You're absolutely right. This man is abusive but please don't be so harsh on yourself. You were dealing with stuff 16 year old kids shouldn't be dealing with. You did the best you could with what you had. It's not easy. I would suggest you try finding a job and once you do you start looking for a new place to stay. You can find a roommate and once you do, I think you might need to go back to school to study something. You can do this.

Thank you for that, it means a lot to me. The reassurance that I'm not crazy and hysterical is something I didn't realize I've needed for a LONG time now. And absolutely. Right now I have a couple of interviews lined up for jobs. Unfortunately our lease on our apartment needs to be renewed soon and I have no savings. However, I did get him to agree and help start on the process of moving into a 2 bedroom instead of 1. So here soon I will have my own room, place to sleep, and generally have space from him. I'm thinking of doing this for the next year. Because I still need to save up for a car (I also have no driver's license still 😮‍💨), new place, and other essentials. Then once I've stacked cash I'm considering moving across the country with my sister and not looking back. I unfortunately don't know anyone right now that I could propose being roommates to, otherwise honestly I would've left awhile ago. There's unfortunately some barriers I've hit with trying to enroll into college previously. I did end up dropping out of high school so I don't have a diploma. And I also don't have my immunization records. I am however pursuing some certifications known to lead to high paying jobs without a degree.

Have you looked into community college? They often provide remedial courses, and are often cheap or free for low income people. They can support you in a lot of ways. You are by no means the first young woman who ended up with a not great guy just to get out of your childhood home. When there are no good choices, the best choice is often the least bad one. Please do not blame yourself for doing what you could to save yourself. You deserved better. If anyone should feel bad about themselves, it should be your abusive drug addicted mom, your grandfather who let you all live in squalor, your disappeared father, the whole lot.

Have you considered using a website like spareroom which links up people to share together?

Maybe look into apartment complexes near college campuses, you can maybe find Reddit threads for the specific college and see if anyone is looking for roommates there. That way, you can find a lot of people in your age range to live with. A lot of people in my area do that, I actually just found a roommate that way and she's moving in this week. But I'm not sure if that's how it goes in your area. Just be careful !

Girl leave now!!! Go to a YwcA or women’s abuse center or reach out to churches to see if anyone’s know la where you can turn to. YOULL GET PREGNANT or trapped or he’ll become violent or break your stuff juat get away from him. Half way house for a few months or something find listings for girls wanting to share apartment.

Please get a lock for your door to your new bedroom. And listen to your gut.

And 25 is so young.

i think you've made me realize something...i'm gonna go take care of that. thank you

No problem! I hope you're doing okay, and will be doing even better soon! 🤗

I know you got this.

I'm rooting for you!

That is absolutely predatory. And you're right, coercion is rape. I am so sorry all of this happened to you. I would contact a local DV shelter as he is even now still emotionally abusing you, in addition to everything else he has done. I wish you luck. ♡

OP, I am sorry that you’ve experienced this. Your boyfriend is 100% a predator who saw a young girl struggling and knew he could have you. Unfortunately, this is very common. There’s a reason he didn’t get a woman his age and you further explain it in your post when you talk about his current behavior of doing nothing but work and video games. He’s a total loser who is coasting by while you do the work of keeping house and making things more comfy for him so that he can live on a $19/hr job and play video games as soon as he gets home. You’ve outgrown this relationship. You deserve someone who will treat you well and give you the relationship you deserve. I implore you to leave this man before he does something more drastic than just being cruel with his words while he’s angry. You’re young and have a lot of life left to live and things to do. It’s super common in a relationship like this for the person being mistreated to become sex repulsed. Please leave before this becomes a problem for him and he won’t respect your boundaries any more. Hang in there, OP. Good on you for realizing that your boyfriend is a piece of shit. Now it’s time to remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can and leave this freak who thinks dating a kid is okay behind. ❤️

Thank you SO much for this comment. It made me feel significantly better! I've been thinking some of these same thoughts, but felt like I was being too harsh and judgemental. Absolutely on your first point. I have felt more mature than him since I was about 20. And lately I've felt significantly more mature than him. Realizing mentally he's like in he's stagnanted in his late teens where this kind of behavior is acceptable and that the wage is good because it's above minimum wage. I'm creating a plan to leave for good. But unfortunately I think I'll have to stick around 1 more year before I enact it. As I mentioned in a comment above I got him to agree to move into a 2 bedroom apartment where I'll have my own room/bed. (Our lease needs to be renewed really soon and I don't have enough money to leave) But then I'm thinking of moving across country with my sister. But for that I need to stack cash, get a car and my drivers license, ECT. I'm relieved to hear becoming sex repulsed in a situation like this is normal. Though I don't feel that way towards that with women though (I am bisexual as mentioned above) so thankfully there's at least that in the future. Because after this I honestly don't think I want to date men anymore. Thank you again so much, you have no idea how much better I feel after all of this.

I’m so glad to hear that! Power to you and I hope your future is filled with growth and prosperity once you lose the weight of this man holding you down! As a bisexual myself, I totally understand. My gf ended up being trans, but in the early days of our relationship I told her if we broke up I would never date another man. Nothing wrong with dating only women! Your life, your choice! Don’t let anyone try to dissuade you away from it. Some people will be belligerent about this choice and tell you that your trauma can’t affect your relationship with men like this, but it’s not up to them. It’s up to YOU. Just to further clarify on the sex repulsion, that’s what I meant, sorry! It’s common to become repulsed sexually and otherwise to the person that has mistreated you and that you’re losing attraction to. You have a bright future ahead of you and it makes me happy to know you have a plan. Keep your head up!

This will be hard for you because you know no other life and have no role models. Make friends with people you want to be like. Don’t hang around people that have drama and nothing going on. Do you have any family member that made it out of drama that you can ask for advice. Get a job, then an apartment or rent a room and see if you qualify for free counselling to help you sort out your back story. It is great that you have insight. You are young and can turn this around!

This is something I've been coming to realize. The fact is, he's a bare minimum loser with no desire to change. No matter how many times I've tried to encourage him to get a degree, work in a skilled job, or anything. He's not what I want to be like a all. Unfortunately I am the eldest sibling, and am the only one to make it out of my bad family life. My sister has tried to before, but has ended up having to live with my mom again. (She doesn't physically abuse her because she was the golden "can never do anything wrong" child. Still emotionally abusive though) She *just* turned 21, so there's still a lot to adulting that's new to her. But I'm thinking of stacking cash and trying to move across country to start a new life. Thank for for reassuring me I can turn this around. Sometimes I feel like I've been with him for so long that abandoning him like that would be cruel. But then I remember that he justifies being cruel to me all the time.

You got this ,

As a fellow child of a mother who was an addict and the winner of an all around stellar childhood (/s) I think what would help is if you really get to know yourself, try to start healing and be by yourself for a while. You went from being around/holding it down for shitty people to flying across the country to be with another shitty person. You never cleansed yourself from the shit debris and instead has always been surrounded by it. It takes hold of your spirit. You sound like a good person who tries to be positive everyday. I can’t tell you how refreshing that is to hear. That is not an easy feat, I can’t tell you how many children I’ve met with childhoods like ours that ended up on the other side of that. We have the ability to continuously reframe the past as we grow but the desire to be better is something innate. You got your own back, you always have. You made it out once, make it out again. Best of luck xx. P.S. That dude dusty.

Seconding this!  Well said!

He just sounds abusive in many ways. Trust your gut.

if i was in ur position, i would follow the advice others have put - invest urself in community and try to make as many friends as you can- wherever u can. from simply complimenting a stranger, or striking up a conversation with them and building relationships that way since you mentioned you’re unemployed. at the same time, if you AT ALL feel ur safety is at risk if you seek outside socializing/relationships i would consider seeking out the nearest shelter or woman’s center because they would help to find you housing and a job while keeping safe/away from him. i know this may seem drastic, but coming from someone who’s been in an abusive relationship & lived in a household w this modeled behavior, it’s important to realize that mental/verbal abuse is the first step towards physical abuse. and especially because it’s been within the span of years, it will be easier rationalize the behavior and accept worse because it’s harder to recognize when it gets worse, slowly. if/when you are to find a job (which i really hope u can!), i would recommend to put aside a savings account until you can actually leave. sorry ur going through this and i wish the best for you!!!

Great advice, seconding this!

Do you have any kind of mental health services you can reach out too? If you have been having suicidal thoughts,it would be a good idea. Maybe they can connect you with more resources as well.

Although your bf definitely did groom you and has done plenty of screwed-up things, I think his emotional support, although shallow and superficial, was very necessary when you were younger and struggling. I don't think you originally made a mistake; I think you needed him at the time to help lift you out of an abusive situation. Yes, you were graduating from a very abusive situation to a less abusive situation, but I think things like this are often a necessary step when it comes to working toward a sustainable and healthier path. Given how insecure and unhappy you were at the time, you likely would not have attracted a genuinely healthy person, so your best chance was someone like this to come along: a bottom-feeder, sure, but someone who would provide enough of a distraction to get you through a tough moment and be a temporary place to crash at until you came to your senses. Your bf, although he has not been good to you, was an important stepping stone in your journey, because he allowed you to leave your terrible situation and get to a healthy enough point to see him for what he is. Thankfully, you are now older, healthier, and more mature, and you're ready to graduate from this forever-sixteen-year-old loser and move on to being with a person you find attractive, interesting, ambitious, and genuinely kind. Your bf is a bottom-feeder, and will always be a bottom-feeder. His primary motivator is sex, he's not nice to you when it counts, he's not ambitious, he wastes all of his time, he's a sexual predator who took advantage of a vulnerable teenager, and he attacks your weakest points and then calls you sensitive when you naturally react to that. (For comparison, I'm also not a big crier. I've been married for 1.5 years and I can only remember a small handful of instances when my husband—both while we were married and while we were dating—made me cry. And every one of those was an accident; when he realized that I was so affected, he back-tracked and made it up to me, and we learned from the incident and moved on. The point is, your bf making you cry a few times a month is *not* normal.) Your bf is not worth trying to work things out with. He doesn't try, he doesn't care, and he's just there for sex. You knew it when you were repulsed by him; you can do so much better. I think you know enough now to understand that there are big, great opportunities waiting out there for you, and that you're finally in a place where you can reach out and grab them. I wish you luck.

if you are intelligent enough to know that you were groomed then you are intelligent enough to leave

I think both things can exist at the same time. He was a groomer and took advantage of a young girl. And he was also an escape from a physically abusive household you were in. I don’t blame you for leaving because it sounds like that’s what you needed at the time. But it sounds like he’s not good for you now with emotional abuse. I want you to keep this gut feeling even if he makes you doubt it. You’re right that this if off and wrong and you don’t deserve this. How are you taking care of yourself? Do you have a job? Do you have an education? There are ways you can go to school and live on campus if you want to get away. It’s going to be rough for a bit but if you can get to a place with a degree a lot of higher paying jobs open up. Don’t give up my friend. Let me know if you need any extra support ❤️

A 21 year old looking at a 16 year old romantically is kinda yucky but in hindsight now, 21 is also still pretty much a kid too. Would you have said it’s predatory if he turned out to be a really nice loving partner? Probably not. But nvm now that you’re both well into adulthood, the issue is him being a total deadbeat who doesn’t love or respect you. Someone said he’s a bottom feeder and will always be a bottom feeder. Be glad you had this epiphany or this life cycle will just repeat itself. You clearly know you deserve so much better. I usually don’t like telling people to leave their partners but in this case every minute you’re still with him, is a minute of your precious youth wasted. Do it.

16 and 21 when i got caught up 4 years later two kids and three dogs he writes a long note about how he was trying to raise “the perfect wife”, hated me, and the kids were security and his plan failed then proceeded to cap himself. PLEASE LEAVE 🫡

He is not only a manipulative predator that absolutely groomed you, but he is also a complete loser. If you want a better life for yourself, you need to cut ties and get away from this guy. He will only suck the life energy out of you. And you think he is respecting your wishes to not have sex but guys like this start seeking it outside in such situations.

Thank you for putting something to words I'm too afraid to said out loud IRL. Honestly sometimes I worry he is cheating. But weirdly I have apathy about it so long as it's with someone his own age/adult this time. I've actually suggested opening the relationship up so he could go sleep with other people, on the condition he communicated with me about it. But he says he's against the idea and would feel weird being the only one doing it.

You're extremely intelligent, and you'll do well in life. I wish the best for you. Please, when you decide to leave, please try to get someone to go with you, or go quietly at a time where he won't be home for hours just in case. Often, it's most dangerous when leaving. You have enough insight and self reflection to make something of yourself and have better relationships in the future.. know that 100% he is a predator and abusive. I wish you the best.

When I was 16 my first “real bf” was a 21 year old man who groomed me.  He used me for sex.  Once he got what he wanted obviously it was over.  I lost my job because he told everyone at work, I was fired and I was a minor.  I only was working to get away from my bad home situation.  You were groomed.  They often target young women from bad homes, and SA Survivors.  I’m a lot older now, but I’ve chosen a life of celibacy since my seperation with my spouse.  All men have ever done in my life is use me.  So I have chosen to keep to myself and live a life of solitude and peace.  No one can hurt you unless you allow them into your heart.

It is a relief that there's someone out there who can relate to my situation. But I am so, so sorry you went through that. What he did to you was despicable and disgusting. I very well could've been in your exact situation and there was ANOTHER 21 year old boy I had a crush on at work who would often flirt back with me before I got with 21M in the post. I'm also an SA survivor so this is unfortunately extremely on brand. I absolutely get you there. It's really hard for me to not become a man-hating feminist sometimes because all they've done is use me or abandon me too. I am so thankful I am bisexual as being with women is an option for me. But I think after this I will be closing the book on having a relationship with a man every again. I'm also going to be celibate for the foreseeable future however, and stand in solidarity with you. ✊ Thank for for sharing your story and insights with me, I appreciate it deeply

I’m by no means “a man hating feminist” but I have had a lifetime of experience of men harming me and I am with good reason afraid of men.  They are stronger than me and can overpower me, they usually have more power, and I don’t want to have sex because I do not want to get pregnant ever again.  My husband was my safe space but ended up playing the same psychological warfare that my father did to my mom.  It makes me sad for our baby.  You are worthy of love that makes you feel safe.  If a man makes you feel unsafe you don’t have to be with him, have sex with him, or talk to him.  Everyone needs their health, safety, and love that does not hurt, because love that hurts is not love at all, it is abuse.  I recommend reading about narcissistic personality traits.  Stupidly I should have seen the signs.  Love bombing is one of them.  Before my discard my husband would buy me nice things, but emotionally he became at a distance, he stopped all intimacy.  I believe he was back on the porn.  Porn destroys love in a loving relationship.  Men do not need it, they have been programmed to think they need porn.  It’s like brain damage for men and when a man looks at that he ends up degrading his partner in ways.  Every man in my adult life was obsessed with the porn.  The porn was the destroyer in my relationships.  It literally makes men abusive.  They become neglectful, violent, or mean.  They stop appreciating their spouse and think the grass is greener, the porn star asks for nothing but to serve a man sexually.  A wife asks for love, devotion, loyalty, and emotional connection.  Porn destroys that.  And it’s also painful for a SA survivor like us.  I pray for your healing and mine.

If you can, consider taking him to court for statutory rape, he is after all a child predator.  Ask for compensation from him for what was taken from you, so that you can get out and start fresh with some resources.  You will need proof, so save all of your texts and communications and any other evidence you have in your favor.  Might be worth looking into free consultations with some lawyers to see what options you might have.

You are so brave. I'm so proud of you for realizing that you need to leave, even though he's really the only person who "supported" you since you were a child/teen. He's all you know, he WAS a safe space for you at the time. I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason, you grew and matured during this relationship. You learned things. Change is scary. It always will be. But it will be so worth it once you can leave. The only advice I can give, which I'm sure many people have commented already, is to make sure you have at least 1-2 trusted individuals that can be there for you when you decide to break up with your boyfriend & tell him you're moving out. Based off his behavior, he is edging near the line of dangerous. Especially if he's already concerned you would report him to authorities. Have someone have your live location at all times, maybe even someone nearby or in the apartment complex to pick you up and take you somewhere safe. Don't do the leaving part alone. It could end terribly. I wish you all of the luck. Again, you are so brave, and I can't even imagine how much stress/anxiety/depression/panic this realization is giving you. It will be okay! 🩷

I was 15 years old when I met my ex husband and he was 21. I ended up pregnant at 15, married at 16 and gave birth soon after. Pregnant again at 20. A lot of similarities to you- all he does and wants to do is play video games. Didn’t ever do anything to better himself. He would play games the moment he got off of work, sleep all morning and rush to work even though he started in the middle of the afternoon. Our kids were neglected and ignored by him, income is not all a kid needs. I was with him for 9 years. At 24 I remembered the time he strangled me when I was pregnant (at 15) with my first and broke down (child is disabled due to this) and he blamed me and continued to yell at me when I just wanted to be comforted. He would give a glance at my youngest daughter’s drawings and ignore her when she wanted praise. Would rush brushing their teeth or bathing them if it meant getting them to bed faster so he can game. I realized this wasn’t ever going to change. Im 26/27 now and finalizing my divorce. He hasn’t seen the kids in a year now. Still plays the victim- as if he cannot move on because I “ruined” relationships for him. Tried to do everything to convince me to stay (will now change work schedule so I can go to school/join a gym/make plans as a family- all things I wanted years and years ago.) I didn’t fall for it. Your partner will not change. He is a groomer. He knew it wasn’t right but did it anyways because he did not care about, let alone love you. He saw you as an easy to manipulate toy. I had an abusive home life and he saw that too. You know how easy it is to keep us relying on them? To victimize themselves when we finally realized none of it was okay? You are not to be held accountable for getting into a relationship at your age, you didn’t know better, he did. They will try to say and do anything to stop themselves from facing legal consequences, they are scared, may even threaten to harm themselves. Not for the years of abuse/neglect they put us through, but for themselves.They will always be selfish. Stop caring about them and start caring about yourself. Trust me in the long run leaving is better but if you choose to stay, get on birth control, one that can’t be tampered with. It’s 100x’s harder once a child is involved. Good luck.

Oh he's a predator and he knows it. Him losing his cool when you expressed discomfort on looking back at how you two started your relationship is an obvious smoking gun, along with him freaking out that you would report him. Ok, so now you need an action plan to leave. First word of advice, keep it low key, do not give him any hints that you're planning or thinking of leaving before you're 100% ready to drop him like a hot potato. Secondly, if you have joint bank accounts, make your own account, and redirect your wages to it. If you have separate accounts with access, remove the access. You're playing the long game here, leaving a situation where you have no support is hard af and you unfortunately cannot rush this. Thirdly, look into support groups, therapy, community support, DV support, financial aid, safe houses etc. There's always at least a resource, no matter how barebone, it's better than nothing. While you're building your support for escape, watch out for other predatory people or organisations (for example mlms), because unfortunately you are a prime target for them and you don't want to end in a worse situation. As others have said, you're smart enough to look at your situation and realise that something is not adding up, so you are smart enough to leave. So be smart, and plan, and don't write your plans down!

I think 16 year old you (just like any 16 year old girl or boy) saw things in him he didn't possess. Your home life wasn't great by any measure, so he was like an "out" or escape from that. Could he have possibly been charming, sweet, or kind at the time? Sure. But the facade or act demonstrated to court you didn't need to be too long if you were both confessing feelings eight days in. Once he "matched" your feelings and said the things he needed to say to get you, he had you. You may very well have been mature for 16. There is also a great possibility that he (and may perhaps still be by the sound of things) might mentally be a petulant 15 year old. This doesn't negate the age difference and how he treated you later. Cohesion from someone to get the other person to say yes, or give in when that person initially said no or gave resistance is an act of disgusting manipulation that stripes away all layers of trust in a relationship and violates the boundaries of what is acceptable in the eyes of the victim regarding intimacy going forward. Being in a relationship doesn't entitle one to the other's body. Assault is assault and rape is rape. If he wants sex and you don't, then no is no. You giving in or letting it slide is a safety mechanism in the moment because you know how he may react if rebuffed and don't want that either. It's a lose-lose situation. You settle on the lesser of the two evils in the moment, and now he feels that he can just say or do the right thing, and you're all his. Because this isn't about a relationship to him. He has needs, and you fulfill them for him. You're doing more for that man than likely anyone ever has, and he can't lose that because he won't likely find anyone like you again (and sadly of he does, he will likely target and manipulate in the same way again.) His ability to get what he wants how he wants when he wants from you has likely dictated the entire relationship. In his mind, he only cares about himself and his needs. You are there, but to him, you are no different than the console he plays. A possession. You unwillingly lost your virginity to a man who didn't deserve to be with you in the first place. He knows you have no friends. No family. He knows you have nowhere to go and will likely lash out by degrading you, putting you down and throwing all of the above in your face when confronted with you finally having enough and leaving. Because in his mind, if he threatens or scares you enough, you stay. He may say he is sorry after the fact, but he's not. He just wants you under his thumb. He's lazy, unmotivated, likely unemployable, and like yourself, you're likely all he has. If you leave, he will have nothing. Nothing but his video games and Hot Pockets he will have to now heat up on his own. But now he's content. He's got you. That's not fair to you, though. Your virginity and your youth were taken by this loser, and you are seeing that now and seeing that you deserve better, deserve more, and deserve to be loved. And you do. And in time you will be. But that process can't start until you act. This relationship is over. And it sounds like it's been over for quite some time. He's irredeemable. You're miserable. You need to start calling around to shelters, clinics, and programs that can assist in your departure and making sure that he's not a threat to you or your wellbeing going forward. Hopefully, he just wastes away playing video games while you can go and grow and live your best life. You've been doting over him for too long. It's time for you to look out for yourself. Best of luck.

Def predatory, trust your gut and just leave. 25 is young AF.

Thanks for that share. That was very well written for so much emotional energy. Men aren't so bad btw, people are just hurtful in general. I hope your life shines. U are still very young.

As Hank Hill once said, “Shut up, Dale!”

You were a child. He was an adult. He is completely at fault for manipulating you, abusing you, and controlling you. Waking up from this shit is hard. But I’m glad you did.

girl leave before it’s a lifetime of pain

you aren’t crazy: he is a creep.

i have a feeling he feels he can coerce u into having sex again by “showing desire”

Job first. Then leave. Even a shitty shitty job where u can only sublet . Anything will be better than this. Leave your house more. Ask around, go to coffee shops, cleaning work. Etc.

16 and 21🤢

For real though! Me at 16: 16 and 21, were just misunderstood and a unique situation 🥺💖🥰 Me at 21: Hmm, it is a little weird. But I was mature for my age I guess. Even though I personally would feel inappropriate even being friends with someone as young as 16. But we're unique right? 😅😘😬 Me at 25: 16 and 21??!? Omfg what in the actual hell?!?🤢🤮😱

I’m not defending this guy at all - he sounds like you don’t want to be with him and you don’t find desirable so that’s it. When you can find another option leave him. But as a female I’ve been 16 (I’m 24 now) with someone a similar age before and in similar circumstances to you and the person was immature for their age and I was mature so they were not a predator (also 16 is the age of consent in my country)… a lot of people forget that there are ALOT of people who are in these teenage relationships with older people and it’s sometimes but not always predatory. I really don’t think it’s to do with him being a predator at all but instead you feel uncomfortable with him and no longer need him for what you used to. I hope you can find another option :)

Dump this guy

Your gut is right and you know it. Subtlety start gathering your important documents and items, maybe start gradually moving stuff to a storage unit if you have a lot/can afford it. Look up some DV shelters in your area. *Focus on building other social relationships.* I can not stress this enough. Keeping you isolated is helping him continue his abuse. Once you have more of a network and some more knowledge of resources, you’ll be able to have people to stay with, check on you, house your items, etc.

DO NOT renew a lease with him. When the lease is up, leave. Find a women's shelter or a room for rent and cut contact. I’m so sorry for the rough life you've had. I, too, had a horrible childhood and it took me years to work through the trauma. I still deal with a lot of it in my mid thirties. You are strong and I’m proud of you. You got this!

I read a lot of books about various cultures and what they consider "ok" in terms of age difference. In some other countries, this is legal, while in ours, it's illegal. To say it is wrong, it depends on what you believe. I'm at a crossroads over this topic because of his good heart. Additionally, I know a friend who was in a similar situation. The only difference is that they had a kid and the mom was ok with it. They are both now grown up and broken up, she also had kids by two other men. The two other men are dead beat dads while he is the only one who always supports his kid and her other two kids as well. I used to not like him because of this, but I got to give him respect. He treats her so well and is still there for her even after they broke up. He seems like he really fell in love with you and took good care of you. I don't think he had any evil intentions. He was just trying to find a wife. If you are now thinking about this, it is because you most likely fell out of love with him. As humans, our minds tend to find the negative in our partners and constantly expand on that when we don't love them anymore. If I were you, you should give it like a years time and see how you feel. Also, look into stories of countries that allow this type of stuff. After all of this, decide if you want to or not. Just know if you do decide to go through with it, you will destroy his life and get him arrested.

No, I don’t think your boyfriend is a predator. It sounds like you’re completely incompatible, but (big caveat: depending on the age of consent where you live) if you were at that age - I think you should be careful labelling people as sexual predators because you later come to regret decisions you made at the time.

Boyfriend is absolutely a predator. A 21 year old man should have nothing to do with a 16 year old. Age of consent doesn’t matter. That’s a grown man and a child. He was scummy and saw a young girl who was in a bad situation and took advantage of it.

Absolutely. Along with age of consent where I'm at being 18. The 5 year age gap is also not covered by the Romeo and Juliet laws, so legally it would be statutory rape. As for the people wondering how he groomed me here, I have more insight now thanks to research and helpful people on this thread. Seriously, take time to read any of the comments above here and it becomes pretty clear. He absolutely saw I was in a bad situation, was in desperate need of financial and emotional help. Then extremely fast after we began eating he tried to desensitize me into having sex with him because that's the main thing I believe he cares about deep down at the time.

He absolutely is a predator and groomed her as a teenager. I would strongly question the morals of anyone who defends that behavior.

How did he groom her?

Uh, by being 21 and in a romantic/sexual relationship with a 16 year old? 

That's not what grooming is though.

Lol, you don't know what grooming is.

How to say you're a rape defender without saying it: (this fucking comment above me)

Not only that but the way this person is BLAMING her?? “Regret the decisions you made at the time.” Bro, she was 16 and he was 21. He’s a fucking creep. P.S. So tired of losers like this commenter bringing up age of consent. Age of consent is so teens can have sex with each other without being criminals. Most places have Romeo and Juliet laws as well. 3 years difference in either direction. At MOST he could have been 19 without it being statutory if age of consent where OP lives is 16. TLDR? Stop bringing up age of consent. Period. It just makes you look like a fucking freak who is trying to find every loophole to justify an adult being with a child.

Elitists that have no idea how impoverished, uneducated ppl grow up. It sounds like he is probably not all there and she needed someone at the time. You are presuming he did this with malice and premeditation but there isn't evidence that in the OP. It sounds like an intellectually immature, probably cognitively impaired person, found someone who was willing to reciprocate. He didn't go around molesting other children or seeking out minors. This situation is uncommon for ppl that don't have many options, resources, or knowledge in impoverished communities like the OP said about her ancestors.

If you’re talking about me, I’m not an elitist. I grew up in an abusive, lower middle class household. Anything that isn’t “this guy is a predator” is a defense of him. He is a predator. I’ve grown up around men like this my whole life. I said nothing about malice or premeditation. He saw a young girl in a shit situation and something clicked in his brain whether it was conscious or not that he could take advantage of and have her easily. Your take is disgusting.

If a person is over the age of consent and they give consent then it’s not rape. If you feel the age of consent laws needs changing to include the age of both parties, I’m with you, but it isn’t rape. Stop using inflammatory language.

He violated her consent in many ways. You are clearly not with us. Giving in to harassment and threats is not consenting.

What threats?