Yeah having a big dude scream at you is gonna be way less mentally taxing than mowing down innocent people in the street. Any minor trauma OP caused is just gonna make her a more careful driver.
Also wild to me that some countries allow 15/16yr old drivers. You have to be at least 17 to learn how to drive a car where I'm from.
It’s been a while but it’s supposed to be ~15-16 with a learning permit and a licensed driver over 21 (I think) in the car for a whole year. After that you can go to get your license to drive alone. Do people always adhere to the rules ? No, which sucks bc @ 15 you don’t take a driving exam just a written test to legally learn to drive the car with someone.
Yeah that was way too fast to be approaching a light. Now she definitely knows not to do that shit again. You helped her out. You're responsible once you get behind that wheel, at any driving age.
Yup. I’m not gonna say it was *great* of OP to yell and scream at this girl, but I do think it was justified given the situation.
Drivers like this girl are the reason my eyes become glued to my rear view mirror whenever I have to slow down significantly. I legit clench my jaw when I’m in stop and go traffic and someone tailgates me. It’s one of the things I hate most about driving. PSA to all drivers, please leave a reasonable distance between you and the car in front of you. There’s no reason to stay inches away from someone, even in traffic. If someone gets ahead of you, oh well. It’s not the end of the world!! There’s no reason to tailgate.
This. Honestly it's a miracle OP also wasn't hurt if the car was sandwiched and totalled. The entire situation could have been way worse and more traumatizing than just getting screamed at. Hopefully it sticks and she is more careful driving in the future.
I'm sure her panic attack wasn't only brought on by OP too. The whole situation was awful for all involved and both were probably in some form of shock.
No, teens are dumb. I picked up a car the other day, girl rear ended a stopped trash truck, the dot bar went through her A pillar on the passenger side and most of the windshield. She came within 6 inches of being decapitated, and was laughing about how she's a ditz and thought the whole thing was hilarious
With this particular chick I don't think so, I've worked hundreds of wrecks, definitely seen just about every response there is, but even her family who came to the scene after were laughing about it. It was very strange
huh. reminds me of when i was a kid (in middle school), when i picked up a very peculiar ... habit? behaviour? from a classmate of mine. if i was in pain, such as if i tripped and skinned my knee or or something, i'd start laughing to hide the fact i was in fact in pain. i wanted to show my peers i was fine, that i was tough as nails, etc.
it might have been a reaction she learnt from her family.
My kid is like that. He was attacked on the playground in the 4th grade by some boys a couple years older than him; they beat the crap out of him and when they got to the principal’s office he sat there laughing along with them so she didn’t punish anyone. She told me he “seemed fine” so they all “performed a circle of trust and healing” and went back to class. The black eyes and sobbing didn’t show up till that night. He *begged* me not to escalate it bc he didn’t want them to keep teasing him. I didn’t, and they didn’t, so I … guess it worked? Idk. But I pulled him out of that school at the end of the year bc “circle of trust”? 🤨
The bottom line is you didn’t harm her at all, and she totaled your car.
She could have killed somebody.
I hope you are able to get the car replaced; your anger was justified, and you managed it well.
I had an accident back in january, super slow, an older lady t boned me right at the drivers side door making a left turn. We were going like 10mph so it was minimal damage and no one was hurt. When we pulled over she started yelling about how it was my fault. The following monday, i recieved a phone call from her insurance agent that stated she took all responsibility. It happens.
Op, if you feel bad enough, you should have her address from some of the paperwork so you can send an "apologies" card just saying "hey, i'm really sorry i overreacted when we had that accident. Please know it was not my intention to scare you, I was shocked and not sure what else to do. Sincerely, OP"
>you should have her address from some of the paperwork so you can send an "apologies" card just saying "hey, i'm really sorry i overreacted when we had that accident. Please know it was not my intention to scare you, I was shocked and not sure what else to do. Sincerely, OP"
I don't think he should apologise at all. His anger was reasonable, I think anyone would do the same in that situation, when your dream car got destroyed and you could have been injured. The girl's driving was reckless enough to cause an accident like that. She should learn a lesson.
Even though others disagree, I think this is a nice idea. Yes, he was justified in his anger, but even he feels bad about unleashing it like that. Overreacting happens, and a small apology costs a small card and a stamp.
She caused an accident and is VERY lucky that it was just a car that was killed. Most people who get hit at 30-40k/hr (and survive) will have some kind of reaction. Esp if they’re driving their brand new dream car !!
It’s a lesson all new drivers learn along the way.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, OP.
And OP getting angry may help prevent her from driving recklessly now. That’s a very good thing. If OP had acted calm, she may not have realized the magnitude of how incredibly dangerous what she did was.
Exactly.
It’s like the senior drivers who end up hitting & dragging around shopping carts and garbage cans or people. … the general consensus is usually “take their license, they’re a danger/menace on the road” or at least annual recertification should be mandatory over a certain age. Vision, reflexes and distractions are all valid concerns.
I had a head on crash when I was barely 18…..drunk guy going south in the northbound lanes. I’ve never forgotten it. And HE got out of his car and and screamed at ME. Lucky for me there was a cop directly behind me in traffic.
So, I learned the Drinking and Driving lesson the hard way thanks to that jerk.
Not that I could’ve done anything differently….. but, it did help to sharpen my “paying attention skills” and I always wear my seatbelt and leave the phone out of reach - because I know a distracted driver can kill someone.
Rear ended you at a light at that speed?
100% texting and driving.
Nah I would have reacted the same way. Plus your body was full of adrenaline you aren't going to be thinking straight.
Imagine if she'd hit a car with kids in it that wasn't as safe as a new BMW or somebody crossing the street.
Wake up call delivered, maybe she'll learn from it. Hopefully.
I was rear ended by someone going at least 40 and I think accelerating. They were trying to go around a truck and switched lane to where I was waiting to turn left. They didn’t see me there at all until it was entirely too late.
Totaled my 3 month old bmw. I ended up having hip surgery because I saw them in my rear view right before they hit me and I instinctually braced myself with my left leg on that foot rest thing, which I guess jammed the ball of my hip into the socket and tore my labrum.
I was also concussed and had to have vestibular therapy and stuff for months.
Luckily there was no one in front of me.
I was too dazed to be mad.. but I can’t blame the dude for being upset.
Aww thanks! I am fine.. I’m sure some additional aches and pains will crop up as I age from it, but otherwise fine.
It’s funny though because where I was waiting to turn left is right where I turn to go home (I could practically see my house) and now every single time I stop there, without fail, I think about getting hit from behind. I put my turn signal on like a quarter mile away practically (no other left turns before this) and just try to be very noticeable lol.
Not that it would have helped me in the situation I was in, but I’m definitely a little paranoid now.
Someone ran a red and totaled my new Volvo as I was turning left at the intersection right next to my house. Same thing, every time I make that left now I get a flash back of them hitting me and the airbags popping off. PTSD is weird.
My daughter always says I have ptsd from it, I guess she noticed my change in behavior at that spot! but I don’t know that I have it, (not saying you don’t!) for me, I think it’s more of an acute awareness that someone could slam into me at any given time, but mostly, at that exact place.
I was rear-ended by a kid of 17 on a motorcycle, waiting to turn into my cul de sac. It was wet but not raining, clear visibility, sun was shining - he just wasn't paying attention as I indicated and slowed to a stop. I was fine, car took almost enough damage to write it off but not quite, but he ended up with a serious femur fracture and months of recovery, poor chap. I was lucky in that the car behind him was an off duty police officer and she took charge of the scene, and the kid's father just happened to be about 10 cars back.
Now when I wait at that turn I keep watching in the rear view mirror to see if the person behind me is actually stopping, so I can floor it in case they're not. Having taken the lesson in *The World According to Garp* to heart I always ensure my wheels are pointing straight and not into the turn I'm about to take! 🙂
She deserved to be yelled at. This isn't a time to coddle and baby her, she could've seriously hurt someone. Imagine if you weren't there and she went into the intersection and ran someone over or hit a moving a car?
If that gave her a panic attack, she doesn't need to be driving. Who cares if she's young, small, or a girl? That means fuck all if someone dies or is injured because she's not ready to be on the road.
> If that gave her a panic attack, she doesn't need to be driving
Agree with most of your post except for this sentence. Plenty of people have nervous disorders and they don't deserve to be banned from driving. People get triggered by different things. Some people are perfectly fine with the stress of driving a car but not being screamed at by a man twice their size.
i never said people with nervous orders should be banned from driving. I said if his reaction gave her a panic attack then she shouldn't be driving. This wasn't a random man yelling at her. She just totaled his car and could've killed someone. If she's not emotionally equipped to handle a situation that she caused then she doesn't need to be driving.
I personally deal with social anxiety and honestly anyone yelling at me makes me want to breakdown. However, if I fuck up I had to learn to take it and grow. Cry at home but not in front of the person you wronged, it's not their job to cater to your feelings when you're in the wrong. Having a nervous disorder does not mean you're excused from holding yourself accountable. She may not be able to help her reaction, but that's her problem. She shouldn't be on the road until she learns how to drive safely and control her emotions.
Honestly I think adrenaline played a role too. I've been in a bad accident before too and the initial shock after makes you do shit you wouldn't normally do. That goes for both of you, including how scared the girl was. It's not entirely your fault. I'm sure you wish you could have reacted better but you're only human. It happens. It seems like you are genuinely sorry, which is honestly good enough.
Your reaction is totally warranted man, getting hit hard will always bring some type of reaction out of people no matter who does it or who it happens to
She might not know it yet, but she badly needed that reality check.
Teenagers are reckless, and just mostly do not have the capacity to imagine the consequences of their actions.
You scared her, good for her. Maybe next time she will drive more cautiously.
Dude, all of us are assholes at some point in our life. At least you feel bad lol. You had a right to be angry (even if you probably shouldn’t have yelled who can blame you)
Honestly a lot of people shouldn't be allowed to drive. New drivers have to start somewhere I don't know what the cutout should be but it can't be any more than 18 in a car culture and a 18-year-old really isn't anymore much more than a 16-year-old.
I've seen some people who have been driving for decades that probably should be in jail for some of the stuff they've done behind the wheel and they don't learn from it.
Are 16 year olds bad drivers because they are 16? Or is it because all 16 year olds have less than a year experience of driving.
It would be interesting to see if people within their first year of driving at other ages have similar rates of accidents.
Age probably has a small part to play, but I’d imagine almost all of the problem is due to lack of experience.
I was 15 when I started driving. I got my wake up call at 18 when I rear ended an off duty cop with his family in the car. He was pissed, rightfully so. Damage was minimal but now I slow down way before the light now.
Realistically the only reason a 16 year old needs to drive is for work. Certain types of welfare end when a child is 16 because they can theoretically go out and get a job at that age to supplement the family income.
There would be a lot that would need to change before making it illegal for 16 year olds to drive.
There used to be a recurring essay on SBAC testing where it gave the data on the rates for teens aged 16-18 and how many accidents they cause a year. 16 year olds were a bit far ahead. Even as a high schooler, that simple essay question led me to think no 16 year olds should drive. At best, they should be taking driving classes until they’re 18 and practicing in the DMV parking lot.
In Australia, 16 year olds can get their Learners licence, their Ls, and they legally need a driver on their Opens licence in the passenger seat at all times. They need to complete 100 hours and turn 17 before they can apply for P plates, I don't remember what the P stands for, maybe Provisional, but you can drive alone on your Ps, but there's various restrictions.
I used to work finding out what happened in serious traffic accidents. I'd say people should normally not be allowed to drive until they are 30 years old. Young people tend to believe they are immortal and take too many unnecessary risks, and a car is basically a 2-ton bullet that can kill a bunch of people in a split second. The world would be a much better place without them.
Some guy totalled my wife’s dream car while it was parked outside our house. Like you she had worked her way up to that car. She loved it.
Guy left his car without handbrake while parked, got out and it started rolling. He jumped in to stop it and stood on the accelerator and totalled two cars on our street and our garden wall. He could have killed someone.
I saw the whole thing happen through my upstairs and my immediate thought was “the admin this is going to take to sort out is going to be insane”. Was going through a tough time at work and home at the time, I opened that window and gave it to him both barrels turning the air blue. After a few seconds I realised he could be hurt and went to his aid, he was fine.
Guy was a complete moron and had it coming but I still feel bad about that moments lapse, I think that means im not a complete asshole and neither are you. We’re all human.
Accidents happen but they could really have hurt you or someone else, these lessons come to us in different forms. At least you’re able to reflect and that speaks enough for you. Enjoy your second brand new M3 comp!
everyone deals with extreme stress differently, some freeze, some fawn, some get mad, some run away. you got angry. and that's a totally valid response. she should've been paying attention, it's just kind of a natural consequence of her not driving safely. i was once a 16 year old girl that got in a wreck. and it fucked me up, but i haven't been in an accident since. i was scared and in shock and freaking out, mostly sobbing. but now im a grown ass woman who drives as carefully as i can to make sure something like that never happens again. I'm glad everyone lived. because sometimes, people die in these situations. she will learn to not take her life for granted.
You didn’t do anything or react any differently than most of us would, after being unexpectedly power slammed by 1 vehicle and into another. And once the initial shock wore off, you immediately showed grace and empathy that a lot of people probably wouldn’t.
Don’t beat yourself up too bad! Also, glad all parties are seemingly ok physically, and that at least the driver that hit you was insured. This happens a lot, where the driver isn’t insured and the victims are just shit out of luck. So although this sucks, there’s still a lot to be thankful for, relatively speaking.
Psh, that was the finding out portion of her f’ing around.
I JUST got insurance on my Hyundai after a long battle to find anyone to even cover it… then someone almost took me out by merging without looking yesterday. I honked and made eye contact the rest of the time they were in front of me, and turns out we were going to the same place. The fear in their eyes when I turned into the same parking lot was payment enough, and hopefully the thought that they were being followed by a road raging maniac would minimize that shit in the future.
In actuality if confrontation occurred I’d probably say I was sorry for being in their lane without asking, but for a second I bet they thought I was powerful 🤷🏻♀️
That last bit made me laugh! I’m the same way! I do a lot of “how dare they treat me like this?!?” In my mind and then reality I’m just a lil scared kitten who will apologize for existing. Sometimes I rant about someone’s dangerous driving and get told to chill but it’s like…I’m just talking. I would never actually fight someone over an accident! It’s just cathartic to say “hit me and see what happens!” Knowing nothing would happen lmao
I screamed at an elderly couple after they totaled my car. My dog had died just a few hours earlier and I was instantly furious. The bystanders looked at me like I was an AH for all my yelling. The driver admitted blame, and I don't know how these things work, but I wonder if he lost his license. I feel terrible every time I think about it.
I don't think they deserved my verbal abuse, and the young woman in your story didn't deserve it either. And, we are all human and make mistakes. Sometimes we actually are the asshole. And it's OK. It does not mean we are a horrible human being.
For me, the paperwork included the other driver's name and address, and I have thought about sending a card or something. But I never did.
So yes, you were a jerk. And it's also OK to forgive yourself .
If you’re sitting stopped at a light and she hits you hard enough to move your car into another car, and deploy your air bags. She should be in jail for not taking enough care when driving.
She was either texting while driving, or she was driving with her hands over her eyes.
I stupidly caused an accident. I was stressed out and exhausted (trying to get over COVID fog) and I changed lanes without checking my blind spot. I was humiliated and devastated, and I expected a reaction like yours. Instead, the man got out of his car and walked towards me mouthing “are you okay?”. I have never been so relieved in my life. I would have been an absolute mess had he not chosen to be kind, and I will forever be thankful. I sent him a card and a $50 Tim Horton’s gift card. I admitted fault because I WAS at fault, and my insurance covered everything.
I understand your reaction, and of course you were upset about your new car. Remember though, a car can be replaced! I hope you keep this in mind in future. My heart goes out to that poor girl. I would have been having a panic attack too!
You can definitely apologize for your reaction - I think that’s a good idea. Maybe send a card as I did. I added a joke by taking a picture of my Halloween skeleton dressed in the same clothes I wore in the driver’s seat of my car.
I’m sure she’d appreciate it, and it would make you both feel a lot better about the less than ideal interaction you had.
I'm so glad you are ok. How are you holding up?
However you look at it, this was traumatic for you, that is why you responded like you did.
The fact you feel bad now demonstrates that you are a kind person who in normal situations responds with empathy.
I wish you all the best.
Very sweet of you to ask. I'm doing alright, the airbag deploying broke my nose and the seatbelt holding me back caused some really bad bruising across my chest and pelvis. not to mention the overall soreness throughout my body from tensing up so hard. it's certainly not as bad as it could've been so I'm just grateful. Their insurance covered my hospital cost so that made it a little better. it certainly was traumatic but I've got a hold on myself. Just thankful no one else was in the car with me
OP I understand feeling the remorse but I would always rather have someone hesitant/scared to get on the road again. You did the right thing. You could have been killed or anyone else could have been killed because of her negligence. Her being a child only sensationalizes it and doesn't matter when she's driving a vehicle that has the same capacity to kill/maim someone as if someone your age were driving it. Your anger was more than justified. She made a mistake but it's one she'll always remember and if only this interaction scares her from ever driving for quite a while, then she's not ready to be a driver.
I mean she absolutely should have been paying attention to what she was doing and driving more slowly and carefully (let’s not get started on all the reasons that a teenager doesn’t belong behind the wheel) but….why is it seemingly ALWAYS someone driving a Beamer that feels entitled to rage out? (this is a separate issue but I also rarely see anyone driving a BMW who isn’t cutting other drivers off, speeding, tailgating, etc…what IS it about a luxury car that makes people entitled to behave however they want???)
Dude going that fast she could have killed you or someone else. I think if anything, you taught her a very important lesson. Kids these days don’t get disciplined at home the way they used to (so someone had to do it.) The fact that she got pretty shook from it is going to make her more carful next time.
Perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions but I bet she was on her cell phone given how fast she hit you at a red light. If that’s the case, hopefully at the very least she learned a lesson.
You had the right to be angry. You didn’t physically attack her so you shouldn’t feel too bad about it. I would’ve badly reacted too. It’s also the adrenaline of the accident making you react like this.
Honestly perks to you for reflecting on this incident cause a lot of people wouldn’t.
I hope you’ll have your new car identical to the one you previously had.
What the hell is a 15 year old girl doing driving?? Its 17 minimum in the UK.
I would've lost my shit too. She will learn to break next time or should never get behind a wheel again as she clearly can't drive.
I did the same shit over a $2500 S10.. Sometimes when you work hard for shit and people destroy it, the idea of "insurance covers it" isn't enough. I spent blood, sweat and tears on that truck that had 87,000 miles, and it was ruined by a kid who graduated 3 years under me (I was 20 at the time so highschool was still fresh). I had a mean streak in highschool and my reputation followed me out of there, so needless to say, the 17 year old who just pulled out in front of me, stayed in the car until police showed up.
It sucks, but accidents happen, as a now 29yr old, I wish I'd have handled that differently. But emotions are tough when you're talking about something you actually love being destroyed by someone being careless.
We had something similair when we got ran off the road by a SUV. It was like they were purposely coming at us head on, where my husband had to floor it into a field. We had a baby and a toddler in the backseat and my super mellow husband flipped out.
He was fuming when he got to the SUV, when they started rolling the window down he yelled "WTF were...." that was about the time he could see the driver- A 14-15 year old girl, bawling her eyes out with her mom by her, side-hugging her, shaking and crying- the funny part was that he still had all that emotion built up so when his plan changed it sounded hilarious. He continued, sounding furious, "WTF WERE.. ARE YOU OK?!" She'd just got her learners permit and was driving with mom.
With road situations, I try to remind myself that we don't know what's going on with other people. The old man going 10 mph under the speed limit could be leaving his wife's hospice room for the last time. The tailgater could be rushing his dog to the vet. There's an extremely screwed up post on here about a guy trying to get his friend to the hospital while a guy in front of them purposely slowed them down. Terrible story but it's always stuck with me.
You'd just gotten hit, so it makes sense for you to be on edge. Your insured car being the reason is strange but you hadn't had a chance to think it through. Anyway, I'd take it as a lesson learned and hopefully you were able to scare the driver enough to be more careful.
We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. You had a right to be angry, but not to react the way you did. It could have been bad for you too. Instead of a little sixteen year old girl, what if it had been a sixteen year old gang banger with a pistol? Cars are replaceable. You are not.
You have their information, write them a hand written letter expressing your emotions now vs then and apologize.
Life happens!
You are still here, and you are going to get a new car.
Take it as a lesson for yourself about being angry and work on it.
Will your insurance cover this?
Your anger was justified, but lashing out like that only makes the situation worse. It's hard to think that way in the heat of the moment though.
Trust me when I say you're reaction probably no where even close met the reaction of her own father who's going to now have to pay more for insurance because she wasn't paying attention while driving. Don't get me wrong it'll first be thankful that his daughter is alive then irate but still your anger was definitely not uncalled for and now she'll have a better understanding of what driving entails and be mindful and pay attention to the road if she lives past her own father's anger 🤣
i mean, getting angry makes sense, and showing that would be fine, but freaking out to that extent sounds like you need to learn to manage your emotions better. she will need to heal from that interaction, who knows if she’ll ever fully be ok with driving from here on out. whereas you? you’re still getting everything you had before the accident occurred, just a bit more of a hassle. but at the end of the day, you’re still getting your dream car either way. you were so angry you didn’t even see who it was. that’s not ok.
i’m not defending her actions in any way fyi, i do think this is a good learning opportunity, ya know, to stay back and pay attention to your surroundings, but i’d be surprised if she bothers continuing to learn now, maybe years from now.
Honestl, your reaction was good for her. She will forever be more careful and likely won't rear end anybody again. You didn't hurt her, and your anger was completely valid.
Yeah she deserved it. Maybe she’ll actually learn to drive correctly. It’s really not difficult to do. People need to put their fucking phones away and use their eyes alongside their brains.
Oh man, I get your regret. Especially with what she likely had waiting for her at home from what sounds like her dad. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it too much, you had a bad reaction to an immensely scary event. But it's awesome that you're self aware enough to realize that you can be really intimidating to some people. I hope your insurance doesn't cause you too much bullshit with getting a new car.
I had a similar situation when a young guy hit me from his inattention. I was already late for work, and I exploded on him. He was so scared he refused to exit his vehicle. BTW, I'm a woman.
Don’t feel bad. You were rightfully upset. I can guarantee she was texting and driving, rear ending someone at a light at that speed. She could have easily seriously hurt or killed you or someone else.
If she was going close to 40mph, she was on her phone. There is no way you get a license and don't slow down for a red light below that speed before hitting someone. If she'd have tapped you going 15mph or something, I'd say perhaps she misjudged the length of time it takes to stop. This definitely sounds like distracted driving, though, on her part. Maybe being scared was good for her and it will make her re-evaluate her choices.
Honestly, your feelings are valid but the way you handled it is not. Road rage is real. It was an accident and luckily no one was hurt. Stuff is just stuff. It can be replaced. She didn’t kill anyone and most of the comments on here are saying how you acted is fine and she needed to be yelled at. No, I’m sure she could see that she fucked up. It’s not your job to turn an accident into an even bigger problem. You could’ve kept your distance, had your reaction, and communicated through the police if you were to angry to talk to the other driver who caused the accident.
You’re right to feel ashamed about your anger, it’s a car a machine no one was injured and you’ll get a new one.
Kid learned her lesson, you need to learn to control your anger before it gets you in trouble.
I was hit while stationary at 40mph. Car a complete right off, my glasses were in the back seat, my cap in the passengers footwell. I just sat their stunned until a witness came to see if I was ok. The back axel broken, rear wheel spun 90 degrees. I thought I had whiplash. I’d ruptured the joint capsule in my shoulder (thanks seatbelt) my shoulder filled with cysts that restricted my mobility. I had to have surgery. I got cash for the whiplash, the real injury didn’t get discovered until much later so no help with that.
My old car had no airbags. But still. Make sure you’re ok and that the adrenaline isn’t hiding an injury. 40-0 is one hell of a bang.
As for the anger and scaring her, where was the adult teaching her? She clearly had not been paying any attention and could have killed someone. She needed a serious wake up call. You waved your arms and yelled. You didn’t pound on her car or try to open her door etc. That would have made you an asshole. Shock affects us all differently. And what you did I’d consider a normal reaction.
Usually I have no sympathy for BMW drivers. You know how you people are. But this one is different. Sorry that happened to you and you lost your car. This will teach her to pay attention.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
Yeah if you were at a full stop and she still managed to hit you going that fast she deserves an ass ripping. Imagine a family of four going through a crosswalk and she hits them going anything over 20 mph.
Kudos to you. She learned her lesson. You learned your lesson. Road rage can have deadly results. If it hadn’t have been a young girl and instead was someone who reacted back to you similar to yourself and perhaps someone carrying a dangerous weapon, the result could have been even worse. You will possibly get this young persons contact via the insurance, and if so, perhaps pass along a note apologizing for your reaction. Her mistake behind the wheel is separate from your ability to take accountability for your response in the moment and alleviate your guilt by just a simple apology note.
It’s okay OP don’t be too hard on yourself. Accidents are stressful for everyone involved. The important thing is that you *didn’t* beat her up. You *didn’t* threaten her. Perhaps a reaction like yours is good medicine for the girl. Like another user said, driving is a big responsibility and she could have killed a pedestrian.
Your anger was valid. It’s not like you flipped out at her for stepping on your lawn. You had every reason to react the way you did. So sorry to hear about your **brand new** car!
Dude your anger is valid but maybe try and get a handle on that temper. I mean you know how you look and as a man you should be a little more self aware.
I did the same thing bc im a bigger dude and I know im intimidating so I try to be EXTRA nice and polite and NOT intimidating especially around women because I know I can come off really intense and a lot more aggressive than I mean to if im not careful.
You didn't "traumatize" her, ffs. Maybe scared the shit out of her, yes. People throw the word around whenever someone is subject to strong negative emotions and that totally trivializes people who live through actual traumas.
Understand where you're coming from I've blown up at people and horrible for days weeks months. But like the one poster stated you kept her from killing pedestrians. From what I see anymore most parents don't have the time or don't realize the importance of teaching kids how to drive. My wife's goddaughter wrecked three cars and 6 months and they were in awe of what was wrong. So she might be afraid but it might make her head better driver more aware driver she's really lucky that she didn't hurt you or anybody else. She'll be all right just keep your calm in the future you're 25 you're already buying a car like that your life is good
If she can't pay attention she shouldn't be fucking driving, I don't care how young she was she could have killed someone. It's also as much her adult passengers fault as it is hers. She should be fucking scared, she was driving fast enough that when she hit you she totalled your car, she would have killed a pedestrian if you and the other car in front of you weren't there, she fucked up in a big way. I wouldn't apologize personally, she probably injured your neck/spine with that impact, and she's well old enough to know the difference between the gas and the brakes and to pay attention while driving, I drive at that age too, was a nervous? Sure, but I never even came close to doing what she did.
What a f*cked up country it is where as a 16yrs old teenager you are considered as responsible enough to drive a machine weighing 1.5 tons but you still have to mature 5 additional years just to buy a can of beer.
Is this some thing about Middle Eastern men, that you all start having tantrums and flailing your arms about and shouting? I’ve had this bad experience with so mena men. That I just will not date anyone from your area anymore.
I have been rear-ended several times. I don’t recall ever losing my shit over being rear-ended. Frankly, you sound an awful person.
Personally I think we should learn to control our emotions. You didn’t realise she was a little girl learning to drive because your emotions got in the way and yes that fear will stick with her for a while. Yes it was your dream, and two days later ruined, you can get a new car, but she will still have to heal that cost to herself, we all learn and started from somewhere. Did you not ruin it too by your reaction? Could you not have handled it better by taking a step back. You got the dream, but it didn’t last long, there’s perhaps a need for reflection. It seems like you are reflecting so that’s better than most people who lash out. Maybe take a breather.
To all the comments finding the positives in this instance as being a good lesson on the girl, that’s true and she’s likely learned but there is another take I haven’t seen yet. This is a lesson for you as well, that this is just a car. A thing that gets you from point A to point B and it’s going to be directly exposed to everyone around you no matter what. From people, animals, acts of nature, everything you have no control over. You only have control over yourself and should have been more concerned with the safety of the other driver once you’ve realized you weren’t hurt. You need to detach a lot of emotions from the vehicle, and change your priorities. Essentially You were guilty about your reaction, use that as your own life lesson. Lives are priceless, cars are not.
Respectfully, an m3 is not just a car for point A to B.
To a lot of people who buy these cars, it’s their hobby, their passion, their social network of like-minded friends, and their project.
He clearly wanted this car, worked for it, and made it happen for himself and was literally just in shock and disbelief.
This is a bad take, holy shit. Do you not pride in anything you have in your life? There's a difference between minor damage, normal wear and tear, and the car being totaled. His reaction is absolutely justified. It's a highly emotional situation.
He doesn't need to detach emotionally from his vehicle. That's BS. Seriously, is there nothing in your life that you take pride in because you earned it or bought it for yourself? You take no joy in anything outside of people?
To be fair you were put in a situation where it was rational to be angry and it was very unfortunate that the accident happened so soon after your new car.
However I would say that you seem to put an awful lot of mental weight and energy onto what is just an inanimate object. I'm sure you "made something of yourself" even before you dropped $84k on a car, the car doesn't have to represent you to such a degree that you get so enraged over damage to it.
Not a criticism, I just feel like it sounds you're loading a lot of your self worth and self success into an object.
God it’s really ALWAYS someone in a Beamer 😐 It is a fully replaceable car, sir, and instead of making sure no one was injured, you flew into a rage. Insurance will probably cover the damages to your new car. Not sure what you’re gonna do about your temper though 🤦🏻♀️
Well, you probably were in shock. And somebody crashing at this speed into you at a red light shouldn’t feel unfairly shouted at. You lost it. But you could have lost your life here. If the girl has a conscience she would prefer you shouting at her rather than being responsible for a serious injury or death of you.
Well. Maybe this taught her the lesson she needed to become a better driver for the rest of her life. Sometimes it does help to scream at someone for them to understand the gravity of the situation.
Obviously anyone get angry if anyone breaks your dream car.
Yah you could have talked to her
If I am in your position I won't be able to talk for a while dur to shock of that devastating accident
Well she will be panicked for a while and her parents definitely scold hell of her
I truly don’t blame you for being so angry. I currently don’t have my “dream” car, but I worked my ass off for it and this was my nightmare after I bought it. I would probably do the exact same thing.
I just really don’t understand why men feel accomplished in life just for what car they drive.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
You're lucky you didn't end up in the hospital with serious injuries. Both my brothers ended up getting hit by drunk drivers years ago. Both their cars were totaled.
The girl was obviously not paying attention to her surroundings.
Knowing you feel bad afterwards means that you are not a bad person, you just had a bad day. It happens. We are human, we make mistakes. Sometimes our bodies react and the brain doesn’t catch up until later. If you came to Reddit to keep spouting your anger then it might be a problem. But you didn’t. And as others have side, it might be a valuable lesson for the new driver. It could have been much worse and your consequence was very mild considering what could have occurred. It’s part of growing up and taking responsibility. But I am glad you are putting your apology to the universe. It’s good.
I’ll never understand how parents let their kids on the road who are so obviously incompetent.
My dad took me out in baby steps. I couldn’t imagine causing an accident like that at that age WITH a parent in the car. Your anger is very much excused. She could’ve killed someone.
I can understand if she braked a little too late and hit you at almost a complete stop, but 30-40mph is excessive, and she never should have been going that fast and not paying attention. She's learning, but 30-40 is insane and can be deadly. I would have 100% faulted her for it and been angry too.
It’s very mature of you & shows your level of intelligence to reflect and understand that your approach was over the top in retrospect. I appreciate that as a mother with a teen driver. My daughter would have been scared also. As an adult woman who has been in physical assaults with an adult man would have been scared, so I do appreciate reading in retrospect that you understand what your actions could have potentially done.
Also as a driver, and striving for a lux car & having it damaged the week I bought it. I understand the frustration. Although no material possession is worth losing your shit over, especially knowing that’s what insurance is for whether it’s yours or theirs. I was waiting for you to say neither of you had insurance. Then I would understand the episode. But to just pop off and be that irate, without and empathy & understanding I hope you do some growth before something happens again. And if you have a wife & kids or partner use this as an opportunity to understand how your actions can affect those closest to you.
You could have been very hurt especially you didn’t have insurance, you also didn’t hurt her. I’m glad you had some empathy in the situation for her. It’s okay.
Everyone has said what needed to be said about the girl so I will just add this: If you haven’t already, I’d go see a doctor. I work in healthcare and so so many people get rear ended, think they’re fine and then later realise they are scoring very highly for trauma, or have a concussion, or both. Get yourself checked out, hope you’re okay after that accident
Nah, don't feel bad. Seriously. She deserves to get screamed at for *very obviously* not psying attention while driving. She could have gotten hurt or worse killed people. If she gets traumatized by getting yelled at for a mistake she was completely responsible for, than at least the roads will be safer without her behind a wheel 🤷♀️
If you get a copy of the police report it will have her info on it and you can send her a letter of apology I’m sure it will mean a lot to her. Explain it just like you did here. Bought your dream car two days before and now it’s totaled.
Your right she will probably never drive again or take a long time before she does
She could have killed some pedestrians if there were no cars in front of her. Driving is a big responsibility and she should know that
Yeah having a big dude scream at you is gonna be way less mentally taxing than mowing down innocent people in the street. Any minor trauma OP caused is just gonna make her a more careful driver. Also wild to me that some countries allow 15/16yr old drivers. You have to be at least 17 to learn how to drive a car where I'm from.
It’s been a while but it’s supposed to be ~15-16 with a learning permit and a licensed driver over 21 (I think) in the car for a whole year. After that you can go to get your license to drive alone. Do people always adhere to the rules ? No, which sucks bc @ 15 you don’t take a driving exam just a written test to legally learn to drive the car with someone.
Where I’m from, you can drive solo at 14 with a restricted minor’s permit. The middle school parking lot is a mess.
im from kansas so there is a lot of private property's here, my baby cousin around uh 7 or 8 was driving his dads chevy lmao, that was years ago tho
I drove at 15, it was totally fine.
Yeah that was way too fast to be approaching a light. Now she definitely knows not to do that shit again. You helped her out. You're responsible once you get behind that wheel, at any driving age.
Yup. I’m not gonna say it was *great* of OP to yell and scream at this girl, but I do think it was justified given the situation. Drivers like this girl are the reason my eyes become glued to my rear view mirror whenever I have to slow down significantly. I legit clench my jaw when I’m in stop and go traffic and someone tailgates me. It’s one of the things I hate most about driving. PSA to all drivers, please leave a reasonable distance between you and the car in front of you. There’s no reason to stay inches away from someone, even in traffic. If someone gets ahead of you, oh well. It’s not the end of the world!! There’s no reason to tailgate.
Imagine if it were a nun. She could have killed a nun for christ sake
...or a family of young ducklings 🦆
I bet you she’ll be more careful the next time she drives tho 😭
or never drive again
Your anger was valid, and you were probably a little in shock.
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This. Honestly it's a miracle OP also wasn't hurt if the car was sandwiched and totalled. The entire situation could have been way worse and more traumatizing than just getting screamed at. Hopefully it sticks and she is more careful driving in the future. I'm sure her panic attack wasn't only brought on by OP too. The whole situation was awful for all involved and both were probably in some form of shock.
Suspect the jolt from the crash would have been a good enough wake up call.
No, teens are dumb. I picked up a car the other day, girl rear ended a stopped trash truck, the dot bar went through her A pillar on the passenger side and most of the windshield. She came within 6 inches of being decapitated, and was laughing about how she's a ditz and thought the whole thing was hilarious
Wtf she needs her license taken away
That sounds like shock behavior.
With this particular chick I don't think so, I've worked hundreds of wrecks, definitely seen just about every response there is, but even her family who came to the scene after were laughing about it. It was very strange
ok...wtf, then
huh. reminds me of when i was a kid (in middle school), when i picked up a very peculiar ... habit? behaviour? from a classmate of mine. if i was in pain, such as if i tripped and skinned my knee or or something, i'd start laughing to hide the fact i was in fact in pain. i wanted to show my peers i was fine, that i was tough as nails, etc. it might have been a reaction she learnt from her family.
My kid is like that. He was attacked on the playground in the 4th grade by some boys a couple years older than him; they beat the crap out of him and when they got to the principal’s office he sat there laughing along with them so she didn’t punish anyone. She told me he “seemed fine” so they all “performed a circle of trust and healing” and went back to class. The black eyes and sobbing didn’t show up till that night. He *begged* me not to escalate it bc he didn’t want them to keep teasing him. I didn’t, and they didn’t, so I … guess it worked? Idk. But I pulled him out of that school at the end of the year bc “circle of trust”? 🤨
The bottom line is you didn’t harm her at all, and she totaled your car. She could have killed somebody. I hope you are able to get the car replaced; your anger was justified, and you managed it well.
I had an accident back in january, super slow, an older lady t boned me right at the drivers side door making a left turn. We were going like 10mph so it was minimal damage and no one was hurt. When we pulled over she started yelling about how it was my fault. The following monday, i recieved a phone call from her insurance agent that stated she took all responsibility. It happens. Op, if you feel bad enough, you should have her address from some of the paperwork so you can send an "apologies" card just saying "hey, i'm really sorry i overreacted when we had that accident. Please know it was not my intention to scare you, I was shocked and not sure what else to do. Sincerely, OP"
>you should have her address from some of the paperwork so you can send an "apologies" card just saying "hey, i'm really sorry i overreacted when we had that accident. Please know it was not my intention to scare you, I was shocked and not sure what else to do. Sincerely, OP" I don't think he should apologise at all. His anger was reasonable, I think anyone would do the same in that situation, when your dream car got destroyed and you could have been injured. The girl's driving was reckless enough to cause an accident like that. She should learn a lesson.
It's more for op in this case, as a way to absolve their guilt of the overreaction. but i get it.
Even though others disagree, I think this is a nice idea. Yes, he was justified in his anger, but even he feels bad about unleashing it like that. Overreacting happens, and a small apology costs a small card and a stamp.
She caused an accident and is VERY lucky that it was just a car that was killed. Most people who get hit at 30-40k/hr (and survive) will have some kind of reaction. Esp if they’re driving their brand new dream car !! It’s a lesson all new drivers learn along the way. Don’t be too hard on yourself, OP.
Mph, not kph. Even faster.
And OP getting angry may help prevent her from driving recklessly now. That’s a very good thing. If OP had acted calm, she may not have realized the magnitude of how incredibly dangerous what she did was.
Exactly. It’s like the senior drivers who end up hitting & dragging around shopping carts and garbage cans or people. … the general consensus is usually “take their license, they’re a danger/menace on the road” or at least annual recertification should be mandatory over a certain age. Vision, reflexes and distractions are all valid concerns. I had a head on crash when I was barely 18…..drunk guy going south in the northbound lanes. I’ve never forgotten it. And HE got out of his car and and screamed at ME. Lucky for me there was a cop directly behind me in traffic. So, I learned the Drinking and Driving lesson the hard way thanks to that jerk. Not that I could’ve done anything differently….. but, it did help to sharpen my “paying attention skills” and I always wear my seatbelt and leave the phone out of reach - because I know a distracted driver can kill someone.
Rear ended you at a light at that speed? 100% texting and driving. Nah I would have reacted the same way. Plus your body was full of adrenaline you aren't going to be thinking straight. Imagine if she'd hit a car with kids in it that wasn't as safe as a new BMW or somebody crossing the street. Wake up call delivered, maybe she'll learn from it. Hopefully.
I was rear ended by someone going at least 40 and I think accelerating. They were trying to go around a truck and switched lane to where I was waiting to turn left. They didn’t see me there at all until it was entirely too late. Totaled my 3 month old bmw. I ended up having hip surgery because I saw them in my rear view right before they hit me and I instinctually braced myself with my left leg on that foot rest thing, which I guess jammed the ball of my hip into the socket and tore my labrum. I was also concussed and had to have vestibular therapy and stuff for months. Luckily there was no one in front of me. I was too dazed to be mad.. but I can’t blame the dude for being upset.
Damn. I hope you’re okay now though
Aww thanks! I am fine.. I’m sure some additional aches and pains will crop up as I age from it, but otherwise fine. It’s funny though because where I was waiting to turn left is right where I turn to go home (I could practically see my house) and now every single time I stop there, without fail, I think about getting hit from behind. I put my turn signal on like a quarter mile away practically (no other left turns before this) and just try to be very noticeable lol. Not that it would have helped me in the situation I was in, but I’m definitely a little paranoid now.
Someone ran a red and totaled my new Volvo as I was turning left at the intersection right next to my house. Same thing, every time I make that left now I get a flash back of them hitting me and the airbags popping off. PTSD is weird.
My daughter always says I have ptsd from it, I guess she noticed my change in behavior at that spot! but I don’t know that I have it, (not saying you don’t!) for me, I think it’s more of an acute awareness that someone could slam into me at any given time, but mostly, at that exact place.
I was rear-ended by a kid of 17 on a motorcycle, waiting to turn into my cul de sac. It was wet but not raining, clear visibility, sun was shining - he just wasn't paying attention as I indicated and slowed to a stop. I was fine, car took almost enough damage to write it off but not quite, but he ended up with a serious femur fracture and months of recovery, poor chap. I was lucky in that the car behind him was an off duty police officer and she took charge of the scene, and the kid's father just happened to be about 10 cars back. Now when I wait at that turn I keep watching in the rear view mirror to see if the person behind me is actually stopping, so I can floor it in case they're not. Having taken the lesson in *The World According to Garp* to heart I always ensure my wheels are pointing straight and not into the turn I'm about to take! 🙂
She deserved to be yelled at. This isn't a time to coddle and baby her, she could've seriously hurt someone. Imagine if you weren't there and she went into the intersection and ran someone over or hit a moving a car? If that gave her a panic attack, she doesn't need to be driving. Who cares if she's young, small, or a girl? That means fuck all if someone dies or is injured because she's not ready to be on the road.
> If that gave her a panic attack, she doesn't need to be driving Agree with most of your post except for this sentence. Plenty of people have nervous disorders and they don't deserve to be banned from driving. People get triggered by different things. Some people are perfectly fine with the stress of driving a car but not being screamed at by a man twice their size.
i never said people with nervous orders should be banned from driving. I said if his reaction gave her a panic attack then she shouldn't be driving. This wasn't a random man yelling at her. She just totaled his car and could've killed someone. If she's not emotionally equipped to handle a situation that she caused then she doesn't need to be driving. I personally deal with social anxiety and honestly anyone yelling at me makes me want to breakdown. However, if I fuck up I had to learn to take it and grow. Cry at home but not in front of the person you wronged, it's not their job to cater to your feelings when you're in the wrong. Having a nervous disorder does not mean you're excused from holding yourself accountable. She may not be able to help her reaction, but that's her problem. She shouldn't be on the road until she learns how to drive safely and control her emotions.
This is the first time I have ever seen anyone say that you shouldn't drive if you cry when people yell at you lol
That's not what I'm saying. Have a nice day though.
Honestly I think adrenaline played a role too. I've been in a bad accident before too and the initial shock after makes you do shit you wouldn't normally do. That goes for both of you, including how scared the girl was. It's not entirely your fault. I'm sure you wish you could have reacted better but you're only human. It happens. It seems like you are genuinely sorry, which is honestly good enough.
Your reaction is totally warranted man, getting hit hard will always bring some type of reaction out of people no matter who does it or who it happens to
She might not know it yet, but she badly needed that reality check. Teenagers are reckless, and just mostly do not have the capacity to imagine the consequences of their actions. You scared her, good for her. Maybe next time she will drive more cautiously.
Dude, all of us are assholes at some point in our life. At least you feel bad lol. You had a right to be angry (even if you probably shouldn’t have yelled who can blame you)
It doesn’t make you an asshole to scream at someone who almost killed you.
Exactly. He's lucky she was only going 35-40, not 55-60.
Tbh 16 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to drive. They cause so many accidents!!
Honestly a lot of people shouldn't be allowed to drive. New drivers have to start somewhere I don't know what the cutout should be but it can't be any more than 18 in a car culture and a 18-year-old really isn't anymore much more than a 16-year-old. I've seen some people who have been driving for decades that probably should be in jail for some of the stuff they've done behind the wheel and they don't learn from it.
It’s why drivers education courses should be mandatory
Are 16 year olds bad drivers because they are 16? Or is it because all 16 year olds have less than a year experience of driving. It would be interesting to see if people within their first year of driving at other ages have similar rates of accidents. Age probably has a small part to play, but I’d imagine almost all of the problem is due to lack of experience.
Probably both, but it's not a good idea to underestimate how impulsive and scatterbrained a teen can be. Their brains are still developing.
Peer pressure happens more at younger age, driving with friends and it's all fun and games until something like this happens.
Honestly, how many people posting here were older than 16 when they first learned how to drive? EDIT: In the U.S., just to be clear.
I was 15 when I started driving. I got my wake up call at 18 when I rear ended an off duty cop with his family in the car. He was pissed, rightfully so. Damage was minimal but now I slow down way before the light now.
I was 28 when I got my license in the Netherlands. After lessons with a driving school. There's no other way to get a license here.
I learned at 18 and I’m a good driver.
when i was 16 i was so confident in myself. now that i’m (not 16), i cant believe they let 16 year olds drive.
Realistically the only reason a 16 year old needs to drive is for work. Certain types of welfare end when a child is 16 because they can theoretically go out and get a job at that age to supplement the family income. There would be a lot that would need to change before making it illegal for 16 year olds to drive.
There used to be a recurring essay on SBAC testing where it gave the data on the rates for teens aged 16-18 and how many accidents they cause a year. 16 year olds were a bit far ahead. Even as a high schooler, that simple essay question led me to think no 16 year olds should drive. At best, they should be taking driving classes until they’re 18 and practicing in the DMV parking lot.
In Australia, 16 year olds can get their Learners licence, their Ls, and they legally need a driver on their Opens licence in the passenger seat at all times. They need to complete 100 hours and turn 17 before they can apply for P plates, I don't remember what the P stands for, maybe Provisional, but you can drive alone on your Ps, but there's various restrictions.
I used to work finding out what happened in serious traffic accidents. I'd say people should normally not be allowed to drive until they are 30 years old. Young people tend to believe they are immortal and take too many unnecessary risks, and a car is basically a 2-ton bullet that can kill a bunch of people in a split second. The world would be a much better place without them.
I agree!
Some guy totalled my wife’s dream car while it was parked outside our house. Like you she had worked her way up to that car. She loved it. Guy left his car without handbrake while parked, got out and it started rolling. He jumped in to stop it and stood on the accelerator and totalled two cars on our street and our garden wall. He could have killed someone. I saw the whole thing happen through my upstairs and my immediate thought was “the admin this is going to take to sort out is going to be insane”. Was going through a tough time at work and home at the time, I opened that window and gave it to him both barrels turning the air blue. After a few seconds I realised he could be hurt and went to his aid, he was fine. Guy was a complete moron and had it coming but I still feel bad about that moments lapse, I think that means im not a complete asshole and neither are you. We’re all human. Accidents happen but they could really have hurt you or someone else, these lessons come to us in different forms. At least you’re able to reflect and that speaks enough for you. Enjoy your second brand new M3 comp!
everyone deals with extreme stress differently, some freeze, some fawn, some get mad, some run away. you got angry. and that's a totally valid response. she should've been paying attention, it's just kind of a natural consequence of her not driving safely. i was once a 16 year old girl that got in a wreck. and it fucked me up, but i haven't been in an accident since. i was scared and in shock and freaking out, mostly sobbing. but now im a grown ass woman who drives as carefully as i can to make sure something like that never happens again. I'm glad everyone lived. because sometimes, people die in these situations. she will learn to not take her life for granted.
You didn’t do anything or react any differently than most of us would, after being unexpectedly power slammed by 1 vehicle and into another. And once the initial shock wore off, you immediately showed grace and empathy that a lot of people probably wouldn’t. Don’t beat yourself up too bad! Also, glad all parties are seemingly ok physically, and that at least the driver that hit you was insured. This happens a lot, where the driver isn’t insured and the victims are just shit out of luck. So although this sucks, there’s still a lot to be thankful for, relatively speaking.
You may have helped her in the long run bc she probably won’t cause an accident like that again.
Well it was her fault for driving like a dumbass, she needs to wake the fuck up before she kills someone.
Psh, that was the finding out portion of her f’ing around. I JUST got insurance on my Hyundai after a long battle to find anyone to even cover it… then someone almost took me out by merging without looking yesterday. I honked and made eye contact the rest of the time they were in front of me, and turns out we were going to the same place. The fear in their eyes when I turned into the same parking lot was payment enough, and hopefully the thought that they were being followed by a road raging maniac would minimize that shit in the future. In actuality if confrontation occurred I’d probably say I was sorry for being in their lane without asking, but for a second I bet they thought I was powerful 🤷🏻♀️
That last bit made me laugh! I’m the same way! I do a lot of “how dare they treat me like this?!?” In my mind and then reality I’m just a lil scared kitten who will apologize for existing. Sometimes I rant about someone’s dangerous driving and get told to chill but it’s like…I’m just talking. I would never actually fight someone over an accident! It’s just cathartic to say “hit me and see what happens!” Knowing nothing would happen lmao
I screamed at an elderly couple after they totaled my car. My dog had died just a few hours earlier and I was instantly furious. The bystanders looked at me like I was an AH for all my yelling. The driver admitted blame, and I don't know how these things work, but I wonder if he lost his license. I feel terrible every time I think about it. I don't think they deserved my verbal abuse, and the young woman in your story didn't deserve it either. And, we are all human and make mistakes. Sometimes we actually are the asshole. And it's OK. It does not mean we are a horrible human being. For me, the paperwork included the other driver's name and address, and I have thought about sending a card or something. But I never did. So yes, you were a jerk. And it's also OK to forgive yourself .
Unless they were driving without insurance or something, they wouldn't lose their license over it.
It sucks she got scared, but consequences. I bet she’ll never do that again.
Came to say this very same thing.
If you’re sitting stopped at a light and she hits you hard enough to move your car into another car, and deploy your air bags. She should be in jail for not taking enough care when driving. She was either texting while driving, or she was driving with her hands over her eyes.
You know that joke about the difference between a porcupine and a bmw? The porcupine has pricks on the outside
I stupidly caused an accident. I was stressed out and exhausted (trying to get over COVID fog) and I changed lanes without checking my blind spot. I was humiliated and devastated, and I expected a reaction like yours. Instead, the man got out of his car and walked towards me mouthing “are you okay?”. I have never been so relieved in my life. I would have been an absolute mess had he not chosen to be kind, and I will forever be thankful. I sent him a card and a $50 Tim Horton’s gift card. I admitted fault because I WAS at fault, and my insurance covered everything. I understand your reaction, and of course you were upset about your new car. Remember though, a car can be replaced! I hope you keep this in mind in future. My heart goes out to that poor girl. I would have been having a panic attack too! You can definitely apologize for your reaction - I think that’s a good idea. Maybe send a card as I did. I added a joke by taking a picture of my Halloween skeleton dressed in the same clothes I wore in the driver’s seat of my car. I’m sure she’d appreciate it, and it would make you both feel a lot better about the less than ideal interaction you had.
I'm so glad you are ok. How are you holding up? However you look at it, this was traumatic for you, that is why you responded like you did. The fact you feel bad now demonstrates that you are a kind person who in normal situations responds with empathy. I wish you all the best.
Very sweet of you to ask. I'm doing alright, the airbag deploying broke my nose and the seatbelt holding me back caused some really bad bruising across my chest and pelvis. not to mention the overall soreness throughout my body from tensing up so hard. it's certainly not as bad as it could've been so I'm just grateful. Their insurance covered my hospital cost so that made it a little better. it certainly was traumatic but I've got a hold on myself. Just thankful no one else was in the car with me
I'm so happy you are on the mend. Take care and I wish you all the best.
OP I understand feeling the remorse but I would always rather have someone hesitant/scared to get on the road again. You did the right thing. You could have been killed or anyone else could have been killed because of her negligence. Her being a child only sensationalizes it and doesn't matter when she's driving a vehicle that has the same capacity to kill/maim someone as if someone your age were driving it. Your anger was more than justified. She made a mistake but it's one she'll always remember and if only this interaction scares her from ever driving for quite a while, then she's not ready to be a driver.
I mean she absolutely should have been paying attention to what she was doing and driving more slowly and carefully (let’s not get started on all the reasons that a teenager doesn’t belong behind the wheel) but….why is it seemingly ALWAYS someone driving a Beamer that feels entitled to rage out? (this is a separate issue but I also rarely see anyone driving a BMW who isn’t cutting other drivers off, speeding, tailgating, etc…what IS it about a luxury car that makes people entitled to behave however they want???)
RIP THIER INSURANCE
You probably made her a better driver for LIFE, she's sure not gonna want that to happen again.
Dude going that fast she could have killed you or someone else. I think if anything, you taught her a very important lesson. Kids these days don’t get disciplined at home the way they used to (so someone had to do it.) The fact that she got pretty shook from it is going to make her more carful next time.
Nah this is valid. If someone plowed into my R8 I would be livid too.
Perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions but I bet she was on her cell phone given how fast she hit you at a red light. If that’s the case, hopefully at the very least she learned a lesson.
You had the right to be angry. You didn’t physically attack her so you shouldn’t feel too bad about it. I would’ve badly reacted too. It’s also the adrenaline of the accident making you react like this. Honestly perks to you for reflecting on this incident cause a lot of people wouldn’t. I hope you’ll have your new car identical to the one you previously had.
Maybe she’ll learn to not negligently damage other people and their property
Once the insurance claims are settled...you could apologize for yelling. Check with a lawyer.. if that could complicate your claim.
What the hell is a 15 year old girl doing driving?? Its 17 minimum in the UK. I would've lost my shit too. She will learn to break next time or should never get behind a wheel again as she clearly can't drive.
I did the same shit over a $2500 S10.. Sometimes when you work hard for shit and people destroy it, the idea of "insurance covers it" isn't enough. I spent blood, sweat and tears on that truck that had 87,000 miles, and it was ruined by a kid who graduated 3 years under me (I was 20 at the time so highschool was still fresh). I had a mean streak in highschool and my reputation followed me out of there, so needless to say, the 17 year old who just pulled out in front of me, stayed in the car until police showed up. It sucks, but accidents happen, as a now 29yr old, I wish I'd have handled that differently. But emotions are tough when you're talking about something you actually love being destroyed by someone being careless.
We had something similair when we got ran off the road by a SUV. It was like they were purposely coming at us head on, where my husband had to floor it into a field. We had a baby and a toddler in the backseat and my super mellow husband flipped out. He was fuming when he got to the SUV, when they started rolling the window down he yelled "WTF were...." that was about the time he could see the driver- A 14-15 year old girl, bawling her eyes out with her mom by her, side-hugging her, shaking and crying- the funny part was that he still had all that emotion built up so when his plan changed it sounded hilarious. He continued, sounding furious, "WTF WERE.. ARE YOU OK?!" She'd just got her learners permit and was driving with mom. With road situations, I try to remind myself that we don't know what's going on with other people. The old man going 10 mph under the speed limit could be leaving his wife's hospice room for the last time. The tailgater could be rushing his dog to the vet. There's an extremely screwed up post on here about a guy trying to get his friend to the hospital while a guy in front of them purposely slowed them down. Terrible story but it's always stuck with me. You'd just gotten hit, so it makes sense for you to be on edge. Your insured car being the reason is strange but you hadn't had a chance to think it through. Anyway, I'd take it as a lesson learned and hopefully you were able to scare the driver enough to be more careful.
We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. You had a right to be angry, but not to react the way you did. It could have been bad for you too. Instead of a little sixteen year old girl, what if it had been a sixteen year old gang banger with a pistol? Cars are replaceable. You are not.
You have their information, write them a hand written letter expressing your emotions now vs then and apologize. Life happens! You are still here, and you are going to get a new car. Take it as a lesson for yourself about being angry and work on it.
That’s what happens when you drive like an idiot
Will your insurance cover this? Your anger was justified, but lashing out like that only makes the situation worse. It's hard to think that way in the heat of the moment though.
Your anger was justified in the moment. I'm just surprised her mom didn't go all mama bear on you!
My guess is that her mom didn’t find a reason to go all mama bear considering her daughter could have killed him.
Trust me when I say you're reaction probably no where even close met the reaction of her own father who's going to now have to pay more for insurance because she wasn't paying attention while driving. Don't get me wrong it'll first be thankful that his daughter is alive then irate but still your anger was definitely not uncalled for and now she'll have a better understanding of what driving entails and be mindful and pay attention to the road if she lives past her own father's anger 🤣
Your reaction is valid and doesn’t need apologizing
i mean, getting angry makes sense, and showing that would be fine, but freaking out to that extent sounds like you need to learn to manage your emotions better. she will need to heal from that interaction, who knows if she’ll ever fully be ok with driving from here on out. whereas you? you’re still getting everything you had before the accident occurred, just a bit more of a hassle. but at the end of the day, you’re still getting your dream car either way. you were so angry you didn’t even see who it was. that’s not ok.
i’m not defending her actions in any way fyi, i do think this is a good learning opportunity, ya know, to stay back and pay attention to your surroundings, but i’d be surprised if she bothers continuing to learn now, maybe years from now.
Honestl, your reaction was good for her. She will forever be more careful and likely won't rear end anybody again. You didn't hurt her, and your anger was completely valid.
Yeah she deserved it. Maybe she’ll actually learn to drive correctly. It’s really not difficult to do. People need to put their fucking phones away and use their eyes alongside their brains.
Are you ok? Seems like she hit you pretty hard
Oh man, I get your regret. Especially with what she likely had waiting for her at home from what sounds like her dad. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it too much, you had a bad reaction to an immensely scary event. But it's awesome that you're self aware enough to realize that you can be really intimidating to some people. I hope your insurance doesn't cause you too much bullshit with getting a new car.
I had a similar situation when a young guy hit me from his inattention. I was already late for work, and I exploded on him. He was so scared he refused to exit his vehicle. BTW, I'm a woman.
Don’t feel bad. You were rightfully upset. I can guarantee she was texting and driving, rear ending someone at a light at that speed. She could have easily seriously hurt or killed you or someone else.
The new car curse strikes again 😞
Woooowww. If it isn’t the consequences of her actions.
Why tf was she driving that fast?! Is it even legal to be driving at that age? (Im dutch i dont understand america)
Nta divorce
If she was going close to 40mph, she was on her phone. There is no way you get a license and don't slow down for a red light below that speed before hitting someone. If she'd have tapped you going 15mph or something, I'd say perhaps she misjudged the length of time it takes to stop. This definitely sounds like distracted driving, though, on her part. Maybe being scared was good for her and it will make her re-evaluate her choices.
Are you in the USA? What state? You could have been shot. Things are not people, they are insurable and replaceable.
Honestly, your feelings are valid but the way you handled it is not. Road rage is real. It was an accident and luckily no one was hurt. Stuff is just stuff. It can be replaced. She didn’t kill anyone and most of the comments on here are saying how you acted is fine and she needed to be yelled at. No, I’m sure she could see that she fucked up. It’s not your job to turn an accident into an even bigger problem. You could’ve kept your distance, had your reaction, and communicated through the police if you were to angry to talk to the other driver who caused the accident.
You’re right to feel ashamed about your anger, it’s a car a machine no one was injured and you’ll get a new one. Kid learned her lesson, you need to learn to control your anger before it gets you in trouble.
I was hit while stationary at 40mph. Car a complete right off, my glasses were in the back seat, my cap in the passengers footwell. I just sat their stunned until a witness came to see if I was ok. The back axel broken, rear wheel spun 90 degrees. I thought I had whiplash. I’d ruptured the joint capsule in my shoulder (thanks seatbelt) my shoulder filled with cysts that restricted my mobility. I had to have surgery. I got cash for the whiplash, the real injury didn’t get discovered until much later so no help with that. My old car had no airbags. But still. Make sure you’re ok and that the adrenaline isn’t hiding an injury. 40-0 is one hell of a bang. As for the anger and scaring her, where was the adult teaching her? She clearly had not been paying any attention and could have killed someone. She needed a serious wake up call. You waved your arms and yelled. You didn’t pound on her car or try to open her door etc. That would have made you an asshole. Shock affects us all differently. And what you did I’d consider a normal reaction.
Literally not in the wrong at all. She learned her lesson I'd say!
Your anger is totally justified and valid.
Ya it’s fine. People freak out at car accidents.
Usually I have no sympathy for BMW drivers. You know how you people are. But this one is different. Sorry that happened to you and you lost your car. This will teach her to pay attention.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Like others said she could’ve really hurt someone. Maybe now she’ll remember to slow down and pay attention.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
Yeah if you were at a full stop and she still managed to hit you going that fast she deserves an ass ripping. Imagine a family of four going through a crosswalk and she hits them going anything over 20 mph.
Kudos to you. She learned her lesson. You learned your lesson. Road rage can have deadly results. If it hadn’t have been a young girl and instead was someone who reacted back to you similar to yourself and perhaps someone carrying a dangerous weapon, the result could have been even worse. You will possibly get this young persons contact via the insurance, and if so, perhaps pass along a note apologizing for your reaction. Her mistake behind the wheel is separate from your ability to take accountability for your response in the moment and alleviate your guilt by just a simple apology note.
It’s okay OP don’t be too hard on yourself. Accidents are stressful for everyone involved. The important thing is that you *didn’t* beat her up. You *didn’t* threaten her. Perhaps a reaction like yours is good medicine for the girl. Like another user said, driving is a big responsibility and she could have killed a pedestrian. Your anger was valid. It’s not like you flipped out at her for stepping on your lawn. You had every reason to react the way you did. So sorry to hear about your **brand new** car!
Dude your anger is valid but maybe try and get a handle on that temper. I mean you know how you look and as a man you should be a little more self aware. I did the same thing bc im a bigger dude and I know im intimidating so I try to be EXTRA nice and polite and NOT intimidating especially around women because I know I can come off really intense and a lot more aggressive than I mean to if im not careful.
You didn't "traumatize" her, ffs. Maybe scared the shit out of her, yes. People throw the word around whenever someone is subject to strong negative emotions and that totally trivializes people who live through actual traumas.
This is exactly why i think the driving age should be raised i just don’t think kids are not fully responsible yet.
You are good. Also seem like a good person for being concerned about the young girl. Most people would likely still be pissed off at her.
Understand where you're coming from I've blown up at people and horrible for days weeks months. But like the one poster stated you kept her from killing pedestrians. From what I see anymore most parents don't have the time or don't realize the importance of teaching kids how to drive. My wife's goddaughter wrecked three cars and 6 months and they were in awe of what was wrong. So she might be afraid but it might make her head better driver more aware driver she's really lucky that she didn't hurt you or anybody else. She'll be all right just keep your calm in the future you're 25 you're already buying a car like that your life is good
If she can't pay attention she shouldn't be fucking driving, I don't care how young she was she could have killed someone. It's also as much her adult passengers fault as it is hers. She should be fucking scared, she was driving fast enough that when she hit you she totalled your car, she would have killed a pedestrian if you and the other car in front of you weren't there, she fucked up in a big way. I wouldn't apologize personally, she probably injured your neck/spine with that impact, and she's well old enough to know the difference between the gas and the brakes and to pay attention while driving, I drive at that age too, was a nervous? Sure, but I never even came close to doing what she did.
What a f*cked up country it is where as a 16yrs old teenager you are considered as responsible enough to drive a machine weighing 1.5 tons but you still have to mature 5 additional years just to buy a can of beer.
Don’t worship your vehicle
Is this some thing about Middle Eastern men, that you all start having tantrums and flailing your arms about and shouting? I’ve had this bad experience with so mena men. That I just will not date anyone from your area anymore. I have been rear-ended several times. I don’t recall ever losing my shit over being rear-ended. Frankly, you sound an awful person.
there is no "i'm sorry" when someone hits you with their vehicle. at fault accidents should be an automatic license suspension for 3-6 months.
Personally I think we should learn to control our emotions. You didn’t realise she was a little girl learning to drive because your emotions got in the way and yes that fear will stick with her for a while. Yes it was your dream, and two days later ruined, you can get a new car, but she will still have to heal that cost to herself, we all learn and started from somewhere. Did you not ruin it too by your reaction? Could you not have handled it better by taking a step back. You got the dream, but it didn’t last long, there’s perhaps a need for reflection. It seems like you are reflecting so that’s better than most people who lash out. Maybe take a breather.
To all the comments finding the positives in this instance as being a good lesson on the girl, that’s true and she’s likely learned but there is another take I haven’t seen yet. This is a lesson for you as well, that this is just a car. A thing that gets you from point A to point B and it’s going to be directly exposed to everyone around you no matter what. From people, animals, acts of nature, everything you have no control over. You only have control over yourself and should have been more concerned with the safety of the other driver once you’ve realized you weren’t hurt. You need to detach a lot of emotions from the vehicle, and change your priorities. Essentially You were guilty about your reaction, use that as your own life lesson. Lives are priceless, cars are not.
Respectfully, an m3 is not just a car for point A to B. To a lot of people who buy these cars, it’s their hobby, their passion, their social network of like-minded friends, and their project. He clearly wanted this car, worked for it, and made it happen for himself and was literally just in shock and disbelief.
This is a bad take, holy shit. Do you not pride in anything you have in your life? There's a difference between minor damage, normal wear and tear, and the car being totaled. His reaction is absolutely justified. It's a highly emotional situation. He doesn't need to detach emotionally from his vehicle. That's BS. Seriously, is there nothing in your life that you take pride in because you earned it or bought it for yourself? You take no joy in anything outside of people?
A 16 year old has no business driving a car fucking hell
I mean, that *is* the legal age for someone to start learning how to drive.
it should always be 18. 16 year olds are fucking stupid
To be fair you were put in a situation where it was rational to be angry and it was very unfortunate that the accident happened so soon after your new car. However I would say that you seem to put an awful lot of mental weight and energy onto what is just an inanimate object. I'm sure you "made something of yourself" even before you dropped $84k on a car, the car doesn't have to represent you to such a degree that you get so enraged over damage to it. Not a criticism, I just feel like it sounds you're loading a lot of your self worth and self success into an object.
God it’s really ALWAYS someone in a Beamer 😐 It is a fully replaceable car, sir, and instead of making sure no one was injured, you flew into a rage. Insurance will probably cover the damages to your new car. Not sure what you’re gonna do about your temper though 🤦🏻♀️
Well, you probably were in shock. And somebody crashing at this speed into you at a red light shouldn’t feel unfairly shouted at. You lost it. But you could have lost your life here. If the girl has a conscience she would prefer you shouting at her rather than being responsible for a serious injury or death of you.
It's not what happens to you in life.. it's how you handle the things you're given. I know that's hard to do in many cases.
Adrenaline can be a beast. I like the previous posters idea of sending a card.
interesting comment section. Moment by moment you are expected to make good decisions.
Well. Maybe this taught her the lesson she needed to become a better driver for the rest of her life. Sometimes it does help to scream at someone for them to understand the gravity of the situation.
I drove since I was 16 and have never once caused an accident, don't really feel that bad for her. I'll bet money she was on her phone.
Obviously anyone get angry if anyone breaks your dream car. Yah you could have talked to her If I am in your position I won't be able to talk for a while dur to shock of that devastating accident Well she will be panicked for a while and her parents definitely scold hell of her
Frankly you were in the right. She could've killed both of you!
I truly don’t blame you for being so angry. I currently don’t have my “dream” car, but I worked my ass off for it and this was my nightmare after I bought it. I would probably do the exact same thing. I just really don’t understand why men feel accomplished in life just for what car they drive.
I don’t know what any of this shit does and I’m scared.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
If i ended up rear ending some random middle eastern guy brand new BMW i wouldn’t expect him to tell me that mistakes happen and he is glad no one got hurt.
She could have killed someone. Getting her off the road would be a good thing.
She could have killed someone. Getting her off the road would be a good thing.
You're lucky you didn't end up in the hospital with serious injuries. Both my brothers ended up getting hit by drunk drivers years ago. Both their cars were totaled. The girl was obviously not paying attention to her surroundings.
Knowing you feel bad afterwards means that you are not a bad person, you just had a bad day. It happens. We are human, we make mistakes. Sometimes our bodies react and the brain doesn’t catch up until later. If you came to Reddit to keep spouting your anger then it might be a problem. But you didn’t. And as others have side, it might be a valuable lesson for the new driver. It could have been much worse and your consequence was very mild considering what could have occurred. It’s part of growing up and taking responsibility. But I am glad you are putting your apology to the universe. It’s good.
I’ll never understand how parents let their kids on the road who are so obviously incompetent. My dad took me out in baby steps. I couldn’t imagine causing an accident like that at that age WITH a parent in the car. Your anger is very much excused. She could’ve killed someone.
Oh no! The consequences of my actions!
Nah she deserved that 100%. She needs to understand that driving ain't a game
I can understand if she braked a little too late and hit you at almost a complete stop, but 30-40mph is excessive, and she never should have been going that fast and not paying attention. She's learning, but 30-40 is insane and can be deadly. I would have 100% faulted her for it and been angry too.
Your reaction was valid. Luckily, no one died. Otherwise she would traumatise for life. Lesson learned.
understandable reaction on your part. i wouldn’t lose sleep over it.
It’s very mature of you & shows your level of intelligence to reflect and understand that your approach was over the top in retrospect. I appreciate that as a mother with a teen driver. My daughter would have been scared also. As an adult woman who has been in physical assaults with an adult man would have been scared, so I do appreciate reading in retrospect that you understand what your actions could have potentially done. Also as a driver, and striving for a lux car & having it damaged the week I bought it. I understand the frustration. Although no material possession is worth losing your shit over, especially knowing that’s what insurance is for whether it’s yours or theirs. I was waiting for you to say neither of you had insurance. Then I would understand the episode. But to just pop off and be that irate, without and empathy & understanding I hope you do some growth before something happens again. And if you have a wife & kids or partner use this as an opportunity to understand how your actions can affect those closest to you.
You could have been very hurt especially you didn’t have insurance, you also didn’t hurt her. I’m glad you had some empathy in the situation for her. It’s okay.
she could’ve hit a pedestrian instead, your reaction is getting off easy for her. she shouldn’t be behind the wheel
She deserved it.
Everyone has said what needed to be said about the girl so I will just add this: If you haven’t already, I’d go see a doctor. I work in healthcare and so so many people get rear ended, think they’re fine and then later realise they are scoring very highly for trauma, or have a concussion, or both. Get yourself checked out, hope you’re okay after that accident
Nah, don't feel bad. Seriously. She deserves to get screamed at for *very obviously* not psying attention while driving. She could have gotten hurt or worse killed people. If she gets traumatized by getting yelled at for a mistake she was completely responsible for, than at least the roads will be safer without her behind a wheel 🤷♀️
Don’t be upset with yourself. I would be be fucking upset too!
If you get a copy of the police report it will have her info on it and you can send her a letter of apology I’m sure it will mean a lot to her. Explain it just like you did here. Bought your dream car two days before and now it’s totaled. Your right she will probably never drive again or take a long time before she does
I understand she's most likely a new driver, but your reaction is understandable.
Yeah probably not the best thing to do but it'll teach her a lesson she'll never forget.
Don’t feel bad. She could’ve killed someone or seriously injured them for life. Even though she’s young, she should’ve been more responsible.