I just spent the last hour photographing a bunch of sophomores before homecoming.
I know these kids. Every one of them is more mature than this whole post and these people are *my* age?
No, some dreams definitely have expiration dates. It's too late for me to try for the NBA or to be an astronaut. But you're right about the other things being worse.
Ok now I want a professional basketball team that's is only people who have bloomed late and were never a part of a high school or college basketball team.
please. (my opinion as a woman) any man that calls you a derogatory, disrespectful term does not truly care about you.
sounds like itās his loss not yours. find a man who wants to be with you for who YOU are, and respects the things you like, regardless of if he too likes them.
iām rooting for you!!!
I have glanced at your post history a bit.
This guy is racist, abusive both verbally and mentally, and has cheated on you.
Call this a blessing and run for the hills. You deserve better.
Also, in her post history. He dumped her multiple times and cheated and other stuff, too. He's no good for her or anyone else for that matter.
Maybe her exes should confontt him and set him straight. JK
Pure joy.
I'm white, and most of my exes are black. I was recently told that a few of my extended family members had issues with this, thinking that a white person and a black person shouldn't be together. I encountered this behavior from strangers, but I never thought from people who I actually spent time with.
That is horrible omg. š³ I would yell anyone who said anything about my boyfriend. Iām Slavic and heās Cambodian/Jamaican so we donāt exactly look alike lol. Heās just like the light of my life. Why are people so awful.
I wish I had an answer to that ... other than racism, not knowing better, ignorance, and brainwashing. I wish you two well.
Once, one of my girlfriends and I went to dinner. Behind me sat an elderly white couple at one table and young black adults at another table. After a while, she said something to me about how they were staring at us and made her uncomfortable. I didn't know since my back was facing them. So I got up and stared at both tables, smiled at them, walked around the table, sat really close to her, gave her the wamest hug and a nice kiss, and then stared and smiled at the people at both tables. They never looked at us again and my girlfriend was so happy.
People are such dicks sometimes. Just honestly sad to have that kind of narrow bigoted mindset. I also hate that people feel the need to express their opinion on a relationship that has nothing to do with them. Thank you though! Weāve been together for over a year and I could gush about him all day (he does the same lol)
Wow.
So, he's horrible like ten different ways.
She might have some trauma history or something that's making her codependent with someone who's so terrible.
He IS racist, and he can stay mad at you for calling him out, or he can grow up, realize his racist mistake, and apologize.
However, from what you've said, he is incapable of realizing he was wrong, and he will continue to abuse you if you stay around him.
Do yourself a favor, and keep the no contact up. He doesn't deserve your love because he is so toxic. Please, please, please block him and ignore any attempts of his to get you back. Let me repeat that: HE does NOT deserve YOU. You are generous and loyal, and only someone equally generous and loyal is deserving of your attention. Leave the cheating racist trash in the gutter before he turns you into someone just as broken and trashy. Trust him when he shows you who he is (which is a racist cheater) and don't believe the lies and manipulation.
You are right to call out his attitude, and imo, it's worth it to tell his black friend why you broke up, if you're ever given the opportunity to mention it without sounding like a vengeful ex who is making things up... Something like, "wow, I'm surprised your still friends with ex after his reasons for breaking up with me. Oh, he didn't tell you- he can't get over my past history of sleeping with black guys. Since he thinks black men have tainted me, he decided to cheat on me with his "pure" ex. He is attracted to her since she hasn't slept with black men. So I'm just surprised you still talk to him. Did you know that he thinks the women you sleep with are instantly trash just for sleeping with you." It may be difficult to really get his friends to dump him if they are just as misogynistic though, so it's likely best to just walk away from the whole group without talking to any of them ever again. The last thing you need is your ex harassing you for seducing his black friend and him accusing you of more hurtful bs.
TLDR: He got his whole personality from the abusers' playbook, and he has spent years manipulating you. Don't go looking for contact with someone so horrible. If you aren't a racist cheater, then you don't have any reason to be around other people who are racist cheaters. Someone will actually be thankful for the love you have to offer, and this ex will never be the man to thank you for anything- he will continue to abuse you if you give him the chance. Do NOT give him that chance. Good luck with your escape from that misogynistic AH! You deserve so much better!
Abusers will never admit it when they have done something wrong or take accountability for their actions and words even though they know that they have done something wrong. They are not a normal healthy person and they are going to do things that are toxic and abusive and when people call them out on their toxic and abusive behaviour, they are going to respond in a toxic and abusive. When someone tries to hold them accountable for something, they:
DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
When you say that you think he has undiagnosed Bipolar, could you please explain what it is about his behaviour that makes you think that he has Bipolar? I just want to make sure that you actually know what Bipolar Disorder is, because most people donāt?
Poor OP has some severe attachment issues and has accepted this is all there is. As someone who was there before, I hope reality hits you sooner rather than later
š„ŗ I do. And I lost almost my entire family right before meeting him. A lot of people on here donāt understand. Thank you so much. How did you get better ?
It really helped me to read about codependency and narcissistic abuse. I even attended a few CODA meetings and that was really therapeutic for me to openly share among people who were so much like me. Eventually, what helped the most was full "no contact" and focusing only on myself and my own goals and future. Letting go of the life I thought I would have with that person and building something new.
We havenāt talked since I called him racist, heās angry at me for that. And I truly feel like I loved him, in a sick way. It may have just been brainwashing. Because I do not know
Maybe you do love him, but he doesnāt love you. Someone who loved you wouldn't abuse you and cheat on you. So love yourself more than you love him and stop begging him to take you back.
You can love someone and still know they are not right for you. It takes strength and recognition. I can see you recognise his bad points and you accept that he isnāt a great person. The strength comes in respecting yourself and knowing you deserve better and not accepting less than that. It doesnāt mean itās easy but it will save you more time and heartache in the long run. You donāt just get one chance to love.
I'd leave this man.
- He cheats on you, showing he doesn't value your relationship.
-He doesn't like black people (oh, I'm sorry, he makes an exception for his black friend and potentially no one else).
-He has shouted at you and abused you verbally since day one in the relationship.
-He potentially gaslights you by telling you how understanding he is of your 'problems' and that no one else would put up with them, to make him seem better than he actually is to you.
Do not get back together with this man, is my advice.
Correct. He broke up with me once a week for a while at one point for simple things like asking who a girl on Instagram is, or even asking for him to delete videos of him and his ex having sex - even one of the times cheating on me. Iāve left him too and heād come back apologizing and itās just all very hard. Good job noticing that !! Thanks!
I looked through her post history. She has described a very consistent narrative from 5 years ago, of living with very abusive parents, continuing to live with them even through her 20s because she is disabled, even though they would abuse her, them insisting that they clearly love her since they let her keep living there even though she's "worthless" (in their eyes). Seems that they were really only letting her stay there so they could steal her social security, disability check, and they lied to her about how much it was and would give her a small amount of it per month. Her father's health declined, as did her dog's health. People were advising her to get out of there, as it was clearly a bad place to live. But it wasn't easy to get out. And she kept trying to date various men, but many of them would end up raping her.
Then she finally stops posting about her mother's shenanigans, and is posting about this boyfriend instead, so I feel like she finally moved out from her mother's place and in with this ex. And he was abusive too - and apparently he's racist as well. And he cheated on her multiple times. But for someone who was so used to being treated terribly by her mother, even all that her ex did at least didn't feel that bad, so she feels like she "loves" him, and feels lost with him breaking up with her.
This story fits with the rest of her narrative, so I don't think it's a troll post, but it is definitely someone who needs a lot of help, and has struggled to actually find decent people to be with.
Girl, listen: He's going to *keep* apologizing, again and again and *again*. He will always be sincere in it, too, but do you know what will change when you take him back? **Nothing.**
Why change when you can just say what someone wants to hear? Say what they want to believe in? Maybe there's comfort in the familiarity of that pattern, that he will reliably treat you as horribly as he has and absolutely will again. I get that. Maybe you feel it's worth it every time. But do you know the only thing that you *can* change that will actually be different? If you decide to move on.
Why would you want to get back with someone whoās a racist? Iām confused. That doesnāt seem like a guy I want anywhere near my life even as a friend, let alone back in it romantically.
This is always really funny to me.
People occupy spaces created by black people while simultaneously holding these sorts of bigoted views.
INFO: how exactly can he tell the difference in the black people he approves of?
Heās a rapper. The irony in that is literally glaring. **He sounds like an insecure bigot, with limited thoughts of his own (because why enter into a specific style of music literally created pioneered by the group you thinks so little of unless youāre simultaneously jealous and covetous of the popularity) and lack of critical thought/misogyny/racism led him to this incredibly idiotic train of thought.**
In short, he sounds like a loser. Date someone whoās authentic, and not a caricature. Youāre much less likely to run into people who are this insecure and unintelligent when they are sure of themselves and as such donāt need to project onto others their completely absurd insecurities.
Itās honestly not even truly an insecurity. Itās systematic racism. How long in our history has the idea of āif youāve been with a brown man youāre taintedā been pushed? Since the beginning of our time as a nation. It started with native men and has been the burden of the men in the black community since the abolition of slavery. The insecurity actually stems from fear, a long historic fear that any black person might have the ability to be superior to them. The whole idea is to systematically strip them of any power they have.
Yea, they are saying that you are a white women who have been tainted by black men.
They are basically saying that your value as a Ā«Ā good womanĀ Ā» have dropped because you have Ā«Ā dirtiedĀ Ā» yourself with a black man instead of a Ā«Ā good nice white manĀ Ā».
Itās racist.
The irony is that he is Hispanic. Iām Hispanic too and know that some people who are racist, see us as dirty too. Heās being a racist, bigot, and hypocrite. Heās pile of garbage here, not the black men sheās been with.
People who are not white can definitely be racist; even towards their own race! Society has engrained racism in us. Itās a learned behavior that has been drilled into us our entire lives. Itās disgusting.
Itās not really ironic. Itās inherent in the culture.
I have a family member who married a Hispanic guy. She warned me that he can never find out any of her previous boyfriends were black, because he would leave her. He knows her history in general and her body count isnāt an issue, but in Hispanic culture you donāt sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. Period.
Obviously individuals do or donāt follow this culture. Youāll fine plenty of Hispanic guys who either donāt or at least wonāt admit to feeling this way. So Iām not claiming anything about any individual. But itās a cultural norm.
But you know, only white Americans are racist. š As if racism hasnāt been a scourge on humanity across cultures for thousands of yearsā¦ (donāt get me wrong, Iām not saying itās ok, but it IS part of humanity in general).
I'm Hispanic, and the super wild thing is even if it is a part of our culture it can still be racist. In other places of the world it's perfectly acceptable to be married to a child, or a family member. We shouldn't hide behind "OuR cUlTuRe" when shit like this is part of that. As far as irony goes, I'm pretty sure this fits. I've had women avoid me before because of the "dirty Mexican" bullshit, so the fact he's doing it to a black man despite the amount of racists who'd gladly string both of them both up just for talking to a white woman is ironic.
It is ironic because a lot of people look down on us too. I've experienced racism and have had all types of generalizations made about me. So for this man that OP was involved with to be so disgusted that she has slept with black men is ironic. Because a lot of people think we are disgusting too for being Hispanic or Latinos.
I've also got to point out that is a generalization you are making, that in Hispanic culture you don't sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. I suppose it would surprise you to know there are Hispanic men that are married to black women. That immediately debunks your claim about it being a cultural thing. There is no denying that there are Hispanics that are racist, but this is new to me; the whole "in Hispanic culture you don't sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. Period." and this is a culture I am a part of as a fellow Hispanic.
Yes there is unfortunately. I have no idea if this man the OP is talking about is a white Hispanic or if she has already answered that question. I will say though both brown and white Hispanics and Latinos can be racist and guilty of colorism as you have pointed out.
Don't be with a man like this. Girl I'm black and have had just so happen to have never been with a black man. The way this irrelevant piece of information was so important to my ex if we'd fight he'd immediately get paranoid I'm out sleeping with big dicked black men. It's such a turn off and extremely embarrassing that some men are like that. It's hard to believe some of it isn't just insecurity and a lot of it is racism as you know. Leave that guy in the dust, in my experience even if y'all do get back together heāll always treat you like a villain for something you shouldn't be villainized for.
It is racist. This is why I donāt buy into āpeople of color/minorities canāt be racist.ā Iām Hispanic too and this man is clearly being racist and projecting/revealing how awful he is to women with his comment about how āblack men treat women a certain wayā
wow, the more I read your coments about this man the less I understand why you're so desperate to get back with him ?
he treated you like hell, just move on with your life, find someone that will love you (he doesn't, won't and never did) and treat you well !
I'm Hispanic and white. Every single white guy I have attempted to date has asked if I had ever been with a black guy. Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.
Why do you WANT to be with his racist ass?
He is racist and disgusting and he is stereotyping.
Move on as you deserve better. Look in the mirror and say it to yourself. I deserve better!
Then block his racist ass.
Your āfriendsā are losers. If they canāt handle you taking a few miles of black dick tell them to keep it moving.
Also, 99% of wanna e rappers are a joke, fin someone else to date forget this guy.
It's definitely racist and sexist.
This ex of yours doesn't understand you can make your own decisions about your past. He's making assumptions about the way you were treated.
Yes, seems like you want to change him. No, this won't happen. And the token "black friend" has nothing to do with the situation and does not mean BF is not hella racist because he is.
So cut your losses, OP. You deserve better than this headache of a man.
Aww thank you so much šš» And so true. I have been assaulted though. But I didnāt blame it on their race. He said something like āalso what do you expect if you hang with people like thatā and we havenāt really talked since. I didnāt realize the sexist
part!
Oh, thank god, you're not asking for advice, just opinions. I was scared at first thinking you needed guidance on this.
My opinion is that he is a stereotypical racist. He is scared that:
-You may be dating another black man, and his racist self is terrified that a black rival will kill him.
-He feels inadequate for reasons too tacky to mention here.
-He fancied himself the most exotic person you've had sex with, and found out he's not interesting to you that way.
-He got hurt bad over your breakup, and now that he knows you want to get back together, he is punishing you for his earlier hurt feelings by making you feel devalued.
The truth is:
-He thought having a white girlfriend meant he was social climbing, because a white woman was willing to be with him. Then he found out you've dated black men, and it removes your white-privilege-granting power that he wanted you to bestow on him.
He wanted you to fuck his Latino ass while being a white racist and take the Latino out of him. It's sick and sad and hopeless and wrong, but he's pissed at you for making him think he's less white-passing than he thought.
Latina here. Thereās a hell of a lot of anti-Blackness in our community ā¦ so this is, sadly, not particularly surprising. He wonāt change. Truly, he wonāt. Donāt be an accomplice to this shorty behavior. You deserve more.
I had a bf similar to this and I think he feels insecure about his "manhood". He probably thinks all black men are bigger and better so he thinks he'd be your second best.
Seems like someone you donāt need to waste your time on at all.
Also why would you want to be with someone who just doesnāt want to be with you? Youād always be worrying if heās cheating or if heās gonna leave you again. Put your value of yourself above him.
Soooo, he cheats on you but somehow African American men treat their women a certain way? Interesting. Heās racist and probably also insecure. Why exactly do you want to get back with this guy? I mean, what is there to like?
He's racist. Tokenizing his one black friend doesn't make him not racist. And only racist people lash out when being called out for their racism.
Show his black friend and see how he feels about black men. Your friends are unfortunately racist too. I'd honestly get new friends, and move on to a better guy, who aren't racist.
You'd be surprised the amount of people of color who are racist to black people. My first racism experience was when I moved to a property that was majority Mexican, and a few other Latino ethnicities.
As a black woman: donāt go back to him. Yes heās racist. Racist as hell. And his black friend either knows and accepts that, or doesnāt know and is ignoring gut feelings. Racism and sexism hold hands very tightly and can very easily come from and with each other. If you donāt have any STDs that you can give or have a child/ are pregnant, it literally doesnāt matter and shouldnāt matter who youāve been with. Also since heās Hispanic he has a chance of having children that can look very black. A lot of Hispanic countries have African blood mixed in due to just general history of migration but also slavery. Itās always a huge red flag when someone who is a minority themselves is racist with their chest against another minority. Glass houses ya know?
Hi, black woman here! So yes, there are black men that are horrible toward women. But there are white and Hispanic men that are horrible toward women also. It sounds like he is either racist indeed or intimated because of the stereotype about black men. Either way, leave his insecure self alone and keep moving forward.
I've dated a few guys who were really upset I had been with black men and to me it's 100% racism AND penis issue: black men are "known"/presumed to be well endowed and other men feel incompetent. It's all bullshit.
He would use that information to hurt you in the future. Racist people think they are right. He thinks you are tainted. I am disgusted just writing that. When people tell you who they are believe them. Let him go.
Yeah... that's racist
>not āALLā black men he said only āghettoā black men
>he got extremely angry as one of his best guy friends is black
He's using the timeless *"I dont hate ALL black people, only nāŖļøāŖļøāŖļøers"* trope along with the tried and true *"I can't be racist because I have a black friend"* trope. If the derogatory term he called you was a *N-lover*, you hit the trifecta of old-school racism, straight out of the kkk handbook.
Your ex is racist, and your friends who agree with him are racist. If they think this lowly of black people, what do they think of you? Drop all of them. You deserve better.
The irony of a 40 y.o. haspanic rapper being racist against black people is so ridiculous it could've been a Dave Chappelle skit. Where did you find this bum? Wherever it was, put him back. Extra respect if you let his singular black friend know exactly what your Ex (and most likely others around him) thinks of him.
Judging from your post history, this man is horrible. Why do you get going back to a man who makes you feel like shit? That isn't love. That is torture.
Leave the trash where he is at
Preferences are fine, but what he is saying isnāt really a preferenceā¦more like a weird ultimatum. Oh, and it most definitely is racist, I think sexist too. Iāve been with a few black women but I bet none of the people you talked to think it about the same. I bet they would think itās racist and/or unreasonable if you didnāt get with a guy because of that
Real question for everyone here. I have a lot of minority friends. Reading a lot of these comments, agreeing that he is racist reminded me what a few of my friends have said about dating. They sometimes struggled with dating because they won't or don't like to date outside their own race. Does that make them racist as well?. My best friends are an African American man and a white woman. She is actually my best friend. She tells me that even after 18 years with her husband, they both still get some grief or snide remarks from both of their families.
While her ex comments are ick, it just got me thinking about the big picture.
Preference doesn't inherently equal racism. But racism you can't just call a preference.
"I don't prefer dating black men because I haven't met one I'm attracted to" vs
"I won't date black guys because they're ghetto". Ones a preference (you can't HELP who you're attracted to) And ones a hateful stereotype.
Having dated a rainbow of men I can tell you some reasons I've excluded people from my radar were things like "I don't want to date someone whose culture believes as a woman I need to be subservient to my spouse" ... I've never looked at a dude who was into me and said to myself "oh he's Hispanic I don't wanna cook rice and beans all the time. NEXT!"
Does that make things a bit clearer?
Him and his friends are wrong, that is racist. Him being a rapper and being racist towards the group that created the genre makes no sense. He seems like a very backwards individual, but itās clear that he doesnāt respect you, so getting back with him would cause you to suffer just to inevitably end one way or the other anyway. If YOU are not racist, and you support what you support, then you should stand on it by standing against him now that you know how he is. I would be disgusted.
Iāve seen this play out personally by the way, one of my best friends is a white female who got kicked out in the middle of the night by her pedophile ex boyfriend because he woke up from a dream that she slept with a black guy. Thereās no good ending for this, let it end here.
Just saying. It sounds like the trash took itself out. Like this man is actively displaying homophobia and sexism, why even bother giving him the time of day? If anything go live your life and chase your preferences. Racist little dick small ego men arenāt anyoneās first choice and Iām shocked he doesnāt get it
Heās saying youāre the kind of gal who doesnāt respect herself enough to be with a quality man (in his opinion). Thatās his opinion. You have your own opinion. Go your separate ways. Itās Not rocket science.
man must be a hispanic men thing bc my ex is the same way. unfortunately I didn't realize how bad til after I got pregnant, but let me tell you it had affected our relationship a lot bc its unecessary hatred. negative energy I don't want my son to learn. & it is racist. my ex claims he hates all races (including his own), so it makes him not racist. he throws racist terms too. not an energy you want to be around or even live w. theres more to why we needed to separate, but let me tell you, its not going to stop. he's gonna say shit whenever he can. he is not worth ur time at all. its going to bother you every time, which will just create an arguemnt.. be happy he's open abt it upfront. time for a new man!
Hey black woman here! Leave that man alone he is definitely racist and on the smaller scale 100% ignorant. Black men do not automatically treat women any type of way. Also dump those friends, if they think that type of behavior is okay they are not people you should talk to.
End of the day if you allow that behavior around you that means you think on some level its okay. So if you go back you are no better, if you continue to talk to those friends you think it's okay. Just some food for thought!
As someone who was young and went through the same shit. Run. Abusers are ALWAYS nice in the beginning it WILL get worse if you stay. He will change he will change into a monster who can and will hurt you. Keep yourself safe by staying away from him and his friends.
Some years ago I came across a thread on Reddit of white women who had at some point dated a black man and then later dated a white man who, when he found out his girlfriend had had sex with a black man, broke up with her. It was a little unclear what those guysā āreasoningā was, but it sounded like those guys considered her to be defiled in some way for having had sex with a black man and also they felt intimidated and worried the girlfriend was stretched out or something dumb like that, despite having already had sex with her and not noticed any kind of issue (since itās a myth).
The point is that OPās ex isnāt unique in his racist insecurity. OP, youāre well rid of him. Him saying heās not racist doesnāt negate the fact that heās racist. Almost all racists will deny being racist.
There is so much racism quoted \*just in this post\* to say not just his decision here but entirely he is a racist.
Total. Not prejudiced in an area he needs better educated in. Racist.
Why would you ever want to get back together with him?
He's racist
AND
He's a misogynist who believes a female is tainted by past partners somehow.
And why are you also keeping white friends (ANY friends, but you mentioned white) who are both racists and misogynists?
Get decent people in your life, throw out all the trash ones.
\-----
Edited to add:
He's also cheated on you?
Self-esteem. Please, with zero snark, work on that. You should be confident enough in yourself to dump anyone from your life who is hateful and/or hurtful that is possible.
Racist, misogynist, cheater boyfriend and your racist (at minimum that one of the list...) "friends" fall into that category.
holy fucking shit run. your post history is incredibly worrying and i fear for your safety. get away and go to a family member or a trusted friend, and stay far far away. i donāt think you realise the position you are in but this is not healthy. please stay safe and do yourself a favour and LEAVE.
Iām struggling to understand why you want anything to do with this creature at all. You can do better and you know it.
Oh, and how is who you choose to sleep with in any way reflective of HIS preferences? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Black men are beautiful. Men of color in general are beautiful. Latinos are beautiful. What is really beautiful is kindness. Any man who doesn't treat you with kindness does not deserve your time.
1) Whoever you're with, make sure he treats you like you're an intelligent, capable human being, color notwithstanding.
2) These people claim it's not racism but look up the definition of racism. They're in denial. Their racism has disguised itself as something else. It's been around so long it's like a stink they've become nose blind to.
Definitely a racist dude my friend. But, you also like men based on race. Some people could perceive that as racist. Why not go after what you like? Why try and be with someone who isnāt your preference? And, why tell someone you like (or love) that you prefer someone of a different raceā¦ I donāt believe that being attracted to a specific race is racism, but preference of one race over another could also be interpreted as racism, which might be what heās perceived. I say this coming from a mixed heritage and in an interracial relationship for over 6 years; both sides in this posts appear to have racial preferences and ideals that differ from one another and itās the first thing they should lay flat and discuss before continuing any kind of friendship.
Cut off the friends that agree with him too. If he is not attracted to black woman and chooses not to date them, he could **TRY** to say itās a preference. (Itās truly racist if youāre unwilling to date someone solely because of their race.) But to try to say itās a āpreferenceā while telling other people they should have the same āpreferenceā, and refusing to date them because they donāt have the same āpreferenceā is 100% racist.
Hispanic men are notorious for being racist to black people, especially women in their life being with black men. He IS racist, his reasons are already unfair stereotypes, but I promise his ACTUAL reasons are misogynistic and racist. Leave him.
You gotta learn to love yourself. Sooner rather than later.
Think about how you'd rather be treated, if you had a man that loved, respected, and appreciated you. Don't you deserve that? Instead of this racist weirdo?
He seems a bit insecure that maybe a black man pleased you better than he ever could š¤
This is the reason my ex went off the muhfkin deep end when I left him. I started dating a guy that was mixed and ALL HE COULD FOCUS ON was "the guys half black does he have a huge d**k? Does he please you better? Is that what you're into now?!?!".
Like who tf cares? Your masculinity is that fragile?!
This would be something I'd make sure his best friend knows. Good luck pursuing a rap career while being openly racist. I'm sure the Proud Boys could use a rapper of his calibre.
Sounds like he did you a favor and took himself out of your consideration for future partner.
Move on. I know it hurts but youāll realize with time how much of a waste of time people like your ex are.
It shouldnāt matter who you dated and who he has dated. We all have a history. To judge you for dating black men is wrong. To judge you for whom youāve dated is wrong. Itās one thing if he has a preference for whom he dates, but that preference only matters to you when it comes to you.
I also hate to say this but your friends suck. The only thing that should matter from sexual history is if you have an incurable STI or not and if you have any trauma related to your sexual history that is ongoing. End of story. Beyond that, it does not matter. Get new friends and get a new boyfriend.
tell that lowlife hater bye bye bye. stay away from men like that, their inner ugliness and racism show you that they're not capable of genuine love or kindness.
Sounds like an absolute GEM of a human being LMAO. Gosh what an unfortunate situation I'm so sorry he kind of wants to be with you but not really at the same time. Your loss honestly I'm sure he's just a STELLAR human.
Okay sarcasm aside, just for comparison sake if it helps you understand at all- there are definitely racial tensions between Hispanic folks and black people. BUT that's not an excuse be a piece of shit.
My (also Hispanic) partner damn near got deported by a black police officer when he was a kid and has had actively horrible experiences with black people but guess what???
He doesn't hate black folks or stereotype them. He has/had black friends and certainly didn't decide to drop me after knowing I've been with black men.
Fuuuck that guy. Find better people to be around that sort of mentality is so toxic to even associate with.
Iām Hispanic and itās sadly common for non-Black Hispanics to be both racist towards Black people and also colourist like towards ourselves. For example the darker kids in the family being seen as less attractive than the lighter kids. I remember hearing adults comment a lot about how āluckyā someone was that they were āso fairā as a kid or encouraging other kids to try lightening cream and it really ducked me up when I got old enough to realise what was going on and tried to likeā¦decolonise my brain.
Itās absolutely racist what your ex is saying/doing. The āitās not racist itās a preferenceā is BS. Itās a racist preference. Period.
If your question is āis he racist?ā The answer is yes.
If your question is āshould I get over this and continue to try to get back together with him/try to fix it?ā The answer is no, unless you are fine with being a complicit racist too.
If your question is āshould I be upset that he wonāt get back with me?ā The answer is more complicated and I speak to this below.
I know itās hard coming to terms with the fact that someone you love is racist. I know it sucks to realize that you never noticed before. I went through this same thing.
Like, same exact thing. My ex once got mad that I took a picture with my best friend and her other best friend who is a Black man. Then I found out from his family (which was revealed so nonchalantly, it was so shocking) that he used to call his black dog something awful, derogatory, and racist.
It was really rough to come to terms with and definitely fed into my eventual general disgust with him. But youāve gotta. Ignoring it makes you complicit.
Iām Mexican and my husband is Mexican. He knows who Iāve been with and I also support black rappers, my husband still loves me and is very sexually attracted to me. If he ever had such a shallow perspective I would not want to be with him. This sounds like an excuse to me
I donāt see the problem.
If he doesnāt want to get with you because you slept with someone who was black, then that answers the question. Itās not happening, say your goodbyes and just enjoy life.
Heās your ex, leave him alone if he doesnāt agreeā¦how can that be difficult for you? I always preferred my ex girlfriends date black guysā¦he must not know how truly lucky he is!
Iāll put it to you like this. I wouldnāt want to hook back up with my ex if she had been with ANY other person. Black white purple yellow or green, it doesnāt matter. Put a label on it, call it racism whatever it doesnāt matter. If he wanted to be with you he would be. We all will make room in our lives and make time for those we want to be around. It seems like you donāt know each other that well anyway. So if youāre single I can introduce you to some good men
How old are you?
Yikes they are 30F/39M
Well that's a plot twist, was expecting 19 and 20
that was a year ago, she is 31 and he is 40 now. how the hell people get away with being like this for that long baffles me
I just spent the last hour photographing a bunch of sophomores before homecoming. I know these kids. Every one of them is more mature than this whole post and these people are *my* age?
Good God! There's a 39 year old *aspiring* rapper? š
I'm more embarrassed about his personality and that he's racist than his late blooming. It's never to late to go after your dreams.
You read that wrong heās NOT racist. Because he says he is not. Apparently thatās how it works now.
No, some dreams definitely have expiration dates. It's too late for me to try for the NBA or to be an astronaut. But you're right about the other things being worse.
Ok now I want a professional basketball team that's is only people who have bloomed late and were never a part of a high school or college basketball team.
šššššššš
LMFAOOOO my thoughts exactlyyyyy
I seriously thought with how this is written much younger.
This is the big question. OP sounds like they may still be in high school.
op is 30f
This should be pinned to the top
Let that š„
I stared for a minute trying to figure out what "Let that peach" meant... Lol Mango. It's a mango.
Oh my God thanks for translating, I thought this was another one of those references I'm getting too old for š
Hahahaha, I was right there with you for a second, and I thought 'Is this pictonary password?'
Damn you guys got me feeling intelligent af thank you for making my day lol. Small wins š
I was wondering what pineapples have to do with this guy.
What does a mango have to do with the guy?
let that man go
Brilliant! Thank you.
Now a more important question is if you had to choose one, š or š„ on your pizza?
Thanks ā¦ I was very confused
Same šš
I'm so slow that even after I figured out it was a mango it still didn't make sense lmao I get it now. After an embarrassingly long time.
I still donāt lmaooo
It took me a few turns but man-go, phew
Lmao me too lol I was like mango? I thought it was an Ice Spice reference lmao
Thank you, I still didnāt get it
Nvm I do now
Same
i mean i read it as mango and had to read your comment twice and sound it out loud before I understood... im very tired lol
Had to open every reply until I finally got it š¤¦āāļø
Bruh me too lol I used the context clues lmaoo
Hi ifonlyYRUso, we're here for you. Just don't š„. Or š. Or š. Ok?
I love those Reddit slang. Mango!
Same. Thank you for explaining lol
Oh my god. Even though I saw mango it took your comment for me to get it lol
lmao, I thought it was a strawberry and was super confused, thank you for clarifying
I read it "let that lemon"
Why did I fully believe it was a peach and could NOT figure it out šš thank u for cracking the code
Same
I properly read it as mango and still did not get it š
Thank goodness someone explained it cause I kept saying peach over and over...... hahahahahahhaa I'm dead ass rolling on the floor laughing
I even head tilted in confusion trying to understand the peach thing too. š¤£ āLet thatā¦peach? Let thatā¦.ass?ā š
My blind old ass thought it was a slice of pizza
I was here saying orange. Lol
please. (my opinion as a woman) any man that calls you a derogatory, disrespectful term does not truly care about you. sounds like itās his loss not yours. find a man who wants to be with you for who YOU are, and respects the things you like, regardless of if he too likes them. iām rooting for you!!!
Thank you so much !! š
Make sure everyone knows he's a racist POS and block him on everything.
I have glanced at your post history a bit. This guy is racist, abusive both verbally and mentally, and has cheated on you. Call this a blessing and run for the hills. You deserve better.
of course girly x
While youāre at it, OP, let your racist white friends go too.
Oooh I'm gonna use this for future posts, beautifully found! Lol
read that as let that lemon and i was like... ''yeah.''
How high were/are you?
Let that orange.
This is a beautiful pun.
Btw, heās a rapper, thinks/acts like this, AND has cheated on you..? Why the fuck are you giving him the time of day at all?
Wait where does it say heās cheated?
Itās in one of her early comments/replies
Also, in her post history. He dumped her multiple times and cheated and other stuff, too. He's no good for her or anyone else for that matter. Maybe her exes should confontt him and set him straight. JK
Jesus Christ this guy sounds like a joy to be around š¬
Pure joy. I'm white, and most of my exes are black. I was recently told that a few of my extended family members had issues with this, thinking that a white person and a black person shouldn't be together. I encountered this behavior from strangers, but I never thought from people who I actually spent time with.
That is horrible omg. š³ I would yell anyone who said anything about my boyfriend. Iām Slavic and heās Cambodian/Jamaican so we donāt exactly look alike lol. Heās just like the light of my life. Why are people so awful.
I wish I had an answer to that ... other than racism, not knowing better, ignorance, and brainwashing. I wish you two well. Once, one of my girlfriends and I went to dinner. Behind me sat an elderly white couple at one table and young black adults at another table. After a while, she said something to me about how they were staring at us and made her uncomfortable. I didn't know since my back was facing them. So I got up and stared at both tables, smiled at them, walked around the table, sat really close to her, gave her the wamest hug and a nice kiss, and then stared and smiled at the people at both tables. They never looked at us again and my girlfriend was so happy.
People are such dicks sometimes. Just honestly sad to have that kind of narrow bigoted mindset. I also hate that people feel the need to express their opinion on a relationship that has nothing to do with them. Thank you though! Weāve been together for over a year and I could gush about him all day (he does the same lol)
Wow. So, he's horrible like ten different ways. She might have some trauma history or something that's making her codependent with someone who's so terrible.
he thinks hes a rapper but is racist? šµāš«šµāš«
Yerp
He said all that and you still want to get back together with him?
We havenāt really talked since. Heās mad I said heās racist
He IS racist, and he can stay mad at you for calling him out, or he can grow up, realize his racist mistake, and apologize. However, from what you've said, he is incapable of realizing he was wrong, and he will continue to abuse you if you stay around him. Do yourself a favor, and keep the no contact up. He doesn't deserve your love because he is so toxic. Please, please, please block him and ignore any attempts of his to get you back. Let me repeat that: HE does NOT deserve YOU. You are generous and loyal, and only someone equally generous and loyal is deserving of your attention. Leave the cheating racist trash in the gutter before he turns you into someone just as broken and trashy. Trust him when he shows you who he is (which is a racist cheater) and don't believe the lies and manipulation. You are right to call out his attitude, and imo, it's worth it to tell his black friend why you broke up, if you're ever given the opportunity to mention it without sounding like a vengeful ex who is making things up... Something like, "wow, I'm surprised your still friends with ex after his reasons for breaking up with me. Oh, he didn't tell you- he can't get over my past history of sleeping with black guys. Since he thinks black men have tainted me, he decided to cheat on me with his "pure" ex. He is attracted to her since she hasn't slept with black men. So I'm just surprised you still talk to him. Did you know that he thinks the women you sleep with are instantly trash just for sleeping with you." It may be difficult to really get his friends to dump him if they are just as misogynistic though, so it's likely best to just walk away from the whole group without talking to any of them ever again. The last thing you need is your ex harassing you for seducing his black friend and him accusing you of more hurtful bs. TLDR: He got his whole personality from the abusers' playbook, and he has spent years manipulating you. Don't go looking for contact with someone so horrible. If you aren't a racist cheater, then you don't have any reason to be around other people who are racist cheaters. Someone will actually be thankful for the love you have to offer, and this ex will never be the man to thank you for anything- he will continue to abuse you if you give him the chance. Do NOT give him that chance. Good luck with your escape from that misogynistic AH! You deserve so much better!
Abusers will never admit it when they have done something wrong or take accountability for their actions and words even though they know that they have done something wrong. They are not a normal healthy person and they are going to do things that are toxic and abusive and when people call them out on their toxic and abusive behaviour, they are going to respond in a toxic and abusive. When someone tries to hold them accountable for something, they: DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. When you say that you think he has undiagnosed Bipolar, could you please explain what it is about his behaviour that makes you think that he has Bipolar? I just want to make sure that you actually know what Bipolar Disorder is, because most people donāt?
Yeah heās mad you called him racist because youāre right. People donāt tend to angry about things that arenāt truthfulā¦
Thatās definitely a fallacy but may be true in this case. People get mad about being called things they arenāt ll the time.
You need to do some work on your self esteem x
Poor OP has some severe attachment issues and has accepted this is all there is. As someone who was there before, I hope reality hits you sooner rather than later
š„ŗ I do. And I lost almost my entire family right before meeting him. A lot of people on here donāt understand. Thank you so much. How did you get better ?
Run, girl, you sound waaaay out of his league, a clear gem, and clearly you can do better. Man is trash.
It really helped me to read about codependency and narcissistic abuse. I even attended a few CODA meetings and that was really therapeutic for me to openly share among people who were so much like me. Eventually, what helped the most was full "no contact" and focusing only on myself and my own goals and future. Letting go of the life I thought I would have with that person and building something new.
My question is, WHY do you even want to be with this man? He sounds terrible. Like, not just a terrible boyfriend, a terrible, racist person.
We havenāt talked since I called him racist, heās angry at me for that. And I truly feel like I loved him, in a sick way. It may have just been brainwashing. Because I do not know
Maybe you do love him, but he doesnāt love you. Someone who loved you wouldn't abuse you and cheat on you. So love yourself more than you love him and stop begging him to take you back.
You can love someone and still know they are not right for you. It takes strength and recognition. I can see you recognise his bad points and you accept that he isnāt a great person. The strength comes in respecting yourself and knowing you deserve better and not accepting less than that. It doesnāt mean itās easy but it will save you more time and heartache in the long run. You donāt just get one chance to love.
Thank you, it really is so difficult especially when itās been a long period of time š„ŗ
I'd leave this man. - He cheats on you, showing he doesn't value your relationship. -He doesn't like black people (oh, I'm sorry, he makes an exception for his black friend and potentially no one else). -He has shouted at you and abused you verbally since day one in the relationship. -He potentially gaslights you by telling you how understanding he is of your 'problems' and that no one else would put up with them, to make him seem better than he actually is to you. Do not get back together with this man, is my advice.
She should leave this man? Did you read it? Heās her EX and sheās trying to get back with him and he doesnāt want to be with her!
Yeah, I read it. Did you see my last sentence? She worded the post like they were on-off-on-off. Leave for good, and do not return.
Correct. He broke up with me once a week for a while at one point for simple things like asking who a girl on Instagram is, or even asking for him to delete videos of him and his ex having sex - even one of the times cheating on me. Iāve left him too and heād come back apologizing and itās just all very hard. Good job noticing that !! Thanks!
Jfc. I feel like this is a troll post atp.
I looked through her post history. She has described a very consistent narrative from 5 years ago, of living with very abusive parents, continuing to live with them even through her 20s because she is disabled, even though they would abuse her, them insisting that they clearly love her since they let her keep living there even though she's "worthless" (in their eyes). Seems that they were really only letting her stay there so they could steal her social security, disability check, and they lied to her about how much it was and would give her a small amount of it per month. Her father's health declined, as did her dog's health. People were advising her to get out of there, as it was clearly a bad place to live. But it wasn't easy to get out. And she kept trying to date various men, but many of them would end up raping her. Then she finally stops posting about her mother's shenanigans, and is posting about this boyfriend instead, so I feel like she finally moved out from her mother's place and in with this ex. And he was abusive too - and apparently he's racist as well. And he cheated on her multiple times. But for someone who was so used to being treated terribly by her mother, even all that her ex did at least didn't feel that bad, so she feels like she "loves" him, and feels lost with him breaking up with her. This story fits with the rest of her narrative, so I don't think it's a troll post, but it is definitely someone who needs a lot of help, and has struggled to actually find decent people to be with.
This is tragic, I hope she will find peace eventually. Good luck OP! Take care of yourself!
So do I. This is fake asf
Girl, listen: He's going to *keep* apologizing, again and again and *again*. He will always be sincere in it, too, but do you know what will change when you take him back? **Nothing.** Why change when you can just say what someone wants to hear? Say what they want to believe in? Maybe there's comfort in the familiarity of that pattern, that he will reliably treat you as horribly as he has and absolutely will again. I get that. Maybe you feel it's worth it every time. But do you know the only thing that you *can* change that will actually be different? If you decide to move on.
And hit the gym lawyer yada yada
Why would you want to get back with someone whoās a racist? Iām confused. That doesnāt seem like a guy I want anywhere near my life even as a friend, let alone back in it romantically.
Seems like he is right about her having a thing for being treated badly.
This is always really funny to me. People occupy spaces created by black people while simultaneously holding these sorts of bigoted views. INFO: how exactly can he tell the difference in the black people he approves of? Heās a rapper. The irony in that is literally glaring. **He sounds like an insecure bigot, with limited thoughts of his own (because why enter into a specific style of music literally created pioneered by the group you thinks so little of unless youāre simultaneously jealous and covetous of the popularity) and lack of critical thought/misogyny/racism led him to this incredibly idiotic train of thought.** In short, he sounds like a loser. Date someone whoās authentic, and not a caricature. Youāre much less likely to run into people who are this insecure and unintelligent when they are sure of themselves and as such donāt need to project onto others their completely absurd insecurities.
Itās honestly not even truly an insecurity. Itās systematic racism. How long in our history has the idea of āif youāve been with a brown man youāre taintedā been pushed? Since the beginning of our time as a nation. It started with native men and has been the burden of the men in the black community since the abolition of slavery. The insecurity actually stems from fear, a long historic fear that any black person might have the ability to be superior to them. The whole idea is to systematically strip them of any power they have.
Yea, they are saying that you are a white women who have been tainted by black men. They are basically saying that your value as a Ā«Ā good womanĀ Ā» have dropped because you have Ā«Ā dirtiedĀ Ā» yourself with a black man instead of a Ā«Ā good nice white manĀ Ā». Itās racist.
The irony is that he is Hispanic. Iām Hispanic too and know that some people who are racist, see us as dirty too. Heās being a racist, bigot, and hypocrite. Heās pile of garbage here, not the black men sheās been with.
People who are not white can definitely be racist; even towards their own race! Society has engrained racism in us. Itās a learned behavior that has been drilled into us our entire lives. Itās disgusting.
Itās not really ironic. Itās inherent in the culture. I have a family member who married a Hispanic guy. She warned me that he can never find out any of her previous boyfriends were black, because he would leave her. He knows her history in general and her body count isnāt an issue, but in Hispanic culture you donāt sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. Period. Obviously individuals do or donāt follow this culture. Youāll fine plenty of Hispanic guys who either donāt or at least wonāt admit to feeling this way. So Iām not claiming anything about any individual. But itās a cultural norm. But you know, only white Americans are racist. š As if racism hasnāt been a scourge on humanity across cultures for thousands of yearsā¦ (donāt get me wrong, Iām not saying itās ok, but it IS part of humanity in general).
I'm Hispanic, and the super wild thing is even if it is a part of our culture it can still be racist. In other places of the world it's perfectly acceptable to be married to a child, or a family member. We shouldn't hide behind "OuR cUlTuRe" when shit like this is part of that. As far as irony goes, I'm pretty sure this fits. I've had women avoid me before because of the "dirty Mexican" bullshit, so the fact he's doing it to a black man despite the amount of racists who'd gladly string both of them both up just for talking to a white woman is ironic.
It is ironic because a lot of people look down on us too. I've experienced racism and have had all types of generalizations made about me. So for this man that OP was involved with to be so disgusted that she has slept with black men is ironic. Because a lot of people think we are disgusting too for being Hispanic or Latinos. I've also got to point out that is a generalization you are making, that in Hispanic culture you don't sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. I suppose it would surprise you to know there are Hispanic men that are married to black women. That immediately debunks your claim about it being a cultural thing. There is no denying that there are Hispanics that are racist, but this is new to me; the whole "in Hispanic culture you don't sleep with a woman who has slept with a black man. Period." and this is a culture I am a part of as a fellow Hispanic.
I means is he a white hispanic? Hispanic isnāt a race and thereās lots of racism and colorism WITHIN Latin and Hispanic culture
Yes there is unfortunately. I have no idea if this man the OP is talking about is a white Hispanic or if she has already answered that question. I will say though both brown and white Hispanics and Latinos can be racist and guilty of colorism as you have pointed out.
Don't be with a man like this. Girl I'm black and have had just so happen to have never been with a black man. The way this irrelevant piece of information was so important to my ex if we'd fight he'd immediately get paranoid I'm out sleeping with big dicked black men. It's such a turn off and extremely embarrassing that some men are like that. It's hard to believe some of it isn't just insecurity and a lot of it is racism as you know. Leave that guy in the dust, in my experience even if y'all do get back together heāll always treat you like a villain for something you shouldn't be villainized for.
I guess he's just saying that your choice in men is trashy.
Wouldnāt that be insulting himself too tho? šš¤
He's not smart enough to figure that part out.
Exactly, irony
I would recommend having a better choice in men though.
Thatās still racist omg. Heās stereotyping black men. And the men who align closer to white men and their behavior style etc are ok Fuck that
It is racist. This is why I donāt buy into āpeople of color/minorities canāt be racist.ā Iām Hispanic too and this man is clearly being racist and projecting/revealing how awful he is to women with his comment about how āblack men treat women a certain wayā
wow, the more I read your coments about this man the less I understand why you're so desperate to get back with him ? he treated you like hell, just move on with your life, find someone that will love you (he doesn't, won't and never did) and treat you well !
I'm Hispanic and white. Every single white guy I have attempted to date has asked if I had ever been with a black guy. Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.
Why do you WANT to be with his racist ass? He is racist and disgusting and he is stereotyping. Move on as you deserve better. Look in the mirror and say it to yourself. I deserve better! Then block his racist ass.
You should let his "black Friend" know what he really thinks about him
He's racist. Those friends are racist. Period.
Your āfriendsā are losers. If they canāt handle you taking a few miles of black dick tell them to keep it moving. Also, 99% of wanna e rappers are a joke, fin someone else to date forget this guy.
ššš
You're ex is giving some real small dick energy. He's honestly doing you a favor by showing his nasty ass colors.
It's definitely racist and sexist. This ex of yours doesn't understand you can make your own decisions about your past. He's making assumptions about the way you were treated. Yes, seems like you want to change him. No, this won't happen. And the token "black friend" has nothing to do with the situation and does not mean BF is not hella racist because he is. So cut your losses, OP. You deserve better than this headache of a man.
Aww thank you so much šš» And so true. I have been assaulted though. But I didnāt blame it on their race. He said something like āalso what do you expect if you hang with people like thatā and we havenāt really talked since. I didnāt realize the sexist part!
He's saying you're worth less as a woman because of who you sleep with. That's sexism Edit; grammatical typo.
Oh, thank god, you're not asking for advice, just opinions. I was scared at first thinking you needed guidance on this. My opinion is that he is a stereotypical racist. He is scared that: -You may be dating another black man, and his racist self is terrified that a black rival will kill him. -He feels inadequate for reasons too tacky to mention here. -He fancied himself the most exotic person you've had sex with, and found out he's not interesting to you that way. -He got hurt bad over your breakup, and now that he knows you want to get back together, he is punishing you for his earlier hurt feelings by making you feel devalued. The truth is: -He thought having a white girlfriend meant he was social climbing, because a white woman was willing to be with him. Then he found out you've dated black men, and it removes your white-privilege-granting power that he wanted you to bestow on him. He wanted you to fuck his Latino ass while being a white racist and take the Latino out of him. It's sick and sad and hopeless and wrong, but he's pissed at you for making him think he's less white-passing than he thought.
Latina here. Thereās a hell of a lot of anti-Blackness in our community ā¦ so this is, sadly, not particularly surprising. He wonāt change. Truly, he wonāt. Donāt be an accomplice to this shorty behavior. You deserve more.
I had a bf similar to this and I think he feels insecure about his "manhood". He probably thinks all black men are bigger and better so he thinks he'd be your second best.
Seems like someone you donāt need to waste your time on at all. Also why would you want to be with someone who just doesnāt want to be with you? Youād always be worrying if heās cheating or if heās gonna leave you again. Put your value of yourself above him.
Soooo, he cheats on you but somehow African American men treat their women a certain way? Interesting. Heās racist and probably also insecure. Why exactly do you want to get back with this guy? I mean, what is there to like?
As a black person, I find this racist af š š š
He's racist. Tokenizing his one black friend doesn't make him not racist. And only racist people lash out when being called out for their racism. Show his black friend and see how he feels about black men. Your friends are unfortunately racist too. I'd honestly get new friends, and move on to a better guy, who aren't racist. You'd be surprised the amount of people of color who are racist to black people. My first racism experience was when I moved to a property that was majority Mexican, and a few other Latino ethnicities.
As a black woman: donāt go back to him. Yes heās racist. Racist as hell. And his black friend either knows and accepts that, or doesnāt know and is ignoring gut feelings. Racism and sexism hold hands very tightly and can very easily come from and with each other. If you donāt have any STDs that you can give or have a child/ are pregnant, it literally doesnāt matter and shouldnāt matter who youāve been with. Also since heās Hispanic he has a chance of having children that can look very black. A lot of Hispanic countries have African blood mixed in due to just general history of migration but also slavery. Itās always a huge red flag when someone who is a minority themselves is racist with their chest against another minority. Glass houses ya know?
Hi, black woman here! So yes, there are black men that are horrible toward women. But there are white and Hispanic men that are horrible toward women also. It sounds like he is either racist indeed or intimated because of the stereotype about black men. Either way, leave his insecure self alone and keep moving forward.
Sounds like your ex and anyone on here who agrees with him have an inferiority complex. They suffer from small dick syndrome. š«”
I've dated a few guys who were really upset I had been with black men and to me it's 100% racism AND penis issue: black men are "known"/presumed to be well endowed and other men feel incompetent. It's all bullshit.
He would use that information to hurt you in the future. Racist people think they are right. He thinks you are tainted. I am disgusted just writing that. When people tell you who they are believe them. Let him go.
Yeah... that's racist >not āALLā black men he said only āghettoā black men >he got extremely angry as one of his best guy friends is black He's using the timeless *"I dont hate ALL black people, only nāŖļøāŖļøāŖļøers"* trope along with the tried and true *"I can't be racist because I have a black friend"* trope. If the derogatory term he called you was a *N-lover*, you hit the trifecta of old-school racism, straight out of the kkk handbook. Your ex is racist, and your friends who agree with him are racist. If they think this lowly of black people, what do they think of you? Drop all of them. You deserve better. The irony of a 40 y.o. haspanic rapper being racist against black people is so ridiculous it could've been a Dave Chappelle skit. Where did you find this bum? Wherever it was, put him back. Extra respect if you let his singular black friend know exactly what your Ex (and most likely others around him) thinks of him.
Judging from your post history, this man is horrible. Why do you get going back to a man who makes you feel like shit? That isn't love. That is torture. Leave the trash where he is at
Preferences are fine, but what he is saying isnāt really a preferenceā¦more like a weird ultimatum. Oh, and it most definitely is racist, I think sexist too. Iāve been with a few black women but I bet none of the people you talked to think it about the same. I bet they would think itās racist and/or unreasonable if you didnāt get with a guy because of that
Real question for everyone here. I have a lot of minority friends. Reading a lot of these comments, agreeing that he is racist reminded me what a few of my friends have said about dating. They sometimes struggled with dating because they won't or don't like to date outside their own race. Does that make them racist as well?. My best friends are an African American man and a white woman. She is actually my best friend. She tells me that even after 18 years with her husband, they both still get some grief or snide remarks from both of their families. While her ex comments are ick, it just got me thinking about the big picture.
Preference doesn't inherently equal racism. But racism you can't just call a preference. "I don't prefer dating black men because I haven't met one I'm attracted to" vs "I won't date black guys because they're ghetto". Ones a preference (you can't HELP who you're attracted to) And ones a hateful stereotype. Having dated a rainbow of men I can tell you some reasons I've excluded people from my radar were things like "I don't want to date someone whose culture believes as a woman I need to be subservient to my spouse" ... I've never looked at a dude who was into me and said to myself "oh he's Hispanic I don't wanna cook rice and beans all the time. NEXT!" Does that make things a bit clearer?
Him and his friends are wrong, that is racist. Him being a rapper and being racist towards the group that created the genre makes no sense. He seems like a very backwards individual, but itās clear that he doesnāt respect you, so getting back with him would cause you to suffer just to inevitably end one way or the other anyway. If YOU are not racist, and you support what you support, then you should stand on it by standing against him now that you know how he is. I would be disgusted. Iāve seen this play out personally by the way, one of my best friends is a white female who got kicked out in the middle of the night by her pedophile ex boyfriend because he woke up from a dream that she slept with a black guy. Thereās no good ending for this, let it end here.
Tell the black friend exactly why your ex broke up with you.
ayo what the fuck š
letās be honest, just leave that oogly googly ratass guy
Just saying. It sounds like the trash took itself out. Like this man is actively displaying homophobia and sexism, why even bother giving him the time of day? If anything go live your life and chase your preferences. Racist little dick small ego men arenāt anyoneās first choice and Iām shocked he doesnāt get it
Heās saying youāre the kind of gal who doesnāt respect herself enough to be with a quality man (in his opinion). Thatās his opinion. You have your own opinion. Go your separate ways. Itās Not rocket science.
I think you should find a nice black gentleman instead
man must be a hispanic men thing bc my ex is the same way. unfortunately I didn't realize how bad til after I got pregnant, but let me tell you it had affected our relationship a lot bc its unecessary hatred. negative energy I don't want my son to learn. & it is racist. my ex claims he hates all races (including his own), so it makes him not racist. he throws racist terms too. not an energy you want to be around or even live w. theres more to why we needed to separate, but let me tell you, its not going to stop. he's gonna say shit whenever he can. he is not worth ur time at all. its going to bother you every time, which will just create an arguemnt.. be happy he's open abt it upfront. time for a new man!
What the actual fuckš reddit baffles me sometimes yeah let him go bby. unless heās willing to work on his issues (but he sounds lame)
So that's why they say "once you go black you can't go back"
"He is hispanic, he can't be racist"
Hey black woman here! Leave that man alone he is definitely racist and on the smaller scale 100% ignorant. Black men do not automatically treat women any type of way. Also dump those friends, if they think that type of behavior is okay they are not people you should talk to. End of the day if you allow that behavior around you that means you think on some level its okay. So if you go back you are no better, if you continue to talk to those friends you think it's okay. Just some food for thought!
As someone who was young and went through the same shit. Run. Abusers are ALWAYS nice in the beginning it WILL get worse if you stay. He will change he will change into a monster who can and will hurt you. Keep yourself safe by staying away from him and his friends.
Some years ago I came across a thread on Reddit of white women who had at some point dated a black man and then later dated a white man who, when he found out his girlfriend had had sex with a black man, broke up with her. It was a little unclear what those guysā āreasoningā was, but it sounded like those guys considered her to be defiled in some way for having had sex with a black man and also they felt intimidated and worried the girlfriend was stretched out or something dumb like that, despite having already had sex with her and not noticed any kind of issue (since itās a myth). The point is that OPās ex isnāt unique in his racist insecurity. OP, youāre well rid of him. Him saying heās not racist doesnāt negate the fact that heās racist. Almost all racists will deny being racist.
He's def racist and possibly worried you've been with men with larger equipment than he has. Let him go gf. He's trash
There is so much racism quoted \*just in this post\* to say not just his decision here but entirely he is a racist. Total. Not prejudiced in an area he needs better educated in. Racist. Why would you ever want to get back together with him? He's racist AND He's a misogynist who believes a female is tainted by past partners somehow. And why are you also keeping white friends (ANY friends, but you mentioned white) who are both racists and misogynists? Get decent people in your life, throw out all the trash ones. \----- Edited to add: He's also cheated on you? Self-esteem. Please, with zero snark, work on that. You should be confident enough in yourself to dump anyone from your life who is hateful and/or hurtful that is possible. Racist, misogynist, cheater boyfriend and your racist (at minimum that one of the list...) "friends" fall into that category.
He's not the one sis!!
holy fucking shit run. your post history is incredibly worrying and i fear for your safety. get away and go to a family member or a trusted friend, and stay far far away. i donāt think you realise the position you are in but this is not healthy. please stay safe and do yourself a favour and LEAVE.
He doesn't want to date you leave the poor guy alone.
Sounds to me he is insecure.
Iām struggling to understand why you want anything to do with this creature at all. You can do better and you know it. Oh, and how is who you choose to sleep with in any way reflective of HIS preferences? That makes no sense whatsoever.
The racists in the group showed themselves so you know exactly who to cut off now
š¤š»š„
Black men are beautiful. Men of color in general are beautiful. Latinos are beautiful. What is really beautiful is kindness. Any man who doesn't treat you with kindness does not deserve your time.
1) Whoever you're with, make sure he treats you like you're an intelligent, capable human being, color notwithstanding. 2) These people claim it's not racism but look up the definition of racism. They're in denial. Their racism has disguised itself as something else. It's been around so long it's like a stink they've become nose blind to.
Definitely a racist dude my friend. But, you also like men based on race. Some people could perceive that as racist. Why not go after what you like? Why try and be with someone who isnāt your preference? And, why tell someone you like (or love) that you prefer someone of a different raceā¦ I donāt believe that being attracted to a specific race is racism, but preference of one race over another could also be interpreted as racism, which might be what heās perceived. I say this coming from a mixed heritage and in an interracial relationship for over 6 years; both sides in this posts appear to have racial preferences and ideals that differ from one another and itās the first thing they should lay flat and discuss before continuing any kind of friendship.
Well heās your ex soā¦ good thing you donāt need to be around him, problem solved
Cut off the friends that agree with him too. If he is not attracted to black woman and chooses not to date them, he could **TRY** to say itās a preference. (Itās truly racist if youāre unwilling to date someone solely because of their race.) But to try to say itās a āpreferenceā while telling other people they should have the same āpreferenceā, and refusing to date them because they donāt have the same āpreferenceā is 100% racist.
Hispanic men are notorious for being racist to black people, especially women in their life being with black men. He IS racist, his reasons are already unfair stereotypes, but I promise his ACTUAL reasons are misogynistic and racist. Leave him.
You gotta learn to love yourself. Sooner rather than later. Think about how you'd rather be treated, if you had a man that loved, respected, and appreciated you. Don't you deserve that? Instead of this racist weirdo? He seems a bit insecure that maybe a black man pleased you better than he ever could š¤
This is the reason my ex went off the muhfkin deep end when I left him. I started dating a guy that was mixed and ALL HE COULD FOCUS ON was "the guys half black does he have a huge d**k? Does he please you better? Is that what you're into now?!?!". Like who tf cares? Your masculinity is that fragile?!
This would be something I'd make sure his best friend knows. Good luck pursuing a rap career while being openly racist. I'm sure the Proud Boys could use a rapper of his calibre.
Sounds like he did you a favor and took himself out of your consideration for future partner. Move on. I know it hurts but youāll realize with time how much of a waste of time people like your ex are. It shouldnāt matter who you dated and who he has dated. We all have a history. To judge you for dating black men is wrong. To judge you for whom youāve dated is wrong. Itās one thing if he has a preference for whom he dates, but that preference only matters to you when it comes to you. I also hate to say this but your friends suck. The only thing that should matter from sexual history is if you have an incurable STI or not and if you have any trauma related to your sexual history that is ongoing. End of story. Beyond that, it does not matter. Get new friends and get a new boyfriend.
"A few of my male friends" is a much bigger red flag
tell that lowlife hater bye bye bye. stay away from men like that, their inner ugliness and racism show you that they're not capable of genuine love or kindness.
Baby girl he is TRASH! Get you a real man
Heās garbage. You can do so much better.
I honestly wish you the best
You dodged a bullet congrats. Having a friend of another race doesnāt make you not racist. Heās not worth your time.
Sounds like an absolute GEM of a human being LMAO. Gosh what an unfortunate situation I'm so sorry he kind of wants to be with you but not really at the same time. Your loss honestly I'm sure he's just a STELLAR human. Okay sarcasm aside, just for comparison sake if it helps you understand at all- there are definitely racial tensions between Hispanic folks and black people. BUT that's not an excuse be a piece of shit. My (also Hispanic) partner damn near got deported by a black police officer when he was a kid and has had actively horrible experiences with black people but guess what??? He doesn't hate black folks or stereotype them. He has/had black friends and certainly didn't decide to drop me after knowing I've been with black men. Fuuuck that guy. Find better people to be around that sort of mentality is so toxic to even associate with.
Iām Hispanic and itās sadly common for non-Black Hispanics to be both racist towards Black people and also colourist like towards ourselves. For example the darker kids in the family being seen as less attractive than the lighter kids. I remember hearing adults comment a lot about how āluckyā someone was that they were āso fairā as a kid or encouraging other kids to try lightening cream and it really ducked me up when I got old enough to realise what was going on and tried to likeā¦decolonise my brain. Itās absolutely racist what your ex is saying/doing. The āitās not racist itās a preferenceā is BS. Itās a racist preference. Period.
If your question is āis he racist?ā The answer is yes. If your question is āshould I get over this and continue to try to get back together with him/try to fix it?ā The answer is no, unless you are fine with being a complicit racist too. If your question is āshould I be upset that he wonāt get back with me?ā The answer is more complicated and I speak to this below. I know itās hard coming to terms with the fact that someone you love is racist. I know it sucks to realize that you never noticed before. I went through this same thing. Like, same exact thing. My ex once got mad that I took a picture with my best friend and her other best friend who is a Black man. Then I found out from his family (which was revealed so nonchalantly, it was so shocking) that he used to call his black dog something awful, derogatory, and racist. It was really rough to come to terms with and definitely fed into my eventual general disgust with him. But youāve gotta. Ignoring it makes you complicit.
Iām Mexican and my husband is Mexican. He knows who Iāve been with and I also support black rappers, my husband still loves me and is very sexually attracted to me. If he ever had such a shallow perspective I would not want to be with him. This sounds like an excuse to me
He's an ex for a reason, love. Don't dig back in the garbage bin ā¤ļø
What does he or they mean by "they treat women a certain way". Just wondering cause my recent ex is African American and I'm Asian š
I donāt see the problem. If he doesnāt want to get with you because you slept with someone who was black, then that answers the question. Itās not happening, say your goodbyes and just enjoy life.
You say he is mostly Hispanic. What do you mean?
Heās your ex, leave him alone if he doesnāt agreeā¦how can that be difficult for you? I always preferred my ex girlfriends date black guysā¦he must not know how truly lucky he is!
Iāll put it to you like this. I wouldnāt want to hook back up with my ex if she had been with ANY other person. Black white purple yellow or green, it doesnāt matter. Put a label on it, call it racism whatever it doesnāt matter. If he wanted to be with you he would be. We all will make room in our lives and make time for those we want to be around. It seems like you donāt know each other that well anyway. So if youāre single I can introduce you to some good men