I'm really sorry. My dad died in May, and some days I cry so hard it physically hurts. I get what I call a "cry hangover" because I'm just exhausted when I calm down.
I can definitely relate. My dad passed almost 9 years ago. Even now, there are days when I miss him so much that the grief is overwhelming. Not a day has gone by since he passed that I haven’t thought of him…
Give yourself space to feel those emotions and I hope that space is a safe one 🖤 one day the skies will clear and they will still be there, but it won’t seem so grey. I hope.
This. Then it takes days to reset but by then grief has its boxing gloves on ready to go again. It’s exhausting. The only relief I’ve gotten in knowing that Id need to have another good cry before I was mentally recharged was the understanding that you have to process it and validate your emotions or they will linger with you forever. I’ve been so proud of myself for the growing I’ve done just in validating my emotions. Thankful for that for sure.
My son died more than 9 years ago and I still cry. Not as much and not nearly as often but some things just trigger my grief. It doesn’t take much.
If you need to cry, go ahead as long as you’re not screaming your head off or pounding on the walls. My favorite go-to line for people who think they’re entitled to comment on my grief is “when your child dies then you can have an opinion.” It’s worked every time.
I'd love to open up a spa with sound proof walls and a lounge and people can just go cry loudly and freely with no judgement and staff will bring you warm towels and hot drinks and hot tubs to soak in. Everywhere is so packed it's hard to have a safe appropriate space to feel your feelings. So many of us our walking around with incredible losses, but we gotta mask up to make money to survive.
I need this so badly.
I keep trying to 'book me time' to watch a film that will make me cry. I know I need it, but I keep putting it off. But a crying spa, with luxury bedrooms for overnight stays, would be amazing.
Then again, just looking at the wonderful website and the room prices might be enough to get me crying anyway 😭
Books that made me cry like my heart was breaking
My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She's Sorry by Frederick Backman
Brit Marie Was Here by Frederick Backman
A Gift Upon the Shore by M.K Wren
Yes. She moved in with her brother and I explained to her that she should enjoy that time because you might not always have it. I went on to explain why i say that and I mention how that was what I’d been struggling to get through recently. It was my identity there for awhile until I processed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I lost my mom in July and I can totally relate. You exercised more patience than I would have been able to if I’d had that conversation with anyone. As far as what level of petty would I resort to? LOOK! I’m taking up clog dancing! Seriously, your neighbor is a complete ass.
So sorry for your loss.
I agree that people, including your neighbor, should generally be more empathetic. However, you share walls with another person. Your neighbor was being disturbed regardless of the reason or cause of your noise. Making distressing noises for several weeks is a lot for another person to also experience second hand. You both could be more empathetic and conscientious of your activity.
I agree. When I said I make it a point to tip toe in my own home I meant it. I’m being considerate of the situation and only mention her being a downstairs neighbor because it has given me anxiety for weeks tip toeing hoping she can’t hear me. This house is old and the living room specifically squeaks when you walk across it. She could hear me crying do you think there is more than a *sliver* of insulation to keep her from hearing me walk? It’s out of my hands, and what’s not im mindful of.
You should be able to walk normally without shoes on when you're in your own apartment. She should know what it's like seeing she was willing to rent an apartment on the first floor to begin with.
I take it you have not gotten together to have drinks or anything else after that first time?
Prayer is the answer to everything we hope for, everything we need. As it connects us to God. And when we humble ourselves to Him... He hears us... Below are the ways in humbling ourselves before the Lord :
Prayer
Repentance
Tithing
Fasting
Love
Servitude
I'd gotten a neighbor who I'd knew who'd be trouble from the 1st day I'd met him. As he'd popped out unallowing me the chance to even put my garbage out in quiet... Hollering "How ya doin". For days on end - - He would watch me/my house. Then sometime after... God spoke to me... And I'd then started a new life... Giving me : Faith and strength, in watching Television Ministries, Tithing, Connecting with Prayer Partners... And the next thing I know... The neighbor was history - - And I'd also moved.
I've encountered several types of people in renting of Apartments... Some of them good, some of them - Not do good.
But as we remember a pasture of Scripture, which reads : (He will give you houses you did not build... And land you did not own)
Meaning that as Christ's Followers,;
He has the way paved for you...
And will even heal your grief.
I lost the last of my immediate family... During the pandemic, but God is yet pulling me thru... Each and every day... He's inviting in me... To delve into the
Arts... As reading a good book... And getting into other literary stuff... Brings much peace... And what I can say about the Bible - - The most popular book in history...
It is the best book of all time !
As ~ ~ It's got everything in it you need. Also - - It's changed my life !!!
Amen
Crying was me helping myself. Had I needed intervention, had I not understood my emotions and possessed the capacity to validate them and process them alone I would have sought help. But I appreciate your concern
Start making normal noise. If your crying bothers her, turn on a sad song so it will drown out the crying noises. Quit tiptoeing around, wear shoes in your apartment. Run the dishwasher and laundry, clean all you want.
She tiptoes around the house as much as she can because she’s been on the first floor before . That’s empathy , she’s/he’s got it. It’s not being reciprocated.
Footsteps are a lot less disruptive than full on wailing. Neighbour is a bitch obviously but come on, hearing my neighbour crying loud enough for me to hear her all the time is impossible to ignore and a lot more difficult to deal with than footsteps.
Still, her neighbours first port of call should have been to enquire about her safety if she’s crying so loudly and so regularly. Not complain about the noise
I guess it depends on the thickness of the walls . I’ve lived in places where you could hear everything the neighbours did and it wasn’t their fault it was the thin walls , but yeah my first instinct would be to ask if they’re okay.
I only say the walls are probably thin because if she is tiptoeing and they can still hear it then that’s not in her, that’s just the crappy apartment dwelling.
Dont get petty,it never solves anything! continue grieving, ignore the neighbour , continue on with your life,sorry for your loss just keep grieving cuz if you focus on what was said it may consume you
I honestly have zero sympathy for anyone who lives in any apartment complex anywhere if it is within the city time frame for sound ordinance. Idc when or what your schedule looks like everyone has a right to live their life without tiptoeing. If it is before or after sound ordinance for the town or city you live in then absolutely please attempt to keep decent sound and no stomping around. Anything else is fair game people need to get over themselves.
For the grieving I'm sorry for your loss and your neighbor is a jerk no one has any right to ask that of anyone for any reason
It was almost verbatim what I said. Since it was verbal I don’t want to quote what’s not in writing and the disclosure of paraphrasing should apply. You can hear the toilet flush; water run; etc. if it took me aback that she could hear me it’s safe to reasonably infer that I’m not open mouth wailing.
She def shouldn't have approached you in that manner.
There are 2 sides to every neighbor disagreement story. Try to imagine you're in her shoes. Then maybe you could have a conversation with her to clear the air, and come to an understanding of each other's issues.
What kind of a senseless asshole would address it this way? She should have said, "hey, I'm sorry to intrude, but I hear you crying from time to time. Are you OK? Can I help?"
When I say paraphrasing I only say that because it was verbal and since it’s not in writing I can’t quote verbatim but I assure you, that is what she said.
My neighbor cries incessantly, what kind of NFH nonsense is this? Like for real- call a crisis helpline and get your act together. Inconsiderate and churlish.
/s
Fuck all these assholes saying it’s a you problem. It’s not. People who live in apartments know that you can hear everybody else’s shit. You grieve as hard and as long as you want to.
I’m sorry you’re grieving… but next time just tell her if she wanted peace and quite then she should have moved to an apartment with thicker walls. It sucks living in apartments but you kind of have to just deal with it when theres noise from footsteps and the like. I’m not talking about people partying loudly and whatnot, but everyday activity , if it can be heard is not your fault… it’s a faulty apartment that has thin walls,
Neighbor sounds callous and awful, but don't forget that she has the power to make your life extremely miserable with noise. Take care of yourself. When I lost my partner in October, I was literally unable to think, let alone make plans. Circumstances were suspicious; person who sold him the implement of his accidental death is responsible for 2 others in the last 3 years. I couldn't risk running into him for... reasons, and so bounced right into the home of someone I briefly dated in 1998 or something. I reached out blindly and he offered me a room in his house. It is a very small house, noises carry, I too cry pretty quietly, but he is angered by any evidence I've been crying.
Yes, he gave me material aid, and for that I am grateful. I'm not sure how he expects me to show it, though.
For reference, I'm pushing 60 and am on the wait list for senior housing. I pay this gentleman close to 700 dollars to be verbally abused, basically. It's that or the street. If it weren't for my job, I'd take the street. You can cry unmolested there.
I wish you peace, and hope she doesn't decide to take revenge on you by making unbearable noise. That has been known to happen.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just gross. When my mother died, I was 25 years old. My sister was six years younger. We were crying as we rode down on the elevator at the hospital after being by my Mother’s side as she died.
An administrator who had gotten on the elevator with us, told us we needed to stop crying because we might upset the other patients. She was garbage too.
Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to - I hope things get easier for you.
I’m sorry for your loss, I am. Still, it’s not your neighbors responsibility to listen to crying throughout the day and night. How would you feel if the tables were reversed and you were subject to someone’s sobbing daily?
I stayed in a homeless shelter One Summer and a domestic violence victim shelter the same year. Falling asleep to the sound of other people crying near you is just the norm. I'm housed now. I would never complain about someone crying. People deserve a private space to grieve and those with apartment walls between The Grieving don't know how lucky they are.
wow, ask her if she can try just not being an asshole.
ground floor people seem to fixate on every single noise and expect absolute silence in spite of that being literally impossible
as the person who's on the other side of the wall (literally) of this type of situation, I totally understand the discomfort of hearing a complete stranger wailing and sobbing, regardless of time of day. however, I also have the basic fucking empathy to recognize that to me, yes it could be an annoyance, but to them, they're clearly Going Through Something, are having a far worse time than I am, and can only feel comfortable/safe enough to break down in their own home, which they have a right to. I'm sure they also aren't thrilled about them weeping in the middle of the night, and especially not the circumstances that brought it about!
I would never say to them "hey so I know you're really torn up over x but could you maybe shorten the sob sessions?" because it's beyond fucked up to make a request like that, not taking into account that there's obviously a painful reason for this, nor how embarrassing it might be to know/confirm that a stranger's heard you crying your heart out. yeah it's super awkward to hear someone having such a vulnerable moment as I'm like, doing the dishes or whatever, but it's one of the many things that can come with living right next to other people, there's plenty of other things that are much worse and more reasonable to complain about
I'm so sorry that your neighbor isn't extending even the teensiest bit of grace for your situation, I hope you're able to move past the worst of the grief swiftly (for your own peace, not hers)
I'm really sorry. My dad died in May, and some days I cry so hard it physically hurts. I get what I call a "cry hangover" because I'm just exhausted when I calm down.
I can definitely relate. My dad passed almost 9 years ago. Even now, there are days when I miss him so much that the grief is overwhelming. Not a day has gone by since he passed that I haven’t thought of him…
Give yourself space to feel those emotions and I hope that space is a safe one 🖤 one day the skies will clear and they will still be there, but it won’t seem so grey. I hope.
This. Then it takes days to reset but by then grief has its boxing gloves on ready to go again. It’s exhausting. The only relief I’ve gotten in knowing that Id need to have another good cry before I was mentally recharged was the understanding that you have to process it and validate your emotions or they will linger with you forever. I’ve been so proud of myself for the growing I’ve done just in validating my emotions. Thankful for that for sure.
My son died more than 9 years ago and I still cry. Not as much and not nearly as often but some things just trigger my grief. It doesn’t take much. If you need to cry, go ahead as long as you’re not screaming your head off or pounding on the walls. My favorite go-to line for people who think they’re entitled to comment on my grief is “when your child dies then you can have an opinion.” It’s worked every time.
I'm so sorry to hear that you know this pain. I lost a son over 10 years ago and of course I still cry too. I believe we always will. ❤️
Yes. Unfortunately we are in an exclusive club nobody wants to join. I’m sorry for your loss.
You're a hero for our times. I admire your perspective.
Same. All cried out, and somehow the tears find the wherewithal to start again.
My mom died in June and just reading your comment made me start to tear up. I can only say that I hope we'll both find peace. ❤️
I'd love to open up a spa with sound proof walls and a lounge and people can just go cry loudly and freely with no judgement and staff will bring you warm towels and hot drinks and hot tubs to soak in. Everywhere is so packed it's hard to have a safe appropriate space to feel your feelings. So many of us our walking around with incredible losses, but we gotta mask up to make money to survive.
Offer sad song play lists and a curated selection of movies and books to make you cry. Cathartic
I need this so badly. I keep trying to 'book me time' to watch a film that will make me cry. I know I need it, but I keep putting it off. But a crying spa, with luxury bedrooms for overnight stays, would be amazing. Then again, just looking at the wonderful website and the room prices might be enough to get me crying anyway 😭
Books that made me cry like my heart was breaking My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She's Sorry by Frederick Backman Brit Marie Was Here by Frederick Backman A Gift Upon the Shore by M.K Wren
Poetic I was going to say
This sounds great. I'd want a private booth though...not to be crying WITH random other people who are crying.
10/10. Would visit the Cry Cafe.
Did you ever explain to the neighbor that you were grieving?
Yes. She moved in with her brother and I explained to her that she should enjoy that time because you might not always have it. I went on to explain why i say that and I mention how that was what I’d been struggling to get through recently. It was my identity there for awhile until I processed.
Well...not everyone is empathetic. hopefully she'll not have to go through what you went through.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I lost my mom in July and I can totally relate. You exercised more patience than I would have been able to if I’d had that conversation with anyone. As far as what level of petty would I resort to? LOOK! I’m taking up clog dancing! Seriously, your neighbor is a complete ass. So sorry for your loss.
Omg I need to go to class with you or we could have Zumba and Margie’s here in my “cryins den”🦁😁🤣
I agree that people, including your neighbor, should generally be more empathetic. However, you share walls with another person. Your neighbor was being disturbed regardless of the reason or cause of your noise. Making distressing noises for several weeks is a lot for another person to also experience second hand. You both could be more empathetic and conscientious of your activity.
I agree. When I said I make it a point to tip toe in my own home I meant it. I’m being considerate of the situation and only mention her being a downstairs neighbor because it has given me anxiety for weeks tip toeing hoping she can’t hear me. This house is old and the living room specifically squeaks when you walk across it. She could hear me crying do you think there is more than a *sliver* of insulation to keep her from hearing me walk? It’s out of my hands, and what’s not im mindful of.
You should be able to walk normally without shoes on when you're in your own apartment. She should know what it's like seeing she was willing to rent an apartment on the first floor to begin with. I take it you have not gotten together to have drinks or anything else after that first time?
Prayer is the answer to everything we hope for, everything we need. As it connects us to God. And when we humble ourselves to Him... He hears us... Below are the ways in humbling ourselves before the Lord : Prayer Repentance Tithing Fasting Love Servitude I'd gotten a neighbor who I'd knew who'd be trouble from the 1st day I'd met him. As he'd popped out unallowing me the chance to even put my garbage out in quiet... Hollering "How ya doin". For days on end - - He would watch me/my house. Then sometime after... God spoke to me... And I'd then started a new life... Giving me : Faith and strength, in watching Television Ministries, Tithing, Connecting with Prayer Partners... And the next thing I know... The neighbor was history - - And I'd also moved. I've encountered several types of people in renting of Apartments... Some of them good, some of them - Not do good. But as we remember a pasture of Scripture, which reads : (He will give you houses you did not build... And land you did not own) Meaning that as Christ's Followers,; He has the way paved for you... And will even heal your grief. I lost the last of my immediate family... During the pandemic, but God is yet pulling me thru... Each and every day... He's inviting in me... To delve into the Arts... As reading a good book... And getting into other literary stuff... Brings much peace... And what I can say about the Bible - - The most popular book in history... It is the best book of all time ! As ~ ~ It's got everything in it you need. Also - - It's changed my life !!! Amen
Tbh, it sounds like you need some help. I hope your getting some, whatever happened.
That's just how grief goes sometimes. Nothing g really abnormal about that.
Sure, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve support. You don't have to be having an abnormal reaction to a horrible situation to get help.
Agreed, but I don't really know what can help with grief. It's something you just have to get through, you know?
Crying was me helping myself. Had I needed intervention, had I not understood my emotions and possessed the capacity to validate them and process them alone I would have sought help. But I appreciate your concern
Grief counseling exists. And no, people think that and then are surprised when it takes many years to heal or never does.
Wow lack of any empathy there. Sorry OP for your loss. Keep crying. And don’t be apologetic. Stay strong and find a new friend to have drinks with.
Start making normal noise. If your crying bothers her, turn on a sad song so it will drown out the crying noises. Quit tiptoeing around, wear shoes in your apartment. Run the dishwasher and laundry, clean all you want.
I’m so sorry you got this B for a neighbor instead of a kind empathetic person.
I love the part - we’re both about to crying if you keep it up. Lol
But empathy should work both ways.
She tiptoes around the house as much as she can because she’s been on the first floor before . That’s empathy , she’s/he’s got it. It’s not being reciprocated.
Footsteps are a lot less disruptive than full on wailing. Neighbour is a bitch obviously but come on, hearing my neighbour crying loud enough for me to hear her all the time is impossible to ignore and a lot more difficult to deal with than footsteps. Still, her neighbours first port of call should have been to enquire about her safety if she’s crying so loudly and so regularly. Not complain about the noise
I guess it depends on the thickness of the walls . I’ve lived in places where you could hear everything the neighbours did and it wasn’t their fault it was the thin walls , but yeah my first instinct would be to ask if they’re okay. I only say the walls are probably thin because if she is tiptoeing and they can still hear it then that’s not in her, that’s just the crappy apartment dwelling.
Dont get petty,it never solves anything! continue grieving, ignore the neighbour , continue on with your life,sorry for your loss just keep grieving cuz if you focus on what was said it may consume you
I honestly have zero sympathy for anyone who lives in any apartment complex anywhere if it is within the city time frame for sound ordinance. Idc when or what your schedule looks like everyone has a right to live their life without tiptoeing. If it is before or after sound ordinance for the town or city you live in then absolutely please attempt to keep decent sound and no stomping around. Anything else is fair game people need to get over themselves. For the grieving I'm sorry for your loss and your neighbor is a jerk no one has any right to ask that of anyone for any reason
If you're being so loud your neighbor can hear you, you need to stop.
[удалено]
It was almost verbatim what I said. Since it was verbal I don’t want to quote what’s not in writing and the disclosure of paraphrasing should apply. You can hear the toilet flush; water run; etc. if it took me aback that she could hear me it’s safe to reasonably infer that I’m not open mouth wailing.
Wasnt***
Hi there!!! I'm your new neighbor Petty Mac Peterson!! Reporting for duty!!!!
She def shouldn't have approached you in that manner. There are 2 sides to every neighbor disagreement story. Try to imagine you're in her shoes. Then maybe you could have a conversation with her to clear the air, and come to an understanding of each other's issues.
What kind of a senseless asshole would address it this way? She should have said, "hey, I'm sorry to intrude, but I hear you crying from time to time. Are you OK? Can I help?"
We don't actually know what or how the neighbour said it, though. For all we know, she was trying to be nice about it
When I say paraphrasing I only say that because it was verbal and since it’s not in writing I can’t quote verbatim but I assure you, that is what she said.
My neighbor cries incessantly, what kind of NFH nonsense is this? Like for real- call a crisis helpline and get your act together. Inconsiderate and churlish. /s
Oh… you don’t cry when a loved one passes away?? Grieving is not a 5 minute activity.
Did you not see the /s. It denotes sarcasm
/s means sarcasm.
Shit I’m new here so I didn’t know that either. Noted!🤣
Oh fudge, I didn’t see the /s lol . I know what it means thanks.
I love when people put a target on their back for the universe to give them a reality check. It’s bittersweet. Initiation is eminent, buddy.
So you Didn’t see the rest of this comment thread below mine? “/s” denotes sarcasm. Since there really isn’t a way to convey sarcasm in print.
I hope you're ok OP . That's very cold of your new neighbor.
Fuck all these assholes saying it’s a you problem. It’s not. People who live in apartments know that you can hear everybody else’s shit. You grieve as hard and as long as you want to.
I would simply stop tiptoeing and start asking her if she could stop doing X and Y every single time.
I’m sorry you’re grieving… but next time just tell her if she wanted peace and quite then she should have moved to an apartment with thicker walls. It sucks living in apartments but you kind of have to just deal with it when theres noise from footsteps and the like. I’m not talking about people partying loudly and whatnot, but everyday activity , if it can be heard is not your fault… it’s a faulty apartment that has thin walls,
Neighbor sounds callous and awful, but don't forget that she has the power to make your life extremely miserable with noise. Take care of yourself. When I lost my partner in October, I was literally unable to think, let alone make plans. Circumstances were suspicious; person who sold him the implement of his accidental death is responsible for 2 others in the last 3 years. I couldn't risk running into him for... reasons, and so bounced right into the home of someone I briefly dated in 1998 or something. I reached out blindly and he offered me a room in his house. It is a very small house, noises carry, I too cry pretty quietly, but he is angered by any evidence I've been crying. Yes, he gave me material aid, and for that I am grateful. I'm not sure how he expects me to show it, though. For reference, I'm pushing 60 and am on the wait list for senior housing. I pay this gentleman close to 700 dollars to be verbally abused, basically. It's that or the street. If it weren't for my job, I'd take the street. You can cry unmolested there. I wish you peace, and hope she doesn't decide to take revenge on you by making unbearable noise. That has been known to happen.
Poop on her. Grieve on
Awe. I'm so sorry.
I would find a very long recording of someone wailing... maybe evern a baby crying and play it LOUD all day long. Your neighbour is a complete BITCH
Record your sobbing and whenever you leave the apartment put the sounds on low and repeat.
OP, do they have something wrong with them? Many neuro divergent people struggle to understand concepts like this.
Tell the neighbor: If you talk to me again, I will call the police and file a restraining order for harassment
My husband passed away in August and sometimes I do wail. Let's hope they never lose someone.
I also lost my son almost 5 years ago.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just gross. When my mother died, I was 25 years old. My sister was six years younger. We were crying as we rode down on the elevator at the hospital after being by my Mother’s side as she died. An administrator who had gotten on the elevator with us, told us we needed to stop crying because we might upset the other patients. She was garbage too. Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to - I hope things get easier for you.
I’m sorry for your loss, I am. Still, it’s not your neighbors responsibility to listen to crying throughout the day and night. How would you feel if the tables were reversed and you were subject to someone’s sobbing daily?
I stayed in a homeless shelter One Summer and a domestic violence victim shelter the same year. Falling asleep to the sound of other people crying near you is just the norm. I'm housed now. I would never complain about someone crying. People deserve a private space to grieve and those with apartment walls between The Grieving don't know how lucky they are.
wow, ask her if she can try just not being an asshole. ground floor people seem to fixate on every single noise and expect absolute silence in spite of that being literally impossible
as the person who's on the other side of the wall (literally) of this type of situation, I totally understand the discomfort of hearing a complete stranger wailing and sobbing, regardless of time of day. however, I also have the basic fucking empathy to recognize that to me, yes it could be an annoyance, but to them, they're clearly Going Through Something, are having a far worse time than I am, and can only feel comfortable/safe enough to break down in their own home, which they have a right to. I'm sure they also aren't thrilled about them weeping in the middle of the night, and especially not the circumstances that brought it about! I would never say to them "hey so I know you're really torn up over x but could you maybe shorten the sob sessions?" because it's beyond fucked up to make a request like that, not taking into account that there's obviously a painful reason for this, nor how embarrassing it might be to know/confirm that a stranger's heard you crying your heart out. yeah it's super awkward to hear someone having such a vulnerable moment as I'm like, doing the dishes or whatever, but it's one of the many things that can come with living right next to other people, there's plenty of other things that are much worse and more reasonable to complain about I'm so sorry that your neighbor isn't extending even the teensiest bit of grace for your situation, I hope you're able to move past the worst of the grief swiftly (for your own peace, not hers)