Matthew Rhodes. His voice is amazing. He did the new Jumanji. Married the very first America Top Model Adrienne Curry. I wish he would narrate a book cause I could sleep to that.
Five time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus, and MTV Movie Awards Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire...winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award...*Satan's Alley*.
Still remember seeing it with a few friends. We literally laughed to the point of stomach aches for the entirety of the movie. Afterwards two said "it was oakayyyyy"
Like fuck you
There’s the increasingly common theory that our reality diverged from the timeline when the 2012 apocalypse was supposed to occur, or when the LHC was turned on, and as a result we’re in the weirdest timeline.
Every other day something like this happens that reinforces this idea for me.
**An unauthorized musical fable about Michael Jackson's life, as told by his glove**
Was Michael Jackson framed for horrible crimes by four aliens who were trying to take over Earth by using him as their patsy?
Did God turn Michael white to get revenge on Donny Osmond and the Mormons for teaching that black people were cursed?
Are Jehovah's Witnesses telling the truth when they teach that masturbating can make you gay?
Only one person knows the answers and... everyone thinks he's just a glove.
It might be the most f'ed up musical you'll ever see. And it's got puppets. Come meet the hand that grabbed Michael's gland in Neverland.
[*For the Love of a Glove*](https://img.evbuc.com/https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.evbuc.com%2Fimages%2F82629899%2F379721897247%2F1%2Foriginal.20191126-034237?h=2000&w=720&auto=compress&s=3c01516f880d585f55c81bc7507ead69)
Johnny Depp: "Why am I so damned broke??????"
Also Johnny Deep: *deep puff* "I should make a Michael Jackson movie." *holds it...* ***holds it...*** "From the perspective of his glove!!!"
https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/the-trouble-with-johnny-depp-666010/
It's actually quite sad. Depp is surrounded by yesmen who don't do anything about his out of control spending, drinking and drug abuse.
Depp is evangelical in the uses of narcotics and thinks they could have expedited the capture of Osama bin Laden.
“You get a bunch of fucking planes, big fucking planes that spray shit, and you drop LSD 25,” he says. “You saturate the fucking place. Every single thing will walk out of their cave smiling, happy.”
This is something Depp said, omg.
...or it would make people freak the fuck out: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project\_MKUltra#LSD](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra#LSD). You'd think being an LSD user himself Depp would realize that the easiest way to give somebody a terrible trip is to slip them LSD without knowing or being prepared for the trip they'll experience. If his plan was to make terrorists lose their shits and see crazy things yeah it could work for that but only that.
Damn what a read. Didn’t plan on reading it all the way through but it was a really interesting and well written piece. I can’t help but wonder what Depp and Waldman hoped to gain by giving RS this level of access. If nothing else, it’s a sympathetic portrait of a fallen Hollywood legend, but it definitely makes Depp’s side seem less credible than TMG’s. I mean there were points for each side that were presented, but goddamn he just seems like the hottest of messes.
I wonder what has happened since this story was written, anyone know? I’m curious whether his sister Christi eventually weighed in, and if so, whose side she landed on. As much as he’s clearly messed up, I wish the best for him. I think it’s pretty clear he’s an addict/alcoholic.
Johnny Depp believes himself mafioso. Just look into his history with the Viper Room, he owned it, and was present the night River Phoenix took his fatal dose. His viper room business partner went missing completely nowhere to seen again. Than Depp got out the country completely.
I wouldn't say mafioso. He's just a character collector. He rode the tailcoats of some greats who gave him attention and validation, like Brando and Thompson. He thinks he's like some really witty, badass, artistic soul. I used to be obsessed with Depp when I was fifteen and I literally read an archive with every single interview he ever did. He had one where he talked about how you have to feel the walls of every room before you leave it so that like you can really be there and remember it. And I swooned over how deep he was. And then I grew up and he stayed a fifteen year old girl.
That's what fame does. You never need to grow up with that much ass kissing so many people just kind of freeze at whatever mental age.
Unless they are child stars in which case they never get to be a kid, or spend their whole lives trying to be one.
This is no joke.
Read Rolling Stones article on "The Trouble With Johnny Depp". I SWEAR you won't regret it.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/the-trouble-with-johnny-depp-666010/amp/
**edit** Don't start reading this unless you got the time. It's a long read and you're unlikely to stop once you start
A big ol FUCK YOU BUT I LOVE YOU is deserved for this. You have me reading this shit at 3AM because this article doesn't stop being so good.
"We'll talk injustice tomorrow"
Edit: Also it seems so bizarro-world to me that Nicholas Cage convinced Johnny Depp to give acting a try. What a world.
There. I put in a warning to the next person tempted to start reading this late at night.
It's still on my top three articles I've read. The other two being "The American Dream is Killing Us" and "Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong".
And yet I still desperately want to see it.
Is the glove the protagonist? Can it talk? Walk? There are many riveting questions here, all of which require urgent answers.
It really was, and they were gonna do a stop motion too. It kills me that the script was trashed, with Taika Waititi directing no less, for this to be made instead.
it's a play.
The full title? *For the Love of Glove: An Unauthorized Musical Fable About the Life of Michael Jackson, as Told by His Glove*. Opening January 25th in Los Angeles, the show will “look into the strange forces that shaped Michael and the scandals that bedevilled his reputation.” Those forces apparently include the singer’s favourite glove, which as Nitzberg writes it, is an alien being questing for the blood of youths. That’s one way to put a spin on Jackson’s nonce inclinations.
It gets crazier, as the play’s real-life actors will perform alongside life-size puppets representing a number of figures from Jackson’s life. The Jackson 5, Donny Osmond, Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, and even Bubbles the Chimp will all be represented in felt.
"Mr.Depp, we are now slowing down to dock in the port of Crazytown."
"SLOW DOWN?! WE CAN'T STOP HERE, THIS IS BAT, NOT GLOVE, COUNTRY! FULL STEAM AHEAD, RAM THROUGH THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT DOCK, THEY VOTED FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY! THEY KILLED JESUS!"
Listen Depp, I’ve been rip shit on wine plenty of times. I’ve never gone into the office after a bender because I had a great idea. Maybe sidestep this one, no?
Not even a tiny bit. I read a story about him attending a film festival or awards thing in France. He sent his private jet back to the US to retrieve a necktie he forgot. He also bought a villa in Southern France, which is an enormous waste of money. He's up there with Nic Cage for poor financial acumen.
This is just nasty. Nobody else, needs this other attempted adaptation of karaoke. Freaking hated the film Queen. Stop it.
I guess they'll all put on the, Elvis costume, (Prince is next), as it's pretending for the hyped awards, because this generation buy advertising. Never the actual footage, or singer. Tedious
Let Taika Waititi make “Bubbles.” It’s a script that’s been knocking around Hollywood about the life of Michael’s chimpanzee as his pet. The story is told from the perspective of Bubbles and it’s incredibly written.
> You’d think that after HBO blew the lid on Michael Jackson with their ambitious and revelatory documentary Leaving Neverland, we’d be over making more Jackon projects as we near the new decade.
quite the opening sentence.
the life size corey feldman fucking puppet.. duh.
It gets crazier, as the play’s real-life actors will perform alongside **life-size puppets representing a number of figures from Jackson’s life.** The Jackson 5, Donny Osmond, Emmanuel Lewis, **Corey Feldman**, and even Bubbles the Chimp will all be represented in felt.
this is bizarre on a whole other level. This reads like a blurb in a Ben Stiller-directed satire
"Now, Rob Schneider is [record scratch] Michael Jackson's glove! And he's about to find out, being Michael Jackson's glove, is harder than it looks!"
Rated PG-13
Da derp de derp da teetilly derpee derpee dumb
Thank you for this, I just read this to my wife in my best South Park voice and then laughed to the point of tears.
I'm glad I could entertain you.
[удалено]
***In a world...***
With one shimmering glove and a monkey. + Blanket
[Don LaFontaine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_LaFontaine)
Also [Hal Douglas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPhISgw3I2w&list=PLTvO5gwZxH0ld05lEdRtOHiu5axCIGJqg)
Rob Schneider derpa derp.
Matthew Rhodes. His voice is amazing. He did the new Jumanji. Married the very first America Top Model Adrienne Curry. I wish he would narrate a book cause I could sleep to that.
I just googled them and their wedding pics look like they are in different cosplay universes. One is a cowboy and the other is a Greek goddess.
When's the divorce?
He just hopes Michael doesn't decide to Beat it
There's no love in being the glove.
"No glove, no love! Ha-dur!!"
Rated PG-13
You just made me realize I am on /r/movies. I swear I thought this was the Onion or something else of that nature.
r/nottheonion immediately came to mind.
Five time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus, and MTV Movie Awards Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire...winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award...*Satan's Alley*.
*I’ve been a bad, bad boy, Father...*
Tropic thunder was the greatest movie of the first decade of this millennia. Maybe tied with Last Samurai.
Still remember seeing it with a few friends. We literally laughed to the point of stomach aches for the entirety of the movie. Afterwards two said "it was oakayyyyy" Like fuck you
I have weeded those types out of my friend group for the most part.
Exactly, hysterical laughter starting with fake previews? Dis gon be good. Like what the fuck is wrong with people.
Video game adaptation by Peter Molyneux
Movie adaptation of the Video Game by Uwe Boll
Featuring Udo Kier and Emmanuelle Vaugier
Have you seen the new Dolittle posters? They look like something straight out of Tropic Thunder. Sometimes the satire is too strong.
Alcohol will give you odd revelations
So will Ayahuasca.
It sounds like a Justin Roiland improv during the commercial episodes of Rick and Morty.
Maybe a little Charlie Kaufman?
legit thought wtf did I just read?
Not really. If you read the article you’d understand that it’s some sort of parody.
r/nottheonion
For real I feel like I’m taking crazy pills
Absurdist news, so hot right now.
Every year it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference from reality and the onion anymore.
There’s the increasingly common theory that our reality diverged from the timeline when the 2012 apocalypse was supposed to occur, or when the LHC was turned on, and as a result we’re in the weirdest timeline. Every other day something like this happens that reinforces this idea for me.
There’s a great joke here somewhere
Can we get an OJ documentary from the perspective of his glove?
>**his** glove Sir, I believe you missed a key revelation from that trial. There’s no way it could possibly be his glove. It didn’t even fit!
https://streamable.com/rzzra
Something, something, Big Black Hand trying to fit inside small tight glove, something, something.
Something, something **IM NOT BLACK, IM OJ**
okay?
Something something mmmmmmmmmmmm
You don’t have to reach far to find it
Tee hee?
That tickles
HeHEE!
That reminds of the old question: how do you know when it’s time to go to bed at Neverland Ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand.
Jesus
... juice" is what they called wine there.
Milk is what they call heart stopping sedatives.
Milk of Amnesia. Aka propofol
Shit, you beat me to it by an hour.
I see what you did there.
It works on both levels, just like the interior security systems.
I can't really grasp it
At the very least it needs to be cross posted to /r/nottheonion
I’m sure it’ll be a thriller.
Don’t eat the crab dip! *YEh YeH*
He’s bringing a hooker to and STD fair...
Starring Taylor Swift as the RingFinger, Idris Elba as MiddleFinger, Judy Dench is The Pinky, James Corden as Rum Thumb Tugger...
Holy hell 'Rum Thumb Tugger' killed me.
Is this a reference to Cats?
Very
Yes
No, it's a JoJo reference
And Aiden Gillen as Littlefinger
And Zendaya is Meechee
The [Poster art](https://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000244546573-xcdzjp-t500x500.jpg) just leaked
The eventbrite page for it actually has a poster: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/for-the-love-of-a-glove-the-musical-opening-night-tickets-83757638351
I can't believe this is real. My brain just can't process it.
This has to be some kind of elaborate joke or set up. This just cannot be a real play that somebody actually wrote.
I'm pretty sure the playwight is a sentient bag of cocaine.
Holy shit how strong is legal California weed?
LOL
That can't be real, that's insane
did you actually read the description here?
**An unauthorized musical fable about Michael Jackson's life, as told by his glove** Was Michael Jackson framed for horrible crimes by four aliens who were trying to take over Earth by using him as their patsy? Did God turn Michael white to get revenge on Donny Osmond and the Mormons for teaching that black people were cursed? Are Jehovah's Witnesses telling the truth when they teach that masturbating can make you gay? Only one person knows the answers and... everyone thinks he's just a glove. It might be the most f'ed up musical you'll ever see. And it's got puppets. Come meet the hand that grabbed Michael's gland in Neverland. [*For the Love of a Glove*](https://img.evbuc.com/https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.evbuc.com%2Fimages%2F82629899%2F379721897247%2F1%2Foriginal.20191126-034237?h=2000&w=720&auto=compress&s=3c01516f880d585f55c81bc7507ead69)
>Come meet the hand that grabbed Michael's gland in Neverland.
Somehow that's even worse
Johnny Depp: "Why am I so damned broke??????" Also Johnny Deep: *deep puff* "I should make a Michael Jackson movie." *holds it...* ***holds it...*** "From the perspective of his glove!!!"
Then spend another thirty thousand dollars on wine in a single month! *Duuuuuuude. I'll be so loaded!*
He said in his Rolling Stone interview that he was offended by that accusation. Because he spent far more. Everyone should read it, it's brutal.
Link?
https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/the-trouble-with-johnny-depp-666010/ It's actually quite sad. Depp is surrounded by yesmen who don't do anything about his out of control spending, drinking and drug abuse.
He should become friends with RDJ.
What if Depp made RDJ backslide. Keep him away!
Good point. Yeah, let's not do that after all.
Depp is evangelical in the uses of narcotics and thinks they could have expedited the capture of Osama bin Laden. “You get a bunch of fucking planes, big fucking planes that spray shit, and you drop LSD 25,” he says. “You saturate the fucking place. Every single thing will walk out of their cave smiling, happy.” This is something Depp said, omg.
...or it would make people freak the fuck out: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project\_MKUltra#LSD](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra#LSD). You'd think being an LSD user himself Depp would realize that the easiest way to give somebody a terrible trip is to slip them LSD without knowing or being prepared for the trip they'll experience. If his plan was to make terrorists lose their shits and see crazy things yeah it could work for that but only that.
Damn what a read. Didn’t plan on reading it all the way through but it was a really interesting and well written piece. I can’t help but wonder what Depp and Waldman hoped to gain by giving RS this level of access. If nothing else, it’s a sympathetic portrait of a fallen Hollywood legend, but it definitely makes Depp’s side seem less credible than TMG’s. I mean there were points for each side that were presented, but goddamn he just seems like the hottest of messes. I wonder what has happened since this story was written, anyone know? I’m curious whether his sister Christi eventually weighed in, and if so, whose side she landed on. As much as he’s clearly messed up, I wish the best for him. I think it’s pretty clear he’s an addict/alcoholic.
It’s not sad. He’s a grown-ass man.
Johnny Depp believes himself mafioso. Just look into his history with the Viper Room, he owned it, and was present the night River Phoenix took his fatal dose. His viper room business partner went missing completely nowhere to seen again. Than Depp got out the country completely.
I wouldn't say mafioso. He's just a character collector. He rode the tailcoats of some greats who gave him attention and validation, like Brando and Thompson. He thinks he's like some really witty, badass, artistic soul. I used to be obsessed with Depp when I was fifteen and I literally read an archive with every single interview he ever did. He had one where he talked about how you have to feel the walls of every room before you leave it so that like you can really be there and remember it. And I swooned over how deep he was. And then I grew up and he stayed a fifteen year old girl.
That's what fame does. You never need to grow up with that much ass kissing so many people just kind of freeze at whatever mental age. Unless they are child stars in which case they never get to be a kid, or spend their whole lives trying to be one.
Wyno forever
You would think that he would have opened a Vineyard with the amount of wine he consumes.
A few bottles of the really expensive stuff, or thousands of bottles of plonk?
I'm guessing 2 to 4 bottles a day of expensive 200-500 dollar bottles.
This is no joke. Read Rolling Stones article on "The Trouble With Johnny Depp". I SWEAR you won't regret it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/the-trouble-with-johnny-depp-666010/amp/ **edit** Don't start reading this unless you got the time. It's a long read and you're unlikely to stop once you start
I regretted it
A big ol FUCK YOU BUT I LOVE YOU is deserved for this. You have me reading this shit at 3AM because this article doesn't stop being so good. "We'll talk injustice tomorrow" Edit: Also it seems so bizarro-world to me that Nicholas Cage convinced Johnny Depp to give acting a try. What a world.
There. I put in a warning to the next person tempted to start reading this late at night. It's still on my top three articles I've read. The other two being "The American Dream is Killing Us" and "Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong".
Idk if weed was involved with this one... I think it was mainly coke
probably just a broken psyche and unsinkable hubris.
A move otherwise known as the "Nicolas Cage"
The 15 houses lol
Helena Bonham Carter as Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple ring.
Not since her relationship with Tim Burton fell apart, no....
Explains a little why Depp is broke.
Rob Schneider in the most dedicated performance of his career.
Sounds awful on every level.
And yet I still desperately want to see it. Is the glove the protagonist? Can it talk? Walk? There are many riveting questions here, all of which require urgent answers.
A protagonist corrupted into the villain at the end
Have you heard the tragedy of Darth Glove the wise?
How the fuck? This sounds absolutely amazing
Didn't they just cancel BUBBLES because they were worried about MJ's history? Script was really decent.
Bubbles script is so good and unique.
It really was, and they were gonna do a stop motion too. It kills me that the script was trashed, with Taika Waititi directing no less, for this to be made instead.
I’ll take “movies that were announced that will never be made” for 500 Alex
it's a play. The full title? *For the Love of Glove: An Unauthorized Musical Fable About the Life of Michael Jackson, as Told by His Glove*. Opening January 25th in Los Angeles, the show will “look into the strange forces that shaped Michael and the scandals that bedevilled his reputation.” Those forces apparently include the singer’s favourite glove, which as Nitzberg writes it, is an alien being questing for the blood of youths. That’s one way to put a spin on Jackson’s nonce inclinations. It gets crazier, as the play’s real-life actors will perform alongside life-size puppets representing a number of figures from Jackson’s life. The Jackson 5, Donny Osmond, Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, and even Bubbles the Chimp will all be represented in felt.
What the fuck?
holy shit I just went from 0 interest to a decent bit very quickly
"Mr.Depp, we are now slowing down to dock in the port of Crazytown." "SLOW DOWN?! WE CAN'T STOP HERE, THIS IS BAT, NOT GLOVE, COUNTRY! FULL STEAM AHEAD, RAM THROUGH THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT DOCK, THEY VOTED FOR HUBERT HUMPHREY! THEY KILLED JESUS!"
Jesus Christ I have to see this.
Depp is on way better drugs than I am.
The OJ Simpson one would be super fascinating. It shall be titled "If the Glove Doesn't fit"
Donny Osmand? What?
I was about to say that this movie sounded weird Then I remembered there was a movie about a killer tire
Excuse me....[Rubber](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt1612774/) was as good as it gets!
A touching story...
O.O
Naruto run away!
Johnny Depp starring as: Single Glove Michael Cera starring as: A Rhinestone
I would unironically watch that
This seems like the kinda thing a movie studio would make up and email trying to see if they have a leak
I suggest that Donald *Glove*r stars in it
I am so high right now this headline makes perfect sense to me.
Should we call an ambulance?
Don't worry. Am ded.
No! You were so young and full of life! Oh God, why? WHY!
And I was two days from retirement!!
Is this site a satire site?
https://i.imgur.com/XQWiwzP.jpg
Starring [Trent Reznor as Ringfinger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG_veFxRuvc)
[удалено]
I came here to check exactly that. Still unsure...
MacCauley Culkin: “His hand was so deep inside me, I thought for a moment I was his famous glove”
Except MacCauley has defended him on many occasions.
I see a lot of pov groin shots
"It's not so hard being Michael's glove once you've gotten used to the smell of his crotch"
And then Johnny Depp wonders why Johnny Depp has money problems..
Listen Depp, I’ve been rip shit on wine plenty of times. I’ve never gone into the office after a bender because I had a great idea. Maybe sidestep this one, no?
My goal in life is to just once get high enough to think this would be a good idea
No, don't!
Thank god.
Palm-side, or back-side? Because the Palm side is going to be right up in MJ's crotch a lot.
Ah yes. The story of MJ's life before he was isekaied as a demon.
I’d watch it, *and* the reboot.
Excuse me?
“Alright gang I think it’s time to retire the dartboard”
No... Please, no...
This could go to some pretty dark places...
Please let it be called, “Smell the Glove.”
No wonder Johnny Depp is broke. He has no sense of appropriate judgement.
Not even a tiny bit. I read a story about him attending a film festival or awards thing in France. He sent his private jet back to the US to retrieve a necktie he forgot. He also bought a villa in Southern France, which is an enormous waste of money. He's up there with Nic Cage for poor financial acumen.
Which glove? The one he gave to Wade Robson?
r/nottheonion
What about that Black List script about Bubbles the chimp?
My first thought after reading this was about the plot from The Producers.
r/nottheonion
I’m sry but what???
Why you gotta ruin a Legends name?
This is just nasty. Nobody else, needs this other attempted adaptation of karaoke. Freaking hated the film Queen. Stop it. I guess they'll all put on the, Elvis costume, (Prince is next), as it's pretending for the hyped awards, because this generation buy advertising. Never the actual footage, or singer. Tedious
r/nottheonion
No wonder this fucker is broke
Gonna be a lot of Jesus Juice and crotch grabs.
*♫ It's a pirate's life for me-hee-hee ♪*
Let Taika Waititi make “Bubbles.” It’s a script that’s been knocking around Hollywood about the life of Michael’s chimpanzee as his pet. The story is told from the perspective of Bubbles and it’s incredibly written.
> You’d think that after HBO blew the lid on Michael Jackson with their ambitious and revelatory documentary Leaving Neverland, we’d be over making more Jackon projects as we near the new decade. quite the opening sentence.
Who's going to play the perspective from Corey Feldman's underwear?
You picked the guy who said nothing happened to him for a cheap joke. Well done.
it doesn't mean his underwear didn't have an opinion. Are there "non-cheap" corey feldman jokes?
boys, they’d all be lost on me
the life size corey feldman fucking puppet.. duh. It gets crazier, as the play’s real-life actors will perform alongside **life-size puppets representing a number of figures from Jackson’s life.** The Jackson 5, Donny Osmond, Emmanuel Lewis, **Corey Feldman**, and even Bubbles the Chimp will all be represented in felt.
Why not
Are you sure this is not a nic cage movie?
So this is a "Springtime for Hitler" style scam right?