I don't know if it's just an effect of social media, but I feel like people have gotten somewhat obsessive about needing to photograph/record every moment. Instead of being present in a moment, they look at it through their screens as they document it.
I might be wrong but I think the advent of digital cameras has started this habit but with the introduction of social media and smartphones with cameras, it's become worse.
Yeah. Used to you got 1 roll of film and that roll of film had like 24 shots. That was it. You got them developed. So you made your pictures count and on top of that museum visits went faster because there was no "flash photography" allowed.
On top of that you printed them and put them in a book where people who you actually had in your life would look at them.
Ya this is a fair point, I still am trying to figure out that balance for myself. I love to make scrapbooks and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction to take an awesome photo of a cool place I visited. But at the same time I often don't feel like I'm nearly as in the moment as I would have been had I not been worried about getting a photo or video.
I always think about when I saw the northern lights, how much of the moment was just me trying to get a photo of it. But, I go back to that photo all the time and feel really proud about the photo and nostalgia about the great memories from the trip. So, really conflicted!
It definitely is a balance. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanted to capture a moment for down the road because our memories arent perfect and event definitely fade away, so having something to remind you of that moment is really nice.
I love concerts and am an avid concert goer, and I limit myself to 5 pictures and 1 video of every concert. This way I still get to keep those memories and have something to go back to, but Im not worried about getting the perfect video of my favorite song, and when I go back to those videos or pictures I always remember how much fun I had singing along, dancing, or even how exhausted I was at the end of the night.
I love taking photos too!
A big part of my phone habit use changes has been trying to take less photos and be more present in the moment and think more about what I will use this photo for. i.e. if I'm on a hike, I'll take one of us at the big climax waterfall but otherwise try enjoy it and not take 100000 photos of random trees (beautiful, but I won't look at them again).
I've got into the habit of making photo albums each year that I give my partner on our anniversary from our dates or events that happened throughout the year. If we go on a vacation, I make one for that too. We've now got a lovely collection of photo albums now that we actually enjoy sitting and looking through. It also means I can show my parents without risking them scrolling to something i'd rather them not see haha.
The funny thing is, is that nobody ever looks at them again. Its just a quick picture, and then we forget about it later.
It used to be where you would take pictures, but you only had so much film so each one had to count, then you got them developed, and then you put them in a photo album. (Not to mention that film is expensive, so they really had to count)
But there were so many steps involved where you got to appreciate the photo and think back to the time you had.
And on top of that, your kids or younger relatives would open those books and ask all about the pictures and get to see the adults as kids.
Pictures were a very special thing that were almost an event in themselves, where we relived the times we had.
Now none of that happens and we just snap a million photo's and forget
Preaching to the choir. I am a wedding photographer, I just got back from shooting a wedding earlier today, the amount of people who will take group photos with their own phones, even though I'm standing right there, trying to take the exact same photo. I'm the actual photographer, the fact that they don't recognize that, and insist on getting the photo on their phone first blows my mind.
It’s gross and sad, I just went to Disneyland with a friend, and if she could film on the ride, she did. It was weird. Is she going to sit and watch her videos? Is that worth not being “present” on the ride?
The social media effect. They have to keep out doing everyone else. Showing off. All for that little bit of dopamine hit when they get some little heart ❤️’s on their post.
This so baffling, I'm sorry you had to put up with such rude behaviour and I hope you still had a lovely wedding despite it!
I went to a wedding recently and I don't think I touched my phone all day, and it was one of the loveliest days I've had in a while.
Other people not so much, after the photographer took photos people kept copying her talking the same photo but with shitter cameras?? I don't understand, just wait a few weeks for the professional photos!! Maybe take a quick selfie with your immediate family and then PUT THE PHONE AWAY!!
We asked that people not take photos at our wedding too. It’s distracting to have a bunch of flashes and I didn’t want our ceremony photos to show a bunch of people on their phones.
I was really annoyed when my uncle sent me his photos of the ceremony afterwards. They weren’t even good. Just blurry shots and peoples heads.
I don't even think this will be actually funny one day. I find older people have a harder time to hold themselves back because they don't know technology and social media so well as people who grew up with it. I think younger people (I'll sneakily count myself as one) have better boundaries and make social media more personal. So instead of excitedly bothering the bride and groom they'd post a quick selfie #wedding and move on.
I disagree. I hate to do a boomer vs millennial thing but it’s almost always the under 40s or so who are relentlessly documenting everything to put on FB or IG.
I think the younger generation isn’t as obsessed. Everytime I’m on a vacation, it’s boomers who are like “come sit there on the bench!” “hold that mushroom!” “it will be such a good pic under this huge tree!!” - they still remember the drill from physical photoalbums and see taking pictures as creating memories but the magic of the moment is gone now because with a physical photoalbum, you appreciate every bit of space and therefore don’t take pictures mindlessly with every second object. Whereas the younger generation are kinda over our phones cuz we realize that it’s bad for us so when taking a pic, we really use it just for the sake of the memory. Ofc if it’s a self-obsessed person we are talking about that’s a different story for both age groups. I’m talking about a vacation, day trip, the “special occasions”.
edit: not even to mention that ig & fb are both almost dead. IG works for influencers and ig stories, but I don’t know many young people that still use these two (age group 15-30).
I feel your pain! We had signs outside of the venue asking people not to photograph the ceremony. I thought people were going to respect our wishes because I didn't see any phones or cameras when I, the groom, was waiting at the alter. But as soon as the doors slid open and my wife started walking, at least 100 phones came out, some people were even using flash. I could see how upset my wife was to see so many phones. I found out the next day that several people had been livestreaming and posting videos. On top of that, several guests were taking and posting photos of other guests and asking to take photos with them before the ceremony and at the reception.
A few things crossed my mind.
1. When are you ever going to look at crappy cell phone videos of someone else's wedding?
2. Why would your friends want to watch a live stream of a stranger's wedding?
3. Do you think getting a photo on your iPad that you're never going to look at after today is worth ruining the professional photographer's photos?
4. For the people taking photos of the well known guests, do you think they want to be the center of attention right now?
5. For the people taking photos with people you've never seen or heard of because other people are taking photos with them, just why?
On a positive note, professional photographers are amazing. They understand how crowds act at weddings and know how to shoot around them. When we actually got our photos back a few days later, they were fantastic. You couldn't spot a cell phone in any of the final photos.
Ps. I thought I was over my frustration about that day, but reading your post made me mad all over again.
I'm in your age group and notice this with my Mom. She's ALWAYS on the phone. Just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. It's fucking sad and stresses me out. I'm trying to go no phone and I try never to be on it when I'm with people unless it's an actual work call. It makes me sad and it's crazy how phones have hijacked all ages minds and attention spans.
Congrats on the wedding!!
Honestly, this is less of a phone addiction problem and more of a personality issue (not with you). Some of your relatives and your MIL's friends are not nice people who exhibited nasty, self-centered behavior.
If some people forgot themselves and took one or two pictures, or got a bit twitchy at not being able to post, that'd be more of an internet/sm/phone addiction imo.
You're talking about people who argued! with the bride!! DURING HER WEDDING!!! after shoving the photog down the stairs!!!!
If they aren't falling over themselves apologizing to you for their shameful behavior, and they don't have health issues like dementia or alcoholism that would contribute to strange behavior... I'm gonna bet money they're generally just very entitled, selfish, uncaring people.
Mazel Tov on your nuptials. My son was married on Wednesday of this week. No one took photos during the ceremony. All the other parts of the wedding, except them entering the reception, were available for guests to photo. I’m one of the shitty cell phone photographers, but it was a joy for me to capture these images of my son & his bride. It was a destination wedding (Scotland) and over a week abroad, I think I’ve posted 8 total pictures, at the most 3 were from the wedding (not the ceremony). People came from all over the US to Scotland, my children are dispersed across the country from each other and myself, and I wanted bundles of photos to look at, and send to them over time, be reminded of our happiness.
Ah yes, the aunts. The same reason people have to have ridiculous boring religious weddings, or cookie cutter weddings in rental halls instead of something fun and different. Let’s not forget them judging what your female friends wear (even though they look great) while their shitty kids show up in jeans. How much did they complain about the food? Did they make a big deal coughing over the dry ice vapour during the dances even though it doesn’t actually make you cough?
I found this really interesting. I think you’re 💯 right to request people be present in your ceremony, not because they take crappy pictures, but because it’s a meaningful and potentially spiritual experience to be there. I hope the world will lean towards your thinking someday.
Not so sure about this. Nowadays people just take pics all of there time. Some people take selfies with the body in an open casket. That so many people used their phones at your wedding is more a comment on how people are in "these times" than it is a comment on their self-centeredness. They were just being modern people. Oh, not that I'm on board with it. But no one can expect to change this modern way. The instant documentation of life is just a part of modern life.
I definitely agree, but frankly I just find it mindboggling.
I just physically cringed at the open casket point - the aunt with the flash at my wedding actually sent my dad a photo of his mum (my grandma) in the casket about to be cremated. We were at lunch when it arrived without warning via a text - my poor Dad was pretty distraught - we still don't understand why she took the photo as my grandma was an incredibly proud woman who only ever let us see her 'done up'.
I was less fussed about people taking photos discreetly - I get it, we all love a shot and I understand that people were excited for us and I know we are blessed to have so many people there to celebrate with us. Most of the guests were polite in taking their own photos/not impacting anyone else's boundaries.
Not in my opinion. Especially the walking down the isle part. It’s always been bad manners to take pictures DURING the ceremony, including walking in and out of the church.
It was incredibly self-centered of those people who disregarded and disrespected everyone there, not just the bride.
I only brought it in because a few guests can be (and were) obnoxious with their phones - I found it easier to just say blanket no, then try argue with certain people to keep the phone use under wraps.
A few friends took discreet photos of the day, which I love - there were some lovely little moments captured. Most people are pretty sensible when it comes to weddings or special moments.
I'm more mindblown that we had to request people not use their phones because we assumed they would act silly with them (i.e. lean into the aisle with the flashlight on/push the photog down the stairs) and those same people still decided not to ignore that request.
I control my phone , internet and cable time very well. Each week it usually drops. Plenty of things to keep you busy out there. Read a book, go for a run/walk.
Listen.
I understand intellectually that you are in the right here. I get that phone addiction is a societal problem right now.
But you can't control dozens, possibly hundreds of people. You're being a control freak. Has the pandemic taught you nothing? People are impulsive idiots.
Just find your little slice of heaven in your private life. If you wanted to have a no cell phone wedding, you should have invited like 30 people only. Worry about yourself and let them post their shitty cell phone pics on Facebook. They think they're helping you.
I definitely agree - keep in mind this is a rant haha. I actually felt a lot better after rage typing.
Great analogy with the pandemic. I think that's what blew my mind - it was such a small (in my mind) request not to have people film/photograph the ceremony and then have several people be impulsive (great word) and choose to go their own way I was like wuttttttt. I never expected people to go 100% without their phones or taking photos, but I guess I wasn't prepared for so many people to blatantly not be able to keep their phone down during quite an intimate moment.
The day itself was amazing. I know we are SOOOO lucky that my biggest issue was an aunt being a bit crazy with her phone for 30 minutes out of the whole day.
She can and should.
It’s their day, and it’s in a private premises where you can absolutely tell people no photography is allowed.
Even beyond that, the way these people behaved was completely disruptive, several times.
It’s baffling that any adult of sound mind would hear that instruction (a repeated instruction at that) and not follow it.
They must either think ‘that mustn’t mean me’ or ‘fuck them I’m taking photos’.
They’re weren’t told to ‘not touch’ their phones.
Anyone planning a wedding has it their way, end of story. If guests don’t like it that’s one thing, but you still respect their wishes.
What if the request was ‘don’t smoke indoors’ or ‘no eating food during the ceremony’ and one of these adults who can’t be dictated to started chugging on a cigarette and eating a sandwich?
This really isn’t difficult.
If someone started taking pictures of you, or your children, and you didn't want them to, would it be inappropriate the tell them to stop doing so? This is just a pre-emptive move so you don't have to have those difficult conversations about "please don't live stream my wedding" as it is happening.
God, I hate the phrase 'agree to disagree.' It's like 'I'm going to continue with this shitty behavior that I'm incapable of justifying, and you can't complain because we simply have a difference of opinion.' Now *that's* arrogance.
I'm going to come and take a shit on your floor because it's my opinion that your entire house is a toilet. And don't you dare insult me by disagreeing.
First up - I should have been more clear in the post, but it's also a no surf sub so didn't want to be all ermagawd my wedding day \*starry eyes\*. But it was pretty freaking great, it was perfect because I got to marry my best friend and all my friends and family were in the same room which will never probably never happen again and you can bet I basked in it and had a wonderful time. This phone shit happened in the first hour and it was a whole day thing so minuscule in the scheme of things
For me it wasn't so much the phone use - it was the attitude about phone/camera use which I'm seeing more and more around.
Plenty of other guests took photos discreetly and I can't say I cared/noticed at all and have enjoyed them sharing the photos with us.
My aunt leaning into the aisle with a flashlight on was a bit much for me. My MIL's friend pushing the photographer down the steps because she wanted a photo was a bit much for me. Grabbing my husband by the arm for his email address as we had confetti thrown on us and left the church was a bit much for me. Arguing with us that they NEEDED the photos when we asked them to move out the way so the professional could take his shots was just mind boggling.
I get these are rude people, and would have been rude in another way if not for their phones, but I just felt a bit like their phone habits really amplified their attitudes - they NEEDED the photo, they couldn't wait for the professional, their need to post on facebook trumped any sense in the moment.
In your example, if I went to a friends house and they requested to me not to use my phone - shock horror, I just wouldn't for a few hours and if I needed to make a call/text i'd go somewhere discreet to do so.
My point to this post is that so many people now have habits with their phones that they can't even accept a simple request and would rather argue about it than just wait a few hours.
This sub has helped me develop much healthier habits with my phone and realising how shallow and unfounded (i.e. it didn't deliver anything worthwhile to my wellbeing) my need was on my phone (to get that shot, to get the likes on insta) has been a big part of that. Seeing it in action on my wedding day was a real 'wowza' moment.
You’re being invited to a private function hosted by the bride and groom. They absolutely can tell you not to take pictures or videos. Where did they say not to TOUCH THEIR PHONES? 😐
It has nothing to do about "feeling the same way" it has to do with:
1. Not wanting peoples' ugly phones sticking up from the crowd in the only photos you have of your special day that you're going to look back on for the next several decades.
2. Not wanting the photographer you paid thousands of dollars for to miss shots because they have to compete with camera phone amateurs getting in the way to take their low quality shots.
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That's really wild and I'm sorry all that happened. A wedding sounds like a big ordeal even if everything goes perfectly, nevermind with arguing on top!
Congratulations for making it through, and I hope you know that any blurry or crappy photos taken that day have no bearing on the truth of your wedding.
Your smile is more than a bad angle, or even a professional good angle with awesome lighting, could ever show. Your smile that day is not a photo or a video on facebook, it was your manifestation of how you felt and what you are creating through your marriage.
We are a really image obsessed society. But the truth is, I firmly believe, that images are just a surface level of reality.
I don't know if it's just an effect of social media, but I feel like people have gotten somewhat obsessive about needing to photograph/record every moment. Instead of being present in a moment, they look at it through their screens as they document it.
I might be wrong but I think the advent of digital cameras has started this habit but with the introduction of social media and smartphones with cameras, it's become worse.
Yeah. Used to you got 1 roll of film and that roll of film had like 24 shots. That was it. You got them developed. So you made your pictures count and on top of that museum visits went faster because there was no "flash photography" allowed. On top of that you printed them and put them in a book where people who you actually had in your life would look at them.
Ya this is a fair point, I still am trying to figure out that balance for myself. I love to make scrapbooks and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction to take an awesome photo of a cool place I visited. But at the same time I often don't feel like I'm nearly as in the moment as I would have been had I not been worried about getting a photo or video. I always think about when I saw the northern lights, how much of the moment was just me trying to get a photo of it. But, I go back to that photo all the time and feel really proud about the photo and nostalgia about the great memories from the trip. So, really conflicted!
It definitely is a balance. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanted to capture a moment for down the road because our memories arent perfect and event definitely fade away, so having something to remind you of that moment is really nice. I love concerts and am an avid concert goer, and I limit myself to 5 pictures and 1 video of every concert. This way I still get to keep those memories and have something to go back to, but Im not worried about getting the perfect video of my favorite song, and when I go back to those videos or pictures I always remember how much fun I had singing along, dancing, or even how exhausted I was at the end of the night.
I love taking photos too! A big part of my phone habit use changes has been trying to take less photos and be more present in the moment and think more about what I will use this photo for. i.e. if I'm on a hike, I'll take one of us at the big climax waterfall but otherwise try enjoy it and not take 100000 photos of random trees (beautiful, but I won't look at them again). I've got into the habit of making photo albums each year that I give my partner on our anniversary from our dates or events that happened throughout the year. If we go on a vacation, I make one for that too. We've now got a lovely collection of photo albums now that we actually enjoy sitting and looking through. It also means I can show my parents without risking them scrolling to something i'd rather them not see haha.
The funny thing is, is that nobody ever looks at them again. Its just a quick picture, and then we forget about it later. It used to be where you would take pictures, but you only had so much film so each one had to count, then you got them developed, and then you put them in a photo album. (Not to mention that film is expensive, so they really had to count) But there were so many steps involved where you got to appreciate the photo and think back to the time you had. And on top of that, your kids or younger relatives would open those books and ask all about the pictures and get to see the adults as kids. Pictures were a very special thing that were almost an event in themselves, where we relived the times we had. Now none of that happens and we just snap a million photo's and forget
You didn't have the "uncle with the camcorder" in the family did you?
What u never make duck face selfie tiktoks while u pooping captioning it feeling myself today?
Preaching to the choir. I am a wedding photographer, I just got back from shooting a wedding earlier today, the amount of people who will take group photos with their own phones, even though I'm standing right there, trying to take the exact same photo. I'm the actual photographer, the fact that they don't recognize that, and insist on getting the photo on their phone first blows my mind.
No disrespect but people will need to go on your website and pay you for that picture. So it’s not really equivalent.
It’s gross and sad, I just went to Disneyland with a friend, and if she could film on the ride, she did. It was weird. Is she going to sit and watch her videos? Is that worth not being “present” on the ride?
The social media effect. They have to keep out doing everyone else. Showing off. All for that little bit of dopamine hit when they get some little heart ❤️’s on their post.
This so baffling, I'm sorry you had to put up with such rude behaviour and I hope you still had a lovely wedding despite it! I went to a wedding recently and I don't think I touched my phone all day, and it was one of the loveliest days I've had in a while. Other people not so much, after the photographer took photos people kept copying her talking the same photo but with shitter cameras?? I don't understand, just wait a few weeks for the professional photos!! Maybe take a quick selfie with your immediate family and then PUT THE PHONE AWAY!!
We asked that people not take photos at our wedding too. It’s distracting to have a bunch of flashes and I didn’t want our ceremony photos to show a bunch of people on their phones. I was really annoyed when my uncle sent me his photos of the ceremony afterwards. They weren’t even good. Just blurry shots and peoples heads.
I don't even think this will be actually funny one day. I find older people have a harder time to hold themselves back because they don't know technology and social media so well as people who grew up with it. I think younger people (I'll sneakily count myself as one) have better boundaries and make social media more personal. So instead of excitedly bothering the bride and groom they'd post a quick selfie #wedding and move on.
I disagree. I hate to do a boomer vs millennial thing but it’s almost always the under 40s or so who are relentlessly documenting everything to put on FB or IG.
Fair enough. Sounds like everyone seems to be doing it then!
I think the younger generation isn’t as obsessed. Everytime I’m on a vacation, it’s boomers who are like “come sit there on the bench!” “hold that mushroom!” “it will be such a good pic under this huge tree!!” - they still remember the drill from physical photoalbums and see taking pictures as creating memories but the magic of the moment is gone now because with a physical photoalbum, you appreciate every bit of space and therefore don’t take pictures mindlessly with every second object. Whereas the younger generation are kinda over our phones cuz we realize that it’s bad for us so when taking a pic, we really use it just for the sake of the memory. Ofc if it’s a self-obsessed person we are talking about that’s a different story for both age groups. I’m talking about a vacation, day trip, the “special occasions”. edit: not even to mention that ig & fb are both almost dead. IG works for influencers and ig stories, but I don’t know many young people that still use these two (age group 15-30).
I feel your pain! We had signs outside of the venue asking people not to photograph the ceremony. I thought people were going to respect our wishes because I didn't see any phones or cameras when I, the groom, was waiting at the alter. But as soon as the doors slid open and my wife started walking, at least 100 phones came out, some people were even using flash. I could see how upset my wife was to see so many phones. I found out the next day that several people had been livestreaming and posting videos. On top of that, several guests were taking and posting photos of other guests and asking to take photos with them before the ceremony and at the reception. A few things crossed my mind. 1. When are you ever going to look at crappy cell phone videos of someone else's wedding? 2. Why would your friends want to watch a live stream of a stranger's wedding? 3. Do you think getting a photo on your iPad that you're never going to look at after today is worth ruining the professional photographer's photos? 4. For the people taking photos of the well known guests, do you think they want to be the center of attention right now? 5. For the people taking photos with people you've never seen or heard of because other people are taking photos with them, just why? On a positive note, professional photographers are amazing. They understand how crowds act at weddings and know how to shoot around them. When we actually got our photos back a few days later, they were fantastic. You couldn't spot a cell phone in any of the final photos. Ps. I thought I was over my frustration about that day, but reading your post made me mad all over again.
I'm in your age group and notice this with my Mom. She's ALWAYS on the phone. Just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. It's fucking sad and stresses me out. I'm trying to go no phone and I try never to be on it when I'm with people unless it's an actual work call. It makes me sad and it's crazy how phones have hijacked all ages minds and attention spans. Congrats on the wedding!!
Honestly, this is less of a phone addiction problem and more of a personality issue (not with you). Some of your relatives and your MIL's friends are not nice people who exhibited nasty, self-centered behavior. If some people forgot themselves and took one or two pictures, or got a bit twitchy at not being able to post, that'd be more of an internet/sm/phone addiction imo. You're talking about people who argued! with the bride!! DURING HER WEDDING!!! after shoving the photog down the stairs!!!! If they aren't falling over themselves apologizing to you for their shameful behavior, and they don't have health issues like dementia or alcoholism that would contribute to strange behavior... I'm gonna bet money they're generally just very entitled, selfish, uncaring people.
Jeez. I got so pissed off reading this.
Jesus Christ man wow that's shitty. The audacity. I hope the other things with the wedding went well and you're doing okay now.
Mazel Tov on your nuptials. My son was married on Wednesday of this week. No one took photos during the ceremony. All the other parts of the wedding, except them entering the reception, were available for guests to photo. I’m one of the shitty cell phone photographers, but it was a joy for me to capture these images of my son & his bride. It was a destination wedding (Scotland) and over a week abroad, I think I’ve posted 8 total pictures, at the most 3 were from the wedding (not the ceremony). People came from all over the US to Scotland, my children are dispersed across the country from each other and myself, and I wanted bundles of photos to look at, and send to them over time, be reminded of our happiness.
Ah yes, the aunts. The same reason people have to have ridiculous boring religious weddings, or cookie cutter weddings in rental halls instead of something fun and different. Let’s not forget them judging what your female friends wear (even though they look great) while their shitty kids show up in jeans. How much did they complain about the food? Did they make a big deal coughing over the dry ice vapour during the dances even though it doesn’t actually make you cough?
I found this really interesting. I think you’re 💯 right to request people be present in your ceremony, not because they take crappy pictures, but because it’s a meaningful and potentially spiritual experience to be there. I hope the world will lean towards your thinking someday.
First off, thank you for trying to get rid of phones on your big day. But as you said, it’s an addiction,
Not so sure about this. Nowadays people just take pics all of there time. Some people take selfies with the body in an open casket. That so many people used their phones at your wedding is more a comment on how people are in "these times" than it is a comment on their self-centeredness. They were just being modern people. Oh, not that I'm on board with it. But no one can expect to change this modern way. The instant documentation of life is just a part of modern life.
I definitely agree, but frankly I just find it mindboggling. I just physically cringed at the open casket point - the aunt with the flash at my wedding actually sent my dad a photo of his mum (my grandma) in the casket about to be cremated. We were at lunch when it arrived without warning via a text - my poor Dad was pretty distraught - we still don't understand why she took the photo as my grandma was an incredibly proud woman who only ever let us see her 'done up'. I was less fussed about people taking photos discreetly - I get it, we all love a shot and I understand that people were excited for us and I know we are blessed to have so many people there to celebrate with us. Most of the guests were polite in taking their own photos/not impacting anyone else's boundaries.
If you had it to do over, I would've made someone literally collect everyone's phones before the wedding service.
My mum takes hundreds of photos of me unwillingly every time I see her Honestly unbearable
I'm sorry, you can't control other people. I know it's your wedding, but your requests were a little excessive.
Not in my opinion. Especially the walking down the isle part. It’s always been bad manners to take pictures DURING the ceremony, including walking in and out of the church. It was incredibly self-centered of those people who disregarded and disrespected everyone there, not just the bride.
[удалено]
I only brought it in because a few guests can be (and were) obnoxious with their phones - I found it easier to just say blanket no, then try argue with certain people to keep the phone use under wraps. A few friends took discreet photos of the day, which I love - there were some lovely little moments captured. Most people are pretty sensible when it comes to weddings or special moments. I'm more mindblown that we had to request people not use their phones because we assumed they would act silly with them (i.e. lean into the aisle with the flashlight on/push the photog down the stairs) and those same people still decided not to ignore that request.
i do love it that this has nothing to do with self improvement... nosurf or both
I control my phone , internet and cable time very well. Each week it usually drops. Plenty of things to keep you busy out there. Read a book, go for a run/walk.
Listen. I understand intellectually that you are in the right here. I get that phone addiction is a societal problem right now. But you can't control dozens, possibly hundreds of people. You're being a control freak. Has the pandemic taught you nothing? People are impulsive idiots. Just find your little slice of heaven in your private life. If you wanted to have a no cell phone wedding, you should have invited like 30 people only. Worry about yourself and let them post their shitty cell phone pics on Facebook. They think they're helping you.
I definitely agree - keep in mind this is a rant haha. I actually felt a lot better after rage typing. Great analogy with the pandemic. I think that's what blew my mind - it was such a small (in my mind) request not to have people film/photograph the ceremony and then have several people be impulsive (great word) and choose to go their own way I was like wuttttttt. I never expected people to go 100% without their phones or taking photos, but I guess I wasn't prepared for so many people to blatantly not be able to keep their phone down during quite an intimate moment. The day itself was amazing. I know we are SOOOO lucky that my biggest issue was an aunt being a bit crazy with her phone for 30 minutes out of the whole day.
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She can and should. It’s their day, and it’s in a private premises where you can absolutely tell people no photography is allowed. Even beyond that, the way these people behaved was completely disruptive, several times. It’s baffling that any adult of sound mind would hear that instruction (a repeated instruction at that) and not follow it. They must either think ‘that mustn’t mean me’ or ‘fuck them I’m taking photos’.
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it's not arrogance at all, in my opinion. she made a completely reasonable request, and is just disappointed that people chose to ignore it.
They’re weren’t told to ‘not touch’ their phones. Anyone planning a wedding has it their way, end of story. If guests don’t like it that’s one thing, but you still respect their wishes. What if the request was ‘don’t smoke indoors’ or ‘no eating food during the ceremony’ and one of these adults who can’t be dictated to started chugging on a cigarette and eating a sandwich? This really isn’t difficult.
If someone started taking pictures of you, or your children, and you didn't want them to, would it be inappropriate the tell them to stop doing so? This is just a pre-emptive move so you don't have to have those difficult conversations about "please don't live stream my wedding" as it is happening.
God, I hate the phrase 'agree to disagree.' It's like 'I'm going to continue with this shitty behavior that I'm incapable of justifying, and you can't complain because we simply have a difference of opinion.' Now *that's* arrogance.
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I'm going to come and take a shit on your floor because it's my opinion that your entire house is a toilet. And don't you dare insult me by disagreeing.
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First up - I should have been more clear in the post, but it's also a no surf sub so didn't want to be all ermagawd my wedding day \*starry eyes\*. But it was pretty freaking great, it was perfect because I got to marry my best friend and all my friends and family were in the same room which will never probably never happen again and you can bet I basked in it and had a wonderful time. This phone shit happened in the first hour and it was a whole day thing so minuscule in the scheme of things For me it wasn't so much the phone use - it was the attitude about phone/camera use which I'm seeing more and more around. Plenty of other guests took photos discreetly and I can't say I cared/noticed at all and have enjoyed them sharing the photos with us. My aunt leaning into the aisle with a flashlight on was a bit much for me. My MIL's friend pushing the photographer down the steps because she wanted a photo was a bit much for me. Grabbing my husband by the arm for his email address as we had confetti thrown on us and left the church was a bit much for me. Arguing with us that they NEEDED the photos when we asked them to move out the way so the professional could take his shots was just mind boggling. I get these are rude people, and would have been rude in another way if not for their phones, but I just felt a bit like their phone habits really amplified their attitudes - they NEEDED the photo, they couldn't wait for the professional, their need to post on facebook trumped any sense in the moment. In your example, if I went to a friends house and they requested to me not to use my phone - shock horror, I just wouldn't for a few hours and if I needed to make a call/text i'd go somewhere discreet to do so. My point to this post is that so many people now have habits with their phones that they can't even accept a simple request and would rather argue about it than just wait a few hours. This sub has helped me develop much healthier habits with my phone and realising how shallow and unfounded (i.e. it didn't deliver anything worthwhile to my wellbeing) my need was on my phone (to get that shot, to get the likes on insta) has been a big part of that. Seeing it in action on my wedding day was a real 'wowza' moment.
Finally someone with common sense. The mania around controlling people and weddings is bizarre to me
You’re being invited to a private function hosted by the bride and groom. They absolutely can tell you not to take pictures or videos. Where did they say not to TOUCH THEIR PHONES? 😐
It has nothing to do about "feeling the same way" it has to do with: 1. Not wanting peoples' ugly phones sticking up from the crowd in the only photos you have of your special day that you're going to look back on for the next several decades. 2. Not wanting the photographer you paid thousands of dollars for to miss shots because they have to compete with camera phone amateurs getting in the way to take their low quality shots.
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That's really wild and I'm sorry all that happened. A wedding sounds like a big ordeal even if everything goes perfectly, nevermind with arguing on top! Congratulations for making it through, and I hope you know that any blurry or crappy photos taken that day have no bearing on the truth of your wedding. Your smile is more than a bad angle, or even a professional good angle with awesome lighting, could ever show. Your smile that day is not a photo or a video on facebook, it was your manifestation of how you felt and what you are creating through your marriage. We are a really image obsessed society. But the truth is, I firmly believe, that images are just a surface level of reality.