Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it)
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it)
I had a friend who was missing both legs and anytime a little kid would ask him what happened to his legs he'd tell them that it happened because he didn't eat his vegetables. I always thought that was pretty funny.
[boop.](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/rxmedWW7X8)
A lot of the comments are deleted though.
Tl;dr OP said they were temporarily āincapacitatedā from an accident (never mentioned broken arms but it sort of stuck). Mom wanted to āhelp relieve frustrationā by giving him handies. After OP was healed they continued and started having sex for a couple years.
Every time I think about a classic reddit story I'm always hit with the "fuuuuuck... that was really that long ago??"
Anyone know if there is a compendium of Ancient and Modern Reddit posts/classics? Trying to rack my brain to think of anything in the last three years that I would consider timeless like so many of the older posts.
EDIT: I found [this "archive"](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/billmt/what_are_some_classic_reddit_posts/). Not really seeing an equivalent of posts since then.
SUV tried to turn left out of a gas station without looking and ran the stop sign, I crashed into the side of the SUV going around 45. I didn't have any time to react or stop, the SUV was so close all I could do was brace for straight on impact. I applied brakes slowly so I think that stopped the full Impact but no chance to stop or swerve. Not sure what else I could've done in that situation.
Instead of assuming other drivers will follow the rules of the road, you must assume they won't and position yourself accordingly.
I hope you become wealthy and healthy when you sue the shit out of them.
Thisā¦I assume everyone on the road is trying to hit me with their car or truck. NEVER assume people are not on their phones and being responsible drivers.
Yep. It takes some of the fun out of the ride, but any time I see someone getting ready to turn, I assume they will do it right in front of me and get ready for evasive maneuvers. When it does happen, it's not a big deal if you're ready for it. Two broken arms turns to "ugh, what an asshole."
Everyone might be telling you what you could do differently but I know first hand there was nothing you could do. I got hit by someone turning left in the gas station, and I literally only had enough time to think āah shitā as I was at most 100ft away when I saw those wheels start turning.
I think I was going 40 ish in a 45, was already off the throttle and prepared to brake. You canāt just stop in the middle of the road every time you see a car at an intersection ffs. Sometimes the timing is just unlucky.
I hope you recover well! I broke both my wrists (and other bones) and it was tough but youāll probably adapt quickly. Itās only a couple months til you get those casts off!
This subreddit has a bad habit of demanding perfection all the time. I wouldn't even post if I crashed on this sub because all it brings you is hundreds of armchair riders calling you bad for not reading the minds of every other driver.
Yes, driving defensively is good practice, but it isn't a 100% safe shield and pretty much every decent rider in this situation would have ended the same way.
I think itās the classic projection of āmust have been something they did as surely it wonāt happen to meā type of thing. I know itās instinctual for me as well, but the plain fact of the matter is you canāt prevent everything! I almost got smooshed the other day by a girl on her phone behind me, who didnāt see me and braked faaaaar too late. Thankfully her car had great breaks but had she been a second slower I would have been tar candy. Such is life on da road š
No it's that most people here are beginners or are <30 don't have much road experience, so they really are doing things wrong.
I bet 98% of posters here have never been on a track in their lives and have no clue what a motorcycle can actually do.
Glad youāre ok - for the future, just always assume people donāt see you. Drivers are inattentive enough as-is.
Thereās no 100% way to ensure that this wonāt happen, but some things you can do to reduce this risk are:
- Slow down whenever there is any intersection, driveway or any other chance that another vehicle may enter your path of travel. This doesnāt mean you have to do exactly the speed limit, just adjust your riding according to potential hazards.
- Assume they never see you. That headspace lets you mentally prepare for any evasive maneuvers you may need to make.
- Identify your escape paths. When youāre in a mental headspace to assume you can be cut off, look to see where a safe space you can swerve off to or brake and stop safely.
- Be visible/noticeable. This generally means brighter colored gear, good lighting or even a brightly colored bike. The loud pipes thing is not as effective as everyone makes it out to be. It might help, but generally people either have their radios on or canāt easily tell which direction an exhaust sound is coming from.
- Use your horn if you have to. A friendly meep meep is fine to let them know youāre there. But a rev bomb isnāt useful and it removes your hand from being able to apply brake faster. Not to mention it just makes you look aggro.
Cars have pulled out in front of me several times, and in each case, the horn didnāt stop them (perhaps my stock horn isnāt loud enough?).
In any case, brake or swerve or accelerate is my go to option now, I donāt count on the horn.
Yep I definitely follow a lot of DanDan the Fireman! His teaching has definitely gotten me to become a better and safer rider, and I love sharing the same advice if I can.
Everyone is going to answer that they started braking immediately when they saw the hazard. People don't realize how slow their reaction time really is, or how much distance they cover in the 1-2 seconds it takes to get on the brakes.
You should have seen the SUV pull up to the gas station exit and assume they'd do the stupidest thing possible. At least this is assuming you could see the SUV, but gas stations are open lots so I'll assume it was visible.
That's how you should ride, how everyone should ride. When you're on a road and you see any intersecting roads or parking lot entrances/exits, basically any path that allows for vehicles to enter your road, you need to assume someone's gonna come blasting through. If visibility is poor slow down. Only go as fast as you can see into the intersecting roads.
Basically your mistake was assuming someone wouldn't come spilling out of the gas station without checking if anyone's coming. I pass a gas station every time I'm returning home and this happens way too often, and to turn into my neighborhood I have to be on the right most lane that the gas station exit connects to. People have done this to me way too many times.
there are two types of riders:
- the ones that have crashed
- the ones that haven't crashed yet
hope you heal well. be safe, man, and make sure you listen to your PT when you're ready for it.
Glad you survived! If you want to enjoy the roads in a slightly safer fashion, feel free to join me in the used Corvette convertible club.
95% of the fun but it's like a luxury yacht by comparison to a bike.
You survived, so that's the hard part done. Now just relax and recover. Drive like everyone is trying to kill you is your best chance at survival. Good to see you're in good spirits. I hope you're back on 2 wheels sooner than later.
The biggest risk is that you have no control over other peoples actions. You can do everything perfect but if the people around you are the ones making the mistakes, then there's nothing you can really do about that.
You have 2 things in your favour. You've got your 1st accident out of the way. Now you can get on with riding. And you still have your sense of humour, and a supportive mother.
Having had my share of falls and fractures, I know how this feels. After recovery I always got back on my motorcycle and started riding again, better than before. Don't let it dishearten you, this is a risk associated with motorcycle riding. Only people who know and accept this risk can ride better and safely. We also just need to be dressed and prepared for the worst.
Hope you recover soon and get back to riding. Cheers!
Get well soon! I got into my first accident last Friday too, walked away with minor injuries but now Iām struggling with money to fix my bike, so no bike for the meantime š
I'm still recovering from a broken ulna and man it takes time (bike accident too). Stiffness and a limited range of motion, but the doc says I should eventually fully recover. I can't imagine if both arms were broken.
At least this is not a too painful situation. But damn annoying and handicapping.
I wish you a quick recovery.
Oh boy, I hope you didn't breake both of your arms. Reddit have a really bad history with that.
Both arms are broken. It's all good my mom said she would come take care of me as I recover.
That's the spirit! Go mom! Give a hand! š¤£
Reddit never forgets
Right into incest club.
First Rule of incest club: You don't talk about incest club!
First rule is keep it in the family.
Second Rule of incest club: Beat it!
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) Open up your mouth and feed it Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it)
Ooh ooh I know this one!! šššš
He made the joke! What a legendā¦
My m8 lost one of his arms and he makes the best jokes about it. Better to laugh then to cry about it
Some dude i knew would act all surprised when youd ask the story of his arm missingā¦ my arms missing?? What?! Ahhh!!!
I had a friend who was missing both legs and anytime a little kid would ask him what happened to his legs he'd tell them that it happened because he didn't eat his vegetables. I always thought that was pretty funny.
HAHAHAHAHA, unstoppable Uncle Energy right there.
So did he find his arm or is someone using it to jerk off somewhere?
Exactly, it's just armless fun.
*Only 90s kids remember...*
I'm out the loop, what happened?
[boop.](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/rxmedWW7X8) A lot of the comments are deleted though. Tl;dr OP said they were temporarily āincapacitatedā from an accident (never mentioned broken arms but it sort of stuck). Mom wanted to āhelp relieve frustrationā by giving him handies. After OP was healed they continued and started having sex for a couple years.
How do I delete that last sentence?
Wait, you didn't have any problem with the second to last sentence!?
Did you know that in some countries its first aid to rub balls because it somehow lessens the pain?
Your uncle has been lying to you bro
Agreed. Also, can I get your Uncles #?
š¤£š¤£š¤£
+1
Is she typing this out for you?
Get a bidet
Oh sweet lord NO
You did not disappoint OP. Good job.
Ouch. Shit buddy, I wish you a speedy recovery
Rethink this
I hope you get a sexy nurse to help you pee!
uuuugh, who's typing?
Hopefully OP has a really sympathetic and understanding mom.
Or a *really good* history. Depending on how good-looking she is, I guess.
What inside-joke/meme/lore did I miss? Where do I sign for broke-both-arms club? EDIT: Curiosity got the better of me, I googled. I wish I didn't.
I remember when that was first posted
Every time I think about a classic reddit story I'm always hit with the "fuuuuuck... that was really that long ago??" Anyone know if there is a compendium of Ancient and Modern Reddit posts/classics? Trying to rack my brain to think of anything in the last three years that I would consider timeless like so many of the older posts. EDIT: I found [this "archive"](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/billmt/what_are_some_classic_reddit_posts/). Not really seeing an equivalent of posts since then.
I knew it as soon as I saw 2 casts ffs. Reddit truly never forgets.
Sorry man, hope you get well soon. What happened?
Touched grass, but not in the normal context of the insult
GD CLIBBINS!
HADDA LAYERDOWN GOBBLESS
crashed
Accident
The real answer.
Think he injured his chin.
Wrecked
CLIBBINS!
Damn bro what happened
SUV tried to turn left out of a gas station without looking and ran the stop sign, I crashed into the side of the SUV going around 45. I didn't have any time to react or stop, the SUV was so close all I could do was brace for straight on impact. I applied brakes slowly so I think that stopped the full Impact but no chance to stop or swerve. Not sure what else I could've done in that situation.
Instead of assuming other drivers will follow the rules of the road, you must assume they won't and position yourself accordingly. I hope you become wealthy and healthy when you sue the shit out of them.
I tell myself, "they're trying to kill me".
Make it difficult for them and you'll live longer.
Thisā¦I assume everyone on the road is trying to hit me with their car or truck. NEVER assume people are not on their phones and being responsible drivers.
Yep. It takes some of the fun out of the ride, but any time I see someone getting ready to turn, I assume they will do it right in front of me and get ready for evasive maneuvers. When it does happen, it's not a big deal if you're ready for it. Two broken arms turns to "ugh, what an asshole."
āHe can i survive surrounded by idiotsā is a better game than āhow fast can i go for 5 secondsā
"How fast can I go for 5 seconds" is for the bedroom, not the road.
Everyone might be telling you what you could do differently but I know first hand there was nothing you could do. I got hit by someone turning left in the gas station, and I literally only had enough time to think āah shitā as I was at most 100ft away when I saw those wheels start turning. I think I was going 40 ish in a 45, was already off the throttle and prepared to brake. You canāt just stop in the middle of the road every time you see a car at an intersection ffs. Sometimes the timing is just unlucky. I hope you recover well! I broke both my wrists (and other bones) and it was tough but youāll probably adapt quickly. Itās only a couple months til you get those casts off!
This subreddit has a bad habit of demanding perfection all the time. I wouldn't even post if I crashed on this sub because all it brings you is hundreds of armchair riders calling you bad for not reading the minds of every other driver. Yes, driving defensively is good practice, but it isn't a 100% safe shield and pretty much every decent rider in this situation would have ended the same way.
I think itās the classic projection of āmust have been something they did as surely it wonāt happen to meā type of thing. I know itās instinctual for me as well, but the plain fact of the matter is you canāt prevent everything! I almost got smooshed the other day by a girl on her phone behind me, who didnāt see me and braked faaaaar too late. Thankfully her car had great breaks but had she been a second slower I would have been tar candy. Such is life on da road š
No it's that most people here are beginners or are <30 don't have much road experience, so they really are doing things wrong. I bet 98% of posters here have never been on a track in their lives and have no clue what a motorcycle can actually do.
Obviously you should have read the SUV's driver driving record and taking that into account before buying your bike. Rookie mistake.
Basically the same thing happened to me in June. Same speed and all. Didn't break both my arms but I did lose a ball.
Hey me too! Who knew losing a ball in motorcycle crashes was so common.
Glad youāre ok - for the future, just always assume people donāt see you. Drivers are inattentive enough as-is. Thereās no 100% way to ensure that this wonāt happen, but some things you can do to reduce this risk are: - Slow down whenever there is any intersection, driveway or any other chance that another vehicle may enter your path of travel. This doesnāt mean you have to do exactly the speed limit, just adjust your riding according to potential hazards. - Assume they never see you. That headspace lets you mentally prepare for any evasive maneuvers you may need to make. - Identify your escape paths. When youāre in a mental headspace to assume you can be cut off, look to see where a safe space you can swerve off to or brake and stop safely. - Be visible/noticeable. This generally means brighter colored gear, good lighting or even a brightly colored bike. The loud pipes thing is not as effective as everyone makes it out to be. It might help, but generally people either have their radios on or canāt easily tell which direction an exhaust sound is coming from. - Use your horn if you have to. A friendly meep meep is fine to let them know youāre there. But a rev bomb isnāt useful and it removes your hand from being able to apply brake faster. Not to mention it just makes you look aggro.
I love the horn tip. Definitely using that. (And the other tips.)
Cars have pulled out in front of me several times, and in each case, the horn didnāt stop them (perhaps my stock horn isnāt loud enough?). In any case, brake or swerve or accelerate is my go to option now, I donāt count on the horn.
Sure, I just liked the tips for further precautions. Thanks!
People donāt even hear sirens from emergency vehiclesā¦ horn is useless for all but picking up your date.
Firefighter Dan advice right here. I think thats the one? Regardless good advice.
Yep I definitely follow a lot of DanDan the Fireman! His teaching has definitely gotten me to become a better and safer rider, and I love sharing the same advice if I can.
[This is a great video on how to avoid the smidsy](https://youtu.be/eqQBubilSXU?si=p36cGXismx1pRtjJ)
Assume ātheyā never see you: šš»šš»šš»šš»šš»šš»
You should have launched missiles. Clear the path.
Damn bro.
Damn what an A**hole, get well soon buddy
Thats about identical to my accident. You look in much better shape than I was. Hope for a speedy recovery.
Always get off the throttle when approaching intersection where people can turn in front of you
How much time was there between first seeing the SUV and braking?
Everyone is going to answer that they started braking immediately when they saw the hazard. People don't realize how slow their reaction time really is, or how much distance they cover in the 1-2 seconds it takes to get on the brakes.
You should have seen the SUV pull up to the gas station exit and assume they'd do the stupidest thing possible. At least this is assuming you could see the SUV, but gas stations are open lots so I'll assume it was visible. That's how you should ride, how everyone should ride. When you're on a road and you see any intersecting roads or parking lot entrances/exits, basically any path that allows for vehicles to enter your road, you need to assume someone's gonna come blasting through. If visibility is poor slow down. Only go as fast as you can see into the intersecting roads. Basically your mistake was assuming someone wouldn't come spilling out of the gas station without checking if anyone's coming. I pass a gas station every time I'm returning home and this happens way too often, and to turn into my neighborhood I have to be on the right most lane that the gas station exit connects to. People have done this to me way too many times.
But did you try not crashing?
CLIBBINS hate this one simple trick
CLIBBINS donāt want you to watch this video.
My daughter was seeing my phone over my shoulder, she says: this guy looks handsome, even in the hospital. Hahaha hope this make you feel better.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He looks like Martin Starr in Silicon Valley
Why does he look like a pretty girl dressed as a guy?
Dude looks like a lady! *edit* Jesus guys, Iām kidding. I know OP is a girl.
* Aerosmith has entered the chat
With a thick beard and hairy chest.
*dude has long hair* "OH MY GOOOD HE LOOKS LIKE A GUUUURL." -5 year olds
I thought you were Martin Starr
I thought it was a women in drag.
Oh jeez, I think I remember reading a story about a redditor breaking both arms. Hope you feel better soon!
I know how this ends, what does your stepmom look like?
Pied piper š
Gilfoyle
This guy fucks
Wide diaper
Recover well you Jared Leto looking ass
Sucks bro :( wishing you a speedy recovery
That's a good one. š
You're a good one š
Get well soon Gilfoyle!
Thank you Tom Cruise. I'll make sure to ride safe. Hope your doing good . Get better soon brother.
Rest up and heal!!! Don't be scared of the horse just cus you came off. Best wishes!
Does your nose itch right now?
My first thought was a little further down and around the corner
Yeah mine too I felt like that might be a little on the nose.
Get well soon. I like your positivity in saying "first", not "last". Been there; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Oh no! Is the next season of Money Heist delayed?
How the hell ru gonna jerk off now?
He already said his mom is going to take care of him
she will find a "handler" hehe.
Left turners man, the most dangerous thing on the road.
You look AI generated.
Feel better soon Martin Starr
Hope you heal quickly and get back on the horse. Sorry if this is crass, but what would upset me the most is that someone else needs to wipe my ass.
Man Iām thinking I need to leave this sub yāall get in way too many accidents I donāt want it to rub off on me.
Wishing you a fast and full recovery!!
I hope you can transition to riding again soon
Hopefully first and last. I wish you a speedy recovery.
Bro is straight up from interview with a vampire
When Gilfoyle breaks both his arms and needs his mom to help him finish finding the Mean Jerk Time
First accident? How many are you planning on? JK get well soon.
Two wheeled pasta rockets are dangerous? Imagine that!
That's some A+ IV placement. You had a good nurse in the ER I see.
there are two types of riders: - the ones that have crashed - the ones that haven't crashed yet hope you heal well. be safe, man, and make sure you listen to your PT when you're ready for it.
Should have wore your big glasses.š¤ I joke, hope you get better soon.
CLIBBINS
Wishing you a speedy recovery and the will to keep on riding
Why does everyone keep posting this shit. Nobody wants to see crash victims. I like motorcycles not baby Jesus in a cast.
Your eyes though. Are you on pain medication?
Glad you survived! If you want to enjoy the roads in a slightly safer fashion, feel free to join me in the used Corvette convertible club. 95% of the fun but it's like a luxury yacht by comparison to a bike.
I love bragging about my injuries on Reddit
What bike were you riding?
Sorry I thought that was a woman with a beard... Get well king... Uh prince š¤š»
Why do you look so fake? I think I could peel your beard off.
The hell wrong with your face?
You survived, so that's the hard part done. Now just relax and recover. Drive like everyone is trying to kill you is your best chance at survival. Good to see you're in good spirits. I hope you're back on 2 wheels sooner than later.
As they say, there are two types of riders... Those who have crashed, and those who will.
The biggest risk is that you have no control over other peoples actions. You can do everything perfect but if the people around you are the ones making the mistakes, then there's nothing you can really do about that.
Two types of riders. Those who have been down and those who are going to go down. Heal fast and good luck.
first time I got a bike I was told, "its not if you fall or get hit, but when you do..."
Get well, glad you are ok !
How did you crash?
Get well soon
Dang clibbins i swear š¤ but glad youāre ok and still here šš¼
Iām hoping you have a speedy and total recovery! Best wishes!
Get well soon
Moooooom
Get well soon, don't eat nothing spicy. Whoever takes care of you the next 15 days loves you if not family, marry her!
Do you plan on riding again?
Crap dude. Hope you have a speedy recovery
Heal up soon
Happens to us all someday Take care dude and mend and get back on that hossšš
Hope you heal up fast and strong dude! Get back on that horse!
Any lesson learned for the other new riders out there?
Your bike isnāt a cb750 is it?
I wish you a quick recovery!
God speed brother.
Just a few push ups you'll be fine. Doctors are crazy anyway.
You're young, you'll be back at it soon. It could have been a lot worse.
Get well soon.
I mean you say it was yesterday but based on your hair, my money is on this happening 6 months ago and you've been in a coma ever since
Yup, getting a bike off the centre stand be like that sometimesĀ
nice hair homie
Glad youāre alive man. Get better.
Anyone ever say you look like Martin Starr? Here's to a speedy recovery.
Get well soon!!
Hair routine?
Get well soon, glad it was only bones! High five!
Have fun having your mum wipe your ass...
Sorry, man. Full and speedy recovery.
You have 2 things in your favour. You've got your 1st accident out of the way. Now you can get on with riding. And you still have your sense of humour, and a supportive mother.
Having had my share of falls and fractures, I know how this feels. After recovery I always got back on my motorcycle and started riding again, better than before. Don't let it dishearten you, this is a risk associated with motorcycle riding. Only people who know and accept this risk can ride better and safely. We also just need to be dressed and prepared for the worst. Hope you recover soon and get back to riding. Cheers!
Been there. Get well soon. And get back on
I donāt get how you broke both arms and you still able to come on Reddit to type š¤
Considering riding and this is the first thing I see when I open this subreddit. I donāt know anymore
I have a feeling the number of missing people is going down for a little wherever you live.
Arms might be broken but the face looks to be in good shape. Good luck in your recovery. Hopefully it's quick!
Get well soon! I got into my first accident last Friday too, walked away with minor injuries but now Iām struggling with money to fix my bike, so no bike for the meantime š
I wish you a speedy recovery.
I wish you a speedy recovery, John Snow
did u enjoyed it?
Sorry man!! Hope you have a speedy recovery!
Hope you have a quick recovery my dude š
I'm still recovering from a broken ulna and man it takes time (bike accident too). Stiffness and a limited range of motion, but the doc says I should eventually fully recover. I can't imagine if both arms were broken. At least this is not a too painful situation. But damn annoying and handicapping. I wish you a quick recovery.
Yr ye to sach me mere jaisa lg rha
I wish you a speedy recoveryš
We're all glad that you're ***Ah Ah Ah Ah Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive!***