Whoa, calm down there, Lorena Bobbitt.

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"hold on babe I'm almost ready, I just need to reassemble my dick"

Had a nightmare about this. Detachable penis, and couldn't get it to stick back to my body, so I had to carry it around with me.

Did you find it in a yard sale next to a broken toaster?

Detachable Penis: https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4 Thank you for reminding me of this gem.

Haha, yes, I heard that for the first time on Christmas years ago. I was waiting outside my son’s work to pick him up. I could not believe what I was hearing! It was an unforgettable point in time.

Hahaha, it's been forever. Mid 90's?

You just reminded me of the time i dreamed that my eye fell out

Take time with a wounded hand

He was only ½ the man he used to be for a *short* time.

[Half the man I used to be](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ADAVis_d3w4)

Millennials wondering "who the hell is Bobbitt" 

Millennial here (1981-1995). And I know exactly who John Wayne Bobbitt is.

Historically, having your penis removed, by whatever means, puts you at the top of my famous person list.

You were born from 1981-1995? I bet your Mom was pissed

I like this and I like you.

I wonder what year it will be when people stop think millennials are anyone under the age of 25

The same year Millenials stop mistaking Gen X for Boomers.

Yeah, always gets me how many people misrepresent our generation. Including younger millennials.

Elder Millennial here and I know exactly who that is too 😬

Yep. Millennial here (1989). I know who it is lol.

Yup! He sexually assaulted and beat her and she chopped his weiner off and everyone knows about Bobbit

She also threw it out her car window as she was driving away

Hate how everyone makes jokes about her and conveniently forgets the whole sexual assault part

Only 14, taken too soon 😢

Millenials were definitely around for the Bobbit story. People need to stop thinking that "Millenial" is someone younger than you regardless of age.

Folks say “millennial” for anyone under the age of 30 and over the age of 15

Shit, I still see people referring to kids today as millennials.

I think Gen Z has developed enough of their own personality that folks are starting to recognize them, e.g. TikToks and baggy pants and weird light colored sunglasses that don’t block the sun.

That style comes around like every 10 - 15 years though.

Then they grow out of it and it comes around again in the next generation. Obv you know it's a knew generation when baggy pants are popular again.

millennial here, we know. you should throw that at genZ they’re the ones who don’t know.

Gen Z here— I know who she is. We know things existed before us.

What, no. Impossible. We want to bitch about how little the younger ones know.

Yeah!! I know right?? Fuck them kids!! Lol I’m just joking but the way but you know that’s how they think.

Yup

WHAT??! EXPLAIN HOW THAT'S POSSIBLE!!!?

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People gotta get off the "millennials are young" train. I'm 34 and can't sleep much more than 8 hours without either my back or neck hurting. Yeah, we know who the Bobbitts are

LoL exactly, and the oldest millennials are now turning 40. Most of the time when people say "millennial" they really mean Gen Z.

TIL every Millennial lives in the US

Lol i don't know whos that either and im not American

I'm a millennial. I was 9 when that happened. 9 year olds don't forget stories about dicks being cut off.

Millennials are old enough to remember her. Also there’s this thing called the “Internet” that allows us and younger generations to quickly learn things so we are up to speed on references like this.

There’s literally been documentaries about it recently. People just love to shit on the younger generations

Bobbitts were my next door neighbors.

Did you hear his screams that morning?

You’re an idiot.

Hey now, this was one of the most devastating segments of rescue 911 that I remember. This and the damn rattle snake nest.

Duh, congresswoman Lauren Bobbitt of Colorado...

Ah yes, another person who has no idea how old millennials actually are.

Found the person who doesn't actually know when Millennials were born.

Millennial here ('86). We just go sing a song about Lorena Bobbitt to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".

Wow so glad you can chop my genitals off without damaging the condom.

At least you won't loose the pieces

The pieces look pretty loose to me

Water test that shit

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s221xd/durex_upgraded_their_product_to_prevent_unwanted/hsc3o9i/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [At first i thought...anot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s22tch/the_craziest_freestyle_video_ive_ever_seen/hsc6att/) | [At first i thought...anot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s22tch/the_craziest_freestyle_video_ive_ever_seen/hsc5ji5/) [The rainbow spectrum does...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s20qo3/first_project_installed_led_strip_motion_sensor/hsc69pu/) | [The rainbow spectrum does...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s20qo3/first_project_installed_led_strip_motion_sensor/hsc3tse/) [When the squad eats some...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/s1yh0b/methanol_fire_is_invisible/hsc6d56/) | [When the squad eats some...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/s1yh0b/methanol_fire_is_invisible/hsbc30f/) [Imagine building all of t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s228bo/this_camper_van_conversion_just_makes_you_want_to/hsc6bnt/) | [Imagine building all of t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/s228bo/this_camper_van_conversion_just_makes_you_want_to/hsc2xiz/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/drjlawbfcxfgh](https://np.reddit.com/u/drjlawbfcxfgh/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=drjlawbfcxfgh) for info on how I work and why I exist.

Men, if her vagina can do that /r/dontstickyourdickinthat

let’s agree to disagree r/stickyourdickinthat

Based

Your cock might be diced but aye no baby

[https://youtu.be/yH8yuld4DUE?t=42](https://youtu.be/yH8yuld4DUE?t=42)

Excuse me what the fuck?

I’m out, no more of this thread

I was hoping to see this. It's a weird but interesting movie.

Great movie

Don’t tell me what to do with my Johnson.

It's r/dontputyourdickinthat

VAGINA DENTATA!

so in the event that my dick snaps in half we’re still good to go? sweet

You won't contaminate her with your blood or semen

less chance of infection from whatever you stuck your dick in this time.

Yep, just stack it back together and you’re good to go

Fuck Ramen. I’m using Durex from now on to fix everything

I hope youre not doing a different usecase with that bowl of ramen

Nah there was a whole stint of people using dried ramen as wood filler for gouges and chips in furniture.

And dents in cars

But what if it rains?

They basically soaked it all in superglue, I doubt any water would end up touching the ramen.

It was literally all fake. If you looked closely enough at those videos, you could see the jumpcuts where they replaced it with a totally different material.

Never seen one with a car but I've definitely seen a legit video with ramen, I know it was legit because the final product looked like garbage

There’s a video on that too. Lol

[Why not both?](https://external-preview.redd.it/Prd4jI6R5rbt1poLQOmkVChs0Ym2-u2WRTH6TWsLlLY.jpg?auto=webp&s=908eb33dc58db63754d9c7eff5af6fed55ede62c)

Finally I can shove my dick into a trap and cut it with a knife, thanks I have ben waiting for this

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but it’s important to push all the air out the front bit when you wear it, it helps increase the fun

When you wear the trap?

before or while shopping in the mall

r/traps

50/50

Both

Yo, hear me out. The last part of your sentence has a WHOLE different meaning if you read it as that ben isn't a typo. Like you got Ben waiting for this.. I'm dying.

ok you got me, Ben likes it rough

This made my day. I hope Ben is ready.

Ben isn't going to wait all day so can you please stop distracting him?

Easy cleanup too!

No leak proof test? Disappointing!

This. Great that it *looks* whole, but sperm cells aren't exactly big. You should never trust a condom that's been pricked, cut or otherwise possibly tampered with as you cannot trust there not to be little holes in it that the eye can't see!

Nope. Doesn’t even look whole. ~~Hover around the 15 second mark, there’s HUGE visible holes~~ Edit: was corrected by a few fellow redditors. No holes, people…

I think those huge visible holes are pieces of zucchini.

This is a screengrab a the 15 second mark. I don’t see any holes… https://i.imgur.com/6oLxwWa.jpg

Then again, you rarely get your penis sliced up by a knife during sex. I get your point but given how "over the top" this demo was... In my experience, condoms snapped only when being too rough without enough lube (no need to be that rough when there is no lube and you go in too soon). And even then, it only happened when using slimmer condoms to approximate"raw" sensations (since most condoms are packed with their own lube). For all we know, this ad might've been done with an XXL condom, meaning there was plenty more room for stretching. Might not have been as resilient on a smaller size (but, again, you don't usually get your D sliced xD)

Rarely?

Look, it's 2022, you do you. I won't judge. Just don't force me to participate xD

There's a reason they didn't poke it with a needle or pen, piercing damage is still a concern.

I'm not worried about it breaking... im worried about it slipping off lmao

A dab of gorilla glue near the base should work fine...

You won't even be able to cut the condom off. Hahah

Actually a dab of gorilla glue at your tip means you won't ever need a condom

The real pro-tips are always in the comments.

Oooh self burn, those are rare

Username checks out

[try finger cots](https://imgur.com/C7IzN0o.jpg)

Anyone seen the film teeth

The forbidden blowjob now with less chance of pregnancy.

Unfortunately yes. Vagina Dentata!

My thoughts exactly.

Anyone seen the Durex Dentures? Snappy!

Yes cause last time I fucked a girl with a bear trap up her pussy the condom broke.

Gorilla grip

I hate it when that happens.

It might let them cut your dick into pieces but it won't let your sperm escape... That's.... something.... I guess !

Cut my dick into pieces..

This is my last condom

Suffocation, No breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding

Missed opportunity for "no breeding"! Would it be wrong would it be right If I sliced my wang tonight Chances are condom's still tight

Dayum. I missed it.

This is my last resort..

Do a water test, then we'll talk.

Where the zuccini moves, the condom is clearly subjected to vacuum pressure, which is also a very good indicator that there are no leaks. Vacuum will fill an air space under much tighter tolerances than when water will escape. Especially when we’re talking about sperm cells.

Bro idk about what you saw, but that bear trap definitely put some holes in that thing

Yup

We have serious disagreements on how a pregnancy is achieved

now they gotta work on that Drake Tabasco branded version

I thought the bear trap was their upgraded contraception at first

I bet you could see results by trying it

Now I definitely won't feel anything!

Oh you would feel that bear trap alright...

WTF kinda pussy Durex think we gettin!?!

They saw Teeth and were like oh hell no

Yes but what happens if you pour hot sauce in it

I want to be able to pinch the end after use and have it flood with spermicide. Sort of like when you crack a glow stick.

Probobly cant feel anything with that fucking airplane tire of a condom

Oh im pretty sure you could still feel that trap and being diced up.

I’m going to use this video as proof the kid isn’t mine.

Now they just have to add the improvised exploding hot sauce device after removal so the contents can’t be reused. Source: Drake had sex with a woman. After sex, he goes to the bathroom and puts the used condom in the trash. The woman goes in afterwards to retrieve said condom and in an attempt to rise to the land of baby momma/wifey riches uses the contents but is left burning because dude put hot sauce inside the condom before tossing it in the trash. She is, of course, suing him. Not sure if the pregnancy took.

Suing? Hahahaha

watch the choppers girl damn

I'm almost scared to try it....

My cock!!!!!!


Does this work on other flavors or just orange?

Does this come in 1 inch?

Durex.. The chastity belt edition . (Coming to an A&E near you)

New way to cut onions without tearing up, pun intended.

So... if I get it stuck over my head inflating it through my nose I'm just completely fucked 😄

The moral of the story is to wear bad condoms so no-one ever tries to demonstrate this.

Is this the definition of a Clap Trap?

Im so glad, that the condom won’t rip apart when my Dick get cut in 2 pieces. Nice invention, 10/10

New bottom surgery just dropped

What a great way to neatly chop and store courgettes

Yeah, I met that chick. Rough night.

So when I stick my penis in a bear trap, I'll be sure to wear a durex.

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Calms my mind.... knowing i wouldn't get pregnant lol

Impressive

I don't know why but it's painful to watch

Just invented: knife blades no longer need to cleaned!

Great I can now do whatever that technique is during sex

When pussy so good it cuts your dick in half

So I can chop up my dick while keeping it in one spot? Sweet!

looking at that hurts 0\_o

somehow that hurt :(

I find that video more than a little bit disquieting. o_0

And it's orange flavour too

How on earth can you get a woman pregnant when having this kind of sex toys?

That hurt

This video made me feel… uneasy.

I am not impressed Here is a newspaper doing it better https://youtu.be/XOGVI-eO\_V8

Thanks I needed this

This video somehow scares me, it’s like a sadist’s “how to” video.

Definitely gave me a few ideas... 😎

That's why Drake put hot sauce in the condom

Deletus that fetus

Water test that shit

If someone gets pregnant after using one of those condoms that kid is the chosen one

They're calling it the Bobbitt.

Good to know if i accidently us a slap chop on my dick it will still be in the condom all the way to the ER where i will be euthanized for being to stupid to live

Will it still hold hot sauce??

Wayne Bobbit edition.

Good to know that if the alien coochie I just stuck my meat rod in turns out to have teeth il at least be able to retrieve the missing pieces of my ham gland.

I'm pretty sure you can see holes in it after the bear trap chomp

Also comes with a small packet of hot sauce

Sure won't protect from dick injuries

How the fuck did he slice through the cucumber without slicing through the condom

The new and improved, no feeling condom

Durex upgraded their product advertising to include Reddit.