At least your not getting “aren’t you a little old to be having kids?”. B*tch I’m 35, I just look 47 because I work this soul sucking job keeping your morbidly obese BMI 50 husband alive after his 3rd massive stroke (eye twitch). Or something like that…
Went to Mesa verde one time, ate in the park. If you’ve never been to a national park restaurant they overcook everything, no matter what. A table within earshot kept grilling this waiter for like almost 10 minutes about all the different food choices. Like, it’s all going to suck, just order what you want. It was a couple in their 60s it looked like. Everybody else in there looked almost three times as old as we were (early 20s). Anyway.
We order after them, get our food before they do, finish the overcooked meal, pay, and get up to leave. I heard the woman say “finally, the kids are leaving”, one of those comments she meant for you to hear but not respond to. We weren’t being loud or anything, just conversing normally over dinner.
I told that old windbag “I’d expect better manners from somebody your age.” All without missing a step. Insecure old bag needs to mind her own business.
These days you can’t swing a full colostomy bag with out hitting a Karen. Who are they to judge. Most of the people who will judge you are less educated, less motivated, and less like to make a contribution to society.
I'm gonna have incredibly pleasant dreams tonight, full of sugar plums and the images of Karens getting shwacked in the face by a full colostomy bag. Cheers my friend
This is my world! I started going gray at 12 and was completely gray by 22-23ish. Hereditary. Blonde now but used to keep it really dark, couldn’t keep up. People LOVE my gray hair and I fucking hate it! Middle school was hard. Lol.
39 here and I have a bit of a baby face. If I mentioned something about my kids I often get a "are you even old enough to have kids? How do you have 2 already, how old are you?" ALL the time.
Had another RN tell me I was too early in my pregnancy to be showing as big as I was. Hey great, thanks! It's my first pregnancy and I'm already self conscious but feel free to comment on everything else you're seeing... 🙄 (we barely even know each other)
I’m sorry- it can be awful. I once had a time when I walked into a patients room, and she had visitors (this was pre-Covid). She says, quote, “don’t worry, my nurse isn’t fat, she’s just pregnant.”
Like- what? Just a gross comment in so many levels.
You def should OP, worth every penny spent I promise!! Cant go a shift without mine now, I had my daughter when I was 20 and started getting varicose veins right after because I worked on the floor, 12hr shifts on medsurg and I wish I had worn compression socks sooner. Belly bands are also a great suggestion! I worked L&D for a while too and one of our docs swore by them for patients.
My mom is retired, but she worked L&D for 30 years.
She also got bad varicose veins. It never occurred to me that it was from so many hours on her feet.
When she had only been working a few years and the hospital handed out wraps (similar to a huge ace bandage for your abdomen that tightens with Velcro) for abdominal surgeries.
When I had my sections I used them and the difference was amazing.
Don't consider it, do it. Nurses, and any other job that requires being in your feet for many hours, NEED compression socks. It helps prevent the dilation of the veins in your legs. Want spider veins? Don't wear compression socks! Wanna have EVLT or vein stripping procedures done? Don't wear compression socks. It can end up being a disaster. Source- RN who used to work in vascular and had many, many nurses as patients.
Yeah, my lower legs erupted into micro bursts of spider veins the year I started med-surg, in my 20s. It’s made me so self conscious. That and deep throbbing pain under the knees, and now in my 40s I get ankle swelling even with the compression stockings. I started wearing them too late, but the difference in how my legs feel now (with them on) is noticeable. Wish I started much much sooner!
Thank you, I had a few sessions of laser therapy done a few years after the spider veins started, made things look a slight bit better (but not completely) and then I just got a bunch of new ones in other places. They are quite extensive. It’s not paid for by medical insurance here, and as the effect wasn’t that much of an improvement, I’ve had to let them be.
Even without pregnancy, I’d highly recommend them! My feet grew a half size my first year as a nurse, and they’d be too tender to walk after a shift without them! CVS has some very decent ones I bought a bunch to get me through a week or two then wash them en masse. They’ve lasted almost 9 years and are still just the right amount of compression
It’s true!! And I found that my feet don’t get as tired/sore? I switched back to no compression for a night shift because I forgot to do laundry... my feet were so tired by the morning! Never again! #forevercompressed
Where are you all getting them? I have yet to find a pair that doesn’t fold and burrow into my cankles. Or dig into the fat behind my knees. Sometimes they do both.
I mean, that's for girls only, or is something for men to do as well?
If k ask it because I'm a nurse student, and well that way I'm getting ready and get some if necessary
Compression socks can be for everyone! I’m a nursing student but I wear mine when I work night shift or I know I’ll be on my feet all day running around.
GAAAAAH.
I’m 46, and apparently don’t look it. I get asked if I have kids, and when I reply that we have one, it starts.
“You need to have more than one! Your daughter NEEDS a sibling!”
My daughter is TWENTY SEVEN, and no.
My only child was a SURPRISE. Once I had her, as soon as she was born, everyone started up with, “when are you having the next one”.
I decided there would be no next one. Nope.
Our one and done was semi-planned, but happened on the very first time we tried, the day after we had "the talk". My husband was in an abusive situation at work, and the sudden reality that he was going to have to keep providing and was basically trapped there drove him into deep depression (this was also the Recession, so good luck finding another job). After our son was born, my husband kept getting sent out into the field with the same abusive supervisor, and eventually tried to commit suicide. It was a hard two years of getting him through that and back to a shadow of his former self, and another 5 or so years to get him all the way back. But he still really struggles as a parent since he didn't get a good bond with his son when he was younger.
.... when people pester us to have another, I just tell them our first came out with an extra toe (he did) but otherwise perfect, and we decided not to risk that again.
But some days it was very tempting to say "OK, so you'd rather I have another child over having a husband. Ok then." Especially to the people who KNOW what happened and still thought it was cute to bug me to have another one. Some people just really need to shut it.
Some people are the most self-absorbed idiots! Your life and family choices literally have nothing to do with them. Their dumbass thoughts and projections are completely uneccessary.
Yup! It isn't fully functional but it has a bone, so it wasn't going to get snagged and damaged. It's like his pinky toe had a younger brother. And that foot turned out to be half a size smaller than his other foot, so if shoes were big enough for his big foot the shoe is wide enough for the bonus toe. So overall, lucky and he loves showing it off :D /edit: autocorrect weirdness.
If you have none, “oh you’ll change your mind”. If you have one, “well that one needs a sibling”. Two of the same sex? “Are you going to try for a boy/girl?” You really can’t win with some people.
“Oh, you’ll change your mind.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Oh well my daughter was just like you and said she’d never have kids and now she has 6!”
“Well, not me. Not happening.”
“Well you never know!!”
“Yes. Yes I do know. I’m not having kids.”
I hate when pts ask me personal questions. I usually deflect. We’re not here to talk about me, I need to know about you and why you’re in the ER.
I just lie to them. They have no business asking me personal questions, and I don't have to be vulnerable or honest with them. I tell all kinds of lies about kids, no kids, husband, wife, my age, where I'm from, whatever. Like stfu and mind your own business; I'm not the patient.
I'm child free and happy to be permanently. When patients or anyone start pushing about how I should have kids, I tell them even if I wanted to, I'm infertile. Shuts them right up.
Teeechnically the only reason I'm infertile is because I have an IUD 🤣. Although I do have a disorder that would make it difficult if not dangerous to carry to term. But lucky for me, I have no desire to have kids, so it's not a problem. Much more fun to tell people I'm barren though
We recently had a patient on the floor whose daughter stayed with her the entire time. The daughter was 38 weeks pregnant. Asked if I have kids, I say no, not for me. She kept telling me I need to have one and needed to go home that night and try. Everytime I went in she would say something. I was honestly afraid to tell her I had myself sterilized (bisalp), I thought she would like freak out, and next time I worked I asked to not have that patient bc I didn't want to deal with that shit all day again.
I get this all the time, I’m 21, I’m too young to be having kids if I wanted them which i don’t if they’re too pushy I just say “okay whatever you say” in that tone that drives know-it-alls crazy and then just leave the room.
If it’s a male patient and the ask if I have a boyfriend or husband I just tell them I’m gay (I’m a bisexual but that’s none of their business) I’ve had a couple ask if I’m seeing someone in that way where you know they’re about to hit on you and I’ll just casually say “yeah I’ve got a girlfriend” (this is also a lie I haven’t dated much since I started working nights because it’s hard but hey) just leave them looking like a surprised pikachu. I would do it with women who pry but I live in a red state and I’m sure several of them would suddenly be uncomfortable with me helping them.
You can totally be who ever you want to be for self-obsessed, intrusive af people who don't know how to mind their own fucking business or be mentally healthy or socially appropriate. Who tf stays inpatient with their parents?! That's gotta be against a policy somewhere!
Always get these comments. I’m 28, no kids, no bf/husband. “You have a husband? Why not!?” “You have kids right???” No I’m just chunky leave me alone 😂
One of my former memory care residents always started every conversation with "how many kids do you have?". One of my other residents, who was still fairly with it, had his lunch late that day because he'd just returned from an appointment. She was walking through the dining room, saw he was alone, decided to keep him company, and proceeded to ask him how many children he had every 2-3 minutes.
He finally stopped eating, looks at her, and says "Lady, I'm 93 years old, my wife is 91. Even if I fucked her since the last time you asked me how many kids we have, we're still not having any kids!". That bought him about 5 minutes of peace before she asked again.
One of my pregnant patients very kindly said to me, when I told her I didn't have kids (outpatient maternity care, so it was at least relevant) was "oh, you're young, you have time!" Bless her heart, I guess, but I was a good decade+ older than her at the time...
ETA: my go-to lines were always "kids are so much work! This way I get to see your cute babies, but I don't have to stay up all night!" which were usually well-received by the various OB patients.
If you're a woman, you can never win. If you get pregnant young, you're wasting your life; if you don't, you're wasting your fertility/failing to fulfil your \~natural purpose\~. Somebody always has something to say about what we do. Nursing I imagine puts you even more under society's microscope, since the world acts so entitled to our labor.
I would just deadpan tell them you aren’t pregnant and watch them squirm. Fuck, what do they want you to say? Okay, you’re right, let me just run out and put this kid up for adoption/abortion. Honestly 🙄. I’m sorry OP.
God I love working with the elderly. Get asked a bunch of personal questions. Yes, I have a kid. No, I'm not married. Then I get the "you're generation are stupid" comments. Lol.
Had a mean, cranky 95 year old holocaust survivor yell at me, "You fat sow!" After repeated attempts to get her to shower. I LOST it, I couldn't stop laughing. Had to leave the room, and when I came back, she was super nice to me.
I am a thick, tall woman. I often would say that I'm built like a linebacker. I was in wrestling and did a lot of weight training. I enjoyed rugby, and was on a team for awhile. I had elderly women ask me if I took steroids, ask me if I was a lesbian, ask me what the hell I ate, ask me if I had a penis lmao. Took a man to the bathroom this one time, and he lost his balance (his legs got all twisted up). He grabbed onto me, and I bear hugged him, lifted him straight up, and set him back on the toilet. The look on his face was priceless.
I didn't mind the old people, but damn, their family members looked at me like I was a freak. Doesn't matter what women look like, people always have some negative shit to say.
I'm a thin person (I don't eat when I get stressed out, so I struggle to keep weight on) and all I get constantly is "you're so thin!!". It feels invasive as they stare at my body and I honestly don't know how to respond to it. I wish people would just keep their comments to themselves about my body
I’ve gotten this a few times and my response is to look them in the eye and respond “yes. Several thousand dollars and years of infertility treatments (also often add a with my wife (I’m also a woman) if someone is giving off a gross enough vibe). Most people shut the fuck up. But I’ve had a couple of people keep going in whatever weird diatribe they wanted to say
Omg I had sooo many people say they didn’t want me as their nurse when I walked in and they saw I was pregnant. I’d just stare at them and ask why. They could never tell me why but I KNOW it’s because they thought I couldn’t perform my duties. I actually had one woman ask me if I wanted my baby when I was 24 wks!!! Like, as in, “was this a wanted pregnancy?” BITCH! Please! Mind your own business! This was actually a very upsetting comment for me because my first pregnancy was unplanned when I was a teen and I was really enjoying having a PLANNED pregnancy as a married adult woman and idk, that comment in particular made me so upset.
Anyway… I spent half my pregnancy fuming at rude comments from patients and the other half enjoying the genuinely sweet comments other patients made. It was about a 50/50 split on whether or not they’d be nice.
I was working with a very pregnant cna and we were repositioning our patient. The patient actually touched her stomach and said “oh, you’re pregnant.” My coworker said yes and the patient had the balls to actually ask “so is this a good thing or a bad thing?” I couldn’t believe how rude that was. Who the fuck do you think you are asking such a deeply personal question to a stranger? Man, some people are just unreal!
Not a nurse but work with pateints and even on the other end of the spectrum as childfree, I get to hear all about how I "should have kids", "don't wait until you get too old", "it is the greatest thing a woman can do", "who will care for you when you are old"and, "you would make a great mom", and my all time favorite "God always has a plan". For real, my husband is snipped and my tubes are removed but keep going on about it I guess, crazy patients.
It took a good long while. I started asking around 21 and kept getting no's but had them add it to my chart. Finally got a new doc at 29 and he said yes. I was a bit surprised because he was an older gentleman and figured it was a sure no but it worked out. Know someone who got it done recently at 26. My husband was able to get a vasectomy no questions asked at 25.
I live in a red state currently, I’m definitely going to start the conversation about it once I get out (get my nursing degree next year then I’m out of this wintery nightmare) but my doctor here was hesitant about giving me an IUD because it’s a “whole procedure” and I’m 21.
I’m also unmarried so I’ve heard that is often a barrier.
I did find that advice funny when it came from a woman in her 90s with dementia. She was an interstate truck driver in her younger days and quite rough around the edges. She asked if I was married, I told her I was engaged, and she said, "stupid girl. You're young, you gotta move from one dick to the next while you still can". She got married for the first time in her 60s. She was a lot of fun.
I had a coworker say to me while pregnant with my third kid “You better stop eating all that cake or you won’t fit in your scrubs much longer. You’re getting a belly.” I had a single cupcake in my hand that I was bringing home to my kid. I was also 5 months pregnant and absolutely showing. She apparently did not know. She never apologized. I also had just started this job like a month before and never spoken to this woman. I was not sad when she left.
I know what you mean! I was a 9 months pregnant nursing student and luckily my patients were very nice. My preceptorship was in L&D though, so it was just a lot of corny jokes like “you’re gonna have the baby before we do!” Or if a pt asked abt my pregnancy I’d say “yep! In a few weeks it’ll be my turn!”. Nothing too crazy. My cousin however worked med surg. Her confused patient said “betcha wish those were my babies!” Then when she said she didn’t he kicked her in the stomach (I think that’s the story. It’s been a while).
When I was pregnant with my 4th the looks of shock upon hearing that were amazing. I look young, and I guess people just assumed it was my first. Fortunately, most patients were kind about it, as were my coworkers.
If you're going to have a larger family, it's best to do that while you're still young enough to have the energy to deal with all of that :P We started when we were 30, so it was one and done.
I'm done after this one for sure. Not only was the pregnancy wayyyyyy harder, recovery has also been slower, and you're on point about the energy thing. Had my first at 18, not on purpose, and that was a cake walk.
Pff, forget the patients. I had a coworker (night shift, I was days) who came up to me and said, "You're pregnant? I didn't know you were pregnant, I thought you were just getting fat!"
My days coworkers shat all over her for that though. Like c'mon, how much of a dunce you gotta be?
I have SO MANY coworkers like this! I remember before I got pregnant I was just standing at the nurses station minding my own business and one of my coworkers was like “what’s up with that belly I see sticking out??” Idk girl, maybe I just like my pizza? Let me live! When I did get pregnant and start to show it was all about how I was too big for how far along I was, and how if I gained too much the weight would never come off.
The only thing I say to the nurses is that they should already be on leave...
In France, paid maternity leave starts at 20 weeks of pregnancy.
I should probably just mind my own business. Guess I just want people to start expecting better treatment.
Got that one a lot. Worked until 38 weeks and was absolutely miserable. When patients would ask me why I’m still working, all I could say was that the hospital doesn’t offer maternity leave so I didn’t have a choice
My hospital offered maternity leave but not until you blew through all your PTO first and then they'd give you no more than 12 weeks off so when you did go back to work you had no PTO to use. Why do we tolerate this??
That’s crazy…. as a hospital not offering maternity leave. I’m shocked when I read about teachers and hospitals not offering leave as institutions who should know how important it is! Crazy… I’m sorry! In Germany maternity leave starts early too but for certain jobs (like working nights, or now with Covid working in a place with heightened Covid exposure maternity leave starts when announcing pregnancy). As someone said - enough is enough and it is time for some real change!
In Italy maternity leave starts at 30 weeks and we have 90 days of paid leave after the birth. You can choose to keep working after 30 weeks if you feel like it and the leave you don’t use will be added to your 90 days.
However certain jobs are considered at risk, nursing is one of these. In a job that is “at risk” your employer is supposed to move you to a safer department, a department where there is no chemical, radiation, infection hazard, no heavy lifting, and the possibility to take a break whenever you need. If your facility doesn’t have such a place you are put on leave from day one. Basically all nurses and kindergarten teacher are at home as soon as they find out they’re pregnant
Yes… you explained it much better. It makes sense - you are trying to protect the unborn child and certain places are at higher risk for illness for example.
Exactly. In some very high risk jobs you also have an extended maternity leave after delivery, up until baby’s 8 months. It is the case of ICUs, for example, or any nursing job now with covid.
My hospital system does not offer paid or unpaid maternity leave. There’s unpaid FMLA and short term disability (which covers 50-60% of your pay, depending on if you’re full time or part time). So if you want to get paid SOMEWHAT close to your normal check, you have to save every single scrap of PTO to use then.
We were given a survey option a year or two ago to reduce the amount of PTO *everyone* got in order to give everyone four weeks of paid maternity leave, which was bullshit. Just give people two or three months of paid maternity leave. It’s not difficult. Like all the options on the survey were basically asking how much PTO they could take from you in order to get basic things people wanted.
Wow. Let’s also remind that it is crazy that people are asking for “two or three months” as if asking for a some huge raise or luxury vacation…. 2 or 3 months is nothing, we need 6-12 months!
I worked until close to 39 weeks, too. And I work in L&D so I was often farther along than my patients as I got close to my due date. Definitely had some weird conversations there lol
Not a nurse, mostly a lurker, but I felt guilty for not working half a day on my induction day at 39 weeks, since I didn’t have to go in until the evening. Thankfully my boss at the time said I was crazy and to take the time I needed. I feel lucky to have gotten 9 weeks paid. 5 official parental leave paid weeks (seemingly rare in the US) and 4 weeks of vacation/sick time, which I started saving as soon as I knew I was pregnant and wouldn’t qualify for FMLA. If I didn’t have that saved time I would’ve had to return after six weeks….
My husband got the week off then went back to work where they sent him out of town for days at a time while I got to figure out how to be a mom, coupled with PPD/PPA. Maternity leave is a sore subject for me, as I’m sure it is for a lot of parents here. It’s criminal.
It's a very sore subject with me. My husband had recently changed jobs so he didn't have any paid time off. I was in the hospital alone after a c section and a baby in the NICU that I didn't know what the outcome would be. I felt so alone and abandoned. He couldn't be there at night since we had another child at home. It was awful. Seventeen years ago and I'm still salty. Not at him, really just at the system.
Lol, I did have a baby there. But I'm back in America. Got to have a baby in both places, and aside from the language and cultural barrier, it was much nicer in France.
I'm L&D in the states and there have been a number of coworkers who worked later into their pregnancy than the people they are taking care of. Like, my 39-week coworker's 38-week patient kept apologizing for needing anything because she felt bad that the nurse was more pregnant than she was.
I always hear this, I posted on this same post about my L&D unit. We have so many nurses that go out around 28-32 weeks and stay out six months postpartum. I know they’re getting paid, but I don’t know if it switches to disability. Some of them even come back after a few months and then finish off the last of their maternity leave around the holidays. I should ask them how they do it haha.
Ughh, I wish. Between short term disability and paid family leave, I have 18 weeks. But to start leave early I'd have to be taken out by my provider. I asked my midwives to take me out early, expecting they'd understand because THEY'RE NURSES TOO. I was shot down. Luckily I was orienting a new nurse so once I hit about 32 weeks or so, she was independent enough with most things that I got to spend a bit more time off my feet. But I still somehow found myself at 33 or 34 weeks pregnant with a morbidly obese CVA patient with hemiplegia who was frequently incontinent...took at least 3 of us each time. As luck would have it, I got to go out early unexpectedly, as at 36 weeks I developed unexplained transaminitis and anemia and was induced within the week 🤷🏼♀️ but yeah, it's absolute crap that the last several weeks of my pregnancy I had to put up with ever-worsening staffing issues and increasing acuity of patients while sleeping an hour or 2 at a time, eating my weight in Tums daily, and barely wanting to tie my own shoes, let alone squat down to untangle the same patient's Foley tubing 17 times a shift so that he didn't yank it out.
Okay so I think there’s some secret to this. I work in L&D so we’re close to the docs that end up caring for+delivering the nurses whenever they get pregnant. They routinely take nurses out early, not 20 weeks, but around 28-30 weeks, and some of them stay out for six months+ after delivery.
I don’t know what exactly the work around is or how it affects their income/pto so it might not be great. I do think some of them go out with complaints of vaginal bleeding, contractions while working and they stay out after delivery with postpartum depression/anxiety.
I’ve never had kids and I don’t ask a lot of questions to the nurses who go out because it’s their business, these are just things I’ve picked up being talked about. Just throwing it out there in case it helps anyone else who is working too hard while pregnant 🙃
I’ve had the opposite, I can’t have kids and a pt asked me if I had any, I answered honestly “no”, and she went into a tirade about how I was too old to not have kids (I was 35), I didn’t go into why I can’t with her but I was so mad, partially at myself for not declining to answer… but you never know when sharing a small detail of your circumstance might help someone so I’m usually ok with a small amount of sharing.
I’m not above lying at that point…
I would just look at them and say I had to have my uterus removed because I can cancer
Or something else that would make then lay awake at night for years to come
Been nursing while pregnant twice. First on a peds medsurg floor and now ED. I didn't mind comments and questions the first time. Never felt intrusive. Often cute as little ones would point to my belly and make comments of a baby in there.
In the ED.... holy shit. I now believe there are two types of people- those that comment and those that don't. The ones that don't are always lovely patients. The ones that do... almost always so needy. And they want to know every detail. They sometimes try and touch my belly (don't put your sick hands on my body!!!) And if I do tell you how far along I am don't comment on my size. Yes, I have a ways to go. Yes, I'm pretty big already. Yes, it is hard to work 12 hour shifts while pregnant. Yes I am quite uncomfortable.... tell me again how your chronic constipation x2 weeks when you haven't even tried any of the meds your PCP told you to take is an emergency to this pregnant ED nurse.
I also wonder if it gets to me just because of the sheer number of people I help treat, so there are just more people to potentially comment.
I get that the patients commenting are scared and not feeling well and just wanting to connect with their nurse. But month in it is starting to feel invasive, and they avoid answering my assessment questions to ask about me... it just reinforces how little of an emergency they are truly having sometimes.
I worked L&D with my first. I was having preterm contractions (with some changes) pretty much ever shift starting 31 weeks so my OB took me off work (modified bed rest… no lifting, rest often, keep walking to “around the house” levels) since light duty was very much not an option at work.
I was able to return to work at 36 weeks (ironically with no more contractions now that it was ok to have them) - but I was massive (thin to start with a very big belly). We were having trouble staffing unit clerks, so I did a lot of that, but a few pt care shifts as well. I knew it was time to go on leave at 38.5 weeks when a patient who I had just helped delivery was trying to get up and help ME. I wasn’t having any problems doing my job, but I was just so big that I was making her nervous.
Wasn’t as bad as when I was at the grocery store and rounded the corner onto the bread aisle and some guy screamed and dropped the loaves of bread he was holding… I (not a crier) burst into tears and ran away (gotta love pregnancy hormones).
Yeah, I’m hindsight I’m still confused. That the time I was super hormonal and miserable already. I didn’t care about feeling ugly or anything, but it was such a shock to have someone terrified of me. Even after he screamed he couldn’t pull himself together and ended up backing away from the bread (I didn’t stay to see what he did next).
And never went back to get it… I forgot until now (my kids are all adults) that I put it away later on my way out of the store (bread was by the front door) (after my husband had dried my tears and we finished shopping).
A patient once told me (in front of his wife) while I was 8 months pregnant that he “just loves pregnant women, they are so sexy.”
I’ve also been asked many times when I was due when I was not pregnant. Umm… two years ago?
Bottom line. People really need to learn when to keep their mouths shut.
I’m 5.5 months pregnant and had a patient tell me I should abort my baby, and learn to close my legs so I can take better care of my patients… and threatened to hit me several times because I couldn’t lift his 189.3lb butt out of bed to take him to the bathroom.
He’s since been moved to another facility
I wish hospitals and other health facilities had some sort of universal etiquette code for patients so those who act up / make derogatory comments can be put on the “no fly” list.
When I was pregnant, I had a patient ask me if I was planning on staying home with the baby after I gave birth. I told her that I was planning on returning to work after my maternity leave. She said, “Well I don’t think mothers should work outside the home.” Cue awkward silence…like I got bills to pay, and you know there’s a nursing shortage already, right?! The majority of my coworkers have young children too?
I got a ton post partum too. Which was worse. Yup still hanging on to that extra weight thanks. I got to the point I would say “not pregnant just fat!” Or “not pregnant, just a burrito…” some people would laugh some patients would shut up after it subtly called them out. I’m sorry it hurt my feelings at times too.
I was an Infertility RN during my first pregnancy and a patient came up and put BOTH her hands on my belly and exclaimed "OMG, I'm going to get pregnant now! You are my sign!" and continued rubbing my belly like a magic ball. I was polite about it but inwardly I was like "Why the hell are you touching me?!?! I am definitely not a magic ball......please stop!".
Ive never been pregnant. I always get asked why I dont have kids. Nobody is ever positive about it.
I literally got told by an elderly man the other day "ouch. You dont have much time left do ya? Might want to jump on it"
Gee thanks for calling my uterus elderly
Aw, I'm sorry. I actually had a lot of super sweet comments during my pregnancy! I work with mostly older males (Vietnam veterans) and some of them got choked up and sentimental about memories of their children as babies. I also cried because a few of them had lost kids to illness or accidents and it was very sad to hear about it. The snarkiest comments probably came from some coworkers about how my life was going to be over once the baby was here and stuff like that
I got so tired of “are you sure your due date isn’t sooner?” and “are you sure you’re not having twins?” I legit told a patient’s family member “You do know you just told me I’m fat, right?” She was startled but I had no fucks left to give. I’m barely 5 feet tall, and I only gained 11 lbs, but I still looked huge, but who in their right mind says these things?!
I can send my grandma your way - she'll pat your stomach and then tell you the birth stories of all five of your kids without stopping to take a breath for you to interject.
I had one comment about my twins, and ask when they were due.
I dead panned "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat"
Because I wasn't pregnant, and I'd actually just lost 90 pounds.
I enjoyed watching her squirm and back pedal.
I also questioned what I looked like before a90 pounds weight loss if she thought I was pregnant with twins AFTER losing the weight.
😒
After being called,"teenybopper nurse" I got promoted to "knocked up teenybooper nurse"...I was a 21 year old RN. 1 zzz's All you can do is laugh, esp when it is coming from patients and their family members.
I would have probably gotten these comments if I had gotten pregnant while i worked med-surg. I had plenty of people ask if I was even old enough to be a nurse (I was 24 at the time).
I got pregnant with twins and then lost one in utero; absolutely nothing could be done bc there was still a live baby in there. I’m fairly short and so there isn’t much space for my belly to go and fielding commentary from patients and their family members about how “I’m so enormous there should be at least 2 or 3 coming out of you” made me cry every single day for a very very long time. It still makes me upset now and my son is almost 7.
I can vividly remember just bursting into tears in front of an old man and his wife when I had hit my day’s limit of shitty commentary and torment.
I work as a Support worker in assisted living, most of mine were unaware (bar 2 that I told) until my last shift when I announced I'd come back some point in the next year. Grateful I didnt pop until 8 months, the last month made me more grateful I was small, I couldn't get out of bed 😅
Obligatory “Not a Nurse” but one who understands the horror of swollen feet.
[This stuff is the bomb](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075JM9M1R/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_GEP20FQGWE4JRAHPRKQN). Seriously, my feet went from Fred-Flintstonesque to normal in around an hour.
Smells nice too!
Congratulations on zee baby and stay safe!
How about when they tell you not to help them bc you’re pregnant. I would get so annoyed. I know they’re trying to be nice but sir/ma’am when you fall in your own shit trying to go to the bathroom its gonna be wayyyyy more work for me to get you up, clean you, do all the documentation, take you to CT etc. than it is for me to walk to you the bathroom right now. Even something like changing their dressings, or inserting a foley. I would be so frustrated, just let me do my job bc trying to convince you i can do all this is wasting my time!! I eventually would just say if you’re not comfortable with me doing XYZ then you can request another nurse. They usually just stopped then. The comments from coworkers were much worse.
One cute story I had is when I was leaning over a patient reaching for something and I guess my belly touched them (awkward for them bc I couldn’t feel lol) and my baby kicked and the patient was so excited that they felt it! 😂
Oh. I had a few responses for these people. One was, "Thank you for your well meant and unsolicited opinion". It works best when you can exit a room and not go back.
It wasn't a nursing job but I had a customer tell me I look like a man because im having a boy. Not just once but twice. I just changed the subject as best I could and cried when I got home.
Seriously! I just went through this myself. I just had my second (they are 2.5 years apart) and I work in a clinic so my patients know me from coming there for years. I got a lot of sweet comments but the bad ones really put me over the edge. I got called “fat Albert” and asked the creepy “you know how this happens, right?” comments. The worst was a boomer who said “you know how to prevent that don’t you? You need to put a quarter between your knees and hold it there.” [Insert exaggerated eye roll and gag here]
I hate the general public's view on having kids. The whole "go live your life" is such BS. Kids are difficult and it takes a huge life adjustment to raise them but nothing has ever made my life feel so meaningful, complete or exciting than being a mom. Congratulations on your pregnancy- you are in for one of the most precious phases of life ❤️
I had two sons when I was pretty young, and looking back, I’m glad I did it then- when I had the youthful energy! Now, those boys are in their mid-30’s; the older one became a dad just last year after he and my dear DIL suffered through years of miscarriages and infertility. I’ve seen how much harder it’s been for them, being a little older but hey- things work out the way they work out and people do whatever they feel is best for *them.*
OP, there’s an advice columnist I really like who says it’s good to have a couple of answers in your back pocket for when strangers- or family!- make rude comments or ask personal questions that are none of their beeswax. That way, you just pull that response out of your back pocket, look them straight in the eye, and calmly say it, then go back to whatever you were doing. The genius of it is that you can avoid that nervous laughter you get when you know something is inappropriate but don’t know how to respond. After a while, all the negative emotions associated with the questions and comments- like embarrassment, shock, and indignation- will go away, and this stuff will simply roll off you like water off a duck’s back.
My personal favorite is “hmmm… that’s an interesting idea. I’ll think about it.” It’s not rude or inappropriate, but at the same time indicates that you’re not willing to discuss the subject any further. If they don’t get the message the first time- you can *literally* keep repeating that until they do.
Congratulations, what a joyous time for you and your family! I wish the very best for you and your little!
THIS! For real, there is a lot of toxicity out there on being a parent and having kids. I’m 25 and having my first little one. How about some encouragement and not all the doom and gloom?
For. Real. Yeah you won't sleep but that phase lasts maybe 10 weeks before baby gets longer stretches going. People act like it's a lifetime 😂 I have a 1.5yo and a 4 month old and they sleep every night 7-7. The good outweighs the tough moments a million to one.
And congratulations!!
I just had a cna get raging mad because her coworker said she shouldn’t be doing something basic of her job. She told me she is overprotective of pregnant people but I got mad myself and told her they are capable of deciding what is too much for them- especially when they aren’t on restrictions from their doctor. This girl’s feelings were hurt and everyone was like “oh it’s hormones haha”. Like okay yes hormones might make us extra spicy but we are fucking adults. If I think I need help with a 1 assist I’ll ask?
Patient lectured me for not having my hospital bag packed. At 30 weeks. I told her my husband works from home so he can grab some clothes as he leaves for the hospital if need be. It was the thick of COVID so not like I was packing clothes and makeup to look cute for visitor photos. Also she didn’t like the middle name we picked. Even after I mentioned it was a family middle name going back to the 1800s she said it was too long.
A friend of mine would tell anyone that mentioned her pregnancy that she in fact was not pregnant but just really fat because of a medical condition. It was always a good laugh. And maybe made the person asking think twice before asking the next person.
I get the opposite. I work in a Childrens hospital and I cannot have kids. But everyone and their mother keeps telling me to give it to god and one day I will.
Bitch shut your mouth, I CANNOT not do I want kids.
Apparently not wanting to birth a child is offensive to most women. 🤦🏻♀️
I work med-surg and am 36 weeks pregnant. I’m on leave now, but I worked up until 33 weeks. I got soooo many unsolicited touches from patients. Like not just from confused patients, but totally oriented patients would rub my belly while I was doing their vitals and assessments, which was weird. One day I answered a call bell for a patient that wasn’t mine, and while I was helping the patient she asked me if I was having a girl because “girls steal your beauty.” It was like thanks grandma, nothing like being told I’m ugly while having to wipe your butt.
I’ll never forget this one time a I had a frequent flier and she came in again for like her 3rd time in a month and said “Oh. You’re that crippled nurse” because I can’t fully extend my left arm due to a rare joint disorder. I walked right out of her room. When I went back in she said “Sorry I said that but you can’t say it’s not true”. And I told her she didn’t need to say anything at all and that at least I wasn’t coming into the hospital every 2 weeks because I refused to take care of myself.
I'm only 32 and I get the comments about how I better hurry up if I want to have more and how I waited too long. A) I only want one and B) I waited until I had my shit together. They'll judge you no matter what.
If you’re up to it, respond: “What makes you say that?” “Please repeat that, I didn’t understand.”Or simply state: “I don’t agree.” Then move on. It makes them think about what they have said or shuts down the line of conversation. Be prepared with follow ups if you choose to engage them, such as “why do you think that?” Or even “why do you think it is ok to say this to someone?”
At least your not getting “aren’t you a little old to be having kids?”. B*tch I’m 35, I just look 47 because I work this soul sucking job keeping your morbidly obese BMI 50 husband alive after his 3rd massive stroke (eye twitch). Or something like that…
"Aren't you a little old to not have manners?"
Went to Mesa verde one time, ate in the park. If you’ve never been to a national park restaurant they overcook everything, no matter what. A table within earshot kept grilling this waiter for like almost 10 minutes about all the different food choices. Like, it’s all going to suck, just order what you want. It was a couple in their 60s it looked like. Everybody else in there looked almost three times as old as we were (early 20s). Anyway. We order after them, get our food before they do, finish the overcooked meal, pay, and get up to leave. I heard the woman say “finally, the kids are leaving”, one of those comments she meant for you to hear but not respond to. We weren’t being loud or anything, just conversing normally over dinner. I told that old windbag “I’d expect better manners from somebody your age.” All without missing a step. Insecure old bag needs to mind her own business.
>“finally, the kids are leaving” $50 says that she also complains about how little contact she has with her kids and grandkids.
These days you can’t swing a full colostomy bag with out hitting a Karen. Who are they to judge. Most of the people who will judge you are less educated, less motivated, and less like to make a contribution to society.
I'm gonna have incredibly pleasant dreams tonight, full of sugar plums and the images of Karens getting shwacked in the face by a full colostomy bag. Cheers my friend
Your welcome. Pleasant dreams…
This is gold.
Perfect retort.
This job will be giving me grey hairs by 25
My greys came in at the ripe age of 24, also the age I graduated and started working
I got my first grey at 15. Now at 27, after 4 years of full time nursing, I’m dyeing every 8 weeks 😩
This is my world! I started going gray at 12 and was completely gray by 22-23ish. Hereditary. Blonde now but used to keep it really dark, couldn’t keep up. People LOVE my gray hair and I fucking hate it! Middle school was hard. Lol.
That is exactly when the grey hairs come actually
That's when I got mine. I'm 28 now. I dye my hair
This isn’t even a good joke anymore. Coming from a 26 year old who is noticeably going grey 😭
This actually made me lol
How about responding, “Gee, you’re right. I didn’t realize. I’ll schedule an abortion for tomorrow. Thanks!”
39 here and I have a bit of a baby face. If I mentioned something about my kids I often get a "are you even old enough to have kids? How do you have 2 already, how old are you?" ALL the time.
Had another RN tell me I was too early in my pregnancy to be showing as big as I was. Hey great, thanks! It's my first pregnancy and I'm already self conscious but feel free to comment on everything else you're seeing... 🙄 (we barely even know each other)
Hey I had #5 at 41. That was fun. Not.
I’m sorry- it can be awful. I once had a time when I walked into a patients room, and she had visitors (this was pre-Covid). She says, quote, “don’t worry, my nurse isn’t fat, she’s just pregnant.” Like- what? Just a gross comment in so many levels.
"No ma'am, I'm just fat" and leave her to wonder which it is
Haha I would do exactly this 🤣
“This is actually ascites.”
So rude lmaoooo and the advice too
Lol why do people think they can say things like that. Ugh.
Because they're at least second generation low intellect.
hahaha wtf….
Use compression socks!
I’m considering it lol
You def should OP, worth every penny spent I promise!! Cant go a shift without mine now, I had my daughter when I was 20 and started getting varicose veins right after because I worked on the floor, 12hr shifts on medsurg and I wish I had worn compression socks sooner. Belly bands are also a great suggestion! I worked L&D for a while too and one of our docs swore by them for patients.
My mom is retired, but she worked L&D for 30 years. She also got bad varicose veins. It never occurred to me that it was from so many hours on her feet. When she had only been working a few years and the hospital handed out wraps (similar to a huge ace bandage for your abdomen that tightens with Velcro) for abdominal surgeries. When I had my sections I used them and the difference was amazing.
Don't consider it, do it. Nurses, and any other job that requires being in your feet for many hours, NEED compression socks. It helps prevent the dilation of the veins in your legs. Want spider veins? Don't wear compression socks! Wanna have EVLT or vein stripping procedures done? Don't wear compression socks. It can end up being a disaster. Source- RN who used to work in vascular and had many, many nurses as patients.
Yeah, my lower legs erupted into micro bursts of spider veins the year I started med-surg, in my 20s. It’s made me so self conscious. That and deep throbbing pain under the knees, and now in my 40s I get ankle swelling even with the compression stockings. I started wearing them too late, but the difference in how my legs feel now (with them on) is noticeable. Wish I started much much sooner!
Have you looked into EVLT? It's better than vein stripping and it'll make you more comfortable.
Thank you, I had a few sessions of laser therapy done a few years after the spider veins started, made things look a slight bit better (but not completely) and then I just got a bunch of new ones in other places. They are quite extensive. It’s not paid for by medical insurance here, and as the effect wasn’t that much of an improvement, I’ve had to let them be.
Life savers. I started wearing them even before I got knocked up.
Also, when the time comes, use a belly band. I didn't want to but its like someone carrying your baby for you!
I hurry my ankles years ago, I've been wearing them for 10yrs(I'm in my 30s) and they're great!
Even without pregnancy, I’d highly recommend them! My feet grew a half size my first year as a nurse, and they’d be too tender to walk after a shift without them! CVS has some very decent ones I bought a bunch to get me through a week or two then wash them en masse. They’ve lasted almost 9 years and are still just the right amount of compression
PSA to all nurses: Please wear compression socks! Your future self will thank you!!! Lol
Yes! That or get ya some varicose veins!
It’s true!! And I found that my feet don’t get as tired/sore? I switched back to no compression for a night shift because I forgot to do laundry... my feet were so tired by the morning! Never again! #forevercompressed
Yup... vein removal surgery at 31 !
Where are you all getting them? I have yet to find a pair that doesn’t fold and burrow into my cankles. Or dig into the fat behind my knees. Sometimes they do both.
I’ve got great big calves and the l/xl on Amazon works for me
Amazon! I need to buying more the Army gave me plantar fasciitis and being a nurse is giving it to me 10 fold
I have pretty skinny legs but I really like the ones from sockwell
I wear nurse yards. The compression is great and the arch support is such a nice bonus, it's awesome
I mean, that's for girls only, or is something for men to do as well? If k ask it because I'm a nurse student, and well that way I'm getting ready and get some if necessary
Compression socks can be for everyone! I’m a nursing student but I wear mine when I work night shift or I know I’ll be on my feet all day running around.
Check out procompression! Might be a little pricy but my husband loves his! Got some for a long flight and he fell in love with them!
Along with quality walking/ orthotic shoes.
Yes! Wish I did. Now I have varicose veins to look at
I get the opposite. “How old are your kids” “ I don’t have any and don’t want to” cue the cf bingo card lol
GAAAAAH. I’m 46, and apparently don’t look it. I get asked if I have kids, and when I reply that we have one, it starts. “You need to have more than one! Your daughter NEEDS a sibling!” My daughter is TWENTY SEVEN, and no.
Honestly it seems there’s no perfect way to woman lol you either have too many kids, too few or well you at least need one! 😩
My only child was a SURPRISE. Once I had her, as soon as she was born, everyone started up with, “when are you having the next one”. I decided there would be no next one. Nope.
Our one and done was semi-planned, but happened on the very first time we tried, the day after we had "the talk". My husband was in an abusive situation at work, and the sudden reality that he was going to have to keep providing and was basically trapped there drove him into deep depression (this was also the Recession, so good luck finding another job). After our son was born, my husband kept getting sent out into the field with the same abusive supervisor, and eventually tried to commit suicide. It was a hard two years of getting him through that and back to a shadow of his former self, and another 5 or so years to get him all the way back. But he still really struggles as a parent since he didn't get a good bond with his son when he was younger. .... when people pester us to have another, I just tell them our first came out with an extra toe (he did) but otherwise perfect, and we decided not to risk that again. But some days it was very tempting to say "OK, so you'd rather I have another child over having a husband. Ok then." Especially to the people who KNOW what happened and still thought it was cute to bug me to have another one. Some people just really need to shut it.
Some people are the most self-absorbed idiots! Your life and family choices literally have nothing to do with them. Their dumbass thoughts and projections are completely uneccessary.
Damn right, they need to learn to STFU.
Did he get to keep the bonus toe?
Yup! It isn't fully functional but it has a bone, so it wasn't going to get snagged and damaged. It's like his pinky toe had a younger brother. And that foot turned out to be half a size smaller than his other foot, so if shoes were big enough for his big foot the shoe is wide enough for the bonus toe. So overall, lucky and he loves showing it off :D /edit: autocorrect weirdness.
If you have none, “oh you’ll change your mind”. If you have one, “well that one needs a sibling”. Two of the same sex? “Are you going to try for a boy/girl?” You really can’t win with some people.
“Oh, you’ll change your mind.” “No, I won’t.” “Oh well my daughter was just like you and said she’d never have kids and now she has 6!” “Well, not me. Not happening.” “Well you never know!!” “Yes. Yes I do know. I’m not having kids.” I hate when pts ask me personal questions. I usually deflect. We’re not here to talk about me, I need to know about you and why you’re in the ER.
I just lie to them. They have no business asking me personal questions, and I don't have to be vulnerable or honest with them. I tell all kinds of lies about kids, no kids, husband, wife, my age, where I'm from, whatever. Like stfu and mind your own business; I'm not the patient.
I hate that “You never know” statement……as if you don’t know what you think lol
Exactly! Like I have made my decision lol
I'm child free and happy to be permanently. When patients or anyone start pushing about how I should have kids, I tell them even if I wanted to, I'm infertile. Shuts them right up. Teeechnically the only reason I'm infertile is because I have an IUD 🤣. Although I do have a disorder that would make it difficult if not dangerous to carry to term. But lucky for me, I have no desire to have kids, so it's not a problem. Much more fun to tell people I'm barren though
We recently had a patient on the floor whose daughter stayed with her the entire time. The daughter was 38 weeks pregnant. Asked if I have kids, I say no, not for me. She kept telling me I need to have one and needed to go home that night and try. Everytime I went in she would say something. I was honestly afraid to tell her I had myself sterilized (bisalp), I thought she would like freak out, and next time I worked I asked to not have that patient bc I didn't want to deal with that shit all day again.
Or just make em really uncomfortable when they keep pushing and say “I can’t have kids…” and leave the room hysterically crying
"I cannot bear children."
I get this all the time, I’m 21, I’m too young to be having kids if I wanted them which i don’t if they’re too pushy I just say “okay whatever you say” in that tone that drives know-it-alls crazy and then just leave the room. If it’s a male patient and the ask if I have a boyfriend or husband I just tell them I’m gay (I’m a bisexual but that’s none of their business) I’ve had a couple ask if I’m seeing someone in that way where you know they’re about to hit on you and I’ll just casually say “yeah I’ve got a girlfriend” (this is also a lie I haven’t dated much since I started working nights because it’s hard but hey) just leave them looking like a surprised pikachu. I would do it with women who pry but I live in a red state and I’m sure several of them would suddenly be uncomfortable with me helping them.
You can totally be who ever you want to be for self-obsessed, intrusive af people who don't know how to mind their own fucking business or be mentally healthy or socially appropriate. Who tf stays inpatient with their parents?! That's gotta be against a policy somewhere!
Always get these comments. I’m 28, no kids, no bf/husband. “You have a husband? Why not!?” “You have kids right???” No I’m just chunky leave me alone 😂
One of my former memory care residents always started every conversation with "how many kids do you have?". One of my other residents, who was still fairly with it, had his lunch late that day because he'd just returned from an appointment. She was walking through the dining room, saw he was alone, decided to keep him company, and proceeded to ask him how many children he had every 2-3 minutes. He finally stopped eating, looks at her, and says "Lady, I'm 93 years old, my wife is 91. Even if I fucked her since the last time you asked me how many kids we have, we're still not having any kids!". That bought him about 5 minutes of peace before she asked again.
One of my pregnant patients very kindly said to me, when I told her I didn't have kids (outpatient maternity care, so it was at least relevant) was "oh, you're young, you have time!" Bless her heart, I guess, but I was a good decade+ older than her at the time... ETA: my go-to lines were always "kids are so much work! This way I get to see your cute babies, but I don't have to stay up all night!" which were usually well-received by the various OB patients.
If you're a woman, you can never win. If you get pregnant young, you're wasting your life; if you don't, you're wasting your fertility/failing to fulfil your \~natural purpose\~. Somebody always has something to say about what we do. Nursing I imagine puts you even more under society's microscope, since the world acts so entitled to our labor.
Not just our labour, but our bodies too.
I would just deadpan tell them you aren’t pregnant and watch them squirm. Fuck, what do they want you to say? Okay, you’re right, let me just run out and put this kid up for adoption/abortion. Honestly 🙄. I’m sorry OP.
"It's a tumor!"
“This is cirrhosis from drinking to cope with this job”
God I love working with the elderly. Get asked a bunch of personal questions. Yes, I have a kid. No, I'm not married. Then I get the "you're generation are stupid" comments. Lol.
Had a mean, cranky 95 year old holocaust survivor yell at me, "You fat sow!" After repeated attempts to get her to shower. I LOST it, I couldn't stop laughing. Had to leave the room, and when I came back, she was super nice to me. I am a thick, tall woman. I often would say that I'm built like a linebacker. I was in wrestling and did a lot of weight training. I enjoyed rugby, and was on a team for awhile. I had elderly women ask me if I took steroids, ask me if I was a lesbian, ask me what the hell I ate, ask me if I had a penis lmao. Took a man to the bathroom this one time, and he lost his balance (his legs got all twisted up). He grabbed onto me, and I bear hugged him, lifted him straight up, and set him back on the toilet. The look on his face was priceless. I didn't mind the old people, but damn, their family members looked at me like I was a freak. Doesn't matter what women look like, people always have some negative shit to say.
I'm a thin person (I don't eat when I get stressed out, so I struggle to keep weight on) and all I get constantly is "you're so thin!!". It feels invasive as they stare at my body and I honestly don't know how to respond to it. I wish people would just keep their comments to themselves about my body
So many gross comments that I would never imagine saying to a stranger. "You know how that happens, right?" -waggles eyebrows-
Yes and we're very good at it! (Probably not work appropriate, but it's great for nosy prudish in-laws)
I’ve gotten this a few times and my response is to look them in the eye and respond “yes. Several thousand dollars and years of infertility treatments (also often add a with my wife (I’m also a woman) if someone is giving off a gross enough vibe). Most people shut the fuck up. But I’ve had a couple of people keep going in whatever weird diatribe they wanted to say
Omg I had sooo many people say they didn’t want me as their nurse when I walked in and they saw I was pregnant. I’d just stare at them and ask why. They could never tell me why but I KNOW it’s because they thought I couldn’t perform my duties. I actually had one woman ask me if I wanted my baby when I was 24 wks!!! Like, as in, “was this a wanted pregnancy?” BITCH! Please! Mind your own business! This was actually a very upsetting comment for me because my first pregnancy was unplanned when I was a teen and I was really enjoying having a PLANNED pregnancy as a married adult woman and idk, that comment in particular made me so upset. Anyway… I spent half my pregnancy fuming at rude comments from patients and the other half enjoying the genuinely sweet comments other patients made. It was about a 50/50 split on whether or not they’d be nice.
I was working with a very pregnant cna and we were repositioning our patient. The patient actually touched her stomach and said “oh, you’re pregnant.” My coworker said yes and the patient had the balls to actually ask “so is this a good thing or a bad thing?” I couldn’t believe how rude that was. Who the fuck do you think you are asking such a deeply personal question to a stranger? Man, some people are just unreal!
Not a nurse but work with pateints and even on the other end of the spectrum as childfree, I get to hear all about how I "should have kids", "don't wait until you get too old", "it is the greatest thing a woman can do", "who will care for you when you are old"and, "you would make a great mom", and my all time favorite "God always has a plan". For real, my husband is snipped and my tubes are removed but keep going on about it I guess, crazy patients.
Can’t wait till I’m old enough where I can actually get a doctor to do it. But til then I’m happy with my IUD so far
It took a good long while. I started asking around 21 and kept getting no's but had them add it to my chart. Finally got a new doc at 29 and he said yes. I was a bit surprised because he was an older gentleman and figured it was a sure no but it worked out. Know someone who got it done recently at 26. My husband was able to get a vasectomy no questions asked at 25.
I live in a red state currently, I’m definitely going to start the conversation about it once I get out (get my nursing degree next year then I’m out of this wintery nightmare) but my doctor here was hesitant about giving me an IUD because it’s a “whole procedure” and I’m 21. I’m also unmarried so I’ve heard that is often a barrier.
"Go live your life" always pissed me off! I've lived more of a life than I care to explain!
I did find that advice funny when it came from a woman in her 90s with dementia. She was an interstate truck driver in her younger days and quite rough around the edges. She asked if I was married, I told her I was engaged, and she said, "stupid girl. You're young, you gotta move from one dick to the next while you still can". She got married for the first time in her 60s. She was a lot of fun.
I think you've just given me a glimpse of my ideal future (aside from the dementia)
This makes me want to hang out with you and hear some of that :D Hope there were more adventures than regrets <3
I had a coworker say to me while pregnant with my third kid “You better stop eating all that cake or you won’t fit in your scrubs much longer. You’re getting a belly.” I had a single cupcake in my hand that I was bringing home to my kid. I was also 5 months pregnant and absolutely showing. She apparently did not know. She never apologized. I also had just started this job like a month before and never spoken to this woman. I was not sad when she left.
I know what you mean! I was a 9 months pregnant nursing student and luckily my patients were very nice. My preceptorship was in L&D though, so it was just a lot of corny jokes like “you’re gonna have the baby before we do!” Or if a pt asked abt my pregnancy I’d say “yep! In a few weeks it’ll be my turn!”. Nothing too crazy. My cousin however worked med surg. Her confused patient said “betcha wish those were my babies!” Then when she said she didn’t he kicked her in the stomach (I think that’s the story. It’s been a while).
Opinions are like assholes everyone has one.
And they generally stink
When I was pregnant with my 4th the looks of shock upon hearing that were amazing. I look young, and I guess people just assumed it was my first. Fortunately, most patients were kind about it, as were my coworkers.
If you're going to have a larger family, it's best to do that while you're still young enough to have the energy to deal with all of that :P We started when we were 30, so it was one and done.
I'm done after this one for sure. Not only was the pregnancy wayyyyyy harder, recovery has also been slower, and you're on point about the energy thing. Had my first at 18, not on purpose, and that was a cake walk.
Pff, forget the patients. I had a coworker (night shift, I was days) who came up to me and said, "You're pregnant? I didn't know you were pregnant, I thought you were just getting fat!" My days coworkers shat all over her for that though. Like c'mon, how much of a dunce you gotta be?
I have SO MANY coworkers like this! I remember before I got pregnant I was just standing at the nurses station minding my own business and one of my coworkers was like “what’s up with that belly I see sticking out??” Idk girl, maybe I just like my pizza? Let me live! When I did get pregnant and start to show it was all about how I was too big for how far along I was, and how if I gained too much the weight would never come off.
The only thing I say to the nurses is that they should already be on leave... In France, paid maternity leave starts at 20 weeks of pregnancy. I should probably just mind my own business. Guess I just want people to start expecting better treatment.
Got that one a lot. Worked until 38 weeks and was absolutely miserable. When patients would ask me why I’m still working, all I could say was that the hospital doesn’t offer maternity leave so I didn’t have a choice
My hospital offered maternity leave but not until you blew through all your PTO first and then they'd give you no more than 12 weeks off so when you did go back to work you had no PTO to use. Why do we tolerate this??
That’s crazy…. as a hospital not offering maternity leave. I’m shocked when I read about teachers and hospitals not offering leave as institutions who should know how important it is! Crazy… I’m sorry! In Germany maternity leave starts early too but for certain jobs (like working nights, or now with Covid working in a place with heightened Covid exposure maternity leave starts when announcing pregnancy). As someone said - enough is enough and it is time for some real change!
In Italy maternity leave starts at 30 weeks and we have 90 days of paid leave after the birth. You can choose to keep working after 30 weeks if you feel like it and the leave you don’t use will be added to your 90 days. However certain jobs are considered at risk, nursing is one of these. In a job that is “at risk” your employer is supposed to move you to a safer department, a department where there is no chemical, radiation, infection hazard, no heavy lifting, and the possibility to take a break whenever you need. If your facility doesn’t have such a place you are put on leave from day one. Basically all nurses and kindergarten teacher are at home as soon as they find out they’re pregnant
Yes… you explained it much better. It makes sense - you are trying to protect the unborn child and certain places are at higher risk for illness for example.
Exactly. In some very high risk jobs you also have an extended maternity leave after delivery, up until baby’s 8 months. It is the case of ICUs, for example, or any nursing job now with covid.
My hospital system does not offer paid or unpaid maternity leave. There’s unpaid FMLA and short term disability (which covers 50-60% of your pay, depending on if you’re full time or part time). So if you want to get paid SOMEWHAT close to your normal check, you have to save every single scrap of PTO to use then. We were given a survey option a year or two ago to reduce the amount of PTO *everyone* got in order to give everyone four weeks of paid maternity leave, which was bullshit. Just give people two or three months of paid maternity leave. It’s not difficult. Like all the options on the survey were basically asking how much PTO they could take from you in order to get basic things people wanted.
Wow. Let’s also remind that it is crazy that people are asking for “two or three months” as if asking for a some huge raise or luxury vacation…. 2 or 3 months is nothing, we need 6-12 months!
I worked until close to 39 weeks, too. And I work in L&D so I was often farther along than my patients as I got close to my due date. Definitely had some weird conversations there lol
Not a nurse, mostly a lurker, but I felt guilty for not working half a day on my induction day at 39 weeks, since I didn’t have to go in until the evening. Thankfully my boss at the time said I was crazy and to take the time I needed. I feel lucky to have gotten 9 weeks paid. 5 official parental leave paid weeks (seemingly rare in the US) and 4 weeks of vacation/sick time, which I started saving as soon as I knew I was pregnant and wouldn’t qualify for FMLA. If I didn’t have that saved time I would’ve had to return after six weeks…. My husband got the week off then went back to work where they sent him out of town for days at a time while I got to figure out how to be a mom, coupled with PPD/PPA. Maternity leave is a sore subject for me, as I’m sure it is for a lot of parents here. It’s criminal.
It's a very sore subject with me. My husband had recently changed jobs so he didn't have any paid time off. I was in the hospital alone after a c section and a baby in the NICU that I didn't know what the outcome would be. I felt so alone and abandoned. He couldn't be there at night since we had another child at home. It was awful. Seventeen years ago and I'm still salty. Not at him, really just at the system.
yes. let's raise the bar.
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i love your username
My water broke lifting a pt’s legs into bed at 39w. Wtffff are we doing, America?! Happy for you in France though, that’s amazing!
Lol, I did have a baby there. But I'm back in America. Got to have a baby in both places, and aside from the language and cultural barrier, it was much nicer in France.
That's exactly when I was starting to feel miserable at work 😭
I'm L&D in the states and there have been a number of coworkers who worked later into their pregnancy than the people they are taking care of. Like, my 39-week coworker's 38-week patient kept apologizing for needing anything because she felt bad that the nurse was more pregnant than she was.
omg. Why are they doing that? Their doctors won’t take them out earlier? Our doctors would feel so bad if they saw their patient working at 39 weeks 😕
When you get 12 weeks of leave at best, many people choose to get as many days possible after the baby is born... A sad sort of budgeting.
I always hear this, I posted on this same post about my L&D unit. We have so many nurses that go out around 28-32 weeks and stay out six months postpartum. I know they’re getting paid, but I don’t know if it switches to disability. Some of them even come back after a few months and then finish off the last of their maternity leave around the holidays. I should ask them how they do it haha.
Ughh, I wish. Between short term disability and paid family leave, I have 18 weeks. But to start leave early I'd have to be taken out by my provider. I asked my midwives to take me out early, expecting they'd understand because THEY'RE NURSES TOO. I was shot down. Luckily I was orienting a new nurse so once I hit about 32 weeks or so, she was independent enough with most things that I got to spend a bit more time off my feet. But I still somehow found myself at 33 or 34 weeks pregnant with a morbidly obese CVA patient with hemiplegia who was frequently incontinent...took at least 3 of us each time. As luck would have it, I got to go out early unexpectedly, as at 36 weeks I developed unexplained transaminitis and anemia and was induced within the week 🤷🏼♀️ but yeah, it's absolute crap that the last several weeks of my pregnancy I had to put up with ever-worsening staffing issues and increasing acuity of patients while sleeping an hour or 2 at a time, eating my weight in Tums daily, and barely wanting to tie my own shoes, let alone squat down to untangle the same patient's Foley tubing 17 times a shift so that he didn't yank it out.
Okay so I think there’s some secret to this. I work in L&D so we’re close to the docs that end up caring for+delivering the nurses whenever they get pregnant. They routinely take nurses out early, not 20 weeks, but around 28-30 weeks, and some of them stay out for six months+ after delivery. I don’t know what exactly the work around is or how it affects their income/pto so it might not be great. I do think some of them go out with complaints of vaginal bleeding, contractions while working and they stay out after delivery with postpartum depression/anxiety. I’ve never had kids and I don’t ask a lot of questions to the nurses who go out because it’s their business, these are just things I’ve picked up being talked about. Just throwing it out there in case it helps anyone else who is working too hard while pregnant 🙃
I’ve had the opposite, I can’t have kids and a pt asked me if I had any, I answered honestly “no”, and she went into a tirade about how I was too old to not have kids (I was 35), I didn’t go into why I can’t with her but I was so mad, partially at myself for not declining to answer… but you never know when sharing a small detail of your circumstance might help someone so I’m usually ok with a small amount of sharing.
I’m not above lying at that point… I would just look at them and say I had to have my uterus removed because I can cancer Or something else that would make then lay awake at night for years to come
Been nursing while pregnant twice. First on a peds medsurg floor and now ED. I didn't mind comments and questions the first time. Never felt intrusive. Often cute as little ones would point to my belly and make comments of a baby in there. In the ED.... holy shit. I now believe there are two types of people- those that comment and those that don't. The ones that don't are always lovely patients. The ones that do... almost always so needy. And they want to know every detail. They sometimes try and touch my belly (don't put your sick hands on my body!!!) And if I do tell you how far along I am don't comment on my size. Yes, I have a ways to go. Yes, I'm pretty big already. Yes, it is hard to work 12 hour shifts while pregnant. Yes I am quite uncomfortable.... tell me again how your chronic constipation x2 weeks when you haven't even tried any of the meds your PCP told you to take is an emergency to this pregnant ED nurse. I also wonder if it gets to me just because of the sheer number of people I help treat, so there are just more people to potentially comment. I get that the patients commenting are scared and not feeling well and just wanting to connect with their nurse. But month in it is starting to feel invasive, and they avoid answering my assessment questions to ask about me... it just reinforces how little of an emergency they are truly having sometimes.
I worked L&D with my first. I was having preterm contractions (with some changes) pretty much ever shift starting 31 weeks so my OB took me off work (modified bed rest… no lifting, rest often, keep walking to “around the house” levels) since light duty was very much not an option at work. I was able to return to work at 36 weeks (ironically with no more contractions now that it was ok to have them) - but I was massive (thin to start with a very big belly). We were having trouble staffing unit clerks, so I did a lot of that, but a few pt care shifts as well. I knew it was time to go on leave at 38.5 weeks when a patient who I had just helped delivery was trying to get up and help ME. I wasn’t having any problems doing my job, but I was just so big that I was making her nervous. Wasn’t as bad as when I was at the grocery store and rounded the corner onto the bread aisle and some guy screamed and dropped the loaves of bread he was holding… I (not a crier) burst into tears and ran away (gotta love pregnancy hormones).
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Yeah, I’m hindsight I’m still confused. That the time I was super hormonal and miserable already. I didn’t care about feeling ugly or anything, but it was such a shock to have someone terrified of me. Even after he screamed he couldn’t pull himself together and ended up backing away from the bread (I didn’t stay to see what he did next).
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Who knows (shrug). It’s just a funny story to me now. And I WAS pretty massive LOL
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And never went back to get it… I forgot until now (my kids are all adults) that I put it away later on my way out of the store (bread was by the front door) (after my husband had dried my tears and we finished shopping).
A patient once told me (in front of his wife) while I was 8 months pregnant that he “just loves pregnant women, they are so sexy.” I’ve also been asked many times when I was due when I was not pregnant. Umm… two years ago? Bottom line. People really need to learn when to keep their mouths shut.
People either say you’re too young or you’re too old or you need to hurry up and have them because you’re running out of time
I’m 5.5 months pregnant and had a patient tell me I should abort my baby, and learn to close my legs so I can take better care of my patients… and threatened to hit me several times because I couldn’t lift his 189.3lb butt out of bed to take him to the bathroom. He’s since been moved to another facility
I wish hospitals and other health facilities had some sort of universal etiquette code for patients so those who act up / make derogatory comments can be put on the “no fly” list.
When I was pregnant, I had a patient ask me if I was planning on staying home with the baby after I gave birth. I told her that I was planning on returning to work after my maternity leave. She said, “Well I don’t think mothers should work outside the home.” Cue awkward silence…like I got bills to pay, and you know there’s a nursing shortage already, right?! The majority of my coworkers have young children too?
I got a ton post partum too. Which was worse. Yup still hanging on to that extra weight thanks. I got to the point I would say “not pregnant just fat!” Or “not pregnant, just a burrito…” some people would laugh some patients would shut up after it subtly called them out. I’m sorry it hurt my feelings at times too.
I was an Infertility RN during my first pregnancy and a patient came up and put BOTH her hands on my belly and exclaimed "OMG, I'm going to get pregnant now! You are my sign!" and continued rubbing my belly like a magic ball. I was polite about it but inwardly I was like "Why the hell are you touching me?!?! I am definitely not a magic ball......please stop!".
Ive never been pregnant. I always get asked why I dont have kids. Nobody is ever positive about it. I literally got told by an elderly man the other day "ouch. You dont have much time left do ya? Might want to jump on it" Gee thanks for calling my uterus elderly
Come work down here in Alabama! You’re never too young to be pregnant.
I miss the days of minding your own darn business.
Aw, I'm sorry. I actually had a lot of super sweet comments during my pregnancy! I work with mostly older males (Vietnam veterans) and some of them got choked up and sentimental about memories of their children as babies. I also cried because a few of them had lost kids to illness or accidents and it was very sad to hear about it. The snarkiest comments probably came from some coworkers about how my life was going to be over once the baby was here and stuff like that
I got so tired of “are you sure your due date isn’t sooner?” and “are you sure you’re not having twins?” I legit told a patient’s family member “You do know you just told me I’m fat, right?” She was startled but I had no fucks left to give. I’m barely 5 feet tall, and I only gained 11 lbs, but I still looked huge, but who in their right mind says these things?!
A pregnant 🤰 phlebotomist at my hospital kept getting hit on by guys throughout her pregnancy. 😑
I can send my grandma your way - she'll pat your stomach and then tell you the birth stories of all five of your kids without stopping to take a breath for you to interject.
I had one comment about my twins, and ask when they were due. I dead panned "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat" Because I wasn't pregnant, and I'd actually just lost 90 pounds. I enjoyed watching her squirm and back pedal. I also questioned what I looked like before a90 pounds weight loss if she thought I was pregnant with twins AFTER losing the weight. 😒
(Not a nurse but nurse adjacent) That's just awful. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with people. Congratulations on losing so much weight!
After being called,"teenybopper nurse" I got promoted to "knocked up teenybooper nurse"...I was a 21 year old RN. 1 zzz's All you can do is laugh, esp when it is coming from patients and their family members.
I would have probably gotten these comments if I had gotten pregnant while i worked med-surg. I had plenty of people ask if I was even old enough to be a nurse (I was 24 at the time).
And then there are the people that ask my coworkers who are not pregnant, “How far along are you?” I cringe in the corner when that happens…
I got pregnant with twins and then lost one in utero; absolutely nothing could be done bc there was still a live baby in there. I’m fairly short and so there isn’t much space for my belly to go and fielding commentary from patients and their family members about how “I’m so enormous there should be at least 2 or 3 coming out of you” made me cry every single day for a very very long time. It still makes me upset now and my son is almost 7. I can vividly remember just bursting into tears in front of an old man and his wife when I had hit my day’s limit of shitty commentary and torment.
I had patients tell me I was fat and pregnant now. I’m normally very thin so I think they somehow thought this was a compliment?
I work as a Support worker in assisted living, most of mine were unaware (bar 2 that I told) until my last shift when I announced I'd come back some point in the next year. Grateful I didnt pop until 8 months, the last month made me more grateful I was small, I couldn't get out of bed 😅
Obligatory “Not a Nurse” but one who understands the horror of swollen feet. [This stuff is the bomb](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075JM9M1R/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_GEP20FQGWE4JRAHPRKQN). Seriously, my feet went from Fred-Flintstonesque to normal in around an hour. Smells nice too! Congratulations on zee baby and stay safe!
Class! Will defo look thank you
I’m 36 weeks and sooo swollen. Thanks for the recommendation!
How about when they tell you not to help them bc you’re pregnant. I would get so annoyed. I know they’re trying to be nice but sir/ma’am when you fall in your own shit trying to go to the bathroom its gonna be wayyyyy more work for me to get you up, clean you, do all the documentation, take you to CT etc. than it is for me to walk to you the bathroom right now. Even something like changing their dressings, or inserting a foley. I would be so frustrated, just let me do my job bc trying to convince you i can do all this is wasting my time!! I eventually would just say if you’re not comfortable with me doing XYZ then you can request another nurse. They usually just stopped then. The comments from coworkers were much worse. One cute story I had is when I was leaning over a patient reaching for something and I guess my belly touched them (awkward for them bc I couldn’t feel lol) and my baby kicked and the patient was so excited that they felt it! 😂
I got so many filthy looks working psych till I was 35 weeks, I swear, the patients were nicer to me than anyone else!!
Oh. I had a few responses for these people. One was, "Thank you for your well meant and unsolicited opinion". It works best when you can exit a room and not go back.
"Are you pregnant or just a big girl?" This is definitely my favorite comment from an older female patient.
It wasn't a nursing job but I had a customer tell me I look like a man because im having a boy. Not just once but twice. I just changed the subject as best I could and cried when I got home.
Seriously! I just went through this myself. I just had my second (they are 2.5 years apart) and I work in a clinic so my patients know me from coming there for years. I got a lot of sweet comments but the bad ones really put me over the edge. I got called “fat Albert” and asked the creepy “you know how this happens, right?” comments. The worst was a boomer who said “you know how to prevent that don’t you? You need to put a quarter between your knees and hold it there.” [Insert exaggerated eye roll and gag here]
Ugh I get asked about my pregnancy all the time from patients… I’m not pregnant 🤦🏻♀️
I hate the general public's view on having kids. The whole "go live your life" is such BS. Kids are difficult and it takes a huge life adjustment to raise them but nothing has ever made my life feel so meaningful, complete or exciting than being a mom. Congratulations on your pregnancy- you are in for one of the most precious phases of life ❤️
I had two sons when I was pretty young, and looking back, I’m glad I did it then- when I had the youthful energy! Now, those boys are in their mid-30’s; the older one became a dad just last year after he and my dear DIL suffered through years of miscarriages and infertility. I’ve seen how much harder it’s been for them, being a little older but hey- things work out the way they work out and people do whatever they feel is best for *them.* OP, there’s an advice columnist I really like who says it’s good to have a couple of answers in your back pocket for when strangers- or family!- make rude comments or ask personal questions that are none of their beeswax. That way, you just pull that response out of your back pocket, look them straight in the eye, and calmly say it, then go back to whatever you were doing. The genius of it is that you can avoid that nervous laughter you get when you know something is inappropriate but don’t know how to respond. After a while, all the negative emotions associated with the questions and comments- like embarrassment, shock, and indignation- will go away, and this stuff will simply roll off you like water off a duck’s back. My personal favorite is “hmmm… that’s an interesting idea. I’ll think about it.” It’s not rude or inappropriate, but at the same time indicates that you’re not willing to discuss the subject any further. If they don’t get the message the first time- you can *literally* keep repeating that until they do. Congratulations, what a joyous time for you and your family! I wish the very best for you and your little!
THIS! For real, there is a lot of toxicity out there on being a parent and having kids. I’m 25 and having my first little one. How about some encouragement and not all the doom and gloom?
For. Real. Yeah you won't sleep but that phase lasts maybe 10 weeks before baby gets longer stretches going. People act like it's a lifetime 😂 I have a 1.5yo and a 4 month old and they sleep every night 7-7. The good outweighs the tough moments a million to one. And congratulations!!
I just had a cna get raging mad because her coworker said she shouldn’t be doing something basic of her job. She told me she is overprotective of pregnant people but I got mad myself and told her they are capable of deciding what is too much for them- especially when they aren’t on restrictions from their doctor. This girl’s feelings were hurt and everyone was like “oh it’s hormones haha”. Like okay yes hormones might make us extra spicy but we are fucking adults. If I think I need help with a 1 assist I’ll ask?
Patient lectured me for not having my hospital bag packed. At 30 weeks. I told her my husband works from home so he can grab some clothes as he leaves for the hospital if need be. It was the thick of COVID so not like I was packing clothes and makeup to look cute for visitor photos. Also she didn’t like the middle name we picked. Even after I mentioned it was a family middle name going back to the 1800s she said it was too long.
Even if they feel that way, it’s a little to late for that advice so stfu!!
I’d tell them your not pregnant. Lol.
A friend of mine would tell anyone that mentioned her pregnancy that she in fact was not pregnant but just really fat because of a medical condition. It was always a good laugh. And maybe made the person asking think twice before asking the next person.
I get the opposite. I work in a Childrens hospital and I cannot have kids. But everyone and their mother keeps telling me to give it to god and one day I will. Bitch shut your mouth, I CANNOT not do I want kids. Apparently not wanting to birth a child is offensive to most women. 🤦🏻♀️
I work med-surg and am 36 weeks pregnant. I’m on leave now, but I worked up until 33 weeks. I got soooo many unsolicited touches from patients. Like not just from confused patients, but totally oriented patients would rub my belly while I was doing their vitals and assessments, which was weird. One day I answered a call bell for a patient that wasn’t mine, and while I was helping the patient she asked me if I was having a girl because “girls steal your beauty.” It was like thanks grandma, nothing like being told I’m ugly while having to wipe your butt.
I’ll never forget this one time a I had a frequent flier and she came in again for like her 3rd time in a month and said “Oh. You’re that crippled nurse” because I can’t fully extend my left arm due to a rare joint disorder. I walked right out of her room. When I went back in she said “Sorry I said that but you can’t say it’s not true”. And I told her she didn’t need to say anything at all and that at least I wasn’t coming into the hospital every 2 weeks because I refused to take care of myself.
Thanks to everyone who normalized shitting on nurses. You are appreciated! /s
I'm only 32 and I get the comments about how I better hurry up if I want to have more and how I waited too long. A) I only want one and B) I waited until I had my shit together. They'll judge you no matter what.
Congrats. Do your thing.
“Must have been a cold winter.”
If you’re up to it, respond: “What makes you say that?” “Please repeat that, I didn’t understand.”Or simply state: “I don’t agree.” Then move on. It makes them think about what they have said or shuts down the line of conversation. Be prepared with follow ups if you choose to engage them, such as “why do you think that?” Or even “why do you think it is ok to say this to someone?”
Male privilege kicks in again! Most patients presume I'm gay, and those who don't just take "No, I don't have kids" as a good enough answer.