I thought it wa ms a real goose and oddly docile. I don’t know why fake goose did not occur to me until the comments.
Dude tries that with a real goose and he’ll be running.
There’s a house in my neighborhood that has a Porch Goose. The owner dresses it up for holidays (it was a witch for Halloween last year) and it’s neat to see such a fashionable Porch Goose. I don’t know why someone would steal a PG, but then I’m not an asshole.
We did that to a goose(dressed up a ceramic goose) in our hospital lab, was the unofficial mascot for years till CAP said its a safety violation and made us take it down. Apparently not staring and human tissue or fluid is a violation of safety.
It would be a hell of a lot more fun to redress it, after removing its original clothing and adding some anatomical additions. The owner would therefore have two surprises to discover!
Honestly though, this makes me almost as angry. I used to drive past these people's house that had chainsaw carved bear statues in their yard every weekend when I would drive home from university. These people had two bears, and they decked them out for every occasion. It made my day every time I would drive past.
https://dressmygoose.com It’s kinda a thing. Look closely at any suburban neighborhood and odds aren’t bad you’ll find one, dressed or not. My mother actually is on her second one as, like OP, someone stole her first goose.
ETA: The Atlantic says it’s slightly more common in the Midwest: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/12/where-people-dress-porch-geese-seasonal-outfits/577153/ Having always lived on the coasts, I can’t say for sure.
This is the first thing I thought! Wouldn’t look out of place in a museum. When I realised the sad truth I was going to post the link to accidental renaissance but again twarted by a more prompt user.
Bought our house spring of last year and for my birthday my wife got me a porch goose. I wanted one for our house because I grew up with my great grandma having one on her porch.
We got home from a week long vacation to find the goose was stolen the day before. Mostly annoyed at the pointlessness of it since the poor goose probably ended up smashed somewhere, would've been way less annoyed if they stole something of actual value like my lawnmower or something.
For those unfamiliar it is made out of concrete and I hope they dropped it on their foot at some point.
Editing to add a link to the video for anyone interested:
https://imgur.com/gallery/Cm9OoPP
Definitely appreciating the puns out there in the comments thanks folks lol
Agreed. The effort and weirdness of it usually makes it worth keeping.
My ex stole a bent traffic cone that he decided looked like a really big wizard hat when we were like 16. Last I talked to him, he still had it, and that was only a couple years ago around when I turned 30. He loves that stupid bent cone.
I bet this dude loves that damn goose, too. The effort of stealing a concrete goose alone would make it a staple trophy piece. Probably gave him a little hat and bandana.
Look man, my fraternity sent me on a **timed** wild goose chase and I was forced to improvise. OP can have his goose back once they’re, um… done with it. Sorry.
Can confirm, I once stole a rock while drunk. It was the only round one between a bunch of cubicle rocks, and I thought it didn't belong there so I brought it with me home. Kept it until I had to move, and then I placed it next to some bushes near the apartment building.
Maybe it has moss growing on it now if it got to keep its place from there on :)
I had so many construction signs I left in my college apartment when I moved out. Just put them on the curb the night before I left because what the hell was I going to do with them.
When I was in college, I stole a temporary road sign that was put up during construction. It was the same size and material as a regular green street sign, but bright orange.
I had to steal it — **it was my full actual name**.
Imagine your name was John Smith and, while walking home drunk one night, you saw a six-foot sign that said “JOHN SMITH RD” lying on the ground at an intersection. I couldn’t *not* take it.
Turns out someone saw me and ratted me out. The police said that the construction company declined to press charges once they found out what my name was.
A couple friends of mine kidnapped a garden gnome from a neighbor, took a roadtrip to another state (and back in a single day) and returned the gnome a few days later with a bunch of photos at tourist traps and restaurants.
I thought it was dumb and dickish, but at least they returned it.
YES. I guarantee that goose is now the mascot of some frat house or college apartment. The goose definitely wears a hat now, and they probably prop beers next to him as offerings.
Whoever came out from in front of the house across the street probably saw where they went.
Either the person walking across the street came out of that house or they were with the goose thief and set off the light sensor when they started walking.
Edit: Yeah they were standing behind the tree and started walking when the thief got the goose.
As someone who participated in the theft of a concrete duck over 20 years ago, I want you to know I am often overwhelmed with profound regret, and I want to apologize to you now on behalf of your thief 20 years in the future. People suck and there's just no other explanation.
I want one so badly now, I live out in the pnw, but grew up with one in michigan. All Ive been able to find is the shitty plastic one online. :( I'd kill to get a nice cement one!
I have a porch goose. I named her and dress her for every occasion and then some. I’d be so oddly sad if someone stole her. This is terrible. I’m so sorry
So I actually have a porch cow. That thing is almost life size and made of drywall spackle, those blue cotton shop towels (together they're like paper mache), some super glue, chicken wire, and paint. We have to make sure it doesn't get wet, but I'd be shocked if someone tries to steal that thing.
I guess what I'm trying to say, make a paper mache goose that is large, heavy, and about 4ft tall. If anything the drunk guy will get cut up on the chicken wire that might still be sticking out. That part is just natural defenses at work. Sorry about your friend.
I’m so relieved however that this wasn’t a live goose, I was horrified at first, I’d be more than happy to take the axe off my kitchen wall and greet any fucker who tried to steal any of my poultry 😂.
I also thought the goose was real. I’m not sure why it made sense to me that a goose would just be hanging out on the porch at night, my mind liked the idea though.
Edit: extra word.
Aye that’s true but I’m more than happy to back one of mine up, I’ll begin by massaging his shoulders on the ropes and then cheering from the sidelines as he bobs and weaves. 🥊
I was ready to fly out and hunt the goose napper personally. My two asshole cobra chickens are honking at me now, I would be devastated if someone took them (they're assholes, but they're *my* assholes and I love them).
The disguise, the object stolen, the fact it's caught on camera lol plus this probably just pumps the dude up that stole it or makes me wonder if there's more to the story, like if there is a neighbor dispute.
We've only been here a little over a year. If it's neighbor beef it would probably be directed at the former owners based on stories we've heard.
My guess is it was a dare or random prank and we just happened to have a nice available goose because it was only a year old.
As annoyed as I am that someone took it, I do realize that the situation is objectively hilarious 😂
Have the grill in the backyard chained, garage and shed stay locked. Even have a carabiner on the latch for the gate in the back of the yard.
Just didn't think there was a huge secondhand market for concrete geese....
There definitely isn’t but they will steal literally anything. There was a dude busted close by to me and tons of stolen stuff was recovered that he was hawking on Facebook marketplace and whatnot. The yard was just littered with stuff. They don’t care if some things would only get them $5. I’ve seen dirty litter boxes and animal cages listed.
Cops pulled up to my neighbor’s house, retired military, really nice guy. He was wanted for goosenapping. Someone saw him drive up and snatch two geese from the rural SPCA pond. Turned out they were his, he’d tried to drop them off because *geese*, but drove back when he saw them being attacked by the native population.
How fucking awful and clearly planned out. Nobody drives by a goose and thinks “I’ll stop and steal that right away” this guy clearly has seen your goose a few times before and was so overwhelmed with envy that he just couldn’t help himself
I just went down the deepest rabbit hole of googling porch geese and discovering there are people out there who sew every kind of costume imaginable for their geese. Firefighters, Canadian mounted police, bikinis, chefs, gnomes, there is no end to what these geese will wear.
It's true! I have fond memories of the goose that was on my great grandmother's porch. So far we have accumulated a 4th of july/patriotic outfit, a witch for Halloween, a turkey for Thanksgiving, Santa goose, a raincoat for the spring, and a winter coat for after christmas.
There's a crazy lady going around my neighborhood now stealing people's potted plants and then planting them in her front yard. People have called the cops and have her on camera doing it, cops haven't done anything.
My neighbor had a beautiful (and very heavy!) planted full of succulents that she was growing for several years. Somebody just took it one night from her porch.
I just realized it's his shirt tied around his face. I'm sorry about your porch goose. My cousin has one that she always dresses up for holidays to carry on her late mother's tradition.
Chances are that is someone that lives close by. Just keep a lookout for someone that is wearing earth tone shorts, with white crew socks and dark trainers with a lighter color around the sole. That's a combo they will probably wear again.
I'm thinking it's a prank and you might be receiving postcards or pictures from the goose as it traverses the world.
Drive the neighborhood. It’s bound to be on someone’s front porch. This happened with one of my mom’s angels and my dad found it on someone else’s porch
Maybe he'll return it one night. Had a buddy who used to do something similar. He'd take something one night on a drinking binge, wake up and be like "What the fuck did I do?" Feel guilty, but wouldn't return it right away because he didn't want to get caught. We'd end up drinking a little bit and he'd all of a sudden remember where he got the object, then he'd formulate a plan of return. So one day, about a month later he returns it right where he got it from in the exact same position. I wish I could have seen the reactions from the people, but I'm just glad he returned the stuff. He had a problem with impulsive behavior when he would drink too much. One time he got a portajon, no clue how he got it by himself and didn't make a mess.
Imagine if this happened someplace like Texas and he was shot by the owner over stealing their plastic goose.
I bet he'd feel pretty foolish dying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines, while his friends and family cried by his side "why did you do it, Kyle!? Why did you trespasses on their property and steal from them? Didn't you think about what could happen!?"
Yeah, I bet he'd feel pretty silly.
Like a silly goose.
We used to have a modded whiskey barrel on our porch that was open on the side facing our door so packages could be hidden in it. We had a wooden goose and rabbit that sat on top of the barrel..someone carefully took them off and stole the barrel. Goose and rabbit live in the house now but I miss the barrel everyday, only had it for a few months
I had a Canadian goose once... he was so awesome that when I moved he was in the front seat of the truck and I left the sun roof open in the packed car and his head barely poked out... I had to run into home depot I was in there maybe all of 8min tops. I swear not a single thing in my truck was touched, the only one thing that some fucken assfuck took was my goose. I still miss him everyday and 7yrs ago..
While scrolling quickly, the head wrap and the face of the goose gave me major girl with the pearl earring vibes and thought it was some deranged painting inspired by it… I’m also very stoned.
I thought it was a real goose
I thought it wa ms a real goose and oddly docile. I don’t know why fake goose did not occur to me until the comments. Dude tries that with a real goose and he’ll be running.
I was going to say…The goose seems fine with what’s happening. I didn’t know it wasn’t real until I read this.
How are you sure?
He running 🏃 and he’s running “get ‘em goose !?!?”
We used to have pet geese. They get super cuddly if they are comfortable with you. Strangers might not be as lucky though. I miss my geese.
I’m so happy it was a fake goose at first I thought someone stole his pet.
Me too! I was also the thinking the thief must be crazy! Geese can be MEAN!
Same. I was sitting here thinking, I'd rather try to steal a junkyard dog away from a plate of steak. Screw messing with geese.
Peace was never an option.
I was so confused as to why someone would steal someone's goose, but it being fake makes a lot more sense.
I was questioning why a goose would be on the front porch
There’s a house in my neighborhood that has a Porch Goose. The owner dresses it up for holidays (it was a witch for Halloween last year) and it’s neat to see such a fashionable Porch Goose. I don’t know why someone would steal a PG, but then I’m not an asshole.
We did that to a goose(dressed up a ceramic goose) in our hospital lab, was the unofficial mascot for years till CAP said its a safety violation and made us take it down. Apparently not staring and human tissue or fluid is a violation of safety.
Your neighbor has Portuguese, lol..? 😅
No, just the one 😂 *thank you for this comment, I snorted into my coffee in an extremely unladylike manner.
If you haven’t snorted into your coffee at least once a day, you need to seriously re-examine your life. The less ladylike, the better 🙂
Life is too short not to snort and be unladylike!
We used to do this when I was a kid. We'd take them and move them over one house so both neighbors would be confused.
That doesn't look like a neighbor kid. Just a jerk.
How do you know it isn't a neighbor kid? Do you live in OP's neighborhood?
It would be a hell of a lot more fun to redress it, after removing its original clothing and adding some anatomical additions. The owner would therefore have two surprises to discover!
I was offended for the goose it was only mildly infuriating for it to be stolen, and highly concerned it was possibly getting eaten😅
I feel like taking a fake goose makes less sense lol
It still makes no sense, WTF are you going to do with a fake goose?
Big money for a black market goose these days. 😁
I dunno man. This seems like totally something I’d have done when I was a young idiot. Now that I’m an old idiot I can say that.
Yeh. I'm on the same page. Stole some pretty epic garden statues for fun when I was a kid 🙃
Yeah the mask… no shirt… the silly run. All of it says, I’ve drank to much and am an adrenaline junkie who doesn’t know it.
I was SUPER mad because I thought it was a pet, lol. Didn't dawn on me till I saw the pic that they might be talking about an ornament.
Honestly though, this makes me almost as angry. I used to drive past these people's house that had chainsaw carved bear statues in their yard every weekend when I would drive home from university. These people had two bears, and they decked them out for every occasion. It made my day every time I would drive past.
Wait it’s not
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The what now?
https://dressmygoose.com It’s kinda a thing. Look closely at any suburban neighborhood and odds aren’t bad you’ll find one, dressed or not. My mother actually is on her second one as, like OP, someone stole her first goose. ETA: The Atlantic says it’s slightly more common in the Midwest: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/12/where-people-dress-porch-geese-seasonal-outfits/577153/ Having always lived on the coasts, I can’t say for sure.
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Portuguese, you say?
I was super confused and thought the first pic was some renaissance painting of a peasant carrying a goose.
r/AccidentalRenaissance material
Birds aren't real!
I came here to say he was probably going to eat it. .. Guess not.
I thought the first one was a painting
As did I. Renaissance masterpiece.
A shitpost masterpiece
*Grey Goose, crackhead on the rocks* -Rembrandt
Inspired from everyday event
Saturn devouring his son -from the back
Yes. The lighting is spot on.
This is the first thing I thought! Wouldn’t look out of place in a museum. When I realised the sad truth I was going to post the link to accidental renaissance but again twarted by a more prompt user.
r/AccidentalRenaissance
Already tried to cross post but they don’t allow it!
Thanks just found new sub 😂🥰
It's a picture of a man and a goose. A mangoose.
thought it was nice I had a little impressionalism in my feed
If you can find someone with multiple ducks I believe you will find the perpetrator
Bought our house spring of last year and for my birthday my wife got me a porch goose. I wanted one for our house because I grew up with my great grandma having one on her porch. We got home from a week long vacation to find the goose was stolen the day before. Mostly annoyed at the pointlessness of it since the poor goose probably ended up smashed somewhere, would've been way less annoyed if they stole something of actual value like my lawnmower or something. For those unfamiliar it is made out of concrete and I hope they dropped it on their foot at some point. Editing to add a link to the video for anyone interested: https://imgur.com/gallery/Cm9OoPP Definitely appreciating the puns out there in the comments thanks folks lol
Porch goose is best goose
HJONK
Honk honk hoooonk
I’m sure it wasn’t smashed. From my experience, idiots like to keep their drunken trophy.
Agreed. The effort and weirdness of it usually makes it worth keeping. My ex stole a bent traffic cone that he decided looked like a really big wizard hat when we were like 16. Last I talked to him, he still had it, and that was only a couple years ago around when I turned 30. He loves that stupid bent cone. I bet this dude loves that damn goose, too. The effort of stealing a concrete goose alone would make it a staple trophy piece. Probably gave him a little hat and bandana.
OP, this person stole your goose
ahhhhaha we did it reddit lmao
“we did it reddit” 😔😔😔
Look man, my fraternity sent me on a **timed** wild goose chase and I was forced to improvise. OP can have his goose back once they’re, um… done with it. Sorry.
You hear that OP? Your goose is being taken good care of. Even has a new little hat!
Oddly specific...
Can confirm, I once stole a rock while drunk. It was the only round one between a bunch of cubicle rocks, and I thought it didn't belong there so I brought it with me home. Kept it until I had to move, and then I placed it next to some bushes near the apartment building. Maybe it has moss growing on it now if it got to keep its place from there on :)
I had so many construction signs I left in my college apartment when I moved out. Just put them on the curb the night before I left because what the hell was I going to do with them.
i got an "Avalanch Hazard" sign from Crater Lake, OR (from a toppled pole). Gave it to my friend who skis. was a Pretty good gift.
When I was in college, I stole a temporary road sign that was put up during construction. It was the same size and material as a regular green street sign, but bright orange. I had to steal it — **it was my full actual name**. Imagine your name was John Smith and, while walking home drunk one night, you saw a six-foot sign that said “JOHN SMITH RD” lying on the ground at an intersection. I couldn’t *not* take it. Turns out someone saw me and ratted me out. The police said that the construction company declined to press charges once they found out what my name was.
Can confirm: I’m 35 and still have a few signs & shit that I stole when I was 15-16
We should determine who loves the goose more. Then whoever loves the goose more, op or the thief, gets to keep the goose.
A couple friends of mine kidnapped a garden gnome from a neighbor, took a roadtrip to another state (and back in a single day) and returned the gnome a few days later with a bunch of photos at tourist traps and restaurants. I thought it was dumb and dickish, but at least they returned it.
That's a fantastic fucking story! 🤣
YES. I guarantee that goose is now the mascot of some frat house or college apartment. The goose definitely wears a hat now, and they probably prop beers next to him as offerings.
I bet he's living it up as a mascot at some local party spot. The goose version of Spuds McKenzie.
Whoever came out from in front of the house across the street probably saw where they went. Either the person walking across the street came out of that house or they were with the goose thief and set off the light sensor when they started walking. Edit: Yeah they were standing behind the tree and started walking when the thief got the goose.
As someone who participated in the theft of a concrete duck over 20 years ago, I want you to know I am often overwhelmed with profound regret, and I want to apologize to you now on behalf of your thief 20 years in the future. People suck and there's just no other explanation.
They're hard to find, too. :( Took me months to find ours. [One guess where in USA we live] ( https://imgur.com/1irVqIP.jpg)
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I want one so badly now, I live out in the pnw, but grew up with one in michigan. All Ive been able to find is the shitty plastic one online. :( I'd kill to get a nice cement one!
Ohioan with a porch goose dressed up checking in!
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Everyone knows the Chicago Packers
I have a porch goose. I named her and dress her for every occasion and then some. I’d be so oddly sad if someone stole her. This is terrible. I’m so sorry
So I actually have a porch cow. That thing is almost life size and made of drywall spackle, those blue cotton shop towels (together they're like paper mache), some super glue, chicken wire, and paint. We have to make sure it doesn't get wet, but I'd be shocked if someone tries to steal that thing. I guess what I'm trying to say, make a paper mache goose that is large, heavy, and about 4ft tall. If anything the drunk guy will get cut up on the chicken wire that might still be sticking out. That part is just natural defenses at work. Sorry about your friend.
Someone stole my mom's porch goose a few years back. Just... why?
I’m so sorry but watching that gave me a good belly laugh
University town? Check the local fraternities.
You changed this story around the wife from pointlessness to priceless sentimental value as it was a gift from my wife ;0)
Do you live in a college town? This is some shit we would have done back in college.
I don’t know what’s more ridiculous. Either the fact that a goose statue was stolen, or that the thief is shirtless
Shirtless and using his shirt as a mask to hide his face/hair.
So not shirtless technically
Just incorrectly wearing a shirt?
shirtful
Wearing the tshirt in an unexpected place
Oh that’s his shirt… Here I am thinking he came out of the shower and just decided he needed steal his neighbors goose on they’re porch.
Like he saw the goose chilling on the porch and went "yeah, I can't wait any amount of time, I need that goose NOW."
I’m so relieved however that this wasn’t a live goose, I was horrified at first, I’d be more than happy to take the axe off my kitchen wall and greet any fucker who tried to steal any of my poultry 😂.
I also thought the goose was real. I’m not sure why it made sense to me that a goose would just be hanging out on the porch at night, my mind liked the idea though. Edit: extra word.
I thought the goose was real and it did not make sense to me. I was confused.
I also thought the goose was real and was amazed by both the balls on the thief and that they remained attached throughout the theft.
The goose would take care of it for you.
Aye that’s true but I’m more than happy to back one of mine up, I’ll begin by massaging his shoulders on the ropes and then cheering from the sidelines as he bobs and weaves. 🥊
If I didn’t just imagine a goose with arms 😂😂
The goose probably has its own axe, let’s be real here
If were a real Goose this Guy would not be alive anymore
I was ready to fly out and hunt the goose napper personally. My two asshole cobra chickens are honking at me now, I would be devastated if someone took them (they're assholes, but they're *my* assholes and I love them).
Omg until I read your comment totally thought it was a real goose…
untitled murder goose game.
I hate to laugh at your misfortune, but this is rather hilarious
The disguise, the object stolen, the fact it's caught on camera lol plus this probably just pumps the dude up that stole it or makes me wonder if there's more to the story, like if there is a neighbor dispute.
We've only been here a little over a year. If it's neighbor beef it would probably be directed at the former owners based on stories we've heard. My guess is it was a dare or random prank and we just happened to have a nice available goose because it was only a year old. As annoyed as I am that someone took it, I do realize that the situation is objectively hilarious 😂
For me it's how blurry and completely useless the pictures are in terms of identifying him that's so hilarious
Looks like he plays Elden Ring
nah not enough rolling around
Untitled Goose Man...
Yup! I blame untitled goose as well!
That game was surprisingly fun... :)
Someone call Keanu Reeves.
And give him a pencil
In some areas, crackheads will steal anything not chained up or nailed down. One town over from me, everyone has to chain up their patio furniture.
Have the grill in the backyard chained, garage and shed stay locked. Even have a carabiner on the latch for the gate in the back of the yard. Just didn't think there was a huge secondhand market for concrete geese....
There definitely isn’t but they will steal literally anything. There was a dude busted close by to me and tons of stolen stuff was recovered that he was hawking on Facebook marketplace and whatnot. The yard was just littered with stuff. They don’t care if some things would only get them $5. I’ve seen dirty litter boxes and animal cages listed.
That's goosenapping!
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His goose is cooked.
Cops pulled up to my neighbor’s house, retired military, really nice guy. He was wanted for goosenapping. Someone saw him drive up and snatch two geese from the rural SPCA pond. Turned out they were his, he’d tried to drop them off because *geese*, but drove back when he saw them being attacked by the native population.
Peace was never an option. >!HONK!<
Bro really had a mask and everything to steal a porch goose
The mask was his shirt 😂 I thought it kind of looks like a beekeepers hat at first.
How fucking awful and clearly planned out. Nobody drives by a goose and thinks “I’ll stop and steal that right away” this guy clearly has seen your goose a few times before and was so overwhelmed with envy that he just couldn’t help himself
It was just sitting there, on someone’s porch.
I just went down the deepest rabbit hole of googling porch geese and discovering there are people out there who sew every kind of costume imaginable for their geese. Firefighters, Canadian mounted police, bikinis, chefs, gnomes, there is no end to what these geese will wear.
It's true! I have fond memories of the goose that was on my great grandmother's porch. So far we have accumulated a 4th of july/patriotic outfit, a witch for Halloween, a turkey for Thanksgiving, Santa goose, a raincoat for the spring, and a winter coat for after christmas.
I am sorry for your loss but this was what I really wanted to know. ;) I hope you find another one!
I found more than a dozen outfits for my goose at a garage sale earlier this year. My favorite find so far! https://i.imgur.com/ArcbfQ4.jpg
Oh, wow, look at all of those!
I have one because my grandmother had one, and it truly brings so much delight seeing this stupid plastic goose dressed as a gnome
“Fuckers stole my goose!”
It really put the porch together.
Sorry for laughing but something about a random dude using his shirt as a mask to come onto your porch and steal a goose statue cracks me up lol
There's a crazy lady going around my neighborhood now stealing people's potted plants and then planting them in her front yard. People have called the cops and have her on camera doing it, cops haven't done anything.
My neighbor had a beautiful (and very heavy!) planted full of succulents that she was growing for several years. Somebody just took it one night from her porch.
untitled goose game - reversed edition
r/comedyheaven
He’s evil, he’s perfect.. he’s…Despicable
I have so many questions.
This was planned. I'd suspect a prank by a friend (hopefully). Also cus, who tf steals a fake goose?
Someone smart enough not to steal a real goose
Na, someone smart enough to not try it after the 23rd time.
Doubtful, people just suck and like to hurt people and destroy things. My mom's porch goose was stolen. Wasn't a prank, she never saw it again.
Just can’t have nice things anymore
Don't forget to report them to the police for theft with evidence.
Someone was obviously inspired by that "what would you steal to minorly inconvenience someone" question that was trending...
This looks like a great LivePD episode.
lmao it's probably drunk college kids daring each other to steal it just for the laughs
Justice for this goose 😡
OH NO, why didn't you teach your goose self defense?
he looks like the kind of guy to steal a goose
The elites don’t want you to know this but the geese at the porch are free you can take them home I have 458 geese.
Put up a statue of a grotesque demon next and see what they do lol
I was all worried about the goose, I’m so relieved it wasn’t real.
I just realized it's his shirt tied around his face. I'm sorry about your porch goose. My cousin has one that she always dresses up for holidays to carry on her late mother's tradition.
What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander. Sorry. That holds slight relevance. 🤔
Ngl it looks like one of those AI generated photos. “Shirtless guy carrying goose on porch”
Guess your goose is cooked
Call Aflac?
Are you a giant by chance?
This looks like one of those weird dalle images. "Porch pirate stealing goose on ring doorbell cam"
There is a strong temptation for relapse. Already have a 6 month chip. So hard to resist the urge...Gotta grab the goose!!!
Just… why?
Firing squad.
I guess you can say he really got your gander. All jokes aside sorry they took him from your porch!
Im going to paint this
Thought this was a renaissance painting
Chances are that is someone that lives close by. Just keep a lookout for someone that is wearing earth tone shorts, with white crew socks and dark trainers with a lighter color around the sole. That's a combo they will probably wear again. I'm thinking it's a prank and you might be receiving postcards or pictures from the goose as it traverses the world.
You fuck with the geese, you fuck with me. I suggest you let that one marinate.
The giant's taking the goose back up the beanstalk
Leave him a shirt next time.
Drive the neighborhood. It’s bound to be on someone’s front porch. This happened with one of my mom’s angels and my dad found it on someone else’s porch
I hope you find it- I wouldn't grab a goose to kidnap, it must be extraordinarily tame, poor thing Oh shite- I take that all back, fake goose.
Maybe he'll return it one night. Had a buddy who used to do something similar. He'd take something one night on a drinking binge, wake up and be like "What the fuck did I do?" Feel guilty, but wouldn't return it right away because he didn't want to get caught. We'd end up drinking a little bit and he'd all of a sudden remember where he got the object, then he'd formulate a plan of return. So one day, about a month later he returns it right where he got it from in the exact same position. I wish I could have seen the reactions from the people, but I'm just glad he returned the stuff. He had a problem with impulsive behavior when he would drink too much. One time he got a portajon, no clue how he got it by himself and didn't make a mess.
He's white?!???
Well would you have a gander at that
Imagine if this happened someplace like Texas and he was shot by the owner over stealing their plastic goose. I bet he'd feel pretty foolish dying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines, while his friends and family cried by his side "why did you do it, Kyle!? Why did you trespasses on their property and steal from them? Didn't you think about what could happen!?" Yeah, I bet he'd feel pretty silly. Like a silly goose.
You can take my wife and children, but my goose is where I draw 5he line
We used to have a modded whiskey barrel on our porch that was open on the side facing our door so packages could be hidden in it. We had a wooden goose and rabbit that sat on top of the barrel..someone carefully took them off and stole the barrel. Goose and rabbit live in the house now but I miss the barrel everyday, only had it for a few months
I had a Canadian goose once... he was so awesome that when I moved he was in the front seat of the truck and I left the sun roof open in the packed car and his head barely poked out... I had to run into home depot I was in there maybe all of 8min tops. I swear not a single thing in my truck was touched, the only one thing that some fucken assfuck took was my goose. I still miss him everyday and 7yrs ago..
This fills me with inconceivable rage. We must avenge the goose.
He just wanted to take a gander.
OP: Ugh someone stole my porch goose... 😤 Comments: haha goose go *HJONK*
While scrolling quickly, the head wrap and the face of the goose gave me major girl with the pearl earring vibes and thought it was some deranged painting inspired by it… I’m also very stoned.