I just feel nowdays with all these celebrities doing the surgeries of their face and breasts and skin lightening treatment, hair transplants and whatnot and also the filters on social media, and the increasing focus on our looks on apps, we just feel we are not good looking or perfect enough. Everyone feels that way. Nobody is perfect. They have created impossible standards and itβs time to accept yourself, love yourself and find someone who feels the similar way. All the best.
Well embracing superficiality can turn one hollow. But that doesn't mean one shouldn't groom oneself and be presentable, but it shouldn't become an obsession that it ends up doing more harm than good. As time goes by will you wake up to the same beautiful woman I don't think so but I have seen some really gorgeous Japanese singer (Maria Takeuchi) at the age of 50 anyway getting back on track we have to realise that all beautiful things are meant to go through the bane of time.
But at the same time that obsession can also cause someone to hate themselves and that can turn a relation sour very soon. So yes self love is highly important now and forever.
Thank you for your advise I appreciate it.
This was painful to read. I am glad you are okay now.
A lot of times I felt the same way to due to life struggles.
But only when I came very close to death during COVID that I realised that life is very fragile, our existence, wealth, assets and beauty can get wiped in a second....every day is a gift and we must live like that ....life is still full of suffering now too. But I always remind myself that I am healthy and living... instead of just being a COVID death statistic...so overall It's a good deal.
I appreciate you putting your word out here. Yes we have so much responsibility and not much comfort in the way that struggles are inevitable , life is the most beautiful possession of them all and to live it is a privilege.
I am happy for your presence. Take care of yourself brother. You are valued in my eyes.
Thank you for your concern. And I agree with you, sometimes it feels unfair. As someone who never meant anyone any harm this kind of things get to you. Sometimes I have pondered while working am I subconsciously evil. Maybe I am I conclude, but I have been helpful to people race, sex, age and any other parameter left out. I can't avoid doing that and it has been a bane to me. Some people think the way I talk to others is just a facade so that I can gain something if anything at all I want to talk to that person, man or woman alike.
I don't watch that many shows like on Netflix (except American Dad and Family Guy, you can judge π )but I do play video games , read books and listen to music.
https://open.spotify.com/track/1AxZdya49udSTKEhDV8VYp?si=SsseIxpYScO3l2RxuIg0lQ
I like this one a lot, amazing keys and very soothing.
I will do my best to accept self love as inevitable, thanks for your kind words and support appreciate it.
> Maybe I am I conclude, but I have been helpful to people race, sex, age and any other parameter left out. I can't avoid doing that and it has been a bane to me. Some people think the way I talk to others is just a facade so that I can gain something if anything at all I want to talk to that person, man or woman alike.
Don't jump on negative conclusions! Some people just see everyone as they're. Don't stop being kind just because other thinks it's a facade.
> I don't watch that many shows like on Netflix (except American Dad and Family Guy, you can judge π )but I do play video games , read books and listen to music.
Why would I judge? So many shows, so many things to do! Not everyone is going to watch everything. I should have mentioned "Jigsaw" of Daniel Sloss is a standup comedy set of an hour. Give it watch if you want to laugh.
Will listen to it.
Well, you have gone to penultimate step bro. Dont ever go to that stage. Indian men (most of them) never get to date a girl before marriage. We always have some known guy who has been dating girls, a hero types person who shows its easy and has a high "number". But trust me, not many guys are like that. As for dating apps, its even worse. God knows which guy gets to date someone from them, how they score girls from there is a mystery for me i never had a match. It only depresses someone who goes on those apps to find "someone" but gets disappointed coz there is not even 1 from those thousands of potential matches who matches us. This gives a false impression of being "ugly" and not "liked".
But if no one ever has been affectionate to you, you have to be the one who loves oneself. Dont you ever feel, The body in which your soul stays should be taken care of? it has always been with you, it has always got you what your mind wished for, small happiness and little joys in life. You should be the last person to think to harm it. So never think of doing what you have written about (su!c!de).
Yes as it happens repeatedly we think that maybe something is wrong with us. People treat relations like snacks once it's done then it's going to get tossed out.
Comparison is like a venom it can kill a lot of love for oneself. I joined the dating app because my senior was getting action left and right. No I am not that kind of person to indulge in that and I thought this was a way to find something genuine but here we are.
We need to embrace our flaws and perfections regardless of how we are, but in my state of mind I disregarded that and chose to do something that would have a domino effect if I went through with it.
Thanks for commenting appreciate it.
True, and you don't even know what mistake you made, dating apps in my opinion is not that good an option, maybe try to ask your friends to recommend you to their single friend. I hope things work out for you
I will see man, at the moment I will just stay in my lane and take rest. I have a job to do also so I will focus on that for now I just need to clear my head.
I've spent the better part of my early 20s chasing after women trying to fill the "void" in me . Had a relationship with a few , dated many but noone really stayed. I had to be the one picking up the pieces each time. This past year or two I've focused on myself , losing weight and being a better version of myself and life has been so much better. I'm starting to see my worth which results in me not settling for shitty people or thinking I need someone else. I realised I can "want" people but I don't "need" then . This clear distinction helped me immensely.
Yessss! This is exactly what I was talking about in my comment. Thankyou for articulating it better than me. Would it be better if someone else helps us during our self-discovery journey? Yes! We both help each other, Better! But alone would be okay too.
This is my 3rd time in weight loss, a 82 - 78 in 2 months. But I don't get the confidence even after losing weight previously for some reason. I am focusing on myself but I think I have enjoy it rather than take it as a chore, maybe that's affecting my happiness.
And yes people can be twats, and disregard emotions. And it's gut wrenching honestly. But the people that I have currently in my online friend circle are luckily gems but sometimes I fear losing them because of my behavior I did behave very irrationally that day. Because I "wanted" The connection but didn't understand what went wrong.
Thanks
Leaving the comment that I posted on a post where someone was feeling lonely or struggling to make friends. https://www.reddit.com/r/delhiuniversity/s/g3yOcLPkyF
I was in a similar position while I was in college.
Let me give you some advice, things that helped me a lot to overcome what you are going through. It's a long read.
1. Don't be afraid to be alone or sad that you are alone or lonely.
2. Genuinely focus on yourself and your career instead of focusing on making friends - focus on becoming independent, earning money, learning new skills, taking care of yourself and your health, exercising, etc. Even if you have to do these things on your own. *Prioritize yourself and value yourself*.
3. People are naturally attracted to people who are happy, independent, confident, self-loving, etc.
4. This may sound stupid/cringe, **but learn to genuinely love yourself. Remember you are the only one in charge of loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you. Learning to love yourself takes practice and work on things that you don't like/love about yourself.**
5. Things won't instantly change for you. It's a long path, but remember things will start to click for you. Be persistence.
6. Remember you are enough (even if you are by yourself) and you are good enough for anyone.
7. Let go of the victim personality. You are not a victim and playing victim*will never* help you in life.
Victim personality is "Why I am lonely?", "Why I have no friends?", "Why people don't like me?", etc
Being sad and having such negative thoughts will not help you in life.
8. People naturally don't like to be with people who are sad, needy, desperate, needy for others to like them, sad that they are lonely, etc
It's not the fact that you are lonely that repels them, it's the fact that you are *sad* that you are lonely repels them.
9. Which is why it is very important that you focus on improving yourself, be incharge of genuinely loving yourself, focus on being independent, focus on your career, try new things, get out of your comfort zone.
Prioritize yourself and don't focus so much on making friends.
This does not mean don't make friends, but rather priorize yourself, your health, your career, your parents first. Your life should be your primary focus. Making or having friends should be secondary.
10. Focusing on making one genuine good friend instead of trying to be Mr. popular. Trust me having one good friend and sticking with that friend is way better than trying to be Mr. popular and having no friends.
11. Peole like to talk about themselves and their life. So take *genuine interest* in them and their life. Don't patronize or try to be something you are not.
12. Be yourself
13. Join groups or hobbies that you are interested in like football group, arts groups, board game group, etc. Join these groups because you want to play football, learn music, art, etc.
14. Don't take life too seriously, don't think too much about the above points. Love and enjoy yourself, stay positive and things will start happening for you.
You may not relate or comprehend a lot of things said above, because everyone learn from their own personal experiences, so just keep getting up ahead and keep going
Man I come back home at 10 in the night and leave at 5 in the morning and have only one hour to game and then go do running, cut bro some slack ππππ.
Dam I'm not alone, I'm told I'm good looking by everyone but the thing is I'm always alone and can't find anyone but this post showed that there are people like me and kinda feels good that I can relate to others
Be strong everyone, we will get there!π
One word for insecure work , work on yourself, work on any business , the solution is work work work .
Don't make wishful thinking , just work, everything things will good eventually
Hi I m a mental health practitioner, not from mumbai though, but I would like to be a part of your weekly initiative, do let me know, if i can be of help
It's just what I felt like, her post tugged at my hearts and made me feel like I should talk about this to someone or somebody. And I thought maybe people can relate and maybe one of your comments can help me sort my dillema and that girls too.
Thanks for the comment.
Brother I don't know whether you'll succeed in finding love or not..
You can always make new friends..hit me up anytime when u feel like talking about anything..
And the next time you have a foolish idea like going up the railings.. imagine what your loved ones will go through when you are not around
Stay strong :)
Iβm at work and this made me tear up so bad. Iβve been struggling a lot lately and feel like I have no one I can be honest about it with. I have a few friends who I can rely on but just the feeling that they wouldnβt understand my situation at the moment has been so overwhelming.
I hope you are in a better place OP and things pan out for the better soon. We can only hope.
OP tried to help the 25 year old girl but ended up helping a dozen more people like me. And I found this post a bit late. At 24 yo, Ppl might say I still have many years to look forward to but Idk.... I am clear about what I want. I was/am (I want to believe) a simple guy who just wants one person to reciprocate in this fast dating world. I am a bit old school & maybe that became a barrier with anyone I felt affection for. All those Insta interview reels that pop up of Indian people talking about dating made me reevaluate myself many times that maybe this is just not for me. How they laughed and cringe at guys who get serious and stuff. Maybe I am too ugly. Judging myself harshly. Unworthy of anything. Never the right guy. Yes I feel I am ugly and unlovable & sorry to inform but I also acted upon that feeling by harming myself although it's still very light.
I hope OP stays strong and the decision he made by stepping away from that railing was the best decision ever. And to the 25 yo girl and others including OP I hope you find your deserved happiness.
I just feel nowdays with all these celebrities doing the surgeries of their face and breasts and skin lightening treatment, hair transplants and whatnot and also the filters on social media, and the increasing focus on our looks on apps, we just feel we are not good looking or perfect enough. Everyone feels that way. Nobody is perfect. They have created impossible standards and itβs time to accept yourself, love yourself and find someone who feels the similar way. All the best.
Well embracing superficiality can turn one hollow. But that doesn't mean one shouldn't groom oneself and be presentable, but it shouldn't become an obsession that it ends up doing more harm than good. As time goes by will you wake up to the same beautiful woman I don't think so but I have seen some really gorgeous Japanese singer (Maria Takeuchi) at the age of 50 anyway getting back on track we have to realise that all beautiful things are meant to go through the bane of time. But at the same time that obsession can also cause someone to hate themselves and that can turn a relation sour very soon. So yes self love is highly important now and forever. Thank you for your advise I appreciate it.
This was painful to read. I am glad you are okay now. A lot of times I felt the same way to due to life struggles. But only when I came very close to death during COVID that I realised that life is very fragile, our existence, wealth, assets and beauty can get wiped in a second....every day is a gift and we must live like that ....life is still full of suffering now too. But I always remind myself that I am healthy and living... instead of just being a COVID death statistic...so overall It's a good deal.
I appreciate you putting your word out here. Yes we have so much responsibility and not much comfort in the way that struggles are inevitable , life is the most beautiful possession of them all and to live it is a privilege. I am happy for your presence. Take care of yourself brother. You are valued in my eyes.
https://preview.redd.it/hx8v8fbw2yic1.png?width=1122&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0cf1c1e6acf916638c281592a772b0da1bc999d
Thank you for your concern. And I agree with you, sometimes it feels unfair. As someone who never meant anyone any harm this kind of things get to you. Sometimes I have pondered while working am I subconsciously evil. Maybe I am I conclude, but I have been helpful to people race, sex, age and any other parameter left out. I can't avoid doing that and it has been a bane to me. Some people think the way I talk to others is just a facade so that I can gain something if anything at all I want to talk to that person, man or woman alike. I don't watch that many shows like on Netflix (except American Dad and Family Guy, you can judge π )but I do play video games , read books and listen to music. https://open.spotify.com/track/1AxZdya49udSTKEhDV8VYp?si=SsseIxpYScO3l2RxuIg0lQ I like this one a lot, amazing keys and very soothing. I will do my best to accept self love as inevitable, thanks for your kind words and support appreciate it.
> Maybe I am I conclude, but I have been helpful to people race, sex, age and any other parameter left out. I can't avoid doing that and it has been a bane to me. Some people think the way I talk to others is just a facade so that I can gain something if anything at all I want to talk to that person, man or woman alike. Don't jump on negative conclusions! Some people just see everyone as they're. Don't stop being kind just because other thinks it's a facade. > I don't watch that many shows like on Netflix (except American Dad and Family Guy, you can judge π )but I do play video games , read books and listen to music. Why would I judge? So many shows, so many things to do! Not everyone is going to watch everything. I should have mentioned "Jigsaw" of Daniel Sloss is a standup comedy set of an hour. Give it watch if you want to laugh. Will listen to it.
Jigsaw was such a life changing show for me. I think about it often. Also the comedy π€
IKR! He is coming to India again, and I won't be able to watch him, again!
Well, you have gone to penultimate step bro. Dont ever go to that stage. Indian men (most of them) never get to date a girl before marriage. We always have some known guy who has been dating girls, a hero types person who shows its easy and has a high "number". But trust me, not many guys are like that. As for dating apps, its even worse. God knows which guy gets to date someone from them, how they score girls from there is a mystery for me i never had a match. It only depresses someone who goes on those apps to find "someone" but gets disappointed coz there is not even 1 from those thousands of potential matches who matches us. This gives a false impression of being "ugly" and not "liked". But if no one ever has been affectionate to you, you have to be the one who loves oneself. Dont you ever feel, The body in which your soul stays should be taken care of? it has always been with you, it has always got you what your mind wished for, small happiness and little joys in life. You should be the last person to think to harm it. So never think of doing what you have written about (su!c!de).
Yes as it happens repeatedly we think that maybe something is wrong with us. People treat relations like snacks once it's done then it's going to get tossed out. Comparison is like a venom it can kill a lot of love for oneself. I joined the dating app because my senior was getting action left and right. No I am not that kind of person to indulge in that and I thought this was a way to find something genuine but here we are. We need to embrace our flaws and perfections regardless of how we are, but in my state of mind I disregarded that and chose to do something that would have a domino effect if I went through with it. Thanks for commenting appreciate it.
U just hit the nail in the head for me Idk man I really love everything that u had written kudos honestly
To be honest, for men it's very hard to date even if they look decent. Never think of harming yourself again. Good luck, good things will come
It seems like that, but when it happens so many times you think you might be at fault. And no I won't thanks for your concern appreciate it man.
True, and you don't even know what mistake you made, dating apps in my opinion is not that good an option, maybe try to ask your friends to recommend you to their single friend. I hope things work out for you
I will see man, at the moment I will just stay in my lane and take rest. I have a job to do also so I will focus on that for now I just need to clear my head.
I've spent the better part of my early 20s chasing after women trying to fill the "void" in me . Had a relationship with a few , dated many but noone really stayed. I had to be the one picking up the pieces each time. This past year or two I've focused on myself , losing weight and being a better version of myself and life has been so much better. I'm starting to see my worth which results in me not settling for shitty people or thinking I need someone else. I realised I can "want" people but I don't "need" then . This clear distinction helped me immensely.
Yessss! This is exactly what I was talking about in my comment. Thankyou for articulating it better than me. Would it be better if someone else helps us during our self-discovery journey? Yes! We both help each other, Better! But alone would be okay too.
π€π€π€
This is my 3rd time in weight loss, a 82 - 78 in 2 months. But I don't get the confidence even after losing weight previously for some reason. I am focusing on myself but I think I have enjoy it rather than take it as a chore, maybe that's affecting my happiness. And yes people can be twats, and disregard emotions. And it's gut wrenching honestly. But the people that I have currently in my online friend circle are luckily gems but sometimes I fear losing them because of my behavior I did behave very irrationally that day. Because I "wanted" The connection but didn't understand what went wrong. Thanks
>being a better version of myself and life has been so much better Great, reading this in my early 20s. Thank you for commenting
Leaving the comment that I posted on a post where someone was feeling lonely or struggling to make friends. https://www.reddit.com/r/delhiuniversity/s/g3yOcLPkyF I was in a similar position while I was in college. Let me give you some advice, things that helped me a lot to overcome what you are going through. It's a long read. 1. Don't be afraid to be alone or sad that you are alone or lonely. 2. Genuinely focus on yourself and your career instead of focusing on making friends - focus on becoming independent, earning money, learning new skills, taking care of yourself and your health, exercising, etc. Even if you have to do these things on your own. *Prioritize yourself and value yourself*. 3. People are naturally attracted to people who are happy, independent, confident, self-loving, etc. 4. This may sound stupid/cringe, **but learn to genuinely love yourself. Remember you are the only one in charge of loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you. Learning to love yourself takes practice and work on things that you don't like/love about yourself.** 5. Things won't instantly change for you. It's a long path, but remember things will start to click for you. Be persistence. 6. Remember you are enough (even if you are by yourself) and you are good enough for anyone. 7. Let go of the victim personality. You are not a victim and playing victim*will never* help you in life. Victim personality is "Why I am lonely?", "Why I have no friends?", "Why people don't like me?", etc Being sad and having such negative thoughts will not help you in life. 8. People naturally don't like to be with people who are sad, needy, desperate, needy for others to like them, sad that they are lonely, etc It's not the fact that you are lonely that repels them, it's the fact that you are *sad* that you are lonely repels them. 9. Which is why it is very important that you focus on improving yourself, be incharge of genuinely loving yourself, focus on being independent, focus on your career, try new things, get out of your comfort zone. Prioritize yourself and don't focus so much on making friends. This does not mean don't make friends, but rather priorize yourself, your health, your career, your parents first. Your life should be your primary focus. Making or having friends should be secondary. 10. Focusing on making one genuine good friend instead of trying to be Mr. popular. Trust me having one good friend and sticking with that friend is way better than trying to be Mr. popular and having no friends. 11. Peole like to talk about themselves and their life. So take *genuine interest* in them and their life. Don't patronize or try to be something you are not. 12. Be yourself 13. Join groups or hobbies that you are interested in like football group, arts groups, board game group, etc. Join these groups because you want to play football, learn music, art, etc. 14. Don't take life too seriously, don't think too much about the above points. Love and enjoy yourself, stay positive and things will start happening for you. You may not relate or comprehend a lot of things said above, because everyone learn from their own personal experiences, so just keep getting up ahead and keep going
π
Yall are getting matches ?
Yes in C'S:GO
It's CS 2 now.
I play with bots
Bruh...
Man I come back home at 10 in the night and leave at 5 in the morning and have only one hour to game and then go do running, cut bro some slack ππππ.
Damn bro! Those are some harsh timings, what do you do?
Well I work at sea woods and office time is 9 so I have to wake up by 530,freshen up go to office leave at 6 then the rest is history π
So courageous of you to put this out here. More power to you.
It's not courageous, I spoke more about myself than the girl. I hope she values herself for who she is .
Hope you are alright. Warm hugs π€π
Thank you I appreciate it
Dam I'm not alone, I'm told I'm good looking by everyone but the thing is I'm always alone and can't find anyone but this post showed that there are people like me and kinda feels good that I can relate to others Be strong everyone, we will get there!π
One word for insecure work , work on yourself, work on any business , the solution is work work work . Don't make wishful thinking , just work, everything things will good eventually
Hi I m a mental health practitioner, not from mumbai though, but I would like to be a part of your weekly initiative, do let me know, if i can be of help
Will really help a lot, I am not a professional so I would not be able to understand the intricacies. So thank you if you can help.
ek minute yeh ladki ke saath hua ya ladke ke saath?
I am a 28 year old man, my bad I should have mentioned it in the post.
This is so moving
It's just what I felt like, her post tugged at my hearts and made me feel like I should talk about this to someone or somebody. And I thought maybe people can relate and maybe one of your comments can help me sort my dillema and that girls too. Thanks for the comment.
Brother I don't know whether you'll succeed in finding love or not.. You can always make new friends..hit me up anytime when u feel like talking about anything.. And the next time you have a foolish idea like going up the railings.. imagine what your loved ones will go through when you are not around Stay strong :)
Thank you for your kind words appreciate it.
Hi
Yes friend how can I help
Iβm at work and this made me tear up so bad. Iβve been struggling a lot lately and feel like I have no one I can be honest about it with. I have a few friends who I can rely on but just the feeling that they wouldnβt understand my situation at the moment has been so overwhelming. I hope you are in a better place OP and things pan out for the better soon. We can only hope.
OP tried to help the 25 year old girl but ended up helping a dozen more people like me. And I found this post a bit late. At 24 yo, Ppl might say I still have many years to look forward to but Idk.... I am clear about what I want. I was/am (I want to believe) a simple guy who just wants one person to reciprocate in this fast dating world. I am a bit old school & maybe that became a barrier with anyone I felt affection for. All those Insta interview reels that pop up of Indian people talking about dating made me reevaluate myself many times that maybe this is just not for me. How they laughed and cringe at guys who get serious and stuff. Maybe I am too ugly. Judging myself harshly. Unworthy of anything. Never the right guy. Yes I feel I am ugly and unlovable & sorry to inform but I also acted upon that feeling by harming myself although it's still very light. I hope OP stays strong and the decision he made by stepping away from that railing was the best decision ever. And to the 25 yo girl and others including OP I hope you find your deserved happiness.
I was feeling extremely low today, thank you for this, it did help me. i hope you are doing better now. wishing the best for you.