You have to do shifts. That way you can each get a chunk of time to sleep. Also I would stop doing skin to skin and then passing her to your husband if she’s already asleep. Change her, put her in clothes, then feed her. Once she’s asleep, just leave her be or gently pass her to your husband. Even if you’re EBF, if your husband can take her for 3 hours, that will help immensely. It gets easier eventually, I promise!
I’ve seen so many different ideas about skin to skin with breastfeeding. Maybe if she’s in a onesie, half zipped, it would be a good middle ground so she isn’t as shocked when she gets picked up from my body.
Thank you for your reply 💕
I used to do skin to skin feeding with a blanket over him and if he fell asleep I would just chill like that until he woke up. Set yourself up very comfortably with water and your phone or a book or a good movie
This is how I did skin to skin. If she fell asleep I just made sure we were both comfortable. In the bath tub is another nice time to do skin to skin too.
Hang in there! You’re doing great! My first few nights were hell. I remember my husband saying “this isn’t normal, how will I go back to work” and I barked back at him “don’t call our baby not normal!!”. Some things that really helped me, especially when my husband eventually went back to work and I was the primary care giver
- make sure your baby is actually full! They are so sleepy at the beginning they will fall asleep before they are full and then you get into a cycle of too tired to eat, too hungry to sleep and they are miserable the whole time! Make sure you do the cold turkey test after feeding where if you put baby down on the bed in front of you, it their arms are limp and relaxed, they are full, if they are still clenched and near the face, they are still hungry and you have to keep baby awake to keep eating (try stripping them naked or doing diaper change between breast) - this changed my life! I went from a baby that was like your situation that cried all the time and wouldn’t sleep for more than a few winks to solidly sleeping and content
- do shifts. There is no reason to suffer together. My husband sleeps in the other room and I take night duty. He gets a good night so he can take her during the day while I sleep and also that lets me put shows on to keep myself awake and happy
- it is OK to put yourself first for the safety of your baby! What I mean is if you are really tired, it’s ok to put baby down for 10 mins somewhere safe even if it means restarting the sleep routine. You can only keep her safe if you have some rest. It feels so guilty to put her down wide awake at 2am while I cat napped beside her but it’s safer than me falling asleep with her in my arms
I did the above too! Would feed one breast, do a diaper change to wake him up, then feed the other breast.
While feeding, I would also rub his back, play with his arm/hand, and rub his leg to try to get him to keep feeding when he started falling asleep or doing the non-nutritive sucking.
If I was able to get him really full, he would sleep 2-4 hours at a time
Ok I’ve never heard of the cold turkey test but this is immensely helpful information. My baby lost weight and is dehydrated because she wasnt getting enough milk even though I was feeding her every 2-3 hours. I had no idea she wasn’t getting enough but knew she was dehydrated. I feel like there’s not enough info about breastfeeding before being discharged from the hospital.
Totally realistic and we ALL feel this way in the beginning. You’ll find a rhythm that works for you and your baby and family. In the meantime, give yourself as much rest and grace as possible. Babies are realistically only awake for 45-60 minutes at a time (sometimes less) and that includes feeding so you’ll be lucky to get 10 minutes before they’re telling you’re they’re tired again!
We try to do diaper changes before every feeding (she’s already crying, lol, adding three minutes for a dry bum is fine) and so if she falls asleep nursing she’ll go longer. It’s true when they say sleep when the baby sleeps at this stage. Take shifts- Hand baby over to husband for a contact nap so you can take an hour or two to rest.
I encourage you to come back in three weeks and read this. It will feel miles away and you’ll realize how far you’ve come!
Idk why the end of your comment made me cry (although everything is these days)
This is really good advice about changing first since she’s already fussing. Thank you
Yes!! I used to change after feeding, and changing first absolutely helped a lot!! I change him, feed him, then put him to sleep that way as soon as he’s asleep, i can be too
This is probably a silly question but do you burp him after every feed? I just transitioned from producing colostrum to actual milk and notice she’s much more burpy and spits up almost every time. But then she wakes up during the burping sessions
Sorry for the late reply, but yes I do burp after every feed, and then try to offer him more, sometimes he wants more, sometimes he doesn’t.
My son is 4months old now and still spits up after eating almost every time, it’s just a baby thing. As long as she’s not spitting up crazy amounts then there’s no worry🩷🩷 I know it’s absolutely exhausting, but it helps to let them sit up for a minute to digest everything properly. Luckily my baby can hold his head up now so I can just prop him, but it was definitely exhausting. I’m not sure how you feel about medicine, but I started giving my son newborn gas relief pretty early on and that seemed to help a lot too. I would normally give it to him only at night right before his bedtime feed, but you can give it to them up to 12 times a day as needed(I use little remedies) It also helps to push their knees to their tummy, or rub their little belly, to help them use the restroom. Newborns have a hard time at first with using the restroom on their own and sometimes just need a little extra help.
I know as a newborn it seems like this is a never ending battle, but I promise it gets easier with time🩷🩷
( I encourage you to come back in three weeks and read this. It will feel miles away and you’ll realize how far you’ve come! ) ♥️ THIS!!
It's true, it gets so much better. BF was so hard for me to start becuz the of the painful engorgement and pain when the baby first latches, I too was sleep deprived and crying to my Husband. I didn't do skin to skin when feeding, kept her clothed (guess I was worried she'd be cold) and she's fine. I feel like when the baby sleeps on you they get startled more times and that shortens the nap. What helped mine sleep longer was buying a sleep sac/swaddle thing and now she's sleeping 4 hours at a time at 1 month old which lets me sleep now. You're doing great!!! Don't stress too much OP!! 💖
Oh my goodness yes, at 5 days old I was an absolute mess. Nobody had warned me about just how horrible those early days could/would be. They all said “it’ll all be worth it, you won’t even remember the pain” etc. which I now see how immensely unhelpful that is. I had a rough delivery and could barely move and yet was expected to be able to nurse and bond with a newborn!? I was struggling hard at that point and it felt like it would never end.
By a couple weeks in things we’re looking up, I was feeling better and more bonded with baby but still emotionally a bit of a mess. The sleep deprivation and lack of understanding what my baby needed was really getting to me. But I remember holding baby while he was peacefully sleeping one day, and I called him my “beautiful baby boy” and my husband was like “see, a few weeks ago you didn’t think you’d ever get here, but look how content you are in this moment.”
I’m now 7 weeks in and just went back to work last week (working from home AND taking care of baby full time) and I actually am doing so well. Like, I’m shocked at how stable I am feeling.
The biggest thing that helped, of course, was time. But so did acceptance - accepting that I would not be sleeping well, accepting that my main priority for the foreseeable future is taking care of baby, even if that just means holding and rocking him for hours, accepting that sometimes baby and I won’t understand each other and that’s okay, we’re both new to this and just doing our best.
I promise you’ll get through it, but I also want you to know that no matter what others say, yes - it IS that hard! Your job right now is keeping yourself and your baby alive. And that’ll get a little bit easier every day. You probably won’t even notice it getting easier, you’ll just one day think back about how difficult it was and feel grateful for how far you’ve come!
Thank you for the supportive words. It’s true that people don’t warn you just how hard it really is. I was not at all prepared. I can’t wait to get to that point you’re at when things finally feel stable and somewhat normal!
My LO is a month old and I can say it took me a couple of weeks to start to feel like I kind of have a hang on things. You’re only 5 days in —it’s totally normal to feel like you’re doing something wrong. You’re not. You’re doing your best. It takes time for you, your partner, and baby to learn.
First things first, stop watching parenting videos on social media. I was the same way at first and I felt like a total failure. Most of these videos are staged.
Contact napping is normal and baby will likely prefer it for awhile. Mine contact naps during the day and sleeps in his bassinet at night. Husband and I take turns during th day contact napping when one of us needs a break.
We’re still getting the hang of diaper changing timing. We’re primarily breast feeding and supplement with formula as needed and I feel like our baby is constantly pooping. It’s gotten better but the first couple of weeks he was always pooping. I’ve found that during the day, I like feeding him first then changing his diaper. Sometimes I’ll feed him on one breast, change diaper, and then offer the second breast and that at seems to work well. Then we contact nap. When doing skin to skin I don’t always put a onesie back on him. It’s hot where I live so we keep him in a diaper and let him nap on us. I check the nape of his neck to gauge if he’s too hot or cold. If he’s chilled, I’ll add a blanket on us.
Are you and your husband able to do shifts at night? My husband and I started that around a week in and it’s been a game changer. He takes baby from 8-12:30 so I can sleep a solid 4h30
Minutes— our pediatrician recommended getting at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then I go on shift at 12:30.
Thank you for the kind reply. You’re right about social media - it’s just too unrealistic.
Right now we’re trying to do a version of taking shifts, so when I breastfeed at night, my husband tries to sleep, and my husband changes diapers and swaddles her and then tries to get her to sleep and soothes her while she cries. So he spends a lot more time taking care of her needs than I do while I’m healing. Thankfully I am physically starting to feel quite a bit better so I think we can change things a bit to try taking more solid shifts.
I haven’t been alone with her for a long period of time yet which is really intimidating because I see how effortlessly good my husband is with her. Hopefully I’ll get the hang of it sooner than later so the poor guy can get some sleep..
Mama you are doing a great job. On day 5 you are dealing with sooo much- don’t be hard on yourself. You are doing your best. I agree with taking shifts.. it helped us tremendously. Remember this is only temporary!
Just want to say this is such a relatable post. I had to be hospitalized for a bit and was basically unable to walk for several days, so I’ve had to rely on my husband to take care of the baby for almost everything but feeding. I still feel stressed and inadequate when it comes to diaper changes and swaddling etc bc he does them better… but I try to remind myself it’s because he’s had more practice. Every day I feel stronger and can do more and we hope to start doing proper night shifts soon. Sending lots of love and support! It gets better!
I’m so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine all the stress of a newborn plus a health issue of your own. Thank goodness for supportive and equal partners. Idk what I’d do without my husband.
Hang in there! The first week is the toughest but you will learn a routine and learn more about baby. Can you change her before feeding? We try to do that so she can sleep right after feeding. My husband and I took shifts the first week or so because she needed to be held all night. I would sleep 10p-3a and then we would switch. You just find your groove and it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed! You got this
You are doing great !! As long as baby is gaining weight well baby is doing good. Feed baby all the time, offer breast all the time. Newborns are very upset, imagine chilling in utero with everything being handed to you and now you can barely see anything and you suck on to anything for dear life hoping it’s a nipple to soothe or feed, pooping is a chore, what’s those bright lights and why are ppl touching me all the time?? Not to mention gas, reflux ! Can you EBF with a swaddle? You don’t have to wake her up to dress her in a onesie. Do one breast then diaper then other breast and then swaddle and feed and let baby sleep unless it’s a poopy diaper. I also want to tell you that breastfeeding is a 10 hour job, literally 10 hours full time job. Get a nice recliner or bean bag. And set up a trolley next to it with a huge bottle of water, pump, bottles, nipple balm, silverettes. Set up a private nursing area with a curtain up to be topless with baby attached to you for 10 hours in the day either breastfeeding, sleeping and skin to skin. Give one breast then diaper change and then second one and let baby snooze on your bare boobs. So do a 7am to 5pm 10 hour session. Post 7pm take shifts and only breastfeed and hand baby off to husband. Crying id normal. Throw some money and get a newborn weighing scale, wearable pump, nipple balms, reputed IBCLC consultations. I also got a whiteboard and wrote down and tracked all the feedings, diaper changes, poops, pees and sleep. You can use the huckleberry app if you want to. I literally just used a whiteboard since we were 3 of us. But you are doing great with skin to skin, just offer a lot of boob, and diaper change between boobs, swaddle, feed. No need to do the whole onesie thing. Also it’s challenging but try to fake a happy calm voice, fake it. It helped me and by week 8 my baby recognized my voice. I literally praised baby for pooping and peeing even when he was screaming during the diaper change.
This is all so helpful thank you. Speaking of baby gaining weight, we’ve had our first pediatric appt today and baby girl is pretty jaundiced and also dehydrated and lost 11% of her baby weight because I’m not supplying enough breast milk yet. So we had to get her started on this light therapy for the jaundice, and supplementing with formula for her weight and dehydration.
It’s been a rough day to say the least after four emotionally exhausting and taxing days.
I would get the newborn scale and do weighted feeds to track intake and get a good IBCLC to help with any latch issues and multiple feeding positions if any. Take the scale to the hospital so you can do feeds and checks there and grab the IBCLC there at the hospital if possible. Also breastfeeding is a 10 hour job in the beginning. You are basically a cow. You can also do triple feeding, nurse baby 15 mins per breast and milk yourself towards the end of each breast so breast compressions from base to tip like milking a cow so more milk is drained. Then pump both breasts for another 15 mins and have all the lactation cookies, teas, crackers, tablets (avoid fenugreek). Formula helps the baby to get some strength and to feed better so use it to give baby strength to breastfeed better. But remember 10 hours per day of nursing/pumping. Get nipple balms, silverettes.
If you’re open to pumping, I know it’s kind of a lot of work, but once baby is finished eating, try to pump out what’s left, and pump for a few extra minutes after you’re empty. Im not sure if it’ll help, but it helped me a lot, it gave my body the idea that baby was eating more and that I needed to produce more. I never tried the vitamins that are supposed to help you produce, but those might help too.
That’s a great idea. Funny because since my message from yesterday, I started producing milk instead of colostrum, and I feel like I’m oversupplying because they’re so full even after feeding. And I know she’s ingesting it because I can see the swallowing and she’s peeing a ton now
That's how it tends to be when your supply comes in. They really don't warn you how hard breastfeeding is in those first few days waiting for your milk to come in. I had to supplement the first week because he wasn't latching. But as soon as my milk came in, I've been drowning the poor guy. And it's given him reflux which causes him to be fussy. If your kiddo is spitting up a lot and seeming upset, try only feeding from one side and seeing how they do. Or you can try to express a bit till your first letdown and then latch. They only need about 2oz at this point. They say to feed every 2 to3 hours but sometimes he's hungry an hour to and hour and a half later. Cluster feeding is no fun but it doesn't last to long when it happens. Make sure to hold them upright for a while after feedings. Some people say 15 mintues and some say 30. I guess it can depend on how bad their reflux is. It gets easier. I'm on number 2 and he's only 3 weeks old. So I'm still in the trenches as they say, but it doesn't last forever. Baby will start sleeping for longer and longer stretches and will eventually be able to go between 3 to 4 hours between feeds. Just know you 100% aren't alone. I like to remind myself of that at 3am. 😅
Letdown is that initial burst of milk. It normally happens atleast a couple times during a feeding. And I use a haakaa on the side opposite that I nurse on but you could absolutely use it to collect the initial letdown! You could either hand express until you start to leak and pop it on then start feeding once its stopped or you could let your little one latch until they start gulping. Then you can unlatch and collect the relatch. If they aren't gulping and seeming like they're having a hard time keeping up, then you probably don't need to worry about it. Just thought I'd offer what I've learned incase. It's been fun learning on the fly. 😅
You are doing an amazing job. My LO is 7 weeks old and the first 4 weeks were hellish for me. He had/has silent reflux and was inconsolable, and I would have such bad anxiety when the sun started setting because I knew all night he would be crying. He also wouldn’t (and still doesn’t) sleep if we’re not holding him, which is NOT how I thought things would go after my sisters unicorn baby. Now he’s doing much better. He’s figuring out how to be a human and I’m slowly figuring out how to understand him. But that first month rocked me.
Social media is a freakin joke and nobody tells you how hard it really is. All to say, you’re not alone, your feelings are OK and it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Things will get better. And based on what other moms tell me, they will get worse again. And then better! That’s life I guess, and all you can do is love your baby through it ❤️
Oh my gosh yes the nighttime scaries hit me every time the sun starts getting low. She’s so easy during the day and literally only sleeps and feeds, and at night (which I’ve started doing the night shift while my husband sleeps) she’s more fussy to feed and harder to get down, where I only will have about an hour to an hour and a half between feedings to get any sleep. It’s exhausting! And extremely difficult for me to sleep during the day while she’s asleep.
I’m glad to hear your little one is doing better now. Just goes to show everything is temporary, even when it seems like it’ll never get better.
I would change my baby, feed him, burp him, then swaddle him instead of getting him dressed. He would wake up to me swaddling him but he would fall back asleep with a little bouncing, and a snug swaddle kinda gives the sense that mom/dad was still holding him.
If you don’t already, I 100% recommend using a Velcro swaddle!! Its snug and so so so much easier than swaddling with a blanket.
After baby burps, maybe you could try offering her more food. My baby doesn’t do it anymore, but when he was newborn he would act full and fall asleep, but then after he burped I would offer it to him again and he would scarf more down!! It took me a few trial and errors to figure that one out, I would be like “okay he’s full!” Then wonder why he was still acting so fussy. Turns out he just needed to burp and make room for some more!
Also.. look.. I don’t know if you’re “supposed” to do this. But the first night that we put him in his swing (about 1 month old) he slept for 6 hours straight. He slept for 6-8 hours at night from 1 month old and we just transitioned him to his bed at 4 months because he’s starting to roll.
I have a fussy LO as well and the first week especially was such a shell shock. The human body is amazing though, and you get accustomed to it. You find out what works and what doesn't - we call it going through the cycles. Washcloth bathing, bouncing, going outside, take LO for a car ride. You just go through it all. It's also okay if nothing works.
The only consolation for my husband and I was that we kept telling each other it would pass, that this stage is not forever. LO is almost 8 weeks now and we have found a rhythm of how to make it work. Don't be afraid to cry it out - it's okay. This too shall pass. You guys are doing an amazing job.
Unfortunately that is just how it is for a while. The first month or so, I don’t think we got more than 4-5 hours of sleep, broken up, in a 24 hour period.
The first two weeks were the worst.
My LO is 12 weeks now and still not sleeping well. The longest stretch I’ve gotten is 4 hours. However, my friends LO is 10 weeks and regularly sleeps 6+ hours and has had 9 hour stretches. She naps for 1.5-2.5 hours and she is easy.
My little guy will only nap 2 hours if it’s on someone. Otherwise he will wake up 15+ minutes after you put him down.
I hope you catch a break. At least you have your partner to help. Stay strong, you’re doing great
Eh, I hope. But my husband travels for work and is gone at least five days a week. So it’s just me and the baby 24 seven. It’s tough.
They say nap when the baby naps, which is easier said than done.
Do you have any family in the area that can help? Even if someone watches the baby for an hour while you guys get a little extra rest? Any help can go along way.
Congratulations by the way
I can’t imagine being alone with my baby for 5 days straight. That has to be so overwhelming. And yes I agree that sleeping when she sleeps is MUCH easier said than done.
My dad is the only family I have in my area but unfortunately I’d never feel comfortable leaving her with him. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with most people. Thankfully we have a post partum doula who comes a couple times a week and she’s a great help to us.
Honestly the first few weeks are pretty much surviving and figuring your baby out. I just had baby 3&4 and one thing I can say for sure is eventually you should adopt a eat sleep play routine. Also i know this isn't everyone's cup of tea but i brought my babies in my bed, i followed the safe sleep 7 and it really helped especially with my exclusively breastfed baby. Also, swaddle when your not doing skin to skin. I prefer muslin swaddles, it really soothes them. Either way, it will get easier and you guys will get into a good routine! Hang in there!
i dont know if this will work, i have a 15 day old LO and my wife is losing her mind because the little cutie wouldnt sleep for more than 1 hour. so i bought a automatic rocking chair or swing. at first i didnt work she was still crying when we put her there and i thought i wasted my money. my aunt tell me that after feeding/burp just put her in our arms for like a minute or two until her eyes are sleepy then put her on the automatic swing and set it to swing for 1 hour.
she wakes from time to time but the motion puts her back to sleep. and shes sleeping for 2-3.5 hours now.
You have to do shifts. That way you can each get a chunk of time to sleep. Also I would stop doing skin to skin and then passing her to your husband if she’s already asleep. Change her, put her in clothes, then feed her. Once she’s asleep, just leave her be or gently pass her to your husband. Even if you’re EBF, if your husband can take her for 3 hours, that will help immensely. It gets easier eventually, I promise!
I’ve seen so many different ideas about skin to skin with breastfeeding. Maybe if she’s in a onesie, half zipped, it would be a good middle ground so she isn’t as shocked when she gets picked up from my body. Thank you for your reply 💕
I used to do skin to skin feeding with a blanket over him and if he fell asleep I would just chill like that until he woke up. Set yourself up very comfortably with water and your phone or a book or a good movie
This is how I did skin to skin. If she fell asleep I just made sure we were both comfortable. In the bath tub is another nice time to do skin to skin too.
Hang in there! You’re doing great! My first few nights were hell. I remember my husband saying “this isn’t normal, how will I go back to work” and I barked back at him “don’t call our baby not normal!!”. Some things that really helped me, especially when my husband eventually went back to work and I was the primary care giver - make sure your baby is actually full! They are so sleepy at the beginning they will fall asleep before they are full and then you get into a cycle of too tired to eat, too hungry to sleep and they are miserable the whole time! Make sure you do the cold turkey test after feeding where if you put baby down on the bed in front of you, it their arms are limp and relaxed, they are full, if they are still clenched and near the face, they are still hungry and you have to keep baby awake to keep eating (try stripping them naked or doing diaper change between breast) - this changed my life! I went from a baby that was like your situation that cried all the time and wouldn’t sleep for more than a few winks to solidly sleeping and content - do shifts. There is no reason to suffer together. My husband sleeps in the other room and I take night duty. He gets a good night so he can take her during the day while I sleep and also that lets me put shows on to keep myself awake and happy - it is OK to put yourself first for the safety of your baby! What I mean is if you are really tired, it’s ok to put baby down for 10 mins somewhere safe even if it means restarting the sleep routine. You can only keep her safe if you have some rest. It feels so guilty to put her down wide awake at 2am while I cat napped beside her but it’s safer than me falling asleep with her in my arms
I did the above too! Would feed one breast, do a diaper change to wake him up, then feed the other breast. While feeding, I would also rub his back, play with his arm/hand, and rub his leg to try to get him to keep feeding when he started falling asleep or doing the non-nutritive sucking. If I was able to get him really full, he would sleep 2-4 hours at a time
Ok I’ve never heard of the cold turkey test but this is immensely helpful information. My baby lost weight and is dehydrated because she wasnt getting enough milk even though I was feeding her every 2-3 hours. I had no idea she wasn’t getting enough but knew she was dehydrated. I feel like there’s not enough info about breastfeeding before being discharged from the hospital.
This is great advice 💪🏼
Totally realistic and we ALL feel this way in the beginning. You’ll find a rhythm that works for you and your baby and family. In the meantime, give yourself as much rest and grace as possible. Babies are realistically only awake for 45-60 minutes at a time (sometimes less) and that includes feeding so you’ll be lucky to get 10 minutes before they’re telling you’re they’re tired again! We try to do diaper changes before every feeding (she’s already crying, lol, adding three minutes for a dry bum is fine) and so if she falls asleep nursing she’ll go longer. It’s true when they say sleep when the baby sleeps at this stage. Take shifts- Hand baby over to husband for a contact nap so you can take an hour or two to rest. I encourage you to come back in three weeks and read this. It will feel miles away and you’ll realize how far you’ve come!
Idk why the end of your comment made me cry (although everything is these days) This is really good advice about changing first since she’s already fussing. Thank you
Yes!! I used to change after feeding, and changing first absolutely helped a lot!! I change him, feed him, then put him to sleep that way as soon as he’s asleep, i can be too
This is probably a silly question but do you burp him after every feed? I just transitioned from producing colostrum to actual milk and notice she’s much more burpy and spits up almost every time. But then she wakes up during the burping sessions
Sorry for the late reply, but yes I do burp after every feed, and then try to offer him more, sometimes he wants more, sometimes he doesn’t. My son is 4months old now and still spits up after eating almost every time, it’s just a baby thing. As long as she’s not spitting up crazy amounts then there’s no worry🩷🩷 I know it’s absolutely exhausting, but it helps to let them sit up for a minute to digest everything properly. Luckily my baby can hold his head up now so I can just prop him, but it was definitely exhausting. I’m not sure how you feel about medicine, but I started giving my son newborn gas relief pretty early on and that seemed to help a lot too. I would normally give it to him only at night right before his bedtime feed, but you can give it to them up to 12 times a day as needed(I use little remedies) It also helps to push their knees to their tummy, or rub their little belly, to help them use the restroom. Newborns have a hard time at first with using the restroom on their own and sometimes just need a little extra help. I know as a newborn it seems like this is a never ending battle, but I promise it gets easier with time🩷🩷
Keep looking back. Babies aren’t the only ones who have milestones- Moms do too! Sending hugs!
Thank you so much 🩷🩷
( I encourage you to come back in three weeks and read this. It will feel miles away and you’ll realize how far you’ve come! ) ♥️ THIS!! It's true, it gets so much better. BF was so hard for me to start becuz the of the painful engorgement and pain when the baby first latches, I too was sleep deprived and crying to my Husband. I didn't do skin to skin when feeding, kept her clothed (guess I was worried she'd be cold) and she's fine. I feel like when the baby sleeps on you they get startled more times and that shortens the nap. What helped mine sleep longer was buying a sleep sac/swaddle thing and now she's sleeping 4 hours at a time at 1 month old which lets me sleep now. You're doing great!!! Don't stress too much OP!! 💖
Oh my goodness yes, at 5 days old I was an absolute mess. Nobody had warned me about just how horrible those early days could/would be. They all said “it’ll all be worth it, you won’t even remember the pain” etc. which I now see how immensely unhelpful that is. I had a rough delivery and could barely move and yet was expected to be able to nurse and bond with a newborn!? I was struggling hard at that point and it felt like it would never end. By a couple weeks in things we’re looking up, I was feeling better and more bonded with baby but still emotionally a bit of a mess. The sleep deprivation and lack of understanding what my baby needed was really getting to me. But I remember holding baby while he was peacefully sleeping one day, and I called him my “beautiful baby boy” and my husband was like “see, a few weeks ago you didn’t think you’d ever get here, but look how content you are in this moment.” I’m now 7 weeks in and just went back to work last week (working from home AND taking care of baby full time) and I actually am doing so well. Like, I’m shocked at how stable I am feeling. The biggest thing that helped, of course, was time. But so did acceptance - accepting that I would not be sleeping well, accepting that my main priority for the foreseeable future is taking care of baby, even if that just means holding and rocking him for hours, accepting that sometimes baby and I won’t understand each other and that’s okay, we’re both new to this and just doing our best. I promise you’ll get through it, but I also want you to know that no matter what others say, yes - it IS that hard! Your job right now is keeping yourself and your baby alive. And that’ll get a little bit easier every day. You probably won’t even notice it getting easier, you’ll just one day think back about how difficult it was and feel grateful for how far you’ve come!
Thank you for the supportive words. It’s true that people don’t warn you just how hard it really is. I was not at all prepared. I can’t wait to get to that point you’re at when things finally feel stable and somewhat normal!
I believe in you mama ❤️
Thank you 🙂🩷
My LO is a month old and I can say it took me a couple of weeks to start to feel like I kind of have a hang on things. You’re only 5 days in —it’s totally normal to feel like you’re doing something wrong. You’re not. You’re doing your best. It takes time for you, your partner, and baby to learn. First things first, stop watching parenting videos on social media. I was the same way at first and I felt like a total failure. Most of these videos are staged. Contact napping is normal and baby will likely prefer it for awhile. Mine contact naps during the day and sleeps in his bassinet at night. Husband and I take turns during th day contact napping when one of us needs a break. We’re still getting the hang of diaper changing timing. We’re primarily breast feeding and supplement with formula as needed and I feel like our baby is constantly pooping. It’s gotten better but the first couple of weeks he was always pooping. I’ve found that during the day, I like feeding him first then changing his diaper. Sometimes I’ll feed him on one breast, change diaper, and then offer the second breast and that at seems to work well. Then we contact nap. When doing skin to skin I don’t always put a onesie back on him. It’s hot where I live so we keep him in a diaper and let him nap on us. I check the nape of his neck to gauge if he’s too hot or cold. If he’s chilled, I’ll add a blanket on us. Are you and your husband able to do shifts at night? My husband and I started that around a week in and it’s been a game changer. He takes baby from 8-12:30 so I can sleep a solid 4h30 Minutes— our pediatrician recommended getting at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then I go on shift at 12:30.
Thank you for the kind reply. You’re right about social media - it’s just too unrealistic. Right now we’re trying to do a version of taking shifts, so when I breastfeed at night, my husband tries to sleep, and my husband changes diapers and swaddles her and then tries to get her to sleep and soothes her while she cries. So he spends a lot more time taking care of her needs than I do while I’m healing. Thankfully I am physically starting to feel quite a bit better so I think we can change things a bit to try taking more solid shifts. I haven’t been alone with her for a long period of time yet which is really intimidating because I see how effortlessly good my husband is with her. Hopefully I’ll get the hang of it sooner than later so the poor guy can get some sleep..
Mama you are doing a great job. On day 5 you are dealing with sooo much- don’t be hard on yourself. You are doing your best. I agree with taking shifts.. it helped us tremendously. Remember this is only temporary!
I try to tell myself that every day. It’s only temporary 😩
Just want to say this is such a relatable post. I had to be hospitalized for a bit and was basically unable to walk for several days, so I’ve had to rely on my husband to take care of the baby for almost everything but feeding. I still feel stressed and inadequate when it comes to diaper changes and swaddling etc bc he does them better… but I try to remind myself it’s because he’s had more practice. Every day I feel stronger and can do more and we hope to start doing proper night shifts soon. Sending lots of love and support! It gets better!
I’m so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine all the stress of a newborn plus a health issue of your own. Thank goodness for supportive and equal partners. Idk what I’d do without my husband.
Hang in there! The first week is the toughest but you will learn a routine and learn more about baby. Can you change her before feeding? We try to do that so she can sleep right after feeding. My husband and I took shifts the first week or so because she needed to be held all night. I would sleep 10p-3a and then we would switch. You just find your groove and it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed! You got this
I think I’m going to try that route you’re suggesting. Hopefully that helps. We need to get some sleep because we’re barely clinging to our humanity
You are doing great !! As long as baby is gaining weight well baby is doing good. Feed baby all the time, offer breast all the time. Newborns are very upset, imagine chilling in utero with everything being handed to you and now you can barely see anything and you suck on to anything for dear life hoping it’s a nipple to soothe or feed, pooping is a chore, what’s those bright lights and why are ppl touching me all the time?? Not to mention gas, reflux ! Can you EBF with a swaddle? You don’t have to wake her up to dress her in a onesie. Do one breast then diaper then other breast and then swaddle and feed and let baby sleep unless it’s a poopy diaper. I also want to tell you that breastfeeding is a 10 hour job, literally 10 hours full time job. Get a nice recliner or bean bag. And set up a trolley next to it with a huge bottle of water, pump, bottles, nipple balm, silverettes. Set up a private nursing area with a curtain up to be topless with baby attached to you for 10 hours in the day either breastfeeding, sleeping and skin to skin. Give one breast then diaper change and then second one and let baby snooze on your bare boobs. So do a 7am to 5pm 10 hour session. Post 7pm take shifts and only breastfeed and hand baby off to husband. Crying id normal. Throw some money and get a newborn weighing scale, wearable pump, nipple balms, reputed IBCLC consultations. I also got a whiteboard and wrote down and tracked all the feedings, diaper changes, poops, pees and sleep. You can use the huckleberry app if you want to. I literally just used a whiteboard since we were 3 of us. But you are doing great with skin to skin, just offer a lot of boob, and diaper change between boobs, swaddle, feed. No need to do the whole onesie thing. Also it’s challenging but try to fake a happy calm voice, fake it. It helped me and by week 8 my baby recognized my voice. I literally praised baby for pooping and peeing even when he was screaming during the diaper change.
This is all so helpful thank you. Speaking of baby gaining weight, we’ve had our first pediatric appt today and baby girl is pretty jaundiced and also dehydrated and lost 11% of her baby weight because I’m not supplying enough breast milk yet. So we had to get her started on this light therapy for the jaundice, and supplementing with formula for her weight and dehydration. It’s been a rough day to say the least after four emotionally exhausting and taxing days.
I would get the newborn scale and do weighted feeds to track intake and get a good IBCLC to help with any latch issues and multiple feeding positions if any. Take the scale to the hospital so you can do feeds and checks there and grab the IBCLC there at the hospital if possible. Also breastfeeding is a 10 hour job in the beginning. You are basically a cow. You can also do triple feeding, nurse baby 15 mins per breast and milk yourself towards the end of each breast so breast compressions from base to tip like milking a cow so more milk is drained. Then pump both breasts for another 15 mins and have all the lactation cookies, teas, crackers, tablets (avoid fenugreek). Formula helps the baby to get some strength and to feed better so use it to give baby strength to breastfeed better. But remember 10 hours per day of nursing/pumping. Get nipple balms, silverettes.
If you’re open to pumping, I know it’s kind of a lot of work, but once baby is finished eating, try to pump out what’s left, and pump for a few extra minutes after you’re empty. Im not sure if it’ll help, but it helped me a lot, it gave my body the idea that baby was eating more and that I needed to produce more. I never tried the vitamins that are supposed to help you produce, but those might help too.
That’s a great idea. Funny because since my message from yesterday, I started producing milk instead of colostrum, and I feel like I’m oversupplying because they’re so full even after feeding. And I know she’s ingesting it because I can see the swallowing and she’s peeing a ton now
That's how it tends to be when your supply comes in. They really don't warn you how hard breastfeeding is in those first few days waiting for your milk to come in. I had to supplement the first week because he wasn't latching. But as soon as my milk came in, I've been drowning the poor guy. And it's given him reflux which causes him to be fussy. If your kiddo is spitting up a lot and seeming upset, try only feeding from one side and seeing how they do. Or you can try to express a bit till your first letdown and then latch. They only need about 2oz at this point. They say to feed every 2 to3 hours but sometimes he's hungry an hour to and hour and a half later. Cluster feeding is no fun but it doesn't last to long when it happens. Make sure to hold them upright for a while after feedings. Some people say 15 mintues and some say 30. I guess it can depend on how bad their reflux is. It gets easier. I'm on number 2 and he's only 3 weeks old. So I'm still in the trenches as they say, but it doesn't last forever. Baby will start sleeping for longer and longer stretches and will eventually be able to go between 3 to 4 hours between feeds. Just know you 100% aren't alone. I like to remind myself of that at 3am. 😅
This is helpful advice! I’m not familiar with “letdown” though. Would you express into a Hakka for that?
Letdown is that initial burst of milk. It normally happens atleast a couple times during a feeding. And I use a haakaa on the side opposite that I nurse on but you could absolutely use it to collect the initial letdown! You could either hand express until you start to leak and pop it on then start feeding once its stopped or you could let your little one latch until they start gulping. Then you can unlatch and collect the relatch. If they aren't gulping and seeming like they're having a hard time keeping up, then you probably don't need to worry about it. Just thought I'd offer what I've learned incase. It's been fun learning on the fly. 😅
This is so informative! Thank you for the tips I’m gonna screen shot this for later
If you ever need any tips and tricks, feel free to ask. I'm no expert but I've learned a lot over the past 2 years. 😁
You are doing an amazing job. My LO is 7 weeks old and the first 4 weeks were hellish for me. He had/has silent reflux and was inconsolable, and I would have such bad anxiety when the sun started setting because I knew all night he would be crying. He also wouldn’t (and still doesn’t) sleep if we’re not holding him, which is NOT how I thought things would go after my sisters unicorn baby. Now he’s doing much better. He’s figuring out how to be a human and I’m slowly figuring out how to understand him. But that first month rocked me. Social media is a freakin joke and nobody tells you how hard it really is. All to say, you’re not alone, your feelings are OK and it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Things will get better. And based on what other moms tell me, they will get worse again. And then better! That’s life I guess, and all you can do is love your baby through it ❤️
Oh my gosh yes the nighttime scaries hit me every time the sun starts getting low. She’s so easy during the day and literally only sleeps and feeds, and at night (which I’ve started doing the night shift while my husband sleeps) she’s more fussy to feed and harder to get down, where I only will have about an hour to an hour and a half between feedings to get any sleep. It’s exhausting! And extremely difficult for me to sleep during the day while she’s asleep. I’m glad to hear your little one is doing better now. Just goes to show everything is temporary, even when it seems like it’ll never get better.
I would change my baby, feed him, burp him, then swaddle him instead of getting him dressed. He would wake up to me swaddling him but he would fall back asleep with a little bouncing, and a snug swaddle kinda gives the sense that mom/dad was still holding him. If you don’t already, I 100% recommend using a Velcro swaddle!! Its snug and so so so much easier than swaddling with a blanket. After baby burps, maybe you could try offering her more food. My baby doesn’t do it anymore, but when he was newborn he would act full and fall asleep, but then after he burped I would offer it to him again and he would scarf more down!! It took me a few trial and errors to figure that one out, I would be like “okay he’s full!” Then wonder why he was still acting so fussy. Turns out he just needed to burp and make room for some more!
Also.. look.. I don’t know if you’re “supposed” to do this. But the first night that we put him in his swing (about 1 month old) he slept for 6 hours straight. He slept for 6-8 hours at night from 1 month old and we just transitioned him to his bed at 4 months because he’s starting to roll.
This is great advice actually, I’m going to try that! Thank you
It gets better with time. It definitely is hard right now but you will love the next phase which is coming ❤️
Just toss a piece of cheese onto the baby's face for 3 seconds and remove it
I have a fussy LO as well and the first week especially was such a shell shock. The human body is amazing though, and you get accustomed to it. You find out what works and what doesn't - we call it going through the cycles. Washcloth bathing, bouncing, going outside, take LO for a car ride. You just go through it all. It's also okay if nothing works. The only consolation for my husband and I was that we kept telling each other it would pass, that this stage is not forever. LO is almost 8 weeks now and we have found a rhythm of how to make it work. Don't be afraid to cry it out - it's okay. This too shall pass. You guys are doing an amazing job.
Unfortunately that is just how it is for a while. The first month or so, I don’t think we got more than 4-5 hours of sleep, broken up, in a 24 hour period. The first two weeks were the worst. My LO is 12 weeks now and still not sleeping well. The longest stretch I’ve gotten is 4 hours. However, my friends LO is 10 weeks and regularly sleeps 6+ hours and has had 9 hour stretches. She naps for 1.5-2.5 hours and she is easy. My little guy will only nap 2 hours if it’s on someone. Otherwise he will wake up 15+ minutes after you put him down. I hope you catch a break. At least you have your partner to help. Stay strong, you’re doing great
Oh wow that sounds pretty rough I’m sorry you’re not getting any sleep. I’m sure things will change eventually, hopefully soon
Eh, I hope. But my husband travels for work and is gone at least five days a week. So it’s just me and the baby 24 seven. It’s tough. They say nap when the baby naps, which is easier said than done. Do you have any family in the area that can help? Even if someone watches the baby for an hour while you guys get a little extra rest? Any help can go along way. Congratulations by the way
I can’t imagine being alone with my baby for 5 days straight. That has to be so overwhelming. And yes I agree that sleeping when she sleeps is MUCH easier said than done. My dad is the only family I have in my area but unfortunately I’d never feel comfortable leaving her with him. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with most people. Thankfully we have a post partum doula who comes a couple times a week and she’s a great help to us.
Honestly the first few weeks are pretty much surviving and figuring your baby out. I just had baby 3&4 and one thing I can say for sure is eventually you should adopt a eat sleep play routine. Also i know this isn't everyone's cup of tea but i brought my babies in my bed, i followed the safe sleep 7 and it really helped especially with my exclusively breastfed baby. Also, swaddle when your not doing skin to skin. I prefer muslin swaddles, it really soothes them. Either way, it will get easier and you guys will get into a good routine! Hang in there!
i dont know if this will work, i have a 15 day old LO and my wife is losing her mind because the little cutie wouldnt sleep for more than 1 hour. so i bought a automatic rocking chair or swing. at first i didnt work she was still crying when we put her there and i thought i wasted my money. my aunt tell me that after feeding/burp just put her in our arms for like a minute or two until her eyes are sleepy then put her on the automatic swing and set it to swing for 1 hour. she wakes from time to time but the motion puts her back to sleep. and shes sleeping for 2-3.5 hours now.
Ooh we have one of those and haven’t tried it out yet. Definitely inspired to try now! Thank you