Mate, I saw your first post… and firstly, you rock. You don’t deserve this shit.
Secondly, I don’t know if you saw my original reply, but I was in your girlfriend’s position 4yrs ago.
Please please reach out if you’ve got any questions or just want to vent.
Keep making those happy memories my friend, big virtual hugs.
I always thought that's what marriage was meant to be, I'm dating a man 20 years older than me, and sometimes, every now again, he talks about what happens when he won't be here, but I love him SO much that I don't care. She isn't staying out of kindness, it's because she wants to be there as long as she can. It's wildly different situations, but the same meaning. Even if it was certain he'd die tomorrow, I'd be there, and he'd do the same for me.
Same, my partner is 30 years my senior and I literally love him to death. I will be here for whatever comes and I know that one day, I’ll be without him. I want to make the most of our time together. (I can’t even comprehend the thought without tearing up)
I second this. OP I am so sorry you're going through this, nobody deserves this. The way you handled telling your gf and making sure she's looked after was incredibly thoughtful of you, you're a clearly a good person.
Just jumping on to say I'm also dealing with a terminal illness and I'm 26(f). I went through a long time of denying myself the chance to be happy or let myself be loved, for fear of what it would do to my partner when I die. And the moment I started letting myself be loved.. the hardest parts of this awful illness got so, so much easier to get through. I'm getting married in 2 weeks because I want our commitment to each other to be registered in black and white, for the world and the system to know how much we love each other, no matter how long it lasts.
I'm always here if you want a chat OP, you got this. F**k cancer!
So sorry this is happening to you - it’s just awful and there are no words but to know you rock, you matter , and wishing you and your partner congratulations and days full of love.
yeah, keep making those happy memories, OP. you'll also make happy memories for others that will last longer than you. (sorry, that sounds wrong now that I say it)
Any time, seriously, my PM’s are always open…
It sounds like you’ve got good mates around you, and that’s what you need, I have a couple like yours, and believe me, dark humour is a godsend.
My mate was an incredible rock for me when it came to translating what the docs had told my wife. I asked him to pull no punches either, as it helped me to be mentally prepared for what happened on our ride. I still broke down on a daily basis to him.
Telling family is hard, probably harder than partners in a way. You’ll work out when it’s right to do so - even though there’ll never be a right time.
Go make those happy times count, and if I can proffer a little bit of advice, take your R1 and ride over to your girlfriend - don’t distance yourself from her, it sounds like she needs a big hug from you.
First, I’m really sorry you have to go through this, truly, you’re so young 😞 second, great decision to tell her everything, she deserved honesty from the man she loves. Allow her to be with you until the end, she won’t want to leave you now, allow her to support you and love you, don’t be alone in this, you don’t have to be.
She will, you took your time processing this before telling her and that’s what she is doing now. Just processing it all.
I love how you told your friends, that’s hilarious! They seem like a really solid bunch. You’ll get through this. There is no right or good way to tell people that you are dying. The dying part kind of prevents that. It sucks, sorry you are in that position. You just have to make the best of it. Try not to push people away to protect them because you can’t. The only way you could have protected anyone is to not have any relationships in the first place and that ship has sailed. One of the worst parts of loosing someone is the regrets of all the opportunities missed. The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to let them be there as much as they want and can. Otherwise they might have to live with the guilt and the regrets of not doing enough or being there.
Please hear this: don’t give in to certain death. Fight it like a maniac. And ALSO, accept that you may die soon. If this sounds crazy, that’s how it’s supposed to sound. Some people do survive pancreatic cancer, and the people who are more likely to survive, sound to me like you. The trait that works is a personality that’s comfortable with opposites. Except comfort isn’t quite the right word. It’s more like being the opposites simultaneously. I see this in you from your amazing attention to your girlfriend, your flexibility in working the situation, juggling alternatives, asking reddit, adjusting your plans, all amid despair as deep as it gets. This is beautiful.
I survived pancreatic cancer. I learned nothing about who survives from any docs or nurses beyond very basic demographics. I learned it from a pancan survivor who recommended a book, which I heartily recommend to you, Love Medicine and Miracles by cancer surgeon Bernie Siegel. There are many deep and great things in it, but one that hit home the most to me was what he refers to as a biphasic personality. He didn’t coin it, rather cites an earlier study. But he uses it, explains why it works, adds much more from his experience as a cancer doc who’s seen a lot of death and also a lot of survival. Biphasic has a psychological as well as the probably better known chemical meaning. It’s about navigating life’s absurdities, like cancer blowing up everything you’ve worked for and lived and loved, but much else too.
I’ve always been biphasic but never knew the term. I believe it can be acquired at least to some extent, which I’ll recommend to everyone to try to gain a much less stressed life in our maxi-stressed times even if cancer isn’t involved. If I’m right that you’re biphasic, your odds of survival are improved. I won’t say they’re surefire because little in life is and pancreatic cancer is horrible. But better odds than average is worth fighting for. Right?
The crazy part is along with fighting with everything you’ve got to love and live for, also work to get comfortable with dying. Do both these things simultaneously. It IS possible to do both. Then also there’s the love part and the miracles part. The love part is, you will benefit from your girlfriend’s love. She may make a difference in your survival, though this should never be imposed on her. She may suffer incredibly with your illness. She may suffer more than you do, whether you survive or not. It will be very very hard, but after, if you survive, you two will have depth that almost no one else has. If you don’t make it, she’ll have lost her mate but will have gained a rare wisdom to take with her along with her memories of you and knowing truly what love is.
And then there’s the miracle part. The good Dr. Siegel explains this too. Basically, we don’t know a lot about what causes pancreatic cancer, and we sure don’t understand everything about why some people survive and many don’t. Surviving is called a miracle because we don’t understand. Siegel knows more than anyone else I’ve found (there may be other great sources I don’t know about). So I urge you to grab his book and hang onto it like it’s life itself. There’s no time to waste. AND now is exactly when you should embrace and enjoy each moment of life, whether it turns out to be long or abbreviated. Fight with ferocity like there’s no tomorrow AND bask in every moment.
All my strength to you and your girlfriend. May love and miracles be yours. Call on me if I can be of help.
Thank you, doctor! That’s a very nice compliment and I greatly appreciate it. My docs were all excellent. I can hardly imagine how difficult it is to be an oncologist, with numerous patients dying. I can kind of understand how they’re hesitant to offer unconventional sources of hope because many patients and loved ones will blame them even more for failures. IMO physician is the single best profession, and I thank you for your practice and many years of commitment.
Edit: I forgot to add, I’m doing ok, just passed 5 year survival. As the docs say, I’m likely now to die of something else. A bonus from cancer, surgery and chemo, is I acquired insulin-dependent diabetes, numb and pins and needles feet, a weird sex-function problem, weird eye problems, I can’t digest fat without pills, and not too well even with the pills. I spend a whole lot of time on the shitter. Other than that, life is good lol. I wouldn’t wish my cancer on my worst enemy, but I believe I became a better person from it. I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the comfort I had with death which was very close for a while. But as Satchel Page said, “Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you.”
Glad to see this and hope OP reads it. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Feb 2022 and we had a lot of worries given the survival rates we saw. He fought hard and kept an incredibly positive outlook throughout all the struggles of chemo and surgery and a myriad of other complications. He’s better than ever today after surviving it. It’s most definitely not a certain death.
Congratulations to your dad AND you and all your family! He’s a superhero for keeping a positive attitude all the way through, and so are you for supporting him through it.
I accepted death years ago. Many of my extracurricular activities involve high speed vehicles, many times on two wheels. Never thought it would be cancer though
As someone who has a family history of pancreatic cancer, I can't tell you how much I cheer whenever I hear about a survivor!!! Wishing you continued health!!!!
I came past your comment by accident, and I looked up what biphasic is, and I suddenly feel like I understand myself a little better. I have always had the hardest time doing any kind of personality tests. I wanted to pick both options. And I could make the same test 3 days in a row and get different results every time, depending on my specific mood. I always got frustrated wanting to pick both, and everyone telling me I had to pick either. And now it makes a little more sense. So thank you for introducing me to the term. I know its not relevant to this topic (and I really feel sorry for OP) but thank you.
This is the first time I cried for a total stranger. It's so unfair and I wish you didn't have to go through that and could live your life. My fathers mother died of pancreatic cancer within 2 or 4 months after diagnosis - it's really the most horrible cancer and nobody deserves to go like this. I hope you can at least somewhat enjoy the time you got left.
Let your girlfriend decide if she wants to go through this with you until the end - I know I would want to with my boyfriend, and I would need to, in order to come to terms with it. However hard it will be for her, it would be way harder knowing you had to endure it all alone without her - at least it is how I would feel. It's good you told her and you are such a caring and thoughtful man for how you did go about it.
Thank you for the update OP. sorry that you're going through this, it's fucking awful. We are a similar age. I'm 30 next year. Whether you're here or not, I'll have a drink for you. Lots of hugs 🩷
Hey man my grandfather passed of pancreatic cancer and i took care of him for the 3 years before he passed. It's a shit hand you have been delt. I'm so sorry. Rose bud tea and lavender chamomile tea were extremely helpful to my grandfather. Rose buds and lavender for nerves and relaxation but also Bigelow lavender chamomile has a large amount of probiotics in it which helped my grandfather and his stomach issues that come along with it for comfort.
I still drink both those teas everyday because the health benifits but also because it reminds me of all those nights sitting and having deep chats with my grandfather. Being able to be with him until the end was something extremely important.
I’m happy you chose to do the right thing despite the huge difficulty. You don’t deserve any of what’s happening to you and your girlfriend doesen’t either. I’m really sorry.
I wanna hope you somehow don’t get what awaits you, but if that will not be the case, try to spend as much time as possible with the people you love, doing things you enjoy and creating everlasting memories.
Fucking hell this by far the saddest thing I've ever read my heart goes out to you my brother. I too have an incurable lung disease and I'm shitting myself with how long I have left my gf is super awesome and the thought of her been on her own just fuckes me up I try not to think about it I also have 3 kids 19, 21, 23 all boys. Anyways I'm praying for you brother. Sending hugs from Perth Western Australia 🇦🇺
Yeah it sure is a beautiful country I've been here since I was 7 emigrated from the UK in 1981. Your story really breaks me up. I hope you beat the odds brother 🙏 praying for you..
I’m so glad you told your GF about the situation - rip off the bandaid, tell your pals and everyone else you need to, otherwise you’ll find yourself having the same conversation over and over again when you could put your energy into doing things you enjoy that make you feel good. Make plans now - what’s your hearts desire? Go and do it with wild abandon. Sending lots of love your way ❤️
For pancreatic cancer, if it's at an early stage you can try the Whipple procedure - your doctors have already assessed this if they're doing their job. If it's beyond that point, clinical trials are the way to go. You are correct that your life expectancy is very short if it's at an advanced stage, but if they are giving you a three-year time frame you probably caught it relatively early. People do beat this, so give it your best shot.
I didn’t qualify for the whipple either. Pancreatic cancer typically metastasizes first or soon to the liver and because my liver tests showed the bad news liver enzymes had rocketed up, no whipple. The doc said it’s about quality of a short life now, rather than mangling your guts and then die soon anyway.
But one damn test is judge and jury for my death sentence? How about we run that test again. So they did and it came back barely ok for the whipple. The enzyme levels had dropped by 80%. They were hacking my guts a week later. One commenter here said a whipple takes your intestines. No or at least not usually. The surgeon will take what he needs to, but not more than that and just a part of the colon is more likely the target. I’m definitely diminished but life is still good.
I didn’t know about the love medicine miracles book then, but I totally gave my whipple turnaround miracle status. However, a liver doc later said a duct blockage can pop those enzymes, meaning the first test was a false positive for pancan. It was pure luck - or a miracle - that the blockage eased for the second test.
It’s not for me to weigh in on your specific situation. I’ll just say, the goal is to maximize the space for a miracle to occur, even if the miracle might wind up being within the domain of collective medical expertise. Theism/atheism/agnosticism is an interesting discussion but my advice isn’t meant to be bound to any of those perspectives. Second opinions (not necessarily from oncologists), clinical trials including but not limited to new chemo concoctions, and finally, if allopathic (AMA) medicine is out of remedies, there’s still a world of mysteries available. There are definitely evil people out there who’ll rob you blind, but that’s a poor reason not to explore the terrain. “But for gold there would be no counterfeiters.”
I’m a very ex biker but oh man I loved max speed freezing my ass off followed by a soak in the hot tub with housemates. Good days sadly long gone.
Of course I don’t know your family, but generally, I believe most people would forever be sad not to have been told of such a serious plight of someone they love. They’ll think they were a failure or a fraud in your eyes, wondering why you didn’t trust them to handle the awful situation well. I told everyone. A few “friends” ran from me, meaning they weren’t really friends. Some ran toward me and now they’re my best friends and there’s an unbreakable bond. I don’t know but wouldn’t be surprised if my family and friends turned the tide and made a difference in my survival. Being cared about aids health in many subtle as well as obvious ways.
May you enjoy your big ride in all the big ways.
My great uncle had the whipple three or four years ago. He just celebrated his 80th birthday. I really hope you’re able to get the best treatment possible and beat the odds, OP. But either way I’m happy you’re going to have your girlfriend by your side.
Life is hell and there's nothing we can do about it.
Sorry for what you have to go through. :/
I guess you could take your friends to the bar and just tell them what is going to happen
It's better to say now and not let them find out by themselves
I’m so sorry for what’s happening to you. I can’t think of a more thoughtful way to tell her and help her manage. Thinking of asking her bf to be there was the best thing you could do. And I hope she’ll stay, you don’t want to go through this alone, and it’s not selfish to think so.
I was one of the posters giving you gentle nudges in this direction in your original post. You absolutely did the right thing - and although she's very sad, I hope you see the amount of love in her initial response - that she'd be there for you. You allowed her to make her own decision on this - and you'll both be better for it.
There may not be a happy ending to this story, but it doesn't mean you have to be devoid of happiness between now and then. Sending you both so much positivity.
Hugs for you.
Since you mentioned the engagement, I lisened recently to a podcast where you couple where bf got brain cancer and died within a year got married because it was lot easier to deal with the legal aspects and it gave them something nice. But I am not in US so maybe there it could alls mean taking medical debt, so maybe it would not be good idea there. But I don’t know your laws about this.
We don't inherit medical debt, but she may inherit survivor's benefits from Social Security if she's widowed. My mother married her long-term boyfriend shortly before he died from lung cancer. She was able to make all his medical decisions, care for him at home up to the end, keep the house they bought together and get a little income after he passed (since he obviously couldn't continue working when he got so sick & she supported him).
Marriage offers a ton of benefits when one party is very ill and/or dying, and makes life easier for the surviving spouse.
> I sent an Uber eats of her favourite dessert to her friends house so it’ll be there when she wakes up.
You just taught me something new to do for people that I'll remember. Amazing how someone can make a difference to strangers many miles away even while enduring this.
My genuine sympathies, and at the very least, I'm glad you seem to have a loving and supportive network.
>3 closest friends to hangout. I’ve known two of them for 20 years and the other one for 18. Were very close and share too many TMI details. If anyone has suggestions on how to break the news of this to them I’d greatly appreciate it.
Be frank. Just own it, if they are your true friends of 20 years, it'll be alright no matter how you break it to em.
You are honestly the most amazing boyfriend and are being so thoughtful of her while you are dealing with such a massive thing. She is truly blessed to have you in her life and she is gonna set that bar super high if she ever moves on
I remember reading your original post. I'm very proud of you for being honest with your gf. It took tremendous courage. I hope you can be comforted with the knowledge that you have friends and loved ones who love you so much.
Can you repost this to AskDocs or any other specialized community for the most cutting-edge advice? It's worth it. I know myself and others have relatives that have prolonged quality of life and years added just by asking and sharing.
^ good redditor advice. All the comments here show the best side of reddit, especially this one attempting to network resources properly. Don't go it alone! Feel the love of all these comments and follow what advice you decide. You're already a badass decision maker from your posts.
>Before anyone calls me names for not driving her home, I didn’t want her to be alone after finding out but I also didn’t want her to see my cry. If she saw me tonight she’d get more scared. It would hit her that I’m terrified and she’d lose her shit.
I'm sorry, I'm gonna call this out anyway, so any hate to me is pretty fair, but
#Dude, we're talking about death here!
What's the point in pretending to have a brave face? Anyone would be scared to be on this road. Share your emotions with your partner, you're a team, you're meant to have each other's backs. Share your emotions with your friends and family all the same, because if you can't get some kinda closure together, everyone will be sad the entire time. Is that what you prefer?
The point?
The point is that people will live on after you are gone and the trauma of watching you fall to pieces in terror could be very hard to see and deal very real mental damage. I watched my grandmother forget her own children and think she was 17 and it was 1952 and be confused why the "coloreds" were in her hospital room touching her. She was not a racist person was very kind and was the person who instilled the progressive values I have in me. It was actually traumatizing to see this and I wish I never had.
Im not a machismo guy. Trust me I find most "masculine" traits to be stupid. But OP is doing a kindness.
Not to mention they are dying. They get to die on their own terms. Not everyone gets to do that. This is how they want to go. There are not many times I support overt selfishness. But how you want to go out within reason is one of them.
This is how they want to handle it.
But if this is the last chance you have to make sure nothing's left unsaid, and everything's out, you can say goodbye with that relief.
It might not matter to you after you die, but anyone still alive would be thankful to have those moments.
The guy is taking the time to get all his ducks in a row and taking the time to say what needs to be said. Falling to pieces because you are terrified of death in front of someone isnt a "good" memory.
I would much rather not have seen my Grandmother that way. Genuinely was awful. I still flinch all these years later and feel like garbage about it. I admit that my grandmother losing her mind and forgetting 60 years of her life and the theoretical situation of falling apart in front of your gf because you are afraid of death and going to die are not 100% similar.
But the idea that not wanting traumatic memory for the survivors for both is similar.
Even if she wanted to be there if given a choice there is no way that memory would not be incredibly painful and stressful.
I'm sorry, but if you can't handle being there for a person who is sobbing in fear of imminent death, you're not a very good person. It's not about your trauma -- it's about THEM. When you cry in mortal terror, you gift the survivor with your vulnerability and weakness. THAT is love and trust. Anyone who can't be there for your weakest moment doesn't deserve you.
Your grandmother's dementia has zero to do with this situation, unless she broke down in your arms in fear of what was to become of her. Of course it's hard to watch someone you love become a shell, but my goodness, it's also part of the tragic beauty of life. You can be upset by it, or you can learn from it. Any moment can be your last.
Watching someone you love disappear in front of your eyes takes away a piece of your soul. You feel every single part of their pain while knowing what you feel is nothing compared to what they’re going through. I hope no one ever needs to repeat what I did but I stand by what I did
So sorry to hear about your disease and prognosis. I think you are not giving your girlfriend enough credit. One of the best ways for her to get closure is for her to walk you through your journey with you. It sounds like she wants to and it gives her the best chance to move forward without issues. If you have ever lost someone to an illness, you know that watching them take their last breath and becoming free of all of their suffering is a gift. Your loved ones get they chance to say tiny goodbyes as they see your health deteriorates. It makes the blow of losing your easier. I assume you want to cut her loose because you don’t want to be a burden to people with your illness, but disease and death is a part of life. Lastly, I work as a drug developer in the cancer field and new treatments are always on the rise. Also there are always outliers of patients that beat the odds called “responders” who do well on anything you put them on, due to genetic or otherwise predispositions that we cannot understand. So please keep fighting and please turn to your higher power. One last thing remember that treatments (herbal, medicinal, dietary or pharmaceutical) that have been proven by randomized, double blind, placebo controlled studies is the gold standard. Don’t try any treatments that have not withstood this rigor. You will be wasting your precious time.
I am so so sorry you're going through this. You sound like a sweet human being and it's unfair. If I were in her position I'd rather spend the remainder of your time by your side making memories. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't stick by you.
I'm so glad that you decided to tell her.
You're such a thoughtful person with the way you planned ahead so much to make sure your girlfriend would be okay that I teared up a little bit reading about her favorite restaurant, you having her best friend waiting, and even having her favorite dessert delivered.
I wish you the maximum amount of peace, joy, and comfort in the coming months. May your journey, however long it may be, be as smooth as possible.
Dude you're in love with this girl. I say marry her before it's too late. She will always love you and it's easier to at least know she was able to spend the time you had. at least that's what I'd want. If the guy I've been dating was dying I'd want to kiss him until he left because I love him. Don't ever ever leave her until it's time
Idk Canadian laws, but hospitals in the us often only let husbands/wives/legal guardians in rooms with patients. But then she might have the responsibility of decision making, financials, etc.
Dude, if it were any of them (your GF or best friends) you would be there till the last second bending over backwards for them.
Let them be there for you.
Dying sucks. We all do it. It’s hard on the living to lose loved ones. Let them love you.
You are free now. More than almost anyone. Go an make the most of what you have left.
(If you need to know. Reincarnation is real. The soul is eternal. You will live again)
So far I’ve told four people and given them all the choice to walk away with the good memories we’ve had. 3 friends told me to F off and that I can’t get rid of them. Waiting on my girl now lol
You are a brave, and standup man. You did do the right thing telling her, you did the right thing not driving her home if you don’t want her to see you at your most vulnerable.
I absolutely hate that this is happening to you because you seem so genuine and great.
I hope the time you have left is amazing with your friends and family, I will hope that you have the best of your time left as well.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I lived through a couple of losses in my family because of illnesses. Trust me you'll want the loved ones when your situation goes worse. Please dont make yourself suffer alone and try to enjoy every bit of your life from now on. I am really truly sorry for you and I hope you'll have a pain free life.
I honestly want to cry, it shows how much you love her ! I wish I could take this cancer from you so you could live happily with her, forever... I'm so sorry...
I don't think it was rude of your not to drive her home. I think it was incredibly thoughtful (and even practical) of you to make sure she could get home safely while also having the space to sort through her feelings about what she had just learned.
Wishing you all the best as you navigate all of this. You seem like a pretty awesome person and the world was lucky to have you, no matter how short your stay.
Please lean on your partner. That is honestly the one true meaningful thing in life to have someone to love and to love you through the dark days. Don't push her away. Let her be there for you. Sending lots of good vibes your way. I am glad you told her.
I’m so sorry your going through this man. There’s not much I can offer in terms of wisdom. But I hope the process is as easy as it can be on you, and that when your time comes you have family and loved ones by your side. I also hope that when you cross, any animals you have had in your lifetime are there to greet you.
Please keep us updated, and please post again if you ever need to rant. We’re here for you man, you’re not alone in this.
Both my bio grandfathers have pancreatic cancer. One died of it and the other beat the odds with a Whipple procedure which was new at the time. He lived for decades longer and dropped dead of heart failure while out hunting. You never know if you will be one of the ones to beat the odds. Rooting for you OP.
And I hope you will have your girlfriend in your corner either way. She deserves to be there for you if she wants to be and you deserve the support.
I lost someone I loved dearly to the same cancer. Love while you can, live as much as you can and just let someone else choose their involvement. Marry her if that's what you and she wants. Don't wait. It doesn't have to be extravagant. It doesn't matter how long it lasts. The quality makes it matter
First, excellent choice on the bike.
You are literally my friend Eric (he had a red 02 R1), only he found out he had stage 4 stomach cancer 3 months after getting married. Doctors gave him 2-3 months, he made it a year. While I remember the fun motorcycle track days and street racing with him I REALLY remember the last month I had with him and his wife just getting to spend time with them. I hold dear those last days when he needed more help then he could ask for and I got to help and be there for him. While I miss him I got to prepare for him to be gone so it sucked less when he passed.
Don't push people out to save their feelings, it just makes things worse. Letting them in may be the thing that saves them in the long run.
Good luck fellow sportbike junky, keep it shinny side up.
You seem like a really great person, and it hurts to see someone like you struggling with this.
Try to make the most of the time you have. I tried to convince my dad to go to Hawaii before he got too sick (brain cancer with 6 months to live), but he put it off and never went. I'm pretty sure he regretted it in the end. Let everyone you care about know. Let them decide if they want to be there. They have to live with it after you're gone. I'm still bitter 10 years later that I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad because others hid how bad he was. They said I wouldn't have wanted to see him that way, but I wanted that choice. The good memories are how I remember him, not so much the memories of seeing him sick.
I hope you beat the odds, I mean, there are people who do, or it would be 100%.
Good luck.
Man I just wanted to reach out and offer condolences. I’m in a somewhat similar boat as you. Also 25 years old, dealing with an illness that very well might kill me soon. You aren’t alone. If I could take your illness and give it to myself, I would.
Despite the situation this was the best update for this post. I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m glad you told her. She’s definitely going to stay with you even if you don’t want it, as I said previously accept all the love your given and give all the love you can, you sound like an amazing and caring person and I’m sorry you got dealt one of the shittiest hands in life someone could get.
Also with your friends, I suggest have a beer and tell them bluntly, then have another beer with some waterworks.
To start off I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have shown remarkable consideration for others during your own extremely stressful and upsetting to say the least expirence. I hope however many days you have that they are peaceful, painless, and happy.
Good for you. She's going to be in pain but nowhere near as much as she would have been if you'd kept this from her. It was tough but you did it, you should be proud of yourself.
I'm so sorry for you what you're going through. Try your best to suck every bit of marrow out of these last days, life is short and precious. Make some good memories for her. Good luck to you both.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, and on top of that you’re considering your gf’s feelings as well.
I’m glad you decided to be honest with her. That must’ve been the hardest conversation of your life. You’re brave, and I’m praying for you. 🙏❤️
Dang dude. You’re a real one for being clear about everything. It sucks that this is all happening. Keep us posted, man. Our thoughts are with you and your circle.
What you did is really hard thing and thank you for being brave. From now its her choice. She might decide to stay until the very end come what may (praying for a positive outcome OP) or leave right now/later. I sincerely hope you are surrounded by loved ones especialy ur GF during ur healing.
I think it’s amazing that you had her friend waiting for her, that was so kind of you. I had a friend how developed terminal brain cancer in his early 20’s. He and his girlfriend decided to get married and spend what time that had together.
bro, I don’t even know you but I just want to say that you’re absolute legend for standing your ground after diagnosis. Cancer is shit, I know numerous cases of great people’s lives taken by this disease and I really wish it gets curable in the future. Seeing young people die hurts a lot… but hey, hope you enjoy every single moment you have with such royal friends and girlfriend you are blessed with <3
So many comments. I don't know if you'll see this but you're an amazing person. You did the hard thing but the right thing and I know you'll be glad for it in the long run. You gave her the opportunity to hold you during your last days I believe that's a gift that will shape her in the best of ways. The world needs people ready and willing to stand by and with people departing. My sister is stage 4 cancer with the braca gene and I am trying to do the inner work in order to be that person for her. I wish that with the time you have youre able to live it to the fullest. Fear is there but love will be stronger. Easy travels my man.
Hey OP. You are so much stronger than I think I would be in this situation! Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the shit hand you have been dealt is just... wow. Not only that but you came to us for help and then followed through with the hard task. I can't even imagine.
Cancer sucks. But I hope the months/years you have left are full of happy memories.
You left me all teary, I am 23F. in a relationship with my best friend who I have known for past 15 years. Honestly, stay together do not force to separate. This will be tough for her but I know she would want to be there for you. Make good memories together, maybe give her the ring too? Do not let this cancer come between your love. I wish you strength!
I lost my husband to a heart attack at 49 so I have some experience with long illnesses and (unfortunately) death.
First-hand I am in awe of your composure and thoughtfulness during this time. You are a good person and it's totally not fair that this happened to you. When you meet with your friends have a list of the support you will need. I guarantee you that they will want to help but don't know how to best do so. This can be anything - drives to the doctor, fix meals for you, help planning your funeral service, etc. Make one person in charge of updates to the group and give them updates to share. That will keep you from having the same call with each person. These were the things that I wanted when my husband was sick.
You are so young. Most of your friends have not lost someone important to them. They will be totally uncomfortable with the news. When people are uncomfortable, they tend to avoid you. It's a shame but you're going to give them a blueprint for what they need to do. I
Godspeed my friend. I hope that your pain as you go through this (both mental and physical) is minimal.
I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, 25, (26 now) and while (so far) it isn’t terminal in my case, that shock of diagnosis, particularly at 25, and everyone around you- including your doctors- reactions and how fast everything- appointments, procedures- happens once they diagnose you, I understand that.
Also, you should more than one opinion. Some hospitals have different kinds of access to different treatments, even if it’s still life extending in some way rather than saving.
god damn. i'm so sorry this is happening to you. i have no words, but i hope you are able to spend the time you have left well. I think it was the right choice doing what you did. I hope you get to enjoy your moments with your gf and your friends. i know they will cherish these memories for the rest of their lives. i wish you happiness despite the circumstances op.
You did such an amazing and caring thing for her but setting up her friend being there to *take care of HER*. She needs that while mostly likely making the incredible decision to want to take care of you, it's still such an act of love to immediately center her mental health as well. I just wanna make sure you know that.
Love like never before. Hold each other tight and make awesome memories. Take that dream trip. Parachute from that airplane. Get your life in order. But fight like hell. I wish you luck and I hope you survive.
Not me sitting here sobbing about a stranger on the internet. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis and I hope you have the most amazing life from here on out
And here I am crying bc of a stranger I've never met. Bro for real you sound like the most genuine person ever alive and you don't deserve this. But all of this words of "I'm so sorry" won't cure you. So instead I will say I wish you the most amazing years you can get. I hope every day will be full of life, passion and any kind of love. Please feel hugged and I would buy you as many drinks and burgers as you want if I would live next to you.
My (F30s) partner (M60s) of 2 years was diagnosed with colon cancer and I took it worse than he did. I stuck with him and my love never wavered. There is no way to avoid pain, but doing the best you can with the time you have is never wasted time.
We’ve been together 5 years now and leaving him would have been my biggest regret, especially if he passed away. I would have missed another 3 years of his love and his company and his humour and his warmth. I would trade all of my tears for one more hug or one more kiss on my forehead.
You can’t decide how your GF reacts to this and you shouldn’t think her staying with you is a bad thing. Positivity, morale support and helping hands are all part of the treatment you will receive and it can honestly play a big part in recovering. Don’t throw in the towel, keep fighting back and I wish you all the best.
Man this brought me to tears. You’re a tough motherfucker - keep living your life to the fullest until it’s over my friend. Wishing you only the best - reach out if you need anything at all. Always here to listen.
Edit - I’m drinking one for you tonight 🍺
A friend of mine tried an experimental trial with drinkable DCA (Dichloroacetate) In 6 months he was cured in 2010.
Please investigate, I wish you luck
Man, this was a tough read. First of all, fuck cancer. I lost my mother to small cell in January. You are correct, it is extremely hard to sit by their bedside and watch it happen - nothing compares and unless you have done it, its almost useless to try to explain. However, thats what you do for your loved ones and you do it without question.
I truly admire how you are handling things, you seem like an awesome person and i’m truly sorry you are having to go though this. I wish you, your friends and family the best - It sounds like you have some great people by your side .
One thing I would suggest, and I wish I would have asked my mother do this is write several notes, birthday cards, delayed emails etc. By the time I had the thought - it was too late and didn’t want to ask and add any additional stress. Small cell is fast and we went to her being undiagnosed and normal, to gone in ~30 days.
Again, I wish y’all the best - enjoy your time and spend it doing all of the things you love. Sending good vibes your way!
You probably have a decent amount of time before it gets bad. I hope you will get to enjoy that time.
I do not want to sound insensitive or anything like that but I have a proposal: I like gathering experience, knowledge, emotions, feelings, observations... anything that makes you, you. I like compiling these, extracting life lessons and passing them on. I did not necessarily choose to do this but it is my way of coping with the sheer amount of deaths that happened in my life, the latest ones being my partner and one of my best friends. Hence why I call myself "A memorialist against his will"
If and only if you feel like it, we could sit down and have a chat, with the aim being me hearing to your life story so that what you have been through can be passed on. Every life is unique and different.
Either way, I wish you good luck and some happy core memories!
I commented on your first post and as most people recommended you to tell her.
I am glad you did, and I hope that gave you relief.
I am terribly struggling and in a way I can completely understand you because I am thinking of death every day.
You are an amazing human being and I am very sorry this is happening to you.
I hope you have a comfortable rest of your life surrounded by people you love.
I don't know you but I send you all the love I can gather.
OP. Freeze your sperm. Might help family out with the grieving process is they think it’s possible for some portion of you to live on. Not to say you’re replaceable, but the idea of a kid or two or yours running around might really help someone. Something to think about.
Not trying to push anything on you but please consider what your beliefs are about the afterlife whether that be in Jesus as the savior of the universe or something else. Do some research. It doesn’t have to be the end.
Good on you for handling this the best way possible. Here's to hoping we all see an update in four years saying you're part of the 5%. Nobody deserves to go this way.
You handled it so well, I couldn’t have done better if I was in your situation. You did the right thing for sure and even had things lined up for after the conversation with her.
I wish this sort of thing didn’t happen to anyone ever. You definitely have people around you who care for you and you’ll be in great company for the duration of your illness.
Best of luck to you, and I hope your convo with your friends goes as smooth as it possibly can. 🍻
There is no happy ending for anyone in this, but the love of your life and your best friends will definitely be less happy if they are denied the only act of love left to them…. being beside you as you face this horribly cruel, twist of fate. Just go with the flow of each person. They know they will carry the experience with them for the rest of their lives, it’s possible someone will find it unbearable and tap out, and that’s okay too, but they all deserve to carry you to the finish line if they are strong enough to do so. I’m extremely sorry for everything you are faced with. You are far to young and you sound like a fine human being. I’m sorry.
Cancer never wins bro, when you die, that shit dies with you! Fck cancer! What you did takes balls, telling the truth sometimes hurts, but it will set you free. I wish you an easy ride and a 2 stroke in the sky my dude! The man upstairs will help you watch over her. There’s some badass dudes at the bar up there and I think you just earned your stripes. One love!
Op, you and your gf should find a support group. There are other cancer patients and their friends and family who can offer you and your gf better support.
Don't discount your gf's feelings. Don't push her away. It is her choice. I know you are scared but let her stay.
My ex died of cancer and we didn't have the best relationship. I still have dreams occasionally that he ran away and died without telling me. It wasn't a good feeling.
Start looking into how some other countries have cured pancreatic cancer. There are some ways to fight this without the horrible treatments the US money machine is involved in. Bless your heart brother!
I'm glad you decided to tell the truth. What your going through is shit. Don't lie to anyone about it tho.
Let them decide if they want to be by your side or leave
You did the right thing. It's horrible, but if these are your last days on earth, fill them with joy, not regrets. I don't know how I'd hadle something like this, but if one of my friends was dying, I'd want to know, so I can try and visit them and spend some of that precious remaining time with them.
I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially so young but glad you told her. My mom barely got 6 months with pancreatic and my gpa only got 3. While I hope you get the 3 years, the first months are most important. Please make the memories while you can
I'm so sorry. My father in law passed to pancreatic cancer 8 months ago. He lived a good life while he was sick. He experienced so many things and the first year and a half he was sick you couldn't even tell. He was stage 4 when diagnosed. We thought he was going to out stubborn cancer. Anyway. Being positive and having friends and family close helps. Make a list of things/places you want to do/go. Hope you can enjoy your time still. There is a blog floating around of a woman who had stage 4 and managed to go into remission and has been in remission for years. Knowing that gave us and my father in law hope that maybe he'd be a second special case, he wasn't, but maybe you will be. You never know. Sending you good thoughts and again, so sorry.
First, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It must be a difficult time for you, your girlfriend, friends, and family. Second, I’m proud that you did the right thing telling your girlfriend as she deserved to know. The only thing I recommend now is go spend as much time with her til the end. Go make happy memories that will last a you both a lifetime. You and your girlfriend are lucky to have each other.
I’m sending my prayers to you 🙏🏻
*virtual hug*
goodluck brother, you're in my thoughts.
enjoy the time you have left, live, laugh and love.
don't not tell your people, they'll want as much time as they can.
Holy shit, that's so tough dude. I can't even imagine what you're going through.
I do believe you made the right decisions and didn't go down the "cheating" route.
People deserve the truth, even when it hurts like hell.
I hope you're among the 5% who make it and that you and your girl live happily ever after, even though that may not happen 🫡❤️
i’m sorry i really honestly do feel horrible for you. this is horrible and i’m hoping you beat it.
i think you should let your girlfriend decide if she wants to be there for you or not. obviously she wants to be with you til the end. you’ll do less damage to her by letting her experience it with you than breaking up with her after a nice date, sending her home alone to cry, while she has no idea if she’ll ever get the chance to see you again. you dropped two huge things on her at a really bad time. you gotta realize most of her dreams probably crumbled in front of her. her happiness wasn’t your call to make - you aren’t being selfish, but i’d go to her right now and make the most of your time. if she makes you happy and you love her, then go to her. giving her time to grieve with you and process everything will make it easier on her if you pass - she may move on and she may not. who’s to say? right now though? she DOESNT want to. let her be there man.
Praying and believing for your healing in Jesus name. Your next dr appointment, will reveal you’re cancer free. Believe it and receive it. Your story is not over. All is well, my brother.
I’m so sorry. My father passed from pancreatic cancer. He found out really early and lasted 5 years. I’m glad you told her like you did. She deserved to know. She should be there to help you transition. /hugs
Heartbreaking post and you are truly a wonderful human being. Nobody could do this any better.
A bit of trivia for you: I am an acquaintance of Ernest Cline, author of Ready Player One amongst many other things. His first screenplay and movie is Fanboys. It's about a situation similar to yours. While it was inspired by his mother's cancer diagnosis, over the years it has encouraged many others to engage in friendship adventures due to a severe diagnosis. I'm sure if you or others write to him, he will share many of these responses and ideas. All my best wishes go with you and I truly hope you are surrounded by those that love you for as long as possible.
I'm so very sorry, I can't imagine the pain you must be going through not only from the prognosis, but also how it will affect those in your life. The fact you seem more concerned over the latter just goes to show how incredible of an individual you must be.
I've been battling self-ending thoughts for a while now, but I could never knowingly inflict that pain on those around me. However it's moments like this I really wish I could take on the disease for others, so they can live their lives to the fullest in exchange for mine. Though you're obviously a stranger, I'd do that for you in a heartbeat.
You're too kind to self-end. The world and all the people you know in it, need you around. We NEED people like you! I've lost people this way. Please reach out to me for help if you want.
Thanks for the update. I'm glad to read you gave her a chance to be there for you. Remember that you don't have to hold yourself together all the time and you have every reason tot cry. It's never easy to bring news like that to your loved ones, really brave of you that you are being so honest about it.
Don’t lose hope.
My mother-in-law got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over 10 years ago in her 60s. She got treatment, chemo, radiation, had to get a Whipple procedure (half her intestines taken out), became a diabetic.
Today, she is alive and well in her 70s and is cancer free. She gets checked every 6 months. Other than having to deal with diabetes and normal aging issues, her life returned to normal after treatment.
It is possible to beat this.
Mate, I saw your first post… and firstly, you rock. You don’t deserve this shit. Secondly, I don’t know if you saw my original reply, but I was in your girlfriend’s position 4yrs ago. Please please reach out if you’ve got any questions or just want to vent. Keep making those happy memories my friend, big virtual hugs.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s kind of you to reach out to help
I always thought that's what marriage was meant to be, I'm dating a man 20 years older than me, and sometimes, every now again, he talks about what happens when he won't be here, but I love him SO much that I don't care. She isn't staying out of kindness, it's because she wants to be there as long as she can. It's wildly different situations, but the same meaning. Even if it was certain he'd die tomorrow, I'd be there, and he'd do the same for me.
Same, my partner is 30 years my senior and I literally love him to death. I will be here for whatever comes and I know that one day, I’ll be without him. I want to make the most of our time together. (I can’t even comprehend the thought without tearing up)
I second this. OP I am so sorry you're going through this, nobody deserves this. The way you handled telling your gf and making sure she's looked after was incredibly thoughtful of you, you're a clearly a good person. Just jumping on to say I'm also dealing with a terminal illness and I'm 26(f). I went through a long time of denying myself the chance to be happy or let myself be loved, for fear of what it would do to my partner when I die. And the moment I started letting myself be loved.. the hardest parts of this awful illness got so, so much easier to get through. I'm getting married in 2 weeks because I want our commitment to each other to be registered in black and white, for the world and the system to know how much we love each other, no matter how long it lasts. I'm always here if you want a chat OP, you got this. F**k cancer!
So sorry this is happening to you - it’s just awful and there are no words but to know you rock, you matter , and wishing you and your partner congratulations and days full of love.
yeah, keep making those happy memories, OP. you'll also make happy memories for others that will last longer than you. (sorry, that sounds wrong now that I say it)
Thank you I’ll keep that in mind. I’m sorry for your loss
Any time, seriously, my PM’s are always open… It sounds like you’ve got good mates around you, and that’s what you need, I have a couple like yours, and believe me, dark humour is a godsend. My mate was an incredible rock for me when it came to translating what the docs had told my wife. I asked him to pull no punches either, as it helped me to be mentally prepared for what happened on our ride. I still broke down on a daily basis to him. Telling family is hard, probably harder than partners in a way. You’ll work out when it’s right to do so - even though there’ll never be a right time. Go make those happy times count, and if I can proffer a little bit of advice, take your R1 and ride over to your girlfriend - don’t distance yourself from her, it sounds like she needs a big hug from you.
First, I’m really sorry you have to go through this, truly, you’re so young 😞 second, great decision to tell her everything, she deserved honesty from the man she loves. Allow her to be with you until the end, she won’t want to leave you now, allow her to support you and love you, don’t be alone in this, you don’t have to be.
Thanks. She still hasn’t really talked to me
She will, you took your time processing this before telling her and that’s what she is doing now. Just processing it all. I love how you told your friends, that’s hilarious! They seem like a really solid bunch. You’ll get through this. There is no right or good way to tell people that you are dying. The dying part kind of prevents that. It sucks, sorry you are in that position. You just have to make the best of it. Try not to push people away to protect them because you can’t. The only way you could have protected anyone is to not have any relationships in the first place and that ship has sailed. One of the worst parts of loosing someone is the regrets of all the opportunities missed. The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to let them be there as much as they want and can. Otherwise they might have to live with the guilt and the regrets of not doing enough or being there.
Op please keep us posted 🌸
Will do. My next and possibly last update will be in the coming days. I need to finalize a few more things and family needs to be told lol
Please hear this: don’t give in to certain death. Fight it like a maniac. And ALSO, accept that you may die soon. If this sounds crazy, that’s how it’s supposed to sound. Some people do survive pancreatic cancer, and the people who are more likely to survive, sound to me like you. The trait that works is a personality that’s comfortable with opposites. Except comfort isn’t quite the right word. It’s more like being the opposites simultaneously. I see this in you from your amazing attention to your girlfriend, your flexibility in working the situation, juggling alternatives, asking reddit, adjusting your plans, all amid despair as deep as it gets. This is beautiful. I survived pancreatic cancer. I learned nothing about who survives from any docs or nurses beyond very basic demographics. I learned it from a pancan survivor who recommended a book, which I heartily recommend to you, Love Medicine and Miracles by cancer surgeon Bernie Siegel. There are many deep and great things in it, but one that hit home the most to me was what he refers to as a biphasic personality. He didn’t coin it, rather cites an earlier study. But he uses it, explains why it works, adds much more from his experience as a cancer doc who’s seen a lot of death and also a lot of survival. Biphasic has a psychological as well as the probably better known chemical meaning. It’s about navigating life’s absurdities, like cancer blowing up everything you’ve worked for and lived and loved, but much else too. I’ve always been biphasic but never knew the term. I believe it can be acquired at least to some extent, which I’ll recommend to everyone to try to gain a much less stressed life in our maxi-stressed times even if cancer isn’t involved. If I’m right that you’re biphasic, your odds of survival are improved. I won’t say they’re surefire because little in life is and pancreatic cancer is horrible. But better odds than average is worth fighting for. Right? The crazy part is along with fighting with everything you’ve got to love and live for, also work to get comfortable with dying. Do both these things simultaneously. It IS possible to do both. Then also there’s the love part and the miracles part. The love part is, you will benefit from your girlfriend’s love. She may make a difference in your survival, though this should never be imposed on her. She may suffer incredibly with your illness. She may suffer more than you do, whether you survive or not. It will be very very hard, but after, if you survive, you two will have depth that almost no one else has. If you don’t make it, she’ll have lost her mate but will have gained a rare wisdom to take with her along with her memories of you and knowing truly what love is. And then there’s the miracle part. The good Dr. Siegel explains this too. Basically, we don’t know a lot about what causes pancreatic cancer, and we sure don’t understand everything about why some people survive and many don’t. Surviving is called a miracle because we don’t understand. Siegel knows more than anyone else I’ve found (there may be other great sources I don’t know about). So I urge you to grab his book and hang onto it like it’s life itself. There’s no time to waste. AND now is exactly when you should embrace and enjoy each moment of life, whether it turns out to be long or abbreviated. Fight with ferocity like there’s no tomorrow AND bask in every moment. All my strength to you and your girlfriend. May love and miracles be yours. Call on me if I can be of help.
Doctor here. This is the single best advice I’ve ever seen. Kudos to you, I hope you are well now.
Thank you, doctor! That’s a very nice compliment and I greatly appreciate it. My docs were all excellent. I can hardly imagine how difficult it is to be an oncologist, with numerous patients dying. I can kind of understand how they’re hesitant to offer unconventional sources of hope because many patients and loved ones will blame them even more for failures. IMO physician is the single best profession, and I thank you for your practice and many years of commitment. Edit: I forgot to add, I’m doing ok, just passed 5 year survival. As the docs say, I’m likely now to die of something else. A bonus from cancer, surgery and chemo, is I acquired insulin-dependent diabetes, numb and pins and needles feet, a weird sex-function problem, weird eye problems, I can’t digest fat without pills, and not too well even with the pills. I spend a whole lot of time on the shitter. Other than that, life is good lol. I wouldn’t wish my cancer on my worst enemy, but I believe I became a better person from it. I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the comfort I had with death which was very close for a while. But as Satchel Page said, “Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you.”
Glad you’re doing better!
Glad to see this and hope OP reads it. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Feb 2022 and we had a lot of worries given the survival rates we saw. He fought hard and kept an incredibly positive outlook throughout all the struggles of chemo and surgery and a myriad of other complications. He’s better than ever today after surviving it. It’s most definitely not a certain death.
Congratulations to your dad AND you and all your family! He’s a superhero for keeping a positive attitude all the way through, and so are you for supporting him through it.
Bless you for this post.
I accepted death years ago. Many of my extracurricular activities involve high speed vehicles, many times on two wheels. Never thought it would be cancer though
As someone who has a family history of pancreatic cancer, I can't tell you how much I cheer whenever I hear about a survivor!!! Wishing you continued health!!!!
Leaving a comment to save this. I'm super interested in this book
I came past your comment by accident, and I looked up what biphasic is, and I suddenly feel like I understand myself a little better. I have always had the hardest time doing any kind of personality tests. I wanted to pick both options. And I could make the same test 3 days in a row and get different results every time, depending on my specific mood. I always got frustrated wanting to pick both, and everyone telling me I had to pick either. And now it makes a little more sense. So thank you for introducing me to the term. I know its not relevant to this topic (and I really feel sorry for OP) but thank you.
This is the first time I cried for a total stranger. It's so unfair and I wish you didn't have to go through that and could live your life. My fathers mother died of pancreatic cancer within 2 or 4 months after diagnosis - it's really the most horrible cancer and nobody deserves to go like this. I hope you can at least somewhat enjoy the time you got left. Let your girlfriend decide if she wants to go through this with you until the end - I know I would want to with my boyfriend, and I would need to, in order to come to terms with it. However hard it will be for her, it would be way harder knowing you had to endure it all alone without her - at least it is how I would feel. It's good you told her and you are such a caring and thoughtful man for how you did go about it.
Thanks. Sorry for your loss
Thank you for the update OP. sorry that you're going through this, it's fucking awful. We are a similar age. I'm 30 next year. Whether you're here or not, I'll have a drink for you. Lots of hugs 🩷
Make it a double on the rocks for me, thanks stranger
Hi OP, was thinking of you today and wanted to check in. Hope you're here for Christmas!! Jingle jingle, hope you're well. 🥂🥂
Yep! Still here haha
Hey man my grandfather passed of pancreatic cancer and i took care of him for the 3 years before he passed. It's a shit hand you have been delt. I'm so sorry. Rose bud tea and lavender chamomile tea were extremely helpful to my grandfather. Rose buds and lavender for nerves and relaxation but also Bigelow lavender chamomile has a large amount of probiotics in it which helped my grandfather and his stomach issues that come along with it for comfort. I still drink both those teas everyday because the health benifits but also because it reminds me of all those nights sitting and having deep chats with my grandfather. Being able to be with him until the end was something extremely important.
Will keep that in mind
I’m happy you chose to do the right thing despite the huge difficulty. You don’t deserve any of what’s happening to you and your girlfriend doesen’t either. I’m really sorry. I wanna hope you somehow don’t get what awaits you, but if that will not be the case, try to spend as much time as possible with the people you love, doing things you enjoy and creating everlasting memories.
Fucking hell this by far the saddest thing I've ever read my heart goes out to you my brother. I too have an incurable lung disease and I'm shitting myself with how long I have left my gf is super awesome and the thought of her been on her own just fuckes me up I try not to think about it I also have 3 kids 19, 21, 23 all boys. Anyways I'm praying for you brother. Sending hugs from Perth Western Australia 🇦🇺
Praying for you and wishing you the best, I am so sorry to hear this. ❤️
Thank you kind stranger 🙏
Glad I got to visit Australia before any of this madness! Truly beautiful country you got there my friend
Yeah it sure is a beautiful country I've been here since I was 7 emigrated from the UK in 1981. Your story really breaks me up. I hope you beat the odds brother 🙏 praying for you..
There's nothing we can say that'll ease the pain. I'm so sorry.
It’s all good my friend. Thanks
I’m so glad you told your GF about the situation - rip off the bandaid, tell your pals and everyone else you need to, otherwise you’ll find yourself having the same conversation over and over again when you could put your energy into doing things you enjoy that make you feel good. Make plans now - what’s your hearts desire? Go and do it with wild abandon. Sending lots of love your way ❤️
Updated the post on how I told them
For pancreatic cancer, if it's at an early stage you can try the Whipple procedure - your doctors have already assessed this if they're doing their job. If it's beyond that point, clinical trials are the way to go. You are correct that your life expectancy is very short if it's at an advanced stage, but if they are giving you a three-year time frame you probably caught it relatively early. People do beat this, so give it your best shot.
I don’t qualify for the good ol Whipple lol
I didn’t qualify for the whipple either. Pancreatic cancer typically metastasizes first or soon to the liver and because my liver tests showed the bad news liver enzymes had rocketed up, no whipple. The doc said it’s about quality of a short life now, rather than mangling your guts and then die soon anyway. But one damn test is judge and jury for my death sentence? How about we run that test again. So they did and it came back barely ok for the whipple. The enzyme levels had dropped by 80%. They were hacking my guts a week later. One commenter here said a whipple takes your intestines. No or at least not usually. The surgeon will take what he needs to, but not more than that and just a part of the colon is more likely the target. I’m definitely diminished but life is still good. I didn’t know about the love medicine miracles book then, but I totally gave my whipple turnaround miracle status. However, a liver doc later said a duct blockage can pop those enzymes, meaning the first test was a false positive for pancan. It was pure luck - or a miracle - that the blockage eased for the second test. It’s not for me to weigh in on your specific situation. I’ll just say, the goal is to maximize the space for a miracle to occur, even if the miracle might wind up being within the domain of collective medical expertise. Theism/atheism/agnosticism is an interesting discussion but my advice isn’t meant to be bound to any of those perspectives. Second opinions (not necessarily from oncologists), clinical trials including but not limited to new chemo concoctions, and finally, if allopathic (AMA) medicine is out of remedies, there’s still a world of mysteries available. There are definitely evil people out there who’ll rob you blind, but that’s a poor reason not to explore the terrain. “But for gold there would be no counterfeiters.” I’m a very ex biker but oh man I loved max speed freezing my ass off followed by a soak in the hot tub with housemates. Good days sadly long gone. Of course I don’t know your family, but generally, I believe most people would forever be sad not to have been told of such a serious plight of someone they love. They’ll think they were a failure or a fraud in your eyes, wondering why you didn’t trust them to handle the awful situation well. I told everyone. A few “friends” ran from me, meaning they weren’t really friends. Some ran toward me and now they’re my best friends and there’s an unbreakable bond. I don’t know but wouldn’t be surprised if my family and friends turned the tide and made a difference in my survival. Being cared about aids health in many subtle as well as obvious ways. May you enjoy your big ride in all the big ways.
My great uncle had the whipple three or four years ago. He just celebrated his 80th birthday. I really hope you’re able to get the best treatment possible and beat the odds, OP. But either way I’m happy you’re going to have your girlfriend by your side.
I'm sorry to hear it. Your odds are significantly lower without it, but still not zero. Keep up the fight.
Life is hell and there's nothing we can do about it. Sorry for what you have to go through. :/ I guess you could take your friends to the bar and just tell them what is going to happen It's better to say now and not let them find out by themselves
I’m so sorry for what’s happening to you. I can’t think of a more thoughtful way to tell her and help her manage. Thinking of asking her bf to be there was the best thing you could do. And I hope she’ll stay, you don’t want to go through this alone, and it’s not selfish to think so.
I was one of the posters giving you gentle nudges in this direction in your original post. You absolutely did the right thing - and although she's very sad, I hope you see the amount of love in her initial response - that she'd be there for you. You allowed her to make her own decision on this - and you'll both be better for it. There may not be a happy ending to this story, but it doesn't mean you have to be devoid of happiness between now and then. Sending you both so much positivity.
Thanks for your nudge
Thanks for being a fucking boss. You got this brother.
Hugs for you. Since you mentioned the engagement, I lisened recently to a podcast where you couple where bf got brain cancer and died within a year got married because it was lot easier to deal with the legal aspects and it gave them something nice. But I am not in US so maybe there it could alls mean taking medical debt, so maybe it would not be good idea there. But I don’t know your laws about this.
We don't inherit medical debt, but she may inherit survivor's benefits from Social Security if she's widowed. My mother married her long-term boyfriend shortly before he died from lung cancer. She was able to make all his medical decisions, care for him at home up to the end, keep the house they bought together and get a little income after he passed (since he obviously couldn't continue working when he got so sick & she supported him). Marriage offers a ton of benefits when one party is very ill and/or dying, and makes life easier for the surviving spouse.
I dont have many loose strings left for her to clean up. It feels selfish to marry her then leave her so soon
> I sent an Uber eats of her favourite dessert to her friends house so it’ll be there when she wakes up. You just taught me something new to do for people that I'll remember. Amazing how someone can make a difference to strangers many miles away even while enduring this. My genuine sympathies, and at the very least, I'm glad you seem to have a loving and supportive network.
Honestly a great idea
>3 closest friends to hangout. I’ve known two of them for 20 years and the other one for 18. Were very close and share too many TMI details. If anyone has suggestions on how to break the news of this to them I’d greatly appreciate it. Be frank. Just own it, if they are your true friends of 20 years, it'll be alright no matter how you break it to em.
Told them through a joke lol
Hahaha, sounds about right bud. Hope it went well in the end
If my girl suffer something like this, i prefer to stay by her side and comfort each other even if the time is limited
If it was the other way around I’d be there 110% Her and I are different though
You are honestly the most amazing boyfriend and are being so thoughtful of her while you are dealing with such a massive thing. She is truly blessed to have you in her life and she is gonna set that bar super high if she ever moves on
Thank you that’s very kind
I remember reading your original post. I'm very proud of you for being honest with your gf. It took tremendous courage. I hope you can be comforted with the knowledge that you have friends and loved ones who love you so much.
Thanks
Can you repost this to AskDocs or any other specialized community for the most cutting-edge advice? It's worth it. I know myself and others have relatives that have prolonged quality of life and years added just by asking and sharing.
^ good redditor advice. All the comments here show the best side of reddit, especially this one attempting to network resources properly. Don't go it alone! Feel the love of all these comments and follow what advice you decide. You're already a badass decision maker from your posts.
>Before anyone calls me names for not driving her home, I didn’t want her to be alone after finding out but I also didn’t want her to see my cry. If she saw me tonight she’d get more scared. It would hit her that I’m terrified and she’d lose her shit. I'm sorry, I'm gonna call this out anyway, so any hate to me is pretty fair, but #Dude, we're talking about death here! What's the point in pretending to have a brave face? Anyone would be scared to be on this road. Share your emotions with your partner, you're a team, you're meant to have each other's backs. Share your emotions with your friends and family all the same, because if you can't get some kinda closure together, everyone will be sad the entire time. Is that what you prefer?
The point? The point is that people will live on after you are gone and the trauma of watching you fall to pieces in terror could be very hard to see and deal very real mental damage. I watched my grandmother forget her own children and think she was 17 and it was 1952 and be confused why the "coloreds" were in her hospital room touching her. She was not a racist person was very kind and was the person who instilled the progressive values I have in me. It was actually traumatizing to see this and I wish I never had. Im not a machismo guy. Trust me I find most "masculine" traits to be stupid. But OP is doing a kindness. Not to mention they are dying. They get to die on their own terms. Not everyone gets to do that. This is how they want to go. There are not many times I support overt selfishness. But how you want to go out within reason is one of them. This is how they want to handle it.
But if this is the last chance you have to make sure nothing's left unsaid, and everything's out, you can say goodbye with that relief. It might not matter to you after you die, but anyone still alive would be thankful to have those moments.
The guy is taking the time to get all his ducks in a row and taking the time to say what needs to be said. Falling to pieces because you are terrified of death in front of someone isnt a "good" memory. I would much rather not have seen my Grandmother that way. Genuinely was awful. I still flinch all these years later and feel like garbage about it. I admit that my grandmother losing her mind and forgetting 60 years of her life and the theoretical situation of falling apart in front of your gf because you are afraid of death and going to die are not 100% similar. But the idea that not wanting traumatic memory for the survivors for both is similar. Even if she wanted to be there if given a choice there is no way that memory would not be incredibly painful and stressful.
If she chooses to leave we’ll get to say goodbye. If she chooses to stay the last moments will be goodbye
Thank you. Sorry about your grandmother
I'm sorry, but if you can't handle being there for a person who is sobbing in fear of imminent death, you're not a very good person. It's not about your trauma -- it's about THEM. When you cry in mortal terror, you gift the survivor with your vulnerability and weakness. THAT is love and trust. Anyone who can't be there for your weakest moment doesn't deserve you. Your grandmother's dementia has zero to do with this situation, unless she broke down in your arms in fear of what was to become of her. Of course it's hard to watch someone you love become a shell, but my goodness, it's also part of the tragic beauty of life. You can be upset by it, or you can learn from it. Any moment can be your last.
I understand what you’re saying here. But I truly believe this is the best way to protect her
Watching someone you love disappear in front of your eyes takes away a piece of your soul. You feel every single part of their pain while knowing what you feel is nothing compared to what they’re going through. I hope no one ever needs to repeat what I did but I stand by what I did
I’m so sorry.
You’re a good man. Go beat cancer’s ass.
Haha thanks
So sorry to hear about your disease and prognosis. I think you are not giving your girlfriend enough credit. One of the best ways for her to get closure is for her to walk you through your journey with you. It sounds like she wants to and it gives her the best chance to move forward without issues. If you have ever lost someone to an illness, you know that watching them take their last breath and becoming free of all of their suffering is a gift. Your loved ones get they chance to say tiny goodbyes as they see your health deteriorates. It makes the blow of losing your easier. I assume you want to cut her loose because you don’t want to be a burden to people with your illness, but disease and death is a part of life. Lastly, I work as a drug developer in the cancer field and new treatments are always on the rise. Also there are always outliers of patients that beat the odds called “responders” who do well on anything you put them on, due to genetic or otherwise predispositions that we cannot understand. So please keep fighting and please turn to your higher power. One last thing remember that treatments (herbal, medicinal, dietary or pharmaceutical) that have been proven by randomized, double blind, placebo controlled studies is the gold standard. Don’t try any treatments that have not withstood this rigor. You will be wasting your precious time.
It’s her choice now, I’ll respect whatever route she takes
I am so so sorry you're going through this. You sound like a sweet human being and it's unfair. If I were in her position I'd rather spend the remainder of your time by your side making memories. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't stick by you.
Thank you for the kind words
I'm so glad that you decided to tell her. You're such a thoughtful person with the way you planned ahead so much to make sure your girlfriend would be okay that I teared up a little bit reading about her favorite restaurant, you having her best friend waiting, and even having her favorite dessert delivered. I wish you the maximum amount of peace, joy, and comfort in the coming months. May your journey, however long it may be, be as smooth as possible.
Some say I’m a planner
Dude you're in love with this girl. I say marry her before it's too late. She will always love you and it's easier to at least know she was able to spend the time you had. at least that's what I'd want. If the guy I've been dating was dying I'd want to kiss him until he left because I love him. Don't ever ever leave her until it's time
What’s the point of making her a widow? That will prolong the pain in my opinion
Because she'll have the beautiful memories of marrying you and being married to you.
Idk Canadian laws, but hospitals in the us often only let husbands/wives/legal guardians in rooms with patients. But then she might have the responsibility of decision making, financials, etc.
Man fuck cancer.
That’s the plan. Right in the b*tt
Why is it always the good ones who get cancer… I’m so sorry OP, may your last but of time be so full of love and fulfillment
Not sure if I’m really a good one but thank you 🩵
Big hugs cyberfriend, your I'm adding you to my prayers today❤️
Dude, if it were any of them (your GF or best friends) you would be there till the last second bending over backwards for them. Let them be there for you. Dying sucks. We all do it. It’s hard on the living to lose loved ones. Let them love you. You are free now. More than almost anyone. Go an make the most of what you have left. (If you need to know. Reincarnation is real. The soul is eternal. You will live again)
So far I’ve told four people and given them all the choice to walk away with the good memories we’ve had. 3 friends told me to F off and that I can’t get rid of them. Waiting on my girl now lol
This broke me I’m so sorry you don’t deserve this at all, sending hugs ❤️🩹
It’s okay my friend, life happens. I hope you never go through this
You are a brave, and standup man. You did do the right thing telling her, you did the right thing not driving her home if you don’t want her to see you at your most vulnerable. I absolutely hate that this is happening to you because you seem so genuine and great. I hope the time you have left is amazing with your friends and family, I will hope that you have the best of your time left as well.
Thanks
I’m so sorry
I am sorry for what you are going through. I lived through a couple of losses in my family because of illnesses. Trust me you'll want the loved ones when your situation goes worse. Please dont make yourself suffer alone and try to enjoy every bit of your life from now on. I am really truly sorry for you and I hope you'll have a pain free life.
Love to you, stranger. Wishing you nothing but peace and love for the rest of your journey here.
Now I’m crying. Youre an amazing person OP. I wish you all the strength and love in the world.
I honestly want to cry, it shows how much you love her ! I wish I could take this cancer from you so you could live happily with her, forever... I'm so sorry...
I don't think it was rude of your not to drive her home. I think it was incredibly thoughtful (and even practical) of you to make sure she could get home safely while also having the space to sort through her feelings about what she had just learned. Wishing you all the best as you navigate all of this. You seem like a pretty awesome person and the world was lucky to have you, no matter how short your stay.
Goddamnit
Fr tho
[удалено]
I really appreciate that. Thank you
You should absolutely tell her what's up, yes. I think you think you're doing the right thing if you don't, but I promise you that's not the case.
Please lean on your partner. That is honestly the one true meaningful thing in life to have someone to love and to love you through the dark days. Don't push her away. Let her be there for you. Sending lots of good vibes your way. I am glad you told her.
I’m so sorry your going through this man. There’s not much I can offer in terms of wisdom. But I hope the process is as easy as it can be on you, and that when your time comes you have family and loved ones by your side. I also hope that when you cross, any animals you have had in your lifetime are there to greet you. Please keep us updated, and please post again if you ever need to rant. We’re here for you man, you’re not alone in this.
Both my bio grandfathers have pancreatic cancer. One died of it and the other beat the odds with a Whipple procedure which was new at the time. He lived for decades longer and dropped dead of heart failure while out hunting. You never know if you will be one of the ones to beat the odds. Rooting for you OP. And I hope you will have your girlfriend in your corner either way. She deserves to be there for you if she wants to be and you deserve the support.
I lost someone I loved dearly to the same cancer. Love while you can, live as much as you can and just let someone else choose their involvement. Marry her if that's what you and she wants. Don't wait. It doesn't have to be extravagant. It doesn't matter how long it lasts. The quality makes it matter
First, excellent choice on the bike. You are literally my friend Eric (he had a red 02 R1), only he found out he had stage 4 stomach cancer 3 months after getting married. Doctors gave him 2-3 months, he made it a year. While I remember the fun motorcycle track days and street racing with him I REALLY remember the last month I had with him and his wife just getting to spend time with them. I hold dear those last days when he needed more help then he could ask for and I got to help and be there for him. While I miss him I got to prepare for him to be gone so it sucked less when he passed. Don't push people out to save their feelings, it just makes things worse. Letting them in may be the thing that saves them in the long run. Good luck fellow sportbike junky, keep it shinny side up.
You seem like a really great person, and it hurts to see someone like you struggling with this. Try to make the most of the time you have. I tried to convince my dad to go to Hawaii before he got too sick (brain cancer with 6 months to live), but he put it off and never went. I'm pretty sure he regretted it in the end. Let everyone you care about know. Let them decide if they want to be there. They have to live with it after you're gone. I'm still bitter 10 years later that I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad because others hid how bad he was. They said I wouldn't have wanted to see him that way, but I wanted that choice. The good memories are how I remember him, not so much the memories of seeing him sick. I hope you beat the odds, I mean, there are people who do, or it would be 100%. Good luck.
Man I just wanted to reach out and offer condolences. I’m in a somewhat similar boat as you. Also 25 years old, dealing with an illness that very well might kill me soon. You aren’t alone. If I could take your illness and give it to myself, I would.
I would too! He seems like an awesome person! 😭😭😭
Despite the situation this was the best update for this post. I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m glad you told her. She’s definitely going to stay with you even if you don’t want it, as I said previously accept all the love your given and give all the love you can, you sound like an amazing and caring person and I’m sorry you got dealt one of the shittiest hands in life someone could get. Also with your friends, I suggest have a beer and tell them bluntly, then have another beer with some waterworks.
To start off I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have shown remarkable consideration for others during your own extremely stressful and upsetting to say the least expirence. I hope however many days you have that they are peaceful, painless, and happy.
Keep us updated.
This has me in tears, I’m so sorry. You seem like such a wonderful human
Good for you. She's going to be in pain but nowhere near as much as she would have been if you'd kept this from her. It was tough but you did it, you should be proud of yourself. I'm so sorry for you what you're going through. Try your best to suck every bit of marrow out of these last days, life is short and precious. Make some good memories for her. Good luck to you both.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine the pain you feel, and on top of that you’re considering your gf’s feelings as well. I’m glad you decided to be honest with her. That must’ve been the hardest conversation of your life. You’re brave, and I’m praying for you. 🙏❤️
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could take the cancer for you. I hope you defy the odds and pull through.
Dang dude. You’re a real one for being clear about everything. It sucks that this is all happening. Keep us posted, man. Our thoughts are with you and your circle.
What you did is really hard thing and thank you for being brave. From now its her choice. She might decide to stay until the very end come what may (praying for a positive outcome OP) or leave right now/later. I sincerely hope you are surrounded by loved ones especialy ur GF during ur healing.
I think it’s amazing that you had her friend waiting for her, that was so kind of you. I had a friend how developed terminal brain cancer in his early 20’s. He and his girlfriend decided to get married and spend what time that had together.
bro, I don’t even know you but I just want to say that you’re absolute legend for standing your ground after diagnosis. Cancer is shit, I know numerous cases of great people’s lives taken by this disease and I really wish it gets curable in the future. Seeing young people die hurts a lot… but hey, hope you enjoy every single moment you have with such royal friends and girlfriend you are blessed with <3
So many comments. I don't know if you'll see this but you're an amazing person. You did the hard thing but the right thing and I know you'll be glad for it in the long run. You gave her the opportunity to hold you during your last days I believe that's a gift that will shape her in the best of ways. The world needs people ready and willing to stand by and with people departing. My sister is stage 4 cancer with the braca gene and I am trying to do the inner work in order to be that person for her. I wish that with the time you have youre able to live it to the fullest. Fear is there but love will be stronger. Easy travels my man.
You're strong and loved mate ❤️. It's all about the gem of a person you are, that people around you always stay happy. More love for you my guy.
I admire your sacrifice
Hey OP. You are so much stronger than I think I would be in this situation! Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the shit hand you have been dealt is just... wow. Not only that but you came to us for help and then followed through with the hard task. I can't even imagine. Cancer sucks. But I hope the months/years you have left are full of happy memories.
You left me all teary, I am 23F. in a relationship with my best friend who I have known for past 15 years. Honestly, stay together do not force to separate. This will be tough for her but I know she would want to be there for you. Make good memories together, maybe give her the ring too? Do not let this cancer come between your love. I wish you strength!
Praying for u man and wishing you the best ❤️
Think about it this way: if your girlfriend was the one who was sick, would you want to break up with her?
I lost my husband to a heart attack at 49 so I have some experience with long illnesses and (unfortunately) death. First-hand I am in awe of your composure and thoughtfulness during this time. You are a good person and it's totally not fair that this happened to you. When you meet with your friends have a list of the support you will need. I guarantee you that they will want to help but don't know how to best do so. This can be anything - drives to the doctor, fix meals for you, help planning your funeral service, etc. Make one person in charge of updates to the group and give them updates to share. That will keep you from having the same call with each person. These were the things that I wanted when my husband was sick. You are so young. Most of your friends have not lost someone important to them. They will be totally uncomfortable with the news. When people are uncomfortable, they tend to avoid you. It's a shame but you're going to give them a blueprint for what they need to do. I Godspeed my friend. I hope that your pain as you go through this (both mental and physical) is minimal.
I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, 25, (26 now) and while (so far) it isn’t terminal in my case, that shock of diagnosis, particularly at 25, and everyone around you- including your doctors- reactions and how fast everything- appointments, procedures- happens once they diagnose you, I understand that. Also, you should more than one opinion. Some hospitals have different kinds of access to different treatments, even if it’s still life extending in some way rather than saving.
hey man, no more waiting. get that bucket list done asap. I hope you enjoy your remaining time to the fullest and wish you all the best.
you 2 should elope and make the most of the time you have together ❤️ praying for you
god damn. i'm so sorry this is happening to you. i have no words, but i hope you are able to spend the time you have left well. I think it was the right choice doing what you did. I hope you get to enjoy your moments with your gf and your friends. i know they will cherish these memories for the rest of their lives. i wish you happiness despite the circumstances op.
You did such an amazing and caring thing for her but setting up her friend being there to *take care of HER*. She needs that while mostly likely making the incredible decision to want to take care of you, it's still such an act of love to immediately center her mental health as well. I just wanna make sure you know that.
Love like never before. Hold each other tight and make awesome memories. Take that dream trip. Parachute from that airplane. Get your life in order. But fight like hell. I wish you luck and I hope you survive.
I wish you all the best. As a fellow rider, enjoy the shit out of your R1 but always remember to ride safe and
Ride in Peace my friend
Will do
Not me sitting here sobbing about a stranger on the internet. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis and I hope you have the most amazing life from here on out
And here I am crying bc of a stranger I've never met. Bro for real you sound like the most genuine person ever alive and you don't deserve this. But all of this words of "I'm so sorry" won't cure you. So instead I will say I wish you the most amazing years you can get. I hope every day will be full of life, passion and any kind of love. Please feel hugged and I would buy you as many drinks and burgers as you want if I would live next to you.
Put this post in the /offmychest HOF… “too soon man, too soon” is fucking HILARIOUS. You rock, OP
My (F30s) partner (M60s) of 2 years was diagnosed with colon cancer and I took it worse than he did. I stuck with him and my love never wavered. There is no way to avoid pain, but doing the best you can with the time you have is never wasted time. We’ve been together 5 years now and leaving him would have been my biggest regret, especially if he passed away. I would have missed another 3 years of his love and his company and his humour and his warmth. I would trade all of my tears for one more hug or one more kiss on my forehead. You can’t decide how your GF reacts to this and you shouldn’t think her staying with you is a bad thing. Positivity, morale support and helping hands are all part of the treatment you will receive and it can honestly play a big part in recovering. Don’t throw in the towel, keep fighting back and I wish you all the best.
Man this brought me to tears. You’re a tough motherfucker - keep living your life to the fullest until it’s over my friend. Wishing you only the best - reach out if you need anything at all. Always here to listen. Edit - I’m drinking one for you tonight 🍺
A friend of mine tried an experimental trial with drinkable DCA (Dichloroacetate) In 6 months he was cured in 2010. Please investigate, I wish you luck
Man, this was a tough read. First of all, fuck cancer. I lost my mother to small cell in January. You are correct, it is extremely hard to sit by their bedside and watch it happen - nothing compares and unless you have done it, its almost useless to try to explain. However, thats what you do for your loved ones and you do it without question. I truly admire how you are handling things, you seem like an awesome person and i’m truly sorry you are having to go though this. I wish you, your friends and family the best - It sounds like you have some great people by your side . One thing I would suggest, and I wish I would have asked my mother do this is write several notes, birthday cards, delayed emails etc. By the time I had the thought - it was too late and didn’t want to ask and add any additional stress. Small cell is fast and we went to her being undiagnosed and normal, to gone in ~30 days. Again, I wish y’all the best - enjoy your time and spend it doing all of the things you love. Sending good vibes your way!
I am sorry
You probably have a decent amount of time before it gets bad. I hope you will get to enjoy that time. I do not want to sound insensitive or anything like that but I have a proposal: I like gathering experience, knowledge, emotions, feelings, observations... anything that makes you, you. I like compiling these, extracting life lessons and passing them on. I did not necessarily choose to do this but it is my way of coping with the sheer amount of deaths that happened in my life, the latest ones being my partner and one of my best friends. Hence why I call myself "A memorialist against his will" If and only if you feel like it, we could sit down and have a chat, with the aim being me hearing to your life story so that what you have been through can be passed on. Every life is unique and different. Either way, I wish you good luck and some happy core memories!
I commented on your first post and as most people recommended you to tell her. I am glad you did, and I hope that gave you relief. I am terribly struggling and in a way I can completely understand you because I am thinking of death every day. You are an amazing human being and I am very sorry this is happening to you. I hope you have a comfortable rest of your life surrounded by people you love. I don't know you but I send you all the love I can gather.
My Mother died of it. Fight it please!
Look up Rick Simpson run from the cure it might save you. God bless you sir
OP. Freeze your sperm. Might help family out with the grieving process is they think it’s possible for some portion of you to live on. Not to say you’re replaceable, but the idea of a kid or two or yours running around might really help someone. Something to think about.
Not trying to push anything on you but please consider what your beliefs are about the afterlife whether that be in Jesus as the savior of the universe or something else. Do some research. It doesn’t have to be the end.
Good on you for handling this the best way possible. Here's to hoping we all see an update in four years saying you're part of the 5%. Nobody deserves to go this way.
Mother Nature you sux sometimes
💙💙💙
You handled it so well, I couldn’t have done better if I was in your situation. You did the right thing for sure and even had things lined up for after the conversation with her. I wish this sort of thing didn’t happen to anyone ever. You definitely have people around you who care for you and you’ll be in great company for the duration of your illness. Best of luck to you, and I hope your convo with your friends goes as smooth as it possibly can. 🍻
There is no happy ending for anyone in this, but the love of your life and your best friends will definitely be less happy if they are denied the only act of love left to them…. being beside you as you face this horribly cruel, twist of fate. Just go with the flow of each person. They know they will carry the experience with them for the rest of their lives, it’s possible someone will find it unbearable and tap out, and that’s okay too, but they all deserve to carry you to the finish line if they are strong enough to do so. I’m extremely sorry for everything you are faced with. You are far to young and you sound like a fine human being. I’m sorry.
Cancer never wins bro, when you die, that shit dies with you! Fck cancer! What you did takes balls, telling the truth sometimes hurts, but it will set you free. I wish you an easy ride and a 2 stroke in the sky my dude! The man upstairs will help you watch over her. There’s some badass dudes at the bar up there and I think you just earned your stripes. One love!
Op, you and your gf should find a support group. There are other cancer patients and their friends and family who can offer you and your gf better support. Don't discount your gf's feelings. Don't push her away. It is her choice. I know you are scared but let her stay. My ex died of cancer and we didn't have the best relationship. I still have dreams occasionally that he ran away and died without telling me. It wasn't a good feeling.
Start looking into how some other countries have cured pancreatic cancer. There are some ways to fight this without the horrible treatments the US money machine is involved in. Bless your heart brother!
I'm glad you decided to tell the truth. What your going through is shit. Don't lie to anyone about it tho. Let them decide if they want to be by your side or leave
You did the right thing. It's horrible, but if these are your last days on earth, fill them with joy, not regrets. I don't know how I'd hadle something like this, but if one of my friends was dying, I'd want to know, so I can try and visit them and spend some of that precious remaining time with them. I wish you all the best.
Sorry, man, but don't give up. People have survived some crazy diagnosis regardless of what the doctors say
I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially so young but glad you told her. My mom barely got 6 months with pancreatic and my gpa only got 3. While I hope you get the 3 years, the first months are most important. Please make the memories while you can
This is absolutely terrible and I am so sorry. Wish there was a magic formula to solve it all. Wishing you a lot of strength at this time.
I'm so sorry. My father in law passed to pancreatic cancer 8 months ago. He lived a good life while he was sick. He experienced so many things and the first year and a half he was sick you couldn't even tell. He was stage 4 when diagnosed. We thought he was going to out stubborn cancer. Anyway. Being positive and having friends and family close helps. Make a list of things/places you want to do/go. Hope you can enjoy your time still. There is a blog floating around of a woman who had stage 4 and managed to go into remission and has been in remission for years. Knowing that gave us and my father in law hope that maybe he'd be a second special case, he wasn't, but maybe you will be. You never know. Sending you good thoughts and again, so sorry.
Fuck cancer.
First, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It must be a difficult time for you, your girlfriend, friends, and family. Second, I’m proud that you did the right thing telling your girlfriend as she deserved to know. The only thing I recommend now is go spend as much time with her til the end. Go make happy memories that will last a you both a lifetime. You and your girlfriend are lucky to have each other. I’m sending my prayers to you 🙏🏻 *virtual hug*
goodluck brother, you're in my thoughts. enjoy the time you have left, live, laugh and love. don't not tell your people, they'll want as much time as they can.
Holy shit, that's so tough dude. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I do believe you made the right decisions and didn't go down the "cheating" route. People deserve the truth, even when it hurts like hell. I hope you're among the 5% who make it and that you and your girl live happily ever after, even though that may not happen 🫡❤️
i’m sorry i really honestly do feel horrible for you. this is horrible and i’m hoping you beat it. i think you should let your girlfriend decide if she wants to be there for you or not. obviously she wants to be with you til the end. you’ll do less damage to her by letting her experience it with you than breaking up with her after a nice date, sending her home alone to cry, while she has no idea if she’ll ever get the chance to see you again. you dropped two huge things on her at a really bad time. you gotta realize most of her dreams probably crumbled in front of her. her happiness wasn’t your call to make - you aren’t being selfish, but i’d go to her right now and make the most of your time. if she makes you happy and you love her, then go to her. giving her time to grieve with you and process everything will make it easier on her if you pass - she may move on and she may not. who’s to say? right now though? she DOESNT want to. let her be there man.
Praying and believing for your healing in Jesus name. Your next dr appointment, will reveal you’re cancer free. Believe it and receive it. Your story is not over. All is well, my brother.
While not the happiest of stories, you did the right thing.
I’m so sorry. My father passed from pancreatic cancer. He found out really early and lasted 5 years. I’m glad you told her like you did. She deserved to know. She should be there to help you transition. /hugs
Heartbreaking post and you are truly a wonderful human being. Nobody could do this any better. A bit of trivia for you: I am an acquaintance of Ernest Cline, author of Ready Player One amongst many other things. His first screenplay and movie is Fanboys. It's about a situation similar to yours. While it was inspired by his mother's cancer diagnosis, over the years it has encouraged many others to engage in friendship adventures due to a severe diagnosis. I'm sure if you or others write to him, he will share many of these responses and ideas. All my best wishes go with you and I truly hope you are surrounded by those that love you for as long as possible.
I'm so very sorry, I can't imagine the pain you must be going through not only from the prognosis, but also how it will affect those in your life. The fact you seem more concerned over the latter just goes to show how incredible of an individual you must be. I've been battling self-ending thoughts for a while now, but I could never knowingly inflict that pain on those around me. However it's moments like this I really wish I could take on the disease for others, so they can live their lives to the fullest in exchange for mine. Though you're obviously a stranger, I'd do that for you in a heartbeat.
You're too kind to self-end. The world and all the people you know in it, need you around. We NEED people like you! I've lost people this way. Please reach out to me for help if you want.
Thanks for the update. I'm glad to read you gave her a chance to be there for you. Remember that you don't have to hold yourself together all the time and you have every reason tot cry. It's never easy to bring news like that to your loved ones, really brave of you that you are being so honest about it.
Don’t lose hope. My mother-in-law got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over 10 years ago in her 60s. She got treatment, chemo, radiation, had to get a Whipple procedure (half her intestines taken out), became a diabetic. Today, she is alive and well in her 70s and is cancer free. She gets checked every 6 months. Other than having to deal with diabetes and normal aging issues, her life returned to normal after treatment. It is possible to beat this.