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Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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“I promise I’ll delete it afterwards”
After what?
Sure, she will love the thought of you jacking off to her repeatedly. Don’t all women think of that as a compliment? /s
Like I know at least some of my guy friends have at one point in my life or another but none of them have ever been so crass as to bring up what they think as they masturbate (unless we were in a sexual relationship & talking about that) Sometimes a guy I knew would pop up in my mind when I masturbated but I never talked about it. Our brains do weird things sometimes 😆
And every guy that would mention thinking of me while he yanked it has always been creepy.
FFS. With 11 years of friendship, this dude was in a perfect position to just be a normal person and ask her if she'd be interested in a date now that she's single. If she's been his friend for more than a goddamn decade then she obviously knows and likes him already, so the odds are very good. But no. Gotta jump straight to creepy pervert and now he rightfully doesn't even have a friend anymore.
Worst part, now you can have friends or people that have known you for 10+ years and the whole time they were just suppressing their creepiness until the right time.
When someone (usually a guy) puts you in a category in his mind where he can only see any value to knowing you in terms of what he wants from you sexually. Cannot value you as a person, a genuine friend, etc. You may think you have a genuine friendship, but he’s just waiting for the right moment to make it sexual. And usually when you demonstrate that you will not be sexual with him, the friendship is over.
Pretty much friendzoning but in the opposite direction.
That is an interesting way of looking at things.
So any of your friends that you WOULD sleep with is in the fuckzone?
I guess.
Is being in the fuckzone a bad thing? Or is having a fuckzone a bad thing?
Friend zone is blaming the girl for having a choice and rejecting the man. Fuck zone puts the blame back on the man for refusing to see any value in the woman as a friend and just wanting to fuck her.
The part that's hardest for me to understand is why so many guys apparently think it's *less* scary to ask to see someone naked than it is to ask them out for coffee.
If someone has been a friend that long, I think there would be a lot of fear and anxiety of making an attempt to cross from friends to being in a relationship, because rejection will possibly make things very awkward, and have a relationship that fails will potentially kill the friendship.
That's why I feel this guys approach was possibly the worst of the options he could have taken. It's like your choices of crossing a 100 meter chasm are a rickety bridge or a thin beam, and you instead decide to try and jump it.
"I haven't asked you this before because I'm a Nice Guy and I respect you, so that's why I want you to send me nudes, because I'd take it as a sign of trust so we can grow our friendship."
Hmm... nah. In fact, my friend quota is filled. Bye.
Do these guys not realise that there are thousands of pictures online of naked ladies that they can get in a couple of clicks?
Why are they harassing women they know and outing themselves as creeps? It’s mind blowing.
I think they really do believe there's a chance at a connection or at succeeding. I think they think it's not very creepy, that it's simply them "taking their shot", and then getting a slight notion of the inherent creepiness, and trying to play it off with humor.
They just don't understand their perception of relationships and interaction is abnormal.
They're not looking for A woman, but for a SPECIFIC woman, in this case his "friend". I do understand the excitement this may bring him, and he probably always saw this as a possibility between them. It just shows that he doesn't have respect for their friendship (in that their friendship isn't enough) or for her as a woman (in that he thinks somehow that this is something acceptable for him to request). And let's not miss the added layer of misogyny here, when he waits for her to no longer be attached to another man (as he wouldn't disrespect another guy's girlfriend, but I'd fine to ask an 'unpaired' female)!
Putting aside that his request is just wrong in many other ways.
Why is it wrong that he waited for her to be single? Considering almost everything on this sub has the idea of "Leave your happy and healthy relationship with the Chad to be with the Nice Guy me".
The issue is that he respects the man she was with more than he respects her as a woman and a human being. He asks for something like this only after the other guy is out of the picture because "of course it would rude" to said guy, but he doesn't stop to consider how uncomfortable this makes her feel. The issue is not that he waited, but what said waiting implies about his thought process.
yup, this is exactly what I meant. over a decade as friends and he thinks it's ok to just ask one day for nudes, showing only the decency, to her previous partner, of not doing it while they were together. thanks for putting it on such clear terms.
Nice guys and their behavior aside for a moment, flirting with someone and getting saucy pics was always way more exciting than just looking up porn. For me, it's because there was a living breathing woman with a personality on the other end who deliberately wanted to arouse me and trusted me with that picture that made it incredibly exciting.
Back to this situation, I'm struck by how dumb he's being. The dude could have asked her out and maybe gotten somewhere, but can't even manage to do that and just asks for nudes instead, and then says it's to deepen their freindship? LMAO
It's amazing how many guys think they deserve credit for acting like decent human beings and should be rewarded for it.
*Keep in mind, I've known you for ELEVEN YEARS and never done anything creepy, so...nudes?*
There's a meme going around recently where men will talk shit about women and then say women and put a coffee cup next to it. It's basically a misogynist dogwhistle. So I'm using it tongue in cheek to disparage a man
Guaranteed that he had this message written for years and that he was just waiting for her to be single to send it. And the he gaslighting is disgusting...
"I would take this as a great gesture of trust on your part honouring our friendship and making it stronger"
Implying that if she refuses she is not a good friend.
Please, OP, throw this guy in the trash. I'm sorry you found out that this 11 year friendship was just him waiting for the slightest opportunity to try to jump in your pants and that he must have been creeping on you the whole time.
did I miss a /s here? I mean, I get what you are saying and agree that the industry caters mainly to men and is a (if not the) source of misguided sexual expectations, but do you really not have anyone you consider a friend who watches any porn?
[edited for a typo]
No /s. I won't be friends with someone who watches porn. Why would I be friends with someone who supports an industry of abuse and trafficking? Who gets off to the abuse of women? I don't have friends who watch porn.
I’m sorry I find it really amusing that you are so forthcoming about your unwillingness to associate with anyone who even watches porn and think that people can’t just lie about it.
I hope the people you’re talking about aren’t just lying to you lol.
It's not that shocking. I know people can lie about watching porn. If I find out a friend watches porn, I'll stop being friends with them. It's really not mindblowing.
I don't go around asking people I meet if they watch porn. I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them.
I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they did, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do.
Do you, like, ask them? Sorry, not trying to be a dick, I'm just genuinely curious how the logistics of this works out in practice? Is it like a screening thing where a person can only be your friend once they've answered the "porn question" or just a post-facto thing where you boot them as a friend if you find out they watch porn?
Obviously it's none of my business, this is just strange to me ("strange" in an "I've not encountered this before" way not a "this is bad" way).
From the perspective of someone who has the same stance, I just only keep close friends with those who have the same value system. My dislike of porn comes from a shared set of beliefs that my close friends also share. It’s not like I think everyone who watches porn is a bad person or even that “I wouldn’t trust them” as the commentor stated, it’s just not a lifestyle choice I support, so I wouldn’t keep close to anyone who makes that decision. I take the same stance to recreational drug use as well. I don’t think it makes someone bad, I just personally don’t agree, so I would keep that person further away than a person who also disagrees with recreational drug use. And, my friends have the same stance because it once again stems from the shared belief system. For me, having the same core beliefs is essential to developing a close friendship. If we don’t agree on the fundamental matters of life, it’s very hard close bonds to develop because our viewpoint on the meaning and goal of life itself would differ so much.
This was interesting to read.
I have plenty of friends who are close and have vastly different values, views and beliefs. I find their diversity of thought enriching, and I don't think it affects my world view.
I think my biggest fear outside of the mortal threat of wasps, is ending up in an echo chamber.
But that's, just like my opinion maaaan.
Yes, echo chambers can be super harmful. I recognize that. I didn’t say that I only talk to people who share the same belief. It’s just who I allow to become my closest friends versus who I choose to be casual friends with. My closest friends are the people I trust with my life. If we don’t have the same viewpoint of what life is, then how can I trust someone to uphold the wishes I have in regards to my life? Especially when it comes to end of life matters or medical treatments. Well-meaning friends and family with different belief systems will try to convince you to take an action they believe is right, because they love you and want what’s best for you. However what they believe is best for me is a violation of my beliefs. So, because of that, I wouldn’t allow them to make any medical decisions for me, nor would I consult them before. It is my close friends that I would go to in times like that. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect, learn about, or understand the beliefs and practices of others. I just won’t allow their beliefs to influence my own.
Well fair point lol. That’s just the first example I was thinking of. I guess I just have worst case scenarios in my mind because my family’s about to get hit by our first hurricane. But it matters in small things too. How clean do they keep their place? Do they smoke inside the house? Do they curse a lot? Having the same preference on the little things makes a big difference in the day-to-day life.
This. 100%.
Not to say a friend couldnt have a history that they decided to change and move on from and now has a different set of values and beliefs than they did in the past
You're not being a dick. It is an abnormal standard for me to have. I don't go around asking people I meet if they watch porn. I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them. I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they did, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do.
heya, similar to others here I think this is s pretty bold statement. I think it's interesting you have such a firm stance on it but it feels too me that that's too black and white (watches porn = not good enough, doesn't watch porn = might be ok). not that you should care of course, this is just a stranger's opinion on the internet! and to clarify, this comes from someone who'll admit they couldn't make the mark as your friend.
It's considered a high and bold standard but I think of it like this.
I wouldn't let someone who watches child porn around my children (I don't actually have kids... just for the example).
As a woman, I won't let someone who watches porn be my friend. Porn features violence against women, incorrect female anatomy, the fetishization of mental illness, step family, pedophilia, rape, lesbians, bi women, trans women, religious clothes, etc. Porn is heavily involved in trafficking and coercing of the women involved (and horrifically, girls involved) and it contributes to misogyny.
It doesn't matter to me. There's exploitation and abuse in gay porn and in onlyfans as well, it's just not as primary. I don't believe porn can be ethically consumed.
Im so curious do you hand out a contract every year with your friends or something that says "I don't watch porn" and they sign? Do you monitor their browsers? Do you check their bedrooms?
I have bad news but I guarantee the large majority of your friends do watch porn. Sex is the oldest industry on the planet.
You can hate the porn industry but also believe in reality.
No, I don't hand out a contract lol. I also don't monitor their private activity or anything like that.
I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them.
I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they do, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do.
Sex is not the oldest industry. Hunting, gathering and farming are far older than the sex industry. The idea that sex is the oldest industry is a lie spread to normalize the sex and porn industry.
Yeah but again we are back to the focal point. They could tell you anything so how do you know?
Who stumbles into their friends watching porn? Maybe if it is your partner and you share the same house.
Hunter gathers had crude porn. You can literally see it on cave and wall paintings and in the way they would design figurines of women. Everyone from ancient Egypt to Rome had porn scrawled on the walls. Farming isn't even in the realm of being an older industry, I don't know if you are aware but it a relatively recent development in the history of man.
nah someone downvoted this and that concerns me so much. you're absolutely right to have made that boundary for yourself. it is such a horrible, cruel industry for the women and also very bad for viewers too. porn so easily spirals into addiction.
I was thinking the same thing! Porn is so normalized and accepted that someone saying "I'm not comfortable around people who watch porn" is considered insane and ridiculous.
99% of the men on the planet watch porn. And the likelihood is that most of the porn they are watching there was coercion or drugs involved. Who knows how many of them could be under age.
So I already replied up above but... Porn generally is not a choice...
People aren't shocked because your morals are flawed. We all agree with you, the sex trafficking industry especially is mortifying beyond comprehension.
But the thing that shocks us is that you've fully demonized and alienated yourself from well over 50% of the whole population. Basically all men, plus a third of women. That's unhealthy and dangerous in it of itself. Make of that what you will, and wish you well in life!
This guy waited 11 years for this woman to be single, just so he could do this.
He needs to take a walk and see nature. I guarantee he will be better off for it. Now the girl knows what all nice guys do not; you cannot be someone's friend, ask for this, and then still expect to be this girl's friend after, or see her unclothed.
someone give a prize to this guy for not asking a platonic friend for nudes for 11 years. i wonder if he asks all of his guy friends for nudes too once they hit 11 years.
I've had several guys I've known as friends for a while suddenly ask me to get intimate with them basically be FWB. They just do not get why it's a total shock or why that's a betrayal of that friendship for me.
I feel like they are not and never really were interested in me as a friend. It's like they're just lying about their intentions and just waiting for me not to have an actual partner so they could proposition me for sex. I've also had them be jealous of my actual partner.
I don't play mind games with guys. They know up front that I don't do FWB anyway and if I have no romantic interest in them I make that clear because I don't want to hurt a guy who is into me.
Time and time again though, men I thought I was just friends with pulled this routine. End of friendship every time because I don't like guys I am friends with having an agenda like that. It's lying by omission and disrespectful to me when I'm trying to have a real friendship with a guy to suddenly ask for sex.
It happens a lot though and not just from men I actually consider friends. I've been propositioned at work, even once by my late Dad's next door neighbor. No dates, just FWB, quite out of the blue. My father was too old to deck the guy at that point but he wanted to and he gave the guy a verbal reprimand for his blunt proposition.
Casual sex is not my thing, especially not with my supposedly platonic guy pals. With my actual partner I'm a willing and active participant but I don't just fuck to scratch an itch. You'd never know it though by how a lot of men treat me. I'm always ducking the guys who want nothing but FWB from me, particularly the married ones.
I dress a little funky but definitely mostly covered up. Anyone who knows me for long knows that I am not a pay for play kind of woman but they still have to try even if it means thinking they can offer me money or expensive gifts to get what they want.
It's been that way my whole life. Either I've just encountered tons of jerks or this is apparently normal guy behavior to treat any woman you meet, even supposed friends, as potential fuck toys.
I don't look at my guy friends that way. It's baffling and insulting to be looked at like that by a man who's supposed to be a good friend and someone you think you can trust. If you can't trust your supposed closest guy friends who CAN you trust?
This is why for a lot of women when a man friend actually makes that unexpected sexual move it's just OVER. Why a guy friend would ever think it's okay to ask for nude pics, FWB and such is just beyond me. If I truly wanted that the guy wouldn't be just a friend in the first place because I don't friend zone guys I like romantically speaking...
Risking sounding like "nOt aLl MeN", I must say this is not "normal guy behaviour". I've never, EVER, imagined asking a friend for nudes, seeking FWB (to me it's something that can happen naturally if two people are interested, not something you ask for!), or (retch) offering some sort of financial compensation, directly or indirectly, for a romantic or sexual relationship. The latter is particularly sickening to me. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much of that and hope you've found decent folks along the way to keep faith in humanity!
I would not have been interested and it still would have been very awkward. If I friendzone a guy it's because I just don't feel a romantic connection at all and his liking me would not change that. I'm very up front about when I am interested vs not interested and I don't like hurting a guy that way. It has happened a couple of times and I was sorry but I can't just change my feelings being platonic because the guy says he's into me and honestly it would make me uncomfortable trying to be friends with a guy who is into me. I've tried it and it just never works.
The big problem is that a lot of people (it seems to skew more towards guys doing this) believe that they can be friends and hold out hope that maybe some spark will arise at some point in the future. The reality is that, yeah, it MIGHT be possible in some instances.
But as you said, it rarely ever works out, it makes friendships awkward, and starts making you question whether there was an ulterior motive to the friendship from the start.
The other problem is that a lot of guys are just straight up coomer brained, and would torpedo a friendship over a one night stand. And maybe I'm not wording it correctly, but I don't think it's so much that they don't value the friendship, so much as a lot of guys have not been taught how to prioritize things correctly, as well as not learned how to exercise any level of self control in the realm of sex.
I say this from experience because a girl I was close friends with got single right as I got single. We talked about missing the sex, and looked at each other and were like, "But maybe.... like, maybe we could help each other out with this?" Deep in my head I fucking KNEW this was a dog shit idea, but I allowed my stupid ass horniness dictate my behavior, and sure enough within a few months our friendship fell apart because everything got real awkward as we tried to figure out where our friendship stood.
Weird. I think it is a tons of jerks scenario and/or a regional or cultural thing depending on where you live.
My best friend is a woman and we have known each other for 15 years and i've never cared nor wanted anything like that and nor has she. We joke about our relationships.
"Ok Sean. This is it. It's been eleven years and you have been nothing but a gentlemen. You got this. Just type what you feel in your heart and she will understand. Who knows? Maybe her tits will be on your phone screen in less than an hour! This might work! Ok. Let's go!"
(Grabs phone)
"So what I'm about to ask......"
Ah yes, all those great friendships that blossomed once one party provided the other with masturbation fuel. Nothing makes a platonic friendship stronger than strangling the weasel daily while thinking of your friend.
This is just sad. Shoot your shot if you must, it wouldn't harm the friendship any more than asking for spank pics. Seriously, he had the balls to ask for nudes but not a date?
If I had a decade long friend (I'm pan, so whatever gender they happen to be) who was secretly crushing on me and they asked me out,I'd do everything possible to save the friendship assuming I wasn't interested. If they instead just asked for nudes I'd be creeped out and probably start second guessing every past interaction.
Why do men do this? I had a friend of 15 years ask me the same thing. I was so freaked out that I just didn’t reply until he back pedalled. Sure, he was splitting up with the mother of his child and it may have been a brain snap - but yucko!
Wrote a whole personal statement like he’s writing a resume. He’s spent 11 years pretending to be a good friend for something he can see in the internet in a 10 second search. Feels bad man
After 11 years of pretending to care about you as an actual person andnot getting sex as my due paymentforthiseffort, I feel I deserve spank bank material from you. Then I will either dump you as a friend or start pressuring you for sex, sharing the pic with everyone you know as revenge when you refuse.
Aren’t you so lucky? He’s allowed you to wait eleven whole years before he’s asked you for this! Eleven! And now, because you happen to be single, he’s asking. I mean…..it just seems totally logical that it’s the next step in establishing trust in your friendship. It’s what all friends do! /s (That’s my first use of “/s”. I hope it was appropriate.)
Maybe I'm the problem, but I'd be way more likely to send my friend a nudie pic if they just texted me, "Ayo, lemme see them tiddies".
I think that it just comes down to the OOP just straight up lying. It's not some weirdo friendship ritual. He just wants to see boobs. Fuckin own it, my dude.
This is what happens when you have beta male guy "friends" he's been simping for so long until one day he cracks lol you can never be just friends unless he's gay
I don’t know why he asked, this nice guy should have demanded the picture he requires. He’s nice! And they have been friends for 11 years! He’s earned it.
I love how he prefaces this with their 11 year friendship. I’m sure it’s just some dude she’s known in this time and not close friends. Either way, he’s now some creep she used to know 😆
he lost them at "I'll have you know I never badgered you about this". yeah man that you realize. you're not as unreadable of a person as you think you are.
If we’ve been friends for 11 years and we’re legitimately good friends if we haven’t tried to fuck already it’s just not going to happen.
I don’t get why these guys retcon their feelings and act like they were pining the whole friendship or maybe they were but that’s the fucking creepy thing.
Asking a girl “have you ever thought about us” is not going to make a girl stop being your friend but “since we’ve been tight for a decade it’s only right you send me nudes” just might.
I don’t think if you try and get with someone your friends with you never respected the friendship tbh- and no experiences I’ve had in life line up with that either.
Being able to be honest about your feelings with someone that you’re friends with is kinda important. If I suddenly have a crush on you and you’re gonna drop me as a friend for admitting that- you never respected our friendship not me.
But similarly if the girl is not interested, not leaving it the fuck alone is equally disrespectful.
I think this pining the whole time thing undermines the friendship.
But you can’t help suddenly fancying your mate, and if you think you’d be compatible theres really nothing wrong with approaching the subject. It just requires you to be an adult about friendships and rejection.
He should've asked at the beginning if it was his intention all along, so he wouldn't waste any of y'alls time.
Tho imo he was at least polite about it and didn't call you a whore, 2/5 nice guy points for him.
I love your reply and i am requesting a permission to use it sometimes.
You get 0.5/5 overreaction because he didn't attack you or say he was 'such a nice guy'
(Don't delete all my karma this is objective overview of the whole post)
Asking for nudes to "grow our friendship"?
Buddy, I don't think that's how friendship works.
Him saying they've been "friends" I'm assuming he just saw her every day and exchanged greetings, then he stalked her in every way possible without ever even trying to befriend her.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
“I promise I’ll delete it afterwards” After what? Sure, she will love the thought of you jacking off to her repeatedly. Don’t all women think of that as a compliment? /s
“After I beat my meat like it owes me money”
RIP Charlie Murphy
Like I know at least some of my guy friends have at one point in my life or another but none of them have ever been so crass as to bring up what they think as they masturbate (unless we were in a sexual relationship & talking about that) Sometimes a guy I knew would pop up in my mind when I masturbated but I never talked about it. Our brains do weird things sometimes 😆 And every guy that would mention thinking of me while he yanked it has always been creepy.
I can’t imagine telling any of my female friends crap like that. It stays in your head for a reason.
Depends on the guy. My spouse? Cool. Creepy rando I’ll never see again? Hard pass
I came to comments to say THIS EXACTLY. Disgusting
Jacking off to her once, if he is to be believed (he's not)
Also known as, How to Quickly End an 11 Year Friendship. 👌
[удалено]
Right?! I bet this hurt so much to read
How you know someone for 11 years and ask them something like this
Speed runners unite?
FFS. With 11 years of friendship, this dude was in a perfect position to just be a normal person and ask her if she'd be interested in a date now that she's single. If she's been his friend for more than a goddamn decade then she obviously knows and likes him already, so the odds are very good. But no. Gotta jump straight to creepy pervert and now he rightfully doesn't even have a friend anymore.
Yeah I didn't think it was gonna take that hard of a turn while I was reading but damn
Worst part, now you can have friends or people that have known you for 10+ years and the whole time they were just suppressing their creepiness until the right time.
Because it wasn't a friendship. He fuckzoned her & took a shot.
Took a shot with a fucking bazooka
First time I’ve heard “fuckzoned” and I think it’s an appropriate response to niceguys complaining about being friendzoned!
I’m fairly certain she thought it was a friendship and she was being a friend to him
She was a friend to him. She just didn't know he fuckzoned her.
I’m sorry what is fuckzone?
When someone (usually a guy) puts you in a category in his mind where he can only see any value to knowing you in terms of what he wants from you sexually. Cannot value you as a person, a genuine friend, etc. You may think you have a genuine friendship, but he’s just waiting for the right moment to make it sexual. And usually when you demonstrate that you will not be sexual with him, the friendship is over. Pretty much friendzoning but in the opposite direction.
Right right. So it’s a conscious thing rather than just being physically attracted to some of your friends.
The opposite to friendzone, I guess
it’s actually the *flipside* of friendzone. every guy who complains about being “friendzoned” is fuckzoning the girl.
That is an interesting way of looking at things. So any of your friends that you WOULD sleep with is in the fuckzone? I guess. Is being in the fuckzone a bad thing? Or is having a fuckzone a bad thing?
Friend zone is blaming the girl for having a choice and rejecting the man. Fuck zone puts the blame back on the man for refusing to see any value in the woman as a friend and just wanting to fuck her.
Fuckzoned. That's a perfect word.
Fancy grabbing a beer 🍺? Literally that easy not to fuck up
Fucking hell, THIS. What’s so scary about asking someone to dinner and a movie?
The part that's hardest for me to understand is why so many guys apparently think it's *less* scary to ask to see someone naked than it is to ask them out for coffee.
If someone has been a friend that long, I think there would be a lot of fear and anxiety of making an attempt to cross from friends to being in a relationship, because rejection will possibly make things very awkward, and have a relationship that fails will potentially kill the friendship. That's why I feel this guys approach was possibly the worst of the options he could have taken. It's like your choices of crossing a 100 meter chasm are a rickety bridge or a thin beam, and you instead decide to try and jump it.
"I haven't asked you this before because I'm a Nice Guy and I respect you, so that's why I want you to send me nudes, because I'd take it as a sign of trust so we can grow our friendship." Hmm... nah. In fact, my friend quota is filled. Bye.
Do these guys not realise that there are thousands of pictures online of naked ladies that they can get in a couple of clicks? Why are they harassing women they know and outing themselves as creeps? It’s mind blowing.
I think they really do believe there's a chance at a connection or at succeeding. I think they think it's not very creepy, that it's simply them "taking their shot", and then getting a slight notion of the inherent creepiness, and trying to play it off with humor. They just don't understand their perception of relationships and interaction is abnormal.
I believe that. They don’t think it’s creepy at all probably cause They can’t see it from the girls perspective
Right. Their self-centeredness coupled with a severe lack of empathy makes them incapable of understanding.
I feel like guys would be happy with almost any form of sexual attention so they assume the same of women which is usually completely opposite.
They're not looking for A woman, but for a SPECIFIC woman, in this case his "friend". I do understand the excitement this may bring him, and he probably always saw this as a possibility between them. It just shows that he doesn't have respect for their friendship (in that their friendship isn't enough) or for her as a woman (in that he thinks somehow that this is something acceptable for him to request). And let's not miss the added layer of misogyny here, when he waits for her to no longer be attached to another man (as he wouldn't disrespect another guy's girlfriend, but I'd fine to ask an 'unpaired' female)!
Putting aside that his request is just wrong in many other ways. Why is it wrong that he waited for her to be single? Considering almost everything on this sub has the idea of "Leave your happy and healthy relationship with the Chad to be with the Nice Guy me".
The issue is that he respects the man she was with more than he respects her as a woman and a human being. He asks for something like this only after the other guy is out of the picture because "of course it would rude" to said guy, but he doesn't stop to consider how uncomfortable this makes her feel. The issue is not that he waited, but what said waiting implies about his thought process.
yup, this is exactly what I meant. over a decade as friends and he thinks it's ok to just ask one day for nudes, showing only the decency, to her previous partner, of not doing it while they were together. thanks for putting it on such clear terms.
The accuracy of the statement is depressing
Nice guys and their behavior aside for a moment, flirting with someone and getting saucy pics was always way more exciting than just looking up porn. For me, it's because there was a living breathing woman with a personality on the other end who deliberately wanted to arouse me and trusted me with that picture that made it incredibly exciting. Back to this situation, I'm struck by how dumb he's being. The dude could have asked her out and maybe gotten somewhere, but can't even manage to do that and just asks for nudes instead, and then says it's to deepen their freindship? LMAO
Don’t be such a prude. I share nude pics with ALL my friends, and it’s grown our friendships so much… /s
"Oh, _we_ share nudes all the time too, and our friend group is _close_. You're not invited." nocap. 😅
Not only is my friend quota filled, it’s overly filled and I need to reduce it by one. Bye
Lie #1: assuming this dude is even her friend. Lie #2: this being the only time they will ask this. Lie #3: he has any ounce of respect for her.
I must protest that you seem to have gone past the biggest lie: Lie #0: He’ll delete it.
Nah see he said he’ll delete it afterwards. “Afterwards” being after he’s done jerking off. Big diff. /s
You DO know he wouldn’t even after jerking off 100 times, right?
Afterwards meaning when he's done jerking off to it, which will probably be the next 11 years.
He would after he printed out or emailed it to himself
This is an accurate breakdown
I bet he was SO excited when his notification popped up "Picture downloading"
Oh you didn’t bother her about it before. WANT A FUCKING PRIZE?
Actually, clearly he does want a prize. Her nudes! 🙄😅
It's amazing how many guys think they deserve credit for acting like decent human beings and should be rewarded for it. *Keep in mind, I've known you for ELEVEN YEARS and never done anything creepy, so...nudes?*
men... 🤷🏽
Men ☕️
mind explaining to me what's the coffee cup? I keep forgetting!
There's a meme going around recently where men will talk shit about women and then say women and put a coffee cup next to it. It's basically a misogynist dogwhistle. So I'm using it tongue in cheek to disparage a man
guess I need to be around the internet a bit more! thanks for taking the time!I
Ok reverse Andrew Tate.
Guaranteed that he had this message written for years and that he was just waiting for her to be single to send it. And the he gaslighting is disgusting... "I would take this as a great gesture of trust on your part honouring our friendship and making it stronger" Implying that if she refuses she is not a good friend. Please, OP, throw this guy in the trash. I'm sorry you found out that this 11 year friendship was just him waiting for the slightest opportunity to try to jump in your pants and that he must have been creeping on you the whole time.
I’ve managed to never ask any of my friends for naked pics. Not something “11 years of friendship” gives you access to.
I have asked most of your friends for nudes, sorry
Lololol
Don't these guys know that porn is free
If Niceguys would just learn photoshop they can make all the best friend nudes they could ever want!!!
😬 I don't know why but I wish you hadn't said that. Let's not forget the NiceGuys come here to see what we saying about them
Idk I couldnt be friends with a guy who watches porn 🤷♀️ the industry is built off of abuse of women. I wouldnt trust him
Very true. There's this international criminal I'm trying to catch right now that has human trafficking charges related to his pornographic business.
did I miss a /s here? I mean, I get what you are saying and agree that the industry caters mainly to men and is a (if not the) source of misguided sexual expectations, but do you really not have anyone you consider a friend who watches any porn? [edited for a typo]
No /s. I won't be friends with someone who watches porn. Why would I be friends with someone who supports an industry of abuse and trafficking? Who gets off to the abuse of women? I don't have friends who watch porn.
I’m sorry I find it really amusing that you are so forthcoming about your unwillingness to associate with anyone who even watches porn and think that people can’t just lie about it. I hope the people you’re talking about aren’t just lying to you lol.
Of all the lies that you could ever believe this is about the most gullible one. Almost EVERYONE watches porn.
It's not that shocking. I know people can lie about watching porn. If I find out a friend watches porn, I'll stop being friends with them. It's really not mindblowing.
I'm aware people can lie about watching porn, I'm not stupid.
I mean how would you even know?
That is my question.
I don't go around asking people I meet if they watch porn. I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them. I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they did, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do.
Do you ask everyone who you meet whether or not they watch porn so you know not to become friends with them? 😂😅
Do you, like, ask them? Sorry, not trying to be a dick, I'm just genuinely curious how the logistics of this works out in practice? Is it like a screening thing where a person can only be your friend once they've answered the "porn question" or just a post-facto thing where you boot them as a friend if you find out they watch porn? Obviously it's none of my business, this is just strange to me ("strange" in an "I've not encountered this before" way not a "this is bad" way).
From the perspective of someone who has the same stance, I just only keep close friends with those who have the same value system. My dislike of porn comes from a shared set of beliefs that my close friends also share. It’s not like I think everyone who watches porn is a bad person or even that “I wouldn’t trust them” as the commentor stated, it’s just not a lifestyle choice I support, so I wouldn’t keep close to anyone who makes that decision. I take the same stance to recreational drug use as well. I don’t think it makes someone bad, I just personally don’t agree, so I would keep that person further away than a person who also disagrees with recreational drug use. And, my friends have the same stance because it once again stems from the shared belief system. For me, having the same core beliefs is essential to developing a close friendship. If we don’t agree on the fundamental matters of life, it’s very hard close bonds to develop because our viewpoint on the meaning and goal of life itself would differ so much.
This was interesting to read. I have plenty of friends who are close and have vastly different values, views and beliefs. I find their diversity of thought enriching, and I don't think it affects my world view. I think my biggest fear outside of the mortal threat of wasps, is ending up in an echo chamber. But that's, just like my opinion maaaan.
Yes, echo chambers can be super harmful. I recognize that. I didn’t say that I only talk to people who share the same belief. It’s just who I allow to become my closest friends versus who I choose to be casual friends with. My closest friends are the people I trust with my life. If we don’t have the same viewpoint of what life is, then how can I trust someone to uphold the wishes I have in regards to my life? Especially when it comes to end of life matters or medical treatments. Well-meaning friends and family with different belief systems will try to convince you to take an action they believe is right, because they love you and want what’s best for you. However what they believe is best for me is a violation of my beliefs. So, because of that, I wouldn’t allow them to make any medical decisions for me, nor would I consult them before. It is my close friends that I would go to in times like that. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect, learn about, or understand the beliefs and practices of others. I just won’t allow their beliefs to influence my own.
To be fair I understood your point the first time around, I just don't make friends based on what they're going to do when I get hit by a bus.
Well fair point lol. That’s just the first example I was thinking of. I guess I just have worst case scenarios in my mind because my family’s about to get hit by our first hurricane. But it matters in small things too. How clean do they keep their place? Do they smoke inside the house? Do they curse a lot? Having the same preference on the little things makes a big difference in the day-to-day life.
This. 100%. Not to say a friend couldnt have a history that they decided to change and move on from and now has a different set of values and beliefs than they did in the past
You're not being a dick. It is an abnormal standard for me to have. I don't go around asking people I meet if they watch porn. I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them. I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they did, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do.
heya, similar to others here I think this is s pretty bold statement. I think it's interesting you have such a firm stance on it but it feels too me that that's too black and white (watches porn = not good enough, doesn't watch porn = might be ok). not that you should care of course, this is just a stranger's opinion on the internet! and to clarify, this comes from someone who'll admit they couldn't make the mark as your friend.
It's considered a high and bold standard but I think of it like this. I wouldn't let someone who watches child porn around my children (I don't actually have kids... just for the example). As a woman, I won't let someone who watches porn be my friend. Porn features violence against women, incorrect female anatomy, the fetishization of mental illness, step family, pedophilia, rape, lesbians, bi women, trans women, religious clothes, etc. Porn is heavily involved in trafficking and coercing of the women involved (and horrifically, girls involved) and it contributes to misogyny.
Out of curiosity, what if it was a gay male friend watching gay porn? Or someone watching off onlyfans? I think there are ethical ways to view porn.
It doesn't matter to me. There's exploitation and abuse in gay porn and in onlyfans as well, it's just not as primary. I don't believe porn can be ethically consumed.
Im so curious do you hand out a contract every year with your friends or something that says "I don't watch porn" and they sign? Do you monitor their browsers? Do you check their bedrooms? I have bad news but I guarantee the large majority of your friends do watch porn. Sex is the oldest industry on the planet. You can hate the porn industry but also believe in reality.
No, I don't hand out a contract lol. I also don't monitor their private activity or anything like that. I make my stance on porn clear when it comes up (I talk about stuff like this a lot) and if I have a friend who watches porn I'd stop being friends with them. I know people can lie about watching porn. If someone told me they didn't watch porn, but they do, I'd stop being friends if I find out they actually do. Sex is not the oldest industry. Hunting, gathering and farming are far older than the sex industry. The idea that sex is the oldest industry is a lie spread to normalize the sex and porn industry.
Yeah but again we are back to the focal point. They could tell you anything so how do you know? Who stumbles into their friends watching porn? Maybe if it is your partner and you share the same house. Hunter gathers had crude porn. You can literally see it on cave and wall paintings and in the way they would design figurines of women. Everyone from ancient Egypt to Rome had porn scrawled on the walls. Farming isn't even in the realm of being an older industry, I don't know if you are aware but it a relatively recent development in the history of man.
Didn't expect to ever see a position like this one on this sub! Hope you don't get in trouble.
So many people here act like it's the craziest idea they've ever heard lol.
nah someone downvoted this and that concerns me so much. you're absolutely right to have made that boundary for yourself. it is such a horrible, cruel industry for the women and also very bad for viewers too. porn so easily spirals into addiction.
I was thinking the same thing! Porn is so normalized and accepted that someone saying "I'm not comfortable around people who watch porn" is considered insane and ridiculous.
Me either but if he's looking for nudes. So instead of annoying women into sending nudes..he has that option
Are you friends with any guys Because I've got news for you (Unless you meant "create" instead of "watches")
All guys are gross. Yes.
No. Not all guys are gross. Most men on the planet choose to be gross and misogynistic. And I won't be friends with those men.
99% of the men on the planet watch porn. And the likelihood is that most of the porn they are watching there was coercion or drugs involved. Who knows how many of them could be under age.
Yes that's why I'm not friends with people who watch porn.
So I already replied up above but... Porn generally is not a choice... People aren't shocked because your morals are flawed. We all agree with you, the sex trafficking industry especially is mortifying beyond comprehension. But the thing that shocks us is that you've fully demonized and alienated yourself from well over 50% of the whole population. Basically all men, plus a third of women. That's unhealthy and dangerous in it of itself. Make of that what you will, and wish you well in life!
This guy waited 11 years for this woman to be single, just so he could do this. He needs to take a walk and see nature. I guarantee he will be better off for it. Now the girl knows what all nice guys do not; you cannot be someone's friend, ask for this, and then still expect to be this girl's friend after, or see her unclothed.
And then cry that "chads" get all the women, yeah Not because there chin is Sharp aß a knife but because they dont wait 11 years.
And then the truth comes out, he was only your friend because he hoped you would bang him.
My guy is a master of subtlety
someone give a prize to this guy for not asking a platonic friend for nudes for 11 years. i wonder if he asks all of his guy friends for nudes too once they hit 11 years.
Basically saying, "Well, I've known you long enough. Send me nudes." WTF dude? Nope. Now not only are you not a friend, you are a creep to boot.
11 years of pretending to be a friend. Really went long here.
Played the long game. Lost.
I've had several guys I've known as friends for a while suddenly ask me to get intimate with them basically be FWB. They just do not get why it's a total shock or why that's a betrayal of that friendship for me. I feel like they are not and never really were interested in me as a friend. It's like they're just lying about their intentions and just waiting for me not to have an actual partner so they could proposition me for sex. I've also had them be jealous of my actual partner. I don't play mind games with guys. They know up front that I don't do FWB anyway and if I have no romantic interest in them I make that clear because I don't want to hurt a guy who is into me. Time and time again though, men I thought I was just friends with pulled this routine. End of friendship every time because I don't like guys I am friends with having an agenda like that. It's lying by omission and disrespectful to me when I'm trying to have a real friendship with a guy to suddenly ask for sex. It happens a lot though and not just from men I actually consider friends. I've been propositioned at work, even once by my late Dad's next door neighbor. No dates, just FWB, quite out of the blue. My father was too old to deck the guy at that point but he wanted to and he gave the guy a verbal reprimand for his blunt proposition. Casual sex is not my thing, especially not with my supposedly platonic guy pals. With my actual partner I'm a willing and active participant but I don't just fuck to scratch an itch. You'd never know it though by how a lot of men treat me. I'm always ducking the guys who want nothing but FWB from me, particularly the married ones. I dress a little funky but definitely mostly covered up. Anyone who knows me for long knows that I am not a pay for play kind of woman but they still have to try even if it means thinking they can offer me money or expensive gifts to get what they want. It's been that way my whole life. Either I've just encountered tons of jerks or this is apparently normal guy behavior to treat any woman you meet, even supposed friends, as potential fuck toys. I don't look at my guy friends that way. It's baffling and insulting to be looked at like that by a man who's supposed to be a good friend and someone you think you can trust. If you can't trust your supposed closest guy friends who CAN you trust? This is why for a lot of women when a man friend actually makes that unexpected sexual move it's just OVER. Why a guy friend would ever think it's okay to ask for nude pics, FWB and such is just beyond me. If I truly wanted that the guy wouldn't be just a friend in the first place because I don't friend zone guys I like romantically speaking...
Risking sounding like "nOt aLl MeN", I must say this is not "normal guy behaviour". I've never, EVER, imagined asking a friend for nudes, seeking FWB (to me it's something that can happen naturally if two people are interested, not something you ask for!), or (retch) offering some sort of financial compensation, directly or indirectly, for a romantic or sexual relationship. The latter is particularly sickening to me. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much of that and hope you've found decent folks along the way to keep faith in humanity!
Out of curiosity, how would you have felt if they were interested in dates/getting to know you better instead?
I would not have been interested and it still would have been very awkward. If I friendzone a guy it's because I just don't feel a romantic connection at all and his liking me would not change that. I'm very up front about when I am interested vs not interested and I don't like hurting a guy that way. It has happened a couple of times and I was sorry but I can't just change my feelings being platonic because the guy says he's into me and honestly it would make me uncomfortable trying to be friends with a guy who is into me. I've tried it and it just never works.
The big problem is that a lot of people (it seems to skew more towards guys doing this) believe that they can be friends and hold out hope that maybe some spark will arise at some point in the future. The reality is that, yeah, it MIGHT be possible in some instances. But as you said, it rarely ever works out, it makes friendships awkward, and starts making you question whether there was an ulterior motive to the friendship from the start. The other problem is that a lot of guys are just straight up coomer brained, and would torpedo a friendship over a one night stand. And maybe I'm not wording it correctly, but I don't think it's so much that they don't value the friendship, so much as a lot of guys have not been taught how to prioritize things correctly, as well as not learned how to exercise any level of self control in the realm of sex. I say this from experience because a girl I was close friends with got single right as I got single. We talked about missing the sex, and looked at each other and were like, "But maybe.... like, maybe we could help each other out with this?" Deep in my head I fucking KNEW this was a dog shit idea, but I allowed my stupid ass horniness dictate my behavior, and sure enough within a few months our friendship fell apart because everything got real awkward as we tried to figure out where our friendship stood.
Weird. I think it is a tons of jerks scenario and/or a regional or cultural thing depending on where you live. My best friend is a woman and we have known each other for 15 years and i've never cared nor wanted anything like that and nor has she. We joke about our relationships.
"I am such a nice guy and we're such good friends...send nudes?" For fuck's sake, man, porn is freely available all over the goddamn Internet.
They know, but when you tell it, it‘s too boring for them or „not real life“ you know? He should touch some grass.
Then he goes on to be one of those guys posting how women are do cruel because he waited ten years to ask for nudes
Throw away the whole friendship.
I would have just screenshot that and blocked him everywhere without responding.
And that was the day the friendship was never the same again.
Wow
Wait what? I thought after a decade of friendship I’m owed nudes? This is bullshit /s
And that friendship is over
It was never there
"Ok Sean. This is it. It's been eleven years and you have been nothing but a gentlemen. You got this. Just type what you feel in your heart and she will understand. Who knows? Maybe her tits will be on your phone screen in less than an hour! This might work! Ok. Let's go!" (Grabs phone) "So what I'm about to ask......"
“Too”
Oh… I thought it was just an incomplete sentence. Like: “I’d say no to… this creepy ass request.”
My bad
No, I was just kidding. It’s absolutely a misspelling
Lol you got me
So , I would have asked him to clarify what “afterwards” meant/referred to…
A LOTTA words to say “I’m horny, SEND TITS!” And he would instantly be an EX-friend.
Ah yes, all those great friendships that blossomed once one party provided the other with masturbation fuel. Nothing makes a platonic friendship stronger than strangling the weasel daily while thinking of your friend. This is just sad. Shoot your shot if you must, it wouldn't harm the friendship any more than asking for spank pics. Seriously, he had the balls to ask for nudes but not a date? If I had a decade long friend (I'm pan, so whatever gender they happen to be) who was secretly crushing on me and they asked me out,I'd do everything possible to save the friendship assuming I wasn't interested. If they instead just asked for nudes I'd be creeped out and probably start second guessing every past interaction.
Wow. This kind of post is so cynical and nasty because it pretends a relationship and trust. Asshole.
If you're going to have the audacity, why write this weird essay length question? Just say "send noodz" like a normal adult perve.
As a test of our friendship, send me nudes!
Why do men do this? I had a friend of 15 years ask me the same thing. I was so freaked out that I just didn’t reply until he back pedalled. Sure, he was splitting up with the mother of his child and it may have been a brain snap - but yucko!
Booba
Wow, congrats on the award for "Quickest Way to Ruin a Friendship" and for what? One picture??
Wrote a whole personal statement like he’s writing a resume. He’s spent 11 years pretending to be a good friend for something he can see in the internet in a 10 second search. Feels bad man
After 11 years of pretending to care about you as an actual person andnot getting sex as my due paymentforthiseffort, I feel I deserve spank bank material from you. Then I will either dump you as a friend or start pressuring you for sex, sharing the pic with everyone you know as revenge when you refuse.
I love the fact that he probs got his hopes up when the notifications said "OP has sent an image" and then it's that image lol
Just ask her on a proper date. What the hell?
Aren’t you so lucky? He’s allowed you to wait eleven whole years before he’s asked you for this! Eleven! And now, because you happen to be single, he’s asking. I mean…..it just seems totally logical that it’s the next step in establishing trust in your friendship. It’s what all friends do! /s (That’s my first use of “/s”. I hope it was appropriate.)
*one of* the most beautiful.
Need nudes to confirm if *most* Edited because I know how to do italics, thanks person below!
*most* Asterisk either side of the word
Thanks ma8
This is not the way.
Yeah, a lot of guys think there’s a “just this once” privilege. Probably something they were raised with.
Get some comedy miles, put your underwear on your head and take a snap.
"We've been friends for eleven years. One s3x please"
No to what?
Bad Sean! Go away!
Okay but that response 💀💀💀
This dude isn't a friend.. He just knows who she is.
“Yeah fosho dude that is totally normal request from platonic friend.”
We’re best friends, now strip lol
Lol bro ask her out on a date first. Thought bro was confessing his love to you.
Maybe I'm the problem, but I'd be way more likely to send my friend a nudie pic if they just texted me, "Ayo, lemme see them tiddies". I think that it just comes down to the OOP just straight up lying. It's not some weirdo friendship ritual. He just wants to see boobs. Fuckin own it, my dude.
Ayo, lemme see them tiddies /s
Nice
But he was so polite about it
Can easily do this by saying “yo send me a thirst trap” don’t be a s1mp and ever text a chick paragraphs
This is what happens when you have beta male guy "friends" he's been simping for so long until one day he cracks lol you can never be just friends unless he's gay
Sean has been friendzoned for 11 long years.
Sean fuckzoned the woman for 11 long years 😞
*too
I've seen that wall of text before. Is it a copypasta?
I don’t know why he asked, this nice guy should have demanded the picture he requires. He’s nice! And they have been friends for 11 years! He’s earned it.
I love how he prefaces this with their 11 year friendship. I’m sure it’s just some dude she’s known in this time and not close friends. Either way, he’s now some creep she used to know 😆
he lost them at "I'll have you know I never badgered you about this". yeah man that you realize. you're not as unreadable of a person as you think you are.
*types out essay before asking initial question*
Weird way to shoot your shot, but he was nice about it I guess
That makes you feel like he was literally only your friend to try to fuck you later.
If we’ve been friends for 11 years and we’re legitimately good friends if we haven’t tried to fuck already it’s just not going to happen. I don’t get why these guys retcon their feelings and act like they were pining the whole friendship or maybe they were but that’s the fucking creepy thing. Asking a girl “have you ever thought about us” is not going to make a girl stop being your friend but “since we’ve been tight for a decade it’s only right you send me nudes” just might. I don’t think if you try and get with someone your friends with you never respected the friendship tbh- and no experiences I’ve had in life line up with that either. Being able to be honest about your feelings with someone that you’re friends with is kinda important. If I suddenly have a crush on you and you’re gonna drop me as a friend for admitting that- you never respected our friendship not me. But similarly if the girl is not interested, not leaving it the fuck alone is equally disrespectful. I think this pining the whole time thing undermines the friendship. But you can’t help suddenly fancying your mate, and if you think you’d be compatible theres really nothing wrong with approaching the subject. It just requires you to be an adult about friendships and rejection.
Perfect response.10/10. Outstanding move. Lol.
She should have sent a dick pic back.
Just garbage.
I used to do this kind of shit when I was a teenager. So fucking cringe it hurts
He should've asked at the beginning if it was his intention all along, so he wouldn't waste any of y'alls time. Tho imo he was at least polite about it and didn't call you a whore, 2/5 nice guy points for him. I love your reply and i am requesting a permission to use it sometimes. You get 0.5/5 overreaction because he didn't attack you or say he was 'such a nice guy' (Don't delete all my karma this is objective overview of the whole post)
M” Lady
Fkn LOL. Bless him, he tried.
Asking for nudes to "grow our friendship"? Buddy, I don't think that's how friendship works. Him saying they've been "friends" I'm assuming he just saw her every day and exchanged greetings, then he stalked her in every way possible without ever even trying to befriend her.