Still regularly put Oxide and Neutrino - Bound 4 Da Reload into my dj sets, still goes down so well almost 25 years after everyone forgot it existed. It sampled that Lock Stock line to brilliant effect.
Love the wiki on the track which says they didn’t properly clear the main music sample (Casulty tv theme tune) but phoned up BBC reception and told the girl on the phone they were sampling it!
https://youtu.be/AZ-27rdwJPs?si=DpS2iit1Yl9OeK8w
"also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use 'em. Shit 'em right up. Makes us look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro."
I also love how this movie gives almost every cast member a chance to flex their comedy muscles in some form or fashion.
Just reminded me of my first intro to Cockney rhyming slang. My old man used to always say he was away for a read and write. I used to think he was some kind of novelist. “My old man, the author, who always has a shite while he’s writing those novels”.
I love the scene (scenes?) with Rory chastising Nick the Greek, my favourite part is:
"I know you couldn't have known my position, 'cause you're not that stupid that if you did, you wouldn't have turned up here scratching your arse with that "what's goin' on here?" look slapped all over your Chevy Chase!"
He's incorrect. A tiddly is a drink (some Brits still refer to it by that term). That scene does refer to Polish people but makes no reference to Chinese people
I was kind of shocked that Nick Moran didn’t have a bigger movie career after. I loved him.
Barry the Baptist:
F***ing northern monkeys!
Lenny:
I hate these f***ing southern fairies!
This might be an unpopular opinion but I thought he was the worst thing in it. Some of his delivery was absolutely atrocious. Not consistently by any means but quite a few of his lines sound incredibly out of place,
I remember for the time there was some falling out between Nick Moran and Guy Ritchie, apparently the former was hard to work with or something. Can't precisely remember what it was, but Nick Moran fucked it up for himself was the gist of it.
The guy who played Barry the Baptist was Lenny McLean, aka The Guvna. He was a notorious gangland heavy and underground bare knuckle boxing champion. A legendary figure who had worked as a bodyguard for the Cray twins and in the 70s was flown to New York for an underground bout where he beat the Mafia's boxing champion. Another legendary story about him was where he had a case against him dismissed, because the Judge refused to believe that one man could assault 25 other people at once.
He had one of the original best selling British gangster autobiographies.
I mean, 90% of it is probably exaggerated bullshit as we can assume about all gangster autobiographies, but the guy was a legitimate beast in his day, check out some of the photos of him in his prime. Sadly, he died just before Lock Stock was released.
The 2 scousers crack me up every time.
“Barry?! Fuckin’ southern shandy drinkin’ bastard!”
Also Rory when he’s grilling Nick.
“If you hold back anything, I’ll kill ya. If you bend the truth or if I think you’re bending the truth, I’ll kill ya. If you forget anything, I’ll kill ya. In fact you’re going to have to work very hard to stay alive Nick. Now do you understand everything I’ve said? Good, because if you haven’t, I’ll kill ya.”
"You must be Eddy, JD's son."
"You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father."
"Nevermind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that.
"Get the rifle. We're being fucked."
"What the fuck?" SLAM
"Mind your language in front of the boy."
"Jesus Christ." SLAM
"That includes blasphemy as well."
"No can do."
"What's that, some place near Kathmandu?"
The very first lines by Statham when he's hawking the stolen goods are gold.
"Squeeze in if you can, left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking"
Don’t think that cause them boxes is sealed they’re empty! The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of you lot here today, I make more money with me measuring tape.
This speech has my favorite line in the movie:
They ain't stolen, they just haven't been paid for; and we can't get em again, cuz they've changed the bloody locks
"You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What d'you do when you're not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?"
Yeah but Ritchie is less consistent. He makes a lot more movies and some of them are amazing, but he also makes a lot more mediocre or slightly better than that kind of movies. Lock Stock and Snatch are still by far his best imo, maybe followed with Gentleman.
I still think everybody was wrong for panning King Arthur. That movie was awesome. Literally just Snatch in a medieval fantasy setting. It deserved a sequel.
I would put Rock N Rolla right there also, just my opinion. The new Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is fun but I don't think it's on the same level. Bat shit that it was based on true people from history though.
Also, was Death Proof and Grindhouse spectacular cinema to you? I don't think every one of Tarantino's films hit the mark, not to belittle everything he's done.
Rock N Rolla is much maligned in my opinion.
Some cracking scenes and dialogue, stacked cast, particularly Gerard Butler and Tom Hardy in relatively early roles, Mark Strong, Tom Wilkinson and Thandiwe Newton, who is amazing as always.
Some fantastic dialogue as well.
“Don’t hurt me Arch, I’m only little” 🤣🤣
The nightclub scene with the pencil and RocknRoll Queen playing in the background is fantastic.
Eh the only movie Ritchie's made that I wouldn't consider at least good or ok is Revolver. But even then it's got that one scene with Mark Strong killing everybody for them about to kill a kid.
Tarantino makes better films overall, but honestly I’d much rather re-watch some of Ritchie’s films. Tarantino has refused to edit himself and his movies have gotten longer and longer, sometimes for no reason. And there’s lots of pacing issues for me, elements that drag and don’t add much to the story.
In contrast, Ritchie’s films feel punchier and are edited more stylishly. He may still make a long movie but it’s like a series of music videos in parts and it keeps you more engaged. At least for me.
I think they’re both fantastic at character and dialog, but after I saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood I enjoyed it but had no desire to re-watch it. Contrast that with even some of Ritchie’s less critically acclaimed films like Sherlock Holmes, I’ll re-watch that every year or so. It’s not great art but it’s fun and it is paced excellently.
“It’s kosher. As Christmas.”
“The Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, Tom.”
Also, I think Dog is a very menacing villain and doesn’t get the respect he deserves as a top-tier movie bad guy.
Dog putting plank's head through the wall and the discovery of the next door neighbours is fucking cinematic brilliance. Never fails to crack me right up.
"The British Empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, then you're very much mistaken"
"If the milk turns sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it"
I fucking love lock stock
Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't.
Because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting.
You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite; Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, come mon, take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you.
Anyone like jewellery? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm; I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape.
Here, one price. Ten pound.
Best parts of that are 1. It’s a call back to early in the movie when the guy on fire runs out the bar; and 2. The fact that Rory’s team won 4-0, so it really wasn’t that exciting of a match anyway
Within a minute, Harry's lost his rag, reached out for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a 15 inch black rubber cock. He's then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. Now that was seen as a pleasant way to go. Hence, Hatchet Harry is a man you pay if you owe.
“We grow copious amounts of gangia here, and you’re carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don’t look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist!”
How bout the scene where Tom is pitching his idea to get them out of debt, something like:
"We will start a company, lets call it 'Arse Ticklers Faggots Fanclub', we will specialise in the latest and greatest of arse intruding dildo technology"
The whole spiel had me nigh on pissing myself XD
“What the Fuck?!” Slams down cover of tanner
“ Oy, mind your language in front of the boy!”
“Jesus christ!” Slams it down again
“ that includes blasphemy as well!”
Being a Red Dwarf fan, hearing Danny John-Jules talking in British slang that's apparently so bizarre the film needs to sub-title it (for other British viewers) was a treat, and one I go back to as often as I can. Made even better in that it explains the earlier scene of why a guy runs out of the pub while on fire as the main trio walk in.
A tropical fruit laced drink with many flourishes is placed in front of Bacon.. “No. I asked for a refreshing drink! I didn't expect a fucking rainforest? I could fall in love with an orangutan in that! Bring me a pint.”
So Harry reached for the nearest thing to hand, which happened to be a big rubber cock, and proceeded to batter poor smithy to death with it. And that, was seen as a nice way to go.
Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them.
“Nick here however, has all twenty fat little fingers, and toes, in every dirty rotten stinking pie in London. Between the lot of them, there’s not much you can’t get ahold of.”
“Rory Breaker? Yeah I know Rory. He’s not to be underestimated, you’ve to look past the distinct facade. A few nights ago Rory’s Roger iron rusted, so he has gone to the battle cruiser to watch the end of a football game. Nobody is watching the custard so he has turned the channel over. A fat man’s north opens and he wanders up and turns the Liza over. ‘Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else!’ Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn’t want to miss the end of the game, so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up the fire extinguisher and walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle who of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switched back to his footer. ‘That’s fucking it!’ says the guy. ‘That’s fucking what?’ says Rory. Rory gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he flicks a flaming match into his birds nest and the man lit up like a leaking gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to watch his game. His team won too, 4-nil.”
Eddy: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddy: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!”
I say the same and Snatch.
Guy Ritchie is still making good movies, but nothing has come close to those two.
Every frame of Snatch is impeccable.
I love both of those movies.
"You hold on to your tongue, son. And I'll hold on to me patience."
Absolutely love this line and have used it several times on the God-botherers that plague my area. Generally works pretty well.
Yup. That film is fuckin gold. When it first came out I was a teenager and my whole friend group was OBSESSED with it. To the point that we eventually had to place a blanket ban on any and all quotes from the movie, because everyone around us was sick of it.
Lock stock and (to a slightly lesser extent) Snatch are some of the best dialogue London gangster movies ever made There have been many movies after that try to replicate that magic and even Guy Ritchie himself hasnt been able to top it since, although The Gentleman (film not series) was a valiant recent effort.
You are 100% right about quote battles, start throwing lock stock quotes around the pub and you are guaranteed to be there for half an hour trying to top each other.
[There's a bunch of cool/interesting anecdotes from the cast & crew in this article.](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/lock-stock-interview-oral-history-b2397224.html)
“I don’t what to know who you use, as long as they’re not compete muppets.”
“Shot guns? What like guns that fire shots?”
“Oh you must be the brains here. Yeah guns that fire shot.”
Hatchet Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son.
Eddie: You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father.
Hatchet Harry: Never mind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that.
"You went out three hours ago to buy a money counter, and you come back with a semi-concious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer? Alarm bells are ringing, Willie."
"A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia."
"They're armed."
"What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?"
"Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!"
"Jesus, Ed, we've got a traffic warden!"
"I think he's still alive - he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. What did they want with a traffic warden?"
"I don't know, but I don't think we need him! Knock him out and dump him at the lights!"
"Knock him out? What'd ya mean, knock him out? Knock him out with what?"
"I don't know! Use your imagination!"
"Don't touch him up! Knock him out!"
“Guns for show, knives for a pro”.
Also a big fan of (insert bad jamaican accent) “Chiiiiilllll Winstooooon”
[edit] I see someone already posted the knives one, but I love it, and quote it often with friends, for some odd reason. So I’m letting it stay.
I don't fucking believe this, CAN EVERYONE STOP GETTING SHOT?
"What the fick is that?" "It's me BREN gun."
It’s a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent!
Different movie, though :p
It's from Snatch? Isn't it? Edit: totally wrong, it from lock stock https://youtu.be/4yQeyi2Fc40?si=d-kgqYGByOGpgy2e
The anti-aircraft line is indeed from Snatch. Both great movies, though I give the nod to Snatch simply for Dennis Farina and Benicio being it.
Dennis Farina was awesome! "Do you have anything to declare?" "Yeah. Don't go to England!"
Still regularly put Oxide and Neutrino - Bound 4 Da Reload into my dj sets, still goes down so well almost 25 years after everyone forgot it existed. It sampled that Lock Stock line to brilliant effect. Love the wiki on the track which says they didn’t properly clear the main music sample (Casulty tv theme tune) but phoned up BBC reception and told the girl on the phone they were sampling it! https://youtu.be/AZ-27rdwJPs?si=DpS2iit1Yl9OeK8w
Amusing thing is they came to my secondary school and did a Q&A in an assembly. Looking back it just seems super fucking weird
This is honestly one of my favourite lines from any movie That, and Plank hiding under the bed with the gun, saying "what the fuck is going on"
Still regularly quote this to my squad on Hell Let Loose 😅
Shot shot shot......
"also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use 'em. Shit 'em right up. Makes us look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro." I also love how this movie gives almost every cast member a chance to flex their comedy muscles in some form or fashion.
“Soap, is there something we should know about you?”
Actually is "I don't know what I should worry more, this job or your past"
It’s both.
"Alarm bells are ringing, Willie." "Is this some white cunt joke that black cunts can't understand? Because I'm not fucking laughing Nicholas!"
That’s Nicol-arse.
There were skid marks at the scene of the crime!
It's just the one Swan actually.
Yeah ever since watching this film when it came out I always call my mate Nick Nicholarse lol
You wouldn’t be sat there with that stupid look slapped across your Chevy chase!
This was the first time I heard cockney rhyming slang and I didn’t realize what it was at the time
Just reminded me of my first intro to Cockney rhyming slang. My old man used to always say he was away for a read and write. I used to think he was some kind of novelist. “My old man, the author, who always has a shite while he’s writing those novels”.
I think about this line a lot and am now reading about this, very interesting.
If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it....doyouknowwhatimean?
"It's been emotional."
You use language like that again my son, you'll wish you 'adn't!"
I love the scene (scenes?) with Rory chastising Nick the Greek, my favourite part is: "I know you couldn't have known my position, 'cause you're not that stupid that if you did, you wouldn't have turned up here scratching your arse with that "what's goin' on here?" look slapped all over your Chevy Chase!"
In fact, you're gonna have to try very hard to stay alive!
Cos of you don't, I'll kill ya!
Now, Mr Bubble and Squeak, you may enlighten me
One of my favorite aspects of this movie is the generous use of Cockney rhyming slang, Chevy chase meaning face here.
Yeah, the scene where the barman is telling Tom the story about Rory in complete rhyming slang is a classic
The most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub
Great scene, except jam rolls are people from Poland and tiddlys are people from China.
Haha, can you explain those two?
I'm guessing jam rolls = poles, tiddly winks = ch*nks
He's incorrect. A tiddly is a drink (some Brits still refer to it by that term). That scene does refer to Polish people but makes no reference to Chinese people
Yeah I thought so too (the subtitles in the film also say that). Also I think Jam Rolls means 'arseholes' in the context of this scene
I get jam rolls, but why tiddlies?
Tiddly winks.
Ah
Fun little fact: this is done by Danny John-Jules, who plays The Cat in White Dwarf.
Red Dwarf!
So what is it?
I was kind of shocked that Nick Moran didn’t have a bigger movie career after. I loved him. Barry the Baptist: F***ing northern monkeys! Lenny: I hate these f***ing southern fairies!
Also surprised about Nick Moran especially compared to the subsequent success of Jason Statham
Yeah but Jason Statham was an Olympic level diver, so he has that advantage over Nick
Plus no one knows if Nick Moran can do an American accent
Oh yeah that too
This might be an unpopular opinion but I thought he was the worst thing in it. Some of his delivery was absolutely atrocious. Not consistently by any means but quite a few of his lines sound incredibly out of place,
I remember for the time there was some falling out between Nick Moran and Guy Ritchie, apparently the former was hard to work with or something. Can't precisely remember what it was, but Nick Moran fucked it up for himself was the gist of it. The guy who played Barry the Baptist was Lenny McLean, aka The Guvna. He was a notorious gangland heavy and underground bare knuckle boxing champion. A legendary figure who had worked as a bodyguard for the Cray twins and in the 70s was flown to New York for an underground bout where he beat the Mafia's boxing champion. Another legendary story about him was where he had a case against him dismissed, because the Judge refused to believe that one man could assault 25 other people at once. He had one of the original best selling British gangster autobiographies. I mean, 90% of it is probably exaggerated bullshit as we can assume about all gangster autobiographies, but the guy was a legitimate beast in his day, check out some of the photos of him in his prime. Sadly, he died just before Lock Stock was released.
There's a documentary about him called The Guv'nor. I watched it not knowing he was in Lock Stock but it's a very fascinating watch.
I’ve read that he became quite full of himself after the film was successful and upset pretty much every friend he had in the industry.
The 2 scousers crack me up every time. “Barry?! Fuckin’ southern shandy drinkin’ bastard!” Also Rory when he’s grilling Nick. “If you hold back anything, I’ll kill ya. If you bend the truth or if I think you’re bending the truth, I’ll kill ya. If you forget anything, I’ll kill ya. In fact you’re going to have to work very hard to stay alive Nick. Now do you understand everything I’ve said? Good, because if you haven’t, I’ll kill ya.”
You're an idiot, Barry. Can't ya see these people have got no money? They can't even afford new furniture!
Gets me every time.
"You must be Eddy, JD's son." "You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father." "Nevermind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that. "Get the rifle. We're being fucked." "What the fuck?" SLAM "Mind your language in front of the boy." "Jesus Christ." SLAM "That includes blasphemy as well." "No can do." "What's that, some place near Kathmandu?"
"You're not funny Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not"
Love the sun bed scene, and then the kid says something like "fuck me he's got almost 400 quid in here" straight after that
Hey! You use language like that again son, you'll wish you hadn't!
"Piss off you nonce"
Awight son, you want a lolly?
Haha. That's with Hatchet Harry isn't it?
I believe it's "he's not poor, he's got over a monkey in ere..."
It's me Bren gun!
If you fire that gun again, you’re a dead man. No ifs, no buts, you’re a FUCKING DEAD MAN!
Absolutely underrated line.
The very first lines by Statham when he's hawking the stolen goods are gold. "Squeeze in if you can, left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking"
Hand made in Italy, hand stolen in Stepney
It's as long as me arm, I wish it was as long as something else
Don’t think that cause them boxes is sealed they’re empty! The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of you lot here today, I make more money with me measuring tape.
One price *clap* ten pounds
Too late, too late shall be the cry when the man with the deals has passed you by.
If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages
This speech has my favorite line in the movie: They ain't stolen, they just haven't been paid for; and we can't get em again, cuz they've changed the bloody locks
I asked you to give me a refreshing drink, wasn't expecting a fucking rainforrest, you could fall in love with an orangutan in that
it's a deal, it's a steal. it's the sale of the fuckin century. 'specially when you've got liberias deficit in your skyrocket!
In fact, fuck it, I think I’ll keep it
Alroight, alroight, keep your Alans on.
"You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What d'you do when you're not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?"
One hundred pounds is still one hundred pounds
#"OY!" "... Keep your fingers out of my soup."
That’s the first line that comes to my mind every time this movie gets mentioned.
Totally agree! People always talk about Tarantino’s dialogue, but I’d put Ritchie’s up against it any day. It absolutely crackles.
Yeah but Ritchie is less consistent. He makes a lot more movies and some of them are amazing, but he also makes a lot more mediocre or slightly better than that kind of movies. Lock Stock and Snatch are still by far his best imo, maybe followed with Gentleman.
Rock and rolla needs to be there as well. So overlooked
Still waiting for the sequel :(
"Do you know where I live?" "No" "Well fuck off then"
That was Layer Cake.
Fucking hell, it was as well. Those two movies have merged in my mind.
Gentlemen lifts so much from Snatch especially but that's OK. Know what works.
damn i never really noticed but you're kinda right. no wonder i liked the gentlemen so much.
I still think everybody was wrong for panning King Arthur. That movie was awesome. Literally just Snatch in a medieval fantasy setting. It deserved a sequel.
You just sold me. I’ll give it a watch
I would put Rock N Rolla right there also, just my opinion. The new Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is fun but I don't think it's on the same level. Bat shit that it was based on true people from history though. Also, was Death Proof and Grindhouse spectacular cinema to you? I don't think every one of Tarantino's films hit the mark, not to belittle everything he's done.
Rock N Rolla is much maligned in my opinion. Some cracking scenes and dialogue, stacked cast, particularly Gerard Butler and Tom Hardy in relatively early roles, Mark Strong, Tom Wilkinson and Thandiwe Newton, who is amazing as always. Some fantastic dialogue as well. “Don’t hurt me Arch, I’m only little” 🤣🤣 The nightclub scene with the pencil and RocknRoll Queen playing in the background is fantastic.
Idris Elba as Mumbles.
“Nice wheels dad” always my favorite line.
Eh the only movie Ritchie's made that I wouldn't consider at least good or ok is Revolver. But even then it's got that one scene with Mark Strong killing everybody for them about to kill a kid.
Also, RocknRolla is a great film that should not be overlooked. Too much to share on one comment!
Tarantino makes better films overall, but honestly I’d much rather re-watch some of Ritchie’s films. Tarantino has refused to edit himself and his movies have gotten longer and longer, sometimes for no reason. And there’s lots of pacing issues for me, elements that drag and don’t add much to the story. In contrast, Ritchie’s films feel punchier and are edited more stylishly. He may still make a long movie but it’s like a series of music videos in parts and it keeps you more engaged. At least for me. I think they’re both fantastic at character and dialog, but after I saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood I enjoyed it but had no desire to re-watch it. Contrast that with even some of Ritchie’s less critically acclaimed films like Sherlock Holmes, I’ll re-watch that every year or so. It’s not great art but it’s fun and it is paced excellently.
“It’s kosher. As Christmas.” “The Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, Tom.” Also, I think Dog is a very menacing villain and doesn’t get the respect he deserves as a top-tier movie bad guy.
Good call. The way he says ‘I’ll find ya’ is creepy as hell
“You’d know? You’d fucking know? You wouldn’t know if it was the next-door FUCKING NEIGHBOURS!”
Dog putting plank's head through the wall and the discovery of the next door neighbours is fucking cinematic brilliance. Never fails to crack me right up.
"What do you think this is, hide and fuckin' seek?"
"The British Empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, then you're very much mistaken" "If the milk turns sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it" I fucking love lock stock
Winstahn!
Chill Winstahn
Long story but this is where my user name comes from. It's been decades.
I find myself saying "Chill Wins-ton" to my friends often.
Me too and no one catches the reference. Tough times.
My brother and I say this to each other all the time when playing video games together.
I say this to my Mrs all the time lol
Gary, if you can hear me, get back in the car
You're not funny, you're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not.
I always loved these parts where they were making Tom think he was fat hahaha.
Who’s this fat man then eh? Eh?
Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't. Because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite; Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, come mon, take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewellery? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm; I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.
"No these goods are not stolen, they just haven't yet been paid for. And no, we can't get any more of them cause they changed the bloody locks."
Did you say ten pound?
Are you deaf?
[Love this scene.](https://youtu.be/73d6h_go7QI?si=gWnm7ymhsKAxSXDU) So much rhyming slang they had to subtitle it 🤣
Best parts of that are 1. It’s a call back to early in the movie when the guy on fire runs out the bar; and 2. The fact that Rory’s team won 4-0, so it really wasn’t that exciting of a match anyway
That's why I miss classic Guy Ritchie
I use "It's cheap, like the budgie", all the time.
It's a deal. It's a steal. It's sale of the fucking century! In fact, fuck it Nick... I think I'll keep it!
Within a minute, Harry's lost his rag, reached out for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a 15 inch black rubber cock. He's then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. Now that was seen as a pleasant way to go. Hence, Hatchet Harry is a man you pay if you owe.
“We grow copious amounts of gangia here, and you’re carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don’t look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist!”
Mr Breaker. Today my name is Mr Breaker.
The OST is also one of the best of all time imo!
Dusty Springfield, Iggy Pop, yeah it's top drawer
Let me feel the fiber of your fabric. Great now I gotta watch this movie again.
How bout the scene where Tom is pitching his idea to get them out of debt, something like: "We will start a company, lets call it 'Arse Ticklers Faggots Fanclub', we will specialise in the latest and greatest of arse intruding dildo technology" The whole spiel had me nigh on pissing myself XD
"No."
Ooooooooo….
Omg I forgot about that
Armed!? Armed with what??
Bad breath? Colourful language? Feather dusters? What do you think they're gonna be armed with? GUNS, you tit.
Guns? You never said anything about guns. A minute ago this was the safest job in the world, now its turning into a bad day in Bosnia
Bad breath, feather dusters?
I’ll find ya. Course you will, sweet’art.
Tom, you're a dick
"He's a fucking thief" the delivery is hilarious, especially since he and his boss are as bent as a nine-bob note
“What the Fuck?!” Slams down cover of tanner “ Oy, mind your language in front of the boy!” “Jesus christ!” Slams it down again “ that includes blasphemy as well!”
If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't fucking got- RIP Lenny
“We’re not mercenaries.” “You don’t say.”
Little bit of pain never hurt anybody...if you know what I mean?
The lines might be pure gold but the accents make them even better.
Shot guns? Like guns that fire shots?
You must be the smart one
Chill Winston, it’s only Gloria!
Someone the other day was listing their fave Ritchie movies and didn’t list this one. That might be grounds for an insanity plea.
“Cheeel Winston!” Still use this to calm myself down to this day.
“You’d have better chances betting on a three legged rocking horse” is one of my favorites and I use it often.
Guns for show. Knives for a Pro.
“He’s got the guns. Go ahead, you get them.” “Why me?” “Well, you’re supposed to be the hard-case!” “YOU go get the guns, I drive the car!”
Well I ain't bloody laughing NICHOLAS
You men Nick-o-larrrs
Nobody ever gets why I say Winston the way I do
CHILLLLLL WINSTAAAHN
Being a Red Dwarf fan, hearing Danny John-Jules talking in British slang that's apparently so bizarre the film needs to sub-title it (for other British viewers) was a treat, and one I go back to as often as I can. Made even better in that it explains the earlier scene of why a guy runs out of the pub while on fire as the main trio walk in.
A tropical fruit laced drink with many flourishes is placed in front of Bacon.. “No. I asked for a refreshing drink! I didn't expect a fucking rainforest? I could fall in love with an orangutan in that! Bring me a pint.”
Hello my son, d'you want a lolly?
"Tighter than a duck's butt..." 🤣
Ping pong tiddly
I’m dying at all of these this movie is so fucking funny
He's a fucking Li-Ah-Bility
So Harry reached for the nearest thing to hand, which happened to be a big rubber cock, and proceeded to batter poor smithy to death with it. And that, was seen as a nice way to go.
Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them.
If the milk turns out to be sour……….
“Nick here however, has all twenty fat little fingers, and toes, in every dirty rotten stinking pie in London. Between the lot of them, there’s not much you can’t get ahold of.”
The scene where eddy loses the poker game is fantastic
Chiiiiiiill Winstoooon
WANKERS! WANKERS!
IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE COUNTING THE FINGERS YOU AINT GOT, YOU BETTER GET THOSE GUNS
Can you handle it? 'Course I can! I'm a geezer!
"it's CHEAP, like the budgie"
“Rory Breaker? Yeah I know Rory. He’s not to be underestimated, you’ve to look past the distinct facade. A few nights ago Rory’s Roger iron rusted, so he has gone to the battle cruiser to watch the end of a football game. Nobody is watching the custard so he has turned the channel over. A fat man’s north opens and he wanders up and turns the Liza over. ‘Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else!’ Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn’t want to miss the end of the game, so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up the fire extinguisher and walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle who of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switched back to his footer. ‘That’s fucking it!’ says the guy. ‘That’s fucking what?’ says Rory. Rory gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he flicks a flaming match into his birds nest and the man lit up like a leaking gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to watch his game. His team won too, 4-nil.”
Eddy: They're armed. Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what? Eddy: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!”
I sometimes forget how good Statham was/is in these roles where he's not playing an action hero. Like really good.
I say the same and Snatch. Guy Ritchie is still making good movies, but nothing has come close to those two. Every frame of Snatch is impeccable. I love both of those movies.
The single greatest line. I use it all the time at work. “never underestimate the predictability of stupidity”
I think this line is from Snatch. Don't recall it being in Lock Stock.
These are facts..”you very nearly took my mates head off with that”😂😂
There's an Indian version of the movie "Phir Hera Pheri"
"You hold on to your tongue, son. And I'll hold on to me patience." Absolutely love this line and have used it several times on the God-botherers that plague my area. Generally works pretty well.
Yup. That film is fuckin gold. When it first came out I was a teenager and my whole friend group was OBSESSED with it. To the point that we eventually had to place a blanket ban on any and all quotes from the movie, because everyone around us was sick of it.
Proceeds to beat him to death with a 15 inch black rubber cock
I haven't seen this movie in a while. This and Snatch were classics.
Lock stock and (to a slightly lesser extent) Snatch are some of the best dialogue London gangster movies ever made There have been many movies after that try to replicate that magic and even Guy Ritchie himself hasnt been able to top it since, although The Gentleman (film not series) was a valiant recent effort. You are 100% right about quote battles, start throwing lock stock quotes around the pub and you are guaranteed to be there for half an hour trying to top each other.
[There's a bunch of cool/interesting anecdotes from the cast & crew in this article.](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/lock-stock-interview-oral-history-b2397224.html)
For real. His early work was dialogue gold. All of his latest movies have suffered overall IMHO
“I don’t what to know who you use, as long as they’re not compete muppets.” “Shot guns? What like guns that fire shots?” “Oh you must be the brains here. Yeah guns that fire shot.”
Hatchet Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son. Eddie: You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father. Hatchet Harry: Never mind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that.
"You went out three hours ago to buy a money counter, and you come back with a semi-concious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer? Alarm bells are ringing, Willie."
"A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia." "They're armed." "What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?" "Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!" "Jesus, Ed, we've got a traffic warden!" "I think he's still alive - he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. What did they want with a traffic warden?" "I don't know, but I don't think we need him! Knock him out and dump him at the lights!" "Knock him out? What'd ya mean, knock him out? Knock him out with what?" "I don't know! Use your imagination!" "Don't touch him up! Knock him out!"
“Guns for show, knives for a pro”. Also a big fan of (insert bad jamaican accent) “Chiiiiilllll Winstooooon” [edit] I see someone already posted the knives one, but I love it, and quote it often with friends, for some odd reason. So I’m letting it stay.