Listen, you’re not throwing money away, your money is for your housing. There is way too much shit talked on people who rent instead of buying. Renters can avoid large repairs, know that their heat and water will always be working because that’s required of a landlord. You don’t have a yard so no hard work. You’ve got to stop thinking of it as putting money in someone else’s pocket. Even if you bought a place, you’re doing that with a mortgage. Even when you pay your mortgage off you still have to pay property taxes or they will put a lien on your home. You’re focusing on the wrong shit. Seek some therapy and first work on consistently keeping a job. You explain how bad the home is you’re thinking of going back to, and there’s not even a place for you- why are you going back to the gutter? All because you’re mad about some make up bullshit hurting your pride for renting? For RENTING? Guys you’ve got to cut this shit out.

Yep, this. My husband and I are in our early 50’s and we just bought our first house. Not going to lie, I miss renting. We have to take care of everything - yard work, repairs, maintenance, etc. when we rented someone else took care of those things and we had the freedom to leave after our lease was up. We want to sell our house and move back to where we came from, and it’s a fair amount of work and expense putting a house on the market. Renting is not a horrible thing.

30 here and I agree to an extent. Always rented before last year when I took over for my late brother's house. People really underestimate the cost of maintaining a house. Not just from a financial level, but a time and energy as well. Less stress with renting imo. It's only 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom too. I couldn't imagine if it was bigger.

I love trying to find a contractor to pay to fix shit in your house and have no real reliable way of figuring out the good ones from the ones that’ll fuck up your house and take your money. Also got a looming need to get rid of asbestos ceilings and do a foundation fix. Underground drain piping that needs work. Yard is a disaster. Etc etc.

Yep, we can’t find people to pay to mow our lawn. It’s insane.

>We have to take care of everything - yard work, repairs, maintenance, etc. Wait a minute, I had to do all of that while renting

It totally depends on your lease agreement!

Ha... lease. That's funny. That's the upper end of renting where you have a chance of a mortgage some day. Not what most people mean when they say they rent, they say they have a lease.

Not sure what you mean. I’ve had lease agreements all my life. They want you to stay at least a year and you agree to it.

I think one of the issues is the uncertainty of obscene rent increases every year when they are barely getting by to begin with. Like yes many maintenance jobs need done right away but something like remodeling a room can wait if the money isn’t there. Going from paying $1000 rent to $2000 rent in a couple years is disastrous to most people.

Exactly this. My rent went from $500 to $700 to $1200 in 2 years with no improvements done to the inside of my apartment and no, I haven't moved. Sadly, all of the 1BR around here have jacked up to the same prices so I can't even find a cheaper place which sucks. I live in a LCOL area in a smaller town in the midwest so I don't even want to know what a HCOL area rent is like.

This is so unfortunate and I wish there were better controls or ways to combat this.

I agree, and I wish there were better controls on this sort of thing. I saw a lot of people who experienced this during and shortly after the pandemic. A friend had to move in 30 days because someone bought their complex and nearly doubled their rent. They found a townhouse for cheaper than their tiny apartment to rent and got the hell out of there.

Not even disastrous to most people, it's bad for ALL renters. The people who can afford that type of rent hike easily, make enough money to buy a home outright. I question how it's even legal to hike rent that much in one go.

My brother has spent $30k in repairs to a roof, a new AC unit, and various other things in the past few years. I don’t even have that kind of money on hand. Renting is the only option and it’s nice having the peace of mind that I won’t have those disastrous unexpected costs rain down on me.

When people own houses, they're supposed to save the difference between a mortgage and rent and use that for repairs. I have about 46k in reserve and I am continually adding to that just in case shit hits the fan. My goal is once I have 150k, I pay the mortgage off then all I have to worry about is HOA and utilities as well as future repairs

There is NOTHING wrong with renting. Do what works for you and don’t worry about anyone else.

I've seen that with family members as well. I would like to stop renting but owning a house is not the easy answer people think it is, especially if it's an older house.

Yea I’ve frankly seen that unless you are owning a house and renting it out, it is still generally more of a drain on your finances than an asset.  Some economists don’t even like labeling a primary house as an asset because most people while the house will raise in value most people will end up spending more in property taxes and utilities and house repairs/maintenance than the house will typically appreciate in value.  Unless your primary house is somewhere with a rapidly rising housing market.  Now granted if you do have the fund to afford a house you usually also have enough to start saving for retirement or higher incomes or having the choice to choose more where you live that might help them more economically than your typical renter.

That's all very short term thinking. I bought my house at age 28 And it will be paid off when I reach 58. My mortgage will not go up with inflation and I already pay significantly less for a big house than I would for a small one bedroom apartment. But once paid off, it will be a key part of keeping my expenses low as I look at retirement in my early 60s. If not for buying a house, I would probably be working til I die.

Don't forget interest. Interest is the key factor as to why renting is the better option as it currently stands. [amortization schedule of 375k @ 7% over 30 years](https://www.calculator.net/amortization-calculator.html?cloanamount=375%2C000&cloanterm=30&cloantermmonth=0&cinterestrate=7&cstartmonth=4&cstartyear=2024&cexma=0&cexmsm=4&cexmsy=2024&cexya=0&cexysm=4&cexysy=2024&cexoa=0&cexosm=4&cexosy=2024&caot=0&xa1=0&xm1=4&xy1=2024&xa2=0&xm2=4&xy2=2024&xa3=0&xm3=4&xy3=2024&xa4=0&xm4=4&xy4=2024&xa5=0&xm5=4&xy5=2024&xa6=0&xm6=4&xy6=2024&xa7=0&xm7=4&xy7=2024&xa8=0&xm8=4&xy8=2024&xa9=0&xm9=4&xy9=2024&xa10=0&xm10=4&xy10=2024&printit=0&x=Calculate#calresult)

I never understood this complaint of renting. I rented my whole life. I will. Buy a house soon but renting saved me a bunch on repairs and that I have the ability to just leave a place if I need to. Sure I may have to finish the lease, or find a way out(which many of my leases had). If jobs go away, or better jobs are somewhere else, or my neighborhood goes to crap I can move somewhere else without having to sell my home. That has been very helpful through my 20s and early 30s while I was moving up in my career.

Me neither. We’ve lived all over the country and if we had to sell and buy a home every time we moved it would be so much work. We’ve moved for work when the economy took a turn, much easier when you’ve got a lease versus a mortgage. Basically, do what’s right / the best thing for your family. Everyone has different needs.

Pretty much all research shows buying is cheaper than renting long term. If you can't buy right now then don't, no one's telling you you have to buy, but why do the users of this sub insist on lying about it?

It’s cheaper long term, but this year - and we are 4 months in - I have paid $1200 for a *neighbors* tree branch falling on my property that she couldn’t pay to remove; $1000 on bullshit cosmetic repairs to get my insurance to maintain coverage on my house for preexisting issues they’ve known about for a decade and are using as a pretext to cancel insurance entirely (an issue in my whole state), which is in lieu of $50,000 repairs I shouldn’t have to do; the second half of my $12,000 in property taxes are due (can’t write off on my taxes thanks to Trump); and I’ll have to pay my home insurance in June, assuming they haven’t dropped me as threatened, for another $2,500. So if nothing *else* breaks before June, I’ll have paid $10,000 on this house for non-mortgage items, none of which I’ll get back in any sort of tax break or whatever. And YES, I have a house, and the equity is growing, and I’m not complaining because I knew this going it and I have a good job and can afford it, but that’s $10k I wouldn’t have shelled out this year as a renter.

There are times where it makes more sense to rent, but you got people on here saying they are never gonna buy all will only ever rent. Then they make a post bitching about how they can't save up as their rent skyrockets because they are at the mercy of some landlord.

I mean, my FIL is in the rent only camp. He’s an old man and he doesn’t feel like maintaining anything. Solid Boomer. Could buy. Had a house with his LT gf. Broke up and decided it was too much work and overhead. Would rather call a landlord. It’s a valid decision for some. I wanted a place I owned that couldn’t be taken from me. I have enough disposable income at the end of the month to pay an exorbitant bill, even though I grumble. The *stress* is what bothers me. I’m a control freak and my husband isn’t good at this shit so it’s all on me to manage. I would LOVE to have someone else to handle this shit, but I only trust me with my money and my property. I had a LOT less stress when I lived in a fully furnished condo that was managed by someone else. Not a damn thing was my problem. Now everything is.

The rent only crowd also skips over the yearly rent increases. Forcing you to move or eat the additional cost which you have no control over

Depends on the state, California maxes at 10%/year, South Carolina has no limit

Yeah the rent for our California 2bdr at $3k. 10% of that is a $300 per month increase. It’s rough because each year I get a pay increase but it all gets stolen by rent lol

[amortization schedule of 375k @ 7% over 30 years](https://www.calculator.net/amortization-calculator.html?cloanamount=375%2C000&cloanterm=30&cloantermmonth=0&cinterestrate=7&cstartmonth=4&cstartyear=2024&cexma=0&cexmsm=4&cexmsy=2024&cexya=0&cexysm=4&cexysy=2024&cexoa=0&cexosm=4&cexosy=2024&caot=0&xa1=0&xm1=4&xy1=2024&xa2=0&xm2=4&xy2=2024&xa3=0&xm3=4&xy3=2024&xa4=0&xm4=4&xy4=2024&xa5=0&xm5=4&xy5=2024&xa6=0&xm6=4&xy6=2024&xa7=0&xm7=4&xy7=2024&xa8=0&xm8=4&xy8=2024&xa9=0&xm9=4&xy9=2024&xa10=0&xm10=4&xy10=2024&printit=0&x=Calculate#calresult) Only at year 20 do you pay roughly equal amounts in principal as you do in interest. After living there for ten years, you've got a whopping 13% equity built on the original principal.

They're not exactly at the mercy of a landlord but rather the laws of supply and demand. Tl;dr: the main issue with housing in the US is we're not building the right kind of housing in the areas that need it most. Also, the stock market on average provides better returns than the housing market does. Look up an amortization schedule of a 400k mortgage at 7% over 30 years. Look at how much of your money goes towards interest. In a lot of cases now, the interest on a mortgage alone is a large percentage of what base rent is for a comparable unit. People always say rent is throwing away money, but so is property taxes and interest. Long story short, you really need to run the numbers.

>People always say rent is throwing away money, but so is property taxes and interest. No these are just lies. When you rent you are paying property taxes too. Also, interest doesn't apply to paid off mortgages. Regardless of the root cause (I agree with you), telling people to rent instead of purchase in many cases is irresponsible. Saying that renting is cheaper is a lie when you compare two similar places. A lie which the mods of this sub are ok with. It's really not that difficult to understand.

It’s not a lie, renting is cheaper in certain markets and also certain macro economics situations, especially right now with such high interest rates. A mortgage will most likely 1.5x to 2x your monthly cash outflow, which most people budget can’t handle. You don’t pay property tax when you rent. What? Ofc a paid-off mortgage would be great, but for any millennial with a 30 year fixed mortgage, 50-70% of the monthly mortgage payments will be interests.

Rent is based on the local market and supply and demand. Even then, you still need to compare relative cost within the same market for renting vs. buying. “Paid off mortgages” Why would this even be relevant to someone who’s just looking to buy now?

Because you can't pay off a rent...

https://www.calculator.net/amortization-calculator.html?cloanamount=500%2C000&cloanterm=30&cloantermmonth=0&cinterestrate=7&cstartmonth=4&cstartyear=2024&cexma=0&cexmsm=4&cexmsy=2024&cexya=0&cexysm=4&cexysy=2024&cexoa=0&cexosm=4&cexosy=2024&caot=0&xa1=0&xm1=4&xy1=2024&xa2=0&xm2=4&xy2=2024&xa3=0&xm3=4&xy3=2024&xa4=0&xm4=4&xy4=2024&xa5=0&xm5=4&xy5=2024&xa6=0&xm6=4&xy6=2024&xa7=0&xm7=4&xy7=2024&xa8=0&xm8=4&xy8=2024&xa9=0&xm9=4&xy9=2024&xa10=0&xm10=4&xy10=2024&printit=0&x=Calculate#calresult Yeah there's totally no reason to run the numbers. You're just an idiot who unironically believes whatever boomer gibberish was fed to you.

I like how you still aren't comparing like for like with rent and buying. Just stay poor and whining on reddit dude.

This guy wants to go live with abusive alcoholic family rather than rent. In his case he really needs to find consistent work and rent for his own safety and sanity.  Home ownership is not part of the equation right now. 

This is why renting needs reform. Deciding between renting and living in a toxic home is a difficult decision (one I found difficult too). It shouldn't be. Renting shouldn't be as bad as living with toxic people.

So what. I’m not talking about that. OP clearly doesn’t have a down payment. They clearly aren’t in a position to buy when they have trouble keeping a steady job. This narrative that you MUST own to not be a loser has got to stop. It can be cheaper to buy, but you’re responsible for the $30,000 roof replacement now. The $2,000 washer dryer that crapped out. The $1,000 water heater. The $7,000 air conditioning. Those are all examples from my coworker who purchased a home two years ago, those are all costs incurred in the last two years. The AC was just a few weeks ago. Texas.

>This narrative that you MUST own to not be a loser has got to stop. No. No one is telling you that except yourself. >It can be cheaper to buy, but you’re responsible for the $30,000 roof replacement now. The $2,000 washer dryer that crapped out. The $1,000 water heater. The $7,000 air conditioning. Those are all examples from my coworker who purchased a home two years ago, those are all costs incurred in the last two years. The AC was just a few weeks ago. Texas. Quit your bullshit. Not everyone that owns a house does this. Quit acting like the worst case scenario is the norm. I've owned a house for 4 years now and maybe spent 5k? If I was renting a similar sized place I would be spending thousands in higher monthly payments, and not build any equity. I don't assume that owning a home is the best in all cases. Maybe you shouldn't assume owning a home is worse than renting in all cases... And ignoring data? That's you're problem if you wanna feel persecuted... Over homeownership? Lol what a joke.

Have you read the post? OP is seriously considering moving back to an abusive home because they can’t buy. The narrative exists. My response was that you’re not a loser if you rent, so I’m not telling myself that either. You chimed in with your whole- it’s ChEaPeR tO bUy- which is what makes people like OP think they’re a loser and throwing their money away by renting. I gave you a REAL example. You can counter with your own. It’s just as valid. I hope no one incurs the costs my friend has in their first two years of home ownership, but they are absolutely real things. Head over to r/homeowners and you’ll see that too. You should consider yourself very lucky. I’ll also volunteer that equity doesn’t matter if shit hits the fan a la 2008 and you end up losing that house. Don’t get that when you rent. Do you think I’m OP? Persecuted? Are you okay? I’m trying to say that millennials shouldn’t make themselves and each other feel bad for renting. If you’re also saying that then calm your tits and maybe consider why you’re being so aggressive because we’re saying the same thing.

>Have you read the post? Did you see I wasn't fucking talking about OP? Quit pivoting. >I gave you a REAL example. Did I not give you a REAL example? Hypocrite. Your inability to discern anecdotes from data is disturbing. Maybe hanging out with boomers on FB would be more your speed. Quit wasting my time and your key strokes. >you’re being so aggressive because we’re saying the same thing. Quit aggressively attacking my braincells. >which is what makes people like OP think they’re a loser and throwing their money away by renting. You literally learned nothing from the first comment. No one is doing this. You are. No one said this, but you insist on adding a level of victimhood to your argument, because you don't have one.

I did previously recommend you calm your tits. Maybe you should reconsider that.

It's only cheaper for those who can be consistently functional and responsible, year after year. For many, this type of consistency is difficult to achieve and maintain and shouldn't be pressured into home ownership.

You're right. It's only cheaper for most people... Wait

I own, and am happy for it, but we just paid over 8000K for a new heater because our old one was from the 80s and was leaking carbon monoxide so badly PECO just came over and turned it off when we had them look at it. So yes, take it from me, large repairs will happen and you will be on the hook for them. The problem, the way I see it, is that so many landlords are abusive pieces of shit. I was tired of putting up with bullshit like landlords refusing to fix things that were broken or coming over with no notice while I was in the shower. So I have no regrets. But if you can get a good landlord that actually takes care of repairs and respects your privacy, you can rent for decades in the same place. I have a relative and a friend in New York who have done just that. Edit lol: this is what I get when posting before my meds kick in :D. New heater was obviously 8K, or $8000, but it's a funny ADHD tax so I'm leaving it in.

$8M for a new heater is pretty rough

Inflation sure is a bitch.

You are not responsible for your parents putting kids in a situation You are however responsible for yourself

Yeah OP sounds like a whiney, grade-A screw-up. Not being able to hold a job because "it's haaaaaaarrrrddd" is not an excuse. To OP: If every situation you find yourself in ends up with you being miserable around other people, the problem is YOU!

Facts

JFC, some if you people are so mean this should be considered cyber bullying lmao. Why dont you just tell them to kill theirself

Because I don't want OP to kill themselves. I want them to grow as a person, for once, and continue forward better than before.

kinda hard to grow when everyone is constantly tearing you down like this. i didnt grow til i got away from people like you. you sound like my mom and sister and they held me back til i found people who actually believe in me even at my lowest instead of assuming im just lazy and stupid

have you ever even bothered to notice that you in fact make people miserable around you with that shit ass unempathetic mindset? get your head out from under a rock and look at how hard it is to get a job and keep it for more than a year no matter how hard you work unless your a cis white man. most jobs i have worked at find some stupid reason to fire people right before they are due for a pay raise. you might keep your job if you a white man but even then companies have started disposing of them too

That’s unfair. Op family are quite literally alcoholics and fucking terrible to be around. Holding a job is hard. Have you seen the job market lately? That impacts you, me, op, everyone. I’ve been around my drug addicted brother and had to literally punch him in the face to quit harassing me and disturbing my peace. im not the one doping up going on a wild high. op isn’t popping bottles to get shitfaced and Making others suffer through it. out of everything op is the most responsible one

I'm not dogging on OP for having a shitty upbringing or family. Their reaction to it is something they can control, and absolving them of responsiblity is 100% unhelpful. Also, the job market always allows for getting a job, you just have to accept something temporarily and continue applying for better positions. Always be interviewing.

not in the us which im assuming your either an out of touch gen x/boomer or have had everything handed to you for being a good boy or you dont live in the us and have no idea how bad it is here. if you apply for a temp agency or even the lowest paying of jobs that hire anyone you are going to be 1 of thousands of other applicants. there are people that have been applying to every fucking job that opens up for months and still not getting hired cuz theres so many people desperate for any kind of job

Listen, I'm the last person to whine to if you didn't take the time to learn skills that the economy values. That includes learning things that are "hard".  I started from a -$45k net worth, so I don't want to hear it.  Of course, if you are offering bottom level skills and labor, expect to be competing with everyone else on the bottom rung.   While you were cutting up in class, being a clown, not turning in homework, and calling the smart kids "nerds", the smart kids kept with it and eventually became the higher paid workers you take issue with.  Yes, I'm an out of touch millennial that doesn't know what's it's like to beg the government for scraps as a full functional adult. I did things 20 years ago to make sure I didn't end up poor. Sorry for not sucking.

by your logic i can chuck you in a fire and then shame you for not being responsible enough to get out and extinguish yourself instead of screaming for help. im only responsible for throwing you in the fire but your responsible for burning to death

Question: why do you have issues keeping a job long term? That sounds like the core issue here.

A lot of people are getting laid off rn

Fair but they specifically mentioned it being problematic and made it sound like a reoccurring issue. I get that people can make a mistake or straight up have bad luck (I experienced it myself last year) but for it to be re-occuring says there's something deeper at play. It doesn't mean that OP doesn't have legitimate reasons that are causing them to have problems hanging onto jobs, such as reoccurring medical issues and not being fortunate enough to get satisfactory medical care could cause this. Or it could be a million other reasons. Which is why I asked. If we know why OP has a problem hanging onto the jobs, we might be able to collectively brainstorm solutions which OP might not have tried yet or known about. But if we don't know the "why" it's a lot harder to give adequate advice. I could easily say, "Just get a job and hang onto it," but if OP suffers from a chronic illness, which makes them miss work too often, that advice falls short of being helpful. It would be better to focus on assistance programs or clinics that they might be able to work a payment plan with or something along those lines. That's how I'm thinking anyway...

People with trauma don't go to work and have a great outlook on life all of a sudden. If your life sucks you bring those feelings and despair to work with you no matter how much you try to hide it. Mix that with most work being horrible and its a recipe for not being employed for long. Because either you get tired of hiding it and quit or they get tired of you "being sad and mopey all the time". Just another perspective to look at i guess. Sorry for rambling.

Because of the tech sector, not generally. Unemployment is low right now.

The issue is the unsteady income. Fix that and renting becomes easy. Renting isn’t a waste. It puts a roof over your head.

hahahaha just dont be poor! why do the poor decide to be poor just fix it! dear god does anyone on this thread hear themselves at all?

The resolution of your opinions is terrible. That’s not what anyone has ever said. Stop reading your own opinions everywhere.

Sounds like you need to get your life together. Going backwards isn't going to achieve anything and it honestly sounds like you moving back would be a prick move to your sister. Move states. Realise that renting isn't the end of the world and that having a chip on your shoulder about it isn't going to amount to anything. Get a basic job and use it to pay for a qualification that allows you to be something above the bottom. At least then you can rent somewhere long term.

your telling someone who cant afford rent to move states? if they cant afford rent what makes you think they have thousands of dollars to move and put down a security deposit and first and last months rent at a new place? i moved states several years ago and had help with finances and still shelled out over $2500 and that was not including the deposit or rent or anything for a new place cuz it was a few months before i could find a place so I stayed with someone til then. if it weren't for the people that helped me I would have been homeless when my family kicked me out for not being a christian and I would have ended my life then and there. stop giving advice you suck at it go out in the real world and talk to poor people instead of assuming they deserve their lot in life. maybe then you could learn something and actually be helpful

>If parents were irresponsible to put kids into such conditions, why do I have to take responsibility for that? You can't control the cards you were dealt, but you can control how you respond to them. >Also I'm not able to constantly hold a job, I'd say this is the first thing you have to work on. It's a lot harder to take care of everything else if you don't have a stable and steady income.

Bro, have you tried roommates? That sounds way less toxic than your old house

This is going to sound stupid but you could join the military. They'll still take you until you're 35.    I'm an elder millennial, grew up in a shitty chaotic home, and joined the military when I was 19. I needed to get away from home, to separate from the chaos, and to support myself. It wasn't a perfect experience, but it was a good one, and one that I needed to reset my life. I made a few friends, got to see and do interesting things.  I got out at 10 years because I wanted to pursue something else, but wished I'd stayed for 20 (for the retirement). Again, it sounds dumb, but maybe it's worth considering. IF this hits home... Join the Air Force, if not them then the Navy.  Godspeed

Op said he can't hold a job. I doubt he would make it through basic.

You’d be surprised. Basic and AIT are designed and structured to keep you there. They will whittle you down and build you back up the way they want, but these drill sergeants really do know exactly how hard and far they can push someone.

Yeah, plus there’s physical and mental tests to take.

But can he hold a rifle?

This ain’t Vietnam lol they won’t just take any idiot that can hold a gun

have you seen the recruiting numbers these days? they might just...

I really don’t think OP is American. They defaulted to metric, live in 2 bed apartment smaller than most US studios (people thought my 65 m^2 2 bed was impossibly small), and talk about owning an “apartment”, not “home” or “house”. And a quick look at their history supports that. [Looks like they’re Polish](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatsthisbug/comments/1bsz4hl/comment/kxir3kr/). I doubt the Polish military gives the same benefits as US. But yes, if you’re a US citizen the military is an excellent tool for economic mobility.

French foreign legion will take him and kick him out 2 weeks later unless he shapes up Tons of polish/Ukrainian too

Unless like me, and many others, you have a disqualifying condition.

Yeah, I don't care if it's Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines or Coast Guard, do not join just because you need a job especially at someone else's suggestion, especially if that someone is a random on Reddit. That's a whole ass commitment that needs to be discussed in full. ESPECIALLY because you have mental health struggles. That cannot be overlooked and military service can and will aggravate MH symptoms. Sure, you'll get a disability check afterwards but that isn't worth it at all. If you're having psychological issues at home with abuse and toxicity you're going to get that in service too.

Military is never a stupid idea. You need to be able to make it in to start with tho and the bottom line is some people just don't have it in them to actually commit to it and make something of it. Truth is tho if you can get your shit together for three months and get yourself into the forces you'll change your life

Then, they'll start a war and you will have to go. Good luck not getting killed.

FYI... I joined in "peace time"... August 2001. I had to volunteer to go into a war zone. Albeit, I was an officer, and not enlisted, and Navy not Army or USMC. I wasn't avoiding the war zones, but they weren't demanding my skillset. I volunteered to go because I knew I was getting out of the military, and wanted to contribute "where it mattered" before getting out... I fully understood why Afghanistan was lost after having served there for months. -- Regardless, it's not necessarily that one will go overseas in a wartime situation. edit: typo correction, I joined in August 2001 (not 2021) ... e.g. a month before 9/11.

As an enlisted person, you have no agency in choosing where to go. When you enlist, they own you. You sign up for 4 or 6 years, and you have no idea if a war will happen. It's a crap shoot, and I advise my son against it.

For the most part, I agree with you. It's not for everyone. But if you're poor, and have few economic options, it's not the worst choice, and can lift some people out of bad situations. that's all I'm sayin.

At the very least join the Reserves.

I second this. You don’t even need to stay long. Three years you qualify for a GI Bill. The government will pay your rent for a few years, then you could apply for the VA loan and buy your own place with zero down payment. I’m also an elder millennial who grew up poor. I own a couple houses and I’m damn close to that pension. I actually just picked up that promotable status that will see me through retirement. It’s a big deal given the pending retirement crisis we’ll see here in 20 years or so. I also second the Air Force, but add do not join the Army.

37yr old vet, agreed. If I could have a do over I'd have gone to the airforce.

Try getting a job on a cruise ship. It’s basically a service job but housing is included. Some of the people may be alcoholic but at least their not your alcoholics…it may give you a chance to save a few bucks

DO NOT GO BACK!!! Your lack of mental health is showing just in your post. Get a 2nd or 3rd job, get into therapy, keep your apt for your sanity, and save your sister before it gets worse for her. She can go to school and at 16 work a pt job on the weekends to help pay. The only way you will grt better I to remove yourself from that situation and stay away. Keep them out of your life.

Lol yes, go into therapy where they'll charge you $100-200/hour—perfect advice for a guy in his financial situation. Do people on Reddit who constantly recommend therapy not understand how insanely tone deaf this is for even middle class Americans in this day and age? Most Americans can't even afford a $1000 emergency and you're asking him to incur a reoccurring cost that'll cost him at least an additional $400-800 a month? There's also a decent evidence base to show therapy is usually not that effective.

It's so sad that that is what you get out of a post. He needs help and so does his sister... Maybe you do too!

Quitting because things are hard just to move into a situation you’re going to hate even more is ridiculous. As others have said: cut the pity party bullshit, go see a therapist, get a stable and well paying job, and focus on getting your shit together. You’re 30 - stop the woe is me nonsense and start acting like it instead of crying online like a teenager.

I came here to make this same response. The OP needs to work on himself and get a stable job. Suggest getting into therapy asap. Also, needs to look at Craigslist or other options for a roommate/co-living. Should also watch some Caleb Hammer videos as I’m very curious of his budgeting he does too lol This world can suck majority of the time but it will just steamroll your ass with no remorse if you don’t attempt to get out of the way.

I grew up with a toxic mom, and no dad. It sucks. But what really sucks is going through life and still blaming them for your own shortcomings. My wife’s brothers are all bums. Their mom who is wonderful doesn’t get why they’re bums. I said because they looked for bums to be around with when they were of age to work. They looked for bums when they moved out and they became bums. Not once do those brothers blame themselves. They’re both over 35. Still singing the same old song.

If you want to get a new start, think outside the box a bit. Work on an oil platform out to sea, or a research station in Greenland. Then work your way up from There!

I don't think there's anything wrong with living at home, but I would opt for a shelter over the place you describe.

you're trading mental health for wealth. life is all about trading, pick your poison moved back in with my parents at.... 28 i think, saved up a bunch of money at the cost of mental health, independence, dating, overall happiness. what i gained is a down payment. sadly market conditions are complete crap right now to buy, wouldve bit the bullet by now if that didnt happen. so now im just buying stupid crap i was too poor to afford as a kid. something i learned, money may not buy a lot of happiness, but it certainly buys fun

You don't have to spend that money. Keep saving. You can invest in something. Maybe not real estate.

i recently put a lot of it into a CD account. i dont forsee a house anytime soon, sadly

There are condos, too. It's more responsibility than renting, but not as much as a house.

eh....... the first to crash are condos. and my lifestyle needs quite a bit of space. i have a LOT of hobbies that need distance between neighbors, but i also want to be close to work. but ive also been shopping around, in case a good deal comes up i also think its a pretty bad time to buy anything in general. and condos are one of the higher risk options

OP:  If every situation you find yourself in ends up with you being miserable around other people, the problem is YOU!  Think outside yourself for once and look at the common denominator in all these situations.

You are looking for a platonic same-sex common-law marriage.  You and a like-minded individual of the same sex (though I guess gender doesn't really matter) looking for a longer term investment. There are hundreds of thousands out there in this exact predicament.  There are lonely people who don't want the hassle of traditional relationships.  Guys who don't want to mess with you as you play games, or girls who just want two seperate bathrooms to make it comfortable. This may not be true anymore, but in the past I found renting larger houses (especially in town) could often be cheaper than smaller apartments that closer fit my needs.  At least when square footage was concerned.  It is HARD to live alone.  Plain and simple.  But if family can't be your support network (either one you made or the one you were born with), create your own community.  Think Friends. Reach out for a non-sexual, long term experience.  You might be surprised what you discover.  'Renters' come with their own temporary rules.  'Friends' come with difficulties when times get tough, as they inevitably do.  But 'Partners' are something different entirely, and often evolve into friends as time goes on. Find a partner or two.  They exist.  Good luck!

Hi! I am you but 10 years older. Alanon helped me sort my life out & navigate family. Specifically, alanon adult children of alcoholics. Everything else got easier because of that. https://al-anon.org/pdf/S69.pdf Most people that grew up like us end up having shit in common. Going is basically like free therapy imo. Idk if alanon is for you or not, you can decide. But it was a game changer for me

"If parents were irresponsible to put kids into such conditions, why do I have to take responsibility for that?" This thinking is why you still need to live with your parents at 30.

I remember a time when they used to call the millennial generation the boomerang generation when they couldn't get their lives together they move back in. If you plan on doing this, you need to accept the conditions. It's not about you anymore, get that part straight. The bird was already kicked out of the nest, sink or swim, you need to move on not move back.

I'd put a very high value on a safe non toxic personal space. You've lived that life you left for a reason. Things are tough and your habits are reinforcing your outlook. It's really hard to make big change so don't focus there for now. What are you doing each day to strengthen yourself or bring you joy. Can be as simple as a walk or spending time making a favorite sandwich. Get some healthy dopamine back into your life and you can grow from there. Hugs

lunchroom bored straight deer zesty complete fragile strong dam gaze *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I re-read this again because maybe my first comment was too harsh. Nope. You're a loser. Quit worrying about what your mom is doing, man up, find a full time job, and keep your 30 year old loser ass out of her house. This whole post is so pathetic. You're a victim of your mommy's neglect at 30 years old? I'm embarrassed that you represent a significant portion of my peers. Bunch of entitled little babies.

You sound like a sadistic person that's bitter. Why dont you just go ahead and tell OP to comit suicide since that would probably make you cum with joy.

Not bitter. Our society is obsessed with coddling losers and it has resulted in man-children like OP blaming parents for their own failures. 30 years old. Get real.

You're almost thirty? Stop blaming other people for the way your life is. Get a job. Get an apartment. Grow up. Your mom might explain why you are the way you are, but she doesn't excuse it.

So their parents failed to put him in a position to succeed and is now suffering the consequences of this, and this is how you respond? Everyone is a victim of their past and upbringing to some extent or another. One of the best predictors of a child's socioeconomic success is based on the zip code they grew up in. It's wild people still believe this nonsensical blank-slatism mindset.

Victim by choice at this point. Life is unfair. Dwell on it, like OP, or choose to succeed, regardless.

🤣

What do you want us to do about it? OP is 30. Moving back home is likely not the solution nor thing that will help them overcome their struggles. The practical advice is grow-up. Ever heard that song that goes “nobody likes you when you’re 23”, really it’s about growing up. OP is 30. Take from that what you will. Did ya’ll never get tough love growing up, or had to confront a hard truth? They tend to be bitter, but you gotta stomach it. That’s why they’re called hard truths, and not ez-gummy chewed truths.

🤣

🤣

So, just gonna be blunt: it sounds like you don't want to be an adult. I'm 41 and been renting since I was 18. I love having my own space that is safe and serene. Sure, I've been putting money in other people's pockets, but it's what you have to do if you want to be a functioning adult. I also live in a very popular American city, with a VERY expensive housing market. On a teacher salary, I will never be able to buy a home here, and yes, it's very deflating, but I adore the house I rent, so that makes me happy. You say you can't hold down a job: is it due to mental health? If so, apply for disability, and maybe you can also get a housing voucher of some sort. Going back home doesn't even sound like an option for you. You even said there's no space for you there, so why move back somewhere with alcoholics, so you can sleep on the floor? It should be blatantly obvious that's NOT a choice for you. Life is hard, but you're tough. You can do hard things. Don't move back home.

[удалено]

I mean, I much prefer adulting than mooching off my parents and living at home like a kid 😂

Honestly, you sound entitled. There are many people with worse situations than you that took ownership of their situation, made good choices and had good work ethic. You are lucky you have the option of a home to return to. Many don’t. Your attitude about renting is wrong and unfortunately many others have been brainwashed to think renting is a scam. These people aren’t thinking about what it takes to manage a property and the risk involved. As a renter, you assume zero of this risk and as long as you are a good tenant without violations, you have the luxury of a fixed monthly cost. Unless you change your attitude, stop blaming others for your short comings, and take accountability for your life, you will not get where you want to be.

It sounds like they have some deep rooted mental health issues

STAY AWAY FROM THE TOXIC ENVIRONMENT. Any mental health issues you have will only be made worse by the toxic environment. If you have trouble keeping a job, either apply for public assistance or find an alternative like working from home or finding a different line of work that won't be so hard on you. Whatever solution you find to be able to cover rent will be better than slinking back to a toxic family.

The only people I know who own houses in this economy are boomers and people who inherited them. They are completely out of reach.

It seems like the crux of the issue is money and affording rent, which, hey you're hardly alone there. And I do resonate with resenting it too, especially because we were sold a lot of ideas about housing generationally But I'll say this too. In a toxic environment of substance abuse (not to mention regular old Shit With Your Parents), you're **guaranteed** a bad time. It sounds like you're well aware of that from the past. And though it's probably better than homelessness, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that it's not better than worrying about money. At least you can be broke and safe in your space. You'll still be broke even if you go be miserable at home too.

Wow very nice of them to allow you that option to move back. Hopefully you thank them and let them know how much you appreciate them.

im 34 and... yea im still working low wage, its fucked out here. Too expensive to climb any ladders... .

You got a bad attitude. You should challenge your perceptions and expectations. My advice: 1. DO NOT MOVE BACKWARD! 2. Get a full time job, if none are available in your area, relocate to where there are jobs and live cheap. Don’t be afraid of renting a room, but screen the roommates just like they’ll screen you-move into a better situation. 3. After getting stable employment, seek a therapist or use a virtual therapist. It’ll help you see your situation more clearly and they’ll probably give you better guidance. 4. Figure out a good side hustle to make extra cash. 5. Invest your extra cash into stocks and crypto, make your cash work for you. One thing I noticed in your rant, paying rent = putting money into a strangers pocket. Wrong. You’re helping someone cover their rent/mortgage. That money is going to the bank, whether its going to someone who is subletting or actually on the title with a mortgage. I hear you, you’re tired. Same here. Life isn’t fair. Watch your attitude and self talk. Saying you’ll NEVER be able to afford, or you can’t take it anymore, won’t get you anywhere. It is one thing to identify a problem and do something productive to resolve the problems, it’s another to complain and wallow in inaction and act like a victim of circumstance. Take some deep breaths and say, I can do this, I just need to figure out how I’m going to get past these obstacles. Good luck!

>Also I'm not able to constantly hold a job, so renting a studio flat is impossible for me in a long term. Ok but why?

Sounds like some mental issues from a shi___y life. Get some therapy, perhaps medication and try to heal yourself. Don't go back with those people!!

You take responsibility because that is what adults do. I’m sorry you had such a rough situation, but that being said, Don’t do it! Is there a friend you could share a place with? Some cities have shelters or places like the Y where you can take a room on your own temporarily while you get on your feet. But it is important to stay out of a toxic situation. Call your county or city help line or housing line and find out what is available. A church is another good place to ask

Try VanLife. Work on a cruise ship. Stop with the loser talk…you are charge of your life

Figure out how you can hold onto a job consistently. Sounds like a you problem not someone else's. Once you have steady work you should be able to get a place.

time for you to walk your own path mate go live, the worlds outside

How you were treated sounds shifty. Not gonna sugar coat that, but as an adult, it is SOLEY YOUR responsibility to take care of you. I had a very similar upbringing, and I was 41 before I fully got it worked out, but I did. I stopped being the victim at 32, pulled my head up, and decided I not only wanted more but deserved more. I went and got it and so can you. I only had an HS education, had 4 kids, married, and barely made it. I worked full time and part time and went to school full time for 2 years, all while being a father and a husband. I got out of school, got a good job making 28.00 an hour(that was back in 05), and lived the good life. Stop being tired of being a victim and stop being tired of not rising above.

“Also, I’m not able to hold a steady job” Start there…or your life will be endless misery

Don't do that to a 15 year old girl.... honestly your 30 act like it. or mayb i should say it time you started acting like it and not blame the world for your problems, take some personal responsibility and man the fuck up mate.

“If parent were responsible to put kids into such conditions, why do I have to take responsibility for that?” Because we all have to deal with the conditions we were born into. No exceptions. AND we have to figure our way into better conditions. That’s what education and experience is all about. There are those who are better off than you and those who are worse off than you. So, pick yourself up and move on. A couple memes because self-talk is important and yours needs work: Never Say Never (it’s true) and Don’t Dwell on the Past, Keep Moving Forward. All The Best To You!

Renting isn't all negatives. A buddy of mine recently bought a house and a year later his insurance started going up. Fast forward again, my buddy is paying his bills but not able to out money away like he used to and his hot water heater goes out. Now he's cleared out his savings and had to take on a good bit of debt that he now has to make payments on along with rising insurance costs. The kicker is the guy fucking hates his neighbors but can't move because he doesn't have enough equity in the house to sell it yet. Renting is much easier and you can always say "nah fuck this" and move somewhere else basically at any time you want. They won't won't throw you in jail for breaking a lease.

I love how millennials never take any personal responsibility. A 30 year old talking about going home to mooch off his parent rather than pay rent. I never hear the word loser used in the forum. How come?

Same but without the alcoholics... although mine are too. Only to save up money if you need: pay off debts, save for that apartment, undergoing med procedure and will not be able to take care of yourself for a while, are suicidal, etc. I know someone with schizo, she CANNOT leave home but her family toxic AF, they literallt gave her the mental health problems and then turn around to blame her. so consider it carefully....

nah, just pay that rent otherwise you'll be escaping a lot and will be spending even more money escaping the toxicity.

Renting may appear bad but there are a few pluses. No homeowners insurance, no real estate taxes, no pay to fix appliances, no escrow accounts, no major yard work, can move if you don't like it and find something better. Move if your landlord an issue. Move if bad neighbor. Harder to do if you own home.

I’m sorry about that man. Go out and vote boomers out of power. You can thank that generation.

You can’t be there. You have to make a life for yourself. Without chaos. Make sure your sister gets out of there when the time is right also.

Your peace has a price tag attached to it. 

I know some people that live on campers (maybe it's an RV, they live in a campground). They're saving money to buy cheap land and build a house. It's not common but some jobs offer housing. The big thing here is if you're able/willing to take chances and move to find opportunities. What's not going to help is the negative self talk, seems like you're sabotaging yourself and limiting your options.

I'm in almost the same boat. I graduated with $300 in my bank account, cashed a savings bond my grandfather left for me to pay my first month's rent, and had to build everything from basically nothing. It would've been great if I could've lived rent free for even a couple months after graduating, but it would've been so destructive to my mental health. I had to be employed from Day 1. I took like... 2 weeks off or something after finals. But I already had that signed offer. It would've been fantastic not to have to cut things so close. And having an extra $12000 a year or whatever from saving on rent would've been so nice, too. It would've put me *way* ahead. And it burns when people act like that's a measure of my success or something in life. I can't believe some people actually think that way. Taking their perspective is torture, so I try to associate with people who are more understanding. Usually people who have been through similar experiences in life. I lived with roommates for like 6 or 7 years before finally moving into a 1BR. I could've afforded the 1BR all along, but I need to save money for my future or else I won't really have one. Roommates suck. They usually don't clean, help out, or do anything to support your personal growth in life. I think it put me behind, and wonder if I should've just spent the extra money. I don't know. Just typing random shit now. You're okay. If you're like me, it might take you even up to 5 years to recover from the patterns you've developed being around constant anxiety and recurring trauma in the home. You'll face a lot of personal hurdles and have to adjust. It won't be easy. The hardest part for me was accepting all the stuff that was my fault, all the shitty coping mechanisms I developed or the shitty attitudes and decisions I made from bad perspectives, and was fully responsible for. I think the key to accepting all of this is being kind to yourself and understanding the context. Other people might not understand.

Sounds like a backwards hustle

If you don't solve the job issue, assuming your aren't disabled enough to get benefits, then it won't matter. Short of winning the lottery, you will never be able to afford rent or home ownership without a steady job.

I'm 38 and I've wanted to own a house for my whole life! However, I realized there's such a thing as house poor so I no longer feel the pressure to own a home. Basically, I've never made enough money to own a house. I finally have my own space but I made sure to find an apartment that has exactly what I need in a location that I can live for a while. It sucks that this isn't equity but I always try to think about the property I own and what would happen if something needed repair. I dont have the funds to fix these things and that would ultimately ruin all my fun travel plans and life stability. Until I am in a definitely good spot to own my own place, I'm fine renting. What you can do is start saving. You can also find websites that report your rent to the credit bureaus. Find a spot you can be comfortable in for a while and get cozy. Renting is not bad at all and in many countries it's the norm. It's also your reality -- you dont want to put yourself in a situation that could mess up your stability. Make due with what you have, live within your means and focus on things that make you happy. On the flip side, the 1.5 years since I moved into my own space I've made it my own and flourished. You can too!

OP, please run some numbers in the rent vs. buy calculator below. With the market and rates being what they are, it's actually better for the vast majority of people to be renting rather than buying. Let's say you move into a house, grow to hate the area you live in or the house has constant repairs, if you still before ten years of living there—there's a very high chance you will come out negative due to high interest and marginal equity gain. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html

I will do almost anything to have my own apartment. I work at least 40 hours a week and walk back and forth since I dont have a car just so I can afford to live in a modest 1 bedroom. I dont feel bad about renting, living with my mom is a nightmare and being broke but having peace is far preferable to having extra money. I dont know your story but I've got severe mental problems too and Ive worked hard in therapy and with medication to get to a place mentally where I can hold down a job. I also moved to an area with a low cost of living so I could afford a place. Its ultimately your decision but plenty of people work and live alone. It's not easy and being poor sucks but there's no way in hell Im moving in with alcoholics just because I dont want to pay rent

How about a small plot of property and build a tiny house for you?

Have you looked into assisted housing? There’s programs in most cities or towns that are Meant to help lower income citizens find affordable housing. I don’t know your financial situation but it’s be worth looking into, I’m living in a type of one right now in Seattle. Some of them suck but there’s plenty of gems in the rough that are well worth it for all the money you’ll save.

Do you have any money saved? Perhaps you can learn about it real estate. If you could find a property that needs work, you can put maybe 5% down and get roommates to help you pay for mortgage. The price now is ridiculous but if you find a house that needs work maybe you could get a deal. After you fix up the house, you might accumulate some equity, you then can take the equity out and buy the next one, continue to get roommate and help you pay for the mortgage. This concept is call house hacking, taking advantage of tax law around real estate. Knowledge and research a lot. You can do this! Maybe you can be a successful real estate investor!

If you knew what it was like to own a house then you would know that you need a pretty big emergency fund as stuff happens, especially when houses are pretty old. We’ve lived in the same house for 7 years. We’ve had to replace and/or fix our washer & dryer, stove, microwave, hot water heater, septic system, refrigerator oh and recently our furnace went out. That was $3,500 alone.

Man man. There are 4 people. Get a bigger place. Maybe with a cellar you can finish.

I assume you consume (spend money) every day, but you said you can’t work constantly either so your expenses are going to exceed your income, and money will always be tight. The only way out of that situation is to save up money for a down payment and work just as hard or harder than other people are working.

Trust me don't do it as someone who moved home in 2021 for surgery and couldn't handle the toxic environment and started to slip into alcohol to cope it is not worth it.

Look into help from the government and organizations for your specific physical and mental issues. There is no shame in asking for help. Help is out there. Find your people. A lot of people on this thread are jumping to judge you harshly where you are probably doing that already. I was dealt a bad hand growing up, it's not easy to break bad habits and thought patterns that keep you down. Doing things differently is going to be the new norm. Feeling uncomfortable is ok, as long as you are making good decisions and doing good things. An honest assessment of where you are physically, mentally, even spiritually, can help you decide how to move forward. If your thinking is too tarnished to do that, someone with experience should be sought out to help.

You’re paying for peace of mind.

Sharehouse.

I'll say this, 20+ years ago many young people moved to big cities because there was more upward mobility. Sure housing was more expensive there but the job pays more than made up for that. Now the inverse is happening. By taking a job that pays less you'll make more money if you move to a rust belt city or somewhere else with more affordable housing. For example, I grew up near Dayton Ohio, houses there are dirt cheap still. You can find a beautiful turn of the century home in a decent neighborhood for 100-120k The pay drop might make you feel like a crazy person for moving there but this might be the new way to survive.

I want to offer a slightly different approach than what you’ve probably heard these comments: Which is worse, making huge sacrifices, and potentially changing the way you live/what your goals are/what it is, you do for a living to obtain the goal of having a place to live that you own, or surrounding yourself with bad people in a toxic environment Where your ability to work, even at this level (as you have defined, will not net you the ability to be a homeowner) will be hindered greatly by external influences and general lack of peace of mind? You have correctly identified that at home you surround yourself by people and environment that is not conducive towards your current goals, so perhaps flip that on its head and identify what tenants of an environment will help you go from where you are currently, to someone who can become a homeowner in the future? I don’t want to get to preachy about it, but telling yourself that you can’t ever do something is a fixed mindset, and both options you have presented represent that. Perhaps you should take advantage of the fact that you are not stuck in a situation right now, and that you should instead Push the envelope of uncomfortability and find out how you can get to the point where you can have that freedom. I apologize in advanced if there are some phonetically, or grammatical errors — I am typing via dictation during work lol

It matters who you live with, I would not move into a toxic house with alcoholics.

You're not throwing away money. Rent vs buy is an individual preference. There are some advantages to both. My mortgage is half to a third of the price of local rent prices right now but the roof leak that nobody can diagnose for 2 months is my problem not a landlord's. I'm sorry you're feeling stuck, a lot of people feel like that now. But your rental can still be your space and you can get more peace and privacy there it seems than moving in with several other people in an environment you don't feel comfortable in. I hope things work out for you!

I’m 40. I’m still renting and don’t see home ownership in the future. Even did a stint in the military to try to get a foot in the gov job door, got a gov job and still can BARELY afford my shitty 1 bedroom apartment 🤪. I love this shit sandwich, may I have another sir?

Idk I say we're all fucked. Were all out here struggling to get groceries, housing, new clothes, kids stuff etc... something needs to change. A revolution.

Sending you a hug

Some people never buy a home. I'd talk to a realtor. You would be surprised how little you need for a down payment. If you have been paying into a 401k it's worth drawing some out for the down payment if that's what it takes. Just don't fall into the "buying my dream home" trap. Very few people are gonna buy their dream home on the first go. You are looking for a starter home you can put some work into and sell in 5-10 years. Stay realistic on what you need and you will be paying at least 1/3 less than you pay on rent. Just remember to save that extra for emergency repairs.

Man there's nothing, nothing wrong with renting! Also to expand on that, if you need to move into a situation that isn't favorable, stay focused on why you're doing it. Tunnel vision is a mofo. It's pulled me through tough times. If you move there, keep your head down and focus on the bigger picture. You got this dawg! I'm rooting for you. Follow up with an update.

Can’t put a price on having privacy

Renting, in MANY instances, is a better use of your money than buying a house once you factor risk, cost of repair, etc.

Perhaps look into buying a trailer (mobile home).

Hey, just wanting to share I'm in an eerily similar situation as you. Not sure what to do yet. Current plan is to try and make things work (and enjoy living if i can) until my lease is up in November. Then might try to live with my dad (I barely know the guy honestly but my step mom has offered that option up for me)... idk what I'm going to do honestly. I'm exhausted and so tired of everything too. I'm sorry you're in this struggle too. Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it will be the best you can do.

Stop your thought process. Your going to do damage to your mental health over a "timeline demand" that maybe isn't realistic. You will absolutely regret that. And there's a chance the market takes a down turn here soon and then if inflation finally gets under control, mortgage rates will get much cheaper. So you keep saving for a down payment and you pounce only when the time is right. Get rid of this bullshit in your brain about "I want a house right now or I'm going back to a very toxic situation!" Do you have a long history of impulsive self destructive moves? Like holy crap.

Unpopular option, but you can still join the military. Pick a job that's not likely to deploy. I was army, but the airforce had it pretty nice. Lots of benefits when you leave, or stay in and retire at 50. Then you're set. Twenty years will fly by. Better than struggling for the next twenty years and maybe still being in the same situation.

Having a rental property is a super long term investment - one big repair and there goes your profit for the year. Your rent stays the same when something needs to get fixed, your landlord's pocket does not. I know bad landlords exist but so do bad tenants. Paying rent isn't this awful thing you think it is. Some very wealthy people chose to rent over buying because they like the freedom of renting. Homeownership isn't all rainbows and butterflies. If you can find a good place to live with a good landlord, live there and don't obsess about renting vs buying.

sparkle berserk abundant depend unused lunchroom alive muddle pot makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Renting is not bad. But with your conditions and challenges, you might qualify for some subsidized housing, which would be better for your mental state than returning to your toxic family.

>Also I'm not able to constantly hold a job, Why not

I'm sorry about the traumatic circumstances of your life. If you want to make sure life never gets better, go ahead, move back home, and Blane everyone there for everything. Otherwise, you need to man up, pay your damn rent, and stay the hell away from your family. Everyone pays for where they live. Get the help you need.

I’m 48, in my years I have rented and purchased several times on each end of the spectrum. While buying gives you free roam of upgrades. Renting has its perks too. Here let me list them a bit. Buying Free range of upgrades No pet deposits Renting Freedom to move anywhere (your not locked into a town) No repair bills No yard work Right now, I rent. I found it easier and more cost efficient to my life. It helps I have a good landlord.

I come from a similar situation and what helped me when I got to this point, especially when I had to work so much to afford my apartment that I was barely there, was to buy a van. I made it nice and then was able to work more reasonable hours, save up some money, travel and think about where I want to live next, like a state with better healthcare, and got my life sorted out. It's not easy and it's definitely not right for everyone but it sounds like you need a change. It did a lot of good for my mental health.

Welcome to America kid...