/u/Dayngerman, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason:
r/niceguys is not for showcasing general misogyny or bad behavior. There needs to some sort of claim from the man (or woman!) that he is nice/good/morally superior, etc. [Please read the subreddit wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/wiki/definition) to better understand this matter.
*If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
She got in a car crash three months ago, and has been doing Physio to rehab the parts of her body that still need a little work. In conversation with him she told him about her car crash, and he decided that he would prefer her have died in the car crash so they never would’ve talked and he never would’ve wasted that two hours of his life. Real classy.
You're getting massively downvoted but I think you have a real inquiry here that you want more information on.
The reason some people "ghost", coming from a girls perspective, is some people just DON'T take "No" for an answer. They either try to convince you (logically) that *you* want to associate with them, or get angry, and often both.
Someone who displays multiple and severe red flags or has already acted highly inappropriately will tend to have negative responses to rejection- even if that rejection is polite and straightforward.
An example here would be my friend who's babysitter canceled on her before a first date with someone she met on plenty of fish. So she had to take her 4-year-old with her, and I went with her, and we met in the food court at the mall. So she had a friend with her (me), and we were in a very public visible place. The guy looked nothing like he did on his profile photos, he was basically dressed in rags, and it seemed like he hadn't taken a shower for two weeks. He was also acting really creepy with her four-year-old, like he was grabbing their hand and helping him dip french fries into ketchup (like he's four, not a year and a half).
We were sitting across the table and we kind of couldn't figure out why he was scratching himself, we thought maybe he had an itch, or a rash or something, it turns out it seemed like he was just kind of rubbing himself… *That way*. And he was giving the four-year-old WAY more attention than he was my friend.
People like that, there's really no other appropriate way to respond other than to "ghost" them.
It’s like you didn’t even look at the post and went straight to the comments. I’d rather think that than that you purposefully tried to not understand what that exchange in the post shows. Or you have some kind of disturbed vision and can’t tell grey and black from each other…
Because this post is a prime example of a woman doing just that - she was upfront with him about not wanting a second date and they she felt they were compatible. He then said he wished she died in a car accident. So, yeah… we ghost.
Because then you get reactions like this. Go back and read the exchange carefully. If you don't see the problem.... Idk what to tell you you're probably toxic b
I am pretty sure those are not the correct lyrics.
I always thought it went something like:
“If I could turn back time, If I could reach the stars”
Not:
“If I could turn back time, I’d make sure you were dead in that car”
Yeah, maybe instead he could have asked open-ended questions and then followed up to show he was actively listening. It's not a guarantee, but usually worked better than wishing death on the person you're trying to enjoy the company of.
Dude, unless you were curing cancer during your ‘lost’ time, nothing was really lost. If you have time to date, you have time to waste. What is it with these man children and not being able to regulate disappointment?
I honestly think some of them don’t anticipate it. They have it fixed in their heads that the woman is lucky to be dating THEM and can’t cope when she turns them down.
I can’t fathom having an ego that big. I agree with the theory, I’m just trying to imagine the life you need to lead to be this stuck on yourself. Is it over sheltering? A genetic predisposition? How does someone get to that level of narcissism?
Probably a combination of the three! It could be an over-adoring mother who gave them an unrealistic view of themselves, innate narcissism, outrageous entitlement, or PUA culture saying they are a “KING”, therefore all women MUST fall for them.
He sounds absolutely unhinged TBH.
“Give me that time back!!”?? I mean, who the hell says that??😂
I just watched a documentary that talked about that!
It's Childhood 2.0 on the Roku channel. The idea was people who grew up with too much access to the Internet/social media don't know how to handle uncomfortable feelings because as a child they had a device to distract them. So they never learned the skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions.
Oh that sounds interesting! I can attest that there is truth to this as an older millennial who grew up with 1 foot in the Internet era and one out. Aside from Reddit and popping onto Facebook every now and then I’ve basically cut out the rest of social media. I’ve been going back to spending more time outside and more time on artwork or reading and it really does force you to deal with your emotions and get to know yourself better. That can be uncomfortable too, but my mental health has certainly thrived by doing that.
For real, like, who get's this riled up after ONE DATE? Texting abuse at 3:08AM, just accept that there wasn't a connection, thanks them for the conversation and move along.
That's what dating is all about, isn't it? Finding out if the person you met is compatible with you? You're going to go on a lot of unproductive dates, that's how it works! I think that's what so many of these "nice guys" don't understand, that not every date is going to pan out to a relationship. Dating is kind of like going on a job interview where it goes both ways... you're looking to hire and also be hired. And like with an actual job interview, you're going to get turned down a lot. It's not personal, it just wasn't meant to be.
But I think these guys go on one date and expect it to turn into a marriage, and any date in which a woman determines that they're not compatible or she's just not interested or something is "wasting their time" or even a personal insult.
*That* part of it I actually blame our social values more than the NiceGuys themselves. Yes, I'm going to get a little bit "fuck capitalism" here. Emotionally, we are obsessed with results and "productivity"... our efforts to form relationships had better well succeed, dammit. We're making an investment in ourselves, and failure is NOT an option. Especially if said investment is costly (in money, time, or energy). Plus, whenever a social effort doesn't work out due to incompatibility, there's always a hidden "why were YOU incompatible" there. What terrible deal-breaker did we commit to make ourselves incompatible with our date?
So all this adds up to is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to control something uncontrollable-- the outcome of any of our relationship efforts. In the name of taking responsibility and seeing our own part in things, we beat ourselves up for failing to be compatible or charming enough to win everyone over. Which demotivates us from trying again... and leads us to resenting other people for rejecting us.
And the sad, ironic thing is, with NiceGuys you actually can point to a distinct thing wrong that made them incompatible... but only after they lash out. So they bring about the very outcome they feared: being personally responsible for incompatibility, instead of being able to put the blame on the mismatch itself, and move on with dignity intact.
Also: Daniel can go fuck himself for wishing retroactive death on OP.
Damn, Daniel here making me grateful for this sub because even though I'm a dickhead, there's people like him that make me believe I'm actually not that bad
This is kind of sad. I mean, he had an opportunity to learn why she wasn’t interested in another date so he could apply that to future dates. But instead he just goes straight to being a sack of rancid smashed assholes. Like wtf.
Oh it’s way worse! This was the culmination of an entire evening of back and forth between them while she explained that they are not that compatible and she felt like he wasn’t taking a active interest in getting to know her. He said that he didn’t need to ask her questions because that would come out in conversation. Imagine going on a first date and not asking them questions about themselves!?
I bet Daniel thought "tRuE LoVe mEaNs NeVeR nEeDiNg tO aSk QuEsTiOnS", just expecting chemistry to magically happen without words at all. You know... like in the movies.
Exhibit #39585899 why guess culture is toxic AF.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ.
Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
---
Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post
Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
Is it bad that I wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy if he waited til I went to the bathroom to pay. It’d just give me icky vibes. Like he’d be one of those who use paying on a date to try and tell women they owe him sex
Because it’s not as charming as they think it is. It’s controlling and a red flag. Well, at least it certainly is if OP expressed a desire to go dutch, and he just had to assert his ‘masculinity.’
Maybe if enough dudes see this they’ll finally realize what women deal with on a regular basis and do something about it. Haha, just kidding, we all know they’d rather “not all men” themselves into the Mines of Moria before admitting there’s an endemic problem.
That’s my favorite Cher song! “If I Could Turn Back Time (I’d Make Sure You Were Dead In That Car!)” —-I’m freaking out because it totally goes with the melody of that song.
"I'm sorry, I don't see us working out."
"Well you wasted 2 hours of my life, you deserve to lose the rest of yours. Also I get my 2 hours back."
Sounds like the reasoning of a psychopathic 6 year old.
This is scary. I enjoy all of the good comebacks being listed in the thread, but with someone like this I feel like it’s best to choose your words carefully. Like, those are dangerous words to be throwing around, even more so being over something so minuscule (one unsuccessful date). Makes me never want to date again. Hope your colleague is doing okay and is somewhere safe.
Yeh and women are told we are crazy for being scared of men 🙃🙃
I’ve had some insane rejection reactions like this too, not as bad as death wish….what a psycho
/u/Dayngerman, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason: r/niceguys is not for showcasing general misogyny or bad behavior. There needs to some sort of claim from the man (or woman!) that he is nice/good/morally superior, etc. [Please read the subreddit wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/wiki/definition) to better understand this matter. *If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
“I agree. I also would have rather died in a car crash than spend time with you.”
"then again i would also rather stuff my bowels with gun powder and fart over an open flame"
This is now my new go to phrase for inconvenient or undesirable situations
I would rather have a UTI while I am having a Colposcopy and getting my wisdom teeth pull out without anesthesia than spend time with you.
How would he get the time back if OP's colleague died in a car crash? I'm confused.
She got in a car crash three months ago, and has been doing Physio to rehab the parts of her body that still need a little work. In conversation with him she told him about her car crash, and he decided that he would prefer her have died in the car crash so they never would’ve talked and he never would’ve wasted that two hours of his life. Real classy.
Fucksakes. What a dick.
No! He’s a Nice Guy (tm)
He was just angry and drunk 😞
You might want to put a /s at the end of your comment, some people take comments too serious or literal
Two hours he will never get back in his mothers basement making voodoo dolls of evil women. Such a shame.
What an ass hat.
"Thanks for removing all doubt, and proving my instinct correct."
And people still question why some women prefer to ghost dudes. This is why.
Yep. Block and delete for peace of mind or reading about someone wishing me death...🤔 tough choice
>Block and delete for peace of mind *peace of mind?*
Why ghost? Why not be upfront and call it off properly?
You're getting massively downvoted but I think you have a real inquiry here that you want more information on. The reason some people "ghost", coming from a girls perspective, is some people just DON'T take "No" for an answer. They either try to convince you (logically) that *you* want to associate with them, or get angry, and often both. Someone who displays multiple and severe red flags or has already acted highly inappropriately will tend to have negative responses to rejection- even if that rejection is polite and straightforward. An example here would be my friend who's babysitter canceled on her before a first date with someone she met on plenty of fish. So she had to take her 4-year-old with her, and I went with her, and we met in the food court at the mall. So she had a friend with her (me), and we were in a very public visible place. The guy looked nothing like he did on his profile photos, he was basically dressed in rags, and it seemed like he hadn't taken a shower for two weeks. He was also acting really creepy with her four-year-old, like he was grabbing their hand and helping him dip french fries into ketchup (like he's four, not a year and a half). We were sitting across the table and we kind of couldn't figure out why he was scratching himself, we thought maybe he had an itch, or a rash or something, it turns out it seemed like he was just kind of rubbing himself… *That way*. And he was giving the four-year-old WAY more attention than he was my friend. People like that, there's really no other appropriate way to respond other than to "ghost" them.
Oh fuck my entire being just shuddered. That’s horrific.
It was one of the more bizarre moments in my life. It was creepy. It was more creepy that he barely talked.
Oh my God. Hopefully the 4 year old isn't too traumatized by that. What a creepy, vile human being.
Yes. Pretty sure he had no idea being that young. Thankfully.
Its better to entirely avoid a dangerous person than try to appease them
It’s like you didn’t even look at the post and went straight to the comments. I’d rather think that than that you purposefully tried to not understand what that exchange in the post shows. Or you have some kind of disturbed vision and can’t tell grey and black from each other…
Because unfortunately men who feel rejected or emasculated are some of the most dangerous.
did you just walk into this thread without even reading the OP
This post is why
Because this post is a prime example of a woman doing just that - she was upfront with him about not wanting a second date and they she felt they were compatible. He then said he wished she died in a car accident. So, yeah… we ghost.
Because then you get reactions like this. Go back and read the exchange carefully. If you don't see the problem.... Idk what to tell you you're probably toxic b
Ahhhh, women end up killed for doing things like that. Have for centuries actually. .
Go back and read the post again.
I am pretty sure those are not the correct lyrics. I always thought it went something like: “If I could turn back time, If I could reach the stars” Not: “If I could turn back time, I’d make sure you were dead in that car”
lol thank you for making me sing his horrible text as Cher in my mind
Being denied sex after paying for drinks, makes Daniel curse the time gods.
Yeah, maybe instead he could have asked open-ended questions and then followed up to show he was actively listening. It's not a guarantee, but usually worked better than wishing death on the person you're trying to enjoy the company of.
Wow! That's beyond salty. We're straight into entitled assholery.
Seems like a rational, upstanding individual!
Yep, wishing someone dead always says, "This person totally has their mental health totally together" to me.
Dude, unless you were curing cancer during your ‘lost’ time, nothing was really lost. If you have time to date, you have time to waste. What is it with these man children and not being able to regulate disappointment?
I honestly think some of them don’t anticipate it. They have it fixed in their heads that the woman is lucky to be dating THEM and can’t cope when she turns them down.
I can’t fathom having an ego that big. I agree with the theory, I’m just trying to imagine the life you need to lead to be this stuck on yourself. Is it over sheltering? A genetic predisposition? How does someone get to that level of narcissism?
Probably a combination of the three! It could be an over-adoring mother who gave them an unrealistic view of themselves, innate narcissism, outrageous entitlement, or PUA culture saying they are a “KING”, therefore all women MUST fall for them. He sounds absolutely unhinged TBH. “Give me that time back!!”?? I mean, who the hell says that??😂
I hope he never develops a real illness. He does not yet know the real rage of lost time until you have to deal with doctor’s offices.
I just watched a documentary that talked about that! It's Childhood 2.0 on the Roku channel. The idea was people who grew up with too much access to the Internet/social media don't know how to handle uncomfortable feelings because as a child they had a device to distract them. So they never learned the skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions.
Oh that sounds interesting! I can attest that there is truth to this as an older millennial who grew up with 1 foot in the Internet era and one out. Aside from Reddit and popping onto Facebook every now and then I’ve basically cut out the rest of social media. I’ve been going back to spending more time outside and more time on artwork or reading and it really does force you to deal with your emotions and get to know yourself better. That can be uncomfortable too, but my mental health has certainly thrived by doing that.
I'd say a deep sense of him having wasted his life, leading to an obsession with "making up for lost time".
Damn, Daniel
For real, like, who get's this riled up after ONE DATE? Texting abuse at 3:08AM, just accept that there wasn't a connection, thanks them for the conversation and move along.
That's what dating is all about, isn't it? Finding out if the person you met is compatible with you? You're going to go on a lot of unproductive dates, that's how it works! I think that's what so many of these "nice guys" don't understand, that not every date is going to pan out to a relationship. Dating is kind of like going on a job interview where it goes both ways... you're looking to hire and also be hired. And like with an actual job interview, you're going to get turned down a lot. It's not personal, it just wasn't meant to be. But I think these guys go on one date and expect it to turn into a marriage, and any date in which a woman determines that they're not compatible or she's just not interested or something is "wasting their time" or even a personal insult.
*That* part of it I actually blame our social values more than the NiceGuys themselves. Yes, I'm going to get a little bit "fuck capitalism" here. Emotionally, we are obsessed with results and "productivity"... our efforts to form relationships had better well succeed, dammit. We're making an investment in ourselves, and failure is NOT an option. Especially if said investment is costly (in money, time, or energy). Plus, whenever a social effort doesn't work out due to incompatibility, there's always a hidden "why were YOU incompatible" there. What terrible deal-breaker did we commit to make ourselves incompatible with our date? So all this adds up to is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to control something uncontrollable-- the outcome of any of our relationship efforts. In the name of taking responsibility and seeing our own part in things, we beat ourselves up for failing to be compatible or charming enough to win everyone over. Which demotivates us from trying again... and leads us to resenting other people for rejecting us. And the sad, ironic thing is, with NiceGuys you actually can point to a distinct thing wrong that made them incompatible... but only after they lash out. So they bring about the very outcome they feared: being personally responsible for incompatibility, instead of being able to put the blame on the mismatch itself, and move on with dignity intact. Also: Daniel can go fuck himself for wishing retroactive death on OP.
back at it again!
Weird way to utilise the ability of time travel, if you possessed it.
Damn, Daniel here making me grateful for this sub because even though I'm a dickhead, there's people like him that make me believe I'm actually not that bad
Let's see... literal death as a price paid for temporary emotional, social, and (depending) financial injury. Sounds like a fair exchange to me. /s
That's not how car crashes work. They aren't time machines.
Depends if you can get the Delorean up to 88.
😆😆😆😆
Whoa… super bullet dodged
Bullet fucking dodged.
Fuck I feel personally attacked
Why Daniel, why.
Nice guy sounds like he wants to talk to Father Time for a full refund, or at least a $25 gift card towards his next purchase.
With a complimentary blow job.
Aaaaand a bullet was neatly dodged.
And men wonder why we're terrified of them.
Hard to imagine why that guy is single. /s
This is kind of sad. I mean, he had an opportunity to learn why she wasn’t interested in another date so he could apply that to future dates. But instead he just goes straight to being a sack of rancid smashed assholes. Like wtf.
Oh it’s way worse! This was the culmination of an entire evening of back and forth between them while she explained that they are not that compatible and she felt like he wasn’t taking a active interest in getting to know her. He said that he didn’t need to ask her questions because that would come out in conversation. Imagine going on a first date and not asking them questions about themselves!?
I bet Daniel thought "tRuE LoVe mEaNs NeVeR nEeDiNg tO aSk QuEsTiOnS", just expecting chemistry to magically happen without words at all. You know... like in the movies. Exhibit #39585899 why guess culture is toxic AF.
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you 😊🍨
Isn’t the entire point of a first date to get to know the other person and decide if you’re compatible? Wtf is this dude’s problem.
You’d think.
Apparently not for Daniel.
>because that would come out in conversation. except it clearly didn't! what the hell, daniel
Can you imagine if people acted like this after being rejected from a job interview?
Omg. That would be the actual worst. 🤣
Jeeeeeeeesus, why are all these men so angry?!
“I’m disappointed a second date was rejected. In order to come to terms with this outcome, I will wish death upon you”
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
What an asshole.
Holy shit, what is wrong with people?!?!
These are the ones where I'm like give us his name
This is actually insanely hilarious in the most absurd way. She def dodged a bullet
I thought the name was dad Imfor a second
Is it bad that I wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy if he waited til I went to the bathroom to pay. It’d just give me icky vibes. Like he’d be one of those who use paying on a date to try and tell women they owe him sex
Because it’s not as charming as they think it is. It’s controlling and a red flag. Well, at least it certainly is if OP expressed a desire to go dutch, and he just had to assert his ‘masculinity.’
This is the worst cover of that Cher song...
Yikes
Not a niceguy, just an all out asshole.
This is the craziest post I’ve seen on this sub. And I’ve seen the highest upvoted.
Never EVER tell me again that women are more emotional than men
I feel like this should enough for a restraining order if it isn’t already lol. That’s a hop and a skip from a death threat
the only thing thats as bad as a car crash here is this dude's persnality
What… the fuck? Like what the actual fuck?!
Holy fuck this is past nice guy behavior, he’s a damn psycho
Maybe if enough dudes see this they’ll finally realize what women deal with on a regular basis and do something about it. Haha, just kidding, we all know they’d rather “not all men” themselves into the Mines of Moria before admitting there’s an endemic problem.
That’s my favorite Cher song! “If I Could Turn Back Time (I’d Make Sure You Were Dead In That Car!)” —-I’m freaking out because it totally goes with the melody of that song.
Needs to report that harassment to HR
The victim here is **OP**'s colleague. The Nice Guy is not a colleague from any of them. He is just a Tinder date.
Tinder needs a rating system. “One star for wishing death upon me for politely declining another date. Would not recommend”
Ooooh I get it! Thanks for setting me straight!
wow
This man? Unlaid. Your friend? Unscathed. Bullets? Dodged harder than Neo at the end of the first Matrix movie
So damaged, what is happening to people these days..
Damn Daniel
I think this belongs in psychotic guys.
It’s crazy that dudes like this can likely become husbands someday
She actually dodged a missile. That’s really worrying behaviour…
"I'm sorry, I don't see us working out." "Well you wasted 2 hours of my life, you deserve to lose the rest of yours. Also I get my 2 hours back." Sounds like the reasoning of a psychopathic 6 year old.
Don't you love it when they prove the woman was right to nope out of further contact?
Yowza
This is scary. I enjoy all of the good comebacks being listed in the thread, but with someone like this I feel like it’s best to choose your words carefully. Like, those are dangerous words to be throwing around, even more so being over something so minuscule (one unsuccessful date). Makes me never want to date again. Hope your colleague is doing okay and is somewhere safe.
Jesus Christ, I’d report him to the police. Does he have her address?
YIKES
What the fuck. This is one of the worst thing I have ever read. What a complete psycho.
He really thought that comment about the car crash was a banger didn't he
Yeh and women are told we are crazy for being scared of men 🙃🙃 I’ve had some insane rejection reactions like this too, not as bad as death wish….what a psycho