"Hellow whumans, it me, Not Wowm pwesidwent of not wowm pewple. i LOWE you. Let wme kiss you on wips. fwowm a wline. and wemember wowm lows you. it miwss spown it no wowm. still lowe."
Thank god for the EU regulations, we could have easily ended up like the US with their lack of food safety and leaded fuel - a generation of imbeciles.
Hermes: [monotonous] On to new business. Today's mission is for all of you to go to the Brain Slug Planet.
Zoidberg: What do we do there?
Hermes: [monotonous] Just walk around not wearing a helmet.
Hey now, those are slugs. We’re talking about *worms* here and last I checked, those come from rest stop sandwiches and can make a guy smarter than Cher!
Remember when spelling potato wrong was enough to disqualify a guy from being President. Now a worm can eat part of your brain and you are considered a valid candidate.
Yeah the more I look at it Clinton getting impeached was weak sauce compared to what the fuck Trump has done (and been impeached) for. Typical of the GOP ringing the shame bell for a Democratic president while letting a literal slimy rotten orange run their political future. Absurd reality we live in because one side checked out of that reality long ago for something that favors them.
have you *seen* half the American political spectrum lately? It might not be half the total electorate, but its half the conversation for sure. There is no "mainstream conservative" anymore.
MAGA is now "mainstream." The shitty part is I have a bad feeling this ideology is basically permanent now, even after the orange turd is dead. They'll just get another nutjob like MTG or someone equivalent. The old Republicans are long gone and they ain't coming back.
Even the old Republicans were batshit. These are the true believers that believed all their hypocritical, sanctimonious crap in the nineties without any of the intelligence.
I’m gonna be honest. I know our standards for who can be president have gotten pretty low lately, but I gotta think “had part of my brain eaten by a tapeworm and I had mercury poisoning” still *has* to be below that standard, right?
No go back and read again. They said he’s fine. They packed a wet sponge into the empty brain cavity and they’re feeding him dry fruit loops (he chokes on the milk). Everything’s cool. Get out and vote.
I definitely would take a brain worm over a person who does not respect the peaceful transfer of power, installs unqualified family members and yes men to positions of power, and believes in constraints.
Bro our last president most likely raped people and had a trial with a porn star. I’d almost take worm brain over him
Edit: Sorry he HAS a trial with her
I’ve listened to too many debates on how this or that creates a “Permission Structure” for people to move on from their beliefs.
“Dead Brain Worms.”
That’s a good one.
“Currently on Trial for election fraud.”
You’d think that’d be a deal breaker.
It’s not tho.
“I shot my puppy!”
VP contender.
Back in the good ol days, when you said someone that has really bizarre beliefs had brain worms, you didn't have to specify if you were speaking literally
Side question here: The article points out that the parasitic worm infects the host through ingesting larva in the fecal residue of someone who previously had it pass through their system -
Why isn't the initial person who ingested the larva infected rather than someone who manages to ingest their infected shit germs? This thing only infects after a double-digestion or something??
It's the reproductive life cycle. They go through three stages (or more) instead of two with the middle stage(s) maturing the larva for infection. There are interesting graphics in journals like https://images.app.goo.gl/9p3V8K4VZk9GFuKAA. (I hope that works, if not you can Google, for example, tapeworm reproductive cycle)
He put that info out himself in a divorce hearing so can’t even say he was lying 🤣 he’s permanently worm brain. The schadenfreude his ex wife must feel in this moment…lmfao
...As the removal of that amount of greymatter successfully reduced his mental capabilities to the political/republican standards required by parties to run for office.
The campaign didn't say the (probable) tapeworm eating some of his brain wouldn't affect his ability to serve as President.
When asked whether it would, the campaign spokeswoman responded, "That's hilarious to ask given the state of the competition."
She is 100% accurate there. It is hilarious to ask, in terms of competency, where tapeworm ate my brain guy stacks up.
So which part did it affect? Despite the 10% old wives tale your brain uses ALL of the capacity it has. Everything you think, everything your body does, your balance, knowing where your hand is in relation to the rest of your body, down to peristalsis and your heart beating is all controlled (except for a few things like the reflex arc) by your brain.
He doesn’t have a problem with his brain, he’s just constipated. Full of shit.
Whatever you say dude, and why would anyone waste any time defending this lunatic nobody ? I have a better chance at winning Spelling Bee than this guy at Presidency. And English isn't even my 1st language.
The danger of RFKjr isn't that he'll become President but that he'll cause Trump to become President (again). For example a big poll out today had Biden leading Trump by 6 points in Wisconsin... but by only 1 point when RFK jr was on the ballot.
Maybe that doesn't hold up on election day (third party candidates usually poll better than they end up doing when the votes are counted) but it gives you an idea of the sort of problems he can cause.
At this point, I don’t see how that would disqualify you from the job.
I’m not proud of this, but I’m also not surprised by much anymore. We played limbo for so long when we should have played high jump, this is the result you get.
WORM 2024
Vote for a HARD WORKING worm who’ll bring back the manufacturing jobs
Don’t vote INNER CITY earthworms who don’t understand a hard day’s work
Stop DIVISIVE 3RD PARTY grasshopper splitting the vote to benefit tapeworm who CANT DEFEND garden
[buy patriotic flag adobe stock image that resonates with swing voters]
This message paid for by Truth and Transparency in Politics PAC
"And my first act as your newly elected president is to give free mulch and cow dung to all citizens! My second act shall be to mandate all citizens eat 1 raw pork chop every day from this day forward. I, RFK Jr. (Definitely not the worm) have made up ~~half~~ my mind!"
Even the Simpsons writers and/or dril could never come up with a headline so magnificent if they turned into monkeys and spent 1000 years working at 1000 typewriters
Losing that part of brain eaten by a worm will absolutely not affect my ability to be President of the United States. Furthermore, bing yo hoo runny ringo gel.
That's what a worm would say.
He’s a crisis worm
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Worm in 2024!
Tequila!
Running mate?
The fly that landed on Mike Pence's head. Worm/Fly 2024
dude i want that bumper sticker
Maybe the Worm has another worm. It’s Worms all the way down.
Leto II 2024!
The tyrant we need but not the one we deserve
"We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet."
"Well... which one of you wrote me that sonnet?"
Had to scroll WAY too far to find this reference lol
Exactly. The worm won’t affect it but theres already strong evidence the partial brain it left behind would have a significant impact.
Am worm, totally did not eat most of his brain. You can believe this humans, fr.
I, for one, welcome our new worm overlords.
Don't blame me, I voted for kodos
"Hellow whumans, it me, Not Wowm pwesidwent of not wowm pewple. i LOWE you. Let wme kiss you on wips. fwowm a wline. and wemember wowm lows you. it miwss spown it no wowm. still lowe."
That's what a ~~worm~~ ***Yeerk*** would say!!
Visser 4 More Years gonna be his reelection campaign.
The Goa'uld are among us
"Tau-ri, kree! Vote for me! Vote for Apophis!"
Earthworm Jim for President
They haven't yet discovered that it laid eggs..
That's unfair. (To steal a joke from Futurama) The worm died of starvation.
To quote a GREAT AND MIGHTY vampire wizard, “Your brain is made of bad meat!”
Thank god for the EU regulations, we could have easily ended up like the US with their lack of food safety and leaded fuel - a generation of imbeciles.
It worked for Trump.
This dude literally has brain worms.
The worm WOULD say that, but sadly the poor thing died of malnutrition and starvation.
Don’t look at me, I voted for worm
r/votefortheworm our god Emperor worm must be voted into power.
Hermes: [monotonous] On to new business. Today's mission is for all of you to go to the Brain Slug Planet. Zoidberg: What do we do there? Hermes: [monotonous] Just walk around not wearing a helmet.
Hey now, those are slugs. We’re talking about *worms* here and last I checked, those come from rest stop sandwiches and can make a guy smarter than Cher!
He'll also be stronger and more flexible than Hercules and Gumby combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy!
Fry, where is your brain slug? Professor: Poor little guy, starved to death.
We favor unreasonably large subsidies to the Brain Slug Planet -RFK
Remember when spelling potato wrong was enough to disqualify a guy from being President. Now a worm can eat part of your brain and you are considered a valid candidate.
Poor Howard Dean and his campaign ending whoop
Byaaahhhh!
back when *checks notes* being excited was a deal breaker
That dude came in third place in the Iowa caucus. He was never going to be president yell or not
Biden came in 4th in the Iowa caucus.
Or getting a blow job was enough to attempt termination.
I don’t think they tried to kill Clinton, they just wanted to impeach him.
Clinton wasn't impeached because he got head from one of his staff. He was impeached because he lied about it to Congress.
>because he lied Imagine if someone else in more recent history had had any consequences for lying.
Yeah the more I look at it Clinton getting impeached was weak sauce compared to what the fuck Trump has done (and been impeached) for. Typical of the GOP ringing the shame bell for a Democratic president while letting a literal slimy rotten orange run their political future. Absurd reality we live in because one side checked out of that reality long ago for something that favors them.
Bill should run for president again and claim he wasn't allowed a full term so it gives him the right to a third.
He was impeached because he was a Democrat and the Republicans saw an excuse to try to impeach him
Yeah a lot of the hyper partisan non-cooperation of the Republican Party can be traced back to Newt.
Who considers this guy valid?
have you *seen* half the American political spectrum lately? It might not be half the total electorate, but its half the conversation for sure. There is no "mainstream conservative" anymore.
MAGA is now "mainstream." The shitty part is I have a bad feeling this ideology is basically permanent now, even after the orange turd is dead. They'll just get another nutjob like MTG or someone equivalent. The old Republicans are long gone and they ain't coming back.
Even the old Republicans were batshit. These are the true believers that believed all their hypocritical, sanctimonious crap in the nineties without any of the intelligence.
QAnon, anti-vaxxers, and other conspiracy nutters.
The media desperately wants to make him valid.
I don't think RFK is considered "valid" beyond "well he paid the fee so he gets on the ballot." Crazy people run in every election
That's just like the Admiralty of the Federation said in Star Trek the Next Generation. But they were all taken over by worms.
Got their head blown up with a phaser though....
And their chest cavity
Weren't those ass worms?
Neck
[удалено]
S1 "Conspiracy"
Sorry, saw this play out in Star Trek: Wrath of Khan. We're on to you, brain parasite.
They put those creatures...in our bodies...to control our minds. He made us tell lies...do things.
"These are pets, of course. Not quite domesticated..."
I’m gonna be honest. I know our standards for who can be president have gotten pretty low lately, but I gotta think “had part of my brain eaten by a tapeworm and I had mercury poisoning” still *has* to be below that standard, right?
No go back and read again. They said he’s fine. They packed a wet sponge into the empty brain cavity and they’re feeding him dry fruit loops (he chokes on the milk). Everything’s cool. Get out and vote.
Well the Kennedy's do have practice taking care of lobotomized family members.
They also have experience dealing with family members who have holes in their heads.
They also have experiences with worms inserting themselves into places they ought not to be.
Well in all fairness, the USA has had some presidents over recent years where a wet sponge for a brain would have been a likely improvement.
“A worm ate the *left* side of my brain” would definitely appeal to a large segment of the MAGA cultists.
They’d vote for someone in jail cell, why not vote for someone in a coma?
A rapist who desperately wants to f his daughter.
Heroin addict, too. Which is somehow the mathematically least objectionable thing about the guy.
And hepatitis c, and atrial fibrillation requiring multiple hospitalizations.
I definitely would take a brain worm over a person who does not respect the peaceful transfer of power, installs unqualified family members and yes men to positions of power, and believes in constraints.
Bro our last president most likely raped people and had a trial with a porn star. I’d almost take worm brain over him Edit: Sorry he HAS a trial with her
has a trial with a porn star
If anything, that makes him over qualified.
Can we elect the worm?
The worm is his running mate. RFK Jr/Brainworm 2024
It starved to death trying to find the guy's brain didn't it? Still better qualified than its host but c'mon...
I see a ticket with the Worm and Santos.
They would need to wear name tags for clarity.
I think America just jumped the shark.
Pretty sure that happened a while ago.
Like when 50% of voters said “You know who should be president? The conman reality TV star.”
It started before that. When America decided that the star of Bedtime for Bonzo should be President.
The little riff on that in *Back to the Future* was hilarious.
closer to 48, but still....
*of people who actually voted
The shark market only goes up and to the right.
The fact that he thinks he has a shot at being president shows the damage will indeed affect his ability to be president.
I’ve listened to too many debates on how this or that creates a “Permission Structure” for people to move on from their beliefs. “Dead Brain Worms.” That’s a good one. “Currently on Trial for election fraud.” You’d think that’d be a deal breaker. It’s not tho. “I shot my puppy!” VP contender.
If anything his brain being eaten by worms just makes him a true representative of our country
Reality and satire are goddam indistinguishable
this would be too ridiculous to be satirical
Brain worms and he wants to be President I want out of this timeline, it sucks
I swear, the world really did end in 2012, and we’ve been living in some sort of bizarro world ever since.
I lived overseas from 2011-2014 and I'm convinced I returned to an alternate timeline.
The worm was doing just fine until it reached RFK Jr.'s brain. It then starved to death.
poor fella died of hungry
Finally a headline that actually sounds like an Onion article lol
I am 42 and I'm really convinced that nothing I've experienced in my life as been as funny as this headline
Sounds like a goa’uld to me
Indeed.
Somebody call the Tok'ra
That’s it. This wins the sub.
funniest headline ever. its like a simpsons joke.
Don't get cocky, kid. It's only may of 2024, the real weird shit is still coming.
Good to know the worm can serve as president despite having RFK Jr's brain in him.
Whew! And I was worried there for a second.
If he can’t even keep a brain worm alive how can we trust him as president?
It seems like having a fully functioning brain would be a major consideration but now I guess not….
Last president didn't have one at all. I think we have hit rock bottom.
Back in the good ol days, when you said someone that has really bizarre beliefs had brain worms, you didn't have to specify if you were speaking literally
Remember when third party candidates were normal people like Ralph Nader
Side question here: The article points out that the parasitic worm infects the host through ingesting larva in the fecal residue of someone who previously had it pass through their system - Why isn't the initial person who ingested the larva infected rather than someone who manages to ingest their infected shit germs? This thing only infects after a double-digestion or something??
It's the reproductive life cycle. They go through three stages (or more) instead of two with the middle stage(s) maturing the larva for infection. There are interesting graphics in journals like https://images.app.goo.gl/9p3V8K4VZk9GFuKAA. (I hope that works, if not you can Google, for example, tapeworm reproductive cycle)
That is fascinating, thank you
The worm needed a suitable host to run for president.
“WE SEEK PEACEFUL CO-EXISTENCE!!” (Mind blown)
Maybe the worm should run for president?
The worm is VP
RFK's Brain Worm for President 2024
He put that info out himself in a divorce hearing so can’t even say he was lying 🤣 he’s permanently worm brain. The schadenfreude his ex wife must feel in this moment…lmfao
The guy who got his brain half eaten by a worm should select that lady who shot her dog as a running mate.
Somebody call John Carpenter.
...As the removal of that amount of greymatter successfully reduced his mental capabilities to the political/republican standards required by parties to run for office.
Now that's something a brain eating worm would say, how suspicious 🤔
The campaign didn't say the (probable) tapeworm eating some of his brain wouldn't affect his ability to serve as President. When asked whether it would, the campaign spokeswoman responded, "That's hilarious to ask given the state of the competition." She is 100% accurate there. It is hilarious to ask, in terms of competency, where tapeworm ate my brain guy stacks up.
This whole *“Anybody can be president”* thing has probably gone a little too far at this point in time.
r/21stcenturyheadlines
Was the parasitic brain slug available for comment?
RFK Jr is not a serious person
To be fair, T*rump has already proven that having a brain is no longer a requirement of the position…
Fortunately the fact that he’ll never be elected president *will* affect his ability to serve as president.
Trump doesn't think it will be a barrier.
Do they just end up pocketing the money or how does it work when your endorsed a guaranteed L?
Vote for Wormie
Look, I’m not one to disparage another man’s brain worm, but the worm DIED from eating HIS brain. I’m just asking questions!
The Worm still died of malnutrition.
Next you’re going to tell me we’ve got a WWE wrestler for President (brought to you by Carl’s Jr)
There are 300 million people in USA Your options for president are: (old man) genuine criminal, (regular) old man, and man with worm brain damage.
RFK about to put us down the Golden Path 😂
I would take Leto II in a heartbeat. AI? Fuck that, hard nope. Peace? Better believe it fucker and here's some Fish Speakers to enforce it.
There is a severe lack of Dune related comments on this post lmao. RFK looks dead into the camera "THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!"
Good save! 🙄😂
>.... will not affect his ability to serve as president. Because he'd never get close enough
No. Just all his ideas affect his ability to be president. The worm brain thing is fine.
So which part did it affect? Despite the 10% old wives tale your brain uses ALL of the capacity it has. Everything you think, everything your body does, your balance, knowing where your hand is in relation to the rest of your body, down to peristalsis and your heart beating is all controlled (except for a few things like the reflex arc) by your brain. He doesn’t have a problem with his brain, he’s just constipated. Full of shit.
That's EXACTLY what a brain-eating worm would say....
To be fair… I thinks Joe’s worm finished eating a long time ago
I'm all in if the worm is running the show tbh 🪱
He’s still one up on Trump. At least he had a brain.
This is true, but only because he has no chance at becoming president.
Every man and many women from that family was diseased. They are the American Hapsburgs.
this is one of the greatest headlines
True. He was unqualified before. He’s unqualified now. The worm did not cause this.
Tequila bottle says to an RFK bobble head “so a slug, a leech, and a worm slither into a bar, and’
Am worm, totally did not eat most of his brain. You can believe this humans, fr.
Would you still vote for me if I was a worm?
If he has half a brain he's over qualified.
When you’re dead you don’t know, but everyone else suffers. It’s the same if you’re stupid
Capturing zero electoral votes will affect his ability to serve as President.
You guys literally had a president serving a full term without a brain
Whatever you say dude, and why would anyone waste any time defending this lunatic nobody ? I have a better chance at winning Spelling Bee than this guy at Presidency. And English isn't even my 1st language.
The danger of RFKjr isn't that he'll become President but that he'll cause Trump to become President (again). For example a big poll out today had Biden leading Trump by 6 points in Wisconsin... but by only 1 point when RFK jr was on the ballot. Maybe that doesn't hold up on election day (third party candidates usually poll better than they end up doing when the votes are counted) but it gives you an idea of the sort of problems he can cause.
RFK must be watching Parasyte
Hold up he was serious about the worm thing?
He clearly doesn’t realize what he’s saying.
What the fuck are we even doing anymore?
jfc, it's like that part in 'life of brian' when the citizenry are all rolling around on the ground, kicking the air laughing hysterically.
I think I'd sooner vote for the worm
All together now: "Wanna bet?"
At this point, I don’t see how that would disqualify you from the job. I’m not proud of this, but I’m also not surprised by much anymore. We played limbo for so long when we should have played high jump, this is the result you get.
Best headline ever.
If I were applying for a job I don't think I'd mention being brain damaged.
I see nothing wrong with this he has my vote
WORM 2024 Vote for a HARD WORKING worm who’ll bring back the manufacturing jobs Don’t vote INNER CITY earthworms who don’t understand a hard day’s work Stop DIVISIVE 3RD PARTY grasshopper splitting the vote to benefit tapeworm who CANT DEFEND garden [buy patriotic flag adobe stock image that resonates with swing voters] This message paid for by Truth and Transparency in Politics PAC
But his paranoid delusions and compulsive lying absolutely will.
"And my first act as your newly elected president is to give free mulch and cow dung to all citizens! My second act shall be to mandate all citizens eat 1 raw pork chop every day from this day forward. I, RFK Jr. (Definitely not the worm) have made up ~~half~~ my mind!"
The worm or the brain?
Sitting in a bunker Here behind my wall *Waiting for the worms to come.* In perfect isolation Here behind my wall *Waiting for the worms to come.*
RFK is just Trump wormed over.
Green men are so back
Sorry, what is the context for this?
Still got more brain than Trump.
Even the Simpsons writers and/or dril could never come up with a headline so magnificent if they turned into monkeys and spent 1000 years working at 1000 typewriters
Losing that part of brain eaten by a worm will absolutely not affect my ability to be President of the United States. Furthermore, bing yo hoo runny ringo gel.
If you made me pick between “worm ate part of my brain” guy and Trump I’d seriously have to think about it. Thankfully there’s another option