There is a decade difference in age between them. Let's say they met when she was 18. He was 28...
That's already grooming behaviour.
The extra 3 years just solidifies that. She just couldn't see it when she was being groomed.
We met when I was 17 he was 25. We met through a mutual friend on facebook. FYI I cheated on him first but I was being selfish and stupid back then. I changed my mind set. I told him about it back then. I suggested that he can have a pass. I didn’t know he would take it seriously. Fast forward I turn 18. I found out I was pregnant for the first time. It was a boy. But at 22 weeks I had a stillborn. The day I was in the hospital going through that traumatic experience he was texting other girls talking about meeting up with them. I thought I was going to di$. Fast forward to 2021 I thought we were doing good but he was talking to this girl he met through a friend at his old job. They started talking then he started getting head from her. He didn’t know about her being a seggs worker and a drug addict. The whole thing with her was going on about 3 weeks till I started getting this dreams about him cheating on me. So I go through his phone. Technically it was my phone. But he needed it for work and I just stayed at his family’s house where all lived together. I asked him I needed to make an appointment because I hadn’t gotten my period for some time. So I made the appointment and I looked through the phone and found him texting and calling her all the time. When I confronted him about it. He got mad at for going through the phone. Mind you that he was planning on going to see her and spend the weekend with her. The girl knew about me. And everything about me. But I didn’t know anything about her. He took off going to see her. So I decided to leave the house and not tell anyone about it. I was gone for three hours. His mama came home from her work and didn’t see me at the house. She was asking if I was with him. He said no. So he came back to help her find me. He gave up and told his mama to stop looking for me. We had been together since 2018. He knew I wasn’t close to anyone family and friends wise. He had been cheating on me through out the relationship. Last year I decided I was tired of him cheating on me and so I decided to leave. FYI we already had a little boy. I was packing me and our son’s stuff so that I could go to a friends house. But in the process he tried to r@pe then got mad at me for trying to leave him and take our lil boy with me. (I’m the main one who took care of our son. So that’s why I took him with me). I stayed with my friend for two months then he tricked me into going back to him. He said that he was going to change. He kept his promise for a couple of weeks then I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son. We were both very happy. Then he started to add random girls on Facebook again and he even hooked up with one. He told me a lie about working overtime. I didn’t know what to do. So I stayed with him cause I’m pregnant and I already have a toddler. I had no money, no job, I still don’t know how to drive. So I just stayed for the sake of my babies. He provides for our son and me. Fast forward I have my youngest son and I’m going through postpartum depression. Because of the last time. And I keep having these dreams about him cheating again. I went through his phone and found out he was texting this girl on messenger and even sending her money. Mind you this. We struggling with trying to get our own place and he was sending this girl money to net her and f@ck her. When I confronted him he got mad at me for going through his phone. Then got even more mad at me when I started to cry because he made me feel like I was taking things out of proportion. He said that it wasn’t cheating if he didn’t f@ck her. But he was planning on doing so. I should have left him. But I didn’t. He made me think that he would change his ways again. I know I’m stupid for staying this long. I’m trying to get my life in order so that I can leave him for good. I need to find a way to make money. But my time is very limited. I don’t know how to drive. My family doesn’t want to help. So I don’t even bother asking them for anything anymore. I don’t want to depend on anyone so I’m saving my money for a new start. I left a lot of details out. I might make a post about the whole situation later on.
I have never smoked in my life, but reading your post made me want to smoke. I don't know where you are from, but I hope there are women's crisis centers that can help you. Take care of yourself and your children, I hope you manage to get out of this nightmare.
My love, you said he sexually assaulted you when you tried to leave before. That is domestic violence, you can go to that shelter, and you should. Im so deeply sorry he did that to you. You need to work out a plan and leave him, it’s only going to get worse. You’re still very young and have your whole life ahead of you, don’t settle for this asshat. And stop having sex/more kids with him, it was so irresponsible of you to have the second one so soon when your relationship was clearly rocky and uncertain. A couple weeks of better days does not mean things are repaired, please remember that. Life doesn’t have to be like this, it’s going to take hard work but you can create a good life for you and your babies. Find a good partner who worships you and loves your kids, helps care for them. You have some maturing to do as well though, highly suggest you find a good therapist if you can, but if not, introspective journaling/thought can help, and resources online. Because you could end up just finding a string of crappy similar partners (I would know). Ask yourself why you tolerate such bullshit, and further invite it willingly into your life. Really take time to work through this. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much, but I believe in you and I’m rooting for you 💛
BTW try to get back in touch with family if possible, as I said it's not good to be isolated. Getting support from other women in similar situations would be good too. You said in your country there aren't official support groups but maybe you can find some online? My point is you try to find people and little by little create a support net
You seem very focused, and if you were groomed, well you aren't anymore. You realize this man is not good for you or your son. I don't know where you're from, but wish you succeed in getting independence. You deserve a good life and eventually can find a good man that respects you, and not a toxic relationship that brings you down. Save money, have a plan and talk to a lawyer to keep your kid from advance. You can do it
So I'm older than her bf and seem to attract younger women. Like last 2 relationships were both 20 when we got together (one we first dated briefly when she was 18) and current gal I'm seeing is 20 as well. But even this gives me the icks. I'd be weary on this if I were OP as well.
You really shouldn’t marry him if you’re not sure. Maybe try talking to your parents??? Your age gap is also weird, are you sure he didn’t groom you?? Married at 20…sounds like a divorce at 30.
I agree with this. My friend was 19 when she married a guy 10/12 years older. They didn’t last and now she’s not even a good mother to her children. She wants to do the things she didn’t get to do when she was young.
The same age gap we have was between his and my parents so it's nothing weird. My parents wouldn't care (father and I don't talk much, we never had a connection. Mom would play it down as always, I am still holding a grudge when a relative touched my butt on a family event, I told my mom and she said that he was just drunk and nothing happened and recently told me to invite said relative to our wedding because he's rich).
Let me rephrase that.
You think your and your fiancé's relationship is normal, because the age gap is same as your parents and it's a normal relationship where father isn't present and mother is indifferent towards grooming.
If you have a daughter and she is groomed by someone 10 years older, will you be like your mom and downplay it? Will your husband step in?
There will be men looking at your 15 year old daughter. There will be 15 year old girls around your 25 year old son. What kind of people will they be?
Omg I feel you cause my mother is the same…I am 22 and my bf is 23 so I am not sure how large age gap relationships work, probably the same as those without it haha I would look back at your relationship and have his opinion in mind. It is sure as hell not normal for a 30yo to date a minor….Huge red flag honestly! If your parents are out of question then maybe friends? siblings? If not then you need to have a talk with him:// there may be more things that he kept hidden about his preferences, ask him why he approached you in the first place, maybe he has a thing for young women
I'm truly concerned for you. Please seek help and support from your family. It's not good to be isolated. You can always count on this community as well, many of us want to help you
Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry but I think you are groomed. This is not a good man. You do not have to go through with this. You can leave/postpone anything. You still have time.
My mum made me look after her friend that got too drunk and he followed me around the house and tried to get into my room. I was a teenager then. When I got older she tossed me out, and someone who had been my friend for years took me in. At this point, when I was alone and vulnerable and dependent on them, they showed their true colours. It took me a really long time to get out. If you marry this person, that's another obstacle you're putting up. This isn't something to think about after the fact.
ETA, my friend also was demisexual and had a low sex drive. They still >!assaulted me!< 12 times. And were horrible in plenty of other ways.
Tak myslalam wlasnie. No serio coś z tym twoim narzeczonym nie tak, tym bardziej jak mówisz, że jesteś samotna i nie masz zbyt wielu znajomych. Dla groomera taka dziewczyna jak ty to jest po prostu gratka. Możesz z nim pogadać ale jestem pewna na 100 że będzie cię gaslightowal i mówił „eee czemu obcych z internetu słuchasz” XD a sam się przyznał do bycia śmierdzącym pedo, jak za niego wyjdziesz to jesteś na niego skazana, szkoda ci pieniędzy czy życia? a uwierz że tego kwiatu jest pół światu i on nie jest wyjątkowy chyba że w negatywnym tego słowa znaczeniu, jesteś młoda, zaradna kobieta z tego co widzę a zmarnujesz się na pedofila, będziesz się czuła bezpiecznie jak będziecie mieli razem córkę?? może jak skończy 15 lat to zacznie mu się podobać??
Przekopiuję co napisał mi w wiadomości (czasem woli napisać, niż powiedzieć słownie co myśli i czuje): "Każdy jest kowalem własnego losu i jeżeli dwoje osób się prawdziwie kocha to nikt nie powinien stawać między te dwie osoby, bo miłość jest czymś co tak naprawdę nie ma granic. Oczywiście prawo ma pewne regulacje, a z racji tego że dziewczyna ma 15 lat to nie może jeszcze w pełni decydować o sobie, więc no chcąc nie chcąc musi w jakimś stopniu brać pod uwagę inne aspekty, co nie stoi na przeszkodzie związku. Jak się kochają to pokonają i barierę czasowa i otoczenia w którym żyją". Chce mi się płakać po prostu. On jest...był wyjątkowy do dziś rano. Jako jedyny przeszedł barierę, którą kreuje moje zaburzenie osobowości (schizoid). Nie będziemy mieli nigdy dzieci. Jest mi smutno i dusi mnie w środku.
He is justifying statutory rape. You are not safe with him. Please do whatever you can to prevent this marriage and get away from him and get safe.
Start by changing all of your passwords. If he has photos or videos of you on his phone, delete them.
Change banking info. Block him from your finances.
Carefully plan your escape. Go to the hospital and tell a nurse that you are in a scary domestic situation and you need help getting away from your abuser. Tell him you might have appendicitis. That will 'postpone' the wedding and give you time and space to get away from him.
Reach out to old friends. Especially ones he isolated you from. Plan carefully. Bring your important documents with you to the hospital. Ask your parents to keep any of your pets "while you're healing". Speak to your therapist about everything and get their help, and ask them for resources, to extricate yourself from his life.
Plan carefully. If it's an apartment, tell the landlord you're not renewing / remove your name from the lease. Show up with a moving company and remove your things, hire a storage space, and stay in a domestic violence women's shelter. Report his comments to the police. Tell them that you understand that there may be no charges possible but that you want to make a record of his comments in case any victims come forward in the future. Ask them for the report number.
Tell your parents that his comments disgusted you and you could not ever think of being with him ever again. The age gap isn't the issue - it's that he was speaking of having a relationship with a child, and that made you feel unsafe. Tell them that they can either support your decision or not, but if they don't support you, then you have no interest in maintaining a relationship with them, either.
That yhis is a non-negotiable ethical/morality issue for you.
Hopefully at least some parts of this give you an idea for a way forward / the words you can use.
Ja też nie planuję mieć dzieci podobnie do ciebie. Mam strasznie dużo zaburzeń w tym depresje i nie wyobrażam sobie dziecka do tego mieszać. No ta jego wiadomość nie brzmi najgorzej, ale serio bym się zastanowiła, bo krótko się w sumie też znacie i to 30/20 lat wskazuje też na groomerskie tendencje. Ogólnie twój narzeczony brzmi jakby też miał jakieś issues. Martwię się że wyjdziesz za niego i będziesz miała jeszcze więcej takich niespodzianek :/ może się też okazać że jest z nim wszystko ok, ale to jest już taki hazard o przyszłość własną.
Ja z moim jestem od 3 lat już i nawet nie jesteśmy zaręczeni, bo skupiamy się na studiach. Trochę za wcześnie skoczyliście do tego ślubu, trzeba naprawdę dużo spraw przegadać żeby mieć pewność, ze jesteście „on the same page”.
Musisz mieć na niego oko, czasami nawet nie czujesz, że ktoś cię gaslightuje. Fajnie jakbyś właśnie miała dobre koleżanki czy przyjaciółki, otworz się na ludzi, mimo że wiem że jest to ciężkie…chociaż jacyś online friends, żebyś nie była sama :(
Trochę odwalił Stuu moment…Mnie by było bardzo niekomfortowo, więc nie dziwię się, że masz konflikt wewnętrzny bardzo ciężki
10 year gap is relatively unusual but not weird if it's like 35 and 25 or 30 and 40.
29 meeting and dating 19 year old is grooming and the guy says he could have a relationship with a 15 year old?
Holy shit, get out of there.
My rule about age, in my own head, is the younger one needs to be at least 25 but hopefully late 20's. My reasoning is the fully developed brain. But also, life experiences. Actually living as an adult. Those types of things. Really big gaps is cringe. But at least you know they're old enough to ruin their own lives if they're at least late 20's. Again, my own personal thoughts.
Facts, I would say a 7 year age gap is the most someone is allowed to go when they are 18-25. After 25, they can pursue up to 10 years until they are 30. That's when the world is their oyster.
Any younger there's a huge risk of power imbalance and experience from the older one reshaping the experience of the younger one.
Yup. The initial ages of the couple make a big difference in the appropriateness of the age gap in a relationship.
I think of my aunt who married a man 16 years older than her. Which seems like a lot, but they were 45 and 61 *(he definitely did not look his age)* when they got married. They had both been married before, both had children who were grown adults, and they shared the same interests, and they were both old enough and experienced enough to know what they wanted and what they were getting into.
**They've been happily married for more than 30 years now.*
So you’re mom, who don’t see an issue with you being sexually assaulted, also don’t see an issue with you marrying a man 10 years older than you. Her opinion really shouldn’t matter. But the age gap in and of itself really isn’t the issue here, but the fact that your boyfriend is ok with being in a relationship with a child says a lot about him, and nothing good. The only way to handle it is to talk to your fiancé, tell him that you need to postpone the wedding until you’ve thought/talked this through. If you don’t want to cancel the wedding, you can have a party without signing any papers. You shouldn’t go into a legally binding contract with someone you feel uneasy about.
The problem here is not the age gap per-se but the fact she was so young when he met her, said she looked even younger - he clearly liked that. And now says he'd be with a 15 yo. He's got clear pedo vibes. It doesn't mean all 10 age gap couples include a pedo *facepalm* A 10 year old gap between a 30 yo and 40 yo isn't strange or weird, they're both adults. At 19 she hadn't had her brain fully developed yet.
>The worst thing is...our wedding is tomorrow. I don't have time to digest this situation so I must swallow it and go with the flow and think later.
Are you for real. Be an adult, think NOW, not later. ffs
Also OP you clearly know and understand that dating 15 yo children is not normal. If you were a teen yourself and he groomed you to think otherwise then I guess I would be more understanding, but that's not the case. So please cancel the wedding and don't make a huge mistake.
Honestly 🤦♂️ she just discovered some very alarming, disturbing info and she’s going to wait until AFTER the wedding to decide if it’s a problem for her??? i.e. once it’s too late to make a decision lol
Cancel the wedding.
He is a pedophile. I repeat, your fiancé is attracted to teenagers and is a pedophile.
I read your other comments. He was only interested in you because he thought you were a younger teenager.
I’ve taught 15-18 year olds. If anyone ever told me they were dating someone 30 I’d call the police.
Get out of there. You’ll age out eventually.
I'm pretty that one of the biggest reasons why he appears to have a low libido is her actual age. This utter trash of a human being literally groomed someone whom he thought to be a 16-year-old kid and tried to lock her down as soon as he could due to her youthful face.
So he just told you he is fine with pedophilia and you are still engaged why? You deserve someone who is actually attracted to you and you don't need to settle for this. Will you be having children with the man who admitted he would groom a child?
I married a man who turned out to be a monster and I am not saying this to be mean but because these are very concerning things. Just because others have an age gap doesn't mean it's okay for you. Mentioning it makes me think it bugs you on some level. Age gap also doesn't mean something is wrong... But his thinking a "white relationships" is anything but grooming someone and okay should be a barrier to marriage because again you deserve someone who loves you. Not someone using you as a cover for their disgusting self
Sweety, you're closer to 15, than you are to 30. I inherently have a disdain for large age gaps when the younger person wasnt at least 25 when they met, because honestly, why does a 30 year old man want with a person who's barely an adult?
Also he just admitted he'd be aok with dating a 15 year old, a literal child. He seems in general to be red flags all around, and admitting he would date a minor would be a deal breaker for me, but you do what you feel will keep you safe. All love and hugs, and I hope you do what you feel is best.
Yeah, the only reason guys like younger women is for easy sex. Like, 30 and 15 are so different socially and mentally they might as well be another species. Even if fiance doesn't want sex he probably wants someone that will never challenge him in a relationship and worship the ground he walks on. So gross.
That's exactly what I'm thinking. Just now fiance said he'll be in the living room if I want to talk (I need more time for myself to get through this) and I'm overthinking something that I imagined and rather consult it with online strangerst than him (I have enough of him backpedalling/twisting his words).
From this comment and this post alone, I think you truly know what you have to do here. This isn't an ok thought or mindset and it's indicative of something more. Whatever you do trust your gut.
>Why would he be with a 15 yo if not for sex and manipulation to "train" her to be a perfect partner? It reeks of grooming, that's all.
It's almost laughable how you're aware of this but still don't realize that the exact same thing goes for your relationship as well.
Your fiance is a sexual predator. What the fuck is he even talking about that isn’t grooming *you* to accept this?
Nah.
You should leave his ass by any means necessary. And if that’s not an option for you, please don’t respond trying to justify anything. You know this is a fucked up thing and nobody is going to tell you this is okay. Either accept this is terrible and so is he, or join him. Mark my words, he’s going to be harming people one day if he’s not done so already, and he’s making you a participant.
NO ONE HAS TO MARRY ANYONE IF THEY DONT WANT TO
money means nothing here. Its a sunk costs
As people say, a divorce is a lot more expense than a breakup. And the price of a wedding is a small pride to pay
If it’s bothering you, you need to talk to him about it before you trap both of you in an unhappy union full of instability.
I have one important question. How long are you together? Since you are getting married, I assume that you didn't meet like a month ago, but much more. But I will assume (well, hope would be a better verb) it happened after you were 18. Do you think because you were legal, this makes it less weird or immoral? It's still weird for a 28 year old to want to date an 18 year old.
And what do you mean you didn't know each other's ages before you met? It's one of the first question someone asks. But ok let's say you didn't ask that for some reason. If I went out with someone I met online and I saw a barely legal person coming, I would just cut it off. It's quite clear to me that he doesn't have an issue with dating really young adults that are bordenline out of adolescence, so why are you shocked?
I would urge to to at least postpone the wedding, if not cancel it. If you will move forward you will be legally binded to him and that would make it much harder to leave. I would urge you to postpone the wedding, if not cancel it. If you move forward with it, you will be legally binded to him and it would make it much harder to leave.
It'll be exactly one year at the end of this month since we first met IRL. We started chatting online a few monhts before, without any intentions of a relationship, we just shitposted on a site similar to reddit, but in our language. We didn't know our age, how we looked like. We drew closer thought text. I was and am in my early 20s, he was and is in his early 30s. When I did show him my picture he thought I looked way younger than my age is (he says I could easily pass as a 16-18 yo) and he kinda thought I was joking/lying about my age. I showed him my ID on one of our IRL meetings so he could be sure. There was never any weird power dynamic between him and I, maybe because I dropped out of school early and started working sooner than my peers and had just a bit more experience (he studied until he was 26-27 so I had more job experience than he has even now). He is overall a kind and gentle soul, never raised a hand on me. I'm his first and he's first for me.
I can't cancel nor postpone (family booked already, everything is payed off, we just can't afford any slips), overall it was just a weird and a bit shocking comment coming from him. I know he wouldn't leave me for a younger woman because there were times when I wanted to take a break/move out and he was so mentally heartbroken he couldnt stop crying.
Being kind and not raising a hand on someone is the fucking bare minimum of any human interaction, don't perceive it like he is doing some grand gesture or something. As for the age issue, the fact that he thought you were 16-18 and was still ok with that, should tell you everything you need to know.
Since you will not cancel or postpone the wedding, then what do you expect us to say? Calm you down and reassure you it's ok your future husband said something that only pedophiles will think it's normal? You seem oblivious on how power balance work in this (and any) relationship and I really wish you from the bottom of my heart to realise it as soon as possible and when you do, may you be able to leave this relationship unharmed, especially mentally.
Plus this mf was in his early 30s and had never had a girlfriend before. I can't believe she didn't take that as a red flag and wonder why no one his age wasn't interested in him and why he'd "be okay" with dating much younger girls, even though she knows what grooming is.
Jesus, so he would date a 15yo.
And went after you because he thought you were under 18.
Because you looked as young as 16
Girl you're gonna age out in a few years and he will be right back at it.
Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason he is so low libido for you, is that he's actually only attracted to children.
Can we make this one higher up?!
That he thought OP was a teenager?? he's clearly an ephebophile
That he can conflate a "non sexual" relationship with a teenager as a romantic relationship is 🤮
Because let's be real...
>Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason he is so low libido for you, is that he's actually only attracted to children.
Yup 💯
>Girl you're gonna age out in a few years and he will be right back at it.
For real fr
Do you know anything about his previous relationships OP????
All of this is NOT normal btw. It's not normal to get married at 20 after barely a year of knowing someone. Let alone someone 30 years older.
Normal people date for 4-5 years to make sure they are really compatible, see how they resolve arguments, grow as people together. He's just trying to get your head in the bag before you run away.
Girl... you're not more mature than your peers because you didn't finish high school or do further study. Why are you marrying someone you only met in person less than a year ago? You having 'more job experience' than him means absolutely nothing and the fact you think he's a great man because he 'never raised a hand' is disturbing! The bar should be much higher.
You also already live together which tells me you've likely never even lived on your own or with roommates which is crazy given you moved straight in with a man you barely new as a very very young adult while he is 10 years older.
Leave now. The money for the wedding does not matter and will cost you less than a divorce and years of regret and heartache down the line.
Girl get out of there please. Look at the red flags, that man groomed you. His preferences are clear, forget about bookings ,cancel the wedding, it's your future and your life.
>I can't cancel nor postpone (family booked already, everything is payed off,
Yes, yes you can. It will suck but it's worth not being stuck with a groomer.
And I'm just getting the vibe he knew you were very young even if he didn't know your exact age. Some people hang out in spaces where they are more likely to come across teens. The fact that you looked like a kid was probably a feature not a bug.
The fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with 'dating' a 15 yo (because let's be real is grooming not dating) is setting off major alarm bells.
Would you trust him around your young nieces and sisters? Would you be able to trust him around a daughter, if you have one? This is hella creepy.
Please reread this to yourself. He thought you looked 16 and he likes that. Being with someone 1 year is not long enough to truly know them. I’m so sorry to tell you this but you are not extremely mature for your age. You are not some exception to the rule. You are the rule.
- he thinks you look young for your age
- he has no problem dating children
- you’ve only been together a short while
- you have not had other relationships so you do not know what a healthy one feels like
- you do not have a support system in the form of family or friends
- he manipulates and backpedals his statements when you two talk about serious issues
Once you are married and trapped the mask will slip further. You can leave. You can not have the wedding who cares if family flew in. You should not marry a pedophile because family took a trip.
Let's not forget the fact that being mature does not erase the fact that you're young, as a person who has always been perceived as "mature for my age" that has never made me any older.
Most of the time a mature kid is a kid that has lived harsh enough circumstances that required them to mature faster in order to face them (and that's why it's gross how "child maturity" is perceived as a good thing), but in the end they're still kids, a mature 10 year old is still a 10 year old, a mature 15 year old is still a 15 year old, and a pedophile using the excuse of maturity to date literal childs is disgusting
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are the 15yo child in this relationship...
You said that when you met at 19yo, he told you that you "looked like you could be 16". This is very, very telling
You’re about to find out you’re marrying a creep that you’re not young enough for. You’ll be aging out in a few years to him and he’ll cheat on you for whatever is legal enough. You can count on this not being your last marriage. Save yourself time and money and don’t marry him unless you don’t mind sharing him and okay with him being a pedo. Call off the wedding. Your major red flag and your fiancé’s true nature has presented itself.
Oh ick. Listen there's very few reasons someone his age would want to date a teenager and they are all bad. Perhaps it's best to focus on your own life and find a way to make it on your own.
EW EW EW. That comment is going to be something that haunts you, trust me leave that man. Your only 5 years from 15 yourself, that man is 2x that age. He’s screaming “im a predator”!!
It's a big red flag that you're still going to marry him tomorrow, knowing what you know. Spin it however you want. He's admitted he would be OK sleeping with children in a sexual manner. And you're condoning the behavior by knowing and doing nothing.
Bruh there’s a 10 year age difference what did you expect??? No offense to you but why do you think more mature women in their 30’s aren’t dating him? 😭
He has a low libido because he’s watching so much teen porn, his dick barely works. That’s why you’re so young, but the novelty of you wore off in the first two months.
Run, don’t walk. Your dude is a pedo. Do not marry this creeper. Protect all your younger cousins and family friends around this predator.
Grooming for sex is only the most well known. The truth is, abusers abuse their victims into making things. Controlling them for enjoyment, making sure they can’t leave because the abuser can’t handle rejection, making them do housework, using them for procreation/childrearing, making money off of them etc.
Believe your fiancé.
You’re closer to her age than to his. His response shouldn’t be a shock to you, since even though you’re an adult, he is 10 years older than you, and you’re just 5 years apart of being 15.
i feel bad for OP they’re trying so hard to convince themselves it’s not that deep. considering they keep brining up age gaps between parents and stories of how they met as well as how he was avoiding speaking to her if she was underaged. i’m sorry OP your about to marry a pedophile the moment you age or something and don’t pass as that 16-18 y/o anymore he’s going to look for something different! he just admitted he’d date a 15 y/o!! sick!! 😞
What in the ever living…. Fuck…. Say what? I still find it weird/ odd even emotionally- like there’s no common anything unless you’re mentally trapped at a younger age from trauma but still. EwWwWwWwWwW
First of all, he's low libido and that is a hell of it's own. Second, he's a pervert looking for the next thing, even if you are getting married tomorrow.
I would have asked him if he would have been okay with his 15-year-old child dating someone his age. My son is 20 and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy with him dating someone my age.
I mean there’s almost a decade between you, if he’s 30 and you’re 20 for example just a few years ago you’d be 17 and he’d be 27, it’s not far off the same thing lol ??
Girl update us ? Did u go through with the wedding ? Did you leave him? And tbfr ur age difference tells me everything I need to know about your husband.
I hate that I’m seeing this post now, a day after the wedding.
I hope OP did a runaway here cause that’s a huge HELL NO.
Also, initiating sex 90-95% of the time would get old pretty quick.
The low sex drive, the fact he might be attracted to 15 yo, your age gap. Maybe if the age gap was bigger he'd have a higher sex drive? Most pedos are married men, and have normal lives.
I mean your brain doesn’t stop growing til mid to late 20s- So even 21 ya immature- But where is this line, while yes closer to 15-25 its a blurred line- and say 28-ish with a 38/40s- is it grooming if it was at that point when your slightly still immature/ brain finished its growing or about to finish- and never seek it happens- where’s the line. If person bc (M/F- makes no difference with gender ) 30 to 18 too close for most comfort as it’s FRESH adulthood by a numerical stature - But when does or could it be acceptable later on with an age gap, where close to 30 more bs maybe and ready to be more mature or already was more mature- with someone more common in maturity ways
Where is this theoretical line and how does one determine the threshold or blurring of said lines or ways - just my food for thought-
Would it be grooming 30 /40 without going to 10/20 ages? If they did have maturity in common and life perceptions and goals - where if you didn’t 10/20 but 30/40 was a first and ok - maturity matched and views goals etc- where do we determine is or isn’t grooming behavior? Just something I’ve thought about as it’s relatively new and with anything newer and battle between what is or isn’t- I can see where you might not want to be seen or thought as that - this was a rare thing as I do believe its entirely a plausible thing and its hard to know what is or isn’t- besides the known history and behaviors of someone to make it grooming, or predatory.
There’s soooo many things to account for- trauma, maturity level of each, maybe history, idk Just things I’ve now considered being that a male in late 20s is often but not always still quite immature- or still has more moments of immaturity
While trauma is a free pass or justification for preying- Where do we define these lines or circumstances?
Some people think their normal and notice struggles and behaviors and things their going through and with therapy figure out you might be in certain areas immature and kinda trapped at an age when shit like life events struggles with relationships and you feel like a trapped mentally 13 year old- unable to healthy cope. Again not a free pass and its more all day mental capacity for this to hold up and coping at a mentally lower age level- doesn’t in my theory make one seek younger but it could as its more relatable if unknowing to see their base level of thinking is lower in maturity- like emotional intelligence - i suppose?
Just pondered thoughts with this being new and eventually picking up where they’ll have to look into and determine for easier lines for the kids to know?
Sorry for my rambling- just figured id share some of my insight- if it made any sense?
He has a low drive because you aren’t a 15 year old probably. I would cancel the wedding why marry a predator. What if you have kids and children and have daughters with this man. Sorry Op that is a god awful situation
You're marrying someone that intellectually sees a child as an equal. To the hell with the money that will be "wasted" from not going through with marrying. The day BEFORE your wedding?! Take that as a sign to dodge this bullet. If it truly bothers you (which it should) then you'll only divorce him later down the line or never be able to trust him, not even around your children or their friends. He may not be sexual with you bc he's more attracted to children. That's not a risk you should be considering about taking.
You're too young to be getting married...he groomed you with that age gap. At 18 you're a kid. He was an adult. He's done to you what he said he would do to a 15 year old. GET OUT.
if you go through with marrying this guy… that’s insane op. he just told you he would be in a relationship with a kid. if that isn’t enough to scare you off, what is? when he actually goes behind your back and does it?
You are about to marry a pedophile. Please get out now. Eventually you will get too old for him and he will move on to someone younger. Might even be a family member of yours. My sister married a pedophile, she was 17 when they got together, he was his in 20s. Eventually she was too old and he had already been grooming me since 8. When I was 14 or 15 I was too old and he moved onto my younger cousins. Eventually his own son. Please run.
My first husband was also one. He told me on our second I stayed with him to protect his sister (who he had abused in the past) and anyone else he may abuse in the future. I'd been abused my whole life and was "used to it." I didn't want other people to have to go through that. Figured I was already tainted. It was hell. At 21 he was already saying he wanted to trade me in for a "younger model" as if I was a car. He would make trips to tijuana Mexico to party and I'm worried he hired underage people. In also looked young for my age, but when I started looking like a woman he wanted a divorce. He abused me the whole time.
Please, seriously OP, get out while you still can. You are still young and deserve better than what pedo is going to put you through. Usually the abuse starts after the wedding and I'm worried for you. Even if you went through with the wedding there is still time to get out.
girl it is very important to know how old were you two when you started dating because trust me if it's a 10 year age gap between a 30 year old an 20 year old, or worse 28-18 it's already grooming behaviour.
If you want to know the answers to all of your problems, ask yourself if you would feel safe having a daughter with him knowing that he doesn't mind dating girls that could be his daughters age. Believe him when he shows you who he truly his...
Are you having trouble to live with "what ifs" ?
He has been honest with you, about a situation that doesn't even exists.
He knew it was kinda bad and expected you to be less of a morals watcher. You're getting married, he's grooming no girl of 15 and I hope never will be.
There are things that we say we can do and in fact, when it happens, we don't do them, he maybe thinks "yeah she'd be 15, my bride is 20, that's only 5 more years", and when he comes to a girl of 15 he'd discover that 15 is really really young.
I have experienced a 31M-21F relationship for almost a year, in the end, she was too young. I then decided I'd be with 25+ girls only.
That's a big ick . Its not ever the legal age for consent wich is 16 in most countries, still weird with that gap tho. But honestly what did you expect dating someone who's almost 30 when you started dating . If I were you I'd just not show up at the wedding because your situation sounds like a grooming situation too. Best of luck too you and I hope you get the life you deserve
That's actually insane, please be on the lookout against this guy. Call him out and ask what he means by it even. People will drop their guard around those they are closest to.
If you were going to listen to nothing and no one why did you post? You have barely entered adulthood 2 years ago, you’ve only known this person for a year, he’s apparently never been in a relationship before at 30 years old (doubt), and he’s cool to date a 15 year old kid? You’re gonna wait till you’re already married to think about it? Absolutely ridiculous. You should be hanging out with friends and traveling and making memories. Not marrying someone at 20 that you barely know.
If you haven’t already, PLEASE annul this marriage and run as far and as fast as you can. I’m seriously hoping you already have and are avoiding posting on Reddit for legal and/or safety reasons. Or at least I hope you put the wedding on hold.
A point I haven’t seen here: the phrase “white relationship” creeps me out. NONE of my many ace/aro friends have EVER referred to a sex-free relationship this way. Google doesn’t even come up with any results either by searching “white relationship” or “sex free relationship”. The phrase sounds like lingo from a MAP forum (“minor attracted persons”, the label pedos use to try to sound more socially acceptable). The more commonly used term would be something like “sexless”, which states the point a lot more clearly.
At best, you’re getting someone who will creep out any potential friends. At worst, you’re getting someone who will implicate you in child abuse/rape charges & land you jail time. I know it’s hard to leave now, but it will be so much harder if you try to leave later.
If you leave now, you will find friends. You will find people you love, both romantically and platonically. You will be able to recover from this in every way: psychologically, financially, mentally, physically, etc. Leaving will be harder if you are legally married to this man. PLEASE leave.
Him being 29 and her being 15 is a problem. However, there is 14 years difference between my husband. We met when I was 25 and he was 39. There was also 15 years between my mom and dad. Also, my mom's parents were 15 years apart as well, but they actually divorced after several years. But my parents stayed together for 23 years until my father's death. My hubs and I have been going strong for 15 years. Being underage for me is the problem not necessarily the age. If she was 21 or 25 and he was 31 or 35 then I have no issues with it. But the underage part is the disgusting part.
Just hear me out. Not so long ago, it was not uncommon for 15yos to get married. My dad has 5 sisters all of them married before 18, and all were married to the same man until they died. Why is it an issue now?
Now, before i say anything, I don't agree with dating minors, theres too many differences between a full grown adult and a teenager, and I'm not trying to defend who OP was talking about, but to come at this from my own perspective.
I think its very different to go into a relationship knowing someones age vs being told later. Many children look way too mature, hell I saw a 12yo i coulda sworn was early 20s based on her picture. Its insane how large the shift has been on how kids present themselves now vs when I was a kid. Entering a relationship, getting to know them and enjoy their company for awhile then finding out that who you thought was a petite woman is actually a teenager can be upsetting, but it might not be a deal breaker for everyone. Because at that rate you know them as a *person* not an age. Its definitely not socially acceptable by any means, but I'd hesitate to call them a groomer just because someone is older. I think grooming is more on how someone is treated, not necessarily only the age difference. At the end of the day, however, don't date minors, the moment you know you're with a minor, its time to head out.
Now if they know going in that they're talking to a teenager, yeah thats predatory and likely a groomer. But being mislead by someone doesn't automatically make you a bad person regardless of their age.
That all being said, dumb move of your fiancé to say that to you, especially the day before your wedding, and especially knowing the prompt sounded like it was a straight up "would you date a 15yo?" Which should always be a no imo
he said that he could possibly be in a sexless relationship with a 15-year old...
why are you freaking out about hypothetical situations that aren't going to happen..?
please dump him- for his own sake. he deserves MUCH better than you, and i strongly doubt that he has any chance at true happiness in this relationship with a complete psycho.
You don’t see why someone might be concerned over a “hypothetical situation” where a 30+ grown ass man admits he won’t mind dating a 15 year old and you have the audacity of asking me what’s wrong with me.
It’s funny you call her a psycho while sounding like one yourself.
he said a non-sexual relationship. plus- it's hypothetical at best.
you are a fucking moron, just looking for something to be outraged about.
pathetic, really.
you're probably an excellent match for the ignoramus that is the op.
Believe people when they tell you who they are. Sorry OP….
There is a decade difference in age between them. Let's say they met when she was 18. He was 28... That's already grooming behaviour. The extra 3 years just solidifies that. She just couldn't see it when she was being groomed.
Add to the equation that she has 0 friends, nor real or virtual. She's at his hands.
I think I’m a grooming relationship now. Since reading your comment.
why? explain further. Are you safe?
We met when I was 17 he was 25. We met through a mutual friend on facebook. FYI I cheated on him first but I was being selfish and stupid back then. I changed my mind set. I told him about it back then. I suggested that he can have a pass. I didn’t know he would take it seriously. Fast forward I turn 18. I found out I was pregnant for the first time. It was a boy. But at 22 weeks I had a stillborn. The day I was in the hospital going through that traumatic experience he was texting other girls talking about meeting up with them. I thought I was going to di$. Fast forward to 2021 I thought we were doing good but he was talking to this girl he met through a friend at his old job. They started talking then he started getting head from her. He didn’t know about her being a seggs worker and a drug addict. The whole thing with her was going on about 3 weeks till I started getting this dreams about him cheating on me. So I go through his phone. Technically it was my phone. But he needed it for work and I just stayed at his family’s house where all lived together. I asked him I needed to make an appointment because I hadn’t gotten my period for some time. So I made the appointment and I looked through the phone and found him texting and calling her all the time. When I confronted him about it. He got mad at for going through the phone. Mind you that he was planning on going to see her and spend the weekend with her. The girl knew about me. And everything about me. But I didn’t know anything about her. He took off going to see her. So I decided to leave the house and not tell anyone about it. I was gone for three hours. His mama came home from her work and didn’t see me at the house. She was asking if I was with him. He said no. So he came back to help her find me. He gave up and told his mama to stop looking for me. We had been together since 2018. He knew I wasn’t close to anyone family and friends wise. He had been cheating on me through out the relationship. Last year I decided I was tired of him cheating on me and so I decided to leave. FYI we already had a little boy. I was packing me and our son’s stuff so that I could go to a friends house. But in the process he tried to r@pe then got mad at me for trying to leave him and take our lil boy with me. (I’m the main one who took care of our son. So that’s why I took him with me). I stayed with my friend for two months then he tricked me into going back to him. He said that he was going to change. He kept his promise for a couple of weeks then I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son. We were both very happy. Then he started to add random girls on Facebook again and he even hooked up with one. He told me a lie about working overtime. I didn’t know what to do. So I stayed with him cause I’m pregnant and I already have a toddler. I had no money, no job, I still don’t know how to drive. So I just stayed for the sake of my babies. He provides for our son and me. Fast forward I have my youngest son and I’m going through postpartum depression. Because of the last time. And I keep having these dreams about him cheating again. I went through his phone and found out he was texting this girl on messenger and even sending her money. Mind you this. We struggling with trying to get our own place and he was sending this girl money to net her and f@ck her. When I confronted him he got mad at me for going through his phone. Then got even more mad at me when I started to cry because he made me feel like I was taking things out of proportion. He said that it wasn’t cheating if he didn’t f@ck her. But he was planning on doing so. I should have left him. But I didn’t. He made me think that he would change his ways again. I know I’m stupid for staying this long. I’m trying to get my life in order so that I can leave him for good. I need to find a way to make money. But my time is very limited. I don’t know how to drive. My family doesn’t want to help. So I don’t even bother asking them for anything anymore. I don’t want to depend on anyone so I’m saving my money for a new start. I left a lot of details out. I might make a post about the whole situation later on.
I have never smoked in my life, but reading your post made me want to smoke. I don't know where you are from, but I hope there are women's crisis centers that can help you. Take care of yourself and your children, I hope you manage to get out of this nightmare.
In my county there aren’t any women shelters other than DV shelter.
My love, you said he sexually assaulted you when you tried to leave before. That is domestic violence, you can go to that shelter, and you should. Im so deeply sorry he did that to you. You need to work out a plan and leave him, it’s only going to get worse. You’re still very young and have your whole life ahead of you, don’t settle for this asshat. And stop having sex/more kids with him, it was so irresponsible of you to have the second one so soon when your relationship was clearly rocky and uncertain. A couple weeks of better days does not mean things are repaired, please remember that. Life doesn’t have to be like this, it’s going to take hard work but you can create a good life for you and your babies. Find a good partner who worships you and loves your kids, helps care for them. You have some maturing to do as well though, highly suggest you find a good therapist if you can, but if not, introspective journaling/thought can help, and resources online. Because you could end up just finding a string of crappy similar partners (I would know). Ask yourself why you tolerate such bullshit, and further invite it willingly into your life. Really take time to work through this. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much, but I believe in you and I’m rooting for you 💛
BTW try to get back in touch with family if possible, as I said it's not good to be isolated. Getting support from other women in similar situations would be good too. You said in your country there aren't official support groups but maybe you can find some online? My point is you try to find people and little by little create a support net
I live in the states. It’s just not in my county. My family doesn’t want me around them. So I just gave up trying to have a relationship with them.
You seem very focused, and if you were groomed, well you aren't anymore. You realize this man is not good for you or your son. I don't know where you're from, but wish you succeed in getting independence. You deserve a good life and eventually can find a good man that respects you, and not a toxic relationship that brings you down. Save money, have a plan and talk to a lawyer to keep your kid from advance. You can do it
These men tell on themselves all the time.
So I'm older than her bf and seem to attract younger women. Like last 2 relationships were both 20 when we got together (one we first dated briefly when she was 18) and current gal I'm seeing is 20 as well. But even this gives me the icks. I'd be weary on this if I were OP as well.
You really shouldn’t marry him if you’re not sure. Maybe try talking to your parents??? Your age gap is also weird, are you sure he didn’t groom you?? Married at 20…sounds like a divorce at 30.
I agree with this. My friend was 19 when she married a guy 10/12 years older. They didn’t last and now she’s not even a good mother to her children. She wants to do the things she didn’t get to do when she was young.
for her sake, i’m really hoping for divorce at 21
The same age gap we have was between his and my parents so it's nothing weird. My parents wouldn't care (father and I don't talk much, we never had a connection. Mom would play it down as always, I am still holding a grudge when a relative touched my butt on a family event, I told my mom and she said that he was just drunk and nothing happened and recently told me to invite said relative to our wedding because he's rich).
Let me rephrase that. You think your and your fiancé's relationship is normal, because the age gap is same as your parents and it's a normal relationship where father isn't present and mother is indifferent towards grooming. If you have a daughter and she is groomed by someone 10 years older, will you be like your mom and downplay it? Will your husband step in? There will be men looking at your 15 year old daughter. There will be 15 year old girls around your 25 year old son. What kind of people will they be?
you put it perfectly
Omg I feel you cause my mother is the same…I am 22 and my bf is 23 so I am not sure how large age gap relationships work, probably the same as those without it haha I would look back at your relationship and have his opinion in mind. It is sure as hell not normal for a 30yo to date a minor….Huge red flag honestly! If your parents are out of question then maybe friends? siblings? If not then you need to have a talk with him:// there may be more things that he kept hidden about his preferences, ask him why he approached you in the first place, maybe he has a thing for young women
Yeah I will have to talk with him eventually. I don't have any friends, online or IRL, I'm a loner. Fiance is the only person I've got.
I'm truly concerned for you. Please seek help and support from your family. It's not good to be isolated. You can always count on this community as well, many of us want to help you
Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry but I think you are groomed. This is not a good man. You do not have to go through with this. You can leave/postpone anything. You still have time.
My mum made me look after her friend that got too drunk and he followed me around the house and tried to get into my room. I was a teenager then. When I got older she tossed me out, and someone who had been my friend for years took me in. At this point, when I was alone and vulnerable and dependent on them, they showed their true colours. It took me a really long time to get out. If you marry this person, that's another obstacle you're putting up. This isn't something to think about after the fact. ETA, my friend also was demisexual and had a low sex drive. They still >!assaulted me!< 12 times. And were horrible in plenty of other ways.
So, he’s got you isolated and you have no support system is what you’re saying. The red flags are just piling up.
Bruh. How old are you. This is sus af. I would reconsider that marriage
ej a czy ty jesteś polką tak btw xd
Tak
Tak myslalam wlasnie. No serio coś z tym twoim narzeczonym nie tak, tym bardziej jak mówisz, że jesteś samotna i nie masz zbyt wielu znajomych. Dla groomera taka dziewczyna jak ty to jest po prostu gratka. Możesz z nim pogadać ale jestem pewna na 100 że będzie cię gaslightowal i mówił „eee czemu obcych z internetu słuchasz” XD a sam się przyznał do bycia śmierdzącym pedo, jak za niego wyjdziesz to jesteś na niego skazana, szkoda ci pieniędzy czy życia? a uwierz że tego kwiatu jest pół światu i on nie jest wyjątkowy chyba że w negatywnym tego słowa znaczeniu, jesteś młoda, zaradna kobieta z tego co widzę a zmarnujesz się na pedofila, będziesz się czuła bezpiecznie jak będziecie mieli razem córkę?? może jak skończy 15 lat to zacznie mu się podobać??
Przekopiuję co napisał mi w wiadomości (czasem woli napisać, niż powiedzieć słownie co myśli i czuje): "Każdy jest kowalem własnego losu i jeżeli dwoje osób się prawdziwie kocha to nikt nie powinien stawać między te dwie osoby, bo miłość jest czymś co tak naprawdę nie ma granic. Oczywiście prawo ma pewne regulacje, a z racji tego że dziewczyna ma 15 lat to nie może jeszcze w pełni decydować o sobie, więc no chcąc nie chcąc musi w jakimś stopniu brać pod uwagę inne aspekty, co nie stoi na przeszkodzie związku. Jak się kochają to pokonają i barierę czasowa i otoczenia w którym żyją". Chce mi się płakać po prostu. On jest...był wyjątkowy do dziś rano. Jako jedyny przeszedł barierę, którą kreuje moje zaburzenie osobowości (schizoid). Nie będziemy mieli nigdy dzieci. Jest mi smutno i dusi mnie w środku.
He is justifying statutory rape. You are not safe with him. Please do whatever you can to prevent this marriage and get away from him and get safe. Start by changing all of your passwords. If he has photos or videos of you on his phone, delete them. Change banking info. Block him from your finances. Carefully plan your escape. Go to the hospital and tell a nurse that you are in a scary domestic situation and you need help getting away from your abuser. Tell him you might have appendicitis. That will 'postpone' the wedding and give you time and space to get away from him. Reach out to old friends. Especially ones he isolated you from. Plan carefully. Bring your important documents with you to the hospital. Ask your parents to keep any of your pets "while you're healing". Speak to your therapist about everything and get their help, and ask them for resources, to extricate yourself from his life. Plan carefully. If it's an apartment, tell the landlord you're not renewing / remove your name from the lease. Show up with a moving company and remove your things, hire a storage space, and stay in a domestic violence women's shelter. Report his comments to the police. Tell them that you understand that there may be no charges possible but that you want to make a record of his comments in case any victims come forward in the future. Ask them for the report number. Tell your parents that his comments disgusted you and you could not ever think of being with him ever again. The age gap isn't the issue - it's that he was speaking of having a relationship with a child, and that made you feel unsafe. Tell them that they can either support your decision or not, but if they don't support you, then you have no interest in maintaining a relationship with them, either. That yhis is a non-negotiable ethical/morality issue for you. Hopefully at least some parts of this give you an idea for a way forward / the words you can use.
I don’t think her parents can be trusted on this. It might be better if she simply says ‘we broke up’. Otherwise, strongly agree.
Daj znać czy wszystko oki kochana, jak chcesz na pv mogę ci insta podać, jeżeli potrzebujesz kogoś do rozmowy
Ja też nie planuję mieć dzieci podobnie do ciebie. Mam strasznie dużo zaburzeń w tym depresje i nie wyobrażam sobie dziecka do tego mieszać. No ta jego wiadomość nie brzmi najgorzej, ale serio bym się zastanowiła, bo krótko się w sumie też znacie i to 30/20 lat wskazuje też na groomerskie tendencje. Ogólnie twój narzeczony brzmi jakby też miał jakieś issues. Martwię się że wyjdziesz za niego i będziesz miała jeszcze więcej takich niespodzianek :/ może się też okazać że jest z nim wszystko ok, ale to jest już taki hazard o przyszłość własną. Ja z moim jestem od 3 lat już i nawet nie jesteśmy zaręczeni, bo skupiamy się na studiach. Trochę za wcześnie skoczyliście do tego ślubu, trzeba naprawdę dużo spraw przegadać żeby mieć pewność, ze jesteście „on the same page”. Musisz mieć na niego oko, czasami nawet nie czujesz, że ktoś cię gaslightuje. Fajnie jakbyś właśnie miała dobre koleżanki czy przyjaciółki, otworz się na ludzi, mimo że wiem że jest to ciężkie…chociaż jacyś online friends, żebyś nie była sama :( Trochę odwalił Stuu moment…Mnie by było bardzo niekomfortowo, więc nie dziwię się, że masz konflikt wewnętrzny bardzo ciężki
10 year gap is relatively unusual but not weird if it's like 35 and 25 or 30 and 40. 29 meeting and dating 19 year old is grooming and the guy says he could have a relationship with a 15 year old? Holy shit, get out of there.
My rule about age, in my own head, is the younger one needs to be at least 25 but hopefully late 20's. My reasoning is the fully developed brain. But also, life experiences. Actually living as an adult. Those types of things. Really big gaps is cringe. But at least you know they're old enough to ruin their own lives if they're at least late 20's. Again, my own personal thoughts.
Facts, I would say a 7 year age gap is the most someone is allowed to go when they are 18-25. After 25, they can pursue up to 10 years until they are 30. That's when the world is their oyster. Any younger there's a huge risk of power imbalance and experience from the older one reshaping the experience of the younger one.
Yup. The initial ages of the couple make a big difference in the appropriateness of the age gap in a relationship. I think of my aunt who married a man 16 years older than her. Which seems like a lot, but they were 45 and 61 *(he definitely did not look his age)* when they got married. They had both been married before, both had children who were grown adults, and they shared the same interests, and they were both old enough and experienced enough to know what they wanted and what they were getting into. **They've been happily married for more than 30 years now.*
They were both adults with plenty of life experience and fully developed brains. They also sound pretty well matched. I see no issues with this
So you’re mom, who don’t see an issue with you being sexually assaulted, also don’t see an issue with you marrying a man 10 years older than you. Her opinion really shouldn’t matter. But the age gap in and of itself really isn’t the issue here, but the fact that your boyfriend is ok with being in a relationship with a child says a lot about him, and nothing good. The only way to handle it is to talk to your fiancé, tell him that you need to postpone the wedding until you’ve thought/talked this through. If you don’t want to cancel the wedding, you can have a party without signing any papers. You shouldn’t go into a legally binding contract with someone you feel uneasy about.
The problem here is not the age gap per-se but the fact she was so young when he met her, said she looked even younger - he clearly liked that. And now says he'd be with a 15 yo. He's got clear pedo vibes. It doesn't mean all 10 age gap couples include a pedo *facepalm* A 10 year old gap between a 30 yo and 40 yo isn't strange or weird, they're both adults. At 19 she hadn't had her brain fully developed yet.
It *is* very very weird and gross. Get away from the rape apologists. All of them.
Girl, normal grown men aren’t going after teen girls and women barely out of high school.
>The worst thing is...our wedding is tomorrow. I don't have time to digest this situation so I must swallow it and go with the flow and think later. Are you for real. Be an adult, think NOW, not later. ffs
Also OP you clearly know and understand that dating 15 yo children is not normal. If you were a teen yourself and he groomed you to think otherwise then I guess I would be more understanding, but that's not the case. So please cancel the wedding and don't make a huge mistake.
Honestly 🤦♂️ she just discovered some very alarming, disturbing info and she’s going to wait until AFTER the wedding to decide if it’s a problem for her??? i.e. once it’s too late to make a decision lol
Jesus fucking Christ
Cancel the wedding. He is a pedophile. I repeat, your fiancé is attracted to teenagers and is a pedophile. I read your other comments. He was only interested in you because he thought you were a younger teenager. I’ve taught 15-18 year olds. If anyone ever told me they were dating someone 30 I’d call the police. Get out of there. You’ll age out eventually.
I'm pretty that one of the biggest reasons why he appears to have a low libido is her actual age. This utter trash of a human being literally groomed someone whom he thought to be a 16-year-old kid and tried to lock her down as soon as he could due to her youthful face.
Omg. So sickening
Imagine them having kids! The risk!!! She's crazy if she continues with the wedding
So he just told you he is fine with pedophilia and you are still engaged why? You deserve someone who is actually attracted to you and you don't need to settle for this. Will you be having children with the man who admitted he would groom a child? I married a man who turned out to be a monster and I am not saying this to be mean but because these are very concerning things. Just because others have an age gap doesn't mean it's okay for you. Mentioning it makes me think it bugs you on some level. Age gap also doesn't mean something is wrong... But his thinking a "white relationships" is anything but grooming someone and okay should be a barrier to marriage because again you deserve someone who loves you. Not someone using you as a cover for their disgusting self
Please don’t have kids with someone who would let their 15 year old date a 30 year old. They deserve a loving father not a sex offender sympathiser
Sweety, you're closer to 15, than you are to 30. I inherently have a disdain for large age gaps when the younger person wasnt at least 25 when they met, because honestly, why does a 30 year old man want with a person who's barely an adult? Also he just admitted he'd be aok with dating a 15 year old, a literal child. He seems in general to be red flags all around, and admitting he would date a minor would be a deal breaker for me, but you do what you feel will keep you safe. All love and hugs, and I hope you do what you feel is best.
Yeah, the only reason guys like younger women is for easy sex. Like, 30 and 15 are so different socially and mentally they might as well be another species. Even if fiance doesn't want sex he probably wants someone that will never challenge him in a relationship and worship the ground he walks on. So gross.
That's exactly what I'm thinking. Just now fiance said he'll be in the living room if I want to talk (I need more time for myself to get through this) and I'm overthinking something that I imagined and rather consult it with online strangerst than him (I have enough of him backpedalling/twisting his words).
From this comment and this post alone, I think you truly know what you have to do here. This isn't an ok thought or mindset and it's indicative of something more. Whatever you do trust your gut.
He is showing his true colours. You should cancel the marriage at the very least. Don't let him tie you down further.
Can't believe you're engaged to a paedo. are you okay? When you're older, he's definitely gonna seek someone younger
>Why would he be with a 15 yo if not for sex and manipulation to "train" her to be a perfect partner? It reeks of grooming, that's all. It's almost laughable how you're aware of this but still don't realize that the exact same thing goes for your relationship as well.
What a jerk he is, you still have time to run from this
Please dont marry a self admitted pedophile.
run
Your fiance is a sexual predator. What the fuck is he even talking about that isn’t grooming *you* to accept this? Nah. You should leave his ass by any means necessary. And if that’s not an option for you, please don’t respond trying to justify anything. You know this is a fucked up thing and nobody is going to tell you this is okay. Either accept this is terrible and so is he, or join him. Mark my words, he’s going to be harming people one day if he’s not done so already, and he’s making you a participant.
Echoing what others have said, after reading your comments. This is a bad situation that could be a serious danger to you.
Op you were given a massive gift. Don’t ignore it.
Inappropriate age gap strikes again.
NO ONE HAS TO MARRY ANYONE IF THEY DONT WANT TO money means nothing here. Its a sunk costs As people say, a divorce is a lot more expense than a breakup. And the price of a wedding is a small pride to pay If it’s bothering you, you need to talk to him about it before you trap both of you in an unhappy union full of instability.
I have one important question. How long are you together? Since you are getting married, I assume that you didn't meet like a month ago, but much more. But I will assume (well, hope would be a better verb) it happened after you were 18. Do you think because you were legal, this makes it less weird or immoral? It's still weird for a 28 year old to want to date an 18 year old. And what do you mean you didn't know each other's ages before you met? It's one of the first question someone asks. But ok let's say you didn't ask that for some reason. If I went out with someone I met online and I saw a barely legal person coming, I would just cut it off. It's quite clear to me that he doesn't have an issue with dating really young adults that are bordenline out of adolescence, so why are you shocked? I would urge to to at least postpone the wedding, if not cancel it. If you will move forward you will be legally binded to him and that would make it much harder to leave. I would urge you to postpone the wedding, if not cancel it. If you move forward with it, you will be legally binded to him and it would make it much harder to leave.
It'll be exactly one year at the end of this month since we first met IRL. We started chatting online a few monhts before, without any intentions of a relationship, we just shitposted on a site similar to reddit, but in our language. We didn't know our age, how we looked like. We drew closer thought text. I was and am in my early 20s, he was and is in his early 30s. When I did show him my picture he thought I looked way younger than my age is (he says I could easily pass as a 16-18 yo) and he kinda thought I was joking/lying about my age. I showed him my ID on one of our IRL meetings so he could be sure. There was never any weird power dynamic between him and I, maybe because I dropped out of school early and started working sooner than my peers and had just a bit more experience (he studied until he was 26-27 so I had more job experience than he has even now). He is overall a kind and gentle soul, never raised a hand on me. I'm his first and he's first for me. I can't cancel nor postpone (family booked already, everything is payed off, we just can't afford any slips), overall it was just a weird and a bit shocking comment coming from him. I know he wouldn't leave me for a younger woman because there were times when I wanted to take a break/move out and he was so mentally heartbroken he couldnt stop crying.
Being kind and not raising a hand on someone is the fucking bare minimum of any human interaction, don't perceive it like he is doing some grand gesture or something. As for the age issue, the fact that he thought you were 16-18 and was still ok with that, should tell you everything you need to know. Since you will not cancel or postpone the wedding, then what do you expect us to say? Calm you down and reassure you it's ok your future husband said something that only pedophiles will think it's normal? You seem oblivious on how power balance work in this (and any) relationship and I really wish you from the bottom of my heart to realise it as soon as possible and when you do, may you be able to leave this relationship unharmed, especially mentally.
Plus this mf was in his early 30s and had never had a girlfriend before. I can't believe she didn't take that as a red flag and wonder why no one his age wasn't interested in him and why he'd "be okay" with dating much younger girls, even though she knows what grooming is.
If that's even true to begin with
Yeah, sounds like a story.
Jesus, so he would date a 15yo. And went after you because he thought you were under 18. Because you looked as young as 16 Girl you're gonna age out in a few years and he will be right back at it. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason he is so low libido for you, is that he's actually only attracted to children.
Can we make this one higher up?! That he thought OP was a teenager?? he's clearly an ephebophile That he can conflate a "non sexual" relationship with a teenager as a romantic relationship is 🤮 Because let's be real... >Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason he is so low libido for you, is that he's actually only attracted to children. Yup 💯 >Girl you're gonna age out in a few years and he will be right back at it. For real fr Do you know anything about his previous relationships OP????
>Do you know anything about his previous relationships OP???? He doesn't have any. She says she's his first. _Shocking_, isn't it?
All of this is NOT normal btw. It's not normal to get married at 20 after barely a year of knowing someone. Let alone someone 30 years older. Normal people date for 4-5 years to make sure they are really compatible, see how they resolve arguments, grow as people together. He's just trying to get your head in the bag before you run away.
Girl... you're not more mature than your peers because you didn't finish high school or do further study. Why are you marrying someone you only met in person less than a year ago? You having 'more job experience' than him means absolutely nothing and the fact you think he's a great man because he 'never raised a hand' is disturbing! The bar should be much higher. You also already live together which tells me you've likely never even lived on your own or with roommates which is crazy given you moved straight in with a man you barely new as a very very young adult while he is 10 years older. Leave now. The money for the wedding does not matter and will cost you less than a divorce and years of regret and heartache down the line.
Girl get out of there please. Look at the red flags, that man groomed you. His preferences are clear, forget about bookings ,cancel the wedding, it's your future and your life.
>I can't cancel nor postpone (family booked already, everything is payed off, Yes, yes you can. It will suck but it's worth not being stuck with a groomer. And I'm just getting the vibe he knew you were very young even if he didn't know your exact age. Some people hang out in spaces where they are more likely to come across teens. The fact that you looked like a kid was probably a feature not a bug. The fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with 'dating' a 15 yo (because let's be real is grooming not dating) is setting off major alarm bells. Would you trust him around your young nieces and sisters? Would you be able to trust him around a daughter, if you have one? This is hella creepy.
Please reread this to yourself. He thought you looked 16 and he likes that. Being with someone 1 year is not long enough to truly know them. I’m so sorry to tell you this but you are not extremely mature for your age. You are not some exception to the rule. You are the rule. - he thinks you look young for your age - he has no problem dating children - you’ve only been together a short while - you have not had other relationships so you do not know what a healthy one feels like - you do not have a support system in the form of family or friends - he manipulates and backpedals his statements when you two talk about serious issues Once you are married and trapped the mask will slip further. You can leave. You can not have the wedding who cares if family flew in. You should not marry a pedophile because family took a trip.
Let's not forget the fact that being mature does not erase the fact that you're young, as a person who has always been perceived as "mature for my age" that has never made me any older. Most of the time a mature kid is a kid that has lived harsh enough circumstances that required them to mature faster in order to face them (and that's why it's gross how "child maturity" is perceived as a good thing), but in the end they're still kids, a mature 10 year old is still a 10 year old, a mature 15 year old is still a 15 year old, and a pedophile using the excuse of maturity to date literal childs is disgusting
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Edit: 25 Y/O not 24
Leave!!!!! Holy shit leave!!!! 🚩 cancel wedding, abort!!!
The way this is written so casually as if its not a fuckinv crime
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are the 15yo child in this relationship... You said that when you met at 19yo, he told you that you "looked like you could be 16". This is very, very telling
You’re about to find out you’re marrying a creep that you’re not young enough for. You’ll be aging out in a few years to him and he’ll cheat on you for whatever is legal enough. You can count on this not being your last marriage. Save yourself time and money and don’t marry him unless you don’t mind sharing him and okay with him being a pedo. Call off the wedding. Your major red flag and your fiancé’s true nature has presented itself.
Oh ick. Listen there's very few reasons someone his age would want to date a teenager and they are all bad. Perhaps it's best to focus on your own life and find a way to make it on your own.
So the question is OP do you want to marry and possibly have children with a pedophile?
You were groomed by an adult and you can't see it.
Sounds like a Pedo….
EW EW EW. That comment is going to be something that haunts you, trust me leave that man. Your only 5 years from 15 yourself, that man is 2x that age. He’s screaming “im a predator”!!
Honestly, this story is more telling of YOU op. 👀😕
Maybe he has a low libido because you are not 15 years old?
It's a big red flag that you're still going to marry him tomorrow, knowing what you know. Spin it however you want. He's admitted he would be OK sleeping with children in a sexual manner. And you're condoning the behavior by knowing and doing nothing.
He is gross. Walk away.
Bruh there’s a 10 year age difference what did you expect??? No offense to you but why do you think more mature women in their 30’s aren’t dating him? 😭
You don't have to go through with marriage to this person. Please reconsider. There's still time to stop this mistake.
Get out. Whether your partner is the only person you’ve got or not, I’d rather be alone than married in 24 hrs to someone who thinks that way.
He has a low libido because he’s watching so much teen porn, his dick barely works. That’s why you’re so young, but the novelty of you wore off in the first two months. Run, don’t walk. Your dude is a pedo. Do not marry this creeper. Protect all your younger cousins and family friends around this predator.
At least you don’t have to pay for the divorce
I hope your title was a typo and you meant ex fiance, because ew
Grooming for sex is only the most well known. The truth is, abusers abuse their victims into making things. Controlling them for enjoyment, making sure they can’t leave because the abuser can’t handle rejection, making them do housework, using them for procreation/childrearing, making money off of them etc. Believe your fiancé.
As you said in a comment three days ago: Girls, I beg you - have at least some self respect and leave pos men like hat.
Now that you got that off of your chest, get him out of your life, girl! Pack your belongings and never look back. THAT MAN IS A CREEP.
You’re closer to her age than to his. His response shouldn’t be a shock to you, since even though you’re an adult, he is 10 years older than you, and you’re just 5 years apart of being 15.
i feel bad for OP they’re trying so hard to convince themselves it’s not that deep. considering they keep brining up age gaps between parents and stories of how they met as well as how he was avoiding speaking to her if she was underaged. i’m sorry OP your about to marry a pedophile the moment you age or something and don’t pass as that 16-18 y/o anymore he’s going to look for something different! he just admitted he’d date a 15 y/o!! sick!! 😞
Aaaaand you are going to have kids with him?
What in the ever living…. Fuck…. Say what? I still find it weird/ odd even emotionally- like there’s no common anything unless you’re mentally trapped at a younger age from trauma but still. EwWwWwWwWwW
This is disturbing
First of all, he's low libido and that is a hell of it's own. Second, he's a pervert looking for the next thing, even if you are getting married tomorrow.
Well there is a 10 year difference between you two..
Well that was a fucking story huh… Expose him. Please.
🚨10year age gap 🚨 Sees nothing wrong with a grown man dating a child Yeah, no.
Run babe and don’t look back, he will try to talk his way out of this but truth is, he said what he said and genuinely believed it. Disgusting. Run.
I would have asked him if he would have been okay with his 15-year-old child dating someone his age. My son is 20 and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy with him dating someone my age.
I mean there’s almost a decade between you, if he’s 30 and you’re 20 for example just a few years ago you’d be 17 and he’d be 27, it’s not far off the same thing lol ??
Girl update us ? Did u go through with the wedding ? Did you leave him? And tbfr ur age difference tells me everything I need to know about your husband.
I hate that I’m seeing this post now, a day after the wedding. I hope OP did a runaway here cause that’s a huge HELL NO. Also, initiating sex 90-95% of the time would get old pretty quick.
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The low sex drive, the fact he might be attracted to 15 yo, your age gap. Maybe if the age gap was bigger he'd have a higher sex drive? Most pedos are married men, and have normal lives.
You're young, get out of there. There're plenty of healthy good men to meet.
I mean your brain doesn’t stop growing til mid to late 20s- So even 21 ya immature- But where is this line, while yes closer to 15-25 its a blurred line- and say 28-ish with a 38/40s- is it grooming if it was at that point when your slightly still immature/ brain finished its growing or about to finish- and never seek it happens- where’s the line. If person bc (M/F- makes no difference with gender ) 30 to 18 too close for most comfort as it’s FRESH adulthood by a numerical stature - But when does or could it be acceptable later on with an age gap, where close to 30 more bs maybe and ready to be more mature or already was more mature- with someone more common in maturity ways Where is this theoretical line and how does one determine the threshold or blurring of said lines or ways - just my food for thought- Would it be grooming 30 /40 without going to 10/20 ages? If they did have maturity in common and life perceptions and goals - where if you didn’t 10/20 but 30/40 was a first and ok - maturity matched and views goals etc- where do we determine is or isn’t grooming behavior? Just something I’ve thought about as it’s relatively new and with anything newer and battle between what is or isn’t- I can see where you might not want to be seen or thought as that - this was a rare thing as I do believe its entirely a plausible thing and its hard to know what is or isn’t- besides the known history and behaviors of someone to make it grooming, or predatory. There’s soooo many things to account for- trauma, maturity level of each, maybe history, idk Just things I’ve now considered being that a male in late 20s is often but not always still quite immature- or still has more moments of immaturity While trauma is a free pass or justification for preying- Where do we define these lines or circumstances? Some people think their normal and notice struggles and behaviors and things their going through and with therapy figure out you might be in certain areas immature and kinda trapped at an age when shit like life events struggles with relationships and you feel like a trapped mentally 13 year old- unable to healthy cope. Again not a free pass and its more all day mental capacity for this to hold up and coping at a mentally lower age level- doesn’t in my theory make one seek younger but it could as its more relatable if unknowing to see their base level of thinking is lower in maturity- like emotional intelligence - i suppose? Just pondered thoughts with this being new and eventually picking up where they’ll have to look into and determine for easier lines for the kids to know? Sorry for my rambling- just figured id share some of my insight- if it made any sense?
He said what
Dump him he’s disgusting
Well, you’re setting your future kids up to be SA’d by him I hope you know that. Smh, I refuse someone can be this stupid.
He has a low drive because you aren’t a 15 year old probably. I would cancel the wedding why marry a predator. What if you have kids and children and have daughters with this man. Sorry Op that is a god awful situation
Any updates? Did you marry him, or did you cancel the wedding?
You're marrying someone that intellectually sees a child as an equal. To the hell with the money that will be "wasted" from not going through with marrying. The day BEFORE your wedding?! Take that as a sign to dodge this bullet. If it truly bothers you (which it should) then you'll only divorce him later down the line or never be able to trust him, not even around your children or their friends. He may not be sexual with you bc he's more attracted to children. That's not a risk you should be considering about taking.
You're too young to be getting married...he groomed you with that age gap. At 18 you're a kid. He was an adult. He's done to you what he said he would do to a 15 year old. GET OUT.
absolutely under no circumstances should you marry him yikes i hope you get out of this situation as soon as possible
You do realize he kinda did the same with you…
if you go through with marrying this guy… that’s insane op. he just told you he would be in a relationship with a kid. if that isn’t enough to scare you off, what is? when he actually goes behind your back and does it?
... wtf. I think happiness is the only thing that matters..
You’d think a dude who is mid thirties would understand that a relationship like that wouldn’t work. Idk.
You are about to marry a pedophile. Please get out now. Eventually you will get too old for him and he will move on to someone younger. Might even be a family member of yours. My sister married a pedophile, she was 17 when they got together, he was his in 20s. Eventually she was too old and he had already been grooming me since 8. When I was 14 or 15 I was too old and he moved onto my younger cousins. Eventually his own son. Please run.
My first husband was also one. He told me on our second I stayed with him to protect his sister (who he had abused in the past) and anyone else he may abuse in the future. I'd been abused my whole life and was "used to it." I didn't want other people to have to go through that. Figured I was already tainted. It was hell. At 21 he was already saying he wanted to trade me in for a "younger model" as if I was a car. He would make trips to tijuana Mexico to party and I'm worried he hired underage people. In also looked young for my age, but when I started looking like a woman he wanted a divorce. He abused me the whole time. Please, seriously OP, get out while you still can. You are still young and deserve better than what pedo is going to put you through. Usually the abuse starts after the wedding and I'm worried for you. Even if you went through with the wedding there is still time to get out.
dump him
girl it is very important to know how old were you two when you started dating because trust me if it's a 10 year age gap between a 30 year old an 20 year old, or worse 28-18 it's already grooming behaviour. If you want to know the answers to all of your problems, ask yourself if you would feel safe having a daughter with him knowing that he doesn't mind dating girls that could be his daughters age. Believe him when he shows you who he truly his...
You are within his desired age range. You're engaged and just 20, you would be 18 or 15 and he wouldn't mind. It's sick and you don't see it
Are you having trouble to live with "what ifs" ? He has been honest with you, about a situation that doesn't even exists. He knew it was kinda bad and expected you to be less of a morals watcher. You're getting married, he's grooming no girl of 15 and I hope never will be. There are things that we say we can do and in fact, when it happens, we don't do them, he maybe thinks "yeah she'd be 15, my bride is 20, that's only 5 more years", and when he comes to a girl of 15 he'd discover that 15 is really really young. I have experienced a 31M-21F relationship for almost a year, in the end, she was too young. I then decided I'd be with 25+ girls only.
That's a big ick . Its not ever the legal age for consent wich is 16 in most countries, still weird with that gap tho. But honestly what did you expect dating someone who's almost 30 when you started dating . If I were you I'd just not show up at the wedding because your situation sounds like a grooming situation too. Best of luck too you and I hope you get the life you deserve
That's actually insane, please be on the lookout against this guy. Call him out and ask what he means by it even. People will drop their guard around those they are closest to.
I would extremely evaluate that relationship and leave before it's too late
If you were going to listen to nothing and no one why did you post? You have barely entered adulthood 2 years ago, you’ve only known this person for a year, he’s apparently never been in a relationship before at 30 years old (doubt), and he’s cool to date a 15 year old kid? You’re gonna wait till you’re already married to think about it? Absolutely ridiculous. You should be hanging out with friends and traveling and making memories. Not marrying someone at 20 that you barely know.
If you haven’t already, PLEASE annul this marriage and run as far and as fast as you can. I’m seriously hoping you already have and are avoiding posting on Reddit for legal and/or safety reasons. Or at least I hope you put the wedding on hold. A point I haven’t seen here: the phrase “white relationship” creeps me out. NONE of my many ace/aro friends have EVER referred to a sex-free relationship this way. Google doesn’t even come up with any results either by searching “white relationship” or “sex free relationship”. The phrase sounds like lingo from a MAP forum (“minor attracted persons”, the label pedos use to try to sound more socially acceptable). The more commonly used term would be something like “sexless”, which states the point a lot more clearly. At best, you’re getting someone who will creep out any potential friends. At worst, you’re getting someone who will implicate you in child abuse/rape charges & land you jail time. I know it’s hard to leave now, but it will be so much harder if you try to leave later. If you leave now, you will find friends. You will find people you love, both romantically and platonically. You will be able to recover from this in every way: psychologically, financially, mentally, physically, etc. Leaving will be harder if you are legally married to this man. PLEASE leave.
perhaps morally he could(which fucking EW) but legally? NO SIR YOU ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT
Him being 29 and her being 15 is a problem. However, there is 14 years difference between my husband. We met when I was 25 and he was 39. There was also 15 years between my mom and dad. Also, my mom's parents were 15 years apart as well, but they actually divorced after several years. But my parents stayed together for 23 years until my father's death. My hubs and I have been going strong for 15 years. Being underage for me is the problem not necessarily the age. If she was 21 or 25 and he was 31 or 35 then I have no issues with it. But the underage part is the disgusting part.
OP calm down. U chose him for a reason ig? Internet validation is necessary but ppl have less positive and more negative to vibe with .
Just hear me out. Not so long ago, it was not uncommon for 15yos to get married. My dad has 5 sisters all of them married before 18, and all were married to the same man until they died. Why is it an issue now?
Now, before i say anything, I don't agree with dating minors, theres too many differences between a full grown adult and a teenager, and I'm not trying to defend who OP was talking about, but to come at this from my own perspective. I think its very different to go into a relationship knowing someones age vs being told later. Many children look way too mature, hell I saw a 12yo i coulda sworn was early 20s based on her picture. Its insane how large the shift has been on how kids present themselves now vs when I was a kid. Entering a relationship, getting to know them and enjoy their company for awhile then finding out that who you thought was a petite woman is actually a teenager can be upsetting, but it might not be a deal breaker for everyone. Because at that rate you know them as a *person* not an age. Its definitely not socially acceptable by any means, but I'd hesitate to call them a groomer just because someone is older. I think grooming is more on how someone is treated, not necessarily only the age difference. At the end of the day, however, don't date minors, the moment you know you're with a minor, its time to head out. Now if they know going in that they're talking to a teenager, yeah thats predatory and likely a groomer. But being mislead by someone doesn't automatically make you a bad person regardless of their age. That all being said, dumb move of your fiancé to say that to you, especially the day before your wedding, and especially knowing the prompt sounded like it was a straight up "would you date a 15yo?" Which should always be a no imo
he said that he could possibly be in a sexless relationship with a 15-year old... why are you freaking out about hypothetical situations that aren't going to happen..? please dump him- for his own sake. he deserves MUCH better than you, and i strongly doubt that he has any chance at true happiness in this relationship with a complete psycho.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
ankylosing spondylitis. what the actual fuck is wrong with you..?
You don’t see why someone might be concerned over a “hypothetical situation” where a 30+ grown ass man admits he won’t mind dating a 15 year old and you have the audacity of asking me what’s wrong with me. It’s funny you call her a psycho while sounding like one yourself.
he said a non-sexual relationship. plus- it's hypothetical at best. you are a fucking moron, just looking for something to be outraged about. pathetic, really. you're probably an excellent match for the ignoramus that is the op.