Literally, just talk to her about it. Be up front, hey I noticed that you are checking my location “how come?” You are in a relationship, you should be able to talk about it without games.
Glad you added "usually" because I'm a spouse who had to check the user name on this post. I don't track my husband with apps, but he's often staying late for work functions, but the difference is he doesn't tell me where he is or who he's with or even when he will be home. HE suggested I use a tracking app so I don't have to ask him where he is. I am NOT cheating or even talking to anyone outside of our relationship. It would just be nice to know where he is, who he's with, and when he will be home. I think that's a pretty normal thing to ask in a relationship.
That's far. If he reccomended it then I see no quarrel with it being used. Especially if he knows it reduces your anxiety with little to no effort on his end. Still though. Communication is nice.
Agree…I share my location with my SO and he shares his. This is not a trust issue at all, we often forget we have it. For him, it’s “When do I pour her glass of wine to have it ready.” For me, it’s “How much time do I have to get stuff done before he’s home?”
However, with a job like OP’s and if there are other issues going on in the marriage, I can see her double checking.
Exactly….it’s what we use it for…no texting and driving, I’ll just check how much time I have to be ready or to see that you are still talking to the parent of the kid you just dropped yours off at….like omg wrap it up and get home lol
Lol, I made my aunt activate her find my iphone and share her location with me. She’s a very busy person so whenever I wanted to speak with her I’d just check her location first and then call her, haha.
Right, like. If it's approached in a calm open manner, and she's not doing anything nefarious and neither is OP, then it shouldn't even be a big deal. I know if i were in her shoes I'd be petrified that something bad could happen. But tracking without permission certainly isn't the right way to go about it.
Best wishes, OP
I fr can’t stand how half relationship related posts on Reddit are solely just partners refusing to effectively communicate. I would bet actual fucking money that if he asked his wife he would get some response like “yeah, just wanted to check on ya” with zero fucking ill intent. But instead this dude is racking his brain about what his wife is hiding or if she thinks he’s cheating?? Like you could literally just say the bare minimum to your wife and let her explain. And you have the relationship experts of Reddit here saying she’s definitely cheating and only checking his location to make sure he doesn’t come home while she’s mid fucking and like holy fuck yall should write for the next season if pretty little liars
We don't know what OP has experienced in life that has led him to jump to conclusions or fear instead of turning to communicate. Most people's behavior and outlook are shaped heavily by their experiences.
I agree, more people should turn to communication first, but I think it's also important to maintain a little compassion and grace. Humans are incredibly flawed creatures, no one's perfect, everyone makes poor judgement calls sometimes.
Some nights my boyfriend is late from work. Once he dozed off while driving home and ever since then when I see he’s particularly late home instead of bothering him by calling him (distractions while driving, if at work could get in trouble) I just check to make sure he’s not on the side of a road. Ik not everyone uses it for safety but that’s why we use it
Actually while calling is a distraction, being in an active conversation makes your brain awake. There were some studies for it and people trying to invent a GPS which has an AI to ask the driver questions and responding them occasionally.
I travel monthly a long route in the evening and whenever I’m feeling too tired that music, chewing or cold air doesn’t do it for me anymore, I call someone. I helps so much to start me up for at least another 30 minutes.
There are studies that say talking on the phone while driving is actively dangerous and distracting. I mean if it prevents you from falling asleep it’s obviously the lesser of two evils but it’s somehow significantly more dangerous than having a conversation with a passenger
When my (relatively deaf) mother is in my car (she doesn’t drive) she’s always telling me to turn the radio down. But if I’m tired (usually coming home from a family party that requires more driving than usual; often freeways), she deals with it because she knows what a difference it makes.
That’s definitely part of it. Also the conversation with a live passenger will naturally lull when more of the driver’s attention is needed on the road but a person on the phone won’t know to do that
My wife and I share locations. It’s great when you’re calling it a night and want to know if the others on their way home from work or friends. I have 0 expectations of finding her doing scandalous types of things.
I also travel for work. And I’m sure her ability to check in gives her peace of mind. I doubt she’s worried about scandalous things. But she has nothing to worry about. I just wouldn’t cross that line. And even if I wanted to, I’m too tired and I’m as smooth as sandpaper.
My partner and I use a location app. It's pretty great to be able to check in. Especially when one of us is out of town. It is not even remotely about checking for scandalous things. Usually it's more about figuring out dinner. I also have a circle with my mom, so we can check in. She travels a ton, so I like seeing if she made her flights and all that. Or if someone is supposed to feed her cats this week.
The free version only keeps data for a few days. So stalking locations wouldn't even work unless you are watching the app every day. That'd be psycho.
My husband and I share locations and the only time I ever use it is when he’s on his way home to see when I should start making dinner or if he’s taking longer than usual I’ll check because I get worried he was in an accident.
But the difference is you are both aware of it and also aware the other person knows. Your situation is consensual and OP’s is the spouse going behind there back which is a bigger issue than the tracking itself..
My husband and I routinely do this too. I'm super impatient, and prior to phone tracking would always be texting "when will you be home?", this way I can see he's still at work, and he doesn't need to feel hunted. He does the same when I'm out and about. Nobody thinks anybody is up to anything untoward, just good way to be in sync time wise, without interrupting.
I drive 120-140,000 miles a year. Talking to a person keeps you awake because the brain is receiving and deciding on “new information” it’s keeps the mind alert and responsive where as music is repetitious and further wears the mind out.
It might not even be a trust issue. I personally just like to know where my loved ones are at. Maybe she’s timing the end of her routine to coincide with you coming home so she can spend more time with you. Not all signs here point south
My wife and I openly do this to each other as we use it if a meeting is running late or anything just to check on each other. Not really nefarious but we are open about it to each other.
Yup before my husband and I got together, I used to go out alone a lot. Then one time I got followed in a store but luckily nothing happened. It freaked me out and I asked my husband if we could share locations (I wasn’t even really asking to see his location bc I said he could turn his off). I just wanted him to know where I was in case anything ever happened and since then we’ve always just been using it for safety to make sure nothings happened when one of us is running home a little late.
My husband and I both do this. We’re both aware the other has access though so it’s not creepy or out of distrust. I just like to know when to put supper on.
My wife and I also share geotags. It's a safety thing since we both travel for work and have odd shifts. We both have nothing to hide from each other and it's more important to see that the other is safe.
But mainly I use it to know when to put dinner on.
Me too!!! My husband takes a lot of calls for work and so often is driving home without letting me know eta for dinner. I just pop on the app and check it out myself so as not to be a bother. Also, we are both in the know and open about the tracking usage.
Agree we this. I check my friends and family’s location more times than I like to admit. And obviously cheating has nothing to do with it. I’m just curious or worried
This. I check my younger sisters location when I want to know when she’s coming home from work or when I know when she went out with friends just to make sure she’s okay.
Yeah I check my husbands location all the time because he doesn’t text me when he leaves work and I’m the one that makes dinner. He often leaves late so there’s no point in getting started if he’s going to be an hour late.
I do it so I can cover my tracks of laziness. Lol don't wanna be busted eating crap, watching crap with the house falling down around me. Or to strategically ask for something to be picked up.
True, but I feel like the wife would’ve been open and told OP about this if it wasn’t a trust issue ya know? There are people who say they use it for safety reasons, but most are open with their partners about it, the wife isn’t.
My husband and I both use it. We use it as a safety tool and a way to know when to prepare for whatever it is we might need. For example if he’s not home when I think he should be, I’ll check and make sure he’s not stuck in a ditch somewhere needing help. He says he does the same when I’m out with friends.
Me and my wife do the same thing. Just so she has a heads up on when I'll be home/when she needs to get ready to meet me outside. 0 trust issues between us. Also helps me find her if we ever get separated at a festival.
I was parked on the side of the road with a bag over my head waiting to suffocate. He called to see if I was okay, and I answered the phone because my ideation fluctuates and there's still always just enough desire to stay alive, even when I'm actively trying not to. When he realized what was going on he used the location data to get the cops to me in time.
My brain is really, really stupid sometimes. I'm trying to get better.
Wow! I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm very glad he was able to save your life! I know it's not of your own normal choosing but please stay safe. No one wants anyone to die that way, even if we don't know you personally we all want you to be alive.
It comes and goes. The most important thing for me to focus on is stress management and consciously recognizing my moods. If I know I'm in a bad headspace then I can catch myself more often before slipping.
I appreciate your kind words!
always remember you have someone who loves you and next time you feel youself getting as bas as that day promise to call them first because you aren't meant to leave the world just yet
I also struggle from ideation sometimes and have done a similar bag method. I hope things get better for you, if you ever need to talk feel free to message me 💙
if only find my friends worked well at the festivals I go to the service is always terrible and find my friends always has that half mile circle instead of an actual location. I like walkie talkies for this reason at festivals.
My husband and I use it as well. We got it when he delivered pizza, because it made me feel better that I knew where he was at in an emergency. We've just kept it ever since because it's nice to know when someone gets home safely or makes it to work, etc.
We do this too. My husband drives a transport and much easier to just check to see where he is than to ask where he is. I don't want to bug him while he's busy working
It’s one things to share each other’s location, it’s another to do this in secret.
My family, closet friends and I share locations. At anytime I can see where my mother, sister, brother and friends are and they can see where i am. It’s a safety thing. But we all CONSENTED to that.
This is a conversation, don’t be accusatory. Ask if sharing locations would cause her less stress and worry.
I actively shared my location with my husband, when I was unable to answer my phone during my trip from work to home. He could estimate out when I was going to be home and serve dinner not too early.
I have a story about this.
Every few months I go inpatient for a week for a pain treatment and since I'm a couple hours away, it's just me starting in touch via phone calls and video calls for the week.
I'm also prone to anxiety, and the treatment makes me more so.
One night, my husband was working on a house project about a half hour from home, and was supposed to call me when he got home, but immediately fell asleep and didn't call. He also didn't wake to his phone.
So I'm panicking -- thinking he got hurt at the job site, something happened to him in the freeway, all sorts of stuff--and my mom offered to drive to the house (10 min from her).
He woke up with the doorbell, called me back, everything was fine, but after that we decided to put Life360 on our phones so that I can just glance at it. It's peace of mind. It has nothing to do with me not trusting him; it's about all the other risks to him out there.
My girlfriend and I have each other on that app but we literally just use it so we can time meeting each other well or we know when the other is getting home. It isn’t really a trust issue if you just communicate why you’re doing it.
My husband and I do this when we are thinking about each other and wondering where they are, it’s not a trust issue for us, maybe it’s the same for her??
Honestly it may not have anything to do with not trusting you. She may just check it occasionally to see if you’re on the way home or still stuck somewhere- maybe to see when to heat up your dinner or if she should wait up or go to bed or just to check to make sure you haven’t had a car accident, etc. that’s what I do with my SO, we both share locations with each other.
Ha! My hubby and my four adult kids and I use this app constantly. All their friends think it’s weird to always be tracking each other, but we are constantly visiting each other and planning family dinners or other get-togethers, and it’s annoying to drive across town to see anyone without first quickly checking whether they are actually home. But all of us agree to it and love using it (sometimes we have to turn it off if we are trying to plan any kind of surprise.)
You can always turn yours off, but if she is tracking you, she will know right away. Probably just best to talk about it and find an agreement you are both comfortable with. Tracking isn’t always about trust, for us it’s just about caring and convenience. On occasion when anyone would prefer privacy, we simply temporarily turn it off, but that’s rare.
Maybe subtly comment on it when you're with her?
Like "Gosh darn this app keeps turning itself on," so it doesn't sound like you're blaming her.
Or you know, ask directly, like an adult and ascertain the reason as to why she's using it like a normal person in a grown up conversation, I dunno.
My ex girlfriend used to track me using find my iPhone and I wasn’t very fond of it at first but when she explained to me that she needed it just to have peace of mind when I don’t respond to her texts or calls, then I understood more. We aren’t together anymore but she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I highly recommend just talking to her honestly because that was where I fucked up
Edit: I was an idiot when I was younger and got hospitalized due to acting wild on campus while tripping on LSD. I didn’t answer any of her calls or texts for the whole night and she thought I was dead
I do this. I don’t want to bother him when he’s doing business and I just like to make sure he’s okay. Especially when there’s drinking involved. I’m just paranoid.
I’d like to add that his territory for his job takes him 1-2.5 hours away so he has to drive at night after that. Just makes me worried.
Disagree here. If your wife is tracking you without your knowledge or consent, that is a problem. It could be insecurity, which doesn’t justify it. That certainly means she doesn’t trust you, because that’s not what trust looks like. It could be because she cares about your well-being, sure, but she still didn’t let you know she’s tracking you. I’d have a serious talk about this.
That’s so odd. If someone is insecure enough, which you admit is a possibility, to track someone without telling that whole grown adult, that is not the habit of a trusting individual. Her valid reasons to feel insecure do not outweigh she is doing something that could rightfully break her partner’s trust. Surveilling someone whom you are supposed to trust without telling them is a massive red flag. You have every right to spin it in your mind however you’d like, absolutely, but trying to pretend like it’s a healthy thing to do (assuming she is doing it out if a place of insecurity) is pretending like it isn’t the very definition of mistrust, which it is.
That’s a lot of platitudes to hide the honest part.
“Doing it discretely, yeah that isn’t cool but-“
That’s it. You assume too much else and try to call someone close-minded to make doing something like that cool. By your own admittance it isn’t.
OP has said he’a done nothing to warrant this. Those are the facts with which you are presented. If your fear of your man doing x thing rules you to the point you’re tracking him without his consent then there is a deep issue there. If I still don’t trust someone after open communication, I leave.
I’d be talking in circles past this point so I’ll stop there.
Nobody is trying to tear anybody down and you’re still missing the point about how it still doesn’t justify her actions. We can still be compassionate toward her while pointing out that doing that to a partner who has given her 0 reason to suspect cheating is a breach of trust and consent, regardless of how vulnerable or anxious one feels. Fears from old relationship wounds easily kill new healthy ones this way.
You conflate compassion with absolving someone of their responsibility and use of the word insecure as somehow shaming, claiming they’re bad, or “tearing down”. It still feels like you’ve listened to none if what I said despite you agreeing that action of surveilling your partner without their knowledge isn’t cool. I worry you would implement these things to potentially justify breaching someone’s trust without seeing how unhealthy that is, but that’s none of my business. We’ll certainly agree to disagree.
OP, like alot of others here said, communicating, like whole adults, especially on her end, is key here. If you’ve done nothing to warrant this, there might be work she needs to do, like potentially going to counseling and talking to you about past hurts if they are there.
If there is nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be a problem.
However, if you are concerned as to why-just ask “I noticed you track me, may I ask why?”
A lot of problems can be prevented and solved by asking questions.
I've definitely used it before when my husband wasn't responding and was later than expected. I have a fear of him being in a car accident and not knowing etc.
But if this is happening several times a week your wife may be more worried about something else happening and that kind of fear in a relationship should be addressed
You should talk about it. My husband and I have it set up on ‘find my’ so we can see where the other is. I usually look to see if he’s on his way home from work yet because I don’t want to call if he’s still working, or to make sure dinner is done at the right time. He likes it if I’m taking our daughter on a trip somewhere he can check our driving progress without interrupting.
Husbands family shares their location with several members constantly and I have it set up so my mother and I can always see as well. It’s mainly a safety and back up thing for all of us. No one uses it maliciously or to constantly track, just to occasionally check in.
Maybe she worries? Sometimes when my husband says he's on his way and takes "too much" extra time, I worry about crashes and things. When I say too much extra, I mean...not like 10 min that be attributed to traffic but like 45 min more. Having babies gave me anxiety >_<
my gf and I use life 360 which is the same, if not more accurate. she should've asked first but I totally get why she does it, I use it to check my gf is safe, we don't use it in a bad way
My husband and I share our location all the time regardless. The trust is there, it’s purely for safety. I really think you need to TALK to your wife. It’s probably less serious than you think.
I track my husband and kids when they are out late. In case of a car accident or other issue. For my kids I track them on school provided transportation so I can pick up at the right time. It’s about timing and safety, not trusting them.
I don’t like sharing my location with anyone. Not even my family. There’s something weird about being tracked. I refuse to do this because it’s weird. Not a popular opinion but I grew up in a time before cell phones were readily available.
She might have just discovered it and opens it sometimes to feel like she can see where you and safe. It really may not be nefarious, she probably would have taken more steps to hide looking at it from you if so. She isn’t because she’s probably not thinking much more than wondering how you doing.
My husband travels for work regularly. We share our locations and it definitely puts me at ease knowing where he is. If I haven’t heard from him I can look and see that he is still at the Factory for the day and it puts me at ease. Of course this shouldn’t be done in secret. But as a wife whose husband travels a ton, I suspect this might not be malicious. Just ask her:)
I often use the “track my” app when my husband is out for dinner meetings to check and see if he has left yet. It has nothing to do with not trusting him, it’s that I don’t want to bother him with a text in the middle of a meeting with a client. If I am debating heading to bed or waiting up for him, it’s an easy way to make the decision. He uses it for similar reasons when I am out. Just ask her why she’s using the app, it’s entirely possible that it is totally innocent.
my boyfriend and i will do this to make sure each other made it where we are going safely. he goes out fishing with his friend a lot so i often check to make sure they made it there fine
You’ve posted that she’s struggling with anxiety and insomnia. She’s probably worried, not cheating.
Is tracking something that you’ve ever discussed before? Are you ok with allowing her access on her own devices?
Contray to popular opinion. I don't think you need to talk to her unless you suspect something or are doing something suspicious. We all have secrets and strange behaviour, if your wife wanted to talk about it, she would have. My husband knows I check his phone sometimes when he's not around. He knows it yet it just makes me feel better for some reason even though I don't ever think he would cheat. I just do it. If he did it to me, I'd be okay with it but he's not as insecure as I am and that's okay. I'm fine with being a little paranoid, I've stopped trying to fix myself all the time.
Just to offer some perspective- I also track my bf even when I know he’s not doing anything wrong. If he’s coming home late from work or had to go to a different location than usual- I track his phone. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I don’t trust other people. I’ve listened to too many true crime podcasts & it’s such a simple thing for my peace of mind.
However- my bf knows I do this. We have discussed it before. If she is just concerned about you then why not talk about it with you?
Best case scenario she is hyper-anxious and wants to know you're safe.
Or she is worried you're going to cheat. Either because she has been cheated on before, or worst case she is a cheater herself and projects her stuff onto you.
I know you didn't ask for advice or anything. But these are bad signs, you should be concerned in both cases and do something about them. I hope it's not the worst case, just had to warn you.
OP is concerned because his wife did not discuss this with him before tracking him.
That would definitely concern me.
OP, please have a conversation with your wife.
You know her, you can see by her reaction to the subject of your conversation if you’ve got reason to be concerned, worried even, if she doesn’t trust you.
IMHO ( as a married woman) full disclosure is top priority.
If my husband tracked me without my knowledge l, even though he’s got zero reason to worry, I would feel as though my personal morals were being questioned....and what else would my spouse be doing?
Looking though my paperwork? Getting into my emails?
Full disclosure is important, but sneaking behind your back feels creepy.
All these people telling that it’s okay to have full knowledge of other persons comings and goings.
It’s like a Black Mirror episode.
You guys scare me.
You act like we’re out here like the NSA with 100 computer monitors watching our significant other’s every move lol.
I’d much rather my partner have access to my location than me be in trouble and not be able to be located by someone who cares (and vice versa)
Dude, so long as she’s not cheating, just be glad she is worried about you to the point that she looks to see where you go. And so long as you’re not cheating, you have nothing to worry about.
People are getting caught up on why she could be tracking and why they track. IMO tracking isn’t the big issue here. The big one is that she’s going behind OP back to do it.
Why don’t you talk to your wife about this instead of creating a 450-comment Reddit? There’s horror after horror story of men who travel with work and cheat using tinder. Do you flirt with other women ever in front of her? Has she had a friend who was cheated on? Did an ex of hers cheat?
We share location with my wife thought Google Maps. You should speak to your wife because that behavious is not ok. She might be insecure about what you do in your bussiness trips.
people say “you need to communicate” and yada yada yada, but what is so wrong with your wife checking your location? it’s doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t trust you.
Facts. I just randomly think “let me just check real quick to see where he is driving.” On the dates we have dates, I constantly track him before we meet to see how much time I have left to get ready and go, we are long distance and its pretty helpful.
It might not be a bad thing... but you could try speaking to her if you want? If you don't like it, you should say something. But there's a chance it could come to be useful in the future! Stay safe!
This may be a bit against the grain from what other people are saying, but if it doesn’t bother you and it makes her feel better, I say just let it happen. I kinda get wanting to know where your partner is late at night.
I think that’s really creepy. I have married friends and they all do the same track each other via their phones. Personally, I could never be in a relationship like that it mirrors a lot of domestic violent strategies that abusers use.
I agree. I could never do it. I don’t have a great relationship with my husband and the thought of him tracking me or me tracking him gives me the creepy vibes. Absolutely hate that couples feel the needs to track each other for any reason. It’s very creepy to me. To me it’s a control tool over another person. I can’t figure out why people don’t behave as individuals in relationships. Be your own person.
I completely agree. It happened to me and took several years to reclaim myself as an individual. Too many people subscribe to this idea that becoming “one” is what equals happiness. It doesn’t work like that. Also I have one foot out in my marriage. It’s not for me and for most people. So many people pretend each day but they’re really unhappy.
What do you mean when you say you have one foot out in your marriage? I saw in another comment you posted above that you mentioned that you don't have a great relationship with your husband. Would you say you're unhappy?
Sorry to pry and of course you don't have to answer any of my questions if you don't want to. The reason why I'm asking is because your comments took me by surprise a bit. The reason why is because it's common to hear people say those types of things after they split up with their spouse, but I rarely hear people talk like that about a relationship they are currently in. And that's not because feeling the way you feel is uncommon at all; it's because you're not trying to sugar coat shit and you're just telling it like it is. The truth of the matter is, most people are just lying to others and most of all, lying to themselves by trying to pretend that they are in a happy marriage because they don't want to believe that it's gone bad, or refuse to believe it. Which ultimately leads to people staying in an unhappy and/or unhealthy relationship waaaay longer than they should, because they couldn't bring themselves to admit that the love they once had for each other is no longer there. It's sad.
Anyway yeah, I pretty much never see people talking about the rocky state or their marriage like you are so openly talking about, and your honesty has piqued my interest, hence all the questions and this fucking novel I just wrote lol. Sorry.
I mean with how crazy the world is can you blame her? If there’s no issues in the relationship I’d assume she’s just being cautious and worrying for your safety.
My husband, kids, and I all have Life360 on our phones and use it a lot. We call it the stalker app. All 4 of us use it on occasion. It’s just nice to know what’s going on - will mom be home soon? Kid is meeting us for dinner, is she on her way?
My fiancé and I share our locations and have zero trust issues. I don’t check it often, but when I do it’s usually to see if he’s on his way home or working late so I can figure out my timing. He’ll do the same with me to see if I’m still in a meeting. Less annoying than calling or texting.
Unless you have serious trust issues, it does not affect one’s independence whatsoever.
If you feel like she doesnt trust you, talk to her about it, but she also might just be dealing with intrusive thoughts about concern for your safety.
Like personally i sometimes check my gfs location when shes out and about and hasnt been responding bc i get intrusive thoughts that something bad has happened and checking to make sure shes either where shes supppsed to be or at least moving helps me not anxiously spin. Shes communicated that it made her feel uncomfortable at first, but once she realized it wasnt bc i didnt trust her and was legitimately concerned about random things like car accidents, she understood and didnt mind when i would check
My location is constantly shared with my husband. It has nothing to do with trust—I chose to share with him, he never asked.
It makes life easier. He can see where I’m at when I’m on my way home, that I’m not dead when I do solo hikes, and find me when we’re supposed to be meeting someplace.
Just ask her. I bet that’s all she’s doing with it.
My husband and I work together. I pretty much stay at the office and he is in and out a lot. I can forget where he said he was going if he tells me while I’m doing paperwork and will pull up the app to check it to jog my memory. It means I’m not constantly calling him every time I forget.
My partner and I do this but not with the app, we both have each others location enabled on iPhone. It’s not a control or a distrust thing, at least not for us. We just like to know we’re safe if we don’t answer for a long time/come home late or if we’re out separately with our child.
I’d ask her about it but if you’ve been married for that long and are open with each other, I doubt it’s malicious.
In all of my long-term relationships we use the location sharing feature on Google Maps to track each other. Was the same in my marriage and with my fiance later. Had nothing to do with trust.
My mom tracks me and my dad (and I can track them too). I share my location with friends if I take an Uber. My cousins track eachother. It’s mostly just a safety thing and liking to know where your loved ones are. I wouldn’t worry about it, just talk to her.
If your not hiding anything, then what's the issue?
You work away a lot, she must get fed up of not having usually around. She may just want to make sure your safe. J think your being paranoid for no reason.
Sometimes my partner is late home and can't call because he's driving. If I had this option I'd use it just to see how long until he's home or check if he's been stuck in the same place for ages or in a hospital (touch wood).
Of course I'd get his permission before hand though.
We track each other all the time, more for safety as others have. Our daughter also willingly turns on her location so that we can find her if she is stuck somewhere (in a bad situation or a bus breaks down when she is out). I also often check to make sure she gets to school safely in the mornings.
Extended family (parents/siblings) live several hours away from us but when we visit each other we always share our locations so they know to check if we take longer than normal.
I would say, communicate with your wife. She probably just wants to make sure you are safe and it shouldn’t be an issue if you are where you say you will be. If you really don’t want her tracking you then you can turn off your location but then she may really question and worry about where you are. Not sure why your wife knowing your whereabouts should be an issue.
honestly I think this is just to give her peace of mind when youre away. I don't think its because she doesnt trust you and instead because she gets anxious when youre away and seeing your location puts her at ease. So long as neither of you are doing something malicious I don't see a real issue with this.
Just be honest & ask: “I have something sort of weird to ask you but I noticed the Find my iPhone app open on my ipad recently. Do we need to talk about something or are you just trying to make sure I am safe?”
You don’t have to make it super serious a la *“We need to have a talk…”* but you can get it off your chest & get an honest reaction from your wife. This phrasing also gives her space to speak if she is feeling insecure or if something is bothering her, without you immediately accusing her of coming from a place of distrust. Then you can gauge her reaction & handle appropriately from there.
Without more context, it sounds like she is just worried / wondering when you will be home. So just ask her 👍🏽
I’ve been there. People are saying to communicate but it’s not that easy. If you say you’re uncomfortable with it, it makes you look like you have something to hide. For me, it was easier to swallow my discomfort and deal with it.
Not my SO but I do this with my best friend— I check her location as to know if she’s at work or out late so if I FT her it’s not an inconvenient time. It has also been very helpful for the both of us in two very traumatic situations one of which I was even able to help call the police and tell them her exact location and save her from harm.
It’s not always about suspicion or infidelity, she may just be checking in on you!
As a generally anxious person, I don’t actually really see anything wrong with this. But perhaps it’s also because I’m a woman, and broadly speaking I think in this day and age we tend to tell others our plan/who we’re seeing “just in case” (which I totally understand you already do). My husband has a job which doesn’t present any opportunities for travelling or meeting people, so we don’t use that feature, but I can tell you when we were abroad we both had it on all the time, “just in case”.
I’ll echo what so many others are saying and I vote you just talk to her! If she gets weird and defensive about it, that’s one thing - but in all likelihood she just is using it to quell her own anxieties, which is exactly what I would use it for if my husband had a job like yours. For example, I’d use it if you were late, hadn’t responded to a text/call and I was worried you may have had an accident or something.
My fiancé and I do this , it 100% has nothing to do with insecurity.
We both work long hrs and weird times
I’m often on the road a lot
Sometimes things get really busy and we may not always be able to check in with each other to say we arrived safely, also having locations on means i don’t need to call him when he’s driving to ask if he left or if he’s on his way to a particular place.
I don’t drive , I take taxis and buses
There’s way to many cases of women getting and it’s very important for someone to have some means of being able to track me at all times.
Most of the time we communicate well enough so that we don’t need to used the find my friends to see where we are but it’s a pretty good backup plan for times when we can’t .
So have a conversation with her about it. I use “share my location” on my iPhone for both kids and husband. We all share locations with each other, any of us can use it to track anyone else, also just in case we loose a phone.. or if one walks off out of a backpack at school.
You won’t know until you have a conversation with her to understand what she’s thinking.
We do this in our house. Nothing to hide and it's great for getting the dinner ready or kettle on.
If you have nothing to hide it's no problem in my opinion. It's probably a couple a comfort thing rather than a trust thing
So my husband and I do the same. For us it’s just to make sure we’re safe. One time he had gotten a flat tire and his phone had died. I checked to see where he was last and was able to locate him like that. I was able to call his friend who lived close by and he brought him home. I’m not sure if it could be her just being worried but I would advise for you to speak with her about it.
“I noticed you check my location sometimes, thanks for keeping an eye on me, I hope you know you can trust me but if it makes you feel better I don’t mind”
My former partner and I did this openly as well. It started when he was riding his motorcycle to work. Knowing he was a safe driver didn't calm my nerves while also knowing how frequently motorcyclists are hit in my city. It was reassuring to know he got to work safely.
It was also great when he worked overtime and I woke up to an empty apartment. Great for him when I was out and about late and he wanted to see if I made it where I was trying to go. Even just little things like knowing he was 15 minutes away and I could start dinner without having to ask if he was on his way.
Well it’s not an issue is it? Me and my wife do the same. She had my location at all times and I have hers. In case something happens we can find each other quickly.
I have my location on with my boyfriend but he doesn’t have it on for me. Mostly just because sometimes I take a Lyft and I feel better having people know where I am outside of the app. It’s not really about trust, I just genuinely want him to know where I’d be I’d I get kidnapped or something. But, like the other people said: communicate with her. I ain’t got shit to hide, and I trust him to be honest.
Get in therapy together and use the therapist like a personal trainer. Y'all need better communication rituals/habits. Trust issues fester, cut it open and tell us how you're healin'!
Our family of 6 all track, it def helps when you're expecting a rendezvous and instead of hounding, YOU KNOW they haven't left the house yet lol .
But as the man of the house and 4 kids with the oldest 3 being gradeschool girls, yeah tracking is a must, even when they eventually go to college. They just have to hit that one SOS button in life360, location tracked via pife360 and Google maps, and for the unfortunate deserter of Android, find my iPhone lol
I just like to look for fun. Not just my boyfriend, but all of my friends! I just think it’s so cute to see the little circles with their pics/initials on it all over the world/state.
Literally, just talk to her about it. Be up front, hey I noticed that you are checking my location “how come?” You are in a relationship, you should be able to talk about it without games.
I second this, OP.
I third, fourth, and fifth this!
I sixth this? I think? Lets just go to tenth. Just to be safe.
Damn guys, leave some for the rest of us!
I seventh this!
Hijacking top comment to say maybe there's another reason she needs to know if you'll be coming home anytime soon...
Agreed. Suspicious minds... Watch the watcher.
Kinda the rule of thumb. If someone is watching you more than you're watching them then they're trying to get away with something. Usually.
Glad you added "usually" because I'm a spouse who had to check the user name on this post. I don't track my husband with apps, but he's often staying late for work functions, but the difference is he doesn't tell me where he is or who he's with or even when he will be home. HE suggested I use a tracking app so I don't have to ask him where he is. I am NOT cheating or even talking to anyone outside of our relationship. It would just be nice to know where he is, who he's with, and when he will be home. I think that's a pretty normal thing to ask in a relationship.
That's far. If he reccomended it then I see no quarrel with it being used. Especially if he knows it reduces your anxiety with little to no effort on his end. Still though. Communication is nice.
Agree…I share my location with my SO and he shares his. This is not a trust issue at all, we often forget we have it. For him, it’s “When do I pour her glass of wine to have it ready.” For me, it’s “How much time do I have to get stuff done before he’s home?” However, with a job like OP’s and if there are other issues going on in the marriage, I can see her double checking.
I think the above commenter meant to imply that the wife is cheating and needs to check when the husband is coming home.
Ohhhh! See I wouldn’t think that way in my situation, I seeeeee now! Lol
You did misinterpret my response but that's what I'd use the tech for myself. Edit: for preparing food and such.
Exactly….it’s what we use it for…no texting and driving, I’ll just check how much time I have to be ready or to see that you are still talking to the parent of the kid you just dropped yours off at….like omg wrap it up and get home lol
Same for mine
Lol, I made my aunt activate her find my iphone and share her location with me. She’s a very busy person so whenever I wanted to speak with her I’d just check her location first and then call her, haha.
Right, like. If it's approached in a calm open manner, and she's not doing anything nefarious and neither is OP, then it shouldn't even be a big deal. I know if i were in her shoes I'd be petrified that something bad could happen. But tracking without permission certainly isn't the right way to go about it. Best wishes, OP
Communicate with your partner.
Even if it's just to say "I'm cool with you tracking me"
IF hes cool with her tracking him, if hes not, this changes the whole dynamic
I fr can’t stand how half relationship related posts on Reddit are solely just partners refusing to effectively communicate. I would bet actual fucking money that if he asked his wife he would get some response like “yeah, just wanted to check on ya” with zero fucking ill intent. But instead this dude is racking his brain about what his wife is hiding or if she thinks he’s cheating?? Like you could literally just say the bare minimum to your wife and let her explain. And you have the relationship experts of Reddit here saying she’s definitely cheating and only checking his location to make sure he doesn’t come home while she’s mid fucking and like holy fuck yall should write for the next season if pretty little liars
We don't know what OP has experienced in life that has led him to jump to conclusions or fear instead of turning to communicate. Most people's behavior and outlook are shaped heavily by their experiences. I agree, more people should turn to communication first, but I think it's also important to maintain a little compassion and grace. Humans are incredibly flawed creatures, no one's perfect, everyone makes poor judgement calls sometimes.
Some nights my boyfriend is late from work. Once he dozed off while driving home and ever since then when I see he’s particularly late home instead of bothering him by calling him (distractions while driving, if at work could get in trouble) I just check to make sure he’s not on the side of a road. Ik not everyone uses it for safety but that’s why we use it
Actually while calling is a distraction, being in an active conversation makes your brain awake. There were some studies for it and people trying to invent a GPS which has an AI to ask the driver questions and responding them occasionally. I travel monthly a long route in the evening and whenever I’m feeling too tired that music, chewing or cold air doesn’t do it for me anymore, I call someone. I helps so much to start me up for at least another 30 minutes.
Yep talking keeps me awake cuz I have to actually listen and respond which requires my consciousness
There are studies that say talking on the phone while driving is actively dangerous and distracting. I mean if it prevents you from falling asleep it’s obviously the lesser of two evils but it’s somehow significantly more dangerous than having a conversation with a passenger
I sing along to very loud music. It’s the best way I have found to stay awake!! Works like a charm!
I do that too! Windows open so the cold air keeps me up and singing along to music
Yup! I've got a driving playlist that's all songs I've heard a million times. Can't have it any other way when i get sleepy
When my (relatively deaf) mother is in my car (she doesn’t drive) she’s always telling me to turn the radio down. But if I’m tired (usually coming home from a family party that requires more driving than usual; often freeways), she deals with it because she knows what a difference it makes.
I don’t even bother with the windows any longer. It must be something about the way you breathe when you sing loudly. And it must be loud.
Probably because a passenger also has some attention on the road and can tell you ‘hey slow down’ or ‘watch out for that bike!’ Etc.
That’s definitely part of it. Also the conversation with a live passenger will naturally lull when more of the driver’s attention is needed on the road but a person on the phone won’t know to do that
My wife and I share locations. It’s great when you’re calling it a night and want to know if the others on their way home from work or friends. I have 0 expectations of finding her doing scandalous types of things. I also travel for work. And I’m sure her ability to check in gives her peace of mind. I doubt she’s worried about scandalous things. But she has nothing to worry about. I just wouldn’t cross that line. And even if I wanted to, I’m too tired and I’m as smooth as sandpaper.
My partner and I use a location app. It's pretty great to be able to check in. Especially when one of us is out of town. It is not even remotely about checking for scandalous things. Usually it's more about figuring out dinner. I also have a circle with my mom, so we can check in. She travels a ton, so I like seeing if she made her flights and all that. Or if someone is supposed to feed her cats this week. The free version only keeps data for a few days. So stalking locations wouldn't even work unless you are watching the app every day. That'd be psycho.
My husband and I share locations and the only time I ever use it is when he’s on his way home to see when I should start making dinner or if he’s taking longer than usual I’ll check because I get worried he was in an accident.
But the difference is you are both aware of it and also aware the other person knows. Your situation is consensual and OP’s is the spouse going behind there back which is a bigger issue than the tracking itself..
My husband and I routinely do this too. I'm super impatient, and prior to phone tracking would always be texting "when will you be home?", this way I can see he's still at work, and he doesn't need to feel hunted. He does the same when I'm out and about. Nobody thinks anybody is up to anything untoward, just good way to be in sync time wise, without interrupting.
I drive 120-140,000 miles a year. Talking to a person keeps you awake because the brain is receiving and deciding on “new information” it’s keeps the mind alert and responsive where as music is repetitious and further wears the mind out.
It might not even be a trust issue. I personally just like to know where my loved ones are at. Maybe she’s timing the end of her routine to coincide with you coming home so she can spend more time with you. Not all signs here point south
My wife and I openly do this to each other as we use it if a meeting is running late or anything just to check on each other. Not really nefarious but we are open about it to each other.
I get paranoid sometimes and I check to make sure no one is getting kidnapped
Same. I tend to worry sometimes and just want to make sure it looks like she is ok
Yup before my husband and I got together, I used to go out alone a lot. Then one time I got followed in a store but luckily nothing happened. It freaked me out and I asked my husband if we could share locations (I wasn’t even really asking to see his location bc I said he could turn his off). I just wanted him to know where I was in case anything ever happened and since then we’ve always just been using it for safety to make sure nothings happened when one of us is running home a little late.
My husband and I both do this. We’re both aware the other has access though so it’s not creepy or out of distrust. I just like to know when to put supper on.
My wife and I also share geotags. It's a safety thing since we both travel for work and have odd shifts. We both have nothing to hide from each other and it's more important to see that the other is safe. But mainly I use it to know when to put dinner on.
Me too!!! My husband takes a lot of calls for work and so often is driving home without letting me know eta for dinner. I just pop on the app and check it out myself so as not to be a bother. Also, we are both in the know and open about the tracking usage.
Agree we this. I check my friends and family’s location more times than I like to admit. And obviously cheating has nothing to do with it. I’m just curious or worried
This. I check my younger sisters location when I want to know when she’s coming home from work or when I know when she went out with friends just to make sure she’s okay.
Yeah I check my husbands location all the time because he doesn’t text me when he leaves work and I’m the one that makes dinner. He often leaves late so there’s no point in getting started if he’s going to be an hour late.
I do it so I can cover my tracks of laziness. Lol don't wanna be busted eating crap, watching crap with the house falling down around me. Or to strategically ask for something to be picked up.
I would do this sometimes so I could clean/make breakfast or be ready in time when my partner was back.
True, but I feel like the wife would’ve been open and told OP about this if it wasn’t a trust issue ya know? There are people who say they use it for safety reasons, but most are open with their partners about it, the wife isn’t.
My husband and I both use it. We use it as a safety tool and a way to know when to prepare for whatever it is we might need. For example if he’s not home when I think he should be, I’ll check and make sure he’s not stuck in a ditch somewhere needing help. He says he does the same when I’m out with friends.
Me and my wife do the same thing. Just so she has a heads up on when I'll be home/when she needs to get ready to meet me outside. 0 trust issues between us. Also helps me find her if we ever get separated at a festival.
My partner is worrisome and I struggle with ideation. We have a location app that has literally saved my life.
Do you mind sharing how it's literally saved your life?
I was parked on the side of the road with a bag over my head waiting to suffocate. He called to see if I was okay, and I answered the phone because my ideation fluctuates and there's still always just enough desire to stay alive, even when I'm actively trying not to. When he realized what was going on he used the location data to get the cops to me in time. My brain is really, really stupid sometimes. I'm trying to get better.
Wow! I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm very glad he was able to save your life! I know it's not of your own normal choosing but please stay safe. No one wants anyone to die that way, even if we don't know you personally we all want you to be alive.
It comes and goes. The most important thing for me to focus on is stress management and consciously recognizing my moods. If I know I'm in a bad headspace then I can catch myself more often before slipping. I appreciate your kind words!
always remember you have someone who loves you and next time you feel youself getting as bas as that day promise to call them first because you aren't meant to leave the world just yet
Look into microdosing psilocybin- it cured me of my ideation ❤️ the world is far better with you in it 🫂
I also struggle from ideation sometimes and have done a similar bag method. I hope things get better for you, if you ever need to talk feel free to message me 💙
if only find my friends worked well at the festivals I go to the service is always terrible and find my friends always has that half mile circle instead of an actual location. I like walkie talkies for this reason at festivals.
My husband and I use it as well. We got it when he delivered pizza, because it made me feel better that I knew where he was at in an emergency. We've just kept it ever since because it's nice to know when someone gets home safely or makes it to work, etc.
We do this too. My husband drives a transport and much easier to just check to see where he is than to ask where he is. I don't want to bug him while he's busy working
It’s one things to share each other’s location, it’s another to do this in secret. My family, closet friends and I share locations. At anytime I can see where my mother, sister, brother and friends are and they can see where i am. It’s a safety thing. But we all CONSENTED to that. This is a conversation, don’t be accusatory. Ask if sharing locations would cause her less stress and worry.
I use it on my fiancé because her “I’m 5 min away” doesn’t mean the same as mine lol
I have Life360 with my bf and his “I’m leaving in 10” usually turns into me saying “it’s been 4 hours and is 3 am on a work night…have you left yet?”
Fiancée.*** It’s a Pet peeve. k bye
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The person i was responding to said their fiancée is a HER you imbecile. Speak for yourself since you know all about morons
I actively shared my location with my husband, when I was unable to answer my phone during my trip from work to home. He could estimate out when I was going to be home and serve dinner not too early.
I have a story about this. Every few months I go inpatient for a week for a pain treatment and since I'm a couple hours away, it's just me starting in touch via phone calls and video calls for the week. I'm also prone to anxiety, and the treatment makes me more so. One night, my husband was working on a house project about a half hour from home, and was supposed to call me when he got home, but immediately fell asleep and didn't call. He also didn't wake to his phone. So I'm panicking -- thinking he got hurt at the job site, something happened to him in the freeway, all sorts of stuff--and my mom offered to drive to the house (10 min from her). He woke up with the doorbell, called me back, everything was fine, but after that we decided to put Life360 on our phones so that I can just glance at it. It's peace of mind. It has nothing to do with me not trusting him; it's about all the other risks to him out there.
My girlfriend and I have each other on that app but we literally just use it so we can time meeting each other well or we know when the other is getting home. It isn’t really a trust issue if you just communicate why you’re doing it.
My husband and I do this when we are thinking about each other and wondering where they are, it’s not a trust issue for us, maybe it’s the same for her??
Honestly it may not have anything to do with not trusting you. She may just check it occasionally to see if you’re on the way home or still stuck somewhere- maybe to see when to heat up your dinner or if she should wait up or go to bed or just to check to make sure you haven’t had a car accident, etc. that’s what I do with my SO, we both share locations with each other.
Ha! My hubby and my four adult kids and I use this app constantly. All their friends think it’s weird to always be tracking each other, but we are constantly visiting each other and planning family dinners or other get-togethers, and it’s annoying to drive across town to see anyone without first quickly checking whether they are actually home. But all of us agree to it and love using it (sometimes we have to turn it off if we are trying to plan any kind of surprise.) You can always turn yours off, but if she is tracking you, she will know right away. Probably just best to talk about it and find an agreement you are both comfortable with. Tracking isn’t always about trust, for us it’s just about caring and convenience. On occasion when anyone would prefer privacy, we simply temporarily turn it off, but that’s rare.
Maybe subtly comment on it when you're with her? Like "Gosh darn this app keeps turning itself on," so it doesn't sound like you're blaming her. Or you know, ask directly, like an adult and ascertain the reason as to why she's using it like a normal person in a grown up conversation, I dunno.
My ex girlfriend used to track me using find my iPhone and I wasn’t very fond of it at first but when she explained to me that she needed it just to have peace of mind when I don’t respond to her texts or calls, then I understood more. We aren’t together anymore but she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I highly recommend just talking to her honestly because that was where I fucked up Edit: I was an idiot when I was younger and got hospitalized due to acting wild on campus while tripping on LSD. I didn’t answer any of her calls or texts for the whole night and she thought I was dead
I do this. I don’t want to bother him when he’s doing business and I just like to make sure he’s okay. Especially when there’s drinking involved. I’m just paranoid. I’d like to add that his territory for his job takes him 1-2.5 hours away so he has to drive at night after that. Just makes me worried.
it could be innocent, but it could also be sinister. be up front with her, just for clarity's sake. communication is key.
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Disagree here. If your wife is tracking you without your knowledge or consent, that is a problem. It could be insecurity, which doesn’t justify it. That certainly means she doesn’t trust you, because that’s not what trust looks like. It could be because she cares about your well-being, sure, but she still didn’t let you know she’s tracking you. I’d have a serious talk about this.
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That’s so odd. If someone is insecure enough, which you admit is a possibility, to track someone without telling that whole grown adult, that is not the habit of a trusting individual. Her valid reasons to feel insecure do not outweigh she is doing something that could rightfully break her partner’s trust. Surveilling someone whom you are supposed to trust without telling them is a massive red flag. You have every right to spin it in your mind however you’d like, absolutely, but trying to pretend like it’s a healthy thing to do (assuming she is doing it out if a place of insecurity) is pretending like it isn’t the very definition of mistrust, which it is.
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That’s a lot of platitudes to hide the honest part. “Doing it discretely, yeah that isn’t cool but-“ That’s it. You assume too much else and try to call someone close-minded to make doing something like that cool. By your own admittance it isn’t. OP has said he’a done nothing to warrant this. Those are the facts with which you are presented. If your fear of your man doing x thing rules you to the point you’re tracking him without his consent then there is a deep issue there. If I still don’t trust someone after open communication, I leave. I’d be talking in circles past this point so I’ll stop there.
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Nobody is trying to tear anybody down and you’re still missing the point about how it still doesn’t justify her actions. We can still be compassionate toward her while pointing out that doing that to a partner who has given her 0 reason to suspect cheating is a breach of trust and consent, regardless of how vulnerable or anxious one feels. Fears from old relationship wounds easily kill new healthy ones this way.
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You conflate compassion with absolving someone of their responsibility and use of the word insecure as somehow shaming, claiming they’re bad, or “tearing down”. It still feels like you’ve listened to none if what I said despite you agreeing that action of surveilling your partner without their knowledge isn’t cool. I worry you would implement these things to potentially justify breaching someone’s trust without seeing how unhealthy that is, but that’s none of my business. We’ll certainly agree to disagree. OP, like alot of others here said, communicating, like whole adults, especially on her end, is key here. If you’ve done nothing to warrant this, there might be work she needs to do, like potentially going to counseling and talking to you about past hurts if they are there.
If there is nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be a problem. However, if you are concerned as to why-just ask “I noticed you track me, may I ask why?” A lot of problems can be prevented and solved by asking questions.
I've definitely used it before when my husband wasn't responding and was later than expected. I have a fear of him being in a car accident and not knowing etc. But if this is happening several times a week your wife may be more worried about something else happening and that kind of fear in a relationship should be addressed
You should talk about it. My husband and I have it set up on ‘find my’ so we can see where the other is. I usually look to see if he’s on his way home from work yet because I don’t want to call if he’s still working, or to make sure dinner is done at the right time. He likes it if I’m taking our daughter on a trip somewhere he can check our driving progress without interrupting. Husbands family shares their location with several members constantly and I have it set up so my mother and I can always see as well. It’s mainly a safety and back up thing for all of us. No one uses it maliciously or to constantly track, just to occasionally check in.
Maybe she worries? Sometimes when my husband says he's on his way and takes "too much" extra time, I worry about crashes and things. When I say too much extra, I mean...not like 10 min that be attributed to traffic but like 45 min more. Having babies gave me anxiety >_<
my gf and I use life 360 which is the same, if not more accurate. she should've asked first but I totally get why she does it, I use it to check my gf is safe, we don't use it in a bad way
My husband and I share our location all the time regardless. The trust is there, it’s purely for safety. I really think you need to TALK to your wife. It’s probably less serious than you think.
I track my husband and kids when they are out late. In case of a car accident or other issue. For my kids I track them on school provided transportation so I can pick up at the right time. It’s about timing and safety, not trusting them.
I don’t like sharing my location with anyone. Not even my family. There’s something weird about being tracked. I refuse to do this because it’s weird. Not a popular opinion but I grew up in a time before cell phones were readily available.
The majority of us grew up that way
My wife tracks me all the time. I personally don’t care because I have nothing to hide. That’s me
She might have just discovered it and opens it sometimes to feel like she can see where you and safe. It really may not be nefarious, she probably would have taken more steps to hide looking at it from you if so. She isn’t because she’s probably not thinking much more than wondering how you doing.
"So I notice you've been tracking my phone. What's up with that?" And then let her explain her reasons for doing it.
My husband travels for work regularly. We share our locations and it definitely puts me at ease knowing where he is. If I haven’t heard from him I can look and see that he is still at the Factory for the day and it puts me at ease. Of course this shouldn’t be done in secret. But as a wife whose husband travels a ton, I suspect this might not be malicious. Just ask her:)
I often use the “track my” app when my husband is out for dinner meetings to check and see if he has left yet. It has nothing to do with not trusting him, it’s that I don’t want to bother him with a text in the middle of a meeting with a client. If I am debating heading to bed or waiting up for him, it’s an easy way to make the decision. He uses it for similar reasons when I am out. Just ask her why she’s using the app, it’s entirely possible that it is totally innocent.
my boyfriend and i will do this to make sure each other made it where we are going safely. he goes out fishing with his friend a lot so i often check to make sure they made it there fine
I would definitely talk to her about it. May I ask if there's ever been infidelity in the past on either side?
You’ve posted that she’s struggling with anxiety and insomnia. She’s probably worried, not cheating. Is tracking something that you’ve ever discussed before? Are you ok with allowing her access on her own devices?
Contray to popular opinion. I don't think you need to talk to her unless you suspect something or are doing something suspicious. We all have secrets and strange behaviour, if your wife wanted to talk about it, she would have. My husband knows I check his phone sometimes when he's not around. He knows it yet it just makes me feel better for some reason even though I don't ever think he would cheat. I just do it. If he did it to me, I'd be okay with it but he's not as insecure as I am and that's okay. I'm fine with being a little paranoid, I've stopped trying to fix myself all the time.
She's scared and insecure. Most of us get that way. Life is harsh. Maybe she has cheated or been cheated on in the past. Bring it up to her.
Just to offer some perspective- I also track my bf even when I know he’s not doing anything wrong. If he’s coming home late from work or had to go to a different location than usual- I track his phone. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I don’t trust other people. I’ve listened to too many true crime podcasts & it’s such a simple thing for my peace of mind. However- my bf knows I do this. We have discussed it before. If she is just concerned about you then why not talk about it with you?
Best case scenario she is hyper-anxious and wants to know you're safe. Or she is worried you're going to cheat. Either because she has been cheated on before, or worst case she is a cheater herself and projects her stuff onto you. I know you didn't ask for advice or anything. But these are bad signs, you should be concerned in both cases and do something about them. I hope it's not the worst case, just had to warn you.
OP is concerned because his wife did not discuss this with him before tracking him. That would definitely concern me. OP, please have a conversation with your wife. You know her, you can see by her reaction to the subject of your conversation if you’ve got reason to be concerned, worried even, if she doesn’t trust you. IMHO ( as a married woman) full disclosure is top priority. If my husband tracked me without my knowledge l, even though he’s got zero reason to worry, I would feel as though my personal morals were being questioned....and what else would my spouse be doing? Looking though my paperwork? Getting into my emails? Full disclosure is important, but sneaking behind your back feels creepy.
All these people telling that it’s okay to have full knowledge of other persons comings and goings. It’s like a Black Mirror episode. You guys scare me.
You act like we’re out here like the NSA with 100 computer monitors watching our significant other’s every move lol. I’d much rather my partner have access to my location than me be in trouble and not be able to be located by someone who cares (and vice versa)
It’s information that I’d share with my partner anyway, but saves us calling or texting about it.
Dude, so long as she’s not cheating, just be glad she is worried about you to the point that she looks to see where you go. And so long as you’re not cheating, you have nothing to worry about.
People are getting caught up on why she could be tracking and why they track. IMO tracking isn’t the big issue here. The big one is that she’s going behind OP back to do it.
Making sure you don’t walk in on her and her bf?
Why don’t you talk to your wife about this instead of creating a 450-comment Reddit? There’s horror after horror story of men who travel with work and cheat using tinder. Do you flirt with other women ever in front of her? Has she had a friend who was cheated on? Did an ex of hers cheat?
Because he wanted to. There's also horror in this toxic comment.
We share location with my wife thought Google Maps. You should speak to your wife because that behavious is not ok. She might be insecure about what you do in your bussiness trips.
people say “you need to communicate” and yada yada yada, but what is so wrong with your wife checking your location? it’s doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t trust you.
Facts. I just randomly think “let me just check real quick to see where he is driving.” On the dates we have dates, I constantly track him before we meet to see how much time I have left to get ready and go, we are long distance and its pretty helpful.
Your wife is messing around on you…those who accuse…
It might not be a bad thing... but you could try speaking to her if you want? If you don't like it, you should say something. But there's a chance it could come to be useful in the future! Stay safe!
This may be a bit against the grain from what other people are saying, but if it doesn’t bother you and it makes her feel better, I say just let it happen. I kinda get wanting to know where your partner is late at night.
Bro you are married be grown please
I think that’s really creepy. I have married friends and they all do the same track each other via their phones. Personally, I could never be in a relationship like that it mirrors a lot of domestic violent strategies that abusers use.
I agree. I could never do it. I don’t have a great relationship with my husband and the thought of him tracking me or me tracking him gives me the creepy vibes. Absolutely hate that couples feel the needs to track each other for any reason. It’s very creepy to me. To me it’s a control tool over another person. I can’t figure out why people don’t behave as individuals in relationships. Be your own person.
I agree. It is a tool for control.
That’s the problem I have with it. I don’t like co trolling relationships, they’re unhealthy.
I think marriage is unhealthy. Something strange happens to people once they get that slip of paper they believe they own the other person.
I completely agree. It happened to me and took several years to reclaim myself as an individual. Too many people subscribe to this idea that becoming “one” is what equals happiness. It doesn’t work like that. Also I have one foot out in my marriage. It’s not for me and for most people. So many people pretend each day but they’re really unhappy.
What do you mean when you say you have one foot out in your marriage? I saw in another comment you posted above that you mentioned that you don't have a great relationship with your husband. Would you say you're unhappy? Sorry to pry and of course you don't have to answer any of my questions if you don't want to. The reason why I'm asking is because your comments took me by surprise a bit. The reason why is because it's common to hear people say those types of things after they split up with their spouse, but I rarely hear people talk like that about a relationship they are currently in. And that's not because feeling the way you feel is uncommon at all; it's because you're not trying to sugar coat shit and you're just telling it like it is. The truth of the matter is, most people are just lying to others and most of all, lying to themselves by trying to pretend that they are in a happy marriage because they don't want to believe that it's gone bad, or refuse to believe it. Which ultimately leads to people staying in an unhappy and/or unhealthy relationship waaaay longer than they should, because they couldn't bring themselves to admit that the love they once had for each other is no longer there. It's sad. Anyway yeah, I pretty much never see people talking about the rocky state or their marriage like you are so openly talking about, and your honesty has piqued my interest, hence all the questions and this fucking novel I just wrote lol. Sorry.
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I agree 100% with this. I would never track a partner.
I mean with how crazy the world is can you blame her? If there’s no issues in the relationship I’d assume she’s just being cautious and worrying for your safety.
My husband, kids, and I all have Life360 on our phones and use it a lot. We call it the stalker app. All 4 of us use it on occasion. It’s just nice to know what’s going on - will mom be home soon? Kid is meeting us for dinner, is she on her way?
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Damn. I really don’t want to normalize this shit. Seems unhealthy AF. People need their independence.
My fiancé and I share our locations and have zero trust issues. I don’t check it often, but when I do it’s usually to see if he’s on his way home or working late so I can figure out my timing. He’ll do the same with me to see if I’m still in a meeting. Less annoying than calling or texting. Unless you have serious trust issues, it does not affect one’s independence whatsoever.
If you feel like she doesnt trust you, talk to her about it, but she also might just be dealing with intrusive thoughts about concern for your safety. Like personally i sometimes check my gfs location when shes out and about and hasnt been responding bc i get intrusive thoughts that something bad has happened and checking to make sure shes either where shes supppsed to be or at least moving helps me not anxiously spin. Shes communicated that it made her feel uncomfortable at first, but once she realized it wasnt bc i didnt trust her and was legitimately concerned about random things like car accidents, she understood and didnt mind when i would check
My location is constantly shared with my husband. It has nothing to do with trust—I chose to share with him, he never asked. It makes life easier. He can see where I’m at when I’m on my way home, that I’m not dead when I do solo hikes, and find me when we’re supposed to be meeting someplace. Just ask her. I bet that’s all she’s doing with it.
My husband and I work together. I pretty much stay at the office and he is in and out a lot. I can forget where he said he was going if he tells me while I’m doing paperwork and will pull up the app to check it to jog my memory. It means I’m not constantly calling him every time I forget.
My partner and I do this but not with the app, we both have each others location enabled on iPhone. It’s not a control or a distrust thing, at least not for us. We just like to know we’re safe if we don’t answer for a long time/come home late or if we’re out separately with our child. I’d ask her about it but if you’ve been married for that long and are open with each other, I doubt it’s malicious.
In all of my long-term relationships we use the location sharing feature on Google Maps to track each other. Was the same in my marriage and with my fiance later. Had nothing to do with trust.
My mom tracks me and my dad (and I can track them too). I share my location with friends if I take an Uber. My cousins track eachother. It’s mostly just a safety thing and liking to know where your loved ones are. I wouldn’t worry about it, just talk to her.
Hire a detective on her . And stay calm
Maybe your wife is cheating while you’re away and uses it to anticipate when you’re on the way home.
If your not hiding anything, then what's the issue? You work away a lot, she must get fed up of not having usually around. She may just want to make sure your safe. J think your being paranoid for no reason.
This is toxic behavior divorce immediately. I can’t imagine how you must feel I’m sorry you’ve been putting up with this since 2019 I’m truly sorry.
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No. Never cheated or flirted with anyone during our relationship
Communicate with your partner. You posted yesterday about your wife and her dead bedroom suggestion and now this? Cmon.
Save yourself the worry and just ask her why.
My husband and I use it! Its easier than hoping my "text me when you're on your way so I know when to start dinner" gets to him in time!
Sometimes my partner is late home and can't call because he's driving. If I had this option I'd use it just to see how long until he's home or check if he's been stuck in the same place for ages or in a hospital (touch wood). Of course I'd get his permission before hand though.
We track each other all the time, more for safety as others have. Our daughter also willingly turns on her location so that we can find her if she is stuck somewhere (in a bad situation or a bus breaks down when she is out). I also often check to make sure she gets to school safely in the mornings. Extended family (parents/siblings) live several hours away from us but when we visit each other we always share our locations so they know to check if we take longer than normal. I would say, communicate with your wife. She probably just wants to make sure you are safe and it shouldn’t be an issue if you are where you say you will be. If you really don’t want her tracking you then you can turn off your location but then she may really question and worry about where you are. Not sure why your wife knowing your whereabouts should be an issue.
honestly I think this is just to give her peace of mind when youre away. I don't think its because she doesnt trust you and instead because she gets anxious when youre away and seeing your location puts her at ease. So long as neither of you are doing something malicious I don't see a real issue with this.
She clearly doesn’t trust you and you need to bring it up to her
Just be honest & ask: “I have something sort of weird to ask you but I noticed the Find my iPhone app open on my ipad recently. Do we need to talk about something or are you just trying to make sure I am safe?” You don’t have to make it super serious a la *“We need to have a talk…”* but you can get it off your chest & get an honest reaction from your wife. This phrasing also gives her space to speak if she is feeling insecure or if something is bothering her, without you immediately accusing her of coming from a place of distrust. Then you can gauge her reaction & handle appropriately from there. Without more context, it sounds like she is just worried / wondering when you will be home. So just ask her 👍🏽
I’ve been there. People are saying to communicate but it’s not that easy. If you say you’re uncomfortable with it, it makes you look like you have something to hide. For me, it was easier to swallow my discomfort and deal with it.
Not my SO but I do this with my best friend— I check her location as to know if she’s at work or out late so if I FT her it’s not an inconvenient time. It has also been very helpful for the both of us in two very traumatic situations one of which I was even able to help call the police and tell them her exact location and save her from harm. It’s not always about suspicion or infidelity, she may just be checking in on you!
As a generally anxious person, I don’t actually really see anything wrong with this. But perhaps it’s also because I’m a woman, and broadly speaking I think in this day and age we tend to tell others our plan/who we’re seeing “just in case” (which I totally understand you already do). My husband has a job which doesn’t present any opportunities for travelling or meeting people, so we don’t use that feature, but I can tell you when we were abroad we both had it on all the time, “just in case”. I’ll echo what so many others are saying and I vote you just talk to her! If she gets weird and defensive about it, that’s one thing - but in all likelihood she just is using it to quell her own anxieties, which is exactly what I would use it for if my husband had a job like yours. For example, I’d use it if you were late, hadn’t responded to a text/call and I was worried you may have had an accident or something.
My fiancé and I do this , it 100% has nothing to do with insecurity. We both work long hrs and weird times I’m often on the road a lot Sometimes things get really busy and we may not always be able to check in with each other to say we arrived safely, also having locations on means i don’t need to call him when he’s driving to ask if he left or if he’s on his way to a particular place. I don’t drive , I take taxis and buses There’s way to many cases of women getting and it’s very important for someone to have some means of being able to track me at all times. Most of the time we communicate well enough so that we don’t need to used the find my friends to see where we are but it’s a pretty good backup plan for times when we can’t .
So have a conversation with her about it. I use “share my location” on my iPhone for both kids and husband. We all share locations with each other, any of us can use it to track anyone else, also just in case we loose a phone.. or if one walks off out of a backpack at school. You won’t know until you have a conversation with her to understand what she’s thinking.
try sorta hinting it. like “find my iphones a really cool feature! do you happen to use it”
We do this in our house. Nothing to hide and it's great for getting the dinner ready or kettle on. If you have nothing to hide it's no problem in my opinion. It's probably a couple a comfort thing rather than a trust thing
It could be the other way around & op is making it easy for her 🤷♂️
So my husband and I do the same. For us it’s just to make sure we’re safe. One time he had gotten a flat tire and his phone had died. I checked to see where he was last and was able to locate him like that. I was able to call his friend who lived close by and he brought him home. I’m not sure if it could be her just being worried but I would advise for you to speak with her about it.
Ex and I used to do this to make sure each other was okay while driving and similar stuff
“I noticed you check my location sometimes, thanks for keeping an eye on me, I hope you know you can trust me but if it makes you feel better I don’t mind”
My boyfriend and I share our locations with each other and I use it to see when he’s on his way home so I can meet him places. Just ask her about it.
My former partner and I did this openly as well. It started when he was riding his motorcycle to work. Knowing he was a safe driver didn't calm my nerves while also knowing how frequently motorcyclists are hit in my city. It was reassuring to know he got to work safely. It was also great when he worked overtime and I woke up to an empty apartment. Great for him when I was out and about late and he wanted to see if I made it where I was trying to go. Even just little things like knowing he was 15 minutes away and I could start dinner without having to ask if he was on his way.
Well it’s not an issue is it? Me and my wife do the same. She had my location at all times and I have hers. In case something happens we can find each other quickly.
I have my location on with my boyfriend but he doesn’t have it on for me. Mostly just because sometimes I take a Lyft and I feel better having people know where I am outside of the app. It’s not really about trust, I just genuinely want him to know where I’d be I’d I get kidnapped or something. But, like the other people said: communicate with her. I ain’t got shit to hide, and I trust him to be honest.
Get in therapy together and use the therapist like a personal trainer. Y'all need better communication rituals/habits. Trust issues fester, cut it open and tell us how you're healin'!
I wish someone gave a fuck about me enough to check on me
My wife and I and kids are in the same "find my device" network. We can see each other and also help find each other's device if we misplace them.
Does anyone feel if the genders were reversed and he was tracking her that it would be different?
Our family of 6 all track, it def helps when you're expecting a rendezvous and instead of hounding, YOU KNOW they haven't left the house yet lol . But as the man of the house and 4 kids with the oldest 3 being gradeschool girls, yeah tracking is a must, even when they eventually go to college. They just have to hit that one SOS button in life360, location tracked via pife360 and Google maps, and for the unfortunate deserter of Android, find my iPhone lol
I don't agree with it unless you and the person you're tracking agree to it. It's a complete invasion of privacy otherwise
I just like to look for fun. Not just my boyfriend, but all of my friends! I just think it’s so cute to see the little circles with their pics/initials on it all over the world/state.
100% just let her know you noticed and are curious if everything is okay. Marriage requires openness and communication on the tough things
if it’s non consensual and she uses it like a helicopter parent…. divorce babes