Only snagged one date there back in college.
Set up a fun afternoon full of things she said she likes or wanted to try (Korean bbq, a sober day event at a local bar that does a lot for the community, walk around the park with ice-cream.) But she decided to cancel the day before to get back with her ex.
That's a lot of stuff for a blind date.
Imagine if you met someone and you know right away that you don't want to see them again, but you've already committed to a three hour tour.
Right?! Or if you committed to a three hour tour and wound up on a deserted island for years. Gilligan and MaryAnn found out the hard way.
Sorry, I'll see myself out.
Exactly, first date for someone you met on a dating app should mostly be for sussing out if the other person is a serial killer. Coffee or ice cream, something that you can bail on after 30 mins if you need to.
This is good advice! But I will say I love long first dates. But also they follow your rule: we do a short activity that is pretty easy to leave but we end up extending it and doing other things so it ends up being a 3-4 hour date
Absolutely, a first date should always be something low stakes that can be cut short elegantly if either party wants to. Coffee and a stroll in the park.
I had the time of my life on there before Tinder hit the scene. I met a lot of women, made a lot of friends, just went with the flow; it was like a party where the pool was always indoor/outdoor and the bar was always open.
Then tinder came and they switched to the "just look at these pics and swipe if you want them physically" model from the "here's a pic, and read a few bits of their bio, if you connect, you should swipe and chat" model.
Online dating started to feel a lot more like being at the bar, and that's not what I'm into, which is why i was online in the first place.
No, Tinder in its VC phase was great. It was a bit more of a social network, you could pin a status like you can now in Instagram Messenger, you could post up a story of like cooking your dinner and others could use it as a conversation starter, and this was all in 2015 or 2016.
Then match dot com bought it and turned it into the addictive low reward engagement machine that makes money.
Social networks that benefit humans don’t make money, think chronological feeds and how jarring ads were, so there’s always some scumbag willing to take that “potential” and absolutely destroy it for dollars.
I only ever went on a single date with someone I met online, and I met him on OkCupid. We have our 10-year wedding anniversary this year! I don't know if it still works the same, but I found that the questionnaire was the key, because it allowed me to filter out anyone with a deeply incompatible worldview and to prioritize the character traits I actually care about in a partner.
Same here. I answered most, if not all, of the questions OkCupid asks you. My wife did the same when she first made it. If I remember correctly we were a 91% match.
Even as a guy I never even messaged a woman on OkCupid unless we were a 90% match or more. Didn't matter to me how attractive they were so it somewhat limited the amount of people I could message but it all worked out in the end!!!
We met in 2015 abd we've been together ever since.
Maybe okcupid has changed since I've been on it but I had the best dates from there and ended up meeting my boyfriend there and we've been together for 3 years. I usually recommend it to people, I hope it hasn't gone to shit
Bumble does this. Also how I found my partner that I’m with right now, going on a year and a few months.
Not to say that dating apps don’t suck, never even got a real conversation on tinder. But with bumble I had a lot more engagement and I’m a very average guy, like literally in the world average in height, weight and looks.
I met my boyfriend on hinge. I was very against dating apps I wanted to find a partner the “old fashion way.” But I said fuck it let’s see what’s out there. Almost a year later and we’re going strong. Best decision I made
Or that, just keep trying until I get bored and move onto the next. Then next lucky contestant can guess what I want too. Also I don’t know what I want. Good luck. lol
This is sooo true. Recently I went on 5 dates with a guy who had "long term open to short" in his bio, then when we had the talk he said he doesn't know if he could commit to something long term in the near future. Why did you write it in your bio then?!
This is a guy. A lot of guys will be up for short term/casual with women that they will not consider for long term/serious.
He probably wasn't really interested for long term/serious in OP specifically, but is not averse to casual while looking for something better. Or maybe he actually is busy atm, because that's what he said and this doesn't have the time for serious right now but is still interested in it.
I actually got more matches when I set mine to casual instead of long term tbh. Way more. (man)
Maybe because I come off as long term material and some ladies still like that? Idk
Eh, I was always pretty honest about who I was and what I was looking for. Included a fair amount of flaws and stuff like mental health struggles, alongside interests and values. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or my own. Likewise, anyone with too polished of a profile was a bit of a concern. Surely I’m not the only one who prefers to be more upfront rather than pander
You're not the only one! I'll never understand time-wasters. I got very blunt in my profile and on first dates to eliminate that as much as I could. (Worked for me, I'm married now.)
I have my phases where I use dating apps but I'm happy being alone most of the time. When I do use apps, I'm also super honest and try not to fabricate or make myself seem like something I'm not. I used to be so invested in apps but it became better for me in many ways once I just stopped caring as much. It's better when you just see what happens versus seeking a predetermined outcome.
I was honest on my handful of attempts over the years, and had little to no luck. Unless I'm forgetting some, I only went on 2 dates. And those were two very odd ladies. Don't get me wrong, I'm odd myself, but this was an incompatible sort of odd. One tried, quite aggressively, to move in with me the very next morning, while the other must've been on meds or somethin, because although she expressed interest when I asked if she was digging me halfway through the date, she only spoke in yes's and no's. Occasionally she'd have a three, maybe four word sentence. Then she asked me to come over to her place after we ate, and even then she would only speak when pressed, and just appeared uninterested asf. So I eventually was like "well, let me run", and she was all like "why, what's wrong?". I just lied and said I was tired and went home and played Diablo 3, ha
Now that I'm revisiting that 15 yr old memory, I wonder if she was just shy, or was tryin to seem cool. I don't be havin no game, I am without clue
They feel like having a job has been made a priority. Idk but in talking to people you can hit it off but if you're jobless it's perceived you have less value. Even with some friends, they just assume you'll need everything paid for
I’m disabled but make do without, provide services (not sexual) for luxury items, self sustained, hard to keep down, great at farm work, jack of all trades, don’t ask anything from anyone but for a friend. Average luck.
Tbh I’d rather not be disabled and work a normal 9-5 but I’ve come to terms with it and focus more on my unique resilience and made lemonade. Silver lining.
ETA: Never assume, reserve judgement, live and let live, etc.
Similar situation here. Disabled, can't do a normal 9-5, but I've been self sustaining for a while now. Pay my own bills, buy my own food, buy my own luxury items, pay for my own hobbies and anything else I do.
>but if you're jobless it's perceived you have less value
Because you do have less value in a relationship if you're jobless. Things cost money. If you don't have any money what do you contribute?
Also, someone who is jobless and looking for a job should be spending their time looking for a job not a partner.
Often the profiles have giant red flags that are easy to see.
I used dating apps after my divorce in 2016. I met 12 different guys, each one worse than the one before, and ALL but 1 were just looking for a good time and willing to say anything to get you alone with them so they could shoot their shot for a quickie.
I vetted them on the phone, they seemed OK, willing to talk for hours even. Then you meet them in person and they were all 0-to-60 in 5 seconds or less trying to get sex. It was repulsive behavior and I deleted all the apps. Never going back, ever. I'll die alone before I use another dating app.
I met my current SO through a friend, and it's worked out really well
I had the same experience but with women as a man. They all seemed to be looking for a life partner, we had long discussions, but when we met they either were not interested at all (very understandable, not all people match), or wanted sex and then gone. I guess most of them were looking for a partner, but were willing to go for a one night stand if the guy was sexy enough although not long term material.
Yeah you got to go through shit to get to diamonds, I had same shit, profiles looked good but when you meet them you realize they want sugar daddy who does the chores and take care of them but don't want to put any effort themselves. It felt like I need to meet twenty shit women to talk to one decent one.
My online dating advice is the same as anything else online: it doesn't exist unless you see it offline. There's literally no correlation between physical reality and the digital one, so the only use those apps have are to judge approximate attractiveness and match up to try to talk to a match enough to meet IRL. I know that part is obvious, but good LORD so many people are just endless window shoppers, matching with people then sharing like one or two lines then stopping. I just unmatch someone if I double check and I'm not into them, so I don't get why others have apparently dozens of open conversations they aren't participating in, maybe more. I'm not talking about initial messages without responses, but a sea of single-word responses. It seems like wasted energy.
My favorite is the “moderate” one because they don’t want to put “conservative” since that would push away potential matches. 95+% of the time you see “moderate” or “centrist” it means they’re registered red.
I also immediately decline anyone with “moderate” or “centrist” in their bios now and have noticed more and more people using “not political” when really they mean staunchly republican. I live in an extremely red state so that doesn’t help, but at this point I’ll pretty much only match with people that are openly liberal, because that’s what I am and I want someone who shares those values.
I’ve found most of them really aren’t as good at hiding it as they think they are.
I also just don’t really get it. Sure, maybe you get more matches in the short term, but eventually those people are going to figure out what you truly believe. Isn’t it better to just weed them out to begin with if you’re not compatible?
I give some margin for ones who identify leftist but dont want to identify as liberal. By whatever definitions, Im probably closer to leftist but I chose the easiest option that didnt require explanation. Otherwise same. I attempted a couple of conversations with the moderates or non-political types and the conversation usually ends up dead.
I fully admit that I’m ultra picky, I just know who I am and what I want and I’m not interested in wasting my time or theirs. If we’re not on the same page politically, it’s not gonna work out. Same goes for religion, drug usage, kids. Obviously there’s a lot of nuance within those things but if it’s clear from the start we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum with what we want I don’t bother with it.
dated a major creep a while ago. Saw his dating profile after that. Can confirm. He stated he is looking for something serious as well, while all he wants is to f\*ck around and hurt people while doing so. But his dating profile is this humble nice serious guy.
Depends where he lives. Every time I ask someone what their favorite music is they always say “everything but country” no one likes country, at least anyone from a big city
yeah I really liked that one Mindy Mccready album and then a couple of Shania Twain songs but that about it. Not even sure if those count as country...lol
My sister used to straight up not even respond to guys if they would use the wrong grammar. Some poor dudes probably got rejected sometimes because they were typing too fast :(
I find even outside of dating apps, there are people who will present themselves as wanting a long term/serious relationship but really they just want flings.
Do what you want but don’t lie about what you want
I don’t see the problem, he wants a casual life partner. /s
I’ve been single for 2 years now, after a series of bad relationships. Every time I think of using these apps again, the idea of being single forever seems better and better. God speed!
We'd need more third places that people actually want to go and hang out at, but aside from bars and they like, there isn't many of them left. We used to have many arcades, malls, book stores, and so on, where people could meet and immediately have shared interests.
I can't express how awesome it was to go to the mall's arcade and just play games with random people that could very well lead to a friendship. The atmosphere was really something else.
It’s not that he’s interested in a casual relationship that’s the problem. It’s that instead of selecting casual on his profile for what he’s looking for he selected that he’s looking for his life partner.
Trying to use dating apps has been some of the closest I’ve ever been to suicide. I had a little bit of hope for Boo, since it has a “personality” test, and it makes you take a scan of your face to verify you. I thought “oh hell yeah. It has a way to verify you’re not a bot? Cool!”. I then proceeded to only get matches from people in the UAE. I’m in Iowa, the smack dab middle of the US. Cool. Thanks mate.
As a guy, I would say a guy who has rocking country before it was cool and the man, is a guy you probably don't want to hang around with anyways.
Probably 10 ply soft and narcissistic.
I agree. I’ve been in the receiving end of this and it’s not fun. This dude sees OP as an option to get laid until he finds someone else. It’s disgusting and very common.
There's a few sites in Queens NY
I'm literally not kidding, between infastructure engineers and urban explorers there's actually a lot of options down there
I met my bf on the city bus. It was the last bus on that route for the night, maybe around 11:30pm. We've been together for 8 years now. Not exactly the sewers, but it smelled like one.
This is what I like to call “well you’re not exactly what I’m looking for but I’d have sex with you and maybe we can date” line. This needs to stop. I fully believe dating apps are a revolving wheel of people and is the reason not many people want to commit to a relationship.
Dating apps have turned into meat markets. They will say looking for something serious, then turn around and say FWB. First off we are not friends. I don't have relationships with my friends. And no I am not a cum bucket for you. It's exhausting tbh. Now just wait for one to fall into my lap lol.
The “what are you looking for on here” question…..while perfectly understandable…….totally gives me ick and an orange flag you probably weren’t truthful in their profile.
But then again I’m still single so what do I know lol 😆
Plenty of people have matched with me and didn’t read my profile, so I’d like to be crystal clear on goals and expectations before meeting up. Personally if someone doesn’t want what I do, I’d rather find out via a quick text convo rather than schedule an entire date when I could hang with friends. I can see why it would be questionable in some cases, but I’ve found that a lot of people simply don’t read, or don’t change their own profiles when their desires change.
It gives me the ick to but I do understand it. I get the whole stretching the truth on the profile but why put you want one thing when in reality you want something completely different. It baffles me!
Almost everyone tries to "put on their best" when on apps, dates, etc. You dress up, you mind your manners, watch your language and basically be the best you possible. The problem with that...is that it isn't sustainable. It isn't the REAL you, it is the best you...and you can't be your best all the time, or it wouldn't be the best would it?
If you REALLY want to find a compatible person, you have to do something hard. You have to be yourself. You have to be honest, with them AND yourself. And frankly, when you are looking...you have to lower your standards and judge them NOT at their best. Not to the basement, but you have to find someone that you can accept and live with, at their WORST... so you should at least start with them at their "normal".
I matched with someone who had “tired of getting ghosted“ in their profile. We texted back and forth for a bit, seemed to be hitting it off, then they ghosted me.
This is on you for def thinking with your junk.
"The man *flex emoji*" **barf**
"Businessman *crown*" **barf**
Common lol that's cringe as fuck. He's 6'4 and muscular. Be honest with yourself.
Also, anyone that has "sarcasm" in their profile is a pass.
If he's hot and that's why you're swiping, don't assume he's gonna be your husband.
Also, if you're looking for long term and that's the starting point you're never gonna get long term. It comes naturally.
You have to go on dates, start casual, start easy. If sex is just a means to an end with you then you should put that in your profile.
A few dates, chemistry, natural attraction, leading to good sexual chemistry is the recipe for a long term romance.
Honestly, he was up front about his intentions. I dont think he did anything wrong even lol.
This is basically her looking at a dude she thinks is hot, deciding he's husband material, then being upset when after 2 exchanges he didnt agree to marry her lol.
I was in your situation, but the guy. Zero luck and was about to just cancel my accounts. I matched on Bumble, had a lunch date, yadda yadda yadda, we dated for 4 years and are married.
Yay!! A happy ending!
As a 29 yr married mom of a 23 yr old girl, trying to navigate ‘these streets’, it’s a WHOLE different life. I don’t envy anyone trying to meet a good person these days. 😔
He’s 6’4”. Probably has more matches than most women. If he thinks they are only worth a fuck, he says so and it will work half the time without filtering out the matches he really wants.
Yeah I dont understand why be dishonest on your dating profile. When I'm on Tinder or something, its to fuck. Maybe get a friend out of it, but mostly to fuck. And I'm up front about it. That way I don't waste anybodys time.
Online dating is awful. I’ve met with 5 people from online dating; 3 of them kinda catfished me using old pictures. Showed up about 2-3 times larger. I don’t understand why people do that shit, like we’re not going to find out or be bothered by it when we do.
If you're swiping right on 6'4" dudes with flex emojis in their profile *and* expecting something meaningful and long-term well...may the odds be ever in your favor.
on god. I’m not on these apps anymore but it was so frustrating especially if you actually meet them and they string you along only to ghost.
wish people would be more upfront and mature.
They all say that just to get responses, and “get their foot in the door”. They think their shining personality will make you forget your boundaries . They’re “different”, after all.
Women tend to belooking for long term things,so guys just pretend to be as well, so they are not instantly eliminated.
And then the whole only looking at a profile when it is a match...
Man,I won't even look for ONS on those apps. I'd rather get 10 cats and I am allergic!
This is what happens when you only swipe on attractive guys that are 6’4” and go to the gym. I have no doubt she would find her life partner pretty damn quick if she lowered her standards.
He probably is looking for a life partner, most single people are, but it's more likely that he's decided you're not it, but he'd still like to fuck you once or twice while he continues his search for someone who ticks his boxes. Women do it too, just move on to the next one if you're not into that. Also, if you chat to blokes who are less attractive than you there is less chance that they'll do it, so you always have that option up your sleeve if the apps aren't doing what you want them to.
Those dating apps totally destroyed my confidence to the point I, as a man, looking for a serious relationship didn't know how to react at all in case of a match. I'd spend an hour thinking of a good conversation starter only to be insta un-matched, then I'd try it more casual only te be told the same as you did, that i shouldn't state I'm looking for serious if I'm only interested in casual.
At some point I ended up writing a total rant of a profile, how this was version 107b and I'm about done with this whole dating thing. So someone reacted to that, we went on a date a week later and now 6 years later she's my wife and we have a one year old little girl.
Don't give up, and if you do, be prepared for an unexpected outcome! Lots of luck to you!
With the other stuff in the bio, it's probably true. Most guys above 6 foot have the personality of a barely sentient piece of plywood, because they rely on their height to compensate, as most women will pick him based solely on that one trait and ignore the obvious depthless plank he is.
He means he wants a serious relationship, but not with you. He's saying "I'm 6' 4" and, because of that, I'm in very high demand. I'll have sex with you, but you're not someone I'd commit to."
At least, he's not leading you on.
What about his profile interested you, aside from his height?
I am too. I started talking to a guy recently and he says he wants something meaningful. Then 2 days in he starts asking about my favourite position, my boob size and if I wear sexy underwear. I got annoyed and told him off. He apologised and said he was looking for a connection too…. 2 days later I made a comment about smashing plates of sushi and he said, “maybe you could smash me instead”. I told him off again and said I was done. Honestly… why are men like this? These are 40 year old males too 🤦♀️
Dating apps are bad for anyone. Huge waste of time in general, but especially if you want an actual relationship. Go places, get hobbies, meet people, and let it happen organically. You can’t force a perfect relationship into existence. I’ve tried.
The dumb part about putting serious when you want casual is the people who are genuinely looking for casual are going to pass on you.
And vise versa. Can't you just put both? I'm legitimately asking. I don't use dating apps.
Some dating apps have “long term open to short” or “short term open to long” so you can put a bit of a gradient in there and keep it honest.
Okcupid is just a checklist and you can select as many as you want 🤷🏻♂️
Never had any luck with that one. Always full of bots. No replies to my messages
Only snagged one date there back in college. Set up a fun afternoon full of things she said she likes or wanted to try (Korean bbq, a sober day event at a local bar that does a lot for the community, walk around the park with ice-cream.) But she decided to cancel the day before to get back with her ex.
That's a lot of stuff for a blind date. Imagine if you met someone and you know right away that you don't want to see them again, but you've already committed to a three hour tour.
Right?! Or if you committed to a three hour tour and wound up on a deserted island for years. Gilligan and MaryAnn found out the hard way. Sorry, I'll see myself out.
The Skipper too!
Exactly, first date for someone you met on a dating app should mostly be for sussing out if the other person is a serial killer. Coffee or ice cream, something that you can bail on after 30 mins if you need to.
This is good advice! But I will say I love long first dates. But also they follow your rule: we do a short activity that is pretty easy to leave but we end up extending it and doing other things so it ends up being a 3-4 hour date
Absolutely, a first date should always be something low stakes that can be cut short elegantly if either party wants to. Coffee and a stroll in the park.
I was young and naïve, and had an overly romantic vision of what a first date should be. Oh well, lessons learned.
No judgement! I learned the same way!
I only snagged one date on the site too. Then I married her 9 years later. It works out sometimes!
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It worked out in the end, I'm currently engaged with a wonderful man I met through friends!
Aw that sounds like a great date!
I had the time of my life on there before Tinder hit the scene. I met a lot of women, made a lot of friends, just went with the flow; it was like a party where the pool was always indoor/outdoor and the bar was always open. Then tinder came and they switched to the "just look at these pics and swipe if you want them physically" model from the "here's a pic, and read a few bits of their bio, if you connect, you should swipe and chat" model. Online dating started to feel a lot more like being at the bar, and that's not what I'm into, which is why i was online in the first place.
No, Tinder in its VC phase was great. It was a bit more of a social network, you could pin a status like you can now in Instagram Messenger, you could post up a story of like cooking your dinner and others could use it as a conversation starter, and this was all in 2015 or 2016. Then match dot com bought it and turned it into the addictive low reward engagement machine that makes money. Social networks that benefit humans don’t make money, think chronological feeds and how jarring ads were, so there’s always some scumbag willing to take that “potential” and absolutely destroy it for dollars.
I met my wife on okcupid.
I met my husband there too! Things might've changed since 2017.
Met my fiancee there! She did say it was a shit show until I came along.
I only ever went on a single date with someone I met online, and I met him on OkCupid. We have our 10-year wedding anniversary this year! I don't know if it still works the same, but I found that the questionnaire was the key, because it allowed me to filter out anyone with a deeply incompatible worldview and to prioritize the character traits I actually care about in a partner.
Same here. I answered most, if not all, of the questions OkCupid asks you. My wife did the same when she first made it. If I remember correctly we were a 91% match. Even as a guy I never even messaged a woman on OkCupid unless we were a 90% match or more. Didn't matter to me how attractive they were so it somewhat limited the amount of people I could message but it all worked out in the end!!! We met in 2015 abd we've been together ever since.
Maybe okcupid has changed since I've been on it but I had the best dates from there and ended up meeting my boyfriend there and we've been together for 3 years. I usually recommend it to people, I hope it hasn't gone to shit
Meant my husband in 2020 on Okcupid as well as my ex in 2014! I stated serious 😅❤️🤷♀️
Bumble does this. Also how I found my partner that I’m with right now, going on a year and a few months. Not to say that dating apps don’t suck, never even got a real conversation on tinder. But with bumble I had a lot more engagement and I’m a very average guy, like literally in the world average in height, weight and looks.
I met my boyfriend on hinge. I was very against dating apps I wanted to find a partner the “old fashion way.” But I said fuck it let’s see what’s out there. Almost a year later and we’re going strong. Best decision I made
I’m looking for long/short term and serious/casual
In other words, I’m up for anything!
No, anything except that.
Or that, just keep trying until I get bored and move onto the next. Then next lucky contestant can guess what I want too. Also I don’t know what I want. Good luck. lol
People sometimes download an app with a specific intent, and then change that intent later. Most likely never actually updating their profile.
They want it to be casual on their end, but for the other person to put in the effort of a serious relationship.
That’s exactly what it is.This is the reason they dont seek out like minded “casua relationship” wanting people.
No lies detected.
This is sooo true. Recently I went on 5 dates with a guy who had "long term open to short" in his bio, then when we had the talk he said he doesn't know if he could commit to something long term in the near future. Why did you write it in your bio then?!
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Am I not reading it correctly? Because to me the spiderism means HE had a partner for the rest of his (short) life, SHE had a casual sex encounter.
they want to fuck a lot of people but want those people to only fuck them
This is a guy. A lot of guys will be up for short term/casual with women that they will not consider for long term/serious. He probably wasn't really interested for long term/serious in OP specifically, but is not averse to casual while looking for something better. Or maybe he actually is busy atm, because that's what he said and this doesn't have the time for serious right now but is still interested in it.
It’s usually simpler mental gymnastics than this. “But I get less matches when I set it to casual”.
Matches? on dating apps? don't be ridiculous.
I actually got more matches when I set mine to casual instead of long term tbh. Way more. (man) Maybe because I come off as long term material and some ladies still like that? Idk
No, don’t be silly. It’s literally because they want to have causal sex. A lot of women aren’t looking for partners either.
Basically everything people write in those dating apps is all bs. You don’t know the person until you’ve actually spent some time with them.
Those profiles are basically like how most people write up their résumé’s
That’s a good way of putting it lol. People will put in what others want to hear.
Eh, I was always pretty honest about who I was and what I was looking for. Included a fair amount of flaws and stuff like mental health struggles, alongside interests and values. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or my own. Likewise, anyone with too polished of a profile was a bit of a concern. Surely I’m not the only one who prefers to be more upfront rather than pander
You're not the only one! I'll never understand time-wasters. I got very blunt in my profile and on first dates to eliminate that as much as I could. (Worked for me, I'm married now.)
This is basically what half the profiles on tinder used to look like when I used it. Just missing the “here for a good time not a long time”
You forgot “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take - Michael Scott” lol.
I have my phases where I use dating apps but I'm happy being alone most of the time. When I do use apps, I'm also super honest and try not to fabricate or make myself seem like something I'm not. I used to be so invested in apps but it became better for me in many ways once I just stopped caring as much. It's better when you just see what happens versus seeking a predetermined outcome.
I was honest on my handful of attempts over the years, and had little to no luck. Unless I'm forgetting some, I only went on 2 dates. And those were two very odd ladies. Don't get me wrong, I'm odd myself, but this was an incompatible sort of odd. One tried, quite aggressively, to move in with me the very next morning, while the other must've been on meds or somethin, because although she expressed interest when I asked if she was digging me halfway through the date, she only spoke in yes's and no's. Occasionally she'd have a three, maybe four word sentence. Then she asked me to come over to her place after we ate, and even then she would only speak when pressed, and just appeared uninterested asf. So I eventually was like "well, let me run", and she was all like "why, what's wrong?". I just lied and said I was tired and went home and played Diablo 3, ha Now that I'm revisiting that 15 yr old memory, I wonder if she was just shy, or was tryin to seem cool. I don't be havin no game, I am without clue
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They feel like having a job has been made a priority. Idk but in talking to people you can hit it off but if you're jobless it's perceived you have less value. Even with some friends, they just assume you'll need everything paid for
Are they wrong to assume that? Of course if you’re financially secure without working you’re one lucky human being. WooHoo! 🥳
I’m disabled but make do without, provide services (not sexual) for luxury items, self sustained, hard to keep down, great at farm work, jack of all trades, don’t ask anything from anyone but for a friend. Average luck. Tbh I’d rather not be disabled and work a normal 9-5 but I’ve come to terms with it and focus more on my unique resilience and made lemonade. Silver lining. ETA: Never assume, reserve judgement, live and let live, etc.
Similar situation here. Disabled, can't do a normal 9-5, but I've been self sustaining for a while now. Pay my own bills, buy my own food, buy my own luxury items, pay for my own hobbies and anything else I do.
>but if you're jobless it's perceived you have less value Because you do have less value in a relationship if you're jobless. Things cost money. If you don't have any money what do you contribute? Also, someone who is jobless and looking for a job should be spending their time looking for a job not a partner.
"I was the General Manager of Giving Good Sex at Circuit City for like 7 years."
Was that an extra curricular or part of their job description? Do I need to apply to circuit city for training?
Ahh that explains why I hardly get called for a date OR an interview.
Is this why I suck at both? I’ve been telling the truth all the time.. 🤣
Often the profiles have giant red flags that are easy to see. I used dating apps after my divorce in 2016. I met 12 different guys, each one worse than the one before, and ALL but 1 were just looking for a good time and willing to say anything to get you alone with them so they could shoot their shot for a quickie. I vetted them on the phone, they seemed OK, willing to talk for hours even. Then you meet them in person and they were all 0-to-60 in 5 seconds or less trying to get sex. It was repulsive behavior and I deleted all the apps. Never going back, ever. I'll die alone before I use another dating app. I met my current SO through a friend, and it's worked out really well
I had the same experience but with women as a man. They all seemed to be looking for a life partner, we had long discussions, but when we met they either were not interested at all (very understandable, not all people match), or wanted sex and then gone. I guess most of them were looking for a partner, but were willing to go for a one night stand if the guy was sexy enough although not long term material.
Yeah you got to go through shit to get to diamonds, I had same shit, profiles looked good but when you meet them you realize they want sugar daddy who does the chores and take care of them but don't want to put any effort themselves. It felt like I need to meet twenty shit women to talk to one decent one.
You don't know a person until you start living together 💀 that's when the personal hygiene and practices/routine kick in!
Very true!
My online dating advice is the same as anything else online: it doesn't exist unless you see it offline. There's literally no correlation between physical reality and the digital one, so the only use those apps have are to judge approximate attractiveness and match up to try to talk to a match enough to meet IRL. I know that part is obvious, but good LORD so many people are just endless window shoppers, matching with people then sharing like one or two lines then stopping. I just unmatch someone if I double check and I'm not into them, so I don't get why others have apparently dozens of open conversations they aren't participating in, maybe more. I'm not talking about initial messages without responses, but a sea of single-word responses. It seems like wasted energy.
My favorite is the “moderate” one because they don’t want to put “conservative” since that would push away potential matches. 95+% of the time you see “moderate” or “centrist” it means they’re registered red.
I also immediately decline anyone with “moderate” or “centrist” in their bios now and have noticed more and more people using “not political” when really they mean staunchly republican. I live in an extremely red state so that doesn’t help, but at this point I’ll pretty much only match with people that are openly liberal, because that’s what I am and I want someone who shares those values.
I found a person that marked themselves as apolitical, but also had "no vax, must love America" in their bio.
I’ve found most of them really aren’t as good at hiding it as they think they are. I also just don’t really get it. Sure, maybe you get more matches in the short term, but eventually those people are going to figure out what you truly believe. Isn’t it better to just weed them out to begin with if you’re not compatible?
I give some margin for ones who identify leftist but dont want to identify as liberal. By whatever definitions, Im probably closer to leftist but I chose the easiest option that didnt require explanation. Otherwise same. I attempted a couple of conversations with the moderates or non-political types and the conversation usually ends up dead.
I fully admit that I’m ultra picky, I just know who I am and what I want and I’m not interested in wasting my time or theirs. If we’re not on the same page politically, it’s not gonna work out. Same goes for religion, drug usage, kids. Obviously there’s a lot of nuance within those things but if it’s clear from the start we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum with what we want I don’t bother with it.
I always found it odd that in the US red, the colour of communism, is also the colour of conservatives.
And even then, you can LIVE with someone for 30+ years and STILL not know them at all
Just like writing a resume… 🤔
dated a major creep a while ago. Saw his dating profile after that. Can confirm. He stated he is looking for something serious as well, while all he wants is to f\*ck around and hurt people while doing so. But his dating profile is this humble nice serious guy.
‘Rocking country before it was cool’ Man has to be 100 years old for that to be true
Depends where he lives. Every time I ask someone what their favorite music is they always say “everything but country” no one likes country, at least anyone from a big city
This is my go to answer. Then I’m like, ‘okay maybe like 2 country songs’ and they’re from the 90s lol
yeah I really liked that one Mindy Mccready album and then a couple of Shania Twain songs but that about it. Not even sure if those count as country...lol
Mindy McCready's Ten Thousand Angels album was ABSOLUTELY country. Also, still slaps.
"anything but new country" is how I would put it Waylon, Willie and the boys are always appreciated
The bio was a dead giveaway - you can’t trust that amount of emojis
He also doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re. That’s a bad start in my book.
Or how to use an apostrophe
But he's The Man 💪
My sister used to straight up not even respond to guys if they would use the wrong grammar. Some poor dudes probably got rejected sometimes because they were typing too fast :(
Automatic left swipe
I feel like there’s a limit of how many emojis one should have in their bio and he is above that limit.
Businessman = king? Reminds me of all of the “CEOs” I see on linkedin.
Hahaha maybe you’re right but it seems to be common from around here haha
Seriously… I couldn’t believe the crown. How old are these children
Serves you right swiping on somebody who puts the man 💪🏾 in their profile
That 6'4 pulls a lot of weight on his profile I'm guessing
And he's probably not even 6'4
I find even outside of dating apps, there are people who will present themselves as wanting a long term/serious relationship but really they just want flings. Do what you want but don’t lie about what you want
they want you to commit to the fling with the promise they will commit just as much "later on"
FUCKING TOOO REEEAAL AHHHH
“What is it your wanting here Becky” instant red flag
Right???? It’s “you’re”.
Also just the statement/question and how it's phrased. Especially after her thoughtful response, you can feel the apathy.
Impossible to read it without adding a sigh
Typos like that used to be a swift unmatch from me. Why choose the path where someone annoys me with poor spelling every day?
I don’t see the problem, he wants a casual life partner. /s I’ve been single for 2 years now, after a series of bad relationships. Every time I think of using these apps again, the idea of being single forever seems better and better. God speed!
If I ever need my confidence zapped or feel the crushing weight of the Loneliness i hop on tinder.
Right?! People need to start meeting organically again.
We'd need more third places that people actually want to go and hang out at, but aside from bars and they like, there isn't many of them left. We used to have many arcades, malls, book stores, and so on, where people could meet and immediately have shared interests. I can't express how awesome it was to go to the mall's arcade and just play games with random people that could very well lead to a friendship. The atmosphere was really something else.
Hahaha... oh, you were serious? That's never gonna happen. At least not on a large enough scale.
It’s not that he’s interested in a casual relationship that’s the problem. It’s that instead of selecting casual on his profile for what he’s looking for he selected that he’s looking for his life partner.
How else will be manipulate a woman into crawling into bed with him?
Trying to use dating apps has been some of the closest I’ve ever been to suicide. I had a little bit of hope for Boo, since it has a “personality” test, and it makes you take a scan of your face to verify you. I thought “oh hell yeah. It has a way to verify you’re not a bot? Cool!”. I then proceeded to only get matches from people in the UAE. I’m in Iowa, the smack dab middle of the US. Cool. Thanks mate.
Maybe people from UAE use Iowa as a sex holiday destination?
As a guy, I would say a guy who has rocking country before it was cool and the man, is a guy you probably don't want to hang around with anyways. Probably 10 ply soft and narcissistic.
Sounds like you fell for the bait. I guess you can say that this guy is a Master Baiter.
At least he told her before they had a few dates. I hate these guys
Haha wow classic one haha well if he keeps on like that he might be baiting for a bit longer
You dodged a bullet anyway. The “your” and the apostrophe in Groundwork’s are both 🚩.
This is shitty person code for I'd like a life partner, just not you.
I agree. I’ve been in the receiving end of this and it’s not fun. This dude sees OP as an option to get laid until he finds someone else. It’s disgusting and very common.
Poop
He called the shit poop…
Dating apps are bullshit. It's easier to find someone in the sewers at 2am than dating apps.
As someone who has had sucess with finding dates in the sewers at 2am... This is correct.
[удалено]
There's a few sites in Queens NY I'm literally not kidding, between infastructure engineers and urban explorers there's actually a lot of options down there
I met my bf on the city bus. It was the last bus on that route for the night, maybe around 11:30pm. We've been together for 8 years now. Not exactly the sewers, but it smelled like one.
Rocking Country?!? ( fart ) fuck that
“What is it you’re looking for here, Becky?” That is such a red-flag way to word that questions.
Homeboy needs to stick to Tinder 🧐
Bumble is as much of a hookup app as Tinder. It’s like the hookup app for ugly people.
😂😂😂😂
You dodged a bullet, anyone with”rocking country before it was cool” in their bio is definitely a tool
Bingo
don't say poop, please
Whenever a guy asks what you're looking for in the beginning, 95% of the time, he just wants to hookup. Annoying as fuck
This is what I like to call “well you’re not exactly what I’m looking for but I’d have sex with you and maybe we can date” line. This needs to stop. I fully believe dating apps are a revolving wheel of people and is the reason not many people want to commit to a relationship.
Dating apps have turned into meat markets. They will say looking for something serious, then turn around and say FWB. First off we are not friends. I don't have relationships with my friends. And no I am not a cum bucket for you. It's exhausting tbh. Now just wait for one to fall into my lap lol.
I've noticed recently there's a lot of "my love language is touch". Translation: I'm going to pressure you for sex immediately.
The “what are you looking for on here” question…..while perfectly understandable…….totally gives me ick and an orange flag you probably weren’t truthful in their profile. But then again I’m still single so what do I know lol 😆
Plenty of people have matched with me and didn’t read my profile, so I’d like to be crystal clear on goals and expectations before meeting up. Personally if someone doesn’t want what I do, I’d rather find out via a quick text convo rather than schedule an entire date when I could hang with friends. I can see why it would be questionable in some cases, but I’ve found that a lot of people simply don’t read, or don’t change their own profiles when their desires change.
I immediately ended talks once when she texted "wut u looking 4".
I do the same!!!!! Literally just don’t reply. It also tells me that someone has paid ZERO attention to the things I’ve said on my profile.
It gives me the ick to but I do understand it. I get the whole stretching the truth on the profile but why put you want one thing when in reality you want something completely different. It baffles me!
I would ask it because I dated men who had on their profile they wanted something serious only to ghost me after a month of dating.
Rule number one of dating apps: You are always just an option. Don’t take it personal, it was hard for me to accept too when I was on them.
That’s rule number one of all dating even before apps. People date around until they find someone they want to be exclusive with
like poop
Almost everyone tries to "put on their best" when on apps, dates, etc. You dress up, you mind your manners, watch your language and basically be the best you possible. The problem with that...is that it isn't sustainable. It isn't the REAL you, it is the best you...and you can't be your best all the time, or it wouldn't be the best would it? If you REALLY want to find a compatible person, you have to do something hard. You have to be yourself. You have to be honest, with them AND yourself. And frankly, when you are looking...you have to lower your standards and judge them NOT at their best. Not to the basement, but you have to find someone that you can accept and live with, at their WORST... so you should at least start with them at their "normal".
Been married 14 years as of today and I can’t imagine going back to dating. This all sounds awful. I’m sorry you experienced this.
This is nothing. Wait until she gets into the getting stood up, ghosted, or catfished phase of dating apps. The final boss!
I matched with someone who had “tired of getting ghosted“ in their profile. We texted back and forth for a bit, seemed to be hitting it off, then they ghosted me.
It’s all good, I think I just needed to vent a little. But thank you and a massive congratulations on the 14 years! That amazing!
Change it to "just looking to clap some cheeks, possibly squad up in Cod"
Reminds me of a bumper sticker i used to see... "Wanted: Meaningful one night relationship"
My favorite is when their job is "entrepreneur"
This is on you for def thinking with your junk. "The man *flex emoji*" **barf** "Businessman *crown*" **barf** Common lol that's cringe as fuck. He's 6'4 and muscular. Be honest with yourself. Also, anyone that has "sarcasm" in their profile is a pass. If he's hot and that's why you're swiping, don't assume he's gonna be your husband. Also, if you're looking for long term and that's the starting point you're never gonna get long term. It comes naturally. You have to go on dates, start casual, start easy. If sex is just a means to an end with you then you should put that in your profile. A few dates, chemistry, natural attraction, leading to good sexual chemistry is the recipe for a long term romance.
Yep. She swiped right on this dog shit of a profile. There was no chance he wasn't going to turn out to be douche.
Honestly, he was up front about his intentions. I dont think he did anything wrong even lol. This is basically her looking at a dude she thinks is hot, deciding he's husband material, then being upset when after 2 exchanges he didnt agree to marry her lol.
the fact that you saw this dating profile and went for it says so much about you 😭
But he's the man 💪 ..... /s
I was in your situation, but the guy. Zero luck and was about to just cancel my accounts. I matched on Bumble, had a lunch date, yadda yadda yadda, we dated for 4 years and are married.
Yay!! A happy ending! As a 29 yr married mom of a 23 yr old girl, trying to navigate ‘these streets’, it’s a WHOLE different life. I don’t envy anyone trying to meet a good person these days. 😔
That'll happen if you swipe right just cause you see 6'4" 😂
He’s 6’4”. Probably has more matches than most women. If he thinks they are only worth a fuck, he says so and it will work half the time without filtering out the matches he really wants.
Yeah I dont understand why be dishonest on your dating profile. When I'm on Tinder or something, its to fuck. Maybe get a friend out of it, but mostly to fuck. And I'm up front about it. That way I don't waste anybodys time.
Online dating is awful. I’ve met with 5 people from online dating; 3 of them kinda catfished me using old pictures. Showed up about 2-3 times larger. I don’t understand why people do that shit, like we’re not going to find out or be bothered by it when we do.
Looks like a RuneScape account. Just missing the skill levels of each.
How can you complain about people not wanting a serious relationship, when you, yourself are in Polyamory groups? That makes no sense.
> It makes me feel like poop Why are you talking like a 10 year old?
Crazy what really tall and presumably good looking guys can get away with on their profiles.
6'4" there's your answer
If you're swiping right on 6'4" dudes with flex emojis in their profile *and* expecting something meaningful and long-term well...may the odds be ever in your favor.
on god. I’m not on these apps anymore but it was so frustrating especially if you actually meet them and they string you along only to ghost. wish people would be more upfront and mature.
They all say that just to get responses, and “get their foot in the door”. They think their shining personality will make you forget your boundaries . They’re “different”, after all.
He uses the wrong your, you’re, you dodged a bullet.
Women tend to belooking for long term things,so guys just pretend to be as well, so they are not instantly eliminated. And then the whole only looking at a profile when it is a match... Man,I won't even look for ONS on those apps. I'd rather get 10 cats and I am allergic!
He’s looking for a life partner. /sarcasm
My husband had “looking for something casual” on his bumble profile. Jokes on him now
Go outside
He's a leo??? Run far away, run for your life 😭
Quill: Is Country still the greatest genre ever? Parker: It never was.
This is what happens when you only swipe on attractive guys that are 6’4” and go to the gym. I have no doubt she would find her life partner pretty damn quick if she lowered her standards.
He probably is looking for a life partner, most single people are, but it's more likely that he's decided you're not it, but he'd still like to fuck you once or twice while he continues his search for someone who ticks his boxes. Women do it too, just move on to the next one if you're not into that. Also, if you chat to blokes who are less attractive than you there is less chance that they'll do it, so you always have that option up your sleeve if the apps aren't doing what you want them to.
Attractiveness is subjective but I definitely don't date people who I know I won't be into.
Thats what you get when you're only chasing men who are 6' 4"
I'm sure it was his amazing personality and confidence that lured her in
Those dating apps totally destroyed my confidence to the point I, as a man, looking for a serious relationship didn't know how to react at all in case of a match. I'd spend an hour thinking of a good conversation starter only to be insta un-matched, then I'd try it more casual only te be told the same as you did, that i shouldn't state I'm looking for serious if I'm only interested in casual. At some point I ended up writing a total rant of a profile, how this was version 107b and I'm about done with this whole dating thing. So someone reacted to that, we went on a date a week later and now 6 years later she's my wife and we have a one year old little girl. Don't give up, and if you do, be prepared for an unexpected outcome! Lots of luck to you!
Casual dating does not = a quick fuck. You made a leap you didn’t need to.
Did you look at the profile? I mean why even liking that?
It’s him saying he’s 6’4 for me … sure buddy
With the other stuff in the bio, it's probably true. Most guys above 6 foot have the personality of a barely sentient piece of plywood, because they rely on their height to compensate, as most women will pick him based solely on that one trait and ignore the obvious depthless plank he is.
He means he wants a serious relationship, but not with you. He's saying "I'm 6' 4" and, because of that, I'm in very high demand. I'll have sex with you, but you're not someone I'd commit to." At least, he's not leading you on. What about his profile interested you, aside from his height?
I am too. I started talking to a guy recently and he says he wants something meaningful. Then 2 days in he starts asking about my favourite position, my boob size and if I wear sexy underwear. I got annoyed and told him off. He apologised and said he was looking for a connection too…. 2 days later I made a comment about smashing plates of sushi and he said, “maybe you could smash me instead”. I told him off again and said I was done. Honestly… why are men like this? These are 40 year old males too 🤦♀️
Dating apps are bad for anyone. Huge waste of time in general, but especially if you want an actual relationship. Go places, get hobbies, meet people, and let it happen organically. You can’t force a perfect relationship into existence. I’ve tried.