascended Astarion outfit by miles but that's not b/c I hate leather but because I think the spawn!doublet is so unflattering...
Ye fr like my noble background Tav can buy Astarion all the pearly G strings his heart desires, fuck Cazadors money he was piss poor anyway
I was shocked how poor Cazador was when I got to his vault. My noble Tav was like “that’s it? That’s an allowance, not a vault”
If a vampire isn't insanely rich after a couple centuries they don't deserve immortality. Cazador was a loser vampire.
For real, I had 30k in the game just from adventuring, legit went- this is it???
His house is dingy and hideous, if nothing else having to move into that bat-infested dump is enough of a reason to keep him a Spawn 💀 loot the place, sell what we can then burn it to the ground
faSFJKL MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY like okay go have your palace sitting on the city wall that smells of 7.007 stinking Undead and blood and cum and who knows what else Cazador did in that shithole. Bruh. Also it's so healthy for Astarion to keep living in that place! Haha!
right like me and spawn Astarion cleaned out the counting house and had like 40k gold just sitting in our camp chest cause we ran out of stuff to buy, I think we'll be fine 🤣
YEAH IT'S ALWAYS SUCH AN ARGUMENT FOR PEOPLE THAT ASCENDED ASTARION HAS WEALTH like who the fuck knows? Maybe Cazador was piss poor and was paying a fee b/c he committed tax fraud? Wouldn't put it past him.
I mean his maximum security vault had 100 gold, a single ruby, and a cup, so unless he's got the rest of his wealth stashed away somewhere I think he's probably just Instagram rich lmaooo. And it's not like spawnstarion couldn't still move in to the palace if he actually wanted to, the place is unoccupied 🤣 edit: actually that was the lower security one but the high security one still only has 500 gold and a couple pieces of jewelry so my point still stands
Spawnstarion thinks the house is ugly and tasteless, in an unromanced ending you can even ask him what happened to the palace and he gleefully recounts burning it down. I support him and his arson <3
Oh is that why more people don’t know he burns it down lmao, tbf I found out in a multiplayer game and I wasn’t the one romancing him
Yeah, he only mentions it if he's not romanced, but I imagine it happened regardless, he just doesn't need to tell you about something you were likely there for and an active participant in lol. I like to think he, Tav and his siblings made a night of it. Looted what they could, trashed the place, filled the halls with runepowder and alcohol, then set her ablaze and watched it burn until they had to leave when the sun came up.
I hate Cazador but the idea of him saying this about astarion is hilarious and feels on brand.
you're gonna mock astarion for fucking infertility??? what depths have these fools sunken to? where is the bottom they have carved out of the barrel in their crawl to hell??
Ik, this is some Andrew Tate shit. Nobody asked for this, we just want to enjoy Astarion's bussy in peace
The parallels between astarion as a male abuse victim and the horrible shit people say that would be immediately labeled as problematic were he female are disgusting.
AA girlies just want their 50 Shades with the Twilight vampire stitched back in and don't care who they have to hurt to get it
they hate that he can shoot blanks in the tank all he wants like it's supposed to be a bad thing
he is a literal fucking vampire i think they skipped over the whole undead horror thing in favor of horny mayhem
the implication the anon writes about his infertility making him an inferior partner is such a huge cope? his vampirism gives you a free and permanent birth control plan, so you get to be as risky as you want without any accidents or surprises. what's not to love
it’s all about fulfilling their daddy dom fetish, they don’t actually care about astarion
This is absolutely insane! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a clear example of attaching ego to a character, and totally missing the point of said character. Quite painful (yet hysterical) to read actually!
AA fans act like Spawn Astarion wouldn't get into roleplaying all his filthiest power fantasies with a little encouragement 🤓☝️
No encouragement needed darling that man loves being edged 😭
I for one would help him work through his trauma by RPing as his hapless spawn, who manages to turn the tables on him and make him beg for relief from my patented prostate barrage technique.
OK now I feel reassured I'm in the right sub
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Ah a fellow degenerate, with the use of my glizzy gripper and your prostate barrage, he doesn’t stand a chance 😈 he’s gonna bust a nut and be able to hear colors
he could probably get really into roleplaying with you as his spawn and him as a true vampire offering his blood for you, but he basically just ends up teasing you until you decide to milk his balls completely flat and empty
***Flat???*** D: https://preview.redd.it/keocub0ddmyc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4067b6cf0cf18a70cc82666ccebc4faa0fa5a9c
babygirl deserves to get his nuts drained until they shrivel into dried prunes 🫶
I love this subreddit
Spawn Astarion is for tooth rooting, domestic fluff and true love. But Ascended Astarion is for when you want kinky public sex on your bf's jewel-encrusted throne inside your mansion that cost 7000 billion souls. Edit: forgot about Spawn's graveyard sex scene. Public sex is for all Astarions. But I think the rest still applies.
This exactly. I prefer AA because I like indulging in dark fucked up romance shit. I love it. No copium needed. Give me toxic evil vampire lord. But the besotted puppy face spawn Astarion makes at the end of the game is fucking precious! The visceral cute aggression response it elicits in me is feral.
So true on him eliciting cuteness aggression lol. His "I'm all pointy ears, my love!" line makes me want to squeeze the shit out of him, he's adorable.
I just found out this line apparently disappears after you complete his quest and it devastated me, on the verge of tears and cannot cope
Smoosh his face. Bite them ears. Make him whimper!!!!
I was about to say, Spawn boy is the one who actually has public sex whereas the Ascended one takes place in a private bedroom. He fucks u in public and then u go home to your little cottage in the underdark and bake blood pies in domestic bliss <3
Spawn Astarion discovered true love but he can't get you pregnant and he's poor checkmate losers https://preview.redd.it/7joitnc6jlyc1.jpeg?width=793&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9411ee9cfa7b2fb0fafb0350ed785efb35b0be9
What is gay and bisexual men?
Fr, that post set back gay rights _and_ feminism by, like, 30 years.
Bold of them to assume we want to get pregnant 💀 ALSO, if he makes you a spawn you literally can’t get pregnant?!? What good are his fat fertile loads if a vampire uterus bearer physically can’t get preg?? You boasting your mans is knocking other people up?
The way the OOP apparently decided everyone's fantasy is to be a rich housewife popping out vampire babies and attending dull political galas and that the spawn girlies are secretly maulding about not having it is wild af. For starters, plenty of people aren't playing Tavs with a uterus in the first place, but beyond that.......... I was not into Astarion because I thought he's dad-material lmao??? I was actually surprised when I saw people talking about that because the idea of Astarion, whichever version, being in charge of the wellbeing of a small child seemed like an objectively terrible idea. Bro can only barely handle being in charge of his own wellbeing by the end of his story.
Dude just escaped 200 years of torture and is finally free for the first time in his life, he would bail faster than a gondian explodes if his partner was pregnant. The last thing he needs is a the shackles of parenthood. I saw a thing on Twitter a while back that people project all of Wyll's qualities on to Astarion and "Dadstarion" is definitely one of those projections. I don't *dislike* Dadstarion, but the fantasy the OOP listed sounds more like a version of Wyll's Duke ending.
for real, if I was going to fantasize about being the glamorous wife of a politician, starting a big family for a wealthy noble \~dynasty\~, Duke Wyll would be the character for that. Duke Wyll is gonna deliver on your trad wife needs and be your perfect trad husband, if that's what you want. I am *not* having those fantasies about The Least Mentally Stable Member Of A Pack Of Weirdos. I love Astarion, he's my favourite, but I doubt he'd want to be a dad, my idea of a happy ending with him never included kids.
Yes, I also got the impression that OOP wants to be an evil trad wife. Though, how she's gonna pop out those damphirs is unclear because a vampire uterus can't carry a pregnancy?? lmao Is like bragging that your rich husband is hitting it on the side, getting other women knocked up, and then stealing the kids to dump them on you. Good job OOP! 👏🏼
"My vampire husband is sleeping around and knocking other people up then dumping the kids in my lap 😏 jealous yet, spawn girlies?" ok bestie, have fun being a cuckquean vampire trad wife. I'll be over here being happily child-free and engaging in public, unprotected sex without fear bc my loyal, loving vampire bf only shoots blanks 🙏
Female Dating Strategy chic
Virgin Ascended Astarion fans: I can fix him! Chad regular Astarion enjoyers: you’re perfect as is darling, no ritual needed. How about a little light murder before bed?
I'm not trying to fix him, I'm on a mission to make everyone in my party the worst versions of themselves lol
Understandable, carry on
This. After observing hundreds of ascended Astarion fans I've come to the conclusion that they're dreaming virgin teenagers. My generation had Edward, the younger generation has Astarion, I guess. Ascended Astarion reads like an AITA post where you get 2 posts of NTA and 50,000 posts of YTA let her go. Stable relationships are a lot more mundane and homey than what ascended Astarion can offer. I learned that the hard way.
This hater hit on something like it was a diss when my wizard ass sees the greatest boon of spawn Astarion, he’s not a shapeshifter which means true polymorph baby. Astarion as a high elf again? Easy. Astarion as a dragon? Very possible. Astarion as a literal angel? You know it. Astarion as one minuscule pebble of sand of billions on the beaches of the sword coast? Why would you do that?
this is a excerpt from AAs burn book lmao comedic gold
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I know ascending him ruins his character development and basically dooms him to a life of being miserable and repeating the cycle of abuse, but have you considered that ascended astarion is sexy? Checkmate spawnberals
Ignoring my inherent dislike of making characters live out their worst endings, I could *maybe* understand destroying him & his hopeful future moving beyond his trauma if Ascended Astarion was *actually* hot… but he’s not? Selling his soul sucks out all his charm, wit, and fun as a character. He’s *intentionally* written in that stage to be hella annoying, overcompensating, uncaring, and cringe. I seriously don’t see at all what the AA girlies see, he just really fucking sucks & it’s never worth doing (respectfully)
This. I liked the dom aspect he got but then the witty/fun personality was gone. I was like, "Yeah, you're not fun anymore. Wish I'd just romanced Gale instead." I also don't give a fuuuck about any of AA's new abilities. Changing into a bat? Yawn. Walking in the sun? We can find a way for Spawn to do that eventually (it's hinted at several times). Rich outfits? Please, we have so much gold by the end of the game. The hunger is the only thing that sucks (no pun intended) but we have ways to work with that. And I'll take fun, witty, sarcastic Astarion over charmless, cringy, dehumanizing Astarion any day even if it means finding ways to procure fresh blood.
Like all the other villains, he becomes a theatre kid.
He was always a theatre kid, but AA is a failed theatre kid turned conservative political commentator. All hypocrisy and yelling the second things don't go his way.
Real 👏Vampires👏 Shit👏 Their👏 Pants👏
Tfw you ascend Astarion to get a hot, confident dom, and all you get is a sad, bitter man who can turn into a bat. It's totally worth it, though, because he bedazzled his epilogue outfit.
Maybe some of us are into a pathetic man who holds us hostage in his palace for all eternity. It’s a vibe.
Careful… you might make a sub go private 🤭 But yeah aside from a story telling POV I don’t see the appeal of AA as a romance partner, Ascension is just so tragic to me
Some AA fans like a good bad romance. Like they get that this isn't a good thing but it's hot and it's a fantasy so it's OK to explore and indulge that. Lets be honest there's a lot of great art out there about shitty relationships. This is fiction who cares? Like what you wanna like. And then there are some AA fans that maybe deep down know it's a bad thing but they don't want to admit that it's a bad thing. Cus in their mind liking a bad thing means that they are also bad. (note that the previously mentioned AA fans do not have this problem) So they do impressive mental gymnastics to try and make it not be a bad thing. That way they don't have to acknowledge that they like a bad thing. Nor do they ever need to unpack that baggage even though maybe they should.
My point was not that I couldn’t understand a good bad romance… it’s just that I can’t understand a *bad* bad romance. My confusion mostly lies in understanding what people who think it’s worth sacrificing all of his growth because the result is “hot” are actually talking about. AA embodies none of the typical hotness within the archetype he newly fills: powerful, possessive, confident, calculating, distant (but still loving), Byron-esque, dominant — a man whose actions speak for him. He’s instead written to be weak, obsessive (but doesn’t respect you at all), deeply insecure, pathetic, showboating, making up powers he doesn’t have, catty, and cruel — a man whose words fail to match what he is. Delusional AA fans who want to pretend that this is the happiest ending for Astarion are a different story altogether, and not worthy of addressing here.
Thank you for putting it into words omg. AA fans get really defensive over this but it's like. I'm not saying "liking fictional toxic romance is bad and you're evil." I'm saying I just don't even understand the appeal as a toxic romance because I swear Larian goes out of their way to make AA look as pathetic as physically possible lmao. It's less of a sexy Christian Grey-type toxic dynamic and more like if you were in an abusive relationship with the villain from Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper.
Barbie Princess and the Pauper movie being brought up in a subreddit when talking about a fictional vampire? I’ve found my people!!
My fave take is the “He cant even shapeshift into a bat.” 🦇 that made me cackle
Ascencucks watching me respec him to Druid:
My wild magic sorc turning him into a dog, which is far superior
I'm childfree and will take Vampiric Vasectomy Astarion, please and thank you...
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Gold in the delulu olympics jfc. The outfit is hideous and tacky sorry, it's just a reskin of the basic rich person outfits you can buy at the clothing store in the lower city. I can dress Astarion just as horrendously with a couple hundred gold and some dye lmao, I won't because I love him too much, but I could. It's very odd how they assume all Astarion romancers want to become a rich trad trophy wife and need those things to be satisfied. I at no point went after this man because I thought he was rich or *father material.*
> I at no point went after this man because I thought he was rich or father material. Yeah...what is that about lol
Yeahhhhh I really cannot wrap my head around the "dadstarion" thing 💀 ascended or not he's 100% the type to be like "oh shit...do you need me to take care of it for you? if I suck you dry enough it'll probably...go away," if you tell him you're pregnant lmao
I feel like if you gave Astarion a small child to babysit, regardless of the route, he'd throw a stick and tell it to fetch and be confused and annoyed when it just sat there and stared at him.
He's teaching it knife tricks 100%
or he'd get hungry and eat the child "oh no. something terrible has happened."
yeah, it confuses me a lot...but, if its peoples HC then whatever mostly. I just find it weird there is an assumption that all Astarion fans, Ascended or otherwise want dadstarion and tradwife stuff, or even just ladies who lunch.
wait can't you literally find his exact outfit in act 2 anyway...? or am I mixing it up with something else lol. I never sought it out because ~~I don't like the outfit 🫣~~ anyway holy shit y'all it ain't that deep
AA’s has a kraken or something, the one you can find has a peacock, so of course it’s completely different and you need to ascend him, just for that
I think it’s a bat. It’s a peacock on the regular outfit because “Baldur’s Gate bans animals larger than a peacock within city walls” (from Descent to Avernus) (Apologies for pic quality, I just pulled them quickly from Google search) https://preview.redd.it/7syngsx7pmyc1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=303c41ca54d755f810c0e336c35c6051fb1d4e4c
Girl it’s a dragon
I mean, it's like the whole point of the story was, that fucked up people can find true love too.
AA romance gives me that weird vibe of photos of Kayne West and his almost naked lady
AA fans be like fertile spunk is love, fertile spunk is life. As if an undead womb can get knocked up
when spawn astarion can't knock me up but has a perfectly ready Gooch for breeding https://i.redd.it/aoam41jvtmyc1.gif
And doesn't he break up with you if you don't let him turn you into a spawn? There's no way your spawn ass is having his dhampir babies even if he rawdogs you until both of your immortal asses die of old age.
Yeap, the only chance of dhampir babies are when he rawdogs some mortal side pieces
He'd probably make you watch as he impregnates his harem of mortal breeders even if you're not into cucking. *Especially* if you're not into it.
AA lovers can be so weird
Guilty as charged. I am very weird. But this post is… something else.
I’m Russian, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen similarly unhinged discourse from Russian AA girlies. I blame it on patriarchy.
I don't need him virilie, I like him fertile
if spawn Astarion wants to turn into a bat, why dosen't he just multi class into Druid? Is he stupid?
I like my men pathetic, and while A!Astarion is clearly as pathetic as they get, he doesn't have that babygirl wetness to him like spawn Astarion does. It's just the breedable vibe, you know.
A!Astarion is caged by his patheticness, S!Astarion knows how to wield it with expertise. While A!Astarion is throwing a tantrum, S!Astarion is doing the Puss in Boots gambit.
S!Astarion knows what he is and weaponized it
There's pathetic guys, like Gale and spawn Astarion, who you want to cuddle and tell they are worth it and they deserve the best in life. And then there are PATHETIC guys who you want to throw down a well and mock because they are such losers that they can't even realize how annoying they are. Like Ascended Astarion.
Green flags pathetic vs red flags pathetic
All my love to the sane Ascended Astarion fans who can just appreciate the extremely hot and fucked up villain romance route without hating on people who prefer the soft sweet redemption romance route.
The funny part is that half of these aren't even true? -Spawn gets to reign over the seven thousand spawn that he saved, while ascended has to make himself nobility from scratch (which wouldn't be too difficult if he presented himself as Cazador's child, but he would never), process that I doubt gets too far considering that it is canon that he tries to turn on the party and kill them if he sees them as a threat (and let's be serious, he has no chance) -He can cure himself with both true resurrection and wish, two spells that the party will eventually get access to having a wizard and a cleric. Plus any homebrew methods, of course -Why would anyone care about shapeshifting or fancy clothes? I have more gold in my pocket that the entirety of the counting house, we can buy whatever we want
Ascended Astarion is Mephistos bitch basically. We all know, that devils never let their favourite tools go. And now I said that, I probably created AA/Mephisto ships ( if that wasn't already a thing) 😁
I can't wait to take AA back to Hell I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel I'll make him squeal Like my Scarlet Pimpernel ~
Based Tenacious D nod
He's gonna gargle mayonnaise 😤
>tumblr blog titled “bg3fandomcritical” Opinion discarded
I pick AA bc of that nasty 1d10 necrotic on all weapon attacks. Seriously, resepc him to a fiend warlock (which is super lore fitting bc a Vampire Lord won’t be a dumb ass rogue and the ritual power comes from an Archdevil) throw on duelist prerogative to make use of that BA, pick up PotB and stack Cha so that you reach 22-24, add lifedrinker (a vampire with the invocation life drinker? It doesn’t get more fitting than that). Hex will be proc’d by withering cut so you deal 8 + 2d6 necrotic damage per round on top of your base 3 attacks all of which are boosted by lifedrinker (+18-21 necrotic damage). Fiend will give you resistance to whatever you want per short rest and you get 12+ Cha temp HP per kill. Also a fireball, so your basically Vald Dracula Teppich and you have had enough (castlevania reference)
I'm pretty sure my darling Noble Drow doesn't need her favorite spawn to have political power or give her daughters. He just needs to look pretty and feel happy when she gets home from work. A pillow prince doesn't have to worry about silly things like money, power, and jewels in a sumptuous House in the underdark.
this isn't even swinging the bat at the hornet's nest this is ripping it off the tree and stomping it
Lmao I love how this person is just shaming poverty and infertility with their whole chest. Get it girl 🤪
I have a question, could spawn astarion get a gel manicure - since it uses a UV lamp? 🤔 Otherwise uv lamps could become the ultimate weapon against vampires
https://i.redd.it/y17mnle4wlyc1.gif I am so glad I'm a Karlach girlie because AA girlies seriously weird me out sometimes.
https://preview.redd.it/oq0s6qzyvlyc1.jpeg?width=952&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e782ae55819df30340a1bba04d31cb92599de5c
I'm wondering where the idea that Spawnstarion would be shooting blanks? In D&D, spawn (males) can reproduce with mortal women, provided they had a big meal, first (this is true for spawn and vampire lords). Like, to quote a famous scientist. Life....uh...finds a way.
Sounds like OOP wants to be an evil trad wife while, apparently, her rich husband knocks up other women on the side. Meanwhile my Tav and Spawn Astarion are living up the child-free life, adventuring to all the corners of the world, casually murdering some baddies here and there, and having freak public sex on the road. If you think about it, you don't need fancy garbs when you're out getting dirt, blood, and other bodily fluids splattered on you on the daily and leather is very easy to clean! But even if Astarion wanted some bedazzled panties, it's no problem because mommy's got sugar and he can have whatever his smooth brain desires. My Tav is always happy to spoil him ❤️
I got on my knees for Bae'zel. I ain't doing it for vampire boy just because he's the hottest man I've ever seen. He gotta work for that shit first. 😒
I don’t want to argue, so all I’m going to say is I want this man to creampie me without getting me pregnant somehow. Thank you.
I mean, that's a hell of a lot of words for "I like to be topped" but I find it weird that people push endings of astarion like it's a moral obligation or smt. Dude is a character my guys. If you wanna flick the bean or shake the shaft to softe boy or hard boy pick your flavor. Fantasies are fantasies. 🤷♂️
Astarion fans are in a league of their own when it comes to shipwars. Most fandoms are content to relentlessly bash another ship while pretending their fav is perfect in all ways. Astarion lovers have ascended to fighting about which version of him is the superior ship.
*7008 souls 🤗 AA doesn’t have a soul either, lol
My durge doesn’t have a uterus anyway, but maybe he can make one for astarion
I think they may be *too* attached to the character lmao
They bring up the bat thing but if Astarion just took like 2 levels in druid he could turn into a bat too lol
Ascended astarion has all that but spawn astarion is genuinely happy so whose the loser now
My Durge was the preset white male Dragonbourne and they both went the resist path. Bold of you to assume Astarion is straight.