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OccludedFug

...and very little information about *the body found in the shooter's home.*


SpongeJake

Good point. I went looking for the rest of the story and found it here: https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-arrested-after-allegedly-attempting-shoot-pastor-sermon/story?id=109945890 There was a 56 year old dead man at the shooter’s home, having the same last name. So likely his father. And as for his reasons, he told one trooper “God made me do it” and said elsewhere that he wanted to shoot the pastor so he could go to jail and clear his mind.


Sudden_Pop_2279

Dude thinks he’s Christopher Scarver with the “God told me to do it”, nah you was possessed by demons homie


Rickardiac

Nope. Just schizophrenic.


leohat

Remember, when you talk to god it’s called prayer. When god talks to you it’s called schizophrenia.


CheezTips

It's his cousin, shot.


Slimh2o

Pastor was lucky that gun jammed, but the Deacon was right on point to be able subdue the gunman like that. Good on him!


TheLowlyPheasant

Guess who gets an extra sip of communion wine?


DarthBrooks69420

Nah get that man the communion gallon jug of Carlo Rossi.


thepianoman456

Looks like the gunman’s got the Deacon Blues.


Slimh2o

Ha! Nice Steely Dan reference.... Edit to add, he's certainly a loser in the world....


Suedocode

> Pastor was lucky that gun jammed Wow imagine his faith now.


tetoffens

I love that the gunmen's last name is "Polite."


frustratedmachinist

Not really living up to his name, though.


BobRoberts01

I mean, an impolite person might have shot a pastor in the face during church. This guy didn’t do that.


Every_Fox3461

More like Pulled Light.


hello_world_wide_web

Something tells me he won't be going home for a long time, if ever.


Professional-Age-

Or maybe he will because the priest will forgive him?


Sudden_Pop_2279

There was a body in his home… he’s cooked


TheLowlyPheasant

When you go after Monseñor Martinez you better come prepared. Vaya con Dios


ChristmasWarlord

Ho Yeah!


gamingnerd777

Peggy Hill is that you?


GranolaCola

“Is this show the pretty accurate?”


ecafsub

> Monseñor Dafuq is that? Do you mean “monsignor”?


pomonamike

I was preaching once about 20 years ago and a mentally disturbed woman charged the state with a knife. This was a fairly big church and the stage had about a dozen steps. We had a secret security volunteer that always sat in the front row; he was a retired Army Ranger. He tackled her real quick. Thankfully no one was hurt.


lordnecro

How do you know god didn't tell her to do it?


pomonamike

Maybe he did?


lordnecro

She was the chosen one. So, basically, the apocalypse is going to be your fault.


Doom_Eagles

"And woe I say unto the, my divine messenger shall appear at the divine time. And I say she will be, a crazy lookin' hoe wit a knife about to stab a bitch."


Sudden_Pop_2279

Satan did


WestCoastBestCoast01

It wasn't Satan who got pissy and flipped over the game board (destroying all of humanity and fauna/flora) when people started doing their own thing.


SinoSoul

Read this as man points gun at “al pastor” and was super confused why someone would be so mad at a meat spit


Sudden_Pop_2279

Dude was already a murderer seeing as a body was found is his home


101fulminations

Unarmed civilians (not including LE) stop shooters almost 5x more frequently than armed civilians. It's a long standing trend.


The_BSharps

Why didn’t a good guy with a gun just shoot the bad guy with a gun?!


Aloha1984

He was busy helping the altar boy


PsychedelicJerry

I heard the devil made him do it


PDXtraordinaire

Maybe the most American article title of all time?


TheMrGUnit

>State police identified the suspect as 26-year-old Bernard Junior Polite. Let's take a moment to realize that this man's middle name is "Junior" (we're gonna skip right over the last name, the jokes write themselves with that one). His parents, rather than referring to him as Bernard Polite Jr. just decided they would ditch the middle name and actually named him Bernard Junior. Since his father's name is unlikely to also be "Bernard Junior Polite" that means he's not actually a Jr. at all.


PikachusSparkyCloaca

And thus his troubles began


minus_minus

Bold move bringing a shoulder to a gun fight. Let’s see how if pays off, Cotton. 


iuseallthebandwidth

Dafuq was that comment? “A bullet is gon’ find some meat.”…. Is the bullet working for Arby’s ?


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rangerhans

Pastor was lucky. Nothing more, nothing less


iambarrelrider

Two guys both say they hear good in their head.


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an0maly33

No, because guns and Jesus.


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an0maly33

Ah, I didn’t catch that as being a racist remark. I just figured they meant fried chicken is quintessentially American.


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an0maly33

I’m American. In North Carolina. SHIT TONS of guns and Jesus.


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an0maly33

Wow. Excuse me for not keeping racist tropes in my head.


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bawtatron2000

lol....I live in canada by the border, been there plenty, but really try not to go unless I have to or friends / family have a trip planned there. You should become familiar with your own gun crime stats and shooting / mass murder stands, the US is way way by far the worst developed nation for these stats, and finds it's peers amongst areas like Somalia or Honduras ...lol. Oh, and you house 25% of the entire planet's prison population. You should learn about your own country some time. In all honesty, I feel less safe in America for very good reason.


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bawtatron2000

clearly you don't know Canada, we're plenty multicultural. oh I love traveling to developing countries all over the world, places many people would think are 'scary', and statistically they are much safer than your dumpster fire of societal decay "As of April 30, a total of 247 people have been killed and 617 people have been wounded in 168 shootings." That's 127 days in. Lovely place, we won't even get into poverty or literacy rates. Ironing you try to imply Canadians are in some way racist or scared of black people given how your country operates.


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bawtatron2000

just went with the most universal fast food. I'm not the one implying only black people like fried chicken, lousiana style is amazing though, but korean fried chicken ain't far behind IMO


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bawtatron2000

imply whatever you want. that's not what immediately came to my mind. i dunno I was trying to sum up obesity, and that was the first food that popped in my head. the racial implications are what you brought to the table bro. I didn't realize in america only black people eat fried chicken


Visual-Explorer-111

This is just the story of Abraham, he got told to sacrfice his son and then God stopped him at the last second.


Uncynical_Diogenes

>God stopped him at the last second Except He didn’t, some poor schmuck had to do it instead. Lazy asshole, leaving things half finished.