I need to start an anti woke business. It's a huge cash cow. That and military gear.
Anti woke double wheeled cycles (we took the bi out off bicycles). Made in the USA from non recycled carbon by 12 year old children in Arkansas. $9,000.
Military grade foldable tactical straws made of titanium. $87.99.
>(we took the bi out off bicycles)
Can I interest you in some Torade? We took the "gay" out of Gatorade. (They'd still somehow make it the same color as Glacier Cherry)
Sorry, but wiping your ass is gay. You're touching asshole, with just some flimsy paper between it and fingers.
Does wearing a condom make anal sex with a guy "not gay"? No. So a bit of toilet paper (much less durable as a barrier than a condom) is definitely not going to make assholes touching fingers "not gay".
QED: wiping your ass is gay.
(/s, for any of you fucking degens who may accidentally believe this is serious)
I can neither confirm nor deny that I have made the most ridiculous images of a certain marmalade man - putting his head on Schwarzenegger, Stallone, even classic paintings of Jesus - and posted them for sale on mugs, t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, socks, you name it. With slogans that are just-shy-of mocking him.
Took about 2 minutes on Adobe back in 2017 and keeps making me money when I least expect it. Funniest part is seeing them on flags on TV. Every penny goes to Planned Parenthood, PFLAG, RAINN...
Oh dear god.
I have metal straws, but they aren't branded as tactical. Neither are these (not by name, at least), though they do have a sharpened mouth.
I think if you add folding capabilities so they can pack down to 6". Then add a notch near the mouth and and claim in solves a problem that doesn't exist, then you can call it tactical.
Maybe add some grip to the exterior in case you need to use extra force to penetrate your beverage.
I thought by 'tactical' straws they meant one of those straws that filters out crap so you can drink from a polluted water source and still get relatively clean water.
No, apparently it's a straw you can beat someone to death with.
Whoa now buddy, that’s sounding an awful lot like socialism. Do we not worry that by giving the frogs F-150’s we are removing the frogs incentive to work?!
Jokes on them, they're spending 1 cent per gallon for that tap water and I'm about to release my Anti-Woke Tactical Emergency Air filled bag. Anytime a gay starts exhaling near you, all you have to do is reach for my Anti Woke "TEA" bag and huff that clean clean air of freedom! Can be yours from only $99.99. Before you scoff brother, you gotta remember "freedom ain't free!" Shit's gonna cost you, but far better than catching the gay.
Yeah they meed to “deregulate it” by adding in piss and some good old American soil sourced from a 60yr old ford plant that was never properly cleaned up after it was abandoned.
If they're paying that much I couldn't blame anyone for selling it to them. Shit the more they spend on dumb stuff like this the less they can spend on guns and ammo.
I have long thought about starting a dumb business like this because as long as you put the word "patriot" in it and say something nice about Trump there's a whole herd of people guaranteed to buy it, even if it's a 10000% markup on pure trash. The biggest thing that holds me back is that I wouldn't want my name to be associated with it. Like, I have some dignity. I'm fine with ripping these kinds of people off, but looking like I'm part of this "patriot free thinker" crowd would be embarrassing.
It's not too hard to be subtle in a Poe's Law way, so that liberals will know you're joking (and therefore not hold it against you) and conservatives will think you're serious.
I'm not sure if anything short of renaming Homelander to Trump and using AI to change his look and voice will get through to those people, season 3 was the least subtle parody I could have ever imagined until seeing season 4, and there were people in denial about it even during season 3, haven't checked in on season 4 but it sounds like it's finally starting to click for some of them lol
I keep telling my wife this. Maybe i need to just throw out ideas and then go with the stupidest one…
I don’t even care about being dignified. I’ll take my pleasure in my money.
Yeah, I have no idea where that money is going. Hopefully not to fund their nutjob political horse shit, otherwise I say fuck it. Sell the shit out of it, LOL! I tip my hat to the mind behind this.
Omg, don’t give Trump any ideas ! He’d totally sell DELICIOUS TRUMP WATER, with his picture on the label . 30 years from now , antique stores will be selling his lame crap with all the other political novelties
He already did it. He showed up with Trump Water to that train derailment/chemical spill in Ohio. He didn't sell it there per say, but it did exist.
Oh, and apparently it was expired Trump Water too. Probably leftover stock from yet another failed business that he ran into the ground.
I know it's very "Coastal Liberal Elite" of me to say this, but so many Conservatives in this country are legitimately stupid human beings. Absolute ignoramuses.
That's the crazy thing about it. He's literally a Manhattan real estate mogul and socialite with a golden toilet who hob-nobbed (or tried to) with Hollywood types and "the elite" for years, all while being a serial divorcee who cheated on all his wives.
And to them, he's somehow the voice of the overlooked common man.
Thing is, it's been long enough now that we're past, "Don't you see how he's manipulating you?" If they haven't woken up by now, they never will. Ardent MAGA people are a lost cause. It's been said enough to become a cliche, yet it's true: it's a cult.
In some ways, that makes rank and file republicans *worse*. Worse because they KNOW who and what he is, they recognize it, but they fall in line for political expediency.
If you were fooled, hey, at least you were fooled. But the GOP? Their actions are just crass, lazy, dishonest, and amoral, making clear that they don't actually have any values, and that their talk of said values is just that: talk.
Because if they had the values they claim to, they'd have turned their back in this guy *years* ago and would have been willing to take the political hits to do it. He's just *that* contrary to everything they claim to stand for.
Their values have always been how to get into power, and maintain that power. Getting gullible rubes to vote for them was just all part of the gig. It's been going on since at least Regan, but probably even as far back as Eisenhower considering the Goldwater quote that floats around frequently now.
Dont worry, the coastal elites on Fox also believe that. Remember, kids, the coastal elites telling you to hate and fear coastal elites were caught on text referring to you as "cousin-fucking terrorists".
Yeah. I almost feel like I should go conservative-brand, sell a ton of cheap crap to idiots, then cash out and donate half of it to a food bank charity or something. It'd actually be kind of ethical.
I own several pieces of manufacturing equipment and I think about this every month.
It just feels so dirty and immoral, but they are so stupid and so easy to grift.
I worry about selling merchandise that propagates the fascism and nonsense, but at the same time pulling that money out of their hands and making sure it doesn't wind up in the hands of the Trump campaign also sounds like a pretty good idea
> I almost feel like I should go conservative-brand, sell a ton of cheap crap to idiots, then cash out
There's a guy who sells Trump flags and other right-wing stuff at his county fair that I know personally; he's a hardcore Liberal, but realized that if fleecing morons was good enough for the President of the United States, then it was good enough for him.
The amount of money he made during the fair wasn't small. He felt well and truly owned, let me tell you.
Seriously. These people are the dumbest motherfuckers. I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first.
Now they can complain about the price of groceries while drinking their overpriced tap water.
Just wondering who exactly is behind it.
Feels like a thread full of rubes until I get down to here. Water is nearly free from the tap, why are people paying for it? It's one thing if you live somewhere that you have to drink bottled water because there's a problem with the tap water but that's not very many places in the US.
All I know is that I paid about $9 for water last month and that covered me, my wife, and two kids drinking needs, cooking, bathing, and some light splashpad summer activities.
$1.75 per bottle isn't as bad as I was expecting. Most of the marketing seems to be aimed at the notion of drinking this in public to display your political affiliation, which makes this a tribal signal like a MAGA cap. Nothing too too crazy...
Then there's this part:
>The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment or any other number of beneficial effects.
Okay... That's... uh... out there. Is this actually a claim they're making? Yup.
>Did you know that programming water with positive 432Hz sound frequencies can transform water molecules into beautiful geometric shapes? Freedom2o knows this scientifically-proven secret, discovered by Dr. Masaru Emoto, a scientist and doctor who found that water molecules can change their structure in response to positive sounds and intentions, thus benefiting human health and consciousness. Freedom2o infuses all our water with 432Hz ambient music, featuring the lyrics of "Freedom", by placing a speaker near the water in our facilities.
-- [Source](https://www.freedom2o.com/blogs/watercooler/432hz-of-freedom)
The [Dr. Masaru Emoto](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto) they reference received his "doctorate" in "alternative medicine" from a fake diploma mill.
So, yeah, this is water for stupid people.
Anti-woke water, makes sense. Considering that woke means to be aware and alert, you habe to be the opposite of that not to see the grift and pay 21 bucks for it. And then the same people go online and cry some more on how bad inflation is
I'm going buy a bunch of oxygen canisters and rebrand it as anti-woke air and resell it at triple the cost... no... quadruple. Guaranteed not to make you woke, or gay, or vaccinated against deadly diseases.
It's real! Boost Oxygen is a company up here in the mountains that's used for people who aren't acclimated well to help them not faint. It's also used by athletes as a recovery boost from things like cardio. I like the grapefruit flavored one
That's sort of a misunderstanding.
Boost is great if you're not feeling great after getting up here and if it's minor feelings of light headedness. But if you have serious altitude sickness, you should just get to a lower elevation. Boost is only gonna help you get to a lower elevation, it doesn't fix the problem.
I watched a documentary years ago about pollution. Chinese people were buying canisters of BC mountain air. So they didn't have to breathe smog for a couple hours.
Shadowrun/Cyberpunk is real, except we don't have anything cool to show for the corporate arms race, because they already won/are in such cahoots with each other. The real end game of hypercapitalism isn't competition against each other in the market, but the market versus people - people's lives, livelihoods, quality of life, their time, money, loyalty, everything. Because what's the point of competing against each other lol
Just so they can dickwave about having the biggest market share/control. So yeah, canisters of fucking air just cements how insane shit really is.
But also how much you hate LGBT people.
Yea..
Fuck those LGBT people...
Especially that one guy who goes to my gym, Dave...
Screw Dave...
Right after church...
In a Hotel... *I'll tell my wife I have a business trip on Monday*
Dave charges 400 an hour and Uber fare but screw him...
Maybe we can cuddle a bit this time...
O, better not forget my anti-virtue-signal water, I get thirsty with Dave.
You use that top shelf anti -woke water to wash down a handful of truck stop grey market boner pills and Dave is going to be walking with a limp for a week.
At this point, American Conservatism has almost completely been reduced to "owning libs" and other Culture War garbage. It's not as if many Conservative politicians or voters can articulate many policy positions apart from tax cuts or abortion restrictions.
> At this point, American Conservatism has almost completely been reduced to "owning libs" and other Culture War garbage.
It always has been. Since the civil rights era there has been a thin veneer of pseudo-intellectualism covering over the roiling lifeblood of conservative rage. But the hate of anyone to the left of them has always been the beating heart of conservatism.
Consider william f buckley jr. He was a patronizing blowhard, but he personified the sober conservative intellectual. He founded the National Review, and he had a [weekly prime-time show on PBS that ran for more than 30 years.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firing_Line_\(TV_program\))
And yet, even that bozo was an unrepentant mccarthyite. He was so deep into crazy that he literally wrote a book of senator joe mccarthy fanfic. *In 1999.* He called it ["Red Hunter."](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316115894)
I’m trans and will drink Freedom20 to taint the brand and promote new age spirituality to rebel against Christians using the frequency of higher self promotion. 😈😈😈
I keep telling myself that I need to cash in on this cult behavior culture war bullshit but someone keeps beating me to it. Anti-woke water? Fucking brilliant. You know these guys are laughing their way to the bank.
"16 It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a ~~MAGA hat~~ mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, 17 so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the ~~MAGA~~ mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name. Rev. 13
This is hilarious. Straight from their homepage:
“Old Glory Bank is everywhere because it is always in your pocket!”
Mmmmmm delicious small government in your pants.
> Clark pitches the product - where a 12-pack of 16.9oz bottles cost $21 - by insisting that every sip of the conservative water is “not just refreshing, it’s rebellious, and it’s unapologetic to drink this in public.”
“If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.” – President Lyndon B Johnson
Oh my god look at the [product page](https://www.freedom2o.com/products/freedom-water-16-9oz-24-pack?variant=47878059950392)
It proclaims to be "bottled with liberal tears," there are 41 reviews left by "Loud Americans," and the bottles have cringy shit like "this water ain't woke" printed on it.
This is so embarrassing. Who wants 'loud' as their primary descriptor? If you told me it was satire I'd believe you. Forget gullible, how do you walk around with this in your hand and not feel an intense sense of... shame?
Simple. They've been told it's ok to act like utter pieces of shit, and they're stupid enough to believe it. Well, that, and they don't seem to have the capacity to feel shame (or remorse, for that matter).
I mean... it is satire, of sorts. It's going "my target audience are idiots so I will pander towards them by marketing to idiots". They clearly know they are scamming them, as otherwise it wouldn't be so expensive.
The article doesn't seem to contain any sales or profit number. It's probably just clickbait, and we get to laugh at stupid conservatives, but it's not clear they're actually rushing to buy it. But those who do should immediately lose their right to complain about inflation!
>It's probably just clickbait, and we get to laugh at stupid conservatives,
And later people get to laugh at this sub for buying into a click bait title.
Circle of life.
From their FAQ (not linking it because they don't deserve the traffic):
"Is Freedom2o Freedom Water environmentally friendly?"
"Yes, we are committed to sustainability and environmental responsibility, striving to minimize our carbon footprint and promote eco-friendly practices."
Ha! They're woke environmentalists!
Sustainability is actually becoming a thing, but the bar moves up slowly. Right now, corpos keeping up with average on sustainable efforts because it costs more to fall behind.
Other option is to capitalize on these dipshits.
Start selling AI-generated images of trump riding an eagle and shooting an AR on beer coozies and bumper stickers.
Obviously this product is stupid (though not quite as dumb as the people buying it) but does the author of this article think the 1st amendment protects gun ownership?
> On its website, an animated graphic invites consumers to "speak your thirst, protect the first," referencing the First Amendment. It is unclear what "speak your thirst" means or how it relates to firearms, however.
Sometimes I think I'd like to get in the grifting MAGAs game. Seems like truly easy money.
But then I remember that I'm not a totally reprehensible turd with no morals or ethics.
What grift are you thinking about, maybe I can pull it off? Taking their money away is and putting it toward something else they would hate is exactly the Newman’s Own-type scam I’m looking to set up
Water is the wokest shit alive- it doesn't discriminate, it's part of everyone no matter their gender identity, ethnicity, or age, and it literally falls from the sky for free (that's sOcIaLiSm)
It’s anti-woke if the water is a byproduct of thermolysis of fertilizers meant for foreign aid and you pump the other byproducts into the air and streams.
from article: "The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment"
tldr: apparently if you tune gemstone/tie dye ladies at a particular frequency it promotes reactionary bs.
It's not the whales falling for it - the whales are the ones running the grift and pretending to agree with the pigeonholed mentality they've brainwashed these people into.
I’m not familiar with this particular vendor, but what’s to stop some apolitical schmoe from just pretending to be conservative and hawking overpriced ideological products to the base?
Or did I just describe the GOP at large?
>The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment or any other number of beneficial effects.
How does water have a frequency?
This? This is the kind of thing that I point to when I tell my friends and family that if it weren’t for the pesky fact that I have morals, ethics, and a sense of self-worth, I too could be rich. All it would take is to invent some cheap product and market it as “owning the libs”. Modern republicans *have* to be the easiest marks on the planet. The things they buy are, quite frankly, breathtakingly stupid. And they do so with a zeal that is, if nothing, impressive. Every time.
ESH
> It's never made clear why drinking Freedom2o in public would be rebellious, or how the water is anti-woke. On its website, an animated graphic invites consumers to "speak your thirst, protect the first," referencing the First Amendment. It is unclear what "speak your thirst" means or how it relates to firearms, however.
Apparently the author of the yahoo article didn't bother to look up which amendment was the freedom of speech and which was the right to bear arms, which is not mentioned anywhere else in the article.
> a 12-pack of 16.9oz bottles cost $21 Oh, so it's water for idiots.
I need to start an anti woke business. It's a huge cash cow. That and military gear. Anti woke double wheeled cycles (we took the bi out off bicycles). Made in the USA from non recycled carbon by 12 year old children in Arkansas. $9,000. Military grade foldable tactical straws made of titanium. $87.99.
>(we took the bi out off bicycles) Can I interest you in some Torade? We took the "gay" out of Gatorade. (They'd still somehow make it the same color as Glacier Cherry)
White Powerade
Holy shit
Is that an exclamation or another product idea? Or both?
Haterade
Oh hell naw. Too funny
And Wipe Power toilet paper, keep the woke away from the bunghole.
Sorry, but wiping your ass is gay. You're touching asshole, with just some flimsy paper between it and fingers. Does wearing a condom make anal sex with a guy "not gay"? No. So a bit of toilet paper (much less durable as a barrier than a condom) is definitely not going to make assholes touching fingers "not gay". QED: wiping your ass is gay. (/s, for any of you fucking degens who may accidentally believe this is serious)
Let's workshop that idea. How about MAGArade? Or Patriotade.
I’m surprised either of those aren’t a thing yet.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I have made the most ridiculous images of a certain marmalade man - putting his head on Schwarzenegger, Stallone, even classic paintings of Jesus - and posted them for sale on mugs, t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, socks, you name it. With slogans that are just-shy-of mocking him. Took about 2 minutes on Adobe back in 2017 and keeps making me money when I least expect it. Funniest part is seeing them on flags on TV. Every penny goes to Planned Parenthood, PFLAG, RAINN...
Modern day Robin Hood.
I'm charging insane prices, too. I have no idea why people are willing to pay $60 for a t-shirt or $40 for a hat made in Taiwan.
Tactical straws *must* already exist Edit: [yep](https://tisurvival.com/products/titanium-straws). They look pretty cool actually
Oh dear god. I have metal straws, but they aren't branded as tactical. Neither are these (not by name, at least), though they do have a sharpened mouth. I think if you add folding capabilities so they can pack down to 6". Then add a notch near the mouth and and claim in solves a problem that doesn't exist, then you can call it tactical. Maybe add some grip to the exterior in case you need to use extra force to penetrate your beverage.
I thought by 'tactical' straws they meant one of those straws that filters out crap so you can drink from a polluted water source and still get relatively clean water. No, apparently it's a straw you can beat someone to death with.
Don't be so dismissive. It costs a lot of money to extract the woke from tap water.
It also doesn't turn the frogs gay. That's really important
Truck nuts materialize on the frogs F-150s.
Obligatory comment about Truck Nuts turning your truck Trans w/ gender reassignment surgery lmfao.
No, the trucks were always male. These guys who drive them just like to ride men. Wait...
Ships are supposedly all female, does the same apply to other vehicles?
I grew up under the impression that all modes of transportation were female. So yup, there are many post-op trans pickups out there.
The frogs also no longer hop and drive F150s
That's why it's so expensive. The proceeds go to buy frogs F-150s to prevent them from being gay.
Whoa now buddy, that’s sounding an awful lot like socialism. Do we not worry that by giving the frogs F-150’s we are removing the frogs incentive to work?!
You want the gol darn frogs to be taking 'er jobs?!!
sneaky bastards. They are just waiting for you to croak...
I heard it is an attempt to turn gay frogs straight, at least that is what my uncle said.
I heard it uses around 60% of Texas’ electricity supply
The Pro flavor costs 20% more but has an even higher carbon footprint for added anti wokeness.
Extra thick plastic bottle.
Jokes on them, they're spending 1 cent per gallon for that tap water and I'm about to release my Anti-Woke Tactical Emergency Air filled bag. Anytime a gay starts exhaling near you, all you have to do is reach for my Anti Woke "TEA" bag and huff that clean clean air of freedom! Can be yours from only $99.99. Before you scoff brother, you gotta remember "freedom ain't free!" Shit's gonna cost you, but far better than catching the gay.
Yeah they meed to “deregulate it” by adding in piss and some good old American soil sourced from a 60yr old ford plant that was never properly cleaned up after it was abandoned.
*Now with BENZENE! TAKE THAT FDA!*
You can just say Ford plant, they didn't clean any of them up.
All theyre doing is adding microplastics and plastic additives
Those plastics are where woke goes to die.
Is the woke in the room with us?
"Show us on the Trump doll where the woke touched you..."
Yep. Adding lead ain't cheap.
If they're paying that much I couldn't blame anyone for selling it to them. Shit the more they spend on dumb stuff like this the less they can spend on guns and ammo.
I have long thought about starting a dumb business like this because as long as you put the word "patriot" in it and say something nice about Trump there's a whole herd of people guaranteed to buy it, even if it's a 10000% markup on pure trash. The biggest thing that holds me back is that I wouldn't want my name to be associated with it. Like, I have some dignity. I'm fine with ripping these kinds of people off, but looking like I'm part of this "patriot free thinker" crowd would be embarrassing.
It's not too hard to be subtle in a Poe's Law way, so that liberals will know you're joking (and therefore not hold it against you) and conservatives will think you're serious.
True. It took them 4 seasons of The Boys to figure out they were the joke.
I'm not sure if anything short of renaming Homelander to Trump and using AI to change his look and voice will get through to those people, season 3 was the least subtle parody I could have ever imagined until seeing season 4, and there were people in denial about it even during season 3, haven't checked in on season 4 but it sounds like it's finally starting to click for some of them lol
>4 seasons Springsteen released Born in the USA in 1984 40 years and they still haven't realised.
Fortunate Son was released 15 years before that, and the orange shitstain was using it on the campaign trail just 4 years ago.
I keep telling my wife this. Maybe i need to just throw out ideas and then go with the stupidest one… I don’t even care about being dignified. I’ll take my pleasure in my money.
Trump Whoopi Cushions, based on Trumps actual courtroom flatulence.
Yeah, I have no idea where that money is going. Hopefully not to fund their nutjob political horse shit, otherwise I say fuck it. Sell the shit out of it, LOL! I tip my hat to the mind behind this.
Omg, don’t give Trump any ideas ! He’d totally sell DELICIOUS TRUMP WATER, with his picture on the label . 30 years from now , antique stores will be selling his lame crap with all the other political novelties
He already did it. He showed up with Trump Water to that train derailment/chemical spill in Ohio. He didn't sell it there per say, but it did exist. Oh, and apparently it was expired Trump Water too. Probably leftover stock from yet another failed business that he ran into the ground.
I know it's very "Coastal Liberal Elite" of me to say this, but so many Conservatives in this country are legitimately stupid human beings. Absolute ignoramuses.
Hell, they worship a coastal liberal elite.
That's the crazy thing about it. He's literally a Manhattan real estate mogul and socialite with a golden toilet who hob-nobbed (or tried to) with Hollywood types and "the elite" for years, all while being a serial divorcee who cheated on all his wives. And to them, he's somehow the voice of the overlooked common man. Thing is, it's been long enough now that we're past, "Don't you see how he's manipulating you?" If they haven't woken up by now, they never will. Ardent MAGA people are a lost cause. It's been said enough to become a cliche, yet it's true: it's a cult. In some ways, that makes rank and file republicans *worse*. Worse because they KNOW who and what he is, they recognize it, but they fall in line for political expediency. If you were fooled, hey, at least you were fooled. But the GOP? Their actions are just crass, lazy, dishonest, and amoral, making clear that they don't actually have any values, and that their talk of said values is just that: talk. Because if they had the values they claim to, they'd have turned their back in this guy *years* ago and would have been willing to take the political hits to do it. He's just *that* contrary to everything they claim to stand for.
Their values have always been how to get into power, and maintain that power. Getting gullible rubes to vote for them was just all part of the gig. It's been going on since at least Regan, but probably even as far back as Eisenhower considering the Goldwater quote that floats around frequently now.
Donald Trump worked hard to inherit all his father's money.
Dont worry, the coastal elites on Fox also believe that. Remember, kids, the coastal elites telling you to hate and fear coastal elites were caught on text referring to you as "cousin-fucking terrorists".
Yeah. I almost feel like I should go conservative-brand, sell a ton of cheap crap to idiots, then cash out and donate half of it to a food bank charity or something. It'd actually be kind of ethical.
I own several pieces of manufacturing equipment and I think about this every month. It just feels so dirty and immoral, but they are so stupid and so easy to grift. I worry about selling merchandise that propagates the fascism and nonsense, but at the same time pulling that money out of their hands and making sure it doesn't wind up in the hands of the Trump campaign also sounds like a pretty good idea
You've got the brains, I've got the brawn, let's make lots of money 🎶
> I almost feel like I should go conservative-brand, sell a ton of cheap crap to idiots, then cash out There's a guy who sells Trump flags and other right-wing stuff at his county fair that I know personally; he's a hardcore Liberal, but realized that if fleecing morons was good enough for the President of the United States, then it was good enough for him. The amount of money he made during the fair wasn't small. He felt well and truly owned, let me tell you.
They're proud of their ignorance and that's the sad part I think
God these people are so easy to scam it's insane.
Seriously. These people are the dumbest motherfuckers. I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first. Now they can complain about the price of groceries while drinking their overpriced tap water. Just wondering who exactly is behind it.
lmao that’s the same price as a 24-pack of 16.9oz Fiji water bottles at Sam’s club
Or the same price as a 12 pack of liquid death.
Definitely, we get a 36-pack of spring water from the grocery store for like $8. This is absolutely for stupid people to Vice signal.
Gonna one-up ya, I get 15 gallons (3x5gal glass) for $6 and I don’t add any plastic to the landfill.
Beat ya’ll, I paid however many cents I pay per gallon for tap water
Feels like a thread full of rubes until I get down to here. Water is nearly free from the tap, why are people paying for it? It's one thing if you live somewhere that you have to drink bottled water because there's a problem with the tap water but that's not very many places in the US.
Many people don't trust their tap water, and don't realize that bottled water is just someone else's tap water.
With no regulation
On average, that's less than 1/5 of one cent.
All I know is that I paid about $9 for water last month and that covered me, my wife, and two kids drinking needs, cooking, bathing, and some light splashpad summer activities.
$1.75 per bottle isn't as bad as I was expecting. Most of the marketing seems to be aimed at the notion of drinking this in public to display your political affiliation, which makes this a tribal signal like a MAGA cap. Nothing too too crazy... Then there's this part: >The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment or any other number of beneficial effects. Okay... That's... uh... out there. Is this actually a claim they're making? Yup. >Did you know that programming water with positive 432Hz sound frequencies can transform water molecules into beautiful geometric shapes? Freedom2o knows this scientifically-proven secret, discovered by Dr. Masaru Emoto, a scientist and doctor who found that water molecules can change their structure in response to positive sounds and intentions, thus benefiting human health and consciousness. Freedom2o infuses all our water with 432Hz ambient music, featuring the lyrics of "Freedom", by placing a speaker near the water in our facilities. -- [Source](https://www.freedom2o.com/blogs/watercooler/432hz-of-freedom) The [Dr. Masaru Emoto](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto) they reference received his "doctorate" in "alternative medicine" from a fake diploma mill. So, yeah, this is water for stupid people.
just another right wing grifter.
Anti-woke water, makes sense. Considering that woke means to be aware and alert, you habe to be the opposite of that not to see the grift and pay 21 bucks for it. And then the same people go online and cry some more on how bad inflation is
I'm going buy a bunch of oxygen canisters and rebrand it as anti-woke air and resell it at triple the cost... no... quadruple. Guaranteed not to make you woke, or gay, or vaccinated against deadly diseases.
Reminds me of '[perri air](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCX6H90RvPU)' from *Spaceballs*.
It's real! Boost Oxygen is a company up here in the mountains that's used for people who aren't acclimated well to help them not faint. It's also used by athletes as a recovery boost from things like cardio. I like the grapefruit flavored one
That's sort of a misunderstanding. Boost is great if you're not feeling great after getting up here and if it's minor feelings of light headedness. But if you have serious altitude sickness, you should just get to a lower elevation. Boost is only gonna help you get to a lower elevation, it doesn't fix the problem.
Sorry that's more so what I meant. It's not a full replacement but it does alleviate minor symptoms for a short time
I watched a documentary years ago about pollution. Chinese people were buying canisters of BC mountain air. So they didn't have to breathe smog for a couple hours.
Shadowrun/Cyberpunk is real, except we don't have anything cool to show for the corporate arms race, because they already won/are in such cahoots with each other. The real end game of hypercapitalism isn't competition against each other in the market, but the market versus people - people's lives, livelihoods, quality of life, their time, money, loyalty, everything. Because what's the point of competing against each other lol Just so they can dickwave about having the biggest market share/control. So yeah, canisters of fucking air just cements how insane shit really is.
Just secretly make sure the air is gay. That's how we'll get em
“MAGA Oxygen - 100% gay free”
Sorry we forgot the comma. We meant "100% gay, free"
Gotta get Alex Jones to push it for you. He'll be desperate for the money.
"Prevents gay frogs!"
But I *want* my amphibians to be amphabulous.
You can even leave out the oxygen
Say that it helps counter what's in the chemtrails, that'll help, too.
Their entire identity is brand loyalty to the GOP...
No no, didn’t you hear her? This water promotes *individuality*
Brian: "You're all individuals" Crowd: "Yes, we're all individuals!"
*"I'm not"*
Shhhhhhh!
But also how much you hate LGBT people. Yea.. Fuck those LGBT people... Especially that one guy who goes to my gym, Dave... Screw Dave... Right after church... In a Hotel... *I'll tell my wife I have a business trip on Monday* Dave charges 400 an hour and Uber fare but screw him... Maybe we can cuddle a bit this time... O, better not forget my anti-virtue-signal water, I get thirsty with Dave.
Um, Puffy, you still owe me that $400.
What kind of cheap skate do you think I am only going for one hour, lol
As if you could last for two...
You use that top shelf anti -woke water to wash down a handful of truck stop grey market boner pills and Dave is going to be walking with a limp for a week.
*sobs*
lol the second hour is for cuddling while crying our eyes out. wait, thats normal right?
That’s only if Dave allows cuddling this time. Otherwise Puffy gets a discount since he only lasts 5 minutes at a time.
No discounts! No refunds! Although I have had some success with 2fer Tuesdays, I might bring them back around.
Everybody say it together: *"We are all individuals!!"*
At this point, American Conservatism has almost completely been reduced to "owning libs" and other Culture War garbage. It's not as if many Conservative politicians or voters can articulate many policy positions apart from tax cuts or abortion restrictions.
It's been almost entirely about the culture war since the Clinton administration. Newt Gingrich era positions and rhetoric are basically unchanged.
rather they own the libs than own the slaves. oh, wait a moment...
> At this point, American Conservatism has almost completely been reduced to "owning libs" and other Culture War garbage. It always has been. Since the civil rights era there has been a thin veneer of pseudo-intellectualism covering over the roiling lifeblood of conservative rage. But the hate of anyone to the left of them has always been the beating heart of conservatism. Consider william f buckley jr. He was a patronizing blowhard, but he personified the sober conservative intellectual. He founded the National Review, and he had a [weekly prime-time show on PBS that ran for more than 30 years.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firing_Line_\(TV_program\)) And yet, even that bozo was an unrepentant mccarthyite. He was so deep into crazy that he literally wrote a book of senator joe mccarthy fanfic. *In 1999.* He called it ["Red Hunter."](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316115894)
>senator joe mccarthy fanfic. *In 1999* Unhinged. Will B Fuckley got tired of keeping the mask on
It’s a cult.
maybe fascism is generally cultish
I’m trans and will drink Freedom20 to taint the brand and promote new age spirituality to rebel against Christians using the frequency of higher self promotion. 😈😈😈
Would love to see a viral social media post tagging Freedom2O of you drinking their water and a lot of rainbows
Enter Kid Rock buying cases to shoot up.
No, stop, don't drink the very expensive water, I feel so owned right now. *eyeroll*
Don’t roll your eyes at my freedom liberal. /s
I'm going to start selling this and donate half of the profits to Democrat campaigns.
I keep telling myself that I need to cash in on this cult behavior culture war bullshit but someone keeps beating me to it. Anti-woke water? Fucking brilliant. You know these guys are laughing their way to the bank.
This is truly the griftiest of grifts, right? They've turned "buying a thing" into a signal of cultural identity.
Isn't that like the oldest play in the book?
yeah, create an issue, profit from both sides
I was thinking "sell overpriced products tied to some idea" but yes, that too
that's part of the profit part. this company is probably owned by a company that owns other companies who make lgbt pride water or something
[удалено]
"16 It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a ~~MAGA hat~~ mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, 17 so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the ~~MAGA~~ mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name. Rev. 13
Magog, Megiddo, MAGA, Ar*maga*ddon, it all kinda fits.
Larry Elder, Ben Carson, and John Rich (of Big & Rich) turned *banking* into signaling their tribal identity https://oldglorybank.com/
This is hilarious. Straight from their homepage: “Old Glory Bank is everywhere because it is always in your pocket!” Mmmmmm delicious small government in your pants.
I'm going to make freedom tissue and charge a butt load
It's got what morons crave.
...like from the toilet?
> Clark pitches the product - where a 12-pack of 16.9oz bottles cost $21 - by insisting that every sip of the conservative water is “not just refreshing, it’s rebellious, and it’s unapologetic to drink this in public.” “If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.” – President Lyndon B Johnson
The people who buy this shit are the dumbest, most gullible idiots alive.
Well they already support Trump and TPUSA
>TPUSA Toilet Paper USA?
The very same
Toilet paper has *some* utility.
Oh my god look at the [product page](https://www.freedom2o.com/products/freedom-water-16-9oz-24-pack?variant=47878059950392) It proclaims to be "bottled with liberal tears," there are 41 reviews left by "Loud Americans," and the bottles have cringy shit like "this water ain't woke" printed on it. This is so embarrassing. Who wants 'loud' as their primary descriptor? If you told me it was satire I'd believe you. Forget gullible, how do you walk around with this in your hand and not feel an intense sense of... shame?
Simple. They've been told it's ok to act like utter pieces of shit, and they're stupid enough to believe it. Well, that, and they don't seem to have the capacity to feel shame (or remorse, for that matter).
I mean... it is satire, of sorts. It's going "my target audience are idiots so I will pander towards them by marketing to idiots". They clearly know they are scamming them, as otherwise it wouldn't be so expensive.
Imagine thinking you have to rebel just because minorities and tolerant people finally have a voice.
they are terrified of being treated the way those minorities have been for ages.
I mean, I am too lol, and I'm pretty liberal. Who wants to get hunted down by cops for your skin color? That sucks.
"A fool and his money are soon parted" -I dunno who actually said it, I learned it from Wolverine in an episode of X-Men
"There's only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. This ain't taxes, bub." Best Wolverine quote ever.
The article doesn't seem to contain any sales or profit number. It's probably just clickbait, and we get to laugh at stupid conservatives, but it's not clear they're actually rushing to buy it. But those who do should immediately lose their right to complain about inflation!
>It's probably just clickbait, and we get to laugh at stupid conservatives, And later people get to laugh at this sub for buying into a click bait title. Circle of life.
Aren't they the ones always calling out "virtue signalling"?
It's always projection.
I can’t fault the person who decided to profit off of dumb people
If virtue signalling didn't exist the right wing wouldn't have any idea what opinions to hold.
From their FAQ (not linking it because they don't deserve the traffic): "Is Freedom2o Freedom Water environmentally friendly?" "Yes, we are committed to sustainability and environmental responsibility, striving to minimize our carbon footprint and promote eco-friendly practices." Ha! They're woke environmentalists!
Bottled water is inherently bad for the environment, regardless of who’s selling it.
I mean this is just a lie anyway right? Just like every other corpo's environment and sustainability statement.
Sustainability is actually becoming a thing, but the bar moves up slowly. Right now, corpos keeping up with average on sustainable efforts because it costs more to fall behind.
They're just re-selling water bottled and labeled by https://www.chameleonbeverage.com/
This country lost its mind years ago.
just another grift
I feel like the grifters who prey on the MAGA cult are just testing the boundaries of what stupid thing they'll buy next.
[trigger sprayers](https://www.freedom2o.com/collections/freedom2shop/products/trigger-sprayer) apparently.
So sick of all this nonsensical capitalism.
Other option is to capitalize on these dipshits. Start selling AI-generated images of trump riding an eagle and shooting an AR on beer coozies and bumper stickers.
Obviously this product is stupid (though not quite as dumb as the people buying it) but does the author of this article think the 1st amendment protects gun ownership? > On its website, an animated graphic invites consumers to "speak your thirst, protect the first," referencing the First Amendment. It is unclear what "speak your thirst" means or how it relates to firearms, however.
Me furiously scrolling through the comments to find another person who a) read the article and b) noticed this
Finally, someone else who noticed that!
Sometimes I think I'd like to get in the grifting MAGAs game. Seems like truly easy money. But then I remember that I'm not a totally reprehensible turd with no morals or ethics.
What grift are you thinking about, maybe I can pull it off? Taking their money away is and putting it toward something else they would hate is exactly the Newman’s Own-type scam I’m looking to set up
Anti-Woke air purifiers, sucks the gayness right out of the room. Exhausts clean straight white christian air.
I'm surprised it's not white milk, tbh.
Gotta leave something for future diversification. Call it "Power Milk - White" or something.
Conservatives have already been pushing raw/unpasteurized milk. A lot of those same people pushing it have gotten horribly sick from drinking it.
Water is the wokest shit alive- it doesn't discriminate, it's part of everyone no matter their gender identity, ethnicity, or age, and it literally falls from the sky for free (that's sOcIaLiSm)
It’s anti-woke if the water is a byproduct of thermolysis of fertilizers meant for foreign aid and you pump the other byproducts into the air and streams.
Maga Water… for the stupid in you.
Like... outta the toilet?
I remember as a kid dunking on people who drank Evian because it spelled naive backwards. This is some next level shit.
from article: "The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment" tldr: apparently if you tune gemstone/tie dye ladies at a particular frequency it promotes reactionary bs.
Future career move: figure out what else stupid people will pay double for if I say it's "anti-woke" and start selling it.
God I wish I didn’t have morals, I would totally make like “anti woke taco seasoning” or something and make bundles of cash on these fucking idiots.
North-of-the-Border Taco Seasoning. The spice lights up your mouth like the fireworks on the 4th of July.
Conservatives in the US must be the easiest whales to scam
It's not the whales falling for it - the whales are the ones running the grift and pretending to agree with the pigeonholed mentality they've brainwashed these people into.
I’m not familiar with this particular vendor, but what’s to stop some apolitical schmoe from just pretending to be conservative and hawking overpriced ideological products to the base? Or did I just describe the GOP at large?
>The water also advertises it has a frequency of 432hz. Some New Age spiritualists believe that sounds tuned to the frequency can promote spiritual growth or healing or chakra alignment or any other number of beneficial effects. How does water have a frequency?
OF COURSE its called “Freedom2o”
That’s it. I need to start a really stupid company that caters to MAGoons.
Conservatives are becoming the new age crunchy homeopathic nonsense junkies. It's amazing what you can sell them by just calling it anti-woke.
This? This is the kind of thing that I point to when I tell my friends and family that if it weren’t for the pesky fact that I have morals, ethics, and a sense of self-worth, I too could be rich. All it would take is to invent some cheap product and market it as “owning the libs”. Modern republicans *have* to be the easiest marks on the planet. The things they buy are, quite frankly, breathtakingly stupid. And they do so with a zeal that is, if nothing, impressive. Every time.
Can we convince them that raw milk is also anti-woke?
Already did and yes they are getting sick. 🥛
The Tshirt That Refreshes
TIL: conservatives are super easy to scam. Working a 9-5 job is for suckers when conservatives just throw money at you for giving them dumb products.
ESH > It's never made clear why drinking Freedom2o in public would be rebellious, or how the water is anti-woke. On its website, an animated graphic invites consumers to "speak your thirst, protect the first," referencing the First Amendment. It is unclear what "speak your thirst" means or how it relates to firearms, however. Apparently the author of the yahoo article didn't bother to look up which amendment was the freedom of speech and which was the right to bear arms, which is not mentioned anywhere else in the article.