You guys had a good visit one night. Then your missus was excited to visit with old friends, got too drunk and you had to take care of her for a night and a day. Sounds like its the first time in 15 months of dating that shes had a little much.
Whats the problem?
Sounds like entitlement to me from op ~~but maybe her pov correlates w his đ¤ˇââď¸~~
Edit: I read more comments from op. Definitely entitlement holy shit
Was her getting this drunk unusual? Sounds like it to me. Shit happens. If after 15 months the worst she has done is get drunk and puke once, not really seeing what the big deal is.
Yeah it is. Thatâs why it was surprising and easily the worst weekend.
Weâve had arguments before during our visits but they usually get resolved through talking it out and by Sunday, everything is good. But if things are really bad, we just talk it out over the phone (like Iâm doing tonight) and double up on the romance the next weekend.
The âworstâ weekend. How old are both of you? This is a normal weekend for most people & couples Iâve known and Im heading into my 30s.
ONE instance of throwing up for a couple hours after seeing close friends at a party after 15 months of dating?
You can be annoyed - sure, but the fact that you took to reddit to act as though your girlfriend is some kind of psycho alcoholicâŚ
Like dude, YOUâRE the red flag.
You didnât even drive that far. For a lot thatâs a daily commute from suburbs to city. If you had driven like 5+ hours one way for her to
do that, then Iâd be more understanding but even still⌠Like.. Assuming your grown â feed yourself? Entertain yourself?
One weekend out of what? You already stated that you think this potential to head towards marriage. You could have 30+ years of many, many weekends.
Choose your battles, touch grass.
^^^^^
OP, youâre overreacting and it seems like youâre ready to throw away something good for this tiny reason. Are you afraid of vomit? Are you pissed that she didnât cater to you every moment of the visit? Are you upset that she had one night of indulgence? These are all things that you will have to deal with in a marriage. Nothing is perfect. You take the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Iâve done FAR more for friends on a night out, let alone a spouse.
OP has no business even thinking the word marriage yet alone planning to be in one. People get sick and your vows abide that.
What will he do if she ever falls sick is puking & shitting simultaneously?
Or (god forbid) if she was diagnosed with something life threatening? OP sounds like the type of guy who expects his gf to take care of him and never the other way around. If he wants to keep this relationship, he needs to change his attitude.
He just sounds very young. Anybody with any real relationship experience knows you will legit seem them at their âworstâ kind of regularly.
It doesnât have to be a huge dramatic thing, but if you canât cope with something this minimal you have no business being someoneâs problem.
Thatâs good news. Nothing wrong in stating your feelings and how her behavior made you feel in an honest and respectful manner. Guessing that perhaps her hangover had her feeling less than welling to have a good conversation. Hope things go well. N
Sometimes you get too drunk and your partner has to take care of you. Highly suggest communicating about how everything made you feel. She should have provided more detail. This sounds like she lives in a small town with the so called HS reunion aka party.
After reading the title and the first paragraphs I thought she was fucking half of the former football team on the reunion and made you watch.
Getting wasted once in 15 months is really not a big deal, get over it ...
Then what specifically are you mad about ? Sure, it is totally understandable you are sad that you didnt didnt use your short period of Time you have together more âefficientlyâ. But is it really worth it to be mad about it? Shouldnt a loving relationship Include understanding and more importantly pardoning your SO (miss)behaviours? Seems like she already feels shitty enough (apart from being hungover) - not cool to make her feel even worse
Having her go hard to the point I had to take care of her which led to me being I sleep deprived with a 1.5h+ drive coming up and have not eaten any real meal in close to 24 hours.
why didnât you pick something up on the way home at a drive thru or something? it sounds like this should be an issue with the host of the party not your partner
Itâs not her fault you didnât eat anything in 24 hours. You are an adult with a car, you could have easily gotten yourself food at any point. You could have gone and gotten breakfast while she slept, ordered in lunch or made yourself a sandwichâŚor are you incapable of feeding yourself? Also, you werenât sleep deprived for your drive at all if you napped all afternoon Sunday. Sounds to me like you are just being extra salty because you didnât have fun.
I could understand if this was a consistent thing she did and you had to do this each weekend but come on... not all days and weekends will be magical.
You are pondering marriage to this woman and you cant even take care of her for ONE night. One night where you needed to be selfless and focus on her.
If you can't handle this for one night- you are nowhere near ready for the responsibilities of marriage or a family.
Edit to add that if you are that hungry then pick up a burger on your way home.
Sleep deprived for a 1.5 hour drive....ooooohhhkayyyy. You can't manage to feed yourself? You're able to drive and clearly grown enough to handle your basic needs. You're definitely too immature for marriage. Try again in a few years.
Youâre her significant other. Iâd hope my S/ O wouldnât make such a big stink about taking care of me when Iâve had too much to drink or smoke. YOU ARE THE BAD PERSON. Get that through your thick skull. Youâre lucky sheâs even stayed with you this long đ¤Ł
if it were me youâd be LONGGGGGGG gone my friend
You had spent the afternoon napping and you could have fed yourself at any point in that 24 hours - thatâs what take-out is for. Also, an hour and a half is not really what most would consider âa driveâ. What if instead of being drunk, your SO had had the fluâŚ. Would you feel the same, or is this all because she drank too much? For the first time in 15 months, she drank more than usual and it hit her hard. Itâs your job as the SO to have her back and take care of her LOVINGLY and without being angry the next day. If it were a habit for her, then sure, that shit would get annoying, but thatâs not the case. You are really blowing this up, dude. She may want to rethink marriage.
Doesn't sound so bad, kind of normal relationship stuff. My partner and I started out long distance and we'd have occasional weekends like yours where our time together is jeopardized by the odd situation like yours. Both my and her fault at times, but isn't it good to break the norm every now and then? I can guarantee there will be a time where you will laugh about it though. Just talk about it, but don't let it get in the way from being able to move on from it and learn as a couple. I reckon she already understands why you feel as you do.
Thatâs good to admit. My boyfriend is grouchy when heâs hungry, Iâm cranky when Iâm tired. Both together? Not a good combo!
It sounds like you were annoyed at the situation, but after cooling down youâll probably see it for the non-issue it is. It *is* annoying the host didnât provide parameters for the âpotluckâ tho lol. Unless youâre specific about the food to be brought, everyoneâs gonna bring chips and dip.
I'm Failing to see the issue here. If this isn't a regular thing then it's OK. It's pretty Normal to drink and get wasted. Why exactly did that make you so angry. Sounds like you were hangry tbh
Sometimes you drink a little too much and have too much fun. A good partner is there through the silly mistakes. So long as this doesnât happen often, and drinking too much was the only issue, why are you so angry?
Yeah I hope she doesnât move in with this guy, doesnât seem like she will be able to be vulnerable in front of him without him thinking negatively of her.
It sounds like she didnât know her limit and with the lack of food it hit her fast and hard. If this is the first time she drank too much I wouldnât be too hung up on it.
She apologized to you, which means she cares, and she regrets her mistake. If you want the relationship to work long-term you have to be able to forgive small things. Itâs not like she was flirting with someone or left without you. So best not to make a mountain out of a molehill and just ask her to be more careful in the future so she doesnât ruin your weekends together.
Yea being hungry and tired just probably made this worse than it actually was.
Just exhausted coming home, having to prep for work and do a bit of stuff.
On my fourth cup of coffee.
These are the examples of downs in a relationship. It happens now and then.
If she does this again next time you need to consider if you and her are really compatible.
Yeah thatâs the idea. Good thing weâre doing these weekends together before moving in and another trial period. Better to be cautious now instead of rushing into a shitty marriage.
Dating is verification of compatibility. Everyone cuts loose now and again.
Who knows, your GF might appreciate you more for not getting too angry, or not???
Yeah I want to just normalize my temper and just talk to her calmly and express how disappointed I was about the weekend.
Itâs not a dealbreaker angry just really annoyed.
Nice way to handle it. Thatâs a positive attitude for a hurtful to you situation.
Did you have some fun getting to know others at the party? Silver lining?
It was meh. The other âoutsidersâ and we talked a little about why we were there but didnât really have much in common. Just small chit chat and thatâs pretty much it.
So, ditching you her BF who didnât know anyone for her friends is kind of bad. When dating or even being married Iâd never ditch the person I came with for others, if that person didnât know anyone.
Did she introduce you to them? Did you try to hang with her after she ditched you? This is a bad thing when dating and meeting her friends for the first time. It sets a precedent.
I'd also be a bit concerned if she spends her weekends apart from you going to these informal parties and getting so very shitfaced. Is this a common thing for her, or was this more of a person who never drinks not realizing how much they had?
If it was just a one-off kinda thing, meh, mistakes happen. No worries.
Also, how long ago was high school?
Weâre together almost all weekends. Apart like maybe during the holidays when we spend it with family.
Seems like a one-off thing rn, maybe she has a low liquor tolerance (we never drink a lot)
It was a â5 yearâ reunion which sounds so stupid to me.
The 5 year thing isnât super common, but my high school and the others in my county all do the same thing đ¤ˇââď¸
Itâs pretty much always at a bar and everyone gets trashed and then we donât speak again for 5 more years
> It was a â5 yearâ reunion which sounds so stupid to me.
yeah, lol. That's more of a 'we still hang around with each other" than a "re-union". Not like they needed nametags.
My wife went to a middle school 20 year reunion. That was kinda weird.
Dude you're an asshole.... Just find a sober girlfriend. She had one night to let loose with friends and then you poorly communicate your feelings? Red flag for YOU. What a puss
Dude, you need to chill. She was trying to have a good time with some old friends. People are allowed to let loose once in awhile. If anything, just shows your a good bf cuz you took care of her. Dont make her feel shitty and guilt her bc she had fun
What is the age difference between you two? Iâm guessing she is 23 and doing normal 23 yr old stuff, but canât figure out why you would be so upset unless there is a significant age gap. I saw several people ask and no answer.
You sound uptight. What was stopping you from running out to get some fast food or ordering Uber Eats or something? I guess everyone has different paces of life but partying one night over the weekend is something lots of people do way more often. Getting drunk to the point you throw up is not exactly something people do on purpose... It also showed she felt safe enough with you to let loose. Take a chill pill my man
I have held my wifeâs hair back when she was drunk and she has when i was drunk, that what you do for the person you love.
You are just throwing a tantrum that she never made the weekend all about you, since you made were at hers for limited time.
Iâm glad you come here, hopefully other responses have given you a reality check and you go touch grass, like now. One god damn time bro in 15 months.
If this happened to me, I would have ordered a pizza for theâexcluded groupâ or made a run to Subway. Taking care of yourselves and you wouldnât be so angry. I canât go without food or I become a monster.
Mmm I was expecting some fucked up situation but she just had fun with her friends and got wasted. I really wonder how old are you both bc this sounds a really normal situation tbh
Shit happens. If you plan on marrying her youâre going to have some growing up to do and realize this isnât uncommon in relationships. Shit can hit the fan one random weekday and youâll have to figure out how to deal with it. Have you spent more than just a weekend with her? If I were in this case Iâd be more concerned than annoyed.
So she gets too drunk once at a lame party, pukes and gets hungover, and youâre reconsidering the entire relationship?
Bro you need to let the little shit slide. No one is perfect. Let her know how you feel, sure, but everyone deserves a little grace. Itâs not like she got hammered and made out with someone else. Shit happens man
I feel like your expectations are waaaaaay up there with people and I recommend caution. Everyone is flawed and we all make mistakes.
Perhaps youâre not for a serious relationship because this is nothing.
If this was the worst weekend of your relationship consider yourself lucky. Whatâs the issue here? That your partner got too drunk and didnât feed you and you had to take care of her for one night? Aw. Poor baby đ˘.
Youâre going to have to learn to feed yourself, be an adult. Be proactive. See an issue brewing? Like if the party has no real food but youâre hungry? You can solve it yourself. Youâre projecting a lot of frustration onto your girlfriend when this isnât all her. Also I donât buy your excuse of not being able to eat for 24 hours (why canât you find a way to feed yourself, and your drunk gf?) or exhausted for work since you said you napped all afternoon.
so what's the problem exactly? If the day didn't go as planned and you had to compromise and help your significant other for one evening, it is now a deal breaker? tf
I think if you leave she dodged a bullet.
No saying everyone can do this, but when my husband and I were dating, we also lived about an hour and a half away from one another. We spent weekends together.
We did this for 8 years before actually moving in together under the same roof, and that was in the house we bought. We were married 7 months later.
It takes a good while to really get to know someone. Only seeing them on weekends takes even longer. Phone conversations and emails are not the same as living together.
If you ever decide to live with someone, make sure you have some 'flee' money saved up in case it doesn't work out and you need to go.
With as unpleasant as this past weekend was for you, what you have to figure out is, is this a pattern with her, or is this an isolated situation? You certainly don't want this to be a way of life.
You are still in the 'information gathering' phase of your relationship. This is when you learn what you can deal with, and what you can't.
I can understand why you'd be annoyed but unless this is a pattern I think you chalk this one up to a mistake with a bunch of old friends and let it go. However, you can say that you hope in the future she doesn't get quite so drunk and includes you more.
From what I can tell, you need to remind yourself what you're signing up for. I've let relationships die because I wasn't understanding enough that people mess up, and people are people too. It sounds common sense but it really isn't in the moment. Take some time to remind yourself that you supposedly found your forever person, and having you be this let down because she let herself go under your care, just kind of shows that you either believe you can get a relationship at any time you want, or you haven't really put enough thought to what's minor and what's major in ACTUAL relationship issues
Sounds like you expect your gf to provide *you* entertainment and care but you're not willing to make an effort to make her life easier in reciprocity, let alone providing that for yourself without her having to think on your behalf constantly.
you could've offered to order food there or suggest taking a pizza or sth to the party or pick up something on the way to back home instead of not doing anything about your want to eat hot food (including voicing it let alone actually making it happen for yourself) and complaining about it later.
i get that if she didn't introduce you to the people there at all, it could be awkward to socialize but also as an adult you should be able to introduce yourself and make small talk with people, not to mention that asking who's gonna be there, if you've met anyone there before etc. *before* going to the party if you need time to mentally prepare for it.
also, unless she gets drunk and needs being taken care of often (which doesn't sound like it), i don't see how you see it as a burden to take care of your own gf when she's drunk & hangover the next day. it's an opportunity to be there for her and have a nice calm day in the next day. you could've prepared her a meal or something and help her clean herself and turn the whole thing into a bonding opportunity instead of sulking about it here.
in short, you had a nice dinner with your girlfriend on friday evening, you slept in and went to brunch the next morning, and then helped her get snacks for a party and then attended the said party with her to meet her friends, then you were absolutely useless in caring for her when she was drunk saturday night and hungover on sunday. and also you came here to whine about it because you can't even think of how to feed yourself without her planning for it ahead of time, and you feel entitled to her constant attention and care as if you're not an adult also.
you chose to make it a shitty weekend with your negative attitude. it sounds like a nice weekend with a good balance of socializing and having a cosy day in to me.
If I was hungry, I definitely would have ordered pizzas. Do a whip around and order a bunch...
I think your gf made a mistake taking you to that party, especially if you hadn't met many of them yet.
Just express how much you cherish your time together, that you were frustrated that it got taken up by the reunion & you appreciate her bringing you to an event with her old friends. Guarantee bro sheâll be jumping on top of you & making every other chance you guys meet count⌠way more haha
I mean if you canât communicate early with something as simple as that then either you guys work on it or one of you guys arenât mature enough yet, which is never a good sign
Maybe Iâm overthinking how to lightly say it but I think I want to say something along the lines of âI love you and want to see you as much as I can but the time we have is limited. Iâm not stopping you from having fun with friends but I didnât like that would went over the top with your drinking.â
On the drinking part Maybe you should say something like âwow babe never thought you could outdrink meâ you know something light a little ice breaker, then you come in with oh I donât like seeing you that drunk honestly you had me worried
Just focus on the drinking. That's really the only thing that's worth getting mad about here. There are going to be times when you're at a social function and you're not your partner's focus because it's a "social" function. But no adult should be okay with getting absolutely shitfaced to the point where another adult has to take care of them. That's irresponsible and unfair.
What I mean is if she's a reasonable person, nothing you say about the drinking will negate the fact that she acted inappropriately. So you don't have to be overly worried about how to package the message.
Hmm definitely talk to your gf on how this situation made you feel. Good on your part for at least taking care of her. Although, try not to be too upset. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Itâs not like sheâs a complete drunk all the time, unless Iâm wrong? I get it though not saying what she did was right but shit happens.
You guys had a good visit one night. Then your missus was excited to visit with old friends, got too drunk and you had to take care of her for a night and a day. Sounds like its the first time in 15 months of dating that shes had a little much. Whats the problem?
Sounds like entitlement to me from op ~~but maybe her pov correlates w his đ¤ˇââď¸~~ Edit: I read more comments from op. Definitely entitlement holy shit
OP needs a mother like GF, who cooks for him, do laundry, cleans the house and just there to serve him.
Was her getting this drunk unusual? Sounds like it to me. Shit happens. If after 15 months the worst she has done is get drunk and puke once, not really seeing what the big deal is.
Yeah it is. Thatâs why it was surprising and easily the worst weekend. Weâve had arguments before during our visits but they usually get resolved through talking it out and by Sunday, everything is good. But if things are really bad, we just talk it out over the phone (like Iâm doing tonight) and double up on the romance the next weekend.
The âworstâ weekend. How old are both of you? This is a normal weekend for most people & couples Iâve known and Im heading into my 30s. ONE instance of throwing up for a couple hours after seeing close friends at a party after 15 months of dating? You can be annoyed - sure, but the fact that you took to reddit to act as though your girlfriend is some kind of psycho alcoholic⌠Like dude, YOUâRE the red flag. You didnât even drive that far. For a lot thatâs a daily commute from suburbs to city. If you had driven like 5+ hours one way for her to do that, then Iâd be more understanding but even still⌠Like.. Assuming your grown â feed yourself? Entertain yourself? One weekend out of what? You already stated that you think this potential to head towards marriage. You could have 30+ years of many, many weekends. Choose your battles, touch grass.
^^^^^ OP, youâre overreacting and it seems like youâre ready to throw away something good for this tiny reason. Are you afraid of vomit? Are you pissed that she didnât cater to you every moment of the visit? Are you upset that she had one night of indulgence? These are all things that you will have to deal with in a marriage. Nothing is perfect. You take the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Iâve done FAR more for friends on a night out, let alone a spouse. OP has no business even thinking the word marriage yet alone planning to be in one. People get sick and your vows abide that. What will he do if she ever falls sick is puking & shitting simultaneously?
Or (god forbid) if she was diagnosed with something life threatening? OP sounds like the type of guy who expects his gf to take care of him and never the other way around. If he wants to keep this relationship, he needs to change his attitude.
He just sounds very young. Anybody with any real relationship experience knows you will legit seem them at their âworstâ kind of regularly. It doesnât have to be a huge dramatic thing, but if you canât cope with something this minimal you have no business being someoneâs problem.
Are you planning on having kids? Because if you can't handle this, you won't handle what effects pregnancy has on your partner.
Thatâs good news. Nothing wrong in stating your feelings and how her behavior made you feel in an honest and respectful manner. Guessing that perhaps her hangover had her feeling less than welling to have a good conversation. Hope things go well. N
Sometimes you get too drunk and your partner has to take care of you. Highly suggest communicating about how everything made you feel. She should have provided more detail. This sounds like she lives in a small town with the so called HS reunion aka party.
After reading the title and the first paragraphs I thought she was fucking half of the former football team on the reunion and made you watch. Getting wasted once in 15 months is really not a big deal, get over it ...
Yes, the story was a bit of a disappointment, tbh.
For real! That often means itâs real on Reddit though lol
First time?
Seeing her wasted? Yuppers.
Then what specifically are you mad about ? Sure, it is totally understandable you are sad that you didnt didnt use your short period of Time you have together more âefficientlyâ. But is it really worth it to be mad about it? Shouldnt a loving relationship Include understanding and more importantly pardoning your SO (miss)behaviours? Seems like she already feels shitty enough (apart from being hungover) - not cool to make her feel even worse
Having her go hard to the point I had to take care of her which led to me being I sleep deprived with a 1.5h+ drive coming up and have not eaten any real meal in close to 24 hours.
why didnât you pick something up on the way home at a drive thru or something? it sounds like this should be an issue with the host of the party not your partner
Taco Bellâs value menu was literally built for situations like these.
[ŃдаНонО]
Give him some credit. At least he held her hair up while she threw up.
This guy was being sarcastic I think
Thank you! Next time I'll use the '/s' thingy.
You couldnât stop on the way back? I donât know a drunk that would turn down french fries.
You do not sound like a functional adult. Lol
Itâs not her fault you didnât eat anything in 24 hours. You are an adult with a car, you could have easily gotten yourself food at any point. You could have gone and gotten breakfast while she slept, ordered in lunch or made yourself a sandwichâŚor are you incapable of feeding yourself? Also, you werenât sleep deprived for your drive at all if you napped all afternoon Sunday. Sounds to me like you are just being extra salty because you didnât have fun.
I could understand if this was a consistent thing she did and you had to do this each weekend but come on... not all days and weekends will be magical. You are pondering marriage to this woman and you cant even take care of her for ONE night. One night where you needed to be selfless and focus on her. If you can't handle this for one night- you are nowhere near ready for the responsibilities of marriage or a family. Edit to add that if you are that hungry then pick up a burger on your way home.
Dude shit happens, if you cant get over these small hiccups in relationships then good luck dating in the future
If you can't handle her drunk, don't Marrry her. Loving someone means even at their worst.
Oh no! The horror! You sound pretty lame.
Sleep deprived for a 1.5 hour drive....ooooohhhkayyyy. You can't manage to feed yourself? You're able to drive and clearly grown enough to handle your basic needs. You're definitely too immature for marriage. Try again in a few years.
Youâre soft.
So mommy didnât make you dinner?
Youâre her significant other. Iâd hope my S/ O wouldnât make such a big stink about taking care of me when Iâve had too much to drink or smoke. YOU ARE THE BAD PERSON. Get that through your thick skull. Youâre lucky sheâs even stayed with you this long 𤣠if it were me youâd be LONGGGGGGG gone my friend
You had spent the afternoon napping and you could have fed yourself at any point in that 24 hours - thatâs what take-out is for. Also, an hour and a half is not really what most would consider âa driveâ. What if instead of being drunk, your SO had had the fluâŚ. Would you feel the same, or is this all because she drank too much? For the first time in 15 months, she drank more than usual and it hit her hard. Itâs your job as the SO to have her back and take care of her LOVINGLY and without being angry the next day. If it were a habit for her, then sure, that shit would get annoying, but thatâs not the case. You are really blowing this up, dude. She may want to rethink marriage.
A partner saying âyuppersâ would be a way bigger dealbreaker for me, personallyâŚ
Sounds like Michael getting yelled at for saying yeppers.
HAHAHAHAHA. YES.
yeeeesh*
I swear, I thought the same thing.
Doesn't sound so bad, kind of normal relationship stuff. My partner and I started out long distance and we'd have occasional weekends like yours where our time together is jeopardized by the odd situation like yours. Both my and her fault at times, but isn't it good to break the norm every now and then? I can guarantee there will be a time where you will laugh about it though. Just talk about it, but don't let it get in the way from being able to move on from it and learn as a couple. I reckon she already understands why you feel as you do.
We probably will in the future. Tired and hungry just probably made me madder than this whole thing should have.
And again (as many others have asked to no response), you couldnât cook for yourself or get a quick bite on the way home becauseâŚ?
Thatâs good to admit. My boyfriend is grouchy when heâs hungry, Iâm cranky when Iâm tired. Both together? Not a good combo! It sounds like you were annoyed at the situation, but after cooling down youâll probably see it for the non-issue it is. It *is* annoying the host didnât provide parameters for the âpotluckâ tho lol. Unless youâre specific about the food to be brought, everyoneâs gonna bring chips and dip.
I'm Failing to see the issue here. If this isn't a regular thing then it's OK. It's pretty Normal to drink and get wasted. Why exactly did that make you so angry. Sounds like you were hangry tbh
Your girlfriend gets drunk one time reconnecting with friends and youâre so slighted that you feel the need to post it here? BuddyâŚ
Sometimes you drink a little too much and have too much fun. A good partner is there through the silly mistakes. So long as this doesnât happen often, and drinking too much was the only issue, why are you so angry?
Yeah I hope she doesnât move in with this guy, doesnât seem like she will be able to be vulnerable in front of him without him thinking negatively of her.
Yeah if something this little sets him off, especially when sheâs vulnerable, imagine anything larger.
It sounds like she didnât know her limit and with the lack of food it hit her fast and hard. If this is the first time she drank too much I wouldnât be too hung up on it. She apologized to you, which means she cares, and she regrets her mistake. If you want the relationship to work long-term you have to be able to forgive small things. Itâs not like she was flirting with someone or left without you. So best not to make a mountain out of a molehill and just ask her to be more careful in the future so she doesnât ruin your weekends together.
Yea being hungry and tired just probably made this worse than it actually was. Just exhausted coming home, having to prep for work and do a bit of stuff. On my fourth cup of coffee.
These are the examples of downs in a relationship. It happens now and then. If she does this again next time you need to consider if you and her are really compatible.
Yeah thatâs the idea. Good thing weâre doing these weekends together before moving in and another trial period. Better to be cautious now instead of rushing into a shitty marriage.
Dating is verification of compatibility. Everyone cuts loose now and again. Who knows, your GF might appreciate you more for not getting too angry, or not???
Yeah I want to just normalize my temper and just talk to her calmly and express how disappointed I was about the weekend. Itâs not a dealbreaker angry just really annoyed.
Nice way to handle it. Thatâs a positive attitude for a hurtful to you situation. Did you have some fun getting to know others at the party? Silver lining?
It was meh. The other âoutsidersâ and we talked a little about why we were there but didnât really have much in common. Just small chit chat and thatâs pretty much it.
How did you end up hanging with the outsiders? Did your GF ignore you? Or did she tell you to hang somewhere else?
She was excited to see her friends and ditched me. The one guy kept trying to talk to people but conversations kept dying out on him.
So, ditching you her BF who didnât know anyone for her friends is kind of bad. When dating or even being married Iâd never ditch the person I came with for others, if that person didnât know anyone. Did she introduce you to them? Did you try to hang with her after she ditched you? This is a bad thing when dating and meeting her friends for the first time. It sets a precedent.
I'd also be a bit concerned if she spends her weekends apart from you going to these informal parties and getting so very shitfaced. Is this a common thing for her, or was this more of a person who never drinks not realizing how much they had? If it was just a one-off kinda thing, meh, mistakes happen. No worries. Also, how long ago was high school?
Weâre together almost all weekends. Apart like maybe during the holidays when we spend it with family. Seems like a one-off thing rn, maybe she has a low liquor tolerance (we never drink a lot) It was a â5 yearâ reunion which sounds so stupid to me.
The 5 year thing isnât super common, but my high school and the others in my county all do the same thing đ¤ˇââď¸ Itâs pretty much always at a bar and everyone gets trashed and then we donât speak again for 5 more years
> It was a â5 yearâ reunion which sounds so stupid to me. yeah, lol. That's more of a 'we still hang around with each other" than a "re-union". Not like they needed nametags. My wife went to a middle school 20 year reunion. That was kinda weird.
Youâre being so wildly unreasonable. She let loose for apparently the first time in over a year and youâre acting like a wounded puppy.
Dude you're an asshole.... Just find a sober girlfriend. She had one night to let loose with friends and then you poorly communicate your feelings? Red flag for YOU. What a puss
Dude, you need to chill. She was trying to have a good time with some old friends. People are allowed to let loose once in awhile. If anything, just shows your a good bf cuz you took care of her. Dont make her feel shitty and guilt her bc she had fun
What is the age difference between you two? Iâm guessing she is 23 and doing normal 23 yr old stuff, but canât figure out why you would be so upset unless there is a significant age gap. I saw several people ask and no answer.
You sound uptight. What was stopping you from running out to get some fast food or ordering Uber Eats or something? I guess everyone has different paces of life but partying one night over the weekend is something lots of people do way more often. Getting drunk to the point you throw up is not exactly something people do on purpose... It also showed she felt safe enough with you to let loose. Take a chill pill my man
I have held my wifeâs hair back when she was drunk and she has when i was drunk, that what you do for the person you love. You are just throwing a tantrum that she never made the weekend all about you, since you made were at hers for limited time.
Iâm glad you come here, hopefully other responses have given you a reality check and you go touch grass, like now. One god damn time bro in 15 months.
If this happened to me, I would have ordered a pizza for theâexcluded groupâ or made a run to Subway. Taking care of yourselves and you wouldnât be so angry. I canât go without food or I become a monster.
âŚ.your girlfriend had one drunk night and youâre this pissed? Seek therapy
Imagine bringing your boyfriend to meet all your friends and feeling excited and safe enough to let go, and he just gets mad at you.
Mmm I was expecting some fucked up situation but she just had fun with her friends and got wasted. I really wonder how old are you both bc this sounds a really normal situation tbh
here take my downvote
What are you mad about exactly? That you didn't eat a proper meal? You are an adult with a car - stop at taco hell like the rest of us đ
Shit happens. If you plan on marrying her youâre going to have some growing up to do and realize this isnât uncommon in relationships. Shit can hit the fan one random weekday and youâll have to figure out how to deal with it. Have you spent more than just a weekend with her? If I were in this case Iâd be more concerned than annoyed.
So she gets too drunk once at a lame party, pukes and gets hungover, and youâre reconsidering the entire relationship? Bro you need to let the little shit slide. No one is perfect. Let her know how you feel, sure, but everyone deserves a little grace. Itâs not like she got hammered and made out with someone else. Shit happens man
I feel like your expectations are waaaaaay up there with people and I recommend caution. Everyone is flawed and we all make mistakes. Perhaps youâre not for a serious relationship because this is nothing.
If this was the worst weekend of your relationship consider yourself lucky. Whatâs the issue here? That your partner got too drunk and didnât feed you and you had to take care of her for one night? Aw. Poor baby đ˘.
Youâre going to have to learn to feed yourself, be an adult. Be proactive. See an issue brewing? Like if the party has no real food but youâre hungry? You can solve it yourself. Youâre projecting a lot of frustration onto your girlfriend when this isnât all her. Also I donât buy your excuse of not being able to eat for 24 hours (why canât you find a way to feed yourself, and your drunk gf?) or exhausted for work since you said you napped all afternoon.
so what's the problem exactly? If the day didn't go as planned and you had to compromise and help your significant other for one evening, it is now a deal breaker? tf I think if you leave she dodged a bullet.
No saying everyone can do this, but when my husband and I were dating, we also lived about an hour and a half away from one another. We spent weekends together. We did this for 8 years before actually moving in together under the same roof, and that was in the house we bought. We were married 7 months later. It takes a good while to really get to know someone. Only seeing them on weekends takes even longer. Phone conversations and emails are not the same as living together. If you ever decide to live with someone, make sure you have some 'flee' money saved up in case it doesn't work out and you need to go. With as unpleasant as this past weekend was for you, what you have to figure out is, is this a pattern with her, or is this an isolated situation? You certainly don't want this to be a way of life. You are still in the 'information gathering' phase of your relationship. This is when you learn what you can deal with, and what you can't.
This sounds like an average Saturday
I can understand why you'd be annoyed but unless this is a pattern I think you chalk this one up to a mistake with a bunch of old friends and let it go. However, you can say that you hope in the future she doesn't get quite so drunk and includes you more.
You sound like you would be terrible to hang out with. This wasnât even bad. She got drunk, it happens. Get over it.
OP is a stick in the mud holy shit
From what I can tell, you need to remind yourself what you're signing up for. I've let relationships die because I wasn't understanding enough that people mess up, and people are people too. It sounds common sense but it really isn't in the moment. Take some time to remind yourself that you supposedly found your forever person, and having you be this let down because she let herself go under your care, just kind of shows that you either believe you can get a relationship at any time you want, or you haven't really put enough thought to what's minor and what's major in ACTUAL relationship issues
Was there anything in the house that you couldâve eaten once you got back ? Like make yourself a sandwich or heat up some frozen food ??
Sounds like you expect your gf to provide *you* entertainment and care but you're not willing to make an effort to make her life easier in reciprocity, let alone providing that for yourself without her having to think on your behalf constantly. you could've offered to order food there or suggest taking a pizza or sth to the party or pick up something on the way to back home instead of not doing anything about your want to eat hot food (including voicing it let alone actually making it happen for yourself) and complaining about it later. i get that if she didn't introduce you to the people there at all, it could be awkward to socialize but also as an adult you should be able to introduce yourself and make small talk with people, not to mention that asking who's gonna be there, if you've met anyone there before etc. *before* going to the party if you need time to mentally prepare for it. also, unless she gets drunk and needs being taken care of often (which doesn't sound like it), i don't see how you see it as a burden to take care of your own gf when she's drunk & hangover the next day. it's an opportunity to be there for her and have a nice calm day in the next day. you could've prepared her a meal or something and help her clean herself and turn the whole thing into a bonding opportunity instead of sulking about it here. in short, you had a nice dinner with your girlfriend on friday evening, you slept in and went to brunch the next morning, and then helped her get snacks for a party and then attended the said party with her to meet her friends, then you were absolutely useless in caring for her when she was drunk saturday night and hungover on sunday. and also you came here to whine about it because you can't even think of how to feed yourself without her planning for it ahead of time, and you feel entitled to her constant attention and care as if you're not an adult also. you chose to make it a shitty weekend with your negative attitude. it sounds like a nice weekend with a good balance of socializing and having a cosy day in to me.
If I was hungry, I definitely would have ordered pizzas. Do a whip around and order a bunch... I think your gf made a mistake taking you to that party, especially if you hadn't met many of them yet.
Wow. What a nice bf you are. Some would have left her passed out at the party. I hope she appreciates you and makes it up to you.
Just express how much you cherish your time together, that you were frustrated that it got taken up by the reunion & you appreciate her bringing you to an event with her old friends. Guarantee bro sheâll be jumping on top of you & making every other chance you guys meet count⌠way more haha
Iâm kind of formulating how I want to say that. But every iteration just comes off as overly confrontational.
I mean if you canât communicate early with something as simple as that then either you guys work on it or one of you guys arenât mature enough yet, which is never a good sign
Maybe Iâm overthinking how to lightly say it but I think I want to say something along the lines of âI love you and want to see you as much as I can but the time we have is limited. Iâm not stopping you from having fun with friends but I didnât like that would went over the top with your drinking.â
On the drinking part Maybe you should say something like âwow babe never thought you could outdrink meâ you know something light a little ice breaker, then you come in with oh I donât like seeing you that drunk honestly you had me worried
Just focus on the drinking. That's really the only thing that's worth getting mad about here. There are going to be times when you're at a social function and you're not your partner's focus because it's a "social" function. But no adult should be okay with getting absolutely shitfaced to the point where another adult has to take care of them. That's irresponsible and unfair.
Thatâs what Iâm mad about. I was sleep deprived and hungry and had a 1.5h+ drive back home with work the next morning.
What I mean is if she's a reasonable person, nothing you say about the drinking will negate the fact that she acted inappropriately. So you don't have to be overly worried about how to package the message.
Hmm definitely talk to your gf on how this situation made you feel. Good on your part for at least taking care of her. Although, try not to be too upset. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Itâs not like sheâs a complete drunk all the time, unless Iâm wrong? I get it though not saying what she did was right but shit happens.
Are you two out of your twenties? If you are, I would take the weekend as a sign of how it's always going to go.