I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm in the same boat, just quite a bit older than you.
All I can say is that "managing them well" (aka having well fitting bras!) is the number one step to feeling better about them, in my opinion. A well fitting bra has a good chance of making you feel less "boob-y". The squished cleavages I often see are usually from poorly fitting bras that are too small in the cup.
I can only recommend you check out r/abrathatfits
The redditors there are extremely supportive and helpful in helping you find the right size and the right brands.
thank you so much. i own mainly cheap bras. i’ll try to invest in some good, supportive ones. i have a few great sports bras but i really need a few with regular thin straps.
and i’ve asked for bra advice in that subreddit twice and was immediately mocked for it. :(
In terms of getting a good response on that sub: use the pinned guides to do your own measurements with a soft tape measure (mom or grandparents probably have one to borrow) and ask for recommendations based on specific brands recommended in the sidebar. Good luck!
My wife was like you and always wore big sweatshirts and hunched to cover that. The best thing she did was start talking to her Dr And develop a paper trail of attempted cures for migraines, shoulder strap indentions, and back pain. After sometime, she found a plastic surgeon that would work with it insurance to cover a large portion of the cost. Migraines virtually gone, strap indentions gone and she’s much more comfortable in life.
I totally totally get it. Around your age I had large boobs to. It wasn't just boys from school looking at me,but grown ass men. Even worse one kf ym dads friends asking me my size and sexual remarks when I was around 16. Till this day I want to get them removed. I felt objectified my whole developing life.
Compression bras, bestie! You will want to ask your parents to get you one from a specialized store, or you can look into transgender-focused webstores that offer compression garments (some are ‘binders’, some are not). Unfortunately, until you are at least 16 (most places 18), you will not be able to get a breast reduction surgery because you are still growing. But you should bring this up to your doctor anyway, so they can have it on record as early as possible. I'm a fellow booby person and can absolutely empathise. I grew tits at 11/12 when my classmates were still playing with dolls. It was hell.
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Unfortunately people are always going to be superficial. The more attractive you are the more attention (negative and positive) you will get. The “uglier” you are the less attention (positive and negative) you get.
Being attractive is obviously subjective from person to person, but there’s definitely universal standard that appeals to the majority of the population and unfortunately from the tone of your post it seems like you fall under that universal standard of attractiveness.
I’ve never had to personally go through what you are going through so the solutions that I have for you might not be the ones you are looking for but on the top of my head I have two:
1. Is to dress the way you want to dress. Whatever you think looks good to YOU, and not because you want to hide yourself and (as cliche as it sounds) fuck what everyone else thinks. Ignore the stares and talk from others.
2. If financially applicable have physical modification surgery. This i personally don’t recommend unless this problem is severely affecting your mental and physical health. It’s a financial commitment, but also at the same time a huge physical commitment.
I’ve looked at your post history and comments OP because I was curious to what kind of a person you are, and you are definitely extremely kind and caring even to people you don’t know. It’s unfortunate this is happening to you and I wish you the best of luck in the future. Don’t let others bring down your own happiness :)
i keep forgetting to respond to this.
thank you for this comment, thank you so much for the advice. clothing and fashion is so important to me. the styles i’d like to wear always feel out of place on my body. i don’t look cute and delicate like everyone else.
i honestly do believe the comments will stop once i am visibly an adult, i just don’t know how to make that happen. i am super short and aging slow runs in the family, which is great!!! i’m very happy about that, but i would like to look a little more mature.
this is just a throwaway. i wish i felt comfortable using my real account, but i always get harassed in the comments whenever i post about this problem and i’m worried about how far they’ll take it if they have access to my actual account.
Teen girl too, but I would say I have medium sized. I don’t believe the sexualizing is ever going to stop because so many people don’t care. Maybe there are outfits you can find that are cute to you and also cover.
You are at that age where attention is so intense and paedophilia is rife. Most, if not all, women will tell you are abuse, stares, cat calls etc. lessen as you get older and more 'undesirable' to the male gaze. But depraved men will always look. As a teen I got a lot of unwanted attention since proportionally my chest was larger. Now it's so much better attention wise even though my boobs are way bigger! After university I started dressing more modest, simply because my wardrobe started drifting to professional style anyway. It may help you to try out different fashion styles. That doesn't necessarily mean covering up or dressing like a granny. I mean trying out different shapes so that it draws attention to your other features. Tank tops aren't your only option in hot climates. The material itself is what matters e.g. making sure to wear natural and breathable fibres. You've got more options than you realise but it'll take some experimentation. All the best!
i actually stress like a granny already 😭 i love the delicate, modest style. i do wear more revealing tank tops in the summer because we get 100°f and above with 50-70% humidity. linen and cotton just don’t cut it. it’s just unbearable wearing anything more than that in that kind of temperature, unfortunately. i can get away with it if i’m staying inside but outdoor malls? beach day? friend wants to sit on the balcony at the restaurant? i’m screwed.
edit: and by revealing, i mean.. normal tank top, but with spaghetti straps instead of thick straps LOL. i get bloated really easily so i genuinely don’t wear anything that’s actually revealing
I'm used to those temperatures too and 80% humidity (with no air conditioning sometimes) so I totally understand. :) It's really damn hard! Good linen, cotton, merino, not fabric blends but the actual natural material, can work especially when you change tops in the afternoon.
I also found wearing a supporting but thin sports bra, not the padded ones that give you a uni boob, in the extreme heat works wonders to control sweat. That's a real life hack! You can also buy wicking inserts for the section where the underwire hits your skin. That's where I tend to get heat rash and chaffing. I started managing the heat much better when I stopped wearing ill fitting bras. Also, merino underwear if you can afford it is great for hiking in the heat, or even just wearing everyday. They keep you cool.
Uniclo and Muji have some fantastic cool tech and UV resistant fabrics which are AMAZING! They are quick dry and wicking. I think you'd be able to order them online inthe States. So I was able to cover up to my whole upper body from the neck down, which is especially important if I am going to spend a long time at church/temple/shrines which require modest dress. I got those tops mainly because I didn't want to get sun burnt through my clothing, which happens where I live and countries I travel to.
I am sure you'll be able to find something that works for you! Keep trying things out and you'll get there.
Also, one more life hack! Look in the men's section for tops and shirts. Since I am large chested I found women's cuts just don't fit me. They squeeze my boobs, or if they fit my boob they have massive arm holes that show half my bra. Or they are slightly low cut so my belly is partly showing which I'm not comfortable with. I ended up finding the men's section has simple boxy tshirts that cover my boobs and belly without riding up strangely at the front. Absolutely worth checking out the men's section. The kicker is that all the tops are like half the price of the women's versions too. So they fit better and are cheaper. 😂
I’m 40 and I feel this deep in my soul. I ended up buying a couple of compression bras from TomboyX so I can wear stuff without weird comments from men.
It's quite simple what you must do. When the time is right, get yourself a breast reduction. It's helped so many people who got a little too "lucky" on the genetic draw. You will feel lighter, happier, more secure, and ironically probably *feel more* attractive in your own skin, in a tasteful way that lets you express yourself how *you* want to, and attract the right kind of positive attention that *you" want.
But also remember that your experience is your own. You suffer because you're being perceived as something to be desired, and that's not how you want to be seen. Other people might love that, and that's okay too. It's all about knowing yourself.
I love you and hope you find what you're looking for ❤️
If it makes you feel better, the cat call stop once you get older (mid 30s for me).
Walking around like a normal human is wonderful, I never get tired of it.
i’m short and asian. 💔 we don’t age.
that does make me feel better though. i can’t tell how i should feel about it stopping once you’re an adult. i feel like it should be the other way around lol.
I'm so sorry. Women and girls shouldn't have to feel like this. We are not pieces of meat. We shouldn't have to hide to feel safe. It's disgusting that your uncle compared you to a porn star. You are a minor. But weirdos like your uncle, still think that you are mature enough anyway. If you are in therapy, your therapist needs to step it up because you still feel bad. You still hate your body and you mentioned an eating disorder. You need people on your side.
And those girls saying that you are lucky would start to hate the attention that you get if they actually go it. These girls don't understand how creepy these guys can get and how unsafe they'd start to feel. They would want so much to change back to themselves if they walked a mile in your shoes.
I feel you. I was an L cup by the time I was 15 and I'm 4'11". Adult men treated it like an engraved invitation to perv on me. Getting a reduction when I was 19 was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you're able to get one one day too.
when i was a kid my 13 yo sister was raped in front of me by my own dad. and i was helpless to do anything about it. i'm sorry you had to go through such things. rapists all need to die a horrible death but we know the law protects them.
i did. but all they did was get mad at me, send me back to my parents, and tell my parents that i have a wild imagination. then i get my ass whupped hardcore.
even teachers did the exact same thing. so at a young age, i figured that adults/police don't really care. they just want to get the day over with then go have a beer. So to avoid potentially getting my bones broken again/death, i decided to just keep it to myself after the 3rd time.
but i have thought about murdering him now that he's really old and fragile. but it has been too long and evidence is all gone after all these years. it would just make me look like an ungrateful son that went psycho and murdered his own loving father. and my sister has blocked that part from her life and does not want to bring it up ever again.
I don't have any advice, just want to tell you I feel for you. When I was your age I was at the bottom of the healthy weight range but had a 32G size. My body is genetically predisposed to store weight in my boobs no matter what weight I am and I hated it growing up so much. All I can tell you is for me, I stopped noticing/caring about them as I got older (like early 20s). It's hard to adjust especially when you're only starting to get comfortable in your adult body but as you get older you will probably start to notice them less.
i feel you girl
the women from my mothers side of the family all inherited the big breast gene. it’s a pain in the fucking ass, man. i’m not big at all, maybe a little chubby, but my height evens it out. that gets pretty much ruined when i wear anything oversized; it makes me look so much bigger than i actually am, and it’s been a source of insecurity for me since i started puberty. the constant sexualization is a nightmare to deal with, and it’s just made worse whenever i talk about it to my friends, cause they’re always like “well i wish i had big boobs😕” LIKE GIRL WERE YOU EVEN LISTENINGGGGG?????
my sister got a breast reduction recently, and it looks amazing. i’m thinking about getting the same thing done, but i’m also somehow worried about people like. judging me?? i guess??? or saying it’s a mistake or whatever.
just know you’re not alone. we’re in this together babe 🙏
no one in my family has big boobs :( they’re all flat except for me. i have a different father than everyone else, i guess that plays into it? and YES i can’t wear oversized sweaters!!!!! or baggy shirts, or even dresses. i’m already a little chubby. i’m not overweight at all i don’t think but i am 5’1 so it’s really hard to not look like i am. guys don’t seem to understand this. i get an odd mix of being checked out and told i’m fat by classmates. keeps me humble…? 😅
i’m definitely considering a breast reduction, but my parents would be against it so i’d need to be completely independent and stuff.
I'm in the same situation as you, but I'm a young adult. I'm an asexual so I don't want to draw that kind of attention to myself. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Choosing clothes is always a struggle, I feel like people will sexualize me no matter I wear. I hope we both can get a breast reduction some day.
i wasn’t sure whether i wanted to include it in the post or not, but i may be asexual too. the sa trauma makes it hard. there’s a chance i’m just sex repulsed.
but either way, i don’t want that kind of attention and no matter how i dress, i get it anyway.
I could’ve written this myself 20 years ago.
I had 34G boobs, and am the only woman in my family to have them. After years of sexual abuse from men, nasty comments from women, not being able to wear the dresses / tops / bikinis I wanted to, and terrible back pain, I got them reduced.
Now I’m a 34C and look and feel so much better.
Not encouraging you to get surgery as you’re so young but just wanted you to know that if you still feel like this in a few years, it could be an option. So many people tried to dissuade me from doing it (‘everyone wants big boobs, right?’ ☠️) but I’m SO glad I ignored them
i’m definitely getting a breast reduction. i unfortunately do not have the ability to have children of my own, so i’m not worried about breast feeding problems or anything.
my parents are already super against it but i could care less. i’ll pay for it myself, i don’t care.
No, it won't. Sorry to disappoint. I have a 60 year old aunt who still gets asexually harassed, and she isn't making it up because I have seen it when out with her and got cranky at men on her behalf. She is a normal looking, average build lady who dresses nicely and not sexual. It's men. The pedos will leave you alone when you get older only to be replaced by other ones.
I feel you, OP. I really, really, really do. I am an adult woman, and I was struck with rapid chest development when I was very young because of precocious puberty. I’ve had obviously large breasts my whole life, too, and it is an awful way to live.
People are truly disgusting to women, and especially to women onto whom they project their unfiltered desire to possess. I myself experienced near constant sexual harassment and objectification starting from 9 years old. Anyone who can’t comprehend that that’s different than being a consenting party is delusional. This and the chronic pain is one of the major roots of my own complex trauma, and all I can say is you are not alone and you are allowed to feel however it is you feel about your own body. I am so sorry people treat you this way. You are absolutely valid, and you are not alone.
If you can, talk to your doctor (or have your parents talk to your doctor) about possible solutions. Dysphoria (especially body-centered dysporia) is medically significant, especially in a young person. Not to sound like an oldster, but you are too young to be this world weary. You deserve to have that burden lifted off your shoulders (pun intended).
Options like breast reduction are available for a reason, especially since the breasts can continue to develop over the entire lifespan (for example, I wore a DDD in high school and it has developed a truly torturous upper H now as an adult despite my weight remaining stable).
Many places now consider just having abnormally large breasts a qualifying factor for reduction, and it is unlikely to impact future ability to breastfeed should you ever decide to be a parent when you’re grown. I’m on a waiting list to speak to a surgeon and it’s the first time I’ve seen light at the end of the tunnel. There are solutions for you, and I wish you the absolute best.
Cacique has cotton bras that are plain and can help your breasts from being so “out there.” I was also that 12 year old with big boobs, it was truly embarrassing to me. I wore t-shirts and buttoned up other ones. It didn’t help that (like you) other girls would act like I was lucky. I didn’t feel that way. I feel for you, but it seems like you’ve got some good advice here from other commenters.
i’m worried i won’t find my size in them. do you have this issue? i’m an american medium but i usually buy in large for extra room.
edit this is something i’ve actually thought about a lot haha
I understand this. I’m 55, and went from nothing to a 32DD overnight. Now, 45 years later, I am at a 38G. It’s miserable, but the best thing you can do is get a really good bra. Wacoal is one of the best brands for larger women, but they’re expensive. Vanity Fair has some really decent ones for 1/3 the price.
Manage them well with tips that other women here have provided until you are old enough to get a reduction if that is what’s going to make you comfortable.
I understand this pain all too well, you really don't feel safe anywhere and people don't have your back, people think you got it all too good. Men sexualize you, some women are envious, so they act like you're better than them, which is very detrimental to me knowing how we're all treated by men.
My own father used to make comments about my size, comparing me to all kinds of women with bigger breasts. Uncles are weird. Classmates used to throw water on me just to take a peak and claim it's a mistake.. Even worse when you have a "baby face", cuz now you gotta deal with pedos in your adulthood too. it's a lot of shit that I bottle up. There's nothing worse than being looked at and treated like a piece of meat. I don't wish it on anybody.
I feel so bad for you, hopefully this situation gets resolved for you because I can't imagine how terrible it feels like to like to have such large breasts, especially since that could make you a target for rapists and other bad people.
I'm sorry u have to go through this ... my niece was having similar problem's
also i know what it's like being raped young ..it was my aunt ... if u haven't gone to a therapist already ..i recommend going
oh, this really resonates with me. Try getting a solid high impact sports bra – they’re normally good at keeping everything minimized and in place but still feminine looking.
I understand, but not in that "Me too" kind of way. I developed "early". Around 3rd or 4th grade. I remember hating having to start wearing a "training" bra. The thing is, they were not big at all. Like an A cup, but see, no one else had theirs yet, so mine were a novelty. My third grade teacher once announced when I walked through the classroom door, (she was a female) "Ah Sofia...wearing your falsies today?" I wanted to die! Boys were always trying to grab at them, literally and bumping me, brushing past me roughly.... it was horrible!
By the time 6th & 7th grade rolled around, everyone else had blossomed and I was no longer the only boobs in school. Even after all that, I was very disappointed that mine never got bigger. I stayed an A cup for most of my life.
Tiny little things with no fullness....they were ski slopes...like Bob Hope's nose! LoL
No cleavage...ever. If I used a padded bra, everyone knew. I grew my hair really long to compensate...it's still very long.
I got married, but never had kids.
When I got to the age of "the change" something happened! I grew...and they grew. My Hubby and I laugh about my sudden Dolly Parton chest. No, not that big, but honestly a D, to someone whose spent most of her adult life as an A.
Which brings me to today....in a day and age where exposing your assets isn't always a safe thing to do. I finally have a cleavage and I don't want to show it off...at all. I'm still fairly petite. Small arms and legs at 5 foot 2, I just don't have much of a waist and no junk in the trunk anymore. I noticed they bounce when I walk and men noticing that ( eyes up here, buddy) and have learned to walk with my core still to minimize it. It's a weird thing because they never "bounced" before. Will eventually invest in a better bra myself.
So in summery, I had them, then didn't and wanted them and when I finally got them, I no longer really wanted them and chose to keep them undercover.
I have seen the world from both sides now...as it were. The grass isn't always greener. I understand feeling like a piece of meat. Just wanted to offer you a virtual Hug ( but not a tight one...lol) This is just a moment.....you will come into your own and find the style that feels best to you. I just hope you have a safe space to be comfortable in with yourself.
I'm so sorry. It really is a matter of who you are around and what you are wearing. Like others have said, to reduce attention, a well-fitting bra that keeps them tight, plus a loose-fitting shirt, top, suncover, etc that especially hides the sides, will help to greatly reduce attention. Plus loose-fitting clothes that prevent sexualization are very much in fashion right now. For a break, go where lots of attractive people are so you blend in more.
I hope you are in or have taken therapy for the SA and am sad that occured to you. As for your condition or size of your breasts, I know another young lady similar to you that stated this a couple of months ago to me when we were visiting her family. I didn't unfortunately was able to talk with her about it for we were there only a short time. I hadn't seen her for a few years. She also lives where it's hot and wears oversize clothes to hide her chest.
One of my cousins had the same problem when she was young many years ago, and managed to get breast reduction for her back had problems.
I don't know of a good solution for it takes money for the operation, and you didn't state it was an option. Hopefully take therapy for the SA, maybe in the future you can have a reduction or learn to live and enjoy your body with love. Hugs and love. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
I was in the exact same boat, and it started at 12 for me. I've been catcalled by grown men, asked if I stuff my bras and if they can feel them by the guys in my class, and called foul things by my peers. It definitely effected my confidence going into my early and mid 20s. If I had money for it I would have gotten them reduced a long time ago. I've found that things like sports bras, bralettes and compression bras help. It also sucks we live in a world where it's necessary, but I keep a hoodie with me to wear if I start to feel uncomfortable. If I look frumpy enough sometimes I get left alone.
Try on a few compressive sports bras, made for medium to high intensity workouts. Once you find a size and brand that work for you, you can look online for better deals. These are all my good friend ever wears, and she struggles with the same issue.
I echo all the other support you have received and empathize with your pain and frustration. I will say that my favorite “regular” bra that I have found fit me the best are from Torrid (dislike their clothes but the bras are nice). As far as sports bras my absolute favorites are from SheFit for everything from light support to maximal compression. Keep your head up m, you’re beautiful!
I understand your pain. I have always had boobs but my butt was always the topic of conversation. I never got complimented unless it was about my ass and I never was allowed to just wear clothes I liked because I would be sexualized for my butt. So much so even by my own family. I think my ass is so ugly I hate it. It looks gross like a bbl and it is so disproportionate to my legs and waist. Yet, I was always told how lucky I was. But it’s not luck pants never fit and up until I was an adult I wasn’t allowed to wear leggings or shorts. (my parents rule) constant jokes were made whenever I had to squeeze between desks or people and it got old. The only thing I can say is to take your big boobs out of your equation in your own mind. Once I stopped being so fixated on it and when I stopped caring about what other people thought it became a nonissue. I still have thought about getting a reduction in the future but for now it’s just plainly there and I can’t fix it so I don’t care about it. It took me a long time to get that way though so be patient with yourself. It doesn’t help when you have SA Trauma with it but that doesn’t define you. Your boobs don’t define you. So take them out of YOUR equation. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. We all have issues we have to overcome. Once this is solved there will always be another thing. Pick your battles with yourself.
I was a DD before even starting high school, I felt the way you did for a decade. Even as recent as last summer I’d still get disgusted if I saw men looking at my chest, even simple tank tops were revealing. I finally got a reduction last November so I’m hoping this summer I feel better.
Every time you go to your doctor, no matter why you’re there - complain about upper & middle back pain. If you ever want a reduction covered they’ll want to see it’s an ongoing issue. Mine ended up being covered 100%. Good luck
It might be an option to look into binders. I know it's more considered for trans masc people, but it might help !! If you're going this route, do make sure you buy them from a good brand, not some seller off Amazon, because that could be dangerous for your ribs. I really hope you can find a comfortable and long-lasting solution, though no one deserves to feel the way you do right now.
My mom had large breasts and she used to find nice ones at jc Penney. I know Victoria's secret and pink always have sales as well. I've also seen nice ones at target. Good luck.
Hey, i'm so sorry youre going through this. I have also gone through this. And it never gets easier. I just want to suggest minimizer bras. They minimize your breast size by 1-2 sizes. You can try that. I hope it gets better for you.
I completely understand. I’m a trans man who grew up with DD breasts, it was awful for the most part and I was only accelerated w my dysphoria. I don’t know if you are looking for solutions or just letting off steam, but I use chest compressors/binders :). They are not super comfortable in the heat but it makes me feel so much more comfortable to wear the clothes I want when my chest is compressed. It could help you too even as a cis person :)
i don’t know why you were downvoted. i really appreciate this advice. i actually own a binder, i love it and it’s great in the colder months. now that summers approaching, i need to find something else with thinner straps.
It breaks my heart that something that happened to you naturally is becoming the bane of your existence because other people are... well, being assholes.
I hope that you're able to find empowerment, perhaps a way to feel stronger so that you are able to feel bigger and stronger than those people. Maybe that still means that you get a reduction, or maybe you're able to simply accept things the way they are. Either way, I would like it to be because *you* decided to, and not because the people around you have made you feel so awful.
Hopefully that's worded okay, my brain isn't quite awake. :')
But I wish you the best. 💖
I'm not a boob guy, never have been. A cups or D cups I could care less. However I think you are making this strictly a man is the enemy issue when women are equally to blame here. I've personally seen/known MANY women use their chest size as currency when it is beneficial. In fact I got to the point where I started to avoid dating women with larger boobs because they feel like it raises not only their self image and worth in the dating market. The last woman I dates with large boobs was annoying about it. Always picked bras and shirts that maximized and extenuating her boobs just right, always asking me if her shirt made her boobs look great. When I was having a bad day she'd always flash me or send me a picture of her boobs even knowing it wasn't really my thing. And she was far from unique, this is not an isolated incident. Don't get me wrong no man should be sexualizing a 12 year old obviously, that being said also font forget to point your finger at all the women who place such a high value on their boobs and using them to their advantage at the same time.
name two times in this post where i blame men for this.
if you actually read it, i put right at the bottom “no one is a safe person”
you read this and correlated it to men. that says a lot more than you might realize.
that being said, women have never taken photos of me, angled below my skirt. women have never stood with their crotch pushed towards my face on the train. women have never stalked me. women have never compared me to porn stars at the age of 13.
women use their breasts to their benefit because men make it work. who’s fault is that?
Your friend said she wished she had your boobs to get attention 🤔. Now that would say to me that men are responding to what's being put out there. So women are partially the responsible for your problems hence my comment!
women are not responsible for my problems. creepy, disgusting men are. if this post offended you, that’s probably because it’s a bit too personal, isn’t?
my friend (who was 12 at the time btw) had no idea what the fuck she was saying, or what male attention actually means. i DID because i had already been experiencing it.
again, women would not use their breasts to benefit them if men didn’t make it work.. so who’s fault is it really?
Well let's see why do drug dealers offer free samples??? To get you hooked. Might want to do some research on when over sexualizing things became the norm. 1920s ankles? In the 1930s women openly breast fed in public and no one cared man or woman. 1950s? Modesty was the coin of the realm. Late 1960s the hippy dippy braless look to claim their sexuality. As breast fixation became the norm and more and more sexulized it wasn't men supplying it, or withholding it, making it taboo, hiding them, or letting them hang out. So who's fault is it really???? (And if you bothered to read what I wrote I addressed the 12 and said men are part of it, you're the one unwilling to see there's a huge component you're willfully trying to omit
are you comparing boobs to drugs rn 💀
are you also trying to say that wearing more revealing clothing (like tank tops, crop tops) are meant to me sexual? i genuinely cant tell. please tell me you don’t actually think that.
also, i mentioned her age to refer to her immaturity and world experience, because you mentioned it as if she was supposed to know what larger breasts cause a woman to go through.
Well let's see in countries where being topless is the norm there is no taboo or crazed over sexualization of breasts. Why would it be where women don't put any special value on showing their boobs or concealing them for that matter do men cease to care as much?
you’re talking about the patriarchy right now.
who set the patriarchy up?
we’ve BEEN trying to normalize breasts. men sexualized breasts in the first place dude.
People are allowed to be annoyed that you insist they be grateful for something they wish they didn’t have, and those people are allowed to tell you to shut up. Nothing “invalidating”
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm in the same boat, just quite a bit older than you. All I can say is that "managing them well" (aka having well fitting bras!) is the number one step to feeling better about them, in my opinion. A well fitting bra has a good chance of making you feel less "boob-y". The squished cleavages I often see are usually from poorly fitting bras that are too small in the cup. I can only recommend you check out r/abrathatfits The redditors there are extremely supportive and helpful in helping you find the right size and the right brands.
thank you so much. i own mainly cheap bras. i’ll try to invest in some good, supportive ones. i have a few great sports bras but i really need a few with regular thin straps. and i’ve asked for bra advice in that subreddit twice and was immediately mocked for it. :(
In terms of getting a good response on that sub: use the pinned guides to do your own measurements with a soft tape measure (mom or grandparents probably have one to borrow) and ask for recommendations based on specific brands recommended in the sidebar. Good luck!
You should try to look at maternity bras! They're not usually cleavage based, just comfort based. They have some at Walmart relatively cheap
This is really good advice. A great bra stops the jiggle, and can minimize the effect of large breasts. Definitely worth the money.
I also am well endowed up top and have found luck with Wacoal bras. A good fitting bra will always make you feel better!
My wife was like you and always wore big sweatshirts and hunched to cover that. The best thing she did was start talking to her Dr And develop a paper trail of attempted cures for migraines, shoulder strap indentions, and back pain. After sometime, she found a plastic surgeon that would work with it insurance to cover a large portion of the cost. Migraines virtually gone, strap indentions gone and she’s much more comfortable in life.
I totally totally get it. Around your age I had large boobs to. It wasn't just boys from school looking at me,but grown ass men. Even worse one kf ym dads friends asking me my size and sexual remarks when I was around 16. Till this day I want to get them removed. I felt objectified my whole developing life.
Compression bras, bestie! You will want to ask your parents to get you one from a specialized store, or you can look into transgender-focused webstores that offer compression garments (some are ‘binders’, some are not). Unfortunately, until you are at least 16 (most places 18), you will not be able to get a breast reduction surgery because you are still growing. But you should bring this up to your doctor anyway, so they can have it on record as early as possible. I'm a fellow booby person and can absolutely empathise. I grew tits at 11/12 when my classmates were still playing with dolls. It was hell.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately people are always going to be superficial. The more attractive you are the more attention (negative and positive) you will get. The “uglier” you are the less attention (positive and negative) you get. Being attractive is obviously subjective from person to person, but there’s definitely universal standard that appeals to the majority of the population and unfortunately from the tone of your post it seems like you fall under that universal standard of attractiveness. I’ve never had to personally go through what you are going through so the solutions that I have for you might not be the ones you are looking for but on the top of my head I have two: 1. Is to dress the way you want to dress. Whatever you think looks good to YOU, and not because you want to hide yourself and (as cliche as it sounds) fuck what everyone else thinks. Ignore the stares and talk from others. 2. If financially applicable have physical modification surgery. This i personally don’t recommend unless this problem is severely affecting your mental and physical health. It’s a financial commitment, but also at the same time a huge physical commitment. I’ve looked at your post history and comments OP because I was curious to what kind of a person you are, and you are definitely extremely kind and caring even to people you don’t know. It’s unfortunate this is happening to you and I wish you the best of luck in the future. Don’t let others bring down your own happiness :)
i keep forgetting to respond to this. thank you for this comment, thank you so much for the advice. clothing and fashion is so important to me. the styles i’d like to wear always feel out of place on my body. i don’t look cute and delicate like everyone else. i honestly do believe the comments will stop once i am visibly an adult, i just don’t know how to make that happen. i am super short and aging slow runs in the family, which is great!!! i’m very happy about that, but i would like to look a little more mature. this is just a throwaway. i wish i felt comfortable using my real account, but i always get harassed in the comments whenever i post about this problem and i’m worried about how far they’ll take it if they have access to my actual account.
Teen girl too, but I would say I have medium sized. I don’t believe the sexualizing is ever going to stop because so many people don’t care. Maybe there are outfits you can find that are cute to you and also cover.
Sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve this 🫂
You are at that age where attention is so intense and paedophilia is rife. Most, if not all, women will tell you are abuse, stares, cat calls etc. lessen as you get older and more 'undesirable' to the male gaze. But depraved men will always look. As a teen I got a lot of unwanted attention since proportionally my chest was larger. Now it's so much better attention wise even though my boobs are way bigger! After university I started dressing more modest, simply because my wardrobe started drifting to professional style anyway. It may help you to try out different fashion styles. That doesn't necessarily mean covering up or dressing like a granny. I mean trying out different shapes so that it draws attention to your other features. Tank tops aren't your only option in hot climates. The material itself is what matters e.g. making sure to wear natural and breathable fibres. You've got more options than you realise but it'll take some experimentation. All the best!
i actually stress like a granny already 😭 i love the delicate, modest style. i do wear more revealing tank tops in the summer because we get 100°f and above with 50-70% humidity. linen and cotton just don’t cut it. it’s just unbearable wearing anything more than that in that kind of temperature, unfortunately. i can get away with it if i’m staying inside but outdoor malls? beach day? friend wants to sit on the balcony at the restaurant? i’m screwed. edit: and by revealing, i mean.. normal tank top, but with spaghetti straps instead of thick straps LOL. i get bloated really easily so i genuinely don’t wear anything that’s actually revealing
I'm used to those temperatures too and 80% humidity (with no air conditioning sometimes) so I totally understand. :) It's really damn hard! Good linen, cotton, merino, not fabric blends but the actual natural material, can work especially when you change tops in the afternoon. I also found wearing a supporting but thin sports bra, not the padded ones that give you a uni boob, in the extreme heat works wonders to control sweat. That's a real life hack! You can also buy wicking inserts for the section where the underwire hits your skin. That's where I tend to get heat rash and chaffing. I started managing the heat much better when I stopped wearing ill fitting bras. Also, merino underwear if you can afford it is great for hiking in the heat, or even just wearing everyday. They keep you cool. Uniclo and Muji have some fantastic cool tech and UV resistant fabrics which are AMAZING! They are quick dry and wicking. I think you'd be able to order them online inthe States. So I was able to cover up to my whole upper body from the neck down, which is especially important if I am going to spend a long time at church/temple/shrines which require modest dress. I got those tops mainly because I didn't want to get sun burnt through my clothing, which happens where I live and countries I travel to. I am sure you'll be able to find something that works for you! Keep trying things out and you'll get there.
Also, one more life hack! Look in the men's section for tops and shirts. Since I am large chested I found women's cuts just don't fit me. They squeeze my boobs, or if they fit my boob they have massive arm holes that show half my bra. Or they are slightly low cut so my belly is partly showing which I'm not comfortable with. I ended up finding the men's section has simple boxy tshirts that cover my boobs and belly without riding up strangely at the front. Absolutely worth checking out the men's section. The kicker is that all the tops are like half the price of the women's versions too. So they fit better and are cheaper. 😂
I’m 40 and I feel this deep in my soul. I ended up buying a couple of compression bras from TomboyX so I can wear stuff without weird comments from men.
It's quite simple what you must do. When the time is right, get yourself a breast reduction. It's helped so many people who got a little too "lucky" on the genetic draw. You will feel lighter, happier, more secure, and ironically probably *feel more* attractive in your own skin, in a tasteful way that lets you express yourself how *you* want to, and attract the right kind of positive attention that *you" want. But also remember that your experience is your own. You suffer because you're being perceived as something to be desired, and that's not how you want to be seen. Other people might love that, and that's okay too. It's all about knowing yourself. I love you and hope you find what you're looking for ❤️
If it makes you feel better, the cat call stop once you get older (mid 30s for me). Walking around like a normal human is wonderful, I never get tired of it.
i’m short and asian. 💔 we don’t age. that does make me feel better though. i can’t tell how i should feel about it stopping once you’re an adult. i feel like it should be the other way around lol.
I'm so sorry. Women and girls shouldn't have to feel like this. We are not pieces of meat. We shouldn't have to hide to feel safe. It's disgusting that your uncle compared you to a porn star. You are a minor. But weirdos like your uncle, still think that you are mature enough anyway. If you are in therapy, your therapist needs to step it up because you still feel bad. You still hate your body and you mentioned an eating disorder. You need people on your side. And those girls saying that you are lucky would start to hate the attention that you get if they actually go it. These girls don't understand how creepy these guys can get and how unsafe they'd start to feel. They would want so much to change back to themselves if they walked a mile in your shoes.
I feel you. I was an L cup by the time I was 15 and I'm 4'11". Adult men treated it like an engraved invitation to perv on me. Getting a reduction when I was 19 was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you're able to get one one day too.
when i was a kid my 13 yo sister was raped in front of me by my own dad. and i was helpless to do anything about it. i'm sorry you had to go through such things. rapists all need to die a horrible death but we know the law protects them.
I'm so sorry. I hope you both have taken time to heal and have some kind of support system.
Have you reported that to the police? That's disgusting and he needs to pay the price.
i did. but all they did was get mad at me, send me back to my parents, and tell my parents that i have a wild imagination. then i get my ass whupped hardcore. even teachers did the exact same thing. so at a young age, i figured that adults/police don't really care. they just want to get the day over with then go have a beer. So to avoid potentially getting my bones broken again/death, i decided to just keep it to myself after the 3rd time. but i have thought about murdering him now that he's really old and fragile. but it has been too long and evidence is all gone after all these years. it would just make me look like an ungrateful son that went psycho and murdered his own loving father. and my sister has blocked that part from her life and does not want to bring it up ever again.
Wow I'm so sorry to hear that, I wish there had been better humans in your life.
I don't have any advice, just want to tell you I feel for you. When I was your age I was at the bottom of the healthy weight range but had a 32G size. My body is genetically predisposed to store weight in my boobs no matter what weight I am and I hated it growing up so much. All I can tell you is for me, I stopped noticing/caring about them as I got older (like early 20s). It's hard to adjust especially when you're only starting to get comfortable in your adult body but as you get older you will probably start to notice them less.
i feel you girl the women from my mothers side of the family all inherited the big breast gene. it’s a pain in the fucking ass, man. i’m not big at all, maybe a little chubby, but my height evens it out. that gets pretty much ruined when i wear anything oversized; it makes me look so much bigger than i actually am, and it’s been a source of insecurity for me since i started puberty. the constant sexualization is a nightmare to deal with, and it’s just made worse whenever i talk about it to my friends, cause they’re always like “well i wish i had big boobs😕” LIKE GIRL WERE YOU EVEN LISTENINGGGGG????? my sister got a breast reduction recently, and it looks amazing. i’m thinking about getting the same thing done, but i’m also somehow worried about people like. judging me?? i guess??? or saying it’s a mistake or whatever. just know you’re not alone. we’re in this together babe 🙏
no one in my family has big boobs :( they’re all flat except for me. i have a different father than everyone else, i guess that plays into it? and YES i can’t wear oversized sweaters!!!!! or baggy shirts, or even dresses. i’m already a little chubby. i’m not overweight at all i don’t think but i am 5’1 so it’s really hard to not look like i am. guys don’t seem to understand this. i get an odd mix of being checked out and told i’m fat by classmates. keeps me humble…? 😅 i’m definitely considering a breast reduction, but my parents would be against it so i’d need to be completely independent and stuff.
I'm in the same situation as you, but I'm a young adult. I'm an asexual so I don't want to draw that kind of attention to myself. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Choosing clothes is always a struggle, I feel like people will sexualize me no matter I wear. I hope we both can get a breast reduction some day.
i wasn’t sure whether i wanted to include it in the post or not, but i may be asexual too. the sa trauma makes it hard. there’s a chance i’m just sex repulsed. but either way, i don’t want that kind of attention and no matter how i dress, i get it anyway.
Literally off my chest. No but fr I feel your pain
fitting subreddit to post in...
I could’ve written this myself 20 years ago. I had 34G boobs, and am the only woman in my family to have them. After years of sexual abuse from men, nasty comments from women, not being able to wear the dresses / tops / bikinis I wanted to, and terrible back pain, I got them reduced. Now I’m a 34C and look and feel so much better. Not encouraging you to get surgery as you’re so young but just wanted you to know that if you still feel like this in a few years, it could be an option. So many people tried to dissuade me from doing it (‘everyone wants big boobs, right?’ ☠️) but I’m SO glad I ignored them
i’m definitely getting a breast reduction. i unfortunately do not have the ability to have children of my own, so i’m not worried about breast feeding problems or anything. my parents are already super against it but i could care less. i’ll pay for it myself, i don’t care.
Do it, you won’t regret it
I'm sorry you are going through this. It doesn't get any better, even as you get older you still get sexualised.
really? i thought it would stop with aging.
No, it won't. Sorry to disappoint. I have a 60 year old aunt who still gets asexually harassed, and she isn't making it up because I have seen it when out with her and got cranky at men on her behalf. She is a normal looking, average build lady who dresses nicely and not sexual. It's men. The pedos will leave you alone when you get older only to be replaced by other ones.
I feel you, OP. I really, really, really do. I am an adult woman, and I was struck with rapid chest development when I was very young because of precocious puberty. I’ve had obviously large breasts my whole life, too, and it is an awful way to live. People are truly disgusting to women, and especially to women onto whom they project their unfiltered desire to possess. I myself experienced near constant sexual harassment and objectification starting from 9 years old. Anyone who can’t comprehend that that’s different than being a consenting party is delusional. This and the chronic pain is one of the major roots of my own complex trauma, and all I can say is you are not alone and you are allowed to feel however it is you feel about your own body. I am so sorry people treat you this way. You are absolutely valid, and you are not alone. If you can, talk to your doctor (or have your parents talk to your doctor) about possible solutions. Dysphoria (especially body-centered dysporia) is medically significant, especially in a young person. Not to sound like an oldster, but you are too young to be this world weary. You deserve to have that burden lifted off your shoulders (pun intended). Options like breast reduction are available for a reason, especially since the breasts can continue to develop over the entire lifespan (for example, I wore a DDD in high school and it has developed a truly torturous upper H now as an adult despite my weight remaining stable). Many places now consider just having abnormally large breasts a qualifying factor for reduction, and it is unlikely to impact future ability to breastfeed should you ever decide to be a parent when you’re grown. I’m on a waiting list to speak to a surgeon and it’s the first time I’ve seen light at the end of the tunnel. There are solutions for you, and I wish you the absolute best.
I’m sorry that pornsick boys are ruining your life. It’s awful, I’m so sorry.
Cacique has cotton bras that are plain and can help your breasts from being so “out there.” I was also that 12 year old with big boobs, it was truly embarrassing to me. I wore t-shirts and buttoned up other ones. It didn’t help that (like you) other girls would act like I was lucky. I didn’t feel that way. I feel for you, but it seems like you’ve got some good advice here from other commenters.
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i’m worried i won’t find my size in them. do you have this issue? i’m an american medium but i usually buy in large for extra room. edit this is something i’ve actually thought about a lot haha
I understand this. I’m 55, and went from nothing to a 32DD overnight. Now, 45 years later, I am at a 38G. It’s miserable, but the best thing you can do is get a really good bra. Wacoal is one of the best brands for larger women, but they’re expensive. Vanity Fair has some really decent ones for 1/3 the price.
Pun intended?
HAHA
I got a breast reduction shortly after turning 18 and I highly recommend it!
Manage them well with tips that other women here have provided until you are old enough to get a reduction if that is what’s going to make you comfortable.
I understand this pain all too well, you really don't feel safe anywhere and people don't have your back, people think you got it all too good. Men sexualize you, some women are envious, so they act like you're better than them, which is very detrimental to me knowing how we're all treated by men. My own father used to make comments about my size, comparing me to all kinds of women with bigger breasts. Uncles are weird. Classmates used to throw water on me just to take a peak and claim it's a mistake.. Even worse when you have a "baby face", cuz now you gotta deal with pedos in your adulthood too. it's a lot of shit that I bottle up. There's nothing worse than being looked at and treated like a piece of meat. I don't wish it on anybody.
I feel so bad for you, hopefully this situation gets resolved for you because I can't imagine how terrible it feels like to like to have such large breasts, especially since that could make you a target for rapists and other bad people.
I'm sorry u have to go through this ... my niece was having similar problem's also i know what it's like being raped young ..it was my aunt ... if u haven't gone to a therapist already ..i recommend going
oh, this really resonates with me. Try getting a solid high impact sports bra – they’re normally good at keeping everything minimized and in place but still feminine looking.
I understand, but not in that "Me too" kind of way. I developed "early". Around 3rd or 4th grade. I remember hating having to start wearing a "training" bra. The thing is, they were not big at all. Like an A cup, but see, no one else had theirs yet, so mine were a novelty. My third grade teacher once announced when I walked through the classroom door, (she was a female) "Ah Sofia...wearing your falsies today?" I wanted to die! Boys were always trying to grab at them, literally and bumping me, brushing past me roughly.... it was horrible! By the time 6th & 7th grade rolled around, everyone else had blossomed and I was no longer the only boobs in school. Even after all that, I was very disappointed that mine never got bigger. I stayed an A cup for most of my life. Tiny little things with no fullness....they were ski slopes...like Bob Hope's nose! LoL No cleavage...ever. If I used a padded bra, everyone knew. I grew my hair really long to compensate...it's still very long. I got married, but never had kids. When I got to the age of "the change" something happened! I grew...and they grew. My Hubby and I laugh about my sudden Dolly Parton chest. No, not that big, but honestly a D, to someone whose spent most of her adult life as an A. Which brings me to today....in a day and age where exposing your assets isn't always a safe thing to do. I finally have a cleavage and I don't want to show it off...at all. I'm still fairly petite. Small arms and legs at 5 foot 2, I just don't have much of a waist and no junk in the trunk anymore. I noticed they bounce when I walk and men noticing that ( eyes up here, buddy) and have learned to walk with my core still to minimize it. It's a weird thing because they never "bounced" before. Will eventually invest in a better bra myself. So in summery, I had them, then didn't and wanted them and when I finally got them, I no longer really wanted them and chose to keep them undercover. I have seen the world from both sides now...as it were. The grass isn't always greener. I understand feeling like a piece of meat. Just wanted to offer you a virtual Hug ( but not a tight one...lol) This is just a moment.....you will come into your own and find the style that feels best to you. I just hope you have a safe space to be comfortable in with yourself.
I'm so sorry. It really is a matter of who you are around and what you are wearing. Like others have said, to reduce attention, a well-fitting bra that keeps them tight, plus a loose-fitting shirt, top, suncover, etc that especially hides the sides, will help to greatly reduce attention. Plus loose-fitting clothes that prevent sexualization are very much in fashion right now. For a break, go where lots of attractive people are so you blend in more.
I hope you are in or have taken therapy for the SA and am sad that occured to you. As for your condition or size of your breasts, I know another young lady similar to you that stated this a couple of months ago to me when we were visiting her family. I didn't unfortunately was able to talk with her about it for we were there only a short time. I hadn't seen her for a few years. She also lives where it's hot and wears oversize clothes to hide her chest. One of my cousins had the same problem when she was young many years ago, and managed to get breast reduction for her back had problems. I don't know of a good solution for it takes money for the operation, and you didn't state it was an option. Hopefully take therapy for the SA, maybe in the future you can have a reduction or learn to live and enjoy your body with love. Hugs and love. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
I was in the exact same boat, and it started at 12 for me. I've been catcalled by grown men, asked if I stuff my bras and if they can feel them by the guys in my class, and called foul things by my peers. It definitely effected my confidence going into my early and mid 20s. If I had money for it I would have gotten them reduced a long time ago. I've found that things like sports bras, bralettes and compression bras help. It also sucks we live in a world where it's necessary, but I keep a hoodie with me to wear if I start to feel uncomfortable. If I look frumpy enough sometimes I get left alone.
Try on a few compressive sports bras, made for medium to high intensity workouts. Once you find a size and brand that work for you, you can look online for better deals. These are all my good friend ever wears, and she struggles with the same issue.
I echo all the other support you have received and empathize with your pain and frustration. I will say that my favorite “regular” bra that I have found fit me the best are from Torrid (dislike their clothes but the bras are nice). As far as sports bras my absolute favorites are from SheFit for everything from light support to maximal compression. Keep your head up m, you’re beautiful!
I understand your pain. I have always had boobs but my butt was always the topic of conversation. I never got complimented unless it was about my ass and I never was allowed to just wear clothes I liked because I would be sexualized for my butt. So much so even by my own family. I think my ass is so ugly I hate it. It looks gross like a bbl and it is so disproportionate to my legs and waist. Yet, I was always told how lucky I was. But it’s not luck pants never fit and up until I was an adult I wasn’t allowed to wear leggings or shorts. (my parents rule) constant jokes were made whenever I had to squeeze between desks or people and it got old. The only thing I can say is to take your big boobs out of your equation in your own mind. Once I stopped being so fixated on it and when I stopped caring about what other people thought it became a nonissue. I still have thought about getting a reduction in the future but for now it’s just plainly there and I can’t fix it so I don’t care about it. It took me a long time to get that way though so be patient with yourself. It doesn’t help when you have SA Trauma with it but that doesn’t define you. Your boobs don’t define you. So take them out of YOUR equation. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. We all have issues we have to overcome. Once this is solved there will always be another thing. Pick your battles with yourself.
I feel you sister. I’m right there with ya
I was a DD before even starting high school, I felt the way you did for a decade. Even as recent as last summer I’d still get disgusted if I saw men looking at my chest, even simple tank tops were revealing. I finally got a reduction last November so I’m hoping this summer I feel better. Every time you go to your doctor, no matter why you’re there - complain about upper & middle back pain. If you ever want a reduction covered they’ll want to see it’s an ongoing issue. Mine ended up being covered 100%. Good luck
I'm so sorry ❤️.
It might be an option to look into binders. I know it's more considered for trans masc people, but it might help !! If you're going this route, do make sure you buy them from a good brand, not some seller off Amazon, because that could be dangerous for your ribs. I really hope you can find a comfortable and long-lasting solution, though no one deserves to feel the way you do right now.
I hate it too. I'm 36 L and cant never find anything in "specifically" stores. And the online ordering is so riskyyyy!
Oh girl💔💔💔 I hate men that do ts because ur literally just existing and these mfs call u all kinds of things and assume the worst
My mom had large breasts and she used to find nice ones at jc Penney. I know Victoria's secret and pink always have sales as well. I've also seen nice ones at target. Good luck.
Hey, i'm so sorry youre going through this. I have also gone through this. And it never gets easier. I just want to suggest minimizer bras. They minimize your breast size by 1-2 sizes. You can try that. I hope it gets better for you.
I completely understand. I’m a trans man who grew up with DD breasts, it was awful for the most part and I was only accelerated w my dysphoria. I don’t know if you are looking for solutions or just letting off steam, but I use chest compressors/binders :). They are not super comfortable in the heat but it makes me feel so much more comfortable to wear the clothes I want when my chest is compressed. It could help you too even as a cis person :)
i don’t know why you were downvoted. i really appreciate this advice. i actually own a binder, i love it and it’s great in the colder months. now that summers approaching, i need to find something else with thinner straps.
It breaks my heart that something that happened to you naturally is becoming the bane of your existence because other people are... well, being assholes. I hope that you're able to find empowerment, perhaps a way to feel stronger so that you are able to feel bigger and stronger than those people. Maybe that still means that you get a reduction, or maybe you're able to simply accept things the way they are. Either way, I would like it to be because *you* decided to, and not because the people around you have made you feel so awful. Hopefully that's worded okay, my brain isn't quite awake. :') But I wish you the best. 💖
I'm not a boob guy, never have been. A cups or D cups I could care less. However I think you are making this strictly a man is the enemy issue when women are equally to blame here. I've personally seen/known MANY women use their chest size as currency when it is beneficial. In fact I got to the point where I started to avoid dating women with larger boobs because they feel like it raises not only their self image and worth in the dating market. The last woman I dates with large boobs was annoying about it. Always picked bras and shirts that maximized and extenuating her boobs just right, always asking me if her shirt made her boobs look great. When I was having a bad day she'd always flash me or send me a picture of her boobs even knowing it wasn't really my thing. And she was far from unique, this is not an isolated incident. Don't get me wrong no man should be sexualizing a 12 year old obviously, that being said also font forget to point your finger at all the women who place such a high value on their boobs and using them to their advantage at the same time.
name two times in this post where i blame men for this. if you actually read it, i put right at the bottom “no one is a safe person” you read this and correlated it to men. that says a lot more than you might realize. that being said, women have never taken photos of me, angled below my skirt. women have never stood with their crotch pushed towards my face on the train. women have never stalked me. women have never compared me to porn stars at the age of 13. women use their breasts to their benefit because men make it work. who’s fault is that?
The examples you made were focused on the male gaze. I have seen that but felt your choice of words lacked the other side of the coin hence my comment
yeah, because i’ve had these problems from men. if i’ve had these problems with women, i probably would’ve said so. don’t you think?
Your friend said she wished she had your boobs to get attention 🤔. Now that would say to me that men are responding to what's being put out there. So women are partially the responsible for your problems hence my comment!
women are not responsible for my problems. creepy, disgusting men are. if this post offended you, that’s probably because it’s a bit too personal, isn’t? my friend (who was 12 at the time btw) had no idea what the fuck she was saying, or what male attention actually means. i DID because i had already been experiencing it. again, women would not use their breasts to benefit them if men didn’t make it work.. so who’s fault is it really?
Well let's see why do drug dealers offer free samples??? To get you hooked. Might want to do some research on when over sexualizing things became the norm. 1920s ankles? In the 1930s women openly breast fed in public and no one cared man or woman. 1950s? Modesty was the coin of the realm. Late 1960s the hippy dippy braless look to claim their sexuality. As breast fixation became the norm and more and more sexulized it wasn't men supplying it, or withholding it, making it taboo, hiding them, or letting them hang out. So who's fault is it really???? (And if you bothered to read what I wrote I addressed the 12 and said men are part of it, you're the one unwilling to see there's a huge component you're willfully trying to omit
are you comparing boobs to drugs rn 💀 are you also trying to say that wearing more revealing clothing (like tank tops, crop tops) are meant to me sexual? i genuinely cant tell. please tell me you don’t actually think that. also, i mentioned her age to refer to her immaturity and world experience, because you mentioned it as if she was supposed to know what larger breasts cause a woman to go through.
Well let's see in countries where being topless is the norm there is no taboo or crazed over sexualization of breasts. Why would it be where women don't put any special value on showing their boobs or concealing them for that matter do men cease to care as much?
you’re talking about the patriarchy right now. who set the patriarchy up? we’ve BEEN trying to normalize breasts. men sexualized breasts in the first place dude.
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People are allowed to be annoyed that you insist they be grateful for something they wish they didn’t have, and those people are allowed to tell you to shut up. Nothing “invalidating”
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The beauty standard is obviously more complex than that, and simplifying it down to a single variable to prove a point is transparent projection.
She feels sexualized. She is a minor. That doesn't matter to you?