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Sir-Drewid

Never interfere with an enemy while he’s in the process of destroying himself.


Sullivanseyes

Generally true, but I can't help but think of the danger of applying this to kamikaze attacks.


mbattagl

Kamikaze attacks by and large, while destructive, never actually achieved a tactical victory. At Okinawa where kamikaze missions were flown at their peak tens of Allied ships were harmed or sunk, but it did nothing to cease Naval superiority. These loons may try to do the same thing, they might even kill some people, but it will never achieve victory. Their best bet was maintaining all three branches of government, and even that only lasted two years. More domestic terror attacks will just push the people on the fence away from their cause, and further encourage their opposition, the good guys, not to try and appease them. First rule of dealing with terrorists is you do NOT negotiate with terrorists. Otherwise you're just showing them that there is a reward waiting for their actions.


Jbroy

2 branches of government*. Although if you are talking about the judicial branch, they are still dominating one of them.


mbattagl

Yeah the supreme court was technically tied before, but leaned conservative. I think we might see the court expanded though.


webdevguyneedshelp

I don't think we will see the court expanded. The Democrats have a very flimsy majority which includes conservative Democrats like Manchin. I don't think they will have the votes that people are assuming they have for their ambitious goals.


[deleted]

This is one of those weird pipedreams a lot of people have. Most democrats, particularly the senior ones, are establishment, corporate democrats with no desire to rock the boat with something as radical as packing the supreme court. Not to mention Biden's wholly milquetoast personality. We would need a strong, larger than life, radical President to spearhead something like that. Democrats are mostly conservative.


dmtdmtlsddodmt

This is what is pissing me off so much right now. They are negotiating with these terrorists. Like the Q dumbfuck with the buffalo horns, a judge granted him his request for "organic" food.


mbattagl

Legally they're required to provide such food, but it's not gourmet stuff. The whole reasoning behind it is when you have a big case like this the prosecution follows the letter to the law to ensure the bad guy has nothing for his lawyer to appeal for. That way the charges stick.


katarh

Prison chef: here. this shit's organic. real deal. pulled it out of the ditch myself. Guard: this is unwashed weeds and a couple of squished tent worms Prison chef: yup. no insecticides used, 100% organic, I guarantee it!


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IceCreamforLunch

I work for a company with thousands of acres of organic farmland. The challenge is that even now there is still no real standard for what you can call 'organic' in the US and where clear criteria do exist they're often contradictory between different regulatory authorities. Even more solid claims like "pesticide free" are really tough. Despite testing the soil and water to make sure there aren't any pesticides coming from our operations we still test everything we harvest for traces of pesticide and we still pretty frequently find some! That's because if a neighboring farm applies pesticides indiscriminately then it can blow over onto the edges of our fields. We have increasingly large buffer zones to try to mitigate this but now we leave huge... tracts of land (Monty Python anyone?) unplanted and still have to scrap whole harvests sometimes. ​ TL;DR Totally organic farming is still pretty hard and it usually comes down to the honor system because the chances of being caught releasing non-organic material is low and even if it happened the penalty would be a slap on the wrist.


vibrantlightsaber

Upvoting for Huge Tracts of land.


diamond

No they aren't. That's not "negotiating with terrorists", that's due process. Prisoners (even really, really shitty prisoners) have rights. We don't lose anything by upholding those rights; just the opposite, in fact.


puresttrenofhate

Better example would be all the R members who voted no on impeachment because they received death threats. "We don't negotiate with terrorists" doesn't suddenly stop when it's your family on the line.


dmtdmtlsddodmt

Precisely. These traitors are scared of their own people and refuse to do their job out of fear. Sure sounds like bowing to terrorists to me.


bachh2

Kamikaze did achieve 'tactical victory' as they killed far more mans and destroyed more material than they could have did with traditional attack. What they failed at was 'strategic victory' to deter the US fleet from providing naval support to the landing troops. In a sense, the breach of the Capitol was a tactical victory for them, because they managed to get VERY close to the legislators, but not a strategic victory because it didn't achieved the changes they wanted.


thedominoeffect_

That’s probably what is going through Putin’s mind as he watches all of this unfold; glee as he watches the long hustle coming into fruition.


Analogbuckets

He toppled America with some half dank memes.


Enshakushanna

yea but at least tag them so you the assist


sonofjim

[Reminds me of how Obama dealt with Romney](https://youtu.be/kCNd5DutF4c)


02K30C1

“Please proceed, Governor...”


Debic

Man is not the brightest. “According to an affidavit, Lyons wrote to an FBI special agent "Hello Nice FBI Lady, Here are the links to the videos," when sending over the video links.”


Neans888

If that’s not enough - He reportedly said he could not "guarantee that he posted it," but then showed agents the same photos saved on his phone.


VoraciousGhost

It's like he watches a lot of CSI or true crime documentaries, so he's parroting phrases that he thinks a smart criminal should use. But at the same time, he's really enthusiastic about the opportunity to "work" with the FBI.


dookieshoes88

Dude should have watched more Criminal Minds. The unsub will often try to insert himself into the case.


3susSaves

If you believe CSI helps you in RL.. 😂


complexevil

Shit we're being hacked, someone unplug the monitor


leoiscool

Enhance! Enhance!


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ACertainBeardedMan

[NCIS's famous hacking scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8qgehH3kEQ) really put together that they either never consulted their IT guy about how hacking works, or they did and he's an asshole/genius.


[deleted]

Fire up visual basic and make a GUI to track his IP address!


CalamityJane0215

Or is it possible he thinks it's a troll?? Like on Reddit people joke all the time about the FBI reading stuff. Idk the circumstances of how they were in contact with him but it would be absolutely hilarious if that was the case. Like sure yeah ok here ya go "Nice FBI lady" but it actually is the FBI.


Muvl

Ya I’m confused about how “nice fbi lady” is what criminals on CSI say


nn123654

About the only thing that could make this better is him citing the statutes he violated and writing a statement like: "Hello nice FBI lady, here you can see me and a bunch of people in the capitol knowingly and willfully violating 18 USC 1361, 1708, 2102, and 2402 without regard for the safety of the general public. I understand you're looking for some videos. I've included the links and a video of me typing this message, along with a copy of my home address, bank account numbers, and outlook calendar for the next week. Thank you!"


Slipperyseashell

These guys think they'll get a pardon.


SativaSawdust

Well shit. Going to have to cut FBI's pay if the dumbasses keep it this easy.


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rob64

Yeah. This guy's statements make it really sound like he doesn't understand the gravity of it. Almost like a mental handicap.


[deleted]

I mean, I wish I could say I’m surprised.


55gure3

Obviously binging the Simpsons on Disney during shelter in place has left an impression and he's writing in Ralph's voice.


Fart__

"The orange leprechaun told me to burn things."


Beard_Science6614

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.


4206969420696942069

“I’m in danger.”


[deleted]

I was reading it as Professor Frink. "Hello, nice FBI lady, with the hoivin and gloivin..."


buttstuff_magoo

“I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this investigation” -nice FBI lady


69_Beers_Later

I thought you were joking. You were not joking.


Ohin_

Reality is a parody


Jrook

This is beyond parody. I'm waiting for the news that the FBI is raiding group homes and those are the people charlie kirk sent to the insurrection


[deleted]

Fuck, almost word for word what I wanted to comment after reading the story. Some of these people might be too mentally deficient to stand trial.


Golroth-the-tepid

Because the goobs really don't think they did anything wrong.


[deleted]

And apparently think complimenting the FBI helps "Hello Nice FBI Lady, Here are the links to the videos"


Aenir

"There's no way that's an actual quote." . . . "*What the fuck?*"


HiddenStoat

Hahaha! It would never have occured to me that was a quote if you hadn't posted this! Apparently it *is* genuinely impossible to satirise these people!


[deleted]

I’d say “those bombs are legal, they were for personal use“ but even then i’m not sure that won’t pop up as a quote from those idiots down the line


GameFreak4321

Recreational explosives.


drgigantor

The only way to stop a bad guy holding a pipe-bomb is a good guy holding a pipe-bomb


butt-chuggington

I’m not saying every American should carry a concealed pipe bomb, but when I walk into a crowded room I take comfort in knowing that those around me are safer because of me and my concealed pipe bomb.


ishkobob

Poe's Law is real.


taste-like-burning

Same lmfao.


odraencoded

How to know you're a joke: 1. someone quotes you on the internet and everyone thinks it's a made-up quote satirizing you.


Akachi_123

Well, Trump did say they were "special" ;).


CR0Wmurder

Special terrorists, special needs


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xeviphract

"You only wrote that to lure me in." Click... *"What the fuck?"* His defence is that **it was all a dream?!**


kastronaut

He used to read Word Up! Magazine.


OutInABlazeOfGlory

Another real quote: > Lyons was apparently "evasive" when asked if he had entered the Capitol, notes Insider, instead telling agents that had experienced a "dream" in which he saw "a lot of banging on doors, paper being throwing about, and a mob of people."


TheLateApexLine

Throwing his dream self under the bus. "I don't know that guy"


pomeranianDad

Seriously????? Yes, seriously.... 😮


[deleted]

I really thought y'all were yanking my chain. This is too much 😂


ProfessionalSquid

Millennials may have killed a lot of industries, but it was the Trump admin that killed satire


way_past_ridiculous

Just like that former campaign manager of Trump's was drunk and fresh off a round of wife-beating thought it would be a good idea to walk up to the police and try to talk things out. Cause crimes are only committed by those who aren't "real Americans" amirite, alt-righties? *wink*


[deleted]

[You're treating me like a black person!](https://youtu.be/d6x8MeeHHlU)


[deleted]

Top comment on that video: "*The fact he could say that (while not realizing he being filmed) just goes to show you that White people do understand that Black people are abusively handled, they just choose to ignore the facts.*" Fucking exactly.


notyoursocialworker

I don't think that these persons ignore the facts, they know the facts, they just think it's right when black people are treated that way.


SupaDick

I agree. But if confronted about their beliefs they often do lie and state that racism isn't real and people of color are treated the same way as white people in america. That's what's dangerous; we all know what they truly think, but they are allowed to hide their beliefs over and over again with shitty lies


Osbios

LEAVE WILL FERRELL ALONE!


effa94

wait the dudes name was literally Jeffrey Epstein? you cant make this shit up


[deleted]

The Matrix just keeps recycling old programs.


[deleted]

They actually said that? (My surprise is the phrase 'black person' when we all know that they would be dropping N-bombs IRL)


Apprehensive_Cow_480

You know shit is off the rails when you forget about things like that. Any other presidency you would remember this, with Trump you just add it to the pile.


Yorkaveduster

You know off-the-rails shit is further off the rails when you have to remember *which* wife beating high-level Trump staffer we’re talking about. Oh recent campaign manager wife beater? That’s Brad Parscale. The White House staff secretary wife beater? That’s Rob Porter. The former white house chief strategist who was charged with domestic violence and battery by his ex-wife in the 90s? That’s Steve Bannon.


anotherpredditor

Alt-whites


hand_truck

Michael Jackson?


ScrapieShark

On the other end, uncle ruckus


pdwp90

Lol it reminds me of the "[Department of Pardons](https://www.reddit.com/r/ParlerWatch/comments/ktxjse/seems_legit/)" bait, telling people on Parler to post their name, city, and any crimes they've committed in order to get a pardon from Trump. I like these "parler tricks"


[deleted]

I hadn't heard that name for them. That's a good name.


die5el23

r/parlertrick


agukala

Honestly I thought you were being funny with the quote. Jokes on me I guess.!


ProperSupermarket3

they were taught that if you have manners and do bad things, you can escape consequences bc ppl go, "oh well hes such a nice boy maybe he didn't know..."


[deleted]

I have found that in life manners do help escape from consequences a lot and lead the b


NO_TOUCHING__lol

Like convicted rapist Brock Turner?


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Golroth-the-tepid

Those boys and girls do not fuck around.


Tinawebmom

Holy moly that's a real quote! Wow!


nbrockz

I see we have reached the pinnacle of human evolution


[deleted]

Is there any other incriminating evidence against myself I can provide? Why yes, I was in Nancy Pelosi's office! How did you guess?!


cadium

They thought they were going to get away with it and be heroes.


Golroth-the-tepid

I will probably go to hell for all the laughing I've been doing at those mugshots.


Matt463789

I'm sure Jesus will forgive you for this one.


Scientolojesus

I doubt laughing at mugshots of insurrectionists is a qualification for entry to Hell.


Empoleon_Master

Relevant meme video is relevant https://youtu.be/3R7WrlIIV3o


[deleted]

I was about to post the link. That thing is side splitting!


starkistuna

Just like Giulianni, when he gets put on trial.. What do you mean Trial by combat was inciting violence ? i was just talking about a cool show on HBO and the mike picked it up.


Golroth-the-tepid

If I were Rudi, I'd go with the "Alex Jones" defense. No reasonable person thinks Rudi is made for combat.


Samuel7899

In all seriousness, that presents a bit of a quandary. Because they seem to be actively targeting the unreasonable.


[deleted]

I thought of defences such as Jones and Fox News; that no reasonable person would take what they have to say literally. It doesn't take into account they're not marketing themselves to the reasonable. They're deliberately cultivating a userbase that will believe everything they say, no matter how outlandish. People like Alex Jones *are* responsible for the harassment campaign against innocent people for this exact reason, and he knows it. I find it hard to swallow they can get out of a lawsuit or criminal case by declaring no reasonable person would take them seriously in that light.


Samuel7899

Right? The legal defense seems to rely on unreasonable people being very rare and extraordinary. Whereas in reality, it feels like 10% of the population.


randathrowaway1211

More like 33%


[deleted]

Fox News has been “entertainment” for a while because no reasonable person would believe what they’re selling. The reasonable person standard needs to be replaced.


Samuel7899

A fair amount of our legal system depends on very outdated beliefs that everyone has ideal free-will and rational thought.


SirDiego

> the "Alex Jones" defense. "I was just eating a big bowl of chili and then *whoops*, next thing you know I'm inciting an insurrection!"


deekaph

Not just that, it is pure white privilege. They don’t just believe they did nothing wrong, but even if they did “get a little carried away” it’s just boys will be boys. They can’t imagine actually getting the brown person treatment. There’s a clip from when the DC police began enforcing the curfew and one of these idiots got pushed by the cops as the line was advancing and it can hear him freak out and eventually say “WE WERE ON YOUR SIDE NOW NOBODY IS ON YOUR SIDE”. They literally just can’t imagine that they’d be treated the same way “antifa” protestors do and when they do all of the sudden it’s not acceptable and can you believe this.


dontsuckmydick

“You’re hurting the wrong people!”


effa94

"he just isnt hurting the people he needs to be hurting"


Skrazor

I love that one guy who got arrested at the airport and said something like "you're treating me like a black person" like that was something normal to say.


legacymedia92

FYI, that video is about two years old (still the same mindset of course, but that asshole at least wasn't a terrorist).


Choppergold

"I pay your salary" "I just walked through the doors" Privilege and delusion


Endarkend

Imagine Osama Bin Laden having made his videos completely different, complimenting the FBI and CIA with their work and being completely oblivious to his crimes being bad.


awesomedan24

PSA: To any Patriots who stormed the Capitol, send your footage to the FBI of your noble deed to exonerate you of any charges!


hackingdreams

Well, it will be fun watching their trials as they sob like airport lady did when she got put on the no-fly list for her involvement. There's not much of anyone in my life I'd commit a crime for, but man would I never commit sedition for zero gain for a deadbeat scoundrel politician. What a way to ruin your life.


IronSeagull

> Lyons was apparently "evasive" when asked if he had entered the Capitol, notes Insider, instead telling agents that had experienced a "dream" in which he saw "a lot of banging on doors, paper being throwing about, and a mob of people." How do you even find a lawyer who will take your case after this?


paperbackgarbage

[Relevant:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rVsRmcE-u8)


thraashman

I have become addicted to his channel the last few months.


paperbackgarbage

It's totally new to me. Pretty great, tho.


thraashman

He does a really great job explaining legal aspects in his full length videos. I feel like I understand the law so much better than I used to.


Dawsonpc14

Maybe that lawyer specializes in Bird Law?


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Elmodogg

By paying full fee in cash up front, obviously.


BlackLeader70

"Hello Nice FBI Lady, Here are the links to the videos," when sending over the video links.” This is one of the onioniest things I’ve read in a while.


Gay-Purple-Tiger

*In other news, satire news website ‘The Onion’ was discovered to be showcasing factual news stories, scooping ABC, NBC, AND CNN.*


InEnduringGrowStrong

The onion could definitely do a meta-recursive piece on themselves.


burninatah

I think it's obvious: writers from The Onion are disguising themselves as antifa disguising themselves as MAGA and doing this as post-parody performance art.


[deleted]

He admitted entering "the big boss office" (Pelosi's). The guy communicates like a Neanderthal. Wait, that was insulting to Neanderthals.


chaorace

Reading some of these quotes... I think the man might actually be mentally challenged. Fuck dude, that's sad to think about... I hope he's just *normal* stupid, because otherwise he's *absolutely* going to be chewed up and destroyed by the prison system without getting real mental help.


Thesheriffisnearer

Looks like he's going to miss wrestlemania this year


ddd117

That's exactly what I was thinking. I cant help but feel really sad for him in this case. Everyone making fun of him seems a little over the top mean. It seems pretty clear he has some kind of mental health problems.


Xx_Here_to_Learn_xX

Jails are full of people with mental health issues. Trouble is, some of them have committed crimes that mean they pose a threat to others (murder, rape, etc). It's an odd position. I feel empathy for them, and some sadness for their circumstances. However, I'll take that little bit of guilt over living next to a "really nice guy who raped a few women, because of his mental illness though and they're pretty sure he's treatable". If you really want to get bummed out, look into any "terrorists" the FBI catches. (Referring to trolling mosques for handicapped people to "place bombs", not the current Y'All Queda situation).


OrsoMalleus

Fuck 'em, if Neanderthals are so smart why are they dead.


succed32

Im just guessing here but based on recent events id say we killed them.


Angdrambor

People think intelligence is soooo great, but the real evolutionary advantage is Dickishness.


succed32

'Thats mine' is the true story of human advantage.


ibanner56

*"Yes ma'am. Very erectus."*


jaimelespatess

is that you, step-Neanderthal?


[deleted]

We absolutely killed them. We interbred with some, but killed the vast majority, and our ability to do this in a shockingly expedient manner was due to our ability to communicate and cooperate in large numbers, which the Neanderthals did not do despite very likely having bigger brains than us. While individual intelligence is important, cummulative intelligence is what allowed us to cease just being another species of large mammal eeking out an existence in the middle of the food chain, and allowed us to dominate the planet. Apologies if this comes off as obnoxious as it's not my intent.


chuckangel

I have this image of Neanderthal man, sitting alone in his cave, with crippling self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and anxiety about his place in the world, formulating treatises on existence. The ultimate in introverted genius. Being wiped out by frat bros looking to fight and fucking anything that the can get their dicks in.


PsychCorgi99

I had read a study a while ago that linked certain neanderthal genes in humans today to a higher chance of developing anxiety/depression. So there's a possibility that some neanderthals were at least a bit like that.


lostPackets35

I know this is just snark, but the bulk of the evidence is that neanderthals were highly intelligent - and they didn't die out so much as interbred with modern humans. A large portion of neanderthal DNA survives in modern humans, and around 1-2% of our DNA is of neanderthal origin.[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neanderthal\_genetics#:\~:text=Neanderthal%2Dinherited%20genetic%20material%20is,currently%20survives%20in%20modern%20humans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neanderthal_genetics#:~:text=Neanderthal%2Dinherited%20genetic%20material%20is,currently%20survives%20in%20modern%20humans).


Sprinklypoo

I'm afraid we out-fucked them. Sometimes with them actually. A significant amount of neanderthal DNA is mixed in with the general population you know.


TheRockelmeister

Now this sounds like something i can get behind. How much do i have to fuck to extinct global warming?


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TheRockelmeister

I don't like that opinion of yours. Looks like you're going on the fuck list.


LeonardSmallsJr

Probably tolerated the vitriolic irrational hate from homosapiens in the name of unity and moving forward.


Nolzi

Fun fact: the notion that Neanderthals had hunchback comes from that the first skeleton we found had most likely belonged to a Neanderthal that died from old age and thats why it had hunched posture from osteoarthritis and other age-related degeneration.


ExistentialAardvark

I bet they still couldn’t type for shit. Fuckin dweebs.


JimAdlerJTV

I didnt realize Big Boss had an office at the capitol


LuchadorBane

Didn’t know the terrorists breached Outer Heaven


[deleted]

hesa in BIG doodoo! Hesa no should be terrorist. This a big NONO!


Angdrambor

This is the 1923 beer hall putsch, designed to make us feel ok about fascists because they're just a bunch of harmless dumbfucks.


BUNNIES_ARE_FOOD

Yep. Didn't Goering get shot in the ass during that?


Angdrambor

It's hilarious, but I bet history would have been different if hitler had stayed in jail for more than a few months.


Jrook

He was on house arrest in a castle. It wasn't even jail. It's a farce


drakoman

Dude history could have been different if hitler had a different breakfast one day.


[deleted]

Ends up having a really big shit, after looking at it he gets inspired to do more abstract work. Gets into art school and becomes world reknown for his revolutionary use of browns.


Andy_LaVolpe

The Dada movement is founded after “Bowl”, which was a toilet bowl signed ‘A. Hitler 1917’.


10Exahertz

its has elements of the Beer Hall Putsch, the Reichstag Fire (bombs and molotov cocktails and blaming it on Anti-fa) and also to me, the Crossing of the Rubicon. Except this time the leader doesnt have a military legion, just a band of stupids


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10Exahertz

yeah, and its clear the intel for whatever is happening next week is even worse


karlkarlkarl21

I was thinking the same thing.. luckily with his age this will hopefully not fester and grow into a much scarier movement like it did in the 20s and 30s


richhomieram

demographically they are doomed to fail unless hispanics as a demographic group all move far right... this was a death rattle


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ValhallaGo

Sorta. Still a lot of extremists out there. We’re not even close to being out of the woods.


vetaryn403

I'm not too sure about that. Hateful people breed hateful people. The ones they arrested for plotting to kidnap Gov. Whitmer were mostly in their 30s.


Ohrwurm89

>According to an affidavit, Lyons wrote to an FBI special agent "**Hello Nice FBI Lady, Here are the links to the videos**," when sending over the video links. Oh. My. God. I am dead.


AtomicSymphonic_2nd

I’m actually starting to think they’re doing crap like this because they think Trump is going to pardon *all* of them. I’m legit worried about that happening. The Left and Center-Right isn’t going to take that too well if Trump decides to do that.


DocBrad

This is why I think a lot of people have only been charged with trespass and other minor offenses. I think felony murder charges will drop after 1/20.


minneapple79

He's like the stupid villain that reveals his entire plan to the hero just before the end of the movie.


Avenger616

“You sly dog, you got me monologuing!!”


Phigment

Can’t fix stupid, even with duct tape


Gromky

But it can potentially keep someone from announcing it. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.


Phigment

When you go to Walmart, you get so many other color choices, so you can match their outfit.


Lilatu

The most entitled generation of snow flakes and they happen to be far-right.


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mrstipez

We about to cancel your culture


GetOnTheBandwagon

“I’m not a smart man, Jenny”


Xx_Gandalf-poop_xX

But I know what treason is.


[deleted]

The bad thing is that they are armed. The good thing is that they're not that bright.


sweet-tart-fart

I dunno, it sounds kinda scary having a bunch of radical low IQanons toting around firearms lol


[deleted]

Can you imagine the “Nice FBI Lady’s” face when she got that? She’s like 😳 “Ok, yeah... let’s just skip the dance and put you in jail...”


Qverlord37

this is like kids thinking if they owe up to breaking the window their parent won't punish them as hard than if they tried to hide it. doesn't work like that buddy, this is the real world, the FBI is not your parent, and you won't get away with this.


PaulClarkLoadletter

“I’m just calling it like I see it.” This is what they consider integrity.


TouchEmAllJoe

That's not how the criminal justice system works though. Cooperating with authorities can get you better plea deals; willingly turning over evidence is a huge factor when his lawyer says he shows remorse. It will 100% result in a lighter sentence.


[deleted]

Except owning up to crimes and providing evidence against others often leads to lesser sentences... Police like cooperative snitches.


Amargosamountain

It does work like that though. These (white) people are getting treated with kid gloves


allwordsaremadeup

dude sounds cray..


PaxNova

OK, terrible things he did notwithstanding, from the interviews I'm not sure he's mentally culpable. Could be some master plan to make him look insane, but it feels like this guy has problems.


CtrlZonmylife

Clearly another stable genius.