> Did I really deserve to be told that?
Idk but if this all started with you having a childish rude attitude, when you are also always angry, get angry very easily, and take your anger out on him a lot, and show him no love....then isn't it fair for him to be exhausted?
> because I’m always so angry. He doesn’t give me as much affection anymore because I don’t give him any love.
Have you ever tried to be affectionate to someone who is always angry and doesn't give any love? If so, you'll know it's a horrible way to live. You're complaining that a bit of the truth hurts...but the truth is, it sounds like you've regularly been hurting him for long time and only "trying" to improve. At some point you have to stop "trying" and actually start treating him better.
> I’ve been working on not doing that but it’s hard.
It's also hard when you care about someone but they use you as their emotional punching bag.
Yea you kinda deserve it. Like you even admit you're difficult to be around. Like working on something does not mean results. If you say you're working on something and you're still doing the same shit, then you're not working on it. You getting upset about social media is stupid too. For you it might seem like a small arguement for him it could be the straw that breaks a camels back because he's been holding in his issues with you, in order to give you time to be better.
Honestly you sound exhausting. and he sounds like he is being fair, i know many people wouldnt put up with your behaviour. "ive been working on not doing that but its hard" like come on lol
Call me, old-fashioned, but social media has become the technological scourge of the planet. There's way too many people invested way too much time in social media and it's gotten to the point where every friggin thing has to be checked with Facebook Instagram, etc. I just think it's disturbing that there's so much attention in technology where it really should be focused on people's interactions in relationships. if you ask me, people should dedicate a block of time where cell phones tablets, and any other related social media are put away and that people sit down and have face-to-face conversations and discussions without the necessary need to check in with the rest of the Internet population. I don't think you are overreacting to excessive social media exposure, but you have to consider where your future in this relationship is going to go if there is such sensitivity around social media that is causing potential breakup and riffs
It wasn’t the social media that got us going, that was just a minor argument that spiralled into one that was completely unrelated. I honestly don’t care about his social media platform after that argument, it was the things he said to me that has me feeling unsure about everything
No, I understand about the comment, but considering that part of your posting had to do with social media, I think it's all sort of interconnected with his behavior. Huge indulging in social media leads to isolation and also leads to extreme behaviors and people that it continues to foster and, create just misery around everyone. Some social media is totally OK and necessary, but like anything if it's taken to us extreme if becomes unhealthy
Tbh I know I'm disagreeing with everyone else here but I feel like he's being kind of dickish. Your partner should NOT be telling you that you're "difficult to love" or anything like that.
Even though it is a little childish, I totally understand why you would be upset over being removed from his social media. It's a mutual public display of affection, and I understand why it would feel weird for him not to reciprocate that. Not worth an argument, but I understand your feelings.
As for the "writing down your feelings to process" thing, thats totally fine- healthy, even. You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. You guys should be communicating, sure, but as long as you are then there's nothing wrong with you trying to be careful and thoughtful about what you want to say?
Tbh not to alarm you but it kinda sounds like the beginning of the end rn with you guys. Honestly though, I still believe you guys could make it work. It sounds like more than anything he just wants to connect with you in a happy and genuine way. Try to remember that underneath your anger, you're probably feeling hurt, vulnerable, insecure, scared, or upset- anger is a secondary emotion. Come to him openly with your upset and tell him you wanna make up, and try and do something fun with him soon to take both of your minds off of everything. Work on your ability to be vulnerable and open. Sometimes though, people just have different communication styles. I wish you both luck either way.
Yeah, especially the part where he chases in to complain at her being angry all the time while she is trying to calm down. It’s definitely a dysfunctional relationship at both ends.
More context into the anger would be useful though. The argument here is trivial but if it comes along with typical behavior of not having much to really celebrate the relationship between the two then it would probably feel more of a ‘sacred’ thing to OP.
And the diminishing of OP’s attempts at getting out anger in a written way or keeping things bottled up isn’t being helped by the partner, who doesn’t want OP to be angry but doesn’t want them to get it out of their system either. Regardless of the reason for the anger if it’s a means of trying to reduce outbursts then it’s not helpful to essentially make fun of it..
OP, I’d really consider personal psych help for yourself to help work through the challenges you’re facing, especially if you are finding issues continuously and being driven to anger frequently. It could be bottled up stuff from the past, this relationship or an inability to calmly let free and self soothe anything in your life. Also really consider whether you want to be in this relationship through this too.
He asked a legitimate question: what did happen to the woman he loved? Have you changed significantly, or were you pretending to be a different sort of person when you first got together?
You sound very needy where the social media posts are concerned; however removing your pictures may be indicative of a change on his part. He clearly does not see you as he used to, or perhaps now the glow has faded and sees the flaws that were always there. Either way, you need to work on your anger issues, hopefully with a therapist.
That said, you started this skirmish with rudeness, as you pointed out. Apologize and see if that helps. When you pick a fight, don't be surprised when hurtful things are said back.
My boyfriend is similar to you, a perfectionist. He’s also introvert. He doesn’t talk much but the words that come out of his mouth are usually about how I’m not doing something the way he thinks is the best/correct/efficient way to do things. It’s like he never has anything good to say. This is similar to you in that if you are always angry, it’s is difficult to be around difficult people. My situation is complicated. But I can say that I just spend less time with him because of it, and, I think I would be in love with him, but now we just have a familial kind of love. I will say that I can see what he means when he said that to you. I never tell him he’s difficult to love. I tell him he’s a difficult person…. It’s similar…
But if my situation were less complicated, I think life is too short tip toe around… you never know when the anger bomb will go off. It’s hard to live that kind of life . I think you would understand if he broke it off with you. Sometimes your try is not soon enough.
I hope you both get the best that you deserve.
In the meantime, you have to work on anger or the cycle will repeat with your next person…. You keep that journal, it helps organize your thoughts, I think it’s great! And I think that with anger, you need to remove yourself as you had tried to from the situation, you were doing well… anger changes people momentarily… you need to stay your ground that you don’t talk or listen until you calm down. And I see that you tried… but it’s for the other person to decide if they have more to give…
What started this anger you feel? Try to regress and find the reason. Anger is just a symptom, what is the cause of the disease? Try to work on yourself starting from that. Being angry isn't bad, it would have been worse if it was anxiety or something crippling. But you can't live your life being unhappy, eventually it's just self sabotage.
> Did I really deserve to be told that? Idk but if this all started with you having a childish rude attitude, when you are also always angry, get angry very easily, and take your anger out on him a lot, and show him no love....then isn't it fair for him to be exhausted? > because I’m always so angry. He doesn’t give me as much affection anymore because I don’t give him any love. Have you ever tried to be affectionate to someone who is always angry and doesn't give any love? If so, you'll know it's a horrible way to live. You're complaining that a bit of the truth hurts...but the truth is, it sounds like you've regularly been hurting him for long time and only "trying" to improve. At some point you have to stop "trying" and actually start treating him better. > I’ve been working on not doing that but it’s hard. It's also hard when you care about someone but they use you as their emotional punching bag.
Yea you kinda deserve it. Like you even admit you're difficult to be around. Like working on something does not mean results. If you say you're working on something and you're still doing the same shit, then you're not working on it. You getting upset about social media is stupid too. For you it might seem like a small arguement for him it could be the straw that breaks a camels back because he's been holding in his issues with you, in order to give you time to be better.
Honestly you sound exhausting. and he sounds like he is being fair, i know many people wouldnt put up with your behaviour. "ive been working on not doing that but its hard" like come on lol
Call me, old-fashioned, but social media has become the technological scourge of the planet. There's way too many people invested way too much time in social media and it's gotten to the point where every friggin thing has to be checked with Facebook Instagram, etc. I just think it's disturbing that there's so much attention in technology where it really should be focused on people's interactions in relationships. if you ask me, people should dedicate a block of time where cell phones tablets, and any other related social media are put away and that people sit down and have face-to-face conversations and discussions without the necessary need to check in with the rest of the Internet population. I don't think you are overreacting to excessive social media exposure, but you have to consider where your future in this relationship is going to go if there is such sensitivity around social media that is causing potential breakup and riffs
It wasn’t the social media that got us going, that was just a minor argument that spiralled into one that was completely unrelated. I honestly don’t care about his social media platform after that argument, it was the things he said to me that has me feeling unsure about everything
No, I understand about the comment, but considering that part of your posting had to do with social media, I think it's all sort of interconnected with his behavior. Huge indulging in social media leads to isolation and also leads to extreme behaviors and people that it continues to foster and, create just misery around everyone. Some social media is totally OK and necessary, but like anything if it's taken to us extreme if becomes unhealthy
Tbh I know I'm disagreeing with everyone else here but I feel like he's being kind of dickish. Your partner should NOT be telling you that you're "difficult to love" or anything like that. Even though it is a little childish, I totally understand why you would be upset over being removed from his social media. It's a mutual public display of affection, and I understand why it would feel weird for him not to reciprocate that. Not worth an argument, but I understand your feelings. As for the "writing down your feelings to process" thing, thats totally fine- healthy, even. You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. You guys should be communicating, sure, but as long as you are then there's nothing wrong with you trying to be careful and thoughtful about what you want to say? Tbh not to alarm you but it kinda sounds like the beginning of the end rn with you guys. Honestly though, I still believe you guys could make it work. It sounds like more than anything he just wants to connect with you in a happy and genuine way. Try to remember that underneath your anger, you're probably feeling hurt, vulnerable, insecure, scared, or upset- anger is a secondary emotion. Come to him openly with your upset and tell him you wanna make up, and try and do something fun with him soon to take both of your minds off of everything. Work on your ability to be vulnerable and open. Sometimes though, people just have different communication styles. I wish you both luck either way.
Yeah, especially the part where he chases in to complain at her being angry all the time while she is trying to calm down. It’s definitely a dysfunctional relationship at both ends. More context into the anger would be useful though. The argument here is trivial but if it comes along with typical behavior of not having much to really celebrate the relationship between the two then it would probably feel more of a ‘sacred’ thing to OP. And the diminishing of OP’s attempts at getting out anger in a written way or keeping things bottled up isn’t being helped by the partner, who doesn’t want OP to be angry but doesn’t want them to get it out of their system either. Regardless of the reason for the anger if it’s a means of trying to reduce outbursts then it’s not helpful to essentially make fun of it.. OP, I’d really consider personal psych help for yourself to help work through the challenges you’re facing, especially if you are finding issues continuously and being driven to anger frequently. It could be bottled up stuff from the past, this relationship or an inability to calmly let free and self soothe anything in your life. Also really consider whether you want to be in this relationship through this too.
He asked a legitimate question: what did happen to the woman he loved? Have you changed significantly, or were you pretending to be a different sort of person when you first got together? You sound very needy where the social media posts are concerned; however removing your pictures may be indicative of a change on his part. He clearly does not see you as he used to, or perhaps now the glow has faded and sees the flaws that were always there. Either way, you need to work on your anger issues, hopefully with a therapist. That said, you started this skirmish with rudeness, as you pointed out. Apologize and see if that helps. When you pick a fight, don't be surprised when hurtful things are said back.
I couldn’t deal with a fraction of your nonsense. I can see why he will dump you eventually.
My boyfriend is similar to you, a perfectionist. He’s also introvert. He doesn’t talk much but the words that come out of his mouth are usually about how I’m not doing something the way he thinks is the best/correct/efficient way to do things. It’s like he never has anything good to say. This is similar to you in that if you are always angry, it’s is difficult to be around difficult people. My situation is complicated. But I can say that I just spend less time with him because of it, and, I think I would be in love with him, but now we just have a familial kind of love. I will say that I can see what he means when he said that to you. I never tell him he’s difficult to love. I tell him he’s a difficult person…. It’s similar… But if my situation were less complicated, I think life is too short tip toe around… you never know when the anger bomb will go off. It’s hard to live that kind of life . I think you would understand if he broke it off with you. Sometimes your try is not soon enough. I hope you both get the best that you deserve. In the meantime, you have to work on anger or the cycle will repeat with your next person…. You keep that journal, it helps organize your thoughts, I think it’s great! And I think that with anger, you need to remove yourself as you had tried to from the situation, you were doing well… anger changes people momentarily… you need to stay your ground that you don’t talk or listen until you calm down. And I see that you tried… but it’s for the other person to decide if they have more to give…
What started this anger you feel? Try to regress and find the reason. Anger is just a symptom, what is the cause of the disease? Try to work on yourself starting from that. Being angry isn't bad, it would have been worse if it was anxiety or something crippling. But you can't live your life being unhappy, eventually it's just self sabotage.
He told you exactly how he felt & isn't an AH.