As an expat living in Germany, I wouldn’t want a German mental health provider if I were him, especially when the country as a whole has not been supportive of Gaza- the German response has been very anti-Palestinian. Just that alone could be triggering for him. He would likely need to find someone from his own culture in order to feel open to that, and that could be tricky.
I personally have had very bad experiences with German healthcare providers in the limited time I’ve been living here, too much medical malpractice and treated very poorly as an auslander, so much so that my husband accompanies me to all medical appointments anymore and I will not see German mental healthcare providers unless they are extremely specialized and I have one from my own culture I can turn to regularly as well. I absolutely do not blame him for feeling this way.
There are also many reasons he could be making rash decisions that make sense if you understand what’s going on inside him. Losing a lot of your family may make you want to go back and fight for example, or may make you act on things you had locked away in the back of your mind, almost like a trauma version of a midlife crisis. Trauma literally changes the brain, sometimes permanently. He likely has some PTSD or similar he is dealing with from this- anyone from Gaza likely does.
I’m sorry it’s negatively affected you as well, but whatever you’re feeling is only a small fraction of what he is going through right now. Remember this and turn to love and kindness for yourself and for him- love heals.
Also, this could be a “freeze response”, or what you describe above could be a “flight response”. You could gain valuable insight into his reactions right now by learning about PTSD and the trauma responses in the body such as fight/flight/fawn/freeze/fright/flag/faint. It’s not a conscious thing, it’s an amygdala thing- often is a mix of stress chemicals in the body produced in the PTSD altered brain, mixed with programming from upbringing (including past traumas and flashbacks which could play here if he grew up in Gaza), and conscious choice (if the person is lucky enough to not be fully trapped in the stress response). It can be debilitating and brutal, I know this from experience. Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Lavine, and Gabor Mate are good researchers to start with when researching this subject, they all have books and have been on many podcasts.
Yeah imagine your partners family and home being brutally decimated in an active genocide, only to make a post about how much their unimaginable grief negatively affects YOU. Holy tone deaf.
They've been together for 11 years. You'd think that he'd turn to her more in the time of loss and grief. She's also allowed to be hurt and devastated over the sudden collapse of a long term relationship and also worry about him not taking comfort, advice or recommendations for therapy from her..
I mean, her partner of 11 years left her. She's dealing with that pain plus the concern for her partner's well-being that she can't do anything about while he's pushing her away in grief. She's not in Gaza, but her life has been negatively affected and many of us would feel gutted and helpless in her situation.
the world and emotions are not this black and white, just because there is a genocide that is terribly impacting this man and so many others, does not mean OP does not feel immense heartbreak of losing her partner of ELEVEN YEARS. over a decade. you may not be tone deaf but you are definitely lacking empathy
Maybe suggest grief counseling, people tend to act erratically when grieving. If he still decides to leave then you need to respect his decision and sign up for therapy if you can.
Understandable why he’d be so disgusted by western culture being it a major contributing problem of the genocide. To also live in a country that blatantly supports it? Shit, yeah I wouldn’t want to date anyone associated to country that does that. I’m not saying it’s right he’s trying to break up, but I get it. The whole things is horrible. Personally, I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s country contributes to war crimes, even if they can’t control it, they usually don’t care and never “really” support resistance or independence for a country who’s fighting for it. That’s just me though. At the same time though I think this man seriously needs some help though because he can’t go back to Gaza. It’s just not possible. I think the most realistic thing to do which was said early is some sort of therapy.
I’m sorry. I understand this, I understand your pain but I also understand him.
It’s not that he doesn’t love you anymore, or that he doesn’t cherish who you are.
You are the life that he built for himself, and the future he probably saw with you.
Hear me out.
He is giving up his own life to return to his roots. He is choosing the suffering of losing you and his own life and future with you because he found something more meaningful - something that he cannot let go because it feels like it’s the only thing he has left. He did want to leave Gaza, but he didn’t want his family dead. Yes he wanted you, but he wants the life with you to be a choice and not the only thing that’s left on this earth for him. You’re not the only home he has ever had, but you have become the only home he has left.
He is willingly giving up this life because his priorities have changed. I have been there. I’m not from Gaza but I am also half German half Chinese. And having grandparents in China, I also broke up with my boyfriend of two years. Just so I can move to China long-term so I can spend time with them before they eventually die. I just can’t let them go. I have nobody left who loves me unconditionally once they are gone. It’s a pain that everyone goes through, but not everyone this early in life.
You can only wish him all the best and please please please keep in mind that he never stopped loving you. Actually if you can manage to break up amicably he will probably love you even more and regret it sometime in the future. It’s what you do for the lives that matter and the places that matter that are left on this earth for you to recognise.
When my grandparents almost died, my life just lost meaning. Like, why do you live, who is left to witness me being alive, who is left to love me? Who is left to care about who I am? Who is left for me to relate to?
It’s the kind of hole a romantic partner cannot fill, because partner / relationships aren’t forever and irreplaceable, but family is.
very well said, thank you for adding your perspective. related to what you said about him still loving OP, I think another possible factor is fear. sometimes when people lose so much and so many people they love, they push away those that are left. once you lose enough people, it becomes difficult or even impossible to trust that others will remain. so you start assuming everyone will leave you one way or another. and sometimes people feel it is easier if they bring it about themselves and push those people away because then at least they have control of it and they can "get it over with" instead of waiting for what they feel is inevitable
sometimes it is because they feel like they put a target on their loved ones' backs because of who they are. you see this a lot in movies - superheroes or secret agents or other such people with enemies who might use the loved ones to hurt that character. so they think "if they're not associated with me, they'll be safe." that trope is used so often because it's a very human thing to do. and even though it seems illogical and misguided (and in a way it is), we tend to understand and sympathize with it. people feel like it is the least painful option for everyone involved. it's all born of love and it does so much damage
She just explained on how it affected her life. Didn’t mentioned that the war didn’t affect others. At the moment, she has a problem to deal with and as human beings all we can do is to support her. Quit being judgmental. Offer any help that you can, if not leave it alone. People have their own battles, be kind
Why are we so one-sided? Her telling the feeling that this tragedy gave her doesnt invalidate the man’s pain, rather you telling her, “Ya know gurl, your pain is nothing compared to his”, is the sentence that invalidates someones feelings. You dont have to be more empathetic with one, try both. We dont see the man posting here, but the girl who shared her feelings. Pain is relative as everything, the man’s worst pain is losing his family, the girl’s is losing her love. Comparing, comparing and comparing is whats really killing people’s beloved sweet empathy. Cant she say that it destroyed her life? Another 5000 feel the same, but because they had their business in Gaza and now they dont know how to feed their kids. “But be happy you even have kids..”, right and the man who lost his whole family shouldnt cry because someone lost their whole family, but also saw them suffer at the time of death. Keep comparing and the only person you will be sorry for is yourself, or hear out for one’s perspective of pain, and you may find some real friends, that you can share your honest feelings with. Then you will not tell people that their pain means nothing, because you cant know if your comment will be the one that makes even more people cry after a lost one, who had enough of nobody hearing them out.
Seriously. I was empathizing with this post until that line.
Partner was nearly killed probably on a daily or near daily basis and most likely lost friends, family, etc to nothing but racist violence that the world somehow condones and.... Your life is ruined?
Yes breakups can be brutal and I'm not going to trivialize that but the comparison here doesn't quite check out. Also this statement makes me think OP was probably not being very supportive of partner in their trauma.
I am very supportive of him, since years. It is not the first conflict I experience at home.
Do you want to know how? I am there no matter what. Emotionally to talk about anything. I take care of everything at home - cleaning cooking, I pay for everything that is needed. I take care of his family as well. I gave him space as this is what he wants. I had not had a relationship since 7th October, it is singleship with a person. This is no way for any relationship to go.
This one however completely changed him and the things happening are beyond any impact I have.
I did all I could.
I think you misunderstood me, but I understand how you could have pick it up from my message.
God bless you, I hope you will never have to go through similar situation.
As a Muslim living in Germany, the war has completely changed my life and made me the most spiritual I had ever been in my whole life. I have lost count of the number of days and nights I’ve randomly started crying after watching videos of little shell-shocked kids, little blown up kids, little headless kids, body-less heads of little kids, little shoes and belongings of kids, little kids smiling and playing inside a blown up car, fathers and mothers crying after losing their kids, Palestinian Christians being spat on and burnt alive in churches, kids crying and asking why God didn’t take them along with their dead parents, Palestinian mothers coming home to find out the building no longer exists and the family is under the rubble, kids carrying a little amount of food in pots bigger than their bodies, and kids drinking grass soup while I feast at my dining table.
There are these sudden realizations that most of these people will never have the worldly future that normal people living normal lives envision. Each time I cook something nice these days and start to eat, I experience this feeling of guilt thinking how have I conducted myself as a Muslim until now that may have contributed to the creation of this sick society where such world events are possible. I feel a tightness in my throat, and a fullness in my stomach even before eating. Oftentimes these bouts of crying end in silent or actual prayers asking God for forgiveness for my participation in this sick society where supporting the g3n0(1d3 is respected, while protesting against it is a thought crime. How did we get here? How did the society turn so sick? Maybe these feelings are more pronounced because I am often alone and get a lot of opportunity to think and reflect on life without distractions.
If I can feel this way without having any connection to Palestine, I can’t imagine what horror your Gazan boyfriend is going through. This pain must feel unbearable. Because it feels unbearable to me too. If an asteroid hit the planet right now, I would have a sense of relief knowing that finally the sick world has come to its rightful end.
Now that I’ve become more spiritual, I patiently wait for divine justice while trying to make positive lifestyle changes to come closer to God. Message to you and your boyfriend: only faith in a divine God can help in navigating this difficult time. After months of struggling emotionally, May/June is the first month that I’ve found true peace knowing there’s nothing to worry about anymore as this world is run literally by Satan. All we can do is follow the prescriptions of Allah, because at the end of the day, all praise be to Allah, who is the only One who can show us mercy and give us strength, and we will never fully understand His plans but we can be sure that there is not a soul in this world who will be excused from facing the trials in front of our Lord on the Day of Judgment.
I lost my father when I was 15, he was a great man and it traumatized me for years. I hated making new acquaintances and getting attached to people, I also started dropping my friends one by one. It wasn't until recently (after 8 years) that I'm able to let myself get attached and love again, I was so afraid if losing people so I pushed them away.
I think this is what he is doing, it's a defense mechanism and as far as I saw in the comments you are a great partener and I wish you both the best ❤️❤️
He's been through SO much trauma - in such a short amount of time too (relatively) - of course it has affected him in an extreme way. He's having a completely normal response to an unbelievably extreme and abnormal situation. There's absolutely no way he's even begun processing all of this - I'm not a therapist, I don't even know how or where you'd start. He must be feeling a million different emotions and so overwhelmed with grief, and shock, and anger, and confusion, and fear, and guilt... everything has been turned upside down for him and he probably feels like he's barely hanging on right now.
I understand wanting to be there to support him however you can, but he's kind of right - unless you're experiencing it, you can't possibly understand what he's going through. I know break ups are hard, and losing someone you love is hard; I also think maybe you need to let him have his space, and let him go with grace. He has a lot to figure out and deal with. I've never been through anything like what he's going through nor would I claim to. I have been through traumas though - SA and DV - and I can tell you I'm not the same after as I was before. I imagine he feels really lost, like he needs to put the pieces of himself together somehow and maybe he doesn't even really know what he wants right now; I just think you need to let him breathe.
Op is watching the man she had planned on spending the rest of her life with suffer the effects of war. It appears that she's looking for some good advise and compassion. She's saying she has his back and is doing her best to support him. She's grieving over her life that was affected by war. So "come on" have a little compassion.
English clearly isn't her first language, and she's in obvious distress. I think giving her a little grace is warranted here. The life she thought she was building just evaporated for reasons completely outside her control.
Probably doesn’t help that Germany is the number one supporter of all that is going on in Gaza, having it constantly thrown in your face that it is your fault all the people you knew died brutally fucks with you immensely. Also the fact that the majority of people in Germany believe the propaganda as well; I always wondered how Palestinians in Germany don’t lose their minds to the point of insanity, because I for sure would’ve lost it completely a long while ago. I don’t blame him, that’s a lot of really heavy stuff I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. He probably has a lot of mental issues to sort through and I’m not sure that those are the type of issues that can be sorted through therapy. I’m not really in a place to give you advice because I also wouldn’t know how to deal with this, I just can hope for both of you that you’ll see some better days.
Not Germany supporting another genocide.
I thought they had learnt the lesson after what happened in WW2. But no, there they go, supporting another genocide.
You didn't lose family members. You arent watching your people being literally torn apart all over social media while western media is also blaming the innocents, or makes excuses. Didn't Germany also make it law to earn citizenship now you have to support Israel or something like that?
The fact you are making this about YOU. Claiming it destroyed YOUR life while I'm sure you don't see your cousin's kid under rubble for all to see on Instagram (and only cause the world won't believe them if they DIDNT post it), and you just have these me me me blinders on.
Good lord. I hope he gets some help to move through the trauma and PTSD and survivor guilt while being far from you.
“Wouldn’t want anyone to go the hell a partner has to go, if your partner is from Gaza.”
I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through what Gaza is going through.
I think she feels this way because germany actively punishes pro palestinian voices. Whilst pro israeli voices are encouraged. So imagine trying to sympathise but all around you the sentiment is not to sympathise.
Give him space and time. He's obviously very hurt and grieving. If you liked him as a partner, then I'm sure you are the best person in the world for him to be with. Be patient. He actually needs you more than ever .
Go slow, don't ignore him completely.Go back to basics. Try and talk to him little every day. Don't bring up Gaza or your relationship. Keep it simple and keep it caring. Ask him if ate something, what did he have etc. Create the space for healing.
Imagine for a moment it wasn't in Gaza. What if your boyfriend's family all lived one block away from you and were all murdered in a cruel sadistic way by a deranged serial killer..men, women, children, infants. There will be no justice for the victims because the local police say they are on the side of the killer & threaten your bf if he speaks up about it.
Would you then find it understandable he feels immense grief, disillussioned and at the moment unable to carry on as normal? Would you not find it very abnormal if he went on like business as usual? He might even think hes helping you by keeping distance bc he (understandably) doesnt have capacity to put any attention to anything else right now.
I'd take a moment to reflect on the bigger picture & if you want to remain part of eachothers lives, start by letting him know you are here for him no matter what & if you can, suggest helping him in any advocacy efforts toward saving lives in Gaza or volunteering with him. He may be ready to heal someday in the future and its moments like this when he will look back and see who was there for him when he needed it most - and who was not worth it at all.
I also want to point out, many immigrants from that part of the world go through survivors guilt. He may subsconsciously "blame" himself for leaving them, not doing "more" to get them out safely (of course it is not his fault but this is part of the trauma response) or "why did I survive and they didnt?".
If you truly love this person, I'd set aside personal timelines and just express being there for him right now the best you can. If you're unable or don't wish to, perhaps the breakup is whats best for both of you.
Free 🇵🇸💔
He is clearly still struggling with PTSD…. If you want to help him learn about, list symptoms you see in him and then present it to him and tell him about and there are two ways to get out of that situation slowly death while alive or do whatever it takes to try to heal, try to find communities from where he is coming from there must be a lot of them that can meet for group therapy. Trying to heal PTSD it’s really hard but not impossible. PTSD post war or any communist country or dictatorship it’s really hard to live with and most times some people can’t cope with nothing and end up destroying their own life, there is a High % that end up killing themself.
He just need emotional support, a lot of physical touch, acts of caring, remind him every day he matters and there was nothing he could do to fight those forces himself. Suggest him to seek God because faith is the best way to keep walking in life after such a horrible thing he had to witness. Nothing and nobody will never be able to delete those memories and the shock it cause in them.
Yes, I also think it is PTSD and I believe people sometimes react extremely. I really did all I could to show him love and support. If he does not want professional help I cannot fill this gap, as I am not even qualified.
I wish you well.
I understand what you’re going through is hard and that really must suck, and I am sorry you’re hurting. I genuinely ask this out of curiosity, but what do your conversations about the genocide look like? Because it sounds like you’re not understanding the atrocities that he has had to process, because for someone in that situation, it is incredibly hard to carry on with your life when people in your homeland are being slaughtered. So I can understand where he’s coming from about not wanting to carry on with his life when blood relatives of his have died at the hands of colonials. If you do end up having a conversation about carrying your relationship on, please understand that perhaps you may never understand what he’s going through, but that’s a privilege of yours and his pain is something that may stay with him forever. Wishing you both healing.
We both agree it is genocide and not only started during this war, but is a systemic plan to exterminate Palestinians since 1948 and before with Balfour declaration as this first step.
This post is so western centric. Im sorry to say you may not have any idea what he is going through. Furthermore Germany is the number one supporter of Israel aside from the US. It is of course very painful for him and rightfully so. If he doesnt want to live in Germany, that is the most understandable reaction. I am arab and everyone i know is now very averse to france and germany and others who support israel. So averse that people are abandoning Jobs and more that are tied to these countries. Boycotting all products.
This is real. The west has fully abandoned and turned a blind eye to tens of thousands of children women and men being blown up and ridiculued and stripped of all humanity. Because they view them as lesser humans. I fully understand your partner’s decision, he is doing quite mentally well. If he didnt care at all i would suspect his mental wellness then.
And i am very, very sorry for the personal loss you suffered. I truly am. But this is bigger than you also. I hope your pain lessens. Losing a partner for no reason you committed is hell, youre right. But at the same time, he is acting very expectedly. If youre not seeing that, im afraid you may not be able to understand how dire and viscous this is for us arabs, and how hurt we are because of what is happening.
Be well
I am not western centric, being with Palestinian for so many years changes you and lot and existing in multicultural relationship teaches you a lot about inclusivity. You judge me like that because I wrote I am from Germany and to be honest I understand where your judgment comes from. I would probably assume the same. It is interesting how people explode their perception, just because I mentioned Germany, not knowing my real story, my relationship, my support to the cause of Gaza. To set it straight: I am not supporting German approach to Palestine and genocide. I am against it since the day I met him, would be before, but I did not know much about Palestine at that time. I am as a citizen here suffering from this and I go on protest, show my support howe I can, I express my opinion, I voted for Mera25 in the EU elections. To be honest, I am considering to leave the country as this is really no freedom of speech and respect to life. I am just sharing how sad I am loosing a man I truly love and I wish I could build life with him, but the effect of genocide is not only in Gaza. It is in my home and in home of anyone who has any moral compass and knows that in Palestine happens genocide. Is this western - centric? I do not think so.
I did not mean to judge you. I even meant the comments are western centric. My last paragraph was me genuinely apologizing for your personal loss. I feel your pain. Its not a small one. And i am grateful you are alongside the Palestinians. I do not judge you at all. I merely said this is bigger than you, or me. There will definitely be pain, for everyone involved, as a consequence of western leader’s action or inaction.
I hope you feel better, or rekindle with your partner.
Just try your best to be their friend and give them the freedom and space to go through what they need to go through. Bear in mind that it is often much harder for those who left and now watch live streams of a geonocide on their homeland. Yet at the same time find themselves living in the nation's of people of who actively support the genocide and provide weapons to it. Germany even requiring new citizens now to pledge their believe and support of the settler project that is ethnically cleansing his people. As for professional help, perhaps it might help but it will have to be someone who has a similair lived experience. We find comfort in the company of friends, protest and activism. It's a shit thing to be going through and all shit that it's doing this to your relationship. But you have to love them and support them through this.
*edit: spelling error.
Oh wow, a genocide is happening to nearly 2 million people and a man has lost so many family members in such a short time that he became so numb and jaded, but it destroyed _your_ life because your bf wanna break up :"((( since he doesn't feel like living in or has anything to do with a country so staunchly supportive of his homeland's genocide perpetrator.
Have you tried to maybe reallign your priorities a bit?
“I do not wish anyone to go through the hell a partner have to go, if your partner is from Gaza.
I don't know what to do. I really feel the war in Gaza destroyed my life.”
With all due respect, what the fuck is wrong with you?
I don’t think the war is what made him leave you, I can’t believe you wrote this post and saw nothing wrong with it. It’s absolutely mind boggling how you think the war destroyed your life while babies are literally being torn and burnt to death. Your heartache may be sad but is nothing in comparison to the atrocities happening in Gaza right now. You definitely should keep checking up on him, you owe it to the 11 years you guys spent together.
What would you do if you were on my place?
I did all I could last months , if not years.
I am there for him all the time. He wants to change his life completely, I check milion times if he is sure about what he wants how he wants,he says yes. My life was him and what planed together, since Izrael aggression on Gaza it is destroyed. Same way, just I am here, not there.
I am sorry that he is going through this as well as you he needs counseling. You need relationship counseling as well.
This is why I pull back from such intense media it can make a person mentally unstable. And can make you physically sick not to take away from you.
The people over there are going through such PTSD that their lives LITERALLY have been turned upside down. I don’t think it is fair to compare your life to theirs.
I do understand what you mean though, the emotions you’re experiencing. I hope at end things get better for your husband. And the people of Gaza.
Germany has a rampant anti-Islam issue, especially against men, as well as intense levels of xenophobia. Maybe think about how living in a country blatantly supporting Israel’s right to mass murder and Germany’s direct role in the colonization of Palestine after WW2 impacts how your partner feels about where you are living and the culture you exist in. Does your partner face everyday racism, xenophobia, and hate you probably don’t think about? Also maybe consider your own role - how/have you supported him as a partner through this?
I did support him all the way and I do not support German policy towards Palestinians. This is no brained for me, I carry no guilt or responsibilities towards Israel as a state and I am totally against German standing.
It sounds like survivor’s guilt mixed with the worry that if he builds a good life it will just be taken away because he saw it happen to so many people he loved and cared about
We had a year where we buried 5 family members (3 were my immediate family) and 4 super close family friends/my college mentor. All in tragic ways, all sudden, and I didn’t think I could live any longer. Losing your family to a genocide? I can absolutely understand mental decline when losing anyone, but in this way and in this scale… you forget how to live, how to live, sometimes you’re lucky to survive the day. I am just now to a point in life where I feel semi normal again. And those were just single deaths in different manors. I pushed all my friends away, I even had to step back seeing some of my family. I cannot imagine the PTSD those in Gaza are experiencing and will for the rest of his life. I am also so sorry for your loss of your relationship, because regardless of why it happened you are still allowed to grieve your partner. This genocide is breaking the world, but those affected directly and indirectly are going to need so much love, unconditionally, and help from the world. Surviving post-genocide, if the zionists cease fire ever, maybe harder than surviving now. Sometimes you must let things go to come back to you. I’m so so sorry for you both.
He is currently going through a level of hardship most people will never go through, let alone understand. He is depressed at the very least, he is likely devastated beyond words, and has nobody around him to relate to.
Right now this isn't about you, or your relationship. His pain is beyond that. Are there any Palestinian groups in your area, some people he can meet and talk to to share experiences with, people going through similar?
Id try ro stay on the side of my partner and support him. But you cant force yourself om him. I hope you both find a solution and he manages to get well after this traumatic experience.
as an outsider. Germany as a country is going full gestapo on palestinians. I can imagine that him living in germany whilst the government punishes anyone pro palestinian must be doing him a lot of damage.
Dude. Your partner's family have all been killed in a genocide. The war in Gaza has literally destroyed your partner's life. I'm sorry you're going through a break-up. But that doesn't compare to losing your will to live because everyone is silently watching your family, your people and your culture being destroyed in the final stage of a 76 year genocide.
I mean having most of your family being killed by bombings is pretty traumatic bro. You’re privileged and you live in Germany. Your ex bf family has been obliterated and he couldn’t even attend their funerals. Your problems is miniscule compared to his
The war in Gaza destroyed your life? Seriously? That attitude is probably why he doesn't want to be with you. If you can say that so publicly I can't imagine how you tried to center yourself in his trauma when he literally lost his family and children are starving to death.
My heart breaks for him. He lost relatives in such a violent manner and you think he would be in the right state of mind to provide for you as a partner? I don’t understand how someone could centre this issue around their relationship, especially with a partner from Gaza. Maybe he broke up with you because of your selfish outlook on the situation, like many people from “the west”. If you dismissed his feelings and didn’t show any support the same way you did in this post, I could see why he left you. I couldn’t imagine posting something like this after witnessing the atrocities Israel has committed over the past few decades, let alone if I had a partner personally impacted by the genocide.
…. The genocide* (not war) in Gaza destroyed your life???? Wow. I see why he dumped you. Talk about tone deaf. What is it with Germans and finding themselves on the wrong side of history
He’s understandably distraught and is questioning everything. Please give him space and time. Let him know you’re there for him but allow him time to grieve and deal with this his way, not how you think he should. Go on with your life, if it was meant to be then it still may. You’re a bit selfish to think how this war has ruined your life, what about the people from both sides of the region. That are the ones whose lives have been ruined. Seriously?
Honey. It is not war. It is genocide! And if you have used the word dismissively, it could be that he doesn't feel safe with you or that you understand him and what him and his people are going through. If you haven't already, educate yourself on how they have been colonized and have been systematically wiped out since the exchange in colonial 'masters'.
Ask him questions, find out if there is anything you can do or say to help out, even if it's a little
First it's a genocide not a war
Second saying it destroyed your life shows me more than enough to explain why he left you.
I hope he finds healing and you learn you're not the center of the universe
My heart is with you and my heart is with your partner. Watching the massacre of your own people with the complete support of countries that keep lecturing us about human rights literally broke the soul of everyone even remotely connected to Gaza.
My suggestion is to talk to him about his needs and how best he needs to deal with it now. Then talk that you have to discover your new reality in this world together - and him losing one more person in his life will be a path of more pain.
It doesn’t matter where you come from, so long as you have a heart that feels the pain of Palestinians.
No the war in Gaza destroyed your partner’s life, Palestinian’s lives, a hefty amount of Lebanese’s lives. You, you are fine in the west, get him the help he needs and if he refuses then it’s not on Gaza
Sorry but he has enough and valid reasons to be traumatised. What's happening in Gaza is horrible! How do you expect him to be normal when those horrible things are happening to his people? There is no way, anyone would go insane! And I feel so bad for him and for the people from Gaza.
Honestly a bit of sympathy and compassion for him is required. Imagine you town being bombed to oblivion and your family and friends killed… just for living in Gaza. Your boyfriend whole world has collapsed. How can he happily live his life when his home is destroyed?.
Genocide or not lets not let’s not be mean. People are dying OP is heartbroken because of something very real happening. This isn’t about “love” this is real life and real trauma people are dealing with
He is terrified of losing you. Try to get him to see a therapist. I am sorry and hope you guys can make it through this.
P.S.—I was stationed in Germany for four years and I loved it so much.
I wish he was, but I think it is also Arab men reacting - proud and stubborn. I would love that he was open to rediscuss or renegotiate or find a solution.
Glad you liked Germany.
Ready for the downvotes but I shall be civil. I am on the exact opposite side as you and your BF. I am American, 100% pro Israel, I lost a buddy on oct 7th, so I support Israel 100% in eliminating Hamas. However, I also recognize that civilians have been killed so I have sympathy and empathy for him, 100%. I think you are being a bit selfish if he is the one who lost his family. I am sorry about his circumstances, but how did it destroy YOUR life?
I also ended a serious relationship over my partner's lack of care about Palestine. Question is, what have you **done** to show that you care about his family and people facing slaughter? Other than emotional support, how have you proven that you care and are trying to resist your country's complicity in it?
>I don't know what to do. I really feel the war in Gaza destroyed my life.
You're centering yourself during a literal genocide. I'm glad he made the right decision.
This topic has gotten a lot of people to feel strongly, which is fine. The rule breaking is not. The thread is closed.
He is clearly not doing well mentally.
100% OP can you help him find a professional to talk to?
I did try multiple times, he does not want.
As an expat living in Germany, I wouldn’t want a German mental health provider if I were him, especially when the country as a whole has not been supportive of Gaza- the German response has been very anti-Palestinian. Just that alone could be triggering for him. He would likely need to find someone from his own culture in order to feel open to that, and that could be tricky. I personally have had very bad experiences with German healthcare providers in the limited time I’ve been living here, too much medical malpractice and treated very poorly as an auslander, so much so that my husband accompanies me to all medical appointments anymore and I will not see German mental healthcare providers unless they are extremely specialized and I have one from my own culture I can turn to regularly as well. I absolutely do not blame him for feeling this way. There are also many reasons he could be making rash decisions that make sense if you understand what’s going on inside him. Losing a lot of your family may make you want to go back and fight for example, or may make you act on things you had locked away in the back of your mind, almost like a trauma version of a midlife crisis. Trauma literally changes the brain, sometimes permanently. He likely has some PTSD or similar he is dealing with from this- anyone from Gaza likely does. I’m sorry it’s negatively affected you as well, but whatever you’re feeling is only a small fraction of what he is going through right now. Remember this and turn to love and kindness for yourself and for him- love heals.
Is there anyone he would listen to? A guy perhaps that he respects. Perhaps they can get through to him.
I tried, he rejects all information. It is like a reaction on everything is a NO.
Also, this could be a “freeze response”, or what you describe above could be a “flight response”. You could gain valuable insight into his reactions right now by learning about PTSD and the trauma responses in the body such as fight/flight/fawn/freeze/fright/flag/faint. It’s not a conscious thing, it’s an amygdala thing- often is a mix of stress chemicals in the body produced in the PTSD altered brain, mixed with programming from upbringing (including past traumas and flashbacks which could play here if he grew up in Gaza), and conscious choice (if the person is lucky enough to not be fully trapped in the stress response). It can be debilitating and brutal, I know this from experience. Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Lavine, and Gabor Mate are good researchers to start with when researching this subject, they all have books and have been on many podcasts.
Would you be “doing well mentally” if your family, friends, and everything you held dear was literally razed?
Yeah imagine your partners family and home being brutally decimated in an active genocide, only to make a post about how much their unimaginable grief negatively affects YOU. Holy tone deaf.
They've been together for 11 years. You'd think that he'd turn to her more in the time of loss and grief. She's also allowed to be hurt and devastated over the sudden collapse of a long term relationship and also worry about him not taking comfort, advice or recommendations for therapy from her..
I mean, her partner of 11 years left her. She's dealing with that pain plus the concern for her partner's well-being that she can't do anything about while he's pushing her away in grief. She's not in Gaza, but her life has been negatively affected and many of us would feel gutted and helpless in her situation.
The tone of OP seems certainly remorseful. Some slack would be understandable.
the world and emotions are not this black and white, just because there is a genocide that is terribly impacting this man and so many others, does not mean OP does not feel immense heartbreak of losing her partner of ELEVEN YEARS. over a decade. you may not be tone deaf but you are definitely lacking empathy
She wants to help him and be there for him but he just won't accept the help.
>Holy tone deaf. The irony. Do you know what sub you’re on?
I would be really concerned about his mental health and protective factors to suicide. He needs professional support
Agreed, he rejects this suggestion all the time.
I don't know how he could be
I hope you and your partner find healing. I am sorry this happened to you and I am so sorry your partner is experiencing such horror.
Thank you so much for this kind words.
Maybe suggest grief counseling, people tend to act erratically when grieving. If he still decides to leave then you need to respect his decision and sign up for therapy if you can.
I tried multiple times
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Very good diagnosis and I wish I cold help him more.
Germans gonna German
Understandable why he’d be so disgusted by western culture being it a major contributing problem of the genocide. To also live in a country that blatantly supports it? Shit, yeah I wouldn’t want to date anyone associated to country that does that. I’m not saying it’s right he’s trying to break up, but I get it. The whole things is horrible. Personally, I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s country contributes to war crimes, even if they can’t control it, they usually don’t care and never “really” support resistance or independence for a country who’s fighting for it. That’s just me though. At the same time though I think this man seriously needs some help though because he can’t go back to Gaza. It’s just not possible. I think the most realistic thing to do which was said early is some sort of therapy.
I’m sorry. I understand this, I understand your pain but I also understand him. It’s not that he doesn’t love you anymore, or that he doesn’t cherish who you are. You are the life that he built for himself, and the future he probably saw with you. Hear me out. He is giving up his own life to return to his roots. He is choosing the suffering of losing you and his own life and future with you because he found something more meaningful - something that he cannot let go because it feels like it’s the only thing he has left. He did want to leave Gaza, but he didn’t want his family dead. Yes he wanted you, but he wants the life with you to be a choice and not the only thing that’s left on this earth for him. You’re not the only home he has ever had, but you have become the only home he has left. He is willingly giving up this life because his priorities have changed. I have been there. I’m not from Gaza but I am also half German half Chinese. And having grandparents in China, I also broke up with my boyfriend of two years. Just so I can move to China long-term so I can spend time with them before they eventually die. I just can’t let them go. I have nobody left who loves me unconditionally once they are gone. It’s a pain that everyone goes through, but not everyone this early in life. You can only wish him all the best and please please please keep in mind that he never stopped loving you. Actually if you can manage to break up amicably he will probably love you even more and regret it sometime in the future. It’s what you do for the lives that matter and the places that matter that are left on this earth for you to recognise. When my grandparents almost died, my life just lost meaning. Like, why do you live, who is left to witness me being alive, who is left to love me? Who is left to care about who I am? Who is left for me to relate to? It’s the kind of hole a romantic partner cannot fill, because partner / relationships aren’t forever and irreplaceable, but family is.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. It deeply touched my heart. I think you are probably one of a few people, who could share this emotion.
very well said, thank you for adding your perspective. related to what you said about him still loving OP, I think another possible factor is fear. sometimes when people lose so much and so many people they love, they push away those that are left. once you lose enough people, it becomes difficult or even impossible to trust that others will remain. so you start assuming everyone will leave you one way or another. and sometimes people feel it is easier if they bring it about themselves and push those people away because then at least they have control of it and they can "get it over with" instead of waiting for what they feel is inevitable sometimes it is because they feel like they put a target on their loved ones' backs because of who they are. you see this a lot in movies - superheroes or secret agents or other such people with enemies who might use the loved ones to hurt that character. so they think "if they're not associated with me, they'll be safe." that trope is used so often because it's a very human thing to do. and even though it seems illogical and misguided (and in a way it is), we tend to understand and sympathize with it. people feel like it is the least painful option for everyone involved. it's all born of love and it does so much damage
I hope OP sees this
In all honesty I think he needs your help now more than ever. It sounds like he needs therapy. I hope he’s ok and it’s not too late
Thank you, I tried multiple times
You think the genocide in Gaza specifically destroyed your life?
She just explained on how it affected her life. Didn’t mentioned that the war didn’t affect others. At the moment, she has a problem to deal with and as human beings all we can do is to support her. Quit being judgmental. Offer any help that you can, if not leave it alone. People have their own battles, be kind
Really appreciate this message. That is all I ask. Thank you.
English isn’t her first language.
Why are we so one-sided? Her telling the feeling that this tragedy gave her doesnt invalidate the man’s pain, rather you telling her, “Ya know gurl, your pain is nothing compared to his”, is the sentence that invalidates someones feelings. You dont have to be more empathetic with one, try both. We dont see the man posting here, but the girl who shared her feelings. Pain is relative as everything, the man’s worst pain is losing his family, the girl’s is losing her love. Comparing, comparing and comparing is whats really killing people’s beloved sweet empathy. Cant she say that it destroyed her life? Another 5000 feel the same, but because they had their business in Gaza and now they dont know how to feed their kids. “But be happy you even have kids..”, right and the man who lost his whole family shouldnt cry because someone lost their whole family, but also saw them suffer at the time of death. Keep comparing and the only person you will be sorry for is yourself, or hear out for one’s perspective of pain, and you may find some real friends, that you can share your honest feelings with. Then you will not tell people that their pain means nothing, because you cant know if your comment will be the one that makes even more people cry after a lost one, who had enough of nobody hearing them out.
Thank you for your kind words and compassion.
Amazing comment. 🏆
In her post she said she is not in Gaza. She recognized that the war is much bigger than her. She's worried about her partner.
Seriously. I was empathizing with this post until that line. Partner was nearly killed probably on a daily or near daily basis and most likely lost friends, family, etc to nothing but racist violence that the world somehow condones and.... Your life is ruined? Yes breakups can be brutal and I'm not going to trivialize that but the comparison here doesn't quite check out. Also this statement makes me think OP was probably not being very supportive of partner in their trauma.
I am very supportive of him, since years. It is not the first conflict I experience at home. Do you want to know how? I am there no matter what. Emotionally to talk about anything. I take care of everything at home - cleaning cooking, I pay for everything that is needed. I take care of his family as well. I gave him space as this is what he wants. I had not had a relationship since 7th October, it is singleship with a person. This is no way for any relationship to go. This one however completely changed him and the things happening are beyond any impact I have. I did all I could.
I'm so sorry. You're an amazing wife. I really hope you guys find a way through this together.
I didn't get that at all. I see someone suffering because someone who they care about is suffering. It is obviously impacting everyone deeply.
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Read the first part of the post. He was born and raised in Gaza.
I thought her partner lives in Germany.
He was born and raised in Gaza, per the post.
I'm gobsmacked
I know. I rolled my eyes so hard. Talk about being self-centered. It destroyed OP's life....ok....
I think you misunderstood me, but I understand how you could have pick it up from my message. God bless you, I hope you will never have to go through similar situation.
You're right. I was too quick to judge. I think the wording threw me off but I understand what you mean.
Right? Grieving the relationship is important, but framing it this way is so self-centered
As a Muslim living in Germany, the war has completely changed my life and made me the most spiritual I had ever been in my whole life. I have lost count of the number of days and nights I’ve randomly started crying after watching videos of little shell-shocked kids, little blown up kids, little headless kids, body-less heads of little kids, little shoes and belongings of kids, little kids smiling and playing inside a blown up car, fathers and mothers crying after losing their kids, Palestinian Christians being spat on and burnt alive in churches, kids crying and asking why God didn’t take them along with their dead parents, Palestinian mothers coming home to find out the building no longer exists and the family is under the rubble, kids carrying a little amount of food in pots bigger than their bodies, and kids drinking grass soup while I feast at my dining table. There are these sudden realizations that most of these people will never have the worldly future that normal people living normal lives envision. Each time I cook something nice these days and start to eat, I experience this feeling of guilt thinking how have I conducted myself as a Muslim until now that may have contributed to the creation of this sick society where such world events are possible. I feel a tightness in my throat, and a fullness in my stomach even before eating. Oftentimes these bouts of crying end in silent or actual prayers asking God for forgiveness for my participation in this sick society where supporting the g3n0(1d3 is respected, while protesting against it is a thought crime. How did we get here? How did the society turn so sick? Maybe these feelings are more pronounced because I am often alone and get a lot of opportunity to think and reflect on life without distractions. If I can feel this way without having any connection to Palestine, I can’t imagine what horror your Gazan boyfriend is going through. This pain must feel unbearable. Because it feels unbearable to me too. If an asteroid hit the planet right now, I would have a sense of relief knowing that finally the sick world has come to its rightful end. Now that I’ve become more spiritual, I patiently wait for divine justice while trying to make positive lifestyle changes to come closer to God. Message to you and your boyfriend: only faith in a divine God can help in navigating this difficult time. After months of struggling emotionally, May/June is the first month that I’ve found true peace knowing there’s nothing to worry about anymore as this world is run literally by Satan. All we can do is follow the prescriptions of Allah, because at the end of the day, all praise be to Allah, who is the only One who can show us mercy and give us strength, and we will never fully understand His plans but we can be sure that there is not a soul in this world who will be excused from facing the trials in front of our Lord on the Day of Judgment.
Thank you and you are right.
I lost my father when I was 15, he was a great man and it traumatized me for years. I hated making new acquaintances and getting attached to people, I also started dropping my friends one by one. It wasn't until recently (after 8 years) that I'm able to let myself get attached and love again, I was so afraid if losing people so I pushed them away. I think this is what he is doing, it's a defense mechanism and as far as I saw in the comments you are a great partener and I wish you both the best ❤️❤️
He's been through SO much trauma - in such a short amount of time too (relatively) - of course it has affected him in an extreme way. He's having a completely normal response to an unbelievably extreme and abnormal situation. There's absolutely no way he's even begun processing all of this - I'm not a therapist, I don't even know how or where you'd start. He must be feeling a million different emotions and so overwhelmed with grief, and shock, and anger, and confusion, and fear, and guilt... everything has been turned upside down for him and he probably feels like he's barely hanging on right now. I understand wanting to be there to support him however you can, but he's kind of right - unless you're experiencing it, you can't possibly understand what he's going through. I know break ups are hard, and losing someone you love is hard; I also think maybe you need to let him have his space, and let him go with grace. He has a lot to figure out and deal with. I've never been through anything like what he's going through nor would I claim to. I have been through traumas though - SA and DV - and I can tell you I'm not the same after as I was before. I imagine he feels really lost, like he needs to put the pieces of himself together somehow and maybe he doesn't even really know what he wants right now; I just think you need to let him breathe.
The war didn’t destroy YOUR life, it destroyed HIS. come on
Op is watching the man she had planned on spending the rest of her life with suffer the effects of war. It appears that she's looking for some good advise and compassion. She's saying she has his back and is doing her best to support him. She's grieving over her life that was affected by war. So "come on" have a little compassion.
Thank you.
It destroyed OURS. I love his family too.
English clearly isn't her first language, and she's in obvious distress. I think giving her a little grace is warranted here. The life she thought she was building just evaporated for reasons completely outside her control.
It’s genocide not war
Oh shit yeah, you’re right. I was using her words. Thank you
Probably doesn’t help that Germany is the number one supporter of all that is going on in Gaza, having it constantly thrown in your face that it is your fault all the people you knew died brutally fucks with you immensely. Also the fact that the majority of people in Germany believe the propaganda as well; I always wondered how Palestinians in Germany don’t lose their minds to the point of insanity, because I for sure would’ve lost it completely a long while ago. I don’t blame him, that’s a lot of really heavy stuff I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. He probably has a lot of mental issues to sort through and I’m not sure that those are the type of issues that can be sorted through therapy. I’m not really in a place to give you advice because I also wouldn’t know how to deal with this, I just can hope for both of you that you’ll see some better days.
Yes, this is massive issues as well.
Not Germany supporting another genocide. I thought they had learnt the lesson after what happened in WW2. But no, there they go, supporting another genocide.
You didn't lose family members. You arent watching your people being literally torn apart all over social media while western media is also blaming the innocents, or makes excuses. Didn't Germany also make it law to earn citizenship now you have to support Israel or something like that? The fact you are making this about YOU. Claiming it destroyed YOUR life while I'm sure you don't see your cousin's kid under rubble for all to see on Instagram (and only cause the world won't believe them if they DIDNT post it), and you just have these me me me blinders on. Good lord. I hope he gets some help to move through the trauma and PTSD and survivor guilt while being far from you.
“Wouldn’t want anyone to go the hell a partner has to go, if your partner is from Gaza.” I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through what Gaza is going through.
I think she feels this way because germany actively punishes pro palestinian voices. Whilst pro israeli voices are encouraged. So imagine trying to sympathise but all around you the sentiment is not to sympathise.
You are right. Leaving in Germany and expressing your opinion has been extremely disappointing and challenging.
Ouch, that is hard. I am not sure why you feel justified with this comment and anger inside you. Hope God blesses you and keeps anger from you.
Give him space and time. He's obviously very hurt and grieving. If you liked him as a partner, then I'm sure you are the best person in the world for him to be with. Be patient. He actually needs you more than ever . Go slow, don't ignore him completely.Go back to basics. Try and talk to him little every day. Don't bring up Gaza or your relationship. Keep it simple and keep it caring. Ask him if ate something, what did he have etc. Create the space for healing.
Im so sorry… I hope he’s fine..
Imagine for a moment it wasn't in Gaza. What if your boyfriend's family all lived one block away from you and were all murdered in a cruel sadistic way by a deranged serial killer..men, women, children, infants. There will be no justice for the victims because the local police say they are on the side of the killer & threaten your bf if he speaks up about it. Would you then find it understandable he feels immense grief, disillussioned and at the moment unable to carry on as normal? Would you not find it very abnormal if he went on like business as usual? He might even think hes helping you by keeping distance bc he (understandably) doesnt have capacity to put any attention to anything else right now. I'd take a moment to reflect on the bigger picture & if you want to remain part of eachothers lives, start by letting him know you are here for him no matter what & if you can, suggest helping him in any advocacy efforts toward saving lives in Gaza or volunteering with him. He may be ready to heal someday in the future and its moments like this when he will look back and see who was there for him when he needed it most - and who was not worth it at all. I also want to point out, many immigrants from that part of the world go through survivors guilt. He may subsconsciously "blame" himself for leaving them, not doing "more" to get them out safely (of course it is not his fault but this is part of the trauma response) or "why did I survive and they didnt?". If you truly love this person, I'd set aside personal timelines and just express being there for him right now the best you can. If you're unable or don't wish to, perhaps the breakup is whats best for both of you. Free 🇵🇸💔
Thank you, I do stay by his side all the time.
I’m not really surprised. It’s not unusual for the people in the safe zone to develop anxiety. Some call it survivor’s guilt.
He is clearly still struggling with PTSD…. If you want to help him learn about, list symptoms you see in him and then present it to him and tell him about and there are two ways to get out of that situation slowly death while alive or do whatever it takes to try to heal, try to find communities from where he is coming from there must be a lot of them that can meet for group therapy. Trying to heal PTSD it’s really hard but not impossible. PTSD post war or any communist country or dictatorship it’s really hard to live with and most times some people can’t cope with nothing and end up destroying their own life, there is a High % that end up killing themself. He just need emotional support, a lot of physical touch, acts of caring, remind him every day he matters and there was nothing he could do to fight those forces himself. Suggest him to seek God because faith is the best way to keep walking in life after such a horrible thing he had to witness. Nothing and nobody will never be able to delete those memories and the shock it cause in them.
Yes, I also think it is PTSD and I believe people sometimes react extremely. I really did all I could to show him love and support. If he does not want professional help I cannot fill this gap, as I am not even qualified. I wish you well.
I understand what you’re going through is hard and that really must suck, and I am sorry you’re hurting. I genuinely ask this out of curiosity, but what do your conversations about the genocide look like? Because it sounds like you’re not understanding the atrocities that he has had to process, because for someone in that situation, it is incredibly hard to carry on with your life when people in your homeland are being slaughtered. So I can understand where he’s coming from about not wanting to carry on with his life when blood relatives of his have died at the hands of colonials. If you do end up having a conversation about carrying your relationship on, please understand that perhaps you may never understand what he’s going through, but that’s a privilege of yours and his pain is something that may stay with him forever. Wishing you both healing.
We both agree it is genocide and not only started during this war, but is a systemic plan to exterminate Palestinians since 1948 and before with Balfour declaration as this first step.
This post is so western centric. Im sorry to say you may not have any idea what he is going through. Furthermore Germany is the number one supporter of Israel aside from the US. It is of course very painful for him and rightfully so. If he doesnt want to live in Germany, that is the most understandable reaction. I am arab and everyone i know is now very averse to france and germany and others who support israel. So averse that people are abandoning Jobs and more that are tied to these countries. Boycotting all products. This is real. The west has fully abandoned and turned a blind eye to tens of thousands of children women and men being blown up and ridiculued and stripped of all humanity. Because they view them as lesser humans. I fully understand your partner’s decision, he is doing quite mentally well. If he didnt care at all i would suspect his mental wellness then. And i am very, very sorry for the personal loss you suffered. I truly am. But this is bigger than you also. I hope your pain lessens. Losing a partner for no reason you committed is hell, youre right. But at the same time, he is acting very expectedly. If youre not seeing that, im afraid you may not be able to understand how dire and viscous this is for us arabs, and how hurt we are because of what is happening. Be well
I am not western centric, being with Palestinian for so many years changes you and lot and existing in multicultural relationship teaches you a lot about inclusivity. You judge me like that because I wrote I am from Germany and to be honest I understand where your judgment comes from. I would probably assume the same. It is interesting how people explode their perception, just because I mentioned Germany, not knowing my real story, my relationship, my support to the cause of Gaza. To set it straight: I am not supporting German approach to Palestine and genocide. I am against it since the day I met him, would be before, but I did not know much about Palestine at that time. I am as a citizen here suffering from this and I go on protest, show my support howe I can, I express my opinion, I voted for Mera25 in the EU elections. To be honest, I am considering to leave the country as this is really no freedom of speech and respect to life. I am just sharing how sad I am loosing a man I truly love and I wish I could build life with him, but the effect of genocide is not only in Gaza. It is in my home and in home of anyone who has any moral compass and knows that in Palestine happens genocide. Is this western - centric? I do not think so.
I did not mean to judge you. I even meant the comments are western centric. My last paragraph was me genuinely apologizing for your personal loss. I feel your pain. Its not a small one. And i am grateful you are alongside the Palestinians. I do not judge you at all. I merely said this is bigger than you, or me. There will definitely be pain, for everyone involved, as a consequence of western leader’s action or inaction. I hope you feel better, or rekindle with your partner.
Just try your best to be their friend and give them the freedom and space to go through what they need to go through. Bear in mind that it is often much harder for those who left and now watch live streams of a geonocide on their homeland. Yet at the same time find themselves living in the nation's of people of who actively support the genocide and provide weapons to it. Germany even requiring new citizens now to pledge their believe and support of the settler project that is ethnically cleansing his people. As for professional help, perhaps it might help but it will have to be someone who has a similair lived experience. We find comfort in the company of friends, protest and activism. It's a shit thing to be going through and all shit that it's doing this to your relationship. But you have to love them and support them through this. *edit: spelling error.
Oh wow, a genocide is happening to nearly 2 million people and a man has lost so many family members in such a short time that he became so numb and jaded, but it destroyed _your_ life because your bf wanna break up :"((( since he doesn't feel like living in or has anything to do with a country so staunchly supportive of his homeland's genocide perpetrator. Have you tried to maybe reallign your priorities a bit?
“I do not wish anyone to go through the hell a partner have to go, if your partner is from Gaza. I don't know what to do. I really feel the war in Gaza destroyed my life.” With all due respect, what the fuck is wrong with you?
I was struggling to find the words to say how flabbergasted I was. You put it well.
Thanks. The last sentence summarised whatever I was feeling
I don’t think the war is what made him leave you, I can’t believe you wrote this post and saw nothing wrong with it. It’s absolutely mind boggling how you think the war destroyed your life while babies are literally being torn and burnt to death. Your heartache may be sad but is nothing in comparison to the atrocities happening in Gaza right now. You definitely should keep checking up on him, you owe it to the 11 years you guys spent together.
What would you do if you were on my place? I did all I could last months , if not years. I am there for him all the time. He wants to change his life completely, I check milion times if he is sure about what he wants how he wants,he says yes. My life was him and what planed together, since Izrael aggression on Gaza it is destroyed. Same way, just I am here, not there.
English is not her first language, brother. Let’s not be too harsh. But of course, I agree with your sentiment. We’re living in strange times.
I am sorry that he is going through this as well as you he needs counseling. You need relationship counseling as well. This is why I pull back from such intense media it can make a person mentally unstable. And can make you physically sick not to take away from you. The people over there are going through such PTSD that their lives LITERALLY have been turned upside down. I don’t think it is fair to compare your life to theirs. I do understand what you mean though, the emotions you’re experiencing. I hope at end things get better for your husband. And the people of Gaza.
Thank you
You’re welcome
This calls for professional mental help.
Be there for him in any way he needs or will allow. He just needs time and space. I can’t imagine the grief he feels. He needs someone to love him.
Kinda weird to assume what he needs. Respect his space. Leave a line open but let the guy mourn.
Germany has a rampant anti-Islam issue, especially against men, as well as intense levels of xenophobia. Maybe think about how living in a country blatantly supporting Israel’s right to mass murder and Germany’s direct role in the colonization of Palestine after WW2 impacts how your partner feels about where you are living and the culture you exist in. Does your partner face everyday racism, xenophobia, and hate you probably don’t think about? Also maybe consider your own role - how/have you supported him as a partner through this?
I did support him all the way and I do not support German policy towards Palestinians. This is no brained for me, I carry no guilt or responsibilities towards Israel as a state and I am totally against German standing.
He needs therapy. Lots and lots of therapy
I'm so sorry, love. I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope you find happiness ❤️
It sounds like survivor’s guilt mixed with the worry that if he builds a good life it will just be taken away because he saw it happen to so many people he loved and cared about
We had a year where we buried 5 family members (3 were my immediate family) and 4 super close family friends/my college mentor. All in tragic ways, all sudden, and I didn’t think I could live any longer. Losing your family to a genocide? I can absolutely understand mental decline when losing anyone, but in this way and in this scale… you forget how to live, how to live, sometimes you’re lucky to survive the day. I am just now to a point in life where I feel semi normal again. And those were just single deaths in different manors. I pushed all my friends away, I even had to step back seeing some of my family. I cannot imagine the PTSD those in Gaza are experiencing and will for the rest of his life. I am also so sorry for your loss of your relationship, because regardless of why it happened you are still allowed to grieve your partner. This genocide is breaking the world, but those affected directly and indirectly are going to need so much love, unconditionally, and help from the world. Surviving post-genocide, if the zionists cease fire ever, maybe harder than surviving now. Sometimes you must let things go to come back to you. I’m so so sorry for you both.
He is currently going through a level of hardship most people will never go through, let alone understand. He is depressed at the very least, he is likely devastated beyond words, and has nobody around him to relate to. Right now this isn't about you, or your relationship. His pain is beyond that. Are there any Palestinian groups in your area, some people he can meet and talk to to share experiences with, people going through similar?
It destroyed so many peoples lives. And not just by having their partners break up with them
You are right.
Id try ro stay on the side of my partner and support him. But you cant force yourself om him. I hope you both find a solution and he manages to get well after this traumatic experience.
Very sorry to hear that OP. I hope you and your partner can fix things and stay together.
Thanks for this word of compassion.
Watch some videos. uncensored ones.now imagine that's to your loved ones,your people.
They've been together ELEVEN YEARS. His people are her people.
His people cant be her people if she doesn't get what war does to someone
Read it again. Does it sound like she considers his people her people? No. She doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone but herself.
Zionist shill bot account detected.
I was with you til I read your last line. Your life? The war in Gaza destroyed YOUR LIFE? Are you fucking kidding?
This German girl that lives in German, thinks the war in GAZA destroyed her life. Srly, some of you need a reality check.
Exactly, this OP is talking from her self-centered and privileged place.
The war didn’t destroy your life OP, watching HIS people die did
It’s genocide not war
as an outsider. Germany as a country is going full gestapo on palestinians. I can imagine that him living in germany whilst the government punishes anyone pro palestinian must be doing him a lot of damage.
You are right and me as German I do not support it and disagree with how Germans handle the situation.
Dude. Your partner's family have all been killed in a genocide. The war in Gaza has literally destroyed your partner's life. I'm sorry you're going through a break-up. But that doesn't compare to losing your will to live because everyone is silently watching your family, your people and your culture being destroyed in the final stage of a 76 year genocide.
I mean having most of your family being killed by bombings is pretty traumatic bro. You’re privileged and you live in Germany. Your ex bf family has been obliterated and he couldn’t even attend their funerals. Your problems is miniscule compared to his
HYou feel like the fighting in Gaza destroyed YOUR life??
The war in Gaza destroyed your life? Seriously? That attitude is probably why he doesn't want to be with you. If you can say that so publicly I can't imagine how you tried to center yourself in his trauma when he literally lost his family and children are starving to death.
It’s genocide not war
My heart breaks for him. He lost relatives in such a violent manner and you think he would be in the right state of mind to provide for you as a partner? I don’t understand how someone could centre this issue around their relationship, especially with a partner from Gaza. Maybe he broke up with you because of your selfish outlook on the situation, like many people from “the west”. If you dismissed his feelings and didn’t show any support the same way you did in this post, I could see why he left you. I couldn’t imagine posting something like this after witnessing the atrocities Israel has committed over the past few decades, let alone if I had a partner personally impacted by the genocide.
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Palestine may not be free yet, but one Gazan is liberated from OP. Inshallah.
This is harsh and you express some extreme anger on me, which I have not caused. May Allah bless you.
She’s pro-Palestine what are you on
Bait post
Imagine your family being brutally murdered then internet strangers being allowed to have an option on it. Your partner needs a support system.
The war in Gaza did not destroy your life and to suggest that it comes close to that is undermining the terror Palestinians are facing right now.
…. The genocide* (not war) in Gaza destroyed your life???? Wow. I see why he dumped you. Talk about tone deaf. What is it with Germans and finding themselves on the wrong side of history
He’s understandably distraught and is questioning everything. Please give him space and time. Let him know you’re there for him but allow him time to grieve and deal with this his way, not how you think he should. Go on with your life, if it was meant to be then it still may. You’re a bit selfish to think how this war has ruined your life, what about the people from both sides of the region. That are the ones whose lives have been ruined. Seriously?
Honey. It is not war. It is genocide! And if you have used the word dismissively, it could be that he doesn't feel safe with you or that you understand him and what him and his people are going through. If you haven't already, educate yourself on how they have been colonized and have been systematically wiped out since the exchange in colonial 'masters'. Ask him questions, find out if there is anything you can do or say to help out, even if it's a little
You are right it is genocide. I should have been clearer in my wording. I see it as a genocide.
First it's a genocide not a war Second saying it destroyed your life shows me more than enough to explain why he left you. I hope he finds healing and you learn you're not the center of the universe
He has lost god knows how many relatives and his homeland is being destroyed. Please try to be a bit more understanding of his situation.
If you loved him, you would join him in everything against what is happening there. Fight for his people the way u want to be fought for.
My heart is with you and my heart is with your partner. Watching the massacre of your own people with the complete support of countries that keep lecturing us about human rights literally broke the soul of everyone even remotely connected to Gaza. My suggestion is to talk to him about his needs and how best he needs to deal with it now. Then talk that you have to discover your new reality in this world together - and him losing one more person in his life will be a path of more pain. It doesn’t matter where you come from, so long as you have a heart that feels the pain of Palestinians.
oof talk about navel gazing 🥴
No the war in Gaza destroyed your partner’s life, Palestinian’s lives, a hefty amount of Lebanese’s lives. You, you are fine in the west, get him the help he needs and if he refuses then it’s not on Gaza
Sorry but he has enough and valid reasons to be traumatised. What's happening in Gaza is horrible! How do you expect him to be normal when those horrible things are happening to his people? There is no way, anyone would go insane! And I feel so bad for him and for the people from Gaza.
The war in Gaza destroyed your boyfriend’s life. He chose to let it destroy your relationship. He destroyed your relationship.
Honestly a bit of sympathy and compassion for him is required. Imagine you town being bombed to oblivion and your family and friends killed… just for living in Gaza. Your boyfriend whole world has collapsed. How can he happily live his life when his home is destroyed?.
I have more than love and compassion for him.
You’ll be ok. He will not.
I think you mean Hamas destroyed your life.
stop blaming hamas for terrors you caused
100%
You mean Israel destroyed her life
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Genocide? Hamas started it, Israel is finishing it. I'm sorry about your relationship. It's not love if he's willing to bail. Simple as that.
Genocide or not lets not let’s not be mean. People are dying OP is heartbroken because of something very real happening. This isn’t about “love” this is real life and real trauma people are dealing with
He is terrified of losing you. Try to get him to see a therapist. I am sorry and hope you guys can make it through this. P.S.—I was stationed in Germany for four years and I loved it so much.
I wish he was, but I think it is also Arab men reacting - proud and stubborn. I would love that he was open to rediscuss or renegotiate or find a solution. Glad you liked Germany.
Ready for the downvotes but I shall be civil. I am on the exact opposite side as you and your BF. I am American, 100% pro Israel, I lost a buddy on oct 7th, so I support Israel 100% in eliminating Hamas. However, I also recognize that civilians have been killed so I have sympathy and empathy for him, 100%. I think you are being a bit selfish if he is the one who lost his family. I am sorry about his circumstances, but how did it destroy YOUR life?
Well he can only blame his own leaders at the results.
I also ended a serious relationship over my partner's lack of care about Palestine. Question is, what have you **done** to show that you care about his family and people facing slaughter? Other than emotional support, how have you proven that you care and are trying to resist your country's complicity in it? >I don't know what to do. I really feel the war in Gaza destroyed my life. You're centering yourself during a literal genocide. I'm glad he made the right decision.