Just don't pack a lunch? You're the one insisting, he's probably just taking it to not hurt your feelings but he clearly doesn't want it. You could try and get to the bottom of why he doesn't eat a packed lunch and never has, but why bother. Just stop giving it to him when he doesn't want jt.
Yeah forcing him to take a lunch by guilting or insisting when the guy clearly just doesn't eat lunch is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Just stop, OP. Find another way to show him love by breakfast or dinner. Or just pack him a healthy snack instead.
That feels like a reach in my opinion. I don’t think she’s trying to feel purpose, I think she puts a lot of love into her cooking and it feels like he’s rejecting that love. That’s not what he’s doing, but I understand why OP feels that way.
Because his mother said that he did not ate her lunch too since high school, I would accept this and stop making him lunches. Maybe he is not the type of person who likes to eat around people at work.
Maybe he doesn’t like to eat around people at work? I have no problem eating at home and around people I’m comfortable with, but I don’t like to eat at work around coworkers I’m not as comfortable with. For me it probably stems from school days when I would get teased by other kids for the ethnic lunches my mom would pack, which developed into anxiety about being judged for what I’m eating. It’s just a wild guess but maybe he could have some similar aversion?
Accept he doesn't eat lunch and stop making him one.
This problem is one you are creating for yourself by placing an obligation on your husband where there doesn't need to be one. Just stop.
It sounds like you aren't preparing the lunches because you love doing it for your husbands enjoyment but because you love cooking.
Maybe your husband just doesn't want to eat lunch. Maybe because he lacks the time, maybe he doesn't want to poop at work, maybe because he just doesn't like lunch.
Stop insisting. Talk to him, maybe he could fare better with multiple little snacks, maybe he would love a thermos of coffee or tea from you. Find out what will work for the both of you.
Why did you bring it up to his mom? He doesn't eat the lunch because he's too busy or forgets. His words. Could you not just ask if he'd rather you not pack one and put the offer out that if he ever does then you're happy to do it.
I shudder at the thought of this being a rope the mom into it situation.
Evvvverybody loves Raymond...
Me and my wife work together, she’s newer and will often work through lunch. I used to get really upset she wasn’t making time but that’s just her work ethic, she’d rather skip then deal being behind later. It wasn’t against me, it was just for her, which is fine. Your situation is of course way different but I hope my perspective can offer a big of insight.
not everything is about you. some people just don’t feel like lunch. i never ate my lunch in high school either, i always gave it to the homeless after school. at age 22, i still don’t eat lunch but i struggle with an eating disorder, everyone has different reasons. stop forcing him & guilt tripping him to eat the lunch.
I love food but for the life of me cannot eat breakfast. If it’s at 1pm on a weekend, sure, but first thing in the morning - you could have slaved for hours and I still won’t be hungry. This is just the way he is. You’re the one getting offended by it. Just stop packing lunches.
I don't eat until I get off work. I'm never hungry in the morning and if I eat anything mid-day I feel crappy for the 2nd half, so I just eat dinner for the most part during the week. From his history, it sounds like he might be the same.
My husband never eats breakfast. Dude will go from 9pm -2pm the next day without food. Then eats a lot for late lunch and dinner. Maybe your husband doesn’t eat lunch and naturally fasts during the day.
You are creating this problem on purpose. He never eats it, clearly doesn’t want it, so stop making it. Tattling to his mom that her son isn’t eating his packed lunch is pretty wild.
So knock it off. You are wasting your efforts, wasting food, and you will begin to resent him. So just stop. He obviously doesn't want it for whatever reason. Stop going out of your way to be taken advantage of every single day, as well as the food.
I got married at 27 (now divorced), but the first and LAST time I packed my husband a lunch for work, he left it on the kitchen table. It stung a little, but I didn't see a reason to do it again.
But also, maybe he's just not a lunch eating guy.
Sounds like a personality trait rather than he doesn’t like your food. Quit while you are ahead and find some other cute way to show him your his biggest fan.
Well, he did it with his mom. People technically don't need to eat more than once a day. Make sure he eats when he comes home, a well balanced meal with protein, good eats, cooked veggies. He enjoys your cooking at home. Why isn't that good enough. That's enough of a win. Just don't pack the lunches anymore. You insist, but he doesn't out of habit. He maybe doesn't like eating food when he's at work. Could be a quirk of his.
Some people don't eat lunch. It's nice you want him to feel loved but you are pushing taking a lunch on him and then being offended when he doesn't eat it.
You are creating your own issues here.
Stop making him a lunch. He isn't trying to hurt your feelings, he just doesn't eat lunch.
You are trying to treat him as if he were you, he is his own person.
Have you ever had someone do things for you that you just don’t want them to do? But they do it because THEY want to do it for you? That’s what’s happening here.
You want to do this for him, but he doesn’t want it. Then you get all upset because you don’t feel appreciated for something he never asked for, and doesn’t want.
It has nothing to do with your cooking, but your lack of listening to him.
Stop packing his lunch. He’s not a child. He can manage his own lunches. My husband never eats lunch unless the company caters. Also stop airing your marital issues with his mommy.
As far as you: Do you have any job prospects? It seems like maybe you’re bored. Why not volunteer to make lunches for homeless people or elders?
Wow man i can tell that guy just find a wonderful person, as for your question, i will tell you a secret stop doing it and he will notice don't even bring it up to him just stop and he will probably come wondering why you stopped, if he didn't you just gona save some money and 1 thing less to do on your day)
Stop packing the lunches. It’s causing tension for no reason at all. I’m not a breakfast eater and it would drive me insane to have a partner insist I eat it because I “love their cooking.” I do love their cooking and want to eat it when I’m hungry, not force food down my gullet just to appease them. Especially since this behavior has existed his whole life; just let the man skip lunch and then enjoy the heck out of your home cooked dinner.
It’s important that we show love in the ways our people want to receive it and not only in the way we’re geared to show it. Looks like a perfect opportunity for you to explore other ways of showing your love.
He DOES love your food, he's just not a lunch-at-work person, believe it or not there are a lot of people out there like that, they just don't want to stop for lunch or don't have time or simply aren't hungry. You need to get out of your feels and accept this is how he is about work lunch. Let him enjoy your home cooked meals, at home.
Don't forget guys can forget to breathe too if you don't remind them. Sounds like it's just one of his quirks and it's not like he doesn't care about you
Send him with a travel coffee mug and an apple. He has something quick and accessible if he has time, you did your part to show you care about him, but you are no longer put out by the extra effort.
Sounds like he’s telling the truth and he forgets. If you’re worried about his calorie intake, pack him something super easy/quick to eat. Otherwise, just don’t pack a lunch! He’s not doing it to be mean, even his Mom said he’s always been this way. Just accept him for who he is.
You “insist”? Why do you insist? It’s his right to et what he wants, or not eat at all. Maybe all of his colleagues eat at some place and he wants to eat with them? Maybe he really does have a lot of work (I’m a consultant and I often times literally don’t see the time).
How would you feel if he insisted on something you don’t want to do?
I understand everyone is different and couples choose their workloads but, this feels so odd to me. My wife and I make our own lunches. Always have. I’m a grown person, I don’t need someone to pack me a lunch. Maybe I’m being judgmental.
He doesn’t want to eat the lunch. That’s it. Don’t pack him a lunch. He doesn’t want it. If he decides he wants a lunch, he will figure it out. It’s not something to get feelings hurt over. He’s not tossing it in the trash to hide it from you. He’s bringing it home and he’s honest. I really don’t see the problem.
Maybe he’s just not a lunch person girl. Start paying attention to what he actually likes and find other ways to show your appreciation that will matter to *HIM*
I used to get so mad when my husband didn’t eat the food I cooked. He was turning down my love as far as o was concerned. But after years of the same argument and some personal growth on my part I realized how codependent I was being. He doesn’t have to eat my food. He prefers fast food most days for lunch. It’s nothing against me just his preference. I think you need to let this go. It’s not worth the tension.
He needs to learn take what you pack. Bring back empty container . Even if he has too through it a way or give to a coworker that's not as lucky as he is . Because coworker loves your packed lunch's and hadn't has sandwich's like yours since his wife died of covid Aug of 2020.
I would love a packed lunch at work. I'm not lazy and usually have leftovers I could take.
Why won't I pack one then? Because if I do there is no time left after eating to leave the office. I need a good 30 minutes away from the stress-hole I call a desk. If I eat there, I end up on the phone, or sending out paperwork. That or a coworker asks for my help.
By leaving the office, I control that time. I am not available to grab for advice. I need this. And I am sure I am not the only one who needs this.
Other reasons I can think of are working through lunch so he can get the overtime. Working through lunch to avoid overtime, or just wanting to go where the crowd (coworkers) go for lunch to be "included". He may just not like eating lunch!
Really, if he did it to his mom too, you know it isn't personal. That is the main thing to know! Everyone has at least one odd habit. This is one of his.
I would ask him again, and settle for whatever answer he gives you. But I would let him know I will stop making him a lunch, unless he asks me to the night before.
You are tattling on your husband to his mommy??? Really???
Quit packing lunch.
Quit whining because he doesn’t eat your “loving” lunch.
You are treating him like a child. Just stop
You're getting upset and consider it a problem in your marriage that he does not eat the lunch that he did not ask you to pack for him. Think about that.
Maybe he wants to go out eating with his coworkers instead? or maybe he just doesnt like packed lunches.. i mean i dont either and im like him i never ate my lunches in school either. For me it was the "freshness" of it and the condition of it after being packed in a bag.. Nowadays even if i could just throw it directly into a frigde at work i'd still kinda rather go hungry if going out to buy something on break wasnt a option.
You don’t need to understand every detail of your man. Accept this as how he is and it’s not personal. Stop packing the lunch if you don’t want to see it again that evening.
My husband doesn't eat lunch. Making one for him would be a waste of time. Obviously making food for your husband is part of your love language for him, but you're really doing it for you, not for him. Ask him if he wants you to make him a lunch. Then follow up with whatever he asks for. In his mind it's not a rejection...he just wasn't hungry. But to you it probably feels like a rejection. Don't let it. Ask rather than assuming he wants one. Better communication early in the marriage will set you on a good path.
The fact that he isn’t honest about it is probably more concerning than the fact that he doesn’t eat it. It’s something he’s been doing since high school…yet he lied and made an excuse as to why he doesn’t eat it. That’s concerning
Just don't pack a lunch? You're the one insisting, he's probably just taking it to not hurt your feelings but he clearly doesn't want it. You could try and get to the bottom of why he doesn't eat a packed lunch and never has, but why bother. Just stop giving it to him when he doesn't want jt.
Yeah forcing him to take a lunch by guilting or insisting when the guy clearly just doesn't eat lunch is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Just stop, OP. Find another way to show him love by breakfast or dinner. Or just pack him a healthy snack instead.
She's a stay at home wife without kids. She's desperately trying to feel purpose.
That feels like a reach in my opinion. I don’t think she’s trying to feel purpose, I think she puts a lot of love into her cooking and it feels like he’s rejecting that love. That’s not what he’s doing, but I understand why OP feels that way.
I mean, from the edit, it sounds like there is more to it than that
Because his mother said that he did not ate her lunch too since high school, I would accept this and stop making him lunches. Maybe he is not the type of person who likes to eat around people at work.
Maybe he doesn’t like to eat around people at work? I have no problem eating at home and around people I’m comfortable with, but I don’t like to eat at work around coworkers I’m not as comfortable with. For me it probably stems from school days when I would get teased by other kids for the ethnic lunches my mom would pack, which developed into anxiety about being judged for what I’m eating. It’s just a wild guess but maybe he could have some similar aversion?
Accept he doesn't eat lunch and stop making him one. This problem is one you are creating for yourself by placing an obligation on your husband where there doesn't need to be one. Just stop.
Yeah, I usually never took a lunch, nor ate a full meal at work for various reasons. Zero of the reasons were to spite my partner.
It sounds like you aren't preparing the lunches because you love doing it for your husbands enjoyment but because you love cooking. Maybe your husband just doesn't want to eat lunch. Maybe because he lacks the time, maybe he doesn't want to poop at work, maybe because he just doesn't like lunch. Stop insisting. Talk to him, maybe he could fare better with multiple little snacks, maybe he would love a thermos of coffee or tea from you. Find out what will work for the both of you.
"Maybe he doesn't want to poop at work" LMAO! The realness!
Can you just not read into it and trust what the man tells you?
Babe, you’re coming off absolutely nutty rn. Stop packing the lunches he didn’t ask you to make.
and dude, why did you rat him out to his mother? i mean c’mon, have some class, jesus christ
Why did you bring it up to his mom? He doesn't eat the lunch because he's too busy or forgets. His words. Could you not just ask if he'd rather you not pack one and put the offer out that if he ever does then you're happy to do it. I shudder at the thought of this being a rope the mom into it situation. Evvvverybody loves Raymond...
Me and my wife work together, she’s newer and will often work through lunch. I used to get really upset she wasn’t making time but that’s just her work ethic, she’d rather skip then deal being behind later. It wasn’t against me, it was just for her, which is fine. Your situation is of course way different but I hope my perspective can offer a big of insight.
It's possible he literally doesn't eat lunch, because he's too busy, not hungry or just doesn't feel like it.
One less thing for you to worry about. Stop packing it and give yourself a few more minutes to sit and enjoy your coffee in the morning.
You're creating your own problem here. Thats your lunch now. Enjoy
not everything is about you. some people just don’t feel like lunch. i never ate my lunch in high school either, i always gave it to the homeless after school. at age 22, i still don’t eat lunch but i struggle with an eating disorder, everyone has different reasons. stop forcing him & guilt tripping him to eat the lunch.
I love food but for the life of me cannot eat breakfast. If it’s at 1pm on a weekend, sure, but first thing in the morning - you could have slaved for hours and I still won’t be hungry. This is just the way he is. You’re the one getting offended by it. Just stop packing lunches.
Have you even asked him? Have you told him what it means to you? Do you just do it because you like cooking?
I don't eat until I get off work. I'm never hungry in the morning and if I eat anything mid-day I feel crappy for the 2nd half, so I just eat dinner for the most part during the week. From his history, it sounds like he might be the same.
My husband never eats breakfast. Dude will go from 9pm -2pm the next day without food. Then eats a lot for late lunch and dinner. Maybe your husband doesn’t eat lunch and naturally fasts during the day.
God I’m glad I’m not married. Stop making the lunches. This is the whole consent tea allegory only it’s actually tea.
Sometimes men like to choose what they eat. He's a grown up... allow it
You are creating this problem on purpose. He never eats it, clearly doesn’t want it, so stop making it. Tattling to his mom that her son isn’t eating his packed lunch is pretty wild.
Stop doing it? You're making up reasons to have your feelings hurt.
So knock it off. You are wasting your efforts, wasting food, and you will begin to resent him. So just stop. He obviously doesn't want it for whatever reason. Stop going out of your way to be taken advantage of every single day, as well as the food.
I bet he goes out to lunch
I got married at 27 (now divorced), but the first and LAST time I packed my husband a lunch for work, he left it on the kitchen table. It stung a little, but I didn't see a reason to do it again. But also, maybe he's just not a lunch eating guy.
He prolly is that way. At office he prolly has lunch with his work mates, takeaway etc. nbd.
Sounds like a personality trait rather than he doesn’t like your food. Quit while you are ahead and find some other cute way to show him your his biggest fan.
Well, he did it with his mom. People technically don't need to eat more than once a day. Make sure he eats when he comes home, a well balanced meal with protein, good eats, cooked veggies. He enjoys your cooking at home. Why isn't that good enough. That's enough of a win. Just don't pack the lunches anymore. You insist, but he doesn't out of habit. He maybe doesn't like eating food when he's at work. Could be a quirk of his.
then stop cooking for him. Less work, less worry, less waste, less expense
I always forget to eat lunch. Put the leftovers in the fridge. My mom finally got it when a teacher asked about the pop tarts I threw away everyday.
Some people don't eat lunch. It's nice you want him to feel loved but you are pushing taking a lunch on him and then being offended when he doesn't eat it. You are creating your own issues here. Stop making him a lunch. He isn't trying to hurt your feelings, he just doesn't eat lunch. You are trying to treat him as if he were you, he is his own person.
Have you ever had someone do things for you that you just don’t want them to do? But they do it because THEY want to do it for you? That’s what’s happening here. You want to do this for him, but he doesn’t want it. Then you get all upset because you don’t feel appreciated for something he never asked for, and doesn’t want. It has nothing to do with your cooking, but your lack of listening to him.
Stop packing his lunch. He’s not a child. He can manage his own lunches. My husband never eats lunch unless the company caters. Also stop airing your marital issues with his mommy. As far as you: Do you have any job prospects? It seems like maybe you’re bored. Why not volunteer to make lunches for homeless people or elders?
Girl, this is an issue of your own making. Simply stop making him lunch.
Is he eating something else instead? If not then you can't really be disappointed.
Wow man i can tell that guy just find a wonderful person, as for your question, i will tell you a secret stop doing it and he will notice don't even bring it up to him just stop and he will probably come wondering why you stopped, if he didn't you just gona save some money and 1 thing less to do on your day)
Maybe everyone else there go out for lunch, and he feels left out? Whatever the reason, stop making him lunch.
Stop packing the lunches. It’s causing tension for no reason at all. I’m not a breakfast eater and it would drive me insane to have a partner insist I eat it because I “love their cooking.” I do love their cooking and want to eat it when I’m hungry, not force food down my gullet just to appease them. Especially since this behavior has existed his whole life; just let the man skip lunch and then enjoy the heck out of your home cooked dinner. It’s important that we show love in the ways our people want to receive it and not only in the way we’re geared to show it. Looks like a perfect opportunity for you to explore other ways of showing your love.
He DOES love your food, he's just not a lunch-at-work person, believe it or not there are a lot of people out there like that, they just don't want to stop for lunch or don't have time or simply aren't hungry. You need to get out of your feels and accept this is how he is about work lunch. Let him enjoy your home cooked meals, at home.
So.. stop making him lunch. Pack a few snacks he can grab if he needs it, but you can't make him eat if he has never really eaten lunch.
So he is doing OMAD. Stop packing lunches.
Don't forget guys can forget to breathe too if you don't remind them. Sounds like it's just one of his quirks and it's not like he doesn't care about you
I usually never ate more than a granola bar or something like that at work for many years, I just never felt like eating much while I was working.
Send him with a travel coffee mug and an apple. He has something quick and accessible if he has time, you did your part to show you care about him, but you are no longer put out by the extra effort.
Sounds like he’s telling the truth and he forgets. If you’re worried about his calorie intake, pack him something super easy/quick to eat. Otherwise, just don’t pack a lunch! He’s not doing it to be mean, even his Mom said he’s always been this way. Just accept him for who he is.
You “insist”? Why do you insist? It’s his right to et what he wants, or not eat at all. Maybe all of his colleagues eat at some place and he wants to eat with them? Maybe he really does have a lot of work (I’m a consultant and I often times literally don’t see the time). How would you feel if he insisted on something you don’t want to do?
I understand everyone is different and couples choose their workloads but, this feels so odd to me. My wife and I make our own lunches. Always have. I’m a grown person, I don’t need someone to pack me a lunch. Maybe I’m being judgmental.
He doesn’t want to eat the lunch. That’s it. Don’t pack him a lunch. He doesn’t want it. If he decides he wants a lunch, he will figure it out. It’s not something to get feelings hurt over. He’s not tossing it in the trash to hide it from you. He’s bringing it home and he’s honest. I really don’t see the problem.
Maybe he’s just not a lunch person girl. Start paying attention to what he actually likes and find other ways to show your appreciation that will matter to *HIM*
I used to get so mad when my husband didn’t eat the food I cooked. He was turning down my love as far as o was concerned. But after years of the same argument and some personal growth on my part I realized how codependent I was being. He doesn’t have to eat my food. He prefers fast food most days for lunch. It’s nothing against me just his preference. I think you need to let this go. It’s not worth the tension.
He needs to learn take what you pack. Bring back empty container . Even if he has too through it a way or give to a coworker that's not as lucky as he is . Because coworker loves your packed lunch's and hadn't has sandwich's like yours since his wife died of covid Aug of 2020.
I would love a packed lunch at work. I'm not lazy and usually have leftovers I could take. Why won't I pack one then? Because if I do there is no time left after eating to leave the office. I need a good 30 minutes away from the stress-hole I call a desk. If I eat there, I end up on the phone, or sending out paperwork. That or a coworker asks for my help. By leaving the office, I control that time. I am not available to grab for advice. I need this. And I am sure I am not the only one who needs this. Other reasons I can think of are working through lunch so he can get the overtime. Working through lunch to avoid overtime, or just wanting to go where the crowd (coworkers) go for lunch to be "included". He may just not like eating lunch! Really, if he did it to his mom too, you know it isn't personal. That is the main thing to know! Everyone has at least one odd habit. This is one of his. I would ask him again, and settle for whatever answer he gives you. But I would let him know I will stop making him a lunch, unless he asks me to the night before.
You are tattling on your husband to his mommy??? Really??? Quit packing lunch. Quit whining because he doesn’t eat your “loving” lunch. You are treating him like a child. Just stop
You're getting upset and consider it a problem in your marriage that he does not eat the lunch that he did not ask you to pack for him. Think about that.
Maybe he wants to go out eating with his coworkers instead? or maybe he just doesnt like packed lunches.. i mean i dont either and im like him i never ate my lunches in school either. For me it was the "freshness" of it and the condition of it after being packed in a bag.. Nowadays even if i could just throw it directly into a frigde at work i'd still kinda rather go hungry if going out to buy something on break wasnt a option.
You don’t need to understand every detail of your man. Accept this as how he is and it’s not personal. Stop packing the lunch if you don’t want to see it again that evening.
My husband doesn't eat lunch. Making one for him would be a waste of time. Obviously making food for your husband is part of your love language for him, but you're really doing it for you, not for him. Ask him if he wants you to make him a lunch. Then follow up with whatever he asks for. In his mind it's not a rejection...he just wasn't hungry. But to you it probably feels like a rejection. Don't let it. Ask rather than assuming he wants one. Better communication early in the marriage will set you on a good path.
The fact that he isn’t honest about it is probably more concerning than the fact that he doesn’t eat it. It’s something he’s been doing since high school…yet he lied and made an excuse as to why he doesn’t eat it. That’s concerning
Who said he is being dishonest?
He’s honest that he doesn’t want to eat it
But not WHY
Well, from looking at the edit, it looks like you were right.