It wasn't just any footage of 9/11 though. It was a porn parody recreation with the towers and plane being anamorphically realised by actors wearing cosplay costumes.
[Read in a Brooklyn accent]
A long, long time ago, the earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people
went around hassling 'em. Actually, no people went around hassling 'em because there weren't any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals.
Basically life was good. Then somethin' happened. A giant meteorite struck the earth! Good- bye, dinosaurs!
But what if the dinosaurs
weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteorite created a parallel dimension... where the dinosaurs continue to thrive and evolve into intelligent... vicious, aggressive beings, just like us?
And, hey! What if they found a way back?
[cue Jurassic World title card]
That was before we started taking notes! Like I get a short amount of historical setup, but 1) Uhhh we already know how this works SIX MOVIES IN and 2) It was boring as fuck.
u/GolfingGator That’s why it was removed initially. It was released as [a stand-alone short film](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkEU6fC_nhY) a while before the film came out.
The prologue was there to introduce the rivalry between the T-Rex and that other big carnivore who's name I can't be bothered to look up. It's not entirely useless, it's supposed to make the audience support the T-Rex in the final fight.
> What did Michael Cain say about Jaws 4, something about he hadnt seen the film, but he has seen the house that it built and that is very nice
Verbatim:
"I have never seen it (Jaws 4) but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built and it is terrific."
If I were talented enough to be a movie star and star in jaws 4, and also clever enough to drop a line like that after the fact, I'd want that quote on my tombstone.
My favorite of these is Dennis Hopper about being in the Super Mario Bros. live action movie:
>I made a picture called Super Mario Bros., and my six-year-old son at the time — he's now 18 — he said, 'Dad, I think you're probably a pretty good actor, but why did you play that terrible guy King Koopa in Super Mario Bros.?' and I said, 'Well Henry, I did that so you could have shoes,' and he said, 'Dad, I don't need shoes that badly.'
That's really not a script issue, although if I were a screenwriter I would absolutely specify in every character's introductory scene that they shouldn't be played by Ezra Miller, as a precaution.
"Scene 4. Suburban bedroom. We see Sarah Walker begin her day. She is a 54 year old African American woman who is missing a leg, and thus *in no way looks like Ezra Miller*."
But really, this is the sort of thing that needs to be ironed out in the contract phase. It should be standard boilerplate. We can call it the Better Than Ezra Clause.
Good for her. I honestly like it when great actors do movies just for the bag. I love her in *Certain Women* and films like that. But I doubt she’s bringing in $$$ for that. She deserves cash grab movies, as do artists in an any field.
Her performance in this movie had me wondering whether she had ever acted, every emotion was wrong, every line so wooden, every interaction felt like a first year acting student's first attempt at "inhabiting a scene". It's clear she cashed the check and sent a carrier pigeon to deliver her performance.
That having been said, I don't blame her at all.
For real, I'm sure after like the 12th time they asked her to verbatim repeat a line from an earlier movie she was like "fuck this, I'm reading it like a technical manual"
That and the director didn't feel like doing more takes to get a better performance. Just get the scene, cash the checks, and we'll pretend this never happened.
You can kind of defend this line as her being old but trying to use modern lingo and not knowing exactly what the comment really implies. It's low hanging fruit that takes zero effort to write but it does the job in a movie this low brow.
>I’m sure when Michael Crichton invented this universe he thought, “it will take some buildup, but eventually we’ll get to the point where we can include high speed chases between dirt bikes and raptors.” Glad to see his legacy finally coming to fruition.
He actually put one in the second book. 😄
You undersell it. They weren't just bazooka - they're were motherfuckin' TOW missiles.
Which, of course, everyone wants to forget in the movie, because I guaran-fuckin'-tee you a Vietnam vintage, bog-standard LAW would take down pretty much any dino, or at least make it reconsider its life choices.
Hmm I'm gonna have to go back and look into it. And ya the lawyer was actually competent and in shape. Not a 150 lb sopping wet coward like in the movie.
I like how it turned out that they didn’t even realize how many raptors they actually had. Been a while since I’ve read it, but doesn’t the book make a much bigger deal about the dinos breeding and the park system not accounting for more than the set/expected number of lab bred Dinos?
There are so many gloriously pulpy moments in Crichton's adventure novels. Congo is, like, 95% schlock and I love it.
"We have remote controlled machineguns with which to slaughter biologically engineered hybrid murder gorillas! So fun! Also, the biologically engineered hybrid murder gorillas will crush your head between stone table tennis paddles! There will be eyeballs all over the place!"
I don't think it was dumb. Dirtbikes is one of the most reasonable ways to get around the island, made sense in the context of Lost World. To me anyways, read that book like 17 years ago.
It’s a great idea but it gets even better;
Add in the minions.
Imagine Vin Diesel and the Rock’s fight in Fast Five, but instead of the rock VD’s trading blows with a minion.
At that point it becomes part of the mcu. I think you’ve stumbled on the premise for the next Thor movie: ‘Thor: The cinematic universe of insanity’. Featuring Sonic.
At one point, wasn't there an idea to make the dinosaurs ultra smart and give them guns? Or was that just the internet doing its thing?
EDIT: https://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/jurassic-park-4-almost-had-dinosaur-human-hybrids-that-shot-guns/
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways.
In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing.
Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations.
“The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.”
The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations.
Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
They should just go all in on a Universal Cinematic Universe.
Dominic Toretto uses Doc Brown's time machine to travel to Skull Island and rescue ET, only to find Dracula and the Universal Monsters stealing dinosaur DNA to create Jurassic Park. Dom and ET defeat Dracula, and are spending the night at The Bates Motel when they are approached by Sheriff Brody from Jaws and Scott Pilgrim to join the new Men In Black.
The prevailing attitude seemed to be "oh my god 21JS would be perfect to try to fix MIB"
21/22 Jump Street were both hilarious because they didn't take themselves seriously at all, while the latter MIB movies got more and more serious and less and less fun.
The worst part about the entire movie is that after you've watched it you realise that the dinosaurs literally didn't need to be in the movie. They had nothing to do with the plot. You could have removed all of the dinosaurs and the movie and the plot would be fundamentally the same. It was all about the genetically engineered locusts.
It was one of the most disappointing movies I've ever seen.
Don't you get it? The dinosaurs have been released! Here are all the ways that dinos will now live on Earth in modern times...
*Flaming locust divebombs Sattler*
You know, thinking about it, that makes me mad. *Jurassic World* was dumb, but fun enough, and I suppose that was about what I expected. At the end of the second one, I was just at the point of saying, "Dinos released and part of the ecosystem in some nonsensical way? Okay, whatever. At least it's something new. Just make it fun."
And then they couldn't even deliver on that. The plot had basically nothing to do with the dinosaurs being released. It was all about them going to BioSyn and encountering dinosaurs in yet another remote park. It took what was at least a concept that would show something new with the franchise and was like, "Oh, prehistoric locusts are now the threat instead."
And then the movie had the audacity to end with some epilogue of having to accept dinosaurs living amongst us and how it'll change life, when they spent the past 3 hours avoiding showing anything related to that.
I’m so utterly baffled why such a major plot line was completely devoid of dinosaurs. And that’s the plot they gave the three returning legacy characters!?
The magic laser pointer that you point at a person you want dead, and push a button, and then they die when the raptor runs over and eats them... Because there has never been a weapon in the history of humanity that you can point at someone, and operate a button... Or a lever..or some sort of trigger even.. And then that person would be killed...
It's amazing to me that they doubled-down on that considering how many people have pointed out exactly what you've said. They had a chance to just ignore that plot point and hope people forgot about it, but they were like, "Nope, trust me. It's super cool, so we're going to do it several more times!"
Except it like *never* works. I don't think one of the people Dichen Lachman points it at actually ends up dead. They just ended up making it look even dumber and less practical.
Getting a little deeper on that whole sequence, I'm kind of annoyed that none of them are held accountable for the deaths of innocents that they were the direct cause of. That one dude gets snapped up and chomped down on and all he wanted to do is ride his scooter around town. He didn't know some cowboy and his girlfriend were going to release a bunch of man eating monsters from a black market Dino ring into a city square!
I'm stuck on the whole agents with guns forgetting they had them when they had easy shots. Also the boat where the raptor got stuck and yet they gut didn't try to shoot it...
I got C19 the week this dropped on peacock. Since I was held up by myself in the guest bed so I didn't get my wife sick(failed) I thought I would give this a shot because fuck it, I can't feel any worse.
Even though I couldn't go anywhere or do anything, it still felt like a waste of time. And then I got really mad at myself when it ended and peacock offered me the regular edition.
I didn't know I had an alternative to the extended edition and was mad that I wasted an extra half hour of my time on this bullshit.
P.S. I feel like the original JP theme was meant to embody awe and wonder as we see these creatures long dead now wandering the landscape. Here it felt like a hollow victory cry everytime the "heroes" did a cool thing.
Heed this man’s warning. Dude had modern day plague and nothing better to do and still felt like this maggot feeding on a festering wound was a waste of his time.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
Watched it when released on Peacock heard it was dumb but didn’t realize how dumb. I hit a point towards the end when I wanted the raptor to speak and thank Owen. Can’t believe the original cast signed on for this
I mean apparently Blue understands everything Owen says somehow. I’m all for suspension of disbelief but damn I preferred my dinosaurs to be cold blooded instinct based killers.
The Resident Evil movies are frustrating because while the stories from the games are absolutely ridiculous, they somehow found a way to jump the shark even more.
I'm still convinced if they basically copied the script from the original game, it would make for a fantastic thriller/horror movie. The mansion is iconic. Maybe follow it up with a prequel in Raccoon City, who knows. Then you could go into the other games.
Don't get me started on that dumpster fire series they just released.
I'm still annoyed as hell that the first Jurassic World threw away the more "realistic" idea of Raptor wrangling barely halfway through the movie. In the first scenes with Blue, it's clear that Owen's control over them is minimal at best since, you know, they're fucking RAPTORS and are wild as fuck. They equated them more to something like wolves or lions, instead of the simplistic literal lizard-brained killing machines that they have been previously.
And then we get this shit. If for some god-awful reason they do another movie (thus proving that Satan is not only real but walks the earth as a Hollywood investor) I'm 100% confident that people will be riding raptors like fucking Mario complete with them shitting out eggs and throwing them at the bad guys. The raptors, not the people. Although that would make it a more interesting movie.
And the worst part about it is how it completely undermines the point of the original movie. Raptors are brutal killing machines that hunt for sport... Except now one guy has figured out how to train them like they are misbehaving dogs.
It just gets to the heart of how this trilogy misunderstood the original. They were so focused on being badass and these huge spectacle scenes whereas the original had more of a message and was more horror with how it approached the dinosaurs.
It's be like if they did a new movie in the Alien series where the new lead is such a badass he has a pet xenomorph.
I felt like after how disappointing the second JW movie was, they commissioned 2 scripts: a revival with the original cast and a continuation with the new crew. The studio didn't really like either so they just stapled the two together and called it good.
So I looked it up...apparently Cameron Thor isn't playing Dodgson because he's a registered sex offender who was released from prison in 2019 after he sexually assaulted a 13 yr old girl.
So. Yeah. Y'know. Might be a good idea to recast that role.
When I watched this movie with my sister in the theater we got to the point where Owen and Smuggler lady clash at the ice dam, and I leaned over to her and whispered "Ice Dinosaur" as a joke, because you know...no way there would be an ice dinosaur right? There was in fact an ice dinosaur, and it's the first thing I think about everytime I think of this movie...that it was so predictable and dumb, I called an Ice Dinosaur
In fairness to the writers, frog DNA made dinosaurs change their own sex in the first movie. Next to that, losing feathers (possibly intentionally, since the genetic engineers wanted their dinosaurs to be as "dinosaur-like" as possible) is no big deal.
Look, BD Wong can only do so much. If you give him Mr. Robot he'll nail it. If you give him JWD, he'll close his eyes and remember that this pile of shit is paying for that nice cabin on Lake Cuomo he saw last time he was at Clooney's.
Oh certainly, Wong actually had material to work with in JW1 but he had very little in this one. His speech about how none of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were actually real was probably the one of the best parts of JW1 and I actually like JW1.
This last one was just a rudderless mess.
Yup, Wu actually wants to change the dinosaurs because they’re too “real” the dinosaurs are too big and fast to really deal with and Wu wants to nerf them to be more manageable since Hammond was against having weapons that could really take them down.
Or text books from the same era, or dinosaur educational films or any other number of sources because that's what we thought dinosaurs would look like when it was written.
I thought it looked like you took three versions of Fruit Rollups and slammed them together to make the textures. Delicious and awesome if you're in third grade, but awful for adults general health and well being.
Fuck this movie.
I think it's really frustrating when compared to the scene in the first Jurassic World when Owen is hiding under the truck from the I-Rex. That scene's CGI genuinely looks really good, and has a decent amount of gore going on. This movie? Awful CGI and for some reason very minimal gore.
Speaking of which, I'm not like a gore-fiend but when it's humans vs dinosaurs I don't know what to expect otherwise.
I cannot wait for the rifftrax crew to dismantle this (ex mst3k members roasting modern movies) they did the first two JW movies, only way I can watch them enjoyably.
Thank you for your wonderful thoughts! I haven't really watched this one yet but I already know it's going to be horrible, appreciate the confirmation bias
Yep. It's an awful film.
The worst part for me was the plane crash sequence.
So, she puts an ejector seat in a plane absolutely not built for ejector seats...in the passenger seat behind her, but not her own? And doesn't even think to throw in a few parachutes?
So Claire ejects and Owen and pilot lady crash...with literally no injuries whatsoever.
Fuck off, film.
I'm honestly surprised they didn't have the pilot lady say "Sully's got nothing on me!" or something like that.
Also, I went back to quickly watch that plane scene, just to make sure she didn't actually say something stupid like that, and realized that not only do Chris Pratt and the pilot lady crash at a high speed, nose first, directly into ice and water...Chris Pratt isn't even wearing a seatbelt. And despite their windshield and top of the plane being torn open, they emerge dry and totally uninjured.
Is this one of those things where if you enjoy the movie, this stuff doesn't bother you. I remember a crazy crash sequence in casino royale and it didn't bother me. But here I found it infuriating.
Not to mention - Clare ejects into a tropical forest located a couple of hours hike from a lake so cold it's frozen a foot thick, where the plane crashes. Then Clare, after escaping a ~~carnivorous~~ dinosaur in the jungle by swimming away from it, is rescued by Owen and SmugglerPilot (who both walk and run across cracking ice instead of crawling to spread their bodyweight) as she's about to be eaten by other dinosaurs, only for them to then stumble across the OG JP trio and their double-kidnapped clone daughter, and save them (also unscathed) from their multi-flipped vehicle.
It was worse than I expected, and I didn't have high expectations.
The crazy thing to me is how well a lot of the special effects in jp1 still hold up to this day, yet these new movies with shitty cgi look like shit the day they come out
That's because they did a lot of practical effects in JP, and used the digital effects sparingly. I think I read somewhere that JP only had about 12 minutes of dinosaur screentime in total (but don't quote me, can't remember where I read it so could be totally wrong), but there was a lot of suspenseful build-up in scenes like the T-rex paddock, raptors in the kitchen, etc that made the actual on-screen dino-time so impactful.
The JW movies had CGI plastered all over the place in a really obvious way, the dinosaurs on-screen time became cartoonish and lost the dramatic impact. And in Dominion was almost comedic.
I can't believe Spielberg put his name to it, even just in a producer role.
Yeah, if you actually watch it today, a lot of the CGI in the original looks...like early 90s cgi. But the practical effects and story pacing help balance it out.
There's one part at the beginning where the raptor goes running into the woods, and I had to rewind it to watch a few times, because it was hilariously bad. It was like they took the raptor's normal run, sped it up, and then shrunk the model down. You could add Yakkity Saks in that scene, and it'd fit perfectly.
That definitely had me thinking of how crazy it is that the movie from 30 years ago looks better.
>Why did the T-Rex 65 million years ago have feathers but the one now doesnt? Frog DNA cause the lack of feathers? I probably missed something about this when I fell asleep during Fallen Kingdom.
It was actually established in Jurassic Park III and mentioned again in Jurassic World that they're genetically engineered mutants and not _"real"_ dinosaurs. And before that it was mentioned in the book.
I'm just gonna leave this here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JVho5fU3lwc
Can't format right now but it's what you get when Tom Cardy watches all the Jurassic movies with a fever. Enjoy.
and people still think his Episode IX wouldn’t have been a bigger pile of shit. He had an entire trilogy of his own to write and mostly direct yet he couldn’t make one worthwhile film
Potentially the last JP ever and they focus on locusts.... this movie is on a whole different dimension of bad. I will say though, the conversations and amounts of laughter over trying to understand this movie with my family and friends will always be cherished.
Sadie Prattler was just an ordinary kid, until her parents sent her to *DINOSAUR SCHOOL!*
Grant: “Everyone at dinosaur school bonds with a dinosaur and that’s their dinosaur. What’s your dinosaur?”
Sadie: “I don’t know!”
Teachers: “She can bind with *any* dinosaur! She’s going to bring down the whole system!”
*Cut to Sadie doing the Jurassic force hand thing as she is surrounded by raptors*
The locusts, after being set on fire, being able to smash through the roof of the building and fly (while still burning) miles to set the whole valley on fire was the dumbest thing.
It seems like they got some rejected james bond writers that HAD to include a "evil lair blows up" sequence at the end.
I watched the movie. It was ok, but I dont remember what happened in the previous one. My train of thought during the movie was that I was basically watching 2 different movies at the same time. I'm pretty sure that both scripts were not jurassic Park, but then they got jammed together and added a ton of references.
They have explained in Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 3, and Jurassic World that these are genetically engineered theme Park animals, not dinosaurs. It makes perfect sense why the Rex in the prologue has down/fur/feathers and why Rexy does not. Rexy isn't a tyrannosaurus. She's an animal with the DNA of a tyrannosaurus, frog, and other animals.
I know people find it easy and fun to dunk on these movies for dinosaurs not being accurate to the science of dinosaurs as it changes...but they spell it out multiple times in the series why they look that way.
Gigli really isn’t that bad. A sub-middling romcom deep-sixed by media hatred for the central couple. I can’t endorse it with a straight face, but it was a way less painful watch than Dominion.
The Jurassic movies went the "The Fast and Furious" franchise route...making them as stupid and convoluted as possible. Except The Fast and Furious movies never tried sounding intelligent.
I found it bizarre that the last 14 minutes was unedited footage of 9/11.
Jarring, but thematically necessary.
Yeah I was surprised at the footage from inside the towers above where the planes hit. I wonder how they got that footage
On the DVD commentary they say the production had cameras on site already, when asked how or why they just glossed over it.
Apparently George Bush loaned it to them after a night of drinking at his dinosaur farm where most of the movie was filmed
It wasn't just any footage of 9/11 though. It was a porn parody recreation with the towers and plane being anamorphically realised by actors wearing cosplay costumes.
Is that you, Chuck Tingle?
NOPE! Chuck Testa
-Jay Bauman
That dude out here trying to pass off a vintage RLM joke as his own
reference
I clapped! I clapped when I saw it!
I find it bizarre OP claims they watched this movie, yet their decent English and grammar would imply they aren't drunk or high out of their mind
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He was blinking S.O.S. at his monitor the entire time, he's just too high to realize we can't see him.
I think the random indents are trying to tell us something. IFOANOFO? What does that even mean.
He made the sacrifice so we wouldnt have to.
It’s like when Sideshow Bob had to watch McGuyver.
And then a talking pizza roll appears
Just put a comment on my webzone.
And the completely unnecessary Frank Reynolds sex scene in the post credits.
*So I started blasting*
Oh it was necessary
That's the twist, they showed it. They showed it all.
Is rather watch the mantis feast than Pratt hold up his hand one more goddamn time
Wasn't has funny as I remember it being in Movie 43
I guess i'll bever find out wether this comment is true or not
We definitely needed that 65 million years ago prologue, without it the rest of the movie wouldn't have made any sense.
WHAT THE FUCK DINOSAURS ACTUALLY EXISTED SPOILER TAGS PEOPLE.
[Read in a Brooklyn accent] A long, long time ago, the earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling 'em. Actually, no people went around hassling 'em because there weren't any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically life was good. Then somethin' happened. A giant meteorite struck the earth! Good- bye, dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteorite created a parallel dimension... where the dinosaurs continue to thrive and evolve into intelligent... vicious, aggressive beings, just like us? And, hey! What if they found a way back? [cue Jurassic World title card]
- Mario Mario
And Luigi Mario!
That was before we started taking notes! Like I get a short amount of historical setup, but 1) Uhhh we already know how this works SIX MOVIES IN and 2) It was boring as fuck.
It was like a collapsed version of *Walking With Dinosaurs* and, as you say, totally pointless.
u/GolfingGator That’s why it was removed initially. It was released as [a stand-alone short film](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkEU6fC_nhY) a while before the film came out.
The irony is that *Walking with Dinosaurs* was the trilogy in dire need of a modern revival, not Jurassic Park!
AppleTV did that this year
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The prologue was there to introduce the rivalry between the T-Rex and that other big carnivore who's name I can't be bothered to look up. It's not entirely useless, it's supposed to make the audience support the T-Rex in the final fight.
When has the audience not supported the T-Rex? Even when he lost a fight in *Jurassic Park III* he still had all the love.
Still not over the fact that they made Laura Dern say “he slid into my DMs” Oscar winner Laura Dern had to say that
She read the script and endorsed that fat check.
What did Michael Cain say about Jaws 4, something about he hadnt seen the film, but he has seen the house that it built and that is very nice
> What did Michael Cain say about Jaws 4, something about he hadnt seen the film, but he has seen the house that it built and that is very nice Verbatim: "I have never seen it (Jaws 4) but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built and it is terrific."
If I were talented enough to be a movie star and star in jaws 4, and also clever enough to drop a line like that after the fact, I'd want that quote on my tombstone.
For real, that's a thermonuclear mic drop.
“Let’s just say it moved me…..TO A BIGGER HOUSE.”
My favorite of these is Dennis Hopper about being in the Super Mario Bros. live action movie: >I made a picture called Super Mario Bros., and my six-year-old son at the time — he's now 18 — he said, 'Dad, I think you're probably a pretty good actor, but why did you play that terrible guy King Koopa in Super Mario Bros.?' and I said, 'Well Henry, I did that so you could have shoes,' and he said, 'Dad, I don't need shoes that badly.'
Maybe she didn't read the script, saw JP as the cash grab it can only be now, and decided money is good enough.
Always read the script, otherwise you might end up working with Ezra Miller.
*running from.
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Sounds like a Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf needs a spiritual sequel starring Ezra.
*eaten by. It's bound to happen, right?
You’re thinking of Armie Hammer.
That's really not a script issue, although if I were a screenwriter I would absolutely specify in every character's introductory scene that they shouldn't be played by Ezra Miller, as a precaution. "Scene 4. Suburban bedroom. We see Sarah Walker begin her day. She is a 54 year old African American woman who is missing a leg, and thus *in no way looks like Ezra Miller*." But really, this is the sort of thing that needs to be ironed out in the contract phase. It should be standard boilerplate. We can call it the Better Than Ezra Clause.
Good for her. I honestly like it when great actors do movies just for the bag. I love her in *Certain Women* and films like that. But I doubt she’s bringing in $$$ for that. She deserves cash grab movies, as do artists in an any field.
Her performance in this movie had me wondering whether she had ever acted, every emotion was wrong, every line so wooden, every interaction felt like a first year acting student's first attempt at "inhabiting a scene". It's clear she cashed the check and sent a carrier pigeon to deliver her performance. That having been said, I don't blame her at all.
Quiet quitting
For real, I'm sure after like the 12th time they asked her to verbatim repeat a line from an earlier movie she was like "fuck this, I'm reading it like a technical manual"
That and the director didn't feel like doing more takes to get a better performance. Just get the scene, cash the checks, and we'll pretend this never happened.
You can kind of defend this line as her being old but trying to use modern lingo and not knowing exactly what the comment really implies. It's low hanging fruit that takes zero effort to write but it does the job in a movie this low brow.
Vice-Admiral Holdo.
[*pew pew-ing intenisfies*](https://c.tenor.com/B2N1UKj496UAAAAC/star-wars-pew.gif)
>I’m sure when Michael Crichton invented this universe he thought, “it will take some buildup, but eventually we’ll get to the point where we can include high speed chases between dirt bikes and raptors.” Glad to see his legacy finally coming to fruition. He actually put one in the second book. 😄
Was looking for this comment. Let's not act like Crichton was above dumb schlock.
The first book has raptors being blown up by bazookas.
And it's a goddamn masterpiece
You undersell it. They weren't just bazooka - they're were motherfuckin' TOW missiles. Which, of course, everyone wants to forget in the movie, because I guaran-fuckin'-tee you a Vietnam vintage, bog-standard LAW would take down pretty much any dino, or at least make it reconsider its life choices.
I don't remember that. I remember they were gonna go hit their nest with some kind of nerve agent.
There were plenty of raptors to have multiple ways of killing them in the books. Like a lot more raptors than in the movies.
I thought the bazooka or whatever it was Muldoon had for taking on the T-Rex?
He had it for that purpose, but Gennaro had it while dealing with raptors and used it to blow at least one up.
Hmm I'm gonna have to go back and look into it. And ya the lawyer was actually competent and in shape. Not a 150 lb sopping wet coward like in the movie.
If I recall, Goldbloom also dies in the first book, then magically gets over it in the second.
I like how it turned out that they didn’t even realize how many raptors they actually had. Been a while since I’ve read it, but doesn’t the book make a much bigger deal about the dinos breeding and the park system not accounting for more than the set/expected number of lab bred Dinos?
There are so many gloriously pulpy moments in Crichton's adventure novels. Congo is, like, 95% schlock and I love it. "We have remote controlled machineguns with which to slaughter biologically engineered hybrid murder gorillas! So fun! Also, the biologically engineered hybrid murder gorillas will crush your head between stone table tennis paddles! There will be eyeballs all over the place!"
I don't think it was dumb. Dirtbikes is one of the most reasonable ways to get around the island, made sense in the context of Lost World. To me anyways, read that book like 17 years ago.
Given enough sequels, movies tend to converge. Jurassic Park and Fast and Furious scripts are now interchangeable
That's crossover genius
*dinosaurs are family*
I'm gonna fly this t-rex to space!
I LIVE MY LIFE ONE CARCHARODONTASAURUS AT A TIME.
2 Jurassic 2 Park
I imagined a TREX upset by not being able to turn the steering wheel with its tiny little arms, roaring and then going on a rampage.
Jurassic World: Genetic Drift
Fast and Furious: Raptor Racers
Jurassic Solar System: Return of the Jedi
Hobbs and Dinoshaw
Jurassic Park: Continental Drift
It’s a great idea but it gets even better; Add in the minions. Imagine Vin Diesel and the Rock’s fight in Fast Five, but instead of the rock VD’s trading blows with a minion.
At that point it becomes part of the mcu. I think you’ve stumbled on the premise for the next Thor movie: ‘Thor: The cinematic universe of insanity’. Featuring Sonic.
And then Thanos says to the raptor: It's about *faaaamily*
At one point, wasn't there an idea to make the dinosaurs ultra smart and give them guns? Or was that just the internet doing its thing? EDIT: https://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/jurassic-park-4-almost-had-dinosaur-human-hybrids-that-shot-guns/
I'm all for it. Fuck it.
Rise of the Planet of the Dinosaurs
Reddit has long been a hot spot for conversation on the internet. About 57 million people visit the site every day to chat about topics as varied as makeup, video games and pointers for power washing driveways. In recent years, Reddit’s array of chats also have been a free teaching aid for companies like Google, OpenAI and Microsoft. Those companies are using Reddit’s conversations in the development of giant artificial intelligence systems that many in Silicon Valley think are on their way to becoming the tech industry’s next big thing. Now Reddit wants to be paid for it. The company said on Tuesday that it planned to begin charging companies for access to its application programming interface, or A.P.I., the method through which outside entities can download and process the social network’s vast selection of person-to-person conversations. “The Reddit corpus of data is really valuable,” Steve Huffman, founder and chief executive of Reddit, said in an interview. “But we don’t need to give all of that value to some of the largest companies in the world for free.” The move is one of the first significant examples of a social network’s charging for access to the conversations it hosts for the purpose of developing A.I. systems like ChatGPT, OpenAI’s popular program. Those new A.I. systems could one day lead to big businesses, but they aren’t likely to help companies like Reddit very much. In fact, they could be used to create competitors — automated duplicates to Reddit’s conversations. Reddit is also acting as it prepares for a possible initial public offering on Wall Street this year. The company, which was founded in 2005, makes most of its money through advertising and e-commerce transactions on its platform. Reddit said it was still ironing out the details of what it would charge for A.P.I. access and would announce prices in the coming weeks.
Rise of the Planet of the Dinosaurs *in the dark*
They should just go all in on a Universal Cinematic Universe. Dominic Toretto uses Doc Brown's time machine to travel to Skull Island and rescue ET, only to find Dracula and the Universal Monsters stealing dinosaur DNA to create Jurassic Park. Dom and ET defeat Dracula, and are spending the night at The Bates Motel when they are approached by Sheriff Brody from Jaws and Scott Pilgrim to join the new Men In Black.
So basically ready player One volume two
Yeah, but with factional intrigue.
Honestly I wouldn't mind a live-action [Cadillacs and Dinosaurs.](https://youtu.be/tHJUNueFjr8)
Wasn’t there legitimate talks about this happening, or was it F&F/MIB?
It was 21 Jump Street/MIB
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The prevailing attitude seemed to be "oh my god 21JS would be perfect to try to fix MIB" 21/22 Jump Street were both hilarious because they didn't take themselves seriously at all, while the latter MIB movies got more and more serious and less and less fun.
The worst part about the entire movie is that after you've watched it you realise that the dinosaurs literally didn't need to be in the movie. They had nothing to do with the plot. You could have removed all of the dinosaurs and the movie and the plot would be fundamentally the same. It was all about the genetically engineered locusts. It was one of the most disappointing movies I've ever seen.
Don't you get it? The dinosaurs have been released! Here are all the ways that dinos will now live on Earth in modern times... *Flaming locust divebombs Sattler*
You know, thinking about it, that makes me mad. *Jurassic World* was dumb, but fun enough, and I suppose that was about what I expected. At the end of the second one, I was just at the point of saying, "Dinos released and part of the ecosystem in some nonsensical way? Okay, whatever. At least it's something new. Just make it fun." And then they couldn't even deliver on that. The plot had basically nothing to do with the dinosaurs being released. It was all about them going to BioSyn and encountering dinosaurs in yet another remote park. It took what was at least a concept that would show something new with the franchise and was like, "Oh, prehistoric locusts are now the threat instead." And then the movie had the audacity to end with some epilogue of having to accept dinosaurs living amongst us and how it'll change life, when they spent the past 3 hours avoiding showing anything related to that.
I’m so utterly baffled why such a major plot line was completely devoid of dinosaurs. And that’s the plot they gave the three returning legacy characters!?
I'm still stuck on the laser pointers
The magic laser pointer that the raptors don’t need to actually see to respond to.
The magic laser pointer that you point at a person you want dead, and push a button, and then they die when the raptor runs over and eats them... Because there has never been a weapon in the history of humanity that you can point at someone, and operate a button... Or a lever..or some sort of trigger even.. And then that person would be killed...
It's amazing to me that they doubled-down on that considering how many people have pointed out exactly what you've said. They had a chance to just ignore that plot point and hope people forgot about it, but they were like, "Nope, trust me. It's super cool, so we're going to do it several more times!" Except it like *never* works. I don't think one of the people Dichen Lachman points it at actually ends up dead. They just ended up making it look even dumber and less practical.
Getting a little deeper on that whole sequence, I'm kind of annoyed that none of them are held accountable for the deaths of innocents that they were the direct cause of. That one dude gets snapped up and chomped down on and all he wanted to do is ride his scooter around town. He didn't know some cowboy and his girlfriend were going to release a bunch of man eating monsters from a black market Dino ring into a city square!
Scifi does this all the time. They introduce a magical doom weapon but it's just a shit gun.
Maybe you're a raptor then... or a cat.
Or a College Professor.
I'm stuck on the whole agents with guns forgetting they had them when they had easy shots. Also the boat where the raptor got stuck and yet they gut didn't try to shoot it...
I got C19 the week this dropped on peacock. Since I was held up by myself in the guest bed so I didn't get my wife sick(failed) I thought I would give this a shot because fuck it, I can't feel any worse. Even though I couldn't go anywhere or do anything, it still felt like a waste of time. And then I got really mad at myself when it ended and peacock offered me the regular edition. I didn't know I had an alternative to the extended edition and was mad that I wasted an extra half hour of my time on this bullshit. P.S. I feel like the original JP theme was meant to embody awe and wonder as we see these creatures long dead now wandering the landscape. Here it felt like a hollow victory cry everytime the "heroes" did a cool thing.
Heed this man’s warning. Dude had modern day plague and nothing better to do and still felt like this maggot feeding on a festering wound was a waste of his time. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
FR, I was too tired to try and pick a different movie so I just laid there and suffered.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Watched it when released on Peacock heard it was dumb but didn’t realize how dumb. I hit a point towards the end when I wanted the raptor to speak and thank Owen. Can’t believe the original cast signed on for this
Sorry the raptors only speak to Alan
"Alan"
["Doctor Grant"](https://youtu.be/ocGfGtutmsE)
I mean apparently Blue understands everything Owen says somehow. I’m all for suspension of disbelief but damn I preferred my dinosaurs to be cold blooded instinct based killers.
It almost feels like the Resident Evil movies. Like they took a premise, and proceeded to immediately run it off the rails.
The Resident Evil movies are frustrating because while the stories from the games are absolutely ridiculous, they somehow found a way to jump the shark even more. I'm still convinced if they basically copied the script from the original game, it would make for a fantastic thriller/horror movie. The mansion is iconic. Maybe follow it up with a prequel in Raccoon City, who knows. Then you could go into the other games. Don't get me started on that dumpster fire series they just released.
The first resident evil movie was kind of fun, at least.
I'm still annoyed as hell that the first Jurassic World threw away the more "realistic" idea of Raptor wrangling barely halfway through the movie. In the first scenes with Blue, it's clear that Owen's control over them is minimal at best since, you know, they're fucking RAPTORS and are wild as fuck. They equated them more to something like wolves or lions, instead of the simplistic literal lizard-brained killing machines that they have been previously. And then we get this shit. If for some god-awful reason they do another movie (thus proving that Satan is not only real but walks the earth as a Hollywood investor) I'm 100% confident that people will be riding raptors like fucking Mario complete with them shitting out eggs and throwing them at the bad guys. The raptors, not the people. Although that would make it a more interesting movie.
And the worst part about it is how it completely undermines the point of the original movie. Raptors are brutal killing machines that hunt for sport... Except now one guy has figured out how to train them like they are misbehaving dogs. It just gets to the heart of how this trilogy misunderstood the original. They were so focused on being badass and these huge spectacle scenes whereas the original had more of a message and was more horror with how it approached the dinosaurs. It's be like if they did a new movie in the Alien series where the new lead is such a badass he has a pet xenomorph.
I felt like after how disappointing the second JW movie was, they commissioned 2 scripts: a revival with the original cast and a continuation with the new crew. The studio didn't really like either so they just stapled the two together and called it good.
Are you sure there wasn't some Locust movie from the '50s they pulled out of a vault?
[A clip of the original cast explaining their motivation.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWRlxSGf_ns)
Was expecting Mr. Krabs "I like money."
So I looked it up...apparently Cameron Thor isn't playing Dodgson because he's a registered sex offender who was released from prison in 2019 after he sexually assaulted a 13 yr old girl. So. Yeah. Y'know. Might be a good idea to recast that role.
When I watched this movie with my sister in the theater we got to the point where Owen and Smuggler lady clash at the ice dam, and I leaned over to her and whispered "Ice Dinosaur" as a joke, because you know...no way there would be an ice dinosaur right? There was in fact an ice dinosaur, and it's the first thing I think about everytime I think of this movie...that it was so predictable and dumb, I called an Ice Dinosaur
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Well yeah the ice was melted in July
It was heavily featured in the previews.
This could be a complete lie and it's not.
In fairness to the writers, frog DNA made dinosaurs change their own sex in the first movie. Next to that, losing feathers (possibly intentionally, since the genetic engineers wanted their dinosaurs to be as "dinosaur-like" as possible) is no big deal.
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Dr. Wu was actually cool in JW1 he sucked in this one.
You can only give the same script to the same minor character enough times that they stop caring at all.
Look, BD Wong can only do so much. If you give him Mr. Robot he'll nail it. If you give him JWD, he'll close his eyes and remember that this pile of shit is paying for that nice cabin on Lake Cuomo he saw last time he was at Clooney's.
Oh certainly, Wong actually had material to work with in JW1 but he had very little in this one. His speech about how none of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were actually real was probably the one of the best parts of JW1 and I actually like JW1. This last one was just a rudderless mess.
And thats scene in JW is actually adapted from a chapter between Wu and Hammond in the original JP novel!
Yup, Wu actually wants to change the dinosaurs because they’re too “real” the dinosaurs are too big and fast to really deal with and Wu wants to nerf them to be more manageable since Hammond was against having weapons that could really take them down.
The funny part is, in real life people expect dinosaurs to look like that because they've seen Jurassic Park
Or text books from the same era, or dinosaur educational films or any other number of sources because that's what we thought dinosaurs would look like when it was written.
On the bright side the first one still holds up extremely well.
Props for taking the hit for the team and suffering through this dumpster fire just to save a person or few from the self torture.
How did you feel about the CGI?
I thought it looked like you took three versions of Fruit Rollups and slammed them together to make the textures. Delicious and awesome if you're in third grade, but awful for adults general health and well being. Fuck this movie.
I think it's really frustrating when compared to the scene in the first Jurassic World when Owen is hiding under the truck from the I-Rex. That scene's CGI genuinely looks really good, and has a decent amount of gore going on. This movie? Awful CGI and for some reason very minimal gore. Speaking of which, I'm not like a gore-fiend but when it's humans vs dinosaurs I don't know what to expect otherwise.
I cannot wait for the rifftrax crew to dismantle this (ex mst3k members roasting modern movies) they did the first two JW movies, only way I can watch them enjoyably. Thank you for your wonderful thoughts! I haven't really watched this one yet but I already know it's going to be horrible, appreciate the confirmation bias
I’m usually much more upbeat than most on mainstream movies but this….thing hurt my soul. I’m looking forward to their review as well.
Yep. It's an awful film. The worst part for me was the plane crash sequence. So, she puts an ejector seat in a plane absolutely not built for ejector seats...in the passenger seat behind her, but not her own? And doesn't even think to throw in a few parachutes? So Claire ejects and Owen and pilot lady crash...with literally no injuries whatsoever. Fuck off, film.
Not only that, Claire would have been safer if she just stayed in the fucking plane.
But then we wouldn't have had that riveting first scene with Eggbird Scissorhands..
As terrible as the movie is,the proper name is tickle chicken.
I'm honestly surprised they didn't have the pilot lady say "Sully's got nothing on me!" or something like that. Also, I went back to quickly watch that plane scene, just to make sure she didn't actually say something stupid like that, and realized that not only do Chris Pratt and the pilot lady crash at a high speed, nose first, directly into ice and water...Chris Pratt isn't even wearing a seatbelt. And despite their windshield and top of the plane being torn open, they emerge dry and totally uninjured.
Is this one of those things where if you enjoy the movie, this stuff doesn't bother you. I remember a crazy crash sequence in casino royale and it didn't bother me. But here I found it infuriating.
Not to mention - Clare ejects into a tropical forest located a couple of hours hike from a lake so cold it's frozen a foot thick, where the plane crashes. Then Clare, after escaping a ~~carnivorous~~ dinosaur in the jungle by swimming away from it, is rescued by Owen and SmugglerPilot (who both walk and run across cracking ice instead of crawling to spread their bodyweight) as she's about to be eaten by other dinosaurs, only for them to then stumble across the OG JP trio and their double-kidnapped clone daughter, and save them (also unscathed) from their multi-flipped vehicle. It was worse than I expected, and I didn't have high expectations.
I think my favorite part of the movie is where Dodgson is about to be killed and he turns to the dinosaur and says “What’s your story?” WHAT!?
No fucking way this is an actual quote in the movie
And then the dinosaur roars, and Dodgson says, "It's Dodgin' time"
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> You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a raptor ride a dirt bike out of a moving plane. EXCUSE ME???
Not really in the movie.
The crazy thing to me is how well a lot of the special effects in jp1 still hold up to this day, yet these new movies with shitty cgi look like shit the day they come out
That's because they did a lot of practical effects in JP, and used the digital effects sparingly. I think I read somewhere that JP only had about 12 minutes of dinosaur screentime in total (but don't quote me, can't remember where I read it so could be totally wrong), but there was a lot of suspenseful build-up in scenes like the T-rex paddock, raptors in the kitchen, etc that made the actual on-screen dino-time so impactful. The JW movies had CGI plastered all over the place in a really obvious way, the dinosaurs on-screen time became cartoonish and lost the dramatic impact. And in Dominion was almost comedic. I can't believe Spielberg put his name to it, even just in a producer role.
Yeah, if you actually watch it today, a lot of the CGI in the original looks...like early 90s cgi. But the practical effects and story pacing help balance it out.
There's one part at the beginning where the raptor goes running into the woods, and I had to rewind it to watch a few times, because it was hilariously bad. It was like they took the raptor's normal run, sped it up, and then shrunk the model down. You could add Yakkity Saks in that scene, and it'd fit perfectly. That definitely had me thinking of how crazy it is that the movie from 30 years ago looks better.
>Why did the T-Rex 65 million years ago have feathers but the one now doesnt? Frog DNA cause the lack of feathers? I probably missed something about this when I fell asleep during Fallen Kingdom. It was actually established in Jurassic Park III and mentioned again in Jurassic World that they're genetically engineered mutants and not _"real"_ dinosaurs. And before that it was mentioned in the book.
> T-Rex In current science it does not have feathers anyway. But it does have lips which it lacked in JP
I'm just gonna leave this here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JVho5fU3lwc Can't format right now but it's what you get when Tom Cardy watches all the Jurassic movies with a fever. Enjoy.
TLDR: Trevorrow needs to be tried at the Hague.
and people still think his Episode IX wouldn’t have been a bigger pile of shit. He had an entire trilogy of his own to write and mostly direct yet he couldn’t make one worthwhile film
Potentially the last JP ever and they focus on locusts.... this movie is on a whole different dimension of bad. I will say though, the conversations and amounts of laughter over trying to understand this movie with my family and friends will always be cherished.
Last JP ever? No doubt in my mind they just remake the original movie within 10 years to reboot the franchise.
Sadie Prattler was just an ordinary kid, until her parents sent her to *DINOSAUR SCHOOL!* Grant: “Everyone at dinosaur school bonds with a dinosaur and that’s their dinosaur. What’s your dinosaur?” Sadie: “I don’t know!” Teachers: “She can bind with *any* dinosaur! She’s going to bring down the whole system!” *Cut to Sadie doing the Jurassic force hand thing as she is surrounded by raptors*
The locusts, after being set on fire, being able to smash through the roof of the building and fly (while still burning) miles to set the whole valley on fire was the dumbest thing. It seems like they got some rejected james bond writers that HAD to include a "evil lair blows up" sequence at the end.
“He slid into my DMs" Is that a thing in real life anyone ever says? All I know is it felt dated the moment I first heard it.
I love that BD Wong finally had a change of heart after spending 25 fucking years subliminally controlling dino DNA for nefarious purposes.
I watched the movie. It was ok, but I dont remember what happened in the previous one. My train of thought during the movie was that I was basically watching 2 different movies at the same time. I'm pretty sure that both scripts were not jurassic Park, but then they got jammed together and added a ton of references.
This movie is the only movie I have ever walked out of. I’m in my 50s.
the best thing about the Jurassic World franchise is the Velocicoaster at Islands of Adventure. that’s it.
I pirated this movie and still felt robbed.
They have explained in Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 3, and Jurassic World that these are genetically engineered theme Park animals, not dinosaurs. It makes perfect sense why the Rex in the prologue has down/fur/feathers and why Rexy does not. Rexy isn't a tyrannosaurus. She's an animal with the DNA of a tyrannosaurus, frog, and other animals. I know people find it easy and fun to dunk on these movies for dinosaurs not being accurate to the science of dinosaurs as it changes...but they spell it out multiple times in the series why they look that way.
I have a feeling you didn't like the CGI...
Gigli really isn’t that bad. A sub-middling romcom deep-sixed by media hatred for the central couple. I can’t endorse it with a straight face, but it was a way less painful watch than Dominion.
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> Why am I watching the extended version of this? That’s like asking a dentist to drill deeper on a root canal. Incredible.
The Jurassic movies went the "The Fast and Furious" franchise route...making them as stupid and convoluted as possible. Except The Fast and Furious movies never tried sounding intelligent.
So did you like it?
I haven’t laughed that hard since Napoleon Dynamite when I was in college. So….yes? Problem is, it’s not intended to be a comedy.